Ep. 013 | The Self-Love Club — Embracing Joy in Life’s Beautiful Mess

In this deeply personal and soul-stirring episode of Stories of Survivors, host Serina Dansker gathers with three of her dearest friends—Michelle Giorno, Christine Johanson, and Joanne Tierney—for a heartfelt conversation rooted in honesty, sisterhood, and self-discovery.

Together, they form The Self-Love Club, an intimate circle where they open up about the challenges and triumphs of balancing life, raising kids, caring for aging parents, and the quiet, courageous journey of learning to show up for themselves.

With laughter, vulnerability, and wisdom born of lived experience, these four women invite listeners into a space of connection, healing, and the beauty of embracing life’s imperfect moments.

To learn more about Serina Dansker, purchase her book S.O.S.: A Lesson on Love, Loss, & Survival, book her for a public speaking engagement, and discover more stories of hope, healing, and resilience, visit www.serinadansker.com.

S.O.S. Stories of Survivors — Where Survival Sparks the Soul.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Hi, and welcome to SOS Stories of Survivors. I'm your host, Serena Dansker, and we have a show for you today. Welcome. We are going to be talking to my self-love club. They are a group of women that I get together with monthly, and we talk about all the beautiful parts of life and the messy parts of life. And today, you are going to be joining this beautiful group of women whose funny, soulful, and sometimes crazy conversations are going to be shared with you today. So welcome to the Self-Love Club. We share our stories, support one another through life's challenges. And then we soak it all in, literally at the spa. We do massages, baths. It's just, it's a really nice time to just enjoy one another and learn from one another. Today we're going to be talking about what it means to grow older with grace, raise kids in today's world, and to care for your parents while trying to care for ourselves. You're going to hear laughter. You might hear a few tears, but mostly you'll hear women who are evolving and evolving and surviving and still loving themselves through it all. So grab a cup of tea, settle in, and welcome to the Self-Love Club. Joining me today is Christine Johansson, Michelle Giorno, and JoJo Tierney. Welcome everyone. We're going to get right into this and get started. And we're going to talk about, you know, parenting and what the hardest part of being in the sandwich generation is. And that's the generation where you're still caring for your, you start caring for your parents, but maybe your teens are finishing high school or they're off in college and what that means. And I'll I'll kick it off, ladies. And I got to tell you, my kids, I've been in MC Nester now for it's three years, and you know, it was it was a hard adjustment, you know. You you you have to learn how to um reposition yourself and and get used to shopping just for you and your husband, um, or just for you. And then all of a sudden, you know, when I was just getting settled and we started traveling, my mom got diagnosed with breast uh lung cancer and threw me for a loop. And she's I knew she was getting older and I know she's aging, she had a hip transplant recently, but we're close. And so now everything shifted, and now I have to spend um every day caring for her. I mean, I I love her and I want her to feel good and and have that um that confidence that someone who loves her will be there for her and take her to her doctor appointments and schedule everything and explain to her what the doctors are saying. And for me, I'm an only child. So I it really all falls to me because my husband's got a crazy work schedule and the kids are away in college most of the time. And um I'm learning, I'm learning a lot. But you know, as I go through these hard times, and it's it's really hard to see your parents get older because it's almost like a window into your soul where you see what your future holds. And it's scary. And you know, mom and I have been me and her for all my life, and just to see her struggle, she's a she's a fierce warrior, my mother. Um, it it breaks my heart a little bit. And so watching her and and you know, going through the motions with her, you know, her wins are my wins, her losses are my losses. And um, you know, I just pray every day that, you know, just just just make her have a good, fulfilling life where she's happy. Does anybody else that's interesting, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Like I don't have children, but it's it's my mom, she just recently went through a surgery, and I have some sisters, but to balance that responsibility, you know, and to help and support your family and coordinate all those resources and balance it with your own life, your you're working full-time, or you're you have your own obligations and you know, situations at home. So it's it's a hard balance to do, but you want to, of course, do it and you want to be that support team. So as long as you know you're staying open with everyone and communicating full-time and you know, not putting too much of a burden on someone because you'll want to make sure that person's well cared for and uh know that you they they're loved and cared for. So um, yeah, it's it's a big uh effort of communication.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

How you know, I I know that you have three siblings, you know, but how do you do it when there's one that doesn't live nearby?

SPEAKER_02 5:22

Yeah, that's what it is. And it's you know, um everyone chips in how they can, you know, whether it's um, you know, if they can be there personally or else just calling and checking in, because I do have a sister who just moved away and another sister who has a lot of um personal obligations herself, so it's really on, you know, two more than the others, but the other two chip in when they can and they come up, but they'll call in or they'll help with other things, so it balances out, but you know, you just have to keep in check with everyone. We have like um a support group, uh support mom group text got chain going.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

So that's great.

SPEAKER_04 5:53

So that helps.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Yeah, you need that. I mean, every little bit helps.

SPEAKER_04 5:56

That's wonderful. Something you said resonated with me. I'm an only child, also. So I I hear you say you share the responsibilities with your siblings, and I think that's so beautiful. And you know, as an only child, it all falls on to you. And aging is not for the faint of heart, that is for sure. And when we were young, we identified as being young people, yeah, and we thought that's who we are. I'm a young person. And when you reach our age and you see our parents starting to flail, that's one of the scariest things to me because we know that that is our future as well. So it helps me to be a little more patient, a little more understanding. Mother-daughter relationships don't always run smoothly, as you know. And a lot of our mothers, my mother was a single mother too. She's strong and determined, and she doesn't want to face or admit that she's aging and that she can no longer do what she used to do. So that's kind of a power struggle. So I'm with you.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

I love that. Um, it's interesting because my mom and dad live in Georgia and I'm in Connecticut. And um over the last two weeks, my sister was able to move up, and she is stepping in to just be, you know, companion to my parents, a caregiver, um, while working a full-time job, and she left her son who is in college. So I know that that's hard for her. Um and it's giving me this urge to want to move closer and be near my family so that I can help share that burden, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

You know, that that leads me to my neck what my next question How do you handle the guilt when you can't be everywhere at one time? You know, I mean, for me, I I, you know, I know my limits. I mean, I I try, but you know, five days a week going to see her and and um sometimes I just need time for me. And I know that she's lonely and she wants, you know, me to be there for her, but I I try and explain to her that I need to take care of me so I can better take care of you.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

You need that balance. Yeah, we we do that. I mean, like when I can't get there, I call, I text. We um started doing family zooms, you know, to check in and visit with one another when you can't get there personally. So um just to make sure everyone knows that, you know, you're still on my radar, but I can't be with you all the time. And you know, I have things I have to do in my own backyard.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

It I they they feel guilty though, too. Like I, you know, my mom's like, I don't want to be a burden to you. And I'm like, mom, stop. You know, you raised me my whole life, you know, and it's like I'm the I got you, man. I got you. Oh my gosh. But um, so how um what let me ask you guys this. If you could go back and talk to your younger self, what do you what would you say to your younger self about this stage of life, or what do you wish your younger self knew?

SPEAKER_02 9:00

I started thinking, like, you know, you know, if I knew back then to not allow anyone to take my joy or my happiness or have that control, it it just would have made things a little better because sometimes you're trying to please so many people, or whether you're in traffic, enraged and get road rage, or you're at your job, or you're at school, or you're at home or or something in some kind of situation. Don't let someone have that control. Just be able to like, you know, be empowered, you know, to make yourself happy and you know, step away from situations that don't make you happy, or don't give someone that control, especially at a job. I've been at a job where someone drives you crazy and you're just like, oh no, that's not gonna happen ever again.

SPEAKER_04 9:43

Yeah, I I hear you on that. And I wish that I had loved myself more. I wish I had taken care of myself more and valued myself, and like you're saying, protected my emotional, my physical, uh, my mental well-being a lot more. We didn't have the language back then. Like I had anxiety my whole life and I didn't know. I just knew what it was called, or I thought it was a disorder, or something was wrong with me. I didn't know it was very common and it was even called anxiety. At least our children have the language and the awareness to recognize that something's you know not quite right mentally or physically or emotionally. So I wish that we had kept the power more and had been we were growing up in that first kind of um emancipated, I feel, uh, female generation where we could be um, you know, sexually free, we could be independent, we could earn our own living, but there was a lot of guilt and shame that went along with that. For sure. And we we were robbed of that empowerment. And I I I it pleases me to see my daughters have that empowerment. If someone's not good for them, or if they're in a relationship and um someone's trying to steal their power, they have the language and the wherewithal to walk away.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

It's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 11:06

I wish we had more of that.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

You want me both? Um, I love that. I also one of the things I wish I had let go of the stigma of health care, mental health care. Yeah and that there's nothing wrong with admitting that you need help. And um, you know, I but during COVID started going back to a therapist. Um I'm a sexual assault survivor, and I didn't realize like seeing people with masks on their face, how that would impact me in the PTSD. Wow. But um I started and I'm still like, you know, what is it, five years later, still going to therapy. And it's been one of the best gifts I've given myself. And I wish like I had given myself that gift a long time ago.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

I tell you, I this all of this resonates with me on so many levels. And I think Christine, you had hit it on the head when you said, you know, I I we were given the opportunity to succeed, or we was talked about, but you weren't really given the tools. And it was still, at least in the business world, it was always a man's world. And, you know, this is way before me, too. In those generations, you were you were taken advantage of, or not taken advantage of, maybe so much as not taken seriously, you know, as a as a woman who's somewhat attractive, who's got brains and you know, has determination and wants to succeed. And I think now our daughters have that opportunity, but it comes with a price. I look at my daughter now and the pressure that she puts on herself to be perfect, to, you know, to excel, to go that extra mile, to stand out from the crowd. I mean, talk about anxiety. Insane. Um, it just it's crazy. And so I ask you guys, what does self-love look like now for you versus what it look like in your 30s? And I I can start from me, self-love in my 30s was more like self-destruction. Absolutely. Say it, I had some fun times, yes, but at what cost, you know, I'd love to go out dancing, but with dancing came all these other fun things at the time. And look, don't get me wrong, I'm the first to say, enjoy your life and you know, and don't judge yourself. But I see now what a difference is actually taking care of myself makes mentally as well as physically. Anyone else?

SPEAKER_04 13:41

Well, if I can, I think in your 30s you were partying like there was no tomorrow, and now at our age, women of a certain age, we want to party knowing there is a tomorrow. So it's about caring for yourself, reigning it in a little bit. I say no. I've always been good about saying no when I can't, when I'm tired. I mean, we're all survivors here, and we have to take care of ourselves first and foremost. Yeah, otherwise we cannot be there for anyone else. So going to bed early, stopping at two drinks instead of how as a medical, going to the gym, doing our spades, having time for our friendships, for um, you know, our mental care, our emotional care. That to me is what self-love is now. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

I think back then, if someone told me I would have been meditating every now and then or praying as much as I pray now, I would have never thought it. But like now, it it just is more meaningful to me and it just does something for me positive, you know, just to get me in the right headspace, you know.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

So it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

That's so true. Um, I love yoga and mindfulness, but to tag on to the prayer piece, it's become so much more meaningful and deep and um soothing, very soothing. And it's I treat it like a meditation. Um, and it's saying no. Wow, like Christine, that's and so so true. I still have a problem with that. So I'm working on it. It's a work in progress.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

It's a journey, man. It's a journey.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

Recognize your limits and you know how to spread yourself not too thin.

SPEAKER_04 15:22

Right. Well, like uh being a survivor of loss. I know you've had tremendous loss, and my husband recently passed away. I I it's five months now, and when something pops up, if I don't want to do it and I don't have the mental wherewithal, I just say no. Yeah, and I don't owe anyone an explanation, and I am not going to feel bad about it. Like, I really feel like, oh no, I'm not taking what you're serving. Yeah, I'm not interested. If you're mad, let them be mad, you know. Um, and I mean it for the first time at a certain age. That's pretty long time to get it.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

It's brave to do that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

It's brave, but it's it's so empowering because finally you're putting yourself first, you know, as a daughter, as a sister, as a as a as a mother, everybody, yeah, you know, as a wife, as an employee, you know, as a business owner, everybody comes before you. And finally, I recognize that I gotta come first. And it's it's I'm so proud of you, Christine, because it takes a lot. It takes such proud of you.

SPEAKER_04 16:35

And it goes back to what you said about empowerment. Like, we know we shouldn't let other people's toxicity or opinions or uh demands bother us, but we do, and it takes a really long time to get to a point where you're like not gonna have it anymore. Yep. I'm just happy I finally got there. Yeah, God bless.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

So here let's lighten it up a little bit. We're gonna do a little rapid fire question. I'm gonna start with you. Uh-oh. What's your favorite self-care ritual lately?

SPEAKER_02 17:06

Oh, well, it's gotta be like a massage, it's gotta be like just you know, something or whether face mask, hair conditioning, just something that I could just, you know, you know, whether with the group or by myself, just yeah, that kind of that's awesome.

SPEAKER_04 17:17

Christine. Bubble baths with magnesium and lavender. I love that. Maybe I can Michelle.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Um, a nice walk in nature or going to sit by the beach, it just to hear the waves and allowing myself that time to not feel guilty, to make that time, and it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

I love that. And now I've gotten into saunas. I got this sauna thing now, and I just love going into the sauna and just practicing my breath work and just sit there and just breathe. And it just it's so relaxing and calming. And I found saunas because my 83-year-old Uncle Vern. Uncle Vern stands on his head, he goes to saunas, he's gonna be 85, and he's still skiing on the mountains of Colorado. God bless him. His wife doesn't think he should be driving, but that doesn't stop him. And I look at him and just his relationship with God and himself, and just going on the lifts and talking to strangers. I'm just like, you know, this is how you you you do self-love, you do what makes you happy. So for me and my saunas, I just take it all in. I I'm grateful and I try and be grateful and instill that in myself. Um, all right, let's see. Let's talk a little bit about the kids, you know. How do you stay connected to teenagers in a world of screens, stress, and social media? Do you want to take on that one, Christine?

SPEAKER_04 18:51

Sure. I mean, I don't have it nailed down, that's for sure. And I I sympathize with them and having all of this information, like we said before, this comparison and this need to be perfect compared to what you see on social media. Um, when they were little, I always limited the amount of time. And even now, my daughter who's 16, I do not allow her to let have her phone in her bedroom. They come at 9:30, 99:30, put the phone downstairs, and that's where it's charged. So I think my older children kind of have better habits. They could be far worse when it comes to the phone addiction. But how do I connect with them? Well, they finally let me follow them on Instagram so I can write things. Um, sometimes I'll send them reels, which they find so hilarious that I even know what a reel is. Um, so little ways like that. And um through music, I share a lot of connection with them through music. Um, I'll share throwbacks like TKA and Freestyle's been coming up lately in my house. So, like I'll play it and they'll complain and say it stinks, but then we're all dancing together. That's awesome. So I just try to connect in easy ways instead of always asking those difficult questions and being on point with what's next and what are we doing, just being together.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

I love that. I really do. I think um I I find the ways to connect is just just to you know sit around and just just open up a conversation and just talk to them, you know, and and be real. It's you know, how are you feeling, you know, with the mental health? And I know with being seeing all these one beautiful people online and everything. I mean, I know both my kids were at the gym every day and they're working out and they're watching their diets. And I mean, I remember being their age and going to McDonald's and getting french fries and a milkshake, you know. You know, but I I try and talk to them and and they're like, but mom, you know, we want to be healthier later. We don't we want to take care of ourselves now. And I I I admire that, you know, about them. Is there something that you admire about this generation, Michelle?

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Um, so much. Um, I love talking to my son and supporting him and just telling him, go for it. Um, my son and I are so close. He's one of my best friends. So I've always just given him that freedom to share who he is and to make sure I'm creating a non-judgment zone. Um, you know, his choices and decisions may not be what I want, or I might see that, oh, this is might be a tough road, tough journey, um, the path you're taking. But I I just support him and love on him so much. And uh we connect, you know, we'll make those phone calls. And uh it's so important.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Now, Jojo, I know you you don't I don't have my own kids, but I have a lot of nieces and nephews who really impress me. Um, and even friends' kids. I have so many godkids. Um like she doesn't have kids, so let's make her a godmother. Which I love, I love and I love all my godkids, of course. Um, but you know, I'm just so impressed with them, especially after. COVID and and they had such a difficulty connecting and you know, seeing them reconnect and seeing them with, you know, um good work ethics and just you know being able to be um growing an adult and being able to communicate with one another. And you know, um some of them weren't aren't even on some of these social media anymore. They've dropped out like myself. I've given myself a timeout, you know, because sometimes I go a little crazy on it on social media, and then I'm like, all right, I've been too too vocal and too disruptive. Like, I gotta give myself a timeout. And, you know, this younger generation is doing that already. So, you know, I've I've been impressed with a a lot of my friends' kids and and my nieces and nephews. So God bless them. And I hope they stay on the path, you know, that they're on, because um, it's a difficult world out there.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

It is, it's so hard for the younger people. I mean, I my heart goes out to them because there's there is a lot of anxiety and stress, and I know society puts it on them and and social media. I mean, I can't imagine having every crazy thing you've ever done being filmed. Oh God.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

Are you imagining I went to college together? That would not have been good. No, bad enough the Polaroid pictures.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

I don't even know.

SPEAKER_04 23:07

But adding to what Jojo said, I think that they are remarkable because they're already learning how to navigate social media better than we are, because they're natives and they'll know, oh, that that's fake, that's AI generated. I'm like, really? I I would have thought it was real. And I wanted to add on to what you said about um not judging your kids. I mean, I'm really impressed by that because I struggle with that. Because of course I judge my kids because I want them to be the best that they can be. But it's not good when you're always coming from that perspective. If I'm always criticizing what you're wearing, or why don't you use a hair gel or do this or do that? You know, they're not gonna want to spend time with me. So I appreciate that you could do that, and I'm working on that.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

You know, it it's a journey, and you know, having teenagers or or you know, just being a role model in itself, you know, you have to keep in mind, you know, no one's perfect. We all, God knows, we all make, you know, and and I try and be a good role model, but you know, there I am having one or two glasses of wine on a Wednesday night. It's wine Wednesday, you know, and and then I feel a little it's like, what are they seeing? You know, what kind of role am I making? And then I don't make excuses for my behavior, I just explain to them, you know, I this is a choice I've decided to make. And I don't think it's the best choice for me because I don't feel good on Thursday morning when I want to go to yoga, but I do go and I sweat it all. So it's a balance, it's a balance, you know.

SPEAKER_04 24:42

That resonates with me a lot. Sorry if I'm talking too much. But when my husband passed, um, you know, I had a choice. Either I'm gonna sit on the couch and like dive into a bottle of wine every night, or I'm not because the kids are watching. Yes. And it would not be good for me because I would steal my energy the next day and I would it would make me more emotional. So I went in the opposite direction where I used to have maybe three or four wine nights a week. Now I allow myself one. Right. And they are watching, and I do see. So if you're you know having your wine night on Wednesdays and Fridays, you're still doing pretty good. Don't move yourself up. Yeah, right. And if you're getting up and going to the gym, like, wow, what an example! Because how many people our age are not doing that? And look at what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

This is a platform, and this is this is what it's all about. This is so awesome, you guys. I'm so like, I can't even tell you over the moon that we're doing this because we do this regularly, but to share it with you, our audience, our listeners, and bring you in, you can see what it means when you talk about all the stuff that's going on in your life and that burdens you and you share it because you know we all carry that heavy backpack on our shoulders. But when you can talk about it and share it with your friends, that backpack lightens. It does, yeah, so much so, and it's just it's just beautiful. So, all right, with that backpack in mind, we're gonna switch gears here because midlife, we are in it, we're all 49-ish.

SPEAKER_03 26:13

Yeah, maybe a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Whatever we can get away with. But for us, you know, they call midlife a crisis, you know. But for us, it's been a classroom. And what's one thing you've learned about yourself lately? I'm gonna start with you, Jojo.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

You're getting us right on the spot. Yeah. I just, you know, I think I'm just paying more attention to my needs, um, getting more sleep. I I just um realized that, you know, um certain things in my life that I want to correct, you know, just you know, like you said, take that power back and, you know, follow my course of, you know, where it's gonna take me to make me a better person. I just I just want to keep being a better person. And then that that has to do with the whole bowl of wax, you know, mentally, emotionally, physically, you know, and just I don't be a better example too, you know. So I'm I'm where I am in my life, and I'm like, you know, you know, you don't know how much longer you have, so you want to make the best of it. And I don't want to take any day for granted. I want to be able to, you know, make each day count and just keep getting better.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

I you know, that's something that resonates me. My husband always says, he goes, because of the journey I've been on and everything I've been doing, he's learned something. He's like, not everybody is meant to live to be a hundred. You know, there are people, everybody's on their own journey, and some, you know, die as infants, you know, and some die at 16 and some die at 30, and some die in their 50s, and then some live to be, you know, 80, 90, 100. But we're all on our own journeys and you have to make the most of your journey while you're here. And I think it's I think it's empowering when you when you put that in mind and realize I'm here for a brief period of time. I want to make the most of it and be the best I can, you know.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

Do you want to add actually that I'm like have tears in my eyes, but it's to allow myself joy and that everything doesn't need to be so serious and so you know, heavy.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

And to lighten up.

SPEAKER_03 28:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

And um, I need more of that in my life because you're right. We don't know, we have no idea how long we're gonna be here for. And I'm really I'm inspired by all of you women just sitting here in this room. It just wow. It impresses me.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Christine, do you want to add to anything?

SPEAKER_04 28:31

Just echo what you said that I I I try to find joy because aging, like I said, is not for the faint of heart. I mean, we can talk all day about how it sucks in our age and pain, how we missed the way we use the mug, but here we are. So let's find the joy in every day.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

Exactly. My mother puts it so eloquently, she goes, it's not the F in golden years.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Make the most of it.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Oh my gosh. Well, you know, so, but you know, here's something we have learned, you know. Um, I've learned about a belief or a habit that I finally let go of. And I think I've I've let go of the fact of taking things too seriously or taking um or sweating the small stuff is probably the right words to use. I um I used to, you know, worry about everything and be so regimented if this didn't go away, you know, I'd get all angst about it. But nowadays it's like, you know what? If it's meant to be, it's gonna be. Things that are not in my control, I can't control. I can only control my reaction to it. And learning that lesson has been a game changer for me. Has anybody else learned something in this life that they want to share?

SPEAKER_02 29:50

I don't know, like you said, letting things go. I think that's, you know, um a strong message because you don't want something that's happened in your past to eat you up and control you today, because there's so many things I I see, so many people that have um, you know, issues today because of trauma like everyone in here has experienced. And um, I just don't want that to eat me up, you know, now you have to like learn to process it and and you know, whether it's sharing it with someone or going through therapy or something like that, but whatever that is, you don't want it to um really manipulate your life today because you have to keep on living because you know, we've all lost people here, and um you don't you don't die with that person, you have to live for yourself and for your family and for your kids. So yeah, I just think you know, just don't let things haunt you as as much as they should. And I think people who are getting the help, that's you know what you need, and to make yourself, you know, a better person and and live a better life and have a better quality of life.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

Jojo, wow. Um, just on that vein, um, something that the most important thing I think I've learned is forgiveness and how how healing that can be and it empowers you. Um, because when you hold anger or resentment, it's only eating at you and to forgive, truly forgive. It's you know, it's just so peaceful.

SPEAKER_04 31:14

So I have to work on that a little more. I wish I knew how to forgive. That's the thing. I know that it is what we all strive for, but how, like, how do you get there?

SPEAKER_00 31:24

That's what I turn it over to God. Um, and He's my partner in this because it I couldn't do it on my own. I truly couldn't. Spend a lot of time in the adoration chapel or out in nature, you know, wherever that peaceful place is.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

I I think for me, you know, forgiveness, I can forgive. I don't condone what's what that person did, if it was harming to me or to someone I loved. I can forgive them because forgiving them isn't really about them, it's me letting go. But the hardest person I find to forgive is myself.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

And I don't know always why that is. I mean, I I know I'm no God or anything like that, and I really need to give myself grace and I know it's a journey, I'm not perfect. But letting go of that ideology that about perfection and everything is has been really hard for me. But forgiving others, it's a process, Christine. It's it's a journey and it takes time. But again, you can't control other people, but you can only control your reaction to them. And sometimes when somebody hurts you, whether intentional or not, you know, sometimes it's a reflection that they want you to get angry at them. They are looking for that. Sometimes it's a mirror as to what you're portraying out. But whatever it is, you have to take it from where it's coming from and just be like, you know, you do you. I understand that. And you're getting really good at saying no and remembering that. And you can forgive them and let go. You don't condone what they did, you don't have to be friends with them, but say, I forgive you for treating me this way. And uh, but I for me, I have to move on, and you do, but to for myself, to forgive myself, that's that's one I'm still struggling with.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:16

All right, we're gonna lighten it up again. All right, what are you looking forward to most in your 60s, 70s, and beyond, JoJo?

SPEAKER_02 33:27

I can't wait for retirement and to be a social butterfly forever. That's what I'm gonna do. I love that. Yeah, I'm just looking forward to yeah, yeah, taking taking some time, taking just more pleasure out of life. And not that I don't have a lot of pleasure now. I mean, I I try and make everyday count, but um, yeah, just uh being a little bit of fun social butterfly.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

I my sister-in-law just retired and she's busier now than when she was working. So it's uh it's amazing, you know. What about you guys? Anything you're looking forward to in the future?

SPEAKER_00 34:01

I'm looking forward to writing my book. I've you know, I've said it for years. I know you've you've known me for a while and since the beginning. Um, but to I've released a lot of the worry of how what I might may share will impact other people. Um, and I'm just looking, you know, hopefully to infuse humor, more humor in my life. And I'm looking forward to giving back. I really want to just make a lasting impact in a positive way.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_04 34:37

Christine, anyway. Travel. I'm looking forward to just seeing places I've never imagined and never visited, and I look forward to that. It gives me energy and excitement and enthusiasm.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

Okay, that too, Christine.

SPEAKER_01 34:55

You're here, I agree. I'm just looking forward to just, you know, enjoying the freedom that retirement gives you and not going with that. We have our health because without that, you know, it makes life a little more difficult to accomplish the things that you dream of, you know. But we don't have to wait until we're 60, 70, and 80 to do the things we love. We can do it now. And I think we do partake a little bit now in enjoying each other and having nights with friends or days with friends or just enjoying things. And um, you know, as we talk, I'd like to do like a one-word closing ritual for the show today. And maybe we'll just uh do or a short sentence, something that captures what you're feeling at this very moment or what you're taking away from the conversations we've had today would be awesome.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

I'm just grateful to be here with you, ladies. Um, this is great conversation. I'm great to have you in my life outside of here. Um, I just feel very grateful and blessed. And um, you know, thank you for everything. Oh, I love you.

SPEAKER_04 36:00

Ditto. I I think I uh what I've learned is we can do hard things. And each one of you are is very inspiring to me. And um look look at what we do when we set our minds to it. We can change for the better, we can improve and we can help those around us.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

Yeah, yeah. For me, um, one word that stands out is hope. I have so much hope for, like you said, um, we're hardest on ourselves, but being um, I'm so inspired being around all three of you and you know, knowing that we've all had our traumas and we're resilient. Um, but I just have so much hope for myself, where I would be very hopeful for everyone else, but learning that you know I am worthy.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Yes, absolutely, absolutely. And for me, I I consider all of you my wing women. And what I mean by that is that you are the women that are there. I mean, there are others that could not be here today. I mean, this room isn't big enough for everybody that I'd like to have in here, but you are the women that I turn to when I'm going through the toughest parts of my life. You are the women that hold me up, and even if you don't want to be there or do something, you'll you'll drop everything to be there. And to me, that means the world to me. And I love all of you for that. And uh uh at the end of each segment, I like to share one of my son, Scotty's poems, with all of you. And um, I think this one really resonates with what we've talked about today. So I'm gonna start that, but um uh it goes like this it goes, for the first time in a long time, I can say I'm happy. Nobody is snappy, catty, overzealously chatty. The person I used to be wasn't me. I wasn't the best I could be. I let my demons consume me. Bad thoughts constantly pursued me. I was a fool to believe that I could be anybody else but myself. It took some time and encouragement from the people I love to realize the person I am is better than the person I want to be. The person everyone said I should be, the person I was encouraged to be. It wasn't me. I love myself and the people who surround me, the people who care for me and want me to be the best I can be. Relationships, platonic or not, have a balance that people constantly challenge to make their lives better for themselves and no one else. But who wants a friend that only cares for themselves? When there's so much more to yourself, you are the person who you need the most, see the most. And not even weed can boast that true self, that new self, that construed self. So look in the mirror and stop judging your wealth or your health. See the positive of yourself because you are the best on top of anyone else's shelf. And if anyone tries to drag you down, you pull them up and hand them your crown. Wow, love. Yeah, beautiful. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

Oh my gosh. All right, ladies, so such wise words.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

I want to make a toast to our club, the self-love club, to the women who spend once a month getting together with me and loving ourselves. Cheers, Christine. And uh here's to you guys. God bless Salud. Thank you. God bless. God bless. And to our listeners, exactly. The word, my word is cheers. And to our listeners, aging gracefully isn't just about wrinkles or hot flashes, it's about navigating the emotional shifts of your life and reconnecting with our own evolving bodies. Thank you for joining me and these beautiful women here today. They're incredible and they're life-changing for me and themselves and the self-love club. Always remember that life can be a challenge to get through, but it's your friendships, it's the people around you and taking care of yourself that are going to get you through the heart of it all. So please join us next week to another episode of SOS Stories of Survivors, where survival sparks the soul. Thank you, and God bless.

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Amen. Thank you, Serena. Thank you.