Ep. 008 | Changing The World, One Life at a Time

In this powerful episode of SOS – Stories of Survivors, host Serina Danker sits down with a true innovator and life-saver, Arthur Lih—Founder, Inventor, and CEO of LifeVac.

Arthur’s journey began with humble roots as a truck driver and logistics expert, but his story took a profound turn after hearing about the tragic loss of a young child to choking. Refusing to accept that such heartbreak had no solution, he set out on a mission that would eventually save lives around the world.

Through determination, heart, and the drive to make a difference, Arthur invented the LifeVac, a simple yet revolutionary device that has rescued people from ages 3 to 97 across the globe. His story is one of resilience, compassion, and the unstoppable power of purpose.

To learn more about Serina Dansker, purchase her book S.O.S.: A Lesson on Love, Loss, & Survival, book her for a public speaking engagement, and discover more stories of hope, healing, and resilience, visit www.serinadansker.com.

S.O.S. Stories of Survivors — Where Survival Sparks the Soul.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Hi, I'm Serena Dansker, your host, and this is SOS Stories of Survivors. I just wanted to welcome Arthur Lee, who is an incredible, amazing father, husband, friend, and he keeps fighting the good fight because he knows that with every setback is a setup for a comeback. He's the inventor of LifeAC, which is a life-saving choking device used worldwide. He's the author of the book Sorry, Can't Is a Lie. And his personal mission is to change the world. Welcome, Artie.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Hi Tarina, how are you?

SPEAKER_01 1:10

I'm doing great. It's so nice to have you. And I want to just get right into things. And I want to talk to you about, you know, your background and what it was like for you as a kid growing up.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

Well, you know, I was uh blessed, you know, very middle class, maybe even lower middle class. But um, my dad was an engineer, uh, my grandfather was a carpenter, and you know, we it was the blessing was we got to learn how to do everything, fix cars, fix our house. Um, you know, it was just a beautiful, um, almost 1950s life. You know, I played sports, they came to all my games. Uh, they were always there for me, and I was always working with my dad, so I learned so much, and anything from auto mechanics to woodworking to uh you know, repairs, boat, everything. And it really looking back gave me a very well-rounded uh mind, you know. And the other thing is he was an engineer, he worked on the space program. So really, wow, yeah. In retrospect, you look back and he was uh his name is On the Moon. He worked on the thing that landed on the moon. But you're growing up in a world where anything is possible because your dad's helping put a man on the moon, and the typical, you know, it's not putting it's not putting a man on the moon, you know. So, you know, inadvertently was taught, you know, kind of anything's possible and um the capability to do it.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Were you an only child? Were you no?

SPEAKER_02 2:43

I had uh the other beautiful thing, I had a little my sister's a little older. Uh she went on to become a doctor. So I I had another uh almost role model uh in someone that was persevering to do something great. And she went on to be a a renowned gastroenterologist and the early stages of life back, she was very helpful, and you know, we fought as siblings, but you know, she became like my best friend. We went to college together, and it was all good.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

That's that's awesome. I mean, you you I I know you for years, of course, through my husband, but you were always someone who looked for solutions or um questioned limits. We did that come from an early age, you know, as far as I've known you anyway.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Well, I've always had uh something mentally wrong with me because I uh I I I forg I always was very 110, you know. Uh when I played sports, I was all getting busted up. I mean, one year I was the most valuable player, I was the worst kid on the team, but my coach saw that how much I tried and how much effort I put in. And I I don't know if it's teachable, I think it is. Um, but I think there's there was an inner drive, no matter what I did. Um, my first company, LifeAct. So, and you know, I was like crazy man, but that's uh energy and and uh spirit, and that's just who I was. I am.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

You you are you I have to tell you, Artie. I mean, I've known you for years, but you've always inspired me. You are someone that I I I get such great vibes from, such great energy, and you're you know, just just who you are. You've always gone that extra mile, your whole life. I mean, as far as I review. And I just wonder if you had any childhood experiences that foreshadowed this later mission of of saving the world or changing the world.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Well, I think uh, you know, my dad going on the moon, and there's a story where um, you know, my dad and my grandfather, we had a big garage in the back of our house, and uh my dad, the engineer, was thinking how he wanted to move it forward. So he was thinking how he could take it apart, move it forward, and rebuild it. And my grandfather just looked at him and said, No, we'll just jack it up and roll it forward. And my dad was like, Uh, and my grandfather was a 210, what's the problem? You know, he he wanted a boat, so he built one, you know. He was he might I I think I got a lot of my simplicity, persevere, go for it, just do it, brain from him. So we jacked it up, and I was a little kid. I had to pick up nails and I put the rollers in as they rolled this thing forward, and they did it. But there's numerous uh examples of uh things that seem impossible or extremely difficult, and that environment, both my dad and my grandfather was you know, what's the problem? That's a big deal. We lift it up and roll it forward. One new cement basement. All right, break up the old one, rip it out, roll it up the stairs, put the new cement in, let's go.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

There's a will, there's a way, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:57

Yeah, I I think you know, uh it's and it's part of why sorry can is a lie is the title, right? Oh, I can't do that. Yes, you can, you know, you may not want to, but you can, and so don't use that word. And that was in that was my house. We were not allowed to say that word, and I think that's another fundamental um bringing up um founding.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Let's talk about that. Yeah, let's let's talk about that. So let's talk about you. You see, you wrote a book, it's called Sorry, Can't Is a Lie. And uh, and and that's an amazing title. So, yeah, tell me about that.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

Well, I think, and it's the title because in the book is a bunch of stories of events that happen that kind of create a foundation, right? And my opinion is the sooner you get your clarity of your foundation, which is really just your moral code, right? The few things that you will not uh bend on. Uh, f you money, don't throw the rock. Things that taught me that how to be a good person, how to have integrity, and that nothing's impossible. But in my house, you weren't allowed to say the word can't, you know. So I think inadvertently from a little kid going forward, see the the biggest in the micro part, right? Oh, I can't make it to the party. Well, you could, right? So if you're not allowed to say that word, you're about to say I can't come to the party, and then you go, I'm not allowed. So you either have to say, I would love to, but I have to do something else. That's an honest answer. The micro, though, is you re-evaluate that situation, right? Camp's too easy. I can't make it. Well, maybe if you took a second and thought about it and you said, you know what, I'll mow my lawn the next day. I'm gonna go because I haven't seen that guy in a while. Yeah, so it prevents you from digging that one-way path, right? Yeah, in the bigger picture, when something happens and uh, whatever they say, oh, you know, we can't get this uh through the FDA system. Well, I'm not allowed to say that. So my brain immediately says, How can I do that? And it's really the macro part of it, meaning your your body, your mind is trained to think of what you can do by getting rid of the word can't.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

Incredible.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

Yeah, it was I think that's uh one of the the bigger ones that uh I was blessed to kind of accidentally learn.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Did um did you write the book with anybody in specific in mind? You know?

SPEAKER_02 8:34

No, I I I was flying back and forth when Jack was going to college. I don't uh put my phone on in the plane. I I use that as capsule time, I call it. And I usually don't even watch a movie, but I had to figure something out, and I was hitting all these stories, you know. My uncle, F you money, Don't Throw the Rock, uh, The Marshmallow and the Wind.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

And now these are all chapters in your book, right? Because I don't think our audience has read your book yet.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

No, I know. That's good. I like messing with them. Maybe they'll want them. But but that was they they were helping me make it to try and figure something out, and I kind of giggled, so I started writing them down.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

And then I was flying back and forth, and I would just write a story that I thought of, write a story. And then I, you know, when I got to the accident, uh, it was in there, but it all kind of started formulating around um survival of that, right? What were the what were the foundational tools that I got that uh helped me uh overcome and achieve? You know, I built two successful businesses, and the Life Act has really was a I always been a mission. It's it had nothing to do with uh business. I was done. So that was uh it was kind of funny though. You would I would have loved to have been sitting next to you on these planes, you know, throwing a marshmallow and a gale wind that lands in a guy's mouth. Like that showed me nothing's impossible. I'll tell you that.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

You you're you have some incredible stories. I I I've read your book, I've read it actually twice because I loved it so much. Um I know what my favorite chapters are, but I'm curious as to if you have a favorite chapter or a favorite message that you hope stays with your readers when they read your book.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

Well, I mean, obviously Canada's law. The first chapter I think is uh I'm proud of that. Um some of my favorite ones was when I talked my friend in throwing a rock across the canal and hitting a guy in the head. And uh depth of not uh taking advantage of someone, not um realizing that you have a responsibility not to let people do bad things, and certainly not to talk them into it. Um the the marshmallow story where I threw it in the wind and it went in the guy's mouth.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

I think that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

It's a mic, um uh it it in an instant it re-evaluated you got you could you gotta try and it might work like that, you know? So I guess those are some of my phrases. I like them all just because they're personal and um I do hope they help some of them.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

You know, the one that of course stuck with me, and I'm sure sticks with a lot of people that read your book, of course, is how you don't want to be a flat squirrel. And how um indecision on the part of the squirrel leads to his demise.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

And you know, it's uh it's it's an incredible way that you I had never thought about it that way. And that's the one thing about you, Artie, is you get me, and I'm sure other people as well to think a little bit differently.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

Well, think about think about that story, you know, and it when I was going to college, we actually the squirrel real life squirrel right in front of us and we crushed them, and and I, you know, I felt horrible, I could still hear us hitting him. And then later in life, the analogy that decision making is critical, right or wrong. And I was in a like a sales seminar, and they came up with, you know, don't be a flat squirrel, you either gotta run or or uh stay, but you gotta decide, and immediately connected to actually running over a squirrel that had a moment of indecision. So I was really God brought to light that importance in a very uh real way, right? We ran over a squirrel that had a moment of indecision, yeah. And the book is really um about uh foundational ways to make decisions. But the real key is you gotta make them, and it doesn't matter if you're right or wrong. Obviously, you want to be right. Obviously, the more mistakes I make, the better chances you're going to get better at being right. But uh, so many people get trapped in indecision. It's uh become second nature to me after you know 40 years of running things. I'll look, I'll think, I'll ask advice, and I'll make a call. And there'll be three on one side saying you're an idiot, and three on the other side saying it's great. And you just go, okay, I'm making it. Yeah, that's how you do it.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

You you've done, I mean, I I of course know you for over 30 years, but um, I'd love you to take us back to the story of life where you um the moment that you were inspired to to invent it and tell us that story, you know.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

Well, the uh you know, there's a lot of uh depth to the moment, you know, and it's a lot of Godwing stuff because I was sitting in the hospital with my buddy, a wingman, which is a great story and and very valuable lesson in life. Know who they are, who are your real friends. And the reason I went there that night is because he is one of my wingmen. You know, I was going home from work, I was tired, it was late, and his he was in the hospital with his mom, and uh, you know, my brain said, Well, he's your friend, you gotta go visit him. I didn't want to, I was tired, it was Lee. I wanted to go home. And uh he pointed over to Gurney and explained how there was a seven-year-old that had choked to death. And at the time, Jackie was seven, and it was quiet, no cell phones. I'm staring at this steel gurney, and I'm thinking about that pain of her dying in my arms. And on the way home, as soon as I got home, I started researching and saw how often it happens, right? One child, 5,000 people a year. It's not a freak accident. So fourth leading cause accidental death. So I no longer had the ability to ignore it, right? I got trained, I knew how to do back blows and abdominal thrust, but now I was aware that she could joke, and you know, seven out of ten times, three out of ten, she's gonna die. So I said, okay, I gotta be able to save her, and that's when I started experimenting and and messing around, trying to just to save her. There was no big picture at the time.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Wow. You see, and just take me through that process. Like, so what did you do?

SPEAKER_02 15:26

What was your initial, you know, the way your mind works when well you know we we we have a silver lining to the all the negatives of our uh cell phones and re and Googles and all this stuff because the if you want to make a change, this is the best time in history, man. I was able to find studies from the 70s in Canada. I was able to find uh early 80s studies on the forces of uh the abdominal thrust, how much force it makes. So the ability to research is incredible now, right? It would have taken a lifetime to find those studies if you ever could.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

Um, so initially I I did a lot of research because I realized it's a force thing, right? So you're what you if you look at the body as um a tool, right? If you squish it, it's gonna generate force and maybe knock it out. The problem is bodies are different, everybody's different, big, small, little, tiny, up, down, and the other thing is it's a variable force generator, meaning if you go you're dead because you have no air, can't generate force. But I did find studies that showed how much force it takes to for the Heimlet to work. So now I knew what kind of force I needed, and it's not much, which was amazing. And then I said, okay, simple, simple. I'm gonna be panicking, right? I'm gonna be terrified. And I had made a couple things, but they kept getting too complicated, right? I had a CO2 cartridge, you had to engage it and hit the button, and then I was like, okay, then the CO, you lose the CO2 cartridge, or goofy kid like me is playing with it, and you put the back, you know. So one night I I threw out that item, and it was tough because I put a lot of time and effort into it, but I knew I had to have faith that my foundation of simplicity was necessary. So I went to Home Depot because I said plumbers unclog pipes, and I just stood there and kind of looked at all the stuff, and I saw a little sink plunger, put it on my face, made a big pop, and boom, we were uh we were on our way, and the lightback was born. Wow, that's I mean this this was a sink plunger from Home Depot. I just made a valve system, and that's it. Simple, simple.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

That's incredi. I mean, it seems so simple, but sometimes it's the simplest ideas that have the most effect, right?

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Yeah, I think you know, there's an old saying, and Mike Rose says it all the time simplify, simplify, simplify, and then simplify.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Yeah. I'm sure that um in in creating the Life Act that you had encountered a few obstacles along the way. Anything you'd like to share?

SPEAKER_02 18:28

Well, I guess uh the thing is, in one, I knew not I was, you know, I had a transportation company, you know, I drove a truck in college, I built a I didn't know anything about manufacturing a product, medical, medical journals, the FDA, um the F the first aid protocols, uh medical testing, peer review, nothing. So that was a bit of a challenge, but I had to do it. But the other thing is you can't test it. I said can't. You we're not allowed in anymore to get people and chalk them and see if it works, right? So so we did everything we could. We did force tests, we did uh adolescent simulations, we did adult simulations, we did cadaver studies, I had researched all the force, and I think if it wasn't for the fact that it's physics, not physiology, and I could see that's when everyone stopped. Because that's when you got to put your foot out over the cliff and hope when you put it down, there's a glass lining that somehow is there, you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 19:39

Because that's when everyone said, you know, oh, you can't test it, you're gonna get sued, you're gonna get sure, you're gonna go to jail, you're gonna lose everything. Uh the A, blah, blah, blah. It was very few that said, Yeah, go ahead and put it out and see what happens.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

But the funny is like you get a kick out of this. Like, in the beginning, I would go, like, you know, meet with a fire department or an elder care, and I'd tell them how great it is and the force and the venting system. I can't push it in. And they'd say, you know, that's great. Does it work? And I'd say, Yeah, no, it's gonna. I think so. I think it's gonna work. They'd be like, What? You want me to put this thing in? You don't even know if it works. I'm like, Well, you know, why not? But that was the biggest obstacle, the beginning from everything I could possibly do to it to just having the courage and faith to put it out there, and now we're coming up on 4,000 live save.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

I just heard that I cannot believe that the magnitude of how many lives you've saved. I mean, how does that make you feel? I mean, how do you even comprehend the enormity of 4,000 people are hearing you?

SPEAKER_02 20:53

The God rank right before I clicked onto this thing and got myself horizontal. I uh I uh I uh we saved the two-year-old. Oh so right when I was going to open up the link, uh, reported life save came up, two-year-old in New Jersey, family, friends, popcorn. And um I think all along the way, the saves have come in to uh, you know, kind of keep me going, you know. Yeah, but basically, and a lot of times they're all God wings, they'll come in when I'm down, or I don't feel like I can go on and all that crap, but it's uh it's been an amazing journey with that.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Can you talk about the absolute first person that was saved by the Life Act?

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Well, you know, like it's there've been God wings all along the way, but that was a big one because there were two major times that he spoke to me in a sense of directly, right? And the first one was I got it, I could save Jackie. And I couldn't sleep because the enormity of the challenge and the obligation, right? So I'm sitting there saying, How am I gonna live my life? And I read about a child that choked to death, and I'm sitting there saying, Well, mine won't. And then the other brain says, You killed yourself for you know 30 years, building a company, you're gonna retire, and you're gonna get creamed. You don't know anything about this, and it's you know, you can't prove it works, and you know, it's a medical product. And and I looked up at this guy and I said, God give me the strength, and the shooting star went, sh.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

I said, All right, I think, you know, I I really knew the answer, right? But he spoke to me right away, and the first save was the same way. You know, we were in probably six years, you know. We did, I think, two or three years of research getting ready, zero saves the first year, zero saves the second year. So we're in five years, and I'm in the kitchen with Jackie, and it comes over on my phone. Hey, Art, call me. We saved our first life. I show it to her, we start crying, I give her a hug, and I call the guy, and he's in the UK. I say, Matt, what's up? What happened? Oh, it was an elder care home. Um, the lady choked, they did back blows, they did uh abdominal thrust, it didn't work. The nurse grabbed the life back and Jackie put it on her face and pushed and pulled in one pole and came out and saved their life. And I said, Did you say Jackie? And he says, Yeah, the nurse's name was Jackie.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 23:43

So the first person to ever use it, and the the multiple miracle, she was in front of me, right? Because she I had five minutes before she goes to school in the morning, right? And this all came together that she was there when I got to hear that her namesake saved the first life, and that's when I I got another bolt of uh, you know, you're gonna be all right, just keep going.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

It sometimes it takes you know a few bolts to make you recognize that, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:12

I think I think God gives us god wings, all you know, we talk about that, gives us god wings uh, you know, all the time, whether we see them or not. But I honestly believe these were such uh significant development for mankind for for everyone. And so I think he he gave me a couple uh direct answers that you know I I appreciate because I know he's a little busy.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

You know, but you're but you're you're there it's fighting the good fight, you know, and you're not giving up, you know. You you um you you you keep on persevering, keep getting up, wiping the dirt off your knees and moving forward. And I mean, you're no stranger to grief like me. I mean, um you've had tragedies in your life. I don't know if you want to share um how you've turned your tragedies in life or your grief into action or what helped you keep going, but would love to talk to you about that.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

Well, I sometimes and I I feel I don't know if you have ever seen Lincoln's bio about uh his uh challenges, right? All the tragedies and setbacks, and I feel uh similar. And you know, the biggest one was my accident where I was 20, and my and my two best friends were going upstate to uh take a road trip. Fell asleep at the wheel, car went off the road, they both died. I uh was in intensive care for two weeks, uh the world just disappeared. Uh wanted to die for a long time. I actually asked them to let me die, but they wouldn't. And uh the only thing that kept me alive was my mom, because when you see the devastation like you have of yourself and everyone around you, and you know, these I saw two young men's families, parents, friends, uh, siblings all devastated. And I you know, obviously I was driving, so it was more even more so that it was my fault, which it was, but it was an accident. But the long story is funny, I found a way not to end it, right? That was mom, because I in my head I realized I couldn't purposely do what I did, right? I did an accident, right? And it was, you know, in a way, thank god nothing happened to her because I felt everyone else would have to deal with it too bad. Yeah, but I knew she was such a mush that if I did that, she would die, you know. So luckily that made me hold on by the skin of my teeth and really wasn't whole till Jackie was born, you know. It ate at me for a good 20 years. First 10 were horrible, didn't sleep much, you know. Uh I I was always hoping something would take me out, you know.

SPEAKER_01 27:14

Self self-destruction, right? I mean, that's really true, you know.

SPEAKER_02 27:18

Yeah, and more of uh I guess I was uh more apt to take a chance on shit. I'll jump this bridge, see what happens. If I don't make it, that'll be good too. But it was a long haul of uh day-to-day, you know.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

You know, you know I do know, I do know. I know that that feeling, and um, you know, you have to find something that helps you keep going when it's just feels like it's impossible, you know.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

I I talk about my mom and that because you know, I know the show is certainly got such a valuable point, but I think we each need to find our own uh thread, right? Just something, anything that keeps you hanging in there. Because you look at look at me, look at you, yeah. We have hung on long enough to do something that's valuable, right? So we provide the hope for those years of hell that if you hang on to that thread long enough, you know, your God will come with you and and he'll give you purpose and you know the journey, right? Yeah, there'll be light uh again. It just you gotta find that one thread to hold on to to keep you here long enough to find out why you're still here.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

Or just be stubborn enough not to give up.

SPEAKER_02 28:46

Yeah, that's true too. Oh man, I'm uh I'm all about that.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

Oh my gosh, it's it's it is a journey, and it's it's it's a hard, it's a hard road, but you know, I think as we've both learned, you know, nothing worthwhile comes easy. And uh and we're here for a reason, and we don't always know what our true soul's purpose is, but I think both you and I are figuring that out along our journey here.

SPEAKER_02 29:11

Um, like we were talking about when I was in that uh you see the impossibility of what I did because you can't test it, and no one was courageous enough to say, I'm doing it and see what happens. Like I could see other uh inventions that existed and other things, but they all stop there. It's too scary, you know.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

True.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

But when because of the accident, I would know the pain that you felt, that other parents felt. And I said, I I have to use that pain that I felt and say, I don't want people to feel that, and you know, if I get sued or FDA, whatever, puts me in FDA jail or workout, play cards, I don't care, but I gotta do it. So I did it.

SPEAKER_01 29:59

Oh my god, Artie, I love you, man. You are so so amazing. And and I, you know, my next question, of course, is what you answered. It's how has being a father influenced your mission and your mindset? And and you're answering that, I think.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

Well, I think that that on the lightback side definitely did it. I think on when she was born, it was the beginning of reliving of life again, you know. That's when I kind of changed my life, and I said, the only thing in life I gotta do right is be the best parent I could be, right? No matter if I do good in my job, I sell, I make my I don't care. The number one thing I have to do is be a good father, best father I could be. And it simplified life, you know. And for the first time since the accident, you know, you hold your little baby and you're like, hello, like, you know, you're you're everything goes away. You know, you you realize what true love is, you you know, you understand that that's your only real responsibility, no matter what car you have, house you have, who gives a crap?

unknown 31:09

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

You got this little booby that you get to hang out with. So that that was a game changer in my soul. And obviously, I think the God wink that think about it. I drive by him, doesn't happen. He tells me it was an 80-year-old, doesn't happen. Same age as Jackie, right? That was God saying, Here we go. I kept you here for a reason. Yeah, you are now going to go do the right thing and change things, and you are gonna stop thousands and thousands of people from knowing the pain you know, all because of my little booby.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

That's you know, and and that little nugget there. What lessons did you want her or do you want her to learn from your journey? I mean, what what values do you want her to take away from all of this?

SPEAKER_02 32:02

Well, I think the uh the all the kind of foundational things in the book, you know, like when she was seven, right when I started this, we built the boat together, we built the paddle board together, we camped on the island together. Um, you know, in the book, there's a chapter on manners cop. She used to call me the manner's cop. Please, polite, kind, open doors, hold doors, be a soul. And it was really the foundational things. That's what you're gonna teach your children, right? Because your job, your job is to get rid of it. It sucks, but that's your job, is to make them good so they can go away, and then you stalk them like I did when you buy a house close to campus. But but the key is to give them that foundation, right? So I was constantly thinking and saying, how do I show her the importance of the elements of your foundation? And I said this at a speech with Dr. Carson the other day, and I said, you know, she was a three-star player in high school, uh, principals on a role, four-road, captain of gymnastics team, head of the art, uh, national honor society. But the thing I was so proud of, she was voted most kind, most kind in her entire high school. And that's voted, you know, prom queen, king, funniest, most kind in the entire school. And that's when I felt, you know, that yes, I'm glad she was a three at sport athlete. Yes, I was glad she was Captain of J. Yes, I was glad she was a champion gymnastics in the state, yes, the 4-0. But without the kindness, none of those really matter.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

You're right.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

So I felt that the effort to build a good human uh paid off.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Oh, in Spain, she's a beautiful young woman. How do you but how do you balance your protection of her and also independence for her as a person? How do you have you found that that balance?

SPEAKER_02 34:06

Well, I have uh have a non-traceable gun, so I'm I'm pretty good uh with boyfriends. I make them aware that it's not gonna be found. Um you know it's just kidding, audience.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

Just kidding.

SPEAKER_02 34:23

Yeah, right. But the uh but the thing is, um I've always realized, you know, we can't be too big a helicopter parent, you know. So, you know, I don't need my jacket. All right, don't take it, freeze. Not gonna die, so I'll let you learn that lesson.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Right.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

But I really think it's a combination. We have to almost control ourselves from overparenting, you know. Heck, I would I was the opposite. You should see her list. I tell her to swim towards the sharks and go with the ocean. She's she's always looking at me like I don't think I should do that.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

I think you raised a really smart kid.

SPEAKER_02 35:04

I know, it's kind of cool. So I'm afterward that we're going on a motorcycle trip in June, she's coming. Really? Oh my god. She's gonna ride a doom buggy thing, but she's coming.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

That's that's incredible. Okay, so you've been through, you know, you've we talked about friendships, community, but who's been your rock through all of this, all of your journey? You know, who's who's always been there? Who who would you say is your rock?

SPEAKER_02 35:34

Well, it's uh Jackie and and uh my wife, I guess, on the emotional side, but uh the wingman, Brad, um, you know, Mike Singer, uh, Steve, uh, my uncle Roger. There are people in my life that you learn um the wingman is someone that's gonna be there for you, and but you have to be there for them, right? It's true on the street, and you want, yes, men are not good, yes, thinkers are good. You need someone that you can tell something pretty crazy to, and they kind of go, that might work. They don't either say, Yeah, you're good, right? Or no, you're an idiot. You need people that you can share ideas, thoughts, feelings with that will take it for what it is. And in the case of Mike Singer, I mean, I showed him a glue-together sink plunger, and he's like, We could do this, we can make a bow. He never questioned it. He said, Let's build it the right way and see what happens. And you need people in your life like that, and those are the ones you keep close. I mean, Brad and I have been friends for what 40 years?

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:49

And when you got a good one, you keep them.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

That's it. And uh, and these friends, they they help, you know, they build you up and your belief in yourself, and and sometimes they change your life and your outlook as well.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

I think it's more that they they are with you, meaning you don't necessarily want them to build you up, you want them to be realistic and support you and be optimistic and to be encouraging, right? Um, you know, you you don't want the uh people that tell you you're great, and you don't want the people that tell you you're an idiot, well, the idiot one sometimes works, but uh you want a teammate, yeah. You want honest feedback and you want optimism and you want courage and loyalty, and you know, I know if it was four in the morning and I called Brad and said, I need you to come here, and he'd freaking get in a helicopter, you know, and I would do the same. And that's that's how you build a uh really solid life and how you can then move forward on impossible tenants.

SPEAKER_01 37:56

Yeah, well, it's and I think you're blessed because not everybody has what you have, the wingmen, you know.

SPEAKER_02 38:02

Um well you see, I think that and it's in the book about that is you have to be uh you have to be one too, yeah you know. So I think that sometimes people are like, oh, that one's not there for me, and then you're like, Well, were you for them? And really, it's really a deep relationship, and you know, you have to you have to nurture it. And I think nowadays sacrifice is almost a dying art, you know, that people don't want to sacrifice at all. And you know, just like God having me stop to see seed, you know. I was tired, I'd been working all day, it was a freaking rainy night, I had to go all the way up Route 1, Northern Boulevard. But you know, I did that because he's always there for me.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Um, so you know, we have to be willing to sacrifice to be a wingman and to have a wingman. And it just seems to me that you know a lot more of life is that that's too hard, or you know, I want to do this or I want to do that. And sometimes you gotta throw that out and say, no, I need to be there for him. I'm going.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

Yeah, that's uh all right. Let's lighten it up a little bit. Let's uh let's have a little fun, some fun questions for you. Give me give me one word that you would use to describe you, nuts. I think that would be it in a good way, in a good way.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

Yeah, oh yeah. Well, like you know, yeah. Um uh um when you're an optimistic can-do guy, you tend to be considered a little crazy, you know.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

Yeah, I think that's maybe one of your nicknames, crazy already. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 39:49

Yeah, no doubt.

SPEAKER_01 39:50

But you're fun, you've you're always fun, you know.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

We've you know, and it goes to Jackie too, you know. We've had a lot of good adventures, you know, because you try stuff, you know, you go down the the river and see what's up, you know. What the heck? It's just it's fun, and yes, Crazy Artie is definitely one of my nicknames. That's all right. It's appropriate.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

It's good, it's all good. So, what do you have a favorite quote or a favorite uh mantra that you use?

SPEAKER_02 40:26

Well, I think I have some pocket ones, um, you know, candles lie, but I think uh to me, I love uh Theodore Roosevelt's Man in the Arena, and you know, that's a good one. And I also keep uh the serenity prayer. I think the serenity prayer is really uh a warm blanket, right? God can't grant me the serenity except the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. That's it, right? And I think if you keep you know those things and you know, the man in the arena, it's about the the taking the chance and moving forward, right? Yeah, it's about the mired and dirt and sweat and blood and the pursuit of something great, whether you fail or not, you do not live in the timid souls that never tried.

SPEAKER_00 41:15

Right.

SPEAKER_02 41:16

Well, I uh pieces like that to kill a mockingbird, you know. I think um Atticus's um statement, um, you know, real courage is not a man with a gun, it's taking on a battle that you know you're whooped before you even start, but you start anyway and give it all you got. Because that was life act to me. I thought I'd definitely get crushed. I didn't think I could do this. That's why I did it.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

Yeah, well, and that's it. And and look, and look what what that is, and you know, it's just it just amazes me, you know, how you know, just life takes you on these journeys.

SPEAKER_02 41:56

Do you do you have one? What do you do you have like a pocket quote? Like, do you have something that you keep in your you know, your breast pocket that you have?

SPEAKER_01 42:05

Yeah, yeah, there I do. I actually I um I think my growing up was similar to yours. We didn't grow up rich, we didn't grow up with much, but my goal was to always just strive to be kind, to do the right thing. Yeah, you know, no matter what it was, and just to be true to who I was.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

And it was do you keep, do you say do you use the serenity prayer? Is that one of your pockets?

SPEAKER_01 42:32

Uh the serenity actually, not the serenity prayer. Um, but I do, I it's actually it's it's weird, but I I I hail Mary. I use the Hail Mary.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

Um, we used to do that in football.

SPEAKER_01 42:46

No, it's different. This is my Catholic upbringing. Oh, I just I asked me. No, but you know, it's kind of similar because at the last second, when you're struggling, I say, Mary, give me the strength, help me pray for me, help me get through what you're going through.

SPEAKER_02 43:04

And um, why the hell, Mary? That's where it came from, I guess, right?

SPEAKER_01 43:08

Not a sports girl. This is not gonna work.

SPEAKER_02 43:10

Are you kidding me? Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 43:14

I was one of those chicks that smokes her cigarettes and walks all you talks out on the field, and I was like, Oh, look at them.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

But that's so cool that we I I just made that connection because in you know, sports, you know, it's two seconds left, you're gonna throw the Hail Mary. Doug Blue's pass, it was the ultimate Hail Mary, but I didn't know that's where it came from.

SPEAKER_01 43:38

I I don't know, but I it makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

I learned something, I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_00 43:44

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 43:45

You cracked me up. Oh my gosh. So, okay, I got one more question for you. What's next for you, Artie? What's next?

SPEAKER_02 43:55

Yeah, that's a good question. I was sitting at a bombfire with Jack. Before she goes back to school, we go to the beach and uh one night and we make a fire and we just sit and talk. And I was like, you know, Jack, I don't know if I want to go on my van and live out of an explore, or maybe I should become president.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

Well, there's two options, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 44:21

And she just she said, Dad, that's that's you, that being living in a van down by the river or being president of the United States are on the same maybe I should do list. But I I really I gotta finish this uh state focused, finish this mission. Uh schools and people with disabilities are non-negotiable. Yeah, and once I accomplish that, then I I will let my future unfold. I mean, I've learned so much in this that it's tempting to take on. Uh there's some real things I've learned about neurological conditions and drowning, and but I gotta trust me. I it's hard to for people to understand how rough, you know, a seven years it was, you know. And it's it's kind of tricky to purposely walk into that again, especially at 60. But I don't know, God'll tell me. I don't care, I'll figure out maybe I'll be in the van down by the river as a president, right?

SPEAKER_01 45:28

That's that's it, exactly. And and if you can give a final message to anyone struggling with grief, doubt, or the word can't, um what would you like them to know?

SPEAKER_02 45:39

Well, I think it all relies uh going back to the foundations and faith, and find that thread, hang on, have faith, and be kind, do good. Um believe that nothing's impossible, uh, whether it's your recovery or something you want to do. Um and as I I tend to post, keep going, you know. But find the thread to hang on and and have the faith that the sun's gonna come out and that your pain is going to produce something like we both have, and I think that's a key message is that today may be the worst day of your life, tomorrow may not be, and there'll be days. So get hang in there, you know, and hang in there long enough for the miracle to take place, and you find why you're here, and that's just find the thread and look at us, look at the magic, look at what we can do, and because we hung on to that thread long enough to let something come. So that's my thought, and that's what I hope gets in. That's why that chapter is kind of in the middle of the book.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

Now, yeah, where can people find number one the Life Act? Number two, your book or follow you, or what's your what's your the best place is to go to LifeAck.net.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

You can get my book there, you can get a Lifeac. Obviously, I if you have a choice, get the LifeAck. I'm not too worried about the book. Yeah, but I think like your show and your soul and my book, there's more than one way to save a life, yeah. And I'm hoping your show, my story, that we save a life uh on the inside, yeah. Uh, because that's not as obvious as pulling something out and not being dead in full minutes. But it's it's probably it's a lot we we have to put a lot of work into that too, you know.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

For sure. And um normally I close out my show by reading one of Scott's poems. But uh today I have a special message because um April 23rd is the anniversary of Scott's passing, and I think it's important that our audience knows that every 11 minutes someone dies by suicide. And because it's the anniversary of my son's passing, my family and I are joining the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention on June 21st. They're gonna be doing a walk out of the darkness. It's actually their 30th anniversary of it, where you walk from sunset to sunrise across New York City. And I've uh started a team, and our team is named SOS for Spirit of Scotty. And my goal is to raise awareness and change how we look at mental health. I've posted the link to donate on my website, Serenadansker.com. If you follow me on Insta or on Facebook, I have the donation link there too. Any amount of money would truly be welcome and mean the world to my family. And I'm hoping that together we can change the world just like Artie has. And I just want to thank all of our listeners for your support. And remember, SOS Stories of Survivors, where survival sparks the soul. Thank you. Thank you for joining us, Audi.

SPEAKER_02 49:15

Oh man, what a pleasure.