Ep. 006 | The Unbreakable Spirit of a Warrior

Step into the remarkable journey of The Unbreakable Spirit of a Warrior on Stories of Survivors with host Serina Dansker. In this powerful episode, Sifu Karl Romain—Martial Arts World Champion, Certified Master Trainer, Bestselling Author, and Speaker—shares his profound story of resilience and triumph. Discover how he transformed adversity into strength, inspiring countless individuals to rise above challenges and pursue greatness. This episode is a tribute to the unyielding human spirit—don’t miss this extraordinary conversation.

To learn more about Serina Dansker, purchase her book S.O.S.: A Lesson on Love, Loss, & Survival, book her for a public speaking engagement, and discover more stories of hope, healing, and resilience, visit www.serinadansker.com.

S.O.S. Stories of Survivors — Where Survival Sparks the Soul.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:34

Hi, and welcome to SOSradio.live SOS Stories of Survivors. I'm your host, Serena Dancer, and it's my absolute pleasure to introduce one of my dearest friends. He's not only a father, he's a son, a brother, a mentor, inspirer, a champion, and uh an entrepreneur. Let me welcome Fifu Carl Romain to the show. Hi, Carl.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Thank you for that great introduction, Serena. I'm really excited to be here with you.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

Oh, it's such a blessing to have you here today. And I know I know you for like 30 years, and you've trained my children in kung fu. Um, you're just an amazing spirit and soul. And thank you. I I know that you've had you're a survivor, and you've had quite the journey getting here. And um, I would love for you to tell us about your journey, like your background a little bit and where you've come from.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Sure, absolutely. My family immigrated to this country back in 1971. Um, we immigrated from a little island called Haiti. And uh, you know, like most parents, you know, who immigrate uh to this country, they work very hard and they want the best for their children. And so they put us in uh parochial school and try to instill in us the right values that they wanted us to live by. At age 10, my father actually introduced me the art of kung fu. Uh, I went to see my first Bruce Lee film. It was at a drive-in theater and it was a lot of fun. And I fell in love with the martial arts, like literally fell in love with it right there at the at the drive-in theater. And of course, what I do, I came home and I begged my parents to enroll me. And uh, what I tell a lot of people is that, you know, my dad inspired the vision, but it was my mom that helped me to fulfill my purpose, right? My mom signed me up, and I remember thinking in my first class, I'll never quit. You know, uh, and here it is 47 years later, I'm still doing it.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

But what happened was when I was a senior in high school, I need to figure out my life. And a lot of times when you're an immigrant, your parents are like doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, that's all they want to hear. Uh, but I didn't want any of that. I actually wanted to go to art school. I thought that's what I wanted to do. I was a pretty good artist. I had sold some uh paintings in an in an uh art gallery, and I said, you know what? That's what I'll do. I'll go to art school. So I remember sitting there, and I was one of these art schools in New York City, and I have my portfolio and I'm doing my thing and taking my tests, and I remember looking around and feeling like I don't fit in. I don't know if that's ever happened to you, but sometimes I have those moments where I feel like I just don't fit in, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Yeah, oh of course.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

I I I left. I decided I left, yeah. I said, This isn't for me, I'm leaving. And I left and I went home, and on my way home, I was thinking about okay, what am I gonna do? Because when I tell my parents is they're gonna flip out, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:37

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Yeah. And so I did. I told them, look, I don't I this isn't what I want to do. And what I realized was that I what I really was passionate about, what I really want to do was martial arts. And I set a goal for myself that day, and I wrote in my high school yearbook that it'd be a martial arts world champion by age 22. So I started training and competing. I I worked all summer, went out to California, trained with So you had you had skills in martial arts.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

I mean, you're you're training, you're winning.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Yeah, I had some skills. I had some skills. I wasn't competing as much back then, but you know, I I had some skills and I felt like I could do it. My instructor believed I could. So I went out to California, I trained with a world champion. I come back home and start training and competing and doing my thing, and I get ranked in the top 25 regionally, right? Wow, Connecticut. So I'm like, all right, I'm on my way. And then one day I'm driving to work uh on the uh Tappansee Bridge, as it was called at the time, and I was cut off by another driver, my car spun out, I lost control. Um, and I hit the divider, and I hit the divider so hard the guy behind me thought I was gonna go on to the other side of traffic. Well, that day I learned that the injuries I sustained in the accident would prevent me from ever doing martial arts again. I suffered injuries to my spine, and I ended up spending a year in a neck brace. And during that year, I kept going to tournaments, and I and this idea of you know, by age 22 be a world champion kept ringing in my head. And I remember one night I was in the city and I was with a good friend. He had uh been an athlete, he had injuries and stuff, and he said, like, hey, if you think you could do it, go for it. And that was it. It was like the light bulb came on, I took the neck brace off, started training, went back to, you know, uh just doing all the right things, right? Really preparing myself for competition, and eventually started competing again. And by age 22, I represented the US team in international competition and made my dream come true, winning world championships in Venice, Italy.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Oh my gosh, in Venice, Italy, world champion. Oh, you must have been on cloud nine, but I really was. That's quite the journey. So you've accomplished that one goal, and you have are now a world leader. How did that how did that change your life? I mean, you know, that success.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

That success led me to other successes, obviously. But the one of the things I came to realize was this you gotta fall in love with the process because the process took a long time, right? Remember, I had been training since I was 10 years old, right? So it took a long time to get there. But the moments of victory are but seconds. Like what is it, 30 seconds to hear the national anthem come down, and you're holding up your gold medal and and and your your flag, right? But the training, the time it took for me to get there, the obstacles I had to overcome were a lot longer. And I realized that in order to accomplish our goals, we must fall in love with the process, and the process is not always easy.

SPEAKER_03 6:38

Oh wow, you know that that's a life lesson to learn at such a young age, you know. I I know that you know you were always probably mature for your age. Um, did you have siblings or um were you the older?

SPEAKER_00 6:53

No, I have an identical twin brother.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

Wow, I have a sister.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

All right. Well, I know that one of you is older. Who's the older? You or your twin brother?

SPEAKER_00 7:02

I'm the older. I'm the I knew it. Well, not by much, but five minutes.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

All right. Well, there's that's that's the leader in you. That's the leadership quality. Oh, there you go. Oh my gosh, Carl. Um, so you're so world champion. So it's led to other successes and it's learned led to a life lesson for you. Um, can you talk about you know what that meant? So now you now you you have a brand, you're you're a world champion. What did you do with that? Did you go back to school?

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Yeah, you know, I really was not prepared for the next steps, but I just jumped into it because I realized, okay, this is a part of the journey, right?

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

So for me, what happened was after winning the world championships, uh, Governor Cuomo, the first governor Cuomo, the father, at that time was running a seatbelt campaign. Uh, and he asked me to be on 200 billboards throughout the state of New York, and it was uh even world champions need seatbelts. And I was on all these cool billboards, they were huge, they were amazing. I remember when my family we went to see one in Queens, and it was like, oh my god, that's me, you know.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

You were larger than life.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Larger, literally larger than life. That led to a speaking engagement, my first one speaking to the heads of like motor vehicle companies and the DMV and all this stuff at the World of Historia. And suddenly I found myself in a place that I had never been doing public speaking. I found myself doing live television. That's there's some funny stories there too. Uh, I found myself doing radio, and these were all things I really honestly wasn't prepared for. But in some ways, martial arts was preparing me because of the confidence I had to just get out there and try. But these, you know, if you'd asked me at the time, I'd be like, Oh, I'm just a martial arts guy. I don't, you know, there's all this other stuff. I'm like, I don't know, you know.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

But it does, it builds your confidence though, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:52

It does, it does, it really does. And one success kind of led to another, and it just kind of snowballed from there to the point where uh, you know, I I ended up doing um five seasons of the Dr. Oz show. I worked with the New York Giants as an off-season coach, helping them to go to the Super Bowl back then. Um, just so many different things, writing books. You know, I remember I wrote my first book and I didn't think it was that good. My my instructor was so encouraged. He's like, oh no, this is great. I'm like, but look at all these mistakes. Like, no, just keep going, write another one.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

Wow. So and you did, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

I've written five, and I have uh a bestseller called Unbreakable.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

Um let's let's let's talk about that. Let's talk about your your journey. Okay, so you've written five books and and you were on the Dr. R show. So you're you're becoming more of a a well-known celebrity, if you will, right? So talk to me about this this latest book that you wrote, Unbreakable.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

Yeah, Unbreakable is a book that actually took me 10 years to write. But what what ended up happening was my best friend passed away, and I hired a coach, uh, Dave Meltzer. And we had these short sessions, they're very intense. It's like laser-focused coaching, like 15-minute sessions. And so I remember calling him and I was explaining him what happened and how I was feeling. And he says, Hey, you need to find purpose. And so I was thinking to myself, okay, how do I find purpose in all of this? And you know what? I'm gonna share her story. And a part of sharing her story was putting this book together about how we go through difficult moments in life that you know we may physically be broken in some way, shape, or form, but our spirits don't have to be broken. And that was the premise of the book, and that's where it went from there. The book recently won a Global Impact Award for uh personal development.

SPEAKER_03 10:46

That doesn't surprise me, Carl. It really doesn't. I mean, you are just uh uh an unbelievable force. I know, as your book says, an indomitable spirit. And I and I know that you've gone through a lot in your life. You've gone through grief, you've gone through an accident that that nearly ended your career, you know. Um, and so in these moments of these setbacks that you go through, what strategies do you personally use to regain your focus and your motivation?

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Well, the first and foremost for me is my faith, right? You know, really believing that there's a there is a purpose in all of this and that God is going to help me get to whatever, wherever and I need to go. And that these things that have happened will help me not only to uh improve my life, but help others to improve their life. And along the way, I ended up getting certified as a life coach and eventually becoming a master life coach, which means I can train and certify other people to become a coach. Um, I also, during the pandemic, when everything was crazy, went back to school and I got a degree in uh psychology and Christian counseling. So I also work as a mental health coach, helping people with their stress, anxiety, depression, etc.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

So wait a second. So COVID comes, okay? I know that you had martial arts schools, you were doing your own thing. How did that impact your livelihood?

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Uh during there was no livelihood. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

COVID was tough. I mean, like everything kind of changed, and I was basically riding on savings and different things.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

Thank God you had a good financial advisor.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Well, yeah, thank God.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

That could be some prior life.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Yeah, but it was a tough time, and it was a tough time for a lot of people, and I I needed to figure it out because I also found myself in a place where suddenly I was a solo parent. My son's mom passed away and had someone I had to raise on my own, and I had no income coming in, and so I had to figure it out. So at one point I got three jobs, and eventually I weaned out those three jobs down to one. And I said, okay, this one works best for me. Uh allows me the most flexibility and the opportunity to really take care of my son and be there for him in a way that he needed me to be because he was he was very young at the time.

SPEAKER_03 13:13

Oh my gosh. That's that's that's you know a really uh a testament to you to be able to go back to school, still work, still take care of your child. I mean, how did you juggle everything?

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Time blocking. It's a skill that I actually uh teach to a lot of my clients. And it starts with the idea that first and foremost, you need to know what your values are. What are the guiding values for your life? What's most important to you? Can you give me the five things that you would say are the most important values that you want to live by? And then taking those things and putting them into the calendar so that your time reflects, you know, your values. Like I'm living by my values. So my value is, you know, parenting or family time. Then in my calendar, I need to see that, right? I also decide in advance how much how many hours do I need to spend on each one. And with all that, you know, same thing with study time. You know, when is the best time for me to study? What makes the most sense for my life? Uh, and I I did actually quite well in school. Um, I made the dean's list a few times. Uh wow. Yeah, it's it's all possible, but I think it's just getting really clear about what's important to you.

SPEAKER_03 14:31

Uh I mean, there's only 24 hours in a day, you know. Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Right. Yeah. And I and you know, I have clients that sometimes will come in and they they're feeling unfulfilled in their lives. And we go through this process of first identifying values, looking at how they're spending their time, you know. Sometimes that means, hey, less social media time, you know. And as we do those things, I have found that they feel much more fulfilled. Yes, they're happier because they're living from what's important to them.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

Yeah, that's it, that's that's a really good point. It's a good way to live your life too, because so many times there's so many things that waste your time, you know, and you know, or time suckers from your life that it's just, yeah, that that's a really you don't even realize it. Yeah, no, you don't. Before you know it, you know, hours pass. And it's like, where'd the day go? You know, but you've got a really great technique. And I'm I'm interested in, you know, in your book, I know it outlines uh some of the secrets to developing resilience. And what is one principle from your book, unbreakable, uh, that you believe readers can start applying into their lives um immediately?

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Sure. I think the the first principle I would say is your thoughts. You know, thoughts are things, and whatever we think upon is gonna grow. And I don't remember who said that, but I think it's really important to understand, you know, what is my thinking right now? What's going on here, you know, and what are the thoughts that I need to have that will actually support me in reaching my goals. So inside the book, I not only talk about your thoughts, right, but I talk about beliefs, and I do a whole exercise around your beliefs because beliefs are just a thought that we water, and it becomes a filter through which we see and interact with the world, right? So imagine if I had my glasses on and I had a blue tint, I'd see the world as blue. Doesn't mean that the world is blue, just means that's the filter I'm using to determine how I'm gonna interact, how I feel about things, right? So, really looking at your beliefs and thinking about like, does this belief serve me at this point in my life? For a lot of us, there are beliefs that we hold that we were indoctrinated with, right? We were raised up a certain way to think this or that, and we never questioned them, we just accepted them. But at some point in our life, we need to go, okay, is this belief working for me? Does it serve me to believe this at this moment? And if it doesn't, what could I believe? What's possible? And what would happen if I deliberately chose what to believe? You know, what would I do differently? How would I behave? You know, so it's not just looking at the belief, it's deciding what do I want to believe and how do I want to behave, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:20

Interesting. That's that's really um, it makes you think, think, you know, about you know, I I have a I've learned that um I can't control other people, and sometimes I can't even control the surroundings around me, but I can only control my reaction to them. And it's taken me over 50 years to learn this.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

You know, I wish they taught this stuff in school, like just learning about emotions and how emotions work, right? Thoughts, feelings, behaviors, our thoughts impact our feelings, and our feelings impact our behavior. Like that's such a simple thing to teach to a child that can make such a tremendous difference.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Oh, especially in this age of social media. I mean, if you think about how how, I mean, everything is instantaneous now with the kids and their likes and the dopamine that they get from reaching a certain amount of likes, it's it's kind of incredible, you know, and everything is fast. I was talking to someone recently, these kids have no downtime, you know, no time to process what's happening so fast around them. And I I think back to the days where my children were enrolled in your kung fu school. And I have to tell you that to this day, I credit you and your school with their ability to talk to adults and to understand, you know, the golden rule of life. And really, um, I recall they must not have been more than four or five years old. And you had them go up to the people, or the parents really, of the other children in there and introduce themselves, ask them their names, and ask something about them, like their favorite food or their favorite color. And they'd have to go back into the lineup and they'd have to recite that to the audience in public presenting. And it was so impactful that to this day, people are so impressed that my children, who are now in their 20s, of course, can go ahead and have an actual adult conversation with people.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

And I'm so glad to hear that. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 19:39

Yeah. And and more than that, I mean, you instilled in them what's the golden rule? Treat people how you want to be treated.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

That's right. A part of what we do in my school, we we we have a firm belief in life skills and leadership.

unknown 19:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

And one of the reasons why is we recognize that self-defense is so much more than punching and kicking. As a matter of fact, on a daily basis, you're not gonna use that. But what will you use? The focus, the concentration, you know, your ability to communicate, your positive mental attitude, etc. And what we know is this people feel more confident when they know how to take care of themselves. That's the bottom line. Whether it's physical, emotional, or mental, you're gonna feel better about yourself when you understand, like, hey, I can handle myself in this situation. And that's the goal is to prepare these kids or adults, whoever we're working with, to be able to take care of themselves.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

Wow, and and it's so funny because um, you know, these kids today, you know, they're bullied, they're cyberbullied, you know, all, you know, teased in class for whatever is different about them, you know. And I mean, that hasn't changed since when we're children. But I think that um instilling that confidence and knowing that you can handle yourself if a situation arose is big stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Yeah, yeah. We we teach uh some different self-defense skills for bullying as well. There's one of my books is actually about bully prevention.

SPEAKER_03 21:12

Wow. Well, what's what's the title of that book?

SPEAKER_01 21:15

Do you remember the self-confidence factor? Parents' guide to bully prevention. Wow, okay because I really believe that self-confidence is everything.

SPEAKER_03 21:26

Yeah, so this is this is really important, important for just not only for young adults and for children, but I think too like women. I mean, today there's so much talk about, you know, sexual predators and assault and you know, being able to defend yourself helps your mental health, I believe, as well. Can you talk a little bit about your your classes?

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Yeah, sure. At our classes, so uh our school is now called uh RKF Martial Arts. We're in Fairview, New Jersey, and a part of our class is exactly. What you're talking about. It really hasn't changed much. You know, uh, we make sure that each and every class we're talking about a life skill, leadership skill. We're bringing the kids up to the front of the room, still making them, you know, talk about respect and introduce themselves to some of the other parents. We do a lot of stranger-danger type techniques as well to make sure that the kids are safe and that they know things, fundamental things that sometimes as parents, we forget to teach our children, right? Things like, what's your mom and dad's phone number?

unknown 22:29

Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

You'd be surprised. It's it's a bigger deal than sometimes we realize because as parents, we're busy. We're busier than ever before, and especially with all the uh different challenges and things that we have going on. So sometimes as a parent, and if you're a first-time parent, you may not know, you may not think about, oh yeah, does he know my phone number? Well, he's five, like, you know, I really need to sit down and teach him that. What if he's separated from me or lost somehow? Can he get in touch with me? Does he know his street address, right? Like, you know, and then who is okay to talk to and who's not okay to talk to or tell that information to.

SPEAKER_03 23:04

Well, yeah, they have all those, those um spam and those the predators on the phone that are trying to target the kids as well as as well as elderly. I mean, I know my mom was a target of one of those scams one time too. Um I I mean, you okay, so you're a world champion kung fu uh fighter, you're a life coach, you are uh, you know, you you go to church, you have your faith, you host your own radio show, you own kung fu. How um how do you balance um those different roles that you play? And and and also you're a fabulous dad. You know, it's uh how do you how do you balance? I know you have your your scheduling, but um, you know, it's it's a lot, huh?

SPEAKER_01 23:53

It it can be a lot, yes. And at times it feels a little like, okay, yeah, a little much. However, you know, the thing is not about balance so much. I used to think it was, but I what I recognize is about harmony. How do I get everything to work together?

SPEAKER_02 24:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

And kind of switching the way I see it, which means this. And what I said before, it's defining the things that are important to me, the values, then determining how many hours per week I need to spend doing them. And some weeks that means, hey, you know what? I'm in school, I have a big test coming up, I've got to spend more time studying this week, right? So something's got to get somewhere. I may not have as much time to devote to one thing as I do with the other. And it's so it's a constant evaluation. It's not like you set your schedule once and you let it go. Every week you got to sit down once a week and kind of evaluate, you know, okay, what am I doing this week with time blocking? Most things will stay the same, but there are some things where you need to adjust, and so you make those adjustments.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

Wow. So if you would look back on 10-year-old Carl and you could talk to him and give him a little bit of um perspective on life and and advice, what would you tell him? Where where where would you guide him?

SPEAKER_01 25:10

That's a great question. Um, I don't know if I would change anything. I think life has turned out or has gone the way God wanted it to. And I think every lesson, every up, every down that I had has served a purpose and it's taught me something about myself, about life, and how to keep moving forward. I can remember being young, 10 years old, and I remember my my brother's uh godmother would always say, you know, in this life, you have to be strong, you know, and that that she constantly said that. And I was like, hmm. And she was a deep person of faith. My mom was a deep person of faith as well. And so, especially with my mom, I got a chance to really share like faith with her. Um, because that's super important, right? Um, so I don't know if I would change anything. I think every experience has made me who I am today.

SPEAKER_03 26:05

That's that's beautiful, really beautiful. Talk to me about your faith a little bit, you know. Um, how were you raised Christian Catholic? Christianity.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

I was I was raised Catholic, and then by the time I was 18, I was like, I don't know if this is working for me anymore. And I went on a spiritual uh spiritual journey, and I went to many different churches. Uh I was part of my education in martial arts was Eastern philosophies too. So I had exposure to things outside of my faith. And by the time I went through this journey, I decided that I wanted to be a non-denominational Christian. And with that, meaning for me, it was more about the relationship I have with God than it is about the religion. And so that's how I kind of focus on it. You know, God is number one in my life, and what's my relationship with God? For me, it's all about that because relationships are everything. You know, unfortunately, I've had the experience of losing a lot of friends in a short period of time. Um, probably close to 25 friends in from 2016 through COVID.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

You know, even the last couple of years, I lost both parents within a year. But one of the things that I've noticed is that when people are at the end, nobody talks about the nice car they had, nobody talks about how much money they had in the bank. People focus on the relationships and the life that they've lived, the quality of the life they've lived. And so keeping that always in the forefront of my mind, well, what is a relationship like? In order to be in relationship with somebody, I need to communicate with that person, right? Now, there's sometimes we have great friends we don't speak to for a while, and we speak we speak to them years later, and it's like we picked up where we left off, right? That does happen. But in most cases, think about the people you spend the most time with, right? And if your faith is important to you, then you got to spend time with God, right? You got to have a relationship with God where you communicate and speak to Him. It might not look like getting on your knees and praying every single day, but there's a conversation that I'm having with God pretty much all day long.

SPEAKER_03 28:16

Oh, that's see, that's beautiful. You know, I I recently I read an article about a woman who talked about praying and praying with her faith. And her husband had asked her, So, you know, how many times do you pray a day? And she's like, 40, 50. She says, but I pray in color. And I didn't understand what that meant. And so the way she explains it in her writing was that she she has a color that she uh envisions. Like, think of it like a cross between a baby blue and an aqua, you know, and it's just it's a vibrant color. And when she that color to her means safety and all that's good and everything that you want. For when you pray, you know, you want it, you want the person to be protected that you're praying over, to be healed. And that's what that color represents. And so she was explaining how she takes that color and she just covers it, covers all the people over it. So it, you know, and that is just a wonderful way to um to pray. I I had never heard that before, and I was actually blown away by that. Yeah, you know, and the way she said, she said, so if you're praying over, you know, your family, you just take your whole family and just cover them in blue, you know, every day, several times a day. If you hear of someone ill, you cover them in the in that blue. Um, and it's just because it's very efficient.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

But I find it, I find, you know, talking about faith and talking about religion, you know, as a cornerstone of what makes you you, you know, and I I I find that beautiful that you have this relationship with your mom and you got your faith from your mom, and you're able to carry that forward in your daily life. I mean, that's that's where it stems from.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Absolutely. And my mom also introduced me to music. I mean, she every Friday we clean the house. She'd go down to the store and she'd get remember 45s?

unknown 30:19

Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

I made you myself. She'd get the newest 45, was the Silvers, the Jacksons, um, oh, uh, you know, Roberta Flack, etc. etc.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

Yeah, the good stuff, right? And she's ready. Oh, just ready, keep going. And she would, you know, bring these things home and play music. And so while we're cleaning the house, we would listen to music, and that had a profound effect, you know. And even to this day, my love of music is just tremendous, you know. I find music to be very inspirational. Um, it can change your mood. Like it's just such a great thing to have on, you know.

SPEAKER_03 30:56

So wow. Yeah, it's I think music, they say, raises your vibration and brings you closer to to God, the universe, Allah, whatever you, whatever you call it, you know? And uh I think that's so beautiful. Um, you know, so let's let's talk about, you know, how your your coaching, your life coaching, um, how would you, what kind of advice would you give to someone who's who is struggling through life right now or maybe feels a little bit defeated, maybe trying struggling with their inner strength. How how would you advise them? What would you tell them to do?

SPEAKER_01 31:34

So let's talk about that because as a life coach, I don't give advice.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Right? And so a lot of people will come to a life coach seeking advice, but that's not what we do. We actually ask questions. We come from a place where we believe the answers are actually inside of you, and it's my job to ask the right questions to draw those answers out. So it's kind of like you're living your life, you know the answers, but maybe they're dormant inside you. My job is to bring those answers out, and then you choose. You can choose whatever path you want, and usually you'll choose what feels right for you so that you can live that life. And sometimes that means giving yourself permission. And through my exercises and drills and different content, um, I will help you get there, right? So there's different aspects of coaching. So we use what's called Socratic questionings, right? Which is what I was just talking about. And we can also use the didactic method where I'm sharing with you information. Uh, like I I love the four stages of emotional reconditioning, right? That's one of one of my favorite things, right? And it's all about behavioral change, right? That's where I'm sharing with you information that you'll find useful that will help in your transformation. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 32:55

It does. So there's four stages of that.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

Well, I don't I don't I yeah, you want to go through them?

SPEAKER_03 33:01

Yeah, I don't know what they are. Can you do like a short, uh quick version of it?

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

I love this stuff.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

All right, so stage one is identifying that something needs to change. You're right. You you're aware of, you know that something needs to change. So typically when people recognize this, they do what? They seek help, right? They seek help. All right, so now I sought help and now I have an answer. Whatever that answer is, wherever that answer came from. Okay, so what do you need now? You need practice and repetition of the new idea or new behavior. And there's two ways you need to put it into practice physically and mentally, right? So mentally, maybe that means visualization, your vision board, uh, you need to, you know, say your mantras or whatever it is you need to do over and over again until it gets inside, right? And physically you need to act as if. So a lot of people will say like um uh affirmations, but affirmations alone don't work. Affirmations supported by action work because the mind always wants to be right and it's constantly looking for evidence. Okay, right? So stage one, awareness, stage two, practice and repetition of what the new idea, new behavior, and you're gonna do it physically and mentally. But here's the challenge once you start to put that in motion, you run into something. So, for example, are you righty or lefty?

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Uh, most days I'm righty, but sometimes I'm a lefty.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Okay, I'm the wrong person to answer a question to, huh?

SPEAKER_01 34:38

I'm a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Okay, for you and for our audience, I want you to take your non-dominant hand and raise it for me and act like you had a pen there. And I want you to write your full name, first, middle, last, in script in the air. Go for it. Okay, and notice how that feels. How does that feel?

SPEAKER_03 34:57

It feels weird, right?

SPEAKER_01 34:59

It feels weird. Some people say uncomfortable, and some people even stop. They'll put the pen down and say, I can't do this. And that feeling is called cognitive emotive dissonance. And that's why people stop or quit things. That's why people will stop their diet, because it feels weird. It doesn't make it wrong, it just feels weird. This is why people stop going to the gym, right? But no one ever teaches us these things, right? And so when you get that weird feeling, it's not a signal to stop, it's a signal to ask yourself, well, why does it feel weird? Because it's new, because it's different. I haven't done it before. And if I just keep going, guess what? I hit stage three, right? And stage three is is a stage of emotional wins. Where suddenly, like, you're walking around, somebody goes, Hey, you're losing weight on a new diet. You go, Oh, it feels good when I said that we'll do more of that, right? And somebody goes, Wow, you're looking really fit. You've been going to the gym. Yeah, I've been working out, right? And it feels good. And because it feels good, what do I want to do? I want more of that, right? That encouragement. I want to feel that, right? And if we keep going from stage three, we hit stage four. We're now it's a personal trait. I don't need to think about it anymore. It just is what it is. It's a habit, it's who I am, right? It's like I got this new habit now. And I learned all this by uh actually from Dr. Aldo Pucci, uh phenomenal, phenomenal teacher. Yeah, he taught uh he teaches a class in uh cognitive behavioral therapy, right? As a coaching model.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

That, you know, it's so funny you say that because when I was writing, you know, and you give up because it's easier to go back to the other hand. And if I apply that to life, and I say, you know, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym and I'm gonna go work out, but I don't want to get out of bed, it's so comfy, cozy. It's just easier to stay here and you know, read a book or scroll through the you know, the internet. And but if I do go to that gym when I'm done, I never regret it. I always feel good afterwards. Or if I am I am able to, in your example, write my name with my left hand and I feel, hey, look at me, I could do it, you know, and then you're right.

SPEAKER_01 37:12

And it all starts with our thoughts, you know. In the Bible, it tells us be transformed by the renewing of your mind, you know. And I love this word transformation, right? Because when we transform, we become something new and we can't go back to what we were. It's it's going from the caterpillar to the butterfly. The butterfly cannot return to its original state. But think about the metamorphosis it has to go through, the fight, the struggle, etc., etc., that it needs to become that beautiful butterfly that flies. Right? And that's the same thing for us. We need to go through sometimes those moments of struggle in order to become something new. We have to give up something, some part of us, whether it's our thinking, the way we approach things, whatever it is, to actually actualize our fullest potential and become something new.

SPEAKER_03 38:01

That it's it's a journey. I mean, it is, it's a journey.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

It really is.

SPEAKER_03 38:05

Yeah, I mean, every step, every struggle that you go through. I mean, I look at my own life and the struggles I've been through, and I will tell you, I am not the person I was prior to my son passing. I am I am a new person. And I yes, I was shattered, glued myself back together, but I think I shine brighter now than I ever have. And I guess that's what you're trying to show us is that by going through the transformation, from becoming from changing from the caterpillar to the butterfly, yes, the caterpillar was very beautiful in its own way and colors, but nothing compares to the butterfly became right.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

I mean, you know, and that's the goal, right? Is transform yourself, transform your life, and and allow yourself to be free, right? Imagine, you know, breaking free from the chains, the things that hold you back, right? And and this power is within us, but it takes work, it takes a lot of work, and it's quite challenging, you know. But if you're willing to do the work, big things can happen for you.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

It's so true. It's it's it's it's true. And you know, people people go through a lot. I mean, everybody has their burdens, and and not everybody, you know, has the tools in their chest to to you know come through or or or emerge as the butterfly. And what would you say to those people? You know, I mean, I I I know that um, you know, you yourself have gone through things, you know. Um do you have like what's your superpower, you know? What would you try and share, you know?

SPEAKER_01 39:46

My superpower is constantly reinventing myself. It's my ability to persevere, right? I I really believe that things are always going to work out for me, right? It may not look exactly the way I want it to look, definitely not in the moment, but it's gonna get better. It has to get better, right? And that's that's just I guess blind faith, you can say. Um, it's it's not optimism, though. I recognize that there's gonna be some parts that absolutely suck, right? It's gonna be like really bad and maybe worse than I think sometimes. But at some point, if I just keep going, if I can find the strength to get up one more time and rise and keep moving forward, it's gonna get better. And that's my encouragement to anybody out there. Look, never look at where somebody is now without understanding where they came from and the challenges they went through to get to where they are. I don't care who you are, anybody you see who's successful in your mind on any level has had struggles, they've gone through things. And even in the moment where you see that you feel like, oh, they've arrived, they're doing this or they're doing that. Guess what? There's just different obstacles standing in their way that they have to hurdle over and overcome, right? They just show up differently, right?

SPEAKER_03 41:02

Yeah, yeah. That's that's that's incredible. It's like you're the phoenix rising from the ashes over and over again.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

That's the logo.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

That's my logo. And there are a lot of tools out there for people, right? Whether it's uh a counselor, whether it's your pastor, whether it's a coach, you know, coaches do great work, right? Uh, you know, find what works for you, right? And make sure that the the content you're consuming, and this is why I love SOS Radio, right? The content you're consuming is feeding you, and it's feeding you what you need to get to to move forward in life, right? Sometimes we consume things that aren't the best for us, right? But we need to find the things that are really gonna feed our soul and our mind in a way that's gonna help us overcome the obstacles that we face.

SPEAKER_03 42:00

Yeah, sometimes you're stuck, you know, you you get stuck and you get up.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

You don't know what to do. Where do you turn? You get there, right? Yeah, yeah, that's what I have found, you know. And I think growing up in the martial arts has really served me because I understand that look, if if I don't know something, it's okay to ask for help. I I believe in having a mentor or a coach or a guide, somebody to help you through, somebody who's been through it that's gonna help you get to the other side.

SPEAKER_03 42:29

Yeah, yeah. I mean, so what do you do for like self-love and just having time for yourself?

SPEAKER_01 42:35

Tai chi, a lot of tai chi. Honestly, tai chi is one of the best things you could do because the the gentle breathing is like all the benefits of yoga, it's just easier, it's lighter. Um, the movements are more gentle, right? Um, you can do qi gong, which is an aspect of it, right? Uh, which I've taught a lot on the Dr. Raz show. Um, these things are very simple, but you could take a very simple thing and it can have a very powerful effect on your life. And it doesn't mean that you have to spend a lot of time doing it. Sometimes it just takes a few minutes of uh doing something mindful, you know, mindfulness, and it can make a tremendous difference to you.

unknown 43:17

Right?

SPEAKER_03 43:18

Yeah, I found meditation really helps every day, just starting with a blessed heart and a grateful heart, and then meditating, even for just 10 minutes a day, sets the tone, you know, of my day.

SPEAKER_01 43:32

One of one of my favorite exercises is journaling, right? And there's uh there's a mindfulness exercise that I do around journaling. Are you curious?

SPEAKER_03 43:41

Yes, I am.

SPEAKER_01 43:42

We'd like to know.

SPEAKER_03 43:43

I would, I would.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

This is one of my favorite, actually. You you take about three to five minutes. And if you're out there and you're watching, I want you to try this at home and do let us know how you like it, right? So, what you do is you take out a blank sheet of paper, make sure it's blank on both sides. And I want you to spend three to five minutes just writing down the ruminating negative thoughts that keep coming up for you. Like we sometimes we all have this, right? We have these new uh intrusive, ruminating negative thoughts. They're constantly in our head. We're trying to shake them. It keeps us up at night. It's like disturbing our peas. We we find that we have an attitude because of it. We're thinking about it over and over and over again. We can't seem to shake it, right? So spend three to five minutes writing all these negative things down, right? Don't worry about spelling, penmanship, just write as fast as you can. When the timer goes off, hit stop. Then I want you to take your piece of paper and I want you to rip it up and throw it out. And immediately you'll notice number one, you're calmer. And I can't tell you how many people have said, I feel a sense of relief, and that the thoughts, even for the moment, even though it's temporary, have stopped.

SPEAKER_03 44:50

That is so incredible. That reminds me of something I do when I've taught my daughter to do. It's called a burn session. So when you're going through, when you feel angst and anxiety, and things are just, you know, burdening you, you write it all down. And then you take like a flower pot or something which is not flammable. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 45:16

That's a good idea.

SPEAKER_03 45:18

Maybe a fireplace. Well ventilated.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

Right. Disclaimer.

SPEAKER_03 45:24

Do not try this at home.

SPEAKER_00 45:26

Right.

SPEAKER_03 45:28

And you put a match in there and you burn it. And it's kind of the same thing, like crapping it up.

SPEAKER_01 45:34

Yeah, it's letting it go.

SPEAKER_03 45:36

Letting it go. And the release. Palpable that release. That it really is. And you you feel almost empowered from just the ability to let go. And it's it's something else that reminds me of. It's it's um when you have trauma in your life or someone has hurt you or or or has you know uh caused you know you pain. Um it's really hard to do. And I'm only learning now that it's it's better for me to do is to forgive them. But it's not that you're you're you're approving or you're you're accepting with it. No, you're forgiving them because what happened wasn't about you. And by forgiving them for using you as a tool and and just saying, I forgive you. I don't condone what you did, I don't believe in what you did, but I forgive you. Yeah, it sets me free.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

Yeah, I love that because uh the forgiveness exercise uh we do have. And if somebody's out there and you want to know more, I can let you guys know how to reach out to me and I can take you through the forgiveness exercise. But it really is about letting go, you know, and recognizing that the person that uh really gets the most out of it is yourself. And what I have found, and I don't know if you found this too, that um with forgiveness, the person that you need to forgive the most is yourself, and that's the hardest person to forgive.

SPEAKER_03 47:12

Why don't we give ourselves the grace we we give the, you know, the person that cut you off on the road, you know? All right, you know, okay, it's it's all right. But yourself, no, you never do. You're always hardest. Why?

SPEAKER_01 47:25

I I don't know if it's something we kind of grow up with, and and you know, um learning how to achieve goals and push yourself and be your best. I think some of us were raised with an idea that we can't give ourselves grace. If I give myself grace, then what does that mean? I want to achieve my goals, I'll be too easy on myself. So we decide to be hard on ourselves, right? Uh, but learning how to find a balance in that, I think is really important. And if if a part of that can be, you know, forgiving yourself for the mistakes that you made, you will feel better and you'll move more, you'll move forward in your life.

SPEAKER_03 48:01

I I I I know we're not perfect, you know. We're not God. We're it's a journey, we're striving to be better than we were the day before by putting one foot in front of the other and hopefully learning along the way and not making those same mistakes.

SPEAKER_01 48:17

Right. And I think acceptance comes with forgiveness. And when I say that, I'm talking about accepting who you are. When you talk about self-love, that's the thing that always comes up, whether I'm in session or thinking thinking about my own experience, is really accepting who I am, that I am not perfect, I'm not made to be perfect, I'm imperfectly perfect.

SPEAKER_03 48:38

Perfectly imperfect, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:40

I'm perfectly imperfect, and that there are things about myself that I need to improve. And if I can just accept who I am, that I will do a lot better in life. Yes, right. It doesn't mean that I'm willing to stay here because I'm not about that. No, right? I always strive to do better. However, I need to accept, yeah, I can love myself and accept that this is who I am. This is these are the thoughts that I've had that have led me here. Okay, how can I make them better now, right? Yes, I can accept that I'm not perfect, that I make mistakes because we all do, right? I don't know who everybody I know makes mistakes, right? If I can kind of start to look at those things with like and be a little bit more kinder and a little bit more generous with myself, I can probably do something to change the situation or make it better.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

That's beautiful, really beautiful. And that that leads me to my next question, Carla. If if you how you know, if you could like not write your bituary, that's a little morbid, but if how would you want to be remembered? Like what for your legacy? I mean, what do you want if people think of you? What do you want them to think about when they think of you?

SPEAKER_01 49:51

I can tell you this. Um, I've had the opportunity to do workshops and seminars with a lot of different people all over the world, and one of the emotions that people walk away from my workshops with is love. And I can remember working with a group of young people, and and it was so funny because they were walking around the school and everything, and they were holding their heart and say, Oh, you went to his workshop, didn't you? Because their hearts were so open, right? And and what is God's God's energy is love, right? And I think that we are meant to love. It's one of the commandments, right? Love yourself, love thy neighbor, right? Uh, and so that's what people walk away from a lot of times with my seminars, is that they they feel more in love with themselves, and because of that, they're able to give more love to the world. And uh, if there's anything I think I want to leave behind, is that I I did my best, right? I always did my best. And uh, you know, I was a great dad to my children because I love them both dearly, and that I made the world better with what by giving what I had.

SPEAKER_03 50:57

Absolutely. Oh, you you have. Oh that's that's that's so uh beautiful. I mean, really.

SPEAKER_01 51:08

Thank you. So are there yeah, I mean, for your for your listeners, I really want to help people, right? So for your listeners, and uh listen, I can't do it for everybody, but here's what I'm gonna do. I have four spots, right? So you can take those four spots and I'll do like a 30-minute session with you. And during those 30-minute uh life coaching sessions, I will take you through some processes depending on what your situation is. And uh after that, if you decide that you want to work with me longer, we can discuss that. But for the first four people who reach out to me at CFU Carl Romain Coach.com, that's that's my gift to your audience. And that's held S-I-F-U, Carl with a K, K-A-R-L, Romain like the lettuce without the E, R-O-M-A-I-N. Coach C O A C H dot com.

SPEAKER_03 51:58

That is so generous of you. Thank you. And and what's next for C Foo, Carl Romaine? What are you working on that you'd like to do?

SPEAKER_01 52:05

Yeah, you know, well, well, we're working on, of course, the Ascend show on SOS radio. We have different events. We just had a tremendous event uh honoring women. Uh, and so we're working on the June event. So if you're not part of the SOS family, I encourage you to join the SOSradio.com magazine family, uh SOS multimedia family. And um, I encourage you to do that because we got some great things going on within our community um and on the different platforms that uh SOS has.

SPEAKER_03 52:36

That is so beautiful. I am um, I try every show to share uh a poem um that my son wrote because he was ahead of his time, even though he was only 15 years old. I can't uh I can't tell you. It's uh it's it's so uplifting. So if it's okay with you, I'll share one of his poems.

SPEAKER_00 52:58

I would love to hear it.

SPEAKER_03 53:00

All right. It says, People, people mess up, they make mistakes, and is that because they don't know their place? Everyone will only view you as the way you project yourself, the way I say you protect yourself. I used to be sensitive, I'd cry all the time. I couldn't even lie, but when I figured out how to stay alive, place play on the other side. I covered myself in a shield of confidence. So people didn't make me feel bottomless. People say people are more complicated than they seem. For you don't know if that person you see is really your friend or if they're just a dead end, to no contend. Everyone wants friends, those who will love them to no end. You won't know if that person standing in front of you, saying they lift the world for you, really even loves you until they leave you, because they found more people to hang around, leaving you askew in a hole that you can't climb out of because all your energy is in pursuit of why they dropped you instead of how this proves they don't deserve the true you.

SPEAKER_00 54:14

Wow, that's talk about I know, right?

SPEAKER_03 54:19

Crazy.

SPEAKER_00 54:22

It's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 54:25

The child just, I mean, nails.

SPEAKER_00 54:28

I mean all I can say is wow.

SPEAKER_03 54:34

Well, I have to thank you so much, Sifu, for sharing your legacy and your wisdom with our listeners, and especially the offer to go and to your site one more time islremanecoach.com. Excellent. I I I definitely advise listeners to please go ahead and do that because Carl is an amazing soul and he is so good at what he does. And if you could leave us with one piece of wisdom, Carl, what would that be?

SPEAKER_01 55:12

Live. Live this life because it's not a dress rehearsal, it's all we have. Live and and love the people that you know are in your life. Because at the end of the day, when you reach the end of the road, that's all that's really gonna matter. You know, it's it's great to have nice things, it's nice to live in a big, beautiful home and drive the fancy cars and have all the experiences, but really enjoy the people in your life. Relationships are everything.

SPEAKER_03 55:39

Isn't that the truth? Yes, because you never know what's gonna happen, you know. Life is short, and I I agree 100%. And thank you for your time. And thank you. I'm I'm so grateful to call you my friend, and to our listeners, thank you for joining us today. SOS Stories of Survivors, where survival sparks the soul. Please join us next week, 1:30 p.m. Uh, we'll be here with another fabulous guest. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And if you'd like to support me, feel free to hit that donate button. Or you can uh if you want to advertise, that's welcome too. I welcome any support and all support and thank you. Thank you.