Ep. 057 | Fathers, Forgiveness, and the Strength We Carry

In this special Father’s Day episode of SOS Stories of Survivors, Serena is joined by the women of the Self Love Club for an honest and heartfelt conversation about fathers, father figures, love, absence, forgiveness, and healing.

Together, they reflect on the fathers who showed up, the fathers who were absent, the relationships that were complicated, and the lessons that shaped the women they became. From stories of protection, hard work, faith, and family, to conversations about abandonment, emotional distance, trauma, and self-worth, this episode honors the many ways fatherhood can impact a person’s life.

Through laughter, tears, reflection, and truth, the women explore how their relationships with their fathers influenced their choices, their healing journeys, their relationships, and the way they now teach love, boundaries, resilience, and self-respect to the next generation.

This episode is a reminder that our worth is never defined by someone else’s ability to love us, and that healing can come through gratitude, forgiveness, release, and the courage to become whole.

To learn more about Serina Dansker, purchase her book S.O.S.: A Lesson on Love, Loss, & Survival, book her for a public speaking engagement, and discover more stories of hope, healing, and resilience, visit www.serinadansker.com.

S.O.S. Stories of Survivors — Where Survival Sparks the Soul.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Some people have scars on the outside. Some people wear their scars on the inside. But every scar has a story. Every loss carries love, and every survivor holds a strength they may not realize they possess. Welcome to SOS Stories of Survivors. Hi, and welcome back to SOS Stories of Survivors. I'm your host, Serena Dansker, and today is a special episode. The episode is about fathers, because let's face it, June is the month of Father's Day. And for some women, their dads were their heroes. They were daddy's little girl, their dad was their biggest cheerleaders. For others, their dads were absent. Or they were emotionally absent. Or maybe they were just downright abusive. But whatever your case is, we all have someone who represented a father figure in our lives. Either it was our mom with both roles, or it was uh an uncle or a family friend. So today we're here to talk about those relationships and what that all means. And joining me today is the wonderful girls of the self-love club. I have Mary Gleason, Christine Johanson, Michelle Giorno, JoJo Tierney, and Eileen Carey. Welcome. And this episode is not about placing blame or anything like that. It's about understanding and healing and honoring the good and how we got through the bad times of our lives. So welcome. And we're gonna get started. So let's start by talking about um the elephant in the room. Was your father present in your life while you were growing up? And what was your relationship like, if so? Anyone want to begin?

SPEAKER_06 2:07

Yeah, I'll start. Yeah, my dad was very present. Um he worked a lot during my childhood. He held two jobs, but on the weekends he was always around. And my dad was the dad to so many of my relatives, my cousins. My his two sisters um had husbands that separated or became single moms, and between them they had seven children, and my dad was the dad for all of them. And I really feel lucky that I had a dad that I could share with so many people, but still felt like my dad. Like it wasn't like he was a watered-down version because he was spread out so thin. And they loved him, and there are some of my favorite people today.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

That's beautiful, Mary. Really, I love that.

SPEAKER_04 2:53

That's great. Same here. My dad was present and just um really straight laced kind of like just loving, tender, you know, kind guy. Like he was he was a hard ass, but like, you know, just that really family man, like just the protector and the storyteller. He just was always in our life, always trying to help and you know be helpful wherever he can, you know, be helpful to, and you know, really um you know, had a really great impact on my life.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

I love that. Anybody else want to talk?

SPEAKER_05 3:23

Uh well, yeah. Youngest of 13 here, so um surprisingly, my relationship with my dad was pretty good. Being at the end, he kind of doted on me. He called me his little eye. Um he took me around with him. Um unfortunately, he was very abusive to my mom and some of my siblings, so I saw that. Um so I had to do some work on dealing with that. Um but fortunately we became good friends towards my later years, and when I had my own children, he was a really good grandfather. He would come over and uh bring pizza, and my kids ended up calling him Grandpa Pizza.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

It's so funny. Oh my god. Well, I guess I'll I'll talk about my dad. My dad was uh an absentee dad. I didn't I didn't know him. I probably met him maybe once when I was a baby, and then again when I was 14 and going through that teenage identity crisis. Um, but he was very self-centered. And when um I was about 18 or 19, he wanted to get to know me. And by then it was just like I was already grown, and he had um he had substance abuse problems. He was an alcoholic, and um he was just it wasn't appropriate the way he treated me and talked to me. So I just said to him, you know what, you haven't been part of my life my whole life, and I'm I'm good. I I you know, don't call me, I'll call you if I need you. You know, things change later on, but but not not too much, and we'll talk about that. How about you, Christine?

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Yeah, well, I was gonna add on to that. I also had an absentee dad. He was not there through the entirety of my life, as you know. So my mother and he got married when my mother was pregnant, but he was out of the house and out of my life before I was two. And maybe I've saw him twice after that, and it's just almost impossible to build the relationship at that stage. I think it was really uncomfortable for him. Um, and the saddest thing about it is uh when I had to reach out to him about some health issues I was having to ask about our gene genes and our genealogy and heritage, his he told me that his father had abandoned him as well. So he just fell victim to repeating that cycle and um, you know, just completely absent.

SPEAKER_07 6:03

Wow, wow. Well, I have my story's a little different. My dad was always there, um, but he worked, he was a really hard worker, he was a Vietnam vet, so there were a lot of times that he was emotionally absent because he was just trying to deal through all of his own trauma. He'd done three tours in Vietnam. Um he didn't talk a lot about it, um, but he also didn't know how to communicate with children, and um, so it wasn't until as I got older, um, my dad and I have bonded and had a better relationship. Um, not that it was ever like bad, it just we actually could communicate and I didn't talk about little kid stuff.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Well that that's that's it. And and what you know, going down this this road, what is one word you would use to describe your relationship with your dad?

SPEAKER_04 7:00

Sweet. Yeah, he just was a very caring dad, always wanted to be right in, you know, involved, and he was just really, you know, sweet. Sweet.

SPEAKER_05 7:14

Well, I guess one word that pops in is the doc, because he was a doctor. And sometime one of my brothers, uh, number four, he decided he wanted to call my parents Joan and Jack. And my mother was fine, whatever, and my father was like, no, and I'll smack you if you call me Jack. So finally they agreed, they agreed on the doc. And my father was a doctor, so it worked and it stuck. That's awesome. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_06 7:44

I think of ice cream. Yeah, when I think of my dad.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

That's sweet.

SPEAKER_06 7:50

I think of dead beat.

SPEAKER_07 7:54

Um three words wild, weird, and funny.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

That's so funny. I think of uh Rolling Stone.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

My papa was a Rolling Stone. That's so funny. Um, has your your um perspective of your dad changed later in life as you look back now? And if if so, how so? Eileen, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 8:22

Sure. Later in my dad's life, I recognized that he was dealing with depression, anxiety, OCD, and I can see early on how those things manifested. Um, like Christine said, my parents were pregnant and they had to get married, and he kind of obsessed on that and kind of blamed my first brother. Um so he would he would obsess on that stuff. Um, but I think now I can see him as dealing with anxieties and OCD. So I bring a little more compassion to his story.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Mary.

SPEAKER_06 9:05

You know, um I got really close with my dad before he passed. We always had a really good relationship, but you know, when you're growing up as a woman and you know, venturing out on your own, it's good to have your dad's support, but sometimes you want to do things your own way. Yeah. So you don't always line up, but he was my you know best supporter. He never questioned my decisions if it made me happy. Yeah. And he was just, I really can't say anything bad about him. He was like the best dad.

SPEAKER_07 9:35

That's oh that's awesome. Um, just to add to that, um I always got jealous of girls who had really close bonds with their dad. Um, but I will say there there were a few really great memories, and my dad took me fishing once, and a little bird landed right in his lap, and he was like, ps, ps. Look, you know, and that's just it's a special memory. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

How about you, Christine?

SPEAKER_03 10:06

I uh my perspective has changed. I think when I was young, my mom was always angry, so I kind of was angry at him too. But once I kind of did the healing and the work and had my own kids, I just think it's so sad for him because if if he never went on to have other children or a family of his own, and the fact that he repeated the cycle, and and just in this life, if you cannot love your own children, who can you love? And how incredibly sad for him because he kind of missed the whole point.

SPEAKER_04 10:36

Yeah, yeah. Jojo. Well, my dad and I we went from watching like cartoons together when I was a kid, you know, to horror movies to, you know, softball and things like that. And then as I grew older, I mean we had like a good adult relationship, you know. Him and my mom and my husband and I, we would like go out to dinner and we would enjoy ourselves going out to dinner, like we enjoyed spending time together. So it was, you know, a really good relationship and you know, we had a a good, you know, connection. I mean, it was you know he was a good guy until he went too soon.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

I know, I know. My um my perspective on my dad, uh similar to you, Christine, is like I I feel bad for him. I think um, you know, as uh as a child, I I couldn't understand why he was the way he was, but you know, it's funny when people pass, you kind of get to know them better than when they're alive because you he kept diaries and he kept journals of so many things. And I um I saw that he was so in love with my mother. And although they never had a relationship together um after I guess I was conceived, um he I think he partly took it out on me, like that that that resentment of not being able to have that relationship with her. And I and and although that was all of course wrong, I can understand now why he did the certain things he did or why he treated me the way he treated. It wasn't about me, it was about what he wanted and couldn't have. And and learning that came became part of my healing process. And you know, I did his brother, my uncle Vern, um, polar opposite from my dad, I got to meet him. And we'll talk more about father figures in our lives, but I always felt like, wow, I wish he was the dad that I never had, you know, and um, but and he did take on a lot of the role. Um I was of course much older when I met him. I was in my 20s, but he was just a good person and just always present, would call me all the time. So yeah, my perspective did change.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

I think they do show resentment towards the children, like in your case, Eileen, and probably in my father's case, like that's not wasn't his choice, and it wasn't what he wanted. And you know, in those days you could run from it. Nowadays they'll literally garnish your paycheck and you're gonna be responsible. Back then they didn't. So it was constant court battles and things like that, and my mother always struggling. So I get the resentment to some extent. Um, but again, then you need to do what you need to do to make sure you don't have kids out of wedlock.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Well, exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 13:24

So on a lighter note, um my brother once asked my dad, he's like, Okay, dad, so you didn't want the first one, but what about the other 12? I have it in my mind. And and later in life, when my dad was in his 80s, we were having one of those chats in the car. And uh he's reminding me that my mother was pregnant, you know, when they got married. And I'm like, okay, dad, so do you regret it? And he's thinking, and he's like, No, because then I wouldn't have you. So you know, in in those later years, you get those those treasures, those moments. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

So let's talk about what we've gained from our dads. Um, in what qualities, or um, you know, maybe what influence did your dad have on you as a child or as you were growing up, maybe what strengths emerged or patterns that you've found in yourself.

SPEAKER_06 14:24

Hard work. Oh, hard work, really. Like put yourself physically working. Do whatever you have to do to keep your ass moving forward.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 14:36

Yeah, like hard work and then a lot of laughter.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 14:39

Like really fun, engaging. And but yeah, I remember just working.

SPEAKER_04 14:43

Wow, my dad has such a like keen work ethic. I mean, he was like a artist, and like every and he was so straight laced too. I mean, people joke call me compliance girl because I'm like, so what we gotta do by the rules, you know. And like that's from my dad, because my dad was like, no, this is the way we gotta do it, and you gotta, you know, follow this and do it that way. But yeah, just the his work ethic and you know, just um his his honesty.

SPEAKER_06 15:03

Yeah, there's one, if I could just there's one story that just came to my head is my husband was power washing the backyard this morning, so the patio and everything else. And he says he walks around with stuff and he thinks of my dad all the time because half of the tools in the garage are from my father. So he would buy stuff on like made in TV and he'd always buy one from Mike Gleason. Yeah, and he's always a presence in our house.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

Oh my gosh, that's awesome!

SPEAKER_07 15:32

Yeah. My dad um he taught me to embrace your dreams. He's he was always a dreamer. Him and my mom would talk about just these huge big dreams. They wanted to buy land, they wanted to have a compound, they wanted to adopt a bunch of kids, and the dreams always changed and grew, um, but to hard work and uh to just believe in yourself and that creative gene he instilled in me.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

That's funny. For me, um, I I guess it's inadvertently, but I he gave me independence to learn that I can't, you know, or I shouldn't just try and rely on, you know, my dad or someone else that I should rely on myself, the person that I know will always be there for me. I mean, and my mother too.

SPEAKER_06 16:20

You know, great lesson.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

You know, inadvertently, right? Yeah. Anybody else want to share?

SPEAKER_03 16:29

I mean, yeah, we had no choice but to be self-reliant.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Yeah, yeah. So, which is it's you know what? It does pay. It does pay.

SPEAKER_05 16:36

Um, I'll just add one thing. Something about my dad, he was he was brilliant. He had this great mind, but he was always improving himself. He was always learning German, he was learning Spanish, he was learning the piano, singing. He would give me a singing lesson every time he came over. Wah wah wah wah wah. I don't know that it helped. Um he learned to fly, he had got a sailboat, so he was always improving his mind and um learning.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

So I love that. You know, sometimes our greatest strengths are born from both the love we receive and the challenges that we've overcome. And some psychologists believe that early relationships with your family and your your dads can influence your choices in men later on.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

And so I figure, you know, I was gonna ask, do you believe your relationship with your father influenced the type of partner you chose?

SPEAKER_06 17:35

And yes, yes, definitely. Yes. But he's not my dad, he's my mom. Oh more my dad, and my husband is like my mom. Wow, yeah, totally. But I you got your things, I was thinking about it. I'm like, oh, that's really crazy. That's really crazy.

SPEAKER_05 17:55

I have something that I would say, but I hope it didn't go out of my mind. But um, so my dad fooled around, all that. My parents ended up getting divorced when I was 10. And I had it in my mind that I was not gonna put up for that with that. I was gonna have somebody who was faithful, respectful of me. Um, and by the grace of God, I met a really great man. John's a great husband, great father. But when my mom would be around his dad, John's dad, she'd say, you know what? You did a good job. You raised a good man. And she realized that, at least for her family and her boys, they needed a strong role model and somebody who was present to create that strong foundation.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

I love that, Eileen. Yeah, I think that's great. I think um, I think based on my choice of husband, I went entirely the opposite of my dad. My husband is like a rock. He's my he's no matter what I say or do, he's my steady, you know.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

He is a steady.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

And uh so I I guess it did influence me because I I wanted that, and that's what I looked for.

SPEAKER_03 19:06

We were talking about that in the car on the way over, and I think that uh it has a lot of effect on you, a lot of it's subconscious. So, you know, growing up, teenager, 20s, you're gonna seek male attention in all the wrong ways, right? And like that's just par for the course and part of the growing pains. But without realizing it, I I chose just a wonderful man who was a great father, and he was he took great care of me. And I I didn't purposely go out to a bar to see a band and look for a man that night who would be that. But somehow, you know, 28 years later, three kids later, and he was always there. So I have to think that subconsciously I was looking for someone like you said, who would be there, who would be faithful, who would be a loving dad, and who would be my rock.

SPEAKER_04 19:58

That's beautiful. When I met Sean, I didn't know he was gonna be the talker that he is, the storyteller that he is. Because that's my dad. My dad is just the talker, the storyteller, and you know, and the grill master, you know, barbecue and grilling. And so like, you know, that's Sean. So I'm like, oh my god, like when I saw him, and you know, he kidnapped me from that graduation party, and who knew what it would be? But yeah, he is just so much like in line with how my dad was. I love it.

SPEAKER_07 20:22

That's awesome. Um, for me, just because I felt like my dad wasn't emotionally present, um, my husband, he's such a rock. And I think it's probably, you know, a little bit of the opposite. He gave me security. So I always felt s very safe, um, or I do with my husband. And um, so but it's funny how sometimes your husband is a little bit like your dads. I've heard that, and um but in in all the best ways.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

That's good. No, it's it's true. I mean, I I think um um uh as you know, we sometimes see parts of our our dads in our husbands, and and and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, um but how have you learned it's through I guess through your your journey and through life um that you deserve to have someone that loves you and adores you and takes care of you um like your husbands have like in the relationship that that you're in, and and how has that uh influenced um your choice of partner, I guess. So for me, um I never felt worthy of love. I always, you know, would think that no guy is like based on my dad, nobody no guy's gonna stick around. So I would push them away. And you know, as much as I pushed Brad away, he just kept coming back. I used to smoke cigarettes. I'm like, if you want a girl that doesn't smoke, honey, go find someone else. He's like, No, I'm good with it. You know, like, um living in California, you know, you're in Jersey. How is that gonna work out? He's like, I'll fly out there, you know, we'll figure it out. And and you know, and and that kind of thing is I guess it's made me realize that if somebody really loves you, they will go to they'll m go to any any extreme to to make you know that, you know, and and take care of you. And I I just I find that just beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 22:30

Well, that's why they say what is meant for you will arrive in clarity and not confusion. And I always try to remember that. Like if someone really loves you, you feel it to your core and you know it's there from the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

That's that's that it's beautiful. And and I think um, you know, sometimes we make the wrong decision, sometimes we choose the wrong man, and that and that happens a lot.

SPEAKER_04 22:53

You gotta catch a lot of frogs before you print.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

But but you want that. You know, there's there's things there, there's there's lessons to be learned there. And so I guess how does self-love, and since we are the self-love club, how does that come into when you are in a bad relationship out there? How does that um help influence your or or give you the courage or the strength to stand up for yourself, to to end that relationship or to stop being in a in a situation where the cycle is starting to repeat? Because, like you said, Christine, your dad, this he did the same thing his dad did, you know, and you you didn't marry a man like your dad, thank God, where this cycle would would repeat. So, how did your your self-worth or your self-uh love um help you weed out the wrong characters, I guess?

SPEAKER_03 23:50

Yeah, well, when you were saying before, sometimes we marry our fathers, sometimes we marry the opposite of our fathers. And the same goes for men. I've seen a lot of my male friends marry their mother. I've seen a lot of my male friends marry the opposite of their mother. So uh, you know, yeah, I went through a lot of, I wouldn't say a lot of abusive relationships, but one or two that were borderline abusive, and just something in me said, oh no, this isn't sitting, I'm not staying around for this. Like I just innately had uh fight in me and just wouldn't stick around for that type of um, I don't want to say abuse, but lack of love, lack of respect, and just knowing I think it comes from within you. I can't say your parents give it to you. I I don't that's my experience. I don't know. What do you guys think?

SPEAKER_07 24:39

Yeah, I can add to that. Um I've been engaged four times. Um all of you guys are one-dungs. No, I'm engaged twice to the same person, did not marry that one. So funny. Um I one of the things you had talked about earlier, because I had gone through so much trauma when I was young, and my dad had gone through so much trauma being a Vietnam vet and other aspects of what his childhood, um, he didn't know how to help me. And it was more of a man up, be tough, get over it. Not because he didn't care, but I think it hurt him so much, it was just easier to just say you gotta like let it go. Wow. Honestly, letting go and forgiving has been the most healing thing for me. But I always felt like it was so insensitive. Um, but I guess where that comes, where was I going for it? Before self-love. So then like it took me years. I felt unworthy of love because of my trauma. And um, but I've grown, I think age helps, but I wish my younger self had known, you know, to have boundaries, create healthy space for yourself. And before you get into a relationship, what are your like, this is what I'm not gonna tolerate or this is what I need.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to teach my daughter, like, you know, make sure that whoever you're in this relationship with that you're in this relationship with adds value to your life and doesn't take away from who you are, or or that you don't try and change for them. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 26:24

That's how I feel. You gotta find someone who sees that value in you, and you have to know you have value yourself. Yes, and then bring it out in each other. You know, I mean, like when Sean and I connected, he he really brings out the best in me, and I hopefully bring out the best in him. But like, you know, I wasn't as you know, open and chatty as you know when I first met him. Like, you know, I I was a little had more walls than he did. So and he helped break down some of my walls, and you know, um I think I'm a little more interactive and friendly than uh I used to be. But um, yeah, that that really made a big difference finding someone that I connected with that you know helped me be a better me.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:57

Eileen? Well, I mean, self-love is a lifelong journey. Yeah, at least it has been for me. And I'm speaking into my mind. For myself and my husband, we share faith, a very strong faith. And that is a really good foundation for us and for our family. And, you know, I have my tenets that keep me healthy. My faith is one of them. I like to practice yoga and meditation. I like to get out in nature to walk and hike, I like to journal. Um, so these are things that I need to stay healthy and you know, just creating more positive self-speak, you know, more affirmations.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

And just having that connection is what helped you choose John versus some other guy that wasn't worthy of you.

SPEAKER_05 27:53

Exactly. Exactly. We're not talking about them here, though, are we? No, not that'll be another topic in love with it. Thank you for bringing that around. Yeah. Faithfulness, faith in God, and faith in you know, relationships.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Let's go back to the dads. Okay, for those of us who've lost our dads, um, if you uh had your father here today, what would you say to him?

SPEAKER_06 28:21

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Oh, I love that. Yes, thank you.

SPEAKER_06 28:25

Thank you, great. Thank you for everything you did.

SPEAKER_05 28:30

Eileen? So my mom always said I chose her to come on this spiritual level. And I realized I chose him too. Yeah, I chose him to be my father. I chose exactly who he was. So I know that he's up there. Um, Serena and I, we always talk about our psychic experiences and such. But my father came through a medium once and she said, he is celebrating your son. My son is off like living his dream, buying property in Hawaii, and my father was just celebrating him because he didn't get to do that. Yeah, he sacrificed, you know, his bigger dreams to raise the family. Wow. I so I say thank you.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

I I I I don't think I would say thank you, but I think I would say I forgive you. Because I do. And I think I think it's not really about him that I'm forgiving him. It's more for me because it helps me heal to know that uh whatever transpired in his life and how he treated me, um it's a journey, and that was part of his journey. And I can forgive him because I I guess I was strong enough, or maybe that was I had to learn how strong I was, and I guess I could say thank you. I guess I could, you know.

SPEAKER_06 29:58

Say thank you to you.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

Yeah, yeah, that too. Thanks, Mary.

SPEAKER_05 30:01

Yeah, and you know they gave us life.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

Yes, right?

SPEAKER_05 30:05

That's true. They gave us life.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

You know what? That's true.

SPEAKER_05 30:08

Thank you for bringing up forgiveness because that's huge.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 30:12

And that's about it, gives us peace. Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_00 30:15

It does, it does. But let's, you know, take this a step further. What advice would you give a woman who's still healing from her relationship with her dad? Anybody?

SPEAKER_06 30:29

I one of the things that I've found is just having this group of women is amazing and supportive, and you're all wonderful individuals that bring something different to my life. So just know that with time, everything gets a little bit easier.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 30:50

And your friends are always there for you.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

I love that, Mary. That's so well said. You know, I mean, healing doesn't always bring reconciliation. Yeah. You know, sometimes it just brings self-awareness of who you are and what you deserve. And and sometimes the best course of action is to to walk away from the relationship if it's not serving you, because there's no need to be around toxic people, I think.

SPEAKER_03 31:20

I think that's where I'm at. Like, no, I'm not gonna say thank you. No, I'm not gonna say I forgive you when it comes to my dad, but I release you.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

Like whatever karma you had, and whatever karma I had, because you know, there's the philosophy we choose our own family before birth, and we have life lessons to learn. I learn them, I release you, and good luck on your journey.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 31:45

Maybe you release yourself a little bit with that too. Hope so. Yeah. The darker side to that is I always tell people, I wish you tenfold.

SPEAKER_03 31:55

I hope you get what you did.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

So let's let's try and do a little lightning round here. Complete the sentence. My father taught me.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

Resilience. Oh, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_03 32:19

I'll say the meaning of family.

unknown 32:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 32:22

Trust yourself.

SPEAKER_04 32:23

Perseverance.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

My father taught me what I didn't want in a man. And that's a valuable lesson, unfortunately. I know. Um, how about one thing I wish my father knew is Cancer sucks. I wish he was here.

SPEAKER_05 32:43

Eileen? How rich his life was, and it wasn't about dollars and cents. It was about the love that he had from my mother, from my siblings.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

I think I wish my father knew how lucky he was with me and my two half-sisters and just to have embraced that.

SPEAKER_07 33:13

Um one thing I wish my dad knew is that um healing could have been a such a game changer for him. But you know, his masculinity and just I'm a tough man uh persona kept him from um seeking healing, and it just pains me to see him hurting. Love that.

SPEAKER_06 33:40

I wish uh my dad knew that he should have used more sunscreen.

SPEAKER_03 33:45

Oh no, honey.

SPEAKER_06 33:47

Yeah, he was love the beach and never use sunscreen.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Did he die of skin cancer? Yeah. Oh my gosh. I have to say I wish my father knew the importance of family. Yeah, I know. So it's sad for him.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

It is, it's it's true. And um, how about uh the greatest lesson that I've learned about love is sacrifice, balance. Yeah, balance. That's a good one. I'm thinking um that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

SPEAKER_05 34:25

And I'm thinking there's always enough love to go around. There is no limit.

SPEAKER_06 34:31

It's because you're 13.

SPEAKER_03 34:33

Yeah. I think support, support, even when you disagree.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:43

Um, okay, the last one. The woman I am today is. Are you surprising us with these questions? Maybe we search this one. So the woman I am today is um is grateful, I think.

SPEAKER_06 35:04

The woman I am today is stronger than I thought I could be.

SPEAKER_00 35:09

I love that.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

The woman I am today is still trying to figure it out.

SPEAKER_07 35:15

The woman I am today is a badass.

SPEAKER_04 35:20

The woman I am today is grateful, blessed, and just appreciative of all you ladies.

SPEAKER_05 35:27

Strong and powerful and grateful.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Oh my gosh, that's that's wonderful. And for those of us who have sons who may or may not one day become fathers or, you know, uh how do we help our young men become the men or the the the the people we admired as as young? And yes, I'm springing this on you because it just came to my mind. I'm like, oh so many of us have, you know, have who have children, you know, or even godchildren or or nephews. Um I think I I mean I know my husband sets a great example um for my my my my son that's living. Um and and he set a great example for Scotty too, you know, just on how to be a good person, a good friend, and conscientious of the people that they're around.

SPEAKER_04 36:30

Um anybody else wanna Well words of wisdom my dad always put out were um always have an alternate route. Who's good about having alternate routes for everything and um get to where you're going safely. And then um, if you can't be good, be careful.

SPEAKER_05 36:48

Words of wisdom, we'll come back to that. Um I I think by having a strong father figure, you know, in my husband, and we were dedicated to our family, you know, we instilled a sense of faith and they explore their own uh spirituality and they're free to do that. But they're adults now, and they have thanked us and my husband too for hey, doing a good job. That's so nice.

SPEAKER_02 37:19

Anyone else?

SPEAKER_06 37:20

I I was lucky my dad was really close, distance-wise, so my kids got to spend a lot of time with him. And my son Colin has that like lovely softness about him that I think comes from my dad.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

Yeah, I think my husband was a great example to my son. And um, now that he's passed, I think my son will work even harder to kind of fill his shoes or to make him proud. And I hope in the best possible way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 37:53

Um, you know, I got emotional about the whole healing thing, but what's so beautiful is sometimes um the pain that we go through, it it really impacts us as parents because I've taught my son that um going to therapy is okay. And I um sent him a text yesterday and I said, you know, I'm just so proud of you. And little Michelle could have learned so much by you and the way he embraces his authenticity, who he is, he's so confident. Um, I'm still learning so much, but it's the lack that I didn't have with my dad setting that example. But I, because of my mom, was it I learned and I was able to give that on to Curran. So my just keep keep on keeping on, Curren.

SPEAKER_00 38:45

Oh my gosh, I love that. And and whether your father was present, loving or complicated, living or gone, your worth has never been defined by someone else's ability to love you. Um today we've honored the fathers that have showed up, the father figures who stepped in, the women who became both the mother and the father for us, and also the women we've become who found their strength through adversity or through love or or however we've gotten here. But you women are all strong, and our stories matter, and and your stories matter too. And just please remember that you are worthy of love, respect, and the kind of uh passion and affection that that you want. Um I want to thank you, ladies, for joining me today. And I just want to talk about um my son Scotty's poem. As you guys know, I always close the episode with one of his poems. And Scott had a a way of healing as well. Um he liked to break away from technology, and one of the ways that worked for him was through summer camp. He used to do a sleepaway camp for I don't know, I think it was like two or three weeks during every summer, and it was the happiest time of this kid's life where he could heal. And he wrote a poem about it. And he wrote it's called Camp, and he wrote, as I look around myself, I feel so compelled to smile and hug the vibrations and energy coming off others, causing a chain reaction that factions the results of happiness. Happiness is different for everyone and anyone, but all people conjugate, you the source of power that people associate. Love, kindness, smiles, and hugs, even though there are so many bugs. Camp is a place where anyone can be anything, but most are true to themselves. Camp is a place where people's true colors are shown, where people accept others for who they are, not who they know. Camp is a place to learn from others and not just stick to yourself. The concept of acceptance is easy to grasp, but not to execute. Most people just reboot. Go back to the lines that society draws for them. Most people can't comprehend how a few nice words commend a broken soul that almost feels off the deep end. Can't people know this? And now you do too. Spread the word to stop the impending doom that so many souls see too soon. Yay, Scotty. Oh, thank you, we love you, Scotty. We love you, Serena. Oh my God, thank you guys, and thank you to all of the gentlemen out there who take on taking care of the younger people and being those role models that they so desperately need. And if you're struggling, please reach out, get help. There is a mental health hot hotline now. It's 988, and it's a great number, a great asset to have that we didn't have when we were kids. So feel free to use that. And until next time, this is SOS, Stories of Survivors, where survival sparks the soul. We'll see you soon.