Ep. 058 | When Kindness Becomes Action: Stephen & Ahmad’s Extraordinary Journey of Hope

What would you do if a simple Facebook message had the power to change someone’s life forever?

In this deeply moving episode of S.O.S. Stories of Survivors, Serina Dansker sits down with Stephen Picard, whose compassion transformed into a life-changing mission after connecting online with Ahmad, a young Syrian teenager living through the horrors of civil war.

Over the course of more than a decade, Stephen became far more than an online friend. He became a mentor, advocate, fundraiser, and unwavering source of hope as Ahmad endured imprisonment, torture, displacement, and unimaginable uncertainty. Together—with the help of an incredible community—they navigated countless obstacles to help Ahmad escape Syria and begin a new life in Vienna, where he pursued his dream of becoming a civil engineer.

Today, Ahmad is thriving, earning one of only six prestigious internships from a pool of more than 600 students and proving that resilience, determination, and the kindness of others can change the trajectory of a life.

This inspiring conversation explores compassion in action, the power of hope, the lasting effects of trauma, and the extraordinary impact that one ordinary person can have simply by refusing to give up on another human being. It’s a powerful reminder that sometimes the greatest heroes are the ones who quietly choose kindness, one act at a time.

To learn more about Serina Dansker, purchase her book S.O.S.: A Lesson on Love, Loss, & Survival, book her for a public speaking engagement, and discover more stories of hope, healing, and resilience, visit www.serinadansker.com.

S.O.S. Stories of Survivors — Where Survival Sparks the Soul.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Some people have scars on the outside. Some people wear their scars on the inside. But every scar has a story. Every loss carries love, and every survivor holds a strength they may not realize they possess. Welcome to SOS Stories of Survivors. Hi, and welcome back to Stories of Survivors. I'm your host, Serena Dansker, and today's guest is someone I can only describe as a superhero in my eyes. His name is Stephen Picard, and his story is a powerful reminder that one person's kindness can change the entire direction of another person's life. More than 10 years ago, Stephen connected with a young Syrian teenager named Ahmed through Facebook Messenger. Ahmad was a living, he was living in a civil war-torn country where fear was part of his everyday life. As a teenager, he had attended a rally, was arrested, and was tortured. He was living with trauma, uncertainty, and the terrifying question of whether he would ever have a future. Stephen did not look away. Over the years, he stayed connected. He listened. He cared. He fundraised. He created a GoFundMe. He became a friend, an advocate, and eventually, part of the reason Ahmad was able to leave Syria and make his way to Vienna to pursue his engineering education. Today Ahmad is 29 years old. He was recently one of only six students chosen out of 600 for a prestigious internship. And he's now being sought after by another major, by other major companies. This is not only a story about survival, it's a story about friendship, persistence, faith in humanity, and what and when compassion becomes action. Steven is also writing a book about his experience. And I'm so honored to have him here on SOS. Stephen, welcome to SOS.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

Thank you very much, Serena.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Oh my gosh, you are so incredible. And before we really get into Ahmad's story, I'd love to talk to you and let our listeners get to know you, who you were before this journey began.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

So yeah, I think what brought me to Ahmad was probably most of my career has been devoted to working with people and helping people. So I mean I started out working in a very large state psychiatric hospital in Iowa, and then, you know, things progressed from there, not only in terms of my employment, but also in terms of my education. But the Ahmad story uh probably has most to do with the fact that I worked in protective services for children for about 13 years, and then I also worked in adult protective services for another eight plus years. And then after that I did a lot of teaching. And it was actually during the period of time that I was doing most of my teaching that I met him, that I met him on. And um it it had to do with a variety of factors that just, you know, uh that were meant to happen, I think. Aaron Ross Powell, Jr.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

The universe, right?

SPEAKER_03 3:33

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So um, yeah, I mean I was um I was retired essentially from public service. I had spent my time in San Francisco investigating elder financial abuse cases. And then um I was doing my teaching uh on contract throughout the state of California. And about I think four or five years into my retirement, I was actually reaching out to various students worldwide. They were interested in studying English and were interested in the U.S. and all that sort of thing. And that's how I met Ahmad. He actually got in touch with me. And uh, you know, to jog my memory, I was like, well, how was it that we actually met? Right. Right, right. And he he said that he was actually searching for someone that he could practice English with, and that he also uh thought he wanted to have somebody who, you know, maybe had an academic position or was a c uh closely associated with that, so that he would have that expertise as a re as a result of the relationship. And and something, by the way, comes to mind before as you were introducing me, and thank you very much for the your generous introduction. But you know, this was not done alone. No, no, this took a village, yeah. And there are some amazing people out there that have made this happen. You know, uh so I just want to say that right out front. And some of them are right in near to us where we're actually at today. So you know, all over the country.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

And not in it's true, not all superheroes wear capes, and and yeah, and I I I know it takes a village, but you also need that one person, that one person to start the process. Yeah, because although people have the best of intentions and they they want to do things, a call to action doesn't always happen unless someone initiates it, and and Stephen you by you know, all accounts were the initiator.

SPEAKER_03 5:37

So I, you know, uh as I was thinking about our our um our interview today. Yes. Okay. Um this quote came to me, and it's from a person named Barbara Kingsulver. Uh yes, and she she indicates um here's what she says what we save saves us. And so I think you know, this story is about the heart, you know, and the heart breaking wide open.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Oh, absolutely. And let's let's let's let's talk a little bit about that. Let's, you know, I know you said in the beginning you were reaching out to students worldwide to who needed to practice their English. And what about Ahmad stood out to you in those first few messages on Facebook Messenger?

SPEAKER_03 6:28

Um I think the despair and the um the eagerness to understand that there could be another life, that there could be something outside of what he uh saw himself as being destined to be or to do. And so essentially it was, you know, uh finishing your degree and then entering the military in sir in Syria. And and essentially it was to kill or be killed.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Oh my God. Is that what he shared with you in those first few messages?

SPEAKER_03 7:05

I mean, he was a teenager, right? Yeah, in the very beginning, because he was trying to carve out a way in which he could make this work. And um he he really wanted to see a glimpse of of the other world, so to speak, a world where he would be free to be able to pursue the hit his goals, his dreams, whatever he wanted to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

Like a normal teenager, anybody, you they have goals, dreams, and and when you're in a war-torn country, you know, how does that impact those goals and dreams? Totally.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

Totally, yes. Indeed. So yeah, it started it started that way, and it um I had no idea of the extent of uh what he had been through and what he was going through.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

I was gonna say, what how did you learn how how dangerous the situation actually was?

SPEAKER_03 7:55

Um I started to get photos. I mean, I we looked at a few of them before we started today, and um you could see his home of origin where he lived with his with his parents was bomb. The street he lived on was total devastation, and they ended up in an apartment in Damascus on the top floor of a building, which is not a good place to be in the middle of a civil war.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

No.

SPEAKER_03 8:21

Um it's uh uh often would leak during the rainy season. They couldn't even go and fix the roof because snipers were nearby, and that could happen as well. But you know, the the the biggest um thing that came up for me in terms of what he had been through was uh I came to understand several years after I knew knew him, actually, that he had uh been a part of a protest in his hometown, and he failed to wear a mask for the protest, and he was arrested and uh thrown into prison.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Wow, and he was a teenager.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

Yes, he was a teenager, yeah. Very, very, very young.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

And he was thrown into prison and he was tortured in prison. And he saw other people being tortured in prison.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Oh, what a terrible, terrible thing.

SPEAKER_03 9:17

It was um as you can imagine, it was devastating. Um and the trauma from that particular experience he lives with uh, you know, today, which is part of the reason which we'll we'll get to that, is that when you know, when you um you're not officially adopting someone, but you are adopting someone, you're taking on the responsibility for someone who has essentially nothing going for them, um, you know, you realize that yes, they need to get their health care taken care of, right? But they also need their emotional health taken care of.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Well, and that that's so true. And I mean, I'm sure being what 12,000 miles away from him in Syria, you were in California. Right how did that feeling of helplessness impact you?

SPEAKER_03 10:12

Um I had no idea how we were going to make this happen.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

Um, but I think uh you and I've spoken about a thing called hope.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

And um, you know, I'm not in the business of destroying anybody's hope. So when you see somebody who's in desperate need and they still have hope, you uh as as they do, you cling to it as well. That's true. And so I just kept referring to that, you know. So we we knew in order for him to be liberated, that it was going to take money.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:51

And uh at the same time, I was uh balancing the fact that I had spent the last eight years investigating elder financial abuse. So I was very keen to understand that this was all uh legit, that I really vetted him. And it took years to do that, including phone calls and so forth.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

But I'm sure, you know, you you kept showing up for him out of the out of the story and out of the compassion that you carry. Um but it wasn't a simple situation, as you say. You had to uh vet the situation, and also there weren't any easy answers.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

No. Including the fact was how how was I gonna get money to him, even if I was able to raise money. And um that process in and of itself is tremendously troubling. I mean, you know, um there were any number of schemes that we came up that we would pass money to relatives so that the money could actually get to him. Um he did a uh an online survey where he would win, uh I think it was Apple Awards or something. He would send them to me, and then I would I would essentially cash them in by using them on my end because I could and he couldn't, and then the forward the money to a relative who would get it to him to Ahmad. And by the way, in the beginning, it wasn't just Ahmad. You know, we were working with his parents. Oh because um the whole family was in dis dire straits. Oh so I can remember some of the first money that I was able to get to them, they went out and they all had chicken swarma, which was considered a big treat indeed.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 12:49

So um, yeah, so uh and then eventually I realized that maybe we could make this a reality. Uh we started exploring different avenues, and so I established a GoFundMe, and I reached out to um various friends and family, and they started the original fundraising effort for uh in the GoFundMe.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

Now, in the early days, what did what did Ahmed need the most from you? Do you think it was food? Oh my gosh. And water. And water.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

I mean, I have messages from him where the water out of the tap was black.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

Yeah, so so so polluted. Um at various times medical care of various sorts. Um yeah, all of those things, it just was survival essentially. And and any effort that we made, you know, to get him out couldn't be directly made in Syria because the country was closed down for any efforts in regard to liberation. So he would have to get in a car, you would have to um uh hire a driver, and then he would have to pa uh cross over the border in Lebanon and go to Beirut and do business. So that's actually how we were able to get him to the embassy uh for Vienna, Austria, for Austria, in the very beginning. But we also did a lot of work even prior to that.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Yeah, I was gonna say sometimes people think, you know, hey, you get the money and bam, things are done, but it it's not that easy. No. You can't find a solution right away. And and in Ahmad's case, it took time for to to get him to eventually to Vienna, right? Uh 10 years.

SPEAKER_03 14:47

We think uh more than that. We it's we think our first uh um kind of dialogue uh started in 2009. Jeez. 2009, so and now it's 20 six. Wow. So um it it's to get his liberation, which was uh in 2021 and one, um was uh quite a journey. Quite a journey.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Oh my god. Were there were there moments where you just ever worried that you would not be able to get him out?

SPEAKER_03 15:26

All that held us together was a thread, online thread. That was it. I had not met him face to face, I had not met any of his family face to face. Oh my god. It was the relationship that we built online, and we did that through uh messages. I have thousands of pages of meth messages that I'm using to uh account for what happened. Then in addition to that, uh you um fortunately now can do telephone calls, as you know, video calls.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

So I was actually inside of his apartment, I met his parents, I met his brother.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 16:07

All of those things, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Oh my gosh. And and and I'm sure that it built a budding friendship and and but you were almost like a father figure to him as well.

SPEAKER_03 16:20

He did he wanted to call me dad. I was not comfortable with that. And um, and so I explored, you know, well, why do you want to call me dad, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:30

And so anyway, he um he said, you know, um, it does have it really doesn't have anything to do with the money, but it has to do with the emotional support you give me, the encouragement that you give me, you're not giving up on me, even when I fail an examination, you're there for me. Um on and on. And I have to tell you, I um I think we touched on this. Um there was one really low point where it really didn't seem that he was going to get out. We had applied for a visa for him to go to Deutschland to Germany, and um and we had it all in place and it fell through for any number of reasons. Then we turned to the Czech Republic and we worked there and worked there. That did did not uh develop. So we really looked like he was going to be graduating from college and going into the Syrian army and was looking, it was uh you know, nip and tuck on that. But I I said to him, you know, when during this time of despair, um, why don't we why don't we do an online game of some sort when you really get down? So I I said, you know, I used to play cribbage with my father. And would you be interested? Yes, I want to know how to play cribbage. And so um I taught him how to play cribbage. He taught himself too, you know, you can do that online.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 17:57

And then whenever he would get down, whenever he would think it was all over, and I mean he he talked to me about selling his organs so he can have enough money to leave. Um anyway, when it got to that point, um how about a great game of cribbage?

SPEAKER_02 18:23

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 18:24

And that would that would break whatever horrible thing was going on and bring us back to the reality of you know, that we're we're just two people in this world, and you know, we can sit down and have a game of courage and we can for cribbage and we can forget, you know.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

That's that's amazing. Now, your own heart, how did you protect your heart? Because you you obviously cared so deeply for this young man, you know, and and living in such a dangerous situation that he was in.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

So I and you know, I think um my teaching to a certain extent was a salvation. So um I I completed my doctoral degree in 2005 at the University of San Francisco in um uh and I wrote my dissertation on uh developing a curriculum to teach compassion. And so I'd looked at many, you know, angles in terms of compassion. What does it take to teach it and so forth? In addition to that, I have my own practice, um, spiritual practice, I whatever you you would re I say it's a spiritual practice that involves meditation. And also um there are uh uh been a lot of work done on self-compassion. And uh I think those principles and the things that I've learned and practice there enabled me to uh to deal with Ahmad's suffering, to hold his suffering and at the same time, you know, turn that into to to action. And you know, that's what compassion is all about. I mean, a lot of people define it as being empathy. Empathy, it is empathetic, but it's it's a step further. It's actually doing something, you know, for someone else.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

So you set up this GoFundMe to raise money to to to help Ahmed get out of Syria uh and and pursue his degree. Um that fundraising can also take a toll. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:24

So there is there there was a dinner. We have a friend from the East Coast, uh, we live in California, and uh she showed up and uh we hung out because she's a good friend. We went out to dinner, and after the dinner was over, she said, Hey, I know you know you're you're working with this guy in Syria, right? And what what are you doing? You know, uh tell me about it, Stephen. So I told her about it, and I was at a uh really a spot I didn't know how I was going to come up with the money I needed to come up with. And she said, Well, what do you need?

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Right.

SPEAKER_03 21:02

And I told her, Wow, um, and flinched because it was a lot of money. Yes, and um, she just grabbed me by the shoulder, she was in the back seat, and she said, Uh, whatever you need, you have it.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Oh my god. So what did it feel like when you realized that this might actually happen?

SPEAKER_03 21:22

I want to stop the car and do a dance around the car. I mean, you know, it was amazing. Wow, it was amazing, and not only that, I mean, my, you know, uh my family have helped considerably. Of course. Yeah. Larry is, you know, he he's like taken portions of his teaching that he's gotten and and been it um been paid for and then d donated it. Um I sold jewelry that I'd inherited for the gold.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_03 21:55

Um, yeah, I mean, it's been all over the map in terms of those. People that have been just extraordinarily generous.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Oh my gosh. It's so wonderful when people come together to help support uh a cause or uh a an endeavor like like the one you've taken on with Ahmad. So walk me through how did Ahmed eventually make his way to Vienna?

unknown 22:26

Some believable.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Well, first of all, you know, his first language is Arabic. Right. And my first language is not Arabic.

SPEAKER_02 22:35

No.

SPEAKER_03 22:36

So he had to learn English, and he did learn English through me and also through watching a lot of movies. But when he decided he was going to go to Deutschland, go to Germany, he needed to speak German. So he took intensive courses in German and learned to speak German while he was still in Syria. Wow. And actually received certificate from the Goethe Institute in Deutschland. In Beirut, he had to go to Beirut to actually be interviewed to get that. In Austria, they speak German, although they also speak a particular dialect of German in certain parts of Austria. So that's the fourth language as I see it, right?

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

So yeah, he had to he had to learn the language first. And then we went through a very, very laborious pro you know undertaking to have him apply to, first of all, the university in in uh Germany, and then the the university in in Czechoslovakia. And then when all of that fell through, we are part of Buddhist community in um that's worldwide essentially. And we uh reached out and we were connected with people in Austria that said that they could help.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Amazing.

SPEAKER_03 24:05

They were amazing in helping us make this happen. And so again, he had to be vetted by these folks. Um he had to go through a number of different steps. Sure. Um, including the biggest one, of course, was being able, well, first to get accepted to a university, which he was, and then to um actually uh go there um uh after he got the visa. So the first step was to get the visa, that was touch and go. We finally got it through again, him going to Beirut to get it. And then it came time for him to go after, and I've jumped over a lot of different steps, um, for him to go, and it was in the middle of COVID.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

So we had to wait until the EU dropped the requirements, the restrictions for COVID so that he could travel. And they they caught a plane in Beirut and they flew to Turkey, and then from Turkey they flew to Vienna. And they were met there by a lovely person who helped him negotiate the university and other things in Austria. And in the meantime, we had we uh uh employed um actually two, but we ended up with just one attorney to um commodity this through the authorities in Austria.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

What what would it did it feel like when you first learned Ahmad made it that he was safe in in in Vienna?

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Unbelievable. So I remember, you know, the night the the when he was taking the flight, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:51

You know, all night long he was pinging me, you know, where he was at. And because, you know, I was concerned that he he couldn't get out of Turkey. Somebody would they would hold him up in Turkey because he didn't have the right paperwork or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Right.

SPEAKER_03 26:05

And so and then he had to cross the border. He had to cross the border in the beginning of the journey from uh from uh Damascus over to Beirut, right? He had to make that successful. That took money by the way. Of course. Yeah. Um the QT. Yes. And then uh he made it there, of course, and then uh he kept me informed all night. So I was up all night with traveling with him until he actually arrived there. And then the person who really helped us on uh the end in Vienna, she was there and greeted them and so took a video uh, you know, live video call so that we could see that they were there. I can't remember.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

I mean it was it was I can't imagine the emotional toll it took on you.

SPEAKER_03 26:53

You know, you you saw, I mean, I showed you the photo there of the the people had candles out. All of the folks that have been supported him had candles out for him burning uh that they would make it successful.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

So when he arrives in Vienna, I'm sure he too has a lot of emotion. So what what changed for him at that point?

SPEAKER_03 27:16

I think you know, family is really important, right, I think, for most people. So I think he realized that he said goodbye to his parents. And that really hit, you know, when you when you're um you actually get settled somewhere and you realize you're not going to just hop on a plane and fly black to fly back to Damascus.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

Because uh you could be arrested, you could be incarcerated again, there are any number of things that can happen. Oh my gosh. So yeah, that there was that. There's negotiating all of the things that you and I take for granted. Where are you gonna get your health care?

SPEAKER_02 27:51

Right.

SPEAKER_03 27:51

You know, um, he had not had dental work in years, so he needed to have dental work done. So where was he gonna get that? You know, getting enrolled in the university, negotiating, living in a culture that does not speak Arabic or English, right? So really honing in on his German skills and then learning that he has a new dialect that he also has to tackle. And some of the classes actually have been taught in this dialect. So it's not just you can go in and take a class in in German, you have to know the dialect because the uh the professor is using that.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Oh my gosh. So he went there to pursue a degree in engineering, correct?

SPEAKER_03 28:32

Civil engineering, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

And and what did yeah, tell me.

SPEAKER_03 28:35

Yeah. He had he had a degree in civil engineering from Damascus University. Okay. So he goes to technical university to work on his master's degree.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

Okay. However, he needed to prove that he actually passed the courses in uh Syria in civil engineering that related to his master's. So he's not only had to take his master's degree courses, he's also had to take examinations for all the undergraduate courses.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

Oh my God. Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_03 29:11

It's it it's it's really amazing. And and again, he he's not taking him in Arabic or even English. He would be glad to take him in English.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

No, not his first or second language, but the third language. And and for someone who's lived in fear for his whole life, what was it like watching him build or begin to build his future in that in that realm? I mean, it wasn't easy either, but it was different, a different kind of challenge that he was faced with.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Well, you know something, as I've thought about our discussion today, something came up for me. And you know, um we're all immigrants. We are all from somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Yes, so true.

SPEAKER_03 30:02

Um I think in in this country, of course, Native Americans were here long before a lot of us were here. But it everybody's from somewhere. Yes. And so on that level, um I could really relate to what he was feel feeling and what I saw happening. Because um, you know, where we're from is not just where we're from, it's the culture we're from, yeah, you know, the family we're from, the friends we're from, and then they're not there.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

That's true.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

And so it's really finding a way to to rebuild all of that. And um what I saw a lot was just curiosity, but also a lot of uh, you know, just heartfelt wanting to really dive in and know what it feels like to walk down the street with a girlfriend and not be attacked. Right. Or even be sexually assaulted.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

Um things like that, you know, being able to go to a restaurant and order what you wanted to eat and not be conscious that every little dime how much it's gonna cost.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 31:27

Um having a glass of Gewürz druminer, which was, you know, um yeah, uh all of these things, new experiences and so forth. How are you gonna get around? You know, how are you gonna make it? Um and so, you know, uh initially when we were able to go after he was there for just a few weeks. Oh, great. And so a lot of the things we did were we we were like we went to the um the Vienna transportation and got him a uh a pass for the underground for the subway system and the bus system. Uh things like that, getting him the electronic tools that he needed, made sure that he had uh an iPhone and uh and a computer. He was going to need that for school as well. So um, yeah, we we did all those things together with him.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 32:20

Yeah. It was just yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

And and and then so let's talk about that. He's he's now 29 years old, and he was one of six students in that school of 600, right? To earn amazing, a prestigious internship.

SPEAKER_02 32:40

Yeah, amazing.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

What was your reaction when you first heard about how he overcame all those odds as well and was selected on the pride, of course, pride.

SPEAKER_03 32:52

Um yeah, but joy.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

Absolute joy.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

I mean, you know, um all those years of fear, effort, fundraising, persistence.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

And think about the opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Yes. It all comes full circle, right?

SPEAKER_03 33:06

It does, it totally does. It does. And I think for him, you know, his gratitude is just immense. He he constantly reminds me and all those who have helped him how grateful he is, you know. Wow. For for what has happened.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

That's uh that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 33:32

He wrote me a card, you know, on my birthday.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

He did? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

What did he say?

SPEAKER_03 33:37

Dr. Stephen, he calls me Dr. Stevenson too, the father that came to my life from the other side of the world. When I think about what I should say to express my gratitude and love for you, English becomes a weak language. Few years ago, I did not expect myself writing you a letter for your birthday that I'm gonna hand it to you in person. And where? In Paris. I grew up hearing that the world is small, but I did not expect that it is that small. I wish that I can go back in time just to look at myself as a young kid sitting on the computer about a cli about to click on one button that is gonna change his life forever. A friend request to Dr. Stephen. Did an angel come to my subconscious mind directing me to do so? Is it it is it the stars or my energy that helped me? I don't know. You made me believe that the world is still a good place in spite of everything. I am totally convinced that we should not congratulate you for your birthday as much as we should congratulate ourselves for having you, we and everyone around you are two are the blessed one on that day, because on that day the world witnessed the birth of the greatest person I knew and will ever know.

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 35:06

Happy birthday, Dad. Aman.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

You're really making me cry. Oh my gosh. That is so beautiful and well said and well spoken, even if it is a second lady inadequate.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Well, you know, I'm working on the memoir that's about this um this journey. Anyway, so and I have a lot of things written by him that I'm gonna incorporate. And so my workshop leader, my instructor, who's up in the Hudson Valley, she's like, um, don't change a word of it. No. Keep it just like it is.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Yes, that's so authentic. It is. I love that. I I mean and so now he's not only got this internship, he's being sought after by other prestigious companies as well.

SPEAKER_03 35:58

Um Well, with the internship, this company Poor is uh the 13th largest in the world in civil engineering. So it's it's a huge company, it's a huge opportunity. But the other thing was that when he was interviewing, he was also approached by the um the Vienna transportation system. They hire engineers for the underground and all of that. And so uh they came to the university and they wanted him to interview. So he's going to do a second internship with them. So he has two opportunities there, I think, really. Oh my God for that to develop into something very special.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

So when you think back to that young man, that teenager who you first met, to the man you've watched grow into the person he is today. Talk about that. What moves you the most?

SPEAKER_03 37:00

I think um what moves me the most is um again, when you believe and you have hope and you don't give up that things do happen. And you um a lot of that has to do with compassion and love, um, but it also has to do with gratitude and celebrating the joy and um just a willingness to uh to be there for uh for another person, especially when um they don't have any hope. You know.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

What do you what do you wish people understood a bit more about refugees, maybe trauma, uh survivors or or just young people like Ahmad?

SPEAKER_03 38:02

I think a large in large part it um it's getting to know that you know not only uh individuals that you might know are in these circumstances, but also all those all the circumstances that surround them. And I mean after what? It's fifteen plus years of knowing Ahmad, I still don't totally comprehend the adversity that he was facing um in in his country of origin. Yeah, you know, and it's uh you know, he loved his country. Yeah, Syria is a beautiful country, but it was just uh totally destroyed. I mean, and and I can't imagine what it's like um to to be in that spot. I re I really can't. So um but yeah, I just I think it's it's it's a a matter of um being patient too and being tenacious, you know, and and not um giving up on something or s some situation, you know, just cause it seems overwhelming.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

It's that's so well said. Um I know you know this story obviously changed Ahmad's life, but I I think it also changed yours. Can you talk a little bit about how, you know, helping him and and how the sense of purpose that you've received?

SPEAKER_03 39:35

Yeah, you know, and I give him credit because he you know he's very receptive to uh suggestions or um advice. Um yes, it's changed me. Uh you know, I was I don't know what I was planning to do besides just teach. Um and then, you know, later on not teaching. Uh I it it yeah, it gave me a real purpose, you know. It gave me a real purpose. Um it was something that I can share with loved ones and um hopefully inspire people in that story. Um but yeah, I mean I I've dealt with uh victims of child abuse and neglect for over 20 years. Um and so that helped me, but this was a real hands-on situation that I didn't have a clue about how it was going to end, right? No, and the the thing about it that I don't think we've touched on today is when you reach out to help someone and you decide to help someone, um I can kind of consider it that I'm there for the long run.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 40:56

And um it it's so easy to just say, you know, especially with them on, click, you're you're gone.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

Yeah, yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_03 41:06

You're blocked. Yeah. You can't ever have touch with the you know that for years I could have done that. So it changed me in that regard to um to not give up, to to really stick with someone through it all.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

The persistence that you show. And and and it taught you, I guess, about persistence, about being there, about showing up. But also I think the kindness, it it's also very reflective in your story.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

Yeah. Kindness is uh essential, loving kindness.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 41:41

Yeah, totally. I am totally I know Do you know the metapra?

SPEAKER_01 41:46

No, no.

SPEAKER_03 41:47

Would you like to know it?

SPEAKER_01 41:48

I would love to.

SPEAKER_03 41:49

Would you?

SPEAKER_01 41:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 41:51

All right, so it it said for um it said for yourself, okay, and then then you say it for another person. Okay, and then you say it for the universe or everything. So um I'm going to say it to you. Okay. Okay. May you be happy. May you be free of pain and suffering. May you live with ease and well-being. May you uh live your life fully until you die. May you be safe and protected from all harm and danger. May you be as strong and as healthy as you can be in your body, your mind, your heart, your spirit, and your soul. May you be soft and gentle with yourself and with others. May you love and may you feel loved. May you love fully in your life until you die. May you love yourself unconditionally, and may you have peace, freedom, hope, and joy in your life.

SPEAKER_01 43:11

That is beautiful. Oh my gosh. Can I read it to you? May you be happy. May you be free from pain and suffering. May you live with ease and well-being. May you live your life fully until you die. May you be safe and protected from all harm and all danger. May you be strong and health as healthy as you can be in your body, mind, heart, spirit, and soul. May you be soft and gentle with yourself and with others. May you love and may you feel loved. May you feel full, may you love. Lovefully in your life until you die. May you love yourself unconditionally. May you have peace, freedom, hope, and joy in your life.

unknown 44:12

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 44:13

This is beautiful. Wow. Oh, Steven, I just love this. This is just so beautiful. Now, I know that you're writing a memoir. Yeah. Right? Can you um talk a little bit about um why you felt called to write it and um what you hope readers take away from your book?

SPEAKER_03 44:36

Um you know, I think there does reach a point in life, even though I'm very, very young. Uh there reaches a point in life where um you you do look back and you uh put things in perspective. Um, how did you arrive at this point? And it's very beneficial. You know, there's a guy named Dr. Robert Butler who has a a type of therapeutic intervention for older people um that uh is called life review. And essentially it's looking at that. So memoir is about life review, okay? And it's putting all the pieces together, right? So um, I mean, you know, you know how many years I've been involved with this story of Ahmad. And so where does that go? So probably the um I'll I'll fault on the side of easy uh to write this story and then at the same time show how it parallels with my life.

SPEAKER_01 45:39

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 45:40

So um that's what I'm doing. And uh, you know, I'm weaving in uh it's actually I conceive of it as being a quilt. And um a quilt because uh, you know, I grew up in the Midwest, and quilts were a big thing in the big Okay, all right. So there's a lot of quilters. My mother quilted, my aunt quilted. All right. So um I have quilts that that they made. I have one that my great-grandmother made that's very special to me. Anyway, so this memoir are will be the pieces of the quilt that relate to the Ahmad story but also relate to my life and how they intersect and how they interrupt.

SPEAKER_01 46:20

I was gonna say, I was gonna ask you, do you think this story is really about Ahmad? Or is it about what humanity is capable of capable of when people refuse to give up on each other or or or they look deep within and share what they can, right? It's uh it's powerful, so powerful.

SPEAKER_03 46:43

So, you know, um uh the in in several of the courses I've taught, I've I've turned to um to a quote from Mother Teresa where she says, and I'll paraphrase this quote because I don't have it memorized, but it is, you know, what you do in life are the simple things. This is the the work that we're meant to do, the simple things, right? You don't you don't have to build skyscrapers or you don't have to like make billions of dollars. Just do for some other person the simple read a book, yeah you know, take somebody a bouquet of flowers, you know, fix a meal for them, whatever the case may be. It's those simple things. So I mean, this story in terms of a mod has has grown because it had to grow to that extent to get him out.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 47:38

Because if we didn't have the financial means to do it, it would have never happened.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

No.

SPEAKER_03 47:43

So there's that reality.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

Oh my God. What would you say to anyone listening today who may be feeling like the world is dark right now or that they don't have hope?

SPEAKER_03 47:59

My first inclination was uh turn off all social media. Which you know is impossible to do. No. And and television newscasts. No, I mean, you know, yeah, I mean, go to those when when the when the world looks dark, go to those places where you know you're doing something that is filling your heart full of happiness and joy and gratification, right? You know, that's where that's where you want to go. And I I'm not perfect. I'm you know, uh I have my downfalls. And uh Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

Well, I know that you you have your partner Larry. And and and was Larry um, how did he s walk beside you during this journey um with Ahmad?

SPEAKER_03 48:43

Unbelievable. All the way. All the way. So early on, before we did a GoFundMe, I mentioned earlier today is that um he had done a um he is a Buddhist teacher.

unknown 48:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 48:57

And so he had done a uh a talk, a dharma talk it's called, and Dana is given, which is really a donation given at the end for the talk and to support the teachings. That's the practice in Buddhism. So anyway, so he uh made a significant donation at the very beginning. Oh that really, I think, started the ball rolling in addition to our friend that showed up, you know.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

I like to be able to do that. For sure, for sure. For sure. I like to do like a little fun uh lightning round where I ask you one-word uh answers. So one word to describe Ahmad when you first met him.

SPEAKER_03 49:40

Despair.

SPEAKER_01 49:42

How about one word to describe him today?

SPEAKER_03 49:44

Oh million. Well, I'll say joyful.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

A moment in this journey you will never forget.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

When he actually climbed off the plane.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

Something Ahmad taught you.

SPEAKER_03 50:06

To never give up. To you know, yeah. To never give up.

SPEAKER_01 50:11

What was the hardest part of this journey?

SPEAKER_03 50:17

I I think um the ups and downs of it, you know, feeling like you, oh wow, the you're it's gonna happen, you're gonna go to to Germany and study, and then have that dashed, you know, just yeah. That's the the the hardest part. Uh huh. Up and down.

SPEAKER_01 50:34

What does hope mean to you now?

SPEAKER_03 50:38

Well, it's it's uh Yeah, it's it's i i I want to say it's everything. It's not yeah. It is.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

Right.

SPEAKER_03 50:53

Yeah. I mean in the darkest hour there are ways in which we can train our minds or what is it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. In in um in despair, there is there is always that glimmer out there.

SPEAKER_01 51:11

Yes, that glimmer. Oh, I love that. Um so finish the sentence.

SPEAKER_03 51:18

Kindness is well, I think it's compassion, isn't it? Yeah. It's a lot of things.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 51:27

It's giving of your heart. It's letting your heart break wide open.

SPEAKER_01 51:31

You know, your story is so powerful, and and you know, kindness isn't small. It's it comes in all sorts of forms. It could be a message, a donation, uh spending time with someone, just holding space, teaching them cribbage, um, or or or helping them, you know.

SPEAKER_03 51:52

You asked me where this came from.

SPEAKER_01 51:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 51:55

So I've done a little, you know, it w my writing around compassion is like, where did this come from? Yes. So um when I was a little boy, uh my grandmother suffered from uh a paranoid psychosis. And um my family didn't really know how to deal with it. Um but they would go to my grandmother's house when she would have an episode of being very psychotic and um basically the referenced out of control. And I would sit in the car because my parents would not let me go inside and listen to what went on inside.

SPEAKER_02 52:37

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_03 52:38

And I think that experience um placed deep within me that I wasn't gonna be sitting in the car.

SPEAKER_01 52:49

No, in the future, you know. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 52:53

And and I love my grandmother, and it was just it was so difficult to see her suffer. She tried to suicide twice. And um yeah, and and um, yeah, I just I feel like out of that experience I knew that I wanted to be there for for some time.

SPEAKER_01 53:10

Well, Ahmad's story reminds us that ordinary people can can do extraordinary things, and and your compassion and action has ch changed a life.

SPEAKER_03 53:24

Undoubtedly, uh there's you know Well, and all of the people who, you know, listen to the story and believed, right? You know, I mean, there are amazing people that have helped this. But it happened.

SPEAKER_01 53:38

And it it's it reminds us that ordinary people, you know, can can become guardian angels. Sure. And um at the end of every episode that I record, I I choose uh uh to leave space for my son Scott in the form of a poem. He was a poet, he was a writer. And today, in honor of Ahmad and and you, Stephen, um I wanted to end with his poem called Kindness. And um it's a short poem, but it's it's packs a little punched. It says, Things I associate with the word kindness are also things that make people's lives enlightened. When I commit an act of kindness, I can't stop but feel excitement. The way someone's smile will widen and their face will glow like lightning makes these acts of appreciation really worth trying. It's almost like looking over the horizon and it creates a sensation of people being united.

SPEAKER_03 54:44

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 54:45

It's just, you know, and it just it just brings home to me the what you've done, what you've what you've done. And I I can't I feel like Scotty write this.

SPEAKER_03 54:56

Well, how old was he?

SPEAKER_01 54:57

He was 15 years old. Um and he had so much uh uh compassion and empathy and just and as a teenager growing up, you know, during COVID, it was uh tough times for these kids. And of course. And but I um I'm reminded through people like you how beautiful the world can be. And um, and I I just want to say thank you for spending time with me today.

SPEAKER_03 55:31

Thank you for having me. I feel honored.

SPEAKER_01 55:33

And to our listeners, if if you're going through anything, please remember that you can always call 988 the hotline to help with mental health, and reach out to a friend or or go on to Facebook Messenger.

SPEAKER_00 55:49

You never know, you might find Stephen, Dr. Stephen out there.

SPEAKER_01 55:54

And um, SOS Stories of Survivors is where survival sparks the soul. Thank you for joining us today.

SPEAKER_03 56:03

Thank you.