The 5 Love Languages, with Hilarious Results

The 5 Love Languages has become one of the most well known relationship tools in the world. But can understanding your primary love language really improve your relationship?

In this episode of 3 Wise Ducks, relationship counsellor Joy Ball explains what the five love languages are, why they matter, and how they can help you better understand yourself and the people you love.

To put the theory to the test, Jan and Nilu complete the 5 Love Languages quiz. What should have been a quick exercise quickly turns into plenty of laughs, unexpected dilemmas and some surprising results.

Join us as we explore the strengths and limitations of the love languages, share our own experiences, and discover why relationships are about much more than knowing whether you prefer words of affirmation or acts of service.

Whether you're in a relationship, single or simply curious about why people feel loved in different ways, this episode will leave you with practical insights and a few laughs along the way.

Connect with our hosts:

Joy Ball
Blissful Connections
Website: https://www.blissfulconnections.com.au
Instagram: @blissful_connections

Jan Winslade
Website: https://janwinslade.com
Instagram: @jan.winslade

Nilu Noble
Website: https://ivytalentco.com.au/nilunoble
Instagram: @melbourneescapades

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Are we really about to say this out loud? We probably shouldn't. And that's never stopped us before. Fair point.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Let's get into it, shall we?

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Hello, our lovely listener. Welcome to the Three Wise Ducks podcast, where we call it how we see it, talk about the stuff that matters most to us, and of course, we are having a little laugh along the way. Sitting beside me are the two most amazing, wonderful, fabulous women in the world. And we're giving ourselves applause, as you've probably gathered already at this point. The beautiful Jan. And the fabulous Neilu. And my name is Joy, and I'm going to give myself just because I can. I'm in charge of the control, so. Before we start our podcast, we're going to talk about the five of the love languages. And we've already had a hoot already. The girls have um taken the activity quiz beforehand. We've recorded all of that, and let me tell you, you're in for a bit of a treat with that one. All I can suggest is go make yourself a cup of tea and at some point put the kettle on and uh maybe cook dinner and have a good laugh. And um, yeah, at the end they'll finish. It was a very drawn-out process. But first, as always, we are going to do our um duck moment of the week.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

And Neilu, this is I have to share, I have to share. I'm gonna try and make it quick because it was it was a long, um, a long giggle. But I was in the backseat in the car with Noah, and Neil was driving us to the post office uh earlier this week, and he says to me, Mom, have you ever said the F word before? And I said to him, What's the F word? And then um I said shit by accident, and I knew in his face, he was like, I'm in trouble. And he goes, Mom, you said the SHI word, and I said, Do you want to say it? And he said, Can I? And so he did, and he he just giggled all the way through. And for me, I was just like, Oh gosh, what am I instilling in my child? But then he said to me, Have you ever put your rude finger up to anyone? I said, No, I haven't. And then he said, Do you want to do it together? And so we did it together, and he was in hysterics, I was in hysterics, and then he turns around with two fingers up and he goes, Hey mom! And then the best part is he got home and he said to Nia, Can you believe Mom put her rude finger up at me? At me. Yeah, at me. But he's he was so he felt so proud. He said to me, Mum, we can't do that at school. Um, I'll have to go to see Mrs. Karen. I said, Yeah, please don't do that. But in that moment, it was such a safe space for him that he thought, oh cool, I can do this. But for me, I was like, oh shit, what am I in for? So now he walks around, he looks at me, and he's like and nearly putting her thumb up and not having your finger up.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

The broken finger. I wish it was her thumb.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

I had to sit down with him. I'm like, listen, babes, what we're doing the car, that was just for us.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Okay, yes, yes. That's it. We don't talk about it, we don't do it, not in this household, but it was so funny. Um okay, so first of all, you you initiated it.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Correct. Then you laughed at it, and then he gets told, I can't do it.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

But I honestly questioned like my parenting style, techniques, uh, all those things in that moment. And I was like, it's okay. It's okay. It is fine. Safe space at home.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

You've supplied him a safe space. Now, can we ask how old is Noah? Noah's five, everyone. So at five, they know that's wrong and right, of course. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

I said to him, How do you know all this stuff? And he's like, I can't tell you it's you know, it's secret. And I said, Come on back. And then he told me his friend told him, he's like, but he didn't, he didn't say it out loud, he said it really quietly. I'm like, okay, that's fine. You know, I trust you, I respect you, but please know that language isn't a woke up in this household.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

And he's like, Oh, love it. So your duck moment of the week is teaching my child profanity.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Yeah. Yeah. Yes, please don't.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Milo, who knows? The whole world's gonna be using that next week.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

A change in the world, Joy.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Oh my goodness, but well, I love your duck moment of the week. And and I love that. Isn't it gorgeous how we can do that with our kids? You know, just messing with our kids' heads every now and then. Yeah, yeah, beautiful. I'll let you know. All right, well, look, let's jump into today's topic, which is the five love languages from Gary Chapman. Now, Dr. Gary Chapman's written the books Five Love Languages for Adults, Five Love Languages for Children, and Five Love Languages for Teenagers, which is absolutely fabulous. And it can be a real game changer because our love language is how we receive love, basically, and it's up to us as partners to put our partner's love language into the relationship. What we often tend to do is put our love language into the relationship, but it's not necessarily the love language that we want to receive, okay, or our partner wants to receive. So often, like for example, and one of the questions when you did before was about the laundry, and that's an act of service. Okay, and often our partner might actually his his love language might be accident.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

It absolutely is.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Okay, and so he's giving you his love language, but it's falling flat on you because it's not yours.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Does that make sense? Absolutely. Don't stop though. That's why I was laughing when you listen to this podcast. Hey, but you're listening, please continue the poetry.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

I love you. So this is why it's really important for us to even under identify our own love language. So, you know, if you're in a relationship or not in a relationship, you know you and you can actually communicate that, which is wonderful. Enjoy, wouldn't it just be a wonderful thing that was given to every couple as they are about to get married? Yeah. It to help them understand themselves and each other. Oh, look, it's it is, it's a it's a way of we giving love, but we're giving because often we talk different languages. Yes, absolutely. I've also, with my couples, I've created um um the five communication languages and it's the gates program. So basically it represents the a gate. So if you're you're talking, you know, the the appropriate love uh communication language with your partner, your gates are open and you're in receptive mode. But if you're not, you shut down and your gates are closed. So I've we could do that another time. Yeah, that is wonderful. So um, but that's what I teach couples in sessions, which is great. Um, anyway, back to the five love languages, not about me. So um we went through the um the five love language, you did the quiz, which you can download online, it's there. Um, I'm not sure about the others. This is for the adults. Um, my only thing I wished it had partner rather than husband and wife. Yeah, true. Um, partner, because I feel, and and if it could have, I mean, you know, in simpler terms, it's also, you know, for even if you're in a um a gay relationship or any any form of relationship, it would be nice to be able to do this to identify what you want lovely and definitely. Yeah. Um, it's a little bit stereotypical, which you probably noticed because you did the ones for the um so take a listen and um we'll come back. Okay, girls. Um so we're gonna do this activity for our show. Yeah. All right. So it's five love languages. Yeah. Okay. So um the basically the five love languages are uh from Gary Chapman, Dr. Gary Chapman, and he's written the books Five Love Languages. Okay. Um he does it for adults, he does it for children, he does it for teenagers. It's incredible. Teenagers, I didn't know that. Really good. You know, it's really good. So um the five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. All right. So the whole activity, what we thought we'd do in the podcast, is just you girls work out what your love languages are. Um not telling you yet though. No, no, no, that's okay. We'll we'll talk about it in the podcast. But just go through the activity and just circle or highlight whichever resonates with you, whichever statement resonates with you. And then at the end you add up the A, B, C, D, and E. Okay. And um Yeah, and we work out what your love language is and we can chat about that when we do the podcast. Sound okay? Yeah. Sounds good. All right, any questions, my my lovely ladies? I know yes. All right, girls. Oh gosh, what if I like all of them, Joy? You can't have all of them, Jane. You choose one or the other out of the questions, okay. Like A or B or what what do I do? Like one A or one B or both? No, Jan. Um excellent, Jan. Um uh no, it's either A, B, C, or D or E. Sorry, I didn't see the C. Okay. It's one or the other, Jan. Excellent. Thank you. Okay. Uh does that make sense? So just circle out of the two questions, just circle which one. One. Oh, I just want to. Just one. Yeah, yeah. Perfect.

unknown 9:28

Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

So can I just ask again? Just one for one, number two, just one, number three, just one. Just one, yes. No, it's either A B whatever says A B or A E or D E or Oh, yeah. It it's just out of the two questions you just two options, one answer. Okay. For the particular number. No, letter. Letter. No. I'm just gonna play some music here. Yeah, feeling Tom Cruise right now.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

How are you going, Neil? You Yeah, good. Just reading very slowly, so why? I don't know what I prefer. You know, what I wish or what I have. Don't overthink it.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Yeah, it's just whatever comes instinctive to you. Okay, go, go, go, go. Yeah. Okay, that's tricky. Okay. Why is it picky Janny okay? Oh, I have to breathe heavily here. It's okay. No, I think I'm going okay. Yeah. Not sure if I've done it right, but anyway, there's no right or wrong, is it? No wrong. No wrong, right. No wrong. It's all right as long as you just tick one. One, okay. So it's two statements, just tick one. Okay. Each number. Yeah. Neilo, how are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 10:57

I'm great. I would feel very what is it? I would feel really loved if my husband did the laundry. He has been doing it for 20 years. Oh, circled the wrong one. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

So you you feel loved if your husband does the laundry. Oh no, he does it full stop, so I don't think about it. Oh, so you so it doesn't necessarily resonate with you because that's just part of your Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Oh. How do you think he'd feel about that? I think he's he loves to do the laundry. Oh, because I just chuck everything together because why discriminate colour? Right. Whereas he has, you know, his white to washed white, his blacks are black. I mean, for our family, not just his clothes. I'm like, cool, how many loads here? Two half, half done. Ah, god. And yeah. So I secretly do it when it's overflowing. But he gets shitty.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Does he? A husband that does the laundry. Well, you've got a husband who cooks. Oh yeah, I know. He does everything. Oh, he does a lot. Yeah. But I have uh Joy, one of these, I want to pick two. Oh, you can't pick two. You can only have one, Jan. Just one, Jane. Just just one. Don't overthink it. Whatever resonates with you. Well, I did do one, you know, spontaneously. Anyway, I did pick one, but there was another one. I thought, oh gosh, that's so close. Yeah. But I can't. Only one. No, that's just one. Thanks, Jan. Joey, why are you looking away? Oh no, no, Jan. Oh well, I've finished. I've done. You've got two pages. You've got to turn the chip. You've got to turn the chip. I didn't see the back page.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Lots of things about gifts here. I'm not so bothered about gifts. No, I'm not either.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Just looking myself. I don't even know if I'm allowed to record these whatever. But we'll do it anyway. Any requests? No, I won't, I won't hold up because this is taking a lot longer than I anticipated it would. So you cooked dinner yet, our beautiful listener? I'm sure you probably have. I'm glad that you've come back to us. Hopefully you have. We only have one listener, remember, girls, and so we don't want to lose that one. Alright, the five love languages. Um yes, so the girls finally got through to it. Um even down to calculating, it was a bit of a challenge. Take a listen. Joy's eyes are glazing over nearly.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Oh god, some of these okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Zip Is this distracting? I'm enjoying my life right now. Concentrate, Joy. Please come concentrate.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

There's a lot of cleaning of houses in the case. I'm done. I'm finished.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Okay. Well done, Jan. Now all you need to do is add them up. So add all your Yes, don't look at me like that. Add up all your A's, all your B's, all your C's, all your D's, and all your E's. Can I use my calculator? No, you just add up, go through each one. Just do A, B, C, D, and E, and next to it, just put a line until you get the how many. Oh gosh. So just do A, B, C, D. Okay, right. I'll do A first. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

Okay.

unknown 14:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Oh God. I wish my husband would give me a gift for no reason. I w would love it if my husband touched me more.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

How do you pick one? I always stuck on that one. I always stuck on that one too. Do you have a preference?

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Just close my eyes and pick one. No, no.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Just give it a C's. Gosh. Three.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

I don't know what that means. Okay, I'm done, guys. I'm now gonna. You've got to add up now. So the number of letters, is it?

SPEAKER_01 15:10

It's how many A's, how many B's, how many C's, how many D's? So just just tell me have you done that, Jen? Nearly. Now you've interrupted me counting. We do some sign language, Jen, like the come on, you can do this, Jen. I've interrupted her county. Now I've lost count. Oh sorry, you've distracted again. Oh god, do I have to go back to more music? Help me Rhonda. Was that my last one? Was Dr. Ronda? Okay, no, I'm nearly there. I'm nearly there.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

What's the song?

unknown 15:42

Rhonda.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

Oh gosh. Six. Seven. It's alright, girls. It's only been 25 minutes. It's all podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Well you won't have to concentrate, Joy. Okay, done. Done, Joy. Alright, so how many A's have you got? Six. Okay. Hang on, I'll just have a look at this. Okay, how many A's you've got? Six? Yep. Right. Okay. Yep. Eight eight Bs. Yep. Three C's. Yep. Two D's and ten E's. Oh, Jan? Yeah. There's 30 questions. You're missing one. I no, I can't. Yeah, you're gonna have to Do I have to do that again? You're gonna have to do it again, Jan. Sure, are you serious?

unknown 16:34

Ten.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Have I really have I really got music?

SPEAKER_00 16:45

And even Tom Curie's can't fix his one. Look at look at Nilo. She's cheating, she's adding it up. I think, I think I've missed one.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Jane's extra one for Jane for the couple. Let's put the extra one, Jane.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Thank you, Neil. No, no, no, no, I see what I did here. No, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

I can't see what I've done. And you know what? You're not gonna rectify the mistress. Okay. Alright, now that's good, girls. Well, didn't you know this? Oh, you didn't know what? The results. The results? Oh. Okay, well, I didn't even look on my name.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

That is so funny.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

All right, girls. Well, look, let's um we'll stop that here. That little that just took us 12 minutes, girls. The quick five minutes activity was 12. Fabulous. Well done. Alright, let's um let's get into our podcast, shall we? Show up, beautiful. Yeah, you're really with me now, aren't you?

SPEAKER_02 18:09

Our beautiful listener.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

No, it was lots of fun. We absolutely loved it. Love watching them do it. And um, anyway, we've had a bit of fun along the way. More importantly, what was your primary love language? Now, all five, keep in mind, all five are important to us. All five. This is why they're there. But usually what we find is one or two are primary. And I think that's what we like to focus on is the primary. So, Jan, do you want to share what your primary one or two So mine is definitely physical touch. Physical touch. Oh, because you are a good cuddler, too. Yeah, I love cuddling and touch me, touch me. Yeah, yeah. Beautiful. And what was that? Do you it's a little bit inaccurate because Jane didn't quite get that up to 30. 10. Oh, that was the ten. What was your second one? Second one was quality time. Ah yes, and what did that score? Eight. Yeah, so they are high. High for me. Quality time, physical touch. Sitting on the couch. Hold on. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Yeah, snuggling up on the couch.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Snuggling up. Yeah. Beautiful. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Nearly. Mine is also similar to Jan, physical touch. I had nine, and words of affirmation were eight.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Okay, because you got she got an extra one, which was the gift that kept on giving, James.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Were you surprised, each of you? Were you surprised or I definitely was because I thought I was quality time and words of affirmation? Um yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

My words of affirmation was number three. Yes, okay. Yeah, yeah. And and there's no wrong answer here. It's just, and this is really on it because they're they're intimate questions. So it really comes down to in an intimate relationship, what's your primary love language? And Joy, does this change over time? Do you think it does? That's a great question. It does. We, as women, particularly, it evolves. Men, not so much, but women, absolutely, because we go through different stages and we need different things. From you know, growing up to being a mother, being a partner or a mother, and then it does evolve. Yeah, absolutely. So it does, we do evolve. So it's something that I encourage people to do every couple of years.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

Yeah, interesting. We did ours when we got married, we were told to do this. We had no idea what the five love languages were. And it was so what we were saying before. Um Jan was I was like, whoa, I didn't know this about Neil, and Neil had no idea about me. And I was words of affirmation and quality time at the time. So that's why I was like, is this the moment in time? I've changed my change. How long have you been married? Um it's coming up to our 20th anniversary, not wedding, but together. And uh married would be minus six, so 14. 14 years. Fabulous, fabulous.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Well, there you go. So five love languages, girls. And very useful. Very useful. And I would suggest, you know, take look, you can download this activity um at home. So why don't you download it? You can download it for you and you can download it for your male partner or two partners. Yes, whatever you identify as. It's absolutely fabulous. But it's just worth look, it's a bit of fun. And I think that's what it is, and it's a positive thing. Yes, it's a real positive thing, particularly in today's where we're all just so um fogged down with everything. Yeah, beautiful. Five love languages. All right, well, fantastic. That's the end of our show. Thank you, girl. Thank you, Charlie. I really enjoyed that. Me too. Really good. And to learn about myself more, what what my needs are.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Alright, well, I can hear the music, it's coming in. All right, enjoy your week, people, and thank you, listener. And remember, DM us if you have any questions, uh, anything you would like us to chat about, um, feel free to reach out on the socials, three wise ducks with the letter three, and the music's getting louder. I know that. All right, enjoy it.