Ty in Progress

Cringe Culture is A Scam with Mallory Jesperson

• Ty Pollock • Season 1 • Episode 2

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0:00 | 24:10

The first guest of Ty in Progress is Mallory, a queer ex-Mormon from San Diego who came out to her dad at 30. Ty and Mallory talk about cultivating chosen family, why "people get the version of you they deserve," coming out as a forever journey, and the line that became her mantra: stay curious not certain. Pull up a chair. New episodes every Tuesday.

CHAPTERS:
(00:00) Cold open
(01:00) People get the version of me they deserve
(02:20) Cultivating a queer family
(03:07) Existing in 2026
(04:39) Curiosity over certainty
(07:00) Growing up Mormon in San Diego
(10:10) Mom is a light
(10:58) Coming out is a forever journey
(13:00) The porn confession
(16:25) Coming out to dad at 30
(19:34) Why I say partner
(20:00) I don't subscribe to cringe culture
(21:09) The country singer in her
(22:00) The mantra: stay curious not certain

ABOUT TY:

Ty Pollock is a queer storyteller from Salt Lake City. He hosts Ty in Progress, a 30-minute couch conversation that drops every Tuesday. Some weeks it's just Ty. Other weeks, he pulls up a chair for a guest you'll be glad you met. Don't dim your light. Be true. Be you.

***

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YouTube: @tyinprogress
Threads: @tyinprogress
Facebook: @tyinprogress

New episodes every Tuesday, 5 AM MT.
Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

Don't dim your light and share it! Be true. Be you.


Cold open

SPEAKER_02

Mallory is that type of friend that when you're having a bad day, you just want to call up, and because she will either let you talk or she will make you laugh. She is one of the most incredible human beings that I have ever been around. And I'm so excited that you are on the show for the second episode ever.

SPEAKER_00

Ooh, I'm number two. I'm number two. You're number two. Wow, what a really nice. That was such a nice intro.

SPEAKER_02

I gotta tell you guys, when I met you, we were at a friend's posada party during Christmas time.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I just remember Michael and I was like, oh my god, I want to be friends with this woman. And she is, she makes us laugh. And we it was like you just we just drawn to you. Like you came down the basement. We're like, we're we're making a seat, we're making a seat.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that's so nice. That was like four years ago, right? 2022.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, right after COVID.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, crazy.

SPEAKER_01

Crazy, right?

SPEAKER_00

Well, that's I always love hearing like people's initial reactions of meeting me because I never

People get the version of me they deserve

SPEAKER_00

know what it's gonna be. I never know. People typically get a version of me that they deserve, I guess, but I'm glad you deserved a funny reading.

SPEAKER_02

Well, okay, so what wait, what do you what do you mean by that? Like let's kind of dig in with it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think I can just when I meet someone, I can I'm I usually am like take it slow when I first meet someone, and I don't let my full sparkle shine yet because I don't know if you deserve that yet. Okay, but I feel like when I met you and Michael, I was like, they already have sparkle, so we're gonna shine together.

SPEAKER_02

I want to learn about you, I want to learn about your queerness. I just want to know about Mallory as a person because I think who you are as a person, I already know, but I want everybody else to know. Lucky, yeah, you know, because you are like, and that's what this podcast is all about is like showing people's light. And so that's why instantly, like, you were like, I need to have Mallory as my first guest. Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_00

That's so nice. Because I think like everyone has this vision of like what someone who is a member of the LGBTQ IA plus community looks like. There's just this sometimes just this idea of like it's who that looks like and looks like me. So I'm glad you're like doing this and showcasing different people's stories because everyone has such individual and unique and captivating and personal

Cultivating a queer family

SPEAKER_00

stories that it it's not just one size fits all. I'm queer, but someone else who's queer like looks completely different than me, but we are we're family in some way, you know. I feel like I have cultivated a family from being queer, and that has been, I think that's been probably the biggest gift because I had to hide it for so long. I didn't have to, but I society made me feel like I needed to. So it's nice to be able to raise the flag and be like, yep, it's a part of me, and I'm still valid. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02

Definitely. And I think especially like in the current environment that we're in, I feel like us as queer people get this label put on us and like we're this specific type because I feel like we're just a statistic at this point, like we're just something that they can throw

Existing in 2026

SPEAKER_02

around and say, oh my gosh, they are evil. Yeah. I'm like, no, fuck that. I'm like, you know, we are people, we have stories, and we have a light to shine.

SPEAKER_00

100%. And we're trying to just be to just live, just exist in 2026. It's really hard to just exist in 2026. There are so many wonderful people that I've had the opportunity to meet that if I went in like that conversation with a new person already thinking I knew them, doesn't really give you an opportunity to like learn and you just stay tunnel vision and you can't grow yourself. So who wants to stay the same version of themselves that they were 10 years ago? Not me.

SPEAKER_01

Oh and if you do, why?

SPEAKER_00

I hope that wherever you are now is at least a little better than a decade ago. And if it's not, let's figure something out.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

But everyone deserves to be happy.

SPEAKER_02

100%. And I feel like most people have changed, but sometimes it's the idea of changing that maybe scares people.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, or the fear of saying, like, oh crud, I was wrong. This like image I had of these type of people was so unbelievably wrong, but I'm too far down this route. I can't backtrack. So I'm just gonna dig my heels in. Why?

SPEAKER_01

Why?

SPEAKER_00

Why? You could have so many more friends, you could have so many more good times, laughs, you could be silly. Like, I don't know. That's like really minor things.

Curiosity over certainty

SPEAKER_00

Like it's so much more complex than that. I know, but yeah, going into everything with curiosity usually is more helpful than certainty.

SPEAKER_02

So you grew up in San Diego, yes, you grew up Mormon, yes, and you also grew up queer.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, nobody knew that, but yes, right, right.

SPEAKER_02

So, yes. So, what what was that like?

SPEAKER_00

What was that internal we kept that secret real good for a long time? I don't know why I keep going to the partner. Keep that a secret. Yeah, so I'm from San Diego, El Cahone, to be specific. East County baby. I'm the youngest of six kids. So that was I was born into the chaos.

SPEAKER_02

Whoa.

SPEAKER_00

I know my mom, I was talking to her yesterday, and she was just like, there's just so many people, there's so many schedules, there's so many of this, and I'm like, yeah, why is this anxiety ridden now? Like, this is what I was born into. I was going to football games and cheerleading games and swim meets and church activities. All of that. I've always been moving, so I think now as an adult, I'm I like being home a lot by myself.

SPEAKER_02

I don't blame you.

SPEAKER_00

I've gotten into that. It took a while for me to get comfortable with being alone.

SPEAKER_02

But what's the age gap between the oldest and the youngest?

SPEAKER_00

So and you. My oldest sister is 14 years older than me.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So I was four years old when she moved out. And I found out, so yeah, my oldest sister, um, and then I have a brother who's like 10 years older than me. Okay. Which I love because when I'm turning 40, he's gonna be turning 50. So I'm like, at least I'm not 50. That's true.

SPEAKER_02

There's always someone older.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So when I turn 30, I'm like, at least I ain't 40 yet. Yeah, and then I have another brother who's right under him in age, and then another two sisters after that. So there's four girls, two boys.

SPEAKER_02

And you were the baby baby then, being 14 years. I mean, I feel like that's pretty standard in Utah culture.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But in California culture, is it as standard there?

SPEAKER_00

I mean, no, not really. Like when I would tell, you know, people in high school or middle school,

Growing up Mormon in San Diego

SPEAKER_00

they would all just be like, that's a lot of people. Like, because most of my friends, so growing up in San Diego, I love where I'm from. It took me, I didn't move away until I was 23. If I could move back, I would, but the cost of living there is like insane. You basically like get paid in sunshine, is what I was told.

SPEAKER_02

And I'm a Pisces, so like I'm a water baby, so I'm like, oh, going to the ocean every day sounds amazing. Because like there's not, I mean, we got the Great Salt Lake that's drying up and killing everybody.

SPEAKER_00

So you know, but let's throw a data center on top of it. Let's throw a huge data center in top.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god, I know.

SPEAKER_00

But no, I miss San Diego so much, but I have loved like moving here because I learned so much about myself because I like when I was in San Diego, I was just surrounded all the time by people, my my family, my built-in friends. The Mormon Church really wants you to have these friendships so that you'll stay. I still have a lot of friends that are members of the church, and that's wonderful.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

But I am grateful that I moved here to Utah so that I could kind of figure it out myself what was missing for me because I was in San Diego. I was like 23. I'm like, I don't really know what I'm doing. All I know is I'm not doing anything that's like moving me towards the version of myself I want to be. So yeah, I moved here to go to BYU.

SPEAKER_02

For everybody that doesn't know BYU is Brigham Young. Yeah, it's the Brigham Young University.

SPEAKER_00

Well, the Cougars are around. We're on our way to Baby Glory. He had no idea that I was okay.

SPEAKER_02

I'm sorry. This is where Mallory and I disagree because I went to the University of Utah, and for everybody that doesn't know, like there is a huge rivalry, it's the Holy War. Which the older I get now, the stupider it sounds. Like it's so dark.

SPEAKER_00

I didn't know anything about it until I moved here.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, really? Okay. Well, because being Mormon, right?

SPEAKER_00

So you got I was a weirdo in San Diego. That that's the thing I think that's also the thing that kept me a member of the church for so long because it was novel in San Diego that I was Mormon. In my high school, not only was I a minority, there wasn't that many white kids in my high school, but I was also a minority because I was Mormon. Okay. Like all of my friends were, none of them were Mormon.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I had maybe two friends that were members of the church.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

But that was pretty much it. So for me, that made me feel special, like stood out. It also didn't get me invited to any freaking parties. Didn't find out about stuff until way later. Thanks, guys. And also I was very naive. I feel like I did get a an amazing childhood. I've told my mom this like so many times. I feel like my childhood was so wonderful that adulthood has paled in comparison.

SPEAKER_01

Really?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

Mom is a light

SPEAKER_00

Because just my mom is just like a light of a person. When I was, I think like 21, I like went to her and I told her the bullshit that I had gotten into. And she's like, okay, what can I do to help you? And she and I was just like, Did you just hear what I said? I just said that I was basically a piece of shit. And you still love me and you want to help me. Like, so that was just, I never seen unconditional love really, like tangibly. And so seeing her react that way, I'm like, oh, what a great model of how I need to be with the people that I care most about in my life. Is oh, you fucked up, but you came back and were talking it through and it wasn't malicious, you know.

SPEAKER_02

And what was the journey

Coming out is a forever journey

SPEAKER_02

that you went on about your queer self? Like what what what did that kind of look like? And is there any advice that you would give to somebody that's just starting out on that journey too?

SPEAKER_00

It's gonna be a forever journey.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Just so you know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Uh sorry, saz bat it. If you thought it was just gonna be like, I'll come out and that'll be it, it'll be fine. Like it's a constant journey.

SPEAKER_02

You come out almost every single day.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It's an everyday thing, like new job, new person that you meet, everything like that is always putting yourself out there.

SPEAKER_00

And yeah, for sure. I think I knew pretty early on that I just love people. So that's why when I first was like thinking about telling people and not just keeping it to myself and trying to not just date men, cis men, I was like, okay, well, I want to live a very honest, authentic life. And telling my mom about dates I go on is a part of my life, and I don't want to keep that from her. So I was like, well, I'm I'm gonna still have to come out because if I'm gonna go on a date with a cis woman or a trans man or a trans woman, like I did chicken out and I didn't.

SPEAKER_02

Wait, you didn't what?

SPEAKER_00

I didn't tell my mom about the first queer relationship. I was I was it wasn't like I was in a relationship, but I was dating someone, but I didn't tell her who it was with.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. That's pretty normal though. Like that, I mean, as we're trying to figure it out, that's pretty normal.

SPEAKER_00

I'm just like, sometimes I think I am too honest to a fault. I just want people to know that they're gonna get the truth from me.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00

That's something that is really important to me. When I was at BYU, I it wasn't like I was like looking at all of these women being like, you know, but I was looking at porn at

The porn confession

SPEAKER_00

like age 13.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I just want, I just have all these feelings, but it was like strictly like lesbian porn because I felt like penises were just too aggressive. And the way that it was showcased in pornography just felt like it was, it was all for men. It was like there was no, it wasn't about the female's pleasure, but with lesbians, it was like, wow, they're really in it together and they're trying to make each other feel good. But you're Mormon and you're like, they're not even talking to the girls about not looking at porn. Like these general conference meetings, they're having the guys come to these meetings and they're telling them, like, don't do this, don't do that, don't look at porn. That was like always a really big thing. Don't look at porn.

SPEAKER_02

I heard that from many friends.

SPEAKER_00

And so for me, I'm like, it's not even on the radar for them that women are looking at porn. I am a mom. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, so it made you go the opposite direction then of just like not telling anyone, just keeping it.

SPEAKER_00

It was something I looked at porn for so long. Okay. And had so much guilt for so, so long.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And it's funny because I had a friend of mine say that she knew that I was probably not straight because she like went to borrow my laptop and I had left gay, like lesbian porn up or something that I hadn't clicked out. And I was like, that was like 15 years ago, and she just never said anything to me.

SPEAKER_02

She just she just said it, oh my god. You and I have a very actually similar experience because I was that same way where I I think I started looking at porn when I was 11 or 12, like a friend had introduced me to it, and it was that way, it was like straight porn, but I found myself gravitating more towards the guy portion of it, so then it started like slowly progressing, and it was like a guy, guy, girl, right? And then like I found myself just looking at that.

SPEAKER_00

I didn't come out to my to Precious Margaret until I was 30 years old.

SPEAKER_02

No time.

SPEAKER_00

I know, and at that point I was like, I'm I think I'm I'm bisexual. Even that word just didn't feel like it fit. So when I came out to her, that's what I said. Okay, I want to tell dad, just kind of like testing the waters, seeing what she thought. Yeah, she didn't think it was a good time. Okay, so which sucked, but yeah, it happens more times than not. I also like know that this is something I've known for a long time, and this is something that she's just hearing for the first time. And so I know as like a parent that's probably like, okay, the plan that I already had for you, like as soon as I started getting tattoos, I started getting tattoos before I came out to her.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So that was kind of my way of being like, I'm not going, I'm not Mormon. It's not gonna happen. But then when I finally was like, I'm also bisexual, and then when I told my dad, I I felt I was like, I'm queer. I finally got to the queer word, and I love that word. It feels so right for me. Yeah, technically, I'm like pansexual because I feel like I can fall in love with really anyone. Okay, and it's really about like what's up here and like the banter and the like the ping-pong back and forth of a conversation that I love.

SPEAKER_01

Definitely.

SPEAKER_00

So if you have that, like I don't really care what you've got underneath your clothes, like I can be into it. But queer just feels like the right word for

Coming out to dad at 30

SPEAKER_00

me. So when I came out to my dad, I told him that. I was like, Dad, I'm I'm queer. He's like, Well, what does that mean? Which I loved. I was like, perfect, great, great question. Yes, because it gave me the opportunity to be like, here's my definition. I'm I love that you aren't just assuming you know, yeah. So we could, and you know, he said, I'm just worried for you because I have so much happiness, I know what happiness is, and it's what I have with your mom and all of you kids that's brought me so much happiness. And and it was cool because I was able to be like, that is so wonderful. I love that you have that. If my life doesn't look exactly like that, doesn't mean that I'm not happy. It just means that I've chosen my own version of happiness. So it was really cool to have that conversation with him because I think uh like 10 years before, he would not have been as receptive because he was very much like did not want gay couples to get married, had like signs and stuff, which was really hard because he wanted me to put that kind of stuff on my car, and like and I wasn't out or and I and I wasn't even allowing myself to think I was at all. So, but I still was like, no, we're not gonna do that. So, one of the reasons why I knew it was really important for me to actually sit down and tell my dad that I was queer was because I just didn't know who I was gonna end up with. Yeah, you know, I didn't know if I was gonna end up with a cis man, a trans man, like anyone. Yeah, so but I wanted my dad to have the opportunity to like know me truly and accept me and know that even if I do end up with a cis man, your girl's still queer.

SPEAKER_02

Um then it's okay, yeah, because I feel like I I worked really hard to not like think that part of me is wrong.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, because I thought that part of me was wrong for a long time. And it's not, it's not. I just love people, even now. I say partner. I think when I first started dating Mason, it felt I'm like, I'm thir when we first started dating, I was 32. And when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was like a girlfriend. What you want to be my boyfriend? Come on now. What are we? Are we in middle school? Are we in middle school? So I've I've always like said partner because it just feels more established, it feels more real and like yeah, it just and not gendered, like who cares? He's my partner. Wife doesn't have this, like wife has a connotation, husband has a connotation. So

Why I say partner

SPEAKER_00

if you just say partner, it's so much easier.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_00

At least for me.

SPEAKER_02

I might start using that too, because I'm like, oh, you know, and I have nothing to hide or show.

SPEAKER_00

So it creates so many more questions. That is so that it just like keeps the conversation. People want to like know more, like a partner, huh? What kind of partner you got?

SPEAKER_02

That's true, that's true. And it gets people to get to know you more so that then you open up a little bit more, kind of like bringing it back to the first

Cringe culture is a scam

SPEAKER_02

of the episode where we're talking about that and you're shining light, you know, and I think it does help get those conversations started.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know why I just thought, like, because I don't really subscribe to cringe culture, like we should feel cringe for things things we do. If I like something, I'm gonna do it. Amen. So I don't really care if someone thinks I'm lame or not. I was born the youngest of six kids. I've been lame since the day I was born. My siblings told me.

SPEAKER_02

I no, your siblings are wrong. Okay, I'm just I'm going to say that out there now. Okay, Jesperson siblings, y'all are wrong. You've got one of the most amazing sisters in the entire world.

SPEAKER_00

I was pretty annoying in the beginning, though, I will say, because I was trying to figure it out. I wanted, you know, I think in the beginning, I was like, I have this huge audience, all like starting off. I had look all these people who if I'm loud enough, they'll stop and listen. So, you know, your girl wanted to be a country singer when she was a little girl, so I was always like on the fireplace singing.

SPEAKER_02

And I do have to give a call out too, because you are the only person in our friend

The country singer in her

SPEAKER_02

group that will sing 90s and early 2000s country women artists.

SPEAKER_00

Of course, of course.

SPEAKER_02

Song lyric by lyric, put some response by song.

SPEAKER_00

Put some respect on those women's names. Yes, we're Trisha Shine, Martina, the chicks, I mean, come on.

SPEAKER_02

One question that I'm going to ask all the guests, and so I'm gonna start with you, is if someone listening to this is having a hard time being themselves today, what's one sentence you'd put in their pocket?

unknown

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_02

Or a phrase or a word, or I know.

SPEAKER_00

When it comes to like living your life every day, it's serious, but it isn't. Life is serious, but it is not. So stay curious, don't stay certain.

Stay curious not certain

SPEAKER_00

Give yourself a break because I think for the most part everyone's trying their hardest. So don't think everyone has it figured out. I think that's one thing that I've learned from talking with, you know, like my nieces and nephews that are in their 20s and like teenagers and 20s. That's one of the benefits of having a huge freaking family, is you just have a spectrum of ages that you can pull from and be like, so uh what's your generation thinking about these days? Um, do you guys hate us? Do you hate millennials? Like, where are we at? But I think one of the things that I've learned from just talking with them is they literally look at everyone and think that they have it figured out. I'm here at this school and I haven't made any friends yet. I'm here at this like new job and I haven't made any friends yet. Everyone is just really good at like smiling and just continuing on. It's better to just ask for help too. I think that's one thing that was really hard for me for a long time. Just knowing that like I can't pull myself out of this alone sometimes. I need people to help pull me out. I think just going into like meeting new people, it's not that it is serious, but it's not that serious. Stay curious, not certain.

SPEAKER_02

I love that so much. I just want to say thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for having me. Thank you for sharing your light with everybody. I know how scary it can be being vulnerable. And so thank you for coming on here and doing that. And thank you for just being on the first guest ever and the second episode.

SPEAKER_00

I'm number two. I'm number two. I'm number two.

SPEAKER_02

Number one in my bug.

SPEAKER_00

That's true.

SPEAKER_02

And thank you all for joining on this episode. We really appreciate it. Make sure you go on to Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube, anywhere you can find this podcast. Uh, you can find the link in the bio and everything like that. You know, all the typical things. And always remember like, please share your lights because it helps people more than you know, and always be true and be you. So love you all, and we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_01

Yay!