Heidi At Home
Heidi At Home is a warm, lifestyle-led podcast filmed from my kitchen, featuring honest conversations with inspiring women navigating motherhood alongside business, careers, and modern life. Moving away from traditional “expert parenting” content, the podcast focuses on real stories, authentic experiences, and the realities of balancing ambition with family life - all in a relaxed, conversational setting that feels more like coffee with friends than a studio interview.
Heidi At Home
Ep 2: Overwhelm, Changing Thought Patterns & Recovering from Trauma with Lissy Puig
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This week on Heidi at Home, I’m joined by business and identity coach Lissy Puig for a deeply honest conversation about trauma, motherhood, overwhelm, relationships, and rebuilding yourself from the inside out.
As a single mum of three and founder who now helps women scale their businesses to and beyond the multi-six figure mark, Lissy shares the personal experiences that shaped her - including leaving home at just 12 years old, navigating trauma, emotional pressure, mental health challenges, and learning how to rebuild her sense of self through different seasons of life.
We talk about the invisible patterns so many women are stuck in without even realising; overthinking, burnout, guilt, emotional overwhelm, and the constant feeling of trying to hold everything together. Lissy explains how so much of what we experience externally is rooted in deeper thought patterns and beliefs, and how changing those internal narratives can completely transform the way we live, work, parent, and love.
We also dive into relationships, self-worth, identity in motherhood, and what it actually looks like to create a life that feels calm, aligned, and genuinely fulfilling - rather than simply surviving.
This episode is powerful, grounding, and full of perspective for anyone who feels exhausted by the pressure of modern motherhood and life.
You can find out more about Lissy at @lissy_conciouslycreate on Instagram or listen to her podcast here
Hello! Oh my goodness! So long! It's so nice to see you! I'm so happy to have you here. So glad to be here. Welcome to Heidi at Home, where we have real connected conversations about motherhood life and everything in between. Because motherhood isn't just one thing. It's messy, emotional, beautiful, and constantly evolving. Here we go beyond the surface to talk honestly about what it really looks like and how we can grow through it, not just survive it. So on this week's episode, I'm joined by Lissy, mum of three, and also incredible business coach for women with a specialist sort of interest or niche in the self. Is that correct? Yes.
SPEAKER_01What does that mean? Oh, um, it means that I've learned over my life experience and watching so many other people that everything in life comes from us. So your success in anything, your career, your parenting, your relationships predominantly comes from you first and then the actions that you take second. So that's my approach with business and success.
SPEAKER_02So the sort of like inner self, the bit that I'm guessing you might tell me is quite hard sometimes to listen to or get hold of at times.
SPEAKER_01And really working on ourselves and not like ignoring the elephant in the room, which might be if someone isn't a hundred percent confident, then sure, if they want their business to double its revenue, there's things that we can look at strategically, but it would make sense for us to also up their confidence behind that because it's obviously going to make a bigger, if not the biggest difference. I love this, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I love this, and I think you see this a lot of the time in terms of people who do well, um, and they often do have they have that like confidence that you can't quite describe or explain, but it's there, yeah, and I think that makes a massive difference. Okay, I'm very excited to talk to you. I've got lots I want to ask you. Um for those listening, obviously, mostly mothers and quite often in the trenches a lot of the time, multiple children, young children, they're often dealing with, if I think about it, things like overwhelm, guilt, overthinking, all of those lovely topics that I'm sure you deal with a lot in terms of your coaching. So if you look at your sort of average client, what do you think most women are struggling with in that regard most of the time when it comes to early motherhood?
SPEAKER_01Definitely overthinking is the biggest one because I think overthinking rules the roost of everything. Um, because then we can overthink all of the individual problems. Like even if someone struggles with like secretly comparing themselves to other people on social media or comparing their body or comparing their life or comparing themselves as a mum, you're gonna overthink on that topic. So I would say whether I've coached someone in the past with lifestyle or with business and my own experience as a mum, it's definitely the overthinking. And I feel like that's the best place for us to focus to get to that root, because then you can start to not overthink the struggles that we're having.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so it's the overthinking that potentially holds you back. Do you think, like just in business or in life in general as well?
SPEAKER_01I think in life in general, because overthinking is just basically the allocation of how much time and how much of your energy you're allocating to something, you know, like are we only have so much focus, and I always describe it as like golden balls of energy. So we only have so many golden balls of energy every day, whether that's like however many decisions that we have, you know, when you're looking at things like decision fatigue. So the same thing goes for focus and your emotional psychological energy. And if you're overthinking anything, big or small, you're usually you're overthinking the things that you don't want to overthink. You're not overthinking the things that you love to overthink. And so that is definitely um really like an over-allocation of your own energy, really, and self-focus, um, which which really dictates everything.
SPEAKER_02This is making total sense because obviously you know me from um having been a sleep consultant for your eldest middle. Did you know? Middle? I think potentially. So a long time ago, because your children are now eldest, they blend.
SPEAKER_01What are they?
SPEAKER_02My youngest is nearly six. Six. Eldest is nearly twelve. Fine. So it was a while ago. Yeah. And obviously, so therefore, you know me for sleep. I now do more than sleep, and I now am, and you know, parenting with high de is what I do, and parent coaching, and I have been overthinking what I am and what I do for so long that I'm not doing the doing. Yeah. So I'm like, what am I? Am I a sleep consultant? Am I a parenting coach? And the coaches I've worked with are like, you can be everything. And I'm like, no, no, but I have to be in a book, so which one am I? And the amount of time I've spent overthinking things like what content I'm putting out, and that suddenly makes total sense. Like that is energy that I could be using to just create a great masterclass sort or doing something else with. Yeah, yeah, pouring into yourself, sleeping, yeah, to find enjoy. And how how do you so how do you, if if a mother, let's say, comes to you, they want to maybe they've started a business and they're not sure about something and they're overthinking, should we just do the social media thing? Like, who am I and what do I put out on socials?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, where would they start? Okay, your first step has to be awareness. So your first step in rewiring anything has to be like acknowledgement of the problem, not that I am an AA specialist because I'm not, but it's like AA, the first step is that you have to admit, you have to admit what the problem is. I think all problems that repeat stem initially from the fact that someone hasn't identified that it's a problem. So, like you said, you've actually uh subconsciously known that this is going on, the which box I put myself in, but you haven't stopped and had that moment of like this is a problem, and I want to be in a different direction. So it's that real like change of direction. So awareness is first of all, okay. Um, because then as that thought repeats, which it will, it's habitual. So your thoughts are as habitual as any habit that we have, it will keep repeating, it will show up again the next day or that evening, and when you get in bed, you will be able to start catching the thought. So the next one is separation between you and the thought, which really comes from the understanding that your thoughts aren't the truth. And so often we believe our thoughts as truth.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we hear this a lot, don't we? Like, your thoughts aren't real, and I'm like, oh, they they kind of are.
SPEAKER_01I think sometimes it's a bit like, what does that really mean? But it's like you just always want to ask yourself with any thought or belief, is this what I want to be true? If it isn't what you want to be true, then you can always get down to the core and argue it.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01You always can. Like, is this really the truth? Okay, you know, is this what I want to be true? So you need to separate it from being this big real thought, because that thought might be like, I'm not good enough to post on social media example. Who do I think I am to pivot? Who do I think I am to own this niche now? And it's just like it's unhelpful. So if it's unhelpful, you just get to decide it's not.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I'm having ideas.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, interesting. So becoming aware of it, creating this separation, because when you create that separation, you have a lot of power then. Now the the thought is not in control of you, it's not controlling your narrative or your actions or how you feel about yourself or what you're gonna go on to do. Uh, you want to know the thought that you're replacing it with, and then from there, you really need to feel physically feel on board with that thought. And that's also a really key piece that often gets missed with rewiring of thoughts or beliefs, is people have something called cognitive dissonance. So they might be saying an affirmation which is, I'm good enough to be seen, but deep down they're not feeling it. They're feeling that resistance, and when that's happening, it's completely useless. If anything, it's actually detrimental, so it's better to not do it. So you really want to be replacing it with a thought that you can get on board with, which might be, I'm really working towards feeling confident being seen. And then you want to um do the last part, which is the easiest, but also the hardest, because it's gonna require self-discipline, which is every time you're presented with that same thing, the thought coming in that you don't want, you need to stop it in its tracks, replace it, feel it, which is what some people call embody, but I think embody can be quite complicated. Just feel on board with it and proceed with that. And you have to um really instigate that self-discipline to start to break that habit, and eventually it will re rewind.
SPEAKER_02I'm really thinking here specifically in motherhood about this idea of being like I'm not a good enough parent, or you know, especially with social media as well, we look around and we go, Well, they're doing X, Y, and Z. And that understanding of, or not even understanding, sorry, that thought around I'm not a good enough parent, and just to suddenly flip it to I'm a great parent, as you say, is not gonna work too much. So you've got to move towards. I mean, what how would you deal with something like that? Because I'm sure there are so many people here listening thinking I'm not doing a great job.
SPEAKER_01I dealt with this so much as well, so that's why all of these things are so close to my heart. I actually got referred to CBT after my second baby because I had mum guilt and it was eating me alive, like I couldn't sleep at night. I had the worst rheumative thoughts. Um, anyway, so I think it's like really identifying the stories that we make up about other people, and that's something that I talk about a lot, is sometimes we think that our limiting beliefs about ourselves are the most detrimental ones, but actually, what I've found, and this is a bit shadow worky, so it can be like an uncomfortable truth to come face to face with, it's not necessarily sugarcoated, but sometimes it's actually the made-up stories that we're making about other people that are the most detrimental. Okay. So, say I saw something online and I saw a woman and she had this like amazing business and two really happy kids, and la la, and I'm comparing myself to her and making myself feel bad in the process, not just thinking, Oh, I love that. It's kind of feels bad in my body. It's usually coming because I'm making up some kind of story about her.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's so true.
SPEAKER_01So maybe that it's easier for her, or I'm making up that she's spending 10 hours quality time with like I'm making things up that again, are they really the truth? Like, could you vouch for them in court? Do you have evidence or have you made up some kind of illusion? Which isn't to say that we shouldn't be inspired by people and think, you know, think things can be good. I think people say social media is a highlight reel. I don't believe that's always true. Um, but I think sometimes we need to check in with that. It's so true, isn't it?
SPEAKER_02Because you you just automatically make assumptions, yeah. Um, especially if you see someone, I suppose, who doesn't share as much of the like everyone has their stuff going on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Like regardless of of what house they live in or how many kids or however happy they look, like they've all got stuff going on, just not everyone feels or wants to, or should even feel comfortable enough to share it. So it's so true. So it can be really overwhelming to be a mother, full stop at the moment. Um, but also you've got social media, you've got, I think most mothers or a lot of more mothers now are juggling work and family life, running a house, etc. All that stuff, that mental load. So, how do we deal with that overwhelm that comes with that? Is there sort of a process that we can do similar to the overthinking that can help? Or I would say your perspective.
SPEAKER_01And first of that is like dropping all the perfectionism. And actually, if you're someone that has, you know, your I am sentences, I am just like this, I am. If you're actually someone that carries an I am a perfectionist, that's something you say about yourself, I would delete that immediately and never associate with it again. Because again, is that helpful? Is that actually supportive to how I want to be and who I want to feel like and where I want my life to go? It isn't because it's obviously you can't do that. Yeah, and I think sometimes as women we wear that as like a badge of honour or an identity. I definitely did in the past, and actually nothing good ever came from that. So just drop it.
SPEAKER_02So when you say when you hit when you meet someone who says, I'm a perfectionist, it's just who I am.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, where do you go with that? So it's not because our personality isn't permanent, our personality is basically just made up. We do have core ingredients inside of us, but 99% of the population aren't living by them anyway. The rest of it is personality, which is not permanent. So you really get to choose ultimately who you are and how you feel and how you identify. And so you really want to be putting ingredients in your identity that are supportive, that makes sense to where you want to go and how you want to feel. And so sometimes we misunderstand that, like wanting the best, you know, and someone with high standards for being a perfectionist. So when it comes to overwhelm, I'd really check in with those elements of your identity. Am I making this worse for myself? Because if you don't want to be someone that's overwhelmed, then you're not going to be able to be someone that walks around saying you're a perfectionist. That's not really gonna work. But really, it's like, where can you set your mind up, your RAS, your life up for the things that you want? And what is it that you want? And so if you know what you don't want, which is overwhelm, then that's a really good indicator to help you find what you do want, which might be ease and simplicity. And so when I was going through that journey myself, I was like, wow, when I look at basically every day-to-day decision that I'm making, or everything down to like how I address the kids' birthdays, how I address um birthday invitations that I get from school, like everything I was doing made everything harder. Like I would be the person that would like have to make the birthday cake and like had to go no shade on any of that if it brings you joy.
SPEAKER_02But the bake sale, I was the one that had to make cakes, and I just didn't, and I'm not saying anyone who buys them is not doing a good job at all. It was like, I don't want to buy them, I had to make them, and my husband was always like, What are you doing?
SPEAKER_01And so your perspective has to be like, what do I actually want to feel? And then you need to start asking those questions, and those are really powerful things to have up on your on your whiteboard or on your fridge is am I doing this the simplest way I can? Or just because I can doesn't mean I should. Because we are the cause of a majority of the overwhelm. I know we want to blame the fact that it's that we've got at work and that we've got kids, and I of all people, I've raised three children on my own, like I know how much it is, but we cause a vast majority of that overwhelm because the tiny little micro actions that we do are making it overwhelming. So it's really starting to look at like where can I just create capacity and where can I make this easier, but also where can I drop my own expectations and kind of be my own best friend and appreciate like this feels like a lot because it is a lot.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01Um, you don't want to gaslight yourself into being like, this should feel so easy.
SPEAKER_02Okay, well I think that's what you naturally do though. I think I have certainly had moments, speaking from my personal experience, where and I speak about this a lot, but two children, I I kind of thought I had life now, like two kids, business, blah blah blah, everything was going really nicely. Then I had my third baby, yeah. And then it was like, What the hell? Basically, you know, she had all sorts of issues with feeding and reflux, and everyone knows this the ear infections, year and a half of literal kind of steep issues and challenges there. Um, but even then, like she's sassy and strong, and she's everything I want her to be. But what that also means is like I'm suddenly like, what is going on? And I often say to myself, why am I finding this so hard? Like, I am an in brackets expert, like I do parenting. I was a nanny for 20 years. Like, why am I finding three children hard? The reality is it's hard because it's hard. It's hard because it's hard. It's a lot. I'm telling I sort of I struggle with that. Not too much now. I'm getting better, but I think that point on being your own best friend, yeah, and looking in, like my mum would on a phone, you know, always on the phone, she's like, Oh, you're doing so much, like almost like be my mum and be like, you're doing great, you're doing so, you're doing too much, you know.
SPEAKER_01So that loops like to what we were talking about earlier because that's all about your inner narrative and your um uh all of your feelings. So if you feel anxious or you feel stressed, every feeling comes from a thought. So again, a lot of us think that our feelings come from external circumstances like society or the recession or your kid's tantrum or whatever. Almost all our feelings come from thoughts, how we perceive it, which is why you and I can experience exactly the same thing, and you might be really triggered and I wouldn't, or vice versa, right? So that sense of overwhelm does come from our actions, which a lot of those are self-inflicted. So that's something that we can control quite quickly, we can make a change in quite quickly, like unsubscribing from emails instead of deleting them, saying no to the birthday parties, making things easier, drop like just all the little things, exiting the group chats if you find them over. Just like I'm unsubscribing from being this WhatsApp groups group, and it's just if it's not helpful, then get out of it, you know. But the other part is your inner narrative, and so those feelings of overwhelm will be awful if your subconscious chatter is like you did a terrible job there, or you know, if you have like an awful drop-off in the morning, you know, and you're like, I'm a bad mom, I lost my temper, like if you're beating yourself up. So again, we need to take responsibility for that inner chatter, and when you rewire it, which is entirely possible, you can completely rewire that inner dialogue to only be supportive. And I don't personally only think that you can. I think we have a responsibility too.
SPEAKER_02Interesting, yeah. And do you therefore model that with your children? Because obviously you have slightly older children, so push I I always think with a lot of this stuff, it's almost like why don't they teach kids this stuff at school? There would be so much they could teach them that means that they can grow up and recognise that thoughts and feelings, you know, they're not they're different and all that stuff that you've been saying, yeah. But obviously, we don't really focus too much on that.
SPEAKER_01So, do you actively role model that in front of your children massively? Which has been more of a journey with my younger two than my oldest. I have my oldest at 21. I was a completely different person. I hadn't gone on this journey, I didn't know all this, I didn't teach you know, I wasn't it. Um, so that's been like an unusual parenting journey of like needing to introduce a nearly 12-year-old to it much later, and almost kind of I know better now, so I want to teach you better now, and then bring my younger two up. And the younger two are so receptive. It's taken my older child maybe a year, but now she is as well. And I teach it in like the easiest ways. Tell us, tell us. Like, what do I need to do? Um, I have a recording where I did this with my middle one. I keep meaning to put it on my podcast. So I taught them that you have something called intruders in your brain. Teaching something in layman's terms to kids is actually like the best opportunity. So I was like, all of us have something called intruders in our mind, and that's that like neggy voice in your head. So I said, you know, when you're at school and you put your hand up, yeah, and someone says that neggy voice says something mean to you, and I made them give me examples, and they were really receptive. So they were like, Yeah, sometimes my intruders say to me that uh if I get the answer wrong, that people are gonna think I'm stupid. Okay. So I was like, so basically that isn't real. They're like these little intruders and they're up to no good in your head, and they're just telling you silly things, and then I said, I have intruders too, and sometimes when I'm at work, my intruders will pop up and say something like, Oh, you're really rubbish at your job. And I made like a real joke of it.
SPEAKER_00So I was like, Oh, how stupid is that?
SPEAKER_01Or you know, and then we were sharing all these things that our intruders say, and so I said it's really important to know that those intruders just sometimes pop up, and that's fine, they're just gonna do what they're gonna do. But our job is to not get carried away and to always block them and correct the thought that you want, and to know that what they're saying isn't the truth. So that's how I uh ultimately explain intrusive thoughts to kids and how to um choose their own inner dialogue, and then we talk a lot about the thoughts that we want to think and believe.
SPEAKER_02And so, do you or do you get them to um correct those thoughts like with you? Do they ever walk around going, Mummy, I'm trying to do this? Like, I've got this thought. Do they sort of verbalise that to you yet? Do you think that's it? Which is the coolest thing ever. That's amazing.
SPEAKER_01So, say they've got back from dad's, um, my middle one might be like um upset in bed like on the first night, and she'll say things to me like, Oh, my intruders told me that, you know, end blank, like I'm not gonna see daddy for ages, or whatever, or that you know, getting really noisy. And I also always notice that they can tell the difference between their intruders and also just their own feelings about a circumstance as well. So that like random, aggressive, overly negative, intrusive thought versus like I'm really feeling this about this situation. So, I mean, this stuff is natural, it's just that we weren't taught it, yeah, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01But I wouldn't be able to help them with that if I hadn't done that work on myself.
SPEAKER_02Most adults can't do it. Or struggle to do it. I mean, they can do it, obviously. Yeah, they have the ability to do it, but would not know how to do it. They've never been listen to those intrusive thoughts and therefore a lot of the time act based on those rather than the opposite, which is to re internalise or or tell themselves something different.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And importantly, they feel like it too, you know. So they're walking around and they're trying their hardest and they're working really hard. Hard and they are being the best parent that they can under those circumstances, but they're feeling a knot of guilt or anxiousness, and it's such a shame, you know. And I know what that feels like, and it's um it there really does get to be another way than that, you know.
SPEAKER_02Because it's interesting, like what's coming up from me hearing what you're saying is I'm thinking about the sleep side of things and thinking, you know, it's pushed on us as well now more than ever, more than definitely, when I worked with you how many years ago, that it's normal to have to be sleep deprived, and it's normal to have to kind of just you know, your relationship's not great because you've got kids, so go figure. And I've always been the sort of person that sort of suggests that you get to choose, like there are other ways of doing things, yeah. Sure, like you know, first few years are really, really hard to a certain degree, babies need to feed, blah blah blah. But there gets to be another way, but not only do we have our own intrusive thoughts, we also are seeing and hearing a lot from socials on like that could be normal, should be normal, etc.
SPEAKER_01So I think that's really challenging. I agree. I think so many people are stuck in the struggle without realizing that there is a completely other option for them in almost every realm of life, but that has to start with you choosing that this doesn't get to be your lived reality.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01So you get to choose.
SPEAKER_02You get to choose. Amazing. I love that. This episode is proudly sponsored by BioGaia Probiotics. BioGaia are experts in gut health, offering clinically tested probiotics designed to support the whole family's digestive system from day one and as your child grows. Whether it's helping with colic, gas, or overall gut balance, their products are developed with both science and safety in mind. You can purchase BioGaia in Boots, Amazon, or Holland and Barrett, or use the code PPBY20 for 20% off on their website. Because when your family feels better, everything feels a little easier. And so let's kind of backtrack a little bit because we've been talking about childhood and how it's really important to learn certain things, or ideally, you'd learn certain things at a younger age. You shared that you are a young carer, and there are lots of sort of pressures that came with that. So, how did that end up shaping, I guess, your early parenting journey and beyond?
SPEAKER_01My gosh. So, my story is quite hectic. I will keep it PG and simplified. But um, I was a child carer for my mum who had debilitating mental illnesses, and for a lot of the time it was just me and her. Um, she was in and out of hospital from it, but I was her crutch, really. Um, and I left home in the night when I was 12, and then I never went back. Um so how has that shaped my parenting journey? It was more how much it shaped me as a human being. Of course, and um I think the most significant part was that I almost like fast-forwarded my way into making all the mistakes all at once, really, really fast in the worst way possible. So everything through from too much partying, um, bad relationships with men, um, horrific mental health, awful life choices, uh, zero self-trust, very low self-worth, everything. Like you name it, I had it, and I've experienced almost every mental health thing going. Um, and I think also when you've gone through a lot of trauma, you're more susceptible to stuff. Like I had PND and psychosis after my middle baby. Because I think you've just, I think when you've been in that dark place, you can be more susceptible. So it shaped who I was, and I think it's obvious to say as well that it shaped the kind of mum that I did and didn't want to be. But I think the hardest part about that, because I had my first baby on my own at 21, completely unprepared, obviously, is I remember being initially so struck by the kind of mother I didn't want to be, but I didn't know how to get to being the mum or woman that I did want to be. And I feel like that's probably the part that fuels my work so heavily as I devoted my life to finding out that path and in a way that's so simple, I can explain it to a five-year-old. Because I would have bitten someone's arm off to proactively change who I was and the patterns that I knew I had. And I think when we work in services, like we work with people like you do, we want the best for everyone. But the biggest thing that you learn in business, of course, is that you can only help someone that wants to help themselves. And there are so many people in the world that want better and that would do anything for you to show them the way, and so it shaped me as a woman and it shaped me as a parent because it made me so intentional about what I wanted to role model, and I think I learned firsthand that you really will pick up everything that your parents are, and it is very you know, do as I say, not as I do is just never going to apply because I suffered firsthand the consequences of those things.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Gosh, you've you've turned obviously what is a really traumatic journey into something amazingly powerful. Helping all of these women and uh most of the women that you help, are they mothers themselves or vast majority, I would say, all wanting to be.
SPEAKER_01Um they're still I find even though my realm now is business, um that if they hire me and they're not mums, it's usually still something to do with the fact that I am a mum, you know, and really in support of like people's life as a whole, you know. Like I don't care what kind of mum you want to be, I care what kind of mum you want to be, you know.
SPEAKER_02And it's all interlinked anyway, isn't it? Yeah. Because you can't, you know, if you've got something going on with your relationship, you can't do the business you want to do, and vice versa, and parenting and whatever else. So it's yeah, all it's the common themes are across the board rather than just being a business theme. Like you can take that and apply it to all other areas of life as well.
SPEAKER_01And I think it's like we we're in an era now where everyone gets that holistic approach where you know, sure you want to succeed even more so in one area, but you want to do that um with the other areas of your life thriving, you know. And I think for a long time that message just got lost, didn't it? As it's just like to succeed in your business, like everything else has to crash, your body, your relationships, your parenting, your home life, you know, and I'm just unsubscribed from that after learning it the hard way, you know, that that that that stuff did happen to me, and I was like, I don't want that, you know.
SPEAKER_02Did you experience that sort of burnout? I suppose is what we're talking about in the journey with your first obviously you're much younger, or did that come later on?
SPEAKER_01The worst burnout ever, multiple times. Yeah, I was the burnout queen. Yeah, because I had such a point to prove, and I was so behind and felt so behind because I've always been fiercely ambitious, but I had a baby 10 years sooner than I thought I would be, you know, lucky enough to have a baby, and there we were. So I was so aware how behind I was. You know, I didn't own a house, I didn't have my career, I didn't have 10 years of experience behind me, so I had to fight to get that, and I was on my own, I didn't have a husband at home to support in any way, you know. So um, burnout was my middle name for 10 years, which is um hugely passionate piece for me behind business, is that you really can build your business past the point that it is, or you know, sometimes I work with startups now again, um, without that burnout.
SPEAKER_02I think it's really interesting because for the majority of I guess mothers working um in a business or in a small business or trying to start a business, you see a lot of this like six-figure, all of this stuff on Instagram, and like you're trying to do that thing, but then you see all the parenting stuff and you're trying to do, you know, the great parenting, whatever else, and it's really hard not to be, I think, in burnout these days. So, what would your advice be if someone's like, I'm trying to do this, I'm trying to do this, and it's just all a bit like you almost want to, you don't quite, but like want to get off the treadmill and just stop and just how have you got it.
SPEAKER_01It's like you want to be it all. You want to be it all, you want to have it all.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. I get it.
SPEAKER_01I think it's the same approach as that, like bringing the expectation down and not letting it create a push-pull because I think a lot of us um mums, we do have this like really soft side, you know. Like I just want to like garden with my kids and be with them and like be switched off, and I want to be that version of my personality, and then I also want to be the boss career version, and I think for a long time I let them like uh rub against each other as if they one of them threatened the other one. So when I was like, okay, these things get to coexist, but how does that? It was that same approach of pragmatically how, well, for me to really be the mum and present that I want to be in my home life, I'm going to need these certain boundaries. So I have certain boundaries around my phone, certain boundaries around the times that I don't work, the days that I don't work. But then equally I have boundaries where I'm like, kids, love you, I'm off to work, you know. So it's allowing that pragmatic point to come in. I think it's focusing within the business of just getting better at the things that you're doing. Like every single time I audit someone's business, the business isn't actually working hard for them. So yeah, they're posting content, but the content could be better positioned to be converting. So they're doing a lot of box-ticking exercises, which are making them money, but they could be better. So instead of focusing on I need to do more, it's like, no, you just need to do the real basics but slightly sharper. Um, but then in terms of yourself, it's like, where am I creating that burnout? Again, like a lot of that comes from the internal piece because actually, if I'm not working from 5 p.m. the next morning, I can either spend that time genuinely enjoying my family and genuinely being present and genuinely chilling out and like replenishing when I've put the kids to bed and like doing my nice evening thing and switching off, or I can spend it overthinking. So, how much of your off time are you actually spending? That's so true, switching off, like actually switching off, and spending that thought, and so that's where the psychological rewire point is so powerful for ultimately high-aiming, ambitious women, is you perform so much better at work when you learn how to really take charge of that inner narrative and what's going on inside, because I'd rather turn up at work refreshed and replenished, and I know what it's like to not.
SPEAKER_02I think when you're trying to juggle both, from my experience, I do the very best of both business parenting when I do sort of box them out, if you like. So this is mum time, like three till, and I'm still not fully successful at this, but three till I don't know, whatever, 7 8 pm. Maybe I look at my phone for half an hour, but that's not answering emails and checking things and what's just happening on, and you know, all of that stuff. And if you can do that and sort of compartmentalize them, I can see how you would feel much clearer, you would feel much more well-rested. I have not quite got there yet, gotten there yet. Sometimes, yeah, like sometimes I'll have a day where I'm like, it's a mommy day to day, you know, don't look at work stuff at all. And I feel amazing on those days, like you do, you feel like I've nailed it, yeah. But I think it's very, very hard, especially with um small children around. And I think it's just for anyone. And quite often, obviously, I look a lot about uh I look a lot at relationships after work and connecting with children, and I work with a lot of um corporates and parents who are full-time in work, and how to create that connection, that relationship at the end of the day, and it does it does have to be around like work just has to switch off at six when you get home, and you can pick it back up at eight or seven or whenever, but that presence is so important.
SPEAKER_01But if your nervous system is in low-key survival mode, then it won't, so it will be really hard to override that. And so, and and I believe that comes from thoughts from my experience, yeah. Um, definitely, because it's a self-trust, it's that your body is like I can't trust myself to stop, I can't trust myself to switch off, which was the mess that I got myself in. Um, I'd be checking everything all the time, and even if I wasn't, I'd sort of be faking being off, but still feeling on. And when we learn to regulate that, that's the first piece that I do with someone because if I can get that out the way, everything works, and it is a very quick process. Um, and it's so liberating because you work hard enough to be able to trust yourself, you know, and also like controversial, but it's just taking the heat off. Like, if I've ever known a client that's got pregnant or has got so such young kids, I'm like the rules don't apply to you, like nothing applies to you, I think, if you've got under fives, and it's like you have your whole life, so just do your best and chill out. And as long as everyone's fed and you are moving the needle forwards, like it's kind of okay because I think for all of us, at least with one kid, you can look back, don't you? And you're like, if you could give yourself one piece of advice when your kids were tiny, it'd be like just chill. It's never gonna get harder than this. Yeah, so just you're doing your best, that looks different every day. Just bring down that expectation because my god, does it get easier?
SPEAKER_02It does, it really does. And I think that's the thing as you start to come out of the trenches, you look back and you realize, like, oh my god.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and you look back and you're like, just calm down, it's fine. You can do some of that like in two years' time. And yeah, definitely. I wish I'd known that.
SPEAKER_02Where does this is more of a sort of personal question, I guess, but just out of interest, like, where does people pleasing come into motherhood and anything we've just spoken about?
SPEAKER_01Okay, can I talk about the root of people pleasing? Yeah, yeah, go for it. You may know this, but uh certainly from my experience, I've identified that people pleasing is actually the most selfish trait that we have. So often, if we wear that, like I'm just a people pleaser thing, it's like I am just so nice and pink and flowery and hard, and actually we wear it as that like it's because I'm so serving and la la, and it isn't because people pleasing tends to always come because we learnt a pattern that we regulated our own nervous system by everyone else in the room being okay. Yeah. So as a child carer, you can imagine how much I relate with that. So we all do that in different ways, but it was like the only way that we learnt to be regulated, i.e., safe, was by fixing everyone else and then we could breathe for a second and we'd be okay. So yes, we need to own what it really is because a lot of the time people are trying to fix people pleasing by these very surface level band-aid solutions, silly affirmations, oh, just let them like it doesn't work because anyone I've seen do that has to keep reusing that over and over again. It hasn't dissolved that root, that urge to fix or please or bend backwards or compromise your own boundary. So it's really important to own and understand what people pleasing really is, and from there, it's just noticing where it's coming up and why. And I just think the fastest way to change anything is to disrupt the thought pattern. So next time you notice yourself doing it, like maybe your husband says, I don't want to eat chicken tonight, let's eat beef, and you really don't want to. It's that you have to notice when that feeling comes up in you, that temptation again to give in or please or bend over to the thing that you really don't want to. And ask yourself in that moment before you go to do it, disrupt that thought pattern and just go, what do I really want in this moment and why am I about to do this? Because you'll start to come face to face with the honest truth, which is I want everyone to like me. Yeah, I why? Because then I'm accepted, you know, and you'll start to come face to face with those limiting beliefs that are really in the way. And sometimes just disrupting stuff, creating that little minute to be a bit more intentional and start to act and show up like the version of you that you want to become. Sometimes that is just enough on repeat.
SPEAKER_02It's just it blows my mind, obviously, working with parents and children on a daily, just how much of how we are as an adult is ultimately shaped from our experiences and childhood. Like you really I just think it's part of the reason I'm doing the work I'm doing because it just feels massive. Yeah. Um yeah, I love your idea about intruders as well. I'm gonna take that away. Um I want to just finish off on relationships. Yes. Um, you have been through quite the journey, even pre-having your first baby, but in terms of relationships and breakups. And I guess I think something I've touched on a few times in these podcasts is this idea of like having to just have a bit of a shit marriage or relationship because you have young children and not feeling fully sort of satisfied or happy. Um, do you have advice for the mothers who are listening who are you know in that situation or what are you what was your take on it? Because you've been through that, you've been through a divorce and as good as divorce, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Twice. Um I know it's just really simple, but you really just at least in this lifetime, like you really just get one life. And you are also young and also living and also valuable. And there's something about having small kids that makes us feel like we're just this redundant vessel now where we've just like done the kid thing, and then like our whole everything is just like less meaningful now, and it's all about the kids. And I just think you just the most powerful thing you can do as a woman or a man, but as a woman is just be selfish and just live the life that you want to, and in my opinion, as hard as it is, I get it firsthand. Life is too short to be laid in bed next to someone that doesn't set your pants on fire and doesn't um isn't a hundred percent.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01And I just think how you do anything is how you do everything, and every relationship breakdown that I have experienced and my kids have seen. My biggest concern, like every parent, has been, oh my god, the kids. And I don't want to be that person that's like kids are so resilient because we know how detrimental that is, and it's not that they're resilient, they're entirely, you know, but they are so much less bothered than I've actually assumed they were gonna be. They've always been fine. I have never regretted leaving a relationship ever. I've always regretted staying longer. Everyone says that it doesn't change, and that the deciding is always the hardest part. Yeah. Once you've done the decision, you're so afraid of the decision because you think the aftermath is gonna be the hardest part, but it's not. The decision is the hardest part, and you know, there's just no avoiding the fact every time when I've tried to escape that decision myself, and you know, whatever the scenario was, is it's like ultimately what do I want to role model to my kids, you know. And if my daughter or son came home and they were like the mother or father of my kids, they're even if they're a great person, I think it's harder to leave a relationship where the person isn't a narcissist or has done something awful, it's harder, you know. And so if they came home and said to me, you know, they're great, but they're just they're just not it. My soul isn't on fire, and I feel flat, and I'd be like, get out now. And I remember just really sitting with that and thinking, how the hell can I ever say that to my kids when they're older if they have to look me in the eye and be like, but you didn't, and so I really believe my duty is to not hide behind any nonsense that makes it easier for me, like, oh, I'm staying because of the kids, or blah blah blah, and really own that it's my duty as a leader, which is what I am as a parent, and what I am in business, and you know, who I am, to be the person to go first and to always do the hard thing if that's what I have to do to live a life that's in alignment and is what I really want, and feels good in my body and excites me, and to to show that as an example, and sometimes that's hard, but so much easier than being in a relationship where you know it's not the one.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I that's part of the reason I wanted to have you on the podcast because obviously we've been in touch for how again, however many years, nine, ten, whatever it is. And although I don't sort of, you know, like focus every day, wake up and look at your content. I have just felt and seen that change and that transformation and going from that place of it's kind of I don't know what it was like, but like felt like kind of okay, like sort of I say survival through to like really thriving and seeing you flourish and do all of these amazing things that you're now doing. Obviously, that's not just relationship-based, but presumably that kind of played a role in it.
SPEAKER_03Huge.
SPEAKER_01Do you know what? Like, I think when we have a difficult decision to make, let's say, relationships, or even if it's like someone leaving a job, it's like quite similar, whatever, we're so focused on the hard part of that. Like, we're so focused on like, oh my god, what will my parents say and what will they think, and how will I pay them more? Ah, we're just so in that. You completely forget to do the most important thing, which is look past that point and think, like, imagining the best case scenarios, you know, like if someone would show me where my life is now compared to even where it was when I was in a very happy on the outside, you know, relationship for five years with the father of my kid, who is an amazing human being, and we have an amazing, respectful co-parenting relationship with, I would have I'd have run, you know, because and and I think that's the thing is like maybe you're not even ready to make that decision, but maybe start to fantasize, you know, and realise like it is how you do anything, is how you do everything.
SPEAKER_02And this is the thing, like your sort of overriding, I suppose, the theme being like you get to choose whether that's you know what what how much sleep you get when you're a new parent or what kind of relationship you're in, or even
SPEAKER_01How you do business, and that can change, you know, like permission to let yourself just go easy on yourself. Like sometimes what was right for you two, three, five years ago, it just isn't what's right for you now, and that's just you don't need to explain that.
SPEAKER_02Definitely, people change, yeah. To finish off, um, I like to ask all of my guests a question around motherhood, and that is sort of what is the support that you need the most to be your best version of yourself in motherhood? What would you answer?
SPEAKER_01I have a full-time nanny, yeah. Best thing I've ever done in my life. Had to totally get over myself for that. Um, cannot recommend it enough. Um, she just holds the weight of everything with me. Like, she does our laundry, she does our cooking, she looks after the house, she just thinks about things, you know. She she thinks about things. So appreciate that subsession that we have to work to get into. But that was something that I decided early on was what I wanted to work to get towards because when I was like, I actually want more ease. I thought I wanted all this like complicated bigness, and actually, I just want an easy, simple life. For me, that looked like taking some of the weight off. So for me, it comes in the form of humans, yeah. Um, investing as well, making the investment into and I'd so much rather that than like complicated anything in my life or an additional, whatever the decision would be, an additional holiday, or like that, that over everything, because the time I spend with my kids is so much more valuable because again, like we can't gaslight ourselves into how much the physical weight is, so absolutely game-changing, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I bet that's not something 21-year-old yourself would have would have been.
SPEAKER_01She could sit here and say as well. Yeah, and she she was like hand making all the snacks and like just making everything so hard, you know. And I was like, had to really work on it, get to know myself, get over that like I can do it all badgamana thing, to be like, wow, I didn't even know my desire was to have help and support, and also kind of see how that could make me a more present mum, you know, because sometimes it's misunderstood, isn't it? Is that the nanny means you're with the kids less, it doesn't, it means that I can have this.
SPEAKER_02Is so interesting, and I think it's really hard because that that there are a lot of people on social media that have help and don't talk about it. Yes, it's still very much seen as a negative or like something that people look down on, or presume that if you've got it, then you're not doing the rest of the stuff as well. And I think it's amazing that you can sit here and say that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, I think it's totally something to be proud of, you know, totally something to work towards if you really look and think, God, that'll make me and my husband's relationship so much better because we're not gonna argue over the dishwasher, or you know, and just own it. Like I have I have really bad ADHD. So I find mornings really they are mornings are challenging for me. So even the concept of like making three sets of breakfasts and my own and having a shower, and that that's something that although I'm progressively working on, like, that's always going to be hard to a degree. And so having someone four days a week that just comes and just does the sit like the difference in everything, you know, and I'm just like a joy to be with with my kids. So it's just owning like what is hard in your life, and like where can you just get rid of it, or what what are you gonna work towards, or what could you compromise to do that? And just yeah, I I hate anyone that um I hate anyone that's the strong word, but I hate any narrative that I'm trying to find a polite word, but you know, crushes women for having support. Like, geez, we're spinning more plates than we were ever designed to spin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I love your honesty. Thank you. Do you want to tell everyone where they can find you?
SPEAKER_01I have two two Instagram pages, which I'm very sorry about, but both of them come up under Lissy. So um, Lissy Pooch, which is how I say my surname, is like my personal page. That's more mum stuff, my life behind the scenes, and then Lissy underscore consciously create is where you'll find my business stuff and links to my podcast as well.
SPEAKER_02Perfect. We'll put those in the show notes and just thank you for being here. That was really I'm I've got lots of things ticking over in my head now. I need to go write all of this down. Um, and the intruders lesson. Love, I'm doing home ed, so I'm gonna put that in as a lesson of importance next week. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you. Listening to this week's episode, don't forget to subscribe on whichever channel you find your podcast on Spotify, Apple, or other podcast players.