Irish People Try A Podcast For The First Time

Irish People Try A Podcast For The First Time - In our inaugural episode, Colin Regan welcomes Justine Stafford and Dermot Ward to The Green Room! They discuss everything from proper podcast etiquette, awkward gym encounters, first kiss/date stories as well as answering some of the greatest philosophical quandaries that has plagued the best philosophers and greatest thinkers of our time like “is it worse having to burp or fart in the bedroom?”

Follow Justine Stafford here:
Instagram: instagram.com/justinestafford_ 
The Lovely Show Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/6BJHkFuBmBpN7a1OXUEZ2j?si=xcF1-j16TeSlS5S1pVJfuw%0A 

Follow Dermot Ward here:
Instagram: instagram.com/chizmund

Transcript

Colin & Seán's Podcast Introduction

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone, I'm Colin Regan.

SPEAKER_04 0:02

And I'm Sean Connolly. We're part of the Troy Channel, an Irish YouTube channel where we try food and drink from around the world.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

And today we're here to bring you something very special. We're launching the world's first ever podcast.

SPEAKER_04 0:15

No, no, no, Colin. It's not. It's not? No. Is it at least like the second or the third? No, there's there's millions. Millions! There's millions. But that's right. After close to 10 years here on the Tri Channel, we're starting a podcast. We're gonna swap snacks for stories as we share some embarrassing tales, play some games, and have some laughs along the way.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Join us as we interview guests and discuss everything from what happened to us this week to what we think happens in the afterlife.

SPEAKER_04 0:41

It's like pulling up a chair in your local pub and having those long chats that lead into the early hours of the morning.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

And so, without further ado, welcome to the Green Room. Are you sure it's not the world's first podcast?

SPEAKER_04 0:52

Oh my god, shut up.

Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Hello everybody, and you are very welcome to something a little bit different on the Tri channel today. It is uh a little podcast that we're doing here, uh, hosted by me, Colin Regan, and I'm joined by two very wonderful guests, Justin Stafford and Dermot Ward. Oh, sorry. Yeah, you can tell.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

I was waiting for the audience to clap. Yeah. Anyone gonna know?

SPEAKER_06 1:26

Thanks for coming, guys. Great to see you, as always.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Sean's not even gonna clap, no? It is filming in front of a live studio audience. Yeah, yeah, they just don't like us.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

They're just we'll we'll Sean's on a delay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

But uh, yes, you're very welcome to the podcast. We obviously uh film a lot of fun videos and stuff here, but we wanted to uh I suppose experiment with something a bit more long form. Yeah, we're very, very excited to hopefully have this be the first episode uh of many of a wonderful little podcast.

SPEAKER_06 1:56

Oh my god, I can't believe we're on a couch. This is the budget knows no end. This is very nice couch.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

It's incredible. Surprisingly I don't mean that as a slag. It's a surprisingly nice couch. This is plush. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

I mean, this is the thing it's a step up from um just you know sitting at a desk and trying food.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

I'm not a fan of the fact that we have to wear trousers. Yeah, no, you you as we know I'm always pantsless in the videos.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

That is true. Well, I suppose yeah, the table covers it. Would you would you rather if we had gotten a table that just to cover your your part of the couch here?

SPEAKER_03 2:26

I'd just rather take my pants off, if that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Um I don't know. Uh we want you to be comfortable. I don't know if you want to be that comfortable. It's a podcast, no one has to see it. Uh well people will see it. We this is the cameras, you see. People are seeing this right now. Right. Three of them looking at you. And let me just stress for the audio listener, Dermot is wearing pants. He is. Oh, he is. We can check in maybe as a part of it.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

Okay, you don't have to be so you don't have to be so like vehemently against it.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

We know. I said that I want this to be the first of many episodes of the podcast. I don't want the podcast, yeah, don't want it to end probably less than five minutes before it's even begun. Oh well. Uh thank you so much for having us. Oh, yeah, yeah. I am delighted to be here. Yes. I know. And delight these wearing trousers. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We we all are. We all are.

Spicebreaker: Podcast Etiquette

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Uh yes, to to kick things off, uh, I thought we would uh to play a little bit of a a game. Oh it's uh a little game that uh we're gonna call spice breakers.

SPEAKER_06 3:22

Oh a spice breaker.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

So what we're gonna be doing is we're going to be You didn't even have to tell us what we were doing.

SPEAKER_06 3:29

We were just late with that. We're like spice.

SPEAKER_05 3:32

Name of the game, name of the game, yay!

SPEAKER_00 3:36

You will be trying uh something spicy and then we'll have to uh I suppose yes, uh delve some some some information. Okay. Uh so that's what we're gonna be doing. I do rise that the the bottle. Everything I need is actually over there. Uh I probably could have had it here uh to to to stand by the.

SPEAKER_06 3:56

Well that would reveal that would ruin the surprise. You were dead, right? No, don't touch yourself.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

That's okay. Uh so yeah, I'm you want I'm the host actually. I don't have to do any of this shit. So uh but yes, uh, we're gonna bring our lovely producer Sean Connolly uh in with uh See how quickly we clap there, Sean.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

See that? See how quickly we clap for you.

SPEAKER_06 4:14

Yes, you see normally the concept is yeah, yeah, you do one or the other. You're like, I'm going to either divulge this information or take the spicy thing. Yes. I love what you've done. You're like, nah, you gotta do both. Yeah. There's no choice here. Yeah, can't back out. You sign the form. Yep, that's it. You have you seriously lost your mind? What the hell was that? What was that? That was me doing like this is fine. Okay, sorry. You're too good an actor.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

The two of you previously hosted a podcast. Justine, you currently host a podcast. What I was thinking is you host another podcast without me. Oh okay.

SPEAKER_06 4:57

They specified you have to wear pants, okay? And you were not going to change your view on that. What choice did it have?

SPEAKER_00 5:03

All right, okay, fair enough. Oh, sorry, I didn't uh find that out now. No spice breaker for you. Hey oh uh so yes, uh you both have uh a prior podcast experience. I'm what I was saying, because this is the the first episode of ours, is maybe you could uh give us some advice on on proper podcast etiquette. How does one how what should what should one do right to host a podcast? So you you can have a shot of some uh chili vodka here. Great, and then uh give your give your advice. You know, basically judge, how am I doing so far? Am I am I doing am I doing right? Am I doing it wrong? Uh you know.

SPEAKER_03 5:44

You want to ask advice from uh someone with a a currently very popular podcast and someone with a defunct podcast that that wasn't popular enough to last.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Yeah, I so I wanted to get uh all both sides of it. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what that's what good uh you know journalistic research is. You get it from all angles, you know, and then you can compile it and make uh a proper substantial thing then. Cool. So oh not defunct, I remember the name of it.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

They're still available to listen to if you want.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Anyway, um uh so yes, what I was thinking is you you could try it, and then maybe I could try and uh I'll go last and I can try and use your advice then. Sorry, it's just it's just a standard glass of chili vodka. Can I just get a sniff?

SPEAKER_02 6:28

For those on the audio podcast, Justine is now sniffing the shot glass.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

No, drink it. Yeah, you can drink it and then immediately just give your your best podcast advice. Like, what should one

Spicebreaker: Justine's Podcast Advice

SPEAKER_00 6:39

do? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 6:42

Okay, you miss all the shots you don't record. Which is key because we're we're recording this one right here, okay? So it's important to be like shoot it all, and then you can edit afterwards. But if you don't have it there, it's better to be looking for us than look at uh better to be looking at than looking for it, all right? As my father would say. And it is, and you want that there. Okay, and then you also I honestly believe you just need to be yourself. And Colin, you're playing a blinder, you're being yourself. I feel at ease, we both feel at ease. I'm having the time of life. Okay, and I honestly the best advice I give you is don't be looking for advice and get better lighting.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 7:18

Oh okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

For those listening at home, uh for those listening just fell over. It's fine, Sean. It's fine. For the audio listener, that sound was there's a light tape to the back of this chair and it fell over. Uh it fell down. So be myself, but don't be too comfortable in case I knock this light off.

SPEAKER_06 7:38

Yeah, I think it just happened as I said, the best advice give you is you don't need advice, and then that happened. So maybe maybe you do need advice.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 7:45

No, you don't need advice, you just need sell a tape for your lights. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Better tape, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

I love I love that uh just before my go, Justine said you don't need any advice. So my point is this could be pointless now.

SPEAKER_06 7:58

Well, no, no, no. No, sure. What do I know? What do I know?

SPEAKER_03 8:01

You're the one on a currently successful podcast.

SPEAKER_06 8:03

Yeah, but sure that means nothing.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Uh I will also like that. There was uh maybe when you first had it, there was a I could see like a slight immediate struggle of the spice hitting it. Yeah, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_06 8:16

It's like eating in a microwave. It's just sitting there now, lovely.

SPEAKER_03 8:19

Uh is this bad microwave is gonna be bad for me, is it?

SPEAKER_06 8:22

Ah, it's not no, there's it's it's so not the worst.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yeah, but I'm terrible.

SPEAKER_06 8:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Well you'd be grand.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

You've had spicy stuff on the channel before. Yeah, that's gone well, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Yeah, there's like loads of videos of how well it's gone. Sure. I'm waiting for your go-ahead. Oh, sorry, yeah, you're right in your own time.

Spicebreaker: Dermot's Podcast Advice

unknown 8:43

Oh god!

SPEAKER_06 8:44

Dermot has drank the shot and he is now coughing. For the audio listener, Germans just coughed right into the microphone.

SPEAKER_03 8:51

Yeah, sorry about that.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Yeah, it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

Um advice! Sorry, advice for um for doing a podcast. It's best to have another person, so don't do it by yourself. Because then you're just talking out your heirs, you know what I mean? But have the right people because the uh the wrong combination can be can be uh no fun at all.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

That's why I don't do a podcast anymore.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

Didn't you do 50 episodes of your podcast?

SPEAKER_03 9:15

And a live show, two live shows. Ah no, it was great. No, but but no, but nobody in all seriousness, no, in all seriousness though, that is that is important. Uh you need you need uh you need a rapport with the with the with your guests. You have that with us. You have that you have a natural rapport with most people, so I don't think you have to worry about that. But it's just something to keep in mind, I think.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Okay, yeah, interesting.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

Be yourself, natural rapport, be your be yourself, be yourself, but if the person you're with um you're not getting anything from them, be someone else. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Okay, yeah, right. So be yourself until you can always need to be Bosco.

SPEAKER_06 9:48

Yes, that's what they say. The A B B always B Bosco. Okay, okay when in doubt. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

There's about three people lit watching and listening who will understand that reference.

SPEAKER_06 9:58

Okay, so when they if they get it, Jesus, they'll be glad.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Oh, they'll be glad.

SPEAKER_06 10:03

Hi there, boys and girls. Yeah, that was always be Bosco. What more of it to tell you?

SPEAKER_03 10:09

That was a pretty good Bosco as well.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Like, some of our uh viewers and listeners and uh podcast consumers, whatever, uh might not uh having a clue what you just did there, but it was 100% accurate.

SPEAKER_06 10:21

You know what it also sounds like? Michael D. Well, it does. I'm sorry, but it does. That's Michael D. Oh, you don't know you're Michael D from your Basco.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

Um incredible, incredible, boys and girls do nothing but a wanker ripping up fear.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

Uh okay. Well, I guess now uh for my spice breaker, I have to have this and apply the advice you're giving me, and in which I have to be myself and then also if it's not working, not be someone else. Yeah, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

Yeah, I think that's pretty solid advice. I think it's pretty solid advice. Yeah, good for us.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

We should do a podcasting at least.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Yeah, yeah, you should you guys should do a self-help podcast.

SPEAKER_03 11:05

Oh my god, nobody wants that. Nobody all me and Justine do is talk about how we should help ourselves and we can't. Our entire friendship has built on that.

SPEAKER_06 11:16

We should probably, actually.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

All right, well, it's time for me

Spicebreaker: Colin Applies Guests' Advice

SPEAKER_00 11:19

to this this break. This smells like just actual petrol, but anyway, right. It's fine.

SPEAKER_06 11:33

Oh like a boss! And granny fell off the boss.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

How the fuck did you have zero almost zero to react to that just saying? Jesus Christ. Yeah, no, you didn't, yeah, you didn't react at all.

SPEAKER_06 11:43

I'm not well.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

So I guess you'd be like, hey everybody, welcome to the show. I'm joined by two wonderful guests, oh, Justine and Dermot, and two very funny people. And oh my god. Are you doing there? You okay? I've I've I like that I've devised a game in which I thought the joke would really be on ye, and I've just like set a flame to my own mouth. Oh my god, Jesus Christ. I did uh be yourself, be someone else.

SPEAKER_06 12:17

Oh my god, that is absolutely as I said, you miss all the shots you don't record. Isn't it great we recorded that?

SPEAKER_00 12:26

We yeah, it's great that I have that to look back on. Yeah, oh my god, that is a nightmare.

SPEAKER_06 12:32

Whoo!

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Sorry, he's himself anyway. I that's for sure.

SPEAKER_06 12:37

That's good. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

I don't think I don't think I could I could I don't even think I could have been someone out there. I could only have been me reacting to this

Comedians 🤝 Musicians

SPEAKER_00 12:46

vice. No, but I suppose, yeah, you know what that it I I I appreciate you giving me that advice. It's good advice in terms of how to host this, how to run this thing. But uh yeah, there's this trend or phenomena of of comedians are envious of musicians because they're like, oh, you get up on stage and you rock out the show, and people are singing your song back, and like, God, that's fucking awesome. And then there's a thing of musicians where they're like, Oh, like, but like you get, you know, you can't make people laugh, and like I wish I could be do what you do. And I was thinking about this, and I was like, what if you're neither of those things? What uh what what do you what do you do then?

SPEAKER_06 13:18

I would argue something now, Colin, which you I believe you're both of those things, okay? I've seen you on Guitar Hero and you are hilarious. So I just want to say that.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

I I don't know if I could uh sell tickets and then it's just me on a stage playing playing guitar here.

SPEAKER_06 13:33

I pay good money to see that.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Guys, I know I know I'm the host of this podcast, you don't you know to butter me up. John told us we had to.

SPEAKER_06 13:41

So well, I want to come back, you see, so I'm kind of like trying to play the long game. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

There should be instead of a DJ at a at a nightclub, it should be a full band of rock band guitar heroes.

SPEAKER_06 13:52

Oh, that would be immaculate. How does that not exist?

SPEAKER_00 13:55

It's like karaoke, but also like arcade games all in one.

SPEAKER_06 13:58

How would that how does that not exist? In all sincerity, how is that not a thing that people have thought that'll be genius? Because that would be incredible. And I can already see the cues of people who are unreal at Guitar Hero lining up to be like, you know, put me in, coach.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Yeah. Or just be me being like, Can I play again? And be like, oh yeah, okay, we have America.

SPEAKER_06 14:18

You gotta let me back up there. Where is this? Where is this? Oh, he's got an American. I don't know. You gotta let me up there.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

People are Jones for another song. How did we how did we get Gilbert Gottfried on the show? That's amazing. People are Jonesing for another song. That is incredible. I want to change my advocate my advice. My advice. I want to change my advice. I believe you should host every episode as Gilbert Godfrey. A B G. A B G. A B G.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

Okay, well, we'll be right back after a word for these sponsors. Hello, everybody, and

What's Your Worst First?

SPEAKER_00 15:04

welcome back to the second part of the podcast. What we're going to be doing uh is we posed a question to our wonderful guests here, uh, which is uh no, I sorry, German, you're looking around. I was I was talking about you. Yeah, I was talking about you and you and I said wonderful. Yeah, you're a wonderful guest. I was talking about the two of you. Sorry, it's strange when you're being nice to me. There's another person.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

I forgot there was a camera on, now you're being nice to me, I guess. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

But yes, the question we pose to our wonderful guests uh is what's your worst first? Uh now it doesn't have to be anything uh too salacious or anything like that, but it's just oh what a delight for the for the audio listeners.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

What a delight.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Justine is the audience. I was gonna say yeah, it's our podcast is filmed in front of a live studio, Justine. Uh my

Worst First: Colin's Gym Story

SPEAKER_00 15:56

uh worst first story is back when me, Kenny, and Sean all lived in the one apartment, our building had a gym in it. When you sign up, part of signing up is that you get a free consultation with a personal trainer.

SPEAKER_06 16:09

Uh, which is like ears that would give me.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

I don't like it either because I'm just like, I just want to go to the gym and do my own thing. But they're like, hey, we'll we'll get you all set up and blah blah blah, and they're all you know, and of course they're like fit and healthy and um uh happy as well. I I don't know if the uh I don't know how they do that. But Ram brings me in, he shows me around the gym, and then he brings me into like I guess like his office, sort of like a meeting reveal. It's just like a small office, just desk, and it's just like this already, very, very like it's too intimate. Yeah, it's almost very interview type setting. Yeah, but he's like uh sits me down, takes like whatever details, whatever, and then he asks me, he's like, What are you Colin? What are you hoping to get out of the gym? And then I didn't probably know what to say, and I get a bit tongue-tied, and I look at him and I just go, uh fit good? And I was and then I and then I like and then I was like, uh, or like uh, you know, like uh over general fitness, like overall, you know, just like trying to be healthier and blah blah blah. And in my head, I'm like, why did I just say fit good? And I was even trying to think back of like what was I trying to say to be like, oh, like this and that, and I got the two mixed up, and I was like, no, no, can't think of anything that actually made sense. It was just like just looked at this very healthy, you know, put together guy, and I just like fit good, and I'm yeah, and uh think back to it. It was it was literal years ago, and I think back to it, and I'm like, God, it's uh such uh uh yes, anything.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

I was once asked what how do I want to get into the gym? And I said, fit good.

SPEAKER_06 17:50

So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

That's just saying, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 17:56

I just like uh you know it sounds like a first draft for Fitbit.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Yeah, fit good. How do you it's your watch? Fit good, make fit good.

SPEAKER_03 18:05

Uh yeah, your clothes. Your clothes how do you want your cloth? How do you want your clothes after the gym? Fit good. That's what you were thinking. That's what you were thinking. I want to look good in my clothes.

SPEAKER_06 18:17

Yeah, the fit, yeah, yeah, the outfits. And how did he react?

SPEAKER_00 18:22

He just sort of kind of like a slight like head turn, and I was like, just like overall fitness. He's like, Oh yeah, like just overall fitness, and I was like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:31

And I was just like, oh then he then he just scribbled in his notebooks. This is gonna be a lot of work.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yeah, he's just like, I'm never gonna see this guy again. Uh yeah, I I yeah, I just uh I'm bad at uh talking sometimes, which is great for hosting a podcast.

SPEAKER_06 18:44

You have to face your fears. Yeah. Things that you know, if you don't take yourself out of the comfort zone, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

I stay in it. That's it.

SPEAKER_06 18:52

We have nothing against the comfort zone, though. I honestly think there's this whole so before I speak too much about that. I want to say a lot of people always like, well, you need to get your comfort zone. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. Like if you're happy in that, people are saying you need to get out there and expand more. I honestly feel, hey, why would you put yourself in multiple situations where you're like feeling uncomfortable and like stressy?

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Yes, I know you know what narrow your horizon lower your expectations of life. That's right, yes. Why do anything? That's the message we want to get out there. I like that.

SPEAKER_06 19:24

Be happy, yes, be happy. If getting out of your comfort zone is gonna make you unhappy, why would you do that? Yeah, be happy.

SPEAKER_03 19:30

You're right. Here on the try channel, we say never try.

SPEAKER_06 19:33

Yes, no try like, but if you realize it's not working for you, hey, maybe think, do I really want this? And if you do, keep trying. And that's clearly an indicator that that's the thing you want to do. But if it's not working for you and you're really unhappy, why do you why do you want that for yourself?

SPEAKER_00 19:47

You're right. I'm cancelling my gym membership. That's what that's the moral story. Do you still have a membership to that gym? No, not that gym. I've I've you know since moved, so no, I don't have a membership to that gym.

Worst First: Justine's First Kiss

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Justine, what's your worst first story?

SPEAKER_06 20:01

There's so many you could choose from. I mean, I think anyone who is a fan of Tri will think I will say durian, but the funny thing about durian is that only got worse every single time because you know it started with one little bit and then it became the full shoot is various different Jurians in the Jurian universe.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Cinematic universe, whatever. DCU, the durian cinematic universe. There you go. Yeah, you'd have worse first, worse second, worse.

SPEAKER_06 20:26

Exactly. Um, and that is something that I'll discuss with a therapist. I'm not gonna do that here because this is lighthearted chat.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

This is lighthearted chat.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

Never try, don't do it, narrow your horizon. Welcome to the first podcast Justine's ever done where it doesn't get heavy.

SPEAKER_06 20:41

Yeah, but like do no, but sorry, I can just say do try, like if you want to, but I'm saying, you know, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, you just gotta. We're messing, we're we're we're having fun. We're jazzhing, we're just that's a thing.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

If you are listening to this on audio, please watch the video because it's much better. I just said just watching watching Stafford squirrel at the movie is lots of fun.

SPEAKER_06 21:00

Um I think uh my first kiss was mad. Okay, it was mad, and the thing is, I know this person has no problem with you telling the story because they're my best friend, and we were best friends all our lives, and then I fancied him, and I was like, ah, and we were such good friends, everyone's like, uh, the parody you know, you'll have to shift. And as good friends, dude. It's such a romantic story, it's really a romantic story. You're such good friends, I prove it in front of us, but it was also I know I fancied him, but I don't think he felt the same way about me. I was you know, so I was like, ah, we were deered on the back of the bus, but we were such good friends. We weren't sure if we were taking a huge risk that the friendship would be affected. Because that's the last thing you want if this is your best friend. And so we we actually had a meeting about it. We got off the bus and we had a meeting on this wall.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

We talked about a private chat for two seconds.

SPEAKER_06 21:57

And we sat on the wall and we said. What do we do now? And we talked about and it was it was a tough conversation because everyone's inside they were going swimming and everyone's in swimming and we're sitting on this wall thinking, I don't know, our the the course of our lives could change after this. And we'd both we'd both admitting to each other like what what what age are 15? Yep.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

I was a late bloomer, nothing. No, no, no. It's it's not that, it's just more of the 50. To you being like, God Jesus, the course of our lives now could change after this. Nothing will ever be the same again.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

I've heard the story seven million times, and I'm still heard it every fucking time.

SPEAKER_06 22:36

Yeah, I'm sorry, this is amazing. Sorry, go on. So we're sitting anyway, and uh we're the the meeting's wrapping up, you know, we're getting to that stage of the meeting now, and we've kind of made the decision, look at we'd admit it to each other, I've actually never kissed anyone either. We were both frigids.

SPEAKER_05 22:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 22:51

You know, no shame in that either. No, and we says, Look at it, we're not gonna what's what'll happen if we don't do the dare? Because if you don't honor the dare, you have to think of the consequences there. Everyone says, Oh, she won't do a dare and she's a frigid. Like, what's things aren't looking up, are they?

SPEAKER_03 23:06

Because if you don't have to be a few, non-Irish listeners, frigid is uh someone who hasn't made out with someone.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

Yeah, like French kissed with someone. Someone who hasn't French kissed. So that's the thing. If you didn't do the dare, people would automatically assume you're a frigid.

SPEAKER_06 23:18

Yeah, exactly. So there's no getting away from it. You had no choice. Our hands our hands were tied, and our tongues were about to be. So we got back onto the bus and we says, Right, we'll do it. We'll do it. Um, and we're we're back we're down the bus and we give it a go. And it was awful. And the the but the worst part was then after that, our other friend said, Ah, whoa, whoa, no, no, you have to hold it for ten seconds or it doesn't count. Right? New rule to me. Hold hold what? The the the shift. Oh, you have to be shifting for ten seconds, or you're still a frigid, apparently. They said, We don't want that. So they they set a romantic scene for us. Our friend held his hoodie over our heads while he looked at us and counted for ten seconds, and that was the end of the shift. And in that moment, though, it did me the word good because I didn't fancy my friend anymore. And I truly just saw him as one of my best friends. Um, look what I was at as you know, I I'm still one of his best friends to this day. And uh yeah, that that was a great I mean it was terrible, but it was great.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

What about the kiss was so bad?

SPEAKER_06 24:20

It was like a cheeseburger, like a like a like a you know what are you talking about? Like it's like he thought I was a cheeseburger, right? You know, and like a Dyson Fury, like a Hoover job. I see.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

Like his tone went like a full washing machine, full washing machine, round and round full, yeah, full spin, full cycle.

SPEAKER_06 24:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:39

Did a rinse after it as well. Did a rinse, yeah. There was a rinse cycle. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:43

Um, and I I wouldn't I wouldn't have uh done it again. And I thought, is this because I didn't know that's what wasn't good shifting. I thought, is this what everyone's raging about?

SPEAKER_00 24:56

I was gonna say then, was your second kiss like, whoa, holy shit.

SPEAKER_06 25:00

I think my second kiss was probably about two years after that. So I took a I took a break from the games. A career break. I took a career break.

SPEAKER_03 25:08

Have you and I'm not gonna say his name, I know what his name is, so I'm not gonna say his name, but uh, have you spoken to him about that since? And like, because you know, it's great, you say, Oh, it was great because I didn't fancy my friend anymore. But you know, did the friend not go, well, why the fuck not?

SPEAKER_06 25:22

Like, well, because first off, he never fancied me, so it was no skin off his back.

SPEAKER_03 25:26

It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_06 25:27

He's still it's and he went away shifting no bother a couple weeks after.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

You were like, I took a break from shift for in two years, you were off shifting two weeks later. Yeah, the amount of shifts that I could have been having while you were off. He got in the taste for it then. He got the taste for it, and you were to you and you had to taste it.

SPEAKER_06 25:41

And I said, I'll back out and I'll figure out what's going on. I'll investigate this now. I because if this is what everyone's raving about, maybe I don't want it.

SPEAKER_03 25:51

She had a collection of frogs in her bedroom. Yeah. Just pick them up and just have a go.

SPEAKER_06 25:56

Yeah, and no princes.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

Um

Worst First: Dermot's First Date

SPEAKER_03 26:02

let's I think we I think we got enough in that segment, didn't we?

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Uh no, I don't think so. I think we all shared, and now it's time for you to share.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

I've got nothing like um again, I've got so many to choose from as well, but nothing's entertaining. They're all entertaining. You've got that's a great story.

SPEAKER_06 26:17

We'll be the judge if it's entertaining. But I don't have anything.

SPEAKER_03 26:19

You do, you do.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

You are a man, but the gift of the gab, you can make anything entertaining. That's not true. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

That's the truth. It's not a gift, that's a condition. You've been trying to get rid of it.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

You have the condition of the gab um you can make anything entertaining.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

Well, i I literally haven't anything prepared or anything, so let's let's just come into mind. Yeah. Um right off the top of the dome. Yep. Uh and uh so that was your first kiss.

SPEAKER_06 26:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

And I I'm trying to I'm thinking I think my first gig that I went to um like without parental supervision. So I was a teenager, it's probably 16 or something like that. Um I think that sort of counts as my first date. Oh, I went, it was to see the frames in Victor Street. Okay. Uh and uh I was going my friend from school, I was still in school, I was still living down the country. Uh I wasn't living in Dublin, so we came up, but my friend was um he was seeing a girl in Dublin and they had they were going to that gig. But sh her friend was going along, so I had to go with my friend to keep the other friend company. But I think it was we were the intention was for us to like, you know, uh, you know, touch each other's curries. And and I don't know, I don't know what point you'd do that.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Uh sort of impromptu double date kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 27:43

It was see the thing, it wasn't impromptu because it was there was a buildup for it, you know what I mean? But I think it I think it was intended as a double date, but I had never met this girl before. Right. Um and I had never I don't think I'd even touched a boob at that point. I'd probably touch the boob, but not with uh intent, you know what I mean? Were you breastfed? Uh oh that maybe that's your worst first. Then this is my worst first right now, having to answer that question on camera for the first time.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

I mean it's it's a simple question, it's yes or no.

SPEAKER_03 28:14

I generally don't know. I have a clue. I don't know. But yeah, so like I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do, and also you're in a concert, you don't get to talk. Although we were sitting down, it was a sit-down concert. Yeah, and the frames are very uh maudlin and you know, it's just like oh it's dreary, you know what I mean? So it was so it was quiet enough that you probably could talk, but like also that's frowned upon. So it's frowned upon as well, you know. But also, I didn't know what did what do you say? Yeah, yeah. What the hell did you say?

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Hey, can I I'm trying to touch a boob here? Exactly. Hey, I'm having a formative experience here.

SPEAKER_03 28:45

Meanwhile, the other two who were actually who were on an actual date, shifting away, yeah, absolutely dogging into each other. Um good for them, and didn't even get to like imagine a boob that night, to be honest with you. Let alone didn't I don't think we even hugged goodbye. Do you know what I mean? That was a bunch of it was a bunch of mates, you know what I mean? Sort of, but semi.

SPEAKER_06 29:04

The thing in my head, if I was in that scenario, uh the only thing I'd be asking would be, come here, is this a date? Because I'd be still confused. I wouldn't like to take the um belief that is this what this is? I'm just here, we're friends.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Are we on a set is this being sort of set up or whatever you like? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:21

Lads, I am I am north of 30.

SPEAKER_06 29:26

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

I'm in my forties. I'm in my forties. Okay. I thought you were north of 30. I still I still wouldn't have the guts to say to someone, is this a date? Well, they said it in like a 16, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 29:41

Iconic tea ad.

SPEAKER_03 29:43

I was thinking of the same thing, but I didn't mention it. Um, but um, yeah, I wouldn't have the I wouldn't have the I didn't I couldn't speak to her, let alone ask her uh uh a huge question like that. I couldn't, I could barely look at her. She's a very good looking girl, very, very pretty girl. You weren't like so.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

Do you like the frames?

SPEAKER_03 30:02

Uh uh I d genuinely may have asked that question at one point.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

Do you like music? Do you like live music? Do you like going to gigs? You know, uh asking like just sure.

SPEAKER_06 30:12

I went to fucking speed dating last year and there was a bus driver. This is my game. Uh what bus do you drive? What what's the no and come here? Do you like now when the people say thanks? Getting off the bus. Do you like that? That's what I said to him, and then they rang the bell.

SPEAKER_03 30:26

But hold on, but hold on. I how on that speed dating, how many picked you? Not him.

SPEAKER_06 30:35

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

Sorry, it's my ship's turning now. Sorry, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 30:39

This doesn't speed it at all. I just did that on the bus to him.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

It's just like it's g either pay or tap your leap card. And uh, do you like when the people say thanks now?

SPEAKER_06 30:49

Do you he said he did, by the way. Oh yeah, which is good to know because sometimes I had to think, am I actually annoying them by saying uh thank you?

SPEAKER_00 30:58

No, I think people like gratitude.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

I don't like that. The worst thing that has happened in this city, in the city of Dublin, uh uh in recent times, is the fact that uh passengers now have to get off the bus in the middle of the bus. And so you can't you're shouting you're shouting to say thanks to the and he can't hear you.

SPEAKER_06 31:16

No, I know I don't like that at all. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_03 31:18

Yeah, it's the worst thing that's happened in this country in the in the last several decades.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Yeah, I think we agree. Yeah, people people just like to be thanks. Yeah, yeah, thanks.

SPEAKER_06 31:26

You know, I don't want him to think I'm a prick either.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

Do you know what I mean? Exactly.

SPEAKER_06 31:29

Every time I get the right, I say thank you for that.

SPEAKER_03 31:31

See, she gets the ride, nothing but game. I'm nothing but game.

SPEAKER_06 31:35

I said when I do. I'm not saying oh.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

That's the same thing. That means multiple times. I can't say that. I can only say that one time I had sex. I said thank you. I cried and I thanked them.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

Wow, oh you're in a head, not double digits, but just double occurrences. That's pretty good. Yes, yeah, more than once. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 31:56

I cried, I thanked them, I paid them.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Anyway, speaking of thanks, thanks for tuning in this segment. We'll take a little break and we'll be right back. Hello, everybody, and you're very welcome back to the final segment of the show. Final. Uh

RMK: Ride, Marry or Kill Introduction

SPEAKER_00 32:17

yes, this is the last part of the final segment of the show. Last part. A simple enough game of uh, I suppose, of a fuck Mary Kill or ride Mary Kill. Right? Classic segment. Yeah, yeah, you know it. You love it.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

Uh I don't think another podcast has ever done that. Exactly. I know, right? I don't think any podcast has ever, ever done that.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

The one thing though is I always think that game is a little bit it's a little bit mean. I think sometimes it could be a bit mean spirited because you all someone's always gets, I suppose, the short end of the stick in that scenario in that trio. But they have to ride me. Yeah. Didn't want to say it, but yeah. I've devised um a a different way to play this game. So I could ask the first one and we can we can go from there. But we'll start off with our first one here. Uh guys, uh ride Mary

RMK: Monday, Wednesday, Friday

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Kill Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

SPEAKER_03 33:05

Oh, we're killing Oh, Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Oh, I thought I thought I said Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Oh, um, I mean, do you do you like Mondays?

SPEAKER_06 33:16

I'm gonna ride Monday because I think it'll make the Mondays easier to get through. Okay. Because I'd be looking forward to that off a Monday. Uh that's very good. And I says, oh, Monday's only around the corner now. I'll give it a little go.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

It's coming.

SPEAKER_06 33:29

It's a coming. It I was gonna say come day. Yeah, sure. Monday come day.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

Yeah, okay, but then like okay, that's that's I think that's genius.

SPEAKER_06 33:42

And a Marion Friday, obviously. That's the thing.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 33:44

And fuck Wednesday. Get that out there. So now we go Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. Hello, dream.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Nice. Literally can't I can't write. She's nailed it.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

I didn't nailed it. I mean, you you agree with that sentiment?

SPEAKER_03 33:58

I I literally there was nothing I can't speak. I'm lost for words at how good that was.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

I mean, that's the thing I was debating, I was dreading you you could see. I don't think you'd want to kill Friday. And I think but Wednesday, you could fuck Wednesday because Wednesday's hump day.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

Yes!

SPEAKER_00 34:17

But you couldn't marry Monday because then your whole life would be full of new beginnings. It'd be this new start. Every every day would be like a new start. Oh, okay. No, oh no. So it's terrible. Oh, it's terrible. Yeah, all right. Fuck Monday then.

SPEAKER_03 34:31

You want Wednesday and you want your marriage. By the way, I hope Kelly's listening. You want your marriage to start off on the worst day of the week every day. But no, but you you could be uh new beginnings every time, but it's the start of the week was like, ugh.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

I mean, I I guess, but I was trying to find a poetic way of marrying Monday. Oh, okay. Well, fair enough. Okay, ride, Mary Kill, uh

RMK: A Solid, a Liquid or a Gas

SPEAKER_00 34:54

solid, liquid, or gas. You can take this one first.

SPEAKER_03 34:57

Oh, thanks. Thanks for giving me this one. And not the middle of the week one. Jesus. What were they? Solid, liquid, or gas?

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Liquid or gas, yeah. Ride Mary Kill.

SPEAKER_03 35:06

Oh, God. Um, well, speaking of someone with ultra colitis, I'd I'd murder gas straight away because it's terrible. It's the bane of my existence. So I'm getting I'm murdering that immediately.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

You might deal with all three of those with having ultraclitis.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

Uh sometimes, yeah. Yeah. Um uh yeah, that's true, actually. Yeah, that's very true. Um uh uh so I'm murdering that. I have to marry one of the other marries liquid or solid.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

You ride or marry uh solid or liquid.

SPEAKER_03 35:34

Right. Um uh I'm I'm gonna marry the solid because you know you want a solid foundation to work with, you want everything to be solid.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

That's where you're going.

SPEAKER_03 35:43

And I'm going to I'm gonna I'm gonna fuck the liquid because you know, lube.

SPEAKER_06 35:47

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fair enough. I'm riding the solid. Yeah. Jesus, I'm riding that solid. Oh, you know that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:54

Oh, you don't have to tell you that, Stephen. We know that about you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um why though? I mean.

SPEAKER_06 36:03

I mean, all right, okay. No, marrying the liquid is a bit more tricky. Is it slippery? It'll slip out of my hands. Yeah, you couldn't trust it. Try to get away. You couldn't trust it.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

No, yeah, couldn't trust it.

SPEAKER_06 36:19

I couldn't trust it, but I'm riding the solid, so you're riding solid.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

Are you going to murder the the gas? Oh, the gas is gone.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Yeah, yeah. I don't really know if there's any positive to the gas.

SPEAKER_06 36:29

Laughing gas. Oh or whatever they give you in an operation.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:35

Laughing or the uh yeah, like the yeah, sure. Yeah, something else.

SPEAKER_06 36:38

Or it's the same, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

Nitrous. Nitrous. That's the laughing gas. Yeah, that's a laughing gas. Helium is fun. Helium's a lot of fun. Helium's a lot of fun. Helium is a lot of fun. But do we have any helium here now? Uh no. That would have been really good for a future episode. Keep that in mind. Uh yeah, but you know, if you yeah, I don't know if you'd have a long life of marrying either of those two. Maybe besides the solid, I can understand. The solid, you could at least have uh a bit of fun with that.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

But yeah, no, not with a lot of fun with the liquid.

SPEAKER_06 37:06

Not when it's like, well, it's nothing without the solid, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 37:10

Well, again, you've lots of game. You don't spend as much time by yourself as I do. Okay. Sometimes a liquid is all you need.

SPEAKER_05 37:21

Come on.

SPEAKER_06 37:24

Oh yeah, I guess I know what you mean. How are we alone? I'm picking up with your button down.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

She's smelling what you're stepping in.

SPEAKER_06 37:33

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Next up is Ride Mary Kill

RMK: Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner

SPEAKER_00 37:36

breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

SPEAKER_03 37:39

Uh I'll I'll I'll happily murder breakfast. Oh that's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_06 37:44

That is that's the most insane statement.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

Not to, you know, you don't have to change your opinion. But yeah, I would not I would not murder I would not murder breakfast.

SPEAKER_03 37:51

But hold on, what are we talking? See, see, are we talking when you say uh Ride Mary Kill um um breakfast? He's backtracking now. No, I want I want some clarification here. Are you saying if we murder breakfast, we can't have any of the classic breakfast foods?

SPEAKER_00 38:06

Uh I mean I suppose it's uh a good way of pointing point.

SPEAKER_03 38:08

Because for me, for me, I'm not usually a breakfast person. I don't usually eat breakfast. But I also don't like the word breakfast because it just means the first thing you eat that day. So, like lunch can be breakfast.

SPEAKER_06 38:18

That's what I'm saying. So, what are you doing getting rid of it?

SPEAKER_03 38:20

But that's what I'm saying. There's no point, there's no point for the word to even exist. It's a great word. But uh what I'm saying is if you can have breakfast at any time of the day, why do we always associate it with the morning? Just get rid of that and just just you know.

SPEAKER_06 38:32

No, it's a gorgeous word. It literally you know obviously means to break the fast. How gorgeous exactly.

SPEAKER_03 38:36

No, I I love that, okay? But that's what I mean. It means it can be it could be at any point in the day. But most people are saying, Oh, you're not having break- Why aren't you having breakfast? Oh, I'll I'll eat later on. That's lunchtime.

SPEAKER_06 38:45

No, it's still breakfast. It's still breakfast. And I love that technicality. I love that I can have a big carvery dinner and say breakfast. Because there's something associated with being healthy that you had your breakfast. I'm like, breakfast, baby. Look at it. It's glorious. I am again.

SPEAKER_03 38:58

I just think I just think I think breakfast is the first meal you have, and it doesn't have to be at the start of the day. So uh so that's why I'd murder breakfast.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

But then you'd be getting rid of like uh a full Irish. But are we?

SPEAKER_03 39:09

That's the question. But that's the question. That's the question I asked. Are we getting rid of all the classic breakfast foods? Yeah. Well, see, now I'm changing my fucking answer.

SPEAKER_00 39:15

Yeah, see. I I I'm the understanding of that, because then you've one of those things where you could be like, uh, well, no, because I can still have bacon for dinner.

SPEAKER_03 39:23

So if that is the case, then I'm easily murdering lunch.

SPEAKER_06 39:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:26

Lunch is the one you murder because you can have anything at lunch. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:30

And then you can have anything at breakfast as a lunch.

SPEAKER_03 39:32

Exactly. I'm murdering, yeah. I'm murdering lunch. Uh I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, ooh. When we say ride, Mary, kill, um, like if we were to rank them one, two, three, what's number one? Is it fuck or is it is it ride or is it married?

SPEAKER_00 39:49

Depends how much uh you get out of uh a long and happy life uh with with a with another person or uh just uh lustful uh and frenzy of the answer. I have my answer now.

SPEAKER_03 40:01

I have my answer. Okay, so I'm killing lunch. Okay, killing lunch. I'm going to marry breakfast because uh you know they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So I guess you know, marry them and have a lifelong uh uh relationship with a good healthy start to your day. Yeah, and then I'm getting down and motherfucking dirty with dinner and uh just just getting nice and greasy and just like dirty and just being like you know just feeling bad afterwards, you know, but sometimes feeling good about feeling bad, yeah. That type of thing. Yeah, so wrong, it's right.

SPEAKER_00 40:35

Those kind of dinners, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 40:37

I'd be the exact same selection.

SPEAKER_00 40:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you would get rid of lunch because lunch?

SPEAKER_06 40:44

I mean, I love soup. That can be breakfast, that can be dinner. Yeah. I mean, if you think about it, cereal is just soup.

SPEAKER_00 40:50

It's just cold soup.

SPEAKER_06 40:51

It's just soup.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

It's just soup with uh sugary croutons.

SPEAKER_06 40:54

Gorgeous. There you go. Yeah. Chef's kiss. Chef's kiss. Compliments to Mr. Coco Pops. Oh, yeah. You've done a great job.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

Okay. Uh I think um maybe we can we can uh close out uh with this one. Um uh guys, uh Ride Mary Kill,

RMK: A Burp, a Sneeze or a Fart

SPEAKER_00 41:09

uh a burp, a sneeze or a fart. Oh, that's kind a bit of a contentious one. Okay, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

Um uh I know what I'm murdering straight away.

SPEAKER_00 41:18

Oh, this is all this is this is terrible. This is almost like the solid liquid and gases of uh it's worse uh expulsions from I know what I'm murdering straight away.

SPEAKER_03 41:28

Okay, straight away murdering a sneeze. Okay of sneezing, okay? Sneezing is great, okay? But sneezing usually leads to a runny nose or sickness. So get rid of sneezing. That's gone. Burping, beautiful relief. There's nothing better. There's nothing better than a beauti than the beautiful relief of burping. So uh so I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna actually ride the burp, okay? Because I want I want a lifetime. I want a lifetime with farts. Okay. Okay, because farts are just funny and they're the best.

SPEAKER_05 41:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 41:57

Who doesn't love one there? It's relief for the person who does it, and then there's the the joy of the sound for everyone else. You know what I mean? Let the smell sure, but you get used to it. You know what I mean? I'm I'm married in the fart.

SPEAKER_00 42:09

Wow, that's the the level of detail that you gave to that question is uh exactly why I asked it. I was like, I don't know if this will work, and then it's like actual consideration that you gave it. It's like, yeah, no, that that that that's uh the exact reason I ask it.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

I'm I'm more worried that I've never thought about that before. Yeah, and that immediately came to mind.

SPEAKER_06 42:35

So I'm killing the fart. Really? I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 42:38

I hold on, you that means that means for the rest of your life you can never have the joy of hearing.

SPEAKER_06 42:44

I'll tell you something. Maybe that it has happened too often in the bedroom, and not by the person I am with, but by me. And I don't need that in my life any longer. I don't need it.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

I think I have to try and pretend it's a queee, and it's probably a queef better at sex, then.

SPEAKER_06 43:02

Yeah. Or stop eating a tin of beans before I do it. That's where the breakfast comes in. So that's gone. Um so then I think sneezes can be adorable if someone has a little sneeze. It's so cute. I'm like, oh, you're not gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

Some people have adorable, some people have a but then some people have you know, and that's not really adorable.

SPEAKER_06 43:27

When it happens, like you're like laughing at it. Yeah, I think that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

Like, like my my mother, I don't know if my mother's gonna listen to this at all. I hope not, but um uh when she sneezes, it does sound like she's being murdered. Someone's just shanked her, and she's just like and you're just like, oh okay, that's funny.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

I love doing that. That's all if I'm if I'm if I'm at home and there's no one around, that's how I'm sneezing.

SPEAKER_06 43:51

Sneezes are my parents, I guess, in that sense, because I think they're so funny. I think they and the it's just the range is incredible that people give.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

You've got a very but your sneeze is very like little.

SPEAKER_06 44:02

I've learned to do that. I have to train my body not to do the big outward one. Why? Because you know how my hay fever is. My I I have times where I I sneeze about eleven times in a row. You've witnessed it when you timed me. Yeah, that's true, actually. That was eleven times. It was eleven times in a row. It's not ideal. Like you're having a screaming match or something. You're at the cinema and they're like, I is the person being murdered on screen. No, it's your one behind us that you're hearing literally eleven times in a row. So I don't know. Sneeze killer is it again. But sometimes people have to sneeze and they sound like a bunny rabbit and it's adorable. What's that sound like? Do that again. It's so cute. It's the cutest thing. She's not wrong. That's really freaking cute. It's so adorable. So then what was what's the other one? A burp. What do I have to do to him? Right on the that's alright. Just depends on what was eaten. Yes, because yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:56

No, but hold on. I did do you not think it's worse having to burp than having to furf while having sex?

SPEAKER_06 45:00

I love the smell of beer and stick hands on someone's man. If we're mid-right and that happens, oh, that's only making this whole thing better.

SPEAKER_03 45:12

Oh my god! I love that. This woman, this woman is afraid of letting a silent fur in bed. But if a fella goes into her mouth with an oh yeah, and then we're talking.

SPEAKER_06 45:22

Now we are talking. If they've had beer and cigarettes.

SPEAKER_00 45:26

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 45:26

Beautiful. It's a gorgeous clone it for me.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

It's like, oh no, the pub's closed. What are we gonna do? Uh come here to me. I got something right here for him.

SPEAKER_06 45:37

They're grabbing their sides to make them burp. Just patting their back. Come on now. Come on now. Can I just say that's something I have never and would never do, just to clarify.

SPEAKER_03 45:52

But Justin Stafford, I've never burped a lover. But you did uh But I have loved burp. Sorry, there's a country song for you.

SPEAKER_00 45:59

Um but you did um seem to very much promote uh like oh god no, tell you someone was burping in the bedroom, you know.

SPEAKER_06 46:08

No, not in general.

SPEAKER_03 46:09

No, not God no, but I'm just saying someone doesn't knock back like a like a very fizzy drink before getting to bed with you.

SPEAKER_06 46:15

No, no, god no. I'm just saying I would rather that happen in the bedroom than a fart.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

So it's just like, did you bring protection? Like, no, but I have five cans of Sprite. Yeah. So uh the slight's gonna go well. Yeah, just like yeah, I'll be there in a second instead of putting on a can of just chugging five cans of doing jumping jacks. Well, uh, you never answered. Oh, yeah, sorry. Uh I would uh well and murderer for art. Uh I I would that sounds like you're hungry. Gentlemen murderer fart. Uh yeah, no, I would I would 100% murderer part. Uh I I you you made a good argument. Uh you did make very good murderers. Uh but exactly. Uh I don't I don't I don't yeah uh I don't think uh yeah I don't think uh I would I I don't think I would be riding or marrying a fart. I think I'd marry a burp, and I guess I'd have to ride a sneeze. So I don't want to have a lifetime I don't want to have a lifetime of riding uh uh sneeze. Yeah, you know, I'd rather just do a one and done with a sneeze, uh you know, just get out of my system, yeah, uh, and then I'd have a lifetime. It rarely is.

SPEAKER_03 47:27

A sneeze is usually a multiple thing. You rarely sneeze just once, it's like orgasms, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:33

If you're lucky if you're lucky for yourself, actually. Yeah, after a brief refractory period, I sneeze again.

SPEAKER_06 47:40

Yeah, but you're that's what a sneeze is for your nose, it's an orgasm because you know the way it goes and then it finishes.

SPEAKER_00 47:46

Yeah, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:47

That's kind of what it's like. Of course, you don't sneeze. I don't know what orgasms are.

SPEAKER_00 47:51

Oh, right. Well, the worst ones are when you go and then nothing.

SPEAKER_06 47:55

Oh no, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:56

Oh, yeah, no nasal edging.

SPEAKER_03 47:59

Yeah, so you want to you want to be married to that? Uh you're riding it. I can't remember.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

I'm riding, I'd be I'd be marrying the burp. You're marrying a burp. Yeah, because I think I think like you said, depending on what they're eating, it'd be great. Even if it's eaten bad stuff, you could deal with it. I think if you were a sneeze all the time, yeah, it was uh a bit more messy. You'd be sick. Yeah, it'd be messy. You'd be sick a lot. Yeah, you you never you never catch what someone else ate from a burp, but you could catch like a sickness from a sneeze.

SPEAKER_03 48:24

But that's the thing that's that's why you kill the sneeze.

SPEAKER_00 48:27

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're on your own. Well, actually, we all we all we all married different things there. Yeah, that's good. We have different types.

SPEAKER_03 48:38

I have all my farts to myself, so good for you. I'm so jealous.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

Well, and on that note,

Wrapping Up & Outro

SPEAKER_00 48:45

that is uh the first episode of this podcast. Uh let us know what you think in the comments wherever you're listening to this. Uh rate it, review it, all those nice things. And uh yeah, thank you very much to our wonderful guests. Uh guys, uh, where can people find you?

SPEAKER_06 49:00

Thank you for having us. No worries. Where can people find you? Oh on Instagram or out and about doing shows and on things like the podcast and the radio.

SPEAKER_00 49:12

Yeah. So that's uh Justin Staffer on Instagram, and she also is a co-host of the lovely show podcast with Kevin McGarrin. Uh great that when I direct you to plug, you you don't know. Oh, I don't like that. Yeah, I know. I feel bad. She's the Elizabeth.

SPEAKER_03 49:25

She's the Elizabeth Olson of this show.

SPEAKER_00 49:27

Yes, very nice little hot ones reference there. And uh Derman, where can people find you?

SPEAKER_03 49:31

Oh, probably in a pub somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_06 49:34

Nice, nice chatting up a fart.

SPEAKER_03 49:37

If I'm lucky, if I am lucky, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

Uh but yes, uh links uh to them will be in the description section if you're watching us on YouTube or in the LSM. I got nothing going on, there's nothing happening. All uh all the show notes to their social media where you can uh keep up to date with all their happenings or drinking in a pub. Uh but guys, thanks so much for tuning in uh to the inaugural episode of this podcast. Um we'll see you next time.

unknown 50:01

Woo! Goodbye!

SPEAKER_03 50:03

I'd murder a fur.