Irish People Try Pitching Whiskey w/ Darren & Seamus

Whiskey Reddit Stories & Pitching Drinks - In our fourth episode, Seán Connolly welcomes Darren Lalor and Seamus Stackpoole to The Green Room! They talk about buying couches, moving house and attending a whiskey drinking convention all before we drop them both into the SHARK DRANK, where Seamus has to pitch three different bottles of whiskey to the expert, Darren! Later on, Seán reads out some whiskey-themed Reddit Stories. Darren and Seamus deliver the judgements, culminating in one messy finale...

Follow Darren Lalor here:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darren_lalor
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thistasteslikewhiskey

Follow Seamus Stackpoole here:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrstackpoole

Transcript

Introduction

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I now have to clean up all with a clogged toilet and no plunger. Also, I'm pretty sure my roommate has awoken and knows exactly what's going on.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

There's another person involved.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

There's another if the noise didn't wake her, I'm sure the smell will hello there, and welcome back to another episode of the Green Room, episode four, this time hosted by me, Sean Connolly. And today I'm joined by two wonderful guests, the brilliant Darren Lawler and Seamus Stackpool. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

That's so nice. Brilliant. Brilliant. The implication there was that it's I'm brilliant and also Seamus Stackpool.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

I would agree. This is the thing. Well, you guys couldn't see the commas that I had in my head where you know, which which would have said that you're both brilliant. Okay, right. Um I was gonna I was gonna wonder, you know, should I use any other um adjectives to describe you? But let's go with brilliant. Brilliant. And uh, you know, uh as the podcast goes on, we can see if they match that or if uh you guys are worse than I think.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

Okay, you're right. That's Sean Carnegie bringing the the the combative energy from episode four straight up. Yeah, this is what happens when it's just guys. Yeah, it's like lads, lads, lads.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Lads, how are you getting on?

SPEAKER_02 1:13

I'm all good, Sean. How are you? I'm I'm good. You know, I'm uh I'm here in the yellow chair on the green room. Uh you guys are here in the green chair in the green room. So um, as much as I talk, really the podcast is all about you.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

I think it's about you as well. Uh it's about Colin, it's about the channel. I think it's also about your fantastic taste in furniture.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Yeah, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

You sorry, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

You did you want to talk about this?

SPEAKER_03 1:36

I was gonna say, because like I I saw this couch. Um, so I recently bought bought a place and I've been kidding it out and furnishing it, and I realized I bought the same couch in a different color, in like a rust orange. So my ass feels grey right now because it's so used to this type of couch.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

I cannot describe to you the excitement that was on Darren's face when he first came in. Oh, this is my couch. It was incredible. Um, well, yeah, sorry, we've actually just jumped the gun there.

What's News With You?

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Uh so normally what we do with this podcast is we start off with a segment called What's News With You, where we ask our guests, you know, what's up with them? What's been happening in their lives? And uh yeah, I mean, you know, obviously we started off strong there because we we we were talking about your couch. Yeah. Your new couch.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

My new couch. Um

Darren's New Couch

SPEAKER_03 2:16

I never knew how much furniture cost until I had to buy it. Oh, yeah. I took for granted all the couches I sat on before. I was like, yeah, it's fine. It's like this cost 700 euros. Um, but yeah, my new couch is great. I I feel like I've hijacked this already. Um, I bought a couch that was too big, so it didn't fit into my apartment, so they had to take it back and give me a smaller one, but it meant that it was I was without a couch for a week. No, I'd just given away the old one. You were couchless. I was couchless. Um I was literally I had to steal beanbags off my uh preteen cousins to sit on for a full week. How many beanbags? Uh so it was one, it it was one bean gaming chair. Okay, because those are things. Okay. Uh Call of Duty branded, of course, because youth. Um, and then one uh beanbag beanbag. Um so the fact that I don't have any lasting back problems because I spent a week sitting on beanbags, um I'm pretty I'm pretty proud of. You became one with the bean. I came one with the bean. Yeah, yeah. That's totally fair.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

I mean, look, your story is uh very similar to anyone I've heard who, you know, has has been um uh you know in the great position to be able to buy a house. They're like, right, got that sorted now, and then it's all right, the furniture. Oh, everything is all right, filling the house. That's the that's understandably the tough part. Yeah, you mean it wasn't just a once-off paint?

SPEAKER_03 3:25

I've got to do this every month for the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

Because you're saying you were like a week without a couch, but didn't isn't the original couch, doesn't it take like six months to make a single couch?

SPEAKER_03 3:35

Um, so the funny thing, yeah. So basically I I I purchased a couch in December and they said we're not gonna have it until like March. I was like, Yeah, fair enough. The apartment came with a couch. I was like, Yeah, I'll sit on that, it's fine. Um, but uh if I had actually just gone with the couch that I have ended up getting originally, I would have had it straight away. I wouldn't have had to wait months for it. Um yeah, it was it was a real kick in the balls when they show up and they can get it through the door, they just couldn't turn it to get it into the living room. They couldn't pivot. They couldn't pivot. And what really, really sucked was when the uh the other guys came the following week with the new couch, one of them was like, Yeah, I would have gotten that three-seat window.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

I would have been able to maneuver my way through that. Yeah, yeah. I would have been able to pivot. Um, Seamus, is is your news couch related or uh if if possible, more exciting?

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Uh more exciting. Oh my god, did you get a chaise long?

Seamus Moving House

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Oh god, no. Do you think I'm that kind of fancy, bougie chaise long? I'm I'm from Limerick. We're not I don't know own any furniture that has a French name. Okay, you know, I don't have divans, I don't have chais long. The divans are a family from Limerick, aren't they? They are, they are, they're a famous crime family. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

I was trying I was trying to think of any thing on my head went to was like I was trying to think of normal furniture names in French in a Limerick accent, and uh I don't have the French required to do that, but uh Chais long! How's your Chaislong?

SPEAKER_01 4:59

So we're getting on your Cheeslong. Because you're saying, like, I talk about French in an English accent. Whenever I was doing French in secondary school and I was asked to read out a passage in French, all my classmates would laugh, and I didn't understand for the longest time until somebody told me it's like, Seamus, you're reading the French in your accent. So it's like je voudrais mes sentiments de stain si vous plaît. I was not altering, I was not meeting the French where they're at.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

But when you're in school, to be fair, it's it's like you did you never want to stand out in any way, shape, or form because you'll get slagged for it. So I remember in German class, like, yeah, you'd be reading out German, but you wouldn't put the accent on because everyone was like, Oh, Mr. Germany. And one person did, and they sounded way more correct than everyone else, but just you know, memories of lads would be like, Oh, eat it, please.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Oh, that that's the great thing with secondary school because you were never allowed to win. There is no correct way to do the thing. We torture each other, we make the hell ourselves. Yeah, that's how men communicate. Tangentially couch-related, not my own couch, but I've moved into a new place for the first time in 13 years. Oh, wow. Oh, you finally got evicted. I f I did finally get evicted. I did finally get evicted, thanks to the new rule changes. Oh, yeah. That's craziness. You've been in the same place for the past 13 years. Past 13 years. I must say my landlord was one of the good ones. I said to him when I was leaving, if every landlord was like you, there wouldn't be a rent crisis. Uh, but I've moved into a new place, I'm renting again, but I'm living with like three new people. Dear lovely, what's better than the three new people is the two cats that I'm living with. I'm I am more of a dog person, but like these cats are fantastic cats.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

Are the cats your landlord? The cats are the landlord. Can I ask you? No, you don't have to if you don't want to, but can you name the cats?

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Yes, I can name the cats. The cats are Marlowe and Helen. And Marlowe, he will sit at the end of the couch and he will like deign to allow me to pet him. Helen will look at me, and then if I approach, Helen runs away.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

That sounds exactly how I would expect both of those cats to react based on their names.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Based on their names, yeah. Helen's a little skittish. Marlowe's like, yeah, I'm just going to go into your room while you're away, and I am going to lie on your pillow. Yeah, yeah. Not out of affection, but just because I can. Like that's that's Marlowe's vibe. He's like, I'm cat sheamus now. Pretty much. Pretty much. Uh he hasn't gotten into the whiskey yet, so he hasn't gone full cat shamus. Okay. Right, fair. But yeah, uh, really digging my new place. It's right beside the river Liffy. Like the garden backs onto the river liffy. Nice. We have a little raft attached at the bottom of the garden. Sunday night, me and my housemate, two of his friends, sitting on the raft, drinking beers, drifting down the river, paddling back up, living the absolute Huckleberry Finland.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

I was gonna say all I could I was I was like, the more you talk, the more the more it sounded like you know, this lovely, fantastical, old-timey adventure that you now live in.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

Seamus is living in the great American novel.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Pretty much, pretty much. It's like I I had a bunch of friends over from work and stuff like that, um, from like a barbecue a couple of weekends ago, and the consensus that I got from my friends was Seamus, I want you to die so that I can move in here instead of you. Fair.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Uh that's not how renting works. That's not how you don't get bequeathed at your spot.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

Well, you see, but that's but that's a reaction you want, right? You want your friends to wish death upon you so that they may check where you live because it's very nice.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Yeah, exactly. Because it's less about the renting, it's just more about my friends looking for any opportunity to bump me off. Yeah with like a semi-val like they say to the judge, and judge be like, Well, yeah, valid.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

Just to segue briefly, you mentioned earlier on about the cat not getting into your whiskey. Talking of whiskey, that leads us on uh nicely to our first segment. Ooh, uh yes, that's right. Uh, today we're going to do something a little bit different with a segment called Shark Drank. Shark Drank fantastic. How long were you workshopping that one? Oh, hours. I saw I just sat in the corner and went, oh, well, what something's doing? Whiskey and and and this. Uh I'll explain it. So uh in Shark.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

But before you sorry, to shut up a second.

Whiskey Live

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Like that's fine. So totally I totally forgot a big thing for me is Whiskey Live. Oh, yeah, we have do we have time to go on to Whiskey Live? We can talk about Whiskey Live, absolutely. Yeah, it's the most wonderful time of the year. It's Whiskey Christmas. Yeah, you've been at it, haven't you?

SPEAKER_01 9:18

I've been. This will be my third year. What day are you done? I'm going on Saturday.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

I'm going on Saturday, you're going early or late. Early, always. Oh, I'm going early. Because it leaves you time for drinking afterwards. Exactly. You've been to Whiskey Live. I have, I'm not going this year, guys. It's fine. No, it's fine. Oh, there's always out of the country, but you know. Okay, that's totally fair.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

But uh yeah, can't confirm Whiskey Live, uh, you know, all of us have been there before. It's basically a whiskey convention in Dublin. And uh hoo boy, uh times are hard.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

Times are full and times are hard. I worked at it for a couple of years because the company that I I worked for organized it. So, like every, you know, May or June in kind of the RDS, which is like the big convention center, um, it's basically about a hundred stands of just brands and distilleries and all this, and you pay your entry fee, which is I think 45 euros. Yeah, it's like three and a half to four hours, and under that entry fee, you get to go in and try whatever the hell you want. So um it's so good, you know. You do have to you do have to pay for yourself. Like people can go at it, I think, a little bit too hard.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Also, because you're not going in at uh like you know, a music festival where you've bought 24 cans of beer and you're like, I'm gonna get wrecked. You actually are going in and be like, oh, look at all these nice varieties of whiskeys that I've actually liked to try. It tastes and taste. And taste, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

And the on the taste thing, because it is technically, I suppose, an industry trade show. Like so, there are stands there that are not actually serving drink. No one goes to them. It's like oh, we have glass where it's like we don't care. Yeah, is there something in the glass? Or then no, no, thank you. It's great. I love whiskey life. It's so you have to like you have to have a huge, greasy double cheeseburger before you go, and then you have to have a huge greasy double cheeseburger after you leave, and it's any reason to have a huge greasy double cheeseburger is is is welcome, you know.

SPEAKER_02 11:01

I think that in in in any walk of life. But before we move on, uh we're just gonna take a little break and we'll be right back after this. You say that you love whiskey live. I think it's also fair to say that you and yourself, Seamus, and me, yeah, very much me. Yeah, we all love whiskey. We do. The juice of the barley. Whiskey is good, whiskey is fun, uh, the water of life, as it's known uh in Irish, Ishka Baha. Yes, and that's where the word comes from. Um so what we have done today is we've put together a little bit of a whiskey themed episode in honour of that. And our first segment, guys, uh it's something a little bit different, and it's called

Shark Drank Intro

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Shark Dragon. Shark Dragon. I can't believe I forgot that in my lead up to talking about it.

SPEAKER_03 11:51

And I love that we set it up as like how long did you work that out? Uh workshop that a couple of hours, and then go. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

Literally was like, oh, here's the perfect and I could see it in your eyes as well. I'm gonna have to fucking look, I'm gonna have to look at the stupid card. That's so good though. Yeah, it's so much better. Authentic uh comedy here on the green room.

SPEAKER_03 12:07

Do you know what? I feel like we've just seen a YouTube short be birthed in real time.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Follow us on TikTok, uh, Reels, Instagram, go. Um, guys, what do you think shark drank this segment of ours is gonna be about?

SPEAKER_01 12:20

I ooh, I think we're going to be shown photos of different sharks. Yep. And we're gonna have to guess, and I'm 100% certain this is exactly what it is. We have to guess what whiskey that shark drank.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

That, yes, we're drunk sharks. No, it's whether I personally have drank with that shark in the past. That's the format. Okay, now I'm going to actually explain to the audience what shark drank is.

SPEAKER_03 12:44

So sorry, I know you started explaining what this is, like 10 minutes ago.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

Yeah. We're we're a podcast. They're a podcast, baby. Podcast, baby. It's a podcast. Uh, right, okay, shark drank. This is what it's about. It's a little game where uh we have two people. We have our uh contestant in Shark Drink, which is Seamus. No pleasure there. Pause for applause for Seamus. There we go.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Pause for longer, there's gonna be more applause.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

And then we have our drunk shark, which is Darren. I'm nowhere near drunk enough for this. No. And what Seamus is gonna have to do for three rounds, we're gonna give Seamus a bottle of whiskey, and then it that's it, he's gone. There's a pub of smoke in the tape of Seamus. Uh, we're gonna give Seamus a bottle of whiskey, and he has 60 seconds to try and sell this whiskey to Darren, using all of his uh, you know, marketing wilds and you know improv uh uh skills. Uh and then afterwards, Darren's gonna tell him whether he did well or not and uh judge his whiskey pitching ability and maybe you know inform us, the listeners and the watchers, about this whiskey. Fantastic. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

I'm gonna I hope they're whiskeys I've never seen before because then I can bullshit right back at you. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Well, then you could like bullshit your critique as well. I could actually nobody will know. Yes. So Seamus, are you good at pitching things? Is that something you do in your day job? You catcher or a pitcher? Uh well, I'm a catcher in my job, but I'm a pitcher in general because I will pitch bullshit to people. Nice, you know, because like I'll catch a problem and then I have to pitch them the solution. Nice. And they don't like the solution. So you've pitched it. But I've pitched what you're here to do. And I've wrapped it in sugar and shoved it down their throat. And that's what we want from today.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

So don't shove anything down my throat. The whiskey? You don't want the whiskey shoved down your throat? It's not still in the bottle. So, guys, uh, are you ready to play shark drank? Yes. Which there's so many cameras I don't know which boat. Are you ready for your first whiskey? Yes. Okay. Oh, darn if you could pass that over to Seamus there. Oh, well. Okay. Seamus, your first whiskey is Red Breast 12. Now, do you need do you need a little bit of uh a few moments to kind of you won't be able to read off the box.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

Seamus can't read.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

No, no, I just go by vibes. So, Seamus, are you ready? I will go I will tell you one second, Dark. One second.

Redbreast 12 Pitch

SPEAKER_01 14:54

I might vary my pitch style for the three different whiskeys. That's totally fair. Great. Great, great, great, great.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

Who is uh giving me the money to buy these at the end? Uh I believe it's out of your own pocket. Oh, okay, perfect. I'm at a loss for this one then. Yeah, yeah. I'm really taking one for the team on this.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

So, Seamus, I'm gonna count you down from three, and then you have 60 seconds, and I will cut you off. You ready? Fantastic. Yes. Okay. Seamus, pitch Darren Redbreast 12 in three, two, one. Go.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Darren, have you ever seen a whiskey such as this? Redbreast 12. So called because there's only 12 bottles of this whiskey in the world. Now, as you know, being a bit of a whiskey connoisseur yourself, the normal ingredients of whiskey are things like corn or malt or barley or grain. But as the name suggests, Redbreast 12 is the only whiskey distilled entirely from Robin Redbreasts. Some say it's cruel, some say it's horrible, but it's a delicacy like that little bird Autolon that is consumed with a towel over your head to conceal you from the eyes and judgment of God. And this whiskey, you've to put a whole tablecloth over your head to conceal yourself from God. God would not wrought such a thing upon man as man has wrought upon himself. These twelve red-breasted robins have sacrificed their lifeblood for you. Will you drink it? Will you invest one million for five percent?

SPEAKER_02 16:21

And that's 60 seconds on the dot.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

Well done, Seamus. You've got some sort of great internal clock. That's actually that was incredible. That was yeah, really good. What do they call it? Like uh uh Metro something Metronomey? Metro Station Metro Station, Metro Sexual, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Um shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Darren, as our resident drunk shark, yes. Um, how do you feel Seamus did uh with the Red Rest 12?

SPEAKER_03 16:46

Do you know what I'm inclined to believe him because uh first of all, on the pitch, the accent varied. It it started out a little bit Matt Berry. Uh-huh. It went a little bit David Bowie. Yes. There was a big portion in there where David Attenborough. So, so Matthew Bow Attenborough, um, really, really great. Do you know what? I think if you if you were looking at a bottle of Rebrest 12 for the first time, nothing that you said would come off as necessarily untrue. Yes. Yeah, of course there's only 12 of them in the world. It says 12, unless you look at the parts that says age 12 years. Um, or it's made of RebRES, unless you look at the parts that says single pots, Irish whiskey. You know, so the the confidence that you went in with, unfounded as it was, yes, was terrific. Um, but like I I feel like pitching me RebRest 12 is is very difficult because I think I've gone on record as saying, like, this is the whiskey that got me into whiskey. Yeah. This is you know, I didn't pop my cherry with it, but this is the first time we finished.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

Um I was just gonna say I'd agree because I didn't have that for many years. You know, I was drinking I was drinking whiskey for a while before I had it, but I remember it being one of the first like higher end whiskeys I had and the the the sweetness and the ease drinking it, I was like, oh yeah, that's uh that's a good whiskey.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

That's a good whiskey. That's a good whiskey. It is it is my fate, one of my favourite things. Uh even before I got into whiskey, the finding out about Redbreast was that you know the Long Hull. Yes, famous Irish pub. I'm sure like people watching from all over the world have probably heard of the long haul.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

I have uh describe it to me, please.

SPEAKER_03 18:11

The long haul is a pub on uh at the end of Georgia Street, Angel Street, um, one of those, I think it's all like Victorian pubs. Uh it's real narrow. Oh, that's why it's called the Long Hall. Um just got that. Wow. Um words mean something. But uh apparently uh the thing was that anytime Bruce Springsteen and the E Street brand band would come to Dublin, um they go to the long haul afterwards, but they have bottles of red breast behind the bar, specifically only for Bruce Springsteen. Amazing. Um that like only him and his compatriots and you know his Max Weinbergs and all that can go in and drink from. And I think if you go in, you'll see them behind the bar, and it's like for Bruce Springsteen. Um, okay, yeah. But uh yeah, like red breast, like you you know red breast as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do like the idea of eating it or drinking it under a tablecloth. The Ortolon thing was great.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

Thank you. Thank you. Because it's like I was freestyling there, I was freewheeling, and I'm like, it's a bird, it's made out of a bird. What's another bird that you shouldn't consume? The Ortolon. Um, it was very fun reading your eyes as I was going through the pitch because you're like, I've actually heard people say like this before, you know?

SPEAKER_03 19:20

Yes, I love there's there's something great, and particularly when you are, and I've probably done it myself, when uh it applies to lots of things, but like with drinks and whiskey and all that, the level of confidence uh people can speak with without anything to back it up is great. That's branding though, that's marketing.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

That is branding, that is marketing. That's like I remember reading this book back in college, it was years ago. I can't remember the name, it might have been called six or something like that. But this guy pitches a new product to Coke, and it's called it was essentially called fuck, and it was like a black can. And this is just before uh Coke Zero came out, and it's all about like this is this is the Coke, that's cool. There was nothing different about it except it was in a black can, and that's pretty much what they did when they came out with like Coke Zero originally. It was like this is essentially replacing the silver of the Diet Coke with black so that men will drink Diet Coke, yeah, and that was the pitch, and Coke went for it and it worked on us, it worked on us because we are simple, we are simple creatures.

SPEAKER_03 20:24

That's like uh we have our uh duff, uh duff dry and duff light, and then it's the same three counter-no one.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

Yeah, so that's it for our first drink in this game of shark drink. You lost it again candidly. So good. This is such a hard title for me to remember. It's such a simple pun. Do you want to say shark tank every single time? I want to say drunk tank. Oh, drunk tank, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Also, sorry, uh just to clarify, this is not sponsored in any way by any of the whiskies uh we have here. Uh, it's simply the fact that we have so much whiskey in the in the triofices that uh I think we just have so much to choose from in a game like this that we have all the brands. So just to clarify, not sponsored, we just like whiskey. Yeah, we're just drunks.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

But I think I think we do need to clarify more because you're saying it's because of the try offices. I think we need to say to our international listeners and watchers just any couch or armchair in Ireland, you put your arm down by the side, you are going to pick up a bottle of whiskey. He is correct, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:22

Yeah, no, that's that's uh and I mean, look, that's the country we live in, and uh we're proud of it. Yeah, we are. Yeah, it's the stereotype we live up to. Yeah, when people think of America and they hear like the eagle cry and they think of Ireland and just hear the we're doing great things for the national stereotype which is such great things. Uh right, are we ready for the next round? Yes, let's

Johnnie Walker Green Label Pitch

SPEAKER_02 21:43

do it. Okay, so for round two of Shark Drank, uh, we have a lovely Johnny Walker green label aged 15 years. Seamus, are you ready to pitch? Yes. Okay. Pitch in three. Three, I got two, I got one.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Darren, I know you're a whiskey expert. I know you know your whiskey. I'm not going to bullshit you about whiskey and say this is some kind of whiskey that's going to tickle your balls and slap you on the back of the head and call you a good boy, okay? It's not that kind of a whiskey. This is green label. This is groan and the valleys and the hillsides and the undersides of Scotland, the highlands and the lowlands. They take their inspiration from the cry of the Selkie and the Squelch of the Haggis. They look out upon the heather and they see the deer, they see the stag, they see the moniker de Glen, and they see it crying. And you know what they do? They go up to the monarch de Glen, and they put a little whiskey glass under his tear filled eyes, and they drain it off and they use that with the malt and the grain on the soft, the soft fields of Scotland, up there where everything is so soft, and nothing is deep fried. And this is what goes in to the green label. There's red, there's blue, there's black. But there's only one green, Darren, and it's for you.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

Time. Well, five seconds over time, but I wanted to let you finish that glorious outro.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

Thank you. Okay, I know you said this as a sponsored video. I think this video just got sponsored by Scotland.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

When you were talking, I could just hear like bagpipes in the back. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:20

It's like, can we like superimpose like the Scottish flag behind a rainbar theme or something? Yeah, that was real. That started out great because like that started out with the whole you know, the sales tactic of I'm not trying to sell you something, but then you end up selling them something. There's actually the weird thing is you kind of covered some actual facts in what you were talking about. The fact like it's not just the Highlands or the Lowlands and all that. Because like Johnny Walker is like it's uh a blend. So it's owned by uh DiAgio, which are like the biggest drinks conglomerate in the world, owner Innis and all that, yeah. And they own like the maj not the majority, but like such a significant amount to the Scottish whiskey industry in the distilleries. Yeah, so like they have distilleries in the Highlands and the Lowlands and Island, this and that, and the other that they draw whiskey from. And if you've ever done the Johnny Walker experience in Edinburgh, you should, because it's actually really good. Um like to go through here's here's what the whiskey we get from Khalil is like, and here's the I think it's Cardew, and you know, all these. And um, so yeah, when you said like they it's from all over, I was like, wow, we actually nailed that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

Yeah, that's I mean, I was drawn in, there was a lot of stuff there I wanted to ask you at the end, like what's the what's the thing with the tears? What was what was Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

So you're saying basically what he's saying is uh Johnny Walker's bodily fluids.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Sorry, not Johnny Walker's bodily fluids. So there's a famous painting of a a deer in Scotland, um like of a stag, a red deer, and it's called Monarch of the Glen, and it's like the most famous painting in Scotland. If you ever go to the art gallery in Edinburgh, it's right there.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

And is there any connection? There's a brand called Glen Fiddish. Glenfiddich, is it up there? And there's a deer, they have a deer kind of logo.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

Yeah, I think they're try I think that might be the same silhouette. I think they're using that as their as their monogram. Um so I was thinking Scotland, I had mentioned the header, I'm thinking of the deer, and then I'm thinking, what would be the best water to use for the distillation of whiskey? The tears of the monarch of the Glen.

SPEAKER_03 25:16

I love that when you say something is the most famous painting in Scotland, it's like saying, This is the most famous lake in the Sahara.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

Yeah, that's not what Scotland's known for. So, Darren, round two of Shark Drank nailed it. Um, did you feel yourself significantly or sufficiently sold on Johnny Walker Grove?

SPEAKER_03 25:33

I think, yeah, like the the the the way you waxed lyrical about I'm gonna be honest, it's not so much I want to go to Scotland. Yeah, can we go to Scotland right now?

SPEAKER_02 25:44

Uh cut to us going to Scotland. This became a travel vlog.

Teeling 24 Year Old Pitch

SPEAKER_02 25:49

Guys, are we ready for the final round of Shark Drink? Absolutely. Seamus, for your final round of Shark Drink, you have to pitch. And it's gonna be difficult. Tealing whiskey, uh 30-year-old. 24? Never mind. I mixed up my You can't just help but get things wrong. I am fucking things up right, left, and center. Uh left and even center. Ah, content. Seamus, you're gonna have to pitch 24-year-old tealing whiskey. Do you think you're up to it? Oh, I am. Oh no. Oh, here we go. Oh god. I'm already very ready. Right, yeah. Okay, I'm gonna catch in. Three, two, one, a go.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Darren, you think this looks like a book. It's no book, it's healing whiskey. Dublin whiskey, heart of Dublin, in the liberties. And you know me, Seymo, the Dublin man, the most Dublin fella you ever met. And you know what's more Dublin than I am? What? Than I am healing.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

24 year old whiskey. This has been in the barrel. Maturing Scottish before the Iraq war. Which one there's better for you? Don't be back talking me now, Darren. I'm talking about the tealings and the consumption of liberties, you know, proper Dublin. Up the flat. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

Because people say, you know, Shamo, you sound like you're from the countryside and you're doing a very bad Dublin accent. And I say, no, this is a perfect Dublin accent. Why are you getting hung up on the accent and not talking about the whiskey? Because this whiskey can speak for itself. Time.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

I'm gonna cut you off there. Thank you, Seamus. Uh, that was uh one of the most incredible things I've ever seen and heard. Thank you. Darren, straight to you.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

I really appreciate that you put such a big focus on it's Dublin whiskey, Dublin brand. Yes, and it's so funny because this was made in Loud. Oh my god. Because T Ling ain't been in Dublin for 24 years.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

I was literally thinking that as I think, because like one of my good friends works for the Tealing's distillery. And I know that like Jack Thieling, he's great entrepreneur and everything like that, but he wasn't doing this 24 years ago. So this is somebody else's whiskey that's had it.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

So here here's a little insider tip. Um, if you if you want to be have a successful brand in the Irish whiskey industry, there's two things that you need determination and the 70 million euros that your dad got for selling his distillery up and loud. They're the only two. You got those two things. I mean, those are sorted.

SPEAKER_02 28:24

Those are two very achievable, you know, oh yeah. Uh from the ground, grassroots, uh, you know, underdog stories. Really just, you know, just put put the work in and you'll get there, you know, because we all look, hey, we all have access to those two things.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

We do. This is true. But with the tealings, like, because basically they got the whiskey from their dad's distillery, by and large, um, it means that they have the chance to like, okay, yeah, it's not made in Dublin. Uh, but we, you know, it's family whiskey.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

Yes, and I suppose they have the lineage because they can stand over it, they can stand over the quality control because it's kind of from father to son, it's not as if they're buying it carte blanche off at them.

SPEAKER_03 28:59

No, no. That haven't been said, I think some of this some tealing whiskey I think was sourced from bush mills as well, if I remember.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

But I can't remember if any of it is in this. But you know, it's one of those, yeah, like they could have stuff out. Now they're actually, I think they just turned 11 years old. So, you know, we're nearly there.

SPEAKER_02 29:11

We're really getting to the heart of you know the whiskey Ireland gossip here, which is here today, Darren. Uh so yeah, just to round off, uh, shark drank, Darren, do you think Seamus successfully sold you on the Tealing single malt 24 years old?

SPEAKER_03 29:25

I I think so. And I think you you met me where I was, which is Dublin scum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, trash from the flats, you know, scum from the mun, that type of thing.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

This is how I describe you to new people.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Yeah, it's like, oh yeah, he's terrible. Um I will also say, I think accent work, I just you know, I it's I I think as well, you know, maybe we're too hard on uh English people who try to do Irish accents.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Maybe it is hard. Maybe wow.

SPEAKER_01 29:55

I have been roasted by professional comedians, but that cutting me down at the knees, being like, you did such a bad Dublin accent. I now forgive the English for every time they have butchered our accent.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Seamus, you know it's just because I love you as you're a you're a limerick monster.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

We're we're fellow culches exactly. You do understand. I just I don't want to do a good Dublin accent. Of course. No. There's no such thing as a good Dublin accent. How dare you?

SPEAKER_02 30:20

Okay, there's a good Dublin accent. I'm staying out of this as someone who is from Dublin originally at the one of the poshiest parts of Dublin. Yeah, I I can say nothing.

SPEAKER_03 30:29

But so here's the thing, actually, I I don't think I have a strong Dublin accent. It's actually at the stage, so um, like y'all know y'all know my partner Megan, she's from America, and I've been out with her family many times, and there was a time last year where we were all uh I got invited out and there's a big crew of them, all from you know, um from the US. And I was at a bar with one of her uncles and he was ordering around, and there was an Irish couple next to us, um, and she said, Oh, like how long you guys in town for? It's like, yeah, yeah, they're in town for you know a couple of days. You know, and they're like, and you? I was like, I'm from here. I'm from Dublin. Like, no, you're not. I was like, I'm from here.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

What? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

So I don't know if it's just like context, like, oh, he is with a lot of Americans, he has to be American. Yeah. Or I think I have that weird, like mid-Atlantic, just yeah, yeah, talk like this.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Hey, hey, how are you gonna? My name is Darren Lola. What are my games? Yeah, guys. So I just want to say thank you very much for taking part in uh in Shark Drank. Thank you. You said we can keep this? Uh no, I'm actually gonna have to take that one back, unfortunately. Yeah, so if we just just slowly handle it, just me. Just the box.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

I'd like the bottle as well. Just the box and the bottle, not the liquid inside of it. He's taking that away so he can get two more to yeah, because there is a 30-year-old, and then there's a 40, and I'm gonna use those to hydrate now over the rest of the episode. So uh, you know, very podcast where the tryers come on and don't try anything, and then Sean and Colin just eat and drink during the entire thing.

SPEAKER_02 31:52

Well, actually, what I'll say is uh before we do that, we're gonna just uh cut some to an ad break. Oh um, and of course when we cut back, I'll be comatose in the chair, so I'm just gonna rely on you guys to carry on the episode if that's okay. Be right back with some more whiskey business, but first take a look at these messages. Hello and welcome back to episode four of the green room. Lads, did you have a nice little break? I did.

SPEAKER_03 32:22

Can can this title of the episode be uh episode four, a new uh drink?

SPEAKER_02 32:27

Oh, very good. Thank you. Very good, thank you. Lads, yes, are you ready for our next segment, which is uh a recurring segment here on the green room

Reddit Stories Intro

SPEAKER_02 32:36

that is Reddit Stories. Oh, we've done some Reddit stories before. We did, we did it on the channel, yes. So we're good at this. We are, we are excellent at this. Uh so what we're gonna do today is we have a selection of stories from different subreddits, not just I and the asshole. There's a few others there as well. Um did you say I am the asshole? I am the asshole. A little Freudian slip there from showing my favorite subreddit, I am the asshole.

SPEAKER_03 32:58

It's just people gloating about how bad they are.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Here's some bad things I did. I am the asshole. Isn't that Dennis Leary's subreddit? Dennis Leary catching strays here on the green room.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

It's a national treasure, leave him alone.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

It's his old song. Come on. Okay, yeah. So, guys, you ready to dive in? Yes, yeah. Uh, I want you to dive into some assholes. I want you to let me know what you think. Wow, and that's and that let's go. Yeah, whiskey loop. That's what the whiskeys were. So, our first story is from the subreddit malicious compliance.

SPEAKER_03 33:29

I love malicious compliance. Malicious compliance is great. Just you know malicious compliance.

SPEAKER_01 33:33

I know the concept, I don't know the Reddit.

SPEAKER_03 33:35

Okay, I've I've been Well, sorry, I was talking about the concept. I'm yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Oh no, I love the concept.

SPEAKER_02 33:40

Yeah, what's the idea? The idea is in your whiskey.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

So, like, I think it's like so if someone, your boss or someone says you have to do things this way and you do things exactly the way that they tell you to, and things go tits up, that's malicious compliance.

SPEAKER_02 33:51

And you know they're gonna go tits up.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

You know they're gonna go tits up.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

You're like, right, you've told me, I'm gonna do it. Well, here's our first story for malicious compliance. So, you want a shot of whiskey? Oh, yes,

Reddit Story 1: Whiskey Shot

SPEAKER_02 34:00

we do. Thank you. There we go. Well, that's it. That's the story. Way back in the mid-70s, I worked a college job as a bartender for big events. We have three bars set up for about 200 guests. With this many guests, we always broke the dishwasher and converted to plastic as the dishwasher would not keep up. Up front, I will say that shots do look small in plastic cups. We've all been there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's very fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we pour it in, it doesn't look as big. Fair. It's broad. So much of drinking is just perception, isn't it? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 34:25

Oh, different glasses, different sizes. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

Yeah. A young man approaches and asks for a shot of whiskey, straight up. No problem, plastic glass in the bar, pour the whiskey and ask for one dollar twenty-five, as I mentioned way back. Oh god, I missed the 70s. Just the concept of paying one euro for us for a shot. That's college, college times. Yeah, he looked at the glass and then at me, and then as loud as he could, without screaming, said, When I ask for a shot of whiskey, I want a shot of whiskey. Okay. Heads turned apparently. Okay. Now, we free poured our drinks, and well, the customer got a good pour. However, based on his demeanor, I was a little pissed off.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

As you should be. Yeah. I feel like the one rule that I think everybody should abide by is you always just be nice to people in service.

SPEAKER_00 35:09

Always.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

They could be having a bad night, you know. Like it's, you know, okay, like some some person might genuinely be a dickhead, but like you don't treat someone like dirt.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

It's a real sign of a person's character. Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

I think it's like more like I've never worked in service, but I've worked in like hospitality. So like once you've been on that side of the that side of the line, yeah, um, you're like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

I'm not in favor of like national service, but I am in favor of like everybody has to spend six months in either retail or customer service.

SPEAKER_02 35:36

I I've heard this before, and it's a it yes, absolutely. Um so I said, All right, reach behind me and retrieve the shot glass. I filled that up to the line from the already poured whiskey in the plastic glass, dumped the same amount in the sink again from the plastic glass, then poured the shot back into his plastic glass and asked again for $1.25. Strangely, I got no tip, but he was quiet for the rest of the evening. Does that make sense to you? Yes. Because when I read this at first, I couldn't quite figure out exactly what he did. So the initial pour in the plastic glass was like quite big. Yeah. Yeah. And the guy saw it and was like, I asked for a shot. So he takes out the shot glass, pours what's already in the plastic glass into the shot glass, and then there's obviously loads left, and he's like, You only wanted just a single shot, dumps it in the sink, and then takes the shot glass and refills, which I think is incredible. Yeah. Yeah, what do you guys think?

SPEAKER_03 36:24

I would love if he just drank the remainder. He or she just drank the remainder of what was in the glass. Yeah. That would have been real, just big dick, I'm out, bitches, energy. It's the entitlement. It's it would have been great if the guy tipped at the end.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

That's it. After he's proven wrong. Because the real way to be the bigger person is being the pettier person, and the pettier person conceals their pettiness. Yes. I would have tipped, but I also wouldn't have made the same fuck up in the first place.

SPEAKER_03 36:55

Oh, do you know what it is? It's not that you don't tip, is like you tip five percent.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

Oh, yes, yeah, just keep your real anchor at my.

SPEAKER_03 37:02

I have been told that I have been accidentally under tipping in America and that like uh Megan had to leave money on the table after I left, and I was doing 15%. She said, Oh, did you not like the service? I was like, ooh.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

Yeah, it's like minimum 20 or something like that. Like, yeah, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

She could have told me like after the first time instead of just letting me keep doing it.

SPEAKER_02 37:20

Yeah. That that Irish Darren guy, he's a bit of a bit of a Scrooge. Um, yeah, this is very funny. I I think this is uh like also that's what you get for being that much of an arse immediately on a bartender pouring you a drink.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

Like that and Joe as well. Like what things have been different if somebody came up and said, Hey, I just I don't think this is the correct amount. Like if you if you approach things with grace and humility, which you know we should all have a little bit more of, it's just uh took on a little bit of a Christian theme to this podcast. It's like yeah, everything could be worked out, everything could be understandable.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

It's like the I asked for 100%. Because like your guy came on strong, he didn't ask us like, oh, is this is this a full measure of whiskey? Because obviously it's a broad, it's broad bottom. That's how volume works. Yeah, volume is strange. I don't quite understand it. I don't quite understand it. Magic. It is kind of magic. I don't understand volume and mass, yeah. Megamits and those.

SPEAKER_03 38:16

This is where we find out Seamus is a pagan.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

Yeah, although I'm a quantity surveyor.

SPEAKER_03 38:20

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

There's such a way, like you said, you could approach it. And I do love the fact that the person was so cool, calm and collected, they showed not only was there a shot in it, there was a shot and more. If the person kept their mouth shut, they would have gotten so much whiskey, they would have been getting a double. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

Because I think that happens a lot in American bars, like they read the free pork and like work away. So yeah, I think we're all in the same agreement there that that person who was an arse was an nurse, and the bartender was correct.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

Absolutely. Bartender was class.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Letter of the law. Onto our next story.

Reddit Story 2: Whiskey Break-Up Present

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Please. So this is from relationship advice. Uh, my 23 male girlfriend, uh 23 22 female, wants to buy her friend's ex-boyfriend a bottle of whiskey because she broke up with him and he bought them dinner once. Wait. His girlfriend wants to buy her friend's ex-boyfriend a bottle of whiskey because she broke up with him. I feel weird about this. She says she feels bad because her friend used him. Apparently she was a gold digger, and now that they broke up, she said she wanted to drop into his work and give him a nice bottle of whiskey. She met him the one time that she had dinner together. Should this feel off to me? She says how bad she feels because he's such a nice guy, and her friend used him. But when I asked if the whiskey was for for that or the dinner, sorry, I read these sometimes and I I will say I I should probably dive in and maybe like spruce up the the grammar and the comments and everything. Oh, you've just taken it like for like, have you? Yeah, pretty much. And it's it's it's it's a lot of run-on sentences. Yeah, he's been trying to. She says how bad she feels because he's such a nice guy and her friend used him. But when I asked if the whiskey was for that or the dinner, she said it was for the dinner because he spent over $80 on her and her friend. I'm currently a broke student working a part-time job to get me through college, and she knows this. This guy she wants to buy the whiskey for is it's us quite well off, is quite well off. I almost always pay for her. I spent over $90 on our last date and more when we went to a concert together the other day. I'm not expecting her to get me a bottle of whiskey for that, but when she decides she wants to do that for her friend's ex-boyfriend because he spent money on her and not me, it just seems weird. T. L. Dior, girlfriend, wants to buy her friend's ex, they just broke up, a nice bottle of whiskey because he bought them dinner once. She met him that one time. I buy her dinner every time we go out, but she wants to show appreciation to this random guy.

SPEAKER_03 40:34

I I think if uh either of our uh girlfriend you have a girlfriend, right? No.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

Oh, do you not? Yeah. Oh shit. Since when? Oh, since a long time. Ah, right. I like having the assumption I have a girlfriend because then I have to don't don't have to deal with shit. Shame as a wife guy. You are a wife guy. Yeah, there we go.

SPEAKER_03 40:52

Yeah. The cats are my wife.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:54

Like I I forget the point I was gonna make there because it was just so flabbergasted that yeah, you're flying. Sorry, what was I gonna say?

SPEAKER_01 41:00

Maybe going to be a point about like we wouldn't be phased or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 41:03

Or I think it's like, you know, if if we got bought bottles of whiskey for every time we bought our partner's dinner. Oh yeah, we'd be dead. Yes. And I'm very much uh, you know, yes, you split the you split the loads, you go Dutch every now and again, or you know, they get one, you get the other.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

But yeah, you know, yeah, yeah. But I mean it it's it's I guess less about you know in the relationship, yeah, spending on each other because everyone figures that out themselves and figures out how best. But it's the wanting to buy her friend's ex a bottle of whiskey specifically because one time that doesn't feel like a real reason to me. That feels like send a nice text. Yeah, that feels like she just wants to buy this guy whiskey because it just sounds like she fancies him.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

It does, it does, and that's in the subtext because he's not specifically calling that out, but he's typing with gritted teeth.

SPEAKER_03 41:56

It's like I'm not saying I think it's like one of those, because yeah, I think the content of it is it's the cost, it's the I'm broke, you know, I you know, I don't it's this is not maybe an expense that I would be able to do, and you know, maybe her supporting me a little bit more about that. But yeah, I think he's probably hoping that people in the comments are like, Well, you know what she's really doing, she wants that dick. Yeah, that whiskey dick. That whiskey dick. Well, we've all been there. There's pills for that now.

SPEAKER_02 42:23

Oh god, it's an all-male podcast. We're we're gonna build those podcasts. Oh dear. Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Um I think even if you're taking the most flat and generous interpretation that this is just a woman who is feeling very, very generous. If I were on the receiving end of that, like let's say my ex broke up with me, and then like two weeks later, her friend is like, You bought me that dinner one time, and I met you that one time, and I've gotten you this whiskey, I'd be like, Well, I really do want to drink this whiskey, but the way I've received it is very weird and very strange, and this is overly friendly, and this is overly kind.

SPEAKER_02 42:57

And I think the big part of it as well is that you met once once. Even if the entire situation of you know, breakup friend, all that kind of stuff, if you met someone once and then still did this, that's a weird thing.

SPEAKER_03 43:11

Yeah, so I I didn't even think uh how it would be perceived from the uh girlfriend's ex perspective. Yeah, like unless again they're they're gonna bang. Um, you know, if if just somebody yeah showed up after one meeting, it'd be awkward as shit.

SPEAKER_02 43:28

Uh a wild decision, a wild choice. Um, I would not be surprised if that relationship no longer exists.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

Oh, how long ago was the was the thread?

SPEAKER_02 43:37

Oh, like some of these are between like five, six, eight years old. Okay. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 43:41

So I hope they're happily married now.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

Good broad rage. Yes, the the whiskey receiver is now married to the poster's ex girlfriend now.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

I mean, look, uh I think just to close off that story, as long as someone got a nice bottle of whiskey. That is true. That's the that's the main thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

I do think that should be a rule, though. Like if we ever like Then everyone should get a nice bottle of whiskey. Yeah. Yeah. At all times.

SPEAKER_03 44:02

It's like a going away present.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

Yeah. Every time we incidentally pay for a portion of somebody's meal. We should.

SPEAKER_03 44:10

Do you know what we should have like uh when you go to um uh cafes and you get like for every stamp it's like for your tenth so for every tenth dinner I buy, I get a bottle of whiskey. I like that scheme. That's I love that scheme.

SPEAKER_02 44:23

So, guys, ready for your next story? Yes. Yaw. It's an am I the asshole, not I am the asshole, as I said

Reddit Story 3: Throwing Away Whiskey Present

SPEAKER_02 44:29

earlier on. Am I the asshole for throwing away the expensive whiskey my brother got me for my 40th? Already, yes.

SPEAKER_03 44:35

Already, yes.

SPEAKER_02 44:37

I just turned 40 last week. I'm divorced and have two teenage kids with my ex-wife. My whole family came to me and my girlfriend's apartment last Saturday for my birthday party. My parents, some aunts and uncles, some cousins, my three brothers with their families, my two kids, and my girlfriend's fifteen-year-old son who lives with us. Glad that we have all of that context. There we go. This next sentence might clarify things. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Well, okay. Bet you both feel pretty shady now.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

No, I know I feel no shady now. I call him a quitter.

SPEAKER_02 45:07

No, James, bold. Uh so I'm a recovered alcoholic, I've been sober six years. Alcohol absolutely ruined my life, it destroyed my marriage and nuked my relationship with my kids for years. I don't allow alcohol in my home now for anyone. It just isn't served or tolerated here. My entire family knows this very well, as they know my entire history with alcohol. For my 40th, my brother bought me a very expensive bottle of whiskey. It had writing on it, a very heavy bottle and a very old whiskey. So it probably cost him a couple hundred bucks. Yeah. It was very fair. When he gave me the bottle, I was shocked and said, I don't drink, but thanks for the gift. He then opened the bottle and started pouring shots in plastic cups for everyone. What? Who boy? And then some guy came up and said, I asked for a shot. Oh my god. Reddit story crossovers. The Reddit Story Cinematic Unit. My daughter had a panic attack at the smell of the alcohol, which I'm painfully aware is my fault and never will never forgive myself for. So I told my brother to take the alcohol out in the balcony and just leave it there. He wouldn't do it and took a shot of the whiskey. I told him to seriously stop and he proceeded to pour the whiskey. He then said, I am acting like a sober saint now when I ruined everyone's birthdays for years with my drinking. I told him to come to the hallway with me and talk it out. He refused and put a glass of whiskey in my hand. It's like, you ruined people's birthdays with your drinking, so now I'm gonna ruin yours. Like, I I absolutely you know, even if you're just like tangentially aware of alcoholism, like yeah, wow, that's uh that is absolutely an insane thing to do. That is horrible. So I took the trash can, threw the whiskey bottle in it, and the plastic cups, and took the trash out. My brother then stormed off and my mom followed him. She later called me demanding an apology for disrespecting my brother like that. My dad said I was being overly sensitive, and some of my other family members also agree, am I the asshole here? No, no, no, not at all. Yeah, not in the slightest. Your family sounds like an asshole, whoever audience like, but that I I I can't get over, I don't know, maybe this is a cultural thing or whatever, but like that amount of people not realizing or accepting what alcoholism is, is not just someone, ah, you're being a bit of shy crack. Yeah, it's like no, this this is a thing that destroyed this person's life and they're on the other side of it. Yeah, that's wild.

SPEAKER_03 47:10

And I love the well his like 'cause his brother made the comment of you ruined people's birthdays with drinking, so let me tempt you to turn you back into that person.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

It makes the least amount of sense. It's the most petty, most short-sighted, most axe to grind kind of thing. Because the brother isn't thinking what's good for um my brother's girlfriend and her child and and my two nephews or nephew and and niece. He's like, he's just point scoring there with this because we we started with malicious compliance. Now we've got malicious gifting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because obviously it wasn't about giving his brother a gift, it was about making a statement.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

Yeah. I wouldn't I wouldn't be surprised if this guy wanted that whiskey and gave it to his brother and was like, oh, I'll take it, and then just got drunk and belligerent and yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:59

If that's the case, then why go through the whole charade of like just buy yourself a bottle of whiskey? Yeah, just you know no one needs to be involved in this. There's so much psycho. And your weird perversions.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

Yeah, because there's so much psycho drama to it. Like, and doing it with the kids at the party, like that is low. That is very low. I did call your man a quitter. That's because I have a horrible sense of humour. Because I do love alcohol. And the thing is, like, my love of alcohol stops when somebody else would say, Sorry, I don't drink. One of my best friends, he was an alcoholic. He was homeless because of alcoholism. Thankfully, now, thanks to like uh still having connections with his family and inheritance, he's been able to like get a home and his house and everything like that. I would never put drink in front of him. I would never take it around to his place at all, because I know what he went through. And like his family acting like that, that isn't a joke at all. That is just straight up assholery.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

I think also as well, it feels like you know, I and if you're 40 and up, it's insane. But like even as a 34-year-old, the concept of people our age peer pressing someone else into drinking if they're not like for when just as an adult they've said no, I don't do this, they don't even need to give a reason. Uh just feels childish. It feels insane and childish and immature. Like especially nowadays when you've so many like zero alcohol options of big brands, so it's actually very easy to still socialise and just completely not drink at all.

SPEAKER_03 49:26

So it goes back to the whole no is a full sentence, yes, and there's no other justification, particularly like particularly with that type of thing, with people in recovery.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

So, guys, I think you're probably the same as me in that one, and our verdict is not the asshole. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 49:40

There's so many assholes in that story, and none of them are him.

SPEAKER_02 49:44

Yeah, it really is. Yeah. Uh guys, are you ready for your final whiskey-related rediscope?

SPEAKER_03 49:48

Yes.

Reddit Story 4: Pokémon Whiskey Accident

SPEAKER_02 49:50

Okay, uh, so this is from the subreddit uh T I F U. Any idea what that's fucked up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:56

Yeah. I'm intimately familiar with fucking up.

SPEAKER_02 49:58

So today I fucked up by getting too drunk while playing Pokemon Go. Oh, we've all been there, babe. 2016 was a wild year. It was a wild year. So this happened just now. Like I'm like just now this moment. This is happening live. Yeah. Uh like I'm still in a towel from the shower. Oh, yeah. That's the first line. Oh god. Oh, God.

SPEAKER_03 50:17

If I can speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

SPEAKER_02 50:19

My girlfriend and I are avid Pokemon Goers. We have bet $100 on who can catch all the Pokemon in every new generation first. Due to the Christmas season, she has been working seven plus shifts a week, so she has not been able to catch many of the new Pokemon. And I am very much ahead of her in this bet. By a lot.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

By a lot. Just a quick sidebar. Uh, best Pokemon generation go. Uh Johto, second generation. Second generation. Uh uh the one with that catch them. First generation, yeah. I would agree, second generation, Grace.

SPEAKER_01 50:46

Just growing back, did he say his girlfriend was working seven plus shifts a week?

SPEAKER_02 50:51

Yep. Uh so she's not been able to catch as many Pokemon, Seamus. Yeah. And he's quite ahead of her. Faul's like she hasn't been able to sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, he's focused on the important thing is that he's ahead of her in the Pokemon Go. Yeah. Bet.

SPEAKER_03 51:02

I wonder which one is the breadwinner.

SPEAKER_02 51:04

Yeah. So tonight she gets off work around 11 p.m. and she says she wants to go Pokemon going or Pokemoning.

SPEAKER_03 51:10

Yeah. It's a verb. I was gonna say, as the like this culture calls it.

SPEAKER_02 51:15

So we head out. Immediately, I have to poop.

SPEAKER_03 51:18

Listen, again, we've all been there. I've I'm someone who's been very open with my near esgatological uh mishaps on this channel.

SPEAKER_02 51:25

Continue on with this. Immediately, I have to poop. Fuck it, I'll just hold it. What's the worst that could happen? First trip passing by our liquor store, we both buy two airplane bottles of cinnamon whiskey to keep warm, you know? Second time around, 30 minutes later, we each buy another because why not? The first two loosen us up and we're having fun.

SPEAKER_03 51:41

You're gonna be loose when you're holding something in.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

This is the thing. Sorry, when they say airplane whiskey, are they talking about little bottles?

SPEAKER_03 51:47

So, like, were you thinking of a bottle shaped like an airplane? That sounds amazing.

SPEAKER_02 51:51

Yeah, that's a business idea that we're gonna follow up on and in a later episode. This is my next pitch. So we're joking and laughing and really having a good time. Just the two of us on Christmas Eve.

SPEAKER_00 52:00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 52:01

Sorry, you don't drop that like a third of the way into the story. The way the details are being dropped here is incredible. Yeah, yeah. So the next paragraph starts with uh-oh.

unknown 52:12

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

The feeling that I have to poop intensifies. Alcohol and walking has exacerbated it. Yeah. We're on the last loop of the night, and my girlfriend is like, dude, one more loop and we're home. I agree that sounds fair. We buy two more shots of cinnamon whiskey at our liquor store and head home. The problem is, for reasons only fate can explain, we keep coming up on rare Pokemon, or at least Pokemon my girlfriend doesn't have. This guy really likes to rub it in. Yeah. Every time I'm like, that's great, I really got to go, and we just keep on playing. It gets unbearable. I'm like, fuck it, you stay here, I'm running home. Next card, because this is such a long story. Oh, yeah. It's like you're reading Ulysses. Yeah, literally. I did a walkslash run. I squeezed my buttocks together for all they were worth, and I hustled home to the toilet. In one deft move, I pulled my pants down and squatted over the toilet and projectile shit everywhere. Okay. Only I didn't make it. Not a single drop of shit went to the toilet. 35% was on my clothes, 65% was on the toilet. I'm freaking out. My girlfriend knocks on the bathroom door. She just got home and she needs to use the toilet. Go away, I yell. I chance a flush. Pokemon go away. Hey, very good. I chance a flush. The toilet clogs. At this point, I have no choice but to ask my girlfriend for help because I am a complete mess.

SPEAKER_03 53:27

Did she need to get in there because there was like a shiny Mew in there? This is the thing.

SPEAKER_02 53:31

Quite possibly. Also, this person, and you know, uh we say this a lot with Reddit stories, you know, it's quite possible that some of these could just be creative riding extra. True, true. Um, but I don't know. This this sounds like this guy is just having fun riding it, but it could have happened. I go out to the living room naked. I say, um, I need help. She she says, Yeah, I can see shit running down both your legs. Oh my gosh. Yes, it was gross. Please help me. She stifles a laugh. Ha ha, you shit yourself. Ha ha. She's a good girlfriend in that despite her amusement, she is supportive. Okay, I'll help you, but I have to go first. The toilet is inoperable. She has no other choice but to proceed to pull down her pants and pee into the bathtub that is currently running full blast with a shower water. Just picture all this scene now. It's obviously there's a lot, there's a there's a lot of moving parts. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:18

Moving parts, moving bowels, moving liquids, fluids, feces.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

She goes quiet. She gets wide-eyed. She looks up. A look of pure shock is on her face. Oh, it's not on the ceiling, is it? No. Uh fuck. I really didn't mean to. I say, really didn't mean to what? And she gives me that sheepish, apologetic grin. I look at the bathtub. There is a massive shit in the bathtub. Fuck off. I say, thanks for making me feel a lot better about myself. She says, fuck you, it was an accident, and runs out of the bathroom. I now have to clean up all with a clogged toilet and no plunger. Also, I'm pretty sure my roommate has awoken and knows exactly where there's another person involved. There's another. If the noise didn't wake her, I'm sure the smell will at that point.

SPEAKER_03 54:57

I just go in and wake her and say, just come in and shit on the floor.

SPEAKER_02 54:59

Yeah. Yeah. Like, let's just complete it. Get your ass on that sink right now. It's it's you know, it's it's like it's like a murder, and we all need to be involved. They can't give us all the tension.

SPEAKER_01 55:08

You have to be like, hey, we're having a shit party.

SPEAKER_02 55:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:12

We already shitted. You you get in on it.

SPEAKER_03 55:14

It's this like Scandinavian thing that like uh we do uh Scandinavia.

SPEAKER_02 55:17

Scantinavia. There we go. Well, I jump in the shower with a cold tall boy. This is not the time to be sobering up. I have shit cleaning to attend to, and I do not want to remember it. Plus, shower beer. This person has kind of gone around to being just a pure legend for me, I think, by the end.

SPEAKER_03 55:32

I didn't know shower beers were a thing. Oh, right. Yeah. Was I the last one to find out about this? I gotta be honest, they hit so hard though. They're they're great. I haven't had a shower in a beer.

SPEAKER_02 55:42

I haven't had a shower in a beer. Yeah. But you know, maybe there's something I could try. Uh, probably a beer in a shower might be an easier thing to attempt. Just to finish off the story. So, uh, plus shower beer. I soap, rinse, and towel, and I put all my clothes in a trash bag, then another trash bag, then another. Because you can't be too careful. Nope. Best to have multiple layers. Then I delicately clean the rest of the toilet and the floor and every other thing that might have shit on it. The toilet's still clogged, but I put up a sign, so hopefully she won't venture in and see it. Toilet filled with TP. Anyways, this will always be remembered as the Shitmas 2017. Happy shitmas, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 56:14

I hope the sign that he put up was like literally just the Reddit story, and it's like on the entire thing. It's great.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

I can't remember which thread, which uh subreddit was that from again? This is from uh, and it makes sense, today I fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 56:27

Today I fucked up, yes.

SPEAKER_02 56:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:29

Why did the girlfriend take a shit while pissing in the bathtub?

SPEAKER_02 56:33

Well, sometimes it just happens. The the drink element here is a big part of it. Yeah. Um, and the I guess the madness of walking into the horror bathrooms.

SPEAKER_03 56:41

Yeah. I thought I'm trying to Is it really bad that like I'm trying to do the mental math of like, okay, so they had four airplane size bottles, which are 50 mil, so that's 200 milliliters. That's only a nagin.

SPEAKER_02 56:50

I don't think, you know, and if they're doing a walk in December, so I wouldn't be surprised if these are maybe younger sounding people and they they can't hold their drink very well. Or they're arses, yes, can't hold anything.

SPEAKER_01 57:01

But like a naggin, like, is it the nagon of it, or is it the cinnamon of the whiskey that's maybe Ooh, is cinnamon something that makes you poop? I feel like anything that's kind of hot and spicy is just good. It's gonna make other stuff hot and spicy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:15

This sounds like what you think the term hot mess would be. Yeah. I think that's it's absolutely wild, it's insane. Um I I think that the two people deserve each other by the same way.

SPEAKER_03 57:25

I do, and you know what? I think it was actually kind of heartwarming where I'm I'm kind of glad she took a shit in the shower as well, and that it was like I know she kind of ran out, so I don't know if that was in a huffy way or a yeah, whatever, blah blah blah. It sounds more like a cheeky ha ha ha shit in the back.

SPEAKER_02 57:42

I also I don't know how much longer they were together because I just imagine her telling the story from her end. She's like, Yeah, you know, coming up to Christmas, I'm working on like seven plus hour shifts, you know, doing all this kind of work. Me and my boyfriend have like a fun little Pokemon Go thing going on. Um so we were doing that Christmas Eve, and then he like left early and he went home and just destroyed the bathroom with shit. Yeah. Uh he's not really working, but like you know, he's I I I love him, he's good. And then her her friends be like, I really hope yourself.

SPEAKER_03 58:10

I really hope that um they do they did break up, and this boyfriend is the ex from the previous story. Oh my god, the Reddit Cinematic Universe strikes again. The RCP, do you do you think that um the girlfriend in this case uh walked in, saw the shit everywhere, and she goes, Finally, my chance to shit in the bath.

SPEAKER_02 58:31

Yeah, yeah. She's like, Yeah, but I'm just more like this roommate that they apparently have, uh, especially if they had to get up for work at any point. It's that's like waking up in a horror film. Yeah, it is. You're kind of just looking around and going, oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 58:44

Because I'm assuming this is the wee hours because she got in at 11 p.m. Yeah. They do a couple of laps. Um, so I'm assuming thought this is like one or two a.m.

SPEAKER_02 58:53

maybe, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:54

Yeah. I like she must be a heavy sleeper.

SPEAKER_02 58:56

I don't know if there's any judgment to be made, but uh I think he fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 58:59

No, I think he's judging. I think they're both bin people. These are people who belong to people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:06

See, I'm very much uh there before the grace of God go I because I've again I've I've been in that position of um holding an A. It's like, okay, if I start to run, do I just do my cheeks spread too much and it just comes out without me having anything to say about it?

SPEAKER_02 59:19

At least 50% of the times when I go to the toilet, you know, it doesn't get inside the toilet. You know? I think that happens to us all. You know, you kind of go, uh oh, it's on the wall, it's on the ceiling. Yeah, those ceiling poops. Yeah, you pull the other one. That's all our Reddit stories for today. Do you think they had a nice whiskey through line for the episode?

SPEAKER_03 59:39

There was definitely a whiskey through line going through the guts of those last two.

SPEAKER_02 59:43

Isn't it interesting the different things that whiskey can bring about in people and the different stories that such a wonderful drink can tell? That is true.

SPEAKER_03 59:51

And when I did call them, that's why they call it the brown stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:55

But like when I when I called them bin people, I didn't mean that as a judgment because I am I am also a child of the bin. I am a child of the bin. You're also a bin person. I am also a bin person. I've been there and done worse. Hey, how can I judge these these poopers? Yeah. These beautiful whiskey drinking poopers.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:10

And hey, look, everybody poops and it takes all sorts of poop to make a world. Uh but guys, uh, just

Outro

SPEAKER_02 1:00:16

to wrap up before we uh finish this episode on that lovely brown note. Yeah, um uh do either of you have anything to plug or anything anywhere people can follow you, Darren?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:26

Yeah, you can follow me on on Instagram uh at at Darren Lawler. Uh I eventually will bring back the whiskey channel. Um lovely. This tastes like whiskey. Uh I in the last video I said I'd be back in October, but I never said which year.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:38

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:39

So 2026, let's hope that we know we know what a pressure thought. And here's okay, here's some inside. I I did film something at Whiskey Live last year. Oh, yeah. Um, but um, and I don't want to call out Gronia Blumenthal, but I'm gonna call out Gronia Blumenthal uh for like the outro stuff. Uh she filmed it in slow motion, so there was no audio. Yeah, that that will come back. Okay. I am saying that will come back. Sure. Just bear with me. An October. Okay. It's very it's an Andy Kaufman-esque prank. And I respect you for it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:08

I knew you would. Uh Seamus? My social media is Instagram, not on any of the other platforms anymore. There's still some dead accounts out there, but it's Mr. Stackpool on Instagram. You can follow me. I'm looking to be maybe getting back into some live performance later on in the year because I was talking to somebody who was a writer for the sketch group that I used to be with. That sketch group is defunct, but I was talking to somebody, but yeah, looking to get back into performance so Instagram is where people can see that when I do post.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:39

Very good. Well, guys, I think it's all I have to say is thank you very much for joining us here on uh the fourth episode of the Green Room.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:45

Thank you for having us. And now you're gonna give us five gallons of whiskey each.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:48

Exactly, but not before I drink it all myself. Thank you everyone for joining us here on this episode of the Green Room. Uh, we upload videos on the Tri Channel on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. And Wednesdays is when you can catch this lovely podcast uh on uh podcast platforms of your choice and give us a rating wherever you do as well. And uh anything to add, lads? Go out there and and be nice and be merry. Whiskey business. Bye. Bye.