"Yoked" - Pull together

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In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith dive into the powerful biblical concept of being "yoked" together in marriage. Drawing from 2 Corinthians 6:14, they explore how the same yoke that can feel like a burden or forced submission can become a source of extraordinary strength when a couple pulls in the same direction.

Lisa shares that being yoked isn't inherently good or bad—it all depends on who you're yoked to and whether you're walking in unison. The couple gets real about everyday friction points where many spouses end up pulling against each other: parenting styles, finances, household expectations, even where to put the shoes. Over time, these "little bitty things" accumulate, leaving spouses feeling like they're dragging their partner or being dragged themselves.

Don shares a simple farming illustration: one horse struggles alone, but two horses yoked together can pull the same load with "extraordinary ease." The same is true in marriage. The key isn't avoiding the yoke but learning to pull together.

The episode also explores why couples drift apart—often because expectations go unspoken, personal views change without being communicated, and partners slowly submit to a "yoke of independence" instead of interdependence. The good news? It's never too late to re-hitch.

Practical Challenge

"When you feel like you're pulling against each other, instead of asking 'Why are you pulling against me?'—stop and ask each other: 'What do you think I could do to help us pull the cart forward together?' And don't be frustrated. Just listen."

Don and Lisa encourage couples to sit down, identify one area of struggle, and have that honest conversation. They remind listeners that most marital tension doesn't come from the devil or major crises—it comes from accumulated small frustrations that were never addressed.

As Lisa puts it, the main ingredients for pulling together are communication and servanthood.

🎙️ Episode Highlights

• Being yoked can be negative (pulling against each other) or positive (pulling together)
• Marriage is about enabling each other to reach your dreams together—not just solitary fulfillment
• Small, unaddressed frustrations accumulate over time
• You're either pulling together or pulling against each other—there is no neutral
• Next week: Don and Lisa record from Mexico as they celebrate 34 years of marriage!

🎧 Tune in

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for this week's Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session? Well, welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday. I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you. And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful. Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it. Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy. We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast. Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together. Miss Lisa Ms. Thang in the studio again with me. And I like it. In case you didn't know where the talk about a studio is, it's in my office. Your chair makes weird noises. Mine is fine.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

It's your chair, though. It's in your office.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

It's good to be here. Thanks for tuning in, guys. It's Wedded Wednesday. And um, man, I'm excited because like I've been the last three weeks, we've been recording these. And uh we're gonna, we're really now I want you to, I want you guys who are listening to pay attention to this. We're gonna we're gonna like turn this into a podcast, but got a little work to do. Uh so some of these might be delayed and that kind of thing. So if you're listening on the podcast now, this was a few weeks ago, even though we're live now. It oh got it's like a back to the future kind of thing. Uh but anyway, uh it's gonna be great. And we just do these unedited, uh, right? Like uh this just a conversation with two married people trying to figure it out. And it's wedded Wednesday, and we're glad that you guys join us each and every week. So I got a scripture for us. Are you ready?

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

All right, in 2 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 14 and 15, it says, Do not be yoked together with unbelievers, for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Balil? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? Now, I'm gonna ask you this question.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

We're gonna start at with asking Lisa a question this morning. Are you are you scared?

SPEAKER_00 2:42

We're starting off always asking Lisa questions.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Um is Are you okay? No, I am so sorry.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

There are people watching now.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

I know, and I'm trying not to be all hacky.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

All right, here's the question.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Yes, question.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Is being yoked a bad thing or a good thing?

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Depending on who you're yoked to.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Alright, no, I need you to elaborate on that. That's not good enough. I need you to talk about it. Is a yoke positive or negative?

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Again, it depends on who I'm yoked.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

All right, give me give me an illustration of uh uh yoked being yoked um in a negative way.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Well, if two people are going in separate directions, that's unequally that's a bad thing because no, this is the direction we need to go, and they want to go in a different direction.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Okay, so um being yoked together, let's not even put it into perspective of marriage. Okay. Think about it.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Yes. It's the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

It's okay, why? Elaborate. I'm trying to get her to talk, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Elaborate. I mean, even in friendships, if if I have a friend that is doing things that maybe I don't agree with or don't believe in, how can I be yoked to that friendship?

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Okay. I'm just I'm just saying I'm just asking a question because like uh I think that there are a lot of people, especially married people, who see being joined together in their marriage. Maybe they've, you know, they're uh no Tony, we're not talking about that kind of yoked, okay? We're talking about being married or joined or connected together. Right? Right now, um, there are some married people who actually see being joined together as a negative thing. In other words, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:01

They call them the old ball and chain and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

All right, so like if you've ever heard that term before, uh let me put it in this phrase where we might might understand it and get you to elaborate for a minute. All right. Some married people might actually see being joined or yoked together as forced submission to someone else's will.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

I guess they could.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

And that would be a bad thing.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

That would be a bad thing.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Because they they don't see being joined as a positive thing.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

No, because they don't see it as being united mission together for a specific purpose.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Okay, and then there are some people, married people, who would see being joined or yoked together as an enabler that helps unite forces to do something that one person could not do by themselves.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Gosh, repeat that. That was a lot of words for this early. It's not that early.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

All right, so there are some married people who see being joined together as that thing that enables them to do what they could not do on them alone by themselves. Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

So, in other words, I I grew up on a farm, right? And we would have horses and cattle and that kind of thing. And what one horse could not pull by themselves, uh, when you joined two horses together, they could. It seemed like not only could they pull it together, but they pulled it with extraordinary ease.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

You're like, why just adding one more did it make it so easy as compared to when it was one person?

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Because they have a common goal.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Okay, so they're uniting strengths, they're uniting force. So uh, you know, like in the old days, one ox couldn't couldn't pull by himself. They you get a partner with them and they're they double their strength, uh, and they can pull the cart together. So now let's put this in the form of marriage this morning. Is that all right? Okay, okay. Um, where are some areas in marriage where a husband and a wife might see their joining or their yoked together as a negative thing? This is grass, this is bad. I don't geez.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Where would they see it as a negative thing?

SPEAKER_01 7:34

In other words, I'm I'm just joined and I'm forced to to submit to this person's will in this area. I got a couple of ideas. Parenting.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Oh, see? I was trying to think of something else. So see? Okay. Okay, see? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

So sometimes we have different ideas.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

But you don't agree on how to on a parenting issue.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yes. And so you wind up pulling in different directions.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Finances. Uh, you don't agree on how to spend money or how to save money. Oh, go ahead. Uh no, no.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

No, that's why I was having a hard time. Gotcha. But yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Even something as such as a blessing like going on vacation together.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Mm-hmm. Or having a clean house. Where to put the shoes.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

We we're not gonna talk about where to put the shoes today. That's for a whole nother.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

I'm just saying, we're talking about, you know, where would you feel the pain?

SPEAKER_01 8:26

But these are these seem like little bitty things.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

Oh, but they become big over time.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

And the reason that they become big over time is be not because you're just going in different directions, is it because you are yoked together and now you're actually pulling each other in different directions. You're pulling against one another. Yeah. See, that's the problem with being yoked. If you're not walking in the same direction, it's hard. You're actually pulling against one. That's when being yoked is negative. Right. Because you're working against one another. Right. But when you're yoked together and you're pulling in the same direction, you are working together, and you make what seems impossible easy.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Right. So Yeah, that's what I meant to say, y'all, basically.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Well, I'm just asking. I'm just saying, uh, here's the thing. Like, uh, when when you get married, let's think about it, you're yoked with one person out of eight billion on the planet. I think there are eight billion people on planet Earth right now. Billion? That's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Yeah, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

And you're yoked with one.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Mm-hmm. You better pick the right one.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

And and what but what that does to me, what that shares to me is that you you together as a husband and wife, you form such a unique nucleus.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

Like gosh, he's using big words this morning, and lots of them.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

We form such a unique bond. Okay. And it's not like any other. And so what happens is when we submit ourselves to the yoke of independence, then we begin to pull against each other. Right. And that I think is where a lot of people find themselves in marriage. Like initially, they start off in the same direction.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

And why do you think that happens?

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Because I don't I don't think they have a plan to pull together to begin with. I think that they just think, well, now we're married, we're always going to go in the same direction.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Because they had stuff in common before they got married.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

So it's just And now we got kids, and all of a sudden there's a new element in the equation. And you're like, wait a minute. It's kind of like we talk about sometimes when uh those are those um uh unknown uh boundaries that you don't even know you have until someone crosses it.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Our expectations you didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Those unknown expectations you don't even know you had until someone doesn't meet them. And now you're all frustrated.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Everybody thought the way I thought about discipline or about raising 100%.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

And so what you have is two, three years into marriage, you're like, wait a minute, I thought we would always think the same about finances. Or I thought we would always think the same about raising children.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

Now, do you think that um your thoughts and ideas on specific things early on in our marriage has changed?

SPEAKER_01 11:26

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

So see, we all I don't want to use the word evolve, but things the world changes and our view changes on some things once we have walked in some things that we've never walked in before, and then our views change some.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

No, I think as we begin to experience life together, there are some things that change.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Um I think though we need to vocalize that. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

There you go. To our spouse.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Yes, hey, this has changed for me. And I and and why it changed. My thoughts on this has changed. What do you think about it?

SPEAKER_01 12:00

So what we discover is there's a lot of people who change happens and they never talk to each other about it. And all they get frustrated is wind up frustrated because they feel like they're just pulling against each other. And it was, and then the all you always and you never comes in, which are never true. But that's the way we feel. We feel like, well, they do that on purpose. They know I don't like that, or they know that I have this need, and we we don't talk about it enough. And so it it we submit ourselves to the yoke of independence, we begin to pull against each other and not pull as a team. And it's no longer about finding, see, when you get married, come on, Wedding Wednesday. When you get married, it's no longer about finding solitary fulfillment in life. It's about finding the ability to enable each other to reach our dreams together.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

What if one person has a different dream than the other?

SPEAKER_01 12:59

And that's see, that's the thing, right? Like now we feel like we are uh we are enemies or villains because now all of a sudden we feel like, okay, well, I didn't know that was your dream, or uh, you don't you don't support the things that I dream about, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:15

So how do we um resolve that?

SPEAKER_01 13:17

I think I think that's the problem, right? We we gotta learn to have conversation about those things that might be different so that we can help pull together.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Who doesn't want to do that?

SPEAKER_01 13:33

And that's where you have marital conflict, which is another topic on Wedding Wednesday, and that's how to deal with conflict through compromise, right? And oh, see, we should write these things down. That'd be a great topic for one of our uh one of our Wedding Wednesdays. But I think that for today, what I'm what I want to ask our audience this morning is as we think about this, right? Is am I willing to submit myself to my spouse in order to enable them to be everything God wants them to be?

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

See, one of the reasons that we marry is to love someone. Right? Not just to be loved. And so we often forget as we grow, or the longer we're married, that wait a minute, I got married to love someone as well as be loved.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

And so I forget to be a servant.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Well, that's the thing, is we some of us just take, take, take. Yep, and doesn't know how to serve the other.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

Now what you've done is you've taken and taken and taken until your spouse is empty and they have nothing left to give, and you're feeling unfulfilled. Instead of learning that, wait, I married this person to also love them. What's my part in being a servant? I think when we focus on being a servant to each other, it's easier to find the areas to be comp to compromise.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

It can't be one-sided, you know. That's the thing. Both spouses have to serve one another. I mean, you can't just be the one that receives and takes all the time.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Here's what I want you to do.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

You have to be aware of that.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Wedded Winstead. When you feel like as a husband and wife, that you are pulling against each other, instead of asking, why are you pulling against me? Why don't you stop for a moment and ask each other what they think you might do to help pull the cart forward together? And it might and don't don't be frustrated, just listen. You know, just listen to, okay, this is what I think you can do to help us pull the cart together. Uh and and I think that you start to have healthy conversations about what it means to be yoked, okay? Um, and that's that's important, right? Yes, it is very important. Because we've all experienced, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

The the main thing is communication and servanthood, you know. Um there can be times where you feel like you're the one that gives more or gives in more. Maybe that's the way people feel, but you don't need to uh see it as g oh I I'm giving in and uh because that's like losing.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

You know, no, I'm serving them for this moment um and vocalize what you may need. I know that a lot of people will say, like, well, that doesn't mean they care if I have to tell them what I need. You know? But and it's like you've said before, and we say planning a date isn't unromantic, right? It is it is still you trying to um feed your marriage and feed each other.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

And I think the same thing goes along with telling your spouse what what you need. You know, hey, I really could use some support in this area right now because I don't feel like I'm being seen or heard. So you know and it's okay to tell your spouse correct something.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Don't forget that getting married means you're yoked together.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Okay, you have to work together. Yes, and when you when you and you're never gonna not be, you're either pulling against each other or pulling with each other. And so we can change the atmosphere of uh the accomplishment of effort and the struggle when we realize and are honest about hey, you know what, in that moment I was actually pulling against us. And uh just forgive me for that and help me understand how I can pull together. Or in that moment, let me just be honest. Uh, I wasn't pulling at all. Hello, somebody.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Right. Or, hey, I was just being a butt.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Yeah, I was I was actually pulling against us. And so uh, you know, I think those honest conversations help us achieve things and just remember that we are called uh and yoked together in marriage. And um, you're either pulling with and together or you're pulling against. And I I just want to challenge everybody, uh, sit down with each other and just look at the areas of your marriage where you think, wow, we maybe the this area of struggle in our marriage has doesn't have anything to do with the devil. It doesn't have anything to do with with the but other than I was just pulling in the opposite direction. And maybe I should stop doing that. Right. You know, um, or and I think if you can do that, man, you can find some common ground and re-hitch yourself together in an effort and watch what you can accomplish.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

And and to remember that it's not always the big things that cause you to pull against each other.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

It's it's an acute small things. Yep. And then like like he said, oh, he must hate me because he always does it. Well, that just keeps on playing in your mind, and then you begin to start pulling in an opposite direction. But just out of frustration. Yep. And um he has no clue that he frustrates you in that area. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

Why is she talking about me?

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Well, this Wedding Wednesday, we're married. Well, we have to speak from our own experiences and our own things that we've gone through. I mean, I can't say anything to anyone of understanding if I haven't really gone through it myself.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

In some shape or fashion.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

And yeah, there have been times I'm sure he's done the same where I frustrated him in certain areas, and then he's feels like he's pulling me because he has to or something, and then I fight against that. But it's usually accumulated by all the small things.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

I th I I agree with you, and I think the accumulation of the weight adds up to where we feel like I'm pulling alone, I can't pull this anymore. And uh there just needs to be an honest conversation that, hey, we forgot that we were yoked together.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

And uh we need to do better. We're let's be honest, we've been pulling in different directions on this subject. Sit down and talk with a mentor or someone and talk about, hey, we feel like we've been pulling in opposite directions on this particular subject. Help us understand how we can begin to pull together on this. And and if it's your finances, sit down with a financial counselor. You know what I'm saying? If it's yeah, if it's uh, you know, parenting ideas and those type of things, sit down with someone and help you do that. Uh, it could be any topic, anyway. Uh, my encouragement, I think Lisa's encouragement to us all today, is that we all do that from time to time. We all forget that we're hitched together, okay? And we all tend to pull in different directions every once in a while. It doesn't always have to be that way. Uh, and we just need to admit when we've been pulling in opposite directions and refocus. And when you pull together as a husband and wife, it makes what seems impossible easy.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Because you've been feeling like you've been doing it uh on your own, or you've been actually having to drag your spouse in a direction, and that can be very difficult. And so we want to realize that today and just encourage you. Here are here are a few little things that you can do. Uh, and if you'll do these things, I think that you'll find some uh some common ground and you'll gain some ground in pulling together on a husband wife. Now, I'm excited. Okay, because next week, yeah on Wedded Wednesday, yeah, we're gonna be in Mexico.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Yay!

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Should we should we should we do one from Mexico?

SPEAKER_00 21:46

If we've got Signal.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

We'll have Signal. We'll do that. So next Wedded Wednesday. So uh Friday, this coming Friday. Now I don't know when you listen to this, if you listen later or whatever, but uh the twenty fourth of April uh is gonna be our Wedded. Wedding and for 34 years. So 34. Even if you're listening to this later on in the year or years from now, whatever on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Yeah, how are we going to do podcast on that on Wednesday in Mix?

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Uh, my computer. It'll work. Yeah, it'll work. We're gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

He's a genius.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

I got this. I got this. And uh, so yeah, we're we're gonna uh we'll do one next week uh on Wedded Wednesday from Mexico. We'll give it a go. And uh I hope that you guys will tune in and we're just gonna have some fun. That'd be great. Thanks for joining us today. That's great, huh? Yeah. You excited to be back in the studio? You got your pink mic. Look at that pink mic. Look at that beautiful pink mic. I love it. It's crazy. Uh, some of y'all who are listening on audio, you you have no idea, but anyway, uh, it it looks good on you or in front of you. Whatever. You know, let's pray. Father, with your infinite knowledge, your plans are always right. And you understand how two independent people can enable each other through a simple act of mutual submission. Help us as husbands and wives to look at our marriages through your lens and see all the wonderful possibilities that we have for mutual fulfillment when we pull together.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

Father God, I just thank you for each couple and I pray that you continue to unite their hearts together and unite their homes, Father God, bring peace where there wasn't any peace, Father God, so that um they will be able to give you glory and honor. And I just thank you, Lord, that uh for each couple that you have put together and that they seek your wisdom on how to work together in Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Amen. Hey, thanks for tuning in today, guys.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

You know, here's our little Wedded Wednesday moment. It's pretty cool. Yep, and uh next week look for a different background. I don't know. Maybe who knows whether we do it by the pool. I don't know. Nah, we probably won't do that. But anyway, yeah, we love you guys. We appreciate you tuning in each and every week. Do us a favor on your social media, just share this, right? Once we post it, just go and it's on my Facebook page. So just share it and uh let's see what God will do as we try to help married people. Amen. On Wedded Wednesdays, pull together, right? God bless you, and we will see you next week. Until then.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Go love one another.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Here's a little poke for ya. See ya.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

I thought you were gonna quit the poke. Okay. I thought you were gonna quit the poke. Oh, is this thing still recording?

SPEAKER_01 24:48

Yeah, that one is. I can edit that all.