Episode 82: The Uncomfortable Yes

A few episodes ago, we talked about balance and how that requires us to do the right things at the right time. However, what is “right” is unique to each of us. Sometimes, God humbles us to say the hard no. Other times, He might be challenging us to say the uncomfortable yes. This week on the pod, guest Jill Curtin talks about a time when God nudged her to say yes to something way outside of her comfort zone, the impact of that brave decision, and what discernment looks like in real life. How do we know when a prompting is from God? What does it look like to push past fear? When does our “no” become an act of disobedience? Tune in to this week’s episode to hear Lisa and Jill tackle these questions and more.

Links:

James Bible Study

https://hickorycreekchurch.ccbchurch.com/goto/forms/635/responses/new

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hello, and welcome to the first Duncan Crown Podcast. I'm your host, Lisa Bonima, and I can't wait to dig into Gat's truth today. Let's get grounded. Okay, listeners. So if you recall, a few weeks ago we had this great episode on balance and time management. Our guest, Wendy Feigel, had a ton of wisdom to share, so many good nuggets, about what it looks like to find balance and defining that as doing the right thing at the right time. But one of my favorite parts of the conversation was when actually Wendy introduced just a little bit of nuance that sometimes what that right thing looks like is different for all of us. So for some of us, it might be God leading you to say a hard no when it's easier to say yes because we don't want to disappoint people. But then sometimes that's a lot of what Wendy talked about is how God kind of spoke to her heart and taught her what it looked like to sit to say no and to set healthy boundaries in her life and to put the first things first. But sometimes God works in our lives and tells us to say the uncomfortable yes. So it's not always boundaries, sometimes it's stepping out onto the water and trusting that God's gonna provide. And that is the side of things I wanted to explore today because we didn't get to explore that too much with Wendy. I think we focused a little bit more on just defining balance and also saying that hard no. And so, in saying the uncomfortable yes, there was a guest that came to mind immediately, and she's actually a repeat guest. She was the very first guest of the Hearst Al Ground podcast way back in season one, and she has become such a good friend, and I just love her, and I know she has so much wisdom to share with us today. So, welcome back to the podcast, Jill Curtin.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Hi, thank you so much. Um, it's great to be here. I'm excited to talk about what we're gonna talk about today.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Yeah, I mean, welcome back. Thank you. I mean, how does it feel to be like the first guest ever? Now you're on again. Like there's nothing, there's not a greater compliment than when you're invited back, right? That's so sweet, yes. So you know you did a great job. Oh and just in case anyone is curious, the episode I'm referring to is actually only episode 13. I mean, we're like in the 80s now. So you're like original, original. And um Jill actually shared about the ministry that she's involved in called Healing Hope, right? So you want to quickly tell everybody what Healing Hope is?

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Um it yes, of course. It's a ministry for women that are struggling with infertility, and it's a great support like system that we come alongside women and help support them while they're going through that really hard journey.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Yeah, yeah, it's such an important ministry. And that reason why I loved that episode was it wasn't just kind of speaking to um women who might be going through that, but also to those of us who aren't and could be better supporters of that. I think I learned a lot about what it looked like to be a better listener and a better supporter for someone in that that season. And I think that probably was a little bit of an uncomfortable yes, right? That the Lord laid on your heart. Or was that more of an easy yes for you?

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Um no, I think it was hard because mostly because I wanted to really represent that group of women well. Yeah. And so I held that very carefully and wanted to be able to talk on that and really represent them well. So I I spent a lot of time and energy making sure and praying that I would do that properly.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Well, you did. Oh, thanks. You did, and I and that is what you have to know about Jill. So Jill is such a um a wise and fun and actually very funny sister in Christ, but she's also a little bit quieter, I think. Are you would you consider yourself an introvert? Oh, yes, for sure. Yeah. And so, you know, Allie and I were joking on that episode specifically, like that the two of us with you is like, was Jill gonna get awarded edge edgewise? I mean, it's just a little bit opposite. So I know that even coming on the podcast for you was a little bit um was a little bit of a step of obedience. Oh yes, for sure, for sure. And I think that it's important for people to know that about you as we lean into this conversation because it would be really easy for someone I would think who is um an introvert to maybe say, Well, that's just I don't do that. That's not my thing, right? Would you agree with that?

SPEAKER_02 4:30

Oh, yeah, for sure. I think we definitely shy away from doing anything like that puts us out there. So yeah, I I can definitely agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Okay, so let's let's talk about that a little bit. So the one yes I know, like because right after we recorded that podcast, I think that's when you and I started to get to know each other a little better. Um, we, you know, got to be friends, did Bible study together, went out for coffee and lunch together. And I remember us sitting together and you sharing about an uncomfortable yes that God had put on your heart just then and that you were like nervous about, but that you were like God was very clear that this is what he wanted you to do. So do you want to share a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Yeah, I um he was very much instrumental in my life as far as initially through other Christian women. And they had approached me and asked me if I could help uh lead a Bible study, and immediately I said, no, thank you. Um because it just didn't feel like my jam. So um I was just didn't really feel like that was even in my wheelhouse of things that I could do. So, but they were very sweet and persistent, and I think um really felt the tug of from God to like keep kind of encouraging me, and I think they saw something in me that I didn't see in myself. And so they were wonderful at doing that.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Well, yeah, that's such an important point that sometimes God can use other people to continue to nudge you towards what he's asking of you.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Yeah, yeah, he definitely did that initially because that wasn't ever something that I would look for myself.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

So So what were your initial hesitations? Like, this is way out of my wheelhouse, did you just not feel equipped, or like what was your main hesitancy initially, or is it just scary?

SPEAKER_02 6:26

Um, I don't particularly love being up in front of people that like since I was in high school, speech always scared me to death. Um, so I was afraid of that. I was afraid of being able to get over my nerves enough to be able to speak on what God put on my heart. Like that was very I just felt like my nerves were gonna get in the way with all of that and I'm not be able to actually really say what he wanted me to say. Um, and when you do those like spiritual gift things, um, those quizzes, mine was always like the lowest for teaching. But I think it's because I got in the way of that. Like I was so scared of being up in front of people that you know it was like, do you enjoy speaking to you know, in front of people? No, like zero. So I think I kind of made that happen a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

You skewed the test. I did. You're strong never. Yes, for sure. Oh, I love that. So true. Now, how did you uh you know, thinking back to like that time? I know you said that someone approached you, but how did you know then when God was starting to really like tug at your heart? And how did you know it was Him and not you just kind of overthinking? As an overthinker, that's why I'm curious is how he works in your mind. Yeah. Because I can literally justify and talk myself out of everything.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Yeah, for sure. I think that that's very easy for all of us to do. Yeah. Um, I really prayed about it, and I think that that was, you know, even the women that came up to me and really encouraged me to do it. At one point I said, No, but ask me again because I really felt that stirring from God that He was like, Maybe, maybe this is something that you should be doing. And so um I wanted, I didn't feel confident at the time. I really did want to pray on it, so I was like, No, but ask me again, and really spent that time praying and trying to ask for guidance with all of that, and it just became more and more clear to me that that was something that he wanted me to do.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Okay, so let's get real granular. How did you know? Like, how was it clear? Like, what are the things that you heard? Because I think that's an interesting question because we we tell people to go to God for guidance, but it's like, okay, well, how do we know when it's him telling me? Like, how did you know it was him? Like, what it what were the affirmations in your heart? Did you become more and more open to it, or did you actually feel did he do certain things, little god winks throughout your you know, that time period to tell you? I think both.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

I think that he really did both. I think that he softened my heart related to going ahead and doing something that I was terrified about doing. But then I think he also brought all you know, those women alongside me who were there to support me and encourage me and pray for me. And I think that that was a huge gift from him to be able to do that for me. So tell me about the day you decided to tell it was Allie, right? I'm thinking it was probably Allie. Yeah, so we I went out to lunch with Allie and um I had told her, I said, okay, well, I'm open to leading a Bible study. I said, but I want it to be something that you really feel like I could speak on. So like I didn't want her to throw me into something that um she didn't feel like God was really saying, This is what you should be doing. And so she said, Well, what is it that you are really passionate about and you like to talk about? And so I was talking about mentoring and women and relationships and going through hard times, and I just truly just randomly in my mind like listed off these things, and she's like, Oh, here's a book on Ruth. So it was like basically everything that I had listed off was covered in this Bible study. So that was like a big God wink for me. Like, oh, okay, all right then. Yeah, it was such a good study.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

It was good, yeah. I mean, you guys led it so well, but the content itself was so strong. And that book of the Bible is just such a what is she called it, Kelly Minter called it a softball, right? Because you just can't lose, right? For sure, for sure, yes. But you and Allie did a great job, I think, of of leading us through it. I really it's probably to date one of the favorite studies I've done at Hickory Creek Church, for sure. Okay, so like that's the the uncomfortable yes. Now tell me like as you were doing it though. Like, I'm sure the nerves like snuck in. I mean, now you've committed, you're in it, but now you're in it. So tell me like how did you like what kept you going? Like, how did you not? Did you have a moment where you're like, uh, wrong decision? God did not actually want me to say yes at all. This is a terrible idea, I'm out. Did you have any of those moments? Like, I didn't have a terrible I'm out situation.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

I mean, I still it I certainly had to work through my nerves related to getting up in front of everyone because that wasn't magically gone because I said yes. So, but I think what that did provide is because I knew I couldn't do it on my own strength, that I absolutely had to rely on him to give me that calm and peace during that situation because I would have been a hot mess and not been able to verbalize anything. I literally would have just stood up there and stared at everyone because so I think that I immensely felt his presence during that.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

Yeah, and I feel like the yes, you're you're you being courageous went beyond just even that yes, because you were pretty vulnerable. You shared like some of your your teaching points were based on some pretty like vulnerable like stories. So, how did you then even have the courage to do that? Was that just you felt God stirring in your heart like this is what I want you to share, Jill? Or did you just did it just come to mind when you were preparing? Like, how did that go?

SPEAKER_02 12:28

No, I think he he provided those lessons for me. That was what he wanted me to share. And um I I wrote them all out basically way before I had I had any we even started the study. So um I knew what he wanted me to say, he had laid it on my heart, and so I just shared what I knew he wanted me to talk about. And on those days, did you still feel that those nerves, or did you feel at peace? Um, I don't think anytime I walked up there and felt at ease, I wouldn't say, but um I did like wonderful friends that would pray with me beforehand and um would encourage me. And I think that that was huge, and just my own leaning on him, you know, I would pray pretty heavily the day of just making sure that what I said was glorifying him and bringing people closer to him. So that was just really important to me.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

And I guess I'm curious, like, what did that yes, you know, following through on that yes, having that step of obedience, like what did that do with your relationship to God? Like, how did that affect it?

SPEAKER_02 13:40

Oh, yeah, immensely actually. Um, I think that I understood it was like a better understanding of what God can do in our lives when we trust Him. And I think that being able to really hand something over to Him that I was scared to death about doing and seeing Him be able to support me and guide me through that whole situation was huge because I think there's so much doubt that can creep in in times where you're scared or afraid of giving him something. And so I think that that really provided life experience to be able to see what he can do when you let him.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

I think what I love most about what you just said is I I learned what God can do, not what I can do, right? And I think that that's a a worldly message is that they would look at your situation and be like, see, Jill, see what you can do. If you just believe in yourself enough, look what you can do. But you, being a Christian, deeply rooted in Christ, knows not no, this is what God can do through me if I get over myself, right? Right? Like I think that's what I'm hearing from you that I just really want to call out because I think that's such a differentiating um perspective, you know, and that even having that perspective, it it fosters humility, but also just like courage at the same time, right? Don't you think? It like does both things. Oh, yeah, for sure. Okay, so what is the verse then? I feel like we're like naturally going into the verse.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

So I chose um Joshua 1 9, yes, which says, Have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous, do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. So I loved that, and I really did feel like he was commanding me to do what he wanted me to do, and so that really stuck out with me, the whole command thing.

unknown 15:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

And some people don't like to think about that. They don't like to think about God that way. Like, tell me what you think a command is. Like, is it harsh? Is it insistent? Like, what does that word mean for you?

SPEAKER_02 15:50

I think it's the opportunity that he sees for growth. Um and so, but that's not always easy, and I think it's very often not in our comfort. So I I do feel like that that's something that he works on us with. And yeah, I mean, command is probably a really strong word for it, but I do feel like in some instances, like with me, he had to be like, Listen, I want you to do this. So um, some of us can be more stubborn than others, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:22

And it goes back to like God knowing what we need, yeah, for sure. Like I even think about Joshua and like what was being asked of him, and like he's raising up a leader of an army here, and so it's like he needed to be a oomph, like I'm commanding you, be strong and courageous, you know. And I think in this instance, it wasn't like a tap tap, it was like, all right, Jill, let's go, let's go. Yeah. So I love that you are so in tune. Like, I feel like you have a very strong prayer life, and that is your instinct, is I need to pray about it, right? Whether it's for the strength or for the answer. So, do you feel like you hear God's voice more clearly now? Like in your heart, the more you say yes, like do you think your discernment has also grown?

unknown 17:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Well, did you know that discernment's my word for the year? No. Yes, isn't that funny? Of course, of course it is. Thanks, God, yeah. Right. But yeah, I think that um he definitely gives us more opportunities when we say the hard yes and we trust in him and we do what he asks us to do. I think that he definitely gives us more opportunities because he wants us to continue to grow. Like that's the goal is just to be um leaning on him and growing more in him. And so, yeah, I think he's gonna continue to give you opportunities to do that.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

So, do you think the growth is worth it, or is there more that you feel like it's why it's worth it? So I'm just thinking of the woman on the other side being like, Well, I think God might be asking me to do this, but you know, I mean Is it worth it? Do I need to? Is it really a command? Is he gonna get mad at me? Like, why do you think it'd be worth it to say the uncomfortable yes?

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Because I think that it really does grow your trust in him. I think it changes your relationship with him ultimately because you really have to hand it over.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Yeah. And like what a blessing and to be partnering with God, what he's doing. I mean, that's what our yeses are. I mean, he doesn't need us necessarily, but he invites us to be a part of it. And like that's a gift. And to know that he would offer that to us, you know, that's that's really humbling and and I I feel like grateful. Like you and I were praying before this and just having a microphone, and that's like, uh, who am I, right? But you're like, but no, this is this is something God's inviting me to do. I'm gonna take this seriously, and I'm just gonna trust that the Holy Spirit's gonna do the work on my behalf, even if I say the wrong thing, you know? And I think he can work through that too. Are even there are times where we don't. We say yes, and then we maybe we mess up in the process that he can work through it all. Yeah, absolutely. So here's the cool thing is that you have continued to say yes, and I feel like I'm benefiting from this. So I know that you said yes to the Ruth Bible study and led that. And then um, now you've also said yes to an upcoming Bible study that we're actually doing together. Right. Tell us, tell the people about the upcoming study.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Well, it's on James. Mm-hmm. And it's the book of James. The book of James, yes. And it's all about living it out. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so real life application.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

Yes, and it's so good because it's we're coming off of a lot of us who do the Tuesday studies, and this will be on Tuesday mornings as well, um, starting April 7th. But we're coming off of Proverbs, which we are seeing as like such a great, like natural, you know, um, connection, right? I mean, we're seeing even today in our study, um, there was a lot of James verses. It was like such an affirmation of like us doing the James study, you know, which we already had decided and it was happening, but it was nice of God to say, yeah, you're on you're on the right track, girls. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Well, and Proverbs has there's a lot of Proverbs in James. Yes, the James study, did you notice?

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Yeah. Yeah. So we will be starting that April 7th, and it'll be a six-week study. And so we'll go to, I think it's the week after Mother's Day. Yes. Right. So you can go on the Hickory Creek website and sign up for that like right now if you want.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

True.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

And it's good. I think it's a good study.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

I'm excited because I think James is a very um digestible book of the Bible. Like it's easier to understand, but it's certainly convicting. Yes, absolutely. It's easy to understand, maybe hard to live out. Right. That's the idea, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So is there anything else that you have learned about God or you feel like on this idea of a discernment? I mean, I feel like if this is your like, you know, word of the year, like tell me more, like, what has God taught you about discernment? Especially, I guess, in the Proverbs study, we're learning a lot about wisdom and all of that. So tell me what else God has been teaching you in this area.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

I think being able to when you feel led to speak encouraging words and provide some wisdom into other people's lives, if you feel that nudge from that Holy Spirit to do that, because I think that there's people that need that in their lives. And so to be able to act on that is really important for other people. Because I don't think I would have done any of this if it wasn't for the Christian women coming alongside me, seeing something in myself that I didn't see, and then God also, you know, but like him through them providing that encouragement. And so that's the another thing that I really saw through all of this is like when you're feeling the Holy Spirit like nudging you to really reach out to other women and encourage them, do it.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Yeah, that's such a good point because I do feel like you know, I am an. Overthinker. So I can like, is that me? Is that God? But I have learned that most of the time it doesn't hurt. You know, so if someone, God puts someone on my heart, like, why not send them a text and say, hey, you're on my heart today? How can I pray for you? Or just want to check in, or you know, those kind of little nudges that we probably feel more often than we realize. And we kind of like poo-poo away either because we're too busy or we're like, don't want to be weird or whatever. But yeah, I mean, what an important point to like make sure we're also being women that are are willing to encourage other women to say that uncomfortable yes. So, what would you say to someone right now who feels like God might be nudging them to step out and say yes to something new or scary?

SPEAKER_02 22:44

That it is scary, but it's completely worth it. I think that you grow closer to God. I think that then you can minister to other people because you have an understanding. I mean, that's why I'm sitting here today because I said yes to God.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

So you have that ability then to help others say yes, the hard yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

Absolutely. But there is an obedience part of this that I don't want to sidestep. Like, I do think that sometimes when the Lord keeps placing something in front of us and we keep saying no, like then we're we're being disobedient. Would you agree? Like, did you get to a point that you felt like if you were didn't say yes, that you were being disobedient to the Lord? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

I did, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

I think that can be a sign, don't you think? Like he's pretty obvious. And sometimes that could be saying yes or even just like a sin that he keeps bringing to mind. Like, you gotta stop doing this, whether it's gossip or whatever, a big thing or a little thing, he will he will keep at it. So if you've got that recurring thought in your mind that is most likely the Holy Spirit, um, obviously if it lines up only with God's truth, but um it's it's usually the Holy Spirit saying, I'm asking you to to do this. And so I do think there is the fun, like beyond comfortable, yes, and walking on water, and that sounds great, but there's also like you're also disobeying the Lord sometimes, yeah? Oh yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Yeah, and I think too, I was you know, I had to work on that little bit of pride that was there of me not being able to feel like you know, I just didn't think I could do it, you know, and just having my own pride about all of it too. So I had to work through all of that too.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

So yeah, the pride part of it is definitely always an issue. I feel like for my life, like the pride is always even when I think I'm getting it right. Well, there's pride.

unknown 24:45

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Hello, yeah. Hello, pride. Like, you know, oh I'm I'm killing it today. It's like, oh, and there it is. Okay, Jill. So let's talk about it. How are you gonna live this one out?

SPEAKER_02 24:58

Um, continue to say the hard yes. I think that's kind of a softball, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:02

I mean, yeah, and I think you're already, I mean, you're leading again. You have you're doing this for a second time, repeat.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

Right. And honestly, after the first one, they were like, Oh, you're gonna do it again. I'm like, no, I'm good. Like, I really you thought it was a one and done. I did. Like, I thought, okay, like I did what you asked me to do. I'm good. Oh, interesting. He kept then he started, you know, I really want you to do it again. And so, but I will tell you the second time it was an easier yes. Okay, because I knew he would be there. Like he already proved to me that he was gonna be there, so it was easier the second time. So that's what I'm saying too. Sometimes it does get easier with the second yeses, the hard yeses, because you've seen him work.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

And you won't ever know that unless you do it, right? Sure. Yeah, no, that's such a good point. And I think for me, I I don't know. I think I probably am it, I have to say a hard no no coming up. So I'm going opposite um because uh of another another uncomfortable yes. Okay, and so like I think that's what Wendy brought up in hers, is like every yes requires a no, every no, you know. And so I think for me coming up here soon, I'm gonna have to say a no that I don't know that someone expects, but I I know it's because there's another yes God is calling me to. And I don't mean to be vague about it, but obviously I need to have a conversation first before I go revealing the whole thing. But it's nothing major, but I do think that that's the other side of this. I think that's part of discernment is just making those decisions and letting your yes be a yes and your no be a no. Because I am notoriously one to overpromise and then backpedal. Like, actually, I can't do that for you. I want to in my heart of hearts, but I don't have that much time or capacity or whatever. So um, I think that's my love it out, and I think I'm gonna actually deal with that this week because otherwise it's just like carrying it around in my head. You know, it's like I already know what the right answer is. So just doing it is like important to follow through. Otherwise, I'm just gonna keep thinking about it. Okay, anything else that we want to talk about that you have we have not talked about? Anything about James that you want to bring up? The upcoming study. You're gonna be leaning, you're gonna be the first. Like, I think you're doing the first week, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:24

I am, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

That's a big deal. You're doing the intro, jumping right in. But I do know, like, the same thing happened, like God kind of downloaded on your heart already what you're gonna share. Yeah, he did. Before we even decided who was doing what week. Yeah, so I feel like God is definitely continuing to like be there and provide for you and equip you along the way. And I think I found that in my own life as well. The more I say yes, the more he puts people or situations in my life that equip me and and prep and prepare me, even if I don't. What is it? Is it like God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called? Right? You said it? Yeah, I think that sounds right.

SPEAKER_02 28:03

That sounded good.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

I probably messed it up. Some smart person said it much better than that. But um, so that's a important thing to remember too, that it's about his ability, not ours. It's really more just about our faithfulness and trust in him, right? Absolutely. All right, do you want to pray us out, Jill?

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Sure. Okay, Heavenly Father, thank you so much for loving us, caring for us, for encouraging us and moving us towards something that you know, Lord, that we can do, and all through you um equipping us and just continue to bless us and protect us and help us to be able to know when you are encouraging us to do big things that will help us grow closer to you. In your name we pray, amen.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

Amen. Listeners, let's trust God with our yeses this week. He alone is our solid breath.