Kristina Bant: Healing Through Heart, Nonverbal Communication, & Listening to Your Body

In this deeply grounding episode of A Lighthouse in the Dark, Michael Fishman sits down with Kristina Bant: wellness and longevity activist, autism spokesperson, yogi, international yoga ambassador, reiki practitioner, photographer, writer, and mother for a powerful conversation about resilience, healing, love, family, communication, and learning to live from the heart.

Kristina shares her journey of moving from a world shaped by science, logic, and structure into a deeper relationship with energy, intuition, compassion, and embodied healing.

With profound honesty, Bant opens up about recovering from back surgery, rebuilding trust in her body, and discovering new layers of strength through stillness, presence, and self-understanding.

Together, Michael and Kristina explore how healing is not always linear, how communication can become a bridge back to love, and how family, motherhood, wellness, and spiritual practice can shape a more intentional life.

This is a conversation about listening closely to the body, to the heart, to the people we love, and to the quiet wisdom that often arrives when we finally slow down enough to hear it.

Tender, wise, honest, and restorative, this episode offers a reminder that resilience is not just about pushing through pain. Sometimes, it is about softening, opening, receiving, and allowing the heart to lead us home.

Because healing often begins when we stop fighting ourselves and start listening with love.

Learn more about Kristina:

Website - https://kristinabantyoga.com/

Photography - https://lifethroughtheotherlens.com/

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@KristinaBantYoga

Socials - @kristinabantyoga

Full episodes can be watched as well on YouTube @alighthouseinthedark channel.

For more connection and exclusive content please subscribe to the official @alighgthouseinthedark Substack.

Additional content is available across social media @alighthouseinthedark

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

So there are people in the world who make life look easy from the outside. That does not mean that there aren't any challenges, and I love when people are honest enough to own that part of things. So my guest today is a yogi, a photographer, a single parent, an advocate, and just an amazing soul. So I would like to welcome to A Lighthouse in the Dark, Christina Bann.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Hi, thank you. I love that uh intro. Thank you. I was thinking I've used those titles, yogi photographer, and then you said soul. I was like, oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_05 0:35

Well, let's talk about that for a minute because that's a big part of kind of your center tenet, kind of throughout a lot of your stuff in your life.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:44

What does that mean for you?

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Oh gosh. Well, diving right in, I talk a lot about neurodivergence. My son's profoundly autistic on the spectrum. As a parent, I know you know, we have all these visions of what we have in mind for our children. And with an autistic person, all those images are gone. You have to sort of let those go. What is beautiful about that is that they then show you who they are. I actually wish that for neurotypical parents because maybe we say he's going to do this for a living, he's gonna have this type of girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, or go to this college. That's a big thing in our area, right? So we have all these ideas, and maybe we're not allowing them to show us who they are, what they are. And then again, for me, I'm neurodivergent. Uh, we as neurodivergent mask, we don't realize it growing up. We're masking, we're trying to fit in.

unknown 1:43

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Maybe now past 50, I've finally found my soul. I'm showing my soul, and I'm bearing my soul, so hopefully I can help other people do the same or just find their light, find their lighthouse.

SPEAKER_05 1:57

Well, let's touch on that. I before we dive back in, because there was a whole bunch there that I that yeah that I love. And it's kind of the point of this show.

unknown 2:05

Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_05 2:06

But just on a like a broader sense, what lights you up?

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Getting to know people, these conversations. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:12

Yeah. Me too.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Huge. I really love this. Oh, it lights me up so many things. The ethereal spirituality. Um I was a very black and white person. What goes up comes down. I like two plus two equals four. In school, if we read a book, literature was my worst class. Because I was like, but did I read the same book as everybody else? I liked physics. I like there was a definite answer. I loved math. Now I love that gray area. I love to find out what's out there that we don't know. That's a lot of way. I've gone into yoga, rake, reiki, every everything, meditation, spiritual cultures. Uh that lights me up. But then a lot of physical activity lights me up. That's obviously what I do. What has really charged me up for many years. I need that. Oh gosh, it's never ending. Music charges me up, lights me up. Um, reading books, people, my friends know me. I have a huge library at home. Yeah. Everything.

SPEAKER_05 3:08

I like I like watching people light up. That's one of the reasons I asked that question, is I just watched you go through like just it was like sparks, right? Yeah. I also think there's an element of like neurodivergence that people kind of like don't anticipate, or like you said before, kind of mask. And I think that people who are on that area or spectrum kind of are very rigid early because the rules matter.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:33

And maybe we don't realize that that's why we like it. Because I remember being young and loving math and science for that reason. Is I did not have to disagree or argue over what the right answer was. And the thing I didn't like doing was writing, and now I spend my whole life and career writing, which is such amazing growth. Because you find the gray area, you fall in love with that part.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Yeah. And as neurodivergence, too, and maybe as an actor, we rehearse. Right. We know what the situation is going to be, we plan it, we anticipate it, we rehearse our answers, our emotional response. I imagine as an actor, you've probably done that. And now it's fun to kind of be thrown off.

SPEAKER_05 4:15

Yeah, and and for me, especially as an actor, since you mentioned that, the best work is when I don't plan it. Oh, yeah. Right? Or when I get done with the scene and all I can do is like, I'm like, like, oh, that just happened, right? Like you just go on the ride and have the experience and not try to impose a structure that you think is the logical structure, because the truth is life is not logical and emotion is not logical.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 4:42

So when you try, it almost feels it becomes forced. And the beauty is really in the fact of like, I've never met a person in real life. Most of the time when you're crying, you're trying not to.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 4:55

Right? And most of the time when you're laughing, you're somewhat either enjoying a moment or trying not to draw too much attention. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

And then in reality, is that's what real emotion looks like. And then in actors, a lot of times, I think you can feel when it's not that.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could ask you about that. Like, have you ever had a scene where you just sort of tap into something you didn't know was there and get that raw emotion? And what does that feel like? I think I've found places in meditation that I didn't know it existed, and you're like, wow, I want to visit that again. Like I can imagine if you're creating a scene and you tap into something, that could be really exciting.

SPEAKER_05 5:33

I love when I don't know what the other person's gonna do. Or when someone goes like kind of off in a direction, and if you've structured everything or tried to force everything, then you are just panic stricken and people will That's where that's where scenes fall apart.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:51

Is because one person comes with a very rigid idea and the other person comes to experience.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:57

And the most beautiful thing is when you get done with a scene as an actor and you're like, huh, I don't really remember a whole lot of that, other than I know my favorite. I I there are scenes in my career where you get done and the whole room's quiet because you just kind of suck the air out of the room, right? And it's just like it's kind of the same thing, like from a meditation standpoint, when you come back at at like the time is up, or you come to a structure, you come to a thing, and all of a sudden you're like, I'm not a hundred percent sure where I was, but I know it was beautiful, and I know I love the experience.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Exactly like meditation, yeah. And our we're only using what five percent of our brain, and we're limited, our imagination is somewhat limited to our experience, and there's so much more out there. So if we're rehearsing and planning and structuring, we're limiting ourselves to that five percent and imagine just like in meditation where we're sort of visit visiting realms we don't know are out there. I can imagine in a scene. You can't plan that beautiful 95%.

SPEAKER_05 7:01

Yeah, and when you get two people who just are willing to go on the journey, yeah, it's it's not one plus one equals two. It's like one in one makes eleven, and you're somewhere else, and it's completely different, and that's when magic happens. It's like because you're not controlling.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

Yeah, it is amazing.

SPEAKER_05 7:18

I want to ask you about like early in your life, you were an athlete. That was your release, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:24

And I I grew up playing sports and coaching.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Yeah, yeah, I I yeah, I've heard all about your coaching, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:29

So tell me about like being an athlete young and what that kind of led to for you.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Very young, I rode horses like from age five or six, mostly because I didn't have many friends. I wasn't very social. I had friends, they were good friends, but one or two. And horses, even now, they're such a different soul. We have mutual friends that are horse people. Yeah. Um, there's something so deep about a horse's soul. That's where I found my sanctuary. There was a stable across the street, then I ended up having a couple horses riding. And now that I think about it, I always equate running to this meditation rhythm. But now that I think about it, it's the same with the hoofs on the ground. It was my meditation, it was my sanctuary. Um, I was reading something about because I was diagnosed neurodivergent in my mid-30s with my child. And then I gave him, I was reading all the books from my son, I gave my mom the books. She's like, I don't know about Charlie, but this really explains your childhood. So it became a joke. Um and I'm reading, I'm still learning, I'm still reading about it now. And I read something about the athletics of um neurodivergence autism in an athlete. We're seeking so much input into our body. And with autism, I picture like a sound engineer's board, all the little levers, and each lever is a characteristic or a symptom. So very well communicating, non-speaking, seeks touch, doesn't like touch, all sound sensitive, loves loud, all these characteristics, and by the DSM-7 or whatever it is now, you have to have so many of these characteristics to have the diagnosis, that being the spectrum of where it could be. But my body was seeking that input, the proprioceptive into the joints, and and that that I got in athletics and not realizing it.

SPEAKER_05 9:30

Yeah, I had um someone who does somatics on with me, and we were talking about how those things impact you, right? How it shifts the way you deal with things, how it can be a release for you, how that can kind of line up your body to to kind of optimize yourself.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:47

And so you you your body knows better than even our mind knows, right? It knows what it wants and it knows what works and what is the release for us.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:56

And you kind of you fall in love with certain things because they are healthier for you than you even realize. And then as you fash flash forward in life, there are things that you don't get to do or that you lose along the way.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:09

Which is hard because you have to figure out new ways to relate to yourself and your body.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Yeah, yeah. Uh, I ended up in my twenties, well, teens, dude, running. Running was my thing later in life, especially having a child being a single mom. If I had five minutes, I couldn't get to the gym in five minutes in LA, I couldn't get out of my garage in five minutes, but I could get out the door, run, put in earbuds, and not like the world couldn't bother me. And then I broke my back, dislocated hips, everything. So I couldn't, I can't run anymore. And it that those words of you can't ever run again, it was jarring. And the doctor said to me, You have to find a way to have self-value without basing it on your physical achievements. And I was like, What mind-blowing moment, and I've had to find it other places, so that's where yoga came in.

SPEAKER_05 11:06

Yeah, I I look at you as a warrior, and I want to navigate all of that, like in the most beautiful way. Yeah, I know you said something on one of your posts about competition, right? And that you were really competing for yourself, yeah. And then when you were told you couldn't, yeah, it was a heartbreaker.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:24

Because, and I think so many athletes and I I think young people, we grow up that way, right? If you're if you're kind of drawn that way, yeah. And then at some point, either you have to stop because of life stuff, or your body says, Okay, that thing that you love, yeah, you can't do it. What is that transition like, and how do you face that? What would advice would you give people?

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Oh gosh. I think uh in in athletes and in neurodivergence, there's a perfectionism we seek, we seek goalposts. I still seek that. I'm now forever getting certificates of some sort. Um, I think we find it. Perfectionism is a two-edged sword. You know, we can beat ourselves up over it or better ourselves. It's always a learning process. Find what moves you and drives you, and why. Figure out the why. That becomes your goalpost. That becomes your medal at the end. We do compete with ourselves, but find that internal satisfaction.

SPEAKER_05 12:27

I used to tell people all the time, people were always like, How come you don't care about the trophies or the medals or any of that stuff? And it's I used to tell people at the end of tournaments, and my youngest used to be beautiful at this, is we used to give them away. There was always someone who was connected to us, whether it be a younger brother or a sister or um a family member. And we had a lot of people, we always had on our teams, we always had somebody who had some kind of physical limitation, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:56

Who would never get the chance to play in the same way?

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:59

And so Isabel in particular used to always give her medal and her trophy. And I remember people would people thought it was me imposing it on her. And I'm like, I didn't talk to her. That's her. Yeah. She would seek out the sister, the brother, the person who was there and was still part of the team but didn't get the credit and didn't get the play.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Oh, I love her.

SPEAKER_05 13:21

Yeah. And and and for me, it was like, look at the beauty of this child. She gets it.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:27

It was never about the trophy for me, though, because by the time we won the trophy, the part that I loved was already done. Right? It was the competition, the moment, the challenge, the facing, the obstacle, the pushing yourself to your best, and then finding out where you stack up and then going back to work. Like I was ready to go do it again. It was about the journey.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

You have some insight then that the rest of us can learn from. I still have to find that. I'm so busy in life or learning that I'm like, this is the end point. That's the certificate, that's the medal, that's the the finish line. And then I realized after, oh my gosh, I loved mile 17, or oh my gosh, I loved that chapter in the book. So I think I can I need to remember what you just said.

SPEAKER_05 14:10

Well, I will tell you, I collect certificates too. So we'll get there. I guess we overlap in certain areas. I want to talk about being a mom for a minute. Because it yeah, it is, right? It's the most amazing thing. I think you have the most beautiful perspective on this. Um it's very hard to be the parent of someone particularly non-verbal.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:35

When did you know early on, when when were you first kind of aware, and then how did your awareness grow with Charlie?

SPEAKER_00 14:42

My understanding, knowledge of autism was the movie Rain Man.

SPEAKER_05 14:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

That was it. I had no clue. I think that was the only mention of it I'd heard. Um I had a I had a turbulent marriage, and then to have this baby was just this perfect angel, blessing, gift. I just looked at him as pure perfection. He was so sweet and quiet, and the only boy in my friend group. So all my friends had girls, and we'd line them up for little play dates, and Charlie sat there and he'd read a book cover to cover, and he didn't crawl, he never crawled. And all the girlfriends said, Oh, well, boys are slow, boys are different. And okay. And he he would flirt, he still looks you straight in the eye, amazing eye contact. He has this empathy, he'd like put his hand on your shoulder. If there was a little baby crying or same age, he'd put his hand on their cheek. He was very in tune that way. So at some point, it took him to the doctor and I said, Well, he's not crawling, and all the other little toddlers are, you know, getting into everything. I just, being my personality, I was like, This is great, I can clean the house, I don't have to baby proof. This is wonderful. Right. But um, he had that year, year-old assessment, I think, or nine months. It's like and back, so like 2006, it was it was an hour and it was an autism assessment, and she's like, absolutely. He was flirting with the doctor, he's like playing with her hair. She's like, he's fine. Take him to speech therapy. He never mumbled or babbled or anything. And then that led to, oh, we should maybe go to OT. The OT said, you know, you should try behavioral, and then progression. It started, ended up at a developmental pediatrician, and by 20 months he had a diagnosis. Looking back, I can see all of these little things. He was sound sensitive. I used to ask people who would come to visit my new baby, and I would say, please don't flush the toilet. He would shake, his whole body would tremble. He never wanted to eat. He's had extreme food sensitivities and oral sensitivities. So there's all these little things. I had no idea. And what was a shame then was you get an idea, then you have this image of autism.

SPEAKER_04 17:09

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Back then it wasn't great. People were passing out cards at the park, my kid's gonna have a tantrum scream and meltdown. That's autism. That wasn't my son. So I preferred this um similarity idea, which was when I started this is autism. We could say, my kid likes his grandpa, your kid likes his grandpa, my kid likes skateboards, yours likes skateboards, scooby-doo, whatever. That's autism. Andy has trouble speaking, Andy doesn't like loud noises. This is autism. This, each version is so unique, just like us. And I want us to look at the individual. Just like I said about our kids, let them show us who they are. Beautiful souls, usually very deep. They're on a different plane.

SPEAKER_05 17:58

I totally agree.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

I truly believe that.

SPEAKER_05 18:00

I mean, I spent 26 years coaching kids almost every day, and I have had athletes on the spectrum who were mildly on the spectrum, and I have had loved ones who have much harder things that they work with and overcome. I also I think we look at it in such a very narrow scope. Yeah. Because I look at it as almost every autistic person I've ever known has the most beautiful gifts. Yeah. Like almost like superpowers.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:29

Right?

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Yeah. I feel hor I feel odd saying that sometimes because yeah, I'm a mother, but yeah. Or I'm in that woo-woo category of like, oh, she's Reiki, yoga, whatever.

SPEAKER_05 18:39

Yeah, and people discount you for that.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:42

But they do, they have superpowers, and I just think that.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Oh, that could be another show. Completely.

SPEAKER_05 18:47

Yeah, like I I look at it as a part of their brain is supercharged for very specific things.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

And highly sensitive.

SPEAKER_05 18:55

And highly sensitive.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:56

And it's like you have to find the thing that's magic. But I think what you said at the beginning is so important that I want parents to hear, which is they're all magic in their own way, and don't try to force them to fit into the box that you want.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

Exactly. All kids, all people, and we're such a label society. It's such a shame. We're limiting ourselves. There we go, limiting boxing ourselves in again.

SPEAKER_05 19:20

So I grew up being a baseball player. So with my kids, I tried really hard not to force baseball, but it was my passion, so I knew I was going to share it. Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_03 19:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:31

And so when both of my kids kind of became soccer players when they were young, because soccer was faster and it was more desirable, right? And my dad was the happiest person in the world because he always wanted soccer players and I and never let me play soccer, ironically. So when Isabel was like nine years old, she turned to me and she said, Is it okay if I stop playing soccer? Because I really want to focus on softball.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

But I had to catch myself because all I wanted to do would be like, absolutely go straight in by softball commitment.

SPEAKER_05 19:59

And I was like, in my head, I was like, poker face, poker face, poker face, because she may go back, she may change her mind. I don't want to impose my love on her.

SPEAKER_04 20:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:08

So I was like, yeah, if that's I said, can you explain to me why you feel that way? She goes, like, I just love that more. And I I'm getting hurt playing soccer. Oh. She said, and I just she goes, it's just not as much fun.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

So I was like, did you have to do like play it cool? Like, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_05 20:26

If that's what you want, and then everybody's like, oh, you talked her into it. I was like, no, but there have been so many things in their lives that I just don't get.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:35

And I tell my kids all the time, if we disagree on something, I hope you're gonna prove me wrong.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:40

And I want you to show me. Like, because I might not get it. Because it's the reality, is like I don't know everything, and I certainly don't know the world through their eyes.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:49

Talk to me about communication.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:52

Because it's such a hard thing.

SPEAKER_03 20:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:54

And we take for granted conversation and communication.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:59

When you have to find other ways.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Yeah. It's strange because as a parent, I think we always have this innate knowing of what our kids are. Um, and then people have that get close to us are like, you guys have your own language. So I can't actually give you like a complete straight answer. Um he has a communication device. It's more for emotions. He's got everything labeled, anything, and he'll correct you right away. Even if it's like a truck, he'll name the type of truck. And his receptive language is perfect. But there's two parts of autism. There's the part of the brain that just doesn't communicate like you or I, like we're sharing ideas and thought processes. That's not the way he will communicate. It's basic, like, I'm going to bed. And then there's the second part, which is the brain mouth motor planning. He has a praxy of everything, which is the motor planning. So his fine motor skills are hard as growth. Motor skills are delayed. So that planning, you can see the wheels turning and it's not coming out with his tongue to mouth. So there's two parts, and it's it's hard. Um, I tend to be actually it's it's not coming across here. I tend to be quiet and less wordy. I'm very to the point and blunt. And my earliest memories are my mom poking me in the back. I can still feel it when we would go come up to people and she's like, talk, talk. I didn't want to talk. So I I know I was somewhere in there. I don't know actually how we we we do it very well. And okay, now to sound completely out there, woo-woo.

SPEAKER_04 22:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

And everybody comes up to me about the telepathy tapes. I've only actually heard like two seconds of it. There's something going on in his mind to mind. He's communicating with me. And he's come to me in meditation with complete conversations. So there's more that we don't know about that I wish we could measure scientifically. Hopefully they will someday, and we'll learn more about it.

SPEAKER_05 23:01

There's this thing, I believe, and there's this space where science is just starting to understand what ancients and what what tribal wisdom used to think was normal.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:13

Um, and we're finding things like, you know, plants have like 20 senses, right? And we're starting to be able to map the brain. Because 10, 15, 20 years ago, I was at the forefront. A lot of this stuff, I got to see a lot of the early testing and stuff. I you can't explain to people because there's an energetic area, there's an energetic field, there is communication that is beyond words. And you watch that like plants know when something dangerous comes towards them, yeah, and they move, right? Yeah. And we don't think of it that way, and I'm sure I'm gonna get lots of messages, and people are gonna say whatever they want to say, but the fact is that science is now being able to measure those things. You can feel the energetic change, they can measure, but we don't quite have words and logic for it.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Yeah. But I think Or even like the power of prayer, right? The power of meditation, they've seen people heal, and there's studies appealing of of praying future and past. I just did a Reiki certification, another thing, another little medal for the wall. I did it with a PhD materials physicist from NASA, JPL. And she's there because she's like, there's a connection, and I want NASA to be studying this. So it's there. Hopefully, she'll be writing a paper on it in the next like 10 years or something. I'm gonna look for her name.

SPEAKER_05 24:34

Okay, I'm coming back to Reiki in a minute because I got a bunch of questions for you in that area. But I do want to talk about finding your voice. You said something beautiful. You had a story about a pastor.

SPEAKER_03 24:47

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:48

Early early on.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:49

Can you share that story? Because I I would love people to hear it.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Yeah. My family wasn't particularly religious. My dad was very secular and open-minded, which I'm so grateful for. He was a physicist before he was a musician. And he until the day he died, referred to God as God Allah Buddha in our house. I still say God Allah Buddha. And being this little bookish girl, all I wanted to do was stay home and read. And we had a library, and I just read. He gave me books on religion, gave me books on, they were like volumes of National Geographic.

SPEAKER_05 25:24

This is how I grew up, by the way, that people don't realize, especially working in entertainment.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:28

I was exposed to every form of religion and thought process. And people would give me stuff both to enlighten me, but then also to challenge. Even they would give me stuff they didn't agree with and then challenge my thought process on it.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

How beautiful.

SPEAKER_05 25:42

And I thought it was the most beautiful gift.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

That is a gift. Yeah. And he said, um, so I was christened, and then every all my cousins and everything were confirmed. And I at first felt sorry about like I don't get the party. My parents said, No, we want you to choose for yourself. We want you to make all of the research study and then choose for yourself. I was very early drawn to Buddhism, and I can't say why. That was more my path. But then my dad was sick, and my dad passed 10 years ago, and my son was just his biggest fan. They were best buds. And my son was 10. I was more upset that my son got this lot in life. I was still in that sort of area. Like, he's gonna have difficulty and challenges. And then God Allah Buddha took his best friend. Like, excuse me, I don't know my language on the show. Like, fuck this. Yeah, this sucks. Fuck you.

SPEAKER_05 26:45

Listen, if ever there was a time, like that is the time.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Okay, that's that was my mind frame at the moment.

SPEAKER_05 26:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

And my mom was really worried about me. I was really close with my dad too. And she called a pastor to the house, and he walked in, he sat at the dining room table, and I was again like, What the hell? And she's like, just please sit down, talk to him. Again, it was odd. Like, we don't we haven't had a pastor in our house. We don't go to church. Like, this is weird. So he says, Um, what's your relationship with God? And I was like, Really? I'm fucking pissed. Like, fuck you. There is no relationship, we're not talking. And so he said, Can you tell me why? And I said, I was given a son, a beautiful person, in all appearances of it. He's got a heart, he's got empathy, he's kind, he's sweet, he has the deepest soul. And God had all these babies lined up and was passing out voices, and he skipped my baby. So fuck him. And he goes, God didn't skip your baby, God chose your baby, and God chose you to be his voice. Even like repeating the story, like it took my breath away in the moment because I was, again, not very talkative. I was a photographer because I was comfortable with pictures. I'm not comfortable with words. I would have trembled, shaking, had a panic attack if I even had to do this or had to get up in front of people to speak. And suddenly it was instantly like that power came up, bubbled up in me like, yes, that's why I'm here. It was instant. I had so much love for him, so much pride in him. I'm so proud of him to this day. Like he's the soul we should want to be like. I'm gonna speak for him. I want to speak for all kids like him. All kids.

SPEAKER_05 28:39

And you became an advocate because of it.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

That that's what started it. Yeah, I want to be his voice. And I never plan. I would go and do like public speaking events and they'd say, Can we have your speech first? I don't have one. I just let it come up from my heart and it comes to me. Maybe it's him sending me a message of what to say.

SPEAKER_05 29:00

Yeah, there's a beauty in that. Um you have described it as what fills up your heart till it overflows and comes out.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

I talk about that in yoga because the the chakra system is heart throat. If I fill, if we fill our heart so much of it's so full with something, it has to overflow and it gets to that throat chakra, which is our voice. So that's what activated my voice. The overflowing of my heart.

SPEAKER_05 29:25

I think it's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 29:27

Can I ask you about your dad?

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:30

Because I know wellness is a huge part of your life.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:34

But I know your dad got sick early. Um, I think he had a heart attack, is that right?

SPEAKER_00 29:39

He had congestive heart failure. I think he had four or five heart attacks. We lost count. And he he never went to the hospital because he was like a big tough guy.

SPEAKER_05 29:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

He was gonna walk it off.

SPEAKER_05 29:48

That was my dad the first time. I was like, I was like, um, I'm just gonna tell you. I said, You're having a heart attack.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:53

I took him to the hospital um for a routine like visit. And I said, here's the deal. I said, I'm not driving you home unless you tell them that it feels like an elephant is sitting on your chest and that you're having numbness in your left arm. I said, because I'm telling you, as I was a rescue diver. I'm like, I'm telling you, you're having a heart attack. And he's like, you don't know what you're talking about. I'm like, okay. So they came out and they said, uh, is Mr. Fishman here? And I was like, oh, he's inside. They came back out and they said, Is the younger Mr. Fishman here? And I said, That asshole's having a heart attack, isn't he? And they started laughing. They were like, that is the strangest reaction we've ever had. And I literally walked in and he goes, he goes, You're an asshole. I'm having a heart attack. That was the first thing he said to me. And I started laughing. I'm like, okay, we're more alike than I thought. But I was like, yes, like you have to listen to the alarms going off in your body, which is something you talk about quite a bit.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

Yeah. Our bodies are our voices, they have voices, and and and back to something else it it triggered before, and I didn't say anything. Our cells contain our memories. There's there's evidence of people having like a liver transplant liver transplant, and they didn't like chicken nuggets before, and then all of a sudden they like chicken nuggets. There's trauma stored in our bodies, that the somatic you talked about. Our cells have emotions and contain everything. He was of a different generation, too. He was a musician. He wasn't like a a drunkard or drinker, but beer was better than water. Like water's for bathing. Okay. Um, drank beer every day, smoked three packs a day. But such a huge personality, gifted soul. He believed he got his music talent from another lifetime. He wrote symphonies, he was a jazz pianist, my biggest hero. Taught me to have philosophical debates when I was like five. And then he was my son's uh best friend. So he had his first heart attack at 45, had several others, then he had liver disease, then he had several strokes. And uh he did quit smoking when my son was born. I said, You can either have a grandson or you can have a cigarette, you can't have both. And he quit cold turkey after like 60 years.

SPEAKER_05 32:04

Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

Yeah, quit drinking like two years before he passed. He was trying, and then he was in the hospital actually for a stroke over Thanksgiving. The ambulance was bringing him home, and mid-ride they said, come back. And I was sitting with him, he was in the hospital for a long time, like a week before they actually said why. And I was sitting with him, we were watching a hockey game at Cedars. And the neurosurgeon came in and said, Your brain is filled with many, many masses. So it was brain cancer, lung cancer to brain cancer, and he was dead on New Year's Day. Sorry. Yeah, I miss it every day.

SPEAKER_05 32:41

Yeah. I I look at I look at grief a little different than most people. Maybe it's the healing energetic part of me, maybe it is the spiritual part, but I look at it as a gift. Because I think it's love continued. And I and it comes in waves. And it never really gets easier. People want you to get over it. But uh the truth is when you love people, uh you don't forget. And you're never gonna stop loving that person and missing them. So the hard part about grief is you don't get to share it in the physical way that you shared the love before.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:20

So now you have to find new ways to share your love.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

The scientific part of him would say energy is neither created nor destroyed. And then somebody recently told me that if a person is in that transition, and in Buddhism we talk about transition, not of death or gone. Um, if they share that time, that transition time with you, they're giving you that energy, which I thought was beautiful. So when we carry these memories and feelings, and even if you have that warmth when you think of someone gone, that's the energy they've transferred to you. I like to carry a little bit of that.

SPEAKER_05 33:59

I I love that.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

Yeah, yeah, it gives me peace. And um in a meditation recently, out there again, my son's communication. He was explaining, he comes to me and explains life to me. I've had these meditations over many years, and each time is like a chapter. So this last one was maybe January, and uh he explained the realms of heaven. And he's like, Look over there, granddad's on fifth realm. So he's out there.

SPEAKER_05 34:28

Talk to me about the spiritual part and and being a yogi. I think people think they know what that is, but give us a deeper perspective.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

First of all, I was not a yogi. I was a runner, I was the math girl, two plus two equals four. And even when my son was born, I was like, oh, who are those weirdos that wear beads and chant? Like, that's just bizarre. It was actually one of my son's therapists who's who was looking at me and she said, You have to go to yoga. And I was like, What the hell? Like, do I look like I have time? No, I'm I'm busy. And she's like, No, you need to breathe. Because I was at that here, right? And uh I was kind of resistant, but something hit, and I was maybe gonna go to spite her. And I went, like, I found yoga for runners, like it was like core power or something. And I was like, Well, I'll just be a better athlete. I'll stretch. Right. I thought all that, like, oh, it's just stretching.

SPEAKER_05 35:19

Yeah, I'll expand what I already did. Yeah, it's nothing new here. I'm gonna prove it.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

I'm good. Yeah, and I went, and then it became like, oh, what are these people doing? Like pinches and headstands. I want to do that. So then it was like that, that goalpost. Like, I'm gonna get to do that, and then I'm good.

unknown 35:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

And as I'm doing that, it's sinking in. So then I'm like, well, why are they chanting? What does that mean? And why does that person have beads on their mouth? Like, what's this going on? Then I wanted that metal, then I want to, okay, I'm gonna get certified, I'm gonna learn. But actually, the first certification, I couldn't chaturanga. Like the basic one move in every single movement. I was face planning, so I had to Google chaturanga. If I could do yoga, anybody can do yoga, anybody can be converted. Um slowly it sank in, and it's a it's still a growing process. Now I'm like, I think I have as many certifications as I can have for it. Or I mean, I'm sure there's a hundred thousand more. There's 5,000 years of study and text and practice, and that's part of the love. It's never ending. And I think if I just had to keep running, probably, probably honestly, it would get boring. The part that I combine philosophy with movement, with strength, with value system, with integrity. Um, that to me is what I find fascinating and what keeps me getting up every day for it.

SPEAKER_05 36:42

And you're an ambassador now, right?

SPEAKER_00 36:44

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:45

Talk about that a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

The World Yoga Federation asked me to be an ambassador, and then I said, Well, I travel everywhere and do yoga when I travel and do retreats and go home to Denmark. So they said, well, then be an international ambassador. So I was like, cool. Hmm, I want to be international. Um yeah, I'm doing that, but I'm constantly learning. That's what shows me if somebody's still willing to grow and learn. I think that's what makes me kind of want to be like them. So I hope people see that I'm still growing and learning. I'm growing with you. Right. When I was first hired, my first yoga job, so I had three back surgeries, the last one during the pandemic. I had to I had this huge brace.

SPEAKER_05 37:21

I was just gonna get into that. I because yeah, tell us about this because 2018, I think you do Conquer LA, right?

SPEAKER_01 37:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:29

And and you were training in a way that most people will never train.

unknown 37:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:34

And you are just like literally a warrior.

SPEAKER_00 37:37

Like 60 miles a week.

SPEAKER_05 37:38

Yeah. Like give people an idea because you were like a triathlete, you did everything.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

I wasn't a triathlete triathlete. We have a good friend that's that was a different athlete. I respect him for that. I have a fear of swimming. My business partner and best friend. So yeah, yeah. Mine too. I have a fear of swimming, so I'll I'll let him have that. Two bath lons were good, but I have a fear of like um the water where people start like they punch each other in the water.

SPEAKER_05 38:01

People do crazy things. That's that's one of the reasons why I'm not in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not my thing.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

I love biking and I love running.

SPEAKER_05 38:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:07

I'll leave that. But Conquer LA, that was fun. Uh Pasadena, Santa Monica, LA ends with the LA Marathon.

SPEAKER_05 38:13

Ends with the LA Marathon. Like as if the marathon wasn't enough, right? Like it wasn't enough for you. You ended with the marathon. I want people to take that in for a minute.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Yeah. What was funnier though was I did a just like another detour. I did a marathon in Copenhagen. Actually, it was in a city outside of Copenhagen. I came home to Copenhagen. So the marathon was on a Saturday, came home to Copenhagen on Sunday, and I was like, Oh, I'll just go for a jog. Like most people like sleep the next day. I I go running. And I got lost. And I ended up doing another 30 miles the day after. So just that was just my that was kind of the way I lived.

SPEAKER_05 38:51

Just 30 miles. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00 38:53

The day after. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:55

And this is an example. Like, this is the kind of athlete you were.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:59

And then you got hurt.

SPEAKER_00 39:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 39:01

So talk about the injury.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

It wasn't like a car accident because people are like, oh, what happened? What was the final thing? It wasn't. It was the slow that pounding into my spine. First, it started with horseback riding. Then I skied, and I skied like moguls. Anything with this big input, that's what I craved. The pounding of the pavement I craved. People used to call me Forrest Gump in my 20s. Like I just like, I just kept going. And then like five hours later, oh, I think maybe I should turn home. So it was this beating into the spine, and I kept running. So I was like, oh, my back's out. I'm gonna go to the chiropractor, I'll get a massage, I'll get cupping. I like tried everything.

SPEAKER_05 39:38

But then kept going.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Kept oh, then kept like, oh, marathon Saturday.

SPEAKER_05 39:42

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

Yeah. And it was every two weeks for 2018 and 2019. So I'd have my son, like the typical divorce parent thing. And that started that weekend without him. I was going crazy, didn't know what to do. So I'm like, I'm gonna just run the whole time.

SPEAKER_05 39:55

And people don't understand if you've never been in that situation where you've had to share custody or whatever, like it's the worst thing ever because it's gut-wrenching the isolation, the quiet, the the like the quiet, that's it. The thinking about it all the time, the worry.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 40:13

And so you do have to fill that time, right?

SPEAKER_00 40:16

And just make it pass, just get them home. Plus the worry. He he was diagnosed with something pretty heavy that we still didn't know the depth of. I just worried the whole time. I needed to just pound the pavement. Um, so every two weeks a marathon, ridiculous. And um then I'd be like, oh, my back's out. Oh, and then I'd go to the massage. I think it's my SOAS, I think it's this, I think it's that. Then it climaxed 2018 in Denmark. I was going for a run with my aunt, who's an amazing athlete, but I thought, okay, just a chill run. We're like in a fjord, beautiful scenery. Um, we actually have pictures of the exact moment, and I was like, my leg is numb. And we were on vacation before that. I was with my mom in Paris, and I was tripping on the cobblestones and wearing sunglasses, and I drank then, and she's like, You're drinking too much. I was getting mad, and I was getting so mad at these sandals, I threw my sandals in a trash can in Paris, which I'm really bummed about now, but um, they were nice sandals, but um, I was tripping, and so then to this run with my aunt, my leg is numb. And I got back, and my cousin, my whole family's full of triathletes and iron men, my cousin was doing a triathlon around the entire country of Denmark, and he was about to leave on his bike. I'm like, you must have pain cream in your bike, and he's like, No, what's wrong? And I'm like, Okay, I'll be fine. By the time I went to bed that night, I couldn't move my right side, my lower right side. I woke up in such agony, I can't even describe it. Went to the ER in Denmark, and that was sort of the first of like a set of MRIs. They're like, holy shit, ruptured discs, shattered vertebrae, L3 to S1, like gone. And they're like, you can either stay here and it's gonna be like six to nine months, or you can get back to LA. I wanted to get back to LA, I was on so much morphine, I can't even remember the plane ride. And it was a lot. First, like the nerve block, a nerve ablasion, and then it finally ended with a fusion.

SPEAKER_05 42:26

So you have plates and screws. Rods. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

10 centimeter, two centi 10 centimeter rods and 12 screws, I think.

SPEAKER_05 42:37

This is one of the things that I don't think people could imagine is if you imagine those rods.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

They're long.

SPEAKER_05 42:45

And then if you look at your social media and watch you do yoga, because I'm like, I have no excuse now. Like, like literally, I was literally like, okay, I am both in awe of you and horribly embarrassed because I was like, I I need to get back on it. Because I watched you do just like the way you bend your back, the way you stretch through emotion, and I'm like, I can't do that now, and I have no excuse. I'm like, I I the competitor in me is like, it's like, I gotta get on this because Christina is like amazing.

SPEAKER_00 43:14

It was a gift. I have to say, it was a gift because I was one of those people, like, oh, that's a cool pose. Like when I went to those classes, I'm gonna do that. No training, no idea. And even the marathons, I should have trained better. I really should have trained better and known more. And I broke myself and I was stupid, like, oh, there's a cool Instagram pose, I'm gonna do that, no warm-up, no training. I'm just gonna flip my body over this way and figure it out. I had to relearn how to bend. I had to relearn how to walk in one of those anti gravity treadmills. Um, I know more about the body now than I should. Um, that's a gift. So I think I'm better than I was. I honestly am better than I was. I can't, you'll never see a backbend. I can't bend back. But if you bend forward, it's all in the hip joint. I had to relearn that. That's A gift. That's what I try to pass on to people.

SPEAKER_05 44:02

Yeah, I think you're uh if the if you ever needed motivation or a brilliant teacher, I love the things you've said because you're like, look, I'm not perfect.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 44:13

I'm here because I am responding and rebuilding from having everything fall apart. And I think people are people are in the mud. They're stuck. They feel broken. They feel like they've they've been. And the truth is you are bent or hurt or challenged, but you're not broken yet until you give in.

SPEAKER_00 44:34

Exactly. And the biggest part of the healing was the internal, not the bones, not the muscles. And the mud is one of the most beautiful stories I talk about from Buddhism. The story of the lotus rising from the mud, we can rise. The beauty of the lotus, it doesn't wear the mud. It came from mud. It got through the mud, but we don't have to wear it. We can rise into this beautiful lotus after.

SPEAKER_05 45:02

Now you've combined Western medicine and eastern medicine and philosophy. Can you talk about those two? Because I I'm have grown up in the intersection of the two, so it's very normal for me, but I don't always translate it the best.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

Oh, I don't know if I translate it the best either. I hope to, and I'm sure you could probably give me some beautiful insight. Let's work through it. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm constantly learning, and I think the beauty is somewhere in the in the fusion of the two, the western and the eastern. We need science. I don't discount, I need it that fusion. I need it back surgery. I completely on another topic believe in vaccines. I believe in medicine. My sick family members, I want them to have treatment for cancer, but I want them to combine it with meditation, with Reiki, with yoga. We need that mixture. And there is proof like we've talked about. If we go into the state where we can allow ourselves to heal and allow ourselves to accept medicine, that's going to be where it works. There is healing, and I think wherever you find it, if it's in Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, wherever you find these lessons and guides and values, we all need that. It gives us purpose and meaning. I think we all need meaning somewhere.

SPEAKER_05 46:27

And kindness and forgiveness and like compassion for ourselves and for others.

SPEAKER_02 46:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 46:32

Let's talk about energy for a minute. Let's talk about Reiki. So using the chakra system, right? You want to run through them?

SPEAKER_00 46:42

Yeah. Um chakras are just part. Right. And chakras I was introduced to in yoga. And then my yogi Raj from India, who who's given me the title for the World Yoga Federation, he he's like, he can talk about chakras for days. He does. That's its thing. Each one is a center. And my lower back happened to be at the root chakra, and I completely believe it was symbolic. The foundation of my home was rocked with divorce. Everything I had gone to, gone through up until that point, my safety was in jeopardy. The foundation I had built was completely thrown upside down. It's the root chakra. It just was so symbolic. It broke. I was broken there. And then you work up from there. You know, we've gone from solar plexus, my heart filled into my throat. Now maybe I'm here. Third eye, crown, my spirituality is growing. I really feel there's this growth from the root upward. And we have more chakras. There's at least 49 that they talk about commonly. We talk about the seven, but I always ground every day. And in the beginning of every yoga practice, I do a grounding meditation, even though I'm this power hardcore, like I play EDM music for my classes. I do a grounding meditation. The earth chakra is about 12 inches below our feet. I believe we can exchange energy with the earth. The earth is a living, breathing being in so many cultures. We don't recognize there's it's a gender in other cultures, not in ours. We need to recognize her, bring her in. We share energy with her, and it can flow through our feet, straight up through our crown chakra, that spirituality. Another spiritual energy center is right above our head. And then in Reiki, we believe we have chakras in our in our palms. Right. Um, and qigong, there's another the uh causal chakra right behind.

SPEAKER_05 48:31

And then in some culture or some western stuff, they call it like the alta major.

SPEAKER_00 48:35

Yeah, yeah, for your manifestation and deeper spirituality. Oh it's never ending for that. In Reiki, it's really about this universal energy, and I have felt it. And um, I imagine in Christianity it's when you feel God's presence. For me, it's an it's a universal energy of love. It's absolutely, I don't want to give it a gender, but it does feel like a parent's love embrace holding that only wishes the best for us and doesn't want our suffering and doesn't want our pain. I have through many times in life, including like last month, I find it hard to get out of the darkness. I carry a lot. We each carry our stuff. I carry a 20-year-old that's been injured gravely since November. He's been home, he's been in that depression that I thought we just got over from COVID time at home, staring at each other, and he now, you know. I carry a lot. It's hard to sometimes pull yourself out of that funk and darkness. And I find it in Buddhism and spirituality, in Reiki feeling that universal, like we've got you. You we don't want you to suffer. We have nothing but love, and there's love all around us.

SPEAKER_05 49:57

I think it's such a valuable thing. I think when people talk about Reiki, I think so often in Western culture they assume that that's either the antithesis of religion and it's not.

SPEAKER_00 50:07

Or like witchcraft or something. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 50:09

That it that it is if you believe in a higher power, then you believe that we were given all these gifts, yeah. Both of faith and of connectivity and energy.

SPEAKER_03 50:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 50:18

Like if a higher power created this world, then all the things that were given in it come from that space. So I have known a lot of people who were into Reiki who were heavily religious. But this is an additional practice, just as yoga can be.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

Yeah, it's non-religion. And I've heard of that with yoga too. People think it's a religion, or we're praying to the Ganesh that's in the back of the studio. You know, each of these symbols are are our own individual meanings to each of us, but it's not solely for one.

SPEAKER_05 50:49

And you don't have to change one or abandon your old one to take in the new one.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 50:55

So do you lean? I'm always curious for Reiki people, do you lean more towards like like a shokere? Are you like um do you do distant stuff?

SPEAKER_00 51:05

I do. I do shokere for everything. Okay the beginning of everything. Well, I can't I we're supposed to say personal. Sorry, I no, no, no, you can talk about it, but it it refers to the Reiki symbols that are used in second degree Reiki. Yeah. Um, and then there's even more when you become a master. Right. And if you are second degree, you can practice distance. I'm trying right now. My my godmother is very ill with cancer, and I'm trying to send her through distance. Yeah. It was funny because I did martial arts back in my 20s, like way back, Billy Blanks back in the day. And um, I would show her moves, it'd come home and be like all excited about. She's like, I can feel the energy moving around you. So maybe it was something I've always had, and I think just through Reiki, we acknowledge it, we learn to direct it, harness it, right, let it flow through us. I don't need to know what you maybe are after, what you're seeking, or what I'm not gonna go, oh, your spleen is right. I'm just asking to be a vessel to let it flow through.

SPEAKER_05 52:06

There's a beauty in sending someone else positivity and energy. It's no different than praying for someone and like investing. Doing Reiki, I was I have been in a Reiki community for years is something that I've never actually talked about, like in a public setting. There's a group that does like collective distance stuff.

SPEAKER_00 52:25

Yeah, it's really powerful, even if you have a group in one room.

SPEAKER_05 52:28

Yeah, and and it's a it's an amazing, beautiful thing of connecting to oneself, but also giving from within to someone else.

SPEAKER_00 52:37

If there is a practice of self-healing first, that's part of the whole becoming a Reiki is is healing yourself. And it's an everyday practice, I imagine. Like you pray every day, or I meditate every day. Now I'm just sort of adding this little fine tuning to it. And you can feel the energy when there's more than one in the room.

SPEAKER_05 52:55

And I think living in a very Western culture, like I was a baseball coach for for years and years. You can feel a rhythm when you get into flow. Yeah. You can feel when you're really aligned, and you feel powerful and you feel energetic, and you can feel when an environment is good. You mentioned martial arts. I have the same thing from a martial arts background, is and things like qigong, and you know, there's all of these different forms. All of them you're trying to generate a kind of a central power, yeah, and then generate it into a focused place.

SPEAKER_02 53:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 53:33

And that to me is all kind of universal, they're not exclusive of each other. I I see them as mutually inclusive, not like exclusive.

SPEAKER_00 53:42

Absolutely. And I wish my dad was here. It's great we're talking about him. I wish he was here. I could have these conversations with him because as a musician, he would talk about instruments each had an emotion. And now we know like sound bowls or sound healing, and there's there's wavelengths for certain chakras, there's wavelengths for emotions for for energy centers. And he would say the brass is aggression and anxious and anxiety, and then the woodwinds are soothing and soft and slow, and obviously percussion has a different that was me getting that feedback again. I would love to talk to him, and that's something I want to explore more, is how music plays into this. There's there's gonna be amazing science that's gonna just link it all together and bring it all together, and I hope we do embrace it all. And I'm afraid, you know, if I come into a room and if it isn't in California or in LA, like, oh you're a Reiki or you're yogi. I actually have scrubs. I wear scrubs now to to practice Reiki with someone. So there is sort of a a science part of it, not like my flowy yoga clothes and beads.

SPEAKER_05 54:50

Well, because people receive you different. Yeah, it's a much different experience, and I I guess that's kind of structuring it in a way that people feel more accustomed to.

SPEAKER_03 54:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:00

Um, and it's a very interesting thing because things like healing bowls are a real thing. But if you look back, most old great classical music was designed with a certain frequency.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 55:12

And if you look at the healing properties that people have said for years, it also increases like the inset of mental stability. It also helps with memory, it helps with so many things, and they encourage you to play it for those reasons.

SPEAKER_00 55:26

Yeah, and focus and attention and some are it's very fascinating.

SPEAKER_05 55:30

Like some of these things that long before we had the science to measure, you know, there's Bach symphonies that they talk about being healative and regenerative, or they can help you move out of depression. Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_00 55:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:44

And there are these tones that help you remember. And it's fascinating that.

SPEAKER_00 55:49

If you even go on Spotify and put in like Hertz or like wavelengths for focus or happiness, it's there. And Beethoven composed with mathematical equations in mind. So it is all linked, interlinked.

SPEAKER_05 56:04

Okay, now you have done some biohacking.

SPEAKER_00 56:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:07

You are on a healing wellness kind of like always journey, right? And I am too. What are the things I should be looking at that I don't know about that or that I should be doing more of?

SPEAKER_00 56:17

Again, going back to ancient times too. I'm Danish, come from Vikings, and it's funny, my family has been cracking the ice in the winter months and dipping in as long as I can remember. So they're like, oh, you think you guys invented ice babies? It's literally like our Christmas Day tradition. I'm not actually at the cracking the ice in the North Sea yet. I'll let you know when I get there. Um, sauna. Right. There's a lot of research with sauna and Alzheimer's. So I found I have a double gene for Alzheimer's, so I'm really doing everything I can to combat that. So daily sauna, if you can't have a sauna, the blankets, um, I got the one that's really, really popular. And I'll watch Netflix and have a sauna blanket. I actually thought I'm gonna die in this thing, and people are gonna come into my apartment and find me cooked so well.

SPEAKER_05 57:09

Well, that's the one thing I'm always like, I'm like, if you're gonna do these things by yourself, at least tell somebody. Because I'm like, I have an accountability person, like if I don't text you in if I don't text you in two hours, please come and make sure I'm like but I also think if you're gonna watch Netflix, right?

SPEAKER_01 57:24

If you're gonna do something like that.

SPEAKER_05 57:26

Like I my kids used to make fun of me for years, and their mom was kind of anti this. But my rule was if every show you watch, every commercial break, you had to do something, because like that was my exchange. Yeah. You wanted they were athletes. I was like, okay, but also if you're gonna sit here, do something positive with it. So my daughter and I are kind of annoying because one of us will be like on an exercise thing or on a balance board or on it, right? Like I'm always trying to do that.

SPEAKER_00 57:53

I have to do that, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:54

It's one of my favorites. Like, I I do it for extended periods of time longer than I probably should. But you're very balanced. I'll watch two or three shows.

SPEAKER_03 58:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 58:03

And then I have to make it a game for myself. So like I have a balance board that has a like a puzzle in the b in the middle of it.

SPEAKER_00 58:11

Oh, awesome. I need to get that.

SPEAKER_05 58:13

So I have to get the bead through the maze to like.

SPEAKER_00 58:17

Oh, you need to tell me about that later. You need to give me that one.

SPEAKER_05 58:19

Yeah, because like for me, just doing it, like again, maybe it is some neurodivergence, is like I'm like, I I need more stimulation in the middle of this, or I need the competitive part of me to like kick in.

SPEAKER_00 58:32

Yeah. So which is also neurodivergent.

SPEAKER_05 58:34

Yeah, so I'm like this is so for me, I'm like, this is the way, but you have to make it accessible for you. But these things are so much more accessible now than they've ever been.

SPEAKER_00 58:43

And I like what you just said. My uncle actually has that exact rule. He'll get hooked on a Netflix series, and he has he's a cyclist, he's like a renowned cyclist. He still is PRing at 62 or whatever he is. Amazing. Yeah. So he will only allow himself to watch the Netflix series when he's on his bike training. So that's just an awesome way to get that in. The other thing, of course, is diet. As a woman, uh Perry Menopause was just a a bitch, like nothing else. Um, it made me give up drinking. Okay. I wasn't like a like a heavy drinker, you know, known to party in my young time. Which is allowed. Yeah, yeah. I had fun. And one day I just decided, like, I don't think I like what this is doing to me. I don't like the way I feel the next day. I don't I wasn't PRing the next day. So that I gave up completely. I've never felt better. I'll have like a sip of champagne on New Year's and like a sip, and then I'm like, okay, I'm done. Diet's always been huge because I watched my dad. It had to be fried, coated in butter and salt for him to eat. So um, I'm mildly vegan. I go back and forth between vegetarian and vegan, and I do eat a ton of fish, so technically pescatarian, although people are like, What? I don't really drink milk. I'll have oat milk. Sugar is a big vice, so I always kind of say moderation. We all have to be allowed our vice.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:00

I'm gonna pick on you for a second because you brought up the sugar thing. Probably because infamous. You joke, right? Because you joke that you're Danish.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:08

So you taste candy.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:10

We we have like the what's the statistic? We have the highest uh we consume the most sugar with like the lowest rate of diabetes or something. I'm testing. I'm testing it.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:22

Uh I think listen, I'm I have a joke with our friend where like, don't let me down a certain aisle. Yeah, it's horrible.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:29

Really?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:31

Okay, so what do you love? Because we've talked about so many healthy things.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:35

I actually had it in my bag before I got here. I was like, Michael will see that and give me so much shit about it. Um, as I talk about health and wellness.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:43

No, no, but I think this is the important part.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:46

This is why I want to talk about this because it's not perfect.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:48

Well, and how boring would life be if we don't indulge in any of it.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:52

I know.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:53

Which I think is so valuable is you do all these things partially so you can live, because I don't want to cut out all the things that make life joyful. So sugar and candy is one of yours.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:02

Come on, give me the Okay, I'm not big on cake or cookies. Like I can take it or leave it, and that's like Me too. I'm actually celiac.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:08

Although Michael is a baker, so so you know, I always I always tease him.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:12

But I'm celiac, so I have it like sort of I can't always accept cake or cookies, and Danish pastries cannot be replicated without gluten, so that's out. Um candy corn. I'm sorry, it's candy crack for me. Really? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:27

Really candy corn. Okay. And Michael is nodding, so he he's verifying.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:32

He cringes. This is so funny, because like and I've tested all the brands. So with with honey and I have pure high fructose corn syrup is just the best. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:44

But this is so human. Like, this is my favorite part because I never know. I want to like I want this part. Like you the way you lit up when you send that.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:54

Yeah. Okay, so I will buy it out of like, I don't know if it's some cruel test to myself. I'll buy it like it's on like right now, east post-Easter. It's all on sale. Okay, I have to buy it. I will eat it until I'm sick, come back and be like, hmm, that looks good. Um, and then I'll hide it. So, like, okay, I just need to hide it. And then I actually do forget. I'm really good at hiding and forgetting myself. So when I have my back surgery, I had to change my mattresses. I had to buy like the best mattresses, and I had these um beautiful maintenance people come and help me with my mattresses, and I'm totally flat as a board in this huge back brace on the sofa, and they're like, um, Christina, we moved your mattresses, but we found all these bags of kids. And I don't know how old they are, but like, oh good, young, bring them to me. And I hate them, of course. Yeah, so that happens a lot. And right now, jelly beans are kind of my thing. Okay. Because it's Easter.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:48

See, I think that's beautiful though, right? Because like, I don't ever want to get to the point that I lose the things I love. I just have to use them in slightly more moderation, and then like sometimes I just have to splurge. Like, it's okay to have a celebration.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:04

That's really, really great. And I was with another parent this weekend, another mom. She's really cool. And she was talking about raising a teenage daughter, and I just like praised you guys. Like, there's not the easiest thing I've done in my life. Um, but I'm I'm just in awe of how you raise a teenage girl. And she was telling her to feel her body, which is another thing I think we just touched on for a second, which was I don't feel my body. So I didn't know when my back was breaking. And she said she's not saying no to her daughter. And I think that's amazing. Give your kids the tools to learn it themselves. So, yeah, candy, I'm not gonna ban candy, but notice how your body feels after you eat it. So here I am at 52. I'm like, oh, how does my body feel after I eat it? I'm still learning. I was like, oh, that's really interesting. And I did notice I had a really bad headache because I had a lot of candy yesterday, so I had a bad headache and I'm learning now. Maybe yeah, listen to your body.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:08

Talk about checking in with your body for a minute since you just touched on that. Because I it Eastern cultures do that a lot.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:15

But western cultures, it's something we've abandoned a long time ago. Yeah, and I think it's such a powerful thing for people to adopt. Like, how do I feel in this? Or I'm having that feeling again. What is it in my environment or my or that I've taken in that could contribute to this so we can identify it?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:35

I think too, as a coach, as a dad of female athletes, you must be aware we're taught suck it up, keep moving, keep running, play with the boys. I wanted to play with the boys. So don't act like you're weaker or less, or if you get hurt, don't cry, don't be a girl. Don't run like a girl.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:56

That okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:56

We're even told all these things.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:58

So that drives me crazy. Even the concept of like, yeah, run like a girl, throw like a girl, like I we scrapped all of those out of our house, and I was always like, what does that mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:08

Yeah, good.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:09

No, we just throw, right? Like in this house, we live and we thrive on throwing. So like like everybody throws the same way, yeah. And piss her off and watch what she does with the ball or watch what she'll throw at you in that. And I was like, because we're eliminating all of that.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:25

But also, I was like, I almost got fired as a as a high school and college coach because female bodies are different than male bodies, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:34

So how you lift weights should be very specific.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:37

How we run. How you run is different, and the amount of pressure, even cycles, because femurs are shaped differently into the hip socket. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:45

And it's a so it's a different load, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:48

Where men get hurt versus where women get hurt, the propensity of certain injuries is much higher in in both groups.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:56

And I think it's absurd that we don't ever talk about it. Also. During the monthly cycle, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:04

During the shedding stage, that and it makes perfect sense is people are far more likely to have major ligament inner injuries during that time period.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:14

And as a team, when I used to coach a whole team, everybody would link up.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:18

Yes. But in sync.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:20

And so I'm like, they're gonna suck today. I would just be like, wow, they're really strong today. They're really strong, but also, oh no, this is gonna be the fight today. So I need to be more conscious of how much I put certain people together.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:32

Interesting, I can't even imagine.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:33

And like we would ramp down things that were like I can't change when the games are scheduled, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:40

But I can be conscious of load management both before and after.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:44

Gosh, how interesting.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:45

And leading up to.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:46

And I was like honestly never thought of that.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:48

But there's there's all these studies that there's and much higher like ligament injury.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:53

And there's so much more now. There's more known now that I wish I knew in my 20s and 30s. And I'm just in awe of what what knowledge is out there and that it's being embraced. And I'm so happy for it. Especially, well, much more in our parents' generation and our generation, taught to ignore it.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:14

Um put up with it, endure it. Yeah, suck it up. It's our body's communication system. I just shut mine up. And then as a neurodivergent, it's even more.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:23

And I blew through mine. I will be very honest, as there were times where I just blew through things.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:28

And it's like, oh, the body will get over it, or or I just have to do it. And the reality is like, no, that was the warning sign that I should have listened to before I had the emergency, right? It was the warning light on my car that came on.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:43

And I kept driving with the engine light on for a really long time.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:46

Exactly. Mine was like blaring, blinking lights on me, and I didn't notice. I had the most interesting experience the other day. I took my son for MRIs, and he had to have with contrast, so he had, and his veins are squirrely or roll or whatever. Yeah. And they could they can never find a vein. Or they find the vein, it moves. So they they had poked like five times. And she said, That's it. I can't do anymore. And I and I said, Well, my son doesn't feel it, so that's part of the problem. He dislocates, doesn't feel it. And she said, No, but the body, the cells remember, the cells have feelings. I thought that was like eye-opening.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:21

It's fascinating. I'm gonna totally become a science nerd for a minute, but like, so when you work in the lab and they go to take blood from someone, yeah, they will start to retract your actual veins and everything, they will pull back. And so if about the second time somebody can't get it, I'm like, look, you either better bring the best person you have or you better give up because the chances are the body is going to literally retract, constraint, and because the body goes, No, I don't want that, and it makes perfect sense because the body's doing a defense mechanism. I don't want you to keep poking me because you don't know what you're doing, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:01

Look there, it has its own, its own emotional system right there. Oh, there's so much to learn and know.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:07

Well, and it and we take that for granted, right? And I I I think I'm the person who just basically goes in and just throws out my arm.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:15

Yeah, and I have these veins like dinner parties, nurses come up to me like, oh I know.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:19

They're like they're like they're like, Oh, this is fantastic, you're so easy, right? But I have taken loved ones who are terrified before we get there, and I think that part of that is contributing too, is like, I don't know, like the cells start to retreat. Everything is, you know. I I took my youngest who also needed to get contrast.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:38

And the guy's like, Oh, I never miss more than once or twice. And I'm like, okay. When he says that, it's a it's once or twice. If you had to get to twice, then you missed. Right. And he's like, I've never really had to do it three times. I was like, Oh, we are never removed. I was like, I was like, we are cursed.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:54

Guess what ended up happening? It did not happen.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:57

And then after the third one, I was like, okay, you need to. And he's like, well, I could try, he tried both arms. He's like, well, I could do either the back of your hand or your feet. And I'm like, no, we'll wait till the person who does this all the time is here tomorrow or Tuesday. Like, it's it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:14

And I think sometimes that's the other part, is we just we're so driven to get it done now, which is a very Western culture thing. Yeah of like, maybe it's not time. Maybe this isn't the time.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:25

We do need to listen more.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:27

What are the things you wish you knew then that you know now? That you could give people gifts.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:37

All of this. All of this. It's never ending. Um something I'm still working on compassion for myself. I was always told I was too sensitive, hypersensitive, too emotional. I think it's now a gift. I feel there's somebody said to me once when I was with my son and all of his stuff, he was a toddler. And I just thought he was still perfect. He couldn't speak, he couldn't do a lot of what the other kids were doing, and I just saw him as just perfect. And I think I said it out loud, and somebody said, I wish you would show yourself the same grace you give him. I think that's a constant learning process. There's so much. I love I love what I learn every day. Tomorrow will be better than today. I I wish I had it all back then. I was kind of you know, isn't that the saying though? I wish we knew then what we know now.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:35

Okay, Christina. If somebody was gonna describe you in three words, what would those words be?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:41

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:42

What are your three words?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:44

I think people think I'm strong. And I say think. I look strong, I guess. I p show strength in what I do. I know I've had to be strong in life for my son, for my family. And I say think because all of us are so weak in those worst moments, right? But we we tap into that inner strength. I talked about it this week actually in class, because our inner strength is not here. It's here. So I guess that's actually I would like people to think that then. I'm kind of evolving this in my head as I say it. Yeah. As much as I carry and as much as I think I can be dark, I hope people see the lightness in me. I like to have fun, I like to be the fun one. If you invited me to the party, oh, there comes Chris, the fun one. I hope so. Once in a while. Kindness. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:35

I think all those came across today.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:36

Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:37

I think you were bright and fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:40

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:40

I think you were definitely kind. I think there is no question about your strength.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:45

Thanks.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:46

And it's beautiful that you're giving a new version of that to people in class consistently.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:53

Okay, what is the legacy you want your loved ones to take from your life?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:58

Legacy. Oh gosh, I think this is um this is just such a small fraction of life. I hate the idea back to biohacking of this is 50, like I'm on my way out. But I'm only just starting. Like life is just starting. But then also in the big picture of like my soul, this is just one little life. I'm learning, I hope to carry it to the next life. My son is showing me more than I ever could have dreamt of showing him. This is just a little picture, and I hope in the big picture of legacy, there's so much to learn. I hope just just be open to it, be open.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:43

The telepathy between parent and child. And I don't care what anybody wants to think about that being woo-woo, that's a real thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:52

What is the message you send most often to Charlie and the one you want him to hear the most?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:57

Infinite love. I lead guided meditations too, and I ask people to sink in and down into this space. And imagine you have a beam of light, like a star, like a little baby star in the sky. And then right now think of everything you love. The one thing that pops into your mind that you're most grateful for right now, and the more you think about it, the more that light builds and grows until it flows out of you, until you're this beam of light. The more you think, the more you're grateful, the more you love, the more you shine love. I think Charlie shines love. He's a bright, bright light. I want him to feel surrounded by that light. I want him to, he gives light, but I want him to know that infinite love that I talked about with Reiki or my spirituality, universal love, this holding we support. Um, I want him to feel that. I want everybody to feel that. Wouldn't the world be a better place?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:03

Yeah, I was just gonna say, like, I mean I normally ask people at the end, like, very much with the principle of a lighthouse, right? If you could shine your light out into the world and you could guide the world to something.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:16

In addition to the light you just talked about, because I think that's beautiful. Is there anything else you really wish you could gift the world and guide them to?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:26

Grace for themselves. Once we give ourselves grace, we can give others grace. Once we give ourselves love, we can give others love. Once we feel that love, that light, it flows out of us. Then imagine if you passed the one person in the street that needed it the most that day. You've done nothing. You've just felt your love, your self, your gratitude. But you will touch others. And imagine if everybody did that. And maybe somebody really needs it that day.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:02

That's like the most perfect like gift to leave people with.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:07

Thank you. Thank you for giving me that gift today. Thank you for coming and sharing with us and with everyone. Because people who come to learn from you get this blessing in person. So I hope people come and show an experience if they're close or nearby or maybe on a retreat with you. But I think everybody who listened to you day saw today saw what the light can be from being authentically you.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:35

Thank you. I've really enjoyed this conversation. I have a feeling we could talk for days. I agree. Thank you for having me. Of course.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:42

Thank you.