Episode 5: Nobody Prepares Us For This

In Episode 5 of The Locker Room, I talk about why so many athletes feel unprepared for life after sports. This episode explores regret, missed opportunities, athletic identity, and the importance of building skills, relationships, outlets, and direction before the game is no longer the center of your life.

The Locker Room is a podcast for former athletes navigating the confusing and often painful transition from a life centered around sports to a life outside of the game. For many athletes, walking away from sports is more than the end of a season. It can feel like losing purpose, community, and even a piece of who you are. One day, your life is built around competition and performance. Then suddenly, it's not. No schedule. No team. No clear version of who you are supposed to become next. This podcast explores the emotional weight of that transition: the identity crisis, the anxiety, the depression, the feeling of being lost, and the pressure to “move on” before you have fully processed what you left behind. Through honest conversations, personal reflection, and relatable stories, The Locker Room creates space for former athletes to feel seen, understood, and reminded that they are not alone. Life after sports is not just about finding a new career or routine. It is about rediscovering purpose, rebuilding identity, and learning that who you are has always been bigger than what you did.

Transcript

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What's up y'all? It's your boy Jalen and welcome or welcome back to the Locker Room Podcast. In the last episode, we talked about identity. We talked about how difficult it can be when sports are more than something you do, but the lens through which you see yourself. We talked about how the end of sports can force you to ask a deeper question. Who am I without this? And we end it by talking about how this transition, as difficult as it is, is also an opportunity to discover who you are as a person, not just as an athlete. We've read several statistics and articles that talk about how difficult this transition is, especially if you aren't prepared for it. But I think the next big question after that is why does it feel like nobody really prepares us for it? Because that was definitely true for me. When I say nobody prepares us, I'll speak for myself. I don't remember hearing much about the importance of creating other outlets for yourself while you're still in sports. I don't remember hearing much about building your identity across multiple areas of life or about how important it would be to prepare for the day when sports were no longer the center of everything. Now, my dad did encourage me to do better in school, and I know part of that was his way of trying to protect me from having sports and earlier than expected because of injury or anything else. There was also FCA or Fellowship of Christian Athletes, which I attended every now and then. But outside of that, I really had no interest or any meaningful exposure to anything beyond sports. And because of that, I didn't realize how unprepared I really was until it was all over. That's when I started looking back and thinking about all the opportunities I had to attend networking events, learn new skills, join other clubs or groups, and get involved in things that would have helped me build relationships and become more well-rounded. That's another regret of mine. I tend to shy away from new things and sometimes new people. At that time, it was hard for me to put myself out there, but when I entered that season of silence, I realized how few direct connections I had. I knew people who knew people, but I didn't know them myself. And when that hit me, it gave me anxiety. I started to panic. More than anything though, I think what saved me is that I was much more mature and prepared to handle the emotional side of things rather than the professional or practical side. I had already been through a transition before that made me realize I wasn't cut out for the NFL. When that dream died, I had to let it go. And even though I was devastated, I understood that sometimes life and the lack of preparation force you to let go of certain dreams. So emotionally, I had at least been introduced to that kind of loss before. And that's what I want to talk about in this episode. I want to talk about how unprepared I was for life outside of sports, what I could have done better to prepare, and what current athletes can start doing right now so they don't get caught off guard like I did. By the end of this episode, I want you to understand that there are several ways to prepare for the end of your sports career or really any passionate pursuit that takes over your life. You have to look around you. You have to be interested in what other people are doing, you have to ask questions, you have to be open to criticism, and you have to expose yourself to new and sometimes uncomfortable opportunities. Because the more you do that, especially earlier on, the more prepared you'll be for life after sports and the more well-rounded you'll become as a person. Unless this is your first episode, you've heard me talk about how research continues to show that athletes with a strong athletic identity consistently have a much harder time adjusting to life after sport. These particular athletes build their goals, self-worth, and social circles around the sport, which then makes retirement more difficult. However, there's a direct quote from a research study I'll pull up for you because it ties directly into our episode for today. The title of this study is Adaptation to Life After Sport for Retired Athletes, and here's the quote. The literature also points to a clear need for athletic organizations to recognize this challenge to athletes' personal identity and to provide support to ameliorate athletes' retirement transitions. In addition to the challenge of athletic identity, the academic literature highlighted an important threat for athletes who entered their career on a low. For example, who were dissatisfied with their performance or were first or were forced to retire due to injury, finances, skill, or personal issues. In line with prior research, it is clear that athletes whose career terminations were characterized by regret and loss were particularly prone to difficulties with their retirement transition. An abrupt ending to an athlete sporting career without purposeful planning can leave athletes feeling lost. In particular, strong athletic identity combined with a traumatic career termination puts athletes in a very difficult scenario early in their lives. In line with prior research, this paper suggests athletes can greatly benefit from learning how to apply the skills developed as athletes to formulate new pathways in life outside of competitive sport. That last part is really what I want to focus on in this episode. We know that athletes aren't struggling only because the sport is ending, but because so many of us were not properly prepared for what came next. If athletes can benefit from learning how to apply the skills they developed in sports and in life to new pathways after sports, then the question becomes why aren't more of us being taught how to do that before it all ends? So the best place to start is with what I personally wasn't ready for. And honestly, there were several moments in my life that exposed how unprepared I was, but I didn't fully understand what I was looking at when they actually happened. One of those moments was after I failed out of school, my freshman year of college. I got back home and thought my life was over. But because I was still able to compete, I did everything I could to get back on track. And eventually I did. Looking back, that should have been one of the first warning signs for me that I needed to prepare myself more seriously for life outside the sports. But because it was still there, I kept pushing forward without really slowing down enough to think about what would happen if it ever was not. Another one was during COVID. Even though that was a strange time for everybody, I still didn't have the awareness or the motivation to really engage in other activities or learn new skills. I had the time, I just didn't use it. That says a lot to me now because I can see how locked in I still was mentally to the world of sports. But the clearest example came during the first semester of my senior year. I remember vividly sitting down and drawing out on a sheet of paper two routes I thought I could take after graduation. At that point, I had no real idea what I was going to do or even what I wanted to do. At the time, I was a certified personal trainer. So one option was to find a gym to work at and figure it out from there. The other was to go to grad school and further my education and exercise science, which is what I got my degree in, or something else that might help me in the future. It just so happened that a few weeks later, after I wrote on that paper, I got an internship at a gym as an assistant youth development coach and personal trainer. Looking back, I know that was just God looking out for me. Because the truth is, before that point, I wasn't thinking about life at the sports at all. It was bad. I was living in Dreamville. There was still a lot of room for me to mature, and I just wasn't thinking that far ahead. Outside of that random plan I made one day between classes, I hardly ever thought about what my life was going to look like once sports ended. And because I wasn't thinking about it, there were a lot of practical things I didn't know how to do. I didn't know how to ask for help. At Morehouse, there were all kinds of resources and people I could have connected with who had information about internships, jobs, and future opportunities. Networking was constantly preached to us, and my parents stayed on me about meeting classmates, alumni, and going to events. I did push myself to go to a job fair once, and the experience was interesting to say the least. I talked to a handful of employers, gave out my little resume, and most of them wanted to connect on LinkedIn, which I can't even remember if I had fully set up at the time. I didn't think about finding a career field that would be well suited for the future. I didn't think to look at the projections for what jobs would actually be growing over the next five to ten years. I didn't know where to look if I felt lost and afraid about the uncertain but rapidly approaching end of my college career, let alone my sports career. And if I'm being honest, my sense of purpose outside of competition was pretty muddled too. I had become a Christian somewhere around the spring or summer of 2022, and I was still figuring that part out. So even though life felt more purposeful in some ways because of that, I still had not developed a real sense of purpose just yet. I had ideas, I just wasn't motivated enough to really put pen to paper and do something with them. As I began putting more hours into my internship, I became a little more settled knowing I had at least one next step. Regardless of all that, I was mainly focused on surviving that season of my life. There was track, there was school, there was my internship. I had a goal of getting above a 3.0 that semester, which I did, but I knew it was going to take a strong effort. I was focused on soaking up everything I could in my new and unfamiliar work environment, and I was literally running toward the end of the track season. I only needed to reach that next stage in life. As I've said in previous episodes, my schedule was so full. I barely had time for anything extra, even if I wanted to. I desperately needed a change, even though I didn't really know what kind of change I was looking for. And on top of all that, I was getting married less than two months after I graduated. So when I finally realized I didn't have a strong plan, the most uncomfortable part of it all was knowing that my future and livelihood were on the line. And not just mine either. My wife and I were living together at the time, so I had to think about providing for her too. I was also uncomfortable with the fact that I wasn't fully sold on this next step in front of me. I was grateful for the opportunity, but I did not really enjoy it. Being a personal trainer was fine. The most enjoyable part was working with athletes, seeing them get better, and watching them succeed on their teams. That part actually meant something to me, but I wasn't getting paid enough. And when you don't prepare well, you kind of end up feeling like you have to accept whatever comes your way or risk falling even further behind and becoming even more desperate. That is a scary realization. The more I've looked back on all that, the more I realize I was definitely not the only athlete who got to the end feeling unprepared. In a lot of ways, the culture around sports almost pushes you in that direction if you're not careful. That it starts as early as high school, sometimes even earlier, because the more talented an athlete starts to look, the more likely it is that the people around them start narrowing their life around sports. On the surface, it makes sense. The goal is to get better, the goal is to win, the goal is to get exposure. So the more you branch out instead of specializing, the more it can feel like you're wasting time, money, and energy that should be going towards the main thing. And that is exactly where the problem starts. Because the more you isolate yourself in the world of sports, the more you isolate yourself from the world without it. And the world without it is much bigger. That's part of why the daily structure of sport makes it so hard for athletes, parents, and coaches to think long term. There's not much visible short-term benefit in preparing for life after sport when the main thing everybody is focused on is what is happening right now. Parents want results, coaches want to win, programs want exposure, and with modern coaches in a lot of environments being given less time to develop athletes, it takes away from their ability to think holistically and long term. So naturally, everything starts becoming about immediate performance. When that happens, athletic identity gets even stronger. Having a high athletic identity makes it extremely hard to seriously prepare for anything else. You have you have quite literally put most, if not all of your eggs in one basket. So you feel forced to use all your available resources toward further athletic development. I think the younger you are, the worse that can be. When you're younger, it feels like you have more time to singularly pursue sports. I actually think it's the opposite. The younger you are, the more focused you should be on experiencing a variety of different things and slowly narrowing your interest as you get older. Because if not, you can end up believing sports will work out for you longer than they realistically will. And I know that depends on what somebody means by quote unquote work out. Do they mean starting in high school, getting a scholarship, going pro? Because statistically, the odds are low no matter how you frame it. And if athletes are thinking about it the way I used to think about it, they're usually not factoring in injuries, major life moments, loss, responsibility, or how much time, energy, money, and detail it really takes to reach the next level. Things do not just happen overnight. I also think that for a lot of athletes, exploring purpose outside of sports used to feel more like a distraction than a benefit. I think nowadays there's more public encouragement around building identity outside of athletics. But when I was coming up, it didn't really feel that way to me. A lot of that depends on the circles you're a part of, too. I don't think my circle was bad, and I definitely don't think my parents did a bad job with raising me. But I do wholeheartedly believe my lack of extended exposure to different environments played a major role in why I thought the way I did. And once again, the culture around sports 100% reinforces that. Coaches, parents, teammates, and organizational structures all play a role. Some of that depends on the sport and the demographic. But I would say that for the most part, because of the win now mindset in a lot of programs, it is much more encouraged for athletes to over-specialize in order to get playing time and exposure. Because if they don't, another athlete can be found somewhere else. I have also physically seen parents work the breaks off their young athletes or fill their schedules with nothing but athletic activities until a kid has no time to be a kid anymore and explore life. When you combine that with poor academic engagement, weak networking, improper work-life balance, and lack of guidance, the transition gets harder and harder as you age. Because if you end up making it to college, by that point, you've burned a lot of bridges. You have virtually cornered yourself without any real outlets. There is nowhere else for you to go except directly through the mental, emotional, and sometimes physical pain of the rapid loss of identity, routine, relationships, and environment. Having outlets helps carry that burden. There's going to be an adjustment period no matter what, but it will not be nearly as severe if there are other parts of your life already built up when sports ends. So, if all those are things that get in the way, the next question is what can athletes actually do while they still have time to prepare? I think the biggest thing younger athletes need to start doing is diversifying their skill set. Put your eggs in multiple baskets, gain valuable and meaningful work experience, serve in your community, prioritize healthy relationships and strong connections, identify a good support system. All of that matters because it gives you more than one place to find confidence, value, and direction. I believe athletes can begin career planning without feeling like they're giving up on sports by using the off-season to focus more fully on another aspect of their identity. Then during the season, they can use downtime just to stay afloat or begin exploring other options lightly. That way, sports can still remain the main priority while you're in season, but the time away from it becomes more than just rest. It becomes an opportunity to reset, develop, and gain experience that's going to help you in the long run. One of the habits that would have helped me prepare better was simply being more disciplined and more committed to hard things outside of sports. For example, I have always enjoyed workworking. When I was younger, I had multiple beginner level projects and never really took them much further because I didn't want to spend the time improving them. If I had gotten into the practice of taking more time to research how to improve my designs or my workflow, that would definitely serve me well right about now. But more broadly, I think the habit of acquiring new skills and becoming at least average at them would have helped me a lot. Because the reality is I didn't have much experience doing anything besides sports for most of my life. Broadening your knowledge base never really hurts you. It makes you more valuable. It makes you more of an asset. It shows not only that you have the ability to learn and push through discomfort, but that you are also willing to try. And the longer you live, the more you start noticing how many people are not willing to try. They're comfortable doing the same things, living the same life, staying in the same place. And then that's fine if that's what they want. But if that's not what you want, then you need to start building different habits now. That is why grades, relationships, mentorship, and skill building matter so much. Individually, each of those things stretches your identity across multiple areas. The successful management of them builds character and builds your witness. When people think of you, even if you're not around, they will have positive things to say because they have seen you show responsibility, maturity, consistency, and growth. This allows you to put yourself in rooms with people who have access to the rooms you want to be in. Because you have shown that you are mentally, emotionally, and physically capable of handling certain responsibilities. This allows you to have people in your corner who can guide you. That sounds like a recipe for success to me. Now, when it comes to building purpose outside of performance, I think athletes need to start by identifying something meaningful to them. Start with something broad, then get as specific as you can over time. For me and my woodworking, I've built tables, shelves, shoe racks, a shed, a carport. One of the more specific things I would love to do is to build something similar to LeBron's I Promise School. Except it will be designed to help people get off the street, get off drugs, live healthier, find jobs, make money, go to therapy, build relationships, and develop skills that can improve both their lives and the community around them. If you can't get that specific right away, that's okay. It took me years to narrow that down and articulate that. So start small, take actionable steps, and if I could say one thing to the current athlete who thinks they still have plenty of time, it would be this. Most people who went to sleep last night expected to wake up this morning. Some of them had hopes and dreams for the future, some had crippling anxiety and fear. And without discrimination, some went to sleep for the last time. So if you needed a wake-up call, there it is. You do not have any more time to wait. There are always a million excuses not to do something, but you only need one reason to do it. Build your better future now. If I could go back, I would expand my portfolio of skills much earlier. I would expose myself to different environments on a consistent basis in line with my sports seasons. Because I played two sports, maybe I would have worked on two skills each season, spending five to ten hours on weekends. Then in the off season, maybe I would add one more. Each year I would pick a new one, something like that. Because the more areas of life you can learn how to function in now, the less likely you are to be devastated when one of them ends later. If there's one thing I want athletes to understand, it's that preparation matters more than most of us realize while we're still in it. The truth is, sports can take up so much of your life that if you're not intentional, you can get to the end of it and realize you never really built much outside of it. That doesn't always happen because you're lazy or you just don't care. Sometimes it happens because your schedule is full, your focus is narrow, and the culture around sports reinforces that way of living anyway. I also think it's important to understand that being unprepared doesn't just mean not having a job lined up. It can mean not knowing how to ask for help, not knowing where to ask for help, not knowing where to look for guidance, not having the right people in your corner, not building the habits, skills, and relationships that will make the transition easier when sports end. I want to leave you with this. There's not going to be one singular person or thing that fully prepares you for the end of your sports career. Even if you're on the other side of it, you don't have to wait until everything falls apart to start asking better questions. You don't have to wait until your eligibility runs out, until your body breaks down, or until life forces you to move on before you start building something outside of sports. You can start now. You can diversify your skills, you can build meaningful relationships, you can get serious about your grades, you can find mentors, you can expose yourself to new environments, you can start learning how to carry purpose in more than one place. The sooner you do that, the better prepared you'll be when the game is no longer the center of your life. Because eventually, no matter how far you go, that day is coming. And when it does, you want to be able to step into the next season of your life with more than just memories. You want to step into it with options, with skills, with confidence, with direction. If this episode gave you something to think about, make sure you subscribe, leave a like, and comment your own experience below. I would love to hear what you wish someone had I would love to hear what you wish someone had prepared you for and what lessons you would pass on to the next generation of athletes. And until next time, remember the game changed, but your story is still being written. Take care and God bless.