Episode 16: Getting In My Own Way

In this episode of The Locker Room, I tell my full story from freshman year to senior year and reflect on the ups, downs, mistakes, lessons, and turning points that shaped my athletic journey. This conversation explores my freshman year of college at the University of Charleston, starting off on the wrong foot, falling into bad habits, surrounding myself with the wrong influences, struggling academically, and eventually losing an opportunity I was not mature enough to handle.

I also talk about rebuilding after that season, going to Georgia Military College, earning a second chance, making my way to Morehouse, returning to football, walking away from the game, running track again, and finding peace with how everything unfolded. This episode is about taking ownership, learning from mistakes, understanding the weight of opportunity, and realizing that talent can open the door, but maturity, discipline, faith, focus, and the people around you determine whether you are ready to stay there.

The Locker Room is a podcast for former athletes navigating the confusing and often painful transition from a life centered around sports to a life outside of the game. For many athletes, walking away from sports is more than the end of a season. It can feel like losing purpose, community, and even a piece of who you are. One day, your life is built around competition and performance. Then suddenly, it's not. No schedule. No team. No clear version of who you are supposed to become next. This podcast explores the emotional weight of that transition: the identity crisis, the anxiety, the depression, the feeling of being lost, and the pressure to “move on” before you have fully processed what you left behind. Through honest conversations, personal reflection, and relatable stories, The Locker Room creates space for former athletes to feel seen, understood, and reminded that they are not alone. Life after sports is not just about finding a new career or routine. It is about rediscovering purpose, rebuilding identity, and learning that who you are has always been bigger than what you did.

Transcript

— Introduction: When your choices become the obstacle

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What is up, everybody? It's your boy Jalen, and welcome or welcome back to the Locker Room Podcast, the number one podcast in the world for former athletes to engage in conversations about the difficulty of transitioning out of a highly committed sports lifestyle and into normal life. Today's conversation is centered around one big question. What happens when the biggest obstacle in your athletic career becomes your own choices? Because when you really think about college athletics, it's not just about having the talent to play at the next level. It's also about what it means to be mature, the importance of leveraging your freedom, and learning how quickly the wrong things can pull you away from the person and player you were trying to become. So today we're going to talk about the specifics of how I started my collegiate sports career off on the wrong foot, trying to rebuild my life after that, and eventually finding peace to do what I'm doing today. This conversation is about learning from your mistakes, taking ownership of the choices that cost you, and being honest about what it looks like to rebuild after you lose an opportunity. So whether you're a former athlete, a current athlete, a parent, a coach, or just somebody who loves the game, this conversation is guaranteed to give you something to think about. But before we get into it, make sure you subscribe to follow the show, leave a five-star review, like, comment, and share this episode with another athlete or sports fan who needs to hear this conversation.

— Entering college unprepared for independence

SPEAKER_00 1:16

For now, let's bring it back to the locker room. When I think back to my freshman year of college, at that point in my life, I was very naive about a lot of things. I was a hard worker when it came to sports. And I was a family man. I was I love being around my friends. And other than that, that's really it. You know, I like to just kind of hang out and not really do too much. Uh that summer, specifically before I left to school, I was working out quite a bit. I had the New Balance National Outdoors that I talked about, I believe, maybe in the last episode. And that took up uh I think that took up a weekend or so, but I was training pretty much all summer for it and trying to get in shape, obviously, for uh for fall camp and had to pass a conditioning test and everything, and wanted to hit certain benchmarks as far as my strength and speed, things like that. Uh, and so that was taking up a couple hours of my day. I I think about three days a week, I was going to train at this gym in Peachtree City. Shout out to Explosive Mechanics, if anybody ever knows, but uh Jared's great over there. So that's really about it. I can't really really remember much because I don't think there was much to remember because I was very simple and I mean I guess life was simple at that time too. My expectations of of what college football specifically would be like before I got there was I was going D2 and I thought it would be kind of mediocre football. I had seen some bad football teams in my years, and I thought the D2 experience was going to be just like that. And I didn't really, I didn't really even think about college life too much, to be completely honest with you, or at least I don't remember it. You know, you see, you see the college life portrayed on uh movies like Transformers is one of the first that comes to mind. Shia LaBeouf goes to college, and you know, obviously there's a whole bunch of people. There's girls there that look good, and everybody's got got a car, or not everybody, but you know, people got cars on campus and people are flexing, and you know, you got the certain groups, you got the athletes, you got the, you know, you got the the kids who are a little bit different, uh, if you know what I mean. And, you know, it's just divvied up in college, just like it is in high school. But obviously in college, they're grown. They're not, we're not dealing with, you know, 13-year-olds up to, you know, 18. We're dealing with 18-year-olds all the way up to potentially 30-year-olds or even even adults older than that. So the age range is a lot wider. You know, these are these are just grown-ups at the end of the day. But I didn't really think about college life specifically. I didn't think about living in a dorm, what that would be like. I didn't think about being away from home, being far away from home, you know, in Charleston, West Virginia, how far that was really from Georgia. And I didn't think about the difference in the environment, the physical environment, the sunlight, the the wind, the rain, the temperature, you know, what that would what effect that would have on my mood. I didn't think about where the school was in West Virginia. You know, I our dorms were right next was right next to a freaking railroad, and the train passed by my room literally every single night, I remember. But yeah, I I don't think I was prepared for I don't know what I the the only thing I was prepared for was football. I wasn't prepared prepared to I wasn't prepared for the freedom of being in college, that being independent, having a lack of structure. I just I was ill prepared. And to be completely honest, I don't know what would have helped with that other than I mentioned previously having the opportunity to be held back in about eighth grade and repeat eighth grade at a at a different school. And you know, I think the only thing looking back that would have probably helped me to prepare for that more is changing schools at that point, because then I would have had an extra year to to basically grow up and develop. And so then instead of turning uh instead of turning 18, as soon as I walk on campus, I'm turning 19, which I'm pretty sure when most kids go to go to college, they're 19. Or at least I think most of my peers were 19 when they when they first stepped on campus. And that may sound like a small thing, but I think it'll help. I think it'll help you understand the gravity of the situation more, knowing that you know, you you're not having home cooked meals every day, you're not checking in with you know, mom, dad, and and sister or brother, whoever. You're just away from home now. Like things are different. And I I didn't understand how to get myself in a routine. I didn't understand how to build a structure for myself that would help me be successful outside of sports. Because obviously, football starting in fall camp, I mean, we have work. I don't how does how does that even work? I'm pretty sure in fall camp we we would go lift in the morning or go condition in the morning, go to the gym, and then we would eat breakfast. Uh, we would watch film after that, have meetings. I think you take a break or have lunch, and then you go practice in the kind of like early afternoon. And uh, I'm pretty sure after that you have like a last meeting of the day and then dinner time, and it's time for a recovery, you know, whatever you want to do after that, chill out, and then it's time to go to bed. Probably around I think lights out was probably like 10:30 or something like that. I think they had coaches stationed in the freshman dorms, if I'm not mistaken. So I think there were early signs that I was starting to drift from who I wanted to be. I didn't know who I wanted to be, first of all. I think I could say there were early signs that I was drifting from who I should have been. And I don't think I was very intentional about spending time with my family. When I graduated, we took a trip to New York, and that was pretty cool. We got to see all kinds of stuff, and that was my first time, first and only time going to New York. Uh it was pretty cool, you know, saw the Statue of Liberty and everything. I don't really know where I was at mentally. That just kind of carried into how I was at school.

— Early football opportunities and getting on the field

SPEAKER_00 7:31

You know, I was a little withdrawn and things like, but got to college, got through the fall camp experience, everything was smooth, uh, had a great time. Uh it was difficult adjusting initially just because I I wasn't used to the speed and just the physicality and the toll it kind of has on your body. And I ended up losing like I think probably about 10 or 15 pounds, maybe not 15, but it was it was somewhere in the range of of somewhere under 10 pounds losing during fall camp. And uh it was good because I had probably not conditioned as well as I ought to have, or not as well as I should have in the summer leading up to it. And so I think I was just losing some bad weight that I'd gained uh because I was trying to gain weight as well. So yeah, just lost some of that bad weight and got in shape and everything. Season starts, uh, I'm about you know the the in the I'm running with the threes slash fours, which basically means I'm no, I'm not even sniffing the field. Really the fours, because they were there were definitely four dudes ahead of me. And then I think number five and six. I think I may have been like number six, and then there was like one uh super senior on that in that number five spot. And so, and then every and then I think it was maybe one or two people under me. I didn't plan on playing at all that year. I I was very content learning. The the guys that were starting were great. I learned a lot from both, and I kind of tried to what they did and in kind of their their confidence, their swag, kind of how they covered some of these guys. Cause I'm like, dude, these receivers weren't on a whole nother level from what I was expecting. How are these guys doing it? Obviously, they've seen them, they know what their strengths and weaknesses are. Um, and I tried to use that to my advantage, and it and it worked. And and so, you know, the season goes on, you know. I think after like probably game two, both of them kind of go through some injuries, and it's looking like a couple games before they get back. Games three, game three happens. I think there's there's more injuries. I think to that to that number three guy. Hold on one second, you know. What is going on? See, yeah, by by game four, I'm I'm already I'm practicing with with the twos, and I'm I'm getting reps with the ones. And uh, and you know, my coach is just like, hey, stay ready. I'm telling my dad everything that's going on. I'm like, you know, I actually I actually might play. And obviously, I'm I'm you know, I'm not really I'm not really I'm not really wanting to play because I'm seeing the guys we're playing against and I'm like, oh snap, it would really be nice if I could just keep learning and and watching and everything, but I also was confident in my practice and my ability. I I did think I could run with these guys. I think that it was just gonna be difficult, obviously. And and yeah, you know, I I will step up to whatever whatever I was placed in, and that's what I did. I think I think it was game five. I'm almost I'm almost positive it was game five. We went to play the school call Urbana in Ohio, and I got in. I'm pretty sure probably not even before halftime, or I definitely did get in before halftime because I remember at halftime, one of my uh the guy sitting on the locker next to me was like, Hey man, you know, keep going, keep going, like you're doing a great job. And I was like, appreciate it, man. Um, but I did not feel like I had done a great job because this dude uh scored on me. At that point, he did. Anyways, around this uh or well, I'll I'll give I'll give some more detail into that. So I think got the starting corner at that time, which was originally one of the twos, he got hurt, and it wasn't just like these guys are having like like actual injuries, not just like, oh, we got a cramp real quick, it'll be back, you know, maybe a couple couple quarters. No, like they they were having I can't even remember the injuries, shoulders, you know, quads, hamstrings, like I think we had two shoulder injuries, which obviously, as we know, that's not really that's not really nothing to play with, depending on the severity, obviously. But yeah, so I get in and initially it's pretty good. I actually had a tackle for lost that game. I remember we were in I don't remember if it was cover two, but I just know that I was aggressive to anything underneath, and so they ran this bubble screen, and bro, I I think I was playing, I was probably like I don't want to lie. I I want to say I was probably about seven yards off, maybe five, because I was disguising it like I was playing man but catch technique, and so they ran a bubble screen. I bought on it instantly. I didn't even I didn't even hesitate, I just went receiver number one. He didn't even touch, I don't even think he touched me, and I just blew up the the receiver in the backfield. I just blew him up, and so that was great. And uh there was also a freshman safety that was starting that game because we were both in there together, and so he was hyping me up, you know. That was a great, great, great play. And so mainly one of the other highlights from the game is we get down in the red zone. There's this receiver, he's probably about 6'5, 6'6 type. And uh they tried me like they probably tried me like three or four times, bro, not gonna lie. They tried me two times back to back, both fade balls, and I defended the first one, definitely. The second one, I'm pretty sure I defended also. I think it may have been a little close, and also may have held him. So they move up, I switch sides, bring the same receiver, go to the other side of the field, and then I think that very next play they run a slant to him touchdown, which that sucks. I'm like, okay, well, they literally just this is just terrible. But you know, nonetheless, I it was it was a good experience, and I got some good reps. I mean, I got game reps. That that was literally nothing better than, or that was the best thing I could ask for. Now that I'm thinking about it and talking about it a little bit more, I think somebody did come get me before the end of the game. I don't think I don't really remember playing the rest of the game, or I can't remember if I played the rest of the game. But anyways, I do remember playing, I do remember playing similar minutes for the rest of the season. It just wasn't I played too much to red shirt at that point though. I don't know the requirements for red shirting, but I I played way too many minutes. But around that fifth game, getting back to getting back on topic for today, or actually, let's rewind a little bit more. So after I think our first, after our second game, this was our first away game, I believe. We played West Virginia State, and uh we lose. We get I think we get Maliwap, to be honest. So it was pretty muddy. It just rained a lot like the day before.

— The first party and falling into the wrong crowd

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Um pretty muddy. I was on special teams and it was funny. I was trying not to get my jerk, I was trying to get my uniform dirty because we were wearing like all white. It was that was that was so funny. Um, actually, I don't think I was not trying, I don't think I even got in to get it dirty. But yeah, I just thought that was funny. So after the game, uh word gets around, obviously, and my teammates having a house party. I'm like, okay, cool. I go with my friend, or I go with my roommate, and uh obviously all my teammates are there. There's there's students and and a couple of girls there. And so my teammate, one of my teammates, uh, he's got some got a blunt in his hands. And you know, I think at this time I had been telling my roommate and people that we hung out with that I was trying to smoke, and that I had never smoked before. And so, you know, we all see they got they had they passing a blunt, and he was like, yo, you know, or basically I ended up I ended up taking a hit from the blunt. Uh just one, which that's uh I mean, I don't know, depending on who you talk to, that's not really enough to get you high. But but uh but I did I did do it. And and also at that time I I was given a random cup from one of my teammates. Uh he was just like, yo, drink this. And I did. And and I mean I just I just took it. Took the cup. And uh luckily it wasn't like spiked or anything, but I did. Uh, and that it wasn't really anything strong, but well, it wasn't strong initially. Uh, it did end up kind of it did end up hitting me a little later. But that was the beginning of the whole hanging out with the wrong crowd, doing the wrong things, uh, part

— How smoking and drinking derailed focus and discipline

SPEAKER_00 16:02

of my journey. Because shortly after that, I think smoking, we became a regular occurrence for us. I mean, there was one game, uh, one home game, it may have been one or two games after this college, this house party. Man, we we hotboxed so many blunts the night before the game, it was literally it was ridiculous. And so one thing that happened was I was late for a pregame meeting the night before. And obviously that was a big no-no. And I think I was I was smoking a little bit at this time, and so I'm just like, I'm just kind of oblivious to what to what's going on. Um, because it starts it starts messing with my focus. Like I it's this weed starts becoming the only thing I think about. Weirdly, I don't I don't really know why that is, but I missed the team meeting. Uh I'm like, oh my gosh, like I felt terrible. And so walk in, you know, finish the meeting. Coach is like, you know, I'm gonna suspend you for the first half of the game. And uh he does. And I was so high during the game. There was one point that I was standing on the sideline, and uh defense that came off the field, he was calling, he called a meeting on the on the bench, and he was calling my name, and I'm literally just staying, I'm literally just standing there on the sideline looking at the game. And I'm I'm just I'm so zoned out, bro. It's it's so crazy. I was I was so high. I don't think I ever, I don't think I ever experienced anything like that before or after. But yeah, that became a regular thing for us, just going out dur after classes and everything, sometimes during class, or sometimes during like school hours and everything, we would go and actually, well, during this football season, it was mainly after practice and everything. We would go at night and frequently, man, it I it had to be three or four times a week at minimum going out and and doing this and smoking. And pretty much probably about every weekend we would get some liquor and drink, and I would just drink way too much. Just drink way too much. Um, I don't think it was I don't think that lifestyle was attractive to me. I just think it was I just think it was fun experiencing something different. Like I had said in high school, I would never smoke, never drink, never get tattoos. And you know, here I am in first year away from home. I'm doing I'm doing drinking, I'm doing two of those things. It felt harmless at first. I didn't I didn't immediately see the consequences, consequences of it, other than like obviously you can get in legal trouble, which actually happened not with me, but with one of my teammates. Uh he got into legal trouble that we actually were going out one time, and you know, we got stopped by campus police. And so, like, literally before we even left campus, we got stopped by campus police. They searched the car. This man had a whole jar of weed on him, and obviously he's like, Yeah, that's mine. And so we're we're all like, oh, geez, weeds, what in the world? And so he ends up getting kicked off the team, kicked off campus, and that's kind of like a sobering moment moment for us, but you know, unfortunately, it didn't do enough, and like we still kept doing it, and also they're doing random drug tests too during the season. I think there was a way that we figured out how they were doing the testing, but it was like they were doing it on random on a certain day, but I think they let you know. Actually, I don't know if they let you know the day before, because I think that would kind of defeat the purpose. I can't remember how they were doing the random drug test, but they were testing, and uh, and so yeah, so we kind of would do stuff to avoid that. But in hindsight, it's like the the how much we were smoking, bro. I don't think any any of the cleanses we tried, I don't think any of the detoxes, the water, none of that would have it, none of that would have helped. I think we would have, we would have, we would have ran hot in any given circumstance. I didn't realize it was pulling me in the wrong direction because it was affecting my attentiveness. It was affecting, like I said, it was the only thing I thought about. The only mainly well the one of the the only thing I thought about was going to smoke late at night before I went to sleep. And you know, it was so late that I would get back, I would leave beforehand, I would be doing work, and I'd be like, oh yeah, you know, when we go, I'll come back and I'll finish my work. That never happened. I would autumn I would go to I would start playing the game late into the night or early into the next morning, or I would, you know, just go to sleep. And sometimes that would affect if I woke up or not the next morning. You know, I had alarms set that just I just did not wake up for. And so, and I'm and my roommate experienced the same thing on several occasions, and it was just not good. It was not good, and that's kind of what started my grades dropping, is I started missing classes. I started to be indifferent about whether or not I meant I made it to class.

— Homesickness, isolation, and slipping grades

SPEAKER_00 20:59

And so, you know, I would do my best to wake up and and whatnot, but it was just tough, man, because I think what was going on was I was just I was a little homesick, and because I would think a lot when I started smoking. I would think a lot, man. I would think a lot about you know just what's going on right now in my head, like in college. Like, man, I'm I'm away from home. I wasn't really talking to my parents that much. I wasn't really talking to my friends, and now I'm kind of around these these teammates who I don't really relate to, but I'm kind of trying to fit in. And so, you know, I think I think that's why I dove into it head first so hard, is because I was trying to, I was just looking for something. And it stopped being it it it quickly stopped becoming something I was doing and started becoming like who I was. I was Jalen the smoker. And you know, people started to notice. I actually had a uh teammate, I think, I mean not, I think, I actually had a teammate's name was Justice. He was one of the corners and he wasn't getting a whole lot of playing time, but I think he ended up he mentioned one time like, Hey man, like you know, you're you're going down like the wrong road and you're doing the wrong thing and you need to you need to lock in because you know he saw my potential, I think. And I I don't know if it was that or he was just trying to keep me from making the wrong decisions, going down the wrong road. But that didn't do anything, unfortunately. I was I was stuck in my ways and you know, like I said, it's a part of who I was. When you try to take away someone's identity, it's usually not good. Like even if it's harming them, that's it, you can't just tell them, hey, stop, and they just stop. That's that's not how it works. And so, yeah, just looking back, there was I I should have, I should have just hung around different people. There were plenty more of my freshman teammates that I could have gathered around to, you know, not be impacted in this way. I mean, I don't think any I don't know if anything would have led me to not say I wouldn't drink and smoke, but I think being around the different being around different teammates at the time would have prevented me from going any further from there. I think it would have been like, okay, no, don't do that. Like, just chill. Because I just remember, like, I had two friends, Calvin and Jeremiah, two of my teammates, man. They would be in the room doing that work, just playing the game, bro. Like, just chilling. And Phil, uh, Phillip, man, they they would just be in the room just chilling, having a good time. And this isn't to say that they never did anything like I was doing. I it was just the extent to which I was doing it was so extreme, it was just like, yo, like you're kind of just you're kind of going crazy. And um looking back, I feel like I was one of the only ones. I had another teammate, his name was Jyra. And I remember at some point we started kind of, we was kind of doing it together. Like, but I think that was for a short period of time. I don't think I think he actually started going by his lonesome and and doing all this stuff. But that started to affect my role on the team and my development as a player because uh there was times where I started missing early morning workouts, and it got so bad at at one point in time where um I literally tried to stay up all night. I tried to stay up all night so I did not miss morning workouts. I would I was doing my work in our little uh, what do you call the we had a oh my gosh, what is it called? We had like a break room in the dorms. I don't even know what those are called, but like you get off the elevator and you know you can walk to your room on on either wing, but or we had this little corner room in all on all the floors. We had this this huge room with TVs, a little kitchenette area, couches, everything. So I would I would go in the in the break room and I would do my work all night. And so I used to, I would try to sleep in there. It was so bad. I would literally just try to, you know, lay, lay on the couch and just you know, wake up in time or set my alarm in time to get dressed and go to workouts. It was so bad. There was one night specifically, man. I remember because workouts would be, I think, either it was either at five or six. I can't really remember, but I got to about it was an hour and a half, I think, before workouts was about to start. And I took a nap. I was like, you know what? Okay, I've done some good work. I've been up all night. Let me take a quick nap so I'm not just like a zombie walking in there. Man, I took a nap and I woke up, it was probably like eight o'clock, and I was like, oh my gosh, bro. It was just so bad. I did everything I could. Well, not I didn't do everything I could, but I had tried so hard, and I still ended up missing the mark. And I don't know why that wasn't like a wake-up call. Like, I mean, it was literally like a functioning addict. It was so bad, bro. And, you know, I had a coach with my I had a conversation with my head coach at some point. And I'm kind of conflating timelines because some of this happened in the spring when it wasn't football season, and some of this, a lot of it started in the fall season. But there was some carryover to the the spring season also with some of these same things. It's just kind of escalating and getting to the climax of this of this story in my freshman year of uh yeah, but my climate, this the climax of this part of my life. But it starts affecting my development because I'm I'm not bonding with my teammates, you know, barely. I'm only bonding with this specific group of people that I'm smoking with, and I'm not I'm not watching film, I'm not really I'm I'm sometimes getting extra workouts in, but not really. And I stopped, I think I stopped physically showing up too at practices. I don't think I was as intentional or detail-oriented or really just bringing the same intensity that I did when I first got there. I wasn't as hungry for it. And part of that too, part of that too, I feel like was playing early on. I think that kind of diluted my sense of opportunity that I had of playing college football, of being in the position I was. I I don't think that made me hungrier. I think that made me more lax because I already kind of gained what I thought was gonna be in the first place. Like I literally came in saying, oh yeah, I'm gonna play off the spot. And it wasn't it wasn't on the spot, it wasn't off the rip. But I mean, it was pretty soon after that. I mean, it was five games into the season. So five games into the season, season starts in August. I mean, five games into the season, maybe like that's like not even the end of September. So literally less than two months in, I'm already starting. So I think that that did more harm for me than good. And my coach said he was trying to retript me for as long as he could and keep it on, but because there were so many injuries, man, there was literally nothing he could do. His hands were tied behind his back. I don't remember at the time if any of the people I was kind of running with were trying were were not were like taking steps to remove themselves from that. I don't remember. I just know I just think they weren't doing it as often and frequent, or they weren't doing it as often as I was. Because, like I said in the last episode, I have an addictive personality. So when I find something that I like, I just like go go hard for it. And this was one of those things, unfortunately. And um smoking specifically, drinking, I probably got like super drunk, probably about three times, and that was enough of that because I just hated the way it makes you feel, and I was just like, Yeah, no, this is this is not good. So I think I would drink like recreationally, but I it was not a lot after that, but I would get high like almost every day, even though I wasn't physically showing up. I don't think I was losing ground to teammates to my teammates who were more locked in because I was still doing pretty good in practice. Like I wasn't getting cooked or anything now that I started, you know, partaking in this activity. It was just my preparation for for my preparation was just off. You know, I don't know who was watching film, I don't know who was doing what on the side. I I think I was just I don't want to say I was more gifted, but I know I was gifted in that you know I was one of the biggest corners we had, and none of the other freshmen I don't think were even close to playing. I like I said, there was a there was a strong safety we had that who who's a who played as a freshman. But other than that, I don't think any other freshmen played. And so I think, and that that's not really saying much to ability because like I said, I got in because guys were injured. It wasn't because I was so much better than them. So, but at the same time, there were other freshmen corners who didn't play. So it's like, you know, out of all of us who were freshmen, I was the one that got chosen to start and to play. So it I guess it was both. It was opportunity and ability because you know, it could have easily been the other two freshmen that were given the chance to step up instead of me. And so, you know, that was a thing too. I I don't I wasn't losing ground, but I did see at some point, or I I don't even think it got so bad that I didn't even see the opportunity that I was wasting. You know, I there were several people, coaches included, who kind of came up, checked on me, make try to make sure I was good. And obviously I'm trying to hide what I'm doing because I don't want people to know, I don't want anybody, especially my coaches, to know I'm getting high because that's that's not gonna be good at all. But it really only hit me later how much of an opportunity I wasted to play football specifically, because that's what I that's what I wanted to do. And you know, ultimately I didn't end up even loving football anymore. But who who knows what would have happened if I would have been locked in that season, improved, and did what I needed to do, where I would be right

— Academic probation and suspension

SPEAKER_00 30:56

now. I don't nobody knows. My grade started slipping that first semester, and one way that I really knew it was bad was that I was I declared I wanted to be a radiology major, and so I was taking radiology courses, and it got so bad that my term I had to write a term paper for the class, and I was failing so bad. I probably had a 30% in the class, no joke, and I had to write a 10-page paper on something, can't even remember, radiology related, and I I didn't even do it. I was failing so bad, I didn't even do it. Not only because I didn't want to take the time to do it and still be failing, but I didn't think there was any even possible way that I could, you know, get my stuff together at that point because I stopped, like I said, I just stopped going to class. I I I barely went to class, I barely turned in any work. I would just stay in the room most of the day and I would just, you know, play the game, or I would go do work when I thought I could do it. And I'll go to some classes, but I just checked out. I I can't even really remember what I was thinking in those moments. I don't even know if I was thinking. I think I was just I was just reacting to whatever to whatever came. I I didn't record a lot of videos during that time, and I'll probably have to go find some to see really just how bad it was. But after that first semester got put on academic probation, it did scare me. I'm trying to figure out what what did I tell my parents? I couldn't have. I couldn't have because they would have freaked out. I don't think I told my parents that I was on academic probation. I think they might have gotten some communication from the school because they were uh logged into my information or logged into my school stuff as well because they uh were partially paying for whatever I had left on my on my tuition and stuff like that. Because I didn't get a full scholarship, but it was it was like you know 95%, whatever. So uh they had to come out of pocket a little bit. So they were logged into my stuff. And academic probation was an easy fix though. As they I think they I think they said if you maintain a 3.0 this semester or at least get above a 2.0, then you know, you'll you'll just I don't know if you would stay on academic probation, but you would at least not go to the next step, which is suspension. But it didn't really scare me though. I wasn't I was like, oh, you know, I'll I'll y'all get it together and I chalk part of it up to be playing football. Oh yeah, well, I won't be playing football in the spring, not as not as much anyway, so it'll be fine, you know, things will things will be all right. Uh but things did change, uh, not for the better though. I stopped going to class probably like all together for most of them, and I would just sporadically show up to classes, and even when I did, I didn't really pay attention. I think I was on my phone a lot, or just generally stuff was going in one ear, out the other, not studying at barely. And I'm still not talking to my family. And that's that's one thing I regret actually is just not talking to my family, man, not talking to my mom, my dad. And I really, I really regret not talking to my sister because she was, I think at this time, she's five years younger than me. So she would have been probably in like an eighth grade, going into ninth grade. And I do feel bad about that. I I really regret not kind of being there for her, not being a big brother, not being an example for her going into her freshman year of high school. Or I may like I said, maybe she was in eighth grade at the time. I can't remember. But just not being there for her, not being present, not being supportive, uh, just making it all about me. I I couldn't think about anybody else except me. And I hate that looking back, it makes me kind of sick to my stomach, to be honest. But yeah, I just I smoked more and more. I started to become depressed, I think. I started thinking about, you know, kind of my life as it was unfolding. And, you know, I really just I really hated school. I hated class, man. And even in high school, I hated class too. And I don't know what would have helped that. I mean, just give a crap about your grades. I mean, if not about your grades, give a crap about being on the field. Because if you don't have good grades, then you're not gonna play. And it's as simple as that. But it didn't change. I got academically suspended after that second semester. My GPA was even worse. I'm almost positive. That first semester, I might have ended with like a it might have been a 2.0 something that first semester, but that second semester is probably like a 1.3. I I failed, I think I failed at least three classes that second semester. And I believe I failed about six in total, six, maybe seven in total, from in for that whole year. And when I saw that email, academic suspension, I was like, no way, dude. No way. I don't know why I was saying that because I hadn't done any work to avoid the academic suspension. Uh I was just, I was in shock, really. As as stupid as that sounds, I was in shock. Even after not doing any school work, not going to class, playing the game religiously, not even waking up for alarms set for class. I would literally just go wake up for workouts in the morning. Uh, because in the springtime, I do think though, I do think the waking up got a little bit easier because I was used to smoking. And so at night when we would go smoke, I was I think I was just used to it at that point. So I think that part got a little easier. And the funny thing is, I was still performing well in our workouts and stuff. I wasn't, I wasn't doing bad at all. But after that, you know, we would go to go to eat breakfast uh as a as a uh not as a team, but some of my teammates would go eat breakfast and you know they would go off to class, and I would, you know, if I decide to go to class, I would. If not, I would go, you know, take a shower, go back to the room, play the game, man. It's really so sad thinking about it. It makes me sad thinking about it. Um, how lost I was, man, and how difficult of a time that really was for me mentally and emotionally. I was I was really dealing with a lot and and didn't really recognize it. And I don't think I could have recognized it until moments like now where I can see the see the full picture. But obviously at the time, as I'm going through it, I'm not thinking about all this. But I would go play the game or just get on the phone with a friend. Uh, I don't think I had a girlfriend at the time. I think I was just messing with a girl on campus, a few girls, unfortunately. And, you know, I I may go give me an extra workout in. You know, I would go to the gym during the day, uh, go to the student center, get a workout in. We didn't have our football field, it wasn't on campus, so I couldn't like put my cleats on and go and do anything. Uh, so that sucked. But I was doing like some footwork stuff. I would bring my ladder, bring some cones into the gym, to the like the little yoga studio, and uh, and do that, which was, you know, I was cool. Get some workouts in with some friends who had a break from class or who just maybe were skipping class like I was. But yeah, after that academic suspension hit, that really that hurt because I didn't I I didn't know what the future held at that point. And the hardest part was just knowing that I had messed this up academically, obviously, but I was like, what in the world am I about to do about football? Because I can't I can't play here. Like I literally have to leave the school. I cannot be at this school next semester. I have to find somewhere else to go to get my grades back up. And uh at a at a base level, the goal would be to get my grades up somewhere else and come back to

— Returning home and choosing a fresh start

SPEAKER_00 38:26

play football. And so how that went was I told my dad I was not going back by that point in the in the springtime. That was you get out of school for the summer in like May sometime. You know, I got back home. Obviously, my parents are pissed and I'm getting grilled about what the heck was going on. And and I think I don't even remember what I told him. I'm pretty sure I was just probably like, you know, I I don't know what I told him. Um, I'll have to have my dad or my mom on here one day to see if they remember. But I just talked to him. I was like, I I just I can't go back. It was just like I mentioned earlier, just the environment. The when I got home back to Georgia, it was literally like somebody put a battery in my back. I felt energized, I felt happy, I felt rejuvenated, I felt hopeful, I felt peaceful, I felt calm, I felt like I could, I could conquer the world. I felt, I just felt great compared to West Virginia. I just felt I felt terrible all the time. And the only time I felt good was when I was smoking, and that's why I did it so much. But I think just getting back home around my family, you know, being able to see my friends, just being back in Georgia, just somewhere where I was familiar with. And man, it was that was so good. Even though it felt like my life was had ended, it it was so good to be back home. And it felt like coming back home, it it felt embarrassing, number one, because immediately after I had these conversations with my parents, I hit my friends up in our little group chat, and I was like, yo, I just fed out of school, but I have a plan. And I literally said it like word for word. And I think they thought I was joking at first, but but yeah, soon after that, we we had that conversation, and you know, I'm sure they were probably thinking similar things to what I was like, what is this? What is this idiot about to do? So if it was embarrassing, uh, but it felt like an opportunity to reset. It felt like an opportunity for me to learn directly from my mistakes, be more in tune with my school work, with the school side of sports, because being a college athlete, it's it's not just about playing sports, you have to manage all these different things. Like we've read in the first season, being a college athlete is a full-time job, and sometimes it's where you work overtime as well. You're working 40, maybe 50. Sometimes I don't want to say 60 because I don't think we were working 60, but it's the that study I looked at said that some D1 programs get up to those 50 plus hours a week. It's a lot, it's and that's not just sports. That you have to make sure you're on top of your grades, you have to make sure you're on top of your relationships with your coaches, with your teammates, making sure you're getting sleep, make sure you're getting recovery and treatment and all these things, and also making sure you're taking time to talk to your family, making sure you're taking time to talk to your teachers, to your to your counselor, uh, to your advisor. But it it was a reset in that I knew through talking to with my my parents and with my friends that I would have an opportunity to make things right. And so uh it still felt like my my career, my life was over. I thought I was just gonna, you know, work in McDonald's and flip burgers the rest of my life. Uh, no disrespect to anybody who does that, but that just wasn't, that's just wasn't where I wanted to be. And you would think my emotions during this time would be more negative, but they were more positive. I was I was a lot more positive, and I'm still smoking during this time, by the way. I think maybe I had taken a little break, but I was definitely still smoking during this time. I don't even know where I was getting weed from. But my emotions were mainly positive because I was I started seeing the brighter side of things instead of mainly seeing the negative when I was in West Virginia,

— Rebuilding at Georgia Military College

SPEAKER_00 42:17

and it revealed to me that you know I'm I'm resilient. I'm able to overcome adversity. I'm able to overcome challenges, even the ones I put in my own way. But and part of that reason why things were so positive was because of GMC, Georgia Military College. Georgia Military had a campus not too far from where I lived. It was just school, though. It was a they did quarter semesters and Georgia Military. I looked at Georgia Military because I had former classmates and former teammates who went to Georgia, who went to GMC uh for their grades and as an as an alternative, I guess, to uh like formal formal college. I can't remember exactly who went and why, but something along the lines of that. And so at first I was just like, okay, I'm gonna get my grades back up, and then I'm going to transfer to somewhere like maybe Georgia State or Georgia Southern or Mercer or you know, one of these schools in Georgia and go play again. But then I found out that Georgia Military had a campus down in Milledgeville where you could play football in the junior college. That's what I meant to say earlier. It's junior college. So I was like, yo, that's a really good idea because what I could do is I could spend, I could do a semester here, still still close to home, get my grades up, you know, get all A's, all A's and B's, I think is what I got. And, you know, and I'm just focusing on school. I I'm I'm getting my workouts in, but I'm just focused on school because this is where I messed up the first time. And so I'm looking and I'm like, yo, I can go play football again. And this would be a way for me to, if I really want to go D1, this would be the best opportunity to do that because now I can kind of like have like a fresh slate and And and it I would maybe be able to kind of dig myself out of this hole and then you know stand on top of the mound on the other side. So, but man, when I got to when I got to GMC that that first semester, not the not the Millageville campus, but I'm when I was at that Fairville campus, and this actually closed now. I I wish they wouldn't have closed it down because I was actually a great resource in my opinion. But I was a much different person. I was much more mature, I was much more reserved, I was more calculated. You know, I was I was very aware of the situation and what I needed to succeed. And I was I was cautious too about letting myself slip. Although I still smoked and did things like that. I think the environment helped me not to slip into negative behaviors or negative thought processes. But long story short, I get to GMC. I think I get down there around September, November time frame. And once again, Georgia Military College. Let me back up. I'm sorry. The turnaround from me getting suspended from Charleston in May, I turned around and took a summer semester. Uh, because I did quarter semesters, so it was basically like it was a quarter of a real semester. It was the the semester was over in a couple weeks. I did that quarter semester in the summertime, but then I go to take a visit to Millersville because I'm like, okay, well, I want to see what it would like to play, what it would be like to play football or what I would have to do to play football here. So I get there, you know, they have the the barracks, it's not even called dorm. Well, they're they're dorms, but they call it the barracks. And uh, and so I'm seeing if you want to play football, you gotta wear it as uniform. You got the you got the PT uniform with physical training uniform. It's basically just a gray shirt uh with GMC on it, gray sweatpants, GMC on it. Uh, you got to wear like this neon. It's like a neon, it's like a belt, but you wear it kind of across your shoulder. Still don't really know what that was about, but we had to wear it. You had to either wear it around your waist or around your shoulder. And then the other option was you had your dress uniform, which was, I believe, some navy blue pants. It was a white shirt. You got like a the the little military hat, the the private hat. I don't need I don't know what what the name of it is, and then you got your dress shoes. So those are your your only two options. Now, the football players, the actual football players who were on the team, the GMC football team, they didn't have to, or actually, no, they did have to wear the uniform. But I think sometimes they could wear their regular clothes. And so, but for for those of us who were just kind of coming on and who hadn't made the team yet, we we we had to do do everything by the book. So, you know, I'm I'm gonna try to make a long story a little bit shorter. I get there and sign up and everything. I got to cut my hair off. I had locks at the time, I had to cut them off. Um, you know, and it was funny because when I first went there, I still had a couple weeks before I would actually sign up to be on campus. And I just decided to cut my hair right then and there. Because I didn't I didn't want to wait until the day before and cut it, and then now I'm trying to adjust to a new haircut and a new school environment and things like that. I just went ahead and cut my hair. Um, because I in the military they want everybody to look the same or look similar. And it was dudes that had to cut their hair. Girl, women do not have to cut their hair, by the way, if you didn't know that. So yeah, I get the GMC and things are definitely different from Charleston. I am still a little bit more reserved. I'm not I'm not trying to get into any relationships really because like we're the football has it is not gonna come for some months. And so I'm really just in the barracks with my roommate. I got a two one sweet mate, uh, his name was Marlon. My roommate's name was uh Myrick. You know, we just be chilling and uh eating together. So not really eating together. We didn't really start eating together till months after that, after we started uh we started talking. But um, but we would have PT every morning. PT was every morning at 5.50. We would have to be down at the at the field at 5.50 in the morning. Um, and I think they would give you about 10 minutes to get ready. I think the alarm would go off at like 5.40. And when I say alarm, I mean like in the barracks, there was an alarm that played in every single room. Or actually, the alarm played in the hallway, I'm pretty sure. The alarm played in the hallway, but you could hear it clearly from your room. The alarm would go off. That means it's time to get up, and you got 10 minutes to get down to the field. So that means whatever you need to do, you had to make your bed up, you had to put your clothes on. And like I said, you had to wear that gray sweatshirt, the gray bottoms, the neon belt, and you had to make sure you had your shoes on. And, you know, if you can do all that in 10 minutes, fine. Sometimes teeth didn't get brushed, sometimes faces didn't get washed, you know. You know, sometimes the bed didn't get didn't get made. And, you know, these things would would be demerits, or uh they would do some kind of write-up if you didn't didn't have all your stuff. It was a it was a good experience that taught me a lot about waking up early in the morning and how to kind of simplify a morning routine and how you you really just needed like a few things. And also it showed me the value of having your stuff prepared beforehand because what I started doing was I would start preparing my bed when I went to sleep. So then when I woke up, I didn't really have a whole lot to do, and I would have my clothes out and everything, make sure they were washed and all that stuff. So, like I said, at this time we're just doing military stuff, you know. We're we're standing in formation and we're we're doing X, Y, and Z. And uh and I'm with the rest of the guys that are trying to make it onto the actual GMC football team. So what was about to say? So we're starting to bond, you know, we're starting to talk. We're just like, hey, you know, y'all, y'all planning on playing, what kind of stuff y'all doing? We started working out together. Uh, we started kind of getting in groups, we would go work out, go work out of the field, go do some conditioning, uh, play seven-on-seven, things like that. It was pretty cool. It was it was pretty fun getting to talk to them and kind of how we're all in this place and seeing the different place, uh different uh just seeing the different roads these dudes have traveled down. Most of us were from Georgia, and there were a couple of us that weren't, but most of us are from Georgia, and uh it was just interesting to see the backstory of some of these guys and and make and it made me realize I wasn't the only one who had messed my life up. You know, people were there for all different kinds of reasons, but at the end of the day, most of us were there because our grades were terrible and we were trying to, you know, get a second chance. It was like it was like me being able to live out second chance you. Uh, if you don't know what that is, that was a Netflix show about uh, you know, JUCO athlete experiences, essentially. Nowhere on the same intensity level. This was a lot better. We were well taken care of. Uh, but it was still a JUCO, and you still kind of did have to make of it, you know, I mean you had to make the most of it. So springtime comes around, and you know, we have they have tryouts

— Football tryouts, hard work, and a second chance

SPEAKER_00 51:01

basically, uh, because we we're not like I said, we're not on the team, we're just trying out for the team. So all of us are literally like we're we're walk-ons, basically. So we have spring practice, we go through practice and everything. I'm I'm doing all right, you know, I'm I'm not doing great and I'm not doing terrible. I'm kind of just average, and uh there were a lot of things I because I at that point I hadn't played football since it was it had been about a year and a half since I played football because the last time I played was the spring of 2018, and now this is like the spring of let me think, spring 2018. I go down to Milledgeville in 2018. So this is spring of 2019, so basically like a year. I I've had a year to play, I've had a year between the last time I played football. So, I mean, the last time I played, I put on pads, wore a helmet, put on a girdle, and you know, for for those that don't know, it's different just having your cleats on and working out, putting on shoulder pads and helmet and everything, it it kind of it changes things, it changes things because it changes how you run, it changes because the the helmet and stuff it adds weight and it changes your visibility. So, you know, it was just a little bit different, and I didn't I didn't know to expect that. I didn't really think to expect that, but it was different. And so go through spring practice. We got a spring game. I invite my my family, my friends, and uh spring game was all right. I think we they were just trying to get a lot get a lot of us reps just to see, especially the the the the walk-ons. And uh I mentioned this in the episode where I talked about my regrets. I believe that was like probably episode 10 or something like that. Second episode this season, but um in the spring game, had a play, could have had a pick, didn't got my hands on it, uh, didn't catch the ball. Think about it now. I don't know if the ball touched my fingertips or I don't know if it actually got in my hands. I don't, I don't, I really don't think it got in my hands, and I'm not trying to, you know, make myself seem better, but I really think the ball bounced off my fingertips. Either way, didn't make the play, didn't have a lot of opportunities, I don't think, that game, but but it didn't end up working out. My my DB coach told me that I mean, basically what I what I thought. I mean, he was like, hey, you know, you're not the best, but you're not the you're not the worst. I think the best option for you would would try to go would be to try to go D2 or go to one of these HBCUs. And you know, I really appreciate him being him keeping it real with me, man. I I appreciate him not gassing me up and and and trying to keep me there because what well they couldn't what they couldn't do was offer me a spot on the team or offer me a scholarship because they had other people that they wanted. And they already had like we already had a way, we had an we had a lot of corners. And so like me not being good enough, I didn't I didn't get a spot in the team. And so he was just like basically like, nah, you can just I think possibly I could have tried to I could have tried to do it again. Uh I think that would have just been honestly looking back, I don't know. I don't know if that would have been a good thing or a bad thing, but that may have been a good idea to try to repeat again, but that that would have been a long year of waiting. That would have been a long year of waiting because then I I would have had to endure the season. But I mean, maybe that that would that would have got me experience. But also, I could have just not had a spot on the team because then they only have a limited, limited number of spots, and I'm pretty sure all the spots they want people who can who can contribute and everything, which they didn't think I could do. Um, which that's understandable and that's respectable. But yeah, it just didn't make enough of an impact. Uh coach told me try D2 HBCU, and I was like, okay, cool, thank you, appreciate your time. But I gained from that experience a couple things. One, it taught me the value of hard work because there was no coach telling us what to do, uh, other than when we got the spring practice, we were literally, like I said, it was like the island of misfit toys. We were just working out together and just doing what we thought was best. All of us had been gone from the game for a little bit. And honestly, it was hard to say what we really needed to work on, but then it goes back to asking questions. Find somebody who you can ask, coach, what do I need to be working on? What do you need to see from me to earn a spot on this team? You know, concretely, it taught me the value of relationships, you know, some of those some of those relationships I had with those guys, you know, were strong. And I mean my roommates still talk from time to time on social media. We try to catch up, see what each other's doing. But I also I also learned the value of second chances, but even stronger than that, doing right with the first chance, you know, it it made me really, it didn't make me regret what I did in Charleston, but it made me see like, man, I really should have cherished what I had, because oftentimes, I mean, you don't you may not get back to what you had, even though you you put in the work, you you you rehab, you, you know, you reintegrate into society, whatever the case is, and yeah, you might be better off than you were before, but that doesn't mean anybody is obligated to place you back in the position you were because you lost that and you didn't respect it the first time. So, you know, and also you may you may not do well with the second chance. That's the reality of the situation. You might, oh yeah, second chance, give me a second chance. It might not turn out the way you think. It might, but people aren't always willing to take a chance on you because you know they they people have their jobs and their livelihood at stake. They can't bet on someone who has already wasted an opportunity. They need to, they need to try to find the sure thing as sure as possible, as sure as they can. But Georgia Military was a great experience. You know, I appreciate every teacher and coach that I ran into, every sergeant and and everybody in the barracks that was over us, even though the stuff was super annoying at times and and whatnot, it was it was very fun. And um, although some things in my personal life didn't go as well as I would have wanted them to, and that had those happened for different reasons, which are not sports related, and I'm not gonna get into GMC was a was

— Transferring to Morehouse and returning to football

SPEAKER_00 57:06

a great experience, man. I I I owe a lot to GMC for getting me back on the right track, and uh and and yeah, so so I ended up going to Morehouse. I that was the spring of 2019 when I left GMC, and after that, I had a decision to make, you know, was I gonna go to really at that point? It was just small schools in Georgia. It was Georgia State, Georgia Southern. I think Albany State was still on the table. I don't know about Mercer, excuse me. And then it was like Fort Valley, Morehouse. I'm trying to think if there was one more school. I can't remember. But basically, like I'm saying, all the kind of smaller schools in Georgia, D2, HBCU, didn't really matter. The reason I went to Morehouse is because my mom was the executive assistant to the president at Spelman. And so I don't know what the cutoff was, but her position allowed me to get a tuition waiver for Morehouse. And so that reduced my tuition to like way down, way down. If you don't know, tuition at Morehouse and Spelman is insane. Two of the best HBCUs in the country, though. Morehouse is the number one HBCU, especially for number one producer of college-educated black men. Shout out to my school Morehouse. But went to Morehouse, my mom got me a tuition waiver, didn't have a scholarship at the time, so that helped. And that was really one of the main things in decision making. Uh, and because I thought Morehouse, I kind of felt a calling to Morehouse in a way. And I kind of I'll try to explain that if I can, but it's not really sports related, so I don't I don't know if I'll really get to it. But I remember that summer, especially after I had gotten admitted and everything, I submitted all my documents, I had gotten I gotten accepted, wrote my letters of recommend or got letters of recommendation, everything. I I was doing everything. And so I then the only thing was okay, well, I still need to play football. And I knew they were about to have a season because this is like this is like so I leave GMC. I leave GMC in in the spring, April, May timeframe. I was probably doing admission stuff in like June for Morehouse. So that's kind of taking uh taking a minute to process and everything. So it's it's June, it gets to July, and you know, multiple times a week, I'm running to the football coach's offices trying to see, like, hey, you know, what can I do to like get a spot on the team? And I remember the first time I actually met the head coach Rich Freeman, he was like, you know, you don't just get a spot on the team. Like, you know, you can walk on. And I was like, Yes, yes, sir, I'm sorry. That's that's what I meant. I didn't mean like let I just want a spot on the team. I I literally just want a spot on the team, not to be like, you know, the guy or anything. But you know, we ironed that out real quick. And he told me, I think, when they were practicing and stuff, and and told me to just come out there and I did. And um ended up being cool. I remember the first day because I had to like go through waivers and everything and and get uh certain types of I had to do like my physical and all kinds of stuff. So do that, you know. I remember my first day out there. Uh, I'm the only dude with no helmet because Morehouse stuff, and it was funny at the time stuff looks so different now, but they didn't have real offices. They had these trailers they were, they were had they had their offices in. And and you know, back then our field was, or at least our track, our track was so terrible. Our stadium look completely looks completely different now than it did back then in 2019. But but yeah, I remember first day out there, no helmet, had to share helmets with with one of the guys that was just sitting on the sideline. Kind of picked my first one-on-one, and uh, and that's really it from there. You know, I I uh we got pads shortly sometime after that, and you know, season rolls around. I do good in practice, you know. I we have uh we have scrimmages, I do well in the scrimmages, and you know, I'm like one or two on the depth chart, something like that. And uh uh or actually I'm I think I'm still running with the threes. I'm I'm running with the threes, kind of same similar situations when I was in Charleston. And man, it felt so good to be playing again. It felt so good. It it was a lot different though, because at this point, because of my experiences at GMC, my personal experiences at GMC, I was super removed from my teammates. I I did not want to get involved with my teammates really at all. That first year I lived in the dorm, but I didn't really go out a lot. I stayed in my dorm, stayed to myself. I just talked to my girlfriend at the time, and you know, that was really it. I I would go to the calf, I would go work out for mandatory workouts and sometimes do my own workouts and uh go to the field sometimes before sometimes. Like if we didn't have practice in the morning, sometimes I would go then, or sometimes I would go uh kind of in the middle of the day, just do something quick, um, just to work on certain specific skills slash movements. But I was very reserved. I didn't I didn't bond well at all um because I I didn't want to I didn't want to want to fall into the same traps I had just fallen into. At at Charleston, I didn't want to because I was still smoking at the time. Let me let me let me also insert that in. During the time I was at GMC, they were also doing random drug testing. I was still smoking. At first, I was just smoking, I smoked black and miles, which ew, I know that's disgusting. I was smoking black and miles at first, but then when I realized they weren't really gonna test us because we weren't actually on the football team, boy, I started blowing down. At Morehouse, I was still smoking weed, but I kept that to myself because I didn't want that to become another thing where now other people are are involved, and you know, I'm kind of bringing them into this thing that I'm doing. So yeah, I don't know if that's a valid reason to not bond with my teammates and not get close to anybody and not really seek relationship, but it would have helped, especially being the new guy. You know, I was like, I literally just came in off the streets, nobody knew who I was, and here I am, you know, with a spot on the team. And so I'm on the travel list, even though I wasn't playing those first few games. Um, I'm trying to remember who was above me. Um I can't remember. I can't remember who was above me. But did I play the first five games or the last five games? I I think I played the last five games. So I do remember I played in the Clark Atlanta game, and that was our rival. We ended up beating them. Uh, had a pass breakup on a deep ball, saved a touchdown. And I remember, bro, uh this one and again, this is this is part of my um, I guess my lack of respect for D2 athletes because I remember well, it's it wasn't really a lack of respect. I guess it was just my lack of awareness of of who I was who I was guarding. I remember I I uh it was on another early in the game. It was probably like a um, it was behind the shoulder ball, and I'm in coverage, and dude gets his hands on the ball, and I'm over here. I I I stab I stab the ball and try to rip through his hands, and it feels like I'm holding on to to iron. Like it's like this man's hands are are made of concrete and like they literally did not did not budge at all. And I was like, wow, this this dude is uh this dude this dude is different, or maybe I'm just not strong enough. Maybe I'm just not strong enough. Either one, or or maybe both. Uh maybe he was strong and and I just wasn't strong enough. Or yeah, whatever. But uh but the first season, it was cool. I I learned a lot. I made I did make a lot of mistakes, uh, because at that point, that's that's my so we had we had the fall and spring, fall of 2017, played in the season, started spring of 2018 was my exit from Charleston. Spring of 2019, I was playing at GMC for that span of a few months, and then fall of 2019, I'm playing again. So fall of 2019, I hadn't played in an actual football game, like an actual football game, not not seven on seven, because the thing is also me and my friends would do seven on sevens, like it in the summertime. We we would always do seven on sevens, and so seven on seven is a lot different from actual football, it's a lot different, and that may be obvious, but putting pads on changes things, also having 11 people on the field changes things. So all that stuff you do in seven on seven, it's cool, but you have to make sure it's actually transferring to what's going to be done in the game. So first time in a real and and again, this that's not to say that I was just doing nothing and I wasn't training and I wasn't preparing myself, but I'm just stating the reality that it's there's not I don't know really what you can do to mimic game play other than gameplay. You can't like practice, practice, yeah, obviously, but by yourself, you can't really mimic playing in a game, and that's mainly what I had a lot of it's just time by myself. And so, you know, even though I'm I'm staying in shape, I'm I'm doing my drills and everything, I'm getting in the gym. It's not, it didn't prepare me the way I had thought. And working on certain technique things, like my coach had a certain technique he wanted to do, I had no idea. So all up to that time, I'm practicing the technique that I've been doing for years. And so having to adjust to that was difficult. And it was a it was great technique and everything. My coach Saeed Lee, he he was a great coach, probably one of the best coaches I've ever had. Uh, probably I think outside of Coach James, Coach Carrington, uh Coach Coach Lee is is right there on on the on that list for like 1A, 1A, 1B, 1C uh best coaches. Great coach. And uh, but it was just different for me. It was just different, and it was hard for me to adjust. And I think just being out of the game for so long, I was just rusty and just my game awareness just wasn't there. And I I just it was just a whole nother world. It was just like coming, coming back to something. It it was like it was almost like when people wake up from a coma and then you have to like relearn certain things because you've just been out of it for so long. And I don't want to I I don't know what it's like to be in a coma literally, but that's what I can compare. That's what I'm comparing it to because I I don't know what other comparison I could draw that would get the point across. It was just like I was learning how to walk again. So it was tough. But overall, first season wasn't bad. I actually was was decently good. I got a scholarship from got I I got a scholarship which covered which covered the rest of, or not the rest of, I think it covered about half of what I was paying out of pocket. So I think it covered probably like two, two and a half thousand dollars, something like that. But it was it was a good good good amount of money, which obviously any amount would have helped. Um, but but yeah, so that that happened. Um, got a scholarship, super excited about that, and obviously, stipulation like, yeah, you know, if you do better, then next year we can talk about getting you maybe a half or more of a partial or full scholarship, depending on your impact, things like that. And I'm like, okay, that's great. So uh fast forward now it's the springtime. And so we we've had you know our spring workouts, we're doing our spring training, spring conditioning, having our spring meetings. I ever we're doing all the things, right? And uh I asked my coach, I'm like, hey, you know, can I play receiver? Like, is that is that cool? Can I can I just go try to switch to receiver? And he's like, Yeah, sure. Um, you know, I talked to the uh receiver coach, he was fine with it. Talked to the uh offensive coordinator, he was fine with it too. Uh spent the spring with the receivers in the in the offensive film room trying to learn the playbook, things like that. And we were getting ready for it, it goes decently. I the playbook was very difficult for me to learn, very difficult for me to learn. I still don't really get it. I don't even think I have it, but I I don't even know where it would be at. I may have thrown it away at some point, probably did. But uh, but so we are we have like a uh our last spring practice before we're have a spring game. So we're gonna have a spring break and then come back and have a spring game. Well, that never happened after spring break or during spring break. Actually, COVID was like doing its rounds on the country.

— COVID, faith, and losing the love for football

SPEAKER_00 1:09:18

All the other schools in our conference are uh canceling school and telling folks to stay home. And our school is like one of the last ones. And I'm like, I'm talking to my mom, I'm like, yo, like what are you what are y'all doing at Spellman? And she's like, hey, go get your stuff from that dorm because you're not going back. Sure enough, I go get my stuff, and uh I think other people are clearing their stuff up at stuff at that time from the dorm, but probably a couple of days after that, they're like, Yeah, we're gonna organize times for people to come get their stuff from the dorm, but we're not we're not coming back to campus for the for the spring. And so that was like a big whoa, what in the world? That's weird. And so, but but at that time, we we thought COVID would just be done in a few months, or at least I did. So I'm like, I'm like, yeah, okay, well, we didn't get to practice spring. This will just give me more time to practice, more time to get better on on offense, learn the playbook, things like that. So the summer rolls around. I've been working out all summer, staying in shape, working out with with the guys. COVID's still going on. They cancels, they cancel the the fall semester in person. And so now we transition to online classes. I'm like, okay, what the heck is going on? This is weird. Uh fast forward again. Now it's 2020. Spring semester is canceled again, still in person. And and so like, but well, let me rewind also. After we left campus, spring of 2019, I started a one-year Bible reading plan in the spring of 2019, shortly after I moved my stuff out of the dorm back into the house. Started a one-year Bible plan, and that's important to know. So, fast forward again, spring 2019, fall 2019, spring 2020, school still out. By this time, I had I had finished my one-year Bible plan. You know, I'm still smoking, doing all this other stuff, but I'm doing it with the conviction of what I've now kind of gained along this new journey that I've started. And then fall of 2020, we're still out of school. But now it's starting to kind of clear things are starting to clear up a little bit. I think some schools actually, I think some high schools were starting to go back. Like if you got the vaccine, or I probably shouldn't say that, if you got the if you got the shot, then you I think you were allowed to go back on campus, or you could go back. I think high schools were mandating that that kids got their shots so they could go back on campus in fall of 2020. Or I think the same thing was true for we didn't do in person at all, I don't believe, at Morehouse. Uh fall, everything was still canceled in the fall, but it was hope we were hoping that things would clear up by the springtime. So spring 2021 comes by. Uh things seem like they're back to normal. We you got to get your shots and everything, and if not, you gotta get a like some type of exemption, religious exemption, which is what I did. So we're back in the spring. I'm playing corner, receiver is a thing of the past, and uh you know, we go through spring and it's just not the same. It is a drag. I'm dreading every moment spent in meetings, spent in practice, workouts, or lifts. I mean, and it was because I was a Christian now. I wanted to spend all my time doing that. I didn't want to spend another second than I had to doing anything else. And also one thing that probably affected this was I lived off campus. I lived in an apartment because I mean at this time it's like the dorms are still like it's COVID. So some people are living in a dorm, but uh I was living off campus, and so I would have to drive about you know 15 and sometimes maybe 20 minutes to or actually it did just depend on traffic. I'll have to drive like maybe 10-15 minutes, I don't even remember. But I would literally spend all day doing just reading the Bible, doing Bible studies, praying, all that stuff. And at this time we were having a lot of our meetings online, but they would try to have them in person whenever possible, obviously, because they want to be in person. But that it it affected my spring greatly. I I didn't really I don't think I gave as much effort as I did had in the past. I just football wasn't a priority for me anymore. And you know, I've said this before, but just the the team dynamics and everything, it just wasn't I just wasn't wit willing to put my body on the line anymore. I just wasn't before, yeah, I was willing, but now I wasn't willing. And I'm not the new guy anymore. I I had been here for a while, people have seen my face, they know my name and everything. And uh and I had became better about being vocal. I had became better about kind of being ingrained ingrained into the team more and not being kind of a weirdo and a loner. But I just realized I didn't love football the way I used to. I I I questioned honestly if I ever even loved football in the first place. And it was hard experiencing that because this was the one thing I had devoted my life to, and all of a sudden, it's just my my passion for the passion for

— Walking away from the sport

SPEAKER_00 1:14:17

it is gone. And uh so spring ends, you know, we have exit meetings with our with our position coach. And I I told my coach straight up, I was like, Coach, I ain't gonna lie. I I just don't oh he actually asked me a question. He said, Do you feel like you're more of an do you think you're more of an asset or liability? And I said, liability. And I said, Liability because my head's just not there. I don't I don't want to continue playing knowing how I feel, and you know, cost our team because I'm not I'm not locked in with everybody else and I'm not on the same page. So, you know, I'm sure he appreciated the honesty and transparency. And I told him, I was like, you know, there's there's really nothing. I think he may have asked, is there anything like that that can change that? And I said, no, it it's not. It's just this is just the journey I'm on. And so obviously, I'm sure that was bittersweet because I'm I'm it probably helped him to clarify his roster spots and figure out, you know, going into the fall who he has and who can who he can count on, but also maybe slut because I knew I was one of the bigger guys, I knew my potential was there, but it just I mean, potential versus passion. I mean, I feel like if the passion isn't there, potential is meaningless because I wasn't sitting there, I I wasn't gonna keep continue doing something that I did not enjoy doing. When I when I did have something I did enjoy doing, and luckily, what another motivating factor was the money. I I'm I wouldn't have a lot of scholarship money tied into tied into me playing or me staying. So that was another motivating factor for me to leave. And I remember talking to my head coach about the same conversation I had with my position coach and just telling him what was going on, and he understood, and but he said he was like, Yeah, you know, we're gonna have to remove your scholarship. I said, Coach, you know, I know. And and they did, which I mean obviously makes sense. I'm not not upset about that or anything, because I would too. And so yeah, that that was the end of it. That was the spring of 2021, and and it was very relieving. Well, I would say it was twofold. It was relieving, but it was also it was also very it was also stressful coming to that decision because I was so worried about what my life would look like without football. I really was. Um, my grades were good at Morehouse at this time. You know, I'm doing um my grades are doing better than than what they were at Charleston, a lot better. Nothing could really be worse than that. I actually care about my grades and what I'm doing, my attentiveness and things like that. But it was it was just difficult knowing, not knowing what was on the other side. And that really affected me greatly. I remember praying, I remember praying at some point that you know God removed things that are taking me away from him. And I felt as if he was allowing me to experience that desire to move away from football because it was ultimately going to take me away from him. Because if you've been around a football environment, you you know how it is, man. It's and and this is not a knock on the sport. I wish it was a little bit different, but it's just the nature of the game having or the need to be more rough, the need to be more tough, the need to be more resilient and kind of have this fiery energy. That doesn't mean you need to cuss and do all this other kind of stuff and act crazy. It's I think that's just an unfortunate byproduct of the situation. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. I just think it is what it is. I was trying hard to control my language at the time, and that was just not that was not helping at all. But and it's like, oh well, yeah, Jalen, have some self-control. Well, yeah, that's easy to say, but then when you get around people who are just saying all kinds of stuff, that kind of like you have to be really strong to not do that. So uh, and I wasn't strong at the time, but on the other hand, it was an enjoyable moment because I had already emotionally detached myself from this thing and being able to physically detach and and like wholly remove that part of myself, it was relieving because now I can kind of I get to experience life outside of sports for the first time. And although it was like taking a step out and expecting steps to be there, the steps came. I just didn't know when or what they would look

— Finding a better fit through track

SPEAKER_00 1:18:34

like. And so this is how running track came into the picture because I went out that spring, I was going to some of the meetings for track, and then it just kind of got to a certain point where I stopped because we were practicing a lot. I know I've told some of the story about my experiences uh with track my senior year. This was my junior year, and it was already a lot. I just backed out, it was too much. But then my senior year, I came back and I was I I reached out to the coach in the fall because track starts in the spring. I reached out to the coach in the fall. He got me coordinated with the schedules for conditioning practices, and and I did the whole thing, I did all of it, you know, because I wanted to still stay fit, and I thought track would be a better fit for me at that point because I was already on my kind of individual journey, and track is more of an individual sport, so I thought that would be a good fit and had already run track before. I didn't run track until my my the summer after I graduated. That was summer of 2017, so this was now 2023, my senior year. That's six years. I hadn't ran track in six years. I hadn't run an official track meet, put on the track uniform in six years, and so but it was a lot better. It was the track is more free-flowing, it's more controlled chaos. The practices, the teams are a lot smaller typically. And so I thought that aligned with who I was at that point in my life. I it didn't seem to conflict with my new and growing Christian identity, and it was just more smooth. Football is more rough, kind of jagged around the edges. At least that's what it that's what it felt like to me. And track was more smooth. And although I had a bad training and and kind of coaching experiences, although my coaches were great, but the experiences of the coaching we received as a team and I received individually, they were not great. That was a great experience being able to kind of end my career off that way, running track, you know, the sport that I had loved and and you know, growing up and getting back to it. Although I had high ex super high expectations for myself and did not nearly meet them, it was still great being a part of one last locker room, being a part of a group of guys that were that were well-rounded, that were highly intelligent. All my Morehouse brothers are intelligent. But being around them and and getting to see the side of sports and track that I wish I could have seen earlier, to be honest with you. Track was so fun, and it I think it was just the people who made it that way. Like I said, football attracts a specific type of person, like stereotypically. Obviously, there's people that are outside of that mold, and track does as well. And I felt like where I was, I just wasn't I I kind of wanted that more for myself, that more smooth around the edgesness. It kind of had it was more peaceful. And in track, you don't have to have meetings all the time. I hated meetings at that point. Oh my gosh, I hated. You got a special teams meeting, you got a position meeting, you got a defensive meeting, then you got team meetings. Like, bro, that's that's over four hours, literally just meetings. That's not even including practice or anything else. Track is just like we got a pre-practice meeting, and then sometimes we would have a little meeting after practice, and that's it. And then you just practice and then you know, that move on. So I love that experience. It it didn't it didn't nearly seem to take as much time. I will say it helped me to, I don't know if it helped me gain more peace uh because of the way I ended my career, like just with that, like literally having such high expectations and kind of getting smacked in the face with them. I don't think it gave me peace in that sense. I think it did allow me to kind of still go out how I want how I wanted to go out. I still was able to do something. Like, although I didn't want to play football, I was like, okay, well, I can still run track. So I think in that point, and that from that point it did. But overall, I I wouldn't trade my experience for anything. I wouldn't be where I'm at today without these things, and I wouldn't know what I know now or how to approach life or how to approach sports without learning what I know now. I wouldn't be able to coach athletes the way I have and the way I do and the way I will in the future without my experiences. I won't be able to impact the game in the way that I want to without going through these things.

— What failure, freedom, and second chances taught me

SPEAKER_00 1:23:00

I wouldn't be able to see life through the lens that I do without going through these things. I wouldn't be able to be grateful for where I stand today without going through what I did. Because I reached the lowest of lows, in my opinion, specifically sports wise, or really life. When I failed out of Charleston, when I got suspended, I thought my life, my life, forget the athletics for a second. I thought my life was over. I thought I had royally screwed up and that I would just be just I I don't I didn't I don't even know. I just thought it was over for me. And the turning point was realizing there was a second opportunity. I could go to GMC and whatever happened after that, you know, that that would be what I made of it. But knowing that there was a way, I would just have to work my tail off and learn and be attentive, be detail-oriented, hard work hard, not just at sports, but at life, at grades, build valuable relationships, stop smoking so much. That was a turning point, knowing there was hope. And what that taught me was that the things that make you feel free, like drugs, they actually put you in a prison because they make you dependent on them to feel a certain way. It taught me about influence, the influence of other people. Although we are our own people, bad company corrupts good character. Period. There's no there's no getting around it. You can be try to be as good as you want to be. If you're hanging around people who don't want to be good, what do you think is gonna happen? You're not gonna be good. It's taught me that I've learned about our physical environment and how our physical environment affects our mental and our emotional environment, and that even something as simple as sunlight, even something as simple as loving relationships, that can turn your whole world upside down. The presence or the lack thereof, it has a big impact on the way that you feel and on your future. And it's taught me that that freedom needs to be stewarded well. Uh, you need to understand what freedom really is. What is freedom for one person may not be freedom for another. Freedom is very subjective because it has we have different ideas of what it means to be free. But I I have learned so much, and I'm sure there's stuff I'm forgetting. I I know this has been a long episode, but my reason for for having this conversation is because I want you all to know exactly where I came from. I I want you all to know that although I talk about the things that I would change, I want you all to know the my full story because it may give you context into why I say some of the things I do. It may give you context into how I would even think to say some of the things that I do on here. But I I just want my story to be very clear with everyone who watches this podcast because I'm so grateful. I I think I'm able to be so grateful now because I was in a point where I was un I was so ungrateful. And my lack of gratitude led to me squandering an opportunity that changed my life. And, you know, had it gone better, it would have changed my life for the better. But I squandered it and it ended up changing my life in the way that you see today, in the way that you hear right now. And so, man, my advice to a freshman athlete, my advice to the athlete who is squandering opportunities right now, my my advice to an athlete on academic probation, my advice to an athlete who's kind of getting their stuff back together, who was on that JUCO grind, whatever,

— Advice for athletes rebuilding their lives

SPEAKER_00 1:26:46

my advice is to number one, honestly, find God, really, truth, truly, because when you in the process of doing that, I believe the things that you don't really need to be doing in life long term will start to slowly but surely be weeded out of your life. Whether that be playing sports, whether that be an addiction that you have, mine was weed, whether that be uh relationships, you might have a relationship with a girl, a boy, you might have relationships with certain types of friends that are leading you in the wrong direction. You might have certain character traits that you need to get rid of that are hindering your growth and your development as an athlete and as a person overall. Finding God will help you get to where you need to be truly. And when I say God, I mean Jesus. The second thing I would say is that it's not over till it's over. It's only over if you allow it to be over. There's there's always a way to do something, and this that's not to say that there's always a way to help you get back to the original position you were in, but there is a way to get uh back into a position where life is manageable. Again, life is enjoyable again. Now, depending on how you get to that lower point where you're trying to figure out how to get back to a to the higher point, the methods of getting to a better place are going to be different depending on how you got there and potential bridges you burned and you know relationships you squandered and the types of opportunities you you ruined. But it's not over until it's over. You can you can't always control the outcome, but you can control the effort. And I would be willing to say 100% of the time of you giving 100% effort, the outcome will be something desirable. I'll be willing to bet money on that. If you give 100% out uh effort, you you don't know the outcome, but I bet you it's gonna be something good. I bet you it's gonna be something good. The third thing is good things take time. Okay? Good things take time. I I'm the type of person where if I put in work today, I want to see the fruits of my labor tomorrow. Maybe not even, maybe not even tomorrow, before the day's over with. I want to see the fruits of my labor instantly. Well, life's not like that. If you plant fruit in the ground or plant a vegetable in the ground tomorrow, you're not gonna see see it grow for at least a couple weeks. That's just not how it works. It has to develop roots. It has to the foundation has to be built first before you're able to start building stuff on top of it. So don't neglect the seasons where you build that foundation. Don't neglect the seasons where the roots are spreading. Don't neglect the seasons where you are doing things in the dark that nobody can see and you're not receiving recognition for it. Don't neglect that. Because what's gonna happen if you do, when you get in the light, you're gonna get exposed. You're not gonna be ready for the opportunity. And that's not to say you're gonna do terrible, but you're not gonna exceed expectations. You're not really gonna wow people. But what's gonna happen if you prepare? Man, once you get that opportunity, people gonna people are gonna act like you're an overnight success. And to them, it's gonna look like overnight because one day you're gonna be here, the next day you're gonna be there. But to you, you'll know, nah, nah, I've been putting in that work. I've been grinding, I've been working, I've been sacrificing. I've been working, I have been, I have been running religiously, I have been practicing, I have been meditating, I have been studying, I have been devoting my life to the pursuit of better 1% at a time, one day at a time, one step at a time. I'm not looking at the result, what the result is gonna be a month from now. I am, but just very, very lightly. I'm just kind of looking at my peripherals. What I am focused on is what the next 10 steps is gonna look like. Imagine, imagine if I'm if I'm running a mile, right? And and I'm starting to get tired. It just started, I'm I'm probably 400 meters in, a mile or 1600 meters. Imagine I'm 400 meters in and I'm like, ooh, man, my breathing's starting to pick up, my legs getting kind of heavy, my back's starting to tighten up a little bit. Man, I got 1200 meters to go. If I start thinking about the 1200 meters, guess what? It's gonna be more, it's gonna be more likely that the run becomes more difficult, or I am more likely to quit because I'm looking at I'm looking at how much I have left, or I'm looking at the more difficult part. Instead, nah, I'm I'm good. I'm just let me make it 10 more steps. Let me make it five more steps, let me make it another 100 meters. And guess what? You go 100 meters at a time, 100 meters at a time. And before you know it, you're all the way at the finish line. You you ran the mile. You have to eat an elephant one bite at a time. Take it one step at a time. You can't think about the whole elephant and say, man, how I'm gonna put this elephant in my mouth and eat it. No, you it's gonna take time. You gotta bite. Then guess what? You gotta chew. Then when you chew, you gotta swallow. And once you once you eat enough, you gotta take time to rest. And then you gotta get back at it. So it takes time. Whether is that three things? Find God, and it's not over till it's over. I would say the third thing would be effort. Uh, you can't control the outcome, but you can't control effort. And then number four and lastly, it takes time. Take your time, don't rush things, don't rush the process, enjoy the process, trust the process, fall in love with the process. Because if you fall in love with outcomes, you're gonna you're gonna reach a certain level of outcome and you're it's not gonna be enjoyable because it it's just a a momentary, it's just a point in time. It's just a it's just a blip. But if you fall in love with the process, the outcomes are are just the cherry on the top because the process can be repeated over and over again. You can tweak the process, you can repeat the process, you can throw the process away and start a completely different process. And in that, in that journey, you'll get to see all the different outcomes resulting from that. Before we get out of here, the biggest takeaway from today's conversation is this your opportunity is not something you can afford to treat casually.

— Final takeaway: Protect your opportunity

SPEAKER_00 1:33:08

Talent can open the door, but maturity, discipline, focus, relationships, and the people you surround yourself with determine whether you are prepared to walk through it and stay there. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn is that you can lose ground in your career long before you realize how far you've drifted. It can start with one bad habit, one wrong circle, one missed class, one skipped assignment, one lazy practice, or one season, whether it's in sports or one season in life where you stop treating the opportunity like it matters. Whether we're talking about the college experience, trying to rebuild an opportunity you lost, or what it means to find another path after things don't go the way you plan, the bigger conversation always comes back to the athlete experience. Athletes still need guidance, perspective, and people who understand what it feels like from the inside. This conversation is about learning from your mistakes, taking ownership of the choices that cost you, and being honest about what it looks like to rebuild after you lose an opportunity. It's about second chances, but it's also about understanding that second chances don't always come around. So if another athlete can learn from my story before they fall into the wrong habits, surround themselves with the wrong people, neglect their development, or lose an opportunity they may not get back, this episode is worth having. This then this conversation is worth having. But before we leave the locker room, make sure you're subscribed and locked in for the next episode. If this conversation gave you something to think about, comment your thoughts and share it with another athlete. And remember, the game changed, but your story is still being written. Take care and God bless.