Psst Who Cooked this

If you’ve ever walked into a house and instantly decided, “Yeah, I’m not eating here,” you already understand the core truth we talk through today: cleanliness is a signal. We start with a simple moment that turns into a full reality check, shampooing carpet and seeing just how much dirt hides in plain sight when you’ve got kids, pets, and everyday life moving fast.

From there, we get into the stories that make your skin crawl for a reason: stepping into a relative’s place and seeing roaches active during the day, opening cabinets, and realizing how quickly “being polite” turns into “I’m not touching anything.” That leads to the bigger conversation about why people ask “Who cooked this?” at gatherings and how personal hygiene, pet hair, odors, and kitchen habits shape whether anyone trusts the food.

We also talk pet boundaries without sugarcoating it: dogs on couches, dogs in kitchens, and the deal-breaker topic of pets sleeping in the bed. Then we get honest about what happens when pests get involved, especially fleas, the money you end up spending, and why desperate choices can backfire. Along the way, we share practical mindset takeaways about routines, laundry, bedding, and the small habits that turn into big problems.

Subscribe for more real-life stories and unfiltered takes, share this with the friend who always “knows a spot,” and leave a review and a comment with your number one nonnegotiable rule before you eat at someone’s house. What instantly makes you say no?

Transcript

Cold Open And Welcome

SPEAKER_01 0:14

I'm dead. And we back again. I mean, when you hear that intro, you know what time it is. I mean. Hey. So welcome to Fourth Eppers Only. Today's episode. Who could this? Man, shit. If you know, you know. If you don't, you don't. The reason why this topic came up, I'm gonna go ahead and be honest. You know, I was cleaning my house the other day, you know, shampooing carpets, vacuuming. And I was disgusted by how much dirt was in my own carpet. I'm gonna give y'all some background story. I got a dog. My dog kind of old now. He's about, I think, Tux, how old are you? Eight, nine, nine years old. So you know he's getting

Dog Pee Sparks A Deep Clean

SPEAKER_01 1:20

up there in age. So he decided, because somebody didn't pay attention, then he decided to take a piss on my stairs. So I was like, you know what? I'm down here doing shit. I'm down here loading a dishwasher. Hey, can you go, you know, get up to pee? So I walked my butt. So I got done doing whatever I was doing downstairs. I decided to walk up the stairs, right? The lights are off now, and I got beige carpet. I see, I'm talking about it's it's dark, dark when you get up my stairs. I look at my carpet, I see one light square, and everything else dark. What the fuck is this? I have gotten to the point where sometimes I've I have realized my kids will never care until they in their own shit. I mean that's understandable. And I and I'm gonna be that that that daddy, that parent, don't tell them now. That's going to fuck up their house the same way they fucked up my use all the motherfucking toilet paper, use up all I mean, use up all the paper tiles on bullshit, tie up the trash, leave by the trash can, two, three bags. Just stupid shit. Just like leave it half drunk. I'm gonna I'm gonna take like six bottles of water, half drink them, and go from there. Petty? Yes, but it's necessary. Get back to motherfucker. I can't fucking wait. But so I ended up having to shampoo my carpets, the rest of them. And I know I've been slacking. I ain't did it in like three months, and that shit came out looking dark. I was like, oh my god. But it has to be done. It's one of the mandatory things that I usually try to do once a month or once every other month. Just to make sure my beige carpet stays pristine. It feels a lot better when you're in that type of atmosphere. So I'm gonna give y'all a little bit of background story. Another story that happened to me when I went over one of my cousins' house. Because I tell my kids all the time, people will judge you based off what you live like. Remember that. People will judge you based off what you live like. And it's a true story. Because I I mean, I went over my cousin's house one day. I like I ain't this the first time I've actually been inside.

The Roaches Were Out At Noon

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Because I, you know, I just he just invited me in, we would drink. I said, hey bro, shit, because usually I'm gonna go ahead and be honest. We in the country, so shit, I'm over his house, we chilling. So I, you know, go to the woods, grab a tree, and just handle business. I decided to take one day, go in the house and just he, I think he invited me in. Man, I'm standing in the middle of the goddamn room looking around, afraid to touch anything. Bro, why the roaches out during the dark the during the daylight? Damn, he might uh he said, hey bro, you want something like like I ain't even gonna I'm not gonna hold you because he had the TV screen on, you know what I mean? And I see a roach crawl through like the big box TV, and I'm like, I ain't never seen no roach crawl through. And no, it was not one of them big water bugs. It's not a big water bug. You know what I know y'all talking about? The big water bugs that if it crawl on the wall, you watch it with your eyes, and if that motherfucker and damn near you damn near think you done lost your life because somebody, you think somebody about to try to attack you? It wasn't one of them, it was them American roaches, roaches. Them nasty motherfuckers, a motherfucker that makes you itch when you think about them. So he might have opened the motherfucking cabinet. Talking about some bro, you want something some water. Nigga, you ain't got no water bottle. See, I'm scared to drink. I'm scared if the roaches out during the daytime, nigga, it's it's 12 o'clock in the afternoon. What the fuck the roaches are already doing out? I thought they only came out at night. I ain't never seen nothing out during the daytime. This shit making me itch thinking about the shit. Oh my god. So yeah, I'm fucking itching, man. I mean, this shit makes me itch for real. So he might have said, hey da da da. This is what, hey, you want a cup of water? Cool, no problem. I'm like, eh, I don't know. Bro, that shit. Next thing though, he opened a cabinet. Why the roach is got down screwing, and you can see little roach dropping in the cabinet, like the creases. Nah, bro, I'm straight. Bro, you can sit down. Nah, bro. I'm good. All in my mind they said, bro. If I if I sit down and I feel like motherfuckers climb up, climb on my shoulder, talking about something, what's up, bro? This your first time here. Shit. He just our roommate. We we own this spot. We play rent here. Man, I'll be scared shitless. But I would have I had to explain to my my kids and my sons. I ain't got OCD. I just don't want to live in filth. Like, like, I I'll give you another example. I remember growing up one day, and my cousin, you know, he he he he a little off. He a little he was in the BD classes, you know what I mean? Shout but shouted. So we were just talking, kicking the booboo, blah blah blah. Woot woo-woot woot. Bro, why he got like, you you go in his room, he got like the different stages of McDonald's bags left over. Like, I'm like, bro, you ain't gonna throw them away? Oh, I will eventually. Then he got like like like he that one cousin that that chain smoked like cigarettes and drinks. So he his his his personal body odor is Newport 100s and Paul Mason. I mean that's his normal body odor. If you don't know what Paul is, it's that bottom shelf looker. It's them old, it's it's that old head that that neighborhood drunk that sit at the goddamn corner stove drinking Paul. It's it's spelled Paul, but most country folk call it that Paul. Boy, that boy drinking that Paul Mason. But yeah, so I'm trying to explain to my kids that whoever comes over your house judges you. And they don't and they and they fail to realize that. Or, you know, family can't go meet with other families and shit like that. Most people that I know will ask you two questions if you happen to get together. Who coming and who cooked this? The reason why they ask those questions is because they want to decide whether they're gonna eat it based on how you look, if you covered in dog hair, your body odor, your personal hygiene, and just what how you move. Because they feel like the way you the way you live or the way you carry yourself is the way you're gonna treat your kitchen and your food. And I've come to realize first thing people ask, do they got pets? Do they sleep in the bed with their pets? Do their pets be in the kitchen? For one, for me, bro, I lose my shit when my dog climbs on my couch. I don't know what the hell happened, but he ain't never climbed on no furniture until this year. What the fuck? You been around nine years, little motherfucker. Why the hell have are you are you sitting here getting on my motherfucking couch? And I gotta sit there, then I get up and I got all this motherfucking dog head shit, and your ass been outside rolling around in the fucking goddamn yard and shit. Now I'm gonna be up here itching like I've been playing football and sweating all day. I ain't got time for that because they be putting chemicals in the grasses and shit. But this is this is where like I can't, I'll go ahead and be honest. If a female tells me she sleeps, the bit dog sleeps in the bed with them, bro. That's an immediate flag on the play. Do not continue, do not pass go, do not collect $200. I will never deal with no motherfucking dog in the bed with me. I ain't got time for it. Uh-uh. Hell no. What the fuck? Uh uh no. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Because I tell y'all one bad incident that I had. So I had one out of town with my ex-wife. And I had came back in town, picked my dog up from a partner's house, but his dogs stay outside or they come into like the little little sunroom at night.

How Homes Shape Food Trust

SPEAKER_01 11:56

Brought him home. I'm thinking, because I we went to Florida. I'm thinking, I'm like, oh my god, why do my why is my feet on fire? What have I brought home from Florida that I can't get rid of? It wasn't even my partner's house. It was one of them nasty in the apartment complex that been spread in fleas. When I tell you, I think I bought about $120 worth of damn bug bombs, vinegar, shampooed my carpets, that that flea and tick spray, gave him 16 baths. It was so bad that like you could see, like, my feet and legs started swelling from all the bug bites on my legs. And I was like, oh my god, this shit is about to drive me crazy. Then fast forward. Last year. Um, no, it wasn't last year, it was two years ago. I had just moved over into my townhouse. And I was like, okay, I'm chill, lay back, blah blah blah. I'm enjoying my new spot. I got the fucking fleas again. Why know I put a bug bomb in each bedroom and set them bitches off?

SPEAKER_00 13:35

My mama gonna tell me, Jonathan, you know you can't use too many bug bombs, it'll blow out the windows.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Is that a real thing? Oh my god, man shit. No, so I I'm not a neat freak. When my homegirl tells me, well, my homegirls tell me, I'm bougie as fuck. I don't feel like I'm bougie. But based off of what, like these certain situations, like I literally did all that, shampooed the carpets. I ain't had no more issues. I'm gonna tell y'all a little secret. Don't tell nobody. I know I'm going to hell for this, but y'all will laugh y'all ass off at this one. When that last time when this damn dog got fleas, and I could see him all on his skin, all in his fur and shit.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

I sprayed him with raid.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

The flying insect raid. I ain't spray it in his face and shit. I just sprayed it on his on him like shh. Not no thick, like where it like when you get too close and it leave that little white film on there. I just missed it over it just to, you know, help help the process out or help help him out with getting fleas. I thought it was like, um, what's that shit called? Like uh bug spray for us. My mama talking about something, John. You trying to kill that damn dog.

Pets On Couches And In Beds

SPEAKER_01 15:05

I didn't know I couldn't spray him with fucking raid. I wasn't trying to spray it in his face. I wasn't trying to kill him. I was just trying to give it a helping hand, trying to help him get rid of it. That is the most bad shit that you can ever go through is when because that shit is like it if you don't get rid of some of them, you gotta it, they keep they they they they keep coming back. That shit is horrible. But back to why we don't eat at certain people's houses. That's the main issue. Like, I ain't got time to be eating no damn um, what's them things called? Them them them smacks. Y'all everybody know what the fuck smacks is, right? Them them them them little cereals that look like roaches. I be damned if I'm eating a bowl of smacks and I see a a roach that look like a a cereal and I feel like a crunch, a different kind of crunch from my cereal, man. I will lose my shit. Because like I like like my mama used to tell me, when you start seeing baby roaches, that means you got big roaches. I ain't got time for roaches, bro. That shit, that shit is nasty because I done seen too many fucking videos and shit online where the damn roach be got them eating at somebody's eyebrow, be all in somebody's ear. I ain't got time for it. I don't because I mean that shit'll make you that'll make anybody's skin crawl, especially somebody that's like like a germaphobe and shit. That's like okay, I'll give you another example. So where I live at now, it's white. Um, and I learned this from a uh old Colombian lady that you know in your in your way in, you gotta you gotta put down fabuloso to keep the bugs away. My mama told me the other day, talking about some this is the only house I know. When you walk up to it, your shit smells like game or fabuloso when you walk into the entryway, not even in the house yet. I'm sorry, shit. I don't, man. I used to have a fly problem so bad, it used to be like 12 or 13 flies just flying around and shit. Motherfuckers, you trying to swat this shit, trying to goddamn kill them, and them motherfuckers just got them and you knock the shit out your damn self because you trying you trying to get it the fuck away from your face. I I got problems. I ain't gonna lie, I got problems. I mean, y'all,

Fleas Bug Bombs And Raid Confession

SPEAKER_01 17:55

y'all, y'all over there laughing y'all ass off because y'all done probably did the same shit too. Cause y'all hear this look like y'all might be outside having a good old time. That motherfucker Nat got them fly past you. Knock that shit out your own self. It's a true story. That's like even when you sleep. Oh, okay. I'll tell y'all a funny story. I know I've been just dribbling dribbling y'all with funny stories all this fucking episode. I'm sorry. It is what it is. Man, I was deep in my fucking sleep. I don't know how the fuck. It's like my spidey senses went off. I'm talking about deep sleep. Man, I felt something crawl and I went like this and threw. Man, only thing you heard was on the other side of the fucking room. I said, oh my god, what the fuck was that? Man, I get up. It's one of them motherfucking flying fucking goddamn uh water bugs. Man, I went and tried to find a shooter, goddamn kill the bitch. Bitch disappeared. Next thing I know I cut off the cut off the lights, went to sleep, went like try to lay back down. Man, I was over there having nightmares about flying roaches. Man, next thing I know, I hear. Oh, hell no. I gotta find this little motherfucker here. Because nobody wants to be hit with the the damn big ass water bug that you think you're an attack of the fucking water bugs or some shit. Like I'm getting like I'm in the Amazon jungle, gets getting attacked by shit. Like my house just nasty. But nothing's funnier than when you're over somebody's house and you see when the motherfuckers crawl on the wall and them bitches take off flying at somebody. But hey, it is what it is. So I mean, I mean, we we live by three rules of thumb. How people's house look, how they clothes look, and how their cars look is what you base them off of. Cause like I'm real iffy uh stern about certain shit. That's like my kids gonna hate me about this. One of them, he has some gray sheets. I go into the laundry room, them motherfuckers tuck with mine. I'm like, I ain't had no goddamn light gray sheets. These ain't mine. I pick them bitches up, tell them why they light gray on the edges, right? And brown in the middle. Nigga, how long you been laying on this? Because that's nasty. How do you lay on this? Is it that you ain't been uh properly washing your ass? Is it because you ain't been bathing before you go to bed? Or you just just bucking the system and not taking baths for two or three days. And when you get older, you're gonna give somebody B V or

Fly Battles Water Bug Nightmares

SPEAKER_01 21:10

odor or smell. They might have to go get some of that. Uh what's that shit called, y'all? Tell them what it's called in my comments, man. Come on. Oh, I need y'all to help me out. So I've hit like 60,000 um views in the last what is it, three months. We just started this back in May. So um, we've hit like 3,200 subscribers. I know it's a lot of y'all follow me on different social medias and stuff. But help help a play out, help brother out. Um it'd be real fly if y'all can start leaving comments under each episode. Just tell them what y'all think about the episode. Tell them what y'all liked, tell me what you didn't like, tell them what you want to hear. I don't care. I just need the comments. Please, I beg of you. I'm not getting on my knees. I did that shit one time in my life. I ain't doing that shit no more. Shit ended out wrong. But help her play out. Because tell them what y'all want to hear. Tell them what y'all liked about the episode. Tell them what y'all disliked about the episode. Tell me if you're a stepper. Tell me how long you've been. What's your favorite episode? I don't care. Let's let's see if we can get on that that wonderful, uh, what is it called? Um, that back, that not the back page. Oh god. That shows you how old I am. Um, if y'all didn't know, the back page is one of them little pages where folks used to buy prostitutes off of, um, which was real sketch. Mm-hmm. Real sketch. This shit was like uh what was it? What was it like? Uh oh shit, I can't even think. It's like when you can, it was like the um the ad section for the newspaper that you could just skim through, pick out your asexual, whatever design. She

Comment Request And Wrap Up

SPEAKER_01 23:05

had a little pictures up here and shit. Well, y'all, y'all looking to catch an STD if y'all got them buying shit off the back page. I'm just letting you know, you nasty dick fuckers, you nasty hoo-ha heifers. I'm just letting you know. But hey, leave a comment. But that's all we got today for four steppers. Only we out. Hey.