03 Navigating The Hard Parts

We talk about how to stay calm and clear when family and friends react to unschooling with fear, criticism, and constant questions. We share the boundaries, language, and mindset that help us protect our choices, support our kids, and stay connected to the people we love. 

• fear as the driver behind “concern” and why steadiness matters 
• using research and lived clarity to reduce arguments 
• setting firm boundaries and refusing endless debate 
• handling a partner who is not on board and learning together 
• finding living proof through real homeschooling and unschooling families 
• recognizing that a snapshot of a child is not their trajectory 
• coaching kids with confident language when adults put them on the spot 
• talking about school without making it the enemy 
• letting children try school, watching what it gives and costs, then reassessing 
• remembering the goal is the child, not a method 

Transcript

Family Fear And Staying Grounded

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03. Navigating the hard parts. Fear makes people loud. Trust makes people quiet but steady. Be the steady one. Handling family pushback. People had a lot to say. Your children will be illiterate. They'll be socially awkward. Schools exist for a reason. You don't know the damage you're causing. It will be irreversible. I heard it all. And I want to be honest. It didn't feel good. These were people who loved my children. They weren't saying it to be cruel. They were saying it because they were scared, because it wasn't what they knew. My response was simple. I am not making this decision based on nothing. I have read, I have researched, I continue to learn every single day. This is not something I am taking lightly. Most people soften after that. Not because I convinced them, but because I was so grounded in my decision that there was nothing left to argue with. And for the ones who didn't soften, I got to a point where I simply said, this is not a conversation I am willing to have with you. Not out of anger, not to be difficult, but because at the end of the day, I am the parent. This is my decision to make. And I do not owe anyone a debate about my children. You don't either. You are allowed to be done with a conversation. You are allowed to stop explaining yourself. You are allowed to let your children be the answer, and they will be. Just give it time. Fear dressed up as concern is still fear. Stay rooted, stay clear, let your children become the answer. A few things that helped me. Come with your research, know why you're doing this, read the books, understand the philosophy. When you are grounded in knowledge, it is much harder for fear to shake you. Set a clear boundary. You don't have to be harsh about it, but you can be clear. Something like, I hear your concern and I understand it comes from love. And this is the path we are choosing for our family. I'm not looking for input on this decision. Stop over-explaining. The more you explain, the more it signals that you are not fully sure yourself. Say it once, say it clear, and then let it go. Let the time do the rest. Nothing will silence the critics faster than capable, confident, thriving children. That day will come. Hold on until it does.

When Your Partner Disagrees

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When your partner does not agree. Alex was not on board, not even a little. We argued about it more times than I can count. He thought I was making a mistake, that I was going to raise children who couldn't function in the world, that they needed school, a structure, a system. And I remember telling him something like, You go to work, I raise the children. You don't tell me how to do my job, I won't tell you how to do yours. I am not sharing that as advice. That is just how I handled it. Looking back, it was not graceful and it was not a strategy. It was a woman who believed deeply in something and did not know how to make peace about it with her partner yet. Not exactly a peaceful resolution. I also added, if Grayson gets to five to seven years old and is completely incompetent, we do it your way. We kept going. He kept questioning. I kept trusting what I felt in my bones. Then slowly, over time, he started to see it. He didn't just come around, he became one of the loudest voices for this life, sometimes louder than me. So what's my advice if your partner isn't on board? I don't have a clean answer for you. But here's what I know helps. Learn together. Don't just hand them a book and walk away. Watch a documentary together, listen to a podcast on a long drive. Make it a conversation, not a debate. Some people need to come to things in their own time and their own way. Find living proof. This was huge for us. When you can sit across from a real family, kids who are thriving, capable, confident, it hits differently than anything you can read. Seek out those families. Go to homeschool meetups. Get around people living this life. Let the children be the argument. Words won't convince anyone who has already decided they're skeptical, but watching your child read a sign they taught themselves, handle money with confidence, or take care of a sibling without being asked, that does something words never could. Give it a timeline if you need to. That's essentially what I did. Let's try this for this time frame. If it isn't working, we reassess. Taking the pressure of forever off the table can make a resistant partner more willing to watch and wait and keep going. Stay grounded in what you know. You do not need your partner to believe first. You need to believe first. When it's someone close, this is harder, and pretending it isn't would be dishonest.

Boundaries With Love And Responsibility

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When it is someone you love, someone your children love, the boundary feels higher stakes. You don't want to damage the relationship. You don't want your kids to lose their grandmother because she can't stop questioning your choices. Something that has helped me deeply and that I have studied and applied for years across relationships, parenting, and beyond is the work of the conscious leadership group. One of their core principles is taking 100% responsibility, not blame, responsibility. Asking yourself, what is mine here? What am I in control of? And what am I not? What you are responsible for is how you show up in the conversation. You're not in control of what your mother thinks, you're not in control of what your in-laws believe. You are not responsible for changing their minds. That means going direct, not venting to your sister about what your mother-in-law said, not building resentment and silence, but going straight to the person with candor and saying what is true for you, clearly and without attack. Something like, I hear that you're worried, I understand this is not what you know, and I need you to know that I have done my research. I am not taking this lightly, and continuing to question my decision is something I am no longer available for. I love you, I want you in our lives, and this topic is not open for discussion. This is not a wall, that is a boundary with love behind it. You can hold the relationship and hold your ground at the same time. That is the work.

When People Put Your Child On Spot

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When someone questions your child, there's a specific kind of moment that catches you off guard. Not when someone questions you directly, but when they go through your child. Someone asks them a simple question. Your child may answer it wrong or take longer than expected to respond. And from that one interaction, a story gets built about what your home looks like and what your child is or is not learning. What no one outside your home can see is the season your family is living in: grief, change, a new baby, starting over. There are periods that look structured and intentional, and periods where life takes the lead. Both are real, both are valid. A snapshot is not a trajectory. Here is what you can actually do. Prepare your children before those moments happen. Give them language they can use when someone puts them on the spot. Something like, I might not know everything you expect me to know because my education looks different. I learn in a way that is built around my life. Teach them that not knowing something in a moment is not the same as not being capable. Teach them that different is not less. Teach them to stand in their own story without shrinking. That is not a script that is confidence, and confidence will take them further than any answer they could have given on the spot.

Talking With Kids About Trying School

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Talking to your children about school. Your children will have questions. Friends go to school, cousins go to school, they see it everywhere, and eventually they will ask about it. Answer honestly, and do not make school the villain. We never spoke about school as something wrong. We spoke about it as one option among many. And when our children were curious, we let them try it. Three different times over the years, we said yes. The first time was in 2019. We had just opened a franchise restaurant and needed support. We found a small private unschooling school that felt aligned with our values. The kids attended until I came into my birthing window with our fourth child. Once I gave birth, I kept them home. Shortly after that, everything shut down and everyone was home anyway. The second time, the school had adopted a new curriculum and the environment had shifted. Within a few months, bullying became an ongoing issue. We brought it to the school twice. Both times we were told it was being handled. It was not. After the second conversation with no real resolution, we pulled them out. The school later admitted the child responsible had been the problem all along, but by then we were already gone. The third time was more recent. Two days a week, four months, a more academic-focused environment. The boys loved the social side of it. They were surfing in the mornings with their friends and walking to school together, and that was life for them. But after about two months, the academic stopped feeling worth it to them and they wanted out. I told them to finish their commitment, and they did. Three different experiences, three different outcomes. All of them taught us something. None of them changed what we were doing at home. This is what talking to your child about school actually looks like in practice. It is not one conversation. It is an ongoing openness to respond to the child in front of you. And when your child asks to try school themselves, that is not a crisis. It is not a sign that you have failed or that this path is not working. It is your child being curious about their world, which is exactly what you have been raising them to do. Start with curiosity. What is drawing them? The social piece, a specific subject, something a friend described. Understanding the why tells you more than the request itself. A child who wants to go because their best friend goes is telling you something different than a child who wants to go because they want more structure or a specific class. If they want to try it, let them try it without treating it as failure of everything you built. Go in with open eyes on both sides. Watch what it gives them. Watch what it costs them. Stay close enough to notice both. And if they love it, that is information too. Your job was never to protect them from school. Your job was always to stay present enough to respond to who they actually are. The goal was never unschooling, the goal was the child. It still is. Your children do not need to believe school is bad. They need to trust that you are paying attention to them. And if your home feels like a place where they are seen, included, and growing, they will gravitate towards that.