SPEAKER_01

A little ear like a little earring box that's perfect size for a goldfish.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that's cute.

SPEAKER_03

So I you got that close to a goldfish? Yeah. I can't even that get that close to a person.

SPEAKER_00

Well I can get way closer to insects and animals than people. I love animals.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Well you're close to an insect. Don't love.

SPEAKER_00

When I was a kid, I would talk to bugs all the time.

SPEAKER_03

Me too, because no one else was around.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. My dad was jerking off. My mom was trying to kill herself.

SPEAKER_04

The Jessica Cus.

SPEAKER_03

I don't feel seen. See, that's how it's gonna start. Get your dicks out. Yeah. That's exactly how I wanted to start the thing.

SPEAKER_01

And then we'll talk about sexual assault. Yeah. And then I go, put your dick back. That's kind of how our show goes, honestly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Your your podcast, I did it twice. I love it, but how how it's just all about like men and dicks and assault?

SPEAKER_01

Not as much. It's not as much about it's less men-centered now that we're older.

SPEAKER_03

Right. Thankfully.

SPEAKER_01

Thank God.

SPEAKER_03

Right. Because you don't you don't like them as much as you used to. Well, you probably never liked them. I know. You don't, I know.

SPEAKER_00

I did, unfortunately. I know. I still do.

SPEAKER_01

I like singular men. I as a group always had a a problem. I think I was gaslit by male comedians early on, though, that you know, we're just joking. We're just having fun. And I was like, I don't know that you are.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, why is your hand down my pants? What is this? Well, how is this a joke?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I then I came back to my original roots of just full out, not liking them as a group.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that makes sense. Are you dating now? Mm-hmm. Yeah. How's it going? Oh, you have a boyfriend. Yeah. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Oh, I I kept it off the internet this time. I thought that I was kind of looking at the variables and I was like, I think this is the issue. And so I kept it offline. Yeah. And I think that's a real key to success.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, you can't some things you cannot put out there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You have to have it for you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, do you guys get attacked the way I do sometimes? You have to.

SPEAKER_00

How do you get attacked?

SPEAKER_03

Oh my god. Minor, minor creative.

SPEAKER_01

The act curation I could really do without. Sometimes people like take me aside for a parent-teacher conference after a show, and I'm like, I'm eating I'm good on that.

SPEAKER_00

I really do go from zero to die uh with these kinds of messages. Yeah. So when you get a when you get like, oh my god, that bit that you said, like it really resonated. I'm like, oh yeah, and then the next DM is like, you should think about talking about this.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Bitch. I know. Isn't it weird? It is either the people love you, but we we all focus on the one. I know. Are you like that with crowds? I I love this. I could have a thousand people screaming, clapping, hitting their friends, and that one guy-I mean, there's more than one guy, but the one guy I noticed who's like arms crossed. I'm like, I can't stop thinking about it.

SPEAKER_01

I kind of like making people unhappy, so that does a little something for me, but I'm reading a book right now, and basically the internet is based off in part, or social media in part of what you just mentioned. So it's like a human condition. It is a genetic thing to pay attention to the negative over the positive, and social media in particular praise on that. So it makes sense that we're experiencing it in real time in showrooms, too.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's so interesting. Plus, I'm an like I'm a negative person. So it does also that adds and also that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So you rocks off harder to the bad comments.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01

So you're manifesting them in a way. If you're not getting bad comments, you're not doing your job. If everybody loves you, you are just like your vanilla.

SPEAKER_03

That's exactly what my stepbrother said to me years ago. He's like, if everyone likes you, you're only getting positive stuff, and like no one's complaining, it's not good. Like the more negative, the the more you're doing well.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

The more negative?

SPEAKER_01

Like if it's if it's like 80% negative, what are what's the stats that we're looking for?

SPEAKER_03

You only want one nice comment a day.

SPEAKER_01

I'm killing it.

SPEAKER_03

First of all, I don't comment unless it's like a funny video and be like, that's funny, or if someone's a disgusting person that's like, you know, gone viral, I'll comment. Um but I don't get it. Like being that crazy about someone.

SPEAKER_01

I don't I uh and I kind of do get being that crazy about someone, but I don't really try to contact them. Like I ran a Spice Girls newsletter for five years. I didn't, I was very respectful when I met Mel B, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Dyke. Yeah. She she's bi or something. Is she?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, she has she has had bisexual experiences for sure.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I'm not saying she's bi. I know she like made out with some. You're outing her on the show.

SPEAKER_01

No, I think she's like talked about it. I just don't know if that's how she like self-identifies now, but you know, yeah, she's definitely she's definitely into it.

SPEAKER_03

Did you know RuPaul is gay?

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

I didn't know if I was outing him.

SPEAKER_00

I love RuPaul. It'll take a while to get over that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. Are you shocked?

SPEAKER_00

Damn.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I mean, I I this this business is like people don't realize that we're in this because we have stuff going on. We have issues.

SPEAKER_00

And well, I feel like when part of your act on stage is mental illness, right? You're gonna get those people that feel so stable. Feeling seen and heard in the world as a whole is very difficult. And when you come across it, you if you're mentally stable, especially I mean I've been there, you cling to it for dear life. So I think that mentally unstable people feel so seen by your act. And um maybe they just feel like this I've never had anybody nail my inner world. I love that.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I really I that's why I do it. I love that. And they say a lot of that kind of stuff to us. I mean, have you w both of you? Like, what was your stuff growing up? Was it like more anxiety, depression? I love hearing about this because I have a clear answer to this, but oh, like the question you have what was wrong in your childhood.

SPEAKER_01

My I had a nice childhood. My all my stuff starts when I get to New York City at age 17. Really? Yeah, so I have you know, that's all the trauma all the trauma I brought upon myself. That's interesting. Yeah, my my parents did a bang up job. Any anything that I messed up, I did on my own.

SPEAKER_03

Why do you think? Because you just were on your own and like kind of went nutty.

SPEAKER_01

You know why? I mean, because I have a theory that growing up uh and having a nice childhood and having a safe home is lovely, but it does not give you a toolkit to deal with all the kinds of people you're going to be dealing in the world, especially if you are living in New York City and in the entertainment business. So, as you know, rough I as I am around the edges, I'm when people tell me something, I believe them. Because why would someone lie? There's no need to lie in this world. I like just like just lying to me is not, I don't even like it's little lies, of course. Yeah, yeah. But like a big lie, it's never even really crossed my mind to tell one because it honestly sounds like more of a pain in the ass. Yeah. To then remember that you told the lie and keep telling that lie. Like, I don't have the bandwidth to do that. I'm thinking about other things.

SPEAKER_03

What guy hurt you?

SPEAKER_00

That's why like everyone's lying, and I'm like, what? Yeah, yeah. You could tell me about like your very traumatic rape in the grocery store, and I'm like, yeah, cool, because I grew up with lies and trauma.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Yeah. You didn't grow up with I did, I grew up with some trauma. So you don't feel like you grew up with any trauma?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I'm I'm fully traumatized now from dealing with stand-up comedians for see. People don't realize that. Yeah, I mean, I am. It is, it's like sometimes, and and every now and then someone else with a nice childhood will find me in comedy and like they just know. Yeah. I literally had a comic and she's she got out. Uh, but walk off and she got out. She's married and has a girl and having a regular life now. She's jailed. Oh, but she got she literally came up to me and she was just like, You had a nice childhood. Like she had some kind of a vision. And I go, it's not, it's not at the time something I talked about in my act at all. Wasn't talking about it on the podcast. Hadn't even really realized it was like making me different in any way. And I was like, How did you know that? And she's like, You could just tell. And I and then she's like, and her question was the reason she brought it up was she's she was like, How are you, how can you be a comic? How can you deal with being in this environment? Yeah. And I was like, Yeah, it's a lot. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

I was yeah, it was very familiar to me when I started. I'm like, okay, basements, dark, yeah, bar people.

SPEAKER_01

You need a notebook. I didn't know.

SPEAKER_03

I grew up actually in the attic. This is true. And my and I and I'm Jewish. And yeah, it was I know. Right. I know. Yeah. Thank God the staircase was wider because I was a heavy kid. Do you had a window? Do you know I went to the Anne Frank house? I've told this story. I had a little window in Amsterdam, but I was a window. I got a little window. It was in my house. And then a little window. Um I no, I was at the Anne Frank, I was 21 and I smoked 480 joints. Like I was so fucked up.

SPEAKER_00

Maybe it was your ancestral trauma getting activated.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. It was, well, people kept sending saying get on the train. So it was very yeah, it was triggering. But anyway, so I went, I went to the Anne Frank house that high. Okay. I'm talking, I was at a smoke shop. I would have been bowling. I the staircase, I had to walk sideways up the staircase. It was Anne would have approved. It was like a Barbie house. I'm not even kidding. Like I felt like I was going out.

SPEAKER_04

Where's Ken? Is Ken here? And I got Barbie's hair. I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_03

Barbie's from the comics. Barney's Barney. Barney. Barbie housed from the city. Barney's there too. Yeah. Barbie's skinnier than usual. Anyway, so I I freaked out on the staircase, freaked out, and I threw like an Asian family down the stairs and ran out. I ran out of the house. Like I was like, I freaked out.

SPEAKER_00

Well, you know, they uh if you were like the one Jewish tourist in the house, they're probably like, yeah, it's okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Maybe they have like a protocol. Yeah, yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_00

Because I can't imagine like uh when I learned like like trauma lives in your DNA. Like that, that sucks. That sucks. When does it not?

SPEAKER_03

It's I don't think it I don't think it is away. I don't I don't think it goes away. That's it. You have to do I think it can, but you have to do a lot of work constantly, daily. I can't I'm done. I I'm like I'm I've accepted I've accepted. I quit.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

I'm too tired. I can't do that and live my life. So I'm just like, okay, I'm every day I'm gonna have dread and whatever, but I enjoy, you know, things. I just it's too much work. It's exhausting.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it is. To fight the dread, you're saying, or to like on your stuff.

SPEAKER_03

It's like, you know what? I've had stuff I've dealt everyone had like I just can't keep thinking about like my childhood and all cause. Like when it starts, I'm like, okay, where's the sandwich? I just yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Wait, what was your main childhood thing? Neglecting the thing.

SPEAKER_03

Um what? Neglect. So my mom was very like, let's talk about it. How are you feeling? And then my dad was like, they should have never been married. I mean, they they've said it, but they he was like Brooklyn macho, black and white, like come on, let's get it, you know, like real.

SPEAKER_01

That's so funny. That's your dad.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, he was that's the character I do. How you doing? What's going on? You know, he's not an Italian, but he was very like he was the funniest person I've ever met in my life. Literally, there's no comic that has ever made me laugh.

SPEAKER_01

That's how I feel about my dad.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, he'd say pull my finger and fart, or like all old school. Yeah, yeah. Or like go like this, and I would always look and he'd flick my, you know, or bark in a very fancy restaurant. He was crazy. You know, I'd follow him to a restaurant in my car and he'd go into like a parking lot of a school and keep going in circles. You know, he was hysterical. I mean, dads are the original content creators.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03

But he had a temper. Oh, and the dark side. Bad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Did he throw things?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. He'd hit his, he'd I've been trying to talk about this on stage for so many years. He'd hit his own head on furniture and cabin. Oh, very liar liar. Yeah. Just slamming into a cabinet. I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that that's scary.

SPEAKER_03

Well, they they were divorced at that point. Um, they got divorced also when I was separated when I was 12 and divorced when I was 13, which is not a great age. But I I was so happy when they told us. Oh, I was like, you're like non-fighting. Yeah, they would scream at each other.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it was just clear they weren't meant to be together.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I have a lot of physical trauma. Like when I hear a loud sound, like I'm really. Are you guys like that?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. I I more mine was like, I was just so stressed out as a kid. My mom I was I had a Zoom with Khalise Hawkins the other day. Like we were working on some jokes, and I remembered my mom. I was on like suicide watch for. But I forgot about this. My dad was like addicted to porn.

SPEAKER_03

And so he was like, I love that you forgot. Isn't this amazing? I talked about this a little bit on the show.

SPEAKER_00

He left my brain until I came back up. But uh he would lock himself in the office, and I knew he was looking at porn. So I had to like, I was like, I would play with my Barbies, and I would just make sure like mom wasn't hanging out in the shower. And then I was like, oh, dad's gonna be in there for a couple, a couple more hours. Joey Gay, do you know him? Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_03

I started with him.

SPEAKER_00

So I love Joey, and like maybe eight years ago or something, when he I posted something on Facebook that my dad was in the Navy, and he was like, Was your dad named Hutch? And I was, or like Ed or something. I was like, Yeah, how do you know? Joey Gay was uh a bartender at a strip club that my dad would go to every time. My God. He goes, Yeah, we used to call him Uno because he had one ball. I'm like, how do you call him?

SPEAKER_03

That's a great nickname. Uno is amazing. That's a great nickname. Yeah. So he knew your dad had one ball? Yeah. Why does your dad have one ball?

SPEAKER_00

Testicular cancer, which is why I'm a sperm donor baby, but I didn't my parents lied to me about that until.

SPEAKER_03

Wait, I didn't even know that. Yeah. I didn't know you were a sperm donor baby.

SPEAKER_00

Sperm donor baby.

SPEAKER_03

Wow. You didn't know that till when?

SPEAKER_01

Like five years ago. Too recently. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

How did I bought my mind? I think they waited.

SPEAKER_00

My parents watched me take a 23 me kit home and they didn't tell me.

SPEAKER_01

Maybe they didn't understand this the science on it. I'm trying to, I'm always trying to think. Maybe they didn't get just understand the depth of the children.

SPEAKER_03

But you put a positive spin on everything. Oh, not at all. Okay, good.

SPEAKER_01

Quite the opposite, I would say. That's usually me. That's hard. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, my mom does that too. I'll be like, someone was up my ass going 100 miles an hour on the Long Island Expressway. They almost crashed into me and she goes, Maybe they have an emergency. You don't know what they're going through. I'm like, unless the kids in trouble, like bad trouble, or they if they're gonna shit themselves, they're not, it's not okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I I try to tell myself what your mom says uh about that only so that I don't lose my absolute goddamn mind and crash into them on purpose. Right. Like maybe someone's crowning in the car. They're crowning someone. I have to like crowd myself that.

SPEAKER_03

It didn't even sound like a baby. Just maybe some person's coming out of someone's vagina.

SPEAKER_01

What is a woman?

SPEAKER_03

Maybe it's new kink. Wait, tell me, tell me um you took the test and what happened? What'd you say to your parents? This is fascinating.

SPEAKER_00

So I bought the test for my mom because she was adopted as a child, and we knew that sip some siblings were dead, some were in jail, we didn't know where or what or what. She didn't want to do the kit, but didn't say why. And I was like, that's very strange. I did it. And they're like, okay, see ya. You know, whether we we left the Christmas holiday and I went home to New York with the kit in my hand. Oh. Took the test, found out I was Ashkenazi Jewish, so I called my mom, and I was like, 50%. Oh. But I knew my dad wasn't Jewish. So I was like, Can you leave? That means my mom's Jewish. So I was like, Mom, you're Jewish. And she goes, Oh. That was her reaction.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my god. Was she disappointed, be honest?

SPEAKER_00

It sounded like that, but really what was happening was she knew she wasn't Jewish because my sperm donor dad was Jewish. I started getting DMs on 23andMe from women saying that they were my half sibling. And I actually have a phone call. I record it because I'm sick in the head. I recorded myself calling my mom, asking if I was a sperm donor baby. And what'd she say? She said, I don't think we should talk about this over the phone.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my god, I want to hear it.

SPEAKER_01

Well, Chris Christina, like I I was watching these uh Instagram stories and stuff in real time, and uh and there's like you know, an ellipses after the first one where I'm gonna she's like, I'm gonna call my mom now. And we and I think at that point you still thought it was like some funny misunderstanding. Yep, you know, science with its funny misunderstandings.

SPEAKER_03

DNA's all the time, right? What's an ellipses?

SPEAKER_01

Um, so I thought that was a serious question for her.

SPEAKER_03

I was like, oh no. Your kids have sucked your intelligence out of you. That's the name of my uh porn, that's my porn name, ellipses. Oh, that's a good one. I kind of like that, you know. So are you angry or do you have resentment? I should, but they did way worse stuff.

SPEAKER_00

That honestly, I was like, that out of all the things on the totem pole, I get it. But I I got mad years later. It's just so shocking. It's so shocking that you're like, I swore I was related to you. I swore I was. Our hands peel, my dad and I'm like we all get like peely hands sometimes in the summer. And I was like, there's no way I'm not related to him. Our hands peel.

SPEAKER_03

We might have that because of jerking off to the porn. Maybe.

SPEAKER_00

What do I have to do?

SPEAKER_03

Because I have a very I have a lot of peel-y.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I I masturbate actually a lot every day.

SPEAKER_03

Do you? Um you still? I know you did. Yeah. Do you? I mean, what am I doing?

SPEAKER_01

Talking. No, I uh I I don't I I think I masturbate probably less than the average person. Yeah. I just think I don't know. I th I just think I'm like, there's other stuff I could be doing. Like I'm in the middle of uh Lena Dunham's memoir, and I'd rather do that.

SPEAKER_03

Sarah, my partner. Yeah, I just like rather do that. I keep hearing Lena Dunham, I hear in the bathroom. I'm like, who are you listening to? And she's like, Lena.

SPEAKER_01

It's Lena Dunham. She's a great writer. She really thinks girls. Yeah. I know, and when you think that she did that show when she was 23, you're like, that's incredible. Season one of Girls is a masterpiece, in my opinion. Yeah, yeah, it really is good.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I really go. She is very I think uh she's so incredible because of probably because of what she's been through too and her child. I heard a little bit of it and I was like, wow.

SPEAKER_01

Well she had yeah, I heard she just had like artistic parents who were kind of on their own missions. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But it is it's uh yeah, it's a very unique.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I don't know if she if you are.

SPEAKER_01

I mean yeah, except I have a I have like a sense of like perfectionism. That that's like the one thing that I think is, you know. My mom actually did a survey with my brother and I recently. I um What kind of healthy shit is this? Yeah, what's the parenting was? I'm not joking. She had read some article and it was like the like the tenants of of what like a good parent should offer their children, and she uh reached out to my brother and I to see if we she had done all those things. I wish I could remember it, but the one third kid. The one I said that she that she failed was giving us um the room and space to fail. That's the only one that she I think she failed on. My dad less so, but both of them were very much like I can't even like imagine not getting an A. It like it's not that I'm so smart, it's just not getting an A wasn't an option. Really? So if there's no other option, you gotta take the option that you have, which is getting an A somehow.

SPEAKER_03

Well, how yeah, that's how it was for me with a D.

SPEAKER_00

Um My mom tried to kill herself and I before I moved away to college and blamed me for it.

SPEAKER_03

Anyway. My dad left my tennis game because I wasn't playing well.

SPEAKER_00

I could see that happening.

SPEAKER_03

I swear to God, I wasn't playing well and he's like, I fucking had it. And just wait, he got mad at you. Like bad. He hit the fence and got in the car and left.

SPEAKER_01

That feels a little more familiar, minus the violence. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Well, he didn't put me in a headlock, but he did leave me there. He left you to go jerk off. Yeah, yeah. I jerked off. That's probably why he was upset too, because I jerked off on the court. How do you do that? The logistics. I I don't know. A tennis right, the whole thing. Anyway, so I'm curious. If you didn't get an A, would you get in trouble?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I do.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because I really struggled in math. So like I were I was not working nearly as hard any other subjects. Like I my trouble was like I'd have to go and write a a report on Cleopatra in my room. Like I had a lot of educational.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my God. Like I would have to it was a lot of like educational.

SPEAKER_01

She actually was a great candidate to talk about that. That that was that was what was going on. I used to have to, I was so bad at math that I would have to go to school and I would come home and I would have my dad reteach the entire less lesson. My dad got a only one wrong on the math SAT, and he says it was their problem. He said it he's the day he died, he said it was a mistake on the SAT. And honestly, I believe him. If it's haunted in that long, that's like so interesting. I don't not believe him. Because if you if you're only getting one wrong, I mean God, he he's pretty impressive.

SPEAKER_03

Brilliant. He was brilliant.

SPEAKER_01

Really good at math, really good at math. But and and when he re-taught it to me, I fully understood it. So I was like, maybe this is a little on the teachers. Right. Is it like I was like, this makes sense when you all you know, also when you're in the same family, a lot of times you'll like share the same language or he knew how to speak to me, he knew how to get it across to me. So obviously, you're not gonna have that individualized attention in the classroom setting, but I don't know. I understood it when he did it.

SPEAKER_03

So, how are you when it comes to stand up, like how you're doing on stage, or if you get rejected for some? I'm curious how that affects you in your art.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, I reject it from things that I want. No one likes that, but we get used to it. We know that's coming when we come into this industry. Um, bombing, I might enjoy too much. Like I do too.

SPEAKER_03

Like

SPEAKER_01

And a and that's how I knew I think like the t when it went from like me feeling uncomfortable on stage like I was doing something wrong to when it transitioned to this audience is dumb and they just don't get it because I know these are the things. When you do that transition, that's when you know I think that you're like you've really you're a really pro-comic.

SPEAKER_03

I say that all the time. The minute you don't care as much what the crowd thinks and like they're just dumb for not laughing because it's jokes that you know care. Yeah, you've done it. It's hilarious. It's very freeing.

SPEAKER_01

It's an aha moment, yeah. And I I just have to be careful because when I actually get mad at the audience for being stupid, then when I get angry, it's not funny anymore. I used to do that control myself.

SPEAKER_03

You have to. Because they they band together very quick. They really do. Unless you have like unless you have a bottle thrown at your head, they're all together. You've had bottles thrown, yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01

I hope so. People get that, it's clip it up and then get 50,000 new followers.

SPEAKER_03

I I wish someone would throw a cake at me or you know what I mean? Or a donut, but I actually tomato. I like tomatoes as long as they salt it beforehand.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like grocery prices are too high for uh groceries to be thrown at us anymore.

SPEAKER_03

I know, that's true. We all are gonna have to share a tomato soon.

SPEAKER_01

The whole audience.

SPEAKER_03

Is your brother a perfectionist?

SPEAKER_01

Uh yeah. And he's really smart. He's an engineer. So I'm the dumb one.

SPEAKER_03

You're not dumb.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, no. Compared to everyone else I am, I have more street smarts than them once I tell. I go. And I a lot of times I like to go, if I'm the dumb one, why do I got more money than anybody else in this family? That's great.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, motherfucker. Of course, the dumbest one has the most money.

SPEAKER_01

But yeah, no, no, no. Like, my brother told me uh told me not too long ago, and I've been like working on a joke about this, that the like, I guess the maybe the words my parents used to talk to me were much much smaller than the words they used to talk to him, and he thought that I not even had a learning disability, was like actually like, yeah, special. Specialist.

SPEAKER_00

Aww. Which actually means you're better than everybody.

SPEAKER_01

Obviously, I he used another word when he told me the story to describe what he thought I was. But why did he think what? So yeah. Why why did he think that? Because I I guess it was it was just like my I think of my parents must have been having like, you know, little meeting aside meetings in our I don't know how I missed them. We lived in a tiny colonial home. Yeah. Um, about, you know, me not being as smart. Oh wow. You got all these and they're like, she has major learning to my brother went to like a like a magnet math and science school, though, like a genius school. Like they took a like they were like, we're getting in a bus and taking you somewhere else away from this riffraff stuff. Riffraff is amazing.

SPEAKER_03

I love that term.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Um I that's so interesting to me. Do you think you have any? Because I think I have stuff.

SPEAKER_01

Do I noticed it?

SPEAKER_03

No, I would not. Do you think you have down syndrome?

SPEAKER_00

I wish.

SPEAKER_03

No, I don't think I You just said I wish. Yeah. Wait.

SPEAKER_00

Because I think they're closer to God, honestly.

SPEAKER_03

I think it's a good one.

SPEAKER_00

If we watched Love on the Spectrum.

SPEAKER_03

Closer to God is the funniest thing. Wait, explain yourself. I can't watch Love on the Spectrum. My sister harasses me about it.

SPEAKER_00

It's pure human soul and love. I get it. You're gonna watch a woman positive.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, okay. That's it. I need to watch it. But here's the thing, though, if I watch war movies, it's me too.

SPEAKER_00

I wouldn't classify it as too positive. I would classify it as people that truly, the only people that I've ever seen, don't give a fuck. They do go on stage. Yeah. They want to find love. But like they'll go on this one episode, this girl sang a song at a like a talent show. It wasn't good, but she was so proud of herself for doing it. No, but that is beautiful.

SPEAKER_03

You mean like no one else clapped, and she's like, people clapped.

SPEAKER_00

But she she wasn't, she wasn't, um, she wasn't um talented. Correct. But her talent was not caring that she wasn't talented. She was just really talent. That's a real talent. We couldn't do that.

SPEAKER_03

By the way, I say that all the time about TikTok. Like these girls who are like celebrated lines. And like, who told them that they are good at this?

SPEAKER_00

Like an old man in their DMs. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

An older Indian man. Yeah. Who wants to also lick their feet. I know. Definitely. Wait a second. So you think they're closer to God? I do.

SPEAKER_00

And actually, um, if um the telepathy tapes, uh, people that are on the autism spectrum that are non-verbal, it has been uh scientifically studied that they have um telepathic uh communication abilities. And they have psychic abilities. They have all these metaphysical.

SPEAKER_03

But how do they you mean they write it down? I'm being so stupid right now. They're nonverbal, so how do they Yeah, so they they learn to type to type. So they just go.

SPEAKER_00

No, so they learn a type of communication. I think it's called typing. I just I think it's called blanket uh just typing. That's really fascinating. Some people can uh everybody's has different abilities. Some people can move their hands, some people can't. Um and there's various types of typing that they can learn, but they've yeah, they they if you listen to one episode of the telepathy tapes, you're you'll be like, oh, okay, this is everything I thought was a good thing.

SPEAKER_03

I have to listen to that.

SPEAKER_00

Because the people that we go, oh, you belong in a special class, they're the smartest motherfuckers. I know they're the smartest people.

SPEAKER_03

I know. They're faking it.

SPEAKER_01

That's the smartest thing that they can do.

SPEAKER_03

They had parents like hers.

SPEAKER_00

I wish, I wish I would. I wish everybody had parents like her. I'm non-verbal. Just trying to get my dad to stop jerking off so he can look at me. Correns, dad's asking her math problems that are catered to her personality. Fucking my dad's at the strip club. Well, my mom's trying to.

SPEAKER_01

He went to the strip club, too. But of course they have a dad hid it. I had a healthy relationship with it.

SPEAKER_03

That she would just mind. Did you hit it? Oh, he didn't tell people, or he hid it. I found out from Joey Gay. When I was in 29. By the way, Joey Gay doesn't go by Joey Gay because he's gay. That's really his last name. Everybody never didn't call we're calling him like you know my sister's gay Joey. This is hilarious. This is a joke I used to do. My sister's middle name is gay. Did you guys know that? No, it's funny. Yeah, so I oh I used to say, which is so ironic because mine is cum guzzler.

SPEAKER_01

So they kind of complimentary.

SPEAKER_03

She wouldn't let me tell people for years that her middle name is gay. I'm like, I have to. Yes. And my dad's was Guy. Really? Jeffrey Guy. Oh my God.

unknown

What?

SPEAKER_01

Is your dad alive?

SPEAKER_03

What? Is your dad around? No, he passed. Okay. Um, during COVID. He yeah, it was really uh pancreatic cancer. Fuck.

SPEAKER_01

Sorry about that. Yeah, I think your dad died like right before my dad, I believe, because we had we're texting about heart failure, you know?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And that's my dad.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it was um it was unbelievable to do it during because well, I I've talked about we did a a Zoom shiva.

SPEAKER_05

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So there were just all these old Jews like from Florida, like this in the screen, turning it on, off, like, hey, can anyone hear me?

SPEAKER_04

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02

Like while the rabbi was talking, they're like, I wish they had a real shiva so I could get uh a hominta.

SPEAKER_03

And then I this is the funniest shit. Do you know Yamonika was on it? She was the only black person.

SPEAKER_01

Amazing.

SPEAKER_03

There was a lot of people on it. She was the only black person, and we have laughed so hard about it for years because I know people were like, that has to be the nanny. Or yes, of course, Yamonika says it. It's the funny. There's a clip on YouTube about it. Like, I can see it. This is the health aid. This is the health aid. Like she's really funny. That's really funny. We laughed.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03

You should look it up on YouTube. It's the stare, it's the two of us on stage at the underground talking about it. Oh my god. She is I can't handle her. Not Mika Saunders. Yeah, and then my mom was on it, and my mom was like in the box. I see my mother, and I'm like, she's like just looking. And in the middle of like someone sharing, we see my mom get up and walk in the kitchen to the microwave and heat something up. She we talk about in the video with Yamanika, we couldn't breathe. And then I'm like, what is she doing? And then she came back. Well, you're if you're Jewish, you gotta eat when you have to eat. There's no, it's an Italian thing. It's like you can't, it's uh it doesn't matter if it's your ex-husband, the father of your children's. I don't blame her. It went on and on and on. Right. And then she just came back to the thing and we now my bloodbrushes are even out.

SPEAKER_00

My share.

unknown

Wow.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it was weird to do it on Zoom.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Really weird. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Did you have a last conversation with your dad? Um that you knew was going to be the last one.

SPEAKER_03

You know, it's very, it's uh it was not easy.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Because he had a hard time being vulnerable.

SPEAKER_00

And that's a deathbed is a vulnerable.

SPEAKER_03

Very, and he was like in hospice at home. Yeah. And I it was tough. It was tough because he was not like um there was no like, I want this for you. I I want you to have to live a happy. There was no closure that way. Not one word. The whole time he was sick. Like we couldn't talk about him being sick when he was. Really? Yeah, it was only like six months. And it was it was I didn't get to process anything with him. And he was he was not great to me. Yeah, he was on his deathbed. Oh, on his deathbed. Yeah, it was really you know, I think I kept saying I love you just because I wanted to like say that and show up. And honestly, it was for me so that I knew I did the right thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I that's exactly what happened to me.

SPEAKER_03

And I loved him dearly, but um, you know, one point he's like, How many times are you gonna say I love you? You know, it was I know it was tough.

SPEAKER_00

I see, I feel like I see, I see his wounds. I don't know exactly what they are, but I see the archetype of like what probably happened.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, he had a weird thing with me, which is interesting because we were very close when I was growing up. Um, but he had a weird, like it I don't know if it was like I don't know. I felt like he was going through something with me even when he was dying. I can't I it's so hard to explain.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, like for sure.

SPEAKER_03

Um he he couldn't he was just ready to go and he was enraged and enraged on his death. Yeah. It was weird. I've been with a lot of people in my family, grandparents, great grandparents, you know. Um I've dealt with death, stepsister, all this stuff. And he was like, he I had to go for um ART, which is like EMDR, but very it's one session. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_00

Really? Wait, I've not session. It's amazing. I'll tell you guys about it.

SPEAKER_03

I've done EMDR. I it's unbelievable. Really? So I've I've gone to the woman who runs the whole thing. It I mean, it was her idea. It's huge. A lot of cops, firemen, people, military have gone. Yeah, so it's like you can you can literally get an image out of your eye, out of your brain from one session. It's crazy. Oh, I gotta do this. That's like the man. I'll give you all Lainey Rosensweig. Um I think, yeah, I hope I get that right. She's Jewish, um, she's Muslim. So yeah, she lives in Iran now. But this is the thing. We gotta go get her so we can get healed. But she um she did this work with me because I couldn't get this image out of. He had the angriest face. And I could that's all I could picture him. I swear I couldn't picture his normal face, his he was like just laying there. And I I still I can't picture it to this day. Like I just tried and I can't that's a leave in one session.

SPEAKER_00

That's eternal sunshine of the spotless mind where you've just erased a part of the city. It's crazy. How long is the one session?

unknown

I love that.

SPEAKER_03

An hour.

SPEAKER_00

I love that you can do this without drugs.

SPEAKER_03

It's the same thing. Sorry, it's the same. I just apologize to the mic thing. That's how fucked up I am. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Um it's the eye movement thing and the wand. You know, it's the same kind of thing as EMDR, but it's literally just putting another image or situation in place of that, like what you're picturing.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Oh.

SPEAKER_03

It's really what? Do you pick the image? Yes. Cool. Is it like oobies? Or like something fun? Like No, I didn't picture like a pussy to get rid of my dad's face. I would. Maybe that would have been better to just picture like a vagina instead of um no. I remember what I pictured like a kind of like a land in the fields with like butterflies.

SPEAKER_01

I know it sounds corny, but I really like wilderness and like and forest and nature is like a good robin.

SPEAKER_03

Like a Robin Hood kind of I like that. Yeah. Cool. That's cool. It's very cool. Yeah. It's I've sent other people to her too. Some comics. Literally driven to West Hartford to go see her. She's amazing.

SPEAKER_00

This is a woo-woo question for you, Jess. Did you hear, have you heard from your dad since he passed? And how how did he send you signs or come in your dreams?

SPEAKER_03

He's only been in a couple of dreams, and I can't remember dreams. I really, it's hard for me. But he I've known that he's around me. I think he feels bad. Yeah. Do you feel like that when you people are? I do. I think he's like a much like more joyous um, like not as scared. Yeah. Like, I don't know. It's weird.

SPEAKER_00

When you die, you shed all that. I like studying.

SPEAKER_03

I believe that too. Yeah. I would hope so.

SPEAKER_00

All of your human jealousy, rage, insecurity, all the negative emotions, they're done. They're gone when you leave your body.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna be an absolute Karen in heaven if it doesn't knock my socks off.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my god, that is a funny bit. You should do that.

SPEAKER_01

I've been I've been working on so funny. But true truly, that's like, because every day I wake up and I go, I can't believe I have to go do a fucking another day of this shit. And so if when I die, I'm I'm I'm gonna be sending shit back to the back to the kitchen.

SPEAKER_03

If it's not crazy, how would you how would what kind of things would you say up like up there or whatever people believe?

SPEAKER_01

Well, if I'm if I'm if I'm enjoying it or if I'm not if you're not enjoying it.

SPEAKER_03

The Karen thing.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like I feel like I mean if if Jesus, I don't even understand the whole thing because it's like it's Jesus, it's God, are motivated, are they the same person? It's his son, but it's also the alien. I don't know. But it's also like the Jesus, the God and the Holy Spirit, it's a the same guy, but I'm like, well, are you some kind of uh X-Man? Are you like morphing into I'm like, well, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

I don't get it either. Was Mary Beaver's trainer?

SPEAKER_00

Like personal trainer? Yeah, that's why he has abs. Mary was whipped under that robe. She has been wearing a big thing.

SPEAKER_01

Who's who? I don't even know who I'm like who was I supposedly made by? Like, I don't know, but if it I feel like if God is who we think it is, like it's like God made me, so then God knows what I'm like. So if I just take God to the side and I'd be like, God, what the f I really yeah, I really did my best down there. This isn't really I'm disappointed. Like, yeah, you have to eye messages.

SPEAKER_03

That's good what you just said.

SPEAKER_01

I yes, I statements. Own it. Yeah, yeah. This is just not not what I expected. I also am like constantly disappointed, so I have to really manage my expectations, but I have not managed my expectations for the afterlife.

SPEAKER_03

Do you think it's gonna be like? I just This is interesting.

SPEAKER_01

I want it to be in my mind, like what is heaven? I think I do think that heaven is curated to what you believe heaven is. I also have a theory that no matter what religion you believed on earth, heaven looks like your religion's heaven. It's comforting. I think like well, no, well, I think I think like there, I I don't think anyone's wrong or right. I think every religion is both right and wrong. Like every religion is right. So whatever my thing, so my heaven that I dream of is like number one thing I want to see is every dog that I've ever been close with.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, you're just running over me. Right.

SPEAKER_01

That's my first thing. I'm like, every not even every dog, every pet. There's like a bird I want to see too. Yeah. So every pet fish, every pet I've ever had greets me. If the fish down the toilet, I don't know if they're gonna be.

SPEAKER_03

No, they're buried in a jewelry box in my backyard. A jewelry box?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, like you know, when it when it dries out, and then like the little ear, like a little earring box, it's perfect size for a goldfish. Oh, that's cute. So I can't.

SPEAKER_03

You got that close to a goldfish? Yeah. I can't even that get that close to a person.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I can get way closer to insects and animals, though.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. People. I love animals. Yeah. Well, you're close to an insect. Don't tell me.

SPEAKER_00

When I was a kid, I would talk to bugs all the time.

SPEAKER_03

Me too, because no one else was around.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. My dad was jerking off, and my mom was trying to kill herself. I didn't talk to talk to the snakes.

SPEAKER_03

You gotta talk to a talk to it if you're that is the sh needs to be the name of your one-woman show.

SPEAKER_00

It's called Congrats on Not Killing Yourself. So I was taking it to Fringe this year.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, good. That's amazing. That'll be upbeat.

SPEAKER_00

But I've studied near death experiences. Have you ever watched an NDE interview where you medically die and come back? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I don't, this is my thing. I do believe it. I just watched something like that on Netflix or Hulu or one of them, UPorn. But the thing is, is that do you think that people's like experiences or because of what they've heard the experience is like?

SPEAKER_00

It can certainly be influenced. That makes sense for sure. I have watched so many of these videos though. Like I went on a tear during COVID because I discovered there's this life after death docuseries on Netflix. Yeah. Uh and series are one of the things that are covered. And I was like, wait a second, if this is real, this is crazy. So I would watch, I've watched thousands of these videos. They say the same thing.

SPEAKER_03

What do they say?

SPEAKER_00

Okay, so they say that dying is the best feeling in the entire world. Even if they had a good life, they didn't want to come back to their body. Wow. They all obviously did because they were there for the interview. They very reluctantly came back. Even if they just got a promotion and just had a baby and loved their husband or whatever, they did not want to come back. It felt like every cell of your body was having a thousand orgasms. Many people have described it like that.

SPEAKER_03

Can we go now?

SPEAKER_00

I know. Um, but you can't. Like we apparently we agreed to die at a certain time before we came here. But um and you go through a life review, which I find very compelling. I've heard that too. So a life review is you experience big and small moments of your life, but you re-experience it as if it's happening for the first time from your own perspective. Then you go back and re-experience it again from the perspective of the person that you affected. This sounds very tiring. Like it is.

SPEAKER_03

How long does it take to go through all these experiences?

SPEAKER_00

Well, apparently, time doesn't exist on the other side. So they're like, it felt like 50 years, 100 years, I don't know, but when they were actually technically dead for an hour or 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_01

Well, it's probably like when you're on DMT, which yeah, because that's the same chemical that your brain releases when you die. Like that's what it is. And you feel when you're on DMT, you feel like you were there for three hours, but it's basically to the dot 15 minutes that you're actually there putting DMT together.

SPEAKER_03

What? You want to do DMT with me? I want to do crystal meth too.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, well, you can do that.

SPEAKER_03

I do because I've always wanted to do it. I'm I am gonna try it before I die. I want to end up in a swing. Yeah, I can do it.

SPEAKER_00

Why crystal meth?

SPEAKER_03

I don't know, it just seems like you can really have fun on that. Yeah, swing a bat.

SPEAKER_01

Very Stephen Jenkins. Crystal meth that's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I don't know, just something that would give me energy because I'm so damn tired.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I, if it gives you energy, take that. That's a prescription. Because then I'm on, I'm on board.

SPEAKER_03

I would love that. I know. I am the most I am.

SPEAKER_01

Every time I go to the doctor, I'm just like, is there anything that's not cocaine that could make me feel more energy? I know.

SPEAKER_03

They're like, well, your vitamin D is low. I'm like, bitch, it is so much more than having low vitamin D.

SPEAKER_01

If someone offers me a B12 shot one more time, I'm gonna go postal.

SPEAKER_03

Me, the B12 shot.

SPEAKER_01

I go, someone give me a B12 shot. I took a cab home asleep in the cab. Did not work. It's B12. So I just throw me throw $100 down the drain.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, one shot of B12 is not gonna help severe depression and oh and overeating.

SPEAKER_00

That's why you want crystal meth. You won't eat and you'll be happy as hell.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's so true. I mean, I uh this stuff about the afterlife is very interesting. It seems a little pressuring that you go through every situation in your life.

SPEAKER_00

Not every single one, just kind of like the hits the important button. I don't need to know everyone I've slighted. That's gonna take forever. Yeah. And you're the only person that judges you, which is great. Um that's good. There's certain moments you'll relive. So wait, are we God? If we're the only one who judges you, we're little specks of God. We're all the same.

SPEAKER_01

So we are our own God, which is what I've been telling people, which they say I'm a narcissist for a long time. Right. Wait, so you don't do you believe in God? Um, I believe that there is something. I mean, I did but I don't like what is that look like? I I believe there is something. I always explain myself as like a little bit more agnostic.

SPEAKER_03

Like it's something I've heard you say, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I can't really, I I can't a hundred percent put all my my chips on what it is. Yeah, it feels like unsafe. But I just I my own my moral code it was developed by me, not a religion. So I think that's like the main difference. Me too.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. I I I mean, I grew up Jewish, but not religious at all. Like I went to Hebrew school and I remember one thing. Right. Nothing. I knew that there was a Holocaust. That's it. No, there wasn't. Yeah. I mean, you know, my partner Sarah grew up very religious. Oh. Very I mean, that's what her whole book she wrote a book about. Yeah. Oh my god. Do you don't know her story? No. Oh my god, you guys have to read her book.

SPEAKER_01

Oh. It's all about I knew she wrote a book called that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's all about growing up in like extreme religion, Hasidic, but like the most strict sect. Like her whole she didn't watch a movie or see a television show or listen to any kind of music till she was.

SPEAKER_00

She's a strong spirit because she got out. That's crazy. Getting out, you get to work.

SPEAKER_03

You have no idea it's unheard of to get out. And she was gay her whole thing. You guys have to you're not gonna believe it.

SPEAKER_01

She reminds me of this. There was this like 14, probably this would probably get me put on the upscene last, but there was this 14-year-old uh Oh, join the club.

SPEAKER_03

Everyone I know is on the upscale.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, like very uh yeah, very uh strict strict Jewish background, like a 14-year-old boy who listened to Guys We Fucked, GWF, and he um yeah, he reached out, this was years ago on Instagram because he he just like obviously had pro like was having issues, not like sexual issues, but it was like very clear that he was gay and he kind of like opened the door by being like, I think I'm bisexual. And in my head, I go, okay, good. Step one. But he was going to be sent to like Israel to go to school when he turned a certain age, and then he wouldn't be able to come back. And he was like sneaking the podcast. It's so and so I was like, I can't, you can't come to a show, you can't come to a bar. I like met him on a street corner to try and give him a little guidance. Because I was like, I don't want to leave him hanging, but I I also don't want to get arrested. No, that's very So I like literally met him like just like downtown. I was like, Are you allowed to take the subway? Like, you know, kids at 14 in the city, like you're you know, you can take the subway by yourself. And I was like, I just like I just I still think about him. I'm like, I hope that your like dad didn't find your like secret DVDs and podcasts. So I'm like really worried about him.

SPEAKER_03

You're gonna flip out for her story because she got she got her kids out. They're in college now. One's in my college. Yeah, one's in Columbia, one's in Charleston. They would have both been married and had kids by now. So she was married off at 19. She was a man. Yeah. A hundred, but that's her whole thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you got got she got got. And that's gotta be the that is the craziest feeling in the world when you're like, wait, this all's a lie. Holy fuck.

SPEAKER_03

Right. And then a lot of her work as a trauma therapist and her practice is about helping people, you know, get out.

SPEAKER_00

Religious trauma is so thick. Oh my god. I went to the Vatican recently. Yeah, obviously, I've got a lot of people. You did? Yeah, we I was in Italy, and I was like, I gotta see the Vatican. I wanna see it. St. Peter's Basilica? I had no idea. I thought you go to the Vatican, you see the Sistine Chapel, and you go, wow, that's crazy. And we did that. But then we went to St. Peter's Basilica. It is the craziest thing I've ever seen. Flo head to floor to ceiling, gold plated, everything. The amount of art homeless people and kids sleeping outside are going, take a chunk of that hanging and feed these people for life. Jesus would hate this shit. Like what? The hypocrisy was crazy.

SPEAKER_03

It was I mean, look at what goes on in look what goes on in extreme religion. It's it's it's evil. I'm sorry. It really is.

SPEAKER_00

Which is a shame because I think the the basics of every single religion are are rooted in like peace. I do too. Understanding who you are and showing up for the people you love. Like that's kind of the tenets of all the religions. I know.

SPEAKER_01

Also, I just it's hard though, because I feel like they're like uh they're all developed by men. So like I was just gonna say this.

SPEAKER_00

It's a little, I'm a little I know. We should be living in a matriarchy and we're not in a matriarchy.

SPEAKER_03

Can you imagine if it was all women?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I couldn't.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, it won't happen. Do you think there'd be a well it would if we killed all the men?

SPEAKER_00

I mean, it won't happen.

SPEAKER_03

It won't anytime soon. I mean, are you kidding me? Oh no, believe me.

SPEAKER_01

I saw I saw the politics behind the women's march and I go, all right, well, we're gonna put a pin in that for another decade.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. You got you can't ying it. No, we got I know you gotta be funny about it, poignant, yeah. You know, I don't want a war.

SPEAKER_04

The president of Canada doesn't like me.

SPEAKER_00

He's not hot anymore.

SPEAKER_04

Now call it the president or the fucking Prime Minister.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, whatever.

SPEAKER_05

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Same thing. Um, yeah, this it it's it's really. I mean, I the the whole politics thing is very I don't know what is gonna happen. Like in the world. I'm not even just talking about.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I thought we wanted to talk about Justin Trudeau dating Katie Perry. Oh, let's talk about my politics.

SPEAKER_03

I keep picturing them having sex.

SPEAKER_00

Really? Is it good or bad in your head? Because in my head it's good. Those boobies and that face? Mm-just's face.

SPEAKER_03

I think that I think he might be really good in bed. I'm not sure about her. I agree.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, she's really kooky. I don't know. She's not a good dancer, but she owns it, and but she and she is a like she's definitely a little crazy, which I think is crazy helps. Positive helps you back. The craziest or the best. In in a pause like in a positive way. I like her. I went to see her her last uh tour, and you know, everyone was comparing it to the aerostor and stuff, and like saying it was much less good. I go, it's not Keddy. If you're if you want to see the Aerostore, you go to see Taylor Swift. This is a different artist.

SPEAKER_03

I know people are awful. This is like she should have danced more. It's like you're fat. You can't even move. And you're I mean, I'm not judging. I I'm you know, not svelt.

SPEAKER_01

Right. I love it.

SPEAKER_03

Me too. I love I like Zoftic.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_04

She's a little Zoftic. She eats a lot. I see her at the club and she keeps going to the buffet. There's not even enough for all of us.

SPEAKER_03

I Zoftig is a lot of people don't know that one.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I think these are words like that. My mom, grandma, these are mom, grandma, great-grandma orders. Did you grow up with a saying hell in a handbasket? You're going to hell in a handbasket. Okay. Well, it's uh, but I'm yeah, I'm not, I'm not fully. So I had Jewish family and then like Catholic school family. The Catholic school family is the hell in a handbasket.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that definitely. Because that's not we'd be like, you know, uh heaven in a in a Gucci bag. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Much better. No one's roots are showing.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's really, I mean, this uh Katie Perry, I think she might be good, but I think she's I feel like she might be really pot like fun and loose and light in the beginning. She's one of those, and then might get I'm not judging because I've been like this, but might get really heavy like when he's hooked in.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, there's an intensity there for sure. Yeah. I mean, when you're posting photo carousels with Justin Trudeau, because you need to let your Instagram followers know, but you're Katy Perry, there's something to unpack there. I when he I know like these hugely famous people are still kind of doing these basic bitch Instagram moves. I go, that's for the rest of us. I know. What is that? That's for us to contact our exes. They want to feel normal. You're Demi Lovato. You're good.

SPEAKER_02

I love her.

SPEAKER_01

I love her too. That's the end of it. Just be just existing as Demi Lovato. You don't need a carousel with your husband Jutes. Like Jutes. Is that his name? Jutes Music. I mean, that's his performer. J-E-J-E-W. Oh, I'm like Jutes. No, no, no, yeah, not Jutes.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's like Jutes music or whatever. I saw her sing with him. Yeah, she's she's just incredible. She is amazing. She's hot, she's talented and she's yes, and real and talks about like Interest, yeah. Yeah, she's great. Do you like her? Debbie Lovato? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I'm a be Beyonce's my gal.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, she's amazing. I mean, she's not really attractive, but she is so, I'm joking.

SPEAKER_01

She's Christine was gonna stab you. I felt the energy.

SPEAKER_03

Have you seen her on Oprah when Oprah's standing there with Tom Cruise and she does a thing? You Beyonce was there.

SPEAKER_01

She was on the the castle.

SPEAKER_03

Years ago on Oprah's big whatever show. You have to watch Beyonce on that show. It was it was one of the best performances I've ever seen. Oh, oh, she performed Amazon.

SPEAKER_00

Just love her so much.

SPEAKER_03

Alright, now let's watch porn. Wait, what kind of porn do you guys watch? We should probably wrap it up with this.

SPEAKER_01

Good ending question. Um I I mean, I like like I like a this is again, this is not good, but I would usually like Google like got like a goth teen, but they're of age, obviously. Teen in porn means 25. Yeah, of course. So like that, yeah. Just pretty basic though, not like a anything like a man and a woman, or it doesn't matter. Man and a woman or woman and a woman. Um, or a man and a man, honestly. I do like a little man on man.

SPEAKER_03

I used to watch a lot of that.

SPEAKER_01

I like a little man on man. Yeah. Um, yeah, any of that. As long as I I just can't do anything where the woman is like not being treated nicely.

SPEAKER_03

So no S and M stuff.

SPEAKER_01

No, well, just different. I mean SM, I feel like there is like a there like S M is like a higher level because I feel like there was a conversation before I just can't do it where like, you know, it's like you're you're eating your own vomit out of a dog, but overly aggressive.

SPEAKER_03

I mean if it's output, fine, but not vomit. I like over-aggress.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. Like when people seem like they're choking on a dick with cum, like the cum sh like. I don't like I don't like that.

SPEAKER_03

I don't I don't, yeah, the cum all over the face. It just is so dumb. I mean, I use it every day to moisturize, but it's not I'm thinking about how bad it burns in your eye, you know.

SPEAKER_01

I can't have you ever experienced that? Cum of the eye? Um cum eye?

SPEAKER_03

Are you gold star gay or not? No, no. I was I say I was with men in blackouts in college, many of them. Yeah. I thought it was just an enlarged clit.

SPEAKER_01

I think I said that already. Technically it is. In another podcast. It's your new guest phrase. You're like an 80s comedian.

SPEAKER_03

I thought it was an enraged clit. Um yeah, I I I get it. And what what are you I don't watch porn so my dad? Really? Oh, you're I am the most gullible. I can't believe I just believe it's a big thing.

SPEAKER_00

I need to pretend it's someone's trying to kill themselves in one room and somebody's locked in the other one. No, I uh I watch, I like group stuff. I like being like just taboo situations. Yeah, me too. Um when a when a couple fucks another woman, uh a woman get railed, like you know, gangbang. If it it has it very specific though. They have like a good gangbang, everybody worships the woman.

SPEAKER_03

Because you guys are talking about it so because you're so used to doing your pot. You're like, mmm, yeah. Uh-huh. I hear you. So what I hear you saying is you like a gangbang.

SPEAKER_01

This is just a Monday for us.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I know I love having fun. Wait, so what were you saying? I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00

The gang some gangbangs are like like just like not great. Not like just a lot of abuse and like drink your spit. No, no, thank you. Yeah. I want the woman to be adored, the woman's the queen, and every guy is like lucky to be there.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, that's interesting. What do you put in?

SPEAKER_00

Like women getting treated well-shopy gang, but like worship or something, worship gang.

SPEAKER_03

Isn't that with like like w witch stuff like worship?

SPEAKER_00

No, the choir comes out and sings to her, and then the night. There is religious.

SPEAKER_01

We're gonna fuck Hallelujah. Um one of my favorite channels uh that I found was Mormon Girls. What? With a Z. What is it? Because you were saying you were kind of saying like witchy, but like there is like real porn where people who are obviously not members of that religion dress in religious garb. It was like they were in like the Mormon, like all white cloaks, but then I saw like a girl had like a intense lower back tattoo. And so I knew she was cosplaying. Yeah, got it for the porn.

SPEAKER_03

Got it. Yeah, I like the group thing too. It's fun. Um, I know. We're so crazy. It is fun. I kind of yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So you don't mind men in your in your porn?

SPEAKER_03

No, I don't mind men in the porn. I I it's more like what they're doing, but lesbian porn is horrific to me. Really? Oh my god, it's not real. Oh, where it's all the same. It's not a turn-on for me as a lesbian. Like I talk about that in my act too.

SPEAKER_04

Like, and I got that feel sad.

SPEAKER_03

Like it's not two straight women, being performative for the male game. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

I get it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I'd rather watch an old, like, lesbian porn from San Francisco. Like 1920s.

SPEAKER_00

Just wow, wow. Right at the start of the pitcher show.

SPEAKER_03

No, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, maybe it's even black and white.

SPEAKER_01

Like if they're real lesbians. Yeah. And they're just having sex.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, but it's like real. I didn't know the genre existed.

SPEAKER_00

You know those like wrestle porn?

unknown

What?

SPEAKER_00

You gotta like wrestle each other and make the other one come. It's kind of fun. But that seems violent. No, it's not. It's like jujitsu, but like like that is his yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03

Do they wear like a different color belt? Kind of, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And they have like little helmets.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, helmets. Helmets really terminate. Yeah, like the ears. Whoa. The minute I see a helmet, it's over.

SPEAKER_01

No. A helmet. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's a great way to end. Um, I think we started with suicide and ended with helmets with people having wearing a helmet having sex. Kind of our signature. Getting railed analyzing.

SPEAKER_00

Oh god.

SPEAKER_01

Full circle.

SPEAKER_03

You don't like that?

SPEAKER_01

Getting railed analysis. No one likes that.

SPEAKER_03

But a soft, gentle entering.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but then no railing. You can work your way in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Why would I mean that's a hole for going out, you know? But that's a hole for going out.

SPEAKER_03

That's the name of my new special. You just gave me a new name for you.

SPEAKER_00

Take it. Take it and run.

SPEAKER_04

Mama, we love your special. That's a hole for going out.

SPEAKER_03

Um I love you both. Your podcast. What go listen to their podcast, watch it. How long have you guys been doing Guys We Fucked? 12 years. That's insane.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Like we're talking one of the first. I mean, it's the is it the first like female duo podcast?

SPEAKER_01

It's the first of its of its genre where it's like that that got big for sure, like yeah, divulging like actual uh personal information in that way.

SPEAKER_03

How many have you done? I can't even imagine. 700. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00

We have not missed a Friday since the start of the podcast, and there's never been a dark episode.

SPEAKER_01

So you can do like a well, I mean there's been dark weeks, but no. Oh, yeah. That's what I was saying. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Yeah, there's been some weeks where we were both hospitalized. But we had some in the back. I should have been. Yeah, no, it's incredible. And I want you guys to to support them and watch. I mean, it's just really everyone I know has been on. I mean, you've had incredible guests. Yeah. And your connection is beautiful. And I love both of you so much.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you. We love you.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, like I'm sure I'll have people on here that I don't like. But I just need to fill a slot. You know? Like with the two of you, I was so exact slam thing.

SPEAKER_01

It happens.

SPEAKER_03

No, it's just I you know, this podcast is only women.

unknown

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, it's all for us to support each other.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, that's how we got called in for it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Well, you're both women, right? I don't, I'm not a hundred percent sure.

SPEAKER_01

I'm a woman.

SPEAKER_03

Me too. Um, but I like tell people where they can find you, please.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So our podcast is GWF. We're on YouTube, we're on social media. I'm on all social media at Philanthropy Al. I'm at Christina Hutch.

SPEAKER_00

And if you're in Edinburgh, Scotland, in August, see my show. Congrats on not killing yourself.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, a lot. A lot of people from around the world uh listen and watch. It's amazing. Yeah. So I'm sure it'll be sold out from this one episode. Absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You heard the lady.

SPEAKER_03

I love you guys. Thank you again for being here.

SPEAKER_00

Of course.

SPEAKER_01

Thanks for having us.

SPEAKER_03

Of course.

SPEAKER_00

Please help me.