Comin' in Hot! w/ Yamaneika Saunders

Off the rails is what you get when Yamaneika Saunders comes to town. On this week's episode, Jessica and Yamaneika reconnect, and dive into some of their crazy past together. 

Yamaneika talks about the Roast with Kevin Hart, and writing for Chelsea Handler, the difficulties of being raised in an all white town, and she even divulges on some love she made 24-hours prior to recording. You DO NOT want to miss this episode. 

Make sure to like, review, and subscribe! 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Or Richard Simmons. Or Richard Simmons. The hair of Richard Sims. What happened to him?

SPEAKER_04 0:03

You know, they said they can't find him. He died. No, he didn't. Yes, he did.

SPEAKER_03 0:07

He did? Yeah. Oh, no, I was I've been meaning to tell.

SPEAKER_04 0:10

I said as soon as I find a Jewish person, I'm gonna tell them that. I can't. Because y'all got to find him. I wouldn't, I would check into that.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

What do you mean a Jewish person? He was Jewish. No, he was? Yeah, Richard Simmons is Jewish. Oh. How come you didn't know this? I didn't know that. How come I know your history, Mortito? I'm embarrassed. Help me.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

The Jessica Cush.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

I don't feel safe. Oh my God. You I don't even know how to start this because I'm okay. I'm here with Yamanika. Yes. We love each other. Obsessed. Obsessed. Yes. And I have not seen you in so many. You have this. I was so happy to get bitch.

SPEAKER_04 0:54

I didn't even fix my nails. Because like I got one. Show them your nails.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

That's one nail is I gotta see my girl.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

And I'm out here just meaning men. Show them I bite my nails. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

But that's how that's how worthy you are. I love you. This is by far the funniest person on the planet. And I see that about you. There's no way. There's no comparison.

SPEAKER_04 1:17

There's no way. My eyes light up whenever I even hear your name. Let me tell you something. The thing is, from the time I met you, I was a huge fan when I met you. And um, I was so glad to be. Remember the first show I had, and I was like, this is my first show. Oh we were on the thing together. And it's like, that was so great, and I respect you so much, and you fucking deliver. Sometimes I worry about people when they go on stage. I don't never fucking worry about you. I don't never, and I always love where you're going. I always love what you're doing. I always love the risks you take. I love when you turn your fucking back on that audience and get yourself together. I said I shouldn't even have said this. Of course, they can't handle this because they don't want the truth. And I said, oh my god, that bitch is me.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

You we are in the same fucking cloth. I love you. I love I love you. Like I watch your videos with myself, of course, and with your with my family. Like my sister, my mother, like. I love your family.

SPEAKER_04 2:15

I love your family. They're so cool. They're good people. Yeah. They are great. They're great. They're not racist, thank you. No, no, no, no, no. And every time I'm around your family, it's like, I'm almost like, was I born in this family? Like, I know it's very familiar. Treat me like family and not put on. Like, oh, let's kind of, it's like, oh, I'm in it. No, they think you are brilliant.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

And my mom's like, did you see the video of your?

SPEAKER_04 2:36

You know how I feel about your mother. She can do no wrong in my book. Your mother literally could stab me. Your mother and my mother could stab me, and I'd be like, come here, give me some more love. Come here. I need it. Get another. You fucking one rib. Get up underneath it.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

They watched your special and she was at the like the Netflix. So she was dying at all the cock jokes.

SPEAKER_04 2:54

I listen, I appreciate that. It takes a lot to really tap into some of the shit that I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

No, you are Yom. I can't. I love your nails.

SPEAKER_04 3:06

I look like I've been fingering a heavyset lesbian who has acid in her pussy, and they've just been burning. Why are you talking about me? First of all, bitch, you ain't heavy set.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

You won't. Yes, I am. No, you not. You won't do that. Who the fuck is this? I can't stop eating. Y'all. No. Let's be real.

SPEAKER_03 3:29

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 3:31

Bitch, the two of us a couple years ago, we was the weather girls, okay? We was two fat bitches breathing hard, taking a space. To read the man. And all the hoof was them trying to catch a breath. Yeah, weather choking on food. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're the weather girls on GLP. We wouldn't. And let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

No.

SPEAKER_04 3:52

Okay? We was big bitches.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

We were we wouldn't have even fit in the studio. Not together? No, one of us at a time.

SPEAKER_04 4:01

We never was in a car together until you lost at least 50 pounds and I lost at least 50. We was that big that we couldn't even transport ourselves together in the same place. In a Hummer.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

Yeah, I know. No, we was really pulling out. Now look at us. How do we get through doors? I don't even, I had to walk sideways through a door. Did you have to use a seatbelt extender? Oh, oh. I did.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

Hell yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:21

And I would be embarrassed because it's like Me too. You gotta like, I would rather fly the fuck out this seat during turbulence than ask a bitch to hand me some extra seatbelt that nobody else needs. Give me an extra seat. I would rather fly out the plant. Yeah, it's going back to a head collision all the way. I don't need to be safe.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

Do you need do you have a it was more define?

SPEAKER_04 4:41

First of all, what the fuck do we need a seatbelt for? We fed enough that if something happened, we ain't gonna pop the fuck out of here. Bitch, I barely got in here. You ever been? I sat down one time on a plane. I said, uh-oh, I don't think I'm gonna be able to get up out of here. I'm gonna have to wait for the handicapped niggas at the end when they come with the wheelchair. I'm gonna need them to bring the wheelchair and some butter and a knife because I can't get up out of here. You ain't never parked yourself in a plane and was like, uh, of course. Yeah, or some bitch trying to put the little seat thing down. I go, hey, put that on. There's no room. Don't put it in there. I want my space.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Well, you ain't got it, bitch. Yeah, I can't. Yeah. Do you know what? I think if the plane crashed and we flew out of it, everyone else would die. And we would live. We would bounce. I'd have like a bruise on my side. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:28

If anything, the plant plane landed on us. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you want the plane to land safely? Let me jump out, and then you can roll down on my back to safety. Yeah, that's why we would be safe. It's like a speed bump. Yeah, yeah. But now look at us. A parish note, a page. Leukemia looking. Look at you. You got several things going on. No, let me explain something. Uh you ain't got leukemia. You need me to make it out.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

You got something as thin as you are now? I would not. I didn't I'm riddled with cancer. Riddled. I know it's everywhere. I'm not going for that exam when you get it.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

In the name of Jesus, okay? And I know I'm gonna have some common legal today. But I'm telling you right now, we're going to talk to Jesus. You you ain't got none of that. Okay. In the name of Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Listen, if you think I would have not made it out of a plane on a parachute, I would have gone right. The parachute would have just like flown off. Listen, let me tell you how I remember the day Whitney died. Oh Jessica's always so fucking supportive. I love you don't understand. I loved her. Oh, I did too. Yeah. What happened the day she died?

SPEAKER_04 6:35

Alright, I'm gonna be a little messy. No. Jody Wasseman was there with me.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:39

If Jody's watching, Jody, you know how I feel about you. I got love for you. I don't know what's going on with you. Jody was there. They were one of the, we were going on this uh um, what do they call the shit? The trapeze shit. Yeah. When they tundle in the air. Oh, I, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

Yeah, why does this sound familiar to me that I remember I'm not sure? Were you there? No, you went there and I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

No, you know why you might have known? Because I think I called you in tears. Yeah. No, no, no. The story gets worse, but it gets better. So they got the little thing where you could, you, you know, they put the little harness on it, you trapeze and shit like that, isn't that? So Jody was in front of me. They took Jody up. Then the mayor said to me, I'm sorry, you're too heavy. And wait, as he I in front of everybody. And I said, and you know Jody, no disrespect to Jody. Jody ain't no. I said, but you let Jody up there. I said, look at her. How's she even getting a heart? I said, me and her the same bitch. I might be a little extra of a bitch, but this bitch is also a big bitch. He was a racist. He I don't maybe or may I don't know. I didn't even think about it. I was so fat. You see, the thing is, I got a lot of things I gotta ask. Is it fat phobic? I know. Is it racist or is it sexist?

SPEAKER_02 7:46

You have it's a lot. It's a lot. What comes first? I love it. I want to hear the story, but what do you think is the first thing? Because I what do you think the first thing people think when they see you, what's the big the first thing that they're phobic about?

SPEAKER_04 7:59

Oh wow, that's a great question because it all hits them at once with me because I have three of the things.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

I have I'm Jewish, I'm heavy, and I'm gay. Right. And I'm a woman.

SPEAKER_04 8:12

But you gotta ask somebody if they're Jewish. That's it. Okay, like sometimes it's like you say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, unless they turn it aside and they look like a fucking pelican, you gotta ask them if they Jewish. Okay? So let's not act like we Jewish and black people got the same kind of problems. Because you can see right away.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

A pelican.

SPEAKER_04 8:29

Straight, straightforward, you can see that I'm black. Yeah, I think that's the first thing. Oh, right away. But then, but uh it's all kind of jumbled because they all then they see me because I'm black, right? And it's an adjutant. Then they gotta unsee me because they're so busy not seeing women. Right. Right? So you saw me, you gotta unsee me. Yeah, the woman thing might be fur, I don't know. Well, sure. From your POV. If you have that black layer, you understand how much more hate it is. I get that. That's why I said, But I'm not saying that women are not, which is why I wish white women would really take the responsibility to understand that you got to hold. If you want the feminist shit to go on, if you want black women to help, you have to also help us. We are dying. We are ten times more likely than anybody else to die in the naturalest way of just giving birth to a child. It is ridiculous. Nobody was talking about lupus, now all of a sudden a white bitch gets lupus, all of a sudden we're doing a lupus challenge. Like the way it's the truth. You don't want to see anything, you don't want to see you see women, you don't want to see women, now you gotta see the niggas because the niggas isn't good, but I can't see it because she's a bitch. Now I gotta see it cause you don't think a bitch woman.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

That was the most I need to get that on, I need to get that on a recording and I need to see. I'm not wearing that, but I think it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

But I'm telling you what the world I'm telling even when I go on stage.

SPEAKER_04 9:57

As a woman, we go on stage, they go, uh-oh, woman, second we're not funny. Then they looking at me going, uh-oh, black woman, oh it's gonna talk about pussy, fat yelling. Then I'm black, all black shit. They don't think that they're gonna. People are always pleasantly surprised to see you or I, after the fact, they're with the low standards they have for us, has it up. So, yeah, you and I are both seeing very specific and very real traumas that we should not see. I can't even compare it, I'm being honest with you. I don't want to compare it. I just want to say, like, as a white woman, you are entitled to have that I am a woman and I got all this shit going on. Are you entitled to that? But also understand that you gotta take that same energy and go, now imagine it's also this. I know they can't. They can't. A lot can.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

Like, but you know, and this is why they they mostly voted for Trump. You know, white women, it's identical.

SPEAKER_04 10:53

But everybody wants to be white. And this is where I get in trouble, right? Back in the day, and when we had the ghettos, right? And who was in the ghettos? You had the Jewish community, you had the Italian community, you had the black community in there. They was talking shit about all of us, okay? And the Polish community. They got more Polak jokes in a little bit, right? That's what they was doing. Yeah. You can't be a ginger, you can't be a Jew, you can't be Polish, the Italians are this, the is of that. And then at some point, the Italians said, Oh, we can be white. And then the Jewish community said, Oh, we can be white. Yeah, that's true. And they joined forces with whiteness to make it even more of a problem for everybody else that's left outside of. I can't just say I'm white, I can't pretend I'm white. None of that.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:32

And because the world navigates immediately when they see my skin, before they get to know me as a person, they have all these perceptions. I know. I have to try to combat. That's why when you say I'm one of the funniest, because I'm one of the funniest to do it and still tell my truth. A lot of people are not doing it. You're the most honest. I'm not coming to you with the shit. I grew up a plus size little black girl, and I grew up well. Doesn't stop people from seeing me going, oh, look at this old fat that came from the ghetto. I didn't. But even if I did, so fucking what? Why why are you always trying to put black people down from where they could possibly come from? You keep us socially and economically disenfranchised. The fact that black people are able to do any fucking thing is.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

I agree with you a hundred percent. A hundred percent. Okay. I'm always like thinking about can I talk about this? Can I like I don't want to be like, I'm an expert on the experience of black people, but like I've seen it my whole life. See, I grew up in South Orange, New Jersey, where I swear to God, I wasn't around racism.

SPEAKER_04 12:33

No, New Jersey's gonna be. Well, there's some parts in New Jersey that's well, not where I grew up. But no, and I didn't have it where I grew up. But then I went to a parochial school in Dublin, Maryland, where it was all, I went to Harford Christian. If anybody, if that school's still spinning and popping. All white. They had two little black girls in uh pre-K, and I would I was trying to get every day I was trying to throw dust on them so they could grow up, like some magic dust so they could be in my because I'm like, I can't be with them. They're in pre-K, you know, kindergarten. And then every now and then a kid of color would come, they would see what's going on, and they would get the fuck out of there. And I had to pretend every time that a new kid of color would come in, that everything's cool, because I don't want them to get scared and then leave me here with this nonsense. Yeah. Um, but it made me that experience. I'm talking about it, it got to a point at that school where they were wearing Confederate flags that a mother had sewn Confederate flags on the back of their jackets. Every day somebody was calling me with both G's, E's, and Rs, a porch monkey telling me to go back to Africa. Black people have webb feet. The Klu Klux Klan used to walk every year by where our school was. And so instead of telling them not to do that, and shout out to Mr. McKnight, who was my principal at the time, and I I don't have anything bad to say about him, but the cowardice of that school and knowing that you had two little black girls in kindergarten, you have a black girl, and instead of saying, Hey, we have children of color here, why are you doing that? I would get in Mr. McKnight's car and he would drive me home. That's how they problem solve. Oh, the clans called, okay, well, okay, we're gonna take you home. Sure, he stopped and got me a little happy meal, but then I realized, like, as an adult, the answer wasn't putting me in your fucking car and taking me home because the pack of cra is getting ready to run through an all-white environment. What are they parading for here? And I but I also don't want that to be my identity either, right? Like, I feel like that, you know, I come out and I speak about it a lot because I'm, you know, Jessica and I have been doing this comedy thing for a long time. We're not no brand new comics. And one of the things that really hurt us was that we were comics coming up in the time where reality television started, yeah, and no one needed comedians anymore. Everybody was looking for everyday regular people to do wild shit. And then we just were honing our craft and getting on stage because that's all we had was the stage. We didn't have all these social media outlets, we didn't have all these places for us to be. And through that, now we're just now getting out there to have our voice and have a platform. So there's a lot we've been meaning to say. Yes, we just haven't had to, but I'm not ramping up to be the next, oh, she's gonna speak about race every time. But every time I have to rem be reminded that I'm black, you're gonna get a conversation. I I think my resolve now as I get older is not even the fight. Like, I'm not fighting uh anymore to have integrity with these people, is what I'm saying, right? There's a fight, but it's not integral and you know, integrity with a fight. Like Michelle Obama says, when they go low, you go high. And I'm like, no, no, no. I'm already down there. Right, me too. I don't they gotta come down further. Yeah. Cause I know because why why play games?

SPEAKER_02 16:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:04

You gonna be down here anyway. Yeah. So I just decided to get down here first, and then you come meet me, and then we can be friends together.

SPEAKER_02 16:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:11

And enough of us are not in, like, is I I st when I see people like, well, you know, we how we how we speak and how we want people to regard. I'm like, fuck all that. Look who became president. Yosemite Sam became president, okay? The entire, like the hillbilly brigade, they had a monster mashed fight. A pack of dirty ass hillbilly sitting on the front lawn. This is where Abraham Lincoln and the Ted!

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Excuse me. The thing, the time I lost my mind was January 6th. That's when I was looking at the TV and I was like, That's when I've got to. Oh no. Uh they all got on the hillbilly.

SPEAKER_04 16:49

I didn't know how they found their way to get to the Capitol, because you know them can't spell, and Capitol's not spelled the way they think it is. But the reality is, no, somebody did, somebody had to do had to have a degree, just one person. They came up there, a pack of hillbillies, got in their GMC trucks with limited gas, stopped at Henry War Wall from Vas into Milling with their grandmother Todd to the hood of their truck. Like vacation. And Green Acres, all that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that Beverly Hillbillies. They shit.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

And then they said losing they shit in Nancy Pelosi's office and smeared it on the walls.

SPEAKER_04 17:29

Let me tell you something. They beat Nancy Pelosi's husband up out the tub. Now, I don't know how the fuck they got in the house. Did y'all hear about that? They beat the nigga up from the tub. What do you mean? Did I beat the wheel? They went in the house, took the nigga out the tub at 99.9 years ago.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

He answered the door. Or didn't he? He answered the door, I think. Or no, they when the police came in.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

No, I wouldn't answer the door with a loofah around his neck? They beat the man. That's what I'm saying about them. And you want to go high with these niggas that would beat an old man out the tub? I got to fuck you up. I told this woman, I listen, I shouldn't even tell, because I'm working. This is.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Oh, showing. Wait. What's going on, man? Oh, that's see, this is look.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Drop the hammer.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

What is going on? Oh, and that's when they should have shot.

SPEAKER_04 18:21

No. Okay. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. I can't. Yeah. Don't we love America? White man sitting there with a hammer in his hand. And then they drop the gun. Drop the gun. Drop it. Drop the gun. And then they wrestling with the. I was on my stoop. This was years ago. I was on my stoop smoking up in Harlem. And the cops, black, black cop, white cop. And they come around once and they come around again. The white cop says, you need to get off the stoop. I'm like, why? That's what exactly. He's a you need to get off, you need to go home. I'm like, I live here. He goes, Well, if I come around here one more time and you're sitting here, I'm gonna arrest you. Yeah. My grandparents had foster children. We used to have foster children come into the home. And, you know, when we would get them, it would be straight off of devastation. Something happened, um, they had an abusive situation at home, they were being abused, or there was some type of violence. And we would have children come in and they would be so terrified because they don't they're missing their family and they don't know where to go. And uh a lot of these kids have been in and out of that type of system and going to places where people abuse them. The thing I always appreciated because we got all types of we didn't just get black children. The thing that I appreciated about my grandparents is that like no matter what, um, no matter who came into our house, it was the same love across the board. And that's the one thing I miss about them because it I'm talking about like it would be kids and then you know, little white kids, they greasing them down, you know, giving them the same love. And then we gotta think about like when black kids are in that situation, what's happening to them?

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Yeah are white people treating them the same? It's not easy for us because we see everything. Now, I know people do also that aren't comics, but you and I see everything. Like we could be sitting in a room and kind of just know everything what's going on.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

How you and and and understand, I understand where they're attacking you. You're not a traditional white woman, you are also um bucking their norms by being queer.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:44

Um and you're not, and you and I, neither one of us do this present for men, right? We look good, but we ain't looking good for no man, right? We're not doing a little shebang bang to do too for for you. It takes us longer because in a space where men don't want to be challenged by women, they're going to a lot of times promote the women that don't necessarily challenge them. And I don't want to discredit any woman in comedy who's doing her thing, so I'm not talking about anybody in specifically. And a lot of times we see it at a uh very at a lower level, more so because people just start. The girls that make it through and they still got all the dynamic of being, you know, hot and pretending all that, they've had to also claw through their own shit. Right. But like at this level when you're really trying to get on, the men are like, let me choose the girl I want to fuck. Let me choose the girl that I can follow on stage. And very early on, they can't follow us. So what are they gonna do? That's why they pretend to like us so much. Some of them kinda do now, but like you know, we on the guy's show and you like, yeah, I'm on here because like I'm about to fucking you know you need this.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:55

But then you also gonna try to figure out where you're gonna put me because you know you can't follow me.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Yeah, I know. It's really that there are some male comics that will support us. Oh, yeah. For sure. Like, you know, Bill Burr supporting me, Tom Segurid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking Russell Peter.

SPEAKER_04 22:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

So there are some, but it's far and few between. I mean, it's not a lot.

SPEAKER_04 22:17

I was just with Donnell Rollins, who I love. I love him too. Up and down. Up and down. He gets on my nerves. He's so good. And he's so supportive. He's so supportive to me. And um he had uh Donnelly and we were there a couple weeks ago, and it was such a beautiful experience. Hopefully, when we do it next year, hopefully you can come. I want more people. It was just so beautiful. But he's been um very supportive. He's always telling me, listen, yum, you can do it. You know, you can really do it. But that's also like, I mean, Godfrey says that to me. Um, you know, to all levels. Uh Ruben Paul is always, you know, supportive of me. So yeah, there's a lot of guys, but then there are a lot of, you know, big name guys who can't they can't compete with you.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

It's all an ego thing, and they can't follow you. There's no way. When we say follow, by the way, it means go up on stage after. So if you're performing, they can't go up after you because.

SPEAKER_04 23:11

No one can go up after authentic. You know what it is? These guys, some of these guys get on my nerves. I might get in a little bit of trouble for this, but I'm feeling kind of randy right now.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Oh, that's good.

SPEAKER_04 23:21

Yeah. So I get so tired of these guys who've made it and then decide to go on stage with their little notebooks and go, hey guys, I'm trying out a little thing. Like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah, like, oh, okay, so people paying money to go watch you kind of bomb or not. And the only thing that's keeping them interested in what the fuck you're saying is because you are at this level and it's like, oh, so and so, we got to watch them work our material. And while I'm not naive enough to think that you don't need to work out material, sure, I don't think you need to be going up on stage with ideas you really haven't fucking processed more than putting it on a piece of paper. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Before I present anything to my audience, I think. Yeah, it's instantly.

SPEAKER_04 24:00

And then you bring up your homeboys, so y'all sitting there next to each other co-signing each other's nonsense. And it's like, I'm never interested when I'm on stage. It's not about how do I look good? Am I sexy? Me too. Do they think I'm flying? It's like we be on there crying our hearts to you. I feel the same way.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

I don't care.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

So yeah, you can't follow me with your fucking leather jacket and your homeboys kissing your ass. But you can because enough people have agreed in the populace that you everybody needed to be.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

They still can't because of their own ego. They still can't.

SPEAKER_04 24:36

Yeah, sure, but we know group thing is right. A lot of like the the other contention I have now lately is like these my who's on my top five. And it's always interesting me that we keep talking about these top fives in comedy and you ain't never got no bitch on there. Never. Right. But you're not even invested in the bitch. You don't know no bitches.

SPEAKER_02 24:53

So how do you how do you know who's out there? And also who's the top paid. I mean, did you see that list? There's like 10, 15, it's all men. There's not one woman on the list.

SPEAKER_04 25:02

And you know what? Women have to start supporting women in the comedy.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

That's what I'm doing. This is the whole reason I'm doing it. I'm talking about the fans.

SPEAKER_04 25:10

I'm talking about the audience too. Yeah, you bitches got to come out. You got because women are also fun in the good. They keep trying to act like we don't laugh. Oh, well, humor's a man thing. First of all, the fact that we gotta fuck with you niggas makes it hilarious. Okay? So we all, any woman who has to receive a dick, you should be laughing immediately. It's never coming out properly. I don't give a fuck how big it is. You got to. And then the other bitches have laughed so hard at you, they don't even fuck with your dick, okay? But sometimes you gotta laugh when you see a straight dick.

SPEAKER_02 25:44

Have you had any dick? Have you had any dick lately?

SPEAKER_04 25:46

I got fucked so hard yesterday. Oh, I hope he sees this though, too. You did? Yes. Wait. It was makeup sex too. It was great. It what it was like, oh. And I was like, No, because I had to go somewhere. So I was like, you gotta fuck me and come on. Like, you know, we didn't even have time to really talk about it. Oh, that's better. Don't you just slam it? I said my doors, I come in, my doors open to get. Were you waiting? I wasn't I was doing my hair, I had to get going. So I had my I had just taken a shower. I look good. I had my bathrobe on. I had to up a little bit so you can see my ass.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

I can't handle it.

SPEAKER_04 26:23

Did he just grab your robe and pull it up and he he I well he I'm so my skin is so soft, and I could just feel him feeling how soft it was. I know he regrets he didn't have a lot of time with me. But it was very passionate. There's a couple things that he's he said that he did, and I just and I just his scent is still on me. Like it was, and his dick is so big, and it like and I sometimes I have to. Like is it like this? No, it's not like it's oh, no, not no, but is it this big?

SPEAKER_02 26:56

Is it this color or is it white? No, it's a beautiful, like Hershey bar brown. Oh, okay, because I know you've been with white guys. I didn't know. Yeah, no, white guys. I want I wish I had a Hershey bar, to be honest with you. I don't want a Hershey bar brown dick, but I want a Hershey bar. With nuts. I love Hershey. Well, I had both yesterday. With nuts. Do you like the nuts? I love the nuts.

SPEAKER_04 27:21

His nuts, I loved his nuts. Really? We didn't have any time, so they kind of quickly suck his dick, and then he kind of quickly ate me out, and then it was like boom boom boom. And then it was like, uh-uh-uh. And then it was like, then we, you know, because sometimes like we were fucking in the front of my apartment, so it's like I don't, my neighbors are right, you know, and they got kids. Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

So it's kind of like, uh, you know, at one point'll get scared of the noises.

SPEAKER_04 27:40

I know, but it's like you have a big, big, like, you know, it's like, uh, you know, and at one point I turned and I saw my cat Carlin, and he's got special needs. He doesn't know what's going on. He's looking, he's looking. I'm literally sounds like my therapist.

SPEAKER_03 27:55

Your therapist has special.

SPEAKER_04 28:01

At some point, I'm looking at my cat. My cat's like this. Oh, your cat was watching you have to- I can't do that. No, it he I didn't listen, he was under my Peloton. So I and I was facing him for some reason. Yeah, because he was hitting me from the bottom. You were you were getting fucked from behind and the cat was looking at you? Yeah, because sometimes I play with him over the couch like that. I take the little dangly thing. Oh, I know, I've seen you do that a million times. He came over thinking I was dangling. Uh, there was someone dangling. Yeah, yeah. And he's kind of looking at me, and I look, and my other cat walks past him in disgust.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

And I go because he was watching.

SPEAKER_04 28:39

No, because prior's like, here goes another one. And he's like, I'm out. But Carlin's like, what's happen? Is it playtime? And I'm like, I'm like, please, and I'm about to come, and I'm like, please, I can't look at my cat. I can't look at my cat right now. I'm about to come. I can't. He's just judging me the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

But good for him. Mommy got it last night. Did you come just from the sex? Like, just no, like just the dick. You know what turns me on?

SPEAKER_04 29:05

What? Watching the guy get turned on. Yeah, I get that. Like, that is. That's a Scorpio thing. You know, you know how we get down. Yeah. Yeah. It's like we that's the power of it all. Like, I want to see you guys. Like, as soon as he's like, I'm like, I'm like, I was on this guy one that he was like, he like he had come and he was still hard. And he was like, he says, don't, don't stop doing. He's like, I gotta come again. And I was like, really? And it was so crazy that like we came together the second time. Cause it was like to see that he was still hard. Like, oh, you want this. Right. You know what I mean? Like you came and then you're still hard. You still want me to keep right. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 29:46

You must be crazy in bed.

SPEAKER_04 29:48

I'm crazy in bed. Do you talk a lot? I oh, I get guys off by the things I say. You gotta say bullshit to them, you know. Like what?

SPEAKER_02 29:56

Like I'll I'll make you a chicken.

SPEAKER_04 30:00

No, like I'll say things like, no, I can't, because like I said, no, but it's stuff like, okay, like I'll go adjacent to it. Like, you know, like, oh, you're the best, you know, you're the best man in the world. Like, yeah, you tell them they're the like look how perfectly your penis fits inside me. Like your dick is just probably nauseous. I love the whole thing so much. I know, but it is, you know, just like nothing thinking about like, oh, I just need oh my god, this feels so good. Yeah. Like all, you know, I did that thing and that was all for you. Like, I was I just I wanted you to, you know.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

I love that you're like that.

SPEAKER_04 30:36

I was doing it the whole time. No, I know. Just like, and I'm like, oh, I need it. But you're saying it to the ladies. You're whispering sweet nothings.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Yeah, not like I love how your dick fits into the big thing. No, but yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:52

How my finger is my scrap on it.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

I'm like, do you like the scissors? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:59

Sometimes you're bumping coochies and you're like, ooh, that coochie feels like. Yeah, I don't scissor.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

I say this all the time. I don't? I've scissored so much I've sheared. I now I j I say this.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

I ru Now I don't make me I say now I just rule her.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

I swear I just like her. You're crazy. Oh, you're no, no, I'm I'm not like that. But I I after a while. Jess, you're really sexy.

unknown 31:37

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 31:37

You're really sexy. You got a very sensual side to you. Thank you. Sometimes you pull me close and I'm like, bitch, I'm listening I'm teetering. Don't get too close with me.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

Don't get too close, bitch. Wait, wait, what would make you go over the have you you've been with a woman, right? No, I never have. Yum, you have to do it.

SPEAKER_04 31:54

Do I? You know what it is? I'm so like, I don't Do I? That's how I don't sell. No, you know what? I'm kind of being messy here, but Chelsea Handler, who I'm on uh tour with, I'm on her tour opening up for her. She has a friend that I have a crush on. Really? Yeah, and it's a woman, and I'm like, I don't know. It's something about her in particular, like the way she move, she moves like a man with power. And I think that's what's sexy to me. And I'm very interested. And I would, I mean, that person is not available, which is why I'm not gonna say the name, and I'm respectful of that. And Chelsea's like, nope, she's not available, dude. So I'm like, okay, I wanna be a homeworker, I like I become a lesbian and a homework at the same time. But but I have a lot, I I have a lot of appreciation for her, and I I if she was available, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

Yeah, because a lot of people say it's just the person, it's their energy. Like a lot of women are like, I'm not a lesbian, but this person's energy is Yeah, because I don't know. Is she butch? I'm curious.

SPEAKER_04 32:55

Yeah, there yes, there's no, but there's I don't know because I it's not like I'm she a woman, she's a woman. Yeah, yeah. But it's like her energy, I think it's just stronger energy than mine, which is attract like if you can be stronger than me, I'm pretty strong. It's a turn on.

unknown 33:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:16

If you can be stronger than me, you know.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

It's powers, yeah, and strong taking care of things.

SPEAKER_04 33:21

Yeah, just like when, you know, I just feel like, you know, there's not a I don't have to think when I'm around her.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

Right.

SPEAKER_04 33:27

You know, I can kind of just lay I like that kind of lazy, co cozy, like uh I feel but I don't look at women's breasts and get turned on. I don't look at pussies and get turned on.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Yeah. Um me neither.

SPEAKER_04 33:40

I justbian sex is the best sex, it's the most sensual sex. It is the most sensual sex. Sometimes I will go watch that instead of guy because men don't know how to be sexy.

SPEAKER_02 33:50

You like lesbian porn? I mean, I I you know I I'm in a relationship now and it's it's amazing. Um and it can die down, not with Sarah, but like, you know, people will say, like, you become friends, right? Like, you become comfortable, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:06

And it becomes more, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

Yeah. Um, but I feel like lesbian porn is not like do you watch women with like tons of makeup on, and or do you watch like I think the thing I like about lesbian porn is when the w woman is aroused and and coming, it's like, oh, I wish I I wish that was me.

SPEAKER_04 34:25

So it's a lot of transference of myself. And I feel with the men, it's just never sexy. It's like the way they be fucking a woman ain't sexy. Like, you know, there's a couple of um women who direct porn. Yeah, direct porn. Yeah, yeah. And they're really coming from, like, they take the time to get the scripts going and the thing. So there's stuff going, like, I don't want to just see some guy just going, uh. It's like, what happened? How he get here? Who is he? What he got going on? Like, she just met this dude somewhere. Like, with the women, it's always like, I don't know, my husband, he hasn't been treating me right. I understand. You know, and if it's only somebody, oh, but my, you know, and then the middle, like, hey, bitch, bend over so I can boo give your ku kaki. It's like, what? Can you get me? But where the fuck did you come from? Yeah, right. My pussy is sandpaper dry, and you're drilling your dick inside of it because you haven't said one thing. Not even hello. Who are you? I don't even know who the fuck I'm fucking. Not even hello. Yeah. We both, listen, they take.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

They're like, what are you doing over here by this tree? And she's like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 35:30

Oh my god, but sometimes the tree ones I like.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

Yeah, me too. Because it's like random.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

Like a good homemade when it looked like no production value. Yeah, yeah, because that's like from an A-track. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

I think about the porn I watched the first one I did with my friends from high school. We all just sat around and it was in a van. Like a black and white.

SPEAKER_04 35:53

Our entire childhood was some type of van.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

The woman had a bush.

SPEAKER_04 35:58

It was old school. Yeah, it was old school. It's black and white. They were fucking in a van. I saw a vintage one. Uh, I was with this guy. Like, I you know, I like to watch little things with the guys on with sometimes. And we were watching a vintage one, and this white woman's bush was crazy. It looked like Bob Ross was between her legs. I said, is he about to paint a mural? What's happening here?

SPEAKER_02 36:21

You need to Google Bob Ross to understand.

SPEAKER_04 36:24

It was crazy.

SPEAKER_02 36:25

Or Richard Simmons. Or Richard Simmons. The hair of Richard. What happened to him? You know, they said they can't find him. He died. No, he didn't.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

Yes, he did. He did? Yeah. Oh, no, I was I've been meaning to tell.

SPEAKER_04 36:35

I said, as soon as I find a Jewish person, I'm gonna tell them that. I can't. Because y'all got to find him. I wouldn't, I would check in today.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

What do you mean a Jewish person is Jewish? He was Jewish. No, he was? Yeah, Richard Simmons is Jewish. Oh. How come you didn't know this? I didn't know that. How come I know your history more than you know? I'm embarrassed.

SPEAKER_04 36:53

Yeah. I was concerned. Richard Simmons was my guy. Like and I hate that they like. Because queer wasn't accepted during that time. And it was like, look at all those women he helped.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:05

And they, and like, how many of those women were really staying with him and his struggle we had to go through?

SPEAKER_02 37:10

Yeah, he was a little too macho for me, but he was You think so? I'm joking.

SPEAKER_04 37:14

Oh. I was like, where was he macho? Them shorts. Now, did they bury him in them shorts? I hope he's not dead. What about he's dead? Is Dan dead? No, Jessica. No, no, no, okay, we're not going, okay. Because I thought you said we were talking about everything. So clearly. You can bring it up. Okay. I don't care. The way I first met Jessica, I took this comedy class when I was in New York City. Because my mother was insistent on, you have to go to college for comedy. I said, There's no college for comedy, mama. And so she started, she would always sign me up for these classes and I would have to go. But I enjoyed that class. And um, it was at Gotham and the guy Dan, I forget his last name.

SPEAKER_02 37:53

That's the problem. We don't know his last name.

SPEAKER_04 37:54

When Jess goes, oh my God, yeah, he died. I go, what? I don't know if he died. And then Jess goes, Oh, I don't know if he died. I'm like, wait a minute, because I got I'm black. I need to grieve a very specific way.

SPEAKER_02 38:04

Okay? Well, how would you grieve if it was true and I said, he's past.

SPEAKER_04 38:15

Because you know, if I was a lone bitch, you know I would do a whole act out. But I'm like, then because let me tell you something about let me tell you something. When my cat died, when they were telling me Forbes was dying, right? I get, I was crying all the way in the Uber. I was on the phone, I was crying, I was crying so bad. The Uber man got out and said, Can I get please give you a hug and say a prayer? Yes. And I was holding it, that's scary. So I I was like, I put an extra tip. Like, I was like, ugh. I wrote a note to them. I said, That guy, he said, and I just sank into his arm. I was holding um Forbes, and he was so weak. And I was holding him in his little carrying bag, and that man prayed for me, and then when we got in there, the the vet said to me, she said, Um, I think it might be carcinoma, I may be saying it wrong, but carcinosquiomus, which is a form of cancer. And she says, I think it might be that, but let's see, because he had this abscess on his mouth, and I noticed it when he was trying to eat, the food was falling out. And she went down, they did some tests, and she came up and she said, I I hate to have to tell you, I said, Please don't, my grandparents just died. Please.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

Oh my god. I said, please, I can't.

SPEAKER_04 39:27

I don't tell me. And she said, and I let out a scream so loud, and she was like, Okay, um, so okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get someone for you. And they brought the Puerto Rican nurse in. And honey, we had a black funeral right there before uh three days before I had to finally put no, I maybe it was four days before I had to finally put Forbes down, but he rested peace. That Puerto Rican nurse came in here, he said, Mama, come here. And I just screamed and screamed and screamed. I know it's the worst. And he rocked me and he said, Mama, I know. He's and he goes, you know, these white people, they don't get it, baby. Let it out. They can't handle it, but you let it out. And he let, and I'm telling you, um, right over there at um um uh blue blue pearl on when on 50 something, 56, I think it was, or 50, by right by half. It's the worst. Yeah, it was, but you know, we grieve, you know, your mother grieves too, right?

SPEAKER_02 40:22

Oh yeah, my family, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:24

Can we tell them about this story again about your mother at the microwave during the prayer? Yeah, I want to We in a we're we're sitting shiver, ain't we? I was sitting something. I don't know. They always bring me in telling me what I'm doing. They said, be quiet, sit down and sit shiver. I said, okay. And then I got on a Zoom because we all couldn't get together. What was COVID? And my dad's. Just daddy's funeral. And then they said, that's how I told my mama said, Jessica's daddy died.

SPEAKER_02 40:55

My new porn, Jessica's daddy's funeral.

SPEAKER_04 40:58

And then they said, let's say, let's say uh a prayer.

SPEAKER_02 41:00

And then we were all on Zoom and the rabbi was talking. There were a lot of old Jewish people like this in the screen.

SPEAKER_04 41:09

Somebody was like, Who is this? When I came on in, they said, Oh, I think we she's supposed to be at the hip-hop party.

SPEAKER_02 41:14

No, they thought you were the nanny.

SPEAKER_04 41:16

Or the or the maid. No, they thought it was an undertaker. Oh, the the lady that put the body together is in here. So old black people or old Jewish people have the same face. They do it.

SPEAKER_02 41:30

Oh, 100%. We're gonna be like that. Where are you from? What are you doing? Anyone celebrate?

SPEAKER_04 41:36

Hold on over there. Well, eyes get really like furrowed after a while. Yeah, because we just started seeing people at this point. Yeah, like just trying to kill you. Your mother went to the microwave, started hitting every button that wasn't popcorn. My mom got up in the screen. And I know it's your mom, because her shit kept lighting up. Her screen kept lighting up. You can hear the tray just spin going over the ridges and spin over here. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

My mom tried to like hide, getting up. I'm like, you're on screen. And then she walked behind her and put salmon in the microwave and was like, And the rat was like, Jeffrey was a good man. He said Wow, that's a long time. Is that because you just got fucked? Is that the sound you make? Is that what the cat was saying? She had my leg up. Who, my father? No!

SPEAKER_04 42:56

No, the only legs your daddy had up was your mama walking her legs to the microwave. Those are the legs that was up for that.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

Wait, this man yesterday had your leg up?

SPEAKER_04 43:06

And now I gotta sit here and act like I don't like him. That's the thing. I hate that. Like, the more you like somebody, you gotta act like you don't like them. Like, get the fuck out of here. I hate that you fucked me.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

Yeah, don't call me. Don't call me. I don't like it. Did he call me today? Oh, you checked your phone 5,000 times today. Did he text you? Are you okay? That was a long pause. Wait, did he text?

SPEAKER_04 43:30

Because I don't know what to say. Oh, don't. No, because I don't I like it. Yeah, it's okay. We know you don't care.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

We know you don't care.

SPEAKER_04 43:37

You're not No, I I'm talking to Chat GPT about it. And I and let me tell you something. I have to confess because I'm not supposed to I'm killing black communities just to find out whether I should text him back or not. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for my people. It's okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

No, no, no, because I'm I can't forget.

SPEAKER_04 43:56

I could get militant for my people and then I'm like, do I text? Him back and now a whole water fountain.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

They're all gonna go down anyway.

SPEAKER_04 44:04

Starting with us first.

SPEAKER_02 44:05

No, I'm saying whether you go on Chat GBT or not, your whole community is gonna suffer. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_04 44:13

Oh my god. So Martin Luther King's dream wasn't right. We ain't never gonna overcome this shit. Because I'm telling you right now, black people, we never overcome this shit.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

It's time for a I don't think in our lifetime, I hate to say it. I know that's very upsetting. I think my children, I think, yes.

SPEAKER_04 44:28

No, no, no, not even them. No. Because you know what? People said that about us. Remember General Dex? That's true. Oh, we were supposed to be the generation because we was cool. We all watched Ninja Turtles together and shit, and Spectre Gadget. We was all doing the same shit together. Bills and Ted's excellent adventure. We was stoning out, eating Lucky Charms and shit. They said, oh no, this is a generation. They all love each other. And as soon as we hit 40, we couldn't stand each other. Yeah. That's what it is. 40 is the age of racism. Cause it's like you be hating a lot of shit and you don't say nothing. You're like 40 is like this is fuck them. Fuck these people.

SPEAKER_02 44:58

Not everybody, just uh like just us in the career. Yeah, there's a lot, but it's not like the white, white, white people.

SPEAKER_04 45:05

Yeah, I mean, the white, white, the hills that have eyes, they need to stay wherever they like when they say we want segregation, I'm like, thank you. Cause I was trying to figure out how the fuck we're gonna get away from you niggas. Like, some of these white people are scary. Hell.

SPEAKER_02 45:18

That's why I won't live next to you. They scare me more than anyone. Like when I've traveled in the South and stuff by myself.

SPEAKER_04 45:24

You have not experienced terror until you run into a white bitch at Marshall's that can't find a blouse. That's the worst terrorist on earth. Where's your manager? Nigga, it's Marshalls. Ain't no manager here.

SPEAKER_02 45:37

That's why you're getting these discounts at sales, bitch, because they don't have good customer service and there's no custom there's no manager. I know. I love when someone could take something off the rack because there's like four things on the rack now at Target, and they're like, Do you have this in a small? It's like you're lucky there's one in an XXL.

SPEAKER_04 45:54

There's no I stop asking people to go in the back to look for shoes. They don't have to be a shoes. I don't have anyone. I don't have a shoe. I'm a 10, 10 and a half. They ain't got them shoes back there. Bitch, you gotta go where the niggas go get shoes. They have a six, and you have to try to get on your phone. I gotta go to the drag queen stores. Me and the queens, everybody is firing highland in the same spot.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

I love them.

SPEAKER_04 46:11

Yeah, that's why I love drag queens. Me too. I love dragons.

SPEAKER_02 46:14

Don't get rid of that community because without them, I don't have no shoes. They're not going anywhere. No, no, no. Bait, tell me really not quick, but how how do you feel? I love that you're a woman opening for Chelsea. I think it's so important for female comics to have other women at that level. I'm not talking about, like, I'm talking about, you know, women who really like have an audience. Yeah. Um and how has that been for you? Like pref like touring with her? You your videos are hysterical. I've died. We have a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_04 46:48

We have a lot of fun. We um this relationship has really spawned it's I I'm having a ball. Yeah. Right? And I'm having a good time. Um I think sometimes I think a lot of people are really in support of it, and we love that. People love our relationships. Yeah. And then I think there's also a dynamic of people who are like, what's going on here? You know, we're both, you know, very much in your face figures. Yeah. And I think a lot of times when people see, you know, women coming together and certain stuff, it's kind of like, especially black women and white women, because you know it's kind of like, you know, what's going on. I always tell people, like, whatever we got going, like, whether how whatever our friendship does as it as it grows through the years and however it is, it ain't never gonna be because that bitch didn't hold me down and support me. Yeah, I'm really happy. I she's done a lot for me. She's been very supportive to me. And it and and I'm not thanking her in regards, like, oh, I got the thing. Let me kiss the ring, I've got the thing. Like, no. We she wanted to hang and be friends, and I w and I loved hanging with her. And I and now we get to the point where we get on each other's nerves. That's where we want to be in our relationship.

SPEAKER_02 48:00

Yeah, that's what a real friendship is.

SPEAKER_04 48:02

Yeah, we spent a lot of time together. We've been so many different places together, we've seen so many things. There's it's just a really great. I've had so many, you know, just personal things on a personal note that I have to, you know, I talk to her about, you know, who I'm fucking, my love life, what I got going on, what I feel about like getting older, what I feel about the business. She has a lot of experience of being in the business and a lot of things that she's helped me with. I my podcast is coming out on her network, Dear Chelsea Network. You gotta come on it. Yeah. And it's coming out, it's called You're the Problem with Yamanika. I love it. I'm so happy to hear that. It's good, and I'm glad in this time that I'm having that because I'm also at a place where I feel like I'm more confident and sure about who I am as a performer. And it's good to have that relationship with her. And also, there's things that I'm doing on my own. And it's good to have somebody that you can go back and say, like, yeah, you know, I got this going on. I'm, you know, what do you think about this? And she'll say, you know, hey, why don't you do this? Or, you know, this is how the business end of it is. So it's good. I am I'm appreciative.

SPEAKER_02 49:04

I'm really I don't know Chelsea well. I respect her so much, and I think she's brilliantly funny, and she's a warrior, and she takes risks and doesn't let people, you know, she does it.

SPEAKER_04 49:16

She fights for who she fights hard. That's what I love about her. Yeah. I know there's always comments about people or personalities and what they got going on. But I'm telling you, and just because she's a Pisces and I'm a Scorpio, you know that we those are the fighting side, like for our people, we'll fight. So um, there's been times when she's been like, like really fucking had my back. So yeah, she's definitely, and I like that she's like a she's a girls' girl too, because she's like, you know, even like when we were doing the roasts and stuff, like she has so much so so much support from like Nikki Glazer and like all the other girls have been doing the roast, so like, and they all loved her and very sweet. And it was good to see women like like loving on each other too.

SPEAKER_02 49:59

Yeah, too important. So, yeah, what I want to say is, and this I mean this, and I feel like I like I started thinking about it and I felt emotional because um you deserve it, Jan. Like you are only gonna make someone like lift anyone up, you're gonna make anyone show better. Like you are so brilliantly funny and and so loving and such a good friend and so fun to be with. Like, it's like anyone should want to take you on the road, but like she is doing it and helping, and it helps her, and it's a mutual, obviously, a friendship.

SPEAKER_04 50:39

It is a mutual thing. Of course. And it's a real like, first of all, I thank you for saying that about me. It's true. Because I'm very sensitive, you know, and I'm very guarded. So sometimes for me, it's like I've been hurt in so many different ways. You know, you and I have talked about it. We've been hurt uh a lot of the same ways. And um I'm ne I never want somebody to feel, even when it, you know, in the audience, if if I'm going at you crazy, it's because you came crazy. I'm the same way. Because there's no way I always tell people, when I talk to you, don't even worry about it. It's so much love, it's so much like that. Like, we in there, like I feel bad sometimes. People come to a show, and they're like, I don't want to sit up front. I'm like, nah, because nobody should be fucking with you, just be fucking with you anyway. Like, I got material outside of who sits here. Like, imagine me having material only based upon like, I hope a big person stood up front, I hope a black woman stood up front. Well that's what it's like. So, but um, I I I do want a champion for everybody, and that's where a lion's share of my comedy comes from because I have been hurt, I've been devastated, I've been rejected, I've been too, you know, all these things. So that's where I get to have my power back, and I get to say a big fuck you when I'm on the mic. When I say I don't want to explain to white people what the plight is, that's like me explaining Monopoly to the Monopoly. He knows what's going on. He on the box, ain't he? Every time I pass go, I gotta get money from this nigga, right? Every time I go to jail because of this nigga, every time I need to get a building, I gotta get some nigga.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

I love Monopoly.

SPEAKER_04 52:14

And we'll call it white nigga. So now what I'm saying is.

SPEAKER_02 52:19

I've never said you know what?

SPEAKER_04 52:20

Jessica is true to her word. Bitch, in almost 30 years I've known you. I would I've never said that word. Not even try to. I've never said it. And this is a paper. I have white friends who are like, ooh, can I see it on Friday? No, nigga, never.

SPEAKER_02 52:33

Friday? That's the last day you'd want to say it.

SPEAKER_04 52:36

It's the beginning of the weekend. Because they want to get their ass beat on the weekend. Listen, I'm telling you. Let me we gotta do a part two because I see you rapping us, but we're getting we're getting all comfortable and shit. I don't want to go. Let's do a part two. Like, I'll come back. You have to come on my show too. You can do a part two. Why aren't we doing a show together? I told Jessica, I just pitched that shit. We're gonna do this show. I'm talking about. I love the way you're laying right now.

SPEAKER_02 52:59

Do you want me to call that guy to come back and pound you again? Let me tell you something. He Oh yeah, show me. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 53:04

Like Okay, so this was me with the cat. Wait, because I gotta make sure my buttons are enough. Okay. So my feet are don't worry about my feet. He had to see my ashy feet. They're not ashy. I'm like this, right? Yeah. And the cat's down here. And he thinks I'm getting ready to play with him. But I got shit going on back here. So I can't play with him. You know. And I'm looking at the guy going, let's move over. Like I'm trying to move him over. Where'd you where'd you move over to? So we move over.

SPEAKER_02 53:28

It's inside of you. You both move together. Oh, you shimmied over together. If you're connected, well, he's so big that it got stuck and you just like nobody.

SPEAKER_04 53:37

No, he's so big that we can move together.

SPEAKER_02 53:38

Right, that's the same thing.

SPEAKER_04 53:39

Some guys, you can't move nowhere with them. Right, you move over and even pop out. Jump up and down. Jump? Like, I can go up a lot because there's so much there. Do you get motion sickness? No, I wish. I wish I got any type of sickness from him. I got the fever. Ugh. He came in. He ugh. Was that a cat? No, I don't know. It might have been my cat. That might be not the mic. That might be the. Oh my god. Was he inside of me? He, I shouldn't even confess this, but I feel like confessing this with you. He ate me out on my period. Isn't that crazy? Like, who, what kind of warlock shit is that? That like, oh, you trying to warlock me? And I'm a big bitch too? I can't. How am I supposed to stop? He lifted my stomach back and fell.

SPEAKER_02 54:25

Wait, because I'm just gonna go to the city. Did you see a little bit of the poke right here? He like, he like, yeah. He just. We're backing up. He went down around him. Did he come up and look like he had a snow cone?

SPEAKER_04 54:38

Everybody, no. First of all, I'm not kidding. Now I can never say who it is. Don't ask, I'm never I would never do that too. Do I know him? No, you don't know him. Okay. No, no, you know him. I wish I did. No, no, no. I should look at someone with blood all over their face. No, people, you know, when I've met I've mentioned it, people will be like, oh, he's the Joker. Or somebody said Freddie Krueger. What he why? Because the Joker has that little red thing around his lips? Oh.

SPEAKER_02 55:04

Or yeah, looks like he has bad sores. Um wait a minute. What? What?

SPEAKER_04 55:12

You think I gave him sores?

SPEAKER_02 55:14

No, I said it looks like Look at the Joker. No, my yeah, that's how he looked when he got up out of my pussy. Did he come up and look like that? It's okay. I've I've exp it's okay. You've done it too? Yeah. Tell Yeah! Lesbians aren't that. What I mean, I'm an old school lesbian.

SPEAKER_04 55:34

I was I was scared for him because I was like, I he pushed my hands away. I was like, are you sure? No, I've I think it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 55:40

I've lifted up and looked like I ate out like a live chicken. Like I killed it, and it just I looked up and there were like feathers and a fucking beak. Yes. I'm not crazy about that shit.

SPEAKER_04 55:56

That's also transferring of energy, though. You mean like drinking someone's blood? Yeah, well, he had to have he had he had where you think my vagina was like, oh, let's not put blood up here? He was all over it. Oh, I can control mine. You can? No. Um she does this to me a lot, by the way. Just like that. Yeah, you're very gullible. People don't understand.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

Someone's like an alien came to my house last night and made big baked CD. I'm like, really? Like, I I don't question anything.

SPEAKER_04 56:30

We gotta find out what that is about our spirit that we are both gullible like that. Like, I believe every fucking person. So do I. And the people are like, you're too smart for that, and you're too with it to be that.

SPEAKER_02 56:39

And I'm the same exact way. Okay. We gotta wait. I wanna ask you a quick question. I'm getting off the period blood and the Sure. Yeah. I don't want to. I'd rather talk about that for the next half.

SPEAKER_04 56:52

I wanted to talk about him. I I had to we I had a fight, and then I was like, because come he was and then it was quick because I had to go, but I like there were so many things I wanted to do, you know? Right. But I'm not gonna call him.

SPEAKER_02 57:04

Do not call him. You call me. I have to tell him, yeah, don't you?

SPEAKER_04 57:08

I mean, I asked Chat GBT and what Chat GBT said.

SPEAKER_02 57:13

Well, he likes the period, but so maybe like, you know, everyone's gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_04 57:17

You know, guys don't guys like a chase.

SPEAKER_02 57:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:20

And the thing about it is, I don't have time to pretend that I am gonna let you chase me because I'm busy. Yeah. You know, it's not like I'm sitting at home going, let me pretend I'm bit like I know it's legit busy. And I'm making time for you because I know I don't have time, so I need to know when I'm gonna see you so I can have time. I could not play games.

SPEAKER_02 57:41

I mean, I when I was date, like I wouldn't this isn't even dating, but like I the games thing, it's like when you guys are a certain age, it's like I'm not fucking doing this anymore. No. But what I was gonna ask you about, and if you don't mind, um yeah, I I had asked you talked to you about this before, before we wrap it up. Um I know Chelsea did the roast, and we don't have to talk about it. Yeah, no, we don't let's talk about it. So Chelsea did the roast, it was amazing. Um, you know, or things I liked about the roast, not Chelsea, but I'm just saying things I was like, uh, but I 100% believe in free speech and it, you know, anyone can say what they want. Um but I saw a clip that he has, because I saw him put it up of Tony um Hinchcliffe. Okay, let me see. Yeah, I wanted you to see this, to see what you think. And what is this on his podcast? This is on the um uh Kill Tony. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 58:29

The writers just didn't do her any justice, but then gave me a lot of opportunity to remind Chelsea Handler what she looks like.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

Yeah, I was surprised you hadn't seen that. I just saw it on Instagram today.

SPEAKER_04 58:41

I don't is this recent or is this right after the roast? Uh I think this was maybe a week after the roast. Okay. Let me just bring it down. So I was one of um the writers for Chelsea Handler. The show itself has writers, um, and every performer had an opportunity to utilize either the show's writers or they could have um gotten their own team of writers, and some of them did that. One of the things that I can say is as soon as we got into the writer's room for Chelsea, it was immediate that she did not want to attack um any of the women. Um, and then when we found out Cheryl Underwood was on there and um Regina Hall, she was very adamant about not attacking the black women because she knew there was already gonna be enough nonsense there and there was nothing that she wanted to say negative. So um we were already in that space of of protection, right? Of um considering the environment that we're about to be in with a bunch of haphazard people, um, that we should have some regard about who we're punching down on. Tony came in, he's I don't you know it's surprising to me that he keeps focusing on Chelsea because God knows I don't think anybody was light with him. It's like, I do have anything to say about Pete Davis, you know, saying something like what like whatever. So I think again it just becomes like it's a woman, right? Yeah and um I mean Cheryl damn near threatened you, to be honest with you. Not and not that I'm not saying that to be like, here's this black woman threatening, but she reminded you you was in Englewood, right? A lot of niggas had to have security to get up out of there. Don't play around with Inglewood. I wouldn't. You up here talking crazy about black people saying all kinds of nonsense, being a racist, and you think them is not gonna come find you. They will. And Cheryl reminded them of that. Um I don't know what Tony listen, I I'm always I'll I'll break the fourth wall. Tony's not even a racist or a misogynist. I've never had any problems with this nigga. I've had nothing but good conversations with him. He's cool. I don't know him well, but he was he's been nice to me.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:00

You know what I mean? I don't know him.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:01

But what happens is when you become the king of the mediocre white niggas that ain't got shit going on, you have to sound like that. He's not that, but the insecure white men who feel like the countries, they're losing the countries, too many gays, too many, too many Jews. They gotta have that running his mouth crazy so they feel vindicated. And because it's so many of them, he's able to be a millionaire off that nonsense. What he does is all he does is tear people down, roast people, but he's not even like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:35

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:35

That's the thing I don't like about Tony the most. And if Tony hears that, he can hear that. I've never had you're not even this f that you're trying to be. You're doing that for the money, and then when it doesn't work out for you, you go, oh, I don't know what people are saying shit about me. Because you're not that. Be true to who you are. Maybe you can't be funny being the cool guy that you really are. Maybe you can only be funny being the asshole. Sometimes we gotta put on a little, a little jacket, yeah, right, to make ourselves cool. But Tony knows he's not that, and he don't want no smoke. Ain't no way Tony could be that. First of all, half the time when I'm talking to him, I'm like, is he gay? Then on top of it, you sound like a pedophile. So that you a gay pedophile, like the way we all got to be looking at you. Don't you like little I just so what I'm trying to figure out is when do you have time to be racist when you're a gay pedophile? I can't. I'm being honest. And he can come to me all he wants with that. I'll have the same kind, I don't have nothing to hide from his name. He looked like Mr. Furley, and we knew Mr. Furley was touching little kids, at least on the show. Okay? Ain't no nigga in an Ascot and going and he not touching the little boys. So you look like you got your coutrement of a pedophile nigga that just like because he's making general oh, it's a wheelchair nigga. Let's make wheelchair jokes. It's a fat bitch. Like so when I look at you, what I see is a gay pedophile. You, I'm not, there's one comment that says something to me because I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I like this dude. Yeah, you don't, yeah. But this was another dude on it, but I'm not gonna say who. You don't have to. He appro asked me, oh, really? It's like I said, yeah, it's like that. First of all, never get it. Listen, I will fuck you for sure. I will fuck this, right? He looked good to me. Sorry. I like a stupid asshole that thinks he's like, I think I know. Yeah, yeah, doesn't it? I like I like to I ride your dick and make you call me mama.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:35

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:36

He's a hearty actually, I heard it was. I'm probably so. And the thing about it is this really like black girls too, but he's not because white men are different. Black men will tell you all day long. I love a white woman. White men will have their dick will get hard as black women walk past them and they will never say a word because they're not gonna let you know that a black woman can get their dick hard. Because they understand they gotta keep the shit white. But I'm telling you, that nigga would fuck the shit up. I'm telling you right now, he knows it. That's why he said the shit that don't fuck up, because one day you might have fuck me. Okay? And yeah, I said the shit I said. And the thing about that guy, that guy I think is really funny. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:16

Yeah. So I think people piecing it together.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:20

But what I'm saying is I think comedy fans. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:23

But also, I want to say this as well. Be discerning about the truth you receive about yourself. Because sometimes people only take that from people who have good intentions for you. A hundred percent. And you know love you. Because sometimes people try to, you know, whatever. Huh? White bitches running right here. Oh, the Karen is the new N-word. No, the fuck it ain't. You ain't never been murdered because somebody called you Karen, bitch. I got a neighbor across the hall from me, Karen, bitch. Every time I open the door, the bitch open the door. One day, I'm telling you, one day, I'm getting a Costco order. Young black man's at my door. He brings it. I'm, and he's such a cool kid. And you know, Costco, they don't give a fuck about you. Don't give you no box bags, they give you boxes. So he had to put the boxes in. So I opened up my thing. You know, I'm trying to open up the door and everything, but I got my little, you know, my little negligee on I know it's gonna be a little kid, you know. I can't take it. Sometimes I gotta get busy. You know, I had a little something coming over, so I had to get a Costco order. You know, we need a lot of baby oil because P. Diddy was dry, we didn't know at the time, but he was drying up the baby oil market, so I had to go to Costco and get a bulk of like a canister of baby. Honey, I I immediately said, something's going on with the baby oil. I said this. Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you because I used to get the baby oil all the time. They were running out of baby oil. I said, What's going on with the baby oil? It must be a bunch of fat bitches doing baby oil. Because as a fat bitch, you don't you can't use lotion. You need something you can pull on you.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:33

Yeah, also we need to fit through spaces. So they have to get away.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:36

I gotta get out that I have to get out of that airplane chair. So, um, I have a Costco order. So the young black kid, he's at the door. He's such a cute kid. And he's such a cute, nice kid. And so I'm like, let me go. I want to, I went in to get um, even though I tipped him on the app, I wanted to I had 20, I wanted to give him a little 20 in his hand. Yeah, you're the most generous person. But he was such a cutie, you know what I'm saying? But I look I said his spirit, and I'm Because I want to encourage that spirit. A lot of times people doing the best they can just to hold on and still have a good spirit. And it's like, let me, if you having a bad day and you still here, here's a little something so you can keep it. Thank you. Proud of you. So he's doing it. As soon as I the door kind of closes because I'm not holding the door, I hear, is that my order? Wow. So I open the door, and and this young black kid, of course, he sees this white woman and he gets nervous. So he's like, Oh, oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah. And he starts doing that. I I mean, when I saw that little boy, it burnt. I I mean, I I saw red. That bitch pissed me the fuck off. And so I told him, I said, hey, you don't have to apologize to her. She knows it's not her fucking order. I got a gallon of fucking baby oil here. I got a tub of ketchup, 6,000 terabytes of tampons, and you think this bitch is confused about whether it's all. I said, bitch, if you don't get back in your fucking apartment, so the next time you open your door, bitch, and I open my door at the same time, I'ma kick you in your fucking pussy.

unknown 1:07:01

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:02

If she sees that, she's gonna know she lives across from me. She's gonna be like, oh, somebody told me that too. Yeah, bitch, because I'm your neighbor. You didn't know your neighbor was out here on the streets doing interviews and podcasts and shit. I told that bitch, I said, because how dare you? I'll kick you. Sometimes that's what you could stop taking a high road with these white people. You wanna ask me about live here? Fight me. I had an old white bitch ask me, P.S. to my neighbor. She knows we kind of cool now because her dog jumped off the terrace and committed suicide. I think. Well, I think he committed suicide because he realized who his owner was. But I when I found that out, I told her, I said, I'm sorry, because you know I'm an animal lover. I said, baby, I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's the only thing that bonded us back together was her damn dog jumping off the terrace. But don't get too cute, bitch. I remember.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:44

What kind of dog was like a great dog?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:46

Like a little teeny. No, it was a little teeny. I am joking. No, he y you could tell. He probably I don't know. That's why I didn't want to have, because the cats, I was like, I don't want to. So anyway, I have a there's an old white bitch in my neighborhood. Um in my building. I'm coming in one night from a show. I'm looking good. You know how I do when I go to the city.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:01

Yeah, you don't get dressed up and had a million bucks.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:05

I come to the damn door, the the um the security guard, the door man's not there. I've had this happen with a white couple too. The white couple went different because when they they didn't want to let me in, they were like, Do you live here? And I but both times with the white old white bitch and with the old with the white couple, I said to them both the same thing. I said, Oh, I said, give me one second. I said, just step back, please. And then I took my key and I put my key in and I opened the door. And then I went through the door and then I closed the door on them. So when I closed it on the first, the couple, they came in, they were very, he went, Oh, no, no, it's not a oh, we're not racist. I said, Oh, I said, I don't give a fuck what you are. You're not getting on this elevator with me. Now I can either stand here, you can wait for the other next elevator, but you're not, I don't want nothing to do. I said, if you ever see me again, don't ever speak to me again. You understand what I'm saying? And don't ever ask them if they fucking live here. Who the fuck are you? This is Harlem. You need ginger fire in this neighborhood. Why the fuck are you here? That's what I should be asking. If I ask every time while a white person is in fucking Harlem, what the fuck are you doing here? And you got the nerve to ask me, bitch? Just like the bitch I tried kicking her fucking pussy. You in a studio, bitch. Did you kick her in the pussy? I told her I never saw her again after that. Because she didn't want. Listen, she was like, I'd love to see that though. Let me tell you. So with the old white bitch, same situation. Dia live here. I told her to step back, put the thing in. I close the door. This bitch tried to stroll on the door. Oh. With a little brilliant bones. I said, What's going on now? I said, You're not coming here. Now by this time, now, now by this time, my doorman has come up. And he said, I said, go handle her. So when I go through, she says, because I'm leaving now. She goes, Do I need to call the cops? That's what she said to me in my own fucking building. Do I need to call the cops? That's white people's go to to try to shake her up. Do I need to call the cops? I said, I turned around and I looked at her. I said, if you feel uncomfortable, I want you to call the cops. You understand? I want you to do what's best for you. If this interaction, you think you need to call the cops and you feel uncomfortable, I want you to call them. I said, I've been in this neighborhood for a long time. I think it's gonna take them about five minutes to get here. Yeah. Sure. Will they hit you white? Maybe five minutes? At least five minutes, they gotta get over here.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:10

I'm gonna beat your ass for four minutes and 59 seconds. Because when I get here, bitch, they're not gonna ask me no questions. They're gonna put me in jail. Right? And black people. What I'm saying is I might as well go with charges. If they gonna rely on you anyway and say you scared them, I'm so terrified. But you still charging towards me like a bull in heat. Yeah. White women are always scared and then also being inspector gadget at the same time. And bitch, unless you got a letter in your pocket that's gonna blow up after I read it, I think if you was really scared, you would stay the fuck away from me. Not charge towards me like a fucking bull. Yeah. Yeah. And then be like, I need to anything. Yeah. I said that right in front of my door. My doorman knew what time it was. I said, I'm gonna beat your ass for four. I didn't even get riled with it. I said I'm gonna beat your ass for four minutes 59 seconds. Because they're gonna put me in jail. And that woman sat there with her mouth agape. Yeah. She might still be standing there. Legend is the bitch still standing there. She's an apparition that I just walked through her. Her spirit is still standing there. Leave black people alone. God help us all. I mean, I wish that could happen. Well, white people, I can't tell you enough. We ain't thinking about y'all. We ain't thinking about your dry ass potato salad. We ain't think y'all don't know how to barbecue or have a good time. You don't. Even when y'all come to our barbecues, y'all be looking around like, what's the what? You don't never want to leave niggas once you get over here, right? Because the shit you doing over there with them crackers is so horrible. Crack that you, oh, oh, I'm telling you the amount of white bitches we've had to adopt into our fucking homes every time they come in to see a barbecue. Oh, that's the white bitches, as soon as they get ribs in their lips, they turn over quick. They're like, what is this? The seasoning, this taste. You know why? Because white bitches are on TikTok doing videos with no seasoning with their bare meat in the fucking sink. And the and washing the cat and the dog at the same time and the baby, making nachos with no notch. And this has been the Jessica Kirrison show. I love this because it's to the next week when this black bitch won't be here.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:15

You can come here. You know that. You could come every week. I know. I would be in heaven. I love you. Her Instagram, I mean, everything's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:23

Yeah, I do a lot of on the Instagram and the YouTube and stuff. We have a schedule. I'm on the go. Please go get tickets to the high and mighty tour. I'm on with Chelsea. Um I am one of one of her openers. She also, um uh uh Megan Gailey is also an opener for her. Uh Amina Amani goes great for some places. So I don't want you to think I'm gonna be at everyone. Um, but no matter what, you're gonna have a it's an amazing time. All of the women that are on the road with her, we just love her so much. It's such a great show. So you're gonna enjoy us too. And thank you, Chelsea. Yeah, and thank you, Chelsea, for you know, and thank you, Jessica, for just always holding me down. One thing I know, you're gonna call me. Jessica's gonna call me. I got this thing. I want to do this thing. We got this thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:06

You always do this. I believe in you, and you're a star. You're always started. I know that's the story. I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:11

I'm so happy for everything that's going on in your life and all like I really am. Thank you. I I'm sad because I don't get to see you like I want to see. But we have to just make a plan. We're like, we're we're everywhere, but I I love you, and you are my sister. God bless you so much.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:26

I love you. Thank you for the way. Get on the couch and turn around. I will. Okay, thanks so much. Follow Yamanika, she is amazing as you can see. I love you. Love you, baby.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:37

Please help me.