The Loud Mums Club

Half Naked at School Pick-Up

• Katie Dunbabin • Season 1 • Episode 3

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0:00 | 54:50

This week on The Loud Mums Club, I’m joined by the hilarious Sarah Oates — super mum of two girls, crafting queen and fellow chaos survivor. We chat about the reality of motherhood, costume battles, kids doing feral things in public, mum comparison, surviving sleep deprivation, the importance of having a village, and Sarah’s emotional postpartum journey with her second daughter. Plus… a 35-minute labour that I’m still not over. Funny, raw and very real — this one will make you laugh, cry and feel a whole lot less alone.

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to the Lab Mum's Club.

SPEAKER_02

Welcome to the Lab Mum's Club where we say the quiet part out loud. The good, the bad, and the absolutely cooked parts of parenting. What are we drinking today? Wine, coffee, or tears? I am here with one of my new good friends, Sarah. And I'd like you to introduce yourself. We do have a glass of red in hand. We are a little bit mclitty uh already, which is fantastic. But who are you and what ages are your children?

SPEAKER_01

I'm Sarah, and I have a five-year-old girl and a three-year-old girl.

SPEAKER_02

And how did we meet?

SPEAKER_01

We met at school. At school.

SPEAKER_02

We are new preppy school mummies and going through this wild journey of having two girls start school this year. It's been really nice to have someone to lean on and talk to and find on the playground, um, to say the least. So it's been definitely brought us together. And nice that we've become two peas in a pod. Yes. Are so similar. Even my husband said, fuck me, she and you are the same person. And I'm sure Dan feels the same way as well. I think we will, yeah, yeah. Blabbing away. Um tell me uh a few facts about you. You're welcome to give it five, but if you can't think of five, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01

I'm an Aquarius.

SPEAKER_02

I Oh, you're one of those.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, I'm one of those. Um, I what else are you? I'm a dental assistant. I've been doing it for 20 years. I'm a avid crafter.

SPEAKER_02

Avid crafter. Like made the most incredible Pokemon cake topper the other day. So anyone that has a birthday coming up and wants a cake topper, I'm trying to get Sarah to launch a business in just doing cake toppers because it was fucking sick.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

And what else?

SPEAKER_01

Um I oh, I had a birth in 35 minutes.

SPEAKER_02

Sorry?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, we're gonna delve into that line.

SPEAKER_01

Five-year-old in 35 minutes.

SPEAKER_02

As in, like, hang on, we're gonna come back to that. I'm making a note. We're coming back. I have my first business shout-out. Alright, mums. Quick shout-out to a brand I think that is absolutely genius. Cozy Cube. If your house is currently looking like Toys of R Us has exploded, but your kids still say that they're bored, this one is for you. Cozy Cube creates this clever play panels that turn your couch, hallway, or dining table into cafes, vets, space games, or dinosaur worlds without adding another giant plastic toy to your house. The best bit, it packs away easily and actually encourages imaginative play instead of more screen time. Created by a mum who was sick of the clutter and wanted something simple, flexible, and actually used by kids, which I love. Go check out Cozy Cube and reclaim at least five minutes apiece while your kid runs a pretend cafe and brings you a coffee. Okay, it's time for mum fail of the week. Do you have a mum fail this week? And what is it?

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Like a giggle.

SPEAKER_02

It's always a good sign.

SPEAKER_01

I have thought about this. I had another one, and then I was like, oh no, I need to use this one. So on Wednesday, I went to the post off the parcel box and I went and I left my three-year on the car. I get in the car, I buckle back up, I get out, I drive, and this little head pops beside me in the car and goes, Hi mum! What are we doing?

SPEAKER_02

Nearly crushed the fucking car.

SPEAKER_01

And I turn around like, Oh my god, I'm on your car. The poor car behind me was probably like, Oh my god, what is this woman doing?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I like And she nearly went through the front window. The whole reason of making sure she has a seatbelt on.

SPEAKER_01

Nearly. I've Googled that. And then they said to put some velcro, like the sti not the soft side, like the prickly side onto it. So it's a sensory thing, so I'm gonna try that first because that's the cheapest option.

SPEAKER_02

We got the Houdini clip. And Livy figured out how to undo the Houdini clip. So it doesn't work for everything.

SPEAKER_01

My nieces did as well.

SPEAKER_02

The sensory thing's probably a good idea. Yeah. Doing the finger thing. We'll try the finger. I don't like fucking touching velcro, so I wouldn't be able to get my kids out of the car. I'd be like, no, no, you have to touch it. You have to get it. It would defeat the whole point of the exercise. Yeah. But no, that's fair. So yeah, then we're gonna try that. Okay. My fail of the week was I bought Livy a brand new school beanie this week. Did you get one? Yep, I bought one. I thought they were super cute. And I the day before she wore her big freeze beanie because I had the big freeze thing at school. And I was like, don't lose it. Like, you've got one day at school, don't lose it. So she didn't lose that. And I said to her, I'm like, this is the most expensive beanie I've ever bought. $25 for the big freeze. I was like, do not lose it. Yeah. Make sure it comes home. She did. So I was like, cool. Next day she goes, I want to wear it every day. And I'm like, oh, I don't think you can wear it because it's not school uniform. Yeah. I'll get you the school beanie. So I bought her a school beanie, what, Thursday? She lost it. And I said to her, I said, I ha it's not got a name in it, so you need to make sure you don't lose it today, and I'll put like iron your name into it tonight. And she lost it. And I'm just like, Oh my god. In this real stage of like the kids not understanding value of things and like not understanding that, okay, yes, it was only $20. But like we've also had issues with jumpers being lost recently, and like it's just I'm not like I feel like my mother, money does not grow on trees, and I cannot keep buying stuff. So I'm like, well, let's say I'm not buying another one. You had one. Yeah. And I doubt it's gonna rock up, like with no name on it. It will just it might be in lost property. I looked, I looked, and I even went through the classroom and there was a lot of beanies in there, but they all had names on them. So I feel like someone's taken home one that's unnamed and probably won't realize and swap it over. It's just one of those things. But I I mean, you're gonna learn to date. Alright, it's time for fuck around and find out. What chaos did your tiny fural unleash this week?

SPEAKER_01

Uh typical three-year-olds. We all know second childs and three-year-olds are great fun. Um, my walking home from school, so we crossed the crossing and got to the other side, and my little three-year-old decided to strip down that not naked, she still had her pants on, but she took her T-shirt off. So she was half naked, her boobs were out. It was funny.

SPEAKER_02

All the ponies, all the ponies in the field watching.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, it was I was very, very fortunate that it was just um it was a little bit later, so all the cut most of the cards had left. Yeah, and she's running down the side, and I was like, Alice, can you just go catch up with her so she doesn't run away? She's not a runaway or a to my my knowledge.

SPEAKER_02

Doesn't need a leash just.

SPEAKER_01

Doesn't need a leash, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And she's running down the side, and then she kind of like veers to go towards the road. Between two cars?

SPEAKER_02

Or no cars, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

There's no cars parked.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

Veers to go towards the cars, and I the the loudest stop. Yep. The loudest stop, and like I reckon all the mums in the area just went, Oh my god, what's going on?

SPEAKER_02

Did see another mum the other day who had a child running off, and she said, Stop moving your legs. Oh, really interesting taste. Really? I think it's a good one. Because I guess that's yeah, me too, because that makes them think about obviously their body, not just yelling, stop, stop, stop. Because I swear my son doesn't his ears just don't work sometimes. It's definitely selective hearing.

SPEAKER_01

I reckon where I live as well, they the girls aren't gonna learn road sense because I live on a side street on a highway that we don't go walking anywhere, so we don't learn to stop at the road. We're not being exposed to cars regularly, we're not stopping and giving way to cars and looking left and right and getting halfway through the road and looking left and right again. Yeah, we're not doing that because we don't need to have a necessity to do it. So, me walking the girls up and crossing at the road is really important for them and they're learning.

SPEAKER_02

Actually, now you say that maybe I should start parking back down again because I've changed where I park just because I know that I've ditched you in the dirt road parking. Um It is dirty, like I get it. Oh, it's just more that exactly what you just said, Harry can just then run for miles versus I can park closer to the school on the main road, but it's that risk of uh we don't have to cross a road. If I can park there, we don't have to cross a road. But you're right, maybe it is important that they actually learn that road safety because when are they when else are they exposed? We're not gonna be able to do it. We're the same. We don't go for walks here, we go for walks at big parks or like go for runarounds at big like reserves and things. It's not that exposure. No, I've never thought about that. But I guess you must get to a certain age where it's just common sense, like don't jump in front of a car. But obviously, when you've got under 10-year-olds, I'd say until they're at high school age where you can trust them to to go home from school and stop at a crossing. Like, I'm talking like Harry will race. I just feel sorry for other drivers. Harry will race to a crossing to like press the button at the traffic lights, for example. Yeah. But as a driver, if I saw a four-year-old running to the edge of the road, I would be slamming my brakes. And yeah, he just wants to press the button this week for our fuck around and find out, just refused. So he doesn't wear pants. Sorry, he wears shorts. He does wear pants, I'm walking around in his shocks, will not wear pants, um, just likes to wear shorts everywhere. And I'm like, it's so cold. He'll wear his shorts and Welli's um what do you call them? Um he won't wear he just won't wear pants, right? So every day at daycare and things, I'm just like, well, that's fine, but take a jumper. I picked it up from daycare on Monday and it was chucking it down. His jumper was filthy, but I'm like, dude, you need to wear a jumper. He's like, no, I'm fine. We get to the car, I'm like, wear your you wear your sister's raincoat, like just wear something because it's freezing cold. I'm like, I have three layers on. I've got my shirt, my work shirt, my jumper, and then a jacket. And he's like, No, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And it was like, okay, well, I'm gonna take it because I want to take it for Livy anyway. And we're walking, and like every 15 minutes, I'm like, would you like to wear a jumper? No, you sure it's rainy. No, I'm fine. Do you want to wear the jacket? No. Are you sure? And I'm walking past like groups of parents looking at me like there's kids in it's like almost like a wet t-shirt competition because he's so wet and there's a t-shirt and he's shorts, and he just doesn't seem to give a shit. And I just was like, dude, you're making me look like a bad mum. Like I don't dress, I'm there and lay it up. Like I'm practically without a scarf and a beanie, line like look like I'm ready for a ski holiday. And he's just does not care. And I was just like, you know what? If you get cold, you get cold. Because once Libby comes out, she's putting this jacket on that's hers, you can't then claim that you're cold and you want to jump her because that's it, it's gone. Um, and it was just a real moment of well, sure, prospect your decision. You've had the option, but yeah, it is what it is. So that was my background to find out. Which is on the subject of what our village verdict is this week. So clothes on or off. So things like do we let our kids dress themselves, or are we fighting for weather appropriate clothing and dignity? And it's not always weather appropriate. I'm talking when the kids want to wear wiggles costumes just to go to Kohl's. Um, it can be anything. I've got a friend that I used to be so anti tutus, tiara's costumes to daycare. And she said to me once, she goes, Thing is though, they're never gonna get to do it at school. So this is the time if they want to wear a be Superman at daycare, let them do it. I'm like, yeah, you're a nice mummy and I'm just gonna do I'm not that I'm not that mum. I'm that mum. I'm not that mum. So you are team, pick your own outfit, whereas I'm team absolutely not, you look unhinged.

SPEAKER_01

I'm pick your own outfit to an extent. Okay, what's an extent? So if you want to go wear that Elsa dress or that fairy dress and it's 10 degrees outside, you have to wear it with a long sleeve and pants. I will let you wear it. But there's rules and regulations around that. You need to have a long sleeve top underneath and pants. I won't force you to wear a jumper over it, but you need to you need to have something a little bit of warmth.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, right. So that's the rule. So it comes with yes, you can wear that. However, there's a stipulation. Have you let your girls start to choose what they wear? Or do you sort of or you never have, or you kind of they've always picked what they wear, or like yeah, how have you kind of navigated that? Especially having two girls, because I definitely feel like we've gone through stages with Livy. And and there was a stage where she had to wear a dress every day, and that was because we realised there was this little like dress gang at daycare that they all wore dresses. So I was like, obviously, she's already feeling that pressure to wear certain things every day. So have you found that with the girls, or you just always let them be quite independent?

SPEAKER_01

Uh Alice, uh Claire, I still roughly dress her, and then until she goes, I want to wear a dress, and then I go, Okay, we're gonna dress it this way. Yeah. Um, Alice Alice wore a lot of costumes to Kinder.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you were that mum that let that happen. Yeah. Yes, I was such a mean mum. But never let that happen.

SPEAKER_01

Um I would say it was she got known as Mirabella because she wore her Mirabella costume all the time. To be fair. She looked freaking cute.

SPEAKER_02

We love Encanto. Exactly. Encanto is the box.

SPEAKER_01

She loved it, but I think it was for Alice, it was a sense of security.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. It was what she was familiar with, what she felt comfortable in.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and she she went into three-year-old kinder not knowing anyone, so she was kind of like, Well, this is me.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna wear my best. I'm gonna wear my I'm gonna wear my Sunday best Encanto outfit. Encanto outfit.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. With my green glasses and my little bag. We're Team Louisa in this house. We love Louisa. Wear um, yeah, mirror bar. I spent $35 on this dress, but I knew this dress was gonna be worn to death.

SPEAKER_02

I'm all about value versus wear.

SPEAKER_01

This is definitely great. My husband was like, Do you spent $35 on that dress? And I was like, Yes, but she'll wear it every weekend. Yes. It's gonna be the most worn dress in her. There's an extent where I stop that. If I know she's got a birthday party tomorrow and she wants to wear it tonight, yeah. And I was like, You've got a birthday party tomorrow, you are not wearing that dress because I don't know the wearing tomorrow. Yes, and I can't wash it because I'm not home, so I can't wash it. And she's like, Okay, I'll wear this one instead.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

And then she managed together.

SPEAKER_02

There's got to be practical negotiations with these little terrorists sometimes. And you know, you've got to lay the groundwork. Would you let, and it sounds like you may have let your child leave the house in something completely inappropriate if they insisted.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah. She's she's worn her dance costumes to a couple of things. Fair, fair.

SPEAKER_02

You know what? Feel good.

SPEAKER_01

Was that Alice or Claire? Alice. Alice. Claire hasn't hit that stage yet. Yeah, okay. She's just the odd occasional, she's got frozen dress she wore for her birthday, but her friend also wears has the same dress and she wears it to kinda.

SPEAKER_02

So it's quite like it's like a best friend little. It's like your best friend little wear mine.

SPEAKER_01

And um but no, I Alice, yeah, no. She's wild. She's wild. She's fucking fucking bad here to tell you why.

SPEAKER_02

It's hilarious. She's just hilarious. Do you think choosing their own clothes builds independence or causes more chaos before 8 a.m.?

SPEAKER_01

Alice doesn't like picking her own outfits all the time. Okay. I know.

SPEAKER_02

She wants some input.

SPEAKER_01

She or just wants to be naked. So she probably just wants to be naked, to be honest. A bit like her sister. Um I've got I've got a bunch of nudists. I've always had a bunch of nudists.

SPEAKER_02

Do I need to get a bit more an insight of like what life's like at home? Like if you guys absolutely nudist, you have a little nudist colony with your dog called Dog. Um, and you know, we talked about getting a horse. I think you're gonna be off the grid soon. Everyone just being nudie broody on your little problem. You don't have to lie, you know, we listen, we don't judge. You don't have to lie here. Like an old.

SPEAKER_01

So do I, babe. So do I. I get it. I totally get it.

SPEAKER_02

They were like three months old. That's so funny. Well, I was telling you in the car earlier when I picked you up, my son came out and was like, Mum I've got a surprise for you today. And decided to, whilst I'm taking a poop from my side, comes in and goes, I didn't add that. I'm on the toilet. He runs down from one end of the house to my house, to my end of the house, my house, and um comes in and he's I got a surprise for you. He's fully nudie reading, but I'm like, sure. Uh to be honest, I was expecting a fart. Like, that's the level of pottery with our we're on. And he just bends over, fully spreads his cheeks and brown eyes meet and goes, ha ha ha ha ha. And I'm like, okay, thank you for that. Really needed to see your ash hole today.

SPEAKER_01

That's a regular occurrence in my house.

SPEAKER_02

Fuck butts and boobs, tell you what, funny shit.

SPEAKER_01

Don't know if it's because we laugh, it just encourages them or yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I think that caused us like like toilet humour, the kids fighting right now is insane and it's funny as fuck. Like the sounds coming out of these kids is hilarious. And we we just go, did you just shit your pants? Like, that is so loud. And then Ryan just blames me. I am a loud fighter. I'll admit that to them, my listeners.

SPEAKER_01

Me too.

SPEAKER_02

I love a good fart. I don't burp though. I do burp. Oh god. Um you're a farter.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, I'm a farter.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_01

But I am known as the gas queen in my house.

SPEAKER_02

As in your kids call you that, yes. Fuck off.

SPEAKER_01

That's and my best mate, our best mate, calls me the gas queen.

SPEAKER_02

I love that.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so Alice was at Kinder last year in four-year-old kinda and she's gone to the teacher. She's like, my mum is the gas queen.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god. I would like if a teacher come up to me and like, yeah, I work in dentistry and I gas people for a living. Like, I wouldn't even, I wouldn't even hesitate to be like, yeah, I put people under with the gas.

SPEAKER_01

That's not what I'm gonna do though. But I was like, uh, yeah, I'm known as the gas queen.

SPEAKER_02

The kids have been painted meeting.

SPEAKER_01

And it was the funniest thing. And I'm just like, Alice has gone and told everyone that I'm the gas queen.

SPEAKER_02

Hang on a second. There's some things that kids say at daycare, right? That I had my beautiful teacher come up to me. This would have been last year. A lovely mum had gone in who's pregnant and had shown, and they'd already done a talk about being pregnant and having a baby in the belly and stuff, and we'd had a few conversations at home about how babies get into bellies and things. Well, apparently Harry piped up and went, My mum has a baby in her belly too. So my daycare is like, they don't I don't think they knew how to address it. And the teacher came up to me and was like, Oh, so we had this visitor to come today, and she was pregnant. And Harry then said, Oh, my mum's got a baby in her belly too. And she sort of looked at me and then like raised an eyebrow as if like I was then gonna tell her I was pregnant, and I just said, Just gonna shut that shit down right now. Not pregnant, husband's had the snip, have no intention on ever procreating ever again. I was just kept thinking they now think I'm lying that I'm pregnant because I'm too early or something. Like, you know what I mean? Like they're waiting for me to then come back and go, Oh yeah, I was actually pregnant. I was fucking dying. Why would you do that? But then even Livy, this is totally separate, but Livy on the Mother's Day thing, it was like, what does your what does your what's your mum really good at? One of the questions, something like that. And she wrote, She is good at looking after our puppy. We don't have a fucking So I'm like, are you fucking manifesting that shit, mate?

SPEAKER_01

My three-year-old asks me daily nearly if I've got a baby in my belly, bab baby in my belly.

SPEAKER_02

Isn't that just so humbling?

SPEAKER_01

I was like, No, Bubby, you're not going to have a sibling.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_01

This shot is.

SPEAKER_02

Mummy just got a bit of extra jiggle jiggle.

SPEAKER_01

Just exploded today, okay? Um, and then fuck you, I have my pyramid. Shut up. You could do that. She would be like, hmm. Um, and then mm, Alice, when she was at Kinder, she told the kind Tinder teachers that I could do the splits. Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Would you like to display that skill? Yeah. And then you say, It's just for my husband. I didn't say that. I was just like, huh? I'm too snappy. Like, uh I was just a little bit more. I grew up in a household. No, I grew up in a household, but you had to be so fucking quick on your humpbacks. Yeah. I'm pretty good at coming back with stuff like that. Like, I don't have many moments where I'd go, oh, I should have said this. Okay. And also, my nickname at my old work was Katie Savage. So I was known to not have that like two-second filter. So when it comes to this sort of thing, my kids say something embarrassing, I will snap back straight away. Yeah, I just went, no. No. And don't play and please don't ask me to try and show you because I'm likely to rip myself from front to back like I did when I go.

SPEAKER_01

Nearly, yes. That is really correct.

SPEAKER_02

Yep, you're on the money, that one. Can we just take a moment to go back to um, excuse me? 35-minute labour. Fucking 35-minute labour. Tell that story.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I was getting induced and the balloon catheter didn't work.

SPEAKER_02

As in it fell out?

SPEAKER_01

Oh it just did nothing.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Um, got it turns out got a high cervix. She didn't get high enough.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so the blue catheter didn't work for the induction. They then decided they were going to do the gel.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

So I had two lots, three lots, I can't quite remember. Yeah. I had a couple lots of the gel. Um, told my husband to go home at like 2 pm. COVID too. Yeah, this is smack bang in the middle of both COVID.

SPEAKER_02

You're not allowed to stay essentially unless you're in active labour.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah. Um, he was allowed to stay though because I had a room to myself.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, amazing. Where were you, if no mummy asking?

SPEAKER_01

Frankston.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So I got the royal treatment there. Yeah. So I had sent my husband home at like 2 pm going, they're telling me I will be in a birthing suite tomorrow at six at nine at 6 30. And he goes, They told you that yesterday and you weren't. And I was like, Yep, cool. Go home. I'm like, just go home. You're rest.

SPEAKER_02

Go look after dog.

SPEAKER_01

So I sent him home and he decided we live on an acre. He decided he was going to hand push the mower and mow the whole I thought you might say hand push the baby out of me. Hand push the mower for the whole acre to wear himself out so he slept the night and would wake up refreshed in the morning.

SPEAKER_02

To be fair, I feel like that's pretty good planning. Exactly. I'm all about that. Yeah. And good decision. Yeah, great decision. I agree. Yeah. Because also, when you full of all that like adrenaline, like exactly mine didn't sleep the whole night. He was like me.

SPEAKER_01

He was like, no, I'm going to exhaust myself. She's not having a baby until 6 30 in the morning.

SPEAKER_02

Like what we do now when we try and exhaust the children to make sure we get Good night's sleep. Yeah. He decided to do it.

SPEAKER_01

It is a pivotal part of this story as well.

SPEAKER_02

Oh god, what did he do? Did he miss the birth? Fuck off.

SPEAKER_01

So he pan pushed the whole mower and he's like, yep. And he's like, Bessie Jimmy, how are you going? I'm like, I've got a little bit of pain, give me Miss Mandon, it's fine. Um and so then um it gets to like 11 o'clock or quarter to eleven, and I go to the midwife, like, I'm in a lot of pain, what can you do? And she goes, Okay, so I can give you a sleeping pill, a sleeping tablet, and I can do a cervix check. I'm like, I'll take both. I'm like, hi Dan, you need to come in. He goes, Oh honey. Why? He goes, I they want you to come in and sit in the chair in the corner. He then walks in half an hour later to me screaming, there's a baby between my legs. Holy shit. And I'm like, there is a baby between my legs. I'm gonna have a baby. Either push a baby. And I'm pushing this emergency button going, There's a baby, there's a baby, there's a baby.

SPEAKER_02

So hang on. So he's walked in, there's no doctors, there's no medical doctor. No nothing.

SPEAKER_01

You're alone, and you're there is a baby coming out. Screaming. There is a baby coming out right now.

SPEAKER_02

How long have you been screaming for?

SPEAKER_01

I want to say it was a good ten minutes.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not no one came.

SPEAKER_01

No one came, but she's like, I could hear you, but I couldn't get to you.

SPEAKER_02

Because she had other things.

SPEAKER_01

Because she had other things, and that's something else happening. And so my husband's run out of the room and just gone, she's having a baby!

SPEAKER_02

And then Dan. And also, side note, Dan is a very quiet man. Dan is like a man of few words, very beautiful, very quiet, very polite. I can't even imagine him. Yeah, that's amazing. Love so.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah, yells out, she's having a baby. The midwife walks in, and I remember her going, All right, so I'm about to push this button. It's the emergency button. I need to push it, and 13 people are gonna come in. Yes. And I'm like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And so she pushes this version. 13 people come in. Someone walks in with a wheelchair. She goes, I need that. She goes, and I'm on the bed. And this woman goes, Alright, we'll get her in the wheelchair and we'll wheel her to her birthing sweet. I'm like, uh-uh, that's not happening. I can't get on that.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not I'm not sitting on the baby that's currently between my legs. It's the baby between my legs. You need to fucking push the bed that I'm currently on.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So I'm on the bed, and the the midwife is like, nah, we're gonna have to take her on the bed because she can't. I like I can't.

SPEAKER_02

So I don't know how that works. Are they not allowed? You're not allowed to give birth in a normal room.

SPEAKER_01

You're not allowed to give birth in a normal room because I was like, I'm just having a baby here. Yeah. And they're like, I'm just gonna start pushing. You're not having a baby here. Yeah, okay. It's that's not happening. I was like, okay, we can do this. And Dan's just like, What's going on? And so I'm getting wheeled to the birthing suite. They're like, all right, you need to go. Look in my eyes, I'm looking in her eyes. It's like, cool, cool. Like, hold this thing in. And then I they're like, okay, you need to go to this birthing suite chair bed. And I was like, okay, we get there. So we we got there. Um, and then I turned to Dan and I was like, What's the time?

SPEAKER_02

He's like, was that your priority? I had no idea.

SPEAKER_01

I was like, what's the time? And he goes, It's after midnight. Six minutes later, she was born. The time the emergency button was pressed and the time I had six minutes. No, I had Alice was 35 minutes. He's crazy. And the time the reason I wanted to know what the time was is because I got an extra night in hospital.

SPEAKER_02

That's so funny. What's something people don't talk enough about in motherhood?

SPEAKER_01

How hard it is, but how rewarding it is.

SPEAKER_02

Is it to be fair? Today we we've been talking a lot about our kids reading recently, and Alice is is doing amazing. But Livby, like I don't I haven't heard other kids read yet. But today I said Ryan hasn't done the reading, so I've I do nighttime routine every night. Um Mom was home early today and I said, You Libby go read Dad a book. Uh it was a real moment of proudness and joy, and it sounds awful. Uh it's few and far in between for me to find those moments at the moment. I am finding it a difficult chapter. Yeah. You know you've seen me with my fucking children. It is hard, and they're fuck they're just constantly fighting, or they're being loud or rude, or Mum just looks at me sometimes, my mother, and just goes, What the fuck is going on? She just goes, I can't relate. And and then you have a moment of this calmness of just like she just read this book and was just amazing and was breaking down the letters and the sounds, and I was just like, Yeah, oh, I could cry, you're so incredible. She could be so far behind. I don't know. I don't know. But I was just like, holy crap. And because I'm not like, I'm not teaching her. Shout out to Miss Johnston. She got a shout out on last month last week's podcast too. She's but I think she's fucking excellent. And um she is definitely something right. Yeah, Miss Honey. I agree, I agree. Um, she is a Miss Honey.

SPEAKER_01

She has a mean side, she's firm, she's firm, but fair.

SPEAKER_02

She's helped me with tough drop-offs and just taking taking the kids when needed, and I greatly appreciate that too. I don't need her fluffing around.

SPEAKER_01

I don't need her fluffing around. She needs you knew Alice need to go in.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

She was like, I'm just gonna grab her. Is that okay? And I'm like, you do it, you gotta do it.

SPEAKER_02

You manhandle my child in any way you wish, that means she's no longer holding on to my butthole. Yeah, that'll be great. Got a finger plugged in there.

unknown

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02

I wish I could turn the electricity on. What's your survival tip for mums? Like, what do you think is one thing that's helped you get through?

SPEAKER_01

Uh village.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, this is a constant constant theme. And I'm talking to the phone.

SPEAKER_01

I also think it's having a really good mum network. Other people that you can compare.

SPEAKER_02

Other people that not compare, that's not the right way.

SPEAKER_01

We're not comparing. Yeah. We can talk to. Yeah. And feel free to talk freely. Yeah. And be ourselves and just say, hey, this isn't working or this is working.

SPEAKER_02

I'm having a great time. I'm proud of this.

SPEAKER_01

It's 2 p.m. in the afternoon. Can I have a wine now?

SPEAKER_02

I definitely, I definitely had, I think in the when you were in like the real pits of like, you know, breastfeeding, late night feeds, I had a few friends that would all were up at night messaging at like 2 a.m. Like all obviously in the midnight feeds, and it was insanely incredible. Like just to have a couple of girlfriends and you'd see them online and go, Oh, you are breastfeeding too.

SPEAKER_01

But I didn't breastfeed, but or or or doing the bottle feed, like whatever. I didn't know either. And I with my first, she was a sleeper. Alice was a sleeper. She slept through from sorry, five weeks old. Yeah, amazing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's incredible. Um never turned, never turned back on you. Like never then decided, fuck yeah. This was not gonna be.

SPEAKER_01

Not until she was two and a half. Oh, that's a long time.

SPEAKER_02

Was that when you happened to do a transition to a big girl bed?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. And that's when she did the fan. Um and then with Claire, it was three hourly, but I had no one that had a baby until I think Claire was seven weeks old with my friend who then had a baby, who was doing the feeds in the middle of the night. So like I would send her a message at 2 a.m. and then she would send one back at three, and I'd be that at five. But like it was also a bit of like, oh look, this is what I'm online shopping. Like, here's the link to this.

SPEAKER_02

I just found this on that.

SPEAKER_01

But I also had Dan up with me as well. Oh, what a legend. So he would feed, I would pump. Yep. We would be back in bed in half an hour.

SPEAKER_02

I mean Ryan slept separately. So when I reckon the first six weeks with Livy, especially, we were in survival mode. Like first-time parents didn't know what we were doing. I would take the night shift, so obviously I had to. And I was the one that Livy wanted overnight. And Ryan slept in the spare room. And our old house, you could not hear a sound. So if she was up screaming, he got to have a full night's sleep. But it meant during the day he was on baby. So I then got to sleep whenever I needed to. He'd just take her out of the house, he'd go for a drive, do whatever I needed to get her to have a sleep. So we I always had a thing of what's the point of both of us being tired? Like let's let's work together in a team in a different capacity. Um, but then we got to that sort of three, four-month mark, and I remember rocking Olivia aggressively and having that moment of I understand why people shake babies, yeah, and putting her down and going, I need help. And that's when we looked into doing sleep training because I was like, I was at the point of like, I'm breastfeeding her with my tit, I'm hanging over the bassinet with my boob hanging down into her mouth, so that when she'd stopped feeding and fallen asleep, I could just slip it out. Yeah, mate. That that's a visual and a half, I know. Or I'd have her in bed with me. And Ryan hated co-sleep. He's like, I'll roll over, I don't want to squish her. Whereas I think as a mum, the instinct's just different, and I know that everyone's got a very, very different opinion on co-sleeping. Yeah, I just wanted to survive. Like I was like, I need to sleep. And if that means that I have her in bed with me and I can just whip out a boob and you will go back to sleep, then I'm gonna do what needs to do, need to do. Little did I know I was probably overfeeding my child, so she was so vomity because every time she cried, I was like, Oh, she must be hungry, and I'll just feed her. So this poor kid was getting 30 feeds a night and vomiting herself. Oh god. I know, you know, first time mum things. But then Harry, we were sleep training him from the day he from from three hours after coming out of my hoo-ha. Well, he didn't come out of my hooha, he came out of sunroof. Yep, he was being sleep trained, so like 45-minute cycle was like I was I was on it, and that five weeks he was in his own room, fully sleeping 12 nights. 12 nights, 12 nights, sounds like something out of the Bible sleeping 12 hours a night.

SPEAKER_01

So Alice slept through from five weeks, and Claire was three hourly feeds for three months. That's intense. Oh, it was horrible. I don't actually remember those three months.

SPEAKER_02

So, how did you then go? So, you've had one child that was a good sleeper, and Dan was helping a bit at all, to then a second child that was very different.

SPEAKER_01

It just waking her up was the nightmare.

SPEAKER_02

Why?

SPEAKER_01

She just didn't want to wake up, she just wanted to sleep all the time. She's yeah, she's slept all the time. Yeah, so I had I've had two sleepy babies, essentially. Right, shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_02

Sleep moving on from that.

SPEAKER_01

But I also have a husband that runs on three hours sleep. Yeah, so do I. He could do three hours. I need 12. Like I need eight minutes.

SPEAKER_02

That was my biggest fear of as a mum and like becoming pregnant was like I have to sleep, and my mum will vouch, like, I've always been a big sleeper to the point where I'm now looking into do I have sleep apnea? Like, what's going on? Because yeah, because I'm always tired. I can have a good 10 hour sleep, not interrupted by the children, and I'm still wake up exhausted. Something's not right there. Like I'm I'm like, something's not right. So I'm waiting for my sleep apnea resolve. Okay. So tune in to see they're not back yet how that goes. No, not yet. Damn. Um, yeah. How are they sleeping now? Uh Alice That's so funny. I've never seen someone's eyebrows raise so high into their hairline.

SPEAKER_01

Alice sleeps all through the night. Yeah. In saying that, I was just at the dentist today, and she thinks that Alice isn't sleeping well. Makes you say that. She's grinding her teeth. And she's She also wakes up with really dark circles under her eyes. So I don't know. She's still sleeping solid. If she's an E and T referral. Yes. Yeah, I'm gonna chase that up.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and Claire Claire gets up in the middle of the night and jumps into our bed and then whispers in one of our ears and goes, I'm gonna kill you. Probably no. I see dead people. God, that would freak me out.

SPEAKER_02

That's the first snort on the podcast. How embarrassing.

SPEAKER_01

She wakes up and goes, Mummy, can you jump back into my bed? Can we go to my bed?

SPEAKER_02

So she has a single bed or a double bed or anyone?

SPEAKER_01

She has a king single for the purpose. I'd say king fucking bed then.

SPEAKER_02

I was about to fucking suck you. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

SPEAKER_01

But she has a king single, so there's enough room for me and my husband to sleep, or me or my husband.

SPEAKER_02

Not the three of you to sleep in there, just one adult and one child.

SPEAKER_01

One adult and one child. And it's really comfortable. Like we both will happily jump back into her bed with her.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so we have both kids in a single bed. They're both sharing a room at the moment. Harry wakes up. Well, this week actually, Ryan even mentioned it. Yeah, nice for you to mention it, mate, because you're not the one getting up. But Ryan kept waking up in the middle of the night and I was gone because I would go and sleep in his room for like an hour or two or three or four, whatever I needed. Damn it. And their beds are cheap. They are so uncomfortable. Yeah. Um, that I my Cairo at the moment, I've got a really bad back problem. He's like, you need to sleep with a pillow between your legs and a pillow like really supporting your neck. So now instead of just getting into bed with him, I'm like, fine, I just grab my two proper pillows and I just go, and I have the best sleep ever because I'm properly supported. That's great. But it's also like I don't want to do it every night. Like this is really tricky. And Harry just has this thing, he just wakes up. And then so the the battle is Claire does as well, just wakes up. Well, the battle is, you know, you then go and walk him back to bed, you say, All right, it's bedtime, and then you do that ten times, or do you just go get into bed and go to sleep and get a good night's sleep?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, like get into bed and have a good night's sleep. Just survive. We tried that with Claire, with Alice. Um, Alice, we sat in there and we used to sit, like Dan used to sit in there, Dan used to sleep on Alice's floor for ye like six or seven months, you'd sleep on her floor, and then yeah, and Dan was like, I'm not doing that again. Yeah, it's so hard.

SPEAKER_02

And Claire economically, like it's just not realistic. We're getting old as fuck. Like facts can't fucking handle this shit.

SPEAKER_01

We get excited when Claire sleeps in her own bed all night, and she's done it three times this week. So that's a win. That's a win.

SPEAKER_02

To be fair, Harry, last night, first night all week, he has slept in his own bed, and I have to say it was so nice. I didn't have to get up, didn't have to go.

SPEAKER_01

It gets to the point where I go, dick. Claire wake you up last night. Did you sleep in Claire's bed?

SPEAKER_02

My husband's like, hang on a second. Is Claire alive? Did anyone check her breathing this morning? Did she fall asleep and not wake up again? Yeah. Did she? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

She fall asleep, not wake up.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I know those feelings.

SPEAKER_01

Claire's gonna love me not being there for the next three nights because she's just gonna be with Dad.

SPEAKER_02

She'll just be in Beba Daddy. Yeah, we dad all night. Sucker. Dad, you little sucker. I'll have a cuddle with you. To be fair, when Ryan's not here or he has a late night out of his outstreaming, um, Ryan, I mean, I should get him a shout out at some point. Ryan sells Pokemon cards online with graded dats. Give them a follow on Instagram.

SPEAKER_01

I probably should follow them. I did go looking for them before.

SPEAKER_02

If you have kids and family into Pokemon cards, they are the go-to guys. And um, but he will be out like late at night streaming with his two best mates, and the kids will wake up and go, Whoa, dad's not home, can I just come sleep in your bed? And I'm like, whatever, just go to sleep. Like, I can't deal with this. Just go to sleep. So we have a few sleepovers, and then Ryan comes home and just goes and sleeps on the couch. I feel so bad, but I'm also like sucking.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That's it. You decided to not be home till 12am, that's totally up to you. That's it. What's something you've judged yourself for that your kids could not care less about as a mum?

SPEAKER_01

So I don't judge. Yep. I don't compare myself. I don't judge. You're so easy going. You're just like a let it happen, mum. Yeah. Don't I yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

But we also had this conversation about comparison parenting last week and yeah, how we are now up against, you know, a million mumps. And you're like, well, I really don't compare myself. But you said that there was a time or a situation where something happened, and you were like, hang on a second, why am I comparing? Why am I judging myself? What was that, if you don't mind saying?

SPEAKER_01

So when I was trying to think, I can't remember if it was I just had Alice or I I reckon I just had Claire. And Claire was probably six months old, and this popular peninsula mum, I was following her on Facebook and Instagram, and she had just had a baby at the same time as me. Yep. And she was like, Oh my god, look my body, I'm so good, I'm doing this, I'm doing that, and I've lost all this baby weight. And then there's little old me who I had lost, I wasn't fat, I lost the weight, and I was breastfeeding, pumping, and I was doing all the things, doing all the things. Yep. And she that she crept into my mind.

SPEAKER_02

And you were like, hang on a second, and I was like, Why am I dreaming about her and losing weight?

SPEAKER_01

And then I went, oh god, no, no, I need to unfollow. Yeah, I can't follow her anymore. I can't listen to her, and I can't be influenced by her anymore. I'm done.

SPEAKER_02

What would you say to a mum listening who feels like everyone else is doing motherhood better than her?

SPEAKER_01

You're doing a great job. Doing your best. Doing amazing. Better than you think. Better than you think.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

If your kid is thriving and surviving, and you are alive, alive and fed and breathing, you're doing as well as everyone else.

SPEAKER_02

Um I've definitely found some parts of motherhood easier than others. And right now, it is a difficult chapter. I've got two kids pushing every buttons and every boundary, yeah. Whilst trying to adjust, it's gonna ride the wave. Yeah, it is, it's a wave. And it's a wave. I don't know. I mean, I keep bringing up my mum, but like even when I said to my mum about she goes, Yeah, but you're 31 and I still worry about you. Like it doesn't end. Like every chapter has different challenges and different things. What do you want your kids to learn from the way you talk about yourself and other mums?

SPEAKER_01

That their bodies are beautiful.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. You're being on the body positivity. Positivity, yeah. I love that.

SPEAKER_01

And I've got two girls. I have to be. Yep. Yep, I gotta be.

SPEAKER_02

There's no choice.

SPEAKER_01

Yep, got no choice. Except I I really want a boob job.

SPEAKER_02

I'm Mickey. I want a boob job too.

SPEAKER_01

But I want it to reduce my weight.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I have hounds ears for boobs now. So like my perky little surfboard titties just don't exist anymore. And I would love to just have them removed. And but I'm with you in regards to the weight stuff. Like, I feel like I need to lose weight. If I lose my boobs, if I if I had them removed to what I used to have, I would look ridonulous.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I am a big booty bitch, and if I just got no tits, yeah, I would look so silly. But I feel like also, what are these humongous things that I've never had to experience before and dress before and deal with before? Please. Oh, I've just never had I've never had tits. I've never had boobs.

SPEAKER_01

I've had boobs since I was like 20. Yeah, okay. And they've always been big. Yeah, okay. And do you want a reduction of it? I've read a reduction. Yeah. How do I do that and have two girls and show them that their bodies are amazing? I know. While mum would like to edit how her things wants to just change it.

SPEAKER_02

This is because of you you two, you little fuckers. It's not because of them. No, I've got it. Everybody's had it. I know. I think it's just got a slightly bitter. But then I think it's a matter of owning it and being like, I don't feel comfortable in the way that these feel or these look or it gives me back pain.

SPEAKER_01

And it does, it gives me neck pain.

SPEAKER_02

And I would like to it's like the I think there's also an ownership in the current climate and current day and age of like obviously plastic surgery, facial I call it facial fugulations because I think some people have taken filler and Botox and all that. And you have fucked up your face. Yep. Um, and I I'm very conscious of doing anything to my face. I think your face is your one thing that you shouldn't fuck up because it's the one thing that identifies you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um But I think when it comes to body, like changing body and I have body dysmorphia, but in the opposite way. So like I feel fucking great. Like I look at myself in the shower in the shower, not in my shower, but in the mirror, and I'll dress myself and I'll be like, you are a fucking hot ass bitch. But then someone else will take a fucking photo. Oh my god, I've got the same thing! And I'll be like, who is fucking shamu in the corner? You look four times the size of all your fucking friends, and I will wear it. I'm the skinny friend. I am not the fucking skinny friend.

SPEAKER_01

I have the photo taken from behind and go, Oh. I know.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not that big. I'm not that big. That's not what people see, is it? Someone other people say, I'm not that fat. But the worst part is, as like an 18, 17-year-old, I thought I was the fat friend. And then I look back at photos and I was the skinny one.

SPEAKER_01

I was the skinny one.

SPEAKER_02

And like, and even back then I thought, it's like I've tried to swap that and I'm I'm proud of myself for being confident in my skin. But it is, it's when a photo comes out and I'm like, uh, who the hell is that? Yeah, what is the conversation you have with your kids if you wanted to change something? I don't know. Let's put it out there to our listeners.

SPEAKER_01

Like, what do you just don't I I want all this positivity for my girls, and then but I but mum wants you're struggling to figure out how would you justify that and have that conversation with that conversation.

SPEAKER_02

What's your this made me feel human again thing outside of motherhood? I know that you're big into your craft, but is there anything else that you've sort of done that's that's for you?

SPEAKER_01

Going back to work.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yeah. I agree with that. I'm the same.

SPEAKER_01

Going back to work.

SPEAKER_02

Having adult socialization.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I don't go to work to make money, I go to work to socialise.

SPEAKER_02

And to talk to people.

SPEAKER_01

And to talk to people that are not my children. That are not my children. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. No, I don't want to talk to my coworkers about have you washed your hands? Have you wiped your bum? Are your shoes on? Are your socks on? Okay, what are we having for lunch? No, I don't know what we're having for dinner yet. No, I will not make you a snack.

SPEAKER_01

That's it. Um, yeah, that's definitely going back to work.

SPEAKER_02

Not only financially, but me mentally, like I do need a break. Like, yes, I love my children dearly, and yes, we're in a hard chapter, but I I can't be with them full time. I would not be a nice person, and I would not be a nice mummy if I was with them full time. Trying to constantly keep them entertained, constantly keep them fed. That's the thing I'm battling with the most at the moment. They're just fucking bottomless pits. Yeah, and if they were home full time with me, I don't think I'd be a very nice mummy. And I'd rather they get the best of me when they have got me, and I get that break and that mental stimulation. Finish this sentence.

SPEAKER_01

Motherhood is Motherhood, sorry.

SPEAKER_02

You've got a response to this, have you? I told you not to prep anything.

SPEAKER_01

I know, but I had to write down I asked this to my husband. So this was my husband's answer.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. But I want to hear his. I want to hear yours.

SPEAKER_01

No, but his is really good.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Motherhood is like neutral green. You only get out what you put in.

SPEAKER_02

Neutral game.

SPEAKER_01

Nutra green. It's a cereal.

SPEAKER_02

Is that their slogan?

SPEAKER_01

I think so.

SPEAKER_02

Dan, shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear a fucking slogan from a cereal ad.

SPEAKER_01

My mother motherhood is equal parts, chaos, cuddles, and coffee.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I like that. Yeah. Mine's chaos, cuddles, Chardonnay, and antidepressants. Rapid fire. Wiggles or pepper peek?

SPEAKER_01

Wiggles.

SPEAKER_02

Wiggles? Love a good wiggle?

SPEAKER_01

I yeah, I love wiggles. I went to my first wiggles concert when I was six. Oh, so you're a wiggles person. So it's not even like about having kids. You were a wiggles kid. I was a Wiggles kid.

SPEAKER_02

So did you force that upon your children?

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_02

What's your favourite hidden snack? Do you have hidden snacks in your house? Are you joking? Are you not one of those mums? You share your snacks with your kids. Oh fuck off.

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_02

I have like hidden snacks every week. I buy something for myself and it gets hidden. I have a craft room that's fully hidden snacks. You have a whole shed. I have a whole room. Come on then, what's your favourite? What's your favourite hidden snack? It's gotta be the nerd clusters. What is your coffee order? I feel like you're not a person that needs coffee, but.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I need coffee. Well, I don't need I probably don't need it.

SPEAKER_02

You don't need it to get you're such a high energy human being, I feel like.

SPEAKER_01

But I so it's only recently that I've learnt that I'm high energy. Sorry? Yeah. You probably just recently learned. Recently just I got this for the moment we met. Um I have a oat cappuccino or latte.

SPEAKER_02

That your last name's oats and you're okay.

SPEAKER_01

I know! It's great, it's hilarious.

SPEAKER_02

Is that because you had to have no dairy? Yes. And I actually have the taste of them. Yeah, okay. So now that's just your preference.

SPEAKER_01

That's just my preference, except it's freaking expensive.

SPEAKER_02

Have you ever hidden from your children?

SPEAKER_01

A couple of times.

SPEAKER_02

What makes you want to hide from your kids? They were just Is it that touching out or too loud or?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, no, touching out or I think I have since yeah, we've since put in a new en suite that's got a locked door. Oh, how good. Because I don't have a pantry to walk into.

SPEAKER_03

To a pantry to cry.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know pantry to cry. So I go to my ensuite. It's been only ever been a couple of times, and it was just too much. Alice, when she was Dan's birthday, the year Alice was born, he comes home from work. She was four months old. She can't he I could not settle her. I put it in her cot and I just had to walk out. Went out the back. Yep. I had to walk away.

SPEAKER_02

I I think everyone mum has had two moments.

SPEAKER_01

And then Dan's come home and he's found me bawling my eyes out, and I was bawling her eyes out. And he's like, I'm like, what the fuck is that? He's like, it's my birthday.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, Yeah, you know what? She doesn't know that. She doesn't know that. And and Mumma needs help right now. I don't so much hide from the kids. It's more like they're quiet or happy playing, and I will just sneak away.

SPEAKER_01

See, I don't because I don't want to wreck it.

SPEAKER_02

I don't want to ruin the moment. No, see, I will sneak away and go to my bedroom and I'll go read my book and then wait for the mum. Where'd you go? See, I don't do that because I don't want to ruin a minute. Or I might get 45 minutes. So I'm like all about that risk.

SPEAKER_01

I will just sit there and be like, I don't want to move because I don't want to wreck it. Yeah, fair. Yeah, fair. And you guys are being cute and adorable, and I I can't go. I just need to uh not move and pretend that I don't exist. I was like, I'm just gonna scroll on my phone. Yeah. Ah crap, I've got to the end of Instagram.

SPEAKER_02

Damn it. What is your favourite swear word?

SPEAKER_01

It's probably fuck. Yep. But I get in trouble a lot with Dan.

SPEAKER_02

Does he not like swear words?

SPEAKER_01

He does not like swear words.

SPEAKER_02

Oh god, he'll hate me. I'm a fucking sailor.

SPEAKER_01

But his best mates swear like there's no tomorrow around my kids. But I get in trouble for swearing.

SPEAKER_02

That's not fair.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I have a moment about that as well.

SPEAKER_02

Go on, tell me.

SPEAKER_01

Um, Claire a couple of weeks ago.

SPEAKER_02

Oh god, I love when kids wear.

SPEAKER_01

She we're trying to get Alice ready for school and Claire was being a little pain, a little pissed, and all I hear is this fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck and I'm like what are you saying? Sorry? What are you saying? Sorry.

SPEAKER_00

She's like fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck and I'm like cool, but we're not telling Dad about this.

SPEAKER_02

Are we just gonna like breeze past this? Uh I'm not gonna draw attention to it. Let's just leave it.

SPEAKER_01

She just kept it on cycle. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit. Where did you learn that?

SPEAKER_02

Funny.

SPEAKER_01

It was so funny.

SPEAKER_02

Did she say where she learned it?

SPEAKER_01

No. And then Alice, but Alice has never said that.

SPEAKER_02

Alice has never get got Oh no, we've had some big swearing in our house. Yeah. We've had I was driving once and I had an old lady at the lights fucking fang past me and I just went, fucking hell. And the kids just started chanting at the back of the car, fucking hell, fucking hell, fucking hell. I am like crying laughter. I think it's a funny thing to do. Fuck my yelling at me. It's not funny. Stop encouraging them. But Libby's done this thing recently where she randomly has started saying, oh shoot, oh shoot. And I'm like, I'm like, shut that down. I know what you're doing. And she's like, I'm not, I'm not saying we call them ass words. Like if we swear, the kids go, that's an ass word. Yeah. But I I say, Olivia, I know what you're doing. And she goes, I didn't say an ass word. And I'm like, I'm telling you, I'm not okay with you saying that either. Oh. And oh shoot, oh shoot, oh shoot. And then yesterday we're FaceTiming Ryan, and she's was doing something, and then she flipped him off. And I was like, You are well aware of what that means. We've had a few. We've had a few. We had Olivia, um, we're at daycare pickup, and this was this year, like Livby was in school uniform, and Harry took the last apple at the daycare pickup, and Libby just yelled at the top of her lungs, you're such a little dickhead. And this is in front of like the daycare teachers, other mums, and I'm just dying. I'm like, I swear I've never said that in front of my kids.

SPEAKER_01

Definitely.

SPEAKER_02

I get Alice going, frickin' heck, freaking heck, and this is a freaking heck! It's like when they know they know that that's like close enough, but they can't technically get in trouble.

SPEAKER_01

But Alice has never sworn to get in trouble.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01

I think the funniest um swear time though was my niece when she was 18 months or nine, twelve two, or eighteen months or two. We were away, we were away all together as a family, and she it drops. I think she drops something, and she goes, Oh fuck. And I go, and then her mum, in front of like all our elderly family members, her mum goes, oh duck! That's not a duck.

SPEAKER_02

My mum used to say this. Apparently she used to swear a lot when she was driving, and she'd be like, Oh shit. And then I said it once, like repeated it when she said it, and she went, Oh, ship. Where's the ship, darling? I can't see a boat anywhere. She was like, I mean, my mum like it's just so proper.

SPEAKER_00

I can't see a duck, and then mice, and then I've gone, oh Jesus!

SPEAKER_02

Then Maces just like shut up. I'll never forget. Harry, Harry, like threw a cup of orange juice like all over the table, and maybe just went, oh shit. And this was when they were like two and like two and a half, and she just went, oh shit. And I was like, um, excuse me. She went, fucking hell. And I was just like, uh, okay, mummy needs to sort of spray about the kitties. And then another time, I must have been yelling at Harry about something, and she came out to Ryan and she just rolled her eyes on just went, fucking hell.

unknown

Like, because Harry got in trouble.

SPEAKER_02

And like, I think it's even better. I've said this previously. When it's in context. When it's in context, like you are so fucking smart, and like I I have no issue with swear words. I just think they're just words. They are just words. My husband's not hurting, you're not hurting anyone. No, I I fully agree with that. And you know what? If the teacher calls me in and it's like Libby's dropping F bombs, yes, there will be a conversation. But I'm also just like, is she punching anyone in the fucking face? No. Is she a nice kid? Yes. So what? She said, I don't want to fucking read today.

SPEAKER_01

My my one of my other nieces, she was trying to get the DVD player working, and she Oh god, this was a while ago then. Yeah, so she was like, I think DVD player that you said. She was four trying to get the DVD player working, and she was trying to put the DVD in, and she comes in, she goes, Mum, the DVD's fucked.

SPEAKER_02

I think that this segment's gonna become a really good part of our podcast because I think every single mum has a section of my mom.

SPEAKER_01

Mine are my nieces though, but not mine.

SPEAKER_02

Is there a mum you'd like to give a shout-out to?

SPEAKER_01

My sister Vanessa.

SPEAKER_02

And why would you like to give her a shout out?

SPEAKER_01

She has two beautiful girls and is an absolutely amazing mum to both of them, and they challenge her every single day, but she's still there. She handles it with grace. She handles it with grace as much as she can.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, with two difficult girls.

SPEAKER_01

Two difficult girls, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um, I just want to wrap things up and end with you're doing so much better than you think. And to all of our listeners, if you yelled today, that's okay, because so did I say loud.