The Loud Mums Club
Honest parenting unfiltered. The good, the bad & the absolute feral.
Meltdowns, mental load and belly laughs. We listen and we don’t judge.
The Loud Mums Club
Poison Hotline, Parenting Hot Takes & My Midlife Identity Crises
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This week on The Loud Mums Club, we're covering everything from my first call to the Poison Hotline (because apparently that's a parenting rite of passage) to the surprisingly controversial topic of sharing kids online.
We chat about raising boys versus girls, what actually makes a great dad, whether affirmations are genius or just a bit cringe, and ask the important question: are we judgmental... or just opinionated?
We also dive into nicknames, village etiquette (would you tell your friend's kid off?), family mantras, finding yourself after becoming a mum, and why the internet has made parenting both easier and infinitely more complicated.
It's honest, hilarious, thought-provoking, and just the right amount of unhinged.
Grab a coffee, pour a wine, or hide in the pantry for half an hour—you're among friends.
Welcome to Lamb Mum's Club, where we say the quiet part out loud, the good, the bad, and absolutely cooked parts of parenting. What are we drinking today? Wine, coffee, or tears. But today I'm drinking a glass of wine with my girlfriend Tina. This is my first online podcast. We're sharing a glass of red. Tina is currently in South Australia and I'm in Melbourne. But introduce yourself, who are you and what ages are your kitties?
SPEAKER_01I go by Tina and I have two boys, Ziggy and Joey. And yeah, like you say, we live in Adelaide. I'm actually a teacher, so I'm an early childhood teacher. My husband's a firefighter. And we moved over from Melbourne last year. So we've been here a year and just to be closer to family, loving the fact that we can yeah, call on family to come over and hang out. So that's such a blessing. But um yeah, just excited to be here.
SPEAKER_00So thanks for having me. I do want to go back to your kids' names because I love your children's names. So you actually have Ezekiel and Josiah, and then they're Ziggy and Joe Joey for short. Is that correct? Do I pronounce that correctly?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Ezekiel, we were gonna name him Zeke, like as a nickname. But I just love like when he was in my tummy when I was pregnant, I just love the name Ziggy. So I just started calling him Ziggy more and more, but I love the meaning behind their names. And don't ask me now, I actually can't remember.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's it, shared, like but when you found them, you were like, Yep, that's the that's I love it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I really can't remember. I think Ezekiel means strength, Josiah. I think his is joyful, but yeah, Josiah, and then their middle names as well. Like he's Ezekiel James. Um, I just love the name James. He was actually gonna maybe be James, or what was the other one that I was thinking? Um I loved Noah, that's another biblical name. So he was gonna be Noah, but being a teacher, I had a little Noah in my class, and I was like, you know what, you can't really associate students with the kids.
SPEAKER_00It's just it doesn't work. Well, was Noah a little rap bag? You're like, I'm not putting that shit out there.
SPEAKER_01I mean, his behavior, we did have to do a lot of behavior management.
SPEAKER_00So funny, that's hilarious. Yeah, kind of hard. That's we found the same thing, like name associations when picking names. Like, oh no, I knew someone called that. Not that's not an option. Um, no, we I don't like that name. We loved Ariel um or Aria. Yes. It's gonna be Ari for short. Um, but then it was like, oh, I mean, it was beginning of COVID. I don't know if Game of Thrones was around, but Ari seemed like too Game of Thrones-y in that sort of era. And then we liked um, oh, what was it? Aurora, Rory for short, but then Ryan was like, absolutely not, Hori Rory. We're not having that, like, that's not a thing.
SPEAKER_01I loved Archer too, Archie. But I had a really close friend of mine named her baby Archie, and it was like, oh, damn it.
SPEAKER_00I liked Tucker for a boy. That was on my list from like a teenager. I don't know why we didn't go down this avenue of Tucker. John Tucker must die. Did you ever watch that? Oh, yeah, well, there goes ruined. Couldn't have done a Tucker. That might have been why it got knocked off the list once that came out. John Tucker. John Tucker. God, that's a good movie. I need to watch that. Um but then Harry, it was Harry or Henry. Harry or Henry was a was a big then, like, I don't know how you both feel the same. There is nowhere my kids could be any other names. Like we we had them, we had the names picked out when we were pregnant, like we, when I was pregnant, and we just referred to the babies as their names for so long that when they came out, we never had that moment of, oh, you don't look like a Harry or you don't look like an Olivia. Like it was just yeah, very easy. Yes.
SPEAKER_01He looks like a Harry, and she looks like an Olivia.
SPEAKER_00So there you go. I also said I'd never call him Hazman. Um I thought of like Hazmat, Hasmat suit, like I'm never gonna call him that. I call him Hazman all the time. Like that's yeah.
SPEAKER_01Ziggy is Ziggotron, like like a transform.
SPEAKER_00I like that. That's super cute. Yeah, that's cute. Does Joey have another nickname?
SPEAKER_01Just Jojo.
SPEAKER_00Jojo's cute. Or Bubba. We just still call him Bubba. Yeah, I call Harry Bubby. Yeah, isn't it cute? Yeah, it's funny how that just sort of happens organically. Um like we sorry, we keep going, but I always thought for Olivia, so she was Olivia was the negotiation because I like the name Olive. Brian said no to Olive, but he said, But I'm happy to agree to Olivia. And I grew up with an Olivia, um a family friend, who was just the most beautiful human. She was so smart, so clever, so lovely. And I just had such a good association with that name. I was like, if we could have another Olivia like her, I would be so happy. Ended up actually telling her mum. Um, that's why we called her Olivia because you've raised such a beautiful girl. Like we want if that if this name encompasses who your daughter is, I would be very happy if that's how my daughter turns out. I feel like you've just covered up on facts about yourself. Um and in regards to how we met, we met through mutual friend Vanessa, who's also already been on the pod.
SPEAKER_01She was just someone who kept reaching out to me, seeing how I was going, because she knew that we had no family and basically no friends when we moved to Melbourne. So she became like one of my first friends. And so yeah, shout out to Vanessa. She's a good egg.
SPEAKER_00She's a yeah, beautiful soul. Um, before we do jump into today's episode, it's time to give out a small business shout out. Um, this week we're showing some love to Sketchy Kids Official. If you've got little ones who are always drawing on the walls, the table, or themselves, like my children, this one's for you. Sketchy Kids creates reusable colouring maps and activities that keep kids entertained without chewing through a mountain of paper. Just colour, wipe clean, and start all over again. As parents, we're always looking for things that buy us five minutes to drink hot coffee, cook dinner, or simply sit down without hearing ma'am, I'm bored. So if you're looking for fun, reusable activities for your little artists, go and check out Sketchy Kids Official and show another amazing small business some love. Because every order supports a real family, a real dream, and probably someone packing orders after bedtime with a cup of cold coffee sitting next to them. Do you have a mum fail of the week?
SPEAKER_01Oh, um, leaving the marshmallows at child height. Because I think your kids did this once, didn't they? They ate like a whole of gutter gummies.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I had to call a poison hotline because I was like, oh my god, my kid's gonna die because I had the entire packet of vitamin gummies. And yeah, she laughed at me and she's like, No, they'll probably just shit themselves today, but you're fine.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean it's a lot of nutrition to pump through them, but with mine it was just sugar. So but I managed to catch them just in time. Did they share? Oh, I was about to say, were they sharing them? No, well, they're super sneaky. Our new pantry in our new house has a door. So, like, if I don't know where they are, I often just go there and they just open the door.
SPEAKER_00When we built this house, our pantries walk in. So I was like, what are we gonna do? We have two small children, like this is gonna be a disaster. And um, there's no door, there's no way to lock it. So I said to the cabinet maker, you need to put in one like tall cabinet that's lockable because I'm not kidding, we've had locks on our pantries forever. So he's literally put like a cabinet lock on it. So we have a key that gets hidden or comes to bed with me because the kids will just go raid the pantry when they get up in the morning. Um, so we have like all the normal snacks, like fruit and stuff available, but like Cheerios, Cheerios will get thrown all over the house. Anything that's sandwich lunchbox related has to be locked away because they'll have three packs of chippies. Um, we even have a lock on our fridge because the kids will eat six yogurts, like they'll just go to town.
SPEAKER_01I've really had to ramp up my um observation of them. Like just going a simple task of going to the toilet. I'm like, if there's silence down the other end of the house, I have to like quickly we and then just like bolt because Joey's just in the state.
SPEAKER_00Silence is the killer, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Yes. You're like, when you're not making noise, I'm concerned. Yeah. I have to say my mum failed the week happened this week. Um, where the school is where we where we go, um, there's surrounded by paddocks and fields, and there's a couple of horses that come up to the fences, and the kids will pick some grass and feed the horses. Um, we've been doing it since Libby's out of school this year. It's lovely. Well, today we did that, and um, Harry got bitten by the horse. And I watched this happen, I watched it play out, and I'm dog obsessed. So we've taught the kids if you see a dog you want to pat, you have to ask the owner first. You can't just run up and touch people's dogs. We don't touch dogs through fences. And I've taught them to say, Can I pat that dog? And I just think it's the best thing ever, right? So they we walk around a lake and they're like, Can I pat that dog? And it's fucking great. But with horses, obviously there's no owner there. So, like, I haven't even thought about having this conversation with them. And these horses, we feed them all the time. So Harry was feeding the horse and then decided to stroke its neck, and it very slowly just turned, and I just watched it happen. It wasn't like it was slow motion. This horse just very slowly turned around and just nipped him. And then Harry got the shock of his life because I reckon that would have been a pinch. Like it was a very lippy, it wasn't a nasty grab-on, it was a pinch, but um, yeah, Harry learned that the hard way, and I felt I couldn't stop laughing, which was the worst part. Like, I could not handle it in the best way. I was like, Well, you're gonna learn today.
SPEAKER_01And horses, I love them, they're majestic, but they're super scary because you know that they can kick you to death.
SPEAKER_00And then even a horse, it was honestly a pony. Like this thing was like oh Harry. Well, maybe Harry has a fear of horses, but we'll um no, I mean, resilience, right? We gotta I feel bad because I should have we've been so familiar with them, like feeding them all the time that I've we've never had that conversation. Keep in mind on the opposite side of the road, there's a llama that I'm like, don't go near the llama, the llama will spit or bite on you. Like, I'm like, don't touch it. Or it could be an outpacker, I don't know the difference.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's a geese. Stay away from geese, they freak me out. They they attack you, they come after you, Katie.
SPEAKER_00I hate geese. I believe you've got the bread, you know what I mean? Like just imagine those videos of kids screaming because chickens are running after them and they've got the bucket of food, and you're like, Well, put the food down and the chickens won't be chasing you. I love those videos. Yeah, me too. Anything the kids are running around freaking out, it's funny. Have you had a fuck around and find out moment with the kids this week? Like when they've done something and you went, Well, for me, I'm a fuck around and find out parent. So, like, if they want to go do something that's a bit risky, I'm like, okay, well, this is your choice. I'm gonna give you the heads up that that's gonna hurt, but go for it. Or if you want to make that decision, that's fine. This is a consequence, but if you want to go ahead with it, like you can learn that consequence yourself. Um, I think that that comes across an array of things. For me, a lot of the time it's with Harry making risky decisions physically, like that's gonna say physical stuff. Um, for example, though, my one this week wasn't a physical thing, it was a he wanted to take his favourite dinosaur teddy to daycare, which he's been sleeping with a lot. And it's one of those um heated, cuddly ones, you know, you can put in the microwave, like a beanbag. Um so he's been sleeping a lot with it, loves having it heated up. And I'm like, you take that to daycare and you lose it, or forget it, you're gonna regret it. And he forgot it. And because we now do daycare in kinda, he only goes to daycare two days a week and he left it there the second day. So then we had to wait the full week to get it back. And it was like, Well, yeah, I warned you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that's uh something that like it's definitely the age. Well, they're very similar in age, like Harry and Ziggy are very similar, I guess, in what they're learning at the moment. Like, even with Zeke, when he's climbing things lately, like literally today, he's like climb because we've got a little bit of balcony, he'll climb up something and then be like, Help, help. And this is every time, and then at the playground this morning, he climbed up to the highest tower and he's like, Help!
SPEAKER_00Okay, so this is where we might differ in our parenting. Yeah, what do you how do you respond to that?
SPEAKER_01See, now I say to him, Zig, if you get up there, you can work a way out to get that's me 100%.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, mate, you put yourself in a situation, you figure it out. I'm not helping. Yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_01See, I used to be that parent that was like, Oh, let me help you, but now I'm like, heck no, I'm not climbing up a tree.
SPEAKER_00If you climb up a massive it's like, shame on you, pull me down, shame on me. Like, I'm not climbing up that climbing frame ever again. Yeah, no, it's all the time.
SPEAKER_01Like today, I reckon you did it like three or four times. I was like, if you climb, you've got to work out, you've got to maneuver your feet, find your way with the steps, and work away idea.
SPEAKER_00So this week's village verdict is um sharing our kids online. Now, I would love to talk to you about this because you do share your kids on social media. You are a content creator and you do brand deals and you have incredible products that you share on your page that kind of align with you and your values and things. And I think it's a very interesting conversation in the modern, in the current day and age and the current climate with online safety and children and things. Um, so yeah, so you share your kids online and and what made you consider doing it or make you feel comfortable doing that?
SPEAKER_01I think for me, it all started. I I was a bit naive at the start. I didn't really realize what I was getting into. Um, the reason I started content creation was to kind of create a community online and to encourage mothers. That was like the goal of why I actually had a teaching page originally. I don't know if you know this. You did you told me like way back when was when I started following you, when it was like activities for kids and yeah, yeah, because um, yeah, being a teacher, I was like, well, let me utilize my skills and put it online. And then I was like, you know what, I want to change this platform to be centered around motherhood and just encouraging other mums. And so, in doing so, I posted a couple of videos of my kids online, and then that's kind of when AI and all that sort of stuff kind of came on the news and like all over social media. And so my husband and I, like Ben and I had this chat about if we want to keep posting our kids online, and I think, yeah, for us, it was just like, okay, if I get big, that's when we'll probably start dialing it back a little bit. But at the start, like I only had like a thousand followers, and I was like, Oh, you know, it's my focus is not going to be on my children, it'll be kind of on like motherhood itself and like day-to-day life, like that sort of thing. Um, but then I posted one video and it just went boom, like it just went viral, and so and that was my kids' faces and that sort of thing. And then I don't know if you know recently, like I posted another video and had like 4.5 million views.
SPEAKER_00The beautiful one where it's like the montage and just talking about motherhood.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yeah, like like um parenting, it's not a burden, it's actually a gift. Yeah, that one that one just went boom. And so, yeah, from that, like I think I gained like 2,000 followers in the last couple months, and I'm like, wow, like this is full on that. Yeah, some people that I don't even know, certain people that I don't even know are following me now. And so, yeah, like I think it's definitely something that um I'm even now considering, like, you can change your mind on these things. It's just I was even chatting to my brother-in-law, who he's a content creator too. Well, he's what you deem, I think, an influencer. Like, he's definitely someone that um he was like a model. So now okay, yeah, okay, yeah. Um, he's got his own clothing brand as well. So when yeah, he was chatting to me about this, he just said, Tina, like the damage has already kind of been done. Like you've already put their faces online, it's already out there on the web. Um, it's all like even when you go out into public, like people can take photos of your children and post it online without your garment.
SPEAKER_00Like it doesn't need to be, yeah, it doesn't need to be just a video account. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So in my mind, I just thought, well, yeah, like I'll obviously pick and choose. And I think we'll chat about this like later in the potty, but like just yeah, like for me, it was more about like what was the goal around me posting online, and it was that that like I wanted to reach other mums, and I felt like I had to do that with being raw and and authentic and showing you actually have children, like yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00There's a bit of me that's like so not judgmental, but like I'm I do question a lot more on social media now to know what's real and what's not. So if someone's posting motherly content but I've never seen their children, yeah, I'm all about faceless content. Like I'm all about you know posting the back of their heads and stuff, but I'm like, yeah, do you actually have kids? I've never seen them. Like you know what I mean? But that that does lead into oh, actually, I have a question for you. You just said um I'll do it till I get big. Like, what's big for you? Like, what does that mean?
SPEAKER_01Well, I think in my mind, I think if I get over 10,000 followers, that was like my my thing of like, okay, I'll I think, but even now, like having those videos go viral, I think I don't know if you've noticed, I've I've kind of started doing a bit more side profiles. Yeah, and if I do post their faces, it'll be a story, so it will disappear, like nothing permanent.
SPEAKER_00Like videos of like behind the scenes the other day with them in these beautiful tracksuits and stuff. It was like child of God t-shirt thing, but you posted a lot of them just like walking from behind and like, yeah, a little bit of and it was really cute, and it's still very authentic and still showing products and still being realistic and and genuine.
SPEAKER_01Um but that wasn't ad. So anything that's an ad, I've actually so whenever a brand asks me to do whitelisting or an ad, yeah, I'll actually hide their faces a little bit more. But yeah, if it's me posting what it's coming from myself, I like I get to pick and choose that. So that's why I'm a bit more lenient in that way. But yeah, if an ad is taking my children's faces and putting it on their website, like some brands have actually done that without my permission. Um, like well, yeah, like some of the sunglasses that we got gifted, um, they never actually got permission, but they took the photos and like their adverted like advertisements are online on their website with my kids' faces. But in a way, like the glasses hide their faces. So I'm like, should I be angry? Like, I don't know. Did you reach out? Did you say anything? I haven't said anything because I haven't looked recently. Like, this was probably like six months ago that I checked, but yeah, it could be different now.
SPEAKER_00It's just interesting in the current climate. Like, that's that's yeah, like do they think they have the right to because they've gifted you something, but there's no contract in place. So, like you also haven't said you don't have the right. Um, yeah, and I'm not gonna play that, yeah, gifted, yeah, tricky. So I guess that that does lead into do you have any boundaries around what you will or won't share?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I think I don't want to share vulnerable moments. Like, I if they're having a tantrum, like if Joey's screaming his head off, I'm not gonna get out my phone and take a video of that or shit pisses me off with parents. Yeah, I just I don't want to be that parent that shows them in such a vulnerable place of like, yeah, if they look at this later in life and they go, Mom, like why the heck would you record me like crying or having a meltdown? Or you know what I mean? Like that's so embarrassing and the world has seen that kind of thing. So, and I think like I never want to share my location or like them in a school uniform because I want to respect like privacy of like well that sort of leads into your comfort level is sort of changing as your kids are getting older and and what you do and don't want to share and school uniform.
SPEAKER_00Obviously, that's been a big thing the last couple of years. Like, don't post your kids in school uniform. Um we posted like our preppy photos, Libby starting school, but I made sure that her uniform was covered. She had like a little sign. Um and I actually have really noticed like at other events and daycare and pickups and things, a lot of kids locally had the same school uniform, same colour scheme, but different logos. So I actually made me feel even better because I'm like, there's no way you could identify what school my kid went to because the uniform. So there's another influencer down here that um I won't name, but she posed a lot of her kids, and she always blurs out their school uniform, but it's a very distinctive school uniform. And I'm like, I know for a fact I know where your kids go. And that's like, what was the point? I don't see the point in you, and also she she blurred out the the the logo on the shirt, but on the on the arm it wrote the school. She didn't do that. Yeah, get your shit together. Like, if you're gonna do child safety, please commit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I know as parents, we have to remember the ultimate goal, and that is to keep them safe, to love them, to show them the right way and how to react in certain ways and how to behave. Um, so yeah, like it's to not judge other parents as well. Like, I feel like there's so much judgment.
SPEAKER_00Like I turn on TikTok and I'm like, what is like people need to stop. I am judgy though. I am judgy. I I think so. Ryan thinks so. Ryan thinks I'm the judgiest person ever. Um I just think I'm so opinionated sometimes. Um, but I'm also like we'll happily have a cont conversation with anyone and have a different opinion and agree to disagree, and like I'm not like gonna push my beliefs onto anyone. Um but like even today, Harry were at the shops, and Harry was starting to get funny. He wanted a toy, and I was like, No, it started to escalate. And I said, First of all, this isn't how we speak to mommy. This is not how we speak to me, is it? And the shop's very quiet, so all that's there is the two ladies behind the counter. And they kept escalating. And I said, I'm happy to get it for your birthday. And he burst into tears and he's like, We do this thing with toys, especially. I'm like, I'll take a photo, we'll get it for your birthday. Like, I've got a whole fucking camera roll of shit just to keep him happy. We go to Eevee Games and I'm like, Yep, photo, photo, photo, photo. We'll be in there for half an hour. But like, um, and I was like, I'll take a photo of it. And he's like, No, like my birthday's so far away. Like, his isn't until December. And um, I was like, I understand that, but I'm not I'm not buying you something. He goes, Well, I'll buy it. I'm like, You don't have enough money. It's $20, you have like four bucks, like it's not in the budget, and I'm not buying it for you. We're already doing XYZ today. Um, and just gone on this level, and I was like, this isn't how we ask for things, this isn't how we behave, this isn't how we speak to your speak to mummy. Like, I'm a big believer in that, and I say that to my friends' kids. Like when they get arsy, I said, We don't speak to mummies like that. That's not how you speak to your mum. Like, I will back up any other mum. I'm not trying to parent your child, but I'm also like but it takes we don't speak to mummy that way, Katie.
SPEAKER_01That is that is what we need to realize. It takes a village to raise a child. So if you're not seeing it as a parent as well, because if we're overstimulated, we're overwhelmed, we're over if we're tired, sometimes we don't see things that need to be corrected.
SPEAKER_00So to have another mum actually correcting for me, it's like it's like, well, hang on, mummy's not like that's not acceptable around me. Like you don't just speak to my friend like that. Yeah, it'd be no different to like you don't speak to my children like that. Like it's it's I hope I hope it doesn't come across as a correction because um for me, I'm just like in teen like mum's corner. Like, yeah, girl, I'll back you. You don't get to speak to mommy that way, like that's not okay, you know. Um but yeah, so yeah, we were in the shop today and I handled it. And as we were leaving, he was like, Well, I'm not leaving. And he grabbed this like fake plant and went to like try and break it. And I said, Don't break that. And the shopkeeper went, Yeah, we're watching you. And I said, Yeah, and they'll call the police, and then they start laughing. And I was like, Oh, okay. And I was like, Yeah, I appreciate the backup girls. Because they'd obviously watched this whole scenario play out, they've watched the de-escalate them, and then him change his mind. And I was like, I appreciated the backup. Yeah, really funny. It was just a good moment. Do you feel pressured to show the highlight reel because of the way you've curated your content and that you don't feel like you can yeah, I think it's just more the angle that you want to be showing?
SPEAKER_01Like, yeah, yeah, it's more about like I I think I guess I find it exhausting sometimes showing up every day because there's days and there's even been weeks the last couple weeks where I just haven't shared at all because number one, we've moved house, which is apparently one of the most stressful life experiences that you could ever do. Um, and so I just haven't been posting as much. So I think in that way it's exhausting trying to show up um all the time and to be posting on your stories and to be like keeping the momentum going. And so that's where I'm like, I just I need to take care of me as well. Like, I think people that often burn out, creators that often burn out are those that like are trying to like create all the time and especially like I'm trying to be wary of to not be on my phone around my kids. Yeah, how do you say that? Yeah, 100%. So, like if I'm yeah, trying to edit a video and trying to post it on time, I'm like, I'm not gonna try and do all that when I have the kids around me. So, like my number one is to like be there for my kids, and when I get the time, that's when I can, yeah, show up online and share what we've been doing and that sort of thing. But I guess it's exhausting, like trying to be like look like I'm put together as well. Like so some days I'm just not put together. But I think in sharing that online, it might also not help those that are struggling. And I think that's why I'm very picky as to when I would show that I'm like going through a hardship, because like I think that's why a lot of people choose to focus on the positives as well. This is going back to the other question, because you never know what's going to trigger something in someone else who maybe has gone through DV or has gone through something in their lives, and they're trying to like grab onto the positives of being a mom, or grab onto like anything that's like beautiful in in life in general, because you never know what someone might be going through mentally, whether they're invited with everyone else's struggles.
SPEAKER_00They sometimes just need something nice to believe in and yeah, that might just be the tip, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01That might be like the tip of the iceberg where they see someone else struggling and it might help them or it might not help them. So, like to really have the wisdom in like what I do post, like that's something that I try to yeah, pray about every day and hope that I am doing.
SPEAKER_00So outside of that, thank you very much for having the chat because I think it's really interesting with sharing parenting online. But back to you just as a mum, like separate to this. I know that you obviously you are very Christian and you do weigh on, you do lean on your beliefs a lot to help you day by day. And I think that there's been times where I've had a really rough time and reached out to you, and you've sort of offered that to me. And I think there's been times over the last few years where I've learned to alcohol, and like I know that there's definitely healthier um options out there, and you've always been so beautiful. And as someone who's not religious, you've never pushed it, which has been awesome because I grew up in a household where we were very anti-religion, and I think dad had it pushed on him too much as a kid, so we've always been very like, oh, don't push it, don't just don't push it, just like don't. And you've always been so beautiful and supportive. Um but what is one parenting hill you'll die on? This is such a deep question.
SPEAKER_01Um I think just bringing it always back to God. Um, why is it that we are gentle in our house? Oh, it's because we treat others the way that you want to be treated. Like that's what the Bible says, that's what we need to do. Um and why is it that we have kindness? Like we always talk about like the fruit of the spirit, and that is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. That last one being the biggest. The one we're struggling with. Yeah, yeah. And so, like, I think for me, it's just like that's one hill that like I will always stand firm on. Like, that is my foundation. Like, when everything around me is crumbling, I think like having my solid foundation, yeah, in my faith. That is something that's really kept me solid as a mom. Like, but I that doesn't say that I'm perfect. I'm like, I fail all the time. Like the other day, I just yeah, like we were saying about being overwhelmed. Like, I just snapped and I just like will start yelling and screaming because I'm like, you spill the pasta all over the ground. I'm like, like I just yeah, really struggle. But um, yeah, I think something that I yeah, to like take those deep breaths and to like pray, that's something that I go to.
SPEAKER_00Because I think that that's also a principles thing. I don't think that's necessarily even a faith thing, because we definitely believe, you know, you treat people how you should be treat how you want to be treated, and that for for me definitely doesn't come from the Bible for me, because I've never read it. So like I don't know anything about it. So um, like I think I love that. I think taking taking that message and and passing that to your kids, we're gentle because that's what we should be doing, and we should always be kind and caring. And we have a lot of that's not kind and caring, like, excuse me, that wasn't kind and caring. Yeah, gentle hands, kind and caring, please.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, and while we're having this like discussion, it just comes to mind that like what you speak over yourself, like there's been studies that have shown that if you speak over yourself that you're sick, and you know those people who say that they're sick all the time, they actually end up becoming sick. It's really it's phenomenal. Like there's like a manifestation thing, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00Oh, if you're positive all the time, it's like what you put out that you get back. I I truly believe in that.
SPEAKER_01Every single day, I'll be like, you're happy, healthy, whole and when you speak, like again in the Bible talks about like the um life or death is in the power of the tongue. So, like what you speak over yourself every single day as a m, what you speak over yourself, what you speak over your children. If you say like um, you know, like oh my kids are just rap bags, and oh my kids are just like, you know, they're little, like, yeah, they're just always like ruining my life, like that sort of thing. Like, no, like choose to speak like healthy, positive life over your kids. Like, speak what you want them to become. You want them to be strong. You say, you are strong. Because what you say to them as well, they'll start to believe. What's something um people don't talk about enough in motherhood? Do you think? Mental health would be something that I guess you like like you've gone through, I've gone through, I'd say after I had Ziggy, I had depression. I was going through so much mentally to the point where I had insomnia for like six months. Like, I just didn't sleep for like six months. And it wasn't because I had a baby that was crying, I just would lay there awake. And I think with hormonal imbalances, and obviously, like your gut has a play on mental health as well. Like, I was turning to a psychologist about this recently, and she was like, if you're not getting enough sleep, if you're not exercising, and if your diet is out of whack, those three things will contribute to your mental health being poor. So things like anxiety, depression, um, those sorts of things.
SPEAKER_00So, like not like if you're feeding your body with shit and you're not fueling it with good with good fuel, like, and if you're not moving your body and you're not filling yourself with good endorphins, like it it makes total sense. Like I go back to like I'm not woo-woo and I'm not against modern medicine at all. I'm the first one to run to a doctor, but I also believe in naturopaths, Chinese medicine, and going back to the very basics of how to sort of heal yourself from within a little bit, you know. Like I think there's got to be a holistic view to health, and it's not bottles of pills. I've fully well, we don't do bottles here, but what do you think is your survival tip for mums? Survival tip number one is go outside.
SPEAKER_01It's so simple, but to like go outside in the sunshine, like resets your children's mood, it resets your mood. Get out of the house. Oh, just to get out and to breathe, like just to take that deep breath. Like, that is a survival tip number one in my life.
SPEAKER_00What's something you've judged yourself on that your kids could not have cared less about?
SPEAKER_01I judge the way I parent so much. Um in what way? In so many ways. I think like having the opinion of like my parents and I guess my in-laws as well, it's like I feel like I'm failing sometimes as a mum. Like just having the comments of like, you know, like because we chose the route of like not putting our kids in childcare and things. And so to have my to have comments of like, oh, you know, your kids like need stimulation or like the academic, like to have someone say like Ziggy is academically bored was kind of like a stab to a wound of like, am I am I not doing enough? Like, I'm a teacher, I should be doing these things at home with my kids. And I think like as a parent, like you can feel you can judge yourself so harshly on like how you are parenting, but we are our own worst critics.
SPEAKER_00I think that's where we have to be so careful what we say to ourselves, and like, yeah, um in front of your kids about yourselves, like they're so aware. Yeah, the pressure I feel raising a boy and you have two boys versus a girl. So for me, I do have very different expectations of Olivia is gonna rule the world, she can go do whatever she wants to do, she can wear whatever she wants, she can do whatever she wants, she can be whoever she wants, and then it's quite uplifting in that regard, right? If like my headspace around it. With Harry, who is a bit rough and tumble and needs a bit more guidance. Um, yeah, I'm sitting here thinking, you fucking touch someone you shouldn't, you put that thing near someone you shouldn't have, you speak to a girl, like I'm like so whereas I'm like, Libby, you tell someone to shut the fuck up if they need to. Whereas if Mary says that to someone, I'd be like, mate, no place, no, no TV for a week. Like, I don't know. Like it's so I'm I feel so much more pressure raising a boy knowing like the current climate of you know domestic violent rates, violence rates. And um, I've got a few situations at the moment around me, not personally, um of people who have either been recently in a DV or it's been a while, but it's still kind of continuing even though they've separated or happened a long time ago. And a common theme has been the parents of these men are like, oh my baby boy would never. Oh, like we'll come live with us, like we'll look after you, like we'll back you. I tell you right now, if Harry laid a finger on someone, you're done. You're done. Like you don't get to come run home to me. Like you will be taking accountability for your actions, and there will be no what mother, like I don't know.
SPEAKER_01But it's how they've been modeled, like as a as a dad. I think that's where like I don't know if you notice as if Ryan treats Harry differently to the way he treats Livy. Like, I think dads are very different to the way they treat boys to the way they treat girls, and I think in a way that's good, but in a way, yeah, there's different expectations. And it's true, like, boys are so different to girls. Like, I mean, I don't have girls, so I can't, but what I've seen in my friends' kids as well is just yeah, they're different interests, they're different the way like my boys are just so hands-on, and especially like I've noticed in the way like I'm a teacher, so like I see the way kids learn, and boys are very hands-on, girls are very like tactile, very academic. So they're so different. Um, and I think, yeah, like as parents, I think the best thing we can do is model like good behavior, model, model the way we treat each other, the way you and Ryan love each other.
SPEAKER_00Like you you nail on the head. Like, I think I I listened to some psychologist podcast about raising boys, and he said, You can tell them all the things, you can do all the things, the best thing you can do is show them. And if you're in a healthy relationship and you're your boys see how women should be treated, how they should be spoken to, um, what a real loving relationship comes with. And the funny thing is, you say that is that this these situations that I've been surrounded with, and like these men that have been involved in these this DV incidences, the women who have who obviously been involved are like their dads the same. They have learned that from their dads. And it's funny how it that is just a there's literally three cases that like in my life right now, and it just shows that it is a learned behavior. Like if you are showing your boys love kind, like, and I think you either take that trauma and you change the pattern, or you take it and repeat it. Yeah, it's breaking the cycle.
SPEAKER_01I don't know if you've seen those reels of like breaking the cycle, it's actually so emotional seeing those reels on Instagram where like um the dads have you seen them? No, dads line up next to their kids, and the mum will ask questions of like, take one step forward if your dad's ever come to the park with you, and all the kids step forward. It's like take one step forward if your dad has ever come dads aren't stepping because they never had that. Oh the dads have never had a father that has shown up or been affectionate, and they're the dads breaking the cycle, and then the kids turn around, they see their dad's still waiting at the very start, and they just all break into tears because even my dad, like my dad's that makes me emotional thinking about it. Yeah, oh my dad's dad like always pushed away my grandma, like she she would always like reach out for his hand and he'd like push it away. Whereas my dad chose to break that cycle and he was the most affectionate father.
SPEAKER_00Like, my dad would just hold my face and be like, I love you. Like, what would you say to a mum listening who feels like everyone else is doing better than they are? Uh, give yourself grace.
SPEAKER_01Um as mums, like I've said before on this podcast, that yeah, we can be so critical and harsh on ourselves that I think to look down on yourself that if you think you're doing it wrong, um, or if that you're questioning how you parent, you're probably doing better than other like better than you think.
SPEAKER_00You don't have self-awareness to be questioning it. What do you want your kids to learn from the way you talk about yourself and other mums?
SPEAKER_01Does this come back to the women and respecting them, raising boys and them just sort of yes, I think manners are a massive thing that I've had to ramp up in the last couple of weeks just because I've forgotten to kind of reiterate it. But to have strong etiquette and and manners is something that like not just like I think instills in them to be polite, but also just to be able to listen and obey. So, like something I've really had to drill into Ziggy is we sing the song that O B E wife obey your mom and dad. So you like okay, yeah, obey your parents. Like, why is that? Like you need to listen. And we've actually got a family mantra that um I don't know if you've seen it, if you came over to my house, but like on the family mantra, it was we listen the first time. Oh, I love that.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so the first time. If I ask you once, you do it straight away and not just like da-da-da-da-da-da. It's like, no, no, no. Yes, mum, you listen and obey.
SPEAKER_00Um, what's your this made-me feel human thing again outside of motherhood?
SPEAKER_01Um this is a tricky one. Maybe you share. I'll think about this one or you share.
SPEAKER_00Um, for me, it is just having time out. Like I motherhood's not I don't want to always be mumming. Like, I need to be at work, I need to see my friends, child free. I need to have time out. And this comes back to like, I'm glad we sleep train the kids, like they go down at seven, it's my time off, like that's it. I can go read a book, I can go out for dinner with a girlfriend. Um, yeah, filling my cup in different ways.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you saw that real. It was like these things should feel illegal as a mum. And it was like first thing was driving in the car alone. Yep.
SPEAKER_00Well, I've actually started driving in silence and not even having the radio anymore because I just it's nice to have my own thoughts in silence and not have constant noise.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Or going to the toilet with no interruptions, yeah.
SPEAKER_00But then I have moments of panic on the toilet when there's no one home and I forget there's no one home, and it's that silence, and it's like, hang on, is there a child getting into something they shouldn't be getting into? And then I'm like oh no, there's no children at home, it's okay. Yes, I know.
SPEAKER_01I think for me it's really interesting. They say it takes two years to go back to um how you felt pre-kids, like it takes two years for your body to go back to like how it originally felt, like all your home hormones kind of balance after two years. So I think like for me, that's what's made me feel like more human and more like myself is like I get to go to the gym and just kind of like have that outlet of like working out and like just feeling more me. Cause like in the past, like I think with hormones and like breastfeeding and all that sort of stuff, and then I've actually gone through prolapse as well, too. So like working out has looked so different, but um, yeah, like to have that ability to like have balanced hormones. I'm like, wow, like and like sleeping through kids that actually sleep through.
SPEAKER_00It's yeah, last question. Uh finish this sentence.
SPEAKER_01Motherhood is the most challenging yet rewarding experience in life, in my opinion.
SPEAKER_00I think that's pretty much been the consensus, everyone so far, like the hardest but the best, you know. But yeah, I like to end our episodes with a mum shout-out. Um, and I like to offer that to our guest. Who would you like to give a shout out to? A mum that you think is incredible, um, or you think is having a tough time and deserves a shout-out, or yeah, who's a mum that you'd like to give a shout-out to? Um your own mother, if you'd like.
SPEAKER_01Oh, my mother's amazing. Um, I hope she listened to the listens to this. Um, my friend Holly, she's amazing. She's um actually just moved house as well. So very similar situation to us. But she's got two, like she's got twins, so two kids, and she's just someone that's like super positive all the time. I don't know why. She just popped into my head in that moment. Um, and so yeah, just want to shout out to Holly for being positive light.
SPEAKER_00Good girl, love that. Yeah. Well, as we wrap things up, you are doing better than you think. And if you yelled today, that's absolutely okay. Because so did me and Tina. Stay loud, mum. I'll talk you next week.