Bubble Wrap or Broken Bones?

This week, we’re talking helicopter parenting vs fuck-around-and-find-out parenting, and whether the way your motherhood journey begins shapes the way you parent forever.

We dive into premature birth, NICU trauma, overprotectiveness, mum guilt, asking for help and why our kids save their absolute worst behaviour for us.

Plus, there’s Kmart therapy, poo in the bath, sibling justice, crab hunting at French Island that ends in muddy bums, and the usual amount of oversharing.

Funny, emotional and slightly cooked — just how we like it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:19

Welcome to the Lamb Mum's Club where we say the quiet part out loud the good, the bad, and the absolutely cooked parts of parenting. What are we drinking today? Wine, coffee, or tears? Well, I'm here with my best friend Amy. We're having a glass of red. To introduce yourself, who are you and what ages are your kids?

SPEAKER_03 0:34

My name is Amy Chambers, and I am a mum of two beautiful girls. I have one seven and a half, have to be specific on that one. Seven and a half nearly eight year old. And my little lovely dumpling is about to turn one this month. So I'm not going to cry. I know when we were recording it wasn't July. I was in denial. Have you decided what you're going to do? No, not yet. Still, I I told you I'm a last minute winner. I'll um you'll get the invitation the day beforehand. Right.

unknown 1:09

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Um, how do we meet?

SPEAKER_02 1:12

We met at school. We met at school. We've been doing accents before recording, so I feel like that's gonna slip in tonight.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

All my drama theatre acting is gonna come into play. Yeah. Um yes, we met at school, but you will once again have to remind me exactly how we met because I remember us being friends more towards senior years.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

Yeah, and we well, we weren't, I don't think we were friends, but we knew each other in year seven and yeah, and maybe been one year or two years. We used to play basketball together. And was a little pocket rocket and was not someone to mess with, so thank god we're on the same team because she was a charger, would be drop a shoulder, that's for sure. Because I was useless on offense, drop a shoulder shoulder and raise an uh elbow if needed. Um, so you I'll get the ball back, don't worry. Fucking oath. Um what are five facts about you?

SPEAKER_03 2:06

Five facts about me, hmm. Well, I used to be a piano singing and flute teacher once upon a time. I also used to be a performing musician. I used to do weddings and corporate, I did Crown a few times, I did the Australian Open. I'm pushing for her to get back into it. So if anyone's got a gig coming up and need a quote, let us know. Uh let us know. I'll um I'll investigate getting some new equipment. Um actually pretty cool piece of information. I have written and released my own music, but it's uh deep deep. On the tube. Not on the tube, it's in the it's in the Spotify, but we're gonna keep that one buried a little bit. There's music videos on the YouTube. Oh, you did covers? There's one. Yeah. Oh, and no, we're not gonna talk about the covers. Okay. The the original one, my original one's fine, but we're not gonna talk about the covers. Okay. Sure, we'll move on from that.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

And who's and who starred in them? Um and you just built your second home? Yes. With your beautiful partner, Stu. Yes. And it is incredible, like just the most beautiful home.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

We have been in it now I think a whole month. That's gone quick. Hasn't it? Yeah. I feel like because we the whole process of building takes so long, and then now you're finally in it feels like it's just the longest process, and it's not the first time I've done it, and it's just you have to like prepare yourself for how long it actually takes and then. And then add some time. And then add some more time from that. But the the um the end of the rainbow, do you know what I mean? Like that that end bit, it's like when you finally walk in and turn the key, and it's just like, oh, this is amazing.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

And now you're gonna do the fun bit you're getting to pick all the internal furniture and land.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

So fun and concrete stressful and expensive, yeah. So uh, you know, if anyone knows the lottery numbers, please uh let me.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Yeah, they were at the Tats Lotto was put out a post. Someone in Lang Warren's won like one point something million. Oh my god. Um, please reach out to us or something. And I was just like, oh damn it. That's I mean, you do buy a ticket every now and again. Me too, and I have a big belief in like you have to be in it to win it. Like you can always talk about and dream about winning the lottery, but unless you buy a ticket, you're never gonna win it. No, and I understand that like the statistics are up against you and stuff, and I get that, but also the thought of potentially winning if you you're never gonna win if you don't buy a ticket. Um, and to be fair, I reckon I'd be happy if I just lived my life mortgage-free. The difference that would make in not paying my mortgage, our lifestyle would be so different. I wouldn't need to go and buy like another mansion or anything. No, I would just be so happy paying off my mortgage.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

Yeah, financial freedom, wouldn't that be nice? Yeah, but yeah, this is the whole talk I have to my daughter about claw machines. Oh, stop wasting uh mortgage. I would say mortgage the house. And she's very much like, you know, have to be in it to win it. And I'm like, nope, no, you don't. No, but the claw machines are reeked. They are so lotto. Well that's what I mean. It's like it's that same like you could win or you could not.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

I think Harry actually said the other day we're at the we were at the arcade because we're conscious of spending our money right now. And um, I said to Harry, no, no, like I'm not putting any more money on the card because they're arcade obsessed. And he goes, It's okay, mum, you can just use your phone. And I'm like, that's not how it works, but I loved it. And then Livy asked for a phone like a while ago. I'm like, absolutely not. But she goes, Yes, then I can pay for things. Maybe you guys understand how that works, obviously. So that's not you know, I feel like my mum when you go, Oh, money doesn't grow on trees. Like I've literally those words have come out of my mouth, and I feel like my mother.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

I know it's like, where have I heard that before? 100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Um, on a scale of thriving to crying in the pantry, how are you going in motherhood?

SPEAKER_03 5:48

It's funny how much a week has changed this question. I was actually thinking about it. I was like, I was in such a nice spot. Has it been a rough week? Not a rough week. I just think there's um Ebbs and Flows, which is Epsom flows, you know. Um, school holidays as well has happened in between that week.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

I think I called you two hours into the Monday morning. And no, no, no, I lie. I sort of called you Monday afternoon and you'd gone to get your nails done, and you girls were having a good afternoon. And I called you two hours into Tuesday morning and you're like, okay, I'm done. Like this is two days into the holidays.

SPEAKER_03 6:20

I've had enough. YouTube's I'm out of out of entertaining. I'm out of snacks. At my limits. The groceries are gone, I have to go again.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

It's just um it's yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

But no, I would still say I'm in such a lovely spot, but now I'm really pushing myself to just enjoy where I'm at because I'm now about to dive back into going back to work, daycare, all those things, but a lot not a lot sooner, a couple weeks sooner than I expected.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

But to be fair, within the last week you went for a role that you didn't end up getting, and then a conversation progressed from that, and like that all affects your mental stability and like how you're feeling about life and work and and all of that.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

So And it really shifts your mentality of like you know, not just where you're gonna see yourself in the next couple of months to years, it's well you you were planning a potential full-time role and then putting Addie into daycare full-time, and then that changes, and you go, okay, well, now what's the next step? Like it is Yeah, it's a lot, and I'm such a um I know I'm a a last-minute hurrah person, but I am such a planner as well, and I'm always thinking about all the cogs. Like if I do one thing, how does it balance everything else? And I'm always thinking about, you know, obviously Stu and Peyton and what other, you know, my support network, how am I gonna make that? Domino effect, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But also, you know, pros and cons, very much the pros and cons.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

Being a mum running a household when you put a family.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

You can't just make a decision. It's not just about you willy-nilly.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

Yep. No, I think that's fair. Um, before we jump back into today's episode, I've got to give a shout out to Twinkle Threads. At Twinkle Threads, you can buy, sell, or even rent a rack to sell your own pre-loved kids' clothes. It's such a clever way to give beautiful clothes a second life, clear out those overflowing wardrobes and make a little extra cash whilst you're at it. You'll find gorgeous pre-loved pieces, great bargains, and the chance to support local families and a small business all in one place. So next time you're staring at a pile of clothes your kids have somehow grown out of overnight, don't let them sit in the tub in the garage for the next five years. We've all got one. Head to Twinkle Threads to shop, sell, or rent a rack. I think the key to this is the fact that you can rent a rack. So you can actually then go and take all of like your designer gear. Like you are a country road seed mum. Imagine Yeah, putting that all up in the rack. I think that's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

But it's like it's nice in the like Addie has just gone through sizes so bloody quickly that it's like, cool, she didn't even spend like two days in that country road out there.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

I'm all about secondhand shopping. Yeah. So go and visit and tell them the loud mum's club sent you. What has your mum feel of the week been? It could be different from the last time we tried to record this. You had any over the school holidays?

SPEAKER_03 8:59

We did have another punami.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

She went to put Addy in the bath and she pooped everywhere. See, I've never had a kid poo in the bath.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Ryan has. Oh no. Every time I'm away, they shit in the bath.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

No, he full on gags anytime. It's happened to him twice. Yeah, Ryan doesn't do bodily fluids with the kids, especially.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

Yeah, no, he's really bad. So punami in the bath. That's always weird. But is this because you've now trying formula a little bit?

SPEAKER_03 9:22

Do you think it's just a style of adjusting? I've only really seen one formula poo, to be fair. The rest of them has still been mostly breast milk and food.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

The rest have been opportunistic poos. Not necessarily a blowout, but this feels comfy.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

I'm gonna do it now. Oh yeah. And she's just changing in the way that she um she's so easy to read now when she's doing a poo.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

Oh, when they start making the faces and going bright red?

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Bright red.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

And because she's ginger when she looks like an angry she looks like was that movie about the feelings? Oh um the Elemental, no, not Elemental. No, um Inside Out. Inside Out, the angry one where it goes bright red and turned into fire. That's what she'd look like with her red face poop.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

I was thinking of Jack Jack.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Oh my god, yeah, that's what it's saying. Yeah, with no with with the hair, with the hair fried up. With the little with the little hair. So cute. Yeah. I think my mum failed the week at the time of setting this up was Libby was doing toys at school. They had to make toys, we had to take in recyclable stuff. And I realised I'd sent her with so many wine bottle lids that I thought her teacher's probably gonna think I have a drinking problem. And I probably should have varied the recycling that I sent her in with. So that was yeah, shout out Miss Johnson, no judgment. Uh we listen and we don't judge, and we look at the kids' recycling and we don't judge that mummy might have had too many bottles of wine in that fortnight. We don't read into it. Oh mate, tell you what. So funny. Yeah. Um, have you had any fuck around and find out moments recently?

SPEAKER_03 10:49

I have with the flat pack, but not with a kid.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

You're building a flat pack and not liking the texture of it.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

No having sensory issues.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

Over over overdosing with your ADHD moments.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

Yeah, just being, you know, not being a tight ass, but some would say I was being a tight ass and then not being happy with it.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

Kmart is a void of like you know, you see those videos all the time, you go into Kmart for one thing, but it was like a sort of thing that Ann was like, you don't go into Kmart for anything, Kmart will tell you what you need.

SPEAKER_03 11:15

I know, but I also saw someone else's video that I really liked, which was like they have to stop saying run to Kmart now, because that is inciting all of this as well. Because everybody is like, run to Kmart and get this lamp, run to Kmart and get this table. And it's like, of course I want to because it looks good and you're making it look better. But tell you what, they're doing a good job.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

Oh whoever's in there buying, designing, departments, and my algorithm knows exactly what I want to see. Well, my algorithm is what I bought at Kmart this week. Well, let's see what's new at Kmart. You know, I love that. Yeah, at least the pregnant seahorses left my oh my god, that's so funny. The algorithm is insane, but I I definitely think that it's funny run to Kmart. Like although I went there the other day by myself, I think the kids were at school or whatever, and I was like, Oh, I'll go have a wonder round Kmart. And I was looking around and I'm thinking to myself, is this therapy? Like just having silence. I think it is. There was no school kids there, it wasn't school holidays, this was before school holidays, and they were just adults, and it was quiet, it was middle of the week, and I was like, Is this what therapy is like? Because I tell you what, I got more calmness out of that than I did with my psychologist because my psychologist, we just I just get wound up and just end up talking about things that are that are making me angry, so it was so much more calming.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Every time I I talk to any counselling or anything like that, I just start crying immediately. I'm terrible.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

No, I'm a I'm pretty I just get aggressive. I waste my whole session crying. No, I get aggressive. I'm like, why is this like this? Why is this like this? How can I fix this? And then she is very good at putting it back onto me, and she's like, take a step back, why do you think that, or what do you think the reason behind that is?

SPEAKER_03 12:51

And then I'll get really wound up because I'll get frustrated at myself or the reason, or it is good because it's verbalizing and getting everything out, yeah, but I do I don't come out feeling calm, like I do come out feeling a bit wound up because I think I'm in that stage of I come out feeling dehydrated, and then I have to think about where I'm gonna go after that session because my face is so puffy.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Not in public. Mine was Harry pushed Livy off the monkey bars the other day, and I was like, this is gonna break out in a fight, like as standard a punch on. Well, just bit him, just went. Don't I don't condone biting, but it was also a part of me that was like, Well, you fucking deserve that, like, don't push her off. And they we are at that stage now of like letting them sort it out themselves, like unless there's blood being drawn. But I'm like, guys, I don't want to hear it, figure it out. Unless it's like you're gonna live together for a long time. She did I did give her a timeout, she got two minutes of standing next to me at the playground because I was like, There was other parents watching, so I felt like I had to do something. I'm not condoning biting, but um yeah, like you want to fuck around and find out, go on then, push your sister off and see how she responds. Like, I don't know what he expected to happen out of that situation. He got no sympathy, like he got uh I don't care. Go play. You're not getting a cuddle from me, you deserve that bite.

SPEAKER_03 14:15

It's really yeah, it's it's a grey area when they're siblings. I think if obviously they're not blood related, obviously it's a big fat no.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Yeah, so we've never I've never had a had either of them bite another child at daycare and stuff, other than each other. So you used to always sign reports that they were biting each other, but I've had them bitten by other kids. And I just think every kid goes through that stage, like they're frustrated, they can't express it in any other way.

SPEAKER_03 14:40

Oh, yeah. I just thought of a fuck around find out moment, wasn't really like me, but um obviously Peyton. No, no, he is certainly not a fuck around find out parent either. Um, but Peyton obviously loves Addy, loves her so much and just always playing with her. You've seen how confident she is with picking her up and all these kinds of things. And they were on the mat and she was playing or something like that. And then I don't know, Peyton put her finger in Addie's mouth and she bit her. Well, and I said, Well, gonna learn. I said, She's just a baby. I said she doesn't know she's just a baby. I said she doesn't know any better. So um because Payton Peyton was really upset. Normally when we're putting things in her mouth is for her to eat, so I don't know what and also she's you know and teething. I mean teething, teething. Have you seen the um sorry, I'm such a meme person, but um meme, not meme. Meme. Meme. A meme. Meme. I'm a meme. I'm a meme person. Yeah. Um that the um parenting um equivalent of saying that they're teething is that Mercury's in retrograde. That's funny. I thought it was like, oh, I do see teething like non-stop.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

Yep. I'm not an astro what is it? Astrophysicist. Millie said astrotef, no. Astronomer astrologer. Astrology girl. I'm not an astrology girl. Like I know what my I'm a Leo. That's about it. I don't know anything else. I do believe in star signs.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

It's my toxic trait.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

I don't know, because I reckon I can read most of star signs and agree that that's what I sound like and that's what I'm like. In certain aspects of my personality.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

I don't think you're a Cancerian at all.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

What's a Cancerian like?

SPEAKER_03 16:21

That's me.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

Oh, people pleaser. Bitch. No, you're right, it's not me. Was I right though?

SPEAKER_03 16:31

Is that what they're like? A little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very emotional, sensitive. Um, always wanting to, you know, look after people.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

I'm definitely not that.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

No, you couldn't even like try and bucket me in that. Like, that's not you. No. I'm a sensitive soul. I'm a fuck around a find out parent. Um, which leads us into today's kind of village verdict of helicopter parenting, and if you can love your child too much and and and being over-protective, but I think there needs to be a precursor conversation to this that I'm a fuck around and find out parent. You are we've sort of identified a bit more of an over-protective helicopter parent, but we've discussed this that the reason being is your first child was super premature. Um Peyton arrived very prematurely. Can you take us back to that time and what was going through your mind and and what happened and fill in that gap a little bit?

SPEAKER_03 17:23

Yeah, well, look, Peyton was born very, very suddenly, very spontaneously. I went into premature labour, and unfortunately they couldn't stop it. So she was born at 27 and 1 um weeks, and I went into labour what was it the Sunday night, and I didn't know I was in Labour, which was such a scary thing because it's like your first pregnancy, and I've been like, you know, reading all the books and everything, and still felt so, you know, a little bit anxious, but you know, I I probably was a bit more go with the flow at that point. But then as soon as they told me like she's coming, like it just reset a different part of my brain, and I kind of just had to had to keep going. Like I had no other choice but to keep going. So yeah, she was born at 27 and 1, and we, you know, she was what a bag of sugar when she was born. We always compare her to that. And she she um defied a lot of odds considering her gestation at the time. I still remember being told her likelihood of survival. They told me the percentage at the time, and I remember just hating.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

Do you mind if I ask what was that?

SPEAKER_03 18:38

Can't remember. I don't want to be wrong, but I feel like it was like either like 75% or something. 75 chance of survival? 75 or 80 80% chance of survival.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Okay, that's still quite high.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

It's high, but if you think, you know, I'm I'm one of those people like I I want certainty. Yeah. Like that's a that's too much of a grey area for me.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

And I was just always very anxious and one in four that isn't gonna make it, so it's quite high in the city. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

Well, you just don't know all the parameters, and because they weren't able to stop it, they weren't, you know, because they talked about trying to, you know, stop my labour and keep her in, and they just couldn't. And then they were discussing about whether I was even gonna make it to a tertiary hospital, because at the time I was at Frankston, and I s I remember Stu told me they flew down the highway, how fast they went.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

You were transported in the house.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

I was, yeah, so so quick. And because she was breached, I had to have a cesarean, so you know, I had to have all these things happen, you know, a catheter and uh all this stuff, newspapers, consent, all all this stuff that I just felt like I didn't have a two seconds to really understand what I was yeah, what was happening. But thank God, you know, and she was just beyond amazing at the time. He always is, but at the time he was just my hero, and he, you know, he got everything done, he protected P, he protected me, he called all the grandparents, they were all there when she was born.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Advocated for you and advocated for her and and made sure that he was a big deal.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

He made sure that P wasn't alone, so he went to the nursery with her. Um, you know, and it was just it was just crazy. And any any NICU parent that you know has been through it will know that it's just such an up and down roller coaster, like you just don't know what's gonna happen one day to the next. And we were there for it. You just don't know. Yeah, like you I I remember one day um we walked in, you know, and she'd been really good, and we had noticed her tummy was getting a lot bigger, and then one day we walked in and there was a bunch of surgeons standing over her, and they were like, Oh, we're just um assessing her for neck, which is a really, really bad some necrotizing enterol colitis. So something dying. Uh no, it's basically where the bowel can die. Okay, um, yeah, and it's a very, very scary thing in the NICU. It's something we're always, always um surveying for. Yeah. Like there's a lot of you know, progressive signs, but it's just one of those things that is such a risk. Yeah. When they're so premature and they're having to learn how to digest food before they're even they were supposed to be. Yeah, they're supposed to be out, um, let alone, you know, working on how to breathe and putting on weight, yeah. All these things. And, you know, even just simple things, it probably doesn't sound simple, but it's like simple things you go in and you know it's way day today, and you do a weight and they've lost weight. And it's devastating. Heartbreaking. It's almost devastating coming home. Correct? Yep. Correct. It's all about how soon can they come home? And I remember we were there for just under a hundred days, which felt like the longest time for us. I feel like back then watching you go through it, it felt like a lot longer than that. Yeah. Every day felt like a week.

unknown 21:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Even as we were approaching, and I remember going home did feel sudden and it did feel scary. Um, but at the same time, she came home on oxygen, so we did have support. Whereas it's like I I remember at the time thinking like people just go home with a baby after like one day and nothing's she'll have a natural birth and then we'll go home the same day, actually. And I just don't know what would have given me more anxiety. Being sent home with a baby straight away, you know, or just don't know what you're doing, and you know, and even having all that support and everything, you know, I I was very lucky, I had very good milk, but she never breastfed. Yeah, which was really, really hard for me. And obviously, second time around, I've known the supports that I need to reach out to.

SPEAKER_02 22:44

I also feel like the first time, Mum, you put so much pressure on yourself to figure out what you're doing, and it's so much more stressful because you don't know what you're doing. But second time around, I feel like you know the pathways, you know who to reach out to, you know, what you do.

SPEAKER_03 22:55

Even working in there as well has certainly helped me get a different gauge of perspective as well. So Peyton was one, she was one when I started, and I remember she was my biggest advocate because I talked about going back to study and I that I'd wanted a career change for a while. I was, you know, still doing my music and everything like that. And um, but I I just knew I needed something, and he's like, absolutely go for it, you know. And he he championed me even I think I applied late and I had to pay a late fee or something like that. And he's like, No, you need to go for it. And it was the best decision I ever made because I and I've certainly been a you know, been very privileged to try a few different nursing specialty areas, you know, whether it was placement and actual work or as a student nurse. Um there is just so much to gain from every different area, you know.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

It's almost the possibilities are endless.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

Like being a nurse just opened up so many doorways. It really, really does, and like shift work can be really taxing, but it can also just create so much more flexibility with kids, like you know, it's it just works for your family unit. It works so much better for my family unit. Yeah, 100%, yeah. But um, yeah, look, I think you know, most um families and parents that come out of the NICU or special care, whether they've been admitted for 24 hours or six months, or you know, everyone comes out with a level of trauma that and yeah, exactly, you know, and obviously everyone has different coping, you know, mechanisms, and having a good support system can really make or break that. And we had a really good support system at the time, so I was very, very grateful. But I certainly think it's made me, you know, I I always think she's quite precious. She's my very, very precious girl. Whereas my second child has dumped it's her favourite song to it swimming. She has so much extra padding, and I think God knows that she needed extra padding because she's just been she's a second child. She's she's just so good at everything, you know.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

Do you think do you feel like you have to be more vigilant because of everything you'd been through? Do you think like having that premature baby has influenced your parenting style as we said? 100%.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

Yeah, there's no way it couldn't, and you you don't know until you're in that.

SPEAKER_02 25:30

Do you just feel like it has just made you so much more overprotective of her? Especially you've had one child for so many years, now you've had a second.

SPEAKER_03 25:36

Even I think overprotective, and you think it's the spectrum of it, right? And this is what I was saying when I think about all the cogs. And when you think about having a premature baby, you're not even just thinking about oh the their growth and development, you're thinking about their brain development, you're thinking about their lungs and the future. It's the complexity you don't know.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

The complexity you don't know, will she have asthma? Like it's everything allergies.

SPEAKER_03 26:01

And will this one cold set her back? Yeah, like she she was so so good, and you know, her her trajectory in the NICU and everything was very, very good for her gestation. She was never intubated.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

We were very, very lucky, and she didn't end up with any chronic lung disease, which was just grown up perfect, like she's grown up so so wonderful.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

She's so smart, yeah. And all you know, the joke clearly no lack of oxygen there. Like there's no no no she was she's a chatterbox. Um, but she um oh what I say to people, you know, every time you know I tell them how early she was born, and they're like, Oh, is she you know how as in other mums of premature premise? Do you well just people in general, some whether they've ever met a premature child at her age or anything, and they always just wonder, like, you know, how is she going? And I said she's her own woman. Yep. I said she's been independent since day one. I said she does what she wants. She wanted to be born, she wanted to do this, she is just she was coming out to party, that was happening. She is a driven woman. Yep. And I will give her that. She always put you know, she whatever she puts her mind to, she does it. It'd have been incredible to see what she does in life. I hope she does it. She'll be an actress. I hope she does something. She'll be an actress at all. She's so good.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

So good at like already the facial expressions, accents, voices, the sass, the confidence, the I just don't think every kid is built that way. And I just no, I think she's got such a great light in that regard that she could be Well, she could be anything she wants to be.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

She's so like me though, in the sense that she's quite sensitive. Yep. So she's extremely extroverted and very, very, as you said, charismatic, and just she's got a wonderful talent for music. But she's um yeah, I forget what I was saying, but she's just very, very driven and very I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

What we were saying is it it has made you more protective of her though. You feel like I think so.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

I I'm very protective of like her her academic, I'm very protective of her social, I'm very protective of her heart.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

It's hard to know though, like is that as well as her health. That's just a mum thing, right? Like I know I kill for my kids. So it's hard. Is is that like I just find a premature thing, is it a mum thing, or is it the fact that you are a nurse, you know everything that could go wrong?

SPEAKER_03 28:25

And then it's like, am I in my own head? Because sometimes I think, oh, people may think I'm required. Yeah, I I feel like oh, they must think I'm just being, you know, so pedantic. Have you ever caught yourself thinking maybe I need to let go here? Yeah, yeah. Probably the time when I bought her a new scooter, one of those, you know, real ankle-breaking ones. Oh, the memories, yep. Oh yeah. I'm cringing just thinking about it. Um, but I bought her elbow pads, knee pads, new helmets, wrist brace, everything. Yeah, wrist brace, all the stuff, and refused to let her wear anything other than long pants and a long shirt, and she's like, I'm sweating.

SPEAKER_02 29:05

Oh it's so hard though, like Harry doesn't give a shit, like goes down our driveway, like he's fucking something out of jackass, like just doesn't have any fear. But I sort of harness that and just let him go. But like I said, I'm I'm a fucking man finite parent. Like, if he falls and breaks his wrist, he learns the lesson. Like we went for a walk around a lake in Berwick, and it's like an old quarry, and like these massive like hills all around him. I was there with my parents, my husband wasn't there, and Harry's decided to like run up this hill. And I have a bad back, so it was a it was in a flare-up. I couldn't climb up there, and I said to him, 'You need to come down because if you fall down, you're gonna really hurt yourself.' What happened? He fell down, slid down in his ass the whole way down, massive muddy bottom. And I was like, What do you like? What did you think was gonna happen? Did it stop him? No. Did he climb it two more times? Yes. Did my dad have to sit there with his hands behind his back because I think he was desperate to smack his bottom? Yes. Did he listen? No. And I was just like, it's just a level of me with him. I just I'm so different with him than I am with my daughter because he has this scariness of confidence. Yeah. Like doesn't have the fear. Livy, however, will sit back, watch him do it once, and if it doesn't go badly, she'll join in. Yeah, um, she's very much just sit and survey a room and then jump into something, whereas Harry will just charge straight in. So it's really funny seeing how the two kids are so different. Um, I don't feel like I raise Livy nervously either. Like I was very much like, give it a crack, like give it a go. Um, but I'm almost at the point now where I kind of need Harry to really hurt himself to learn a lesson because I'm not sure. I think we need we do a hospital visit. He needs to know, like, this is not I shouldn't say that, I shouldn't say that at all. But but I suppose no, you know there doesn't seem to be any consequences right now for him doing stupid shit, and that's building his confidence in a bad like do you know what I mean? Like there needs to be something enough to scare him to bring him back down to earth.

SPEAKER_03 31:04

A healthy level of fear, he needs a shock, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I suppose no two kids are the same, right? And there's that whole typical like first child is you know a certain way and the second child is a bit wilder.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

Is it a second child thing or is it a boy versus girl thing? I just don't know because boys are wild in general. Like you see parents have three boys or whatever, and they're just nutters. So I don't know if it's a boy thing. Like, I wonder if I had a second girl if it would be but then I've got like Sarah who's been on the podcast, her second child is fucking wild. Like she's brought two girls, but Claire is just hilarious. So you just yeah, it's funny. Every kid's just so different.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

Peyton, Peyton and Addie are so similar but so different.

SPEAKER_02 31:41

It's nuts how crazy their personalities form and develop so young, and you see the differences so early on. Like Addie is just the most delicious, happy, gorgeous girl. And then so is Peyton, but Peyton's already got the Sass, and you're already seeing the Sass come through with Addy. Oh yeah. The slapping your boobs, the giving you giving you the eyebrows, giving you the cheeky, like the drop of the eyebrows, the frown. I wish you could see our faces well. Oh yeah, like I mean we're pulling face at each other, we're replicating the kids, but like it's just hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

Like those shoes, they're both very expressive. I will say that they are personalities.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

Yeah. I think you're lucky there's such a big gap because I think by the time Peyton's 14 and Addie's seven, it'll be good that there's a big gap. I think that'll work in your favour. Whereas I think if there was two years' difference between them, they'd fight and they'd bash heads.

SPEAKER_03 32:29

It's really tricky a lot because I mean, like me and my sister had this same gap, and I don't know. I suppose there was a time when it was nice, and then I remember different vibe, something like I remember me and my sister fighting all the time. Yeah. All the time.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

Is there seven years between you and your sister? Six, yes. I didn't realise there's such a big gap, yeah, okay. Yeah, six between me and my sister, and seven between me and my brother. So there's four between me and my brother, and we had nothing to do with each other as kids. He was just the quiet kid in the corner, and I was over here going the uh I'm sure you're really surprised, but like just so different. We had nothing to do with each other until we're teenagers. And then we used to fight a little bit, and it was physical fighting. It was like pushing and shoving and fighting over who has the last biscuit and stuff. And I think at one point, I think I was about 18 and he was 14, maybe I was a little bit older, and he pinned me up against a wall, and I then had a moment of oh shit, like you're now I can't beat you up anymore. Yeah. And I remember my dad always says a story about when we were little, I was in the bath, we used to share baths, and he I was like giving him the I'll always be bigger than you. And I would have been like six. Nah, we must have been older. God, why were we still sharing baths? Because he was like four or five. I was only ten. Shit, okay. Is that weird? I don't know. But I was given it the um, I'll always be bigger than you, and my dad said, No, you'll always be older, but you won't always be bigger. And then that that thing happened in the kitchen, and I was like, Oh shit, like he's he's stronger than me now, yeah. And now he's in the army and he's a fucking unit, and there's no fucking way I'd pick a fight with him. Like, absolutely not, like, no way, no, so it's just siblings are different.

SPEAKER_03 34:04

I think your relationship changes as you get older, dynamic shifts and everything. But I think the personality that Peyton Peyton's so loving, I don't think the fight.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

Her love language is physical touch. I think she loves words of affirmation. Yeah, I think you're a gift giver. I think it'll be really interesting to see what Addie's love language is and what she grows up to be. She started cuddling. Oh, sweet. I love when she snuggles in.

SPEAKER_03 34:32

I just want to wrap her all around my um neck. She started doing that and she started patch with tongue.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

So love a good tongue kiss.

SPEAKER_03 34:40

Could could quite possibly be the same. We've got the opposite. Harry's also doing kissing with tongue, but it's disgusting. Like I'm like, please stop trying to shut your tongue down my throat. It's only just started because we, you know, trying to teach her to kiss and then she'll open mouth kissing.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Taste a bit of your dinner. Yeah. Pretty much. Um if you could go back and speak to yourself in those knickery days, what would you say? Everything passes. Yeah. And everything's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:07

Everything's gonna be fine. And even if it's not, it's okay to not be okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:12

Like it's okay to just feel what you feel in those moments. You don't have to shut down any emotion, you don't have to be a specific way. You don't have to be this amazing stoic person through the shittest time of your life. You don't have to you don't have to. Do you know what I mean? I think as women, I don't know, I just have this like I have to be strong and I have to provide and I have to do this.

SPEAKER_02 35:35

Yeah, I think that's part of I think I mean I hate to like a bit of the patriarchy, like it's a women's job to like run the household, be the strong one, like and I mean you say that. I mean the men are always the strong ones too, like they can't be vulnerable and they can't be that. But I feel like it sort of sets the expectation up that if you're vulnerable and emotional, you're crazy.

unknown 35:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:51

So you can't be the emotional. Overreacting on staff.

SPEAKER_03 35:54

But no, I'm I certainly, you know, I don't feel like that in my house. Stu is very, very, you know, loving and emotional himself. Um, but I just think when you're in the NICU, I think it's very easy to just mask and not talk about it. Yeah, and I think, you know, when I you know, obviously when I'm a nurse in special care and stuff, I really try to take the time just to talk and allow those people to talk about it. And just allow people to have that space because and again, it's one of those things like it's a club. Sounds terrible, but it is a club. And it's very easy to open up to someone who gets it. Yeah, because if you don't get it, it unfortunately you never will. Yeah, no, it's it's a very hard grief because you you grieve what you didn't, you know. I I the normal experience or like the everything. One of the things I grieved so badly was I missed my third trimester. I missed an entire trimester of pregnancy, and I was just so desperate. I loved being pregnant, and I loved my second pregnancy. I loved it as sick as I was, I loved being pregnant.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

I can't relate. I fucking hated being pregnant. I will never be pregnant ever again. Nah, Ryan to have the snip, I won't do it. I I cannot tell you how bad I was mentally with Libby. Yeah, like I said to the doctor, I'm not okay. And I was sitting there thinking, I don't want to have this baby, this is not worth it. Like I was so violently ill all the time. So I had to I had to say to the doctor, I don't know if something's wrong. Like I I'm scared and I'm not a religious person, but I was scared, I kept saying, God's gonna take this baby away from me. Yeah because I'm hating it. Because of the way you feel. Because I was like, this isn't worth it, the why I'm even going through this. That's so hard. It was awful. And then my nurse, or my my doctor, sorry, my GP, literally took my hand and said, It's okay to not enjoy being pregnant. It's not like the movies, it's not like TV shows, it's not how everyone makes it out to be, and some women just don't enjoy it. No, so obviously, as soon as you have the baby, all those symptoms disappeared, and I was living my best life, and I knew I did have that instant, like not the whoosh, but like the I am obsessed with this little baby. It was so worth it. Like the end goal was amazing. Then I think that second time around, even though I literally spent the whole pregnancy with Harry on the floor in a playpen with Olivia, just trying to sleep and not vomit. Um, I think because I knew the end goal was worth it, that and having Livy there seeing the end goal every day kind of helped push me through. Because I tell you what, after I was like, I'm getting my tubes tired, I'm done. Um and I I just I just never want to carry a baby ever again. I just couldn't cope.

SPEAKER_03 38:37

It's so hard, and like I'm not trying to glamorise that my pregnancies were perfect, they weren't perfect, but I think it's a if you enjoy it, you enjoy it.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

Like own it, like you don't have to like don't shut yourself, don't don't stop people pleasing, don't limit and reduce your journey just because I no, don't you loved it, great. And I I just remember laughing because you would be vomiting.

SPEAKER_03 38:58

Like I that's what I mean. Like there were there were hard parts, yeah. And I think I I think I was struck by how sick I was because I was never sick, yeah. Patent, I think.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

It's also I think when you've been through a premature baby, were you nervous to announce it and to tell people in case you had a miscarriage or you had a baby prem again and it didn't survive this time. Like, was that front of mind as a fear in your opinion, or not really?

SPEAKER_03 39:26

I think um not necessarily. Um I I again I'm very much a sharer. I don't know that I you know, I obviously shared with you that we were trying, um, but I don't know that I shared it with my whole family because you know, I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up and I wanted it to feel like it was on my terms when I told people and everything. Um But I suppose, yeah, I suppose there was an element that I was nervous about people's reactions and were they going to feel scared for me. You know, because I didn't want to feel that. I didn't want people to feel scared for me, you know. I wanted to be excited. I was really, you know, and it was such a lovely time to be trying. What a nice thing to like be trying. You know, I know not everyone's you know, trying journey is you know as easy, but just a lovely thing to just be like, yep. We're starting a family. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:20

And you just like enjoy that process. Yeah, got to enjoy it. Ryan sneezed twice and then that was it. So he didn't really get to enjoy practicing.

SPEAKER_03 40:31

Stu said it was his second trick shot, so you know that's so funny. Yeah, it was um no, it was just nice, but I think um, yeah, I I sensed I sensed people's nerves during my pregnancy.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

Yeah, but I think I almost everyone else with helicopter parenting you, because do you know like worried?

SPEAKER_03 40:56

Do you know what I was probably the most worried about? Why? Like if you know, and I was certainly not um, you know, I was very much tuning out negative thoughts as much as possible to, you know, stay positive because I had to have I was high risk, so I had to have cervical scans every two weeks and all this stuff. I was most nervous about Peyton. If something happened, how she would respond. Yeah, yeah. She was the person I was the most nervous for because she was so excited.

SPEAKER_02 41:21

Yeah, well, she'd been asking for a sibling for years. And then you were the dog. Yeah. Yeah. We're negotiating we're doing the dog. There's two types of parents. There is one that we'll get another baby, one that we're getting the dog.

SPEAKER_03 41:36

I'd rather have another baby. I just um love dogs. Don't don't love dogs.

SPEAKER_02 41:41

We're still roping you into dog sitting when we need to.

SPEAKER_03 41:44

That's okay. I can I can do that. That's like temporary. Same as babysitting for you.

SPEAKER_02 41:48

Yes. What's one parenting hill you're dying on? This is my now our general motherhood section that everyone gets asked the same questions.

SPEAKER_03 41:59

You can't spoil your kids with too much love.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

Well, I was about to say finish the sentence because you can definitely spoil your kids.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

Oh, I I absolutely spoil my love.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

You give love with gifts, and we laugh because I roll my eyes because you send me a photo of like, oh, I gave it and I got her the Harry Potter Duvet, and I'm like, Amy, you've got a free duvet.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Do you want to feel I feel a sense of nerves come because I'm like, I want to show Katie what I can. I want to even scold me.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

But like, but I also get it because it's your love language, and you always joke and you're like, oh, why is she like this or why does she crack it when I won't buy her something at the shops? And I'm like, I don't know, Amy, you tell me. You tell me. It's so funny. I just think parents are so like so different. Like, I'm such a hard ass mum. And I think Peyton's had some big shocks when she has come around here and it's been hilarious because I'm very strict and structured. And yeah, she's like had to sit at the dinner table with no TV, and she's dobbled you in and going, Well, we just sit on the couch and we have takeaway and I just laugh. Like, I just think it's funny, I just think it's funny how I reckon if my kids came to your house, I reckon Libby's gonna have the best time on Wednesday. She's coming into your house for school holidays. I'm going to go to the house. She's gonna come here to do it. She's gonna come home and be like, Can we do this? Can we do this? Well, they do that at their house. Why can't we do this? And I'm just gonna be like, Well, that's not how we do things because you said to Peyton once, you're like, How old is it, Katie? She's like, Yeah, should we go and she goes, you'd have a good time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could you live there for a week?

unknown 43:28

No.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

I just I think it's the way I mentally parent for me to cope. I have to know what's next. I have to have the structure in place.

SPEAKER_03 43:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

I am not a free going mum. I'm not a let's just see how things go or let's just go with the flow. I think you're a lot more relaxed in that regard. I've seen you have to parent when you've had to parent, and you're incredibly patient. And I don't have the patience, so I can't let it get to the point of escalation. Like I shut that shit down so early. Because I I will I can't cope. It's a me problem, not a them problem.

SPEAKER_03 44:05

Yeah, I do, I struggle with the level of loudness, I think. The level of loudness gets really and I obviously um you know it's taken a while. I mean, I've got what two years of parenting on you, yeah. Yeah, so I mean I've you've learned that it's like it's not them giving you a hard time, it's them having a hard time, and it's really hard to get your perspective back to that. Say that again. It's not giving then it's not.

SPEAKER_02 44:40

I need to keep that in mind. That's a really good way of putting it. I definitely feel personally victimised. Yeah. I get I get personally victimised Regina George. Like she's your youngest bullies me when she comes over.

SPEAKER_03 44:53

Like, what did I do wrong? And you know, and it's like, how have I set this situation up? But it's really, it's just you know, even you know, I I see a lot of emotions at the moment with Peyton and school and stuff like that, and I think what what is going on? Why, like, why you you're never like this. You're you're not this in. I say that to her. I was like, this isn't you, this isn't what you like. You need to, you know, just take some time to just calm down. Yeah, obviously I try to say a bit nicer than that, but like basically you just need to reset because something's off.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

The other day, Livy was just on one, and I just said, Let's go to bed, have a cuddle. You just need you just need to have physical touch, you just need a deep, firm snuggle, because she could didn't know what way was up. She would not calm down, she was just escalating, escalating. I couldn't deliver what she wanted. It wasn't like she even wanted something, she didn't know what she wanted, it's like she was just it too. But mum mum and me talk about this a lot, like she sees it, like she looked after the kids the other week. They were angels all day, and then as soon as they got there, it was like they had an emotional release, and she's like, But you you are their safe space. This is their safe space, 100%. She literally always messages me if I pick them up and I come home and she goes, How the kids go? I'm like, they're a fucking shit show. Like they'll have the angels for my parents all day or all weekend, and then they come home and they just unleash. And yeah, mum reminds me regularly, just remember they do that because you're their safe space. This is the same thing. And I just feel personally victimised. I'm like, why do you turn on me? What and and that's my mental health, and that's me trying to cope with that process that why do I cobble the bad moods?

SPEAKER_03 46:24

Yeah, why do I couple? I get the good stuff.

SPEAKER_02 46:30

The kids were incredible. And I do need moments like that to just remind me, even if it's one in ten weekends of a nice weekend. Because, but even like Ryan had them today and they were angels, like they're just also getting past that stage, I think. You've just been in a really hard chapter. It's a really nice stage, I promise you. I just feel like we've been in a the pits recently.

SPEAKER_03 46:47

Yeah, the last two years has been very hard. With them so close in age, too. You're going through the phases so close together. Where it's like They're just replicating each other's behaviour. I had Peyton on her own, so I was really navigating it all.

SPEAKER_02 46:59

Well, I think if we our original plan was to have four years difference, I think if we only ever had leave, we never would have had a second.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

If only we all followed our original plan, right? I know, I know. But I think I would have just loved being a one-on-one mum.

SPEAKER_02 47:11

But thank god we didn't, because otherwise we wouldn't have my little hussy.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

So Well, I wanted to be done by 30.

SPEAKER_02 47:16

I mean, you're not far off.

SPEAKER_03 47:18

Well, I wasn't sure if I was gonna have two or three, so could you imagine me? I might have been in the table. Deeper pits. Like seriously? Absolutely not. We're good. Are you just I'm going I'm going to get my injection tomorrow. We're fine.

SPEAKER_02 47:30

Yeah, we'll keep we'll keep taking our depot injections.

SPEAKER_03 47:32

We'll keep taking our depot injections. I'm very happy with two. Two is beautiful. I have two very beautiful daughters.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

I for me, it's then it's one-on-one. So you've got one person to one child. So, and also I have two hands. So if I'm crossing a road, I've got one hand per child. Like it's that, it's those. That's how I think about this logistically. Car holidays. Like, I can get it's easy to do a holiday for four, adding a third's hard. Car, if you get a third, you're gonna have to upgrade. Like it's it is um yeah, I do love having to.

SPEAKER_03 48:03

Logistically, it's better. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:05

I but then also I'll hear like you have a third, and it's like, what's more? It's a brilliant. Like they just slide right on in. So I don't know how you've done that with a seven-year gap of a child that's now completely independent, doesn't have to be weighted on hand and foot, can pack their own school bag, can put their own school shoes on, and all that sort of stuff, and then you're gonna go back, then you've gone back to a baby that you have to do everything for. Like, have you found that hard, or have you enjoyed it because you do have an independent child?

SPEAKER_03 48:30

Because I enjoy it because I have an independent child. Yeah, I you get to just take it. We both talk about this a lot. We're like, imagine not having P. Like, she has just been an angel. Yeah, she not was born to be an older sister, but she is so damn good at it. Yeah, like she is just so vigilant. She is like, but she's like safety alert on Addy, like very protective. Yeah, like if Addie starts crawling towards the stairs, she'll pick her up, put her back on the mat, you know. She's just amazing, loves feeding her, loves doing. She came to swimming today. And watched. And watched. And you know, normally, you know, she's an iPad kid. We all have iPads. Swatch the whole time. She did not touch the iPad, she watched the whole time, and Addie was so perfectly at an age that Addy could see her. So she was included, loving just seeing each other. And Peyton was just so proud of it. She, you know, when we came out, Peyton's like, Addie, you did so good. I'm so proud of you. You know, well, just oh, I'm very happy with the cup that I have. My cup is so full, but it's I think the thought of having a third is hard because it's like I now want to focus on my career. And I think it's your turn. It's my turn, and I very much, you know, when Peyton was one and I did all the study and I juggled a lot, and she was so you know, beautiful throughout it, and I had a good support network. But as soon as I got to like quite a secure point, I was like, okay, now we're ready to have another baby, and it was something that I want, you know, Stu and I wanted so deeply was to have, you know, a second. And now that we've had her and she's been so beautiful, like I'm just letting you know. I thought very lucky, she's a beautiful baby, you know. We've had our ups and downs, but at the end, you know, I can deal with being woken up multiple times during the night.

SPEAKER_02 50:27

Like it's been hard. She she is a different person at night. I babysit and by 5 30 she's turned on me. Yeah, we've started calling her Regina Dawed because I've been personally victimised by her. Because she does. A switch just turns and she just turns feral. She screams her house down.

SPEAKER_03 50:42

Very rarely cries.

SPEAKER_02 50:43

All that gets her to settle is your boobies. And I'm like, I don't have them, mate. It's not like I can't help you here, babe.

SPEAKER_03 50:48

I don't know what I'm gonna do when boobs aren't the answer. Golden beasts. I don't know. What's your survival tip for mums? Ask for help. Yep. 100% lean on your village. Lean on your village and don't feel guilty about it.

SPEAKER_02 51:06

No, I mate. You can't say that. What do you mean? You lean on your village and then feel guilty about it. Whatever are you asking? That's for my opinion, not my experience. Just so you know, Amy's preaching, but she doesn't follow what she preaches, but that's totally fine. Every time I I offer to babysitter or I connect to babysitting, she's like sure, you sure, what can I do in return? Like, shut up. I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to do it.

SPEAKER_03 51:30

Is it guilt or is it people pleasing? Is it pleasing both? I think people pleasing comfortable. I like to reciprocate though. I very much like to reciprocate. Like, you know, you do something nice by me, I love to do I'm I'm very much a reciprocator.

SPEAKER_02 51:44

Yeah, okay. What's something you've judged yourself for that your kids couldn't care less about?

SPEAKER_03 51:51

My appearance.

SPEAKER_02 51:53

What do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_03 51:55

Um oh yeah, I I remember, you know, even just the other day I'm driving in the car and I had a look in the mirror, and I can't remember where we were going or something, but I just remember saying, I look really tired. And Peyton's like, No mommy, you don't look tired. You look beautiful, you always look beautiful. And I'm like, Yeah, and it's just you know, it's that inner voice, and I'm thinking, well, I'm gonna be her inner voice one day, and she she always thinks the world of me. She that girl loves so hard. She, you know, always tells me that I'm beautiful and I'm the best mum in the world. I've got two mummy mugs that I hold very dearly that I drink out of every morning. Um, but she, you know, I you know, she even asked me, I did my tan for my birthday, and she's like, Why do you do that? And I said, It's just something people do to feel good about themselves. And she's like, Okay, you know, because she got to do makeup for her stage school, and she was really excited about it, and you know, I had to reinforce. I said, You know you're beautiful without makeup, right? This is just for fun. And she's like, I know mummy, you're beautiful without makeup too. And and I've really and it's funny because I used to always be a makeup girl. Would I you know, always stocked up on Napoleon, was a very big Mecca girl, used to get the you know, big loot boxes. Now I'm I went to Mecca for my 32nd birthday to buy skincare, and I'm the level one, very bottom level.

SPEAKER_02 53:28

Um do you think that's a mum thing or do you think that's a maturity thing? Because I think definitely because I've gotten older, I haven't cared as much about like I don't necessarily wear makeup every day to work.

SPEAKER_03 53:36

I just feel like I'm embracing how I look now. I think is that rather than trying to?

SPEAKER_02 53:40

Like I think the PT industry is changing a little bit about it.

SPEAKER_03 53:43

Maybe I'm fighting fighting it a bit.

SPEAKER_02 53:45

Like I just like you know, there was that time of like the Kardashians where everyone had to have like hard contour faces and like high glam. And I feel like I'm never gonna be that girl. I never want to have like if I do my makeup, it's for a special occasion. Otherwise, I wear like a bit of BB cream and mascara.

SPEAKER_03 54:00

Well, like I used to wear a lot of makeup for performing. Like I've always been a very, you know, well-dressed person when I was a performer, when I did weddings and all that kind of stuff, I'd either get my makeup done or I've I'd learn how to do it myself. Pressure though almost wasn't that yeah, but it felt like I was, you know, trying really not trying really hard, but like, you know, it felt like I had to be up to this certain standard. And I think when I became, you know, even just becoming pregnant, I had a bit of an identity crisis and I felt a bit disconnected from it, and I kind of just wanted to m learn more about me and be more about me. So I started, you know, I don't know how it happened, but I just gradually stopped really wearing makeup. Honestly, I only wear makeup if you know it's a special occasion, a job interview, or you know, or if I damn feel like it, you know, it it it really just. Yeah, or if it's just you know, I'm you know going out for my birthday or you know, just want a little bit of something nice. But I find it even tedious to take makeup off these days. Yeah. Like it's just one extra thing to do.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

Another step to add to the cleaning task.

SPEAKER_03 55:08

Yeah, you know, and it's like I you know. I just got pulling today, I don't want to scrub my face. Quite literally. No, I get that. I've cleaned too many butts today that I just wiped bums, I don't want to wipe my face.

SPEAKER_02 55:21

What would you say to a mum listening who feels like everyone else is doing motherhood better than her?

SPEAKER_03 55:26

Nobody's doing better than anyone. Honestly, we are all just parenting in our best way that we are capable of. Do you know what I mean? We've learnt from our parents, we've learnt from our friends, we are dealing with completely different children, completely different journeys. Don't expect your journey to be a mirror image of someone else's. And it's not gonna be what it looks like on Instagram, it's not gonna be all these things, and that's what I was saying before about asking for help and advice, but also listening to yourself and your gut and trusting your gut as much as possible, because I think I've I've certainly listened to so much advice, and I'm I'm always one of those people that wants to develop and seek advice and build my knowledge and everything like that. But sometimes you can get an overload.

SPEAKER_02 56:18

100%. Google something, and then you just feel like you've now got a hundred resources, and then what's a source of truth? And sometimes that source of truth just needs to be what you feel comfortable doing and what you want to do moving forward, absolutely, and what direction you want to take, um, what angle you want to take. As a mum of two girls, what do you want your kids to learn from the way you talk about yourself and other mums? Always bring people up. Be a girl's girl.

SPEAKER_03 56:42

Always, always, yeah, always be a cheerleader. Yeah, nobody wins by tearing each other down.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:49

We quite literally like we have to stick together. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you be there for people, people will be there for you.

SPEAKER_02 56:56

It's like you just want to bring the world of kindness back. There's so much shit in the world, like just be kind, it takes nothing, it's totally free.

SPEAKER_03 57:02

Yeah, it takes more energy to be angry, like you know. I just think yeah, we we live in such a you know, instant gratification time, and we you know there's just so much nonsense going on, there's not enough bringing each other up just for the sake of it.

SPEAKER_02 57:21

Yeah, just because you can yeah, I love that. Finish this sentence.

SPEAKER_03 57:25

Motherhood is all encompassing everything, it is just air. Oh, that's so nice. I know. I couldn't imagine not being a mother. Like it is a journey I've always wanted, and I can't imagine ever not being a mum. That's the best.

SPEAKER_02 57:47

A rapid fire, wiggles or pepper peak.

SPEAKER_03 57:49

OG wiggles.

SPEAKER_02 57:51

What's your favourite hidden snack?

SPEAKER_03 57:53

Peaches and cream.

SPEAKER_02 57:55

Oh, the Alan Lollies?

SPEAKER_03 57:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 57:56

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 57:57

I just bought two packets.

SPEAKER_02 57:58

And not the two. Last time you came, you were like, I had two packets yesterday. Don't tell my dentist. We listen and we don't judge. Um coffee order. Oh latte. Yep. Have you ever hidden from the kids?

SPEAKER_03 58:11

No.

SPEAKER_02 58:11

No?

SPEAKER_03 58:12

Ever wanted to but couldn't. Or just don't have the drive to. No, no, I've never wanted to hide from them. I've just wanted my own space sometimes. Yeah. I don't know. But stepping away, not hiding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:25

What's your favourite swear word?

SPEAKER_03 58:28

I nearly said the wrong one. Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 58:33

I didn't nearly say the wrong one. Are you gonna say this again next Tuesday? Mate, so many people that those are the top two, I reckon. Um fuck just rolls off the tongue. Yeah, I agree. At the end of each week, at the end of each episode, I like to do the loud mum of the week and give my guest an opportunity to give a mum a shout-out. Is there a mum that you would like to give a shout out to?

SPEAKER_03 58:57

I would like to give a shout-out to my other friend Katie, who's become a very, very lovely person in my life. I've been very lucky to have worked with her, and we've had two beautiful girls about the same time. And um, she's just been a massive support to me, and she's just you know, she's a first-time mum, so she's really going through the bells and the whistles, and she's had a Prem as well, so you know, that whole journey for her. But she is just so full of knowledge and so full of positivity, and she's just been such an amazing person. But one of my favourite things that she has given me is the access to the happy song, which has just helped me survive through many, many car tantrums. What's the happy song? The happy song by Imogen Heap. Okay, it is just it is a cure for any tear. Oh, I don't know what it is. Yeah, okay. It's the biggest mum hack I've and I've made us nearly eight.

SPEAKER_02 59:59

So I need to keep this in mind when Regina George turns turns on me to put the happy song. Yes, that and Bluey.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:04

Okay. Um but the happy song, I don't know what crack is in it. Where did she find it? I don't know. Oh wow, but I remember she told me to to use this song. Yep. She's like, it's the best, it fixes everything. Yeah, and it did. And it does. All right, I'm gonna have to do a link to that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:22

I uh that's that's there you go. You just play the happy song when you're out. Mum mum Yeah, yeah. I should do that. Um, well, that was yeah, mum mum chat of the week. There you go, Katie. So as we wrap things up, we just I just want to say that if you're listening, you are doing better than you think, and if you yell today, that's okay, because so did I. Stay loud, mums, and I'll speak to you next week.