The Loud Mums Club
Honest parenting unfiltered. The good, the bad & the absolute feral.
Meltdowns, mental load and belly laughs. We listen and we don’t judge.
The Loud Mums Club
Escaping the Roommate Phase
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
This week I’m joined by Kim from @get.peek to talk about something SO many couples experience after kids — where the hell did the intimacy go? 😂
We chat about being touched out, losing yourself in motherhood, the dreaded roommate phase, mismatched desire, making time for each other and finding connection again when you’re both bloody exhausted.
Because intimacy isn’t always about sex. Sometimes it’s about remembering that underneath the mental load, daycare drop-offs and endless washing… you actually still quite like each other. 😂❤️
An honest, funny and slightly spicy chat about getting the spark back after kids. 🔥
If interested in discovering what Peek can do for you, download here: https://onelink.to/qhkwr5
Welcome to the Lab Mum's Club where we say the quiet part out loud. The good, the bad, and the absolute hooked part of parenting. What are we drinking today? Coffee, wine, or our children's tears? I'm actually here with Kim and we're having a glass of Bellini. Bellini, yeah. So Kim is someone who is about to make a lot of us feel very sane, I feel. She's a mum, she's a startup founder and the co-founder of an app called Peak. It's helping couples have the conversations many of us avoid, especially once kids enter the picture. Instead of awkward, pressure-filled chats about intimacy, Peak gives couples a private, playful way to discover what they both want and reconnect on their own terms. Because let's be honest, after kids, intimacy can be another thing that kind of slips down the to-do list. You're touched out, exhausted, surviving on snacks that your kids didn't finish, and suddenly your relationship can start feeling more like a business partnership or a roommate scenario than romantic. But welcome Kim. What ages are your kids? And tell me five facts about yourself.
SPEAKER_02Glad to be here. So um my kids are four and two, Harriet and Adeline. I've got two girls. It is the absolute best thing in the whole world. I grew up with three brothers. Oh, so you're like, yes, the girl like, oh my god, it is heaven. Like, give me all the princess and nail polish.
SPEAKER_00I probably would have been so prepared for a boy growing up with huge brothers. Like definite unhingedness, but then they're saying that your two-year-old sounds pretty, pretty cray cray.
SPEAKER_02So like boy vibes, second child syndrome. Big personality, yeah. So I am not married, but I legally changed my surname to be the same as my partners. Get to that, but it's quite cool. Yeah, okay. I love baking.
SPEAKER_00I'm a huge baker. If you guys come on and say they love to bake, I can't fucking think of anything worse. I like to cook. Yep. Like I'll cook. Like I love to do a roast. But to bake something, I find that so stressful. I feel like so much can go, so much more can go wrong baking than it can with cooking. Cooking, I just have to make sure the meat's like not raw, right?
SPEAKER_03For sure.
SPEAKER_00But baking, you don't get something right and it the whole thing deflates or like that turns out.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. It is a science. You probably should weigh things and keep your eggs in the pantry, not the fridge. I'm definitely such like a Jamie Oliver.
SPEAKER_00Like my mum's like a bit of this, a bit of that. Oh yeah, it doesn't work with baking.
SPEAKER_02Bit of Nigella.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, but like my kiddos both love cooking with me now as well. We make pancakes every Sunday morning, so that's another fun fact about me is like I've had this vision of like when I'm gonna be a mum, we're gonna do like the pancakes every Sunday morning as a family. That was what you had. Yep, yep, now we do it. Sweet. I am a big like relationship psychology nerd. I love all things like maths and all of the season of Bachelorette, like all the dating shows, Love Island, whatever. Um, I really love shows like couples therapy. In my spare time, I am building a sex app with two other parents, two dads. Um, and that's been keeping me up a lot of late nights over the last you know six or so months.
SPEAKER_00Late nights because you're physically sitting there developing it, or late nights because you have ideas and your brain's just going 100 miles per hour.
SPEAKER_02Late nights because I've had uh up until this week, this is my first week going full-time. I've had a I've had a full-time day job. Yeah, so it's the night times when you have the availability. Pretty much, yeah. So like get home from work, quickly get to the gym, have some dinner, put the kids to bed, and then sit there on my laptop.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. And that's hard. Like working a full day. By the time your kids go down, I'm done. I go to bed at 7:30 most nights. Yeah. Like I'm pooped. So as a mother, are you surviving or crying in the pantry? I mean, this has probably been a tricky week because I don't think it's a good thing.
SPEAKER_02It's been a tricky week, but like it definitely hasn't pushed me to the point of of tears. So I'd say I'm probably surviving this week. Do you find that other weeks you are pushed to the point of tears? I I think over the last six months, like juggling, having a startup that I'm working on at at night time, having a full-time day job where I'm like commuting into the city, I was working at a working at a law firm and doing like pretty intense stuff. And then also trying to like gym, kids, all the stuff at the same time. I was definitely in a bit of a burnout loop too. Like as soon as winter hit, the whole house got sick, and I feel like I've had like a chest infection non-stop for three months.
SPEAKER_00Or someone has a runny nose, or someone's coughing, yeah, and it's just it just never ends. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And you can't sleep, and you know, I've got one of my kiddos has has asthma as well, so that's always a you know a bit of a stressor. Yeah. And you know, a hospital visit like here and there and creepy. Trips to Sydney that I've I I've I've gone on work trips, my partner goes on work trips every six weeks, kind of thing, as well. It's like you feel like you can't catch a break. So um there's definitely been moments where I'm just like beyond it over the last six months, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So tell me more about Peak and why you felt there was this gap in the market and like what your experience was with that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I might tell you a bit of the origin story of Peak, how it kind of came to be. So it actually came from a conversation that I had with my partner in bed one night after we'd had our second baby. Um we had a bit of a theme of like exploring different, you know, topics, activities or whatever, like early on in our relationship before we had kids, and that kind of like died off when we had kids.
SPEAKER_00Um, because I'd I'd I think things get less hot and heavy, don't they? Uh yeah, like you don't have the the you know I talked about before it goes down the to-do list. Yeah, you don't have the priority of like let's keep this hot and steamy. I've now got a person to look after.
SPEAKER_02Well, even before that, like pregnancy was really hard, and like you know, morning sickness and like all the pains that come with that, and I had like constant acid reflux as well, which is just like waking up choking on something acid is not sexy, yeah um, but yeah, like it totally derailed my sense of my own sexuality, and then you you know you have a have a child and like you're breastfeeding and all that kind of stuff, and like I'm a personal space girly at the best of times, and like I found that personally kind of really overwhelming. Yeah, yeah, it's a drainer. Um, and Michael is like very much a physical touch guy. Um we have opposite love languages, but anyway, so we we have a theme of exploring things really early on in our relationship, and we're at that point I was like, okay, we like really need to sink some time into you know bringing this like back to life kind of thing. Like we've we've not prioritized it properly, um, and it's important to me, and I I think it's really important to be connected in that way to have like a long-term sustainable relationship. It's something that's important to him and to me, um, but it just yeah, it falling down the priority list, kind of like you said. But we talked about doing dirty talk earlier on, but I've never actually done it, and I was like, Well, how do we get this started? Because it's really bloody awkward to like sit across from you and say, Hey, can you please say this and this and like you know, I like to be called good girl in the bedroom, like please please do more of that. Like in the cold light of day, nobody feels comfortable saying that stuff, right? But you have to have the conversation to find the shared vocabulary to bring into the bedroom because like saying the wrong thing in the moment is is I wanna I want to fiddle in on that.
SPEAKER_00So Ryan tried that once. Yep, and he said something along the lines of he's gonna kill me to stay in this bit. Something along the lines of like, oh you dirty little slut, like something like that. I burst into tears, dried up so fucking fast, and I said, I I just was like, is that what you think of me? Like when I'm like this and I'm vulnerable and I'm being open and like we're having like a big romp sesh or whatever. Yeah, is that what you're thinking? Like that was my angle. He's like, no, no, I just I just thought I'd try something, and I was like, not the time. When you're inside me, not the time. Never again. But that's not something we have ever explored again. I think I've scarred rhyme whole life by bursting into tears. So yeah, you're right. That does need to be a conversation.
SPEAKER_02It does, and like the rejection tax is real because like that interaction doesn't feel good for anyone, doesn't feel good for you because you just like you get a bit of an ick sometimes, right? And you're just like, Do you do you even know me? Yeah. Um, and then like your partner who's like been vulnerable and kind of put that out there, they get really hurt, and there's there's a little shame associated with some of this stuff too, as well, right? Like, yeah, but but to be able to get to the point where you say some of that stuff, you do need to like have a few glasses of wine or whatever, like there needs to be some type of like loosen up, yeah. So, anyway, so I was like, there's gotta be an app in this, right? Like, imagine something like Tinder where you can swipe left or right and it just tells you the stuff that you're actually matched on, versus having to wade through an awkward conversation and just go and throw something really out far left field, and they're like, Oh, you're into that, no thanks. Yeah, I'm judging you right now, kind of thing. Yeah, so anyway, um the I was really kind of sitting on it, and obviously I work in tech, right? So it's within my wheelhouse to go and build an app, and I know the people that that can like make that happen. So um I've got two really good mates, um, Jordan and Dobbo, and we all work together at the time, and yeah, we know each other really well outside of work as well. We've all kind of like gone through that parenting journey together. Um, and so I sent them a voice note and said, Hey guys, how about this? I had this idea, yeah. And we pretty much started building that weekend, and it it snowballed from being about you know cards that you can swipe on, and we like ran a bunch of like prototype tests. Like I got my brother around, right? And he said, match with your partner, match with your fiance and tell me what you like, tell me what you don't. Yeah, um, we really kind of spent a lot of time making sure that the cards were really fun and engaging and gave you a bit of not too extreme, not too extreme.
SPEAKER_00It's not like first swipes, butt plugs, second swipes, whips, like a bit more like a karma, like let's just keep it.
SPEAKER_02Everything's in the like the vanilla and strawberry kind of register. I think that there's a lot of conversations around consent um and a a shared space of discovery that needs to happen before you go into like hardcore stuff, yeah. Yeah, if you if you've never kind of done it together, or if one of you has and the other one.
SPEAKER_00But I also think it's like an important conversation because like everyone probably has something. Yeah. And like, how do you then approach that with your partner? That's right.
SPEAKER_02Like if you if you can't you can't just sit down and ask someone to do something. You can't. And the the reality is that when you say something that sounds like a kink and sounds extreme, people picture the level 10 version of that in there.
SPEAKER_00Correct.
SPEAKER_02Rather than something that's entry-level that you you might actually be quite happy to bring into your relationship and like scratch that itch, right? Yeah, but you stop at the start of the conversation, right? Or or people just don't even say it at all. Yeah. Um, so kind of with with the cards that we've kind of got in our app, it helps you uncover a lot of things that are on um the peripheral of like what you're interested in, but you haven't actively explored because it hasn't been important enough to kind of say. Yes. Um, or it's just like a slight twist on something that you're kind of already doing, but because you're in a bit of a routine, you just like just mixes it up a little bit. Yeah, um, so yeah, so we started off with the cards and then um through running all of these kind of tests on it, people are just like, these are great, this is fun, we're having conversations that we've never had before, this is awesome, but then like what's next? So we realized that we needed to build like experiences to come along with that to help people um translate, you know, a match into like a moment.
SPEAKER_00What does that actually look like? That's right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02How how do you um kind of like um prompt and kind of like broker or suggest something, right? And the beauty of something like an app is that you can just reject it, right? Like it's it's the app's idea, it's not my idea, it's not your idea. So it can be this thing that exists in the relationship that is very kind of low stakes, has no rejection tax associated with it, kind of like we talked about, right? Nobody has to throw any idea out there because we're throwing the ideas out there for you, right? And everything that we're throwing out there tends to have a green light filter on it because you've swiped on things that you're kind of into already.
SPEAKER_00So it starts leading you down like the pyramid of like okay, now we've opened this up, now let's have a look in depth of like what further things that you'd both be interested in. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's right, and like when you're at the start of the journey as well, right? The things that you are open to and interested in evolve over the course of like getting a little bit deeper into it, right? Like you just like if you if you're at the the start of like I don't know how to even say a single thing in the bedroom to my partner, like how am I gonna say like a little 430 talk?
SPEAKER_00Don't know how to initiate. Like I don't know how to even ask for it. I think that's right. Men find that so easy. Like for Ryan, he rolls over and gives me a poke. Like that's pretty much or I get or I get a Facebook message with it with an eggplant emoji. Like that's that's our emotion. That's our that's our initiations. Um, or like I bop my head in and go, you're ready for a quickie. Like it's so basic, right? It would be cool to have a way to change that up. You know, you talk about like that routine, like we're pretty vanilla, but like to do things different and how to like initiate in different ways and more fun ways. And yeah, I think that's even just the base level of people and women knowing how to like every mum I speak to, every friend I have, a lot of the time it's not them initiating. Yeah, and whether that's that fear of rejection or whether that's that there's so much else going on their plate, and it's just not up the top of the to-do list, and it's no longer fun. Yeah, like it becomes another list and a chore to do. That's right. And I think that's awful. Like, I think that we've previously talked about connection and and like finding your right person, but like intimacy is part of that as in a relationship. And yes, you can be married to your best friend, but it's a part of your relationship for both of you. That's right. Um, obviously, different sex drives, and I understand that, like different love languages I think is really important too. But yeah, just being able to open that original conversation of like, but it's not even a conversation, like it's just yeah, gentle nudges of like how do we get back into back into each other? Um, and I think that happens in long-term relationships, postpartum early on in like a hot and heavy relationship. How do you figure out in a safe space what you're both into and what you want to try? Foreplay, right? Doesn't start in the bedroom. And I think that's a huge conversation to have in itself. Ryan has clicked on to that. Ryan knows if I get a sleep in, if I come out, the kitchen's clean, kids are quiet, I don't have to think about what we're doing for the day. Like he's so clicked on to that. I'm like, it's fucking online Donkey Kong. Like you've nailed it because I just don't want to do you know what I mean? And that's huge. That that that I think for women and for a mum, like that's ginormous. And we also have had conversations over the years about physical touch, like his love language is physical touch, and he's very like into that. I'm not, especially post-kids, really touched out, and we had to have the conversation of like you coming up and like groping me, that's not a turn on. Like, yeah, don't fucking touch me. If anything that pisses me off, if you come up and just give me a cuddle, come up behind me, wrap your arms around my waist. It's more intimate for me than coming past and just smacking me on the ass. Like, and we've had those conversations over the years. Um but yet again that comes back to like we're pretty good communicators, but being able to have a safe space and like an app to talk about that initiation and what that looks like that is just incredible. Yeah, I think it's important that this takes that pressure off as a fun way to essentially be having a conversation, but not. But also, you said that there's an encrypted messaging in there, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you've got like a locked messaging system as well.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's it's kind of like yeah, WhatsApp level style encryption, like we cannot see the sexy messages. The idea for it actually came from like I was using the app with um Michael. I sent Michael a a spicy message when he was at work, yeah, you know, in the interest of like spicing things up, um, and he didn't respond to it, and I was like, dude, like what what what's good? Like, I'm going out on a limb here, and he's um we I spoke about it when he came home from work, and he's like, actually, I was sitting at work, I saw the preview for it, it made me so happy that I didn't want to dismiss the notification, I just wanted to wait until I was in the right headspace to give it all the attention it deserved. And and and it was just giving him such a buzz, knowing that that was there, waiting for waiting for him. Yeah, that's right. And so I was like, mm-hmm, maybe if I built a safe space for us to have spicy messages that's separate to the like a what's for dinner or notification that comes through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That could be like, you know, coordinating daycare pickups or whatever it is, or just like life admin. Yeah, correct. Um, like a different flavour of notification that you know is something of that nature, like it just hits different, it feels different.
SPEAKER_00Was it a birthday party? And Ryan sent me a naughty Facebook message. Nice. I think he just sent me gifts, like a couple of gifts, like disgusting gross like some anyway, because filthy. Filthy gifts, and I opened it not realising that that's what it was. You know, it says like Ryan sent you a photo, and then um I had like two dads next to me were singing fucking happy birthday to the it's fucking birthday. I was like, how do you respond? And I was like, dude, not appropriate. But how good is that rush that I think um no, I was actually like that was not that was not a rush. That was like, are you fucking joking? You know I'm at a birthday party. Just because you're home alone, okay. Yeah, anyway, but it's funny.
SPEAKER_02I'm all for doing something slightly inappropriate in a public or like inappropriate setting. Yeah, okay. I think that's I think that's a lot of fun.
SPEAKER_00Um having like a shared hidden secret between those memes of like and like TikToks of like sending dirty messages to like your husband at barbecues. Yeah, yeah. I love that. I think that's the funniest thing ever. Yeah, more for that. Yeah, I think that's fun. But yet again, like, how do you have that conversation with your partner? Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_02Well there there's a card for it in the app you can swipe on it, it's fine. Yeah, I love that. Um, and even in the chat, there's like little prompts because like starting a spicy message can be really awkward, like if it's not your virtual speech. Don't send me, do you want to come over and suck my dick? That's not gonna like even start the conversation hundred percent. Yeah, yeah. But there's like your little little sentence starters to kind of help get you going in there and stuff too. Cause like, yeah, I mean, all of this stuff is awkward, right? It's hard, it's vulnerable, but it's definitely worth pushing through and kind of doing the work. But I think this is a really good starter place.
SPEAKER_00Do you have a mum fail of the week? I do.
SPEAKER_02Last the kids are sick.
SPEAKER_00I do.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I started off solo parenting really strong. Um we all do, I think, don't we? I think we've got it under control. By solo parenting, I also mean that my mum was at my house helping me with my kids as well. So I I I had a second pair of hands. She lives in the same street as me, so I get a crap ton of help. Like it is just the best thing in the world. Um, so she was over, it was dinner time with the kids, and I'd cooked dinner for the kids that are at the kitchen table, and I was like buzzing around, getting their bedroom ready, put the bath on, and like, you know, tiding up the kitchen, all that kind of stuff. Um, and I'd totally forgotten that I left the bath on. And I caught it just before the overflow hit the carpet.
SPEAKER_00Oh no, so like it did, it it flooded the bathroom.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yep, yep, absolutely. And fortunately, like the um the bathroom was recently renovated before we bought our house. So it was very nicely waterproofed. Yep. Um didn't have a drain like in the actual bathroom floor? No, no, it didn't. In the shower, but not in the not in the floor. But um, but yeah, so we called it all the towels, the barrier of towels in front of the door and stuff, and like of course my kids caught on and thought it was a drinking water party.
unknownOh, let's play.
SPEAKER_00And we'll sit there thinking, I have two more towels left and then I'm done. Like, there's no there's nothing left to clean. Yeah. My mum fell was when a school mum came up to me this week. Shout out to Corinna, and she said, Um, oh, are you guys collecting the ushies? Uh, you know, these Woolworths toys that are going to be. I said, No, we don't collect them. Oh my god, I don't shop at Woolworths. I'm not gonna go shop there just for these stupid plastic toys. She goes, Oh, because my son said he's gonna take all of his spares in for Livy because he feels really bad for her that she doesn't have any. That's so sweet. First of all, I said to her, first of all, appreciate how beautiful your son is because that's such a thoughtful, yeah, kind gesture. And then I then I had a moment of like, am I a mean mummy for not getting on the fucking ooshy bandwagon? Like, I just I felt like the worst mum that he thought that she's the only kid that needs them. I was like, oh, I'm a bad mum for not going and getting these bloody stupid plastic toys that gonna end up in the bin.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they're all gonna end up in the bin. We we've we've been ushy mad in our house just because my oldest is really into like Toy Story and Moana. I love that.
SPEAKER_00Like that's great.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Um, but I I have been ha holding like a big jar of them and using them as bribes, which has been amazing. Great. As in unopened, so they get to open and surprise them. Yeah, that's a great idea. And they've got it both. They've got to both have one at the same time, right? Um, but the other weekend I had a whole stash of them because I'd done a big grocery shop. And I said, Okay, we're going to tidy up the house together, one room at a time. Harriet, you are the the cleaning leader. You tell us what to clean and you get to pick which room we're cleaning. And when it's clean, after the end of that room, we each get an ushy. Yeah. And I also um like we had a bunch of like doubles and stuff like that. So I put a um Tupperware container out on my uh porch at the front of my house and said, any doubles go in there. I put a post up on the community Facebook group. Come pick up doubles if you want to pick up doubles. Great idea. So we'd open them up and she's like, Oh, it's a new one. Like, oh, I've got this one. Let's go put it out the front so some friends can pick it up. And she was like getting so proud at the end to actually like share them with people. And then she'd see like all uh parents with their little kids coming up, and she'd be like, Hello!
SPEAKER_00It's like drug dealing, seriously.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it is, it is.
SPEAKER_00It's just insane. I still need a bloody hey-hey, but whatever. Have you had a child fuck around and find out this week? I had one last week.
SPEAKER_02Um I mentioned before that my little one has a dairy intolerance.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And so my kiddos share a bedroom. Um, and for the first half an hour of the day they get up and play together in their room and like they know how to use um Google Home now, so they put I don't know, Beyonce, Celinity on, K-pop demon hunters, whatever. They know how to voice control that now, which is a fun time. Um about six o'clock in the morning, blasting through the house. But um we've got really high door handles in our house, but my oldest uh went and got her little step stools and opened up the door to my study, which is the room next to their thing. And I had my work backpack in there and I had some like oat bars and stuff that had loaded with white chocolate and all the dairy and stuff. And so usually she's really cautious, and you know, has this got dairy? No. Ripped them open, they each each had one, um, and the little one didn't know. And that was a ended up being a really fun time because that whole next night the little one had tubby pains and was up and down and because they're sharing a room at work, work Harry it up to the show.
SPEAKER_00She let's just like yeah, fuck around and find out if you want to give your sister dairy, this is the consequence. Oh, that's hard. Yeah, it is. Does she feel bad? Yeah, she's so sorry. Yeah, she did, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we did have a fuck around and find out moment. I actually posted about it tonight. Harry has a shaved head, but he somehow like half scalped himself. He gave himself a reverse mohawk at daycare. So we got a call from the daycare like manager, and she was like, Look, I think you're gonna laugh, but this is Harry's given himself a reverse mohawk. My first question was how? Like how how he has no hair. Yeah, I'm like, did he leave clippers out? Like, I'm confused, and she goes, No, he did it with scissors. But then I'm thinking, like, it can't be that bad because he has no hair, like he has a shaved head already. Like, I don't understand how he possibly could have done it. When I tell you he cuts so close to the skin, I don't know how he didn't it looks like he's got a razor. Like, yeah, I don't know how he didn't cut himself, and I don't know how with kid scissors he did it so short. So there's like there was like this triangle of like just baldness. So then yeah, we were like, well, we're gonna have to shave your head again. So size level one, and it still doesn't blend in. So it's like cool, you're on Sunday haircuts for the next three weeks until it grows out, and I'm like, you idiot. It's not even hat season. No, but I said, but then the teacher's like, Why did you do that? And he's like, Oh, I wanted to cut my hair like mummy because I'm the one that shaves his hair. And I was like, Oh, that's quite sweet, like he just wants to get involved. And I said to her, I'm like, We're not angry, like we don't care, like it's fine. If you did it to someone else, would have been a very different response. Yes. But I'm like, if you want to fuck around and cut your own hair, that's fine. Anyway, all right, time for our village verdict. So we did want to talk in line with Peak postpartum intimacy and how to sort of find your way back, which everyone has such a different journey with that. But do you think postpartum intimacy is probably one of the hardest things of becoming parents that no one warns you about?
SPEAKER_02I think it's something that people don't talk about enough. I think there's definitely a whole bunch of learning curves that come with becoming parents, but I think with intimacy in particular, the biggest shift is like before you have kids, you've got a whole toolkit of how to connect with your partner that you know is predicated on self-care and separateness and like having time and energy to like pour into the other person and and that part of your relationship. But that toolkit is essentially null and void when you become parents and you need to build up a whole new one that works around your schedules, yeah. And like, you know, your bodies change. What you want is is fundamentally different.
SPEAKER_00Like the routine changes, you don't have a child that's sleeping at night, so when do you get to have that time together?
SPEAKER_02Have you seen that um that Netflix show of like uh where the woman comes around and designs and builds like sex rooms for couples? Oh my god, that sounds brilliant. Oh, it's it's it's amazing. Like it's very extra and next level. But I I always say to Michael, like, if money was no object, would we build a sex dungeon? Like just like go in through the kitchen.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I'd have a sex dungeon attached to my winery, like my wine room. Oh, that'd be nice. That'd be that'd be goals. Millionaire, yeah. Want my wine, what is it, a wine cellar? Yep. Has to be temperature controlled, yeah. It would have to be soundproof. Just chuck a sex room next door.
SPEAKER_02I think I'd have to chuck like a a a full like couple-sized shower in there as well. Like you wind down, you get in your robes, and you have a wine, and then you enter into the domain.
SPEAKER_00That'd be And then uh also some sort of delivery hatch for the Maccus Uber Eats that comes afterwards. Can I tell you um my like we that's our that's our post pop that's our post-cigarette, like we've got to be able to do that? Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, one one hack that I have um stumbled upon in the last six months um in the parenting toolkit of like how to make space to get freaky, like nobody feels like banging after going out on a date night for dinner, right? So we're in a bit of a um routine is probably the wrong word, but um Friday night, kids go to bed, jump in the shower, order Uber Eats, bang, and then by the time Uber arrived.
SPEAKER_00I ordered it's a little bit longer than that. Typically, we have better than the six minutes to macus around the corner here. Oh god. No, no, no. It's gotta be at least half an hour to the free.
SPEAKER_02A little bit of a bottom. And then straight after you jump in your PJs, you're on your couch, you've got your takeaway, you're living your best life. So cozy and you feel so connected in that moment because it's like and you're blogging after not before. Like that's just great.
SPEAKER_00It's actually, yeah, so yeah, highly, highly recommend that. Okay, there we go. Tip of the week. Water your Uber eats ready to go. Skip dinner, eat each other.
SPEAKER_05Have dessert before dinner.
SPEAKER_00Oh, it's so funny. How long did it take you? Oh, well, I mean both of us, but how long did it take before you generally wanted intimacy again? Not because you felt like you should, but because you were actually ready post-partum.
SPEAKER_02I think I wanted to feel connected to my partner a lot sooner than I like felt spontaneously, like I wanted to jump his bones. Right. So I didn't really feel have like that urge or drive rush until after I finished breastfeeding. I think that really did your body back and you feel like you again. Yeah. That kind of muted it all for me. But like, um, I think I was open to it earlier, but yeah, like after I had my first, like, you know, there's so much pressure around that like six-week mark, right? You've got the the doctor's appointment, you get the clearance and all that kind of stuff too. And I had um vaginal bursts with both of them. I had an epesiotomy with both of them as well. So bit of a bit of healing, and I went to I was introduced to both of them, so I went to nearly 42 weeks with both of them. I was pregnant for a whole extra month that I didn't need to be. Yeah, thank you. Um, but yeah, that first time back was like painful, yeah. Um, and I was like, oh my body isn't behaving the way that I want it to, like, I want to feel into it, ready and into it and stuff, and like all the lube in the world.
SPEAKER_00It's all part of like you almost have to train your body again. You do, like you do, like, which wasn't something I was expecting. Yeah, I did feel like whilst organs were resettling and stuff, angles were different, and like that's right, it didn't feel and I actually used I got frustrated because I'm like, this isn't how I want it. Like, I don't want us to be going super slow and like that's not how I enjoy it. So I was like, this is fucking shit. Like I'm not enjoying this because this is not what I like how I like to get down, let's say it that way. And um obviously felt limited by my body's capacity. And but I'm with you, it wasn't because I was like a fucking raging horndog, it was I wanted that quality time of mine. Yeah, like I wanted that free connection, yeah. Um, especially when you've got a child attached to you all the breastfeeding, you're sort of I think at that point almost trying to figure out hang on, what does life look like now post having a baby?
SPEAKER_02Who are we as a couple separate to you know the family unit that we now are as well? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I'm with you. I think I wonder if a lot of women probably feel the same way or feel the pressure because that six-week mark where it's in all the movies, all the TV shows that like men go, okay, it's been six weeks, like we're good to go. Yeah. Like I wonder if that's how some relationships go down.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah, and like there's a certain level of of guilt associated with the fact, I mean, I was very much like you, like it was a sex wasteland during pregnancy, like that was kind of not a fun time, and so you just like okay, well, I'm I'm getting out of that now. I should be able to connect to that part of myself, and you then your body doesn't respond the way you don't want it to, yeah, 100%. And you want to show up for your partner in that way, and you want to have that type of relationship, but it's a bit inaccessible to you in that point. And one thing I did after I had my first was like we need to like have something like fun and playful to do. So I went and bought us the Love Honey Advent calendar. I don't know if you've seen those, they're a good time. Okay, they're like 200, 250 bucks. Um, and they're available at Christmas time. Surprise, surprise. But we didn't we didn't, you know, follow the rules and open one up every day of December. But it was just a thing where it probably had this relaxation and like try something different. Yep, and so I was like, okay, I'm I'm down to connect. I don't know how deep that connection is gonna go today, but like I'm gonna bring out this box and we can open this thing together and we can have like a giggle at it or whatever it is. And like that was that was a really good way to be able to get things back on track.
SPEAKER_00But we know when a woman asks, Can you rub my feet or can you give me a massage? And then the men just assume that's gonna escalate. Yeah, I'll just grab a little bit further up here. Correct, and I feel like and yet again that's like a society thing and a movie thing, like sometimes you just need your partner just to be intimate without entering your body. The pressure, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I think that that's a really big thing about postpartum intimacy as well. Like the definition of intimacy, it really helps if you kind of broaden it. It should like P and V, like male orgasm, shouldn't be the definition of sex, but it kind of is. It kind of is just by a society, yeah. I agree. Um, and there are so many other ways to like explore and feel connected that aren't all roads leading to this one goal that get overlooked, and you know, I'm I'm just as guilty as the next person. Like all of the social scripts kind of lead, like you know, I I I remember like feeling disappointed if like that wasn't wasn't the act. I'm like, have have we actually connected properly? Like, is is that happening? Yeah, yeah, yeah, correct. Um but and that's something that I've had a big focus on postpartum is because you know you need to be able to colour outside the lines and find other ways to connect when when your body isn't working and responding the way that you kind of want it to. Or what your routine usually is, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. I think um it all comes back to communication.
SPEAKER_02It does, and if you can't communicate it about communicate about it, you can never get to the point of being able to have that exploration. It doesn't just happen by you just being in the same room and just kind of going with the vibes.
SPEAKER_00But even like I don't think there's many couples that are having the conversation of like I'm sure some women feel guilty about not having sex postpartum. But instead of actually being honest and vulnerable and having that conversation and being like, look, I understand this is what you may need right now, yeah, but I'm not in that space. Things hurt, I don't I don't know, I think it would more likely end up in a fight of like, oh, you don't want to touch me anymore, you know, and it's not about that. I think the deeper conversations being had necessarily as to why postpartum things are just so different.
SPEAKER_02And and the focus becomes like between like you and the other person, not about finding that shared space. It's kind of like outside of the both of you. Um it becomes a bit of a battle.
SPEAKER_00It leads into yeah, the next the next question I had for you was what's harder to get back after babies your sex life or your emotional connection? And I think that that's a really interesting one because I would pick emotional connection over sex life, but I know that my husband would definitely probably pick sex life over emotional connection.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think that there'd be a lot of relationships where that would probably be the case. Because I think in general, most male sex drives are a lot higher, and that's probably more front of mind for them. Yeah. Whereas, like we said, like for me, post-parliament was wanting to connect just to be with my person, not necessarily about the sexual act. And if I had the opportunity to look at that in a different way without penetration being involved, that would have been excellent. Like in like probably not forcing my body to do things that my body probably wasn't ready to. Like I might have mentally been wanting to, but yeah, like I think that that's the disconnect is like it's something else, right?
SPEAKER_02I I I think that emotional connection with my partner postpartum came fairly easy because we were bonding over the fact that we were doing something new together for the first time. Yeah, but I think that the hardest part of all of it was really like my own connection with my own sexuality. That had fundamentally shifted, and like that's a precursor to me entering into that arena, right? So I think yeah, sex life was definitely harder for me to kind of get on track. Like we're we're really good communicators.
SPEAKER_00Like I also think and correct me if you think differently, as a whole women are probably not connected with themselves enough to necessarily know what they want and how they like I'm trying to be like a little bit PG, I don't know why, because we're pretty being pretty open, but like how they get off, like what works for them by themselves. Yeah. I think that a lot of women like to be really frank, so me and Ryan have been together since I was 18. It took us years to figure that out. It took us a long time to figure that out because I wasn't necessarily in tune with myself until probably like my mid to late 20s. So by then we're already quite a few years into our relationship, and then it's reapproaching that conversation and getting in contact communication, but like having yeah, like how do you have that conversation with someone? Like, and I think postpartum that's a whole thing in itself. Like the thought of touching myself post-partum is just was not gonna happen. Yeah, like yeah, yeah, yeah. But that almost needs to happen first. You need to reconnect with your own self before someone else is rubbing things too hard that are sore. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm trying to like dance around it a little bit, but like I don't know how else to put put to put it. Like, I think that's yeah, you don't need to have something shoved inside you once you've just had a baby.
SPEAKER_02Like you have to feel it within yourself to be able to give it away to anyone, yeah. Otherwise, it just it becomes kind of like transactional. And I think like duty sex, schedule sex just for the sake of it is like the studies say it's actually detrimental to your relationship if you're just going through the motions and you're not actually enjoying it or connected at all.
SPEAKER_00I I mean we don't have a schedule, um, but I've had conversations with people that do have a schedule, yeah, and that is literally because other nights there's just no capacity there, whether they're for football training or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like a schedule isn't a bad thing necessarily if you're if it's not going through the motions. Yeah. Like if it's not every time you're doing it, it's the same 10 minutes. Yep. You know, that if it is getting mixed up and you're actually having an actual connection, yeah, not just the task in hand. Not just ticking off the box for the week. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I um I am pro-scheduled intimacy, anti-scheduled sex.
SPEAKER_01Okay, and delve into that.
SPEAKER_02But by that, I mean like it's important to make time and space to be like, we're going to be close, get close. Whatever we have to bring to the table that night is okay. There is no pressure for it to escalate.
SPEAKER_00But and it could just be watching a movie together, childfriend and just not being on your phones. That's right. And just being with each other. That's right. The other night we watched we watched Ted Lasso together, no phones, and we had a cuddle on the couch. We have not done that in years. Yeah. We watch TV all the time together, we watch TV shows together, we haven't actually touched each other. Like, actually, I had my head on his shoulder, like we were snuggled. That has not happened in years, and that in itself was for me, I'm not a physical touch girly, I appreciated that so much. Like it was just nice having a cuddle, and there was no pressure of that escalation, like you said. Like that was just lovely. It was like the first time we'd uh sat there and just enjoyed each other and had a giggle and like been with present with no nothing else. Like it was just it was so innocent. It's just us cuddling on the couch. But we we'll sit here and watch TV and not be talking the whole time and be sitting and scrolling on our phones. Yeah, that's not that's not connection, that's not having time together.
SPEAKER_02As soon as your phone or your laptop is there, there's a demotion that happens between you and the other person. And yeah, so scheduling and being intentional about okay, Friday night and like on Friday nights, I I very unless we've got like something crazy going on, I very much like put my laptop away. That is not the time for do work. Yeah. Like no one is going to die if my app falls over on a Friday night.
SPEAKER_00I mean well, depending on what they're doing, but hoping that doesn't glitch out to suggest something dangerous.
SPEAKER_02Oh god. I haven't put any of that content in there, but it might, you know. Anyway, um, but but you know, like it's really important to carve out some spaces just for the two of you and like yeah, like the Friday night Uber Eats thing that we kind of do, or even being like I think that adds fun to it.
SPEAKER_00You're against a timer, yep. Like like it's like a competition, get job done on both sides. Like, I think that's actually quite fun. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But uh like I think I mean I I do I'm gonna say about two-thirds of the initiation in my relationship because my partner is really it's enthusiastic consent is really important to him and he doesn't want to pressure me.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_02Um, so I try and kind of like break the ice and and lead and say, I'm good. We're good. We're good. And you know, I go to the gym quite a few nights after after work hours, and like I'll just be like, Do you want to go and have a shower together? And we're at the point like having a shower together doesn't need to escalate, okay, right? That's totally fine. But like that is a moment of connection, we can be in each other's space, we're focused on each other, we can chat about whatever, right? But um just prioritizing and making space for those like intimate moments means that you've got more opportunities for that to escalate into something. If you want it to, if you want it to, and if you're both in that headspace, right? And it's yeah, if if you're not even open to like entering into the I'm open to connect arena, that's it puts so much pressure on that that initiation moment of like someone rolling over in bed and it's being like, Hey, how'd that tonight? Right, like what chance has that got of getting off the ground?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. No, I'm with you. I um we have like my next question was is I'm just too tired of valid raisin, or does it become a bit of a habit? Now I'm a tired girly. I could easily sleep 10 to 12 hours a night and still just be completely exhausted, and I I'm looking into it like sleep studies and all those things, right? That has been my sort of not excuse, but like I am just generally exhausted all the time. But I know Ryan has learned, and this is also we've been together for 14 years, so he's also realised if the kids are down and it's before 9 pm, he's got a better percentage and chance than coming in at 9 15 and I will be like it's too late go to go away. It's like it's just like you just have to figure each other out, and that's and that he never gets it, and I'm too tired because he's he's learnt the sweet spot and he knows if he comes in late, he's like, I'm gonna ask, and I'm like, fuck off. Yeah, I knew that'd be the answer. Um, so that helps both of us like him not copying rejection too, because he'll know that I and I'm conscious that we've subconsciously set up this sort of rule, not a rule, but like an expectation of like, yeah, like if you want to let's let's have some time together, that's fine. Um, that I might giggle and be like, yeah, come on, jump in. Because I I literally go to bed at seven o'clock. Like kids go down, I get into bed. Whether I'm reading my book or I'm watching something on my phone or whatever, that's my time to decompress. And I was actually saying something the other day, like nine times out of ten, Ryan comes to bed past midnight, and I'll be well and truly out for the count, and he'll do something, like he'll wake me up, we'll turn the light on, whatever, and then that's our time to have our chitty chats. Like, that's our time that we talk about our day and we like laugh about things the kids said that day, and like that's our emotional connection time. Like nothing physical happens because I'm like, no, because I'll be up for fucking three hours, don't touch me, but that's our little yeah, we call it our chitty chats, like our function. Yeah. Are you guys opposite morning night people? He so you say you're a night owl. Yeah, I'm not a night owl, and I'm not a morning person. I can just sleep anytime, any place, anywhere. Kate sleeps anywhere. Like I I am just and I've been like that before kids. Like that's not a postpartum thing. I've been like that since I was a child. Like my mum's like, you would fall asleep in class. Like, I just always was sleeping. Like a cat. Um, but he can run on no sleep. He can stay up till 2 a.m., be up at 5, go to work, and be absolutely fine. I think as he's gotten older, it's affected him more. Like I think he now will go, I need an early night tonight, which which is like that's groundbreaking. Like he would never used to do that. Um, but also because he plays video games. I think he's so stimulated. Okay. So like it's actually he doesn't get tired, so he doesn't whereas I'm going to bed listening to a podcast or reading my book and listening to my body, yeah, that is different. Um but also if he goes to bed at eight, nine o'clock, he'll then wake up at one and not be able to go back to sleep.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00So there's a sweet spot for him for his bedtime too, you know. Um, which, like I said, this is us learning as our relationship's gone through that yeah, we're just different. I think an app like this is just such a beautiful way to initiate reconnecting. Yeah. And like you said, it's not always in a sexual way. It doesn't have to be sex. No, it doesn't have to be even a physical touch, just just to reconnect with your partner.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, definitely. And like it is hard to prioritize date nights, particularly like if you don't have that village around you, or like if you've got a sick kid or whatever, like you feel feel guilty calling on the grandparents, right? You're just like, I'm ruining your night to sit at home on my house.
SPEAKER_00They're young, so like they're away this weekend, they go out with their friends. Yeah, they have a better social life than we fucking do.
SPEAKER_02We we actually built uh we've got a date night feature in the app because I mean Thai parents can't think of anything creative, um, and also it always seems to be one person that's doing the initiating, booking it in, the planning, the organizing, all that kind of stuff. Um, so we built in this date night experience just a whole bunch of different dates that we have designed, and so you basically just go into the app, you say I've got an at-home date where I'm going out. Yep, it's a day date or a night date, pick this date, and it gives you three options to choose from. Okay. You just pick from a vibe and you book it in, tells your partner that you've booked it in, which is a bit of a like a hit, you're like, oh, nice, nice to receive that. It's nice. But what it does is it delegates a preparation step to each of you that's separate. You don't know what the other person is kind of preparing, and then so it could say to the man, bring flowers.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, could say to her, wear no underwear. Yep. Like it doesn't have to be that extreme, but yes, like those are the sort of vibes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely. So, like like we had one the other week, for example, which was like a PJ party at home. Yeah, and it was on me to like set up the space with like cushions and donors and put like a playlist on and put like the fireplace um YouTube situation on and get a card game. And Michael um went out and got like deluxe hot chocolate and marshmallows and like all this kind of stuff, and get the PJs out for us to wear. Um, and then like obviously like I wrote the content so I knew what was coming, but like the idea is that it's a 50-50 comes together, 5050 comes together. It doesn't all lean on one person, that's right. And it's a bit of a surprise, like you don't actually know what the other person has prepared. Unless you designed the app. Unless you design the app. Forget about it, which is a nice little surprise.
SPEAKER_00That he's willing to come to you too, because yeah, I mean, there's like Ryan's one of the most supportive people in the entire world, like he is like, do whatever. Like when I started my business, like, yeah, go. Like when I went to the podcast, he's like, Yeah, that sounds awesome. Like, you don't shut the fuck up, like this would be great. He's the first person to support everything. So to have a partner like that that would be so invested in this, like he would be like, Yeah, I'll come to the playing field, I'll do my end of the bargain. Yeah, but I can envision some people having that prompt in place would be really important. Yeah, it's not gonna happen organically. There's to sort of be given instructions that are very basic to come together with that fulfillment, some wives would jump their bones. Like that's just that's sexy in itself, even just being involved. Back to mum life. So, this is what I'm trying to ask most mums. What would you say to a mum listening who feels like she's drowning right now?
SPEAKER_02Ask for help even if it's uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_00What's something you think we don't talk about enough in motherhood?
SPEAKER_02I think that uh there's just this expectation of when you enter into motherhood that you're gonna find your mum tribe really easily as well, just because you're all on the same motherhood journey at the same time. But I think the same rules of like friendship and connection apply in this season of life too. Like, yes, it's very overwhelming at the start, and like there's something unique about being in that specific stage of development and learning about becoming a parent with other people, but within that, people's you know, own personal values show up in how they parent as well, and it kind of diverges really early on. Um one thing that that I struggled with was I mean, I've got a big like career and like purpose outside of being a mother that's a part of who and kind of how I am and uh like how I've run my life. Like I became a mum when I was in my my uh early mid-30s, right? So I'd had a career underneath my belt that I didn't want to give up when I became a parent as well. And like I found it really hard to find other professional mums who had space to be a mum friend with somebody else.
SPEAKER_00How are you gonna do that when you're both working full-time and you're trying to fucking juggle the whole life? That's right, yeah, they would get it, they'd be the perfect person to bounce ideas off and like unleash with. That's right. But then physically, logistically, how on earth do you get two professionals together? Yeah, that's so hard. Yeah. What's your this made-me feel human thing again outside of motherhood?
SPEAKER_02First of all, definitely going back to the gym. Like that's like was that a big part of your life pre-babies? It it was. Um, and throughout my first pregnancy, lockdowns happened, so all the gyms shut. Yeah. And then throughout my second pregnancy I had placenta previous, so I got put on not being able to sleep. Yeah. Which was which was a fun time. So both of those I had like a a really chunky time away from the gym before kind of getting back into it. Um, but like I go to a gym where I've like, I'm there for 45 minutes, the class tells me what to do, and like I don't even think when I'm there, and that is like 45 minutes an hour of the day where nobody messages me or calls me, and like stats that's my time. And also I'm relinquishing total control of my mind and my body to something else. So it's it's like this it's quite meditative. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um you don't have the time to think about anything else or think about the grocery list or whatever. You're focusing on your body movement and your breathing, and yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And like my girlfriend Steph said that today about running. She was like, Yeah, I don't I love it, I don't have to think about anything. I'm just focusing on my where's the next step and my breathing. Pretty much, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And like postpartum, the funny thing about the gym is this like everything when it when it gets really hard, I just put in the context of like, this is easier than a contraction. Like you think this hurts?
SPEAKER_00Do you remember when you push a baby out your vagina? Yeah. Correct, correct. Yeah. You thought that burn was you think this burn's bad? Just remember. So funny, yeah. Um finish this sentence. Motherhood is relentless.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Um obviously I'm still in the thick of it with small kids, but there's just like there's always something around the corner lurking that's gonna fuck up my well-intentioned plan. Whether that's a bad drop-off or a sickness or yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, or even you know, a kid teething mid-bang, you know, like that happens. Um, but I I'm very much now like 80-20 mindset, like near enough is good enough.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's good. That's a good way to think about it. It's um yeah, again, lowering those expectations on yourself and the pressure that we put on ourselves.
SPEAKER_02Shooting the the direction if you land somewhere in that realm, like that that's good. Just keep pushing forward. Yeah. No, I think that's fair.
SPEAKER_00Um, okay, rapid fire. Gentle parenting or yelling. Gentle parenting. Snacks or proper meals. Snacks. Uh do you hide your snacks or you're sharing?
SPEAKER_02Uh it depends with the big one. I show her because she can eat all the chocolates that mummy can eat with the little one I can't. Yeah, that's hard. Um, yeah, like we were sitting on the couch yesterday when when the big one was sick, and I was like, here's some jelly beans that I don't usually let you have, and she was like, got her out of her like doldrums of sickness for the city. Here's some of mummy's stash.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, pretty much. I love that. Um, do you wash your hair daily or use dry shampoo? Uh I don't use dry shampoo, I just let it go greasy for like a week. Yep. Um, kids in your bed, yes or no?
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_00No? Firm on that? We like we're a no-to, but because Ryan's been away, the kids love to jump into bed with me. Oh, so on Sunday when he was away last week, or the week before, I can't even remember now, they Ryan left really early Sunday morning. So he woke up Harry for some reason, so at 4 a.m. he jumped into my bed. Then Livy woke up and cracked it because he was in my bed without her. So then Monday, Sunday night, they both slept in my bed. Monday night, they both slept in my bed, and then Tuesday I was like, get the fuck out. I need space. I need my bed back. I want one night of a bed to myself with no daddy, no kids. And they were like, okay. And then when I came home Wednesday, it's like oh, one night of freedom. I just want to starfish and have the whole bed to myself. Like, I don't need to have two little people, and it's not even like that they kick me or anything, they snore so loud. I'm like, I just I want a silence. Silence, please. It's distracting. Yeah. Um, another baby. Oh, absolutely not.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely not. Although I do have some frozen eggs sitting there up in Sydney that I need to decide what to do with.
SPEAKER_01Are you gonna donate them? I don't think so. Okay. Um I don't think so. Would you donate them for research versus?
SPEAKER_02I'd probably donate them for research. I was kind of holding on to them to make sure that all of the people in my close family or close, really close friends that I would consider donating them to have had kids, and I think they've all pretty much had kids now. So um, and we're definitely done it too. I keep joking at Michael, and I'm like, we might hit our 40s, and you might just go, yep, let's let's go for another one. But I mean, yeah, he's uh he's snipped now, and he's very friendly on too.
SPEAKER_00But Ryan has not gone and got the recheck to the point where we got the letter that was like, we will not be contacting you again. This is now on you, mate. Okay, and I'm on depot provera just for like hormonal management, and I'm like, it will happen when we're 40, like it'll happen. Ryan's 37, I'm 32. Like, I'll get hit like 42 and we'll just get pregnant. Like, I'll stop taking, and I'm like, I'll kill you. Because you start shooting out more eggs at that age, right? Like, it's well, I think it's like pre-menopausal, isn't it? Your body almost goes into like overdrive. Yeah, so I'm just gonna stay on my hormonal injections just to be safe. Yeah. Um sorry. What's your favourite swear word? Fuck. Like it's oh yeah, so satisfying. So good, isn't it? Um, I like to end the episodes with you having the opportunity to give a shout-out to a loud mum of the week. So, like a mum in your circle, or your own mum, or someone that you just think deserves a shout out that's doing an incredible job.
SPEAKER_02I've got a shout out to it's a co-shout out to my mum and my mother-in-law. Like they make all of my life possible and what I'm doing possible, and you know, I was super super super close with my Nan when she was around. There was just the most beautiful relationship, and I treasure that. And watching my girls get to have that with both awareness, it's just so special, like they're so present and active in our lives. We see them every week, if not multiple times a week, and like kind of like you're like they're folding clothes and like mopping up the the water in my you know, clearing the moldy pumpkin out of my fridge. Like, see a need, feel a need, like they absolutely both both of them, and like I feel incredibly lucky that not only do I have that with my mum, my mother-in-law. Um, it just like leans in like that as well. It's so nice.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. It's so nice to have great in-laws, yeah.
unknownIt's the best.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you just hear like horror stories right now, it's just like oh I know. Every family has their thing, but I just think it's it's like for me, the kids come first. So for them to have relationships, regardless of what our relationship is, if it ever went sour, it doesn't matter. Like it's it's all about my children having relationships with their grandparents. Um, and I just I love love seeing them have this bond and having them be so evolved. It's just yeah, it's the best. Okay, so to wrap things up, you are doing better than you think if you're listening, and if you yelled today, it's okay because I probably did at some point too. Stay loud, month, and I'll talk to you next week.