The Conversation You Keep Avoiding

Most professionals dance around the real issues at networking events and in operator meetings. They small talk their way to nowhere while the actual business sits unspoken. Here's how to name the tension everyone feels but won't say out loud — and turn awkward moments into real connections that move deals forward.

Transcript

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Welcome to Lead with Confidence. I'm JP Warren. Every episode we take a theme from our Monday morning leadership call and apply it to real life scenarios. So you can build your confidence, crush your imposter syndrome, and step into the leader you actually want to be. Short, real, straight to the point. Let's get into it. Welcome to Lead with Confidence. Thank you for joining. We are starting kind of a new project here where we're taking themes, and then what we're doing with those themes, we're diving into kind of how do you apply them? What frameworks can you utilize to improve your soft skills? Soft skills is another word for power skills. And what are power skills? Well, you better be knowing it because it's 85% of your career success. So this is something I'm passionate about. I've always wondered like I talked to a lot of people that deal with imposter syndrome, delivering presentations that stick, how to network better, how to get past the transactional conversations, crucial, all these leadership things that we need to have that we always avoid, these skill sets, this is what I'm passionate about. So this is what I want to do. I want to drop five to seven minute daily podcasts. So whether you're going on to work, whether you're at the gym, just so you can start strengthening your communication and your connection skills. And today we're talking about how to actually have conversations that are below the transactional conversations, right? How many times, all right, how many times do we actually go to a networking event, right? We're at the networking event, we walk in a room full of strangers, and we either either you kind of latch on to one person and you've kind of you spend the entire time talking to that one person, or you kind of floating around the room. You walk out, you have a stack of business cards, you're excited that you got that, and then what happens? You put that on your desk and it collects dust. Or you reach out to that person, there's really no response or no rapport being built. So it kind of like sizzles out without even starting, right? 87% of network conversations never get past that service level. So let's talk about actually how to move beyond that surface level and have those conversations that either you're avoiding or just to get a little bit deeper with your audience, right? With the person you're trying to connect to. I personally think that we are such a hyper-connected world, yet very disconnected. So these communication skills are so crucial. How to dig below the transactional conversations. And what are transactional conversations, real quick? That's pretty much what you get whenever you go to an industry event. It's like, hey, what can I do for you? What can you do for me in this time? Or you can't, all right, I'll move to the next person. That's very, it's the conversations like, what do you do? Um, hey, can we help your problem? Or are we we have a solution for you? Whatever that is. Those are the transactional conversations. Those don't last beyond the event. What really does last, though, is if you connect on a different level on that bond, on talking about the tension that no one really wants to talk about. A lot of times right now, there's people that keep their head below the radar and not bring up these important topics. Um, I'm not just talking about at networking events, but I'm also talking about in meetings, different settings at the office. Like the way we're avoiding these conversations, um, just to keep our head below the radar for job security or whatever that looks like, or you don't want to kind of you don't want to be the squeaky wheel or something like that. But we need to learn skill sets to have these conversations. So let's kind of talk about how to actually have conversations that move the needle and are deeper than these transactional surface level conversations. All right. So the problem is here, number one, people are afraid to kind of bring up the elephant in the room. All right. They don't want to look like the person that's flagging trouble, or they just kind of want to go with the flow. It's not my place. I'm not gonna bring it up, or or they rely on the boss. Hey, the boss should know about this, so I'm not gonna kind of bring this up and kind of rock the boat a little bit. All right. The second thing is as leaders, sometimes leaders lead by politeness and managing comfort versus managing with accountability and actually bringing up these conversations. Nobody wants to upset anyone. And oftentimes, and this is something that I find myself guilty of, and I'm sure a lot of people out there too, you avoid these conversations because you're so worried about the other person's reaction, whether it's your boss, whether it's a coworker, whether it's um, whether it's your spouse or something like even with your with the children. So I remember talking to my daughter, and they had this like entrepreneurial day at school where they get to either work individual or they get to work with the team. They develop these like like things to sell. And I asked my daughter, hey, you want to work with your best friend? You know, I think that's awesome. You're doing this. Do you want to work with your best friend? She says, no. I asked her, why wouldn't you want to work with her best friend on a project like this? You get creative, you got teamwork. And she said, What if I don't, what if she has an idea that I don't like? That's not that's I said that's not a conflict, that's a conversation. But we're so timid about conflict when in reality it is an opportunity to grow together as a leader, to bring your team up, and actually rise all boats. All right. So one so the frameworks that I like to doing is number one, is you the tension, name, action system. So the tension, we all know this with our spouse potentially, or or a girlfriend or boyfriend, right? You feel that there's tension, you feel that there's distance, you feel that there's that cold shoulder. Even at work, sometimes you feel that from your team, right? Or maybe something new, maybe some like headline hit the news and your whole team feels that tension. Was it a recent layoff? Was there MA? Was there, you know, uh, was there geopolitical stuff that's really gonna impact your business, right? You feel that tension in the air. It's energy, right? And the second thing you do is you have to name it, right? You have to identify that, right? I always use this for my imposter syndrome, which we're gonna dive into uh future episodes, but name it, right? Name that tension, right? Hey, I know we're all still talking about uh uh this, you know, the election going on, right? How is that actually gonna impact our business, right? Start having these conversations. Or um, or you're at a networking event, and let's say, you know, this is one of those things, you feel the room, you feel the tension, there's a lot of MA going on in your industry or something like that, AI synergies and all this stuff. That there's a lot of negativity and pessimism out there. Bring it up, name it. Hey, there's a lot going on with this AI, uh, you know, people being more efficient utilizing AI, how's that affecting you, right? And then the action system, right? Follow with, you know, what's your biggest concern about this? You know, how are you planning to handle this? What's your strategy kind of navigating through this? And there you're off to the races. You're having a much deeper conversation than anyone else in that room. If you can feel the tension, you name the tension, and you just have start having that conversation, the action. What do you can do about this? How are you prepping for to kind of have more job security in this situation? So that way you're having a deeper conversation, you're kind of getting insights on how that person operates, and that just creates a deeper bond. All right. So don't be afraid to kind of like feel the tension, call it out. I host these roundtable events, and I'm I'm not an engineer, but they're all engineers around the table. I'm talking about seasoned professionals at the table. I don't mind bringing up, and I was very timid to do this previously in my career, but I don't mind bringing stuff up that we're all thinking about, that we have all heard about, naming it, and then getting different people's opinion. Whenever I do that, it turns into such a beautiful, in-depth conversation. And you really start understanding where people are concerned about, what people are optimistic about. So again, have the have a deeper conversation, even if something that's affecting you. I find that connection through vulnerability is one of the most powerful things out there. So whatever you're struggling with, share that with someone, right? So I mean, there is uh, so I think, you know, what you can do, we're coming up on uh time. I think we're actually going over on time, but I think what you can, I like giving kind of action items for everyone out there. All right, what you can do, right? So the next time you're in a conversation, that's how you're doing, first off, stay that, you know, what do you do? How are you? Things like that. Those are conversation killers. But the next time you're in a conversation where something's kind of surface level or transaction level, you know, think about this. You know, what's the one thing that, you know, that we're not talking about? What is the one thing that's kind of affecting everyone that we're not talking about? Or what's something about this that we're not talking about, right? Stop using weather, sports, what do you do? Any plans this summer, things like that, and to kind of like those are for me, those are very not thought-out questions. Those aren't very deep questions. Those are those are the questions why people hate small talk. How are you? I'm great. Is that really how you're doing? I mean, you go around the room, everyone else is asking that same question, right? And then the third thing you can do is ask yourself, what would I want to discuss if I only had five minutes with this person? That is a great way to kind of shift that mindset and wait for that right moment, right time to interject. What's the one conversation you want to have with this person, right? So I encourage everyone, everyone out there, whenever you're going to these networking events or whenever you're going to these meetings, or maybe you're at the house and all that stuff, start bringing up these conversations. Get beyond that transactional, challenge yourself. It's comfortable to stick with a how you doing, what do you do for work, who you with, type of conversations, but then again, you're not connecting. And the follow-up will be dramatically lower if you are trying to reach back out to them, if you did meet a target uh audience, customer, whatever that is, after the event. Have better conversations out there. All right. Thank you all for tuning in, and we'll see you tomorrow. That's your framework for the day. Go lead with it. I'm JP Warren. Lead with confidence.