Why "What Do You Do?" Is Killing Your Network Before It Starts

Most professionals walk into a room and immediately kill every conversation with the same three questions — and wonder why nothing sticks. The problem isn't confidence. It's curiosity. In this episode, JP breaks down why small talk matters, what it's actually for, and how one real conversation can change the trajectory of your career or your business. Stop performing. Start connecting.

Transcript

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Welcome to Lee with Confidence. I'm JP Warren. Every episode we take a theme from our Monday morning leadership call and apply it to real life scenarios. So you can build your confidence, crush your imposter syndrome, and step into the leader you actually want to be. Short, real, and straight to the point. Let's get into it. Welcome back to a new Lead with Confidence podcast. I'm your host, JP Warren. If you are joining us today, if you're just discovering these podcasts, these are short five to 10 minute real-world frameworks for you to strengthen your soft skills. And why is it so important to strengthen our soft skills? Because 85% of our career success is based on our soft skills. That's how we communicate, influence, and connect with our audience. And today, this week, we're discussing the thing that a lot of people hate, including myself, which is small talk, which is the transactional small talk that gets you no nowhere. And today we're gonna be diving in on actually how to have better conversations at networking events, for example. All right, how to avoid the questions that just shut down the conversation before it even starts. Okay. Hey, listen, in the next 10 minutes, I'm gonna give you some key frameworks. I'm gonna give you some great advice. I'm gonna give you some great just frameworks on how to enter rooms with a different attitude. In the return, I would love 15 seconds of your time to rank, review, comment, share on the show, and even just shoot a message in on what skills you're looking for to kind of develop in your uh soft skills development. So let's dive into this. The dreaded question is when you walk into a room, you're leading with the same questions that everyone else in that room leads with. And what is that? That's how are you doing, who do you work for, and what do you do? Those are immediately conversation killers because you are resulting, you're defaulting to that automatic mode versus leading in with curiosity. Okay. I used to dislike small talk. I didn't know how to have it. However, the there's so much power and potential that's unlocked. If you just kind of change your approach, even if you just change the first couple questions out of your mouth and actually lead in with more curiosity than kind of the set script that everyone kind of leads in from. All right. So the what do you do question usually stops conversations, all right? You kill the conversation before it even starts. A lot of people, a lot of professionals, they default to that script. They default in that script and think it's of some form of professionalism when in fact it's kind of fear, it's kind of laziness. It's I'm not saying you're lazy out there if you're leading with that. I'm saying it's uh you're leading with uh not laziness, but kind of the uh the no intention to kind of have a deeper conversation than that transactional conversation. But the problem is, if you start approaching these conversations with what do you do? How are you, who do you work for, you're gonna get lumped in with every single conversation that person had in the room. And your goal is not to do that. Your goal is to stand out with confidence, and that's what we're here to do today, okay? And again, I I misspoke early. It's not laziness, it's it's professionalism wrapped up in a safety nut, a safety bubble, and that keeps you in your lane. I'm saying get out of your lane, connect with people on a deeper level and have just better conversations because the whole point of networking events is to connect with that one person, to establish that bridge, establish that rapport to further the conversation. It's not to get the deal done at that networking event. It's not to pitch and close a deal at that networking event or anything like that. It's understanding this person, understanding some common bonds, some common grounds, or maybe stuff they're challenged with, and actually moving the conversation forward after the networking event has concluded. All right. So whenever you are leading with this question of what do you do, and think about this put yourself in that shoe. When someone comes to you and says, what do you do? Who do you work for? Those three conversation killers, you automatically default into pitch mode or you go in automatic mode. Do good, I work here, um, whatever, right? We always result, we always default into that kind of automatic mode. Once you start kind of changing your introduction, once you actually start leading with more curiosity and having those conversations a little bit better, it's just gonna be a lot more fruitful for you, but also the person. You're gonna be standing out because you're gonna be asking those different questions and actually connecting on that deeper level. So let's dive into the frameworks that are gonna actually help you in the situation. I actually encourage you, next time you do go to a networking event, start observing, start seeing the conversations that don't go any deeper than the how are you doing, what do you do? And next thing you know, just people are just listing off, having like, how's the weather conversation? So let's talk about actually how to dive in deeper than that, okay? The first thing I want you to do is ditch the script. Ditch leading with those three questions. Put those in your back pocket for the next 30 days and just walk in that room, being curious, and have a couple questions in your back pocket where you can actually open up the conversation a little bit better. All right. Um, you know, one thing I do whenever it's a, let's say it's a networking event, okay? Or let's say it's an industry lunch, or let's say whatever it is, is there a speaker, right? Have you seen that speaker before? Has this person seen that speaker before? Ask them about their experience. Hey, is this the first time you've attended an event like this? You know, what's your feedback on this? Or hey, did you come to the last one? You know, what really stuck with you on the last conversation? Do you know anything about this, you know, speaker? Have you seen them before? Uh, what are you trying to get out of this? So, pretty much leading with kind of like the event, like, why are you here? Like, have you seen the speaker before? And just start kind of going down those avenues, those channels of conversation. You might uncover something that no one else in that room has uncovered just by asking these questions. Okay. The second thing I want you to do is find the thread, find that common ground where both of y'all can connect on. So, one thing that I like to do, one game that I like to do is, hey, listen, I I live in Houston, right? So I'll go down to downtown Houston, I'll go to a lunch and I'll be sitting there. But what I'll do, I won't ask, how are you doing or what do you do or anything like that? I'll say, you know, how'd you get here? Well, I drove by car. Oh, yeah. Okay. So do you have to do any traffic? Yeah, I did. Sure, I dealt with traffic. We always deal with traffic. Okay, what do you do in your car when you're stuck in traffic? Are you a podcast person? You a music, you an audible book. What do you what do you like doing? From that conversation, I can understand what they like getting into. So they might listen to a podcast that I might listen to or a similar podcast, you know, that I may be able to share with them after the event. Again, all that does is continue the conversation, right? I'm not coming across that I'm very transactional. I'm not coming across like, what can you do for me? What can I do for you? You're coming across with curiosity. So if I understand that you like this certain type of podcast, I can actually send you additional podcasts or just kind of comment on that one podcast you listen to, saying, hey, I listened to that one that you recommended. Unbelievable show. Really had me thinking about X, Y, and Z. What are your thoughts? Again, continuing that conversation, okay? Another thing that I encourage you to do is just be curious. Whenever you're approaching someone and you are having these conversations, treat it like a book report. Treat it like the subject you're talking to. You're the most curious person about this. You're the most curious person about this person you're talking to. So, what do they listen to in their car? Have they been here before? All that, you know, you're diving in on what they get into. You're diving in on what they do in their free time. So lead with curiosity. Don't be transactional, okay? And also, another thing is a lot of people are like, well, you know, small talk's brutal. I don't know, you know, when to stop it. I don't know the end goal of small talk. Not every small talk conversation you have needs to go somewhere. Not every small talk or, you know, small, you know, casual conversation you have needs to result in exchange of contact information, a business card, a meeting. Sometimes you're just doing it to number one, you could be brightening up someone's day. Number two, you don't know what this other person's going through. But number three, you're practicing your skills to ask questions. You are at practicing your skills for those awkward small talk conversations so you just get better. So practice this in the grocery market. Practice this at a coffee shop, practice this when you're in line at the bank. Wherever you at wherever you is, wherever you are, start practicing these small questions. Be curious about people. I often find, like, for example, I went to a passport agency uh yesterday, and you know, look on the wall. I see, you know, two kids graduating college, and we got in a conversation about that. That lasted far beyond the conversation we about about had about the passport. But the end goal was I knew more about this person on, you know, his on how he feels about his children's career paths, where they are, how proud he is, what he did, how his children inspired him. So I had much more of a better connection with that person. And actually, they gave me some great insight on actually the avenues and pathway to get a passport a lot easier than what I initially had before I walked in that office. Because again, we're rushing the passport, all that fun stuff. So again, practice your small talk. I mean, again, you can be make a new connection, you can make a new friend, you can learn something about someone that might improve your lives or their life. Okay. So not every small talk needs a goal, okay? It can be left unfinished. So start practicing wherever you are, right? And just be curious. You might, you might brighten someone's day and really lead to a lasting impact with them, okay? So now, the next time you walk into a room, whether it's an event, whether it's a networking event, or it's a job site, pick one person, pick the obvious thing, start thinking about how you're gonna connect on that. Get your questions ready before you walk in that room, okay? Is there some headlines that hit the news at part of your industry? What does this person think about that? Is there something that everybody's talking about around all these industries, but no one's really kind of asking the hard question, the elephant in the room? Bring that up, okay? Another thing is we talked about this before, put that what do you do question in your back pocket for the next 30 days. I challenge you to not even default to that. Just try new stuff out, okay? You're gonna start trying new stuff out, it's gonna feel uncomfortable, but the more you do it, you're just gonna gain your confidence by living in that zone of uncomfortableness, okay? Ask yourself this week, when was the last time you left a conversation genuinely knowing something about that person, right? Ver, you know, not just what they do, how they're doing, or where they work. Is there something more that you know on the personal side of that person, right? Okay. So again, I want you to have just one conversation, just one this week at some event, at something, whether it's in the line of grocery store, whether it's at an event, I don't care where it's at, but don't ask, how are you doing? What do you do? Lead with curiosity and just start practicing your small talk skills. That's all we have on this Lead with Confidence uh episode. And we'll be covering this throughout this week. So if you're enjoying this, please share. And if you think that someone could actually use this, share it with them and tag them, tag us, tag me. And uh, we appreciate this. You can find us on you know Instagram at lead with confidence, TikTok, uh JP Warren, all that fun stuff. So thank you for tuning in. And I want you to sharpen your soft skills. That's your framework for the day. Go lead with it. I'm JP Warren, lead with confidence.