The Book Report Method — How to Make Anyone Feel Like the Most Interesting Person in the Room

The best conversationalists aren't the ones with the best stories — they're the ones who make you feel like yours matter. JP breaks down the Book Report Method: a simple mindset shift that turns small talk from awkward filler into genuine connection. Active listening isn't passive. It's a skill. And it's the one your competitors aren't using.

Transcript

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Welcome to Lead with Confidence. I'm JP Warren. Every episode we take a theme from our Monday morning leadership call and apply it to real life scenarios. So you can build your confidence, crush your imposter syndrome, and step into the leader you actually want to be. Short, real, straight to the point. Let's get into it. Welcome back to Lead with Confidence with your host, JP Warren. And this week we are talking about the importance and the power and how to actually have these small talk conversations that everyone hates, right? We all default, we covered this yesterday. We all default to the how do you do, what do you do type of default mode because we're just being safe. Today we're going to be talking about actually how to turn your next networking event or your next conversation into a book report, kind of frameworks. So in a book report where you can stay engaged, involved, and have a deeper conversation than you would have had originally. Hey, if I'm giving you these 10 minutes of soft skills daily development, I'm asking for 15 seconds for you to go over to wherever you're listening to this, review, comment, share, chime in if there's any soft skills in that area that you need help developing in, chime it in because I love getting ideas from people, you out there listening in. Thank you for tuning in. It's cool seeing we got people tuning in from all over the globe to this. So I love seeing how this is kind of helping people make a difference. So thank you. Let's dive into today's concept. How many times do we feel that whenever we're in a conversation? And again, this might be something that we don't even know that we're doing, but I know that I'm doing because I've reflected on this. I'm guilty of this, but we are constantly trying to uh think about what we have to say to match this person's story, or what do we have to say to maybe one up the story? We all know that one upper, right? But we often do that without even knowing that we're that one upper. If someone shares something, we have to match that story. If someone shares uh an experience or something like that, we have to come come, you know, meet that and compete with that just by using. So we're always constantly thinking about what we have to say and all that stuff. And that does not allow this conversation to get any deeper. So today we're gonna be talking about the book report assignment, the book report approach to your next networking event, to the next person you're talking to, and actually how to have stickier conversations. And that is the whole point. I want you to have, I want you to be more confident in these conversations you're having at networking events. Okay. So again, you are not bad at small talk. Everyone has the ability to do small talk, but you're probably focused on what you're gonna say next or you're thinking about what do I say after this person's done with a statement. And number one, that is a very normal thing to have. But also what that does, that puts you in a situation where you're not connecting with this person because you're not active listening, right? We're gonna get an active listening at a future episode. But again, active listening is such a key component to have effective communication and conversations, all right? So most people, we always listen to respond. We're always thinking we're always having a conversation and think about how to respond. I can think about this with my wife and I, I could think about this whenever I'm kind of uh before in my career when I was leading these roundtable discussions. I hated silence. So I was always thinking, okay, what's the next story I need to say to keep this conversation going? All right. And again, I'm we're all thinking about what's what's driving our own uh our own little buses. All right. Again, it comes to um, you know, this whenever silence hits, it's we're we sit with that and we're uncomfortable with that. So we feel that we have to feel that silence. And sometimes we just start talking because we often hate silence. I personally think whether you're giving a presentation, whether you're giving a pitch, you know, I'll but I'll, you know, we're gonna get into that later. Uh I don't think we do need to be pitching, but whether you're giving a presentation, whether you're giving a pitch, whether you're networking, whether you are just having a conversation, there is so much power in silence. Whether you're trying to hit a point, whether you want this other person to fill in some more information, it doesn't matter. But the power of silence is so crucial when we're having any kind of conversation. All right. And what happens is whenever you start kind of matching stories, whenever you start this, the other person feels it. Whether they can put their finger in it or not, they feel it and they just feel that it's not a genuine conversation. So let's talk about actually how to approach these conversations, be lead with curiosity, right? And have just deeper conversations that impact you and also the people that you're actually dealing with. All right. So number one, you have to be intentional. All right. I think having intentionality in this day and age is so crucial. So before you actually walk in that room, set your intention. You're gonna uncover three things that you didn't know about this one person you're gonna talk to. Every person you talk to in this networking event, I'm gonna learn three personal things about each person in this room. So give yourself the assignment. Set your goals, set your expectations before you actually even walk in that room. Okay. The second thing I want you to do is whenever you're in a conversation, something called doors pop up. These are natural entrances to further the conversation. These are natural entrances to get the conversation going a little bit more. So start recognizing the doors. And usually the doors stem from a feeling, an experience, a statement, something that kind of like pops up that you can actually dive in a little bit more with just asking a couple of questions about that one thing. So whether someone says, Yeah, you know, I just moved from, you know, Chicago, uh, which I was up there a long time, down to Houston, uh, you know, last week or whatever it is, right? That is a great opportunity to say, you know, how was that move for you? What brought you down here, right? Um, did you like them to Chicago? What's your experience in here? Like, you can go through so many different channels and avenues and conversations just by looking for the doors and just put yourself in their shoes. What would it be like for you if you moved from Chicago down to Houston? What would it be like for you if you were up there and your family's up there and you, you know, whatever down here, right? So having looking out for these doors and understanding when these doors pop up and just start getting curious about what's behind this door. You know, what's what's that experience like for this person I'm talking to when they actually had to move, job position, promotion, it doesn't matter. Look for the doors and start knocking on those doors to dive in a little bit more to get some more depth to your conversations, okay? Another thing is reflect before you respond. That is again ties in what we're talking about before. Appreciate the silence. I've noticed that, you know, a lot of times, you know, we're when we're talking, like let's say you are listening to this and you do want to strengthen your skills, chances are you might be an introvert or that's kind of flexing your extrovertness a little bit, right? You might be an extrovert that just, you know, you're too extrovert. You got to think about an introvert. So think about this. Whenever you are talking to someone and there's silence, people don't like silence. So either you can feel that silence by just kind of like flapping your gums, or you just allow that silence for maybe that other person might have other stuff to chime in, or they can provide. I often use silence whenever one of my trainings, I'm teaching sales teams. Appreciate silence when you're asking a question because sometimes there might be silence and they might want to fill in some more information. So you actually might be covering uncovering a lot of the root of the problems that they're dealing with versus just that surface thing that they're telling everyone. Okay. So allow for that silence. And also, that silence allows you to kind of reflect on what they said. Well, was it tough for them to move to Chicago to Houston? You know, they have family up there, they have a newborn. Man, I remember when I had a newborn, I didn't have any support. What did that look like for me? Maybe you start sharing that common bond, the common experiences to create that deeper, more solid connection. Okay. And then another, the last thing that you can do is ask that second question. Oh, they say, hey, it's difficult for me to move here to here. They say this, this. It is extremely like have have that second question. Like, what made it difficult? What's been the biggest challenge? What have you appreciated about the move, right? So having that second question, the curiosity question, right? So don't just ask that one question, think, okay, well, they answered that question. I'm gonna keep going about this conversation and filling in the silence and just staying surface level. Go down that road. Ask those questions a little bit more, go a little bit deeper. So once you and again, this is one of those things like when you start this process, when you start kind of like learning the book report method and actually applying it, it's gonna feel weird. It's gonna feel uncomfortable. But the more, again, soft skills is a skill set. It can be learned, practiced, and mastered. So the more you're actually asking these second questions, the more you're looking for the door, the more you lead with curiosity and allow silence, you're just gonna get better at your networking game. You're gonna get better at your small talk. And again, here's the thing. I often I often teach teach this. Whenever you are talking to someone, and I remember when I first started my career, I'd feel I've felt like I constantly had to feel the silence in the room. I constantly had to say something. I had to feel the silence. However, once I actually slowed down in a loud space, my battery is more charged. I wasn't walking out of that network and events feeling drained. I got more information about what everyone else has experienced over myself. I know what I experienced. I really don't like, I don't need to share that, right? I just need, I want to learn from about other people, right? Once I actually started shifting my approach in loud silence and just started asking questions, what that does, whenever you start asking questions about somebody on themselves, it releases dopamine on people, dopamine in their mind. People like talking about themselves. So the more questions you ask, the more you lead with curiosity. People are gonna walk away from that conversation when you think, wow, I really like that conversation. I don't know why, but I enjoy talking to JP. I don't, I don't know why. Well, chances are they probably talk for 90% of the time, but they're talking about themselves and it's releasing dopamine. And also, I'm learning a lot more about that person. So again, be curious, look for the doors, allow for pause, and again, ask those deeper second layer questions. All right. Good luck out there, everyone. Start practicing your small talk, your skills, start approaching this as a book report, lean in with curiosity, and at the end of the day, have fun with it. If you're not having fun with it, it's gonna come across very stale. Just have fun with it. It's a conversation with someone, and who knows, you might make a friend out of it. So thanks for tuning in. And if you are enjoying this, share this, tag it, like, all that fun stuff. I just that keeps me inspired. That keeps me motivated to do this. I just appreciate everyone out there that are that are spending time to level up your skills for your success. So we'll see you soon on the next Lead with Confidence. That's your framework for the day. Go lead with it. I'm JP Warren, lead with confidence.