Small Talk Has No Goal — That's Exactly Why It Works

The moment you walk into a conversation trying to get something out of it, you've already lost. JP breaks down the counterintuitive truth about small talk — the less agenda you bring, the more doors open. This episode is for anyone who's been burned by transactional networking and wonders why nothing ever sticks. There's a better way, and it starts with letting go of the outcome.

Transcript

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Welcome to Lee with Confidence. I'm JP Warren. Every episode we take a theme from our Monday morning leadership call and apply it to real life scenarios. So you can build your confidence, crush your imposter syndrome, and step into the leader you actually want to be. Short, real, straight to the point. Let's get into it. Welcome back to Lead with Confidence. I'm your host, JP Warren. This week we are covering this series, this week, Call What You Want. What I do, I take a subject, something that a lot of people face, and I break that apart in about five or six different episodes. And they all kind of blend into each other, but they all serve one purpose to help you show up and strengthen your soft skills. Why? Because soft skills are 85% of our career success. It's how we communicate, influence, connect with our target audience. And this week we are talking about small talk, the importance of small talk and what's it all about, right? And if these are 10 minutes or less of, I think, quality information to help you actually show up with more intention and more confidence. And in the meantime, I'm gonna give you 10 minutes of this uh record this podcast. And if you take 15 seconds just to kind of go over, leave a review, comment, share, share it with someone that may be kind of struggling with these skill sets, that just kind of helps motivate me. I love kind of going in, checking the downloads, checking the stats on where people are tuning in from. And I'm again, I'm not looking for this to go viral. I want this to be impactful. So at the end of the day, if you are finding this valuable, please share it with someone that may need it. All right, let's dive into this. Today we're talking about your small talk, doesn't have to have a goal. Okay. A lot of times people think I hate small talk because I don't know where to go with it. I don't know what to do with it. Um, I hate silence. I hate just starting these small conversations. But at the end of the day, your small talk doesn't have to have a goal. And also your small talk should be different. It should be lively, it should be timely. So let's dive into actually how to actually have this conversation so people don't disconnect from you before you can actually get the conversation going. So let's let's let's let's let's take a dive into kind of let's think about the last time we walked to a networking event, right? And usually the instructions at a networking event or the overall theme at networking events is like go in there and work the room, right? And in our minds, it's like, okay, well, I got to go up and shake so many people's hands, I gotta get so many business cards, I gotta, you know, do some deals at this room. However, you approach the room that way, you approach a very transactional mindset. Number one, you're gonna disconnect your the person you're talking to before you even get a conversation. And I think about this. When was the last time you were in a networking event and you felt that someone was talking to you, but they were scanning the room looking for the better option, looking for someone that they're really wanting to talk to, they get in front of, right? Regardless if that is the case and they do need to talk to that one person and we're having a good conversation, or even it's not a good conversation, I feel turned off to that person. And I remember that feeling that I have whenever we are talking and they're scanning the room, looking for the better deal, looking for the better conversation. And that sticks with me. Okay. So if you are in that position where you are scanning the room, you're looking for that target you're trying to get in front of and all that stuff, how you engage with that person you're currently in the conversation with, again, that sticks with you. And at the end of the day, it's our reputations that matter. So, you know, we are, you know, high performers that go to these networking events. You're very goal-oriented. You want to go to these events to actually connect with people and actually get these transactions, get the deals going, get the deal flow going. Hey, I met so many leads at this networking event or this lunch and all that stuff. And I did a great job working the room, right? You may you may see a lot of people, but how many people are you actually really connecting with? Again, your goal is to further the conversation after the networking event, not to close the deal at the networking event, because let's be honest, that never really happens, but it's to further the conversation at a networking event. And if you're rushing the conversation, if you're looking for someone better to talk to, if you're really not engaged in legal and curiosity, you are cutting off any way, any bridge, any rapport foundation before it actually even starts. Okay. Again, you're telling your team that, hey, you got to work the room, you got to work the room, but what does that actually mean? I would rather walk away with two solid leads from a networking event than a stack of 20 cards that may be leads, may not be leads. Because chances are, if I'm not, if I'm not connecting on a genuine level with those 20, they're probably not gonna respond to me after I follow up with them. So again, getting quality versus quantity is so important whenever you are having these small talk conversations, whenever you are quote, working the room. All right. So what happens? You work the room, you have these surface level conversations, you're you're you're you're trying to get as many business cards as you can. You walk out there with a shallow network. You walk out there without actually creating any impact or connections with people around you, right? So actually, here is some frameworks that we can actually walk into networking events where we actually make the other person feel special. We're having different conversations that we've had previously, and we're having different conversations than everyone else in that room is having. And that makes you stand out and that makes you memorable, and that makes having that further conversation after the event's done a lot more attainable. All right. So, number one, I want you to walk in that room and literally drop the outcome. Drop the outcome of working the room, drop the outcome of I better meet 20 people that can really drive my business. Really, your goal should not be that outcome. Your goal should really be I'm gonna learn three personal things about each person I talk to. Okay. I'm gonna be curious and find out three personal things about every person I walk up to in this room versus trying to get 20 business cards. Okay, even if that's four conversations you're having versus 30 conversations, that's gonna be much more fruitful towards you. All right. The second thing that you can do, that's a very easy uplift, is name the elephant. All right. Elephant. Elephant. Every industry right now is facing its own challenges. All right. I don't care if it's supply chain issues, I don't care if it's uh prices and and uh whatever inventory, I don't care if it's AI synergies happening. I don't, there are key headlines hitting the industry that people talk about at these big conferences, but on a personal level, they don't. Name the elephant. Start talking about, hey, listen, you know, uh AI is kind of like they just took over, you know, 20% of this uh competitor's job and all that stuff. Like, how are is this a good time for this conference to have? Or do you see that happening at your company? How are you safeguarding yourself from the AI takeover or anything like that, right? So name the elephant in the room. Name the elephant, which is the common people that the common challenge that keeps people up at night, okay? And the third thing that you can do is make it the moment. I often find that once you talk about the moment, right? It gets a lot easier to have that conversation because you're in the moment with this person. So let's take this at a lunch, okay? You have a speaker at a lunch. It's easy to lean over and say, hey, have you ever heard about this speaker before? Or have you seen the speaker before? What did you get out of his last uh thing? Or like, what are you trying to get out of uh the conversation today? I'm just kind of curious as this might be my first time here, or I haven't heard about this person, or I just saw them quickly on LinkedIn, and I'm very kind of like, I want to know what they're about. So maybe find out what they're there for, right? What they're trying to get out of the conversation. And I just think that allows for much more of a fruitful conversation with you and your target audience. Okay. So again, the next time that you go out to an event, all right, set your goals differently. You're not there to work the room, you're not there to collect a stack of cards because we all know this feeling. We get a stack of cards, we go home, we put it on our desk, we may email a couple. Most likely they will start collecting dust. Change the outcome before you walk in that room. I'm gonna connect with three people, four people. I'm gonna find out some personal information. Again, I'm not talking about gossip. I'm gonna find out some personal information on how they spend their time when they're not working. I'm gonna find out some personal information on what they do uh to keep themselves healthy and stress-free. I'm gonna get some personal information on how they're preparing or what AI tools and systems that they're actually playing with to help their own personal or professional lives. Okay. Stop trying to go in there to get a stack of cards or to work the room, or better yet, stop going in there to share your stories, to share your side. Your goal is to connect with other people. The great way to do that is to find more information about them. I have learned this recently in my career. I thought it was working the room. I thought it was getting the business cards. I was uncomfortable with silence. I kept everything like talking, talking, talking, no space for them to chime in. Once I started shifting this, my battery was much more charged up and I got a lot more beneficial connections from that event. And again, you further the conversations after the event. Okay. Um so again, ask yourself: are you networking to collect context? Are you actually networking to meet people and connect with people? Lead with curiosity, get out there, start having better conversations, change your intentions, change your outcomes, start having fun with your small talk. I often, I often challenge myself with this. If I go out to a grocery store, if I go out to grab a cup of coffee, what kind of small talk can I have with people around me? And again, there's no goal to it. Again, there's no a lot of people think, well, uh, small talk has to be three minutes or more, or it has to encompass this much of quality subjects that we talk about. Disagree. Small talk is literally small talk. It doesn't have to have an outcome. It really is just kind of having a different conversation than who are you, how are you doing, and um, you know, where do you work? It's just having a different conversation. So there's no goal to a small talk. Practice your small talk next time you're in line at the grocery store, next time you're at a coffee shop. Find out what this person does, maybe they're serving you, what they like to do, do they like it busy, do they like it slow, where they're doing their time off? Is this their is this their only job? Do they do something else? Is there another passion that they have outside of their job that they might get into? And again, once you start talking about people's passions or what people do in their time off, you can connect a lot better on that level. So thank you for tuning in on uh lead with confidence again. If you are struggling with some soft skills development or anything like that, and then you kind of want some guidance, frameworks, and confidence behind, leave that in the comments, send the mail, do all that fun. So if you can find us on Instagram, you can find us on TikTok. TikTok's JP. Instagram is Lead with Confidence, and I am done doing the plugs. But thank you for tuning in and get out there and start leading with confidence. That's your framework for the day. Go lead with it. I'm JP Warren, lead with confidence.