Limiting Beliefs — "The Story You're Not"

What if the thing holding you back isn't a skill gap — it's a story you've been telling yourself? I'm working with a founder right now who says he's "not ready." Sound familiar? In today's episode, I break down why so many leaders — from students to executives — get stuck listening to the story of who they're NOT.

In this episode: → Why "not ready" is usually a story, not a fact → A simple framework to identify who you actually are (no corporate jargon required) → How to start rewriting the narrative this week

Want to go deeper on leadership and identity with a group of men doing the same work? Join Exec Crüe: skool.com/execcrue

#LeadWithConfidence #LimitingBeliefs #Leadership #Identity #Founders

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Lee with Confidence. I'm JP Warren. Every episode we take a theme from our Monday morning leadership call and apply it to real life scenarios. So you can build your confidence, crush your imposter syndrome, and step into the leader you actually want to be. Short, real, straight to the point. Let's get into it. Welcome back to Lead with Confidence with your host, JP Warren. Today we're going to be diving into something that's kind of resurfacing with a lot of people that I'm working with, whether it's students or even executives and founders of successful companies. These are the limiting beliefs that are holding ourselves back. They're the stories that we told ourselves over the past couple of years that we just kind of were anchored to and were unable to see ourselves kind of for true potential. Now, let me kind of back into this a little bit more. So whether it's students thinking that they're not the right person for the uh internship or the job or even executives, I mean, I host a uh a community of over a hundred men that have all come to the table to share these vulnerabilities of not feeling adequate enough to lead a team, to kind of be in this room with all these executives, you know, their peers and all that stuff. So a lot of people have these limited beliefs that actually hold ourselves back. And today we're actually talking about how to actually navigate through those belief systems and actually change it and actually identify your real worth, who you really are, and not the stories that we tell ourselves. And this is something that, you know, I found it fascinating a couple of years ago, before I launched the Exec crew, and that's that men's group that I host. I'm kind of up there. I have a lot of imposter center, a lot of limiting beliefs. Like, who am I to kind of like gather these founders and these leaders of these companies in this room to kind of sh talk about leadership development, right? And next thing I know, I kind of started bringing that up that, like, hey, listen, I kind of feel like a poser here. I kind of feel like I'm not the one to be leading or even kind of bringing all together. And it was so interesting. Around that room, around the table, people started chiming in and sharing, sharing their stories about kind of their imposter syndrome, how they don't feel adequate. I'm thinking to myself, listen, if all these cats have these feelings, then certainly I'm in the right company because I have these too. So I kind of did a deep dive on kind of imposter syndrome and how we face that and all that stuff. And in reality, is eight out of 10 people, eight out of 10 people, right, experience imposter syndrome. That's the stories we tell ourselves, saying that, you know, where we're at in our jobs, where we're at in our lives, where we're at in our roles is not based on our talents, not based on our achievements. It's really kind of uh it's dumb luck, right? It's it's luck, and pretty soon people are gonna find out that you're not the person that knows uh what they're talking about or you shouldn't be at the table, right? But again, those are the fears that we're just telling ourselves. So I want to talk today about kind of how identifying your true stories and kind of like what the other people think of you versus just yourself, because we have what, 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day? 80% of those are negative, and a lot of them are repeating stories we're telling ourselves. And as someone that kind of stands there and actually earns a living off of working with students, executives, teams, and groups, um, I have this constantly. I don't care if I've done uh speaking in front of students a hundred times, I still get nervous thinking, who am I to share with you uh my experience? Who am I to kind of teach you on communication when I still use fillow words? I still kind of ramble, I still kind of uh go off, you know, what I'm doing right now. I kind of ramble through my words. But the thing is though, I know I have a message to deliver, and that is my foundation. So let's kind of talk about um the stories that we're telling ourselves. And and it's so interesting. You know, I'm working with one uh client right now who's a very successful uh entrepreneurial tech company, um, all this stuff. And, you know, we're working on him when it comes to like communication skills and all this. And he's saying, and he keeps on repeating, like, I'm not this right, I'm not the guy, I'm not this guy, I'm not the right person for the role. And I disagree. I wanna I want to pause him and say, listen, showcase who you really are because you are this person, right? You built a company. So we start listing the act uh the uh achievements. We start kind of listing kind of um where he's gone uh in his career, what he's brought it up to, and that starts shaping a very different story internally. So, how do you get your story not with limiting beliefs, the stories we tell ourselves, and kind of, and I this is something I face, whether I'm teaching students, or honestly, another side of my business, I host these exclusive networking events, and a lot of them are executives and VPs and managers and directors and all that stuff. And I'm sitting around the table thinking, who am I to be at this table kind of facilitating this conversation? I'm not the engineer, I don't have the operational knowledge, but at the same time, I've done over 165 of these events, and I still had these feelings before I even step in the room. So it's very normal. And if you have these feelings, whether it's a presentation, whether it's a meeting, whether it's a a pitch or whatever that is, you are normal. All right. So that's that's a good sign. So let's kind of give some frameworks on kind of how to actually how to navigate this. So the first thing I want to ask you is this is something that is a fun exercise, I think. Um now here's the deal, you gotta be a little bit vulnerable, but if you are surrounding yourself with the right circles, the right people, then you will get some honest feedback uh back. So the first question that you can ask it yourself is why do people approach you? What do people come to you for? Kind of unprompted. Like you're not asking, you know, open door policy or anything like that. Why do people show up in your office? Is it usually over the same subject, theme, how you lead, how you tackle a project, um, how you see things differently than maybe the rest of your team? Start kind of reflecting back on why people enter your office or why people reach out to you unprompted, what they need your feedback, what they need your advice, what they need your guidance for, okay? And start kind of like listing that down, right? Some themes will start popping up. All right. The second thing I want you to ask yourself is what's the moment you feel most like yourself? Is it at work? Is it outside of it? When do you feel kind of in the flow of things when you just start kind of like detaching from the energy? I'm not the energy, when you start detaching from the effort, and really that energy kind of carries you through what parts of your day? Some people that may be data entry, some people that may be really like creating content, some people that may be um really leading a team or sitting down with a member of your team when actually they're going through some uh personal stuff. So, what really kind of like do you feel like yourself uh the most about, right? When it's not all these, you know, pressures and you know, efforts and pulled everywhere, okay? And then the third thing I want you to ask yourself is what do you do that doesn't feel like work even when it's hard? Okay. So I mean, just think about this. Think about your role, think about this. When do you actually kind of enter that flow moment, right? That flow moment is when you just kind of get lost in time. You start really diving in your work, you're really enjoying what you're doing. And next thing you look up, and two hours have passed. Where is that with you? I mean, for me, I would love to say it's podcasts. I would love to say it's the content I'm putting out there to help people, but I still get held back. I before I even recorded this, I probably did about 20 different, so about 20 minutes, about five different things that really could that were really kind of like self-sabotaging, right? I was being distracted. I purposely did things besides getting behind the computer. Sometimes we got to pep ourselves up. So when are we in our flow? I find myself in the flow when I'm in front of a group. Whenever I really dive in and start working with the team or working with students or working with executives on certain challenges, the next thing, you know, that two-hour session is now three, three to four-hour session. And I may be drained after, but I am so charged up in the middle of that. So when do you find your flow during your workday? Okay. And so ask three people you know well, what's one word you'd use for me? How would you describe me in one word? You start hearing that, you're gonna start listening to patterns. And honestly, some of the stuff might be very uh against what you actually believe about yourself, you know? So ask other people around you because sometimes we have blinders up with our how people see us or how people lean in on us or how people kind of view us as a leader or as an individual. Okay. So my question for you is what limiting beliefs do you personally battle or have battled? Okay. Maybe that's I'm not smart enough uh to get this, uh, to get this grade, or maybe it's like uh I'm not qualified to get this job. And then once you do get that job, then next thing you know, you still have those, well, I'm not qualified, better overprove myself, right? You start kind of like over uh compensating for that limiting belief that you have, right? But if you got the job, that means you're qualified for that job. So what limiting beliefs do you actually have today? Okay. Um it could be maybe before a meeting you have coming up today, it could be for a potential project, uh, maybe a new uh pitch that you have or a new uh vision that you have for your company, okay? So what limiting beliefs that did you are actually battling, right? Catch those limiting beliefs, identify those limited beliefs. That is the first step in actually combating our belief system. And what is a belief system? That is the stuff that obviously has been told us through over time. That's what we believe without any evidence. And literally, that's kind of where you're at right now with these limiting beliefs. You're probably in rooms you do belong in that you are leading, and I guarantee you other people are looking at you thinking, man, how's this person in this room? I have no reason to be around the table that this person is. So people are experiencing very similar things that you're going through. Okay. The second thing is how do you tell the difference between humility and self-doubt? Okay. Think about that. How are we actually judging between the self-doubt that we have, that, man, I can't do this, I'm not the right person for the role, um, I'm not, I'm not that cat, versus humility thinking I did do this and maybe I am the right person, but I'm gonna keep my head down, get my ego out of the way, and keep driving forward. Okay. So my weekly challenge to you to wrap this up is write down the story you've been telling yourself about who you are not. All right. Then write the opposite, okay? Write that on paper, start looking at that, and just kind of just read that, okay? Test it for a week. Test the stories you're telling yourself, and then test the opposite side of that other coin right there, and actually lean into on who you the the story, lean in to kind of the opposite of the stories that you're telling that you aren't. So good luck out there, get out there, challenge your limiting beliefs, and step up because you know what? Eight out of 10 people experience imposter syndrome, eight out of 10 people don't feel that the right person for the right role, or eight out of 10 people feel that I'm the dumbest person around this table. I feel that a lot. So step into that, lean into that, and combat your story with actual conversations, evidence to combat the limiting beliefs that you have. So thanks for tuning in to Lead with Confidence in your host, JP Warren, and we'll see you next time. That's your framework for the day. Go lead with it. I'm JP Warren, lead with confidence.