Self Trust

We often think self-trust appears after we've made all the right decisions. But what if it grows in a completely different way? In this episode, we explore how trust is built, one small promise at a time, and why the relationship you have with yourself may not be so different from the relationships you have with everyone else.

If today's conversation stayed with you, you'll find more reflections, resources and ways to continue the conversation at lisawestgate.com/exhale I'd love to see you there.

Music credit: Trolldans - Ström

Transcript

Copy

Speaker 0:00

Last time, we explored the quiet process of remembering yourself. We spoke about those small signals that begin to emerge when we slow down long enough to hear them. But perhaps recognizing those signals is only half the journey. The next question is: can I trust them? Because hearing yourself and believing yourself aren't always the same thing. Before we get into it, let's breathe in and out. Welcome to exhale. Nobody wakes up one morning and decides not to trust themselves. It's gradually eroded. It's a piece-by-piece process. Every time we override ourselves, every time we seek permission, every time we prioritize someone else's judgment, every time we suppress what we know to keep a sense of belonging. Every time we do these things, we adapt, we outsource, we do what we need to do from a place of acceptance or inclusion. We're chipping away at that self-trust. Self-trust isn't confidence. Confidence says, I think this will work. Self-trust says, even if it doesn't, I won't abandon myself. Just notice how that feels. Confidence is connected to and depends on outcomes. Self-trust depends on relationship. Mostly your relationship to yourself. So how do we build trust? Well, we build trust with everyone else through evidence. So why would it be different with ourselves? Imagine someone asked you whether you trusted a close friend. You wouldn't answer yes because they once said something inspiring. You'd think about evidence. They showed up, they kept their word, they apologized when necessary, they were honest, they were consistent. That's why you trust them. Why would your relationship with yourself work any differently? If you constantly or consistently ignore yourself, dismiss yourself, override yourself, second guess yourself, break promises to yourself, your relationship with yourself begins to look like any relationship would under those circumstances. The relationship you have with yourself is built exactly the same way as every other relationship in your life through trust. And trust is built through consistency. Every promise you keep to yourself becomes another piece of evidence that you're someone you can trust. Imagine self-trust as a bank account. If you are saying yes when you really want to say no, pushing through and ignoring exhaustion, seeking permission from others for things that don't really involve them or require their permission. Abandoning your own opinion, or betraying a boundary, those are withdrawals from the self-trust bank account. Ah, Lisa, you say some of those sound a bit familiar. Okay, how do I top up this bank account? How do I remedy this? What are the deposits into the bank account of self-trust? The deposits are honoring a preference, speaking honestly, resting when you need to rest. Changing your mind. Leaving when you're ready. Keeping a promise to yourself. Eventually, self-trust isn't something you hope or you wish for. It's something you have evidence for. People think rebuilding trust requires massive life changes. Not true. The evidence grows through ordinary moments. Drinking water when you're thirsty, going to bed when you're tired. Wearing what you actually like. Saying, I'd rather not. Taking five minutes of quiet because you need it. Remember those tiny preferences we explored last week? Tea or coffee, quiet or noise, morning or evening. Those weren't just helping you hear yourself. They were helping you collect evidence that you're someone worth listening to. Self-trust survives imperfect decisions. It's not about always getting it right. This is where people get stuck. They think, what if I trust myself and get it wrong? Sometimes we'll make thoughtful decisions that don't work out. That's life. That doesn't mean you can't trust yourself. It also may be an opportunity to examine the outcome and what's around it and whether it is actually achievable or likely. Self-trust isn't I always make the perfect choice. It's whatever happens next, I'll stay with myself. I have some reflection questions that I want to give you to explore these further, if you would like to. Maybe it's something you build quietly. One promise, one boundary, one honest decision, one small act of listening at a time. Today, give yourself one small piece of evidence that you're someone you can rely on. Listen to me for the questions. Listen to yourself for the answers.