Car Cast #3: An Age Gap Situationship Dilemma + Are We Ready for Another Baby ?

In this episode of Car Cast, we’re discussing a listener’s age-gap situationship and sharing our honest thoughts on the challenges, red flags, and questions that come with relationships like these. We also chat about whether we’re ready to have another baby, what our family looks like right now, and our thoughts on growing it in the future.

Grab a coffee and join us for another real, unfiltered conversation from the car. 🚗✨

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So Borna Mzanzi. This is carcast number three.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Good morning guys. Welcome back. I'm gonna read you guys a situation ship and Bab you're gonna give your input on it.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

So this person needs advice on an age gap situationship. So the female is 25, and well she's saying, so I'm 25 and she's a female and he's turning 50 in two months. We have been friends for a year and feelings between the both of us grew. The thing is, he has an o 18-year-old and he said if she brought home a guy close to his age, he would lose it and not accept it, and does not doesn't want to put my dad through it. I have a very good relationship with my dad and kind of joked about the idea of dating a 49-year-old man and his reaction to just say was not a joke and did not go well. My mum, however, when I made the joke to her, told me she really wouldn't have minded if it was serious. Do you guys think a 24-year age gap is huge? How would you guys break the news to your dad? Mind you, my dad is 53, so they're not far off.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

They're like three years older.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Yeah. I guess that's the That's the scenario.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

We've got there's so much to unpack there.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

That's so difficult though. So much to unpack there.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

There's like Firstly, the fact that he's saying that she can't or he won't allow his daughter to do that, yet he's doing that is.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Wait, does the mom and the dad have an age gap?

SPEAKER_01 1:31

No. In in that thing that you read, he's saying if he has a daughter, that's 18. So that's that's a seven-year difference between the girl that he's dating and his daughter. And he's saying if his daughter, who is 18, brought home someone his age, he would be upset about it. So I'm like, well, bro, you're doing the exact same thing. But why are you why are you not condoning it if your daughter then where's your moral compass? Like your guide is is not correct. And again, I'm not a I'm not a relationship expert. I'm just explaining my experience. But yeah, again, look, the age gap is a thing um that everyone will look at and frown upon potentially.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

I think it's just it's not normal yet. It's not like a it's not an well It is normal, but not to the stage where if someone passes and mean like, oh my husband's like 20 years old and me, they'll be like, oh you can't get it.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Oh yeah, they're gonna they're gonna look back, they're gonna be like, um, in the car in the drive back, and then be like, did you see the age gap between them? 25 years. Like, damn. Yeah, the problem that's gonna arise, and I don't know, a situation ship. So what is that? What's uh like you're hooking up with benefits?

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Uh I think I think it is that. Because I feel like she'll just say we just, you know, first base, like because well that's what I know first base as.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Well, we're not gonna read into it, we'll just say that.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

But I but I think it is more than obviously that. So they've I think they've they've gotta I would need more context.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

I feel like I feel like I would need to understand her.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

But the fact that she's wanting to go to her dad to tell her about it, I feel like it's the situation is quite deep. Because why are you gonna go tell your dad about it? So I'm thinking about my stage. I'm like, why am I gonna tell Okay?

SPEAKER_01 3:11

But she said it in a joking way.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Yes, to see if his reaction to how and he wasn't happy about it. And then she's like, Oh, shucks, I'm not gonna do it. She's like, why am I gonna She just wanted to see first, she wanted to dip her finger in and be like, let's just test the waters and how he's gonna react. That's like, okay, I feel like we would be fine with our kids because obviously if they were older and at a certain age, like above Again, it's about it's about assessing, it's like tone.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

It's like the tone of music. You can listen to music and it can have this like really hectic beat to it, but the tone can still be mild and be like soothing. This is a weird analogy that I'm giving. But what I'm trying to what I'm trying to say is that it looks it looks hectic at first glance, but if you actually understand what's going on, these people are in love and they're enjoying each other's uh differences and they're embracing each other's age gaps and going and he's providing, let's say, he I mean he's been through the ringer, he knows life at 50. Is uh he's got life experience, he's not a boy, he's more than likely got a stable job, he can provide for her, so that's the plus thing. Um I mean think about it. If she's 50 and he's 75, that's still pretty Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Like We're not judging, we're just saying like the age gap is a bit higher, but we're trying to look at it from like outside position. Yes. Um, I don't you know what?

SPEAKER_01 4:38

What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 4:39

I think it's not a bad idea. I think obviously the parents part does play a huge role in it because she doesn't want to disappoint obviously the dad. But at the same time, if she doesn't say it, then what is she gonna do? She's just gonna live in silence and be like, I'm gonna have this as a secret relationship, which is not a good thing because eventually it's gonna catch up. So I think she must be honest and just tell him, and then eventually if his dad is not too up if her ta dad isn't too uptight about it, he'll come to her later and be open to it. What can you lose, I guess, in the situation of dad? Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Be like, get out of the house, kid.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Well, I'm assuming she's not living at home. Well, I don't know. I don't even know. If she's living at home, then it's even worse.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Yeah. Yeah. More than likely she is.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Okay. Okay, this is a whole different thing. That changes the dynamics.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

And then imagine this part. Imagine she brings him over. She's like, I want you to meet my dad. And you live, and like, you get a knock on the door, or like the doorbell rings, and he's like, Hey.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Now you're just bagging fire.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

I'm here to see, I'm here to see Bethany, or I don't know, and I don't know why. And he's like, What? And this guy's like, literally my age.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

He's like, this guy would be my brother. No.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

I think the dad would react and be like, get out.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

No, he would flip his lid. You see, now this is taking his.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

He's also, he's also been through it, though. Dad's been through it. So he knows. He knows what the situ well, no. Let me take that back. He assumes the situation to be the default one, which is this guy wants to get into my daughter's pants. Okay, but he's using money to do that.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Okay, now that this is gonna This is where it's important. Wherever we need to understand, like, the mental state of the person or how they handle things.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Exactly. So can I tell you what happened with a friend of mine who has a I'll say it's not as big as ours, but there is a large age difference between them. And when they met, they were also in like, like she was still in high school, she was in her teens, and he was in his early twenties. But the way in which he approached it is that he went to the father beforehand.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

And he was like, I just want to let you know that I've got feelings for your daughter. And I don't want this to come across the wrong way, but I really mean the best for her. They eventually got married, and at the wedding ceremony, her father said that was the best thing he could have ever done to give me that reassurance that like he was gonna be there. And um, in fact, he went overseas for a long period and uh they had a long distance relationship, so they had a lot of time away from each other, uh, and they still ended up together, which is great. So I I think if the guy came and said, Listen, Joe, whoever makes me walk in, he's like, Mr. Smith. We're like the same age. And he he comes and says, I really have feelings for your daughter. I know this may seem strange, but I genuinely want uh I want to look after her, I want to uh be there for her, I've developed feelings for her. Um this may be a strange situation to any ordinary person, um, but I just want to let it be known to you. And then it would be also to see how the father reacts, because the father may still be like, no.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

I honestly it's a man-to-man thing. Yeah. I feel like maybe the daughter needs to just step aside and he needs to go and also prove himself to the dad.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

And then we'll we have to see how she would respect that decision, because she may be like, eh, still seeing him.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Bye. Back up myself, see you later. All the best to our hope she's gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

Whatever, what it however it works out, hopefully no one gets their heart hurts.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

We had our three beautiful kitties this weekend, and we always have the best fun with when we were with them, and we went to the reptile punk. We said previously in our podcast that we'd and talk more about our kids that we have. So we have three kids, so two of our kids are from a previous marriage of bingo, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, and Gigi well a baby that we had last year is from us, and yeah, it's honestly such a beautiful dynamic, and if anything, it's so nice to see Gigi growing up with two older siblings. It's like it's a bonus.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

It's a she loves it.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

And the one person she screams for is Kiara. So she'll be like, kick, kick. And also the one time she was actually, I think she was like um having a nightmare, or she just woke up and she was screaming of Kiara, and then she started like screaming her name in the middle of the morning, like at two o'clock.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Shame, I actually wanted her to be there and like after me, sweet.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

So Keeks actually wanted to go sleep with Chi G the other night, and we just said no, because we want to just be independent in terms of sleeping by. So because I feel like once you open that door for your baby to start sleeping with someone, they're gonna be scared of the dark and wanting to always be somewhere next to them when they're sleeping.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Yeah, because they're gonna say they're gonna see it as a luxury and be like, oh, I want this all the time. Like this is this is the best thing.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

So And are you ready to have another child?

SPEAKER_01 9:54

No. Straight up no. Straight up, straight up no.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

I thought you were gonna butter it up, be like, yeah, of course, babe. Like I am ready to have another baby. Let's not think about it financially, okay?

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

This thing about us having another baby.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Okay, so even not financially?

SPEAKER_00 10:13

So let's scrap out finances, okay?

SPEAKER_01 10:15

So let's say we No no, so let's scrap finances. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

And I'm just saying, like I don't think I am. You don't think you are why?

SPEAKER_01 10:22

No.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Why?

SPEAKER_01 10:23

I don't know. I I just at this point I wanna like I don't know. It's it's I'm just like that is an instinctive reaction. That is my Yeah, no. I'm just like, I I don't think I could handle it right now.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Can I can I be honest?

SPEAKER_01 10:37

What?

SPEAKER_00 10:37

So the other day I was like thinking about having a child and I was like, I actually I'm not ready. I'm not ready. That's and I was I I remember how I was persistent I think that's why.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

I think yes, I think because I see how much you go through when looking after the household, looking after the kids, I'm thinking to myself, now we want another child on top of on top of that. And then you got Gigi, who's still in her infant, like baby years. It's gonna be crazy. You're gonna be so stressed out. And that's the one thing, guys, I can tell you, um, experience is in a relationship, you've got to put your marriage first. Your marriage has to come first before your kids. That sounds weird. Some people may be like, oh, but I love my kids more than anything. That's fine. You can love your kids more than anything in the world, but focus on your marriage. Let your marriage come first. Because if that crumbles, if that falls apart, then the entire family dynamic becomes obliviated. So you need to be mindful of that.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

I never thought about that in the beginning. Like when you had mentioned that to me, like we need to always make sure our marriage is fun before the kids. I was like, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 11:44

And it's not selfish. It's it's that's being selfless. I'm thinking we gotta think about how we are together in order to handle our kids properly before and the environment as what we're gonna create for them. Correct. Correct. Because if if you're if for example, uh, this is just a random example. If you as the wife go, oh, I love our baby so much and she's crying and I'm gonna sleep with her every night, eventually the husband's gonna be like, When is when am I gonna ha you know have my time with my wife? And then, you know, the wife might come along and be like, Yeah, but our baby needs me. And yeah, well, the truth is you gotta let your child grow up and you gotta do exactly as you did, which is room them through that period so that they can be independent in terms of their sleeping pattern and work on it.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

I'm just giving an example of how in that situation again, this is an hour, this is an hour situation because I actually for I think about Digi was sleeping with us for a while, and I'm like, I feel like, especially in a in a marriage or like in a couple, that time as you go to bed, you just want to be next to each other, and that's also like bonding in a way. Like I don't want to be Oh, there's a whole science behind that.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

Is it the chem yeah, the chemistry of people lying together, soothing your uh emotions, getting your uh again, I'm not gonna be the expert, but I do know that there is a chemical reaction and there's a positive uh stimulant, let's say, to being next to someone and being uh being close to them.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

So in saying that when I was training Gigi to sleep by herself because she had been sleeping with us for like I think for a bit, and transferring her to the crib was an absolute nightmare, but eventually I got it because when she got her own room and we moved into our home, I was sleeping on the couch in a room and trying to get her to get off the dummy. Plus it's not having the dummy, it's also for her to just sleep independently. And it allowed for like Pete and I to have that time of sleeping together because when you don't sleep next to your partner, it just feels off. You remember when you were sleeping with a boy and one night when you were scared? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

I didn't sleep well. I was like, I couldn't sleep last night. Felt strange not being next to you. I mean, obviously, once off, once in a while is you know It's not gonna like kill anyone.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

But I'm we're just saying, but like Pete feels it more than me. Sometimes he'll be like, no, I didn't sleep well.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

Because I sleep terribly too though. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Yeah, but you've been sleeping well recently.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

I have. I have.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

It's his haircut, I'm telling you. You're looking so handsome. He got a haircut, guys, and they did a fade, like about the neck, and I said it makes him look like, you know, fresh foxy.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Come on. Yeah. So he hadn't cut his hair in a while, actually. I think it was like three weeks, but it looks so good. It looks and he did like a nice beard trim. Yeah, well, guys, we're not gonna have a baby anytime soon. I think probably I I don't know. At this point, I'm like, I don't even think I actually want to have an another baby. I think I want to give all my full effort to Keeks Renzo and Chi G. Like I actually just want to give 100%. It's not like I just we have one, we have three.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

And we've got to remember, we're also going through different phases for all of them. So like Gigi's in the baby phase. Renzo's like growing up from him being six years old. Yes. He's going getting into like an environment where he's starting to become more social. Chiara's entering almost into her teenagers.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

And that's this is a huge thing.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

And that's a huge thing to deal with. And then you want to throw another baby on top of that. Like, you gotta you gotta meet all those different energies and be like, okay, I gotta deal with each of them as their own different independent being. I can't just put a blankets sort of rule over all of them.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

So then that's when I was like, mmm, maybe I should just focus on my career. And Pete's also focusing so hard on his career. We're both working on each other's end or separate ends. And I was like, maybe I must just give back to myself a bit more now. Yeah. In a selfish way. Well, not selfish.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

I I deserve as in a rewarding way.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Rewarding.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

So I'm like Take some time off if you need time off. Take a breather. This life is way too fast-paced at the moment, I feel. And this is slightly off topic, but just with everything that's going on in the world today, I'm just like, AI, you now expect it to respond instantaneously. People are doing business on WhatsApp, which is crazy. I actually spoke to a from Canada. Yeah, who we spoke to. We met the other night, my best friends who I've known since I was in grade one. We sat down with him and he was like, We find it weird that you guys do business here on WhatsApp. And I was like, You telling me? I'm like, I gotta sometimes give evidence and screenshots on like WhatsApps. He's like, What? I'm like, yeah, that's we it's it it is strange, but that's just our our lifestyle here, I guess, how we do things.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

So what is one thing you can't go to bed without doing? Like if we're having an argument, would you A resolve the argument or B sleep on it, wake up and talk, or C, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Ah, there's an old saying that I stand by. Just don't go to bed angry.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

No. You you have we have gone to bed upset.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Yes, but then I will like subtly be like irritate hug or be like, no, no, I won't.

unknown 17:17

Why?

SPEAKER_01 17:18

I'm not lying. I don't I don't like it. I don't but we're we're both very like strong-headed. We we're both very strong-headed.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

So like No, so this is what you were to. Okay, so okay, I'm not gonna dramatise. But so he would just say, I'm taking everything in, and because I'm hot-headed, but before I used to be really bad and used to shoot at you quite a bit, so it'd actually be silent, being like, Don't take my silence for what would you say?

SPEAKER_01 17:45

I would say don't take my silence as being accepting for how you've explained the situation. It's just that I'm letting it sink in so that I can digest it, understand it, and then give you a response.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Which irritated me even the more when he does it. So then I'd get riled up and I'd carry on shooting him with words. So, but in most scenarios, what he would do, sorry, I went off topic there, he would quiet and he would be like, Okay, we'll talk about this tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Yeah, it's fair.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

I don't think that's fair. I think we must talk about it now, we must digest it, even if we're both hard at it.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Oh, no, I feel like a little time needs to pass to reflect on the situation.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

So, this is where men and women are different because I feel like men they can be like, oh, you know, sleepies. And then women, they will stay up the whole night mentally thinking, like, oh, like, why is he doing that? What is he thinking? Meanwhile, you're busy sleeping and you're dreaming. This is why for men women, we need to solve it in the evening. We need to solve it now, because then I'm gonna be up the whole time.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Is this an instruction? Is it for like next time?

SPEAKER_00 18:47

No, this is like ad advice.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

I'm just because I need to think about this too.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

How I deal with it.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

No, maybe but like like future. I'm just saying personally, I would love to resolve it. On the spots. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

So difficult. I'm being straight up honest. So difficult. He finds it so hard to do it. Especially me, because I'm I'm You don't know how to do it though. Okay, firstly, I've had to learn to calm my flames immediately. Like, because I know I I I've got a I've got a very, very strong, like, impulsive side of me that needs to be controlled. So I don't want that Pete to speak before he hasn't thought about some like calmed down and gone, okay, let's look at the situation when your levels of your brain have returned back to normal and everything's functioning rationally, and you can be like, Were you wrong? Yeah, you were wrong. And go and explain that.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Okay, well that's my at the end of the day, reason. I can't just be my way. I need to understand we handle things differently.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Yeah, because we're both traveling on the same highway.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

He means literally that's such a jet dad joke. But guys, we will see you in the next podcast, and we will try and make it spicy as much as we can on a weekly basis.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Spicy is a strong word. It's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

Oh, yeah, sorry. I I've I spiced it up a bit too much there. Bye, guys.