Car Cast #6: Father's Day , Parenting & How Discipline Has Changed

Father’s Day didn’t quite go as we expected, and it sparked a much bigger conversation about parenting, gratitude, and discipline.

In this episode of Car Cast, we chat about teaching children respect, setting boundaries, and using meaningful consequences—like removing privileges and staying consistent. We also reflect on how discipline at home and in schools has evolved over the years, sharing our experiences growing up and discussing how we’re choosing to raise our own children with accountability, respect, and clear boundaries.

Transcript

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welcome to Beauty and a Piet, the podcast where real conversations happen. We're Natasha and Piet, and every week we dive into marriage, relationships, family life, and everything in between. Grab a coffee, get comfortable, and let's get talking Can I ask you a couple of questions? Yes. If we swapped lives for a day, what would be the first thing you'd struggle with? Like bodies or lives? Like- Lives I swap lives. Yes. I think everything I wouldn't even know where to start. If I went missing for 24 hours, where would be the first place to find me? Starbucks. Okay. Well done. If we were in a zombie apocalypse, would I be the following: one, group leader; two, comic relief; or three, first one to scream? Somewhere between one and three. Okay. Not, not two. No, not three. I wouldn't scream. N- yeah, but I'm saying you'd be nervous. Yes. But you would like... You'd gather yourself eventually, so that's why I was... I'm like, you'd take the lead, but initially you'd be, like, freaked out. What is one thing you'll never let me be in charge of? Oh, I have one in my head already the bank account. Yes. You know that is one thing I would never want to be in charge of, and I'd like, personally- Okay, honesty. Yeah, honesty. I could tell you wanted to say, but you were like- I did just trying to be gentlemanly. I did. I was like... Yeah. I immediately knew what I was gonna say, but I was like, "Oh, I don't wanna be-" used to coming from- 'Cause that would freak me out coming from a three. Yeah. Would you choose me in a room full of girls? Absolutely. Why are you in a room full of girls? Because you put me there. I was just aghast at the question. Anyways. it's a good one, though. Yeah, it was. Yeah. I actually saw that and I was like, when she had said, "Why are you in the room full of girls?" I was like- Yeah I wasn't even thinking. I'm very sad that I wasn't smart enough to- I actually thought- figure the trick behind that question I genuinely thought... I was like, "Pete's gonna catch me out." But there could be various reasons why that I'm not, filled with bad intentions. What- it could just be that I'm at a work function and there are women in the room. Yeah, but I don't even think about this. No, I've never- Okay thought about it. I just, I... It's so- I'm not thinking of it from the perspective of, why are you in a room full of, I would have never- female prostitutes. Then I'd be like, "Why am I there?" Okay, then, no, that's completely different. Yeah, but I'd be like, "Why am I there?" But a room full of women, I would be like, okay, there can be other reasons. Mm-hmm. No, 100%. Oh, Happy belated Father's Day, everyone. Woo, woo, woo. Yeah. Happy birthday... happy birthday to fathers, basically. Yes. We see you. Happy birthday to fathers. Yes. Fathers, you're just- Happy... Yes, it is as important as mothers, and we see you, fathers. And thank you. We appreciate you. Thank you. I wish my kids did more so. Mm. See, I nearly sp- spilled my coffee. Oh, guys. Oh. Guys, I just wanna tell you guys, the website's up and running. Please can you pop through. Drop stories on the link, please. We would love to hear it all, and I will keep reminding you guys every week, 'cause we just wanna hear all the spice and also for you to share it on our podcast just to also relieve you from that stress on your shoulders. Anyways. and then we can discuss it too. Yes. And what better way to discuss it than with Tash and Pete? Yes, and be like, "Hey, Tash and Pete were talking about it on their podcast." Okay, guys, we have... We've had a pretty difficult weekend. Yeah. No, actually, not for me, more my husband. I f- I feel for him. it was a revelation of sorts which, I think most parents go through it sometime. I don't know. Again, drop a comment or let's see how you feel. But basically, it started off on Friday, right? So all the kids were over, and was coming to collect me, and my son was like, I'd rather stay home with- His mother his bi- his biological mom. Yes. And then you can come collect me afterwards. So Tash came and got me from work, and I was like, "Okay, that's cool. I understand." he doesn't wanna drive all the way, and he was bored. And I gave it a bit of a pass, understanding how it might not be the best situation for him. Shame, and I've gotta give it to Pete. He tries to always, like, look at from the second... Is it second person? Is that- Yeah, from the perspective of how someone else in that position. and so then Saturday came, and he was playing on the PlayStation, and I've always defended him to be like, "Oh, let him have fun." Like, it's a cool time for him to relax and to enjoy himself and it's 'cause it, it was a privilege that I was denied by my parents when I was a kid growing up. So I was like let me change that here and, and allow him to enjoy himself. And then Tash said to the kids, "All right, guys. We're gonna go and get Dad's Father's Day gift." I was on the second story, and I could see what was going on. And then I heard him say, "Oh, can't I just stay here and play PlayStation?" And at that point, something clicked in my head. I was like, that's pretty rude. taking 15, 20 minutes of your life to go for a drive, to use money that's not even your own to go get a gift for your dad on Father's Day. We are, like, sacrificing literally 20 minutes of your time. That's all it would've taken. And he was like, "Nah, I'd rather stay here and play PlayStation." That was disappointing to me. Anyway, I said to him, "You sit, you play, you do whatever you want." But I was being a little bit, tongue in cheek and a bit, But he also should- sarcastic about it he should have pushed himself to go to the mall. Yeah, he should have pushed a bit more. Yeah. He was like, 'cause he was like, "No, I'll go." And I was like, "No, no. If I'm gonna get that half-hearted attitude, just stay and you know- No, but I was actually pushing him to stay at home 'cause I said, "I don't like driving with the kids in the car- If they're grumpy if they're moping and- Yeah, they love a good mope. Yeah. I was like, "I'm not gonna sit in the car with you, so you sh- So I understand why he actually stayed. So yeah, that grated me. And then Sunday came along, and it was Father's Day. And yoh, these two little kiddies, my oldest daughter and my son, were at each other's throats the whole time. they were just bickering about the most silly things, and they do it all the time. Sibling rivalry. it happens. We've been through it, and they go through the moments. But just combined with everything that had happened and the fact that Father's Day was like... There was... I don't know. I remember... I'm just gonna say from my perspective, I remember growing up. I remember making breakfast for my parents and being like, "This is gonna be cool. I'm actually excited- to, make eggs." And literally- Make the worst breakfast possible, but- But you're trying exactly. It's trying. It's the thought behind it. And, none of that happened. I made cards for my parents. I used to just take paper and fold it, and I used to draw something on the front, like as best as possible. But I would still s- I, I would make an effort. None of that was made. They simply came, gave me the gifts, which essentially Tash had bought me. And I was like, "There was no effort put into this." It was just the, it was just the formality of saying Happy Father's Day, and then going about their lives as usual. And look, I'm not expecting a fanfare parade, but I'm expecting some effort to show respect, which I think is, was a concern for me. That, it immediately raised my concerns to be like something is off. Something needs to be recalibrated here. So we've revisited this, and the PlayStation's gone. My daughter's junior social media accounts- Have been taken away have been removed. So basically in saying this, so when Pete's disciplining the kids now officially, the red flag, it's everything is stopping now. It's, I think within these days on the weekend he sees the kids actually fully, like what they're doing. 'Cause he's at home, at work working first, so he doesn't see everything that's going on. But I will address everything that's happening to them. If I don't, I'm not happy with things, I talk to him and obviously I'll talk to Peter about it. But it's nicer now he has fresh eyes for himself because also you can't tell someone the things that are happening if they're not there. And you were, you were giving me the heads-up, and I believed you. It's just that I was giving them grace over- Over actually enforcing because It's like dad guilt, 'cause you're not there at home, so you're like, "Oh, no, it's okay." Exactly. Exactly. it is, a bit of dad guilt- Yes involved. But you're working for the family. Yeah. So that's, that guilt shouldn't be there. So I'm actually filling in for Pete's presence in the house, and I'm actually doing for both of us there. Whilst he's working for the family, he's bringing in the income for us to live. And I think it's feeling that all dads gets. Yeah, 100%. At night when kids are in bed and, all the turmoil has, like, settled for the day, and suddenly they think to themselves, "Do I spend enough time with them? Do I love them enough?" Yeah. "Did I show them, like, how I feel about them?" So I have that already. So now I c- I'm quite hard on myself, but I always think that, oh, maybe I should put my phone down for five minutes. But I'm like, I need to do some work on my phone. But I'm like now imagine you, how you feel when you're actually away for 10 hours of the day. Yeah. Which is quite hectic. And then the relatively short periods that I get to spend time with them... I don't know. We've got them this evening. They're coming over. Let me tell you. You know when your parents... You know when you had an issue with your parents or there was something that happened and you knew you were in trouble, and you're like sitting there, you're like, "Oh, shit, man." Oh, that was the worst. You're like, "My mom's gonna give me shit." what's g- what's gonna happen? Mom and dad are gonna absolutely frequently find out. Whip my butt. Yeah. So I f- I was telling Pete, I just know that they are probably, thinking to themselves first how is Tash gonna react when she picks us up? How is it gonna be when we get home? But they, the thing is, guys, they don't have anywhere to run off to after, 'cause we're going to fetch Pete from work. Oh, are they're coming? Yeah, they, they have to come. What? No, so the reason why I want the kids to come in the car, number A- Oof, this is gonna be an interesting ride the kids need to understand, sacrifices need to be made in life, and that we are trying to make things work with what we have. How we've made sacrifices now, and that means taking away one car. We actually fine without it, but it's made a different for us. Two, it's also for them to spend bonding time with us all together. And three, 'cause I love them, and they must also be, sometimes be put in their place, 'cause they've just been all over the place, to be honest. So it'll be an interesting car ride home. In fact, I don't even know. I haven't even thought- I forgot to actually tell you. So I always give Pete a warning about things. Let's just say, guys, at the end of the day, the kids are going to actually see the serious side of Pete, 'cause they've always seen the playful side. I've even told Pete. I was like, I actually only see, the funny, chilled, laid back dad," and you'd o- you'd rarely see the serious side of Pete. And it's only if, he gets triggered by something. And I think they will. I think it's time to come into that season, because they also know how to play the game, like mentally. Yeah, kids are good, hey? they know. They know "Oh, dad's not gonna do anything here." "Dad's gonna just let me sl-" Now it's like, no, no. The sense of entitlement, the sense of it's all about me, like I don't have to worry about other people. Like we need to change that. That needs to- Also coming with- needs to change but I could imagine though if you're a child, you have two sets of families. Now, you know you can also maneuver with one and the other. Hey- You can g- get your way with both at the end of the day. Yeah, to some extent. You can be like- yeah "Oh, okay, I'm s- I'm stepping out of this area where I know these are the boundaries, and I can push them here in this home because I have limited time here, so You know, the parents are a little bit more lenient, they're more forgiving. But now that there's enough time and enough, say, visibility of wh- of their actions- Yes and what they're doing, I've now had enough. Yeah. it's time. It's time to bring out that dad that you all traditionally think about who's like, "Oh, no, Dad's gonna be the most upset about this." I'm gonna be that dad now. so I'm changing- I was even like, "Oh" my dad season. I'm no longer gonna be... Like, sure, I'll be the loving, playful dad, but I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be a little bit more tough on the kids. Tough love is good, guys yeah, t- tough love is needed. Guys, I wanna tell you about this cute thing I saw this morning. So every day before we go... where I drop Gigi off at school, I always bring Gigi to bed to where Pete is to give him a hug, and she was cuddling him so much, guys. The bond that they are g- having is, it's honestly so cute. do you feel like this is repairing that time you didn't have enough with the kids? it's very wholesome. Yeah. Put it that way. Yeah. it's super wholesome. Even Gigi's gonna get it from me. I'm gonna give her some real tough... Joke. Oh. I'm joking. No, hateful. No, but no, Gigi does get disciplined. She does. She does. She does get it. she actually gets m- most of the- The most disci- from everyone yes, she gets most discipline. Yeah. because not only if it's just Pete and I, Kiki will also tell her, and Bo will also tell her, but not obviously, basically. But they'll say, "No, don't do that." And she does understand c- pretty quickly what's yes and no, and when you raise your voice at her she'll stop. She'll actually just, twitch, and she'll be like, "Okay, let me go the other way," and she'll carry on with her day. Yeah, guys, having two step-kids, and I don't even like st- saying step-kids 'cause they are my kids, has been obviously such a beautiful ride. But, the one thing that I could say becoming a step-mom was always weird was I never think about it like this, but, communicate with your ex. Yeah. That has to, that has, It has to happen, and there's nothing wrong with it. But if you just had to think about, oh, it's like you talking to your partner's ex, that's just the thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a bit weird. It comes across as a bit strange. Yeah, it does. That's, I think that's the only thing that, I used to, get awkward about in, the beginning. But then eventually I was like, "No, that's my kid's mom. I have to respect them as wh- respect her because at the end of the day they have a good relationship with her." "And I don't wanna harm any of that, so I'm happy. The kids are happy, then I'm happy, and they just get a bonus mom at the end of the day." Yeah, and let's just clarify, it's not as though there's animosity between the families. No. we're in good spaces, so it's healthy for the kids. That they have two sets of parents who love and care for them, and that's what matters most. But something I wanted to say. Yes. Oh, here's a question I wanted to raise, and this is the discussion that we had. If you have a son, okay, and this is going back to the kids situation. Yeah. And this is, this is to the listeners as well, just to question themselves. If your son gets hit in school- Oh like physically punched by another boy and they're six, seven years old, boys will, inevitably start getting revved up. And, and- The, the testosterone starts to- Yeah. Hey, dude starts to, Resent it starts to jingle in their body and they, they start getting a little bit of the, what it's like to be the alpha male. And then let's say, for example, one boy decides he's gonna be the, the bully and he's gonna punch your son. What do you tell your son to do? Hit the caca out of him if he hits you. Yeah, that's basically what I'd do. So I'm in the same, I'm in the same mindset, but I know that other people don't share this view. My view is I went to all boys schools. I know that if you were hit and you walked away moping or- You woke up if any, anyone that saw you do that, they would be like, "Ah, you're free game." If you went to the teacher and snitched, was like, "Oh, Christopher, oh, and-" Oh my gosh. Wow then that's even, that's 10 times worse. Like you would end up being ostracized from the group. They would be like, "We don't want to hang out with you. You're-" You might as well just sit by yourself at break. Exactly. Exactly. That's l- that's my view. I don't know what you guys think, but I think if someone hits my boy, I want him to hit that boy back as hard so that that kid knows, "Okay, I tested the boundary, I went too far, and I'm not gonna do it again." But I'll never, ever obviously initiate or tell my son to initiate a fight using his hands. Can't- Self-defense, free game. No one gonna take you seriously if you just let the, let someone slap you like that. Like if you're a guy. If woman, it's different. You slap them back. I believe for guys they have a reason. I'll tell you why. It's because I had this discussion with my son and I was like, "What you gonna do?" And he's like, "Teacher said we must tell the- Tell the teacher and I was like, "No." No. That's- that's the right answer I suppose from a- That from a s- from a teacher's perspective. Yes. And from like a clinical, like this is the right way to set the boundaries. And you know if you want we can talk about it but like practically speaking in life and being streetwise is, "Nah, I gotta, I gotta face this. I gotta punch back even if I lose. Even if I lose." By the time you go and call the teacher they're all laughing at you- Exactly 'cause you ran away. They'll be like, "Oh, look at this boy." I know, guys. And they're not g- none of them at that age are gonna be like, "Oh, that wasn't very nice of the other guy to punch him." They're gonna be looking at the person, the boy who was hit and go, "Ah." You know what? I think honestly within the schools of today they're gonna be... That's gonna be the answer. Am I wrong in saying this? I don't know. I feel like they can't... I don't think schools can say- They can't encourage- Even if they know- They can't encourage obviously- They can't encourage violence. I know but I'm just saying not the schools but I'm like the kids. But that's why at school you always had that one teacher. There was always that one... And I have to say it was always the male teacher. I'm thinking from a boy's perspective. The male teacher who was street savvy who on the side would be like, "My guy, if he does it to you again just do that." We like those guys. And you would quietly be like, "Thanks. Thanks coach," or, "Thanks," like- y- you're the guy. And I don't know if I'm wrong but I... There doesn't seem to be much male representation of teachers in junior schools for boys. I don't know. But why is that? And and I mean that from like I'm talking about class one- Yeah or grade one, grade two, grade three, grade four and then you start seeing male teachers maybe like towards you know the teenage- Maybe they're just too hard on the kids kind of years. Maybe. But maybe that's what's needed to grow tough men. Like you need to have- Listen there were ma- there... Like all these boys from the past be- even from your, before your age, babe, they were going to the army. They were tough. Yes. But now boys are taking Insta photos, making the smizes. Making a career out of that, guys. Yeah. I mean look each to their own. Ev- Yes, 100%. and the dynamics of life are changing but yeah the, the toughness factor has disappeared. You weren't part of this generation- Yes but I was part of the transition between... What's it called? What? Punishment when you got hits At in school Oh, that's called abuse No, it's not. it wasn't back then. Pre, pre-'95 it was legal to- I don't know what that i- It was legal to, for teachers to be able to discipline kids and hit them. And I distinctly recall even, a boy at my school showing his bum and showing the marks that were left by the deputy headmaster at the time. And let me tell you, that was the biggest deterrent to all of us. We were like- No way we are never gonna misbehave knowing what that mark looked like. Okay, obviously today it would be deemed child abuse, but I can tell you from experience, I was like, "Oh my word, I can't believe this has happened to this kid." Imagine how they whoofed him so hard. Yeah. and okay, so obviously there's an element of, control because- Yeah, but I feel back then- that's the problem, is that some guys- there was no control. They were But I think if it was if, like they would obviously, meet and be like, "How many?" They'd be like, "Okay, three to the bum," and then they would hit them three times. But you can't give someone that much power today. No, I don't think it was always like that. Yeah. Yeah. Today it would be like bend over. 20. Yeah. Done. No. Kid comes home and it's like, "Nah, no, you can't do that." But just saying that there was, I don't know, there was an element of almost like, "Okay, fine, I, I hit the boundary." If it was done in the correct way, and I'm not endorsing physical violence or condoning it any- Definitely not, guys any way. I'm just saying that there was something about it that made every other boy go, "Hmm." Maybe I shouldn't tempt fate that I'm gonna be caught and end up in the principal's office- Let's just say by me- getting wrapped over the knuckles saying that, "Please don't do that, please don't do this," it won't help in the long run. Sometimes, from back then from what it's proven, it helps people to be disciplined. But we're not condoning physical, just abuse. Yeah. We're just talking about the difference in the times, and I'm telling you my experience about how I felt, 'cause I grew up in that era. Maybe you did, too. Maybe you remember it. maybe you were even subject to being wrapped over the knuckles by a ruler or you got caned for something. Oh, my word. It's hectic even saying that. Cane. That's heck- Cane that's- That's what they call it, caning yeah, that's hectic caning. God. Imagine that. Ooh. I can feel the sting. I re- I remember seeing the boy's mark. I remember the blue line- Ooh. and then the red line above it, just showing where the marker had been. It was like, wow, that could do some real damage. And imagine being the parents, you couldn't do anything. You just came home and you were like, "Yeah, he was naughty and we disciplined him." No, man. That's hectic. It- That's too much, babe ah, it's, that is quite hectic. Would you... So let's say if I had two bonus ki- or two kids, would you have looked at me any different? No. So we're just added on to our family? Yes, 100%. And would you have think you have dealt well with my ex? I don't know. That would, I would have to determine- what was the situation as well I think generally guys- They get along- the guys don't get along well they never do. No, I don't think it's good between the guys ever. Is it? Not ever- But that just- but I don't think it's as easy- Yes for the guys 'cause it's a bit like- Dominance yeah, there's a bit of a, a, yeah, a bro rivalry that exists in terms of- It's like your territory yeah, it's your territory and- Yeah these are your kids. And that, that can be handled if your EQ is tempered enough to be able to handle it, but I don't think it's, as easy. The next episode we are going to be talking about what women, what we believe women in their 20s... And this is also gonna be with a view to Tash obviously having heavy involvement from her age perspective- and knowing sort of the culture and her friends. Discussing what women in their 20s look for in a man and what they end up possibly transitioning to changing once they've been through their early experiences. Stay tuned to that, guys. So buckle up. Get ready. Yeah, buckle up, guys. It's gonna be a speed ride Thanks for listening to Beauty and the Pete. Don't forget to follow the podcast, leave a review, and if you have any questions or stories for us, please visit our website and submit it anonymously on our Spill The Tea page. We can't wait to hear from you. See you next week