WEBVTT 00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:07.280 Welcome to the Awakening Church Podcast. 00:00:07.599 --> 00:00:11.599 We exist to awaken this generation to new life in Christ. 00:00:11.839 --> 00:00:13.039 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:13.199 --> 00:00:16.399 To find out more, go to awakeningchurch.com. 00:00:18.399 --> 00:00:23.839 Well, we are continuing our series called Relational Intelligence. 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:25.440 Last week we kicked off the series. 00:00:25.519 --> 00:00:28.160 If you missed it, you can go online, check it out. 00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:36.159 You can go to YouTube, Podcast, Vimeo, other different places, our website, Facebook, we're live streaming. 00:00:36.320 --> 00:00:38.320 Hello, those that are live streaming. 00:00:38.799 --> 00:00:42.719 And if you missed last week, let me give you a quick recap on that. 00:00:42.880 --> 00:00:59.039 We said this: whether you're an introvert or you're an extrovert, we all have this deep longing and desire that we'd have an intimate, life-giving, character-shaping relationship that has a rugged commitment to one another. 00:00:59.119 --> 00:01:02.320 And Edwin, if you can skip to that slide, that'd be great, buddy. 00:01:02.399 --> 00:01:03.039 Thanks so much. 00:01:03.280 --> 00:01:11.200 That we'd have this just very intimate relationship that where you know and you can be known, life-giving. 00:01:11.519 --> 00:01:16.719 You know the friends in your life that you just go like, ah, so good to be with. 00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:18.400 And your soul's refreshed. 00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:22.879 That is character shaping that when you're around them, you want to be a better person. 00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:25.359 And you're you're growing and shaped and form. 00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:30.000 And it's not just a fair weather friend, it's not just a fair weather marriage. 00:01:30.079 --> 00:01:34.480 It has this rugged, deep commitment to one another. 00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:44.239 And every single person in this room has been hardwired by their creator, by God, to have that kind and those kinds of relationships. 00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:52.400 And so the question is how in the world do you experience that kind of relationship? 00:01:52.719 --> 00:01:59.359 And I would suggest what we need is not more relational information. 00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:00.959 We have lots of that. 00:02:01.040 --> 00:02:01.920 We said this last week. 00:02:02.079 --> 00:02:05.359 We need more relational intelligence. 00:02:05.599 --> 00:02:10.240 You see, we live in a world that is overwhelmed with information. 00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:16.240 You can Google everything and we're overwhelmed by it, and yet we are starved for wisdom. 00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:17.919 And that's what this theory's about. 00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:22.000 It's talking about wisdom or relational intelligence, relational wisdom. 00:02:22.159 --> 00:02:22.800 What is that? 00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:27.520 It is the skill of navigating relationships well. 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:29.599 It is this skill, it's an ability. 00:02:29.680 --> 00:02:45.360 And what's great about a skill is you can actually develop it, you can grow in it, of navigating relationships well and wisely, navigating conflict well, navigating finances well, navigating uh discussions and communication and emotions well. 00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:48.400 And so it here's what it is not. 00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:52.719 Relational intelligence is not merely the acquisition of knowledge. 00:02:52.960 --> 00:03:05.360 And that's what we said last week is this is gonna be, in some ways, problematic, this series for some of you, because what you want to come is you want to come and get a little bit of information, a little bit of knowledge, put it in your head and feel like you're better at relationships. 00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:06.879 Not how it works. 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:13.439 See, relational intelligence is actually the proper application of the right knowledge. 00:03:13.759 --> 00:03:17.840 It's not just getting information, you have to apply it. 00:03:17.919 --> 00:03:20.000 A skill has to be developed and honed. 00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:24.560 You have to take it in and get coaching and practice and be consistent with it. 00:03:24.719 --> 00:03:27.520 It's the application of the right knowledge. 00:03:27.759 --> 00:03:33.840 And last week I used this illustration of swimming, if you remember, and talked about the illustration of swimming. 00:03:34.080 --> 00:03:46.240 I can YouTube swimming and to learn how to swim, I can you know research all the different strokes and techniques, and yet uh until I get into the pool, I will never learn the skill of swimming, right? 00:03:46.639 --> 00:03:50.319 I put got head knowledge, but I have to then get in the pool. 00:03:50.560 --> 00:03:53.280 And at the same time, I I gave this illustration. 00:03:53.520 --> 00:04:02.800 If I was hosting a swimming clinic and Michael Phelps was hosting a swimming clinic down the road at the same time, whose swimming clinic would you go to? 00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:06.240 Not mine, except for Dana Marigoni. 00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:07.759 She said she would come to mine, and I thank you. 00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:12.960 And probably my mom, who's in the third row right over there, she would come to my swimming clinic. 00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:15.599 But I'd close mine down and go to Michael Phelps. 00:04:15.759 --> 00:04:16.000 Why? 00:04:16.160 --> 00:04:24.560 Because he has the right knowledge, and we have to make sure we're getting the right knowledge to live and navigate relationships well. 00:04:24.720 --> 00:04:29.920 In fact, Proverbs 14, 12 says it this way: that there is a way that appears to be right. 00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:34.480 But in the end, it leads to death. 00:04:34.560 --> 00:04:38.480 There's a way of going about relationships that appears to be right. 00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:45.360 There's a way that going about your dating that appears to be right, going about your friendships that appears to be right. 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:49.600 However, in the end, it's killing your relationships. 00:04:49.759 --> 00:04:54.079 It's killing your marriage, it's killing your friendships. 00:04:54.399 --> 00:05:00.800 See, it doesn't matter whether it feels good, whether it sounds good. 00:05:01.680 --> 00:05:06.079 The question is, is it really good for you? 00:05:06.879 --> 00:05:13.040 And so he said, inherently with relational intelligence, there's this challenge that is two things. 00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:16.319 It's countercultural and it's counterintuitive. 00:05:18.079 --> 00:05:28.720 You see, the challenge over the next few weeks is what we're going to talk about is completely countercultural and newsflash, the gospel in Christianity is countercultural. 00:05:29.040 --> 00:05:32.079 It is not how everyone else is doing relationships. 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:39.040 Now, if you look around and evaluate and you like the results that everyone else is getting, then go ahead and do what everyone else is doing. 00:05:39.120 --> 00:05:49.360 But if you look around and see the brokenness, the heartache, and the pain, then chances are you might want to consider a different countercultural way of doing relationships. 00:05:49.519 --> 00:05:52.319 The other side of it is it's counterintuitive, right? 00:05:53.680 --> 00:06:00.319 It means in the gospel and the kingdom of God is leaning in and doing things that that may not feel natural at first. 00:06:00.879 --> 00:06:03.199 Back to the swimming illustration. 00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:10.319 It's counterintuitive to put your head in the water to swim well, and every young child fights the fight or flight response. 00:06:10.480 --> 00:06:12.560 I'm gonna drown putting my head in the water. 00:06:12.720 --> 00:06:16.399 And we all know when our head is up, our body goes down. 00:06:16.639 --> 00:06:18.480 And you will never swim well. 00:06:19.439 --> 00:06:27.759 And see, this is the same is true with relational intelligence that we have to understand the things that we're gonna be talking about, the things that we're gonna be wrestling with. 00:06:27.920 --> 00:06:29.360 They're counterintuitive. 00:06:29.439 --> 00:06:32.079 It's not gonna be our natural response. 00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:47.600 And yet, in like manner, with the swimming, as we begin to put these into practice, what we'll find is we're gonna develop a skill of navigating the most important, meaningful relationships of our lives well. 00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:52.720 And so we live in a world filled with sound bites, don't we? 00:06:53.040 --> 00:07:01.040 It's got relational advice that unfortunately what happens because so much is coming at us, we tend to swallow a whole. 00:07:01.519 --> 00:07:07.600 Never evaluating, is it true, is it good, or is it wise? 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:18.079 And there is a major difference, friends, major difference between sounding good, feeling good, and being good for us. 00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:36.160 And so, for the next few weeks, what we're going to be doing is unpacking popular relational advice and then looking at the timeless principles we find in God's word to help us navigate our most important relationships with relational intelligence. 00:07:36.319 --> 00:07:37.839 And this morning I'm so excited. 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:41.839 This is a sermon I've wanted to give for about six months, by the way. 00:07:42.079 --> 00:07:49.839 Um we're gonna tackle the most pervasive relational advice in America. 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:54.639 In fact, I believe it's America's relational anthem. 00:07:55.120 --> 00:07:58.639 In fact, many of you have have given this advice, so don't feel bad. 00:07:58.800 --> 00:07:59.839 We're gonna talk about that. 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:09.199 Um, many of you have received this advice, and you can you don't have to go far to find it almost anywhere and everywhere. 00:08:09.360 --> 00:08:12.160 The America's relational anthem goes like this. 00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:14.319 Follow your help me out. 00:08:15.279 --> 00:08:16.399 Follow your heart. 00:08:16.639 --> 00:08:18.720 Oh, that sounds good, doesn't it? 00:08:19.519 --> 00:08:22.160 In fact, it feels really good in the moment. 00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:24.240 Follow your heart. 00:08:24.480 --> 00:08:27.120 Your heart will never lead you astray. 00:08:27.439 --> 00:08:30.399 We say things like this go with your heart. 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:35.600 Maybe you're sitting and you have a tough decision in front of you, maybe relationally, what's going on? 00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:38.799 Someone says, Well, well, what's your heart telling you? 00:08:41.679 --> 00:08:46.159 Do what you believe feels right. 00:08:48.080 --> 00:08:50.960 And we find this all over. 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:57.600 In fact, this has been part of the fabric of our culture for a very long time. 00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:11.279 And some of you will remember this, some of you are alive, I was not, when this song came out, 1972, Luther Ingram, great last name, came out with this hit song, If Loving You Is Wrong, I don't want to be right. 00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:12.240 That's right. 00:09:12.480 --> 00:09:16.639 If Loving You Is Wrong, all the way back then, see, millennials, it's not all new. 00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:17.519 I just had to give you that. 00:09:17.600 --> 00:09:19.039 He's like, hey, this is our anthem. 00:09:19.360 --> 00:09:21.759 Like, no, it's been around for a while. 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:26.639 The Chain Smokers, great band, don't suggest chain smoking. 00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:34.399 Um, they, 2018 incredibly like catchy song, wrote uh this feeling. 00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:36.399 And the course says this. 00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:40.320 They tell me, think with my head, not that thing in my chest. 00:09:40.399 --> 00:09:51.759 And then it goes on to say that, but if you're the one that I want, if that's really so wrong, then they don't know what this feeling is like. 00:09:52.879 --> 00:09:54.000 Isn't it amazing? 00:09:54.159 --> 00:09:59.600 Just to go almost, almost a 50-year span, and it's identical. 00:09:59.919 --> 00:10:02.559 Our songs, our anthem. 00:10:03.360 --> 00:10:05.759 Now, I'm gonna step on some toes here. 00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:06.960 I really apologize. 00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:12.799 So just take a deep breath, uncross your arms just for a second because they're gonna cross right back. 00:10:12.879 --> 00:10:13.759 I get it. 00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:18.879 Disney has been teaching this for a long time. 00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:22.320 Some of you are like, don't go there. 00:10:24.720 --> 00:10:25.919 Don't go there. 00:10:26.240 --> 00:10:28.879 Not Disney, not my Disney. 00:10:31.919 --> 00:10:34.559 Let me just take three Disney songs. 00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:39.120 I'm so sorry. 00:10:40.080 --> 00:10:40.960 Tarzan. 00:10:42.559 --> 00:10:43.679 I knew it. 00:10:45.840 --> 00:10:47.039 I love Phil. 00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:50.480 He can't dance, he can't talk. 00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:52.320 The only thing about him is the way that he walks. 00:10:52.480 --> 00:10:52.799 Okay. 00:10:53.200 --> 00:10:54.960 None of you knew that except three of you. 00:10:55.039 --> 00:10:56.399 It's a Phil Collins song. 00:10:56.480 --> 00:10:56.799 Okay. 00:10:57.200 --> 00:11:02.080 Um, Tarzan says, Trust your heart, let fate decide. 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:04.240 Aladdin. 00:11:05.679 --> 00:11:07.440 I love hearing the groans on this one. 00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:14.639 Aladdin says, When did you last let your heart decide? 00:11:15.679 --> 00:11:17.200 Okay, this is a deep track. 00:11:17.279 --> 00:11:18.799 This one's a little unfair. 00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:25.840 Uh, I full disclosure, this wasn't a song in the movie, it was in the closing credits. 00:11:25.919 --> 00:11:31.919 And so if this is only for the true Disney fans, Mulan. 00:11:34.399 --> 00:11:37.840 I had to give it to preface because that one's really beloved. 00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:44.080 Your heart can tell you no lies. 00:11:45.360 --> 00:11:55.440 See, America's national anthem when it comes to relationships, the most popular advice we give is follow your heart. 00:11:55.919 --> 00:11:59.759 Now, what if we just stop for a moment and thought about that? 00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:02.399 Follow your heart. 00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:10.240 In fact, underneath follow your heart is actually a few beliefs, two in particular I want to highlight. 00:12:10.399 --> 00:12:17.120 The first is in following your heart means that your emotions are the best guide for making relational decisions. 00:12:17.759 --> 00:12:29.600 Now, none of us would ever say that, but that's inherent in follow your heart because your emotions, your feelings, are the very best guide for making relational decisions. 00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:33.840 Now, let's just stop and think about that. 00:12:34.559 --> 00:12:38.080 What if we applied that to our health and nutrition? 00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:40.000 Follow your heart. 00:12:42.720 --> 00:12:45.679 Let me tell you how that would work out for us. 00:12:45.919 --> 00:12:49.600 For me in particular, follow your heart means I love eating out. 00:12:49.679 --> 00:12:54.559 We'd eat out all the time, so financially we would be shipwrecked because we ate out so much. 00:12:54.639 --> 00:12:55.759 Um, I love desserts. 00:12:55.840 --> 00:12:57.360 I have a massive sweet tooth. 00:12:57.440 --> 00:13:01.440 If I could eat it after every meal and for breakfast, it would be fantastic. 00:13:01.600 --> 00:13:03.120 And so that would not be good. 00:13:03.279 --> 00:13:06.159 And then instead of going to the gym, I just watch TV. 00:13:06.559 --> 00:13:09.840 That's kind of what following my heart would look like in nutrition and health. 00:13:09.919 --> 00:13:11.200 I don't know about you. 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:15.440 Now just imagine if we applied this idea into the financial area. 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:16.559 Think about this. 00:13:16.799 --> 00:13:29.919 Um suppose you sat down across from your financial planner, you're asking him or her their strategy on investments, and they said, Well, you know, I just really follow my heart. 00:13:32.080 --> 00:13:42.480 Would you want to invest your resources, your money with the person who doesn't have a plan, doesn't have a strategy, but just follows the whims of their heart? 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:43.440 No. 00:13:45.440 --> 00:13:54.639 Then why in the world would we ever do it in something so significant and way more significant than money, the relationships in our life? 00:13:55.759 --> 00:13:56.080 No. 00:13:57.759 --> 00:14:01.679 Um I'm gonna dig into this just a little bit deeper. 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:03.679 Let me ask you this. 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:08.000 Has your heart ever led you wrong? 00:14:10.480 --> 00:14:11.120 Yeah. 00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:16.960 Did you ever follow your heart and end up regretting dating him or her? 00:14:17.840 --> 00:14:20.080 Sleeping with him or her? 00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:24.639 Marrying him or her? 00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:34.639 Have you ever followed your heart only to realize a month later, a year later, your heart has changed? 00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:42.720 For some in this room, your biggest regrets have come from following your heart. 00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:45.759 And then we say something that's so interesting. 00:14:46.559 --> 00:14:51.200 Here's what we say at the end of a season like that. 00:14:51.759 --> 00:14:59.600 You say it about yourself, and certainly we say it about others when we watch the pain and the heartache. 00:15:00.399 --> 00:15:04.240 What were we thinking? 00:15:06.159 --> 00:15:17.360 And therein lies one of the great problems with our culture in that we have separated out our emotions and our feelings with our thinking. 00:15:19.759 --> 00:15:24.320 And so we live this dualistic reality. 00:15:24.879 --> 00:15:30.799 And it it feeds into this second fundamental belief under follow your heart. 00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:41.360 Not just that your emotions are the best guide for making relational decisions, but this is actually more deeply ingrained belief. 00:15:41.679 --> 00:15:44.720 Your emotions are the truest thing about you. 00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:48.559 We say things like, be true to yourself. 00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:50.320 You do you. 00:15:53.200 --> 00:15:58.960 See, when we talk about our heart, in our culture, we we're primarily referring to our feelings. 00:15:59.120 --> 00:15:59.919 Follow your feelings. 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:07.360 Your feelings are the truest thing about you, and so as a result, we live in emotionally reactionary culture. 00:16:08.799 --> 00:16:16.960 It elevates our feelings to being the most important way to discern what's best, what's true, and what's good. 00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:22.240 If you just follow your heart, it will never lead you wrong. 00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:24.080 And it plays out like this. 00:16:24.879 --> 00:16:26.080 Do you love him? 00:16:28.799 --> 00:16:29.360 Doesn't it? 00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:31.120 Well, I just fell out of love. 00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:39.200 You know, I'm not in love with my mate anymore, and I'm in love here, so it must be right, and it's okay. 00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:41.919 I'm just, it's the truest thing about me. 00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:44.879 It plays out. 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:46.879 Do they make you happy? 00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:52.399 Don't miss the final part of our series because I think it's so important. 00:16:52.720 --> 00:16:54.320 The relational advice. 00:16:54.639 --> 00:16:58.080 I deserve to be happy. 00:17:00.639 --> 00:17:02.799 They just don't make me happy anymore. 00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:05.359 They make me happier. 00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:06.880 I just got to. 00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:12.319 It even seeps into this idea of do they accept you for you? 00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:15.839 If I had to change, then oh my goodness. 00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:21.279 And we make major conclusions. 00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:22.319 Don't miss this. 00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:31.920 We make major conclusions about who we are, our identity, our sexuality, and our future based solely on how we feel. 00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:42.319 In our culture, the underlying belief is everything good and true is already inside of you. 00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:45.359 You just have to tap into it. 00:17:46.880 --> 00:17:49.200 That's actually Eastern mysticism. 00:17:50.160 --> 00:17:52.880 You just need to know where the roots of these come from. 00:17:53.759 --> 00:17:55.119 But let me ask you. 00:17:56.400 --> 00:18:00.640 Have your emotions ever been wrong? 00:18:03.839 --> 00:18:08.000 Have they ever led you astray? 00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:20.160 You see, when the Bible talks about the heart, it speaks very poignantly and gives us a different picture than they're the best guide and the truest thing about you. 00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:24.160 In fact, the prophet Jeremiah wrote something so painfully insightful. 00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:26.559 He says this. 00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:33.839 The heart, next slide, is deceitful above all things. 00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:36.799 And desperately sick. 00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:39.519 Who can understand it? 00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:41.759 The heart. 00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:49.039 It's not like the truest thing about you, or the best guide for decisions, Jeremiah the prophet would say. 00:18:49.200 --> 00:18:55.119 He'd say, no, no, no, the heart has this incredible capacity for self-deception. 00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:15.039 And so the question is what do we do with our heart if we don't follow it? 00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:19.279 What do we actually do then with this heart? 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:29.440 Because we're a little confused now, and I know I just spent some time helping us think through and undermine and deconstruct our cultural philosophy. 00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:31.920 But then what do we do? 00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:39.920 Now, one of the things our culture has gotten right is our heart is of central importance. 00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:44.559 The Bible has actually a lot to say about the heart. 00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:50.640 And when it speaks about the heart, it doesn't just speak about your feelings or your emotions. 00:19:50.799 --> 00:19:55.279 In fact, the Hebrew thought didn't separate the interior life of a person. 00:19:55.680 --> 00:20:04.319 The heart, according to the Bible, when you read that in Scripture, it means the center of a person's mind, emotions, and will. 00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:08.720 It is the seat of one's moral conscience and affection. 00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:10.559 This is the heart. 00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:12.960 It is the interior you. 00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:32.160 And so when the Bible speaks of it, it speaks much more broadly and significantly in how we are to attend and care for our hearts, and that is not separated from your mind, your will, or your feelings, but it's all of who you are. 00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:41.680 And in Proverbs, if you would open up to Proverbs chapter 4, verse 23, the author gives us incredible wisdom. 00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:49.839 Okay, if we're not gonna follow our heart, if this is not the best guide, if it's not the truest thing about me, what in the world do I do with it? 00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:52.559 Because now I'm just confused. 00:20:52.640 --> 00:20:54.720 I don't know which direction to go, Ingram. 00:20:56.160 --> 00:20:58.880 Listen to what the author says. 00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:02.960 Above all else, guard your heart. 00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:08.559 For everything you do flows from it. 00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:12.400 Just underline above all else. 00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:31.279 This is one of those comparative statements where he's saying, if you're gonna compare your activity, your intentionality, your energy and your time, where you're put the most energy, the most time, the most focus in, guard your heart. 00:21:31.599 --> 00:21:34.400 Watch, protect, preserve. 00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:37.839 More than anything else. 00:21:38.400 --> 00:21:41.279 If you do nothing else is what he's saying. 00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:43.519 Guard your heart. 00:21:43.839 --> 00:21:44.480 Why? 00:21:45.119 --> 00:21:46.319 For everything. 00:21:46.799 --> 00:21:48.640 Circle that word everything. 00:21:49.839 --> 00:21:50.960 Everything. 00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:55.519 You do flows from it. 00:21:58.400 --> 00:21:59.359 The author's saying. 00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:04.720 All of life flows from your heart. 00:22:06.880 --> 00:22:10.400 All of your life flows from your heart. 00:22:10.559 --> 00:22:17.519 Everything you have done and will do has first originated from inside of you from your heart. 00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:25.119 And so the condition of your heart directly impacts the quality of your relationships around you. 00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:30.319 So he says, guard your heart. 00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:39.039 And our tendency, when we think about our heart, our tendency is to think our hearts are neutral. 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:43.279 That they're just this neutral reality. 00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:50.480 And yet the truth is our hearts are deeply and profoundly influenced. 00:22:50.960 --> 00:23:01.839 How we think, how we feel, how we act is actually shaped and formed by what I call the streams of influence. 00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:10.400 And I have a picture here because what the author's painting here is a little bit missed in our text, especially in the NIV. 00:23:10.480 --> 00:23:15.599 He's actually painting a picture that the original audience got immediately. 00:23:16.079 --> 00:23:17.680 I pull up the proverb again. 00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:22.960 Next slide, Edwin. 00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:23.440 Thank you. 00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:24.720 Next slide again. 00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:26.480 And so he's gonna go then. 00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:30.160 I get it, got it in the NASV here because it gets back to the point. 00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:33.759 Watch over your heart with all diligence. 00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:34.559 Why? 00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:37.599 For from it flow the help me out. 00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:39.119 Springs. 00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:42.000 Now he's painting a picture here. 00:23:42.079 --> 00:23:43.920 And I want to paint a picture for you. 00:23:44.079 --> 00:23:47.599 And yes, I can't help but get the whiteboard out. 00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:52.160 And I know on the back you're gonna have a little hard time seeing this. 00:23:53.119 --> 00:24:01.759 But this picture is gonna stick with you, and it might be one of the most important pictures you see and you get this year. 00:24:01.920 --> 00:24:04.319 I call it the streams of influence. 00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:10.319 Because if we can understand what the author's saying here, it will reshape how you go about your life. 00:24:10.559 --> 00:24:19.839 Now, what he's saying is I just want you to have you have a heart in your bulletin, and I know it's not like uh Thanksgiving, uh Thanksgiving, um Valentine's Day yet. 00:24:20.079 --> 00:24:21.759 Here's what I want you to do. 00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:24.960 I I want you to write your name right in the middle. 00:24:25.039 --> 00:24:26.960 I'm gonna write mine right there, Ryan. 00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:29.839 This is your heart. 00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:35.759 The picture that the author is saying is your heart is like a reservoir. 00:24:36.880 --> 00:24:41.440 Your heart is a spring from which life or water flows. 00:24:41.519 --> 00:24:53.200 And so what the author's saying is this is your heart, and like a reservoir has one place that it pours out, that is your life. 00:24:53.920 --> 00:24:56.000 Your identity flows from here. 00:24:56.319 --> 00:24:58.000 Identity, okay. 00:24:58.319 --> 00:24:58.960 Right? 00:24:59.680 --> 00:25:09.839 Your work, your relationships, the way you love, the way you talk. 00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:31.279 In fact, Jesus would say, of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, the way you spend your energy, your time, your passions, all of who you are and what you do flows from here. 00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:34.480 Just one river coming out. 00:25:35.839 --> 00:25:39.759 No, I will not win any artistic awards, okay? 00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:42.559 But you will get it. 00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:46.640 All of that, what you treasure, you want to know what has your heart? 00:25:46.799 --> 00:25:52.960 Jesus would say, What you treasure and value most has your heart. 00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:55.119 Now, here's the part we miss. 00:25:56.240 --> 00:26:04.640 The part we tend to miss on this is that our heart is constantly being influenced and impacted. 00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:07.920 That's the reason the author says, guard or watch over your heart. 00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:11.279 Just like a reservoir, it has streams. 00:26:13.039 --> 00:26:15.839 Streams that are flowing into it. 00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:26.960 These streams fill up the reservoir, and once the reservoir is full, only out of the overflow does the reservoir pour forth. 00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:31.119 The question is, what are the streams of influence in your life? 00:26:32.720 --> 00:26:38.880 See, I know for some of us, many of us, past hurts. 00:26:40.400 --> 00:26:50.559 Maybe trauma is a stream of influence in your life, that's pouring into your heart. 00:26:51.119 --> 00:27:16.880 Maybe it's your family of origin that is pouring into your life, your self-talk, and what you say to yourself, the shame, the guilt, the the you'll never be good enough. 00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:24.799 You always you have to prove your desire for acceptance is pouring into your life. 00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:29.359 Okay, let's let's get a little bit personal here. 00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:34.400 Umcial media. 00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:42.880 The average person we said last week spends three hours a day on social media. 00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:46.079 I did some quick math because I'm fantastic at it. 00:27:46.319 --> 00:27:53.839 Um, that means on average, adults spend 1,095 hours per year on social media. 00:27:54.720 --> 00:27:58.799 Now, here's the fascinating part. 00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:05.519 We all know and have seen the studies, at least I assume so. 00:28:06.160 --> 00:28:12.079 Time on social media platforms increases anxiety, depression, insecurity. 00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:21.920 Like, like we understand that this stream is pouring into here, and what's coming out is insecurity. 00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:24.160 What's coming out is anxiety. 00:28:24.319 --> 00:28:28.640 What's coming out is a sense of comparing and never being good enough. 00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:30.880 Do you get it? 00:28:32.720 --> 00:28:33.039 Okay. 00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:38.160 Oh man, this one's gonna hurt. 00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:49.599 TV, media, movies, binge watching, Netflix, Amazon. 00:28:55.039 --> 00:29:06.319 See, we somehow have deluded ourselves to think that I can take all that in and it has no impact, and yet it is like a stream uh pouring into the reservoir. 00:29:06.480 --> 00:29:13.519 Now, here's how we're uh this is the reason Jeremiah would say the heart is deceptive above all else. 00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:24.000 Is it starts as a trickle, it starts a little, and it just slowly kind of fills up. 00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:27.519 You ever seen something gradually change over the course? 00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:33.039 And if you're if you're constantly there all the time, you never notice the change. 00:29:33.759 --> 00:29:36.079 For many, that's the state of your heart. 00:29:37.519 --> 00:29:38.480 Music. 00:29:39.200 --> 00:29:40.720 Don't mess with my music. 00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:42.720 I love music, by the way. 00:29:43.599 --> 00:29:49.279 But let's just look at the state of uh our millennials Gen Z. 00:29:49.599 --> 00:29:52.160 I was watching the Grammys the other night. 00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:59.440 Love the Grammys, it was one of the most dark Grammys I've seen. 00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:02.960 Billie Ellish won five Grammys. 00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:07.680 And if you don't know her music, go ahead and listen to it for a week and you'll be depressed. 00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:10.720 Incredibly gifted. 00:30:11.599 --> 00:30:15.359 She's a genius, really musically. 00:30:15.839 --> 00:30:26.960 But when you pour that into your soul and you're constantly pouring those messages and those words and those thoughts into your soul, you can't help but have it come out here. 00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:36.480 Jesus would say it this way: as a person thinks, so they become. 00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:44.319 When I was in high school, um I uh I got into a phase of nirvana. 00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:45.920 Nirvana was big. 00:30:46.319 --> 00:30:48.079 Some of you just need to go look them up. 00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:49.200 It's fine. 00:30:51.119 --> 00:30:54.960 And I had one, because I had to sneak it, my parents wouldn't let me have it. 00:30:55.119 --> 00:31:08.160 Uh I had to sneak this tape, and I had this tape, yeah, tape, and and I'm listening on repeat, and I just remember being so depressed and down and not even knowing why. 00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:15.599 Because as a teen, we don't get it, we don't understand it, but we just kind of take it in because we're like, hey, I like it, and hey, it's kind of rebellious, that'd be great. 00:31:15.759 --> 00:31:20.079 And yet it is flowing into our hearts. 00:31:21.359 --> 00:31:21.680 No. 00:31:24.160 --> 00:31:26.240 Oh, this is a big one. 00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:29.839 Friendships. 00:31:35.200 --> 00:31:37.279 Who are the people around you? 00:31:39.200 --> 00:31:45.440 Paul would say it this way, take note of this in 1 Corinthians 14 or 15. 00:31:47.039 --> 00:31:50.160 Bad company corrupts good character. 00:31:52.799 --> 00:31:55.119 Like the friendships you surround yourself. 00:31:55.519 --> 00:31:59.599 It's been said many times, show me your friends and I can show you your future. 00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:00.319 Why? 00:32:00.559 --> 00:32:09.200 Because they are a stream of influence into your life that is shaping and molding who you are. 00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:13.200 And some of you are going, like, Ingram, are you ever going to get to God's word? 00:32:13.440 --> 00:32:14.160 Yeah, right now. 00:32:14.319 --> 00:32:15.279 Thank you very much. 00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:17.920 Think about this. 00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:22.880 God's word is a stream of influence. 00:32:23.279 --> 00:32:25.119 Psalm 119 says this. 00:32:25.359 --> 00:32:30.400 How can a young person stay on the path of purity by living according to your word? 00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:34.319 Then it says this, I will seek you with all my heart. 00:32:34.480 --> 00:32:35.759 How much of their heart? 00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:36.799 All of it. 00:32:37.039 --> 00:32:37.519 Why? 00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:42.160 Don't let me be astray from your commands. 00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:47.039 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. 00:32:49.359 --> 00:32:52.160 God's word streaming into our heart. 00:32:52.640 --> 00:32:54.079 Godly mentors. 00:32:57.359 --> 00:33:02.880 He who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools suffer harm. 00:33:04.079 --> 00:33:05.599 Who you surround yourself? 00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:07.119 Church. 00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:15.759 Worshiping together, sitting under the teaching of God's word, and then applying it. 00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:17.200 Our groups. 00:33:21.599 --> 00:33:25.759 See, let me ask you, how's your heart? 00:33:29.119 --> 00:33:40.000 See, at some point we have to address and think about the streams of influence that are feeding into our hearts because those are the very things that shape our future and what we do. 00:33:40.160 --> 00:33:43.519 They shape our relationships and how they go. 00:33:44.559 --> 00:33:50.000 And so relational intelligence says this don't follow your heart. 00:33:51.119 --> 00:33:52.640 Guard your heart. 00:33:53.119 --> 00:33:54.799 Don't follow your heart. 00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:56.240 Guard your heart. 00:33:56.400 --> 00:33:56.960 Why? 00:33:57.279 --> 00:34:00.640 For all of life flows from it. 00:34:01.279 --> 00:34:03.200 Parents, quick word to you. 00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:10.400 We are guardians of the streams of influence in our kids' lives. 00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:30.239 And that changes obviously as they get older, but I'm very concerned that too many parents are handing their kids iPads, having no idea what they're on, and allowing them to be shaped, informed, and influenced by everything else instead of going, guess what? 00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:38.079 I'm a guardian of my kids, and so I'm gonna know the type of friends, the music, what they're watching, so social media. 00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:46.800 I want to know the self-talk that they're telling themselves because I want God's word to inform their identity, not culture, not social media. 00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:49.840 Maybe for everyone else in here. 00:34:51.519 --> 00:34:53.199 The secret streams. 00:34:53.519 --> 00:34:55.440 We didn't talk about those, did we? 00:34:58.480 --> 00:35:01.920 The streams that you don't want anyone else to know. 00:35:04.079 --> 00:35:08.480 The streams that you say, well, it's not hurting anyone else. 00:35:10.079 --> 00:35:13.440 Oh, and first one that comes to mind pornography. 00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:24.400 The secret streams not only pollute your heart, but it will ultimately publicly expose in your relationships. 00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:30.400 See, there are streams in your life that you need to dam up. 00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:36.159 There are streams in your life that you need to put a filter on. 00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:40.320 A brita filter for that stream in your life. 00:35:40.639 --> 00:35:42.719 Maybe it's with your social media. 00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:44.559 Hey, I have a filter. 00:35:44.800 --> 00:35:47.760 I just don't have any social media on my phone. 00:35:47.840 --> 00:35:50.880 I don't even get the news feed anymore because the news feed was messing me up. 00:35:50.960 --> 00:35:53.360 I'm like, I don't want all that coming in at me. 00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:56.239 So maybe you need to put a filter on it. 00:35:56.320 --> 00:36:04.079 Maybe there's some friendships that, honestly, or a dating relationship that is a that is a stream that's polluting your heart, and you actually need to cut it off. 00:36:04.159 --> 00:36:06.000 And I know that sounds harsh. 00:36:07.760 --> 00:36:10.880 The question isn't follow your heart. 00:36:11.119 --> 00:36:13.519 Is are you guarding your heart? 00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:23.679 So let me ask you, what are the streams of influence that are polluting or purifying your heart? 00:36:25.760 --> 00:36:40.719 This week, would you take that picture and actually unpack it in your life and recognize, oh, what are the streams of influence that are polluting? 00:36:41.280 --> 00:36:46.559 What are the streams of influence that are purifying and refining you? 00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:52.239 See, I know for many of us in this room, like we got to amp up God's word. 00:36:52.719 --> 00:37:02.960 We got to amp up and actually commit, I get that this is a busy season and a busy place, but you got to get in a group and grow with some people and get honest and be real and go, you know what? 00:37:03.119 --> 00:37:06.880 I want to become the man or the woman God has created me to be. 00:37:06.960 --> 00:37:10.400 And so I'm going to begin to invest in these areas. 00:37:12.239 --> 00:37:16.639 What are the streams of influence that are polluting or purifying? 00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:19.599 And I just want to give you just this one word here. 00:37:20.639 --> 00:37:22.159 It's a process. 00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:27.280 See, we kind of think, oh, I got into God's word, and everything should here should change. 00:37:27.760 --> 00:37:38.880 It took a long time to fill that reservoir up, and it'll take time of cutting off some bad streams, filtering out some of those, and pumping in fresh, clean, pure water. 00:37:39.360 --> 00:37:49.840 And as you consistently do that, what you'll see is your heart and your life will change, and your work and your relationships and the way you talk, your identity. 00:37:50.079 --> 00:37:53.440 What are the streams of influence that are polluting or purifying your heart? 00:37:53.519 --> 00:38:00.239 And then this question for the sake of your, and you fill in the blank. 00:38:01.039 --> 00:38:04.000 Where do you need to apply disproportionate energy? 00:38:05.519 --> 00:38:10.960 For the sake of your marriage, where do you need to apply disproportionate energy? 00:38:11.199 --> 00:38:13.519 Remember, it said above all else. 00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:16.800 That is disproportionate energy. 00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:19.119 Where do you need to go above all else? 00:38:19.679 --> 00:38:21.840 For the sake of your family. 00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:26.960 Where do you need to apply disproportionate energy? 00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:33.360 For the sake of your friendship, for the sake of your future, listen, and you can write this one in. 00:38:33.519 --> 00:38:37.119 For the sake of your hearts. 00:38:38.800 --> 00:38:43.519 Where do you need to apply disproportionate energies? 00:38:43.840 --> 00:38:49.519 Singles in the room, I want to just extend this challenge to you when it comes to relationships and this. 00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:51.360 Would you focus? 00:38:51.679 --> 00:38:58.000 Would you focus on becoming the right person over finding the right person? 00:38:59.840 --> 00:39:08.800 Would you focus on the heart work instead of just trying to get you someone to meet you? 00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:17.360 In fact, I I've given this challenge multiple times, and it's the one thing that people come back to years later and thank me. 00:39:17.519 --> 00:39:21.920 In fact, my wife and I were on a date the other day, and this guy, and I couldn't quite recognize his name. 00:39:22.079 --> 00:39:23.119 I'm like, oh, I know him. 00:39:23.199 --> 00:39:25.360 I had to look him up on Facebook to remember his name. 00:39:25.519 --> 00:39:26.400 It's a great guy. 00:39:26.559 --> 00:39:28.480 Years ago, used to go to Awakening. 00:39:28.719 --> 00:39:32.000 And he stopped and thanked me for this bit of advice. 00:39:33.599 --> 00:39:39.519 He said, When you said during that relationship series, and I challenge men on this, men, we need this. 00:39:39.679 --> 00:39:42.079 Women, you're more in tune, but you need this as well. 00:39:42.159 --> 00:39:44.480 But men, you need to step up in this. 00:39:45.199 --> 00:39:49.119 Take one year, stop dating. 00:39:51.440 --> 00:39:56.800 And focus on your character, focus on your heart, focus on your relationship with Jesus. 00:39:56.960 --> 00:40:02.559 By the way, that's what's incredibly attractive to these godly women here. 00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:10.320 And I promise you, you make that commitment one year from this day. 00:40:10.880 --> 00:40:13.599 Next Super Bowl, I'm gonna start dating again. 00:40:18.400 --> 00:40:22.320 About three months on average, the woman in your dreams went to your life. 00:40:22.480 --> 00:40:24.400 You're going, oh my goodness. 00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:30.639 And if she's really the woman in your dreams, you just let her know you made the commitment and you can be friends, but you can't date and she'll wait. 00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:33.599 But you know what? 00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:48.719 I've had the joy of having men come up to me years later, introduce me to their wives, thank me for that piece of advice, and then show me their kids, and they're like, I'm so grateful for it. 00:40:50.320 --> 00:40:58.079 See, because everything you do flows from here in your life. 00:40:59.039 --> 00:41:04.159 And so if you want to have a great relationship, it starts with your heart. 00:41:05.360 --> 00:41:08.400 And that's my word to some of you married. 00:41:08.719 --> 00:41:10.960 Maybe you've been in a relationship a long time. 00:41:11.119 --> 00:41:17.760 Would you focus on your heart change over trying to change your spouse's heart? 00:41:20.320 --> 00:41:27.440 We spend way too much time and energy in marriage trying to change our spouse's heart. 00:41:29.039 --> 00:41:29.679 You can't. 00:41:30.239 --> 00:41:31.280 Only God can. 00:41:32.159 --> 00:41:38.320 So stop trying and realize it's an issue of my heart. 00:41:40.079 --> 00:41:43.280 God, I'm going to give you my heart. 00:41:44.079 --> 00:41:46.079 Would you change mine? 00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:47.440 Would you stand up? 00:41:47.519 --> 00:41:48.559 We'll close. 00:41:52.880 --> 00:41:59.920 For some, as we close, there's some things in your heart that you need to deal with and you need to come forward for prayer. 00:42:00.239 --> 00:42:02.480 Our prayer teams in the back. 00:42:03.440 --> 00:42:07.920 Uh, and I pointed to the front, in the front and in the back. 00:42:08.800 --> 00:42:17.360 And for others, there's there's actually a heart like changed, like literal change, and that's part of the gospel that I don't want you to miss. 00:42:17.840 --> 00:42:24.639 It's not just, hey, I have to do all this, but but that God wants to come in and meet you. 00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:28.400 The the prophet Ezekiel said it this way: I'll give you a new heart. 00:42:28.639 --> 00:42:29.679 I'll give you a new heart. 00:42:29.760 --> 00:42:33.760 Some of you are like, My heart is so hard, I feel so far, this is overwhelming. 00:42:33.840 --> 00:42:40.559 And you come to him, and based on the blood and the finished work of Jesus, and you say, God, I desperately need you. 00:42:40.719 --> 00:42:41.760 Would you come into my life? 00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:46.079 Jesus said, Behold, I stand at the door of your heart and knock. 00:42:46.159 --> 00:42:50.480 And if you will welcome me in, I will give you a new heart. 00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:53.920 For many, that's your first step this morning. 00:42:54.320 --> 00:42:56.880 And you're going, like, okay, I want to know more about that. 00:42:57.039 --> 00:43:00.559 Would you come and pray with one of our teams? 00:43:01.519 --> 00:43:05.280 As you go from this place, may you have an awesome Super Bowl. 00:43:08.480 --> 00:43:11.199 But may it start a journey. 00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:24.800 A journey where God begins to do something deeply and profoundly in you that shapes every relationship in your life. 00:43:26.559 --> 00:43:34.800 You are profoundly loved by the God of the universe, and you can entrust your heart to him. 00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:40.000 And so would you would you take that step today? 00:43:42.239 --> 00:43:43.440 We'll see you next week. 00:43:44.239 --> 00:43:46.480 Part three of Relational Intelligence.