WEBVTT 00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:07.200 Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast. 00:00:07.519 --> 00:00:11.599 We exist to awaken this generation to new life in Christ. 00:00:11.839 --> 00:00:13.039 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:13.199 --> 00:00:16.399 To find out more, go to awakeningchurch.com. 00:00:18.160 --> 00:00:22.800 I miss a few things that you know that I get to come back to the Bay Area for. 00:00:22.960 --> 00:00:27.920 Of course, Awakening and you and the and the people, friends, of course, is at the top of the list. 00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:31.519 And you know, Florida is, I think Florida gets a bad rap. 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:31.920 I don't know. 00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:36.880 That's my perception of, you know, before I went to Florida and things I hear, but it's like we we love West Palm Beach. 00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:41.679 I mean, Florida does not have alligators roaming around the driveways, as some people think, all the time. 00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:43.359 In fact, I've seen one in two and a half years. 00:00:43.439 --> 00:00:51.439 So I'm just saying, yes, humidity, it's like a sauna sometimes, no doubt, but you know, there's air conditioned, so you know, um, it's not so bad. 00:00:51.679 --> 00:00:58.560 Um, one of the things that I do miss though of the Bay Area is is In N Out Burger, right? 00:00:58.799 --> 00:01:03.200 And it's like you talk about In N Out Burger in Florida, and they're like, what? 00:01:03.359 --> 00:01:05.200 You're dumb at a fast food restaurant? 00:01:05.359 --> 00:01:05.599 Really? 00:01:05.760 --> 00:01:07.040 Can that cheeseburger be so good? 00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:14.719 I'm like, yes, it is, you know, it's like I leave the airport yesterday or the other day Friday and I go right to In N Out, mostly because my son wanted it, but I love In N Out Burger, right? 00:01:14.799 --> 00:01:15.760 But people just don't get it. 00:01:15.840 --> 00:01:17.359 You know, you guys have kind of been around, right? 00:01:17.439 --> 00:01:18.879 You talk about like, huh, you know. 00:01:19.040 --> 00:01:20.239 Um so that's the bad news. 00:01:20.400 --> 00:01:22.959 Doesn't have that in Florida, but we do have Chick-fil-A. 00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:26.000 If you're a fan of Chick-fil-A, I am, and that's a good thing. 00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:29.359 I think it would have been a deal breaker that maybe we wouldn't have moved there if they didn't have it. 00:01:29.439 --> 00:01:41.840 But I remember when the Sunny Vale Chick-fil-A went up here, I don't know if anybody remembers that, but uh me and a couple buddies decided we were gonna sleep out at Chick-fil-A and be one of the first 100, because you know what happens with that, right? 00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:44.000 You get free Chick-fil-A for a year. 00:01:44.159 --> 00:01:46.239 So I'm like, I'm all in, let's do it. 00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:50.799 So I try to convince Sherry, my wife, uh, to do it with me, right? 00:01:50.879 --> 00:01:54.640 I'm giving her a hard time, I'm nudging, and and and she's like, Are you kidding me? 00:01:54.719 --> 00:01:55.280 Do you know me? 00:01:55.439 --> 00:01:57.200 You know, no, I'm not gonna do that, you know? 00:01:57.280 --> 00:01:59.680 And and of course I respect her decision and didn't bug her anymore. 00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:01.280 No, not true, but I I kept bugging her. 00:02:01.359 --> 00:02:02.719 She kept saying, no, no, no. 00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:06.000 And I started, you know, going through this long list of things that you know would be awesome. 00:02:06.079 --> 00:02:11.439 Like, we get to stay all up all night and eat all this Chick-fil-a, and it would be a couple other dudes, and we'll stay out in the tent. 00:02:11.520 --> 00:02:15.520 And I started like listing these things, I'm like, these are these are all things she hates, you know. 00:02:15.759 --> 00:02:17.840 It's like, you know, it's like, what, what? 00:02:18.400 --> 00:02:23.199 You know, and um, she's like, I am not gonna go sleep with three smelly guys in the tent. 00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:24.560 You have fun with that. 00:02:24.639 --> 00:02:28.319 I'll be in my warm bed at home, eating whatever I want, yada yada yada, right? 00:02:28.400 --> 00:02:36.319 But I did actually do it with my buddies, and we did become one of the first 100 at that Chick-fil-A, and I did not share any of it the whole year with Sherry, right? 00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:39.199 So it's like, too bad, buy your own, you know. 00:02:39.360 --> 00:02:40.800 Um there, there we have it. 00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:45.520 So some of you are like, okay, Steve, he really is an idiot. 00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:46.719 Did he really do that? 00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:47.840 Did he really try to convince her? 00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:52.080 And some of you are like, You're a genius, that's awesome, fist bump in the air, right? 00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:57.039 And um, and the and the thing that Sherry said to me along the way is what I say to you. 00:02:57.199 --> 00:03:01.039 Sherry said to me when we were in these conversations, I was listening to all these things, like, you should come do this. 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:02.800 She told me, she goes, You've heard this phrase. 00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:04.960 She goes, You do you, and I'll do me. 00:03:05.039 --> 00:03:06.400 You know, I'll be back home. 00:03:06.560 --> 00:03:11.039 And um and and and and that's kind of you know what ended the conversation. 00:03:11.199 --> 00:03:13.599 And I think about that phrase, you do you. 00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:16.560 It's kind of common language in our in our culture in our day. 00:03:16.719 --> 00:03:18.560 Maybe you've said it, maybe you've heard it said to you. 00:03:18.639 --> 00:03:21.120 But you know, it's a great phrase in a lot of ways. 00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:27.039 It it affirms uh, you know, how it's used, it typically affirms someone, so they say, like, be yourself, right? 00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:27.840 You do you, right? 00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:28.240 Kind of thing. 00:03:28.319 --> 00:03:29.840 And it's like, okay, that's a good thing. 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:38.639 And and there's something great about you know living in your true self and releasing you know that person to be who they really were created to be and all their uniqueness. 00:03:38.960 --> 00:03:40.400 Something wonderful about that. 00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:57.840 And you know, in a day when a lot of us, uh, I guess it's a human thing, struggle with people pleasing or or maybe living in our false self in one way or another, which is kind of a not a good way to live, you know, this idea of you do you and living in your uniqueness, there's some really good aspects of it. 00:03:58.080 --> 00:04:05.360 But it can also go different directions, and and I guess you could say it has a good side and it has sort of a dark side, if you will, right? 00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:06.960 That we have to reckon with. 00:04:08.080 --> 00:04:18.000 And the dark side is this is you do you is all good until it takes you into that zone where you get overly focused on yourself. 00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:30.240 We live in a culture where self-love, so to speak, and too much of it is become normal and become accepted and embraced, but but you do you is not all good, right? 00:04:30.319 --> 00:04:43.680 There's this other side of it, and and and I think the way we navigate this whole idea, it fits under the umbrella of relational intelligence, of what we're talking about in the series. 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:54.319 And it affects the way we walk through this relational landscape in our lives, it affects the way we relate to people and impacts the health of our relational world, of our relationships. 00:04:54.480 --> 00:05:01.759 So there was this recent New York Times uh magazine piece that actually did a piece on the phrase you do you. 00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:06.480 And it associates that phrase with a narcissistic culture. 00:05:06.639 --> 00:05:09.759 So it was kind of an interesting read that I came across. 00:05:09.920 --> 00:05:18.000 And and the whole concept of narcissism came from, you may know the story, but it came from, you know, it was a Greek story that came from a guy named narcissists. 00:05:18.079 --> 00:05:28.480 So it was this guy who was this attractive warrior and he was compelled to beauty, and he loved beauty, and and of course he thought that he was the most beautiful creature, yeah, creature that ever existed, right? 00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:33.439 And and and and and nothing could sort of, you know, live up to his standard of beauty. 00:05:33.519 --> 00:05:41.120 But he held beauty in high regard, and the story goes, he got dejected at some point, he couldn't find anything uh that could live up to his beauty. 00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:50.160 And so one day he's walking by the pond and he looks into the pond and he sees the most beautiful creature he's ever seen. 00:05:50.399 --> 00:05:53.600 And he jumps in the pond and he drowns. 00:05:53.839 --> 00:06:01.759 Now that story may not be familiar to you, but I know one thing that is familiar to us is the image of drowning in self-love. 00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:05.439 Our culture has become numb to this in so many ways. 00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:09.839 Like I said, it's become normal and okay and embraced and accepted. 00:06:10.720 --> 00:06:23.360 Now, I'm not suggesting that we're all narcissists in the room, but what I am suggesting is this, that we all have a susceptibility to this whole idea of too much loving of ourselves. 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:24.879 It's a real thing. 00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:25.920 It's not normal. 00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:30.399 It's not the it's not the um it's not the way of the scriptures. 00:06:30.879 --> 00:06:45.120 And quite frankly, if if we give in to this susceptibility, what ends up happening in our relational world is it will disrupt and derail and damage our relationships, not to mention our soul. 00:06:45.439 --> 00:06:49.680 And so the scriptures give us a different vantage point, give us a different framework. 00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:55.759 And in one place, uh you have the Apostle Paul who writes in Philippians chapter two, he writes this amazing letter. 00:06:55.920 --> 00:06:58.879 He writes it to this group of people in the city called Philippi. 00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:00.480 He's writing from prison. 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:04.000 It's actually often called the joy epistle or the joy letter. 00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:10.240 So Paul's writing with joy, and he's infusing encouragement and challenge, and says all kinds of amazing really things. 00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:12.000 It's one of my favorite books in the Bible. 00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:16.639 And he says in chapter 2, beginning in verse 3, he says this. 00:07:17.120 --> 00:07:22.560 He says, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. 00:07:23.199 --> 00:07:33.439 Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of others. 00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:40.720 And then he says in verse 5, in your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Jesus Christ. 00:07:40.959 --> 00:07:45.519 Or you could say, have the same orientation toward relationships as Jesus Christ. 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:49.839 And then he has this amazing picture of Jesus that he paints that we'll come back to in a moment. 00:07:50.240 --> 00:07:57.120 But but here's what Paul is saying here, both to his audience and today in our day to us. 00:07:57.360 --> 00:07:59.839 There's this Greek word in there, it was originally written in Greek. 00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:03.279 There's this Greek word in there, scopos, s-k-o-p-o-s. 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:05.199 Everybody say scopos. 00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:07.279 Yeah, speaking a different language, right? 00:08:07.360 --> 00:08:08.240 Scopos, right? 00:08:08.319 --> 00:08:17.360 So what that word means, in essence, translated, it means focused attention or pay close attention to or zero in on. 00:08:17.680 --> 00:08:23.199 And so what Paul is essentially saying, right, the idea isn't don't value yourself. 00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:36.799 That's not what Paul is saying, it's not what the scriptures are saying anywhere, but but it is saying, I am challenging you, I am moving you, I am calling you to expand your heart ever more in valuing other people. 00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:43.600 Because we all have the susceptibility, we all have the default to focus right here, to focus on me. 00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:45.200 You do you, right? 00:08:45.279 --> 00:08:49.200 There's something good in that, and then it goes awry when there's too much of that. 00:08:49.519 --> 00:08:53.759 And lays through this passage is also the idea of humility. 00:08:54.480 --> 00:09:02.960 And there's kind of a famous uh quote about humility that says uh really this that the goal is not to uh think less of yourself. 00:09:03.039 --> 00:09:05.039 You've probably heard this, but it's to what? 00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:08.480 Yeah, think of yourself less. 00:09:09.039 --> 00:09:10.000 And that's it, right? 00:09:10.240 --> 00:09:14.480 This is about love, valuing others and and and going the path of humility is about love. 00:09:14.559 --> 00:09:26.000 This passage paints this picture about love, and love, in a sense, in this context especially, is in a sense you forget about yourself for a moment and you zero in, as Paul says, right? 00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:30.000 You forget about yourself in a moment because you're so focused on the other. 00:09:30.879 --> 00:09:33.759 I mean, what would it be like to live like that? 00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:38.799 To be that kind of person, because this this is what Paul is calling us to. 00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:41.679 It's the same life that Jesus calls us to. 00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:53.759 In fact, it's critical in this context of relational intelligence if we want to cultivate healthy relationships, if we want to have vitality in our relational world, all across the board. 00:09:53.919 --> 00:09:59.120 But here's the thing we all know that isn't easy. 00:09:59.679 --> 00:10:16.559 I remember years ago I met a guy named Shane, and Shane tells this story about uh his heart to become more compassionate and more focused on others, and he said, I thought about the person that's you know most like that in the world. 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:18.960 And he thought of Mother Teresa. 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:21.919 So he tells this story about he says, Why not? 00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:27.039 I'm gonna I'm gonna try to go visit Calcutta, where Mother Teresa is before she passed years ago. 00:10:27.279 --> 00:10:31.120 And so he calls up, somehow he gets the the the orphanage she's part of. 00:10:31.279 --> 00:10:35.919 He calls up, you know, trying to figure out if he can come visit and you know, maybe meet Mother Teresa. 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:39.440 And he calls up, he says, Um, can I speak with Mother Teresa? 00:10:39.759 --> 00:10:43.679 And he tells the story, and and the lady on the phone says, This is her. 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:45.600 And he was just like flabbergasted. 00:10:45.759 --> 00:10:47.440 He was like, I didn't have words, I didn't know what to say. 00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:49.360 I was like taken back, you know. 00:10:49.600 --> 00:10:54.879 And uh they basically had a conversation, and he said, Can I can I actually come out and visit? 00:10:54.960 --> 00:10:56.720 I would love to just learn from you and see what you do. 00:10:56.799 --> 00:11:02.000 And she, of course, invited him out, and he goes to Calcutta a few weeks later and he spends time there. 00:11:02.159 --> 00:11:05.360 And what Shane told me, I never forgot. 00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:07.919 Because I asked him, he's like, What was Mother Teresa like? 00:11:08.000 --> 00:11:09.120 I was so curious. 00:11:09.440 --> 00:11:18.399 And he described her, and at one point he said this, he's like, When you're talking with Mother Teresa, she makes you feel like no one else in the world is more important than you. 00:11:19.039 --> 00:11:21.120 And I thought, that's a beautiful thing. 00:11:21.279 --> 00:11:24.000 If you can experience that from someone else, right? 00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:25.759 You're on the receiving end of that. 00:11:25.919 --> 00:11:31.200 And he talked about how much it impacted him and his soul and how different he was because of it. 00:11:31.440 --> 00:11:33.919 And you may hear that story and you go, because I do too. 00:11:34.080 --> 00:11:37.519 I go, that's so lofty, and it's like Mother Teresa. 00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:38.639 Like, how can that be? 00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:40.240 I can never be that person. 00:11:40.320 --> 00:11:41.679 I'm so far from it. 00:11:41.919 --> 00:11:47.679 But I think we have to pay attention here, because at least to me, that that's an inspiring story, but maybe feels a bit out there. 00:11:47.759 --> 00:11:54.320 But at the same time, I look at it and I go, that's a human being, just like me and you. 00:11:54.639 --> 00:12:02.879 That's a human being who, at some level, at some point, struggled or probably ongoingly struggled with the idea of self-focus. 00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:04.320 Because we all do. 00:12:04.480 --> 00:12:13.840 And it's a person that went on a journey that made choice after choice after choice to go against the way the culture tends to think about relationships. 00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:24.240 She chose a path of serving, she chose a path of humility, she chose a path of forgetting about herself and choice after choice, hard work, many mistakes, all the imperfections. 00:12:24.799 --> 00:12:34.159 And she aspired to this way of being, this way of living, this way of relating to other people, and her life left a legacy of which we all know. 00:12:34.960 --> 00:12:37.120 Impacted Shane has impacted me. 00:12:37.279 --> 00:12:40.879 And she's an example of someone who does it right. 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:41.519 Right? 00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:44.960 We have her kind of esteemed, and and that's and that's all right and good. 00:12:45.200 --> 00:12:48.399 But she was a human being who chose to serve every day. 00:12:48.720 --> 00:12:52.399 And and it wasn't easy and it wasn't hard, and it cost her a lot. 00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:58.399 But in God's grace and God's power and the way he worked in her life, she was a transformed person. 00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:02.159 I didn't know her personally, but you know, you know that because of how she lived. 00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:03.200 It's evident. 00:13:03.519 --> 00:13:09.200 And this is central, this this whole idea, this whole concept, this is central for those of us who are followers of Jesus. 00:13:09.360 --> 00:13:13.200 This is central to what Jesus wants to be evident in your life. 00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:27.840 This way of relating to people, that that we would actually propel love in this kind of way, that we would propel this idea of valuing other people above yourself, that we would learn to forget about ourselves for a moment as we focus on the other. 00:13:29.279 --> 00:13:43.039 But to become this kind of person, we have to decide that we're gonna overcome the dark side, that we're gonna overcome the current of our culture that says it's all good, right? 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:44.960 We should focus on ourselves, right? 00:13:45.039 --> 00:13:46.960 After all, I'm the best, right? 00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:48.720 And I need to be loved. 00:13:49.039 --> 00:13:52.240 And it just gets distorted somewhere along the way. 00:13:52.799 --> 00:14:01.840 And what I imagine Mother Teresa dealt with is the same thing we're gonna have to deal with, that to be an overcomer of this self-focus, this over-self-focus. 00:14:02.320 --> 00:14:09.600 And that's why I love in Colossians chapter three, Paul again writing a different letter to a different group of people. 00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:23.039 And you know, signs of narcissism, they say, are when someone's overly focused on um, you know, how good looking they are, or how talented they are, or how they're perceived by others, or their prestige, or things like that. 00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:30.639 And it's why I love you know this passage in Colossians where where he gives us a different fashion to put on. 00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:44.080 He says, Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, he says, clothe yourselves with, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:45.600 Clothe yourselves with. 00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:48.960 Put these on every day, is in essence, is what he's saying. 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:53.120 Compassion, humility, gentleness, patience, kindness. 00:14:53.759 --> 00:15:00.000 And in 1 Thessalonians, we we read another Paul's letter, and again, he says, be patient with everyone. 00:15:01.519 --> 00:15:05.759 And this is laced throughout all the scriptures, but but you see these traits. 00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:16.799 And if we begin to become people who put on those traits, compassion, kindness, humility, if we put on those traits day in and day out, you know what happens? 00:15:17.519 --> 00:15:19.279 People will start to be drawn to you. 00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:21.200 Because we're drawn to that. 00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:24.000 The opposite is true of pride, right? 00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:25.759 You run into someone who's really prideful. 00:15:25.919 --> 00:15:28.080 If you're anything like me, I'm kind of repelled by that. 00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:31.759 Someone who's unkind, kind of repelled by that, someone who's impatient. 00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:35.679 There are things that generally draw you away, but the reverse is also true. 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:44.240 And so we we choose this life and following Jesus, and we put on these traits, and we invite God's Spirit to form and shape this in us. 00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:56.320 And that along the way we actually would become more patient, which I need some of that, or more compassionate or kind or humble and all the rest. 00:15:56.720 --> 00:15:58.000 I mean, this is critical. 00:15:58.159 --> 00:16:12.720 Now, there's an asterisk here because some people in this world, in this life, in your world, aren't necessarily drawn to those things, and rather are more drawn to things like prestige and fame and money and power. 00:16:12.960 --> 00:16:14.399 I guess that's the asterisk. 00:16:15.919 --> 00:16:26.240 And if and if that's what you seek, and people are drawn to that, to you in that, what they're drawn to is things only on the surface and nothing in your soul. 00:16:26.720 --> 00:16:43.519 But when we choose to live a different way, when we choose to go the Philippians 2 way, the way of Jesus, where we serve and choose humility and kindness and compassion, and we begin to live that way and take our eyes off ourselves and our eyes on others, the the relational world that we live in gets transformed. 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:45.679 It's critical. 00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:56.799 And maybe even the most critical skill, the most essential skill for your relational world, is that you would learn to genuinely care about other people. 00:16:57.519 --> 00:17:01.919 And in some ways that sounds so simple, but you think about your own life. 00:17:02.320 --> 00:17:07.359 I mean, wouldn't it be amazing if that was the world we lived where you felt cared about by others all around you? 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:09.519 Quite the opposite is what we often feel. 00:17:09.759 --> 00:17:13.839 And we're a broken humanity, and we're all works in progress, no doubt. 00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:20.079 But but Philippians is telling us, don't put on self-love higher than others' love. 00:17:20.559 --> 00:17:24.960 Remember Jesus, he says, love one another just as I have loved you. 00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:33.839 Well, if you know anything about Jesus, he laid his life down, he lived this agape kind of love that was that was selfless and sacrificial. 00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:35.839 He was giving his self away. 00:17:35.920 --> 00:17:40.640 And he told us at one point, when you give yourself away, when you give your life away, what do you find? 00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:42.160 You find life. 00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:46.720 You find life for yourself and you offer life to others. 00:17:47.519 --> 00:17:54.240 And here's what it requires it requires us to live this out, to be this kind of people. 00:17:54.400 --> 00:18:00.079 It requires us to step out of our universe and into the universe of another. 00:18:01.759 --> 00:18:05.440 And so maybe you're wondering, maybe you asked, like, how do we actually do that? 00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:05.680 Right? 00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:09.119 How do we step into this universe of another? 00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:14.880 How do we live out what Paul is talking about and what Shane told a story about? 00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:24.319 So this morning I want to give you four things, really four choices that you and I can make really on a daily basis in how we relate to people. 00:18:24.640 --> 00:18:34.880 And I think what Paul is doing in this text is he's contrasting, to put it simply, he's contrasting an overly self-focused person with a relationally generous person. 00:18:35.359 --> 00:18:37.920 And it's what the scriptures call us to. 00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:42.319 And these are the choices of a relationally generous person. 00:18:43.039 --> 00:18:48.559 Number one, they become an intentional question asker. 00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:50.960 An intentional question asked. 00:18:51.279 --> 00:18:55.279 This is really practical to me, but but this may surprise you. 00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:57.279 When you look at the life of Jesus, right? 00:18:57.359 --> 00:18:58.160 He's the Son of God. 00:18:58.240 --> 00:19:06.240 If you if you read the Gospels and read about Jesus or just heard about Jesus, it may surprise you on this, but Jesus asked all kinds of questions. 00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:09.359 He wasn't really looking for answers, he kind of knew it all. 00:19:09.519 --> 00:19:13.839 So there was something else going on, but but he answered, he asks questions. 00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:20.640 In fact, here is a study I did in the Gospel of Matthew, he asks 87 questions. 00:19:20.960 --> 00:19:27.519 In the Gospel of Mark, he asks, it's a smaller gospel, he asks 50 questions in the context of about 60 conversations. 00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:30.799 In the Gospel of Luke, he asks 129 questions. 00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:44.720 And then if you step back and zoom out and look at all four gospels, when Jesus gets asked a question 183 times, I didn't count or anything, he responds with, what would you say? 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:45.680 More questions. 00:19:45.920 --> 00:19:48.319 307 questions to be exact. 00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:51.759 So he gets asked 183, he goes back with 307. 00:19:52.319 --> 00:20:00.559 And somewhere between three and eight of his responses has what we would consider a direct answer, depending on what translation you use or how you think about it. 00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:05.599 That's like, I first discovered that, and I was like, that's incredible. 00:20:05.759 --> 00:20:07.839 And so you ask the question, what's going on there? 00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:26.640 Well, there's a lot of things going on, but one thing that we know for sure is Jesus used questions to relate to people, he used questions to challenge people, but he used questions to care about people, to extend this way of engaging with them and engaging them that drew them together and fostered a human connection. 00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:33.680 And it was a powerful reality, and you see throughout the gospels, we don't have time to go all into all of it, you see life after life changed. 00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:40.000 You see people walking away thinking about things, you see, you see people's frameworks get radically changed or challenged. 00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:59.920 I was in college a few years ago, and uh and I met a friend who helped sort of me sort out what I believed, and and I had all these longings and questions in my own soul, and and and I made a decision at that point in my life to become a fully devoted follower of Christ. 00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:03.839 I didn't really know many uh Christians at the time, but but I was all in. 00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:07.039 I was like, all right, I've I've weighed this for a while, and I'm all in. 00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:14.000 And along the way, uh God brought this this guy into my life named Marty, and he became a mentor, still is to this day, a lifelong mentor. 00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:21.680 And I remember those early days when Marty reached out to me, and he was a guy that uh would initiate with me. 00:21:21.839 --> 00:21:23.920 He sort of um took me under his wing. 00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:26.559 He was, you know, 10 years plus older than me. 00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:33.680 But but I remember sitting with Marty at coffees and lunches in different places, and Marty was a question asker. 00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:37.759 And he would ask me about you know um my family or my life. 00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:39.920 He would ask me about my struggles and my pain. 00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:44.799 I mean, he would empathize, you know, if I was struggling or in, you know, going through something difficult. 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:47.039 He he would ask all kinds of questions. 00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:49.440 He would ask about girls, because I was single at the time. 00:21:49.519 --> 00:21:53.200 I think he was trying to link me up with not really his daughter, but somebody he knew. 00:21:53.279 --> 00:21:54.240 I don't know what was going on with that. 00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:55.039 That was a side note. 00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:57.039 But um, but he was asking questions. 00:21:57.359 --> 00:21:59.680 It wasn't Sherry, there's not like some good story at the end of that. 00:21:59.759 --> 00:21:59.839 Sorry. 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:04.240 But he leaned into those moments. 00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:06.720 He asked me about what I dreamed about and my call. 00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:08.640 And I remember like this went on and on. 00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:11.599 Every time we got together, it was like, wait a minute, I should be asking you the questions. 00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:12.640 You know, you're my mentor. 00:22:12.720 --> 00:22:16.720 You're my and what I felt from him was this genuine care. 00:22:16.799 --> 00:22:19.440 There was no doubt in my mind that he cared about me. 00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:23.839 That he cared about my story, that he cared about my life now and in the future. 00:22:24.559 --> 00:22:30.720 And I remember thinking, I've never had someone that asked me that many questions. 00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:34.400 And I've never felt cared about like this. 00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:37.920 And it was a it was a powerful impact that it made on my life. 00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:45.279 And here's the thing in my own life, I haven't bumped into too many of those people. 00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:53.759 Where you experience this kind of person that listens deeply to you and asks questions and is present with you and cares. 00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:56.640 It's like that's an amazing quality. 00:22:56.960 --> 00:23:01.599 Quite rare if you look at my human experience. 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:09.039 But when somebody slows down long enough to ask you questions, I mean it was almost like Marty thought about it before. 00:23:09.200 --> 00:23:11.039 But it was just how he related to people. 00:23:11.359 --> 00:23:20.720 And I remember, you know, there were moments he would validate what I was saying, and he didn't even agree with me, because validation really isn't about agreeing, but he would say things like that makes sense, or I see how you feel that way. 00:23:20.960 --> 00:23:25.440 Or he would do what I would call like exploring, like basically the spirit of tell me more. 00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:30.559 He wouldn't just ask one question, he would go deeper, and he would he would sometimes guide the conversation. 00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:33.519 But it wasn't like laced with agenda, if you know what I mean, either. 00:23:33.680 --> 00:23:35.599 It was laced with I just care about you as a person. 00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:40.319 I'm gonna sit with you and I'm gonna ask you, and different days we talked about different things, of course. 00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:42.079 But he slowed down. 00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:45.839 And you know what he was communicating with his questions at the core? 00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:50.799 And what I felt, I didn't have words for then, but he was communicating you matter. 00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:54.160 That you are worthy of love. 00:23:54.960 --> 00:24:09.279 And he made a choice somewhere along the way in his life, and it was choice after choice, really, that he was gonna live a life that he related to people in a way that they didn't feel invisible, that they didn't feel anonymous, that they felt known and understood. 00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:12.559 And he used questions as one way of doing this. 00:24:13.200 --> 00:24:17.599 And we can't go around demanding this from other people, no, no doubt about that. 00:24:17.920 --> 00:24:21.359 But what we can do is we can be that kind of person. 00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:25.039 We can determine that we're gonna start asking questions more. 00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:30.480 And then we're gonna do choice number two, which goes right hand in hand with it. 00:24:30.559 --> 00:24:31.440 And it's this, right? 00:24:31.599 --> 00:24:35.519 These are strongly tied, is to become a genuine listener. 00:24:36.079 --> 00:24:41.599 I guess these go together like peanut butter and jelly, or if you have a peanut allergy, gin and tonic, I don't know. 00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:44.960 But they they they they're hard to separate, right? 00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:48.319 I mean, if we ask a question and don't listen, what does it matter? 00:24:48.960 --> 00:24:49.200 Right? 00:24:49.279 --> 00:24:51.519 The tonic without the gin, you know what I'm saying? 00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:53.839 I'm in church, I forgot. 00:24:54.079 --> 00:24:55.279 Um, sorry. 00:24:56.000 --> 00:25:03.920 James 1.19 says, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. 00:25:04.559 --> 00:25:08.880 So this idea here is to be late to speak. 00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:12.240 To wait before you speak, right? 00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:13.440 To listen. 00:25:13.759 --> 00:25:16.160 Listen closely, listen more, listen quicker. 00:25:16.400 --> 00:25:16.640 Right? 00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:18.640 That that's that's the idea here. 00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:22.079 And I'm just gonna say this for you. 00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:23.839 I don't know all of you, I know some of you. 00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:25.759 I'll say it actually about the ones I know. 00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:28.480 You're all deficient in listening, okay? 00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:30.960 If I don't know you, take a pass, right? 00:25:31.279 --> 00:25:32.960 But I think we all are, seriously. 00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:34.240 We all have a deficiency. 00:25:34.319 --> 00:25:41.200 That's what I run into in life, and that's what I sometimes, more than sometimes maybe struggle with, to genuinely listen to somebody. 00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:49.119 And I'll tell you this: some of my worst parenting moments, maybe all of them, I was quick to speak and slow to listen. 00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:51.279 I was quick to become angry. 00:25:51.359 --> 00:25:53.440 It's called impatience often. 00:25:53.920 --> 00:25:55.519 Quite the opposite. 00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:56.880 In conflict. 00:25:57.039 --> 00:26:02.000 I mean, imagine our approach to conflict, whether it's in marriage or friendship or wherever work. 00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:02.960 Imagine, right? 00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:04.720 Because we all have the same desire in conflict. 00:26:04.799 --> 00:26:07.119 We want to be understood, we want to be heard, we think we're right, right? 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:07.920 Both sides. 00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:09.839 From where they see it, they're right. 00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:12.880 And we approach conflict and we want to argue our case, right? 00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:15.759 We want to get, you know, at what we want to get out, we want to be understood. 00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:20.720 And I mean, what if we flip that, which is so often what Jesus does, he flips things upside down, right? 00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:22.319 It's part of what this series is about. 00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:32.640 What if we flipped it and what if we actually waited and we're late to speak and we actually listen and we actually sought to understand the other person and we empathize. 00:26:32.720 --> 00:26:36.400 I mean, I know it's hard, depending on what the conflict is, it's really hard. 00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:38.240 I've been there many times. 00:26:38.559 --> 00:26:51.839 But I'll tell you one thing the the better moments that I've had and the better moments that I've seen others had in conflict is when the when someone in the mix seeks to understand the other and genuinely listens to their perspective, their side. 00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:54.960 It doesn't mean they agree, but they genuinely listen. 00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:57.599 There's this research I ran across. 00:26:58.000 --> 00:27:05.119 The title of the article was something like Um Top Five Things Generation Z and Millennials Care About. 00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:25.519 And the article opens up and this has this little story, but but what he quickly gets to is this he says, middle schoolers, high schoolers, and college students, one of the things that they said that came to the top of that research was they say about their their parents, but adults in general, is that they do way too much talking and need to do more listening. 00:27:25.759 --> 00:27:31.119 And I thought, whether you think they're right or wrong, that perception is it is real to them, right? 00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:38.319 And it's like it reminded me of my own parenting and my own way of relating to people, to lead with listening. 00:27:38.480 --> 00:27:44.559 And here's the thing: I know some personality types are like, you know, you're just sort of naturally a better listener. 00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:45.359 I get that. 00:27:45.519 --> 00:27:54.319 But if we look at the scriptures and we really understand listening and what even Paul is saying in this context, listening is not an option for those of you who are followers of Jesus. 00:27:54.480 --> 00:27:55.279 It's not an option. 00:27:55.359 --> 00:27:55.599 Why? 00:27:55.759 --> 00:27:58.319 Because love stands above all. 00:27:58.559 --> 00:28:00.640 Love is required of all of us. 00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:03.279 Love is the movement that we're part of, right? 00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:07.200 That we that we would be known as his disciples by our love. 00:28:07.839 --> 00:28:10.319 And when we genuinely listen, you know what happens? 00:28:10.480 --> 00:28:12.480 You know what the other person experiences? 00:28:12.720 --> 00:28:14.079 They experience love. 00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:16.799 They experience authentic love. 00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:18.559 I love this quote. 00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:20.799 I've said it often and it cuts right to that. 00:28:20.960 --> 00:28:23.039 It's a guy named David Augsburger, and he says this. 00:28:23.119 --> 00:28:31.839 He says, Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. 00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:33.839 I mean, let that sit in. 00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:35.839 That's a powerful truth. 00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:39.680 When we listen, we love, to say it simply. 00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:49.440 Or maybe to say it more specifically, when we listen really well and really genuinely, what people feel and know and experience and translate is authentic love. 00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:57.359 A kind of love that's serving them, that's caring about them, that step that that person is stepping out of their universe to step into another's. 00:28:57.519 --> 00:29:02.559 And that's a powerful relational dynamic that transforms your relationships. 00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:23.680 I remember the day very distinctly that my son Hudson, a few years ago, said to me, He's a very articulate little kid, he said, He said, Dad, when I'm telling you something important, and you act like you're listening, but you're really not listening, I feel invisible. 00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:31.920 And then he kind of elaborated, and I don't feel like you care about what I'm saying or even what I or even who I am or something like that, right? 00:29:32.079 --> 00:29:45.119 And um and I was just like, you know, and and and he said it so well, and it hit me, and it reminds me that genuine listening on the positive side fosters human connection. 00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:46.319 But when it's not there, right? 00:29:46.480 --> 00:29:57.680 When when you're given that, and I've done, I'm I'm as guilty as anybody in the room, when you're given that uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-h and like, and then you know, they they they realize, oh, wait, you're just giving the head nod, you know, a little verbal that's really not, you know, you're really not listening, you're just trying to tell them you are. 00:29:57.839 --> 00:30:02.960 Um, but when you do it right, you're telling the person you matter, that you're worthy of love. 00:30:03.039 --> 00:30:08.240 And in that moment for Hudson, it was like, no, I'm telling him he doesn't, or at least what he's saying doesn't. 00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:10.640 That he isn't worthy of my love, at least in this moment. 00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:12.160 I mean, that is what gets translated. 00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:13.759 Granted, he's a kid, right? 00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:18.799 And that's that's what reminds me of this powerful reality. 00:30:19.039 --> 00:30:23.279 So here's the question: why don't we listen better? 00:30:24.319 --> 00:30:25.440 Why is it so hard? 00:30:25.519 --> 00:30:28.640 It is for me, it probably is for most of you, maybe all of you. 00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:32.799 And I think it comes down to this because it cost us something. 00:30:33.119 --> 00:30:34.799 It cost us something. 00:30:35.440 --> 00:30:40.480 It requires us to take our focus off ourself and focus on another. 00:30:40.799 --> 00:30:50.319 It requires us to step out of our universe and world and where all our kind of energy is focused a lot of times, naturally, and put it aside. 00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:52.720 Put aside our pride and our ego. 00:30:53.200 --> 00:30:54.720 Choose humility. 00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:56.319 It's difficult. 00:30:56.720 --> 00:31:02.400 I uh listened to this sports talk guy uh named Colin Cowherd. 00:31:02.559 --> 00:31:05.200 I don't know if anybody knows him, but I'm a big fan. 00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:07.279 And no one, no one's a fan. 00:31:07.599 --> 00:31:08.720 Has anyone a fan? 00:31:08.880 --> 00:31:09.200 No? 00:31:09.599 --> 00:31:12.160 He probably like ripped on the 49ers recently or something. 00:31:12.240 --> 00:31:13.680 That's why you're all reacting like that. 00:31:13.839 --> 00:31:15.839 But anyway, I'm in, I live near Miami, right? 00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:18.240 West Palm Beach, and and so the Super Bowl was there last week. 00:31:18.319 --> 00:31:23.839 I'm sorry for all the 49ers fans, but I took Hudson down to the Super Bowl experience. 00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:24.720 I didn't go to the Super Bowl. 00:31:24.799 --> 00:31:28.799 I don't have money for that, but I went to this pre-Super Bowl experience, kids are free kind of thing, you know? 00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:30.240 And um, and it was really cool. 00:31:30.319 --> 00:31:36.240 Like my son saw Saquon Barkley and he walks up with a football and he's like sign it and he signed, and he was just like lit up, right, for like days. 00:31:36.400 --> 00:31:40.319 Um but anyway, I saw Colin Cowherd, and I was like, I was like a little kid, man. 00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:41.519 He was like this close to me, you know. 00:31:41.599 --> 00:31:44.640 I was like pointing at him and I wanted a selfie and I want him like, hey Colin, how's it going? 00:31:44.720 --> 00:31:46.079 You know, I was like having that moment, you know. 00:31:46.160 --> 00:31:47.519 I know, maybe I'm weird, but I was. 00:31:47.599 --> 00:31:48.960 I was like, hey, I like that guy. 00:31:49.359 --> 00:31:56.240 But anyway, I listened to him, and so he's like really interesting to me, and he brings these like different sort of statistics and things in. 00:31:56.319 --> 00:31:58.880 So I'm I'm listening to him talk about sports. 00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:01.440 He was actually talking about Tom Brady or whatever, whatever. 00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:19.359 But he says this quote on research that he came across from the University of Washington that studied hundreds of couples, and through the study, they had a 99% certainty rate of which of those couples would get divorced. 00:32:19.680 --> 00:32:20.319 99%. 00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:22.400 Hundreds of couples. 00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:36.079 And he said, what came out of that research, one thing emerged to the top, is when there's a couple, and you they they interviewed these couples in the interviews, when there was disrespect and eye rolling, right? 00:32:36.240 --> 00:32:45.920 The other person wasn't listening really and they weren't seeking to understand, you could put it that way, but there was disrespect and eye rolling, 99% of the time it led to divorce, broken relationship. 00:32:46.079 --> 00:32:47.440 And when he said that, it hit me. 00:32:47.519 --> 00:32:50.559 I was like, number one, I was like, I'm preparing my sermon right now. 00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:54.400 Watch or listening to Colin Coward, I'm like, yeah, I might do that more often, right? 00:32:54.559 --> 00:32:58.559 But but more importantly, I was like, yeah, I think that's right. 00:32:58.640 --> 00:33:00.640 Uh about all relationships, right? 00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:13.200 When when we don't listen, when we roll our eyes, so to speak, however we do that, when we show disrespect, when we don't seek to understand and really listen, when we don't empathize with their side, I mean, this can't be overstated. 00:33:13.279 --> 00:33:15.440 There's a breakdown in the relationship. 00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:17.599 But the reverse is also true. 00:33:17.759 --> 00:33:20.799 And I think the importance of listening can't be overstated. 00:33:20.960 --> 00:33:24.400 And here's the thing if I can just say this, I can, right? 00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:25.200 Yes? 00:33:25.519 --> 00:33:26.559 You don't even know what I say. 00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:27.599 Um, Christians, right? 00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:29.599 Christians talk about love a lot. 00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:31.200 I mean, I'm all for love. 00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:32.559 A lot of people are for love. 00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:36.640 It's like, what if we stopped talking so much about it and did it? 00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:41.680 What if we decided that we were actually gonna go around being the best listeners in the world? 00:33:42.079 --> 00:33:46.160 And people would feel heard and they would experience love and that would get translated. 00:33:46.319 --> 00:33:49.440 I mean, what if that was the MO of a Jesus follower? 00:33:49.680 --> 00:34:02.960 And people said about us, like I said about Marty, I've never seen someone ask so many questions, I've never seen someone engage with me and listen and actually care about my life and my pain and my struggles and my dreams and my calling and my future and my family and all the rest. 00:34:03.039 --> 00:34:04.559 I mean, what if we were that kind of people? 00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:06.640 Because I think we're called to that. 00:34:07.279 --> 00:34:12.400 And it would transform the relationships in our life, guaranteed. 00:34:12.719 --> 00:34:20.239 It would transform our marriage, it would transform our relationship with our kids or our parents, it would transform our friendships, perhaps our roommates and even work, right? 00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:24.000 It would transform the way that we relate to people. 00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:26.559 I dream of that day. 00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:27.440 I pray for that day. 00:34:27.519 --> 00:34:30.079 I pray that I would become that kind of person. 00:34:30.719 --> 00:34:35.920 And when you talk about listening, I'm not talking about you never talk, by the way. 00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:36.320 Right? 00:34:36.400 --> 00:34:38.559 There should be reciprocity, right? 00:34:38.719 --> 00:34:39.760 I'm not talking about that. 00:34:39.840 --> 00:34:43.119 But hey, don't we all need more doses of listening than we do talking? 00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:45.199 We all got the talking thing, most of us, right? 00:34:45.360 --> 00:34:47.760 So let's just like put that in for another sermon someday. 00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:49.039 But we need to listen, right? 00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:55.679 And and then it brings into the third, the third choice we can make, which I fail at a lot. 00:34:56.880 --> 00:34:59.360 And maybe this is like the bread to the peanut butter and gel. 00:34:59.599 --> 00:35:00.480 I don't know, that doesn't really work. 00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:03.199 So, anyway, sorry, some of you got that, most of you didn't. 00:35:03.440 --> 00:35:04.480 And it wasn't funny. 00:35:04.639 --> 00:35:08.159 Sorry, the third choice, right, is to be fully present. 00:35:08.480 --> 00:35:12.639 To be a question asker and a genuine listener, and this goes hand in hand right there. 00:35:13.280 --> 00:35:14.880 To be fully present. 00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:24.239 When the rich young ruler in the gospels interacted with Jesus, there's this phrase said about Jesus that says, He looked at him and loved him. 00:35:25.519 --> 00:35:32.480 He wasn't rushed, he wasn't distracted, he was fully present with the man. 00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:34.000 He heard his story. 00:35:34.320 --> 00:35:36.880 There was a tell me more spirit. 00:35:38.880 --> 00:35:50.960 He was fully engaged in the moment, not just physically, not just his body, but emotionally and relationally, I would say even spiritually, that he heard this man struggle. 00:35:51.840 --> 00:36:06.079 So I was in the Atlantic Ocean not too long ago, and I had my Apple watch on, forgot to take it off, maybe I didn't have the right band, and I'm in the ocean and I suddenly realize my watch is gone. 00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:08.159 Yeah, I'm like, ooh. 00:36:08.480 --> 00:36:10.480 Then I looked down and a crab had it right there. 00:36:10.559 --> 00:36:11.840 No, I'm just kidding. 00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:14.559 Sorry, that's a lie. 00:36:14.719 --> 00:36:16.320 Um, I lost it, it's in the ocean. 00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:18.320 Probably a crab has it somewhere, right? 00:36:18.480 --> 00:36:20.159 I was so bummed. 00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:22.880 Those things cost a little bit of money, you know what I'm saying? 00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:23.920 At least for me. 00:36:24.159 --> 00:36:33.599 And I was so bummed, you know, and I was told Sherry, I'm so sorry, we're gonna have to spend more money to buy myself an Apple Watch, yada yada yada. 00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:36.480 And she's like, Well, we ain't boy. 00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:38.079 And she said this. 00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:41.280 She said, I'm kind of glad you lost it. 00:36:41.519 --> 00:36:42.639 I was like, what? 00:36:43.679 --> 00:36:46.159 My wife, you love me, I love you, right? 00:36:46.400 --> 00:36:47.920 But here's what she said, seriously. 00:36:48.079 --> 00:36:53.199 She said, because sometimes you have that watch on and you're here, but you're not really here. 00:36:54.159 --> 00:36:56.880 Which, you know, buzzing the text or whatever. 00:36:56.960 --> 00:37:02.800 And I was just like, ee, that's like hard to hear, you know, but so true. 00:37:03.440 --> 00:37:06.960 And I know the day we live, and I know we got our phones and our watches and all that. 00:37:07.039 --> 00:37:07.920 I'm not against that. 00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:08.719 Hear me? 00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:18.800 But what I am against is right here is that if it detracts from being fully present to the people that you love the most, something's off. 00:37:19.119 --> 00:37:22.159 And I'm the first to admit it, and I'm the first to say, I'll fail. 00:37:22.239 --> 00:37:24.480 I'm not saying get rid of your Apple Watch, don't take that away. 00:37:24.559 --> 00:37:28.400 But what I am saying is choose to live fully present. 00:37:28.559 --> 00:37:32.960 And if anything gets in the way for you, figure it out. 00:37:33.119 --> 00:37:37.199 Because it'll do damage to your relationships, it'll create disconnection. 00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:41.039 I don't want to live my life here but somewhere else. 00:37:41.280 --> 00:37:43.039 And frankly, I struggle with that. 00:37:43.199 --> 00:37:46.079 I struggle with being distracted or preoccupied, right? 00:37:46.159 --> 00:37:52.880 It's part of my maybe personality makeup, and it's just part of you know my own lack of discipline, perhaps at times. 00:37:53.199 --> 00:38:02.800 But those those moments remind me of something even further, especially with the people that I love the most, because they disrupt human connection, they they derail relationship. 00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:09.519 And when I reflect back on my life years from now, I got two boys, right? 00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:16.719 I have to ask myself the question: what story do I want them to remember about their dad? 00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:23.440 Do I want Hudson to remember that he had a dad that was constantly on his phone when we were in conversation? 00:38:23.599 --> 00:38:32.559 That he was disengaged and not really here, that he was distracted and disconnected, that when I shared my pain or my longings or my struggles, he didn't really show up. 00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:34.639 I mean, he was in front of me, but he really wasn't. 00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:36.639 Do I want that to be the story? 00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:44.239 Or do I want the story to be, man, I had a dad who showed up, who sat with me in moments. 00:38:44.480 --> 00:38:49.199 You know, when you do in life, it's like you can't predict, like, oh, we're gonna have a conversation about this now. 00:38:49.519 --> 00:38:50.800 Life happens. 00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:53.760 And I see that more than anything with kids. 00:38:54.559 --> 00:39:10.239 And I and I have to ask myself the question: don't I want that to be like my legacy in a sense in Hudson's heart and Hudson's mind, that he would have a dad that was present with him, that showed up for him, that was in the moment, that looked at him and loved him, and he felt it. 00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:19.599 That I asked him questions, that I helped him kind of explore his own questions, that I genuinely listened, that I was fully, I mean, that's who I want to be. 00:39:19.920 --> 00:39:21.039 And I'm not there yet. 00:39:21.199 --> 00:39:27.440 Chances are many of you aren't there yet, but this is the picture of relational health that the scriptures point us to. 00:39:27.599 --> 00:39:29.440 It's the one they paint for us. 00:39:29.679 --> 00:39:32.639 And trust me, I don't get it right all the time. 00:39:32.800 --> 00:39:34.719 I wrote the book on relational intelligence. 00:39:34.800 --> 00:39:35.840 I'm supposed to, right? 00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:37.920 But no, none of us do. 00:39:39.039 --> 00:39:40.559 But that's not the point. 00:39:40.960 --> 00:39:47.679 The point is what Paul is telling us, he's saying, look, I'm pointing you into a new way of living, a different way of living, a different way of relating. 00:39:47.760 --> 00:39:51.039 I'm calling you to it, and you're gonna need God's grace and you're gonna need God's power. 00:39:51.199 --> 00:39:58.639 And it leads me to the fourth point, which is this is that you have to choose to stay connected to the source. 00:39:58.960 --> 00:40:05.920 So I took Hudson to uh a virtual reality story, you know, you throw those headgears on, and you know, it's like funny to watch somebody do it. 00:40:06.159 --> 00:40:14.800 Sherry, I actually did it and Sherry filmed me, and I was doing this boxing one, you know, and I'm just like throwing jabs and punches, you know, and she has it on film, and like nothing's in front of me, right? 00:40:14.880 --> 00:40:15.840 It's just a funny kind of deal. 00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:20.800 So anyway, Hudson's doing it, he's playing Spider-Man, and he's climbing walls, he's falling on the ground, right? 00:40:20.880 --> 00:40:23.280 It's just kind of and and then suddenly the thing goes off. 00:40:23.360 --> 00:40:31.280 We're watching the TV, you know, we're the world he's living in, you know, and um and we watch it, and then it goes off, and he's like, Dad, it's not working. 00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:37.280 And I look down and it wasn't plugged in, and I said, Hey, it's it's not connected. 00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:42.320 And so, of course, the guy goes over there and connects it, and the new world, right, comes in. 00:40:42.480 --> 00:40:54.960 And I love the metaphor because number one, in virtual reality, right, you step out of the world you know, and you step into another world, and and and it's a new reality for you, at least for that moment. 00:40:55.440 --> 00:40:58.159 And then the idea of connecting to the source. 00:40:58.320 --> 00:41:02.079 When you're not connected to the source, you do live in your own reality. 00:41:02.320 --> 00:41:12.480 But when you're connected to God, who is our source, and you step into a new universe, a new way of relating to people, a new way of living, that's the idea here. 00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:19.440 That we will learn in the journey of life to step out of our own space and into the space of another. 00:41:19.840 --> 00:41:24.719 And it takes God's power and it takes God's strength and it takes God's transformation. 00:41:24.960 --> 00:41:28.239 But if you want to have healthy relationships, he is the source. 00:41:28.480 --> 00:41:38.480 He is the source that will transform you into someone who serves, someone who is humble and compassionate and kind and gentle and patient and all the rest. 00:41:38.719 --> 00:41:42.320 That he'll bring vitality and health to your relationships. 00:41:42.480 --> 00:42:06.079 The best evidence of a vitality and health in your relationship with God is when it's lived out in your world, where your relational world is transformed, the way you relate to people, and you relate to them in ways where you find yourself serving them and loving them and caring for them genuinely, that you've learned to step out of your world and into someone else's because you've experienced Jesus. 00:42:07.360 --> 00:42:21.519 See, when you remain connected to the source, what ends up happening is you grow in your realization that you in fact are worthy of love, that you matter to God. 00:42:22.000 --> 00:42:26.400 And it's from that place, and it's from the place that that Marty came with me. 00:42:26.480 --> 00:42:32.079 It's from that place that we become transformed and we become different kinds of people to the people around us. 00:42:32.320 --> 00:42:41.760 Philippians 2, chapter 1, just a few verses before we read earlier, says, Your life in Christ makes you strong, and his love comforts you. 00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:46.880 You have fellowship with his spirit, and you have kindness and compassion for one another. 00:42:47.039 --> 00:42:48.239 There's this connectivity. 00:42:48.400 --> 00:42:51.360 Jesus connects it, Paul connects it all throughout the scriptures. 00:42:51.440 --> 00:42:52.079 It's connected. 00:42:52.159 --> 00:42:59.840 Your relationship with God as it grows, as you're connected to the source, your relationships with others grow and become healthier and are transformed. 00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:05.920 Because here's the thing: we always treat people from the vantage point of our own soul. 00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:16.719 And if we're not living there with God, if we're not knowing how much value we have with Him, that we're worthy of love, we'll never be able to give that away. 00:43:17.119 --> 00:43:19.199 And so I'll close with this, Philippians. 00:43:19.599 --> 00:43:22.079 We didn't get to these verses, but here we go. 00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:38.480 It says, in your relationships with one another, have the same mindset, attitude, orientation that Jesus Christ has, and here's what Jesus Christ has, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, something to be used for his own advantage. 00:43:38.639 --> 00:43:51.599 Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness, and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross. 00:43:51.840 --> 00:43:57.440 Jesus Christ left the space he was in and he stepped into our space. 00:43:57.760 --> 00:44:02.000 He exited heaven and entered earth, and it wasn't safe and it wasn't easy. 00:44:02.159 --> 00:44:09.280 In fact, he openly, willingly opened himself up to pain and suffering that led him to die on the cross. 00:44:09.360 --> 00:44:09.599 Why? 00:44:09.679 --> 00:44:10.880 Because we matter to him. 00:44:11.199 --> 00:44:15.119 Because we were worthy of love, and every human being we bump into in life is to. 00:44:16.239 --> 00:44:23.440 And Jesus is saying to you, just as I've laid my life down and died, but that brought life in a similar way. 00:44:23.679 --> 00:44:28.079 When we die to ourself, life emerges. 00:44:28.400 --> 00:44:35.599 Life in our own soul, life in our own life as we know it, and we become life givers to others. 00:44:36.320 --> 00:44:38.559 See, Jesus is the one we must connect to. 00:44:38.719 --> 00:44:40.400 Jesus is the one we must learn from. 00:44:40.559 --> 00:44:53.519 If we want to become like Him, if we want to become people who can, in fact, step out of our world and step into the world of another, if we do that, we will propel a movement of love. 00:44:54.079 --> 00:44:56.320 Because we're in this together. 00:44:56.800 --> 00:44:58.559 This isn't just awakening. 00:44:58.880 --> 00:45:07.360 This is a tribe of Jesus followers that's connected to people around the globe and from centuries past, and there's something eternal at stake. 00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:12.960 I mean, what if the people that didn't know God that was on the journey of trying to figure that all out? 00:45:13.119 --> 00:45:18.239 What if we were people who asked them questions rather than people that always tried to come with answers? 00:45:18.639 --> 00:45:20.639 And what if we genuinely listened to them? 00:45:20.960 --> 00:45:26.800 And what if we love them in a way where we are fully present with them and experience that? 00:45:27.280 --> 00:45:34.079 And then the source that we were connected to somehow got translated to them and brought them life and hope. 00:45:35.599 --> 00:45:37.280 We ought to be a voice of hope to people. 00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:40.480 The way that we live our life, the way that we relate to people. 00:45:40.719 --> 00:45:44.079 And this is a path that will take you to that place.