WEBVTT 00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:07.280 Welcome to the Awakening Church Podcast. 00:00:07.599 --> 00:00:11.599 We exist to awaken this generation to a new life in Christ. 00:00:11.839 --> 00:00:16.399 Thanks for tuning in to find out more at awakeningchurch.com. 00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:19.679 Well, good morning, Awakening Church. 00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:20.640 Great to see ya. 00:00:20.719 --> 00:00:22.000 Welcome, welcome, welcome. 00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:23.839 If you're new, my name's Ryan. 00:00:24.640 --> 00:00:29.679 So thrilled to have you join us this Presents Day weekend. 00:00:30.480 --> 00:00:34.799 We're in the middle of a series called Relational Intelligence. 00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:36.079 And we said this. 00:00:36.719 --> 00:00:53.920 Regardless of whether you're an introvert or you're an extrovert, we all have this same deep desire, this longing, this intrinsic need to have an intimate, life-giving, uh character-shaping relationship that has this rugged commitment to one another. 00:00:54.159 --> 00:00:59.600 Intimate meaning that where you really know someone and you're known by them. 00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:01.679 This just not on the surface level. 00:01:01.759 --> 00:01:13.439 It's life-giving, like the people that you see, and you've maybe had a few friends like this, that you're just like, man, your soul is refreshed by them. 00:01:13.599 --> 00:01:23.840 That they're character shaping, that you want to be a better person, that like when you're around them, you just like, oh, I want to be a better person because I'm with them and around them. 00:01:23.920 --> 00:01:30.959 And then it's just not a fair weather friend, a fair weather marriage, that it has this rugged commitment. 00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:36.640 Like you know they're with you through thick or thin, through good times and bad. 00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:44.239 And the question is, how in the world do we experience or have those kind of relationships? 00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:50.560 And here's what we've been saying the last few weeks that what we need isn't more relational information. 00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:51.920 We have a lot of that. 00:01:52.079 --> 00:01:57.120 What we need is relational intelligence or relational wisdom. 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:02.879 Relational intelligence is simply the skill of navigating relationships well. 00:02:03.200 --> 00:02:06.959 It's a skill to be developed and grown and honed in. 00:02:07.439 --> 00:02:19.360 And it's different because I think what we live in, we live in the age of information, we get so much information, and sometimes we think if we get more information, if we acquire more information, then that makes me better at relationships. 00:02:19.520 --> 00:02:22.719 No, it just makes you know more about relationships. 00:02:22.879 --> 00:02:35.039 But relationship intelligence is developing a skill, it's the application of the proper information or the right knowledge that we actually have to put it into practice. 00:02:35.120 --> 00:02:45.039 Um, one of the things I've talked to my kids, I like to coach, um, so I coach uh my kids in their sports and talk to them and say that practice doesn't make perfect. 00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:47.120 Anyone know what practice does? 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:49.840 Practice makes better. 00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:51.599 Close. 00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:54.240 Practice makes permanent. 00:02:55.120 --> 00:02:56.960 See, here's the difference. 00:02:57.199 --> 00:03:01.599 Uh practice does not make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect. 00:03:01.840 --> 00:03:03.439 Practice makes permanent. 00:03:03.520 --> 00:03:08.719 So whatever you repeatedly do, will you will permanently do? 00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:18.879 And so the correct knowledge and information put into practice is so important, and especially when it comes to our relationships. 00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:37.840 When it comes to our relationships and making sure, okay, God, you have designed us, you have created us, and so we're gonna come to you and ask, okay, what is the wisdom that you have and how we're to go about our relationships, and how are we going to then put it into practice? 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:40.800 This morning, we're talking about love. 00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:50.800 And we're gonna look at the skill of navigating love, um, not just romantically, in all uh shapes and forms of it. 00:03:50.960 --> 00:03:52.719 But would you do something for me? 00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:56.479 Just the title of this morning's sermon is Love Is All You Need. 00:03:56.639 --> 00:03:58.719 Would you just go ahead and say that to your neighbor? 00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:01.520 Just go, love is all you need. 00:04:06.159 --> 00:04:07.840 Was that awkward or was that good? 00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:12.319 Or what I you know like, oh man, I don't even know that person. 00:04:12.400 --> 00:04:13.680 That was weird. 00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:18.079 We live in a culture obsessed with love, don't we? 00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:24.800 It's inundated in our our movies, in our music, TV, it's all around us. 00:04:24.879 --> 00:04:27.040 We're surrounded social media with love. 00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:31.199 We say things like this: love will get us through. 00:04:31.439 --> 00:04:33.040 How are you gonna make it? 00:04:33.519 --> 00:04:34.480 On love. 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:35.920 I don't know. 00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:37.439 Do you have a plan? 00:04:38.079 --> 00:04:38.399 No. 00:04:40.240 --> 00:04:42.160 But we love each other. 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:49.279 We say things like the world would be a better place if we just loved each other. 00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:52.079 Love's what makes the world go round. 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:55.360 Love is the most powerful force on the planet. 00:04:55.680 --> 00:04:58.079 Or maybe this is more popular. 00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:00.000 Just love me. 00:05:00.639 --> 00:05:02.399 Don't try to change me. 00:05:02.879 --> 00:05:04.079 Just love me. 00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:11.680 We believe in love at first sight, and as a culture and as a people, we're constantly falling in and out of love. 00:05:12.319 --> 00:05:17.120 And what love has become is love has now become our trump card, hasn't it? 00:05:18.079 --> 00:05:21.120 See, we use love in this way. 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:27.199 As long as I love them or as long as you love them, then it is okay. 00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:33.839 Who am I to stand in the way of love? 00:05:34.319 --> 00:05:41.199 Well, I fell out of love with them, and I'm now in love with them, so I can cheat on my spouse, or I can do this. 00:05:41.279 --> 00:05:50.879 I I can violate God's call and the way he designed relationships because I just love them and has become our trump card. 00:05:51.199 --> 00:06:03.920 Now, in this conversation today about love, there is underneath it this modern love promise that's inherent in uh our like our conversation dialogue about love. 00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:12.399 It's what we buy into, and the promise goes something like this when I fall in love, then everything will fall into place. 00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:17.439 When I fall in love, oh, wouldn't it be great to fall in love? 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:31.839 And when that happens, everything will fall into place because love is what makes the world go round, and you don't need a plan, and just when you fall in love, and you know, I we don't really believe that, but we believe that that's kind of how it works, said another way. 00:06:32.160 --> 00:06:37.040 When I find the right person, then everything will work out right. 00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:40.000 When I find the right person, Mr. 00:06:40.079 --> 00:06:46.800 Perfect, Miss Wright, when I find them, then my life will work out right, and it has this kind of progression to it. 00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:54.720 The modern love promise says, find the right person, fall in love, and then live happily ever after, right? 00:06:54.959 --> 00:07:03.279 I have find the right person, which is a challenge in the world we live in, because how do you know if you married the right person or you found the right person with eight billion people? 00:07:03.439 --> 00:07:13.279 It's a lot of choices to find the right person, and then fall in love, and then live happily ever after. 00:07:13.360 --> 00:07:22.399 And the challenges, and you know it, and I know it, and we experience it, is what happens when you don't experience happily ever after. 00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:27.839 See, what we do is we reverse engineer the love promise. 00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:32.480 If everything doesn't fall into place, then we fall out of love. 00:07:34.079 --> 00:07:34.879 Fall out of love. 00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:35.839 Isn't that interesting? 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:38.639 We talk about falling in love and falling out of love. 00:07:38.959 --> 00:07:42.000 We don't just think about that for a second, by the way. 00:07:42.240 --> 00:07:45.439 Um I can't think, and maybe you can help me out with this. 00:07:45.519 --> 00:07:46.959 I I was really thinking about this. 00:07:47.040 --> 00:07:53.439 I couldn't think of any other way that we use falling in a positive example. 00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:59.519 Like we fall into love and you know, they they fell into an addiction, they fell into debt. 00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:02.639 They, when you're talking about in discernment, they they fell for it again. 00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:07.439 And it's like, and yet we fall in well, anyway, it was a whole aside. 00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:17.680 But if everything doesn't fall into place, if it doesn't work out right, said another way, if everything is not working out right, then I must have married the wrong person. 00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:22.319 And for some, you've been married a year, six months, two years. 00:08:23.199 --> 00:08:24.399 The seven-year itch. 00:08:25.920 --> 00:08:27.120 It's a thing, I hear. 00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:33.360 And you look at them, you're like, I don't really love them anymore. 00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:36.159 Things didn't fall into play. 00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:39.919 It's not working out right. 00:08:42.240 --> 00:08:44.159 They must be the wrong person. 00:08:45.600 --> 00:08:47.279 Let me ask you this about love. 00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:52.720 If love is all you need, why isn't love more resilient? 00:08:53.519 --> 00:08:58.000 Like if it is the most powerful force on the planet? 00:08:58.399 --> 00:08:59.919 Why isn't more resilient? 00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:02.879 Why doesn't it have a staying power? 00:09:03.840 --> 00:09:09.679 Why do we fall in and out of love so much in our culture? 00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:13.519 Why is love so fickle? 00:09:14.639 --> 00:09:21.440 Why does it feel like one day you're in love, one day you're not, one day, while she's the most amazing, then all of a sudden they're the most amazing? 00:09:23.120 --> 00:09:32.320 I think part of the problem has to do with the way that we like use the word love and then the way that we define the word. 00:09:32.720 --> 00:09:38.399 Like, think about the way that we use it, the word love in English, because that's what I'm speaking English. 00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:40.960 I guess that's the reason I use that. 00:09:41.759 --> 00:09:45.039 But we use it in all sorts of interesting ways, right? 00:09:46.320 --> 00:09:52.159 I love the Golden State Warriors, but I do not love how they're playing this year. 00:09:53.440 --> 00:09:55.919 I I love tacos. 00:09:57.039 --> 00:09:58.799 I mean, they're fantastic. 00:09:58.960 --> 00:10:00.399 I love Mexican food. 00:10:00.480 --> 00:10:02.480 And then I love my kids. 00:10:03.759 --> 00:10:12.159 We use the same word and we know, we know we mean something different by it every single time, but doesn't it lose its grit? 00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:18.320 Doesn't it lose its own its power when we use that same word for so many different things? 00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:29.200 Because the love that I have for my kids, the love that I have for my wife, the love that I have for my friends is far different than the love that I have for the warriors, not too different, but different. 00:10:31.440 --> 00:10:32.559 Or food. 00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:38.480 And then how we define love, and I think this gets to the root of it, honestly. 00:10:38.879 --> 00:10:44.879 See, we define in our culture love as a noun, it's a thing, it's a force. 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:52.799 In fact, Webster defines it this way: it's a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. 00:10:53.120 --> 00:11:03.600 It's this attraction that includes sexual desire, a strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship, a person you love in a romantic way. 00:11:03.919 --> 00:11:09.360 And we've all probably experienced something like that before, this force, right? 00:11:10.799 --> 00:11:17.519 Cupid drew back his bow, and then pow, you're like knocked head over heels. 00:11:17.919 --> 00:11:19.360 You're like, what just happened? 00:11:19.440 --> 00:11:20.720 I don't know, love happened. 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:21.679 It just hit you. 00:11:21.759 --> 00:11:28.960 It's this force, it's this thing, and you know, you saw her across, you know, the gym or across the quad. 00:11:29.200 --> 00:11:34.559 You saw him across the coffee shop, and you couldn't get them out of your mind. 00:11:34.639 --> 00:11:39.440 You went to bed just daydreaming, like, oh my gosh, trying to figure out, okay, how do I strike up a conversation? 00:11:39.519 --> 00:11:42.159 And then you social media stock them, and you're like, that's weird. 00:11:42.240 --> 00:11:49.600 But no, I could like be their friend and then DM them and maybe say, hey, and if they say hey back, then maybe something might happen there. 00:11:52.559 --> 00:12:03.919 Or we've had that, maybe it's at a party, maybe it's on a trip, or just a conversation happens, and something ignited. 00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:09.679 And you're like, ooh, you fell. 00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:25.759 And yet the challenge in what you see and what I see and what we experience is we're a culture obsessed with love. 00:12:27.679 --> 00:12:37.600 But we actually seem to have a love deficit when it comes to our friends, when it comes to our relationships, when it comes to uh the deep areas. 00:12:38.960 --> 00:12:43.039 So the question is, how do we have a love that's actually resilient? 00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:51.519 That stands the test of time, that can withstand the storms of life. 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:59.039 How can we have a love that we go that will last a lifetime? 00:13:00.159 --> 00:13:16.960 One of the amazing things about when the Bible was written, it was written uh in a time when Koine Greek was the dominant or trade language, and so across the entire Roman Empire, uh, you at least knew the trade language, which was Greek, and then you probably knew your own local dialect. 00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:30.879 For example, Jesus and his disciples spoke Aramaic, and that was their native tongue, and yet they also would have spoken Greek because you had to know Greek as the dominant trade language to be able to communicate. 00:13:31.120 --> 00:13:36.879 And the great thing about Greek is they don't, it doesn't just have one word for love. 00:13:37.039 --> 00:13:41.279 It doesn't just use one word and says, I'm gonna use this for every single way. 00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:43.600 In fact, there's four words for love. 00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:45.840 And many of you go like, yeah, Ingram, we know that. 00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:57.759 We watched the Super Bowl, we watched the ads, and there was that one commercial that went through all the love ads, and I leaned over to my buddy and said, Someone in that marketing department just heard a sermon on love, and then we're seeing it in the Super Bowl. 00:13:57.840 --> 00:13:59.279 I'm like, that's pretty fun. 00:14:01.519 --> 00:14:06.159 But what I want to do for you is begin to unpack the four words for love. 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:10.480 These are all important in our life. 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:15.120 And yet there's only one of these that is to be the foundation. 00:14:15.919 --> 00:14:25.679 And so I what I want you to do is as I begin to unpack these for you to begin to think about and evaluate which one of these words is actually my love foundation. 00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:29.840 This is the what this is what I'm building relationships upon. 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:37.440 Not just dating relationships, not just marriage relationships, but relationships with coworkers and friends and neighbors. 00:14:37.679 --> 00:14:48.080 And you begin to go, okay, there is a foundation upon which you're building, and you have to be understand, okay, which of these four loves am I building a foundation upon? 00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:49.840 All of them are important. 00:14:50.960 --> 00:14:53.200 And so, but only one of them. 00:14:53.440 --> 00:14:56.960 We are to build a foundation to have a love that lasts. 00:14:57.200 --> 00:15:01.440 And so the first of the four loves is the one uh called storge. 00:15:01.919 --> 00:15:03.279 And you say that, that's kind of fun to say. 00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:04.000 Storge. 00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:06.559 Yeah, you didn't get it. 00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:07.120 Let's say it again. 00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:07.759 Storge. 00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:09.600 There you go. 00:15:09.759 --> 00:15:11.440 This is familial love. 00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:14.720 It's a natural or instinctual affection. 00:15:14.799 --> 00:15:16.799 This is a parent's love for a child. 00:15:16.879 --> 00:15:20.000 This is siblings' love, like brothers and sisters. 00:15:20.240 --> 00:15:22.879 It's the storge type of love. 00:15:23.279 --> 00:15:32.879 Uh now, when storge is your foundation, and we see this a lot with um, especially parents and kids in our day, and maybe you've seen it. 00:15:32.960 --> 00:15:38.960 I mean, I know we don't have as many parents in this service as the last, but you ever seen this? 00:15:39.039 --> 00:15:43.360 Like you're you're like seeing a parent and they're just like hovering over their kid? 00:15:43.919 --> 00:15:44.240 Right? 00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:47.360 And they're just like, like, dude, I think I think they're fine. 00:15:47.519 --> 00:15:50.080 I mean, they bounce back pretty good. 00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:54.320 You know, in our day we have helicopter parents, right? 00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:55.600 They just hover. 00:15:55.840 --> 00:16:00.960 In my day, and some of you remember this, my mom would go, get out of the house. 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:05.679 No, like literally, out of the house, like, not here. 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:08.399 If you stay here, not good things are gonna happen. 00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:10.159 Get out of the house, right? 00:16:10.320 --> 00:16:11.840 You're driving me up a wall. 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:17.919 And here's what was amazing be like eight years old, get on a bike and just go riding in the neighborhood. 00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:19.279 Why? 00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:22.399 Because it's like you'll be fine. 00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:25.440 And all of a sudden, today we have these hovering parents. 00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:33.519 And what happens is when store-gay is your foundational type of love, is that your kids are your life. 00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:43.440 Maybe you're in a family, and you like maybe if you're a college person, your family or your parents become your life, and there's this idea of failure to launch as well. 00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:51.919 And what happens in marriages is kids, uh, the marriage subtly begins to center around their kids. 00:16:52.720 --> 00:17:00.000 And so instead of investing in their relationship, they're just hovering and got helicopter, and then you have snowplow parents. 00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:03.679 Maybe some of you had snowplow parents, maybe some of you are snowplow parents. 00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:08.319 What a snowplow parent is they just want to push all the obstacles out of their kids' way. 00:17:08.559 --> 00:17:09.920 They just want to plow it. 00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:26.480 And for a marriage or that's built on that, what ends up happening is it lasts until the kids get out of the house, and then one of the spouses suffers an identity crisis because their identity was in their kids. 00:17:27.359 --> 00:17:34.559 And then the oftentimes a marriage look at a couple looks at each other and has nothing in common. 00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:42.079 Storegate, incredibly important, familial love, but it is not intended to be the foundation of our love. 00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:43.440 The next is eros. 00:17:43.839 --> 00:17:50.079 Eros is the physical or sexual love, a deep feeling of attraction or sexual desire. 00:17:50.400 --> 00:17:56.160 When we're talking about love in our culture, Cupid, draw back your bow, right? 00:17:56.400 --> 00:18:00.319 That part of it, we're talking about eros. 00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:03.440 We're talking about an eros type of love. 00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:07.599 It is this physical, sexual, it's it's this moment. 00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:11.440 And it's, by the way, God's not down on eros. 00:18:12.240 --> 00:18:15.359 We're gonna talk more about it next week, and it's just physical. 00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:20.400 But we tend to think that God's like, oh, oh, Prudy, like, oh my gosh, ooh, ooh, you do that? 00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:30.240 Ah, no, he invented it, it was his idea, and so we should take notes from him about how to go about our sexuality. 00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:38.000 In fact, he wrote an entire book, Song of Songs, all about romantic love and our sexuality. 00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:50.720 However, when Eros becomes the foundation, what happens is a relationship as a people, we become pleasure seekers, me-centered and emotionally based. 00:18:51.920 --> 00:19:06.559 And and as soon as that attraction diminishes, as soon as the passion begins to fade or to dwindle, go, I just don't love them anymore. 00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:14.319 And it was never intended as important and beautiful and wonderful to be the foundation of our love. 00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:17.279 You have Storgate, you have Eros, and then you have Phileo. 00:19:17.680 --> 00:19:21.519 Phileo is the friendship or companionship love. 00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:25.039 It's a close association and affection. 00:19:25.519 --> 00:19:33.680 I mean, I think one of the lost arts in our society today is the companionship and deep friendship. 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:37.119 Like this is a love that we need to dial up. 00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:50.160 It's an area where we don't do friends very well, and we live at a surface level, and for many, this is an area where you're going, like, I need to invest more in my friendships. 00:19:50.880 --> 00:20:09.920 However, if Phileo is the foundation, what it ends up doing is it creates a bit of a codependency on the other person, and you begin to look for that other person to fulfill or complete you and to their and fulfill your needs. 00:20:10.079 --> 00:20:16.480 And this can happen, especially if you have a background, maybe you have a family background that's tough, so store gate is hard. 00:20:16.720 --> 00:20:21.759 Maybe you have a background where Eros is one of those that it actually does feel gross, it feels hard. 00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:24.640 You're like, man, I Ingram, you don't know what I've been through. 00:20:24.799 --> 00:20:33.039 And so then what happens is then we lean in to the Phileo side, and that becomes our life source and connection. 00:20:33.759 --> 00:20:40.160 And these are all important, they're important to our friendships, they're important to our relationships. 00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:45.680 However, they cannot sustain and last as the foundation of our love. 00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:48.160 And the last one, and many of you already know what the last one is. 00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:50.079 You probably wrote it in already in your notes. 00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:51.200 The last one is what? 00:20:51.359 --> 00:20:51.839 Anybody? 00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:54.079 Agape, that's right. 00:20:54.400 --> 00:20:58.880 Agape is an unconditional sacrificial love. 00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:04.240 A love marked by giving and not getting. 00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:12.160 It is other centered, unconditional, saying, I love you unconditionally, which, by the way, let me just explain this real quick. 00:21:12.480 --> 00:21:17.119 Unconditional doesn't mean there isn't boundaries to it. 00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:20.319 It means, and so every good parent understands this. 00:21:20.400 --> 00:21:21.359 So let me explain. 00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:24.079 I love my kids unconditionally. 00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:34.240 And what we tend to interpret unconditional is you love me as I am, don't ever change me or expect anything of me. 00:21:34.400 --> 00:21:35.519 No, no, no, no. 00:21:35.759 --> 00:21:40.400 My kids, I get, because I love them unconditionally, I want the very best for them. 00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:46.799 My love will never vary, and I see that there's activity and behavior in their life that will shipwreck them. 00:21:47.359 --> 00:21:58.400 And so my unconditional love says, I want to give you what is very best, and I know that that attitude, that response, that direction of life is gonna fundamentally harm you. 00:21:58.720 --> 00:21:59.759 See, it's agape. 00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:05.440 Is the unconditional sacrificial love, a love marked by giving, not getting. 00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:11.680 In fact, the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 gives us this definition. 00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:17.599 And what I want you to do is as you listen to this, many times we just go, yeah, yeah, I heard it before. 00:22:17.680 --> 00:22:21.759 I was at a wedding the other day, and some of you have been at like 15 weddings over the summer. 00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:22.720 I get it. 00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:28.319 And you're like, it's it's just that, you know, sweet love passage. 00:22:28.720 --> 00:22:31.200 Like, would you hear this afresh? 00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:33.440 This is powerful. 00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:35.519 This is profound. 00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:41.039 This isn't like cutesy wedding-y, that's not a word, but you know what I mean. 00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:43.039 This is gritty. 00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:44.720 This is real. 00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:48.640 In First Corinthians, I'm gonna get there first. 00:22:51.119 --> 00:22:55.279 Chapter 13, the apostle Paul says this. 00:22:56.720 --> 00:22:58.160 Love is patient. 00:22:59.759 --> 00:23:00.880 Love is kind. 00:23:01.359 --> 00:23:04.559 In fact, he only tells us two things which love is. 00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:06.480 Now think about this. 00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:10.640 Don't you want a roommate that is patient and kind? 00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:16.079 Don't you want a coworker that's patient and kind? 00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:20.000 Wouldn't you like a boss that is patient and kind? 00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:23.200 Wouldn't you hope that your spouse is patient and kind? 00:23:23.359 --> 00:23:24.559 Okay, how about your kids? 00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:28.640 Don't you want kids who are patient and kind? 00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:39.359 It says love, patient, this long-suffering, enduring, kind, gentle, tender. 00:23:39.920 --> 00:23:43.200 And then it gives us seven things that love is not. 00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:48.079 It does not envy, it's not jealous. 00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:53.920 Love doesn't look at your life and go, I want what you have. 00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:57.440 Or I'm upset that you have it. 00:23:57.839 --> 00:24:02.799 Love doesn't look at someone else's Instagram game and go, uh. 00:24:05.680 --> 00:24:07.279 I wish I had that. 00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:12.319 It does not envy, it is not proud. 00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:14.160 Think about that. 00:24:14.799 --> 00:24:24.319 Love doesn't inflate one's own importance, it doesn't make it about themselves, it does not dishonor others. 00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:34.160 There's no shame in love, there's no guilt in love, there's no putting you down or wanting to make sure you're put in your place in love. 00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:52.799 It is not self-seeking, it's not about you, or maybe said another way, it is not self-absorbed in the me centrality that we live in in our culture. 00:24:52.880 --> 00:24:55.039 It says it's not all about you. 00:24:58.079 --> 00:25:05.200 It's not easily angered, irritated, annoyed, frustrated. 00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:12.160 Those are all words I use to say that I'm not angry, I'm just irritated, I'm annoyed, I'm frustrated, right? 00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:19.039 We we don't like to say anger, oh that's a but but it seeps in so many different ways with our relationships. 00:25:20.880 --> 00:25:23.359 It keeps no records of wrong. 00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:32.720 You know, my wife and I go to counseling once a month, and it's been one of the great practices of our marriage. 00:25:32.799 --> 00:25:51.440 We've been married 17 years, um, and it's just this time for us to really grow and develop uh as a couple, and there's times when we're hanging out on the drive, it's about a 30-minute drive to where we we go, and we're talking about, hey, what are we going to talk about? 00:25:51.839 --> 00:25:57.200 And my wife will kind of jokingly say, Well, um, you probably have a list. 00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:00.160 And I do. 00:26:00.559 --> 00:26:08.640 Um, because I write in a journal, and I'm like always writing stuff down, and I'm like, oh, I don't know how to deal with that. 00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:13.839 Let me write this down, or Jenny did this, and that kind of annoyed me, and I want to see what Sue has to say about that. 00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:16.960 And she's like, and then like love keeps no record of wrongs. 00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:35.279 There's no like tit for tat, there's no like, hey, you did this and you did that, and I'm holding this over you, and look at you, and I'm gonna keep a record, and I'm gonna bring it back, and I'm gonna keep reminding you of how you felt, I'm gonna keep reminding you of how you screwed it up, I'm gonna keep reminding you of how you just are. 00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:37.680 And so love says, no. 00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:41.279 Love does not do that. 00:26:42.319 --> 00:26:48.000 Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. 00:26:48.799 --> 00:26:52.240 It always protects, means it's safe. 00:26:52.720 --> 00:27:04.000 Always trusts, always hope, it always perseveres, it never gives up, endures through the hard withstand with courage. 00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:15.359 This is what you are invited to embrace as the foundation of your love. 00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:24.640 First, that love is not a noun, love is a verb, it's an action, it's not a force. 00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:28.079 Love is a choice. 00:27:28.640 --> 00:27:31.200 This is how love behaves. 00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:34.720 It's not dependent upon your feelings. 00:27:34.880 --> 00:27:37.200 He says, this is what love does. 00:27:37.839 --> 00:27:42.400 If you want to know what love is, this is just how it looks to be loving. 00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:44.160 This is how love behaves. 00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:57.920 In fact, uh, when I counsel newly engaged couples and talk to them about their wedding, I take them to this passage and I say, I want you to write this out for the other person and personalize it. 00:27:58.000 --> 00:28:03.279 Because when you say I love you, we're not talking about love the feeling. 00:28:03.519 --> 00:28:06.559 We're not talking about storge or phileo or eros. 00:28:06.960 --> 00:28:09.920 When you are committing love, you're committing agape. 00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:13.119 You're saying I agape you. 00:28:14.160 --> 00:28:18.880 And here's what that looks like: I will be patient with you. 00:28:21.599 --> 00:28:28.079 Even when you leave all your crap all around the house and it's driving me up a wall, right? 00:28:28.160 --> 00:28:30.640 Like you gotta get personal. 00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:32.240 What does it look like? 00:28:32.319 --> 00:28:33.519 It's a verb, it's a choice. 00:28:33.599 --> 00:28:37.920 Now notice this love is not a doormat, and love is not a dictator. 00:28:38.880 --> 00:28:43.680 You see, love is not to be walked all over to accept abuse. 00:28:43.839 --> 00:28:48.160 Notice that love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:55.200 It says, I stand on the side of what's right and true, and I'll stand up for that because that's what's best for you and for me. 00:28:55.279 --> 00:29:02.640 And I'm not gonna allow you to bring abuse or heartache or pain in here, and it is not a dictator. 00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:22.079 Love does not demand its rights, and most often the way this happens, whether it's in friendships, dating, even at work, and in marriage, is we tend to manipulate others. 00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:32.559 We try to manipulate them, we call it love, but it's really not a love marked by giving, it's a love marked by getting. 00:29:33.039 --> 00:29:36.640 I'm gonna do something for you so that you'll do something for me. 00:29:36.799 --> 00:29:39.200 Let me give you an example, it's embarrassing. 00:29:40.720 --> 00:29:44.079 Uh a while ago, this is a long while ago. 00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:48.079 I I remember having this thought. 00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:51.039 Okay, so I was in our marriage, I'm a guy, you can see that. 00:29:51.119 --> 00:29:51.440 Okay. 00:29:51.680 --> 00:29:58.160 Um and I remember having this thought, and I didn't use these words, but in our marriage, I'm like, I want more Eros love. 00:29:58.240 --> 00:29:58.960 Let's just be real. 00:29:59.039 --> 00:30:06.160 I I want a little bit more intimacy in our marriage, and I'm thinking through, okay, how do I how do I get Jenny to be like, mmm, you know? 00:30:06.319 --> 00:30:14.079 Um, and so, and so I remember hearing that, you know, someone said one time, the sexiest thing a man can do is the dishes. 00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:15.759 I'm like, fantastic. 00:30:16.960 --> 00:30:20.319 And so I remember going and washing the dishes. 00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.359 I didn't do that, because that ain't sexy. 00:30:25.519 --> 00:30:33.680 But I remember washing the dishes, thinking that Jenny's looking at me, going like, wow, what a sexy man. 00:30:36.240 --> 00:30:37.519 We go to bed. 00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:39.279 Nothing. 00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:41.599 Nothing. 00:30:42.799 --> 00:30:45.039 Oh, now I'm getting irritated. 00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:50.240 Next day, washing the dishes, clean up. 00:30:52.319 --> 00:30:53.279 Nothing. 00:30:55.519 --> 00:30:57.039 Not even like a thank you. 00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:02.400 And I'm like, now I'm starting to get bitter of like, look at all I'm doing, and how could you not? 00:31:03.599 --> 00:31:10.160 By the way, I was just doing what I should be doing, like what is normal, you know, like, hey, taking care of around the house. 00:31:10.240 --> 00:31:13.839 This isn't like a heroic deed, washing the dishes, let's be honest. 00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:16.799 That's just called life and normal, okay? 00:31:17.039 --> 00:31:19.759 So, like, get that through your thick skull, Ingram. 00:31:21.039 --> 00:31:22.319 But what was it? 00:31:23.279 --> 00:31:27.920 It was a form of love that was not love, it was manipulation. 00:31:28.079 --> 00:31:31.440 And we do it in our relationships all the time. 00:31:32.960 --> 00:31:35.920 I will do this in order to get this. 00:31:36.240 --> 00:31:42.400 Agape love is a loved mark by giving, not getting. 00:31:42.559 --> 00:31:46.480 See, the modern love promise says, when I fall in love, everything will fall into place. 00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:50.480 Relational intelligence says it's less about falling in love. 00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:55.839 And it's far more about growing in love, it's less about falling in love. 00:31:56.160 --> 00:31:58.799 And there's a moment to fall in love. 00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:02.400 There's a moment, so don't hear me, Ingram, he hates romance. 00:32:02.799 --> 00:32:05.680 No, that's wonderful and good. 00:32:05.759 --> 00:32:09.279 It's just not foundational for any great relationship. 00:32:10.079 --> 00:32:13.359 And it's far more about growing in love. 00:32:13.519 --> 00:32:15.599 So, how do you grow in love? 00:32:15.759 --> 00:32:19.039 How do you build a foundation on agape love? 00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:20.640 I'm so glad you asked. 00:32:20.880 --> 00:32:29.039 Turn your Bible with me with you to your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5, verse 1, and we're gonna talk about increasing your love quotient. 00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:32.079 How do you grow in love? 00:32:32.559 --> 00:32:40.480 In fact, in this text, you're gonna see three different forms of the verb agape in this text that's gonna help us unpack how do we actually do this? 00:32:40.559 --> 00:32:45.680 Because if you're like me and you read that love thing and you're like going, like, man, that's overwhelming. 00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:47.519 That ain't me. 00:32:48.960 --> 00:32:50.720 I want that to be true. 00:32:50.880 --> 00:32:53.920 I want that to be true of the people in my life and the coworkers. 00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:56.880 I wanna be that, but I don't know how. 00:32:57.279 --> 00:32:58.799 Notice what the apostle Paul says. 00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:00.319 He says, be imitators of God. 00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:01.359 Circle that word be. 00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:02.000 It's a command. 00:33:02.079 --> 00:33:03.759 This is we're to imitate him. 00:33:04.319 --> 00:33:11.519 Therefore, as dearly loved children, underline dearly loved, as dearly loved children, live a life of love. 00:33:11.680 --> 00:33:12.640 Circle the word live. 00:33:12.720 --> 00:33:14.240 We're gonna get to that in a second. 00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:18.960 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, live a life of love. 00:33:19.119 --> 00:33:19.519 How? 00:33:19.839 --> 00:33:30.480 Just as Christ loved you, underline that, loved us, and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:33.279 Okay, how do we increase our love quotient? 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:34.880 How do we grow in love? 00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:40.240 The first is we need to embrace that we are dearly loved. 00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:42.559 That you're dearly loved. 00:33:44.799 --> 00:33:53.039 The Greek word here is agapetos, it's the object of one's affection, having a very special relationship. 00:33:53.359 --> 00:33:54.160 Beloved. 00:33:55.519 --> 00:34:00.799 This is embracing your identity and your position in Christ. 00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:07.599 You're not working for love, you are loved. 00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:18.000 You are profoundly and perfectly loved by your Heavenly Father right now, in this moment. 00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:22.239 Nothing you can do will ever change that. 00:34:22.480 --> 00:34:28.639 Whether you have a good day or a bad day, his love does not vary at all. 00:34:29.119 --> 00:34:30.639 He loves you. 00:34:31.760 --> 00:34:32.639 Period. 00:34:34.320 --> 00:34:35.519 Notice this. 00:34:35.920 --> 00:34:44.000 There is something in you that God loves, and if God loves you, then you must be worthy of love. 00:34:46.159 --> 00:34:50.000 It's popular in our day to talk about self-love. 00:34:50.639 --> 00:35:02.000 I don't want to diminish this, but the way the conversation is going is it goes something like this I gotta love myself first in order to be able to love you. 00:35:03.119 --> 00:35:04.719 I just gotta love me. 00:35:05.039 --> 00:35:08.000 In fact, uh in my research, I remember seeing this. 00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:12.719 Um, I love you, but I love me more, is like the modern love phrase. 00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:14.159 Like interesting. 00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:20.559 But but we live with this, like I some, you know, no, no, it's all I gotta love me, I gotta have me. 00:35:21.920 --> 00:35:24.239 And what that is, let's just unpack this. 00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:34.000 If you're starting with a love deficit and you're trying to love yourself more, you have nothing to give yourself. 00:35:35.519 --> 00:35:38.079 It is starting with God. 00:35:39.360 --> 00:35:44.079 See, to live a life of love, we first have to understand we're loved. 00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:51.360 Not that you love yourself more, we'll get to that, but that you are profoundly loved, that God just loves you. 00:35:51.519 --> 00:35:54.320 You can't give to others what you have yet received. 00:35:54.480 --> 00:36:03.199 And he says, I love you, you're my beloved, you're an adopted child of the King Most High, you're loved, and everything you do flows from that. 00:36:04.000 --> 00:36:07.280 Your identity, your position. 00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:08.960 Embrace. 00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:12.159 Embrace that you're dearly loved. 00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:22.559 See, one of the most destructive things in our culture today with relationships is looking for the other person to complete or fulfill us. 00:36:23.199 --> 00:36:32.400 They can never complete or fulfill you, but when your identity is secure, you're no longer having a love that is need-based. 00:36:33.039 --> 00:36:35.599 I need you, I need this, I need that. 00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:36.559 No, no, no. 00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:41.920 I am fully loved, complete, and so I can give love. 00:36:42.559 --> 00:36:43.760 How do we grow in love? 00:36:43.920 --> 00:36:46.239 First, embrace that you are dearly loved. 00:36:46.320 --> 00:36:47.519 Second, did you see it? 00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:50.480 Commit to living a life of love. 00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:54.159 As dearly loved children, live a life of love. 00:36:54.239 --> 00:36:58.000 And that word I had you circle B, it's a command, be imitators. 00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:16.079 It's the picture of a little kid imitating their mom or their dad, mimicking what they do, their hand gestures and all the different idiosyncrasies that they have, and saying, in the same way that you have been so well loved by your heavenly father, mimic him. 00:37:16.639 --> 00:37:17.679 Mimic him. 00:37:18.639 --> 00:37:20.480 Begin to put it into practice. 00:37:20.639 --> 00:37:22.079 It's that live a life of love. 00:37:22.159 --> 00:37:23.119 That's a command. 00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:24.639 Commit to it. 00:37:25.519 --> 00:37:30.960 See, we grow like, you know what, we want to grow on this, but I'm waiting until I feel like it. 00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:36.320 I, you know, when I feel like it, and eventually when I feel like it, then I'll start to do it. 00:37:36.559 --> 00:37:47.440 Agape, let me give you just a little further definition of this: the self-giving, sacrificial love that gives the other person what they need the most when they deserve it the least. 00:37:48.079 --> 00:37:51.039 See, first you start with, I'm dearly loved. 00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:56.239 I have all that I need from my heavenly father. 00:37:57.039 --> 00:38:01.039 Now I'm gonna commit, I'm gonna make a choice to love. 00:38:02.559 --> 00:38:15.440 Um, the wedding picture, when a couple is standing up and proclaiming their vows, a lot of times when we think about it, is we think about it as professing love, and it certainly is. 00:38:15.599 --> 00:38:27.039 They're professing their love for one another, but something that's happening that's even more profound, and it's missed a lot of time, is they're not just professing love, they're promising future love. 00:38:27.840 --> 00:38:38.400 They're making a commitment of future love in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, in good times and in bad times. 00:38:38.639 --> 00:38:46.159 I am making a commitment to you that my love, this agape love, is the is what I'm choosing to respond to. 00:38:46.239 --> 00:38:48.320 And when I don't, I'll own it. 00:38:49.360 --> 00:38:53.840 But I'm promising that circumstances will not change it. 00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:55.519 I'm making this commitment. 00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:58.639 Well, you're like, well, what about like feelings? 00:38:59.119 --> 00:39:00.400 I mean, you've been kind of down on feelings. 00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:01.039 No, no, no. 00:39:01.199 --> 00:39:07.360 See, love is not devoid of feelings, it's just not defined by it. 00:39:08.559 --> 00:39:14.000 And we tend to define our lives by how we feel. 00:39:14.400 --> 00:39:17.679 He says, first, you should feel awesome. 00:39:18.239 --> 00:39:20.320 You're loved, you're beloved. 00:39:20.480 --> 00:39:24.880 And if that just sunk in like a little bit, your whole world would change. 00:39:25.679 --> 00:39:28.400 Like, you go, like, man, this is crazy. 00:39:28.559 --> 00:39:43.360 The God of the universe, the one who spoke all things into existence, like that God, he says, I'm the object of his affection, like Zephaniah would say that he's like rejoicing over you with singing. 00:39:43.519 --> 00:39:50.480 Like if you just got that for a little bit, you'd just be walking around like I'm so confident, not cocky, confident, right? 00:39:50.639 --> 00:39:51.760 I'm loved. 00:39:52.239 --> 00:39:58.480 And so I'm committing to give to you the type of love I receive from my Heavenly Father. 00:39:59.039 --> 00:40:04.400 And by the way, this exact way Jesus has loved you. 00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:10.960 First Corinthians 13 is an expression of how God has loved you. 00:40:13.440 --> 00:40:19.599 And for us, it's not just committing to a life of love. 00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:24.559 We have to rely on Christ's love to empower you. 00:40:28.320 --> 00:40:31.840 He says, just as Christ loved. 00:40:32.719 --> 00:40:34.800 It's the Greek word agapau. 00:40:35.679 --> 00:40:38.400 I love how Ephraim Smith defines this. 00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:47.679 He says, it's the unconditional love of Jesus in us that is flowing through us to be a force of transformation around us. 00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:56.639 The unconditional love of Jesus in us that is flowing through us to be a force of transformation around us. 00:40:57.760 --> 00:41:04.719 See, as we sit back and we look at that and we go, man, that agape love, I can't. 00:41:06.159 --> 00:41:13.039 That agape love with my coworkers, man, she is just really on my case. 00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:15.199 He is just really tough. 00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:18.079 Like every meeting is a struggle. 00:41:18.400 --> 00:41:21.920 I can't, I can't agape them. 00:41:22.719 --> 00:41:25.840 And he says, you can't, but he can through you. 00:41:26.159 --> 00:41:31.599 Would you rely on Christ empowering love working in you? 00:41:32.960 --> 00:41:38.880 You know, with my roommate and with my spouse, it was like, oh, it's been a rough season. 00:41:39.119 --> 00:41:45.519 Oh man, they are in a mood like I can't, you're right, you can't, but he can through you. 00:41:47.760 --> 00:41:49.760 See, the gospel is this. 00:41:51.039 --> 00:42:05.280 The gospel is that God loves you, that he meets you right where you are, that when you cry out for your need for him, he meets you and he says, he will just deposit the spirit of God inside you. 00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:19.920 You are now adopted into the family of God, you're marked among the beloved, that is your identity, and then you have the Spirit of God, the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead, dwelling inside you to empower you to live out a radically new life. 00:42:21.519 --> 00:42:26.639 And far too many of us are walking around weak and feeble, going, like, I can't, I can't. 00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:27.519 Just to own it. 00:42:27.599 --> 00:42:29.440 Yeah, of course you can't. 00:42:29.840 --> 00:42:32.559 But he can through you. 00:42:34.480 --> 00:42:36.320 It looks something like this. 00:42:37.119 --> 00:42:41.599 In my mornings, like the thing, the area that I really want to grow in this year, 2020. 00:42:41.679 --> 00:42:47.119 I shared it a few, like, I don't know, a month ago or something like that, is you know, that love is patient. 00:42:47.280 --> 00:42:48.880 Like I could grow in that too. 00:42:49.039 --> 00:42:56.000 Um but the kind part, and it's not being kind to strangers, I'm pretty good at that. 00:42:56.880 --> 00:43:01.360 It's being kind to the people closest to me, my kids. 00:43:03.039 --> 00:43:08.159 See, love is really challenged in the unguarded moments. 00:43:09.760 --> 00:43:20.559 We're good at loving people when we're kind of on, but it's those unguarded moments that are generally the people closest to us, whether it's a friend or family or spouse. 00:43:22.000 --> 00:43:26.320 And go, God, I want you to develop in me gentleness or kindness. 00:43:26.400 --> 00:43:33.679 It's actually a fruit of the spirit, so I know that when I rely on the spirit, you're gonna actually produce that in my life. 00:43:34.559 --> 00:43:39.599 And I have this little three by five card, and each morning I review it. 00:43:39.679 --> 00:43:52.880 I reviewed it this morning, and at the top it says this it says, um, the Ephesians uh five, and I think it's uh verse, I don't know what verse, but says, Husbands, love your wives. 00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:55.280 And I write in our name Ryan Love Jenny. 00:43:55.599 --> 00:43:56.079 How? 00:43:56.320 --> 00:43:59.679 Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself. 00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:01.360 Up for her. 00:44:02.239 --> 00:44:10.320 Like, if you're married in your husband's, like your role is to sacrifice your life for your wife. 00:44:10.800 --> 00:44:13.840 Not to dominate, but to lay down your life. 00:44:14.719 --> 00:44:16.320 Going, okay, what does it look like? 00:44:16.480 --> 00:44:17.679 Okay, God help. 00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:20.400 Like, I in and of myself, I can't do that. 00:44:20.480 --> 00:44:24.320 And underneath it, I have the first Corinthians 13 passage, love isn't going. 00:44:24.719 --> 00:44:33.360 And it's a prayer in the morning, each and every morning, of like, I want to reorient my mind around what's true and invite you to have your way in me. 00:44:33.599 --> 00:44:36.880 Holy Spirit, would you empower me to be that kind of man? 00:44:37.280 --> 00:44:39.360 And then you take the next step. 00:44:40.079 --> 00:44:42.000 You just take the next step. 00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:44.480 Say, God, I don't know how to love this person. 00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:46.000 I don't know how to love that coworker. 00:44:46.079 --> 00:44:47.280 I don't know how to love my roommate. 00:44:47.360 --> 00:44:51.360 I don't know how to love the, and you just go, but I'm going to rely on you. 00:44:51.519 --> 00:44:54.559 And so I'm going to take the step I know that love's calling. 00:44:54.719 --> 00:44:56.400 I know that love asks me to do. 00:44:56.480 --> 00:45:00.320 And I'm going to trust that you're going to empower me as I take that step. 00:45:00.639 --> 00:45:01.840 See, we don't take the step. 00:45:01.920 --> 00:45:03.840 We would we're going like, God, would you empower me? 00:45:03.920 --> 00:45:04.639 Would you empower me? 00:45:04.719 --> 00:45:06.000 Would you empower me? 00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:09.119 Take a step. 00:45:10.559 --> 00:45:13.920 Go, I know what love calls me to. 00:45:14.159 --> 00:45:16.239 I'm asking, would you empower me? 00:45:16.320 --> 00:45:18.719 And I'm going to take that step. 00:45:19.199 --> 00:45:25.039 It's what Paul would say in Galatians, walking in step with the Spirit. 00:45:25.599 --> 00:45:28.320 And so let me leave you with this. 00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:30.239 This is just simply what love asks. 00:45:30.559 --> 00:45:35.360 Would you begin to ask this to help you know what are the steps you need to take? 00:45:35.519 --> 00:45:38.719 Whether it's with your friends, with your coworkers, with your ex. 00:45:40.800 --> 00:45:45.840 What is the highest and best for the other person? 00:45:47.360 --> 00:45:49.280 This is just the question love asks. 00:45:52.320 --> 00:46:06.079 What is the highest and best for your friend, for your boyfriend, for your girlfriend, for your spouse, for your ex, for your coworkers, for your kids. 00:46:06.480 --> 00:46:10.000 What is the highest and best for them? 00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:16.480 And then you go, okay, I'm gonna remind myself I am fully loved. 00:46:16.639 --> 00:46:19.519 This is my identity, so I don't need love from them. 00:46:19.679 --> 00:46:26.719 I'm gonna choose to do what is the highest and best, and I'm gonna invite the Spirit of God to empower me to do that. 00:46:26.960 --> 00:46:29.199 Would you pray with me as we close? 00:46:30.719 --> 00:46:37.760 Heavenly Father, I can't help but think that there's people in this room that have not experienced your love. 00:46:39.519 --> 00:46:41.519 That this is how you loved us. 00:46:41.679 --> 00:46:43.920 You asked, What is the highest and best? 00:46:44.159 --> 00:46:49.760 And you came and became a human on our behalf. 00:46:50.079 --> 00:46:54.159 You suffered and died on the cross for us. 00:46:54.320 --> 00:47:00.960 And you rose again that we might have a new life, that we might step into the very family of God. 00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:08.000 And if you're here and you need to experience the love of God, would you just go, I need to experience you, Jesus. 00:47:08.320 --> 00:47:11.119 I want to step into the family of God. 00:47:12.320 --> 00:47:16.480 Today, would you come into my life and make me new? 00:47:16.800 --> 00:47:19.760 I want to start a new life with you. 00:47:20.719 --> 00:47:30.480 And in that moment, you are adopted as part of the family of God. 00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:42.239 For others in this moment, maybe even walking around and just you haven't been anchored in what's true and God's how God actually thinks of you. 00:47:42.400 --> 00:47:48.800 In this moment, as we respond and worship, may he overwhelm you with his love. 00:47:49.440 --> 00:47:54.800 Overwhelm you with just his affection and tender care. 00:47:55.360 --> 00:47:56.480 In Jesus' name.