WEBVTT 00:00:01.600 --> 00:00:04.080 Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast. 00:00:04.240 --> 00:00:08.960 We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ. 00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:10.640 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:13.279 --> 00:00:17.120 Well, we've been in a series called Purpose Full, Purposeful. 00:00:17.359 --> 00:00:20.640 And today the sermon titles called Disagreeing Well. 00:00:20.719 --> 00:00:22.719 Would you go ahead and say that out loud? 00:00:23.199 --> 00:00:24.239 Disagreeing well. 00:00:24.640 --> 00:00:26.719 Yeah, we don't know how to do that anymore, do we? 00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:27.839 Let's say that again. 00:00:28.079 --> 00:00:29.280 Disagreeing well. 00:00:29.519 --> 00:00:30.239 Come on now. 00:00:32.479 --> 00:00:33.679 Disagreeing well. 00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:42.880 Listen, how you and I go about conflict or disagreement will either make or break a purposeful life. 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:44.799 It will either make or break. 00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:45.759 And here's the reason why. 00:00:45.920 --> 00:00:50.000 It will either build or it will burn bridges, won't it? 00:00:50.799 --> 00:00:54.960 It will either strengthen or sabotage friendships. 00:00:55.280 --> 00:01:00.960 It will either develop or diminish your own character or influence. 00:01:01.280 --> 00:01:14.239 And this last year, I've watched close friends who've been friends for a long time no longer be friends because they disagreed on how to pandemic. 00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:19.120 Disagreed on how what, you know, you vaccinate or not. 00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:20.719 All these different things. 00:01:20.959 --> 00:01:25.760 I've watched families strain under the struggle of disagreement. 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:34.319 Marriages that are on the brink of collapsing because we do not know how to disagree anymore, do we? 00:01:34.879 --> 00:01:41.359 In fact, today, if you the kind of mantra, if you will, is if you disagree with me, isn't it true? 00:01:41.519 --> 00:01:43.359 You're basically dead to me. 00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:45.599 It's just, hey, I'm done with you. 00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:49.519 If you disagree, if we disagree, we can't disagree. 00:01:49.760 --> 00:01:51.439 If you disagree with me, you're dead with me. 00:01:51.599 --> 00:01:52.159 Here's what we do. 00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:57.040 We've been texting the disagreement deal and we ghost them, or they ghost us. 00:01:57.519 --> 00:01:59.680 We block them on social media. 00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:01.680 We avoid them in person. 00:02:01.840 --> 00:02:05.680 We do this in the church world, by the way, especially when you have multiple services. 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:08.319 Oh, they go to the first service, I'm gonna go to the second service. 00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:09.199 Or you know what? 00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:13.039 We we're disagreeing, so I'm gonna go to a new church. 00:02:13.360 --> 00:02:25.680 We are losing the ability to disagree well, and how we go about it, how we go about disagreement and conflict will either make or break us in a purpose-filled life. 00:02:25.840 --> 00:02:27.199 And so, how do you navigate? 00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:32.080 How do we navigate disagreement as a follower of Jesus? 00:02:32.400 --> 00:02:36.960 How do you navigate it in a healthy, productive, God-honoring way? 00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:44.000 Today we're gonna look at uh one of the most famous, if not the most famous, disagreements in the New Testament. 00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:54.639 I wanna take you through just three observations about conflict after that, and then a biblical framework or lens of how to navigate uh disagreement well. 00:02:54.800 --> 00:03:00.080 If you got your Bibles, would you open up to Matthew, or not Matthew, we're not even in the book of Matthew, good grief. 00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:02.560 Acts chapter 15. 00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:06.000 Acts chapter 15, verse 36. 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:07.520 Begins this way. 00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:17.199 Some time later, Paul said to Barnabas, let's go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preach the word of the Lord and see how they're doing. 00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:20.000 They had gone on this, you know, missionary journey. 00:03:20.159 --> 00:03:24.240 They've gone to Cyprus and then parts of Asia Minor, the Galatia area. 00:03:24.719 --> 00:03:28.879 God used them powerfully, and they then returned, reported back. 00:03:29.039 --> 00:03:31.039 They had the Jerusalem Council last week. 00:03:31.120 --> 00:03:33.439 We talked about what does it mean to be saved? 00:03:33.520 --> 00:03:38.319 Uh, and then they're spending time in Antioch and just processing. 00:03:38.400 --> 00:03:39.840 And Paul says, Let's go back. 00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:41.199 Wouldn't it be so great? 00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:44.400 We we love these people, we haven't seen them in for a long time. 00:03:44.479 --> 00:03:46.879 Let's go back and see how they're doing. 00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:48.879 And here's where the plot thickens. 00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:56.159 Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him. 00:03:56.240 --> 00:03:56.560 Why? 00:03:56.800 --> 00:04:02.639 Because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. 00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:07.759 There, if you remember, last week we talked about this, they traveled from Antioch to the island of Cyprus. 00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:23.439 John Mark was with them through this journey, and then when they traveled to Cyprus up to uh Pamphylia, uh, then John Mark couldn't handle the intensity and the opposition, and he deserts them there and goes back to Jerusalem. 00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:27.120 And Barnabas, I mean, his name is Son of Encouragement. 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:38.560 Barnabas, he always sees somebody as, you know, God has such good potential and uh longs to see their lives be used. 00:04:38.639 --> 00:04:43.199 He's he's gonna come alongside, put his arm around you, and give you a second chance. 00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:44.560 And Paul. 00:04:45.439 --> 00:04:57.199 Well, Paul is so driven, he feels called, he's he's called to reach the unreached and go to places that are even more hazardous and dangerous, and they're at this crossroads. 00:04:57.439 --> 00:05:02.240 Barnabas says, I want to take John Mark, I want to give him a second chance. 00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:06.639 I know he didn't measure up in that moment, but I believe he has it in him. 00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:10.240 And Paul's going, listen, where we're headed, it's gonna get even harder. 00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:12.079 I don't think it's wise. 00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:19.519 I don't listen, I I love John Mark, he's wonderful, but but take him on like an introductory missions trip. 00:05:19.600 --> 00:05:24.079 This is like, you know, for the not the faint of heart. 00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:33.519 Well, they had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. 00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:36.079 Barnabas. 00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:38.000 Everybody likes Barnabas. 00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:40.399 It's hard not to like Barnabas. 00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:57.519 Paul, the apostle who wrote chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians, all about love, had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company, and Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus. 00:05:57.600 --> 00:06:04.560 But Paul chose Silas, uh leader, and left and commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. 00:06:04.720 --> 00:06:09.120 He went through Syria and Sicily, uh, strengthening the churches. 00:06:09.279 --> 00:06:13.680 I have a map just up here so you can see exactly uh where they went. 00:06:13.759 --> 00:06:22.079 And two observations before we divide dive into about conflict here is how Barnabas and Paul disagreed. 00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:28.000 Notice this how they disagreed expanded their impact, not it didn't diminish their impact. 00:06:28.399 --> 00:06:33.120 Notice that Barnabas took John Mark and he went to the island of Cyprus. 00:06:33.199 --> 00:06:39.279 That's his hometown, his home nation there, and where John Mark had begun the journey with them. 00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:44.240 And Paul then travels up through uh inland and he takes Silas with him. 00:06:44.319 --> 00:06:47.439 And now there's two teams multiplying their impact. 00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:57.600 The second thing I want you to notice is how they disagree and how they went about this did not undermine future partnership and relationship. 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:07.920 In fact, later on, the apostle Paul would write this in his letter to Timothy send John Mark to me, for he is useful to me. 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:15.600 You would see later different writings of Paul where he would then speak highly of John Mark and possibly of Barnabas. 00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:19.759 And so, how do you navigate disagreement as a follower of Jesus? 00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:22.399 There's some things in this text that are important for us. 00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:27.360 First observation about conflict is this conflict is unavoidable. 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:29.920 Conflict is unavoidable. 00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:37.040 Every relationship, no matter how good or godly, will experience conflict, disagreement. 00:07:37.839 --> 00:07:44.480 Listen, if Barnabas and Paul got into it, we're gonna get into it. 00:07:45.920 --> 00:07:58.319 If these two had a sharp dispute, there's gonna be times where people that you love, people that are godly, people that you go like, man, I just never would have imagined you're gonna experience conflict. 00:07:58.399 --> 00:07:59.519 It's unavoidable. 00:07:59.680 --> 00:08:02.079 Secondly, conflict is difficult, isn't it? 00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:03.759 It's just hard. 00:08:04.959 --> 00:08:06.240 It's just hard. 00:08:06.560 --> 00:08:07.519 This was hard. 00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:08.879 This was difficult. 00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:16.079 It's hard because it's emotional, it's hard because it gets personal really quick. 00:08:17.279 --> 00:08:28.560 It's hard because we don't really, I mean, in our day, we haven't been modeled how to disagree well or how to have conflict well, or even given the tools to do it well. 00:08:30.399 --> 00:08:32.399 It's just uncomfortable, isn't it? 00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:37.440 And so we want to avoid it, or some of our personalities, we go right after it. 00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:42.320 It's unavoidable, it's difficult, and yet it is an opportunity to grow. 00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:45.600 Jot right next to that, Proverbs 27, 17th. 00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:48.480 We meant mentioned it last week, 27, 17. 00:08:48.559 --> 00:08:52.879 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. 00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:54.639 Conflict. 00:08:54.879 --> 00:09:00.000 It doesn't mean it always is, but it is an opportunity to grow just as iron sharpens iron. 00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:02.799 Now, what happens when you're sharpening iron? 00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:17.200 Friction, sparks, and it is that friction and that sparks that rubs off the rough edges that sharpen and develop. 00:09:17.759 --> 00:09:34.159 See, could it be that the things that you've been avoiding or the or maybe the ghosting or running away from or attacking are the very things God wants to use as an opportunity to grow and to develop you, to expand who you are, to shape your character. 00:09:34.399 --> 00:09:36.639 And so, how do we navigate disagreement? 00:09:36.720 --> 00:09:41.279 Well, let me just give you four steps, a biblical framework for navigating disagreements. 00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:45.600 Well, the first is define the problem on your own. 00:09:46.559 --> 00:09:48.639 Define the problem on your own. 00:09:48.799 --> 00:09:55.919 Notice, not with your besties, not with your small group, not as a prayer request. 00:09:56.320 --> 00:10:06.559 You know, I really have this issue with this co-worker, and um I really shouldn't say, well, her name's Sally, and um and Sally is just awful. 00:10:06.799 --> 00:10:13.519 I mean, the way she goes about it, or my boss, or you you know, you know that one guy at church? 00:10:13.759 --> 00:10:16.080 Oh my gosh, he's an EGR, isn't he? 00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:17.279 What's an EGR? 00:10:17.440 --> 00:10:18.720 Extra grace required. 00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:19.919 Oh my gosh. 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:22.320 Just pray for my heart. 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:25.200 Pray for my responses. 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:38.240 Define the problem on your own, not with a small group, not with your besties, not on a long social media post that is abstract and says all the things that you're emoting in the moments. 00:10:38.639 --> 00:10:39.759 How do we do this? 00:10:39.919 --> 00:10:42.000 First, examine your heart in part. 00:10:42.879 --> 00:10:45.840 Jesus would say it this way, Matthew chapter 7. 00:10:46.159 --> 00:10:52.960 Before you dare take the speck out of someone else's eye, take the log out of yours. 00:10:54.159 --> 00:10:55.919 And let's be honest. 00:10:57.039 --> 00:11:06.080 We overestimate the clarity of our own thinking about other people's problems, and we underestimate the fog of our own issues. 00:11:07.919 --> 00:11:14.080 It's like there's a log in our eyes, there's motive issues in my heart. 00:11:14.879 --> 00:11:21.279 No matter how flat a pancake, there's always two sides to it, and so I might just be playing a part in this. 00:11:23.440 --> 00:11:31.519 You begin to examine your heart and your part, and here's what I encourage you to do: write it down. 00:11:32.000 --> 00:11:33.200 Write it down. 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:44.799 We live in our world, we keep the emotions right here, and then you begin to write it down, and as you put pen to paper, it begins to give you perspective. 00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:48.879 And you begin to see part of your heart there, and you're like, okay, you know what? 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:53.120 That's more emotion, and that's how I'm feeling, but those aren't the facts. 00:11:53.440 --> 00:11:57.360 That's not exactly all that's going on there. 00:11:58.879 --> 00:12:03.120 See, when you examine your own heart, you take time. 00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:05.919 Holy Spirit, would you show me what's going on in me? 00:12:07.039 --> 00:12:11.200 We're quick to correct in our culture, but we're slow to confess. 00:12:12.559 --> 00:12:16.000 And where we say, we're gonna take time and confess personally. 00:12:16.159 --> 00:12:19.200 Second, move from thinking about them to praying for them. 00:12:19.440 --> 00:12:36.799 We're gonna examine our heart, and then isn't it true that the people that you have a disagreement with that they just keep coming back to your mind and you keep thinking about them, and you maybe think about how you're gonna win that argument, or what you would say if you had the guts to say it, or all those sort of things. 00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:41.120 Move from thinking about them to praying for them. 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:44.639 Jesus in Matthew chapter 5 says, listen. 00:12:46.960 --> 00:12:52.399 Bless those who persecute you and pray for your enemies. 00:12:55.600 --> 00:12:57.440 Every time, listen, make a commitment. 00:12:57.600 --> 00:13:00.320 Every time that person comes to mind, I'm gonna pray for them. 00:13:04.879 --> 00:13:06.879 I wonder what would change in our hearts. 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:08.799 I wonder what would change in the atmosphere. 00:13:08.879 --> 00:13:23.200 I wonder what God would want to do if every time they came to our mind, instead of moving into the mental dialogue of all the things we want to say and all the ways they've done X, Y, and Z, that we turned it to prayer for them. 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:27.759 And then give the generous explanation for their behavior. 00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:29.840 I've used this question over and over. 00:13:29.919 --> 00:13:32.879 So if you've been around awakening a while, you know this well. 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:36.879 What is the most generous explanation for their behavior? 00:13:38.720 --> 00:13:41.440 See, I'm gonna write down and examine my heart. 00:13:41.519 --> 00:13:49.679 I'm gonna move from thinking to praying, and instead of jumping to the very worst explanation, is what this is our natural. 00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:52.399 I'm gonna give them the best explanation. 00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:54.000 Here's what I'm gonna do for them. 00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:59.919 I am gonna give them the benefit of the doubt that I want them to have given me. 00:14:00.559 --> 00:14:05.279 What is the most generous explanation for their behavior? 00:14:05.600 --> 00:14:11.519 In crucial conversations, the authors write this about uh our emotions and conflict. 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:19.759 It says, just after we observe what others do, and just before we feel some emotion about it, we tell ourselves a story. 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:28.159 We add meaning to the action we observed, we make a guess at the motive uh driving the behavior, why they were doing that. 00:14:28.399 --> 00:14:29.840 We also add judgment. 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:31.279 Is that good or bad? 00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:37.039 And then, based on these thoughts or stories, our body responds with an emotion. 00:14:37.600 --> 00:14:42.159 See, we have to be careful about the stories we're telling ourselves. 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:47.840 And we jump to conclusions, we jump to judgments, we jump to motives immediately. 00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:58.399 Define the problem on your own, examine your heart, move from thinking to praying, give a generous explanation, and then finally, if necessary, seek wise counsel. 00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:01.759 Well, Ryan, why would you say if necessary? 00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:06.879 Well, because here's what we do in our culture today. 00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:14.960 Much of our seeking wise counsel is trying to get people on our side. 00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:26.399 Trying to get people to agree with us, see life from our frame, telling people how bad that person is. 00:15:28.639 --> 00:15:32.080 Scripture speaks a ton about seeking wise counsel. 00:15:32.960 --> 00:15:50.960 And as you're defining on your own, and if you find yourself stuck, you go, okay, who is someone that loves Jesus, that knows God's word, that knows both myself and this other individual who can speak into it and give me perspective. 00:15:52.159 --> 00:16:06.320 You know, when I try to bring something that's frustrating to my wife, the frustrating part is instead of her going like, yeah, because that's what we all want when we share something frustrating and ah, so-and-so, yada yada. 00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:13.679 She gives me, well, maybe there's another um reason. 00:16:13.919 --> 00:16:20.559 Or have you thought about I don't want to think about that, I don't want to wrestle with that. 00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:25.120 I don't want to give them the benefit of the doubt. 00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:30.159 And so define the problem on your own, navigating disagreements well. 00:16:30.320 --> 00:16:32.559 First, we have to define it on our own. 00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:37.440 Secondly, then, we have to set up a time to talk and do not put it off. 00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:41.519 Set up a time to talk, go directly to the person. 00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:51.440 In our culture today, we go directly to social media, we go directly to our friend group, set up a time to talk, don't put it off. 00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:52.399 How do we do this? 00:16:52.480 --> 00:16:55.440 We do this first face to face, face to face. 00:16:55.759 --> 00:17:06.160 Note, not in a text, not in a voice text, not in a marco polo, not in a DM, not even in a phone call. 00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:27.119 I can't tell you how many disagreements have gone over text messages that have been completely taken out of context, and just watching two people who love Jesus who are going back and forth, and then eventually what happens is one just stops and then they stop talking altogether. 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:28.640 Go face to face. 00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:35.920 In fact, psychologists tell us this that the mere act of listening to someone humanizes them. 00:17:36.559 --> 00:17:38.240 Just listening to them. 00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:46.160 And what we know about communication is that our words only make up 7% of what's actually communicated. 00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:52.160 38% is our tone, 55% is your body language. 00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:59.039 If you choose to communicate only via, you know, text or email, like nobody does email. 00:17:59.200 --> 00:18:01.279 Okay, not email, whatever. 00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:13.119 You're taking out 93% of the communication and allowing the other person to fill in the tone and the motive and the judgment. 00:18:14.079 --> 00:18:15.119 Here's how we're gonna do it. 00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:22.960 We're gonna set up a time to talk, we're not gonna do it on text, we're gonna do face-to-face, and then we're gonna go sooner than later. 00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:24.720 Sooner than later. 00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:28.160 Ephesians 4, 26 says, be angry. 00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:30.000 Did you know the Bible says be angry? 00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:32.640 See, we can hear don't be angry, don't be angry. 00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:35.039 It says, be angry and yet do not sin. 00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:41.839 Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold. 00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:57.920 See, the issue is the longer you stew on something, what you're gonna allow is a root of bitterness to grow in your heart, it will produce a heart of judgment where you're moralistic and right and they're wrong, and eventually it creates division and the devil won. 00:18:59.119 --> 00:19:00.559 Sooner than later. 00:19:00.799 --> 00:19:05.039 Take time, take process, be angry and do not sin. 00:19:05.440 --> 00:19:16.720 Jesus thinks this is such a big deal, by the way, that he says that if your brother or sister has something against you and you're at church and you're at, he says, leave your offering. 00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:18.559 So make sure and leave your offering here. 00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:22.960 Uh and then go and make it right. 00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:26.640 It's such a big deal. 00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:29.839 You should skip church to make it right with another person. 00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:39.920 Like as we're worshiping, and if you've been worshiping and you're realizing there's something not right between me and another person, the Spirit of God is convicting. 00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:43.039 I need to walk away from this moment and go make a phone call. 00:19:43.119 --> 00:19:43.920 Hey, can we meet? 00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:44.880 Can we get together? 00:19:45.039 --> 00:19:46.640 We we need to make it right. 00:19:47.279 --> 00:19:51.599 Like, how can I worship God and not be right with you? 00:19:52.480 --> 00:19:55.680 Like the two great commandments, interlinked. 00:19:55.839 --> 00:20:00.319 Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. 00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:05.200 The overflow of my love for God is represented in my love for others. 00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:09.279 Set up a time to talk, don't put it off. 00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:11.200 Well, what if they're unwilling? 00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:13.200 That might happen. 00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:17.519 As far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 00:20:18.559 --> 00:20:22.079 You take the step, you're not responsible for their response. 00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:24.480 What if they're unsafe? 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:31.440 First, I would say we classify unsafe way too quickly these days. 00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:36.720 So you may need to get outside counsel as whether or not they're unsafe or not. 00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:44.000 And if they're unsafe, then you need to go through a process of forgiving them. 00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:49.440 There's a great book called Forgiving, forgive and forget by, oh my gosh. 00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:53.599 I'll get his um name after a service if you want it. 00:20:53.759 --> 00:21:01.599 Um really, really good book on how to process the wounds that we cannot then go and restore with one another. 00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:04.079 Set up a time to talk, don't put it off. 00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:06.079 Number three, address the problem. 00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:08.880 Do not attack the person. 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:12.880 I love Paul and Barnabas here. 00:21:14.000 --> 00:21:16.000 The issue's really clear. 00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:19.759 The issue is a issue of calling. 00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:20.960 Did you catch that? 00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:28.720 Barnabas is called to come alongside those to help them reach their full potential. 00:21:28.880 --> 00:21:30.400 He did it with Paul. 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:42.240 You know, Paul shows up in Jerusalem and nobody wanted to be around him, and Barnabas comes alongside and walks with him and for Paul to live out his full purpose and calling in Jesus. 00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:47.039 And then John Mark, who's his cousin, obviously he's got some you know skin in the game with him. 00:21:47.279 --> 00:21:50.160 John Mark, he's like, I'm called to come alongside. 00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:51.920 That is my calling. 00:21:52.559 --> 00:21:54.640 Paul, what is his calling? 00:21:54.960 --> 00:21:59.359 His calling is to go reach those who have not heard the name of Jesus. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:04.319 Go into territory that is dangerous and share the gospel. 00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:06.720 And it's an issue of calling. 00:22:07.039 --> 00:22:13.440 At some point, these wonderful godly men, their callings collided and they could not partner anymore. 00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:21.200 So instead of going, you always Barney, come on, man. 00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:23.920 Get a grip. 00:22:24.799 --> 00:22:25.839 What's up? 00:22:27.039 --> 00:22:31.839 JM, dude, he deserted us last time, and you're always giving these second chances. 00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:32.559 Come on. 00:22:32.799 --> 00:22:36.400 Don't you care about those who don't know Jesus? 00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:39.920 You gotta make the hard choices sometimes. 00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:44.000 And Barnabas isn't going, Paul, come on, man. 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:45.200 You got a second chance. 00:22:45.359 --> 00:22:47.119 I gave you a second chance. 00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:49.759 Don't you care about people? 00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:52.400 See, they didn't attack each other. 00:22:52.559 --> 00:22:55.599 They didn't address, they address the issue. 00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:56.480 How do we do that? 00:22:56.640 --> 00:22:58.000 First, we have to be specific. 00:22:58.240 --> 00:23:00.480 Focus on one issue, not many. 00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:02.880 Be specific, not vague. 00:23:03.119 --> 00:23:05.920 Everyone, others, you always. 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:10.079 Be specific, not one, many issues. 00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:16.000 We tend to jump to another issue when we feel like we are losing an argument, don't we? 00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:20.400 And so we're talking, we have one issue, and then, well, that starts to fizzle out. 00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:21.279 Well, what about this? 00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:22.480 What about that? 00:23:24.319 --> 00:23:27.599 And so, addressing the problem, we're going to be specific. 00:23:27.759 --> 00:23:28.799 Our language matters. 00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:30.079 Speak the truth in love. 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:35.839 Ephesians 4 says, in speaking the truth in love, we'll grow into full maturity. 00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:37.920 How do we do that? 00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:41.440 Well, it's not dropping my truth. 00:23:42.559 --> 00:23:43.680 That's kind of what we think. 00:23:43.839 --> 00:23:46.880 Speak the truth in love, like boom, this is my truth. 00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:54.640 The truth of the matter is speaking the truth in love means I gotta do a lot more listening than speaking. 00:23:55.759 --> 00:23:59.039 Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. 00:23:59.839 --> 00:24:06.480 Kovey talks about this in his seven habits of highly effective people, to seek to understand before being understood. 00:24:06.799 --> 00:24:09.359 Disagreeing well means listening well. 00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:14.559 It means the truth is I have a limited perspective. 00:24:15.359 --> 00:24:18.240 And I want to hear and know more. 00:24:20.079 --> 00:24:25.759 Speaking the truth in love says, when you did this, I felt hurt. 00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:30.400 I felt sad when you did this. 00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:40.000 And you begin to share things in compassionate ways, but clear, and finally seek resolution and extend forgiveness. 00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:44.480 Paul and Barnabas, they said, you know what? 00:24:44.799 --> 00:24:47.680 Our callings aren't a match anymore. 00:24:48.079 --> 00:24:49.599 That's not that's okay. 00:24:49.920 --> 00:24:51.039 Here's our resolution. 00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:53.599 You go this direction, we're gonna multiply impact. 00:24:53.680 --> 00:25:02.720 I'm gonna go this direction, and we're gonna do more for the kingdom of God because we realize our we're gonna lean into our calling and extend forgiveness. 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:04.480 Jesus followed. 00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:08.880 We cannot say I can't forgive them. 00:25:10.240 --> 00:25:13.519 I hear that a lot from Christians. 00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:17.119 I could never forgive them. 00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:26.799 And Jesus calls us to forgive in the same way that He has forgiven us. 00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:28.160 It doesn't mean it's easy. 00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:49.599 But when we recognize the depth and the grace and the forgiveness of God, when we're overwhelmed by that reality and recognize that we are all spiritually bankrupt before a holy God, and Jesus says, I love you and you're fully forgiven. 00:25:49.759 --> 00:25:55.359 It's like, how could we not then extend that to others around us? 00:25:57.119 --> 00:26:00.559 So how do we navigate conflict or disagreements? 00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:09.680 Well, we got to define the problem, set a time to talk, address the problem, don't attack the person, and then finally, if stuck, seek outside help. 00:26:10.160 --> 00:26:15.759 Matthew 18 gets really clear on how we're to go about disagreements. 00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:17.279 If stuck, get outside help. 00:26:17.440 --> 00:26:21.680 Matthew 18, uh, Jesus talks about go directly one-on-one to the person. 00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:28.000 If you're stuck, get one or two witnesses, someone who sees the situation, who understands, who can speak into. 00:26:28.319 --> 00:26:30.480 Still stuck, go get outside help. 00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:33.839 Bring it to the leadership of the church. 00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:36.720 You know, everyone gets stuck. 00:26:37.119 --> 00:26:39.440 We all get stuck at some point. 00:26:40.799 --> 00:26:44.640 But the question is please don't stay stuck. 00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:47.440 Please, please. 00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:58.079 Please don't let your pride keep you stuck in a relationship where God wants to grow you through that relationship. 00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:03.599 You know, it was about eight years ago, Jenny and I were just stuck. 00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:06.960 We're just stuck in our marriage. 00:27:08.240 --> 00:27:15.119 We just kept hitting the same problems over and over again, and we just it just felt like we're on this loop, right? 00:27:16.559 --> 00:27:18.799 And we couldn't break out of it. 00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:28.079 And and just over and over, it just felt like, man, if nothing changes, then I'm not sure we're gonna make it. 00:27:29.359 --> 00:27:32.000 Not real encouraging as a pastor. 00:27:33.519 --> 00:27:37.440 I don't know why I did pastors in quotes, and it's not like it's a question. 00:27:42.160 --> 00:27:50.640 It was through a process of God breaking me to come to the moment where I said, you know what? 00:27:51.279 --> 00:27:55.039 I'm willing to get counseling, and we need counseling. 00:27:56.400 --> 00:28:00.720 And we reached out and got some help. 00:28:00.960 --> 00:28:03.920 You many of you have heard me talk about Sue, our counselor. 00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:07.759 We've been seeing Sue ever since. 00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:31.599 And for those who this moment, it just might save a relationship, it just might save your relationship with your kids, or your relationship with your spouse, or a relationship with a friendship when you're going like, you know what, maybe the outside help is I need to get a good, godly counselor that can help me navigate and walk through this because I can't do this and I am stuck, and where we just acknowledge it. 00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:36.319 Man, it's one of the best decisions of our marriage. 00:28:36.480 --> 00:28:39.680 And to this day, we meet with Sue once a month. 00:28:39.920 --> 00:28:42.000 At the beginning, it was hard. 00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:49.839 At the beginning, it felt like what I'm doing right now cleaning out the garage and just pulling stuff out. 00:28:50.319 --> 00:28:53.119 At the beginning, it felt like it was a bigger mess. 00:28:53.440 --> 00:28:59.119 Because there was a lot to unpack, a lot that I needed to work through, we needed to work through. 00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:07.359 And through that process, man, God has done such incredible things in our marriage, in our life. 00:29:07.839 --> 00:29:10.640 If stuck, seek outside help. 00:29:10.799 --> 00:29:12.240 Everyone gets stuck at some point. 00:29:12.480 --> 00:29:14.319 Just don't stay stuck. 00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:18.880 How we go about conflict will make or break a purpose-filled life. 00:29:19.279 --> 00:29:26.240 How we do this as a church, listen to this will either enhance or diminish the reputation of Jesus. 00:29:27.119 --> 00:29:28.559 John chapter 17. 00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:29.839 Would you stand with me? 00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:31.440 We're going to close in worship. 00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:36.640 John chapter 17, Jesus prays for you and for me. 00:29:39.839 --> 00:29:43.839 Because he knows this is a big issue and that we're going to struggle with this. 00:29:44.799 --> 00:29:48.079 That disagreeing well is really difficult. 00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:55.599 And on the night he was betrayed before he is crucified, he prays for you. 00:29:56.160 --> 00:29:57.920 And he prays for me. 00:29:58.400 --> 00:29:59.920 And this is his prayer. 00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:02.319 I pray that they may be one. 00:30:03.680 --> 00:30:06.640 Even as the Father and I are one. 00:30:08.240 --> 00:30:10.720 Like that's his heartbeat for us. 00:30:13.039 --> 00:30:14.880 That we would take this so seriously. 00:30:15.039 --> 00:30:18.000 God, this isn't just like something that we go, yeah, that's nice, Ryan. 00:30:18.079 --> 00:30:18.799 That was helpful. 00:30:18.880 --> 00:30:20.640 And yeah, I might keep the notes. 00:30:20.880 --> 00:30:28.960 Like, no, this is Jesus' heartbeat for his church to extend his reputation and his renown and how we disagree and how we go about it. 00:30:29.119 --> 00:30:33.279 It represents how well we love one another in the name of Jesus. 00:30:33.839 --> 00:30:35.680 Jesus says, Would you be one? 00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:44.880 And Heavenly Father, as we come together and recognize we're coming out of a weird season, a hard season. 00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:47.200 And emotions are high. 00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:52.480 We feel just beat up and frayed. 00:30:55.839 --> 00:30:57.440 God, would you meet us? 00:30:59.359 --> 00:31:00.960 Would you make us one? 00:31:06.160 --> 00:31:12.160 Would you allow what we have in common in you be greater than any difference we have? 00:31:15.839 --> 00:31:22.400 Would you give us courage to lean into the difficult conversation because we love one another? 00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:25.119 We want the best for one another. 00:31:26.880 --> 00:31:32.400 Would you help us lay down our pride at the cross? 00:31:34.559 --> 00:31:37.680 And take up the towel to serve those. 00:31:40.079 --> 00:31:42.799 Serve those we may not agree with. 00:31:44.079 --> 00:31:51.440 And by this, the world will know we are your disciples by how well we love. 00:31:52.319 --> 00:31:55.039 God, would you make us that kind of church? 00:31:55.200 --> 00:31:56.559 In Jesus' name. 00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:00.240 We hope you are blessed by this message. 00:32:00.480 --> 00:32:05.440 Please subscribe to our podcast for access to every episode as they're uploaded. 00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:07.920 And hey, we'd love to connect with you. 00:32:08.160 --> 00:32:14.000 Take a next step by filling out our virtual connection card at awakeningchurch.comslash card.