WEBVTT 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:02.319 Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast. 00:00:02.479 --> 00:00:07.040 We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ. 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:08.640 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:27.039 --> 00:00:30.719 So we celebrated this last December, 19 years of marriage. 00:00:30.879 --> 00:00:32.960 So yeah, very thank you. 00:00:33.280 --> 00:00:36.640 That applause is from my wife sticking it out with me. 00:00:37.520 --> 00:00:46.880 And amazingly so, we have three amazing kids, a 17-year-old daughter, almost 15-year-old son, almost 12-year-old son. 00:00:47.119 --> 00:00:48.000 Incredible. 00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:54.880 Now I was thinking back to when we um were first married, and at least our wedding day. 00:00:54.960 --> 00:01:00.159 And as I was thinking about it, you know, one, who gets married in December, anyways? 00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:01.840 And I was like, why did we get married? 00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:05.519 Not why we got married, but why did we get married, you know, then? 00:01:05.599 --> 00:01:14.159 Well, I was at Moody uh finishing up my schooling, and Jenny was just returned from Sweden and was like, I'm not letting this girl out of my sight. 00:01:14.239 --> 00:01:17.280 And so uh let's get married on my break. 00:01:17.359 --> 00:01:19.920 And so um we did. 00:01:20.079 --> 00:01:22.079 That's that's how that happened there. 00:01:22.400 --> 00:01:24.799 Now, you know, everybody's got advice, right? 00:01:24.879 --> 00:01:26.400 Everybody's got advice for you. 00:01:26.560 --> 00:01:29.920 You know, um, if you're getting married, people got lots of advice. 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:34.560 Um, if you're having a kid, good grief, hold on, people got lots of advice. 00:01:34.640 --> 00:01:35.200 It's amazing. 00:01:35.439 --> 00:01:39.760 Single people have lots of advice for kids, parent parents with kids. 00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:41.840 It's I don't understand that one. 00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:46.879 Um, but I remember this bit of advice right before we got married. 00:01:47.040 --> 00:01:59.680 My um some friends of ours who they were recently married, and he's like, No, Ryan, on your wedding day, you gotta make sure and eat. 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:03.120 I was like, I love to eat, you don't have to tell me twice, thank you very much. 00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:15.919 He's like, No, no, no, no, because here's what happens during the reception, uh, everybody's wanting to talk to you, and you have this incredible meal that y'all paid for, we didn't pay for it, father-in-law paid for it, but you get the point. 00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:19.360 And and like you just gotta carve out the time to eat. 00:02:19.520 --> 00:02:27.840 We got married and we came back, you know, set down our plates and then walked away, and all of a sudden, by the end of it, they had cleared our plates, we didn't even get to eat. 00:02:28.080 --> 00:02:32.560 So I said, fantastic, we're going to eat at our wedding. 00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:35.599 And and so the wedding day comes, it's wonderful. 00:02:35.759 --> 00:02:40.800 My dad did the wedding, he's a pastor, and I I was, I mean, I was a blubbering mess. 00:02:40.879 --> 00:02:42.159 I cried just like a baby. 00:02:42.240 --> 00:02:44.080 I mean, snot literally everywhere. 00:02:44.240 --> 00:02:46.800 You gotta see the video because it's bad. 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:50.400 Um, and and then we had the reception. 00:02:50.719 --> 00:02:55.520 And you know, you do the introductions, you come in, and it's exciting, and we had a buffet. 00:02:55.599 --> 00:02:59.599 So, as the married couple, we're first to get in line for the buffet. 00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:07.520 And as we step in to line, get our plates and sit down, and literally, right as we sit down, I'm about to put the fork to my mouth. 00:03:07.599 --> 00:03:15.199 Um, my wife now of an hour uh leans over to me and says, Someone wants to take a picture with us. 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:28.479 And I thought, well, now's the time probably to kind of lay some boundaries in our marriage, you know, outline some things that, like, hey, okay, we're I want to eat. 00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:30.719 Got advice, we gotta eat. 00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:33.599 And I I just turn, I don't even really look up. 00:03:33.680 --> 00:03:36.080 I'm like, we gotta eat, you know. 00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:40.719 Now the problem was this wasn't just someone. 00:03:41.439 --> 00:03:43.360 This was Jenny's grandma. 00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:49.439 And she had gotten up, you know, traveled the distance to be with us. 00:03:49.599 --> 00:03:56.080 I think had a little cane walking over and wanted to like just congratulate us and thank us. 00:03:56.479 --> 00:04:00.000 And and I'm like, I'm eating my food over here. 00:04:00.240 --> 00:04:01.759 And literally, think about this. 00:04:02.400 --> 00:04:19.040 In an hour's time, I've been a married, not even two hours at this point, one hour, I'd already deeply offended my now grandmother-in-law, and my wife's already questioned her decision of why she married this fool, anyways. 00:04:19.920 --> 00:04:26.000 And isn't it true that we live in a world filled with advice, filled with opinions? 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:41.839 And what if, what if the advice that we've embraced or embracing is actually undermining the very flourishing of our relationships. 00:04:42.480 --> 00:04:47.120 Like, how do we discern between good advice and bad advice? 00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:50.879 Today we're kicking off a brand new series called Bad Advice. 00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:53.360 And here's what we're gonna do over the next several weeks. 00:04:53.600 --> 00:05:12.720 We're gonna take a look at some of the most pervasive ideas in our culture that are actually undermining the flourishing of your relationships, the flourishing of your friendships, the flourishing of your marriage, the flourishing of those closest relationships in your life. 00:05:12.959 --> 00:05:16.240 And to begin the conversation, let's start with what we all have in common. 00:05:16.480 --> 00:05:22.399 The thing that we all agree upon, and this is true relationally, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. 00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:36.800 We all have this deep, innate, God-given desire to have relationships or to experience a relationship that's intimate, life-giving, character shaping. 00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:39.439 It has this rugged commitment to one another. 00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:40.800 Don't you want that? 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:47.120 An intimate meaning that you are really know someone and they really know you. 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:49.360 Life-giving. 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:53.600 Like when you're around them, your tank's just filled. 00:05:54.079 --> 00:05:55.279 They're refreshing. 00:05:55.600 --> 00:06:02.079 Character shaping, that you're just becoming a better person because you're around them. 00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:12.160 And it's not just a fair weather friend, not someone who's there in the good times or just in and out, but a rugged commitment to one another. 00:06:12.480 --> 00:06:15.600 Someone that's there through thick and thin. 00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:19.439 Don't we all want that kind of relationship? 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:27.279 And the question is, how in the world, how in the world do we have those kinds of relationships? 00:06:27.920 --> 00:06:36.000 And the problem today, as you know, is we live in a world filled with relational opinions, right? 00:06:36.959 --> 00:06:43.279 Whether it's on Instagram or TikTok, uh, maybe you're still on Facebook, that's fine. 00:06:48.319 --> 00:06:52.560 Or whether it's just sitting around talking with your friends. 00:06:53.040 --> 00:06:57.680 We live in this world that's just overwhelmed and inundated. 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:01.839 Everywhere you turn, somebody's telling you how to do relationships. 00:07:02.000 --> 00:07:05.519 And yet, isn't it true that we're starved for relational wisdom? 00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:08.000 We desperately need wisdom. 00:07:08.160 --> 00:07:09.279 It's amazing. 00:07:09.439 --> 00:07:17.360 Uh, the Proverbs says it this way there's a way that seems right to a person, but in the end it leads to death. 00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:23.519 And just under that right, just right, there's an opinion that seems right. 00:07:24.639 --> 00:07:38.160 There's advice that seems right, that looks good, that feels good, that sounds good, but in the end, it's actually undermining the very flourishing of the relationships that matter most. 00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:41.680 Well, what is then this relational wisdom? 00:07:41.759 --> 00:07:44.560 If we're star for it, what is relational wisdom? 00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:49.839 Well, wisdom biblically is actually the skill of navigating life well. 00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:55.199 Wisdom fundamentally isn't just the acquiring of information. 00:07:55.839 --> 00:08:00.720 Wisdom is the application of the right knowledge at the right time in the right way. 00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:03.040 It's actually a skill that you develop. 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:10.160 Uh, here's the best way I can explain it is um let's let's pretend you don't know how to swim, okay? 00:08:10.639 --> 00:08:20.160 And so you decide you want to learn how to swim, and then you go and watch every YouTube video instructional tutorial on how to swim. 00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:23.920 Question: Do you know how to swim? 00:08:24.879 --> 00:08:25.199 No. 00:08:25.680 --> 00:08:26.319 Why? 00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:32.799 Because to swim, you have to get in the pool, you actually have to put it into practice. 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:38.720 See, wisdom is a skill to be to be developed that we have to put into practice. 00:08:38.879 --> 00:08:55.679 In fact, for some, this is so important as we begin this series you want to come and download some information, but it will not make you better at your relationships until you start applying it in your life and you have to work at it and develop it. 00:08:55.759 --> 00:09:00.720 And you don't begin swimming at, you know, at the Michael Phelps level, you just begin with the doggy paddle. 00:09:00.879 --> 00:09:02.399 At least that's where I began. 00:09:03.039 --> 00:09:07.039 And here's another thing about biblical wisdom of God's wisdom for our life. 00:09:07.120 --> 00:09:12.320 It's not just a skill, but as we think about it and you realize it's actually countercultural. 00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:16.399 It goes against the stream of culture. 00:09:16.559 --> 00:09:24.639 This is all the downloaded information that people are saying about how to do relationships, and and wisdom goes against it. 00:09:24.799 --> 00:09:34.639 In fact, the apostle Paul would say it this way in Romans chapter 12, verse 2 do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world or to the culture of this world. 00:09:34.720 --> 00:09:36.720 Don't be molded or pressed in. 00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:40.799 Don't allow all the opinions and the vice to shape you. 00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:44.000 Instead, be transformed. 00:09:44.159 --> 00:09:47.360 Allow yourself to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 00:09:47.440 --> 00:09:51.120 That life change happens as we renew our mind on the word of God. 00:09:51.200 --> 00:09:51.919 And then it says this. 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:54.879 Then you'll be able to test and approve what God's will is. 00:09:55.279 --> 00:10:06.799 Like your life, as you begin to put this into practice, begins to like test like gold, reveal his will, his good, his pleasing, and perfect will for your life. 00:10:07.200 --> 00:10:09.519 That relational wisdom is actually counter-culture. 00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:14.399 It's going to go against the grain or the stream of culture, but it's also counterintuitive. 00:10:15.200 --> 00:10:19.440 Like the ways of Jesus are countercultural, but it's also counterintuitive. 00:10:19.600 --> 00:10:20.240 Think about Jesus. 00:10:20.399 --> 00:10:21.120 What do you say? 00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:25.200 The first will be okay. 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:30.480 Well, the first will be, thank you. 00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:33.519 If you want to be great, what? 00:10:34.480 --> 00:10:35.120 Serve. 00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:38.320 Like he he said this in Matthew. 00:10:38.639 --> 00:10:42.000 Uh he's like, deny yourself. 00:10:42.879 --> 00:10:45.919 Pick up your cross and follow me. 00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:50.399 If anyone wants to save their life, they'll lose it. 00:10:50.480 --> 00:10:53.120 But if they lose their life for my sake, they'll find it. 00:10:53.200 --> 00:10:58.799 It's counterintuitive that actually giving your life away for the sake of Christ is where a true life is found. 00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:02.240 Think about it from back to that swimming illustration. 00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:13.919 So swimming is counterintuitive because the minute you jump into the pool, to be able to swim well, you have to do something that you feel like you shouldn't do. 00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:16.240 And that is put your head in the water. 00:11:16.480 --> 00:11:17.120 Right? 00:11:17.360 --> 00:11:20.559 So when I was learning to swim, I had a fantastic doggy paddle. 00:11:20.639 --> 00:11:26.000 I doggy paddled with the best of them, and I did that for way too many years afterwards. 00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:27.919 It took me a long time to learn to swim well. 00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:28.240 Why? 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:30.399 Because I didn't want to put my head in the water. 00:11:30.720 --> 00:11:34.399 But as long as your head is out of the water, what happens to your body? 00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:39.120 It goes down, and you will not be able to swim well. 00:11:39.519 --> 00:11:41.440 May float, but not well. 00:11:41.679 --> 00:11:44.080 The minute you put your head in the water, you're like, I'm gonna drown. 00:11:44.159 --> 00:11:46.559 No, no, no, you can just turn to the side, thank you very much. 00:11:46.720 --> 00:11:48.559 But all of a sudden, your body goes up. 00:11:48.639 --> 00:11:53.279 It's counterintuitive, and relational wisdom is that counterintuitive. 00:11:53.360 --> 00:11:54.879 You're like, I'm not so sure about that. 00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:59.440 But the minute you begin to do it, you realize, oh, that's exactly right. 00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:03.519 And so many of us are doggy pouting in our relationships. 00:12:03.759 --> 00:12:05.600 And you know, you're like, what's wrong with that? 00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:06.000 Nothing. 00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:10.639 I just haven't seen the doggy paddle at the Olympics yet, but it might get there. 00:12:10.879 --> 00:12:16.399 Relational wisdom is skilled to be developed, it's counter-cultural, it's counterintuitive. 00:12:16.639 --> 00:12:28.559 And so let's dive in with what I think is one of the most pervasive in our culture and destructive ideas that's undermining the flourishing of your relationships. 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:33.840 And simply this live your truth. 00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:36.559 Live your truth. 00:12:38.639 --> 00:12:41.279 You do you, and I'll do me. 00:12:42.159 --> 00:12:44.000 Now, here's what I'm not saying. 00:12:44.240 --> 00:12:50.159 I'm not saying that your experience isn't valid and real or somehow trying to demean that. 00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:57.759 And I'm not saying that if you have experienced trauma, hurt, or some of those sort of things, that you don't share and talk about those things. 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:07.840 But this is an ideology that gets built in that you gotta live your authentic self and don't let anybody else tell you how to live. 00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:13.759 Follow your heart, live your truth. 00:13:14.399 --> 00:13:20.320 Now, underneath this idea are really three presuppositions that are forming it. 00:13:20.720 --> 00:13:27.840 And the first is if we're living our truth, is this is that truth then is relative. 00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:30.639 Truth is relative. 00:13:31.279 --> 00:13:39.679 In fact, in the postmodern era that we now live in, we'd say here, hear this a lot, there is no absolute truth. 00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:43.279 Which, by the way, just put on your thinking cap for a second. 00:13:43.360 --> 00:13:48.480 The minute you said that was an absolute, so we at least identified one absolute, hello. 00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:51.120 So if there's one, maybe there's more. 00:13:51.679 --> 00:13:53.519 So you already contradicted yourself. 00:13:53.600 --> 00:13:55.279 That's regardless of the point. 00:13:55.679 --> 00:14:01.120 But here's what we're saying, or what they're saying, when truth is relative and live your truth. 00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:05.279 There is no moral truth, right? 00:14:05.759 --> 00:14:11.600 There, there is this, there are is no right or wrong way to treat people. 00:14:12.320 --> 00:14:25.840 And yet the problem is intuitively already know that kindness, tolerance, equity are all part of this outside standard of goodness that we know that people should be treated with and we should receive. 00:14:26.559 --> 00:14:29.519 First, uh, under live your truth is truth is relative. 00:14:29.679 --> 00:14:30.960 Second, truth is personal. 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:35.200 If truth is relative and it's out there, then I get to make it up, right? 00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:37.679 That's why it's live my truth, not your truth. 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:40.320 It's personal, it's my personal truth. 00:14:40.480 --> 00:14:44.000 You know, what's true for me isn't necessarily true for you. 00:14:44.240 --> 00:14:46.240 And so don't step on me, okay? 00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:49.360 Let me do me and you do you. 00:14:50.240 --> 00:15:00.720 Now, when we're talking about truth, really what we're talking about is the construct or our understanding of how we're trying to navigate life. 00:15:01.039 --> 00:15:03.360 Truth acts as a compass for our life. 00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:12.000 When we're saying live your truth, really, it's like, I want to try to figure out how do I navigate life and be able to do this well. 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:20.639 And truth is what happens as the north, you know, star or the you know, north uh true north in our life. 00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:22.639 Now just imagine this. 00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:32.000 We find a whole group of people in the uh woods that are lost, and they all have compasses that point different directions. 00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:35.600 And they're having a just a sweet moment. 00:15:35.679 --> 00:15:39.840 It says, you know what, I respect your compass if you respect my compass. 00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:43.120 Oh, that's fantastic. 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:47.440 Yet it doesn't help them get them unlost, does it? 00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:53.919 See, truth is relative, then builds into this idea, truth is personal. 00:15:54.480 --> 00:15:58.879 And as a result, since it's personal, I get to define it, then truth is adjustable. 00:15:59.919 --> 00:16:02.480 I just get to adjust and I get to change it. 00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:07.120 I get to, you know, figure out if it suits me in this moment or if not. 00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:10.480 We kind of use this question: does it serve me? 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:17.039 And when something or someone no longer serves you, then we just change our truth. 00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:19.200 Does it make me happy? 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:21.759 Does it restrict me? 00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:28.799 And truth becomes this moving target that changes on the wave and tide of our feelings and emotions. 00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:32.639 Uh the great philosopher Dallas Woodward wrote this about truth. 00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:36.399 He said, truth reveals reality. 00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:40.320 In fact, truth is that which corresponds to reality. 00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:41.600 That's what truth is. 00:16:41.919 --> 00:16:49.519 Truth reveals reality, and the re and reality can be described as what we humans run into when we're wrong. 00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:52.879 A collision in which we always lose. 00:16:53.840 --> 00:17:02.480 See, when we believe when what we believe to be true doesn't match with reality, we get hit with a wake-up call. 00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:08.880 When I was four, I believed with my entire being that I could swim. 00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:12.559 And uh I'm not exactly sure. 00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:28.799 I think we were at a hotel for some reason, and I was walking with my parents, and I was probably about 10 paces ahead of my parents, and my mom actually I just remembered this right now, because I was so confident, I'm telling my mom, I can swim, and I can hear my mom's voice. 00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:31.599 Ryan, now, Ryan, you can't swim. 00:17:32.319 --> 00:17:33.759 Yes, I can, mom. 00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:35.440 So confident. 00:17:36.319 --> 00:17:41.599 And I marched all out there and I do this big jump into the deep end. 00:17:43.839 --> 00:17:45.839 And I sank like a rock. 00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:49.119 And I still have this picture, I still remember this. 00:17:49.359 --> 00:17:54.400 My dad's arm reaching in and pulling me by the neck out. 00:17:55.839 --> 00:17:58.160 See, here's the thing about it. 00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:02.559 It didn't matter how much I believed that I could swim. 00:18:02.720 --> 00:18:05.759 The reality, the truth of the matter, was I could not swim. 00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:19.759 I had not learned the laws of physics that I could now adjust my body in such a way to navigate the swimming pool, and so I ran up against it and left unto myself. 00:18:20.319 --> 00:18:22.240 Would have been broken deeply. 00:18:22.480 --> 00:18:25.119 And this is what we're doing relationally. 00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:29.039 And how does this play out in our relationships? 00:18:29.200 --> 00:18:36.559 It goes something like this I have the right to do relationships however I desire. 00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:44.319 Because I'm gonna live my truth and get the results that I desire. 00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:50.319 I have the right, I have the right to do my relationships. 00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:52.559 I have the right to date however I want. 00:18:52.720 --> 00:18:56.640 I have the right to, you know, be sexual however I want. 00:18:56.799 --> 00:19:02.640 I have the right to do friendships however I want and still get the results I desire. 00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:11.200 What are the results to experience intimate, life-giving, character-shaping relationships that have a rugged commitment to one another? 00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:15.359 Notice what the author or the proverb says. 00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:21.119 Says the simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their step. 00:19:21.359 --> 00:19:33.359 One commentator, when he's uh defining the simple, what that means, the simple is a very young person who is untrained morally or intellectually and is therefore gullible. 00:19:34.319 --> 00:19:40.640 Means they just, whatever they hear, they bring it in and take it in and accept it. 00:19:41.119 --> 00:19:48.319 And this is one of the challenges by by the way of living in the age of information and being inundated with so much information. 00:19:48.640 --> 00:19:53.839 We have so much information coming to us, we've abdicated our thinking. 00:19:54.400 --> 00:20:03.039 And we just accept what other people are tweeting or posting or writing as true instead of stopping and saying, Is it true? 00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:04.079 Is it good? 00:20:04.319 --> 00:20:05.039 Is it right? 00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:08.720 But the prudence, now here's what the prudent are. 00:20:09.359 --> 00:20:12.720 The prudent understand that all of life is connected. 00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:16.880 They understand that what I did back here impacts over here. 00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:26.319 In fact, they understand that what they did today or in the past doesn't just follow them into the future, it actually directs their future. 00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:30.720 And so, and so they give thought to their steps. 00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:35.680 I have the right to go about relationships however I desire and still get the results. 00:20:35.839 --> 00:20:39.200 Let's take a quick look at the results relationally in America. 00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:41.440 Let's just look at friendships today. 00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:48.000 Friendships socially, we are socially more connected than ever and never more disconnected. 00:20:48.720 --> 00:20:52.079 Americans are friendly but lonely, according to Barna research. 00:20:52.319 --> 00:20:56.559 Gen Z has been identified as the loneliest generation. 00:20:57.039 --> 00:21:02.160 One out of five Americans have no person they they can talk to. 00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:10.480 I know, I'll be careful. 00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:15.440 It was interesting. 00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:22.720 On average, reporting that they've never, uh they're never alone and never felt more lonely. 00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:29.839 Always having kids attached to them so there's never a downtime and yet feel deeply lonely. 00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:31.519 Let's talk about marriage. 00:21:31.599 --> 00:21:35.200 There's this growing pessimism and finding love that will last a lifetime. 00:21:35.359 --> 00:21:38.000 Fewer and fewer people are getting married. 00:21:38.160 --> 00:21:40.559 Forty to 50% end in divorce. 00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:45.519 Millennials are now getting married much later than previous generations. 00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:48.480 It's on average around age 32. 00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:50.640 Let's talk about family. 00:21:51.839 --> 00:21:56.559 The average family spends 37 minutes of quality time together per day. 00:21:57.599 --> 00:21:59.759 A lot of that is just driving from one socket. 00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:01.599 Event to the next. 00:22:01.839 --> 00:22:04.400 By the way, the average adult, this is insane. 00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:08.240 The average adult spends three hours on social media. 00:22:09.359 --> 00:22:14.720 Um, I came across where someone had done the math of what that is in a lifetime. 00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:16.240 Do you want to know? 00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:18.720 Oh, the groans, okay. 00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:26.559 In a lifetime, that adds up to six years and eight months on social media. 00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:29.839 By the way, that doesn't include TV. 00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:46.319 The lifetime of TV adds up to eight years and four months, spending over fifteen years of our lives on social media or TV. 00:22:46.799 --> 00:22:48.480 But some of you are like, no, that's fine. 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:52.079 I actually watch TV and am on my phone at the same time. 00:22:55.200 --> 00:23:02.000 If live your truth isn't working, what is relational wisdom for us? 00:23:02.079 --> 00:23:03.279 What does God's word have us? 00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:06.000 Would you open your Bible to Galatians chapter 6? 00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:07.599 Galatians 6. 00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:10.319 Uh, we're gonna be in verse 7. 00:23:13.759 --> 00:23:18.640 The apostle Paul begins this way. 00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:21.920 He says, Do not be deceived. 00:23:22.400 --> 00:23:25.119 God cannot be mocked. 00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:27.599 In fact, he's saying, stop being deceived. 00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:30.559 The tense of this verb is we're already deceived. 00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:35.279 There's something that you've bought into, a way of living, a way of behaving, a way of thinking. 00:23:35.599 --> 00:23:36.640 Stop it. 00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:39.119 Why? 00:23:39.599 --> 00:23:42.559 Because God, do not be deceived, God. 00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:45.759 God cannot be mocked. 00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:53.359 See, when we're talking about truth, truth is relative, but truth is not relative, it's objective. 00:23:53.599 --> 00:23:57.279 See, if there is no God, then truth is relative. 00:23:58.640 --> 00:23:59.920 Absolutely. 00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:16.880 And there is no meaning in life, there is no purpose in life, there is no standard of goodness upon which we should treat one another, and so I have no right or responsibility but for me, and you're just spinning around on this rock, circling a fiery ball to nothingness. 00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:22.240 It says, Do not be deceived, God. 00:24:23.359 --> 00:24:25.440 God cannot be mocked. 00:24:25.599 --> 00:24:27.440 Truth is not relative, it's objective. 00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:28.799 There is a standard of goodness. 00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:29.200 Why? 00:24:29.359 --> 00:24:32.720 Because in the beginning, God created. 00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:40.640 And so we are a part of something that was created, designed, with intention. 00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:48.319 And he goes even further than that, that every human being that he created, the male and female, in his own image. 00:24:48.559 --> 00:24:59.200 And so that the equality and the tolerance and the dignity doesn't derive from any social policy, it drives from the hardwine that you are an image bearer of the God most high. 00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:02.319 You have infinite dignity and worth. 00:25:05.279 --> 00:25:06.880 Do not be deceived, God. 00:25:07.039 --> 00:25:11.759 See, truth is not relative, it is objective. 00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:16.160 God created you, He created you for relationship. 00:25:16.480 --> 00:25:22.000 God designed relationships so he actually knows the best way for those to work. 00:25:22.079 --> 00:25:33.359 And as long as we're trying to do it on our terms, our ways, we will keep breaking ourselves against the very moral fabric of the universe. 00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:37.440 And Jesus takes it one step further, by the way. 00:25:37.759 --> 00:25:39.200 Jesus follows. 00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:42.160 See, truth is not relative. 00:25:42.319 --> 00:25:45.440 We can't have that as our truth is uh live your truth. 00:25:45.599 --> 00:25:46.640 You know what Jesus said? 00:25:46.799 --> 00:25:49.519 I am the way and the truth. 00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:51.599 Thank you, Saye. 00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:54.240 Let's try that with everybody else. 00:25:54.400 --> 00:25:56.000 It's on the screens. 00:25:56.799 --> 00:26:02.400 I am the way and the and the life. 00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:10.400 Jesus makes an absolute claim to be truth in the flesh. 00:26:12.319 --> 00:26:20.480 Now, any human that would ever make that claim, you're going like, that's pretty ridiculous. 00:26:20.880 --> 00:26:28.240 And yet, Jesus, think about this, Jesus predicted his own death and resurrection and then did it. 00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:35.920 Anyone who predicts their own death, resurrection, and then does it, I'm gonna take whatever else they say. 00:26:37.759 --> 00:26:41.599 And follower of Jesus is not live your truth, Jesus is your truth. 00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:50.319 And so whatever Jesus says about relationships, whatever Jesus says about this, it is truth and it's life, and he defines reality, not us. 00:26:51.039 --> 00:26:55.440 Truth is not relative, it is or it is objective. 00:26:55.680 --> 00:27:00.480 James goes on to say, a man reaps what he sows. 00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:06.799 Truth is not personal, it is universal. 00:27:07.519 --> 00:27:18.960 Just as the laws of the universe dictate that if I am going to plant a kernel of corn, I will reap corn. 00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:27.119 And nobody would expect that, you know, that if I plant eggplants, which I don't know why, I don't like eggplants. 00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:30.000 Cantaloupe, why did I get things I don't like? 00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:30.880 Oh, that's right. 00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:32.400 I'm not a big vegetable guy. 00:27:32.720 --> 00:27:33.839 Cucumber. 00:27:35.119 --> 00:27:43.440 See, whatever you sow and you put into the ground, you're not expecting something different to come out of it, right? 00:27:44.960 --> 00:28:00.079 It's the law of the harvest and the laws of nature and the moral law of God, just like the laws of nature, is woven through the fabric of the universe, his goodness. 00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:06.000 And we reap, we reap what we sow. 00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:06.960 He goes on. 00:28:07.119 --> 00:28:10.960 It's not just personal, it's universal, it's true for every person. 00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:17.440 And then he says this, he brings it home whoever sows to please their flesh from the flesh will reap destruction. 00:28:17.599 --> 00:28:22.559 Whoever sows to please the spirit from the spirit will reap eternal life. 00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:24.720 Well, what is the flesh and what is the spirit? 00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:31.279 If you have your Bibles open, you can just go to Galatians chapter 5, 5, verse 19. 00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:34.240 The acts of the flesh are obvious. 00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:54.400 Sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, self, I'm running out of breath, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy, drunkenness, orgies, and the like, I warn you, as I did before, that those who live this way will not inherit the kingdom of life. 00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:57.519 Doesn't it sound right here? 00:28:57.759 --> 00:29:01.200 Who sow to the flesh will reap destruction, just like the proverb? 00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:04.880 There's a way that seems right, but in the end it leads to death? 00:29:05.039 --> 00:29:06.400 Now think about this. 00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:18.640 If I sow hatred, if I sow discord, if I sow rage, if I sow selfish ambition, if I sow envious, what kind of relationships am I gonna have? 00:29:19.039 --> 00:29:21.680 What kind of friendships am I gonna have? 00:29:21.920 --> 00:29:24.880 What kind of marriage am I gonna have? 00:29:25.119 --> 00:29:28.559 And then he goes to the fruit of the spirit, 22. 00:29:28.720 --> 00:29:37.839 But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. 00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:39.759 Against such things there's no law. 00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:47.440 If I sow love, if I sow peace, if I sow joy, if I'm actively sowing gentleness, which hello, I still growing in that one. 00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:52.160 If I sow self-control, what kind of relationships do you think you'll have? 00:29:55.200 --> 00:30:04.559 See, we tend to think that we can do relationships however I desire and still get the results I desire. 00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:12.160 And yet the laws of the universe, the moral laws of God, are the same as the law of the harvest. 00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:15.200 That you reap what you sow. 00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:19.440 See, and so truth is not adjustable, it's immutable. 00:30:20.559 --> 00:30:34.720 You don't get to adjust truth to your life, you don't get to sow discord, you don't get to sow jealousy, you don't get to just sow envy and go, but I want an intimate, life-giving, character-shaping relationship. 00:30:34.880 --> 00:30:36.960 What's gonna produce from that? 00:30:37.119 --> 00:30:41.359 And we wonder why we're on our phones like this and we're sewing. 00:30:41.759 --> 00:30:45.119 This is called sewing, we just don't realize it. 00:30:46.880 --> 00:30:50.319 And we wonder why we're getting the results that we're getting. 00:30:50.559 --> 00:30:52.720 See, relational wisdom says this. 00:30:53.759 --> 00:30:57.680 You have the right to do relationships however you desire. 00:30:57.759 --> 00:31:00.400 We live in America, it's a wonderful thing. 00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:04.799 But you are not free to get the results you desire. 00:31:07.039 --> 00:31:10.079 We reap what we sow. 00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:13.359 So, what do we do with this? 00:31:14.960 --> 00:31:19.119 Well, the seed that you sow determines the fruit that you grow. 00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:25.440 Paul gives us some directions of how do we apply this. 00:31:26.480 --> 00:31:30.400 He says, Let us not become weary in doing good. 00:31:31.519 --> 00:31:33.519 That's a word for some of you here. 00:31:33.759 --> 00:31:35.519 Some of you parents are weary. 00:31:35.759 --> 00:31:41.680 Maybe weary with where teenagers are, and you're like, I'm just done with them, or weary with the young ones. 00:31:41.839 --> 00:31:45.759 Maybe you're weary in a friendship, maybe you're weary in your marriage. 00:31:47.759 --> 00:31:48.799 And then he goes on. 00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:54.160 Let us, uh, for at the proper time we'll reap a harvest if we do not give up. 00:31:54.400 --> 00:31:57.359 And that's the hard part about sowing and reaping, right? 00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:01.440 Because we never reap in the same season that we sow. 00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:11.039 And so that's why we tend to think that we can sow one thing because we're not experiencing the consequences of that until a year, two years, ten years later. 00:32:11.200 --> 00:32:18.240 And so we think, okay, I can get the results that I desire, whether good or bad. 00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:21.119 Don't grow weary in doing good. 00:32:21.279 --> 00:32:25.920 And then he says, therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people. 00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:27.279 What do you want to sell? 00:32:27.759 --> 00:32:29.279 Good to who? 00:32:29.839 --> 00:32:30.480 All people. 00:32:32.079 --> 00:32:33.680 Yeah, I just said that. 00:32:33.920 --> 00:32:34.559 All people. 00:32:35.599 --> 00:32:38.000 You know that boss that you really don't like? 00:32:38.880 --> 00:32:39.839 So good. 00:32:40.799 --> 00:32:44.559 You know your marriage where it's really struggling and you're just really frustrated with them? 00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:46.160 So good. 00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:56.640 You know that friend that that you totally disagree with politically and they post everything, so you you know, block them on Instagram. 00:32:58.079 --> 00:32:59.039 So good. 00:32:59.759 --> 00:33:03.839 Especially to those who belong to the family of believers. 00:33:04.240 --> 00:33:06.799 See, we gotta look at what are we reaping. 00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:14.720 It reveals what we've been sowing, and if we want something different, we gotta sow a different kind of seed. 00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:22.160 2020, 2021, for all of us was really hard, right? 00:33:22.720 --> 00:33:26.480 For Jenny and I, some of our closest friends moved away. 00:33:26.720 --> 00:33:33.519 Um, one of our closest friends went through the most hellacious like marriage crisis. 00:33:34.480 --> 00:33:48.160 And so we're in this season of just running and trying and trying to figure out life and kids, and then you know, people kids are going back to school, and we're trying to help our friends. 00:33:48.799 --> 00:33:55.680 And and it was last year, over the summer, that that Jenny and I just started to have friction. 00:33:56.960 --> 00:34:01.440 Started small, just started rub. 00:34:01.920 --> 00:34:05.519 The way we like to say it is uh we had TIFS, you know. 00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:06.559 Our kids hate that. 00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:08.880 They're like TIFS, just say it's an argument. 00:34:09.039 --> 00:34:12.480 And then I looked up what a TIFF here's the definition of a TIFF. 00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:23.519 It's a quarrel uh between friends or lovers, and then I know my kids don't ever want to hear us call each other lovers, but it was a TIF. 00:34:24.239 --> 00:34:36.719 It was TIFS, and yet they kept being unresolved, and we're in a season where we're so dry and so weary and so tired that then they built on each other. 00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:45.840 We have a counselor that we meet with monthly, and it just felt like we weren't getting any traction and we're just just constant friction. 00:34:46.000 --> 00:34:57.360 And and then I was getting so frustrated because you know this in relationships, you just look at the other person, you see all the things they need to change, and of course, you don't need to change, they need to change. 00:34:57.440 --> 00:35:02.960 And so I began to think about all the things that my perfect, lovely, amazing wife needed to change and adjust. 00:35:03.119 --> 00:35:06.239 And it's like, if only she would do this. 00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:11.679 And then I decided, well, I'm gonna meet with the counselor, I better write that down. 00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:15.840 Two weeks we'll talk about love. 00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:17.280 Love keeps no records of wrong. 00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:19.360 I was definitely keeping a record of wrong. 00:35:19.599 --> 00:35:21.440 I just began to write it down. 00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:25.440 And then something started to happen. 00:35:27.039 --> 00:35:40.079 It's because we kept having these misses and disagreements and friction, and it was getting really hard that I just realized I started to just have a critical heart. 00:35:42.239 --> 00:35:45.199 And my thoughts were critical. 00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:59.920 And I had this moment in the thick of it, where as I'm writing in my journal frustrations, God's like dealing with me. 00:36:02.239 --> 00:36:14.000 And he's like, Ryan, instead of every time what you're critical of, of Jenny, what if you just prayed for Jenny? 00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:18.639 Because I don't want to, that's why. 00:36:19.679 --> 00:36:21.840 But that seems like a good idea. 00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:25.280 It's powerful. 00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:30.719 See, what I didn't understand is through that time I'm sowing seeds of criticalness, sowing seeds. 00:36:30.880 --> 00:36:32.639 What are you gonna produce? 00:36:33.360 --> 00:36:40.400 And it's so powerful that every time a thought or feeling of those things came out, I'm just gonna replace it with prayer for. 00:36:40.639 --> 00:36:43.280 I'm gonna replace it with prayer for. 00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:51.599 See, the seed you sow determines the fruit you grow. 00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:53.519 Do good to all people. 00:36:54.159 --> 00:36:55.519 So let me ask you. 00:36:55.760 --> 00:37:01.119 If I continue to take these steps relationally, what's the destination? 00:37:02.800 --> 00:37:08.320 Through friendship, through marriage, to co-workers. 00:37:08.559 --> 00:37:14.239 If I continue to take these steps sexually, what's the destination? 00:37:15.119 --> 00:37:25.440 If I continue to take these steps financially, emotionally, spiritually. 00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:28.480 What's the destination? 00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:35.760 The seeds you sow determine the fruit that we grow in our relationships. 00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:45.519 For some, as we close, there's a sense that it feels hopeless. 00:37:45.920 --> 00:37:48.079 Ryan, I've sowed a lot. 00:37:50.079 --> 00:37:54.079 And I feel like there's no hope because it wasn't good. 00:37:55.840 --> 00:38:04.639 And the beautiful, incredible hope of the gospel is that Jesus is your hope. 00:38:05.119 --> 00:38:12.719 See, only can the moral law of the universe be interrupted by the one who created it all. 00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:28.880 And Jesus, who knew no sin, became sin for you, me, that we might become the very righteousness of God. 00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:38.639 Jesus said, You've been sowing that, but I'll take the reaping so that you can step into the family of God. 00:38:38.800 --> 00:38:41.280 I'll interrupt the cycle. 00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:46.639 My grace prevails and is greater. 00:38:48.719 --> 00:38:52.320 And for some, that's right where you're at and what you need. 00:38:53.920 --> 00:38:59.440 In this moment is just to run to Jesus. 00:39:00.400 --> 00:39:02.079 Just to run to Jesus. 00:39:07.119 --> 00:39:13.920 And I'm placing my faith and trust in your work, and you have taken that on. 00:39:15.599 --> 00:39:24.960 Heavenly Father, I pray for my friends in this moment that we would run to you. 00:39:26.719 --> 00:39:32.320 Thank you that you break the cycle of sin and shame. 00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:42.079 Thank you that you disrupt the laws of the harvest of destruction in our life, and you bring life. 00:39:43.280 --> 00:39:50.719 That you literally sowed your life to the grave for our sake, that we might have life. 00:39:52.000 --> 00:39:53.599 Right now, would you meet us? 00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:54.960 Would you draw us close? 00:39:55.119 --> 00:40:06.960 Would you would you bring healing and would you bring hope and would you bring a new vision for life and relationships, a flourishing, which is your heart for us. 00:40:07.920 --> 00:40:09.599 In Jesus' name. 00:40:10.320 --> 00:40:10.960 Amen. 00:40:12.559 --> 00:40:14.800 We hope you are blessed by this message. 00:40:14.960 --> 00:40:19.440 Please subscribe to our podcast for access to every episode as they're uploaded. 00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:21.679 And hey, we'd love to connect with you. 00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:27.760 Take a next step by filling out our virtual connection card at awakeningchurch.com slash card.