WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.319 Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast. 00:00:02.479 --> 00:00:07.040 We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ. 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:08.640 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:21.679 Good morning, Awakening Church. 00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:22.960 Great to be with you. 00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:23.839 Welcome. 00:00:24.079 --> 00:00:25.120 My name's Ryan. 00:00:25.359 --> 00:00:28.879 We're absolutely thrilled to have you join us today. 00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:32.799 Last week we kicked off at a brand new series called Bad Advice. 00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:33.520 Bad Advice. 00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:34.320 Here's what we're doing. 00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:45.600 We're looking at some of the most pervasive ideas in our culture today that's actually undermining the very flourishing of our relationships. 00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:48.799 We know this, we've experienced this, especially over the COVID season. 00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:54.479 Our relationships have getting have been hitting hard, haven't they? 00:00:54.719 --> 00:01:04.959 And what if what if it's actually the advice that we receive that's undermining the very flourishing of our relationships? 00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:11.920 And here's what we said last week because we all have this common desire. 00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:13.920 It's true for every single one of us. 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:28.159 We have this longing, innate, and it's God-given to have this life-giving, intimate, character-shaping relationships that have a rugged commitment to one another. 00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:29.359 Don't you want that? 00:01:29.519 --> 00:01:30.480 Don't you need that? 00:01:30.640 --> 00:01:37.120 We all have this longing or desire to have to experience an intimate where you really know someone and they know you. 00:01:37.359 --> 00:01:40.719 It's life-giving where you're just refreshed by them. 00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:42.319 Character shaping. 00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:47.760 By being around them, not only do you want to become a better person, you just are. 00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:50.640 And that has this rugged commitment. 00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:59.120 It's not a fair weather friend, it's not in just around in the good times, but man, they're committed with you through thick and thin. 00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:05.680 Whether you're an extrovert or an introvert, whether you're single, dating, or married, we all have this longing. 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:13.919 And the question is, how in the world do we have or experience those kinds of relationships? 00:02:14.479 --> 00:02:20.240 Last week I shared with you that I've been married 19 years and talked about our wedding day. 00:02:20.319 --> 00:02:24.479 Well, I thought today I'd start with our honeymoon, and you're like, oh no, Ryan. 00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:27.039 Thank you very much. 00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:28.159 You know what? 00:02:28.960 --> 00:02:33.360 Our honeymoon, Jenny and I call it the honeymoon from hell. 00:02:34.240 --> 00:02:37.599 Yeah, a great way to start off happily ever after, right? 00:02:37.840 --> 00:02:39.599 Um, so here's how it was. 00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:42.800 Like I said, we got married December 21st. 00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:50.479 Um, it was in the middle of my break from schooling at Moody, and we didn't have hardly any money. 00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:58.719 My parents helped us, you know, be able to afford a trip to Maui because they had some family friends that had a little um condo out there. 00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:06.560 And so we're excited, we're going to Maui, um, you know, tropical, and and what could go wrong? 00:03:06.879 --> 00:03:12.479 Well, my in-laws actually happened to plan a trip before even our wedding to go to Maui. 00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:21.280 Um, so on the very island that we're at, we're in this little condo, very nice, until you saw where they were staying. 00:03:21.439 --> 00:03:26.080 Um, and they're in this all-inclusive resort up the hill. 00:03:26.319 --> 00:03:35.120 And I mean, nothing can be weirder or more awkward than to be on your honeymoon with your in-laws up the street. 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:47.120 And so we get over to, you know, Maui, we're getting off, and we lived in Chicago at the time, and we just had a bank card through Chicago, uh, through a local bank there. 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:50.400 I didn't even have um a credit card at that time. 00:03:50.639 --> 00:03:58.159 And the um, you know, it's Christmas time, and I didn't know at that time you have to call and let them know you're traveling. 00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:01.039 So they saw all these purchases, right? 00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:12.479 And went from Santa Cruz then to Hawaii, and they thought somebody stole our card, so they shut off my bank card, but we didn't have a credit card. 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:16.319 And because it was a small local bank, guess what? 00:04:16.720 --> 00:04:18.560 They're closed over Christmas. 00:04:18.720 --> 00:04:21.519 And over so we're on our honeymoon. 00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:23.920 I have my in-laws up the hill. 00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:27.519 Uh, we show up, and now we have zero money. 00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:40.160 Thankfully, a family friend showed up in the town, was staying in the same kind of condo complex, and left a card with a little bit uh with a little um Christmas ornament that said just Mauied. 00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:44.800 We still have it hanging up on our tree, and a hundred dollar bill. 00:04:45.199 --> 00:04:49.759 So we lived off a hundred dollar bill for five days in Maui. 00:04:50.079 --> 00:04:53.920 I was too proud to ask my father-in-law for any help. 00:04:54.079 --> 00:04:57.439 Um, my wife's like, we sure ate a lot of pizza hut. 00:04:57.519 --> 00:04:58.079 That was weird. 00:04:58.160 --> 00:05:00.399 I don't know why we did that. 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:04.639 Now, we um I loved eggnog. 00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:06.639 Oh, I love eggnog. 00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:12.399 And so of that hundred dollars, I decided to spend, you know, on a cart splurge. 00:05:12.480 --> 00:05:13.680 It's our honeymoon, right? 00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:16.079 Um on a carton of eggnog. 00:05:16.560 --> 00:05:19.439 Well, our our fridge didn't quite close, right? 00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:21.040 It's one of those little mini fridges. 00:05:21.920 --> 00:05:23.680 Oh, you see where this is going. 00:05:25.199 --> 00:05:33.120 And we get back from visiting my in-laws at their incredible resort, come back to our slum, I mean, uh apartment. 00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:37.120 Uh, it actually was nice until you saw it's amazing what comparison does, right? 00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:38.480 You're like, this is fantastic. 00:05:38.639 --> 00:05:39.759 Oh no, that's terrible. 00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:40.319 Okay. 00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:48.399 And we show up, and it's like, I opened it up, I saw it wasn't closed quite right, but I I smell it, I'm like, I don't know about this. 00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:55.199 Um, we're about to go to a Christmas dinner with the in-laws at Ruth Chris, this expensive, you know, incredible steakhouse. 00:05:55.360 --> 00:05:57.199 I'm like, that's hello, thank you very much. 00:05:57.360 --> 00:06:00.319 We can't afford any dinner uh right now. 00:06:00.639 --> 00:06:04.480 And so I smell it, I go, you know what, I'm just gonna chug it. 00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:18.959 I'm sitting at Christmas dinner with my brand new, you know, father-in-law, stepmother-in-law, and their little kids. 00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:23.120 Jenny's siblings are about a decade or so younger, so they're much younger. 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:27.120 And uh and I'm I'm as pale as a sheet. 00:06:27.519 --> 00:06:36.240 My father-in-law leans over to me and says, Um, hey Ryan, uh do you need to like maybe get some fresh air or something? 00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:41.759 I'm like, it's that bad around the table that I'm looking just green and terrible. 00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:43.360 I'm like, yeah, that's a good idea. 00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:57.600 I go into the bathroom and wow, um, I'll spare you the details, except for the fact that one of Jenny's little brothers happens to go into the bathroom and looking under the stall at the same time as I'm in my moment of pain. 00:07:01.040 --> 00:07:06.879 So I get back, I feel a little bit better, I try to scarf down as much food as I possibly could because it's expensive. 00:07:06.959 --> 00:07:09.279 I've never been to a place like this before. 00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:11.279 Another bad idea. 00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:18.240 I'll spare you again the details because um they're gory. 00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:24.560 However, our honeymoon, in-law's in town,$100. 00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:28.160 Um, I got obviously food poisoning. 00:07:28.319 --> 00:07:37.040 Jenny had a bladder infection, so three out of our five days we spent inside, sick as a dog. 00:07:37.519 --> 00:07:58.160 And then when we get back into town, we discover that our car, which had been parked in an outdoor parking lot, and there's a big blizzard in Chicago, had gotten hit by a snow plow and just took out all the panels of our little Honda Civic and is completely battered and beat up. 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:04.399 Welcome to Happily Ever After. 00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:20.879 We didn't start out the way we thought it would, because when you get married, you have these dreams of like, oh man, this is gonna be amazing, and and we're pursuing this new happy life together. 00:08:21.040 --> 00:08:30.480 In fact, in America, the part of the American dream is simply this it's life, liberty, and the pursuit of help me out, happiness. 00:08:30.720 --> 00:08:35.200 We say it this way today: you deserve to be happy. 00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:39.440 The purpose of life is to be happy. 00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:45.919 And so if it doesn't make you happy, you gotta let it go, right? 00:08:46.480 --> 00:08:54.000 And we live under this, and yet the question is, why is true happiness so very elusive? 00:08:54.399 --> 00:09:05.360 Why does it feel like it's just a carrot dangling out in front of us and we're taking one step and we feel like we're about there, but it just evades our grasp? 00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:09.360 Think about this, especially Silicon Valley. 00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:16.720 Why do we tend to live such full lives that are often underfulfilled? 00:09:17.519 --> 00:09:20.480 Hustling, pursuing, running. 00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:36.720 And at the heart today, I believe, is this question what if the very pursuit of happiness is actually undermining the flourishing of your relationships? 00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:39.360 Have you ever thought about that? 00:09:39.919 --> 00:09:44.559 Last week we looked at the bad advice of live your truth. 00:09:44.799 --> 00:09:51.840 This week we're gonna take a look at the bad advice of our day that's undermining the flourishing of our relationships. 00:09:52.159 --> 00:09:55.840 You deserve to be happy. 00:09:56.480 --> 00:10:16.960 And I gotta tell you, this one little bit of advice has shipwrecked more marriages, ruined more friendships, undermined so many people's futures just by simply buying into this idea that you deserve to be happy. 00:10:17.200 --> 00:10:19.440 Well, what's underneath you deserve to be happy? 00:10:19.519 --> 00:10:20.639 Let's talk about this. 00:10:21.200 --> 00:10:31.120 I want to unpack what the modern relational vision, what we're hoping for to get to that desire, intimate, life-giving, character-shaping relationships. 00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:32.559 The modern vision is this. 00:10:32.879 --> 00:10:35.600 Your happiness is most important, right? 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:38.480 Your personal happiness is most important. 00:10:38.559 --> 00:10:41.200 And when we're talking about happiness, let's define it. 00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:50.080 Modern happiness means simply this: a sense of pleasurable self or satisfaction and self-actualization. 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:51.840 That's what modern happiness is. 00:10:52.000 --> 00:11:01.200 It's a sense of pleasurable satisfaction and self-actualization, like you're really living out your true authentic self. 00:11:01.440 --> 00:11:05.279 However, classical happiness is very different. 00:11:05.919 --> 00:11:14.080 Through the ages, happiness has been more defined until the Enlightenment age as the virtuous life. 00:11:14.799 --> 00:11:29.440 As a life in which you are happy about, that you're happy with, that the character and forming of who you are you look back on and are happy with, which is vastly different than the way we define happiness today. 00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:32.799 The modern relational vision is your happiness is most important. 00:11:32.960 --> 00:11:36.480 In fact, parents, don't we say this, don't we hear this? 00:11:36.720 --> 00:11:41.279 All I want for my kids is to be happy. 00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:45.519 Like I don't care what they do, I don't care what they say, I don't care. 00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:48.559 Like you don't do that when they're kids, though, right? 00:11:48.799 --> 00:11:50.159 Isn't that weird? 00:11:50.559 --> 00:11:58.320 Like when they're little, you don't go like all I want for them is to be happy as they're throwing a tantrum in the middle of Target. 00:11:59.759 --> 00:12:00.399 Right? 00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:02.720 But we have this vision. 00:12:03.440 --> 00:12:08.320 In fact, vision of happiness, we build it into our theology. 00:12:08.639 --> 00:12:11.279 God wants me to be happy. 00:12:11.600 --> 00:12:16.639 God's heart and will for me is my personal happiness. 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:22.480 And so then relationally, we begin to ask, do they make me happy? 00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:28.960 And so underneath this relational vision, then is the purpose of relationships is per personal happiness. 00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:33.279 The purpose of relationships is your personal happiness. 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:46.480 Um, if, as we talked about last week, if truth, and truth is the you know the way we try to navigate life, it's the compass upon which we figure out our directions in life. 00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:51.440 Happiness then is actually in our culture today what we'd call true north. 00:12:51.679 --> 00:12:53.200 It's your true north in life. 00:12:53.279 --> 00:13:02.639 It's like, okay, this is the direction, your personal happiness is what is most important in life. 00:13:02.799 --> 00:13:05.679 And here's how we try to accomplish that. 00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:10.639 When you get blank, then you'll be happy. 00:13:10.960 --> 00:13:11.440 Right? 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:16.240 When you get that perfect job, when you graduate, then you'll be happy. 00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:21.120 When you finally find the right person, then you'll be happy. 00:13:21.200 --> 00:13:27.519 When you just get a friend, you're new to town, when I just get a friend, then I'll be happy. 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:35.679 It maybe goes something like this: when I'm single, then I finally find someone to date that's awesome, then I'll be happy when I'm dating. 00:13:35.840 --> 00:13:41.039 When he finally pops the question, when we finally get married, then I'll be happy. 00:13:41.200 --> 00:13:48.320 When I'm married and we we finally have kids, then I'll be happy when you have kids. 00:13:48.480 --> 00:13:52.960 When they grow out of this stage, I'll finally be happy. 00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:59.279 When they get out of this house, I'll finally be happy. 00:14:00.399 --> 00:14:03.279 And here's practically how we go about it. 00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:05.519 Do whatever makes you happy. 00:14:05.759 --> 00:14:06.159 Right? 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:08.240 Just do what makes you happy. 00:14:08.559 --> 00:14:10.399 Go after what makes you happy. 00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:13.120 If it feels good, do it. 00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:15.840 One blog said this. 00:14:16.799 --> 00:14:26.320 Don't ever be afraid to show who you really are, because as long as you're happy with yourself, no one else's opinion matters. 00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:28.080 Just do what makes you happy. 00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:31.679 Who cares what anybody else thinks, anybody else says? 00:14:32.159 --> 00:14:38.960 And then underneath that, if you're unhappy, then something must be wrong. 00:14:39.759 --> 00:14:40.399 Right? 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:45.440 What an incredible weight. 00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:50.720 If you're unhappy, something must be wrong with this relationship. 00:14:51.039 --> 00:15:02.399 In fact, so many people in their marriages try to make something right by just simply adding kids to the equation, hoping that will bring the happiness they long for. 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:09.759 If unhappy, ultimately then where we get to is something must be wrong with me. 00:15:10.879 --> 00:15:24.960 Another blogger, yes, I've been on the blogosphere, wrote this: respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. 00:15:25.360 --> 00:15:32.799 The modern relational division, your happiness is absolutely most important. 00:15:33.279 --> 00:15:40.639 Prioritize it as your true north, go after it and don't ever compromise. 00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:46.080 Now here's the problem with happily ever after. 00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:50.559 With happiness alone as your true north. 00:15:51.279 --> 00:15:54.960 The problem is first, it tells you that difficult is bad. 00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:58.320 That difficult is bad. 00:15:58.879 --> 00:16:06.720 See, happiness is this pursuit of pleasurable satisfaction for yourself. 00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:14.240 And so it eliminates delayed gratification and elevates instant gratification. 00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:24.320 Delay, discomfort, risk, obstacles, perseverance are all to be avoided and all things you need for a lasting relationship. 00:16:24.799 --> 00:16:27.279 A deep, intimate relationship. 00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:29.519 In fact, uh Dr. 00:16:29.919 --> 00:16:34.960 Tim Elmore said it this way in the age of speed, slow is bad. 00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:37.679 In the age of convenience, hard is bad. 00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:41.279 In the age of entertainment, boring is bad. 00:16:42.240 --> 00:16:50.000 And the reality is to do anything of significance, it requires sacrifice. 00:16:50.080 --> 00:17:00.000 And all of you know that, all of you experienced it, and yet in our relationships, we think we don't have to sacrifice, and if it gets difficult, then I should get out of it. 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:14.640 But significance requires sacrifice, so to have significant relationships requires sacrifice, it tells us difficult is bad, it leaves us dissatisfied relationally. 00:17:15.599 --> 00:17:16.720 Because why? 00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:20.480 At some point, the honeymoon stage ends. 00:17:21.519 --> 00:17:24.799 Unless you had a honeymoon from hell and it never began. 00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:28.720 I'm just kidding, we had a wonderful beginning to our marriage. 00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:30.880 It just had a whole lot of hiccups. 00:17:31.039 --> 00:18:09.039 But at some point, that enamor, that glow, whether it's a friendship or a dating or newly married, at some point it begins to fade and you step into the reality and you begin to become dissatisfied as you look around at everyone else's filtered realities, their filtered relationships, their highly curated pages that they spent countless hours and many of them with assistance to help them organize their curated lives to tell you you are not enough and you need a better relationship. 00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:13.519 And so you compare and are dissatisfied. 00:18:14.400 --> 00:18:18.720 Psychologist Philip Cushman wrote this about the empty self. 00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:23.519 It's what is happening in our culture today because of our pursuit of happiness. 00:18:23.680 --> 00:18:30.559 He says the empty self is filled with consumer goods, calories, experiences, politicians, romantic partners, and empathetic therapists. 00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:50.559 The empty self experiences a significant absence of community, tradition, and shared meaning, a lack of personal conviction and worth, and it embodies the absence as a absences as a chronic and undifferentiated emotional hunger. 00:18:52.079 --> 00:18:53.680 Why don't we have that today? 00:19:01.039 --> 00:19:04.000 And we keep running after hoping something else. 00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:08.640 See, when that one didn't feel fulfilled, then we jump to something else. 00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:13.359 Difficult as bad, dissatisfied relationally, and ultimately it creates a disillusionment. 00:19:13.759 --> 00:19:19.839 Disillusionment in our relationships, a disillusionment with our own life. 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:23.759 And here's the interesting part. 00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:29.599 Because it works its way into our theology, it ultimately creates a disillusionment with God. 00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:38.160 Because if God exists to make me happy and I am not happy, then God has failed me. 00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:47.119 If marriage exists to make me happy and I'm not happy, then this marriage has failed me. 00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:55.599 And many of us struggle then with our own self-worth out of that. 00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:58.079 I must be broken. 00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:00.640 There must be something wrong with me. 00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:05.279 And the weight and the pressure is crushing. 00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:09.279 Okay. 00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:13.279 If it's not you deserve to be happy, what is it? 00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:17.519 I want to help us perhaps ask a different question. 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:22.799 Because I think the question we ask a lot is how do I become happy in life? 00:20:23.039 --> 00:20:25.519 Or how do I find happiness? 00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:28.640 What if you ask this question? 00:20:29.359 --> 00:20:34.799 How do I ensure that I end up happy with my life? 00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:49.599 How do I ensure that when I look back five years, when I look back 10 years, when I look back 20 years, that I'm actually happy, I'm actually content. 00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:57.200 There's a sense of well-being with my life. 00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:03.440 You know, I think we tend to think that God is down on happiness, right? 00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:07.279 It's like, no, no, no, God doesn't really want you to be happy. 00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:08.000 No, no, no. 00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:13.920 He is the author of life, and he actually writes about it, and he gives us, I call it the law of happiness. 00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:19.359 If you want to end up happy in life, would you open your Bibles to Psalm chapter one? 00:21:19.680 --> 00:21:20.960 It's the very first psalm. 00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:26.160 If you don't work know where it is, you just open the Bible to the middle and then flip to the left a couple pages. 00:21:26.400 --> 00:21:32.400 If you're on your app, you just type in Psalm, but it starts with a P, P-S-A-L-M. 00:21:35.440 --> 00:21:37.039 It's a wisdom psalm. 00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:42.720 Wisdom, remember, we talked about last week, is the skill of navigating life well. 00:21:43.839 --> 00:21:54.640 It's a psalm to help us understand how we are to navigate life in such a way that we look back on life and we're happy with it. 00:21:54.880 --> 00:21:56.400 We're satisfied with it. 00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:58.400 We're grateful for it. 00:21:58.960 --> 00:22:02.559 Notice how the Psalmist begins, he says this way. 00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:05.279 Blessed is the man. 00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:12.559 In fact, before we even begin or go any further, would you just circle that word blessed and ride up above it? 00:22:12.640 --> 00:22:16.160 Because I think that's where we tend to miss out on God and happiness, right? 00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:21.440 Because throughout we see blessed and blessed and hashtag blessed, hello, thank you very much. 00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:23.440 But I want to be happy, Ryan. 00:22:24.799 --> 00:22:28.880 I want to be so happy and love blessed. 00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:30.880 But what about happy? 00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:34.000 Actually, this is the Hebrew word for happy. 00:22:34.079 --> 00:22:37.839 There's a more technical word for blessed, and it's not this one. 00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:41.759 This word means to be happy, right above it, happy. 00:22:41.920 --> 00:22:49.920 A heightened state of happiness and joy, implying a very favorable circumstance and enjoyment. 00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:51.839 So let me ask you. 00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:55.359 Do you want to experience a heightened state of happiness and joy? 00:22:55.519 --> 00:22:56.799 Well, of course you do. 00:22:56.960 --> 00:22:57.839 We all do. 00:22:58.079 --> 00:22:59.200 We all want to be happy. 00:22:59.279 --> 00:23:01.680 So happiness isn't the problem, by the way. 00:23:01.839 --> 00:23:04.799 It's how we're trying to get to happy, that is. 00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:17.200 It says, happy is the man, happy is the woman, happy is the person who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. 00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:20.720 So he's going to say, here's something that happy people do. 00:23:22.559 --> 00:23:26.640 Or rather, here's what happy people don't do. 00:23:27.279 --> 00:23:32.880 Happy people do not walk, which is to live or behave. 00:23:32.960 --> 00:23:39.519 It's a pattern or way of life in the counsel or the advice of the wicked. 00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:45.839 And you're going like, well, Ryan, you know what? 00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:50.960 I really haven't taken a whole lot of advice from wicked lately. 00:23:51.359 --> 00:23:55.359 I don't go after and go, you know, Google search, wicked advice. 00:23:55.519 --> 00:23:56.000 Hello. 00:23:56.240 --> 00:23:57.519 Thank you very much. 00:23:57.839 --> 00:23:59.680 What would Hitler have to say on this? 00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:01.119 I'm curious. 00:24:01.839 --> 00:24:02.319 Right? 00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:05.279 You're like, I don't do that. 00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:14.079 Because when we think of wicked, we think of the worst person we can possibly imagine, but that's not the definition of wicked biblically. 00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:21.599 The definition of wicked biblically is those who live their life as if there is no God. 00:24:22.480 --> 00:24:26.559 Very different, though, it's not that they believe there is no God. 00:24:27.680 --> 00:24:32.480 They may believe in God, but live as if there is no God. 00:24:33.440 --> 00:24:47.759 The wicked are those who live as if they are the center of the universe, that life revolves around them, that life is about them and ultimately for their gratification. 00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:50.079 The wicked. 00:24:50.960 --> 00:24:55.440 The wicked act as if now is all there is. 00:24:56.000 --> 00:25:01.279 And so you make the decisions for the immediate, never the delayed. 00:25:01.599 --> 00:25:07.839 Does it sound like, friends, that perhaps we have been taking some advice or some counsel from the wicked? 00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:11.680 That somehow you deserve to be happy in what we just unpacked. 00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:18.160 Could it be that those are things that are actually undermining our flourishing or the happiness that God belongs? 00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:21.279 He says, don't walk in the counsel of the wicked. 00:25:21.440 --> 00:25:24.880 Don't stand in the way of sinners. 00:25:25.039 --> 00:25:28.000 Don't sit in the seat of mockers. 00:25:28.079 --> 00:25:29.519 Do you see that progression? 00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:33.440 I'm walking, I'm going about it, and then eventually I'm just lingering. 00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:37.200 And then I just sit down in it. 00:25:37.599 --> 00:25:38.640 This is life. 00:25:38.799 --> 00:25:40.720 This is what everybody else is doing. 00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:42.720 It seems like it's working for her. 00:25:42.880 --> 00:25:44.960 It seems like it's working for him. 00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:49.440 I'm not really happy with my relationship right now. 00:25:52.240 --> 00:25:54.720 I'm getting more attention at work. 00:25:57.599 --> 00:26:00.799 It's so full and frustrating. 00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:05.200 It'd just be easier to get out. 00:26:06.400 --> 00:26:07.920 Start fresh. 00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:09.839 Start over. 00:26:11.599 --> 00:26:13.119 It says happy people. 00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:18.000 They don't walk in the counsel of the wicked. 00:26:18.400 --> 00:26:21.119 They don't walk in that council for their friendships. 00:26:21.200 --> 00:26:23.119 They don't walk in that council for their dating. 00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:28.400 They don't walk in that council for their sexuality, for their marriage, or for their kids. 00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:36.880 See, the progression, I think, for many of us is we never start out intending to go down that direction. 00:26:37.039 --> 00:26:43.759 We just get caught up with the flow of people around us, and it's gradually pulling us in that current and in that stream. 00:26:48.319 --> 00:27:03.519 And then he goes on to say happy people, happy people don't even hang out or take the counsel of people who live as if there is no God, that they're the center of the universe, and now is all there is. 00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:05.519 Here's what happy people really do. 00:27:05.680 --> 00:27:09.119 Here's what happy relationships look like. 00:27:09.920 --> 00:27:18.240 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in on his law, he meditates day and night. 00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:25.680 That word delight, circle that word delight, it's a feeling of extreme pleasure or satisfaction. 00:27:27.599 --> 00:27:28.880 His delight. 00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:35.839 Like, here's what we're not gonna do, but here's what we are gonna do if you really wanna be happy. 00:27:36.079 --> 00:27:37.680 Delight yourself. 00:27:38.799 --> 00:27:43.759 This deep sense of pleasurable satisfaction in the law of God. 00:27:46.079 --> 00:27:53.039 You know, when my wife and I were dating, so she went to Cow Poly in San Luis Obispo. 00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:57.680 I went to Moody in Chicago, and when she graduated, she was with the ministry called Crew. 00:27:57.920 --> 00:28:03.039 She ended up going overseas for a year to Sweden, lived there for a year. 00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:05.599 And so we're dating long distance international. 00:28:06.319 --> 00:28:09.839 And those were the days before Facebook and FaceTime. 00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:14.079 I know I didn't even own a cell phone in college, guys. 00:28:14.160 --> 00:28:14.960 I'm sorry. 00:28:15.119 --> 00:28:16.640 Um it's just weird. 00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:18.319 The world has changed. 00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:34.000 And so what we had to do was I would actually purchase prepaid phone cards to be able to dial out in my dorm to call my, you know, bride to be the girl that I loved. 00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:37.599 And then we would send each other care packages. 00:28:38.319 --> 00:28:51.599 We we, you know, I just remember I'd go down to the campus post office and grab, you know, every once in a while there was a box with my name on it, and it had, you know, the address from Sweden, and my heart leapt. 00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:53.119 It was amazing. 00:28:53.200 --> 00:28:58.480 And there'd just be random things in there from what she's gone and experiencing, there's always a letter. 00:29:00.079 --> 00:29:02.240 And I just threw it in the trash. 00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:04.480 Just kidding. 00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:06.160 No, I didn't do that. 00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:09.119 Of course not. 00:29:10.640 --> 00:29:12.000 Of course not. 00:29:14.079 --> 00:29:22.240 The woman that I love that I can't be with in person took time to write me a note and I poured over it. 00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:25.920 To this day, I still have those notes. 00:29:26.079 --> 00:29:31.039 We have these, you know, Tupperware, big bins or whatever. 00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:33.119 Not Tupperware, what do you you know what I mean? 00:29:33.279 --> 00:29:35.839 What's those big rubber made bins? 00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:36.559 Thank you. 00:29:37.519 --> 00:29:42.640 With all the stuff that you you can't really keep in your house that are meaningful. 00:29:43.279 --> 00:29:48.480 You know, like I have my doggy from when I was a kid, my stuffed animal and my blankie in there. 00:29:48.880 --> 00:29:51.359 It's too much information, I understand. 00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:56.000 And I have all her notes. 00:29:57.839 --> 00:29:59.839 They're precious to me. 00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:10.240 See, I think we miss something when we fail to realize that God actually wrote us a note, and God loves you. 00:30:10.480 --> 00:30:12.480 He's wild about you. 00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:23.440 And this is his words to you, and he wants to speak to you, and that we would pour over them with delight because he so loves you. 00:30:23.599 --> 00:30:25.680 And where you begin to go, no, no, no. 00:30:25.839 --> 00:30:41.759 The God of the universe who spoke and all there is came into existence, who is both immense and yet intimate, spoke to me, and where his word just begins to become a delight to our hearts. 00:30:42.000 --> 00:30:48.720 It says, Happy people delight in not just God's word, but did you notice what it said? 00:30:50.240 --> 00:30:53.599 The law of the Lord. 00:30:54.640 --> 00:30:56.240 Well, that's weird. 00:30:56.720 --> 00:31:03.039 You know what, Ryan, you had me with the story about Jenny, and I was starting to get there, and I'm like, okay, thank you very much. 00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:12.319 But then all of a sudden, in the law of the Lord, he meditates on it day and night to think deeply, to saturate oneself. 00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:13.920 Like, what in the world? 00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:15.119 Are you serious? 00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:16.880 The law of the Lord? 00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:21.599 And the law just is speaking, both not just to the Old Testament, but to the New Testament. 00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:25.359 It's just the ways of God for your flourishing. 00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:28.240 Now, I always struggled with that. 00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:38.400 Because I fundamentally had a belief about God, maybe you do too, that God somehow is holding out on you. 00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:46.319 And if you look around at the world and kind of the way things are going, it almost feels like his laws or his ways are withholding fun. 00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:47.599 Right? 00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:51.759 Okay, I'm the only one honest in here, that's fine. 00:31:53.359 --> 00:32:07.680 Until one day, so my daughter, who's now 17, uh, when she was two, she came running around the corner in our house into our kitchen, and she had a pair of scissors in her hand. 00:32:08.400 --> 00:32:12.799 And the pointing in is this direction, and she's running like this. 00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:15.599 I mean, she's since become a much better runner. 00:32:15.759 --> 00:32:22.079 Um, but I mean, she's just, whoa! I mean, the scissors are just going right by her eye, right by her eye, right by her. 00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:30.000 I'm a new dad, I don't really know how to respond, and so I I go, which is for dads, don't do that. 00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:32.640 I she probably would have gone, ah, you know. 00:32:35.519 --> 00:32:38.480 And then I took the scissors from her. 00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:41.759 Do you know what she did when I took the scissors from her? 00:32:42.559 --> 00:32:43.599 She cried. 00:32:45.039 --> 00:32:46.720 She was mad at me. 00:32:47.839 --> 00:32:53.519 She was so angry and so upset, she threw a little tantrum right there. 00:32:53.680 --> 00:32:54.079 Why? 00:32:54.240 --> 00:33:02.960 Because I took what was fun in the moment for her, and she was in this incredible state of, whoo, this is great. 00:33:06.880 --> 00:33:18.960 Completely unaware at two years of age, that blindness was her impending doom if she continued in that current direction. 00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:30.079 See, what changed for me the moment I became a dad is I always began to understand the law of God way differently. 00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:52.160 That the law of God is not actually keeping us from fun, but as a good, perfect father who loves you, who wants you flourishing, who will do whatever it takes for you to thrive, the law of God is an I love you to you and to me. 00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:54.880 I didn't do that because I was angry at her. 00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:57.440 I did that because I love her. 00:33:58.160 --> 00:34:06.480 I didn't let my kids play in the street because I was a mean jerk of a dad. 00:34:08.079 --> 00:34:09.679 I didn't let them play in the street. 00:34:09.760 --> 00:34:10.000 Why? 00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:14.639 Because there's cars flying down our road, and I love them. 00:34:14.800 --> 00:34:17.679 I want to keep them from harm, not keep them from fun. 00:34:17.840 --> 00:34:31.679 And the beginning, when you begin to understand that God loves you and his laws are not for your keep you from fun, it's for you to flourish for relationships, for you to experience that life-giving, intimate, character-shaping relationship. 00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:35.039 But he delights in the law of God. 00:34:35.920 --> 00:34:43.199 When God talks about how we're to go about our sexuality, it's not to keep you from fun. 00:34:45.039 --> 00:34:47.199 It's because he loves you. 00:34:51.039 --> 00:34:54.639 They don't walk in the counsel of the wicked, but they delight in God's law. 00:34:54.800 --> 00:34:55.840 Then notice this. 00:34:57.679 --> 00:34:58.639 Here's the result. 00:34:59.039 --> 00:35:09.199 He is like a tree planted, stable by streams of water, which yield its fruit in season and whose leaf do not wither. 00:35:10.559 --> 00:35:14.079 Whatever he does, it prospers. 00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:16.480 It's like a tree. 00:35:17.920 --> 00:35:29.840 You know, in the ever-changing circumstances and the storms of life, to be rooted, to be stable, not tossed and turned. 00:35:31.599 --> 00:35:33.920 It's like that's what this person is. 00:35:34.639 --> 00:35:36.480 Whose leaves do not wither. 00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:40.639 There's a resiliency regardless of the seasons. 00:35:41.119 --> 00:35:43.119 Now, notice this, this is interesting. 00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:49.440 Yields its fruit in season, meaning that you're not always yielding fruit, and we think we should be yielding fruit all the time. 00:35:49.599 --> 00:35:54.719 Life should be an Instagram-worthy party every single day. 00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:00.719 But notice this whatever he does prospers. 00:36:01.199 --> 00:36:05.519 This word prosper means to make steady progress. 00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:19.679 I mean, at the end of the day, if you're just making steady progress in life, when you'd be like, okay, I can look back, be happy with my life. 00:36:20.079 --> 00:36:30.079 Now, what I also think is pretty interesting is think about this picture of a tree, that you can actually not be in a season of fruitfulness and still prosper. 00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:37.599 And we connect those two, and it's only when I have X, and only when this happens, then I'm really prospering. 00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:45.840 But you can actually be in a season where the fruit is not on the tree, but you're actually prospering. 00:36:46.079 --> 00:36:52.559 You know what's fascinating about trees is that trees are always growing. 00:36:53.599 --> 00:37:07.519 And in fact, over the winter time, when the fruit is not on the tree, when the leaves often have fallen off of it, the roots are growing the most and the deepest. 00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:14.880 See, I think for some, you're in a season where externally you would say this is a hard season. 00:37:15.119 --> 00:37:18.159 Externally, I'm not sure where the fruit is. 00:37:19.519 --> 00:37:20.880 And you can still prosper. 00:37:20.960 --> 00:37:24.639 And God's going, no, I'm doing some root work in your life. 00:37:24.800 --> 00:37:27.119 I'm doing some root work in your marriage. 00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:29.679 I'm doing some root work in your character. 00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:32.719 I'm doing some root work in your singleness. 00:37:32.800 --> 00:37:35.679 I'm doing some root work in your spirituality. 00:37:35.760 --> 00:37:48.480 And what I'm trying to do in this season is to help your roots go deeper and stronger into me so that you can sustain whatever season you go through. 00:37:50.159 --> 00:37:52.000 The law of happiness. 00:37:53.760 --> 00:37:54.960 Happy people. 00:37:56.159 --> 00:38:05.119 Happy people say no to one way, to the counsel of the wicked and delight in the law of God. 00:38:05.519 --> 00:38:07.920 So, what does relational wisdom say? 00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:18.000 Well, happiness is a byproduct of a well-lived life, not a destination in life. 00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:20.559 Happiness is a byproduct. 00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:24.000 Now, over well-lived, would you do this for me? 00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:26.159 Would you write the word holy? 00:38:26.960 --> 00:38:34.000 Happiness is a byproduct or the result of a holy life. 00:38:34.480 --> 00:38:47.519 When I was a kid, I grew up, you know, hearing maybe sermons, and you know, maybe you've never gone to church, so uh you don't have this baggage that God doesn't want you to be whole happy, he wants you to be holy. 00:38:49.840 --> 00:38:56.000 And yet the reality is when you live a holy life, you will begin to experience the happy life. 00:38:57.440 --> 00:39:00.320 It's a byproduct, it's not the destination. 00:39:01.280 --> 00:39:02.159 Like how C.S. 00:39:02.239 --> 00:39:05.760 Lewis said it, you can't get a second thing by putting them first. 00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:11.119 You can get a second thing only by putting first things first. 00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:14.559 See, we've just put the cart before the horse. 00:39:14.639 --> 00:39:19.199 We put happiness in front and we keep running after it, wondering why we'll never achieve it. 00:39:19.599 --> 00:39:29.119 Friends, friends, friends, friends, begin to delight in the law of God, begin to delight in his word, begin to go, God, you're gonna form me into who you ultimately called me to be. 00:39:29.199 --> 00:39:34.960 You're actually good, and your ways are good, and you're doing this for my good, so I'm gonna trust you. 00:39:36.079 --> 00:39:45.599 That's where Jesus said, seek first his kingdom and his righteousness or his ways, and all these things will be given to you as well. 00:39:46.400 --> 00:39:57.679 When you begin to seek his ways, man, happiness, it just comes along for the ride, and you look back and you go, Man, I'm so grateful for I'm so happy with life. 00:39:58.239 --> 00:40:00.800 And so let me, as we close, ask this question. 00:40:03.039 --> 00:40:10.559 For the sake of your relationships, where do you need to apply disproportionate energy? 00:40:11.440 --> 00:40:16.719 Disproportionate meaning out of proportion to other areas of your life. 00:40:17.039 --> 00:40:20.159 Give more time, more effort, more thought. 00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:23.360 The way Jesus said it, seek first. 00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:27.039 The way the psalmist said it, delight in. 00:40:30.159 --> 00:40:31.840 Let me ask you it this way. 00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:38.000 For the sake of your happiness, like really true happiness. 00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:43.360 Where do you need to apply disproportionate energy? 00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:48.239 The author of Hebrews would say it this way. 00:40:50.400 --> 00:41:12.079 Say, therefore, since we're surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, those who have lived this life well, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, saying no from the way of the wicked and the mockers, let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 00:41:12.320 --> 00:41:21.599 And friends, here's where I'd say for us to lean in disproportionate energy, fixing our eyes on Jesus. 00:41:21.920 --> 00:41:28.239 Like, what would it look like this week if you had a disproportionate energy of effort of time of Jesus? 00:41:28.320 --> 00:41:30.400 I'm just gonna fix my eyes on you. 00:41:30.480 --> 00:41:42.960 I'm gonna seek you first, first thing in the morning, and you just begin to do that and see what changes in you, see what changes in your relationship, see what changes in your friendship, see what changes with your coworkers. 00:41:43.599 --> 00:41:58.719 Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, for the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 00:41:59.920 --> 00:42:14.320 Here's what's so amazing is Jesus didn't choose happiness now, he chose sacrifice now for the joy set before him to look back and be happy with. 00:42:16.079 --> 00:42:18.719 And do you know what his joy was? 00:42:20.559 --> 00:42:21.280 It was you. 00:42:23.519 --> 00:42:24.239 It was you. 00:42:38.639 --> 00:42:40.559 Allow you to experience life. 00:42:40.719 --> 00:42:44.400 And he says, I wouldn't miss it for a moment. 00:42:44.719 --> 00:42:48.159 I choose you regardless of the cost. 00:42:49.119 --> 00:42:56.079 And we're gonna partake in communion, reminding ourselves that we're fixing our eyes on Jesus. 00:42:56.320 --> 00:43:14.559 And in this moment, as we take the cups and as we're gonna continue worship, and his bread that is represents his body broken for us, his blood poured out, that we have a new covenant that is no longer what we do or trying to earn or work our way to God, but he did the work for us. 00:43:15.199 --> 00:43:16.559 Where we lean in. 00:43:16.960 --> 00:43:18.800 Would you just lean in this moment? 00:43:19.039 --> 00:43:21.599 Maybe not every moment this week, but this moment. 00:43:21.840 --> 00:43:29.599 Some disproportionate energy, fixing your eyes on the one who said, I love you. 00:43:30.639 --> 00:43:32.320 I'm wild about you. 00:43:33.280 --> 00:43:37.920 I do whatever it takes to be with you, even at the cross. 00:43:38.159 --> 00:43:40.880 Jesus, we invite you here in this moment. 00:43:41.039 --> 00:43:45.360 Would you would you lead us? 00:43:45.599 --> 00:43:46.719 Would you speak to us? 00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:48.559 Would you draw us near? 00:43:49.599 --> 00:43:54.000 Would you give us clarity of maybe the paths that we've gone down that we need to stop? 00:43:54.159 --> 00:44:00.639 And and the energy and effort in all of that, would you draw us to your heart? 00:44:00.960 --> 00:44:06.239 Draw us to your love, draw us to your grace in this moment. 00:44:06.400 --> 00:44:08.559 In Jesus' name, amen. 00:44:09.840 --> 00:44:12.079 We hope you are blessed by this message. 00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:16.719 Please subscribe to our podcast for access to every episode as they're uploaded. 00:44:16.880 --> 00:44:18.960 And hey, we'd love to connect with you. 00:44:19.119 --> 00:44:25.039 Take a next step by filling out our virtual connection card at awakeningchurch.com slash card.