WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.319 Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast. 00:00:02.479 --> 00:00:07.040 We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ. 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:08.640 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:20.079 --> 00:00:25.440 I'm here really this morning just very simply to tell my story. 00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:36.799 I'm here to tell you what Jesus, what the Savior, our Redeemer, I love that word, our rescuer, has done for me. 00:00:37.280 --> 00:00:45.520 How he has turned a hard story, a story of my failure, really, into the best of love stories. 00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:50.560 And I'm here to remind you that he wants to do the same thing for you. 00:00:50.799 --> 00:00:53.840 Not once or twice, but for the rest of your life. 00:00:54.159 --> 00:01:02.000 Psalm 107, verse 2 is one of my favorites, where he says, Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story. 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:05.599 Those who've been rescued from the hand of the foe. 00:01:05.920 --> 00:01:10.959 Any of you like me feel like you've been rescued from the hand of the foe? 00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:16.159 A few years ago, I sensed God urging me to tell my story. 00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:19.760 In fact, I felt him inviting me to do two things. 00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:23.439 Isn't it amazing when you have a sense of that invitation? 00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:29.599 Two things to do before I die, not a bucket list, but a task list, really. 00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:49.680 Ephesians 2, verse 10 tells us that we are God's workmanship, crafted uniquely, given specific tasks, assignments that are ours to do, that if we don't do them, I believe they just get left undone, and our world is the poorer for it. 00:01:50.400 --> 00:01:56.319 My first and I believe most important assignment, what they call your first mountain. 00:01:56.640 --> 00:02:02.400 My first mountain was raising our four kids along with Phil to love and walk with Jesus. 00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:09.039 There is nothing more important that I could possibly think of giving my life to than that. 00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:11.360 And it's still my most important job. 00:02:11.520 --> 00:02:17.919 I'm now the matriarch of a family of 17, soon to be 18, still growing. 00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:24.960 But as it turns out, the Spirit had more for me when that was less of my main job. 00:02:25.120 --> 00:02:35.199 In John 9, verse 4, Jesus Himself said, all of us must quickly carry out the task assigned us by the one who sent me. 00:02:35.520 --> 00:02:37.199 Because there's little time left. 00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:38.719 Do you hear that urgency? 00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:44.159 A little time left before the night falls and all work comes to an end. 00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:59.280 And I felt him leading me, pushing me, inviting me, daring me to write my story, to write it for the next generation, to write it with my children in mind, and my children's children. 00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:01.840 So I did, I wrote my story. 00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:22.719 But someday when I die and my life gets summed up in just a few words on a tombstone, it's not going to say, here lies Diane Comer, mother of John Mark or Matthew or Rebecca or Elizabeth, wife of Phil, writer of books, achiever of great things. 00:03:22.960 --> 00:03:24.639 No, none of that stuff. 00:03:24.800 --> 00:03:27.759 I know exactly what words I want written there. 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:32.319 Diane Comer, 1959 to, who knows when. 00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:34.800 She delighted in God. 00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:40.000 Because that has become the truest part of my story. 00:03:40.560 --> 00:04:15.599 How God brought me to this place where my life is defined, not by how well it's going, how great my relations are not, nor by who I know, not by what I do, certainly not by what I achieve, but by simply and honestly finding my worth, my purpose, my value, my delight, my joy in God, in loving him, and then in being allowing him, experiencing him, loving me. 00:04:16.079 --> 00:04:21.439 I want to tell you my story in the hope that, first of all, that you can find yours. 00:04:21.839 --> 00:04:24.240 Because you have a story just like I do. 00:04:24.399 --> 00:04:27.600 It's a story of God coming near. 00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:40.800 The book of Hosea is a story of God pursuing you, of inviting you and alluring you out to the wilderness where he can capture your heart, your whole heart. 00:04:41.279 --> 00:04:51.279 Because that's where the joy is, the beautiful, satisfying life that you crave, the life all of us long for. 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:54.079 Little background to start my story. 00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:58.800 I grew up in my early years in Europe as an American living overseas. 00:04:58.959 --> 00:05:10.480 And while we were living there, we kept hearing about this thing in the 60s and the 70s called the Jesus movement, going on back home in the States. 00:05:10.800 --> 00:05:28.720 And one day I picked up the Stars and Stripes newspaper, and right there on the front of the page, top of the fold, was a picture of thousands of young people with their hands raised and a band in the background, all bearded and you know, kind of post-hippy days. 00:05:29.120 --> 00:05:32.240 Hands raised, worshipping Jesus. 00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:41.120 And a hunger began to form in my heart with that picture of to know what this Jesus was all about. 00:05:41.279 --> 00:05:49.040 I didn't understand, I'd heard of God, I kind of knew, believed God, had no clue where Jesus fit into the picture. 00:05:49.279 --> 00:05:57.920 He came back to America when I was in high school and we stumbled upon accidentally a really great church, now venture church. 00:05:58.160 --> 00:06:02.319 And one by one, each of us in our family gave our hearts to the Lord. 00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:09.600 We were baptized, we were discipled, we were taught, we were transformed by the Lord Jesus Himself. 00:06:09.759 --> 00:06:13.839 Our family was radically, radically changed. 00:06:14.160 --> 00:06:33.120 But somehow in there I adopted the thinking that if I would be very good and do all the right things and be very disciplined, discipline was a huge part of that, be very disciplined, then God would look at me with favor and he would bless me. 00:06:33.680 --> 00:06:40.079 One of the phrases I kept hearing about that time was God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. 00:06:40.240 --> 00:06:45.600 Everyone was tweeting that back in the 70s, even before Twitter wasn't invented. 00:06:46.240 --> 00:06:48.399 And I loved that message. 00:06:48.560 --> 00:06:53.439 And it is true, God does love you more than any of us can grasp. 00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:56.879 He does have plans for you, wonderful plans. 00:06:57.040 --> 00:07:04.480 But just in case, I had my list of rules and I made sure I could check every one of those rules off. 00:07:04.959 --> 00:07:21.120 I had the idea that if I could just be disciplined enough, if I could just read my Bible enough, if I could just try hard enough over and over and over again, then God would bless me with a wonderful life. 00:07:21.360 --> 00:07:29.040 And by wonderful and by bless, I thought that all would go well with me and I would basically live happily ever after. 00:07:29.519 --> 00:07:35.759 It was a great theology, even though it was pretty empty, but I liked it and it worked. 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:36.959 Seemed to. 00:07:37.519 --> 00:07:42.560 God did bless me, gave me a tall, handsome, godly husband. 00:07:42.639 --> 00:07:47.199 You know, I mean, you know, Phil back then was the catch of the church. 00:07:47.759 --> 00:07:56.240 He was a worship leader, drummer in a rock band, just out of his rock band, kind of, you know, that little bit of bad boy. 00:07:56.800 --> 00:07:59.680 Drum of the 1970 Le Mans. 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:03.279 You need to look that up after church, not now, Google it. 00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:06.720 And Forest Green 1970 Le Mans. 00:08:06.959 --> 00:08:08.079 I mean, come on. 00:08:08.959 --> 00:08:11.439 He was the coolest guy ever. 00:08:11.519 --> 00:08:14.959 And I was this shy person, could hardly talk to him. 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:22.720 And then God gave me one by one four beautiful, amazing, happy children. 00:08:23.199 --> 00:08:28.639 We had by that time a lovely home in Santa Cruz with the view of Monterey Bay. 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:34.879 Now, a little tiny view, you might have needed binoculars to see it, but it was there. 00:08:35.759 --> 00:08:39.200 I had everything I'd ever wanted. 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:41.120 I had the life. 00:08:41.279 --> 00:08:42.960 You know what I'm saying? 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:47.919 And yet something was wrong, and I knew something was wrong. 00:08:48.080 --> 00:08:56.480 I wasn't as happy with all these blessings, with this wonderful life as I thought I ought to be, as thought I should be. 00:08:56.799 --> 00:09:06.000 Worse, deep down inside I was in a constant state of restless, anxious dissatisfaction. 00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:08.879 Every morning I got up to do what I was supposed to do. 00:09:09.039 --> 00:09:17.360 I read my Bible, I'd get out my list of prayer cards to make sure I didn't forget anything, to make sure God didn't forget anything. 00:09:17.600 --> 00:09:29.279 I'd make my mental list of everything I was supposed to do so I could check it off and be a good girl so that God would bless me with a wonderful life. 00:09:29.600 --> 00:09:33.679 And every morning I woke up dreading my day. 00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:35.200 Any of you? 00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:40.960 Any of you wake up dreading your day for no good reason? 00:09:41.519 --> 00:09:51.279 Along about that time, God brought into my life, I believe, He brought them into my life, a couple of women whose very lives made me long for more. 00:09:51.360 --> 00:09:52.480 There was Lori Kais. 00:09:52.720 --> 00:09:55.039 Lori's still alive, she's in her 80s. 00:09:55.360 --> 00:10:04.080 Lori can still glean more wisdom from the Word of God than any woman I know and make it real in practical everyday life. 00:10:04.240 --> 00:10:12.639 I so look forward to her texts to me because there's always this rich nugget that I've never noticed or seen before. 00:10:12.799 --> 00:10:16.080 And she's always so excited to see these treasures. 00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:19.519 She picks up treasures and passes them on. 00:10:19.759 --> 00:10:21.440 And there was Muriel Cook. 00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:27.120 She was beautiful and elegant and so filled with the joy and the delight of God. 00:10:27.279 --> 00:10:29.840 I wanted to be just like her. 00:10:30.240 --> 00:10:32.639 These women were women at rest. 00:10:33.279 --> 00:10:38.159 The phrase I hear a lot now and I really like is a peaceful presence. 00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:40.879 Do you know anybody like that in your life? 00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:50.320 Somebody who is just to be around them is to breathe deep, your shoulders relax, and you think, ah, a peaceful presence. 00:10:50.480 --> 00:10:56.879 Psalms 34, verse 5 describes this kind of person who looks to him and are radiant. 00:10:57.919 --> 00:11:02.960 These women radiated something more, and I didn't know what it was. 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:05.120 And then there was Kathy. 00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:08.720 Kathy wasn't pretty at all. 00:11:09.279 --> 00:11:10.879 She sang in the choir. 00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:12.480 She's had a hard life. 00:11:12.639 --> 00:11:14.320 Her life was hard in that moment. 00:11:14.480 --> 00:11:16.240 Her husband was in prison. 00:11:16.799 --> 00:11:25.759 Every time the choir would sing a song about the savior, about the redeemer, about the cross, Kathy wept. 00:11:26.799 --> 00:11:34.799 Tears would flow down these deep crevices on her face that lined her face and drip down her chin. 00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:42.240 And I would look at her and say, think, what is Kathy crying about? 00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:44.159 Like I don't get it. 00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:46.559 I wanted that. 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:49.519 I wanted to be moved like Kathy was. 00:11:49.679 --> 00:11:51.279 I wanted to be tender. 00:11:51.759 --> 00:11:54.480 And I knew that that wasn't who I was. 00:11:54.720 --> 00:11:58.879 I tried everything to chase those feelings of discontent away. 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:01.200 Trying harder didn't work. 00:12:01.519 --> 00:12:04.159 Being more disciplined didn't work. 00:12:04.399 --> 00:12:08.960 Reading books about trying harder and about being more disciplined didn't work. 00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:13.039 I didn't dare tell anybody the truth about me. 00:12:13.200 --> 00:12:18.960 I just kept it locked up inside and pretended that I was something I wasn't. 00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:22.240 And sometimes, lots of times, I blamed others. 00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:24.159 Maybe it was Phil's fault. 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:28.559 He was too busy, he was out too many nights, I was carrying too big a load. 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:29.919 Maybe it was my children's fault. 00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:31.759 Maybe I had too many of them. 00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:38.720 Maybe it was just that fixer upper house we lived in that we didn't have enough time or skill or money to fix up. 00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:56.879 And so I asked God to do whatever he needed to do to make me really close to him, to have that deep down sense of his presence, that satisfaction that I saw in just a handful of people. 00:12:57.759 --> 00:13:06.159 I asked him to give me that kind of intimacy that made these women so tender, that made them weep over the cross. 00:13:06.559 --> 00:13:11.120 Now I want to pause right here and just come out of the story for a minute. 00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:27.279 I do not believe for one second that God heard my prayers and just said, okay, I'll just zap Diane with something really hard so she stops trying so hard to be so good and so perfect all the time. 00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:32.720 I'm just gonna mess up her life a little bit so that she gets this whole grace thing. 00:13:33.039 --> 00:13:33.360 No. 00:13:34.399 --> 00:13:36.000 He's our father. 00:13:36.559 --> 00:13:39.120 He loves us like nobody else. 00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:47.440 I do not believe that God heard my prayer and thought, hmm, okay, I'll make something go wrong to teach Diane a lesson. 00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:56.559 I do believe that God knew beforehand the kind of disruption that the fall, the way back in Genesis 3, caused. 00:13:56.879 --> 00:14:01.759 Not only in our souls, in our spirits, but even in our bodies. 00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:14.639 That for me, the corruption that fall happened at the fall when sin entered the garden would mean an autoimmune rarity that would cause a part of my body to be broken irreparably. 00:14:15.279 --> 00:14:16.480 So back to my story. 00:14:16.799 --> 00:14:22.799 Just had my third child, and I was in that glow of relishing my little baby, Elizabeth. 00:14:22.879 --> 00:14:33.279 John Mark was five, Becca was two and a half, and my ears seemed plugged, just sort of muffled, like they were full of cotton or something. 00:14:33.519 --> 00:14:39.759 And I'd had pneumonia when I was pregnant, and so I thought maybe I had water on the ear, something like that. 00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:46.559 So I made an appointment with an ear specialist so that I could just go in, get a pill to unmuffle my ears. 00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:50.879 I just get in there real quick, pick up a prescription, and go home. 00:14:51.200 --> 00:15:09.200 But after what seemed like hours to me of listening to pings and whistles and long silences with the audiologist obviously marking on her chart, the doctor asked me to join him and to come into his office. 00:15:09.440 --> 00:15:11.360 That's never a good sign. 00:15:11.759 --> 00:15:14.960 And he sat behind his desk and he wouldn't look at me. 00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:18.480 He just kept his head down, staring at his papers. 00:15:18.639 --> 00:15:25.440 I remember him constantly re-stacking them, making him perfect, completely detached. 00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:29.679 And my heart was racing, thinking, this is not how it's supposed to go. 00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:34.799 And after a long pause, he told me that I had a major hearing loss. 00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:39.840 He used words like severe and profound. 00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:42.480 Said there was nothing he could do about it. 00:15:42.639 --> 00:15:44.639 I ought to get hearing aids right away. 00:15:44.720 --> 00:15:51.120 We would do some tests, but and by the way, it's going to get much worse. 00:15:51.919 --> 00:15:56.240 All I heard was that dreadful word hearing aids. 00:15:56.799 --> 00:15:57.679 No way. 00:15:57.919 --> 00:16:00.879 Hearing aids, my grandpa wore hearing aids. 00:16:01.279 --> 00:16:03.440 I did not need hearing aids. 00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:06.320 I was 26 years old. 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:17.919 I went home, told Phil, cried, and then I did what I'd always done when hard things had happened in my life and nothing very hard had happened. 00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:23.200 I stuffed it deep down inside and plastered a fake smile on my face. 00:16:23.519 --> 00:16:25.360 I would be okay. 00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:29.279 Some of you do the very same thing and it doesn't work, does it? 00:16:29.360 --> 00:16:30.240 Not for long. 00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:38.080 It just begins to ease out, eke out of our pores, or explode at inconvenient moments. 00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:44.080 It's difficult to describe to another person what it's like to begin to lose your hearing and to lose it quickly. 00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:45.919 First, it was the little things. 00:16:46.080 --> 00:16:50.000 I couldn't hear the telephone ringing if I was in another part of the house. 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:55.759 You know, this is back when we all had these wall phones attached to the kitchen usually. 00:16:56.000 --> 00:17:00.720 And then there was this long kind of a bungee cord that you could walk around with. 00:17:00.799 --> 00:17:02.399 You know, those are vintage now. 00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:04.480 Most of you have never seen them. 00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:09.599 How many of you have never seen a wall phone actually working in somebody's house? 00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:11.519 Oh, come on, be honest. 00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:12.960 You haven't seen it. 00:17:13.119 --> 00:17:15.279 I mean, it's the weirdest thing, honestly. 00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:16.880 So many of you are so young. 00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:19.839 Remember that this when you get older. 00:17:20.079 --> 00:17:25.359 It's so weird when things that were normal in your life all of a sudden are vintage. 00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:28.400 That is really an odd feeling. 00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:33.519 When I finally did hear it ring, I could hardly ever tell who it was. 00:17:33.759 --> 00:17:41.279 All voices quickly began to sound exactly alike to me, male or female. 00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:50.240 Once I carried on a confusing conversation with Lucy for about 10 minutes until I realized suddenly I wasn't talking to Lucy. 00:17:50.400 --> 00:17:51.920 I was talking to Stacy. 00:17:52.720 --> 00:17:58.240 Being in hearing impaired involves a lot of frustration and a lot of embarrassment. 00:17:58.480 --> 00:18:07.200 A lot of moments when you just feel so stupid and out of it and pushed away from the real world. 00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:17.920 It was so frustrating to want to talk to somebody and want to get to know someone and know that if I tried to enter into the conversation, I was probably going to miss so much of it. 00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:20.079 It really wasn't even worth trying. 00:18:20.319 --> 00:18:26.000 To be afraid of a conversation that I had no chance of understanding. 00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:36.079 Or worse, to see that dread look on a person's face that makes me know that I didn't understand and I said the wrong thing at the wrong time. 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:40.079 But it was at home that the pain was the greatest. 00:18:40.319 --> 00:18:46.079 When my baby, Elizabeth, cried in the night and I could not hear her. 00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:49.440 Mother doesn't hear her baby cry. 00:18:50.160 --> 00:19:02.480 When Becca, who was the cutest little toddler ever did see, just full of vivacity and joy, she'd wrap her dimpled arms around my neck and whisper sweet secrets. 00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:03.920 And I didn't hear. 00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:20.319 Or when John Mark, my sweet, quiet, introverted thinking son, chattered in the car all the way home from camp where he'd been away for the first time, and I had no clue what he said. 00:19:21.039 --> 00:19:26.720 I was driving my car crying out to God, how can this be? 00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:29.440 The pain right there. 00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:31.279 That's grief. 00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:33.839 Nothing else really matters. 00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:36.799 I burned cookies because I couldn't hear the buzzer. 00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:39.200 Alarm clocks became useless. 00:19:39.519 --> 00:19:42.960 Couldn't pick up the phone to make an appointment to get my hair done. 00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:44.880 I couldn't listen to music. 00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:47.839 Those are just inconveniences. 00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:51.519 I wanted to hear what my people had to say. 00:19:51.759 --> 00:19:55.119 I wanted to be involved in their lives, to know their hearts. 00:19:55.359 --> 00:20:01.359 I had pictured them as teenagers sitting on the side of my bed late at night telling me everything. 00:20:02.079 --> 00:20:09.359 I wanted to carry their burdens, I wanted to share their joys, I wanted to celebrate with them, I wanted to know their secrets. 00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:11.680 I wanted to know them. 00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:13.839 Would they still talk to me? 00:20:14.000 --> 00:20:15.039 How could they? 00:20:15.279 --> 00:20:16.000 What about Phil? 00:20:16.240 --> 00:20:17.119 Would he grow distant? 00:20:17.279 --> 00:20:18.559 Would I lose him? 00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:21.039 Phil thinks out loud. 00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:23.680 Now we call them an external processor. 00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:26.640 He thinks out loud, he processes out loud. 00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:30.720 His greatest need is ironically for me to listen. 00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:34.559 To help him sort it out just by listening. 00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:36.720 How can I be a wife? 00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:40.079 How can I be a mother and not hear? 00:20:40.880 --> 00:20:48.960 I was terrified of a life without sign, sound, of all that I was losing in the process of losing my hearing. 00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:52.240 I began to sink into a deep dark depression. 00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:56.880 I'd never experienced depression before, never really known about depression. 00:20:57.039 --> 00:21:06.240 Everyone has their low days every now and then, but this was darkness, like darkness at the edges of my eyes, it felt like. 00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:41.599 That's a no-brainer. 00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:43.759 So why wouldn't he? 00:21:44.480 --> 00:21:50.240 Let me warn you, as one who's been there, just how terribly dangerous self pity really is. 00:21:50.799 --> 00:21:52.720 You don't want to go there. 00:21:53.039 --> 00:21:55.519 Trust me, you don't want to go there. 00:21:55.759 --> 00:22:00.720 It's like digging yourself into a pit that you cannot climb out of on your Own. 00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:07.039 It's a tool that the enemy has been using for centuries to defeat you and me. 00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:10.400 And it works remarkably well. 00:22:10.799 --> 00:22:12.799 Phil began to grow alarmed. 00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:18.480 He saw me withdrawing and tried so hard to cheer me up in his cheerful way. 00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:23.519 He'd say things like, Come on, die, you're not dying or anything, you know. 00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:26.799 What's a few, what's a little hearing anyway? 00:22:27.680 --> 00:22:30.640 Okay, that did not go over so well. 00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:33.200 Just he made listen to this. 00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:36.240 We might have had a few words over that one. 00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:44.799 But I wrapped myself up tight in a cloak of self-pity and shut everyone out. 00:22:45.359 --> 00:22:51.039 Me, the perfect little pastor's wife who followed all the rules. 00:22:51.359 --> 00:22:55.440 I read my Bible and heard only harshness. 00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:57.680 I thought, who likes him? 00:22:58.000 --> 00:22:58.799 Not me. 00:22:59.440 --> 00:23:05.279 I went to church and I thought inside, it's not true. 00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:10.240 How can God say that he loves me and let me go deaf? 00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:24.880 I cried in worship, not tears of tenderness and of brokenness, but tears of intense anger that God was not coming through for me, that he'd abandoned me. 00:23:25.279 --> 00:23:29.359 I hear people say all the time, it's okay to be angry at God. 00:23:29.599 --> 00:23:32.240 Part of me wants to agree and does agree. 00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:38.319 Obviously, David poured out every emotion to God, and God never rebuked him for it. 00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:56.400 Part of me knows that God values truth, that he values authenticity, but I'm not so sure personally that it's actually really okay to be that angry at God, at least not in the embittered way, blaming way that I was pushing him away. 00:23:56.799 --> 00:24:01.279 I think I was in a very dangerous place back then. 00:24:01.759 --> 00:24:05.839 My soul was teetering right on that brink of rebellion. 00:24:06.079 --> 00:24:16.319 And sometimes I think now I look at my kids all walking with Jesus, leading their own kids to walk with Jesus, all effective followers of him. 00:24:16.720 --> 00:24:21.599 And I think, what would have happened if I continued down that path? 00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:23.359 And I shudder. 00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:30.960 But does the Father, does the Savior ever turn his back on us? 00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:32.319 Never. 00:24:33.039 --> 00:24:35.519 He never turned his back on us. 00:24:35.839 --> 00:24:46.720 2 Timothy 2.13 says that even if we are, maybe I would say even when we are faithless, he remains faithful. 00:24:47.440 --> 00:24:54.240 This Savior who died for us didn't do it when we were all dressed up and doing everything right and trying our hardest. 00:24:54.480 --> 00:25:01.599 He hung there seeing the real me, that I am, not the me I pretend to be. 00:25:01.920 --> 00:25:05.039 He loved this whole package just as I am. 00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:16.319 And every once in a while, given the right circumstances and the right pressures, we get a terrifying glimpse of who we really are without him, apart from him. 00:25:17.119 --> 00:25:23.599 Like every relationship, there will come a time when you don't understand why and what's going on. 00:25:23.759 --> 00:25:27.039 When my hearing began to fail, it was one of those times for me. 00:25:27.359 --> 00:25:28.000 Why? 00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:34.960 Who could possibly say there's anything good in a young woman, a young mom going deaf? 00:25:35.279 --> 00:25:38.480 Why wouldn't he take this thing away? 00:25:38.799 --> 00:25:41.839 But here's what I know now that I didn't understand then. 00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:55.359 When Jesus hung on the cross willingly, nobody made him, for us, for you, for love, he was for one long, agonizing moment abandoned by God. 00:25:56.160 --> 00:26:01.359 In those horrifying moments on the cross, God did look away. 00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:03.440 God did reject him. 00:26:03.920 --> 00:26:08.400 Jesus was willingly abandoned for you and for me. 00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:23.279 For the part of me that rejected him when one thing went wrong in his life, for that entitled part of me, he was willingly abandoned so that we would never be abandoned. 00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:27.440 People will abandon you, people will cancel you, people will leave you. 00:26:27.759 --> 00:26:30.000 He will never abandon you. 00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:46.000 He hung there so that our sin would never keep us from the Father, so that intimacy, satisfaction, the life that is truly life, the Bible calls it, would always be possible. 00:26:47.119 --> 00:26:47.920 Back to my story. 00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:56.559 One evening after church, at Phil's urging, maybe pushing a little bit, I asked for the elders of our church to pray for me. 00:26:56.640 --> 00:27:06.319 Now, James Fives has a whole section about when if any of you is sick or hurting or failing, go to the elders of your church and ask them to pray for you. 00:27:06.400 --> 00:27:14.319 So I did that for healing for this terrible thing that was coming at me like a train wreck to make it go away. 00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:19.279 And I thought, well, I've begged and I've begged God and He won't listen to me. 00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:20.799 I'm not good enough. 00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:23.200 Maybe He'll listen to these men. 00:27:24.400 --> 00:27:28.640 These men, these friends, they prayed like I had never heard people pray before. 00:27:28.799 --> 00:27:30.400 They prayed that God would heal me. 00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:33.200 They believed that He could, that He would. 00:27:33.519 --> 00:27:35.359 They wept with compassion. 00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:38.160 They laughed at God's goodness in the midst of it all. 00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:46.000 And as they prayed, in this little cinder block room, side room of the church, something happened. 00:27:46.079 --> 00:27:51.200 And it's still so hard for me to wrap words around it and try and describe. 00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:57.359 But 1 Timothy 6.16 says that God dwells in unapproachable light. 00:27:57.680 --> 00:27:59.279 Unapproachable light. 00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:03.200 And I think, no, I don't even just think. 00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:14.559 I know with an absolute holy confidence that He let me see a little glimpse of that light just enough to turn my life upside down. 00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:24.799 Like the sun streaming through the clouds on a day like today, and in the valley you see all these rays of light coming down and hitting the ground. 00:28:24.960 --> 00:28:27.440 That's exactly how it felt to me. 00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:32.319 And I heard these simple words, really just two words. 00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:38.640 Two words in my name, and I heard it as if I was really hearing it. 00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:41.599 It's okay, Diane. 00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:44.240 Diane, it's okay. 00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:48.480 Sternly, it's okay. 00:28:49.119 --> 00:28:58.240 Over and over and over again, as these men were praying, I was hearing, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. 00:28:58.480 --> 00:29:07.359 And I knew with an unquestionable knowing, I've never doubted for a minute that he was saying no to the healing. 00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:13.920 I've come now to call it the beautiful now, but at the time it was just no. 00:29:15.279 --> 00:29:24.079 That he had a gift for me in this affliction, a treasure, something I needed, something I wanted more than I wanted to hear. 00:29:24.400 --> 00:29:26.000 He would make it okay. 00:29:27.119 --> 00:29:28.880 I would have to trust him. 00:29:29.759 --> 00:29:33.119 Somehow, somehow, I still do not understand. 00:29:33.359 --> 00:29:35.920 It was okay in that moment. 00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:46.799 Hearing him, seeing that light, that glimpse of light, just like that, supernaturally, right then, God picked me up out of the pit of despair. 00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:50.160 I had dug myself into and set my feet on solid rock. 00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:53.119 On him, I will never be the same. 00:29:53.279 --> 00:29:55.119 I am not the same woman. 00:29:55.440 --> 00:29:57.039 He healed me. 00:29:57.440 --> 00:30:00.000 Not my ears, but me. 00:30:00.319 --> 00:30:04.880 The deepest part of me that I didn't even know needed healing. 00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:11.359 Very next morning, God spoke to me through his word in a way I'd never experienced before. 00:30:11.599 --> 00:30:13.519 Psalm 40 has become my song. 00:30:13.599 --> 00:30:15.440 It says, I waited patiently. 00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:16.480 This is David. 00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:19.440 And you know, David was anything but patient. 00:30:19.519 --> 00:30:21.839 He was this intense guy. 00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:26.799 And actually, the word patiently can sometimes be better translated intently. 00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:30.000 I waited intently for the Lord. 00:30:30.319 --> 00:30:33.359 He inclined to me and heard my cry. 00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:44.240 He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and he set my feet upon a rock, making my footsteps firm. 00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:48.880 And he put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. 00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:52.960 Many will see and fear and trust the Lord. 00:30:53.119 --> 00:30:58.240 And then in verse 6, my ears thou hast opened. 00:30:58.799 --> 00:30:59.759 And he has. 00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:07.599 He has opened my ears to hear him, to know him in a way I never would have known him before when I was trying so hard. 00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:10.079 Now I know why he died for me. 00:31:10.240 --> 00:31:14.319 Now I understand why Kathy cried at the cross. 00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:19.920 I got that glimpse of who I really am apart from the Savior. 00:31:20.319 --> 00:31:24.079 I am not and never will be a good girl. 00:31:24.319 --> 00:31:25.200 Not really. 00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:33.279 I cling to him like I never did before because I know how desperately I need him. 00:31:33.759 --> 00:31:38.559 How close I came to throwing it all away. 00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:44.319 I love Deuteronomy 13:4, especially the end. 00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:52.240 He says Moses is talking and he says, listen to his voice and cling to him. 00:31:53.039 --> 00:31:55.599 It's the opposite of trying harder, isn't it? 00:31:55.759 --> 00:31:57.680 It's the opposite of discipline. 00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:01.279 Just listen to his voice and cling to him. 00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:07.039 Throw your arms around his neck and say, I'm holding on and I'm never letting go. 00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:10.880 I got up that morning and my whole world was different. 00:32:11.119 --> 00:32:13.920 Nothing had changed, and everything had changed. 00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:25.759 I opened my Bible, and for the very first time, it wasn't about discipline or following the rules or about being a good Christian girl who gets up to have her devotions every day because I should. 00:32:26.319 --> 00:32:28.559 God spoke to me in his word. 00:32:28.880 --> 00:32:31.119 Words jumped off the page. 00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:35.039 Comfort, friendship, a deep, deep knowing. 00:32:35.519 --> 00:32:41.039 Correction, but correction that felt so good, like coming clean and being set free. 00:32:41.759 --> 00:32:52.799 Assurance that he's with me in the middle of my pain, that he's present, that he would make this terrible thing okay, but he would not make it go away. 00:32:53.359 --> 00:32:57.839 And the years that followed, I slowly lost all of my hearing. 00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:00.799 By the time I was 30, I was essentially deaf. 00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:03.759 I could hear in certain circumstances only. 00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:09.359 I wore the biggest, ugliest, they call them deaf aids, hearing aids that they make. 00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:20.559 And my world became smaller and smaller as the sounds faded away, and my ability to hear and understand and respond to people diminished. 00:33:20.799 --> 00:33:22.079 It was hard. 00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:29.440 So hard to function in a world without being able to understand, to hear noise and not know what it means. 00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:33.119 I'm not going to pretend that I like that still. 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:37.119 There is a grieving that never really goes away. 00:33:37.599 --> 00:33:39.680 I'm now completely deaf. 00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:44.240 But a few years ago I had what is called a cochular implant. 00:33:44.319 --> 00:33:48.640 It's a surgery for those who lose all their hearing in both ears. 00:33:49.279 --> 00:33:56.960 When hearing aids really just can't give enough comprehension anymore, no sound is really able to penetrate the silence. 00:33:57.200 --> 00:34:10.480 Essentially, it's a little tiny computer that makes the mechanical sounds that I hear, that we all hear, and turns them into electrical pulses that the brain then can comprehend. 00:34:10.880 --> 00:34:23.280 I thank God all the time for the men in white lab coats and brilliant engineering minds who thought up this so that I could come back into this world of hearing. 00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:29.519 The father has turned, though, this loss of hearing into an incredible gift for me. 00:34:29.920 --> 00:34:32.639 Now I can't wait to get up every morning. 00:34:32.719 --> 00:34:45.599 I make my pot of tea, meander out, curl up in my big white chair, I get out my Bible, maybe a couple of different versions, because I love words and the way things are said, and I listen. 00:34:46.239 --> 00:34:58.719 The harder it became for me to hear everyone around me, the easier it became for me to just slip into the beautiful silence of hearing God speak as my savior. 00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:04.239 It's nothing mystical or especially prophetic, something, certainly nothing weird. 00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:11.920 Just everyday stuff giving me the hope and the insight and the wisdom where I need it to do life his way. 00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:12.960 Conviction. 00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:15.360 I hear lots of conviction. 00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:21.440 But those are those gentle corrections that feel like the most real love imaginable. 00:35:21.840 --> 00:35:38.800 Sometimes telling me who to pray for, and sometimes even how to pray, as if his whispers in my ears, and then my praying specifically for my people, my family, my friends, as if it matters. 00:35:39.119 --> 00:35:42.079 As if it what matters to me matters to him. 00:35:42.559 --> 00:35:44.719 God has become my friend. 00:35:45.199 --> 00:35:51.280 I was telling my story to a friend once, and she shocked me by saying, You are so lucky, Diane. 00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:52.880 She's right. 00:35:53.119 --> 00:35:54.880 I am so lucky. 00:35:55.280 --> 00:35:56.880 But my story doesn't end there. 00:35:57.039 --> 00:35:58.559 I am still deaf. 00:35:58.960 --> 00:36:08.400 When I take this little device off, you can only wear it, it attaches to the outside of my school, the receiver, to a magnet, and it starts to ache after a while. 00:36:08.639 --> 00:36:09.280 Can't wear it all the time. 00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:10.480 I don't sleep in it. 00:36:10.559 --> 00:36:12.159 You can't wear it in the water. 00:36:12.400 --> 00:36:16.639 When I take this device off, my world is completely silent. 00:36:17.039 --> 00:36:21.440 I cannot hear thunder, the smoke alarm, the doorbell, nothing. 00:36:21.679 --> 00:36:23.440 I leave water running all the time. 00:36:23.599 --> 00:36:25.519 Do you know water makes noise? 00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:27.679 And when you don't hear it, you don't notice it. 00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:29.199 I burn a lot of dinners. 00:36:29.440 --> 00:36:30.719 Don't hear that sizzling. 00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:32.559 It's a great excuse. 00:36:35.679 --> 00:36:40.320 But with this thing on, I've entered back into the world of hearing once again. 00:36:40.480 --> 00:36:42.239 It's not perfect, it's a computer. 00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:46.320 If it gets too much information too fast, it gets really distorted. 00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:55.679 Hearing is still hard work for me, exhausting at times, as I take every piece of information in that I can to try and make sense of it. 00:36:55.840 --> 00:37:02.719 I'm supposed to take this off every day for periods of time, resting from the work of hearing. 00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:06.239 And you know, sometimes that is so convenient. 00:37:06.719 --> 00:37:11.679 I adore my external processing husband. 00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:13.440 I adore how I talk. 00:37:13.599 --> 00:37:16.480 I mean, that was one of the things that attracted to me in the first place. 00:37:16.639 --> 00:37:22.480 I was so shy and stumbled over my words, and he could just put me at ease. 00:37:22.800 --> 00:37:27.280 But sometimes it's just so nice to say, I'm unplugged. 00:37:30.239 --> 00:37:35.840 My grandkids have nicknamed it, they call it now my superpower. 00:37:36.320 --> 00:37:39.760 I can hear or not hear. 00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:49.760 And you know, I wish sometimes that all of you parents of young ones and all of you parents of teenagers could have this gift for a whole weekend. 00:37:51.440 --> 00:37:58.559 But the truest truth is that what I thought was the worst thing that had ever happened to me has now become the best thing about me. 00:37:58.719 --> 00:38:03.119 You know, if you ever had to ask a question, what is your favorite thing about yourself? 00:38:03.280 --> 00:38:05.039 And it feels super awkward, right? 00:38:05.119 --> 00:38:07.920 You know, it feels like you're boasting if you say something good. 00:38:08.159 --> 00:38:17.199 I realized just even just the other day, and I was reading a book and asked that question, the best thing about me is I lost my hearing. 00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:20.400 It's the best thing about me is that I'm deaf. 00:38:20.559 --> 00:38:27.119 And I thank God every day for this gift of hearing that came to me in the suffering of not hearing. 00:38:27.440 --> 00:38:39.840 I now have an intimacy with my Savior given to me in my failure, in my weakness that I never had in my strength of trying so hard and being so disciplined. 00:38:40.079 --> 00:38:53.519 It is his gift to me, and I know that now, so much so that one time many years ago we were camping, and I'd gotten up really early while everyone else was sacked out, and I made my way to a bench I'd seen the day before. 00:38:53.679 --> 00:39:06.239 And I sat there with my Bible open on my lap, overlooking this beautiful lake, worshiping, and I was sure I heard him say, real clear again, die. 00:39:07.199 --> 00:39:08.239 Do you want it back? 00:39:09.199 --> 00:39:12.079 As if God was giving me a choice. 00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:15.519 But I begged for healing all those years ago. 00:39:16.000 --> 00:39:17.599 And my heart froze. 00:39:18.559 --> 00:39:20.000 Do I want it back? 00:39:21.519 --> 00:39:21.840 No. 00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:24.559 I don't want it back. 00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:28.320 Not if I were to lose this intimacy. 00:39:29.199 --> 00:39:34.719 Not if I were to become that self-sufficient, I can do it, I'm disciplined, good girl again. 00:39:34.960 --> 00:39:35.280 No. 00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:38.639 If it would mean losing this listening. 00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:50.559 This morning, I want to leave you with just three thoughts, not even three points, just the three things to remember and to think about, especially when life goes bad. 00:39:50.800 --> 00:39:53.360 When life goes bad sometimes. 00:39:54.880 --> 00:40:01.920 When life goes bad and you're crying out for God to take this hard thing away, and He doesn't, and you don't know why. 00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:06.559 He doesn't, at least in ways that you can see, that you can sense. 00:40:06.960 --> 00:40:12.400 May I just remind you, first of all, that God is in the middle of your mess. 00:40:12.719 --> 00:40:13.519 He's there. 00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:19.760 You may not, probably will not feel it in the confusing mix of emotions. 00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:24.079 But God is right there in the middle of the muck with you. 00:40:24.719 --> 00:40:26.639 I didn't know that, not really. 00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:29.360 I thought he'd abandoned me. 00:40:29.519 --> 00:40:35.679 I thought I was alone, but Jesus will not, does not ever abandon his own. 00:40:36.000 --> 00:40:36.639 Ever. 00:40:37.199 --> 00:40:50.559 And secondly, there is a word translated here in the Old Testament, in Deuteronomy 6 and throughout the Psalms, it's all over the place, where God says, Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one God. 00:40:50.639 --> 00:40:51.840 We call it the great Shema. 00:40:52.880 --> 00:41:00.079 What it means is not just to hear, it means to listen with the intent to obey. 00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:05.679 It's this rich word to listen with the intent to obey. 00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:12.559 We're not listening for platitudes, for bumper sticker theology, for tweetable niceties. 00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:19.199 No, we're not listening so that we can tell others what we think God wants them to do. 00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:23.039 We are listening with the intent to obey. 00:41:23.280 --> 00:41:29.039 And may I caution you, as one who's hard of hearing, who's deaf, to listen in humility. 00:41:29.199 --> 00:41:31.760 We're all kind of deaf towards God. 00:41:32.239 --> 00:41:37.440 Listen in humility lest we think we hear what we really want to hear. 00:41:37.679 --> 00:41:39.519 And so we mishear God. 00:41:39.679 --> 00:41:45.440 And then we're disappointed because we were so sure he said that to us and it didn't happen. 00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:47.920 Listening is a skill. 00:41:48.239 --> 00:41:51.679 It takes time, lots of time, but listen with humility. 00:41:51.760 --> 00:41:55.440 You know, I can't tell you how many arguments Phil and I have had. 00:41:55.920 --> 00:41:58.960 Because I swear he said something. 00:41:59.199 --> 00:42:02.239 And he says to me, Dad, I did not say that. 00:42:02.320 --> 00:42:05.360 And here I am, a deaf woman, arguing back. 00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:06.239 Oh, yes, you do. 00:42:06.400 --> 00:42:07.360 I heard you. 00:42:07.599 --> 00:42:08.800 I heard you. 00:42:09.119 --> 00:42:12.079 Gosh, we do that even with our Lord Jesus. 00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:17.440 We're sure we heard what we wanted to hear, and we mishear God all the time. 00:42:17.679 --> 00:42:20.000 We must listen humbly. 00:42:20.800 --> 00:42:24.800 Listening will take the rest of your life to conquer. 00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:27.199 One last thought. 00:42:27.519 --> 00:42:28.400 What if? 00:42:29.760 --> 00:42:44.000 What I can't help but wonder what might happen if every one of us here in this room right now, we decided we actually really want to hear Jesus speak to us. 00:42:44.159 --> 00:42:48.960 Not just when we have a big decision to make, but every day, all the time. 00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:55.599 What would happen if we all decided to get up, say, an hour earlier than we need to? 00:42:56.559 --> 00:43:04.000 And maybe that sounds impossible, it's hard enough to get up on time, a half hour earlier than we need to. 00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:12.079 And we use that entire time to enter into this gift that God offers to each and every one of us, to listen. 00:43:12.559 --> 00:43:19.679 And we open our Bibles and we read His words, and we stop and we listen. 00:43:20.320 --> 00:43:23.920 And maybe we even write it down what we hear. 00:43:24.400 --> 00:43:32.239 And we pray about what we're worried about, what kept us up at night, and we stop and we listen. 00:43:33.280 --> 00:43:39.280 Really listen with the intent to do whatever he says, the intent to obey. 00:43:39.679 --> 00:43:41.599 What would happen? 00:43:42.159 --> 00:43:48.000 What would happen if every one of us did this every day, all day long? 00:43:48.559 --> 00:43:50.960 I'll tell you what I believe would happen. 00:43:51.280 --> 00:43:56.639 We, those of us in this room, would set the world on fire. 00:43:57.920 --> 00:43:59.760 You, awakening church. 00:44:00.639 --> 00:44:04.079 Would set this valley on fire. 00:44:04.559 --> 00:44:20.559 Because God would be telling each of us, and we would be hearing what he wants us to do, who he wants us to love, who he wants us to be, what he wants us to say, what he wants us not to say. 00:44:21.519 --> 00:44:27.440 What would happen if we came to him and said, Here I am, Lord, I am listening. 00:44:27.920 --> 00:44:32.639 Listening with the intent to obey, listening to how you want to write my story. 00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:40.559 I'm letting my hands off, I'm letting you write my story, how you want to use my story, the story I didn't want. 00:44:40.719 --> 00:44:46.719 I did not want to be the story of a 26-year-old mom losing her hearing. 00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:55.679 I certainly did not want to be the story of this person who tried so hard falling flat on her face the minute something went wrong. 00:44:55.840 --> 00:45:01.360 I didn't want to hear the story of this entitled woman raging at God. 00:45:02.320 --> 00:45:10.079 But God wants to use the real story to bring each of us back to him and to bring glory to him. 00:45:12.880 --> 00:45:24.239 What if we came to him and said, we want to allow him to use the worst parts of my life and to turn those parts of us into our superpowers? 00:45:25.119 --> 00:45:26.159 Will you pray with me? 00:45:26.239 --> 00:45:28.480 Will you stand and let me pray for you? 00:45:36.079 --> 00:45:43.280 Father, for this family right now, we stand before you as your kids, as your children of all different ages. 00:45:43.840 --> 00:45:50.559 We're brothers and sisters and mothers and grandmas and aunts and uncles and fathers. 00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:54.960 And we're all your sons and daughters, and we love you. 00:45:55.519 --> 00:45:57.199 But our love is so small. 00:45:57.360 --> 00:46:00.239 Would you enlarge our hearts to love you more? 00:46:01.199 --> 00:46:08.159 I ask that you would remind each person wherever they are in their story what you're really after. 00:46:09.360 --> 00:46:17.760 Knowing you intimately, hearing you, your personal words just for them. 00:46:19.440 --> 00:46:24.400 In the way that you speak, that they can hear you most clearly. 00:46:26.559 --> 00:46:33.519 Your words that bring us to that deep sense of satisfaction that nothing else can bring us to. 00:46:34.079 --> 00:46:42.239 And that deep conviction in our hearts that you are our everything, and that we can trust you with everything. 00:46:42.800 --> 00:46:49.440 May each and every man and woman in here today know and experience your love. 00:46:51.440 --> 00:47:20.960 Lord, I pray that even this week, that those who do not even understand how loved they are by you, who maybe feel that they're still performing for love all over the areas of their life, I pray that you would speak to those who get up early, who open your word, and that you would tell them what it is about them that is so beautiful, that is so unique, that is so needed in the kingdom of God. 00:47:21.440 --> 00:47:34.960 I pray that every single person who's willing to listen would hear about your love and experience the overwhelming love of Christ like you did for me on that morning so many years ago. 00:47:38.079 --> 00:47:59.199 I pray that you would have each of us so tender that all of us, Easter's coming, that by Easter, getting up early and daring to listen, by then our hearts, this whole room would be filled with worshipers who are weeping at the story of the cross. 00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:04.719 Because they understand that you have met them there, that you've transformed them there. 00:48:04.960 --> 00:48:17.920 Lord, I just pray that you would wrap this church in your loving kindness, your grace and your power and into an intimate relationship with yourself. 00:48:18.159 --> 00:48:19.599 In Jesus' name. 00:48:19.920 --> 00:48:20.559 Amen. 00:48:22.639 --> 00:48:24.880 We hope you are blessed by this message. 00:48:25.119 --> 00:48:29.519 Please subscribe to our podcast for access to every episode as they're uploaded. 00:48:29.679 --> 00:48:31.760 And hey, we'd love to connect with you. 00:48:31.920 --> 00:48:37.920 Take a next step by filling out our virtual connection card at awakeningchurch.com slash card.