WEBVTT 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:02.319 Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast. 00:00:02.479 --> 00:00:07.040 We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ. 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:08.640 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:19.679 --> 00:00:22.719 Two weeks ago, I had this weird thing happen. 00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:23.760 I was at Pete's. 00:00:23.839 --> 00:00:27.760 I like to do like sermon prep at Pete's in downtown Little Glen. 00:00:27.839 --> 00:00:28.879 I'm in my little corner. 00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:31.039 It's really well lit, which I love that. 00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:38.560 And this dude just kind of walks out, and he seemed like just in a hurry or whatever. 00:00:38.640 --> 00:00:40.399 I'm just kind of looking up, seeing him. 00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:45.600 And as he walks out, he looks at me through the glass and flips me off. 00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:50.560 It's like 7 a.m. 00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:56.719 And there's a part of me I'm kind of looking behind me, I'm like, maybe it was a barista or something. 00:00:56.799 --> 00:00:57.200 I don't know. 00:00:57.280 --> 00:00:57.920 Is it me? 00:00:58.159 --> 00:00:59.280 Is it someone behind me? 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:00.719 I don't know what's going on. 00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:02.240 Like I've never had that experience. 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:03.359 We didn't have a conversation. 00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:05.040 I didn't cut you off in the car. 00:01:05.200 --> 00:01:06.480 I don't know what happened. 00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:10.239 All of a sudden, he just like beep and just kept on going. 00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:14.480 I was like, that that's odd. 00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:23.439 And I don't know if you have this sense, but I know I feel this that it feels like the world has gotten angrier. 00:01:24.079 --> 00:01:34.159 It feels like the world gotten not just more divided, not more polarized, or it's all those things, but it just what bubbles up is just anger. 00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:38.719 The lashing out online or driving. 00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:40.159 Watch out. 00:01:42.159 --> 00:01:46.959 You know, as I was looking and studying, I came across a number of articles. 00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:48.560 I want you to notice these. 00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:51.200 Uh the MPR poll says this. 00:01:51.599 --> 00:01:56.560 Um Americans say we're getting angrier than a generation ago. 00:01:56.719 --> 00:02:01.760 The Guardian says, the age of rage, we're living in angrier times. 00:02:02.079 --> 00:02:06.879 Forbes magazine says, uh, why is everyone so angry and anxious? 00:02:07.120 --> 00:02:10.159 New York Times, this is one I really need. 00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:13.280 Why it seems as if everyone is angry with you? 00:02:13.439 --> 00:02:14.000 I don't know. 00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:15.680 I don't know what I did. 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:17.439 The Associated Press. 00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:21.520 The melting pot seems to be boiling over. 00:02:22.879 --> 00:02:26.960 Now, here it was what was so fascinating to me. 00:02:27.520 --> 00:02:31.599 Is all of those articles were written before 2020. 00:02:31.919 --> 00:02:36.080 In fact, 2019, mainly 2018, 2016. 00:02:37.120 --> 00:02:41.919 See, there's something about this anger thing that's been in the water for a long time. 00:02:42.639 --> 00:02:46.400 I had a buddy that talked about COVID as the great reveal. 00:02:46.719 --> 00:02:54.960 That it it wasn't so much that something new emerged, it just revealed what was already there, maybe magnified what was worse to begin with. 00:02:55.199 --> 00:03:01.039 And certainly there seems to be this feeling in this articles now, like, why is the world on fire? 00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:06.639 Why are we so angry and what's going on and what do we do with it? 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:10.319 But what I want to help remind us is this is nothing new. 00:03:10.479 --> 00:03:17.280 This is an age old, in fact, this is an ancient human problem and issue. 00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:25.039 And so, today we're talking about Jesus and anger. 00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:28.319 We know how the world responds to anger. 00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:31.599 How shoot we even know how we respond? 00:03:33.120 --> 00:03:35.120 But how does Jesus respond? 00:03:35.919 --> 00:03:37.759 What is his calling? 00:03:38.479 --> 00:03:40.319 What is his word for us today? 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:45.520 And to help guide our time, a few questions I want to ask and answer is what is anger? 00:03:45.680 --> 00:03:47.439 What is the purpose of it? 00:03:47.599 --> 00:03:50.800 And then what do we do with this powerful emotion? 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:52.400 Like, what is it? 00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:59.039 Does it even have a purpose outside of, you know, some irate activity? 00:03:59.599 --> 00:04:01.039 And what do we do with it? 00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:04.400 If you got your Bibles, would you open up to Matthew chapter 5? 00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:07.680 We're in Jesus' famous Sermon on the Mount. 00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:12.560 It is the most famous and greatest sermon of all time in human history. 00:04:12.719 --> 00:04:17.279 It's his manifesto of what life in the kingdom of God is really like. 00:04:17.439 --> 00:04:26.160 If you want to be a citizen of heaven here now on earth, how do you then begin to live this way of life out? 00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:31.199 Last week, Jesus, this call of you, he blessed you with his high view of you. 00:04:31.279 --> 00:04:33.040 You are the salt of the earth. 00:04:33.279 --> 00:04:41.279 And then now he's gonna call us and remind us of what the Hebrew scriptures, the commands were and what they say. 00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:48.240 And then for him, he's not gonna just say the outward stuff, he's gonna get to the heart and the root issue. 00:04:48.399 --> 00:04:50.240 We pick it up in verse 21. 00:04:50.560 --> 00:04:54.240 You have heard it said to a people long ago. 00:04:54.480 --> 00:04:55.600 Well, where did they hear it? 00:04:55.759 --> 00:04:57.600 Well, they heard it in their Hebrew scriptures. 00:04:57.920 --> 00:05:00.160 You shall not murder. 00:05:00.639 --> 00:05:02.720 And that's a good thing, right? 00:05:02.879 --> 00:05:06.800 I mean, world, we're we're a better society when there's less murder. 00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:08.639 We all agree about that one. 00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:12.959 It's like one of the few things we can most of, I think all of us can agree on. 00:05:13.199 --> 00:05:14.480 You shall not murder. 00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:17.519 And anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:22.160 And there's laws and rules in our day if you commit murder, and in their day, the same thing. 00:05:22.319 --> 00:05:27.920 There's a judgment according to the offense, which we all go, yes, and amen. 00:05:28.160 --> 00:05:29.759 And then Jesus does this. 00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:38.079 But I tell you that anyone who is angry, if you have your Bibles, go ahead and circle that word angry, with a brother or sister. 00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:39.279 Okay, hang on a second. 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:41.839 We're talking about murder, and then you switch to anger. 00:05:42.079 --> 00:05:42.959 I don't see it. 00:05:43.120 --> 00:05:47.600 This seems to be a little there there's a there's a gap, Jesus. 00:05:47.839 --> 00:05:52.000 There's murder all the way over here, and then there's anger way back here. 00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:56.800 You're comparing apples and oranges, and then he says, I'm not. 00:05:57.519 --> 00:05:59.439 We'll be subject to judgment. 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:01.920 The very exact same word. 00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:13.439 Like in Jesus' mind, and what he's saying is the anger in our hearts is equal to the murder of our lives. 00:06:13.600 --> 00:06:17.439 It's like he's going, that is the same offense. 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:29.759 See, we can justify, you know what, there's things that I didn't do externally, there's things that I didn't say, there's things that are out of my, you know, um life that I'm just not gonna do. 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:34.079 But he says, if you don't deal with here, it has the same effect. 00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:35.439 And then he goes further. 00:06:35.600 --> 00:06:40.240 Again, anyone who says to his brother or sister, Raka, go ahead and say that. 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:40.800 Raka. 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:46.319 It's kind of fun to say you should have done a better job at it. 00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:48.800 Um, Raka, come on, I see Raka. 00:06:49.600 --> 00:06:50.399 Yeah, there you go. 00:06:50.639 --> 00:06:59.360 Is answerable to the court, and then notice this anyone who says, You fool, will be in danger of the fire of hell. 00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:13.839 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. 00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:17.519 First go and be reconciled to them, then come and offer your gift. 00:07:17.680 --> 00:07:21.519 Now, this picture uh was very common to them in that day. 00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:30.319 Uh they lived in the temple life, in the temple way of life, and you had multiple times you would present an offering, a lamb, a goat, at the temple. 00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:35.360 You would do thanks offering, free will offering, and then there was a time to do sin offering. 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:45.519 And when you would present your sin offering, you would literally place your hand in front of the priest and declare your offense that you were then offering to God to be purified from. 00:07:45.600 --> 00:08:04.000 But what here's what they understood, and Jesus just reminded them what of what they already knew that if you had stolen from a person and then you came to give an offering, you know, a sin offering, like I want to be forgiven of that, they would say, then their understanding, like you can't be forgiven until you repay back what was stolen. 00:08:04.160 --> 00:08:08.319 And so even though you would offer it, it would be void. 00:08:08.639 --> 00:08:16.240 And he's saying, listen, you can't be right with God and not be right with others. 00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:30.800 And when you have offended and created offense and done someone wrong, yes, it is good to pray, yes, it is good to worship, and yes, it is good to confess here, but you have to go this direction too. 00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:32.240 That's what he's saying here. 00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:36.320 Secondly, then he gives another example, one that they're very familiar with. 00:08:36.559 --> 00:08:40.399 Settle matters quickly with your adversary who's taking you to court. 00:08:40.559 --> 00:08:43.840 Uh take care of business right away, don't delay. 00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:46.080 Do it while you're still together on the way. 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:49.440 And then this goes downhill really quickly, by the way. 00:08:49.679 --> 00:08:56.879 Um, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 00:08:57.120 --> 00:08:58.399 That's a bad day. 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:02.320 True, I tell you, you will not get out until you've paid your last penny. 00:09:02.480 --> 00:09:06.159 Settle matters quickly, don't delay. 00:09:06.399 --> 00:09:07.919 Okay, what is anger? 00:09:08.080 --> 00:09:12.240 What is its purpose, and what do we do with this powerful emotion? 00:09:12.399 --> 00:09:14.399 What does Jesus have to say on this? 00:09:14.720 --> 00:09:17.360 And let's just unpack what anger is right now. 00:09:17.440 --> 00:09:32.080 And first, I want to say something that kind of what we just heard at first glance, we may miss, and often I think in the church we miss quite a bit, and so we don't actually resolve or deal with anger well. 00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:36.000 Um, and here it is anger is not bad. 00:09:36.399 --> 00:09:38.240 Like it sounded bad, Ryan. 00:09:38.639 --> 00:09:40.720 Jesus was pretty down on it. 00:09:40.879 --> 00:09:43.759 Uh fire of hell sounds real bad. 00:09:44.240 --> 00:09:46.320 Anger is not bad. 00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:50.080 What you do with it is what determines whether it's good or bad. 00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:57.679 Anger is simply the light on the dash of your heart alerting you to something needing attention. 00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:04.159 Right now, my car has a light on it that's telling me I need an oil change. 00:10:04.480 --> 00:10:09.039 If I ignore that light, eventually my car will break down. 00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:16.879 And thank God that light is there because I don't ever really know when I need an oil change until that light pops up. 00:10:17.120 --> 00:10:18.960 Anger is that light. 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:25.279 It's a physiological response that we have that alerts us, something needs attention. 00:10:25.519 --> 00:10:26.720 Pay attention. 00:10:26.879 --> 00:10:32.080 The purpose of anger is to have you problem. 00:10:32.559 --> 00:10:33.840 Um sorry, I missed that. 00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:38.080 The purpose of anger is to have a problem to solve. 00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:41.200 Anxiety tells you to move away. 00:10:41.440 --> 00:10:43.840 Anger tells you to move forward. 00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:46.639 Gary Chapman wrote a great little book. 00:10:46.799 --> 00:10:50.159 He's the author of the Five Love Languages, if you know that. 00:10:50.399 --> 00:11:00.480 Whenever we encounter what we perceive to be wrong, the emotional, physiological, and cognitive dimensions of anger leap to the front burner of our experience when we encounter injustice. 00:11:00.639 --> 00:11:10.799 In fact, he says, human anger is designed by God to motivate us to take constructive action in the face of wrongdoings or when facing injustice. 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:13.120 Because Jesus got angry, right? 00:11:13.440 --> 00:11:30.320 Jesus got angry when he stepped into the temple and he saw that there was money handlers and there was people taking advantage of poor people to worship God, and he gets angry and it's righteous anger, and he tips over the money changers and he drives them out. 00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:32.320 God gets angry. 00:11:32.559 --> 00:11:38.399 In fact, I like how Bruner, he's a theologian. 00:11:38.480 --> 00:11:41.440 Dale Brunner writes about the holiness of God. 00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:42.399 Listen to this. 00:11:42.639 --> 00:11:44.960 The holiness of God is at war. 00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:51.519 The holiness of God is at war with all bitterness, hatred, and hurting. 00:11:51.840 --> 00:11:58.720 And where divine holiness collides with our hostility, the crash is called the wrath of God. 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:06.000 God's wrath is God's war of love against everything gratuitously hurtful. 00:12:06.799 --> 00:12:17.120 Like God hates injustice and evil and wrongdoings and things that harm his kids, and he's motivated to action. 00:12:17.279 --> 00:12:26.720 And anger is that motivator and intended to be to injustice and evil and the wrongdoing that we see. 00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:31.759 So anger, in its essence, is not necessarily bad. 00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:35.279 Secondly, anger is a secondary emotion. 00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:39.519 Meaning uh there's something always behind it. 00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:44.399 And so when we're angry, we gotta ask the question why am I really angry? 00:12:44.879 --> 00:12:46.000 Am I embarrassed? 00:12:46.159 --> 00:12:46.960 Am I scared? 00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:48.080 Am I stressed? 00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:49.120 Am I depressed? 00:12:49.279 --> 00:12:50.240 Do I feel helpless? 00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:51.679 Do I feel shame, rejection? 00:12:51.840 --> 00:12:52.639 Am I uncomfortable? 00:12:52.799 --> 00:12:53.679 Am I disappointed? 00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:57.360 Disrespected, guilt, lonely, frustrated, exhausted. 00:12:57.679 --> 00:12:59.279 Why am I really angry? 00:12:59.360 --> 00:13:02.480 Is it because I've been hurt, offended, wronged? 00:13:02.720 --> 00:13:05.200 Why am I really angry? 00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:12.480 Um, so as most of you know, we dropped our oldest off at college about four or five weeks ago. 00:13:12.559 --> 00:13:19.919 Um, and Jenny and I are voracious learners, and we wanted to find out from anybody and everybody how do we do this? 00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:23.759 Like sending a kid off, it just felt like cutting an arm off. 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:28.559 Like we don't know what to do, and we're so we asked everyone, I mean, literally everyone. 00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:42.799 We asked our waitress, anyone who's done this, like we just gonna ask mentors, and one of my mentors, like, um he's the most kind, gentle human I've ever met. 00:13:43.279 --> 00:13:48.320 I don't think I would ever say, like my experience, like, you have you ever had an angry day? 00:13:48.639 --> 00:14:00.559 And he was saying, you know, Ryan, when we dropped our oldest off, my daughter, um, as we were driving home, my wife was telling me I was experiencing this, but I had irrational anger. 00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:08.000 I had an outburst in the car because I was so angry at the college that stole my daughter. 00:14:08.480 --> 00:14:10.399 And just this irrational anger. 00:14:10.480 --> 00:14:17.840 And he's like, I'm so angry at them, and just had this coming out, and I was so grateful he said that because then I had language and understanding. 00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:30.399 We're dropping my daughter off, and we're in the dorm room, and you know, we just drove up with the car packed full and uh unloading, and like I'm feeling this like intense response, anxiety, like stress. 00:14:30.480 --> 00:14:38.639 Um I'm even starting to sweat, and and you know, I have we have the whole family, so my boys are there, and I'm just snapping on everyone. 00:14:38.799 --> 00:14:43.440 I'm just like, oh, and and Jenny's like, irrational anger much? 00:14:44.159 --> 00:14:46.080 I was like, oh, you're right. 00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:53.279 And I literally had to take myself out of the room, went down and just breathe. 00:14:53.440 --> 00:14:54.879 And we have to stop and ask. 00:14:55.039 --> 00:15:02.080 Anger in itself is not necessarily bad, it's a secondary um emotional response. 00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:07.120 And so there's two types of anger: definitive anger and distorted anger. 00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:22.000 Definitive anger is when a wrong has been done to you, when someone has lied, has cheated, has uh defamed your name, uh treated you unfairly, has stolen from you, uh, told lies about your character. 00:15:22.080 --> 00:15:23.200 That's definitive anger. 00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:26.159 Something happened, a wrong was clear. 00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:28.480 Then there's distorted anger. 00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:38.240 It's triggered by disappointments, unfulfilled desires, frustrated effort, uh, a bad mood. 00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:42.080 It's nothing to do with a moral transgression. 00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:50.159 What the person did may have frustrated me, disappointed me, hurt me, embarrassed me, but what the person did was not actually wrong. 00:15:50.320 --> 00:15:51.679 I'll give you an example of that. 00:15:51.759 --> 00:15:53.200 Uh it was last weekend. 00:15:53.360 --> 00:15:57.840 Both my boys play AAU basketball, so Saturday we traveled the bay. 00:15:58.080 --> 00:16:02.960 Um, my youngest is on a new team and he's earning playtime. 00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:10.240 And this is like the third game of the entire season, and he's not starting, he's a good ball player, and I understand all that. 00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:11.840 First quarter doesn't play. 00:16:12.480 --> 00:16:15.200 Second quarter, you see, I'm already in a defensive mood. 00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:19.200 Uh second quarter, two minutes. 00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:21.919 Third quarter, doesn't play. 00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:31.200 Now both me and my older son were like this, and we're staring the coach down at this point because I'm angry. 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:35.679 I'm like, how does he keep getting overlooked? 00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:37.919 That's distorted anger, though. 00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:41.840 The coach did nothing morally wrong or unfair. 00:16:42.000 --> 00:16:48.159 There was no pre-arranged agreement about how much playtime and all these other areas. 00:16:48.320 --> 00:16:54.879 And I would say much of our anger, there's no with that because then I have this thing towards that coach, and we had a conversation afterwards. 00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:55.840 It was great. 00:16:56.000 --> 00:16:58.159 Um, and it wasn't bad. 00:16:58.879 --> 00:16:59.919 I wasn't intense. 00:17:00.159 --> 00:17:04.079 Um, just you're like, I don't believe that, I just saw you right there. 00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:06.400 Um still fresh, okay? 00:17:07.119 --> 00:17:08.960 And so listen, what is anger? 00:17:09.119 --> 00:17:09.920 Anger's not bad. 00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:13.440 In fact, Ephesians 4 26, think about this. 00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:17.839 The Apostle Paul says, be angry and do not sin. 00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:19.440 Huh? 00:17:20.079 --> 00:17:22.240 Most Christians have never heard that. 00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:25.599 Be angry and yet do not sin. 00:17:26.079 --> 00:17:37.599 Like there's a way to be angry and address the emotion, the physiological response that you can't help but have and not sin. 00:17:38.400 --> 00:17:39.599 So let's talk about that. 00:17:39.759 --> 00:17:42.240 How do you be angry and not sin? 00:17:42.400 --> 00:17:46.400 How do we deal with this powerful emotion well? 00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:54.559 Um in the Greek, there's actually two primary words for anger, thumas and orgizzo. 00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:59.519 And when we get to the word that Jesus uses, he uses the word orgizo. 00:17:59.680 --> 00:18:05.599 Thumas is like, you know how you would light just a piece of straw and it just ignites really quick? 00:18:05.839 --> 00:18:08.000 It's that explosive anger. 00:18:08.319 --> 00:18:15.839 Or guizzo is like that smoldering, like you just keep it growing and going type of anger. 00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:22.160 Jesus is actually talking about orguizzo, but let's talk about Thumas real quickly. 00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:25.920 Um, and because in him not addressing this, he's not saying this is okay. 00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:28.319 This is a destructive way to deal with anger. 00:18:28.559 --> 00:18:33.039 Some of you have grown up in homes like this, been around family members like this. 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:42.000 This explosive anger is observed with yelling and screaming, condemning, criticizing words or acts of rage that can quickly turn violence. 00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:44.799 It's absolutely destructive. 00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:49.440 And then there's implosive anger. 00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:51.440 Isn't it a pass? 00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:56.960 It begins with silence and withdrawal. 00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:02.640 That leads to resentment, bitterness, and if unchecked, eventually hatred. 00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:07.680 Internalized anger often expresses itself in passive-aggressive behavior. 00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:10.079 It's characterized by three elements. 00:19:10.319 --> 00:19:11.680 First is denial. 00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:14.880 This sounds so Christian, by the way. 00:19:15.599 --> 00:19:19.039 I'm not angry, I'm just very frustrated. 00:19:20.799 --> 00:19:23.759 I'm not angry, I'm just upset. 00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:27.839 I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. 00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:30.400 I'm not angry. 00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:33.279 I just don't like it when people do me wrong. 00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:46.640 This denial, withdrawing, of somehow using your withdrawal as a way to inflict hurt, and then a brooding, a stewing. 00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:53.440 This word orgizo is is that idea of like keeping the fire kindled. 00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:58.160 It has this passive aggressive nature. 00:19:59.039 --> 00:20:02.240 Passive aggressivism, the behavior looks like this. 00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:22.480 There's procrastination, deliberately delaying task, sarcasm, backhanded compliments, giving someone the silent treatment, sabotaging or undermining, agreeing but not following through, a denial and avoidance, playing the victim, excessive criticism, complaining, indirect communication. 00:20:23.599 --> 00:20:30.640 And often this is sparked by a fear of confrontation or belief that feeling or expressing anger is wrong. 00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:36.559 And Jesus talks about this and he gives this progression anger, raka, fool. 00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:39.759 And we just talked about anger or gizzo. 00:20:40.079 --> 00:20:57.920 Now, raka is interesting, and they the translators don't even translate it for us because it's almost an untranslatable word, because it speaks to the tone, begins to have a heart area of internal contempt, of looking down, thinking you're better than they are. 00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:05.119 That moves to this word full, and the word full is where you begin to slander the character of another person. 00:21:05.359 --> 00:21:08.720 You begin to dehumanize them and put them down. 00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:15.440 And so this is the progression, and we see it all the time in our culture, and we see it in ourselves. 00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:28.720 Something happens, and we are hurt, we're angry, and instead of dealing with it, we go inward with it, and eventually we begin to view them in a certain way that you can always say there's contempt. 00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:30.799 I look down on you. 00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:48.240 And then what begins to leak out of our language, of our words, are things that cuts, are put down, are put into place, that undermine their very character and value. 00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:51.440 Denying anger does not mental emotion. 00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:53.920 How are we to be angry and yet not sin? 00:21:54.240 --> 00:21:58.640 I want to give you um Gary Chapman's five step process. 00:21:59.119 --> 00:22:03.119 This way, if you don't Read the book, you got a five-step process from him. 00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:05.920 It's very good on dealing with anger well. 00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:10.240 First, he says, consciously acknowledge to yourself that you're angry. 00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:12.480 Consciously acknowledge to yourself. 00:22:12.720 --> 00:22:16.160 Some of you have never ever said the words, I'm angry. 00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:22.160 In fact, he says, to say this out loud, I'm angry about this. 00:22:22.319 --> 00:22:24.480 Now what am I gonna do about it? 00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:26.160 I'm angry about this. 00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:27.519 Now what am I gonna do? 00:22:27.680 --> 00:22:28.960 Can you say that out loud with me? 00:22:29.039 --> 00:22:31.440 Because this is gonna be the first time some of you ever said this. 00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:33.839 I'm angry about this. 00:22:34.240 --> 00:22:36.640 Now what am I going to do? 00:22:37.359 --> 00:22:38.480 It's powerful. 00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:43.279 Just verbalizing it, identifying it, getting it out there, like, oh, I'm actually angry. 00:22:43.359 --> 00:22:45.119 What is going on underneath? 00:22:45.279 --> 00:22:49.119 And then now asking that question, what am I going to do about it? 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:50.240 begins to move you. 00:22:50.640 --> 00:22:51.440 Yourself, you're angry. 00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:54.079 Secondly, restrain your immediate response. 00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:57.759 Now, restraining our response is not the same as storing our anger. 00:22:57.920 --> 00:23:01.599 It's refusing to take the action we typically take when we feel angry. 00:23:01.839 --> 00:23:05.759 And so if you are an explosive person, you restrain that. 00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:10.960 If you are a silent person that retreats, withdraws, restrain that. 00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:14.319 We can actually train ourselves to restrain our response. 00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:18.880 So we're gonna consciously acknowledge, immediately restrain our immediate response. 00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:22.640 Then he says, number three, locate the focus of your anger. 00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:24.240 Why am I angry? 00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:26.079 What's really going on? 00:23:26.799 --> 00:23:33.440 With my daughter, the anger was coming out of like grieving. 00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:35.440 It's just sad. 00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:49.359 Like grieving so many things, and I'm so excited for her, and she's got such an incredible future, and the school's amazing, and all like, and you can have two opposite feelings at the same time. 00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:54.480 Ask, why am I angry? 00:23:55.599 --> 00:23:58.079 Fourth, analyze your options. 00:23:58.319 --> 00:23:59.359 Analyze your options. 00:23:59.519 --> 00:24:05.680 He says there's two options: lovingly confront or choose to overlook an offense. 00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:07.359 Lovingly confront. 00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:10.079 And we we're not good about this. 00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:13.359 There's a great book called Crucial Conversations and How to Have This. 00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:21.920 The Apostle Paul would say, instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow up into maturity into the head of Christ. 00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:28.960 Like the way you mature, the way we mature is we speak the truth in love to one another. 00:24:29.039 --> 00:24:32.319 And some of us are all truth and we're just really harsh. 00:24:32.960 --> 00:24:38.559 But some of us are all love and it's nice, but it is not kind. 00:24:39.759 --> 00:24:48.079 Speaking the truth in love, where I'm gonna, okay, what option one is lovingly confront how I need to address this. 00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:48.799 You know what? 00:24:49.039 --> 00:24:50.480 Something happened. 00:24:51.599 --> 00:24:53.279 Lovingly confront. 00:24:53.759 --> 00:24:56.960 Or there are times where you overlook. 00:24:57.440 --> 00:25:01.359 This isn't that like ignore, hope it goes away. 00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:05.680 Uh the Proverbs tells us this that uh love covers a multitude of sins. 00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:09.839 If you address everything, this is gonna be annoying. 00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:13.119 Not everything needs to be addressed. 00:25:13.519 --> 00:25:21.599 There are some things where you look at someone and you go, you know what, I I actually, it's not gonna impact the way I see them. 00:25:21.759 --> 00:25:25.279 I'm not gonna move to that raka, that place of contempt. 00:25:25.599 --> 00:25:32.160 Like if you're sensing that anger is internalized, it's gonna stew, and then it's gonna move you to a place of contempt. 00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:36.000 You're not in a place where you can release it to God and then see them and wish them well. 00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:37.759 You need to lovingly confront. 00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:41.920 But if you're in that place, you're like, you know what? 00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:43.359 I can overlook this. 00:25:43.759 --> 00:25:45.839 I've done a lot of dumb things. 00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:47.839 You know what? 00:25:47.920 --> 00:25:53.920 I'm gonna give my anger to God, understanding the situation, but take the action. 00:25:54.160 --> 00:26:00.640 Now, the last two of Jesus' examples, you know, leave your gift and go be reconciled. 00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:02.799 And then he says, settle matters quickly. 00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:08.079 He gives us two just really helpful practical advice. 00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:12.960 And the first is prayer alone won't repair your relationship. 00:26:13.440 --> 00:26:20.240 I know it sounds a little controversial to say this, but some of us are like, you know, I'm just gonna pray about it. 00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:22.799 I'm just gonna pray about it. 00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:25.440 I'm just gonna pray about it. 00:26:25.759 --> 00:26:28.000 Well, Jesus said you don't need to pray about it. 00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:31.359 He said, go and be right with your brother or sister. 00:26:33.599 --> 00:26:37.039 Prayer alone will not restore your relationship. 00:26:37.440 --> 00:26:41.119 And when you recognize, you know what, I said that. 00:26:43.039 --> 00:26:46.240 I I what I what I did that was hurtful. 00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:50.079 And it would be easier just to dismiss it and move on. 00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:57.039 If sorry, for for how that turned out, that wasn't my intent, but then it just went sideways. 00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:01.440 And some of us are just like, you know, I'm just I'm just praying about it, Ryan. 00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:03.440 I'm just praying about it, I'm waiting for the Lord to speak. 00:27:03.599 --> 00:27:05.039 He spoke 2,000 years ago. 00:27:05.119 --> 00:27:07.359 It's in the it's right there. 00:27:07.920 --> 00:27:10.000 Like he literally wrote it down. 00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:14.799 Is there someone that you need to reconcile with? 00:27:16.720 --> 00:27:18.559 I mean, this is where the rubber meets the road. 00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:24.480 I think this is the controversial part for us, is like it's easy to talk about this, easy to think about other people that need to go. 00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:28.559 But is there someone you need to reconcile with? 00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:32.720 Secondly, prayer alone won't repair the relationship. 00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:36.400 Secondly, hoping things get better is not a strategy. 00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:46.559 Remember, he said, settle matters quickly, because if you don't settle it here, it grows and it gets bigger and bigger, and then eventually you're in jail. 00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:49.039 I mean, it got real bad, right? 00:27:49.200 --> 00:27:50.160 And he says, settle. 00:27:51.359 --> 00:27:54.720 Hoping things things get better is not a strategy. 00:27:55.119 --> 00:27:57.759 It won't make it better. 00:27:58.640 --> 00:28:07.359 Uh, when I was, Jen and I were first married, so grew up in Santa Cruz, did my school in Chicago, and then we moved to Atlanta for three years. 00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:08.240 We bought a house. 00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:08.880 This is amazing. 00:28:08.960 --> 00:28:09.920 We bought a house there. 00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:11.759 $160,000. 00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:15.039 Yeah, that's not even a down payment here. 00:28:15.279 --> 00:28:18.480 Um$2,500 square feet, half acre. 00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:20.160 Anyways, I'm sorry, it hurts. 00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:20.720 Okay. 00:28:21.359 --> 00:28:21.680 Okay. 00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:24.559 Did I say$160,000? 00:28:24.720 --> 00:28:26.160 Anyways, I'm off track. 00:28:26.960 --> 00:28:29.279 Um, so we bought this house. 00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:35.039 You know, Ella was just born, and our water heater was next to our pantry. 00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:37.039 Yes, there's we had a pantry too. 00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:45.920 Uh and one day I noticed in the water heater just opened up and it had just the smallest like drip leak. 00:28:46.079 --> 00:28:47.759 Just a little drip. 00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:50.160 And I'm like, oh, that's a bummer. 00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:53.119 I mean, no lie, guys, I even prayed about it. 00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:57.839 So embarrassing to me. 00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:02.240 Well, a couple months later it didn't. 00:29:03.039 --> 00:29:08.240 And we opened the pantry and began to notice that it was covered with black. 00:29:09.279 --> 00:29:09.920 Yeah. 00:29:12.240 --> 00:29:14.079 Mold, black mold. 00:29:16.079 --> 00:29:19.200 A couple months earlier, it was a little drip. 00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:29.279 And because I closed the door, ignored it, hoped it got better, that little drip that wasn't a big deal, that wasn't very costly, all of a sudden became something huge. 00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:36.720 Where we had to rip out the drywall, do a special treatment on the walls, put in new drywall, cost thousands of dollars. 00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:38.559 It was a hundred dollar fix. 00:29:39.039 --> 00:29:42.400 Friends, we are doing that relationally all the time. 00:29:43.279 --> 00:29:50.319 It's a little drip, but we don't repair it and go back to it, and then it grows and it gets so big and it explodes. 00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:52.160 Settle matters quickly. 00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:54.960 Is there someone you need to be reconciled with? 00:29:55.359 --> 00:29:56.880 And are you putting off? 00:29:57.839 --> 00:30:00.000 Is there a conversation you need to have? 00:30:01.599 --> 00:30:12.000 That's the call for us as followers of Jesus to walk in the ways of Jesus, to respond well in a world that does seem like it's gotten mad and gotten angrier. 00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:15.279 And how do we lean in and be the salt in light? 00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:16.000 Would you stand? 00:30:16.079 --> 00:30:18.720 The band's gonna come and we're gonna close in worship. 00:30:19.200 --> 00:30:20.960 God, I pray for my friends. 00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:29.680 God, I pray for my friends that this is hard. 00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:32.720 It's easy to talk about, but it's hard to do. 00:30:33.519 --> 00:30:37.359 And I know even as I was talking, there are people that have come to mind. 00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:45.519 Would you give each person the wisdom to know what to do and then the courage to do it no matter how hard it is? 00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:46.960 In Jesus' name. 00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:47.920 Amen. 00:30:49.519 --> 00:30:51.759 We hope you are blessed by this message. 00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:56.400 Please subscribe to our podcast for access to every episode as they're uploaded. 00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:58.640 And hey, we'd love to connect with you. 00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:04.720 Take a next step by filling out our virtual connection card at awakeningchurch.com slash card.