WEBVTT 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:02.319 Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast. 00:00:02.479 --> 00:00:07.040 We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ. 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:08.640 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:19.039 --> 00:00:28.239 In 1944, there was a research study, experiment done on babies, about 40, it was 40 babies to be exact. 00:00:28.399 --> 00:00:33.759 20 was a control group where they were in a nurturing, normal, loving home. 00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:47.600 20 and they were in another environment, and the goal was can babies really throw grow and thrive just by having their physical needs met, but no physical touch or affection. 00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:52.960 And so these 20 babies were in the care of these nurses. 00:00:53.200 --> 00:01:02.000 They fed them, they changed them, but they were instructed carefully not to talk to them, make eye contact to touch them. 00:01:02.479 --> 00:01:04.959 Tragically, they had to cut the study short. 00:01:05.120 --> 00:01:10.959 Four months out of the 20 babies, half died, and two later died. 00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:24.079 What happened as the babies would start to be non-responsive, stop talking, eye contact, and then they passed away, though physically healthy. 00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:38.480 Hardwired into your DNA and mine is we are created as relational beings because we're made in the image of a relational God. 00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:43.040 We need each other. 00:01:44.319 --> 00:01:51.760 Today we have what's known and been called actually by the Surgeon General an epidemic of loneliness and isolation. 00:01:52.319 --> 00:01:56.799 One in four adults reports that they're deeply lonely. 00:01:57.120 --> 00:02:02.959 One in ten would say they do not have a single close friend. 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:12.319 Forty-six percent of adults today say it's incredibly difficult to make new friends. 00:02:13.439 --> 00:02:20.080 And as we wrestle with being stuck and how to get unstuck. 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:36.560 Why is it, just think about this, why is it that we live in one of the most socially connected times of all history, and yet people are more alone than ever? 00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:43.439 Why do we feel so alone in such a socially connected world? 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:56.159 We have access to anyone at any time, anywhere, and yet the pervading sense of our culture is I'm just lonely. 00:02:58.479 --> 00:02:59.439 Just lonely. 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:02.800 Feel disconnected. 00:03:03.039 --> 00:03:11.360 And how do we experience deep, meaningful, life-giving friendships in the digital age? 00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:17.759 What I want to do with our time is I I want to take us on kind of kind of four big movements today. 00:03:17.919 --> 00:03:34.159 One is just talking about technology and relationships, and then actually unpacking the different types of relationships that we have, uh, helping us then unpack four character traits or qualities of a very good friend, and then let's just have some application at the end, okay? 00:03:34.319 --> 00:03:35.280 Does that sound good? 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:42.560 Uh and when we're talking about technology and relationships, here's what I want to say is I'm not down on technology, I'm not anti-tech. 00:03:42.639 --> 00:03:43.120 I love it. 00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:48.240 I have an iPhone in my pocket right here, I have an iWatch, I love what it does. 00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:52.719 My daughter, like you hear all the time, is in college, and I'm like, I can FaceTime her. 00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:55.039 I love that I get to see what she's doing. 00:03:55.199 --> 00:03:55.919 It's amazing. 00:03:56.080 --> 00:03:59.280 So there's incredible advantages, and we all get that. 00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:06.639 But let's just talk about the technological impact of the digital age in our relationships. 00:04:06.800 --> 00:04:14.960 Like, how has it affected us that we now have are more connected and yet absolutely disconnected as a people? 00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:18.000 The sermon title today is The Lonely Place. 00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:21.519 Would you go ahead and say to your neighbor, the lonely place? 00:04:23.199 --> 00:04:24.240 And that was mean. 00:04:24.319 --> 00:04:25.839 They're not the lonely place. 00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:27.040 Don't do that to them. 00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:28.720 They're not, no, I'm just kidding. 00:04:28.879 --> 00:04:29.279 Sorry. 00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:37.360 The lonely place, the digital age, uh, or as better probably the unsocial network as we're coming to find. 00:04:37.600 --> 00:04:45.519 We can stay connected with people, up to date on people's lives, all that's happening, and here's a few impacts that we're seeing. 00:04:45.680 --> 00:04:51.360 Is one, we can actually confuse information with intimacy today, right? 00:04:51.519 --> 00:05:00.079 We confuse that because we know more about people, we've access to more, we get to see more, and yet we actually don't really know people. 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:08.160 There's a big difference between knowing you, knowing your heart, and seeing your post online. 00:05:08.879 --> 00:05:16.560 And it's so easy to confuse information with intimacy and feel like that is a substitute. 00:05:16.720 --> 00:05:21.439 Uh, second thing is we've traded being present with being preoccupied, haven't we? 00:05:21.920 --> 00:05:28.560 The great um distraction right here that we all have and we're all susceptible to. 00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:29.439 Isn't it funny? 00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:31.759 By the way, parents will be on blast real quick. 00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:39.439 Isn't it funny, parents, how we can just like talk to our kids like you need to get off your phone while we're like scrolling our phone, you know? 00:05:39.680 --> 00:05:43.279 Like there's just we are preoccupied more than ever. 00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:45.519 We have more distractions than ever. 00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:51.680 We we're constantly grabbing and scrolling, and we miss out on being present. 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:57.839 You ever see uh really anyone today out to eat? 00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:00.160 Right? 00:06:00.959 --> 00:06:05.199 And you just see a bunch of phones out. 00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:10.399 Or you're in the middle of a conversation and someone just grabs their phone. 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:11.839 Like we just have this. 00:06:11.920 --> 00:06:15.519 We've traded being present and attentive or being preoccupied. 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:22.079 We compare, this is really big, we compare our real life uh to everyone else's highlighted reels, don't we? 00:06:22.319 --> 00:06:32.399 So the the age of authenticity of who I really am, it has died in the span of comparison, in the space of comparison. 00:06:32.800 --> 00:06:41.199 Like I look at everyone else's filtered highlight reel, and then I can begin to compare my real life and feel less than. 00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:47.920 Of course, I won't really show who I am because my gosh, look at the life you're living. 00:06:48.000 --> 00:06:49.839 And then we live for likes. 00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:53.360 We live for likes instead of from love. 00:06:54.160 --> 00:06:56.240 We live for approval. 00:06:56.959 --> 00:07:00.399 Um, when my wife and I got married, it was 21 years ago. 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:11.040 Um there was no Instagram, there was no Pinterest, there was no um social media, there were no smartphones, there's there were smarter people, uh, dumber phones. 00:07:11.439 --> 00:07:12.959 Sorry, that's not nice. 00:07:13.120 --> 00:07:20.800 Um but here's the thing, when we got married, we had no idea about like what weddings really were. 00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:22.240 Some of you remember this. 00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:27.120 Uh, because when you like at that point, we'd been to three, maybe four weddings total. 00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:34.959 Nowadays, you get and it's a blessing, you get to see Pinterest, everything, but now you're like, you have this pressure, don't you? 00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:38.079 Like to have the picture perfect wedding. 00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:40.319 Is it, you know, Pinterest worthy? 00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:42.480 Is it Instagram worthy? 00:07:42.800 --> 00:07:44.240 We feel this pressure. 00:07:44.480 --> 00:07:56.079 I had a friend, she was in New York, and everybody knew she was in New York and she was super tired, but didn't felt the pressure to like, you know, show that she was living her best life. 00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:57.439 And you know what she did? 00:07:57.600 --> 00:08:06.720 Um, she got all dressed up, makeup, everything, went down to the lobby, took pictures like she was going out on the town, posted them, and went up to bed. 00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:26.639 Because there's just something about this innate pressure that we feel, and it's robbing and it's eroding our relationships, our friendships, our ability to be present, to be authentic, and it and our identity is now in what we post instead of who we are. 00:08:27.519 --> 00:08:28.959 Um, John S. 00:08:29.040 --> 00:08:32.080 Lynch has this quote, it's just powerful. 00:08:32.320 --> 00:08:38.240 What if there's a place so safe that the worst of me could be known? 00:08:38.559 --> 00:08:44.879 And I'd be I would discover that I would not be loved less, but more in the telling of it. 00:08:45.679 --> 00:08:58.960 What if there's a place, think about this not where you present the best of you and people go, now you're accepted, but where the worst of you could be known. 00:08:59.840 --> 00:09:04.879 And you would be loved more than not less. 00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:09.039 Isn't that the longing of our heart? 00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:29.440 I mean, it's the reason we cover up, the reason we hide, the reason we uh really never present who we really are, because we're afraid that if we do, you wouldn't really love me, you wouldn't really like me, you wouldn't really accept me, and then that translates into our relationship with God as we believe the same thing about Him. 00:09:29.600 --> 00:09:39.440 What if there was a place where you could crack open your heart, your soul, and you love, you're accepted. 00:09:42.080 --> 00:09:46.799 Proverbs 17, 7 says, A friend loves at all times. 00:09:47.919 --> 00:09:50.559 And a brother is born for the birthday. 00:09:51.759 --> 00:09:56.480 Like hardwired into who you are is that relational fabric. 00:09:56.799 --> 00:10:00.960 We need one another, and God has designed friendship. 00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:12.399 Friendship to be this place and where you can be fully known and know someone fully and be loved and grow together. 00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:14.240 Friend loves at all times. 00:10:14.320 --> 00:10:16.399 In fact, that's our memory verse for this week. 00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:18.799 And I got you got your three by five card there. 00:10:19.039 --> 00:10:20.320 Why don't you go ahead and grab it? 00:10:20.399 --> 00:10:23.200 Yes, I'm old school, and uh write it down. 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:26.000 We're doing a memory verse every single week. 00:10:26.159 --> 00:10:27.120 And write it down. 00:10:27.279 --> 00:10:33.360 A friend loves at all times, and a brother or sister is born for a time of adversity. 00:10:33.759 --> 00:10:38.159 Nobody can survive on their own. 00:10:38.480 --> 00:10:41.679 We need one another. 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:52.720 And so, with the remainder of our time, I want to talk about the different types of relationships and actually some traits of what a really good friend looks like. 00:10:52.960 --> 00:11:08.879 Because not all friendships are created equal, and we get this, and we know that actually some of the reason why we struggle with friendships or isolation or loneliness is because some of us, many of us, most of us, maybe all of us, we've been burned, haven't we? 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:13.200 We've been burned, and it hurts. 00:11:14.000 --> 00:11:17.200 And we swore we'd never be hurt again. 00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:26.080 And so then we closed ourselves off to eke out an existence that is not really living. 00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:28.240 Uh, John Townsend, Dr. 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:31.039 John Townsend, he wrote a book called People Fuel. 00:11:31.200 --> 00:11:34.159 In it, he talks about the seas of relationships. 00:11:34.320 --> 00:11:45.759 He gives seven types of relationships that we have, and it begins with the relationships that are gains in our life, and then walks down to the relationships that are drains in our life. 00:11:45.840 --> 00:11:51.039 Uh, and the gains obviously are areas that are life-giving, soul-shaping, refreshing. 00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:59.519 The gains, by the way, are the people that when you see their name across your phone, you pick up, you're excited to pick up. 00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:04.399 The drains are the people when you see the name, you just hit the side button, right? 00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:05.519 You're like, ooh. 00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:07.679 They're the EGRs in church world. 00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:10.480 Extra grace required, people. 00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:15.679 Uh, he begins uh with the the top is coaches. 00:12:15.919 --> 00:12:20.240 Coaches are those individuals with whom we engage to mentor, develop, guide, and direct. 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:21.759 We desperately need that. 00:12:21.919 --> 00:12:25.360 We need the wisdom of others, we need coaches and mentors. 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:27.279 Second, then our comrades. 00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:31.039 This is what I would call good friends, because we don't really use that word comrade. 00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:32.399 He's going with the C theme. 00:12:32.480 --> 00:12:33.200 I get it. 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:35.360 This is your life team. 00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:48.320 He says that we need three to ten individuals who know all about you, accept you fully, but also tell you the truth you need to hear. 00:12:48.720 --> 00:12:51.919 Need three to ten, he says. 00:12:52.240 --> 00:12:54.799 Coaches, comrades, and then you have casuals. 00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:56.960 This is most of our friendships in life. 00:12:57.120 --> 00:13:01.679 Those friends and neighbors you have who are just good, positive people. 00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:03.039 It's a good hang. 00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:10.320 Many of you are gonna hang out with them watching some game that doesn't count for anything this afternoon because the cowboys aren't in it. 00:13:10.480 --> 00:13:14.240 Um but they're your casual acquaintances. 00:13:14.399 --> 00:13:15.519 Then you have your colleagues. 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:20.879 We spend such a great time working uh with our colleagues, it's important to work with the right people. 00:13:21.039 --> 00:13:23.279 And then you have care underneath that. 00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:30.799 And those are individuals who are without something they need with which you uh have the capacity to supply them. 00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:37.840 And here's what's even as we get just this list right here, I want you to see we need we need all of these. 00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:44.399 And one of the great questions we need to ask, actually, Jenny Allen asked this question 11. 00:13:44.799 --> 00:13:46.639 Who are the people that I need? 00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:49.279 They're the coaches, the comrades. 00:13:49.759 --> 00:13:53.279 And then who are the people that need me? 00:13:53.600 --> 00:13:58.799 Who are those close good friends that need me, and who are the people that I need to bring care? 00:14:00.159 --> 00:14:02.720 That I can bless their life? 00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:06.960 That they have no way of repaying me. 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:11.679 Uh, six, then, are under care are the chronics. 00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:24.559 The person, this person has some problems with career or continual problems with career, finances, marriage, parenting, emotional well-being, physical health, making the same mistake over and over with little interest to change. 00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:28.720 It's harmless in intent, but harmful in impact. 00:14:28.879 --> 00:14:35.039 And it's one of those we just get caught up in a cycle of trying to help, but it does not help. 00:14:35.200 --> 00:14:37.039 And then finally, contaminants. 00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:39.840 And this is where we talk about toxic people. 00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:42.879 We're all imperfect, but contaminants are at another level. 00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:52.399 They have bad motives, they tend to be envious and desire to divide and to damage, often with passive, aggressive, guilt, shame, language. 00:14:52.799 --> 00:15:00.639 Um, we all desperately need relationships. 00:15:00.720 --> 00:15:03.759 And here, I want you to grab this you have a Lego piece. 00:15:05.039 --> 00:15:06.159 Just go ahead and grab it. 00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:07.360 I want you to take it home. 00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:24.000 One of the things that I just want you to realize is whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, we all have spaces that need deep, meaningful connections in our life. 00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:28.399 Now, you may be like, yeah, but I'm but I'm a two-space person. 00:15:28.639 --> 00:15:29.120 I get it. 00:15:29.200 --> 00:15:30.240 I can only handle two space. 00:15:30.399 --> 00:15:31.679 I'm fairly introverted myself. 00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:32.240 I get that. 00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:34.799 You're like, Ryan, I'm a four-space person. 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:50.799 Some of you like, you're like, no, I'm, you know, I'm a what Townsend would tell us is that we all need those three to ten people in our lives to be connected to. 00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:59.120 Now, um, what's interesting is it's not the number of people around you that determines your loneliness, it's your relationship to them. 00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:01.519 See, I think many of us, woo-hoo, there we go. 00:16:01.679 --> 00:16:08.159 I think many of us like like we get this connection, but we're we're surrounded by a bunch of casual friends, right? 00:16:08.799 --> 00:16:11.679 But there's no one actually connected to us. 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:13.919 And so you feel alone. 00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:17.440 And you have acquaintances at work and you talk and you're smiling. 00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:23.120 You might even be so extroverted, but you feel so alone. 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:25.919 And some of us, honestly, you have contaminants. 00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:27.519 I'll use red for that. 00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:34.000 But you don't have any other life givings, and you need to set some boundaries, obviously, with contaminants. 00:16:34.320 --> 00:16:35.840 You can read the book and figure out how. 00:16:35.919 --> 00:16:41.120 Uh, but but you have this, and it's just a drain, or maybe not contaminants, maybe it's just the chronics, right? 00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:43.279 Or maybe the chronics and the care. 00:16:43.360 --> 00:16:47.120 And it's like, well, Ryan, you just uh you just talked about my family. 00:16:47.200 --> 00:16:55.840 Uh, you know, and like like you, you no wonder you don't want to lean into relationships and friendships. 00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:59.440 You've just been, it's just a drain on you. 00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:12.400 And begin to look at and realize, you know what, I need a few life-giving, soul-shaping friends. 00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:17.680 That I can know them, that they can know me. 00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:21.119 That's how we're designed. 00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:22.880 That's how we're created. 00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:29.440 Like some of us who are single, we're looking for your person to complete you. 00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:35.279 And by the way, those who married realize you can put far too much on a person. 00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:38.880 We need these deep friendships. 00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:40.480 It's how God created us. 00:17:40.559 --> 00:17:45.920 And the principle here, then, is to have good friends, you need to be a good friend. 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:48.880 To have good friends, you need to be a good friend. 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:51.519 It's what your mama told you in elementary school. 00:17:51.759 --> 00:17:52.319 Right? 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:58.480 Well, honey, if you want to have good friends, you gotta be a good friend. 00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:05.839 And we get it uh in elementary school, but somewhere along the way, we forget some of these basic truths. 00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:10.799 And we begin to live out a self-fulfilling prophecy, don't we? 00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:12.880 Because teachers know this all the time. 00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:13.759 They see this in the kids. 00:18:13.839 --> 00:18:19.279 They see the one kid that has no friends that sits in the corner, that mopes and pouts, and nobody wants to be my friend, you know. 00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:29.039 And then you know, kids come and try to talk to them, they're like, No, I don't really want to, you know, and because it and then you you're gonna you're going, like, actually, you're just miserable to be around. 00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:33.119 You're not putting any effort, you're not a good friend. 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:39.119 You're so focused on yourself, and you're believing like nobody likes me, nobody loves me, I'm gonna go eat worms. 00:18:39.279 --> 00:18:42.000 And then you just like are hanging out, right? 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:46.319 And you're caught in a cycle. 00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:50.400 To have good friends. 00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:51.759 We've got to be a good friend. 00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:55.920 So let's look at four traits of a good friend. 00:18:56.079 --> 00:19:00.480 Uh, the first trait of a good friend, a comrade, as Dr. 00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:05.440 Townsend would say, is they have a rugged commitment to one another. 00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:08.559 A rugged commitment to one another. 00:19:08.720 --> 00:19:16.720 Uh, Proverbs 18, 24 says, One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother. 00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:21.839 Yesterday, Jenny and I were talking, and I was like, asking her, like, what are the friends songs? 00:19:22.000 --> 00:19:23.680 What are the songs about friends? 00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:28.880 You know, uh immediately came to mind this little date me in the Christian world, like friends are friends forever. 00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:29.759 You know that, Michael W. 00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:31.359 Smith, some of you know that. 00:19:31.759 --> 00:19:35.519 Um Jenny came, like the iconic Dion Warwick. 00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:37.920 Uh, that's what friends are for. 00:19:38.559 --> 00:19:41.839 Uh Bruno Mars, you can count on me, right? 00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:44.480 You can count on me. 00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:49.519 One, two, three, I'll be there. 00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:50.480 Yeah. 00:19:51.599 --> 00:19:52.880 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:19:53.440 --> 00:19:55.599 Or lean on me, Bill Withers. 00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:57.119 Oh, there you go. 00:19:57.200 --> 00:19:58.319 I got some friends there. 00:19:58.559 --> 00:20:00.480 Lean on me, come on. 00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:05.920 When you're not strong, I'll be your friend. 00:20:07.039 --> 00:20:15.039 I'll help you carry on for it won't be long. 00:20:16.400 --> 00:20:21.680 I'm gonna need somebody to leave. 00:20:23.759 --> 00:20:28.720 I might have a problem that you understand. 00:20:29.519 --> 00:20:33.599 We all need somebody to leave. 00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:35.920 This side's better than this side, by the way. 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:41.359 You didn't know the words after it. 00:20:41.519 --> 00:20:42.799 I give you a compliment. 00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:47.599 You did well, you did well. 00:20:48.799 --> 00:20:55.920 You know what's so interesting is all the songs talk about this friendship that has a rugged commitment to one another. 00:20:56.240 --> 00:21:14.640 That's not a fair weathered friend that you can count on in good times and bad times, that shows up, that shows up in the middle of your mess, that answers the call at the middle of the night, that has a rugged commitment. 00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:25.599 And by the way, antithetical to deep and good friendships is the doctrine of rugged individualism that we hold in our society, that it's all about me, it's all for me. 00:21:25.759 --> 00:21:36.480 I can build myself up by myself, and I don't need anyone, and it couldn't be further from the truth, and we are suffering for it. 00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:49.839 In fact, did you know that when the uh Surgeon General came out uh with the stats that we're an epidemic of loneliness and isolation, uh, she, Dr. 00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:59.680 Vivek Murphy said there's an increased risk of heart disease, 29% increased risk of heart disease, increased risk of stroke, 32%, 50% increased risk. 00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:05.759 Of dementia and 60% increased risk of premature death. 00:22:08.079 --> 00:22:10.319 Get rid of the rugged individual. 00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:11.599 It's a lie. 00:22:13.680 --> 00:22:15.200 Rugged commitment. 00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:17.359 Rugged commitment. 00:22:17.680 --> 00:22:19.200 We need those friends. 00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:22.480 Secondly, a willingness to sacrifice for another. 00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:24.000 A willingness to sacrifice. 00:22:24.079 --> 00:22:26.559 Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family. 00:22:26.799 --> 00:22:29.839 Do not go to your relative's house when disaster strikes. 00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:33.039 Better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away. 00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:34.960 A willingness to sacrifice. 00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:38.480 A good friend isn't stingy with time, resources, and energy. 00:22:38.640 --> 00:22:43.440 There's a genuine willingness to put someone else's interest in front of their own. 00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:49.440 Rugged commitment, willingness to sacrifice, a loyal defender before others. 00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:54.960 I'd encourage you this week, just type in the word at Bible Gateway, gossip. 00:22:55.200 --> 00:23:00.960 And just look at how much the Bible speaks about gossip, especially the Proverbs. 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:04.079 Gossip destroys relationships. 00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:09.359 And one of the Proverbs says that like gossip is a juicy morsel that goes down. 00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:13.200 Like there's something in our beings that we're like, ooh, I love that. 00:23:13.359 --> 00:23:20.000 And there's something when somebody begins to share it with us that we feel like, ooh, I'm on the end. 00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:26.880 Proverbs 11, 13 says a gossip betrays confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. 00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:30.240 And and let's just be real, we don't think about it. 00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:38.000 If someone's telling you something juicy behind someone else's back, chances are when you're not around, they're talking about you too. 00:23:41.119 --> 00:23:49.039 And have you ever been in a place where someone was talking negatively about a friend and you didn't speak up? 00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:51.359 I've done that. 00:23:54.960 --> 00:23:57.119 See, a loyal defender. 00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:00.079 And you're going to talk about my friend. 00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:06.079 I'm going to stand up for you in your presence and when you're not around. 00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:10.079 Fourth and finally, an ongoing source of encouragement. 00:24:10.240 --> 00:24:18.720 Proverbs 27, 9 says, perfume and incest bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. 00:24:18.960 --> 00:24:21.920 The pleasantness of a friend from their heartfelt advice. 00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:23.039 Ongoing encouragement. 00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:25.440 It's not just saying good or nice things. 00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:36.000 Encouragement involves communicating to someone with love what they need to hear when they need to hear it, even if it's not what they want to hear. 00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:40.480 Encouragement is both positive and corrective. 00:24:41.119 --> 00:24:43.519 It's truth with love. 00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:48.559 It's what they need to hear when they need to hear it, even when they don't really want to hear it. 00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:52.079 I remember in high school, I finally had like a good friend. 00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:53.680 His name's Luke Syers. 00:24:53.759 --> 00:24:54.720 It was my best friend. 00:24:54.799 --> 00:24:59.519 And funny about is when we started in high school, we hated each other and then we became best friends. 00:24:59.599 --> 00:25:05.119 And sometimes we discount God's actual answer to our prayer for a friend because we don't like that person. 00:25:05.279 --> 00:25:07.359 And he's like, actually, that's the person. 00:25:10.240 --> 00:25:11.359 Some of you needed that. 00:25:11.519 --> 00:25:11.839 Okay. 00:25:13.200 --> 00:25:17.920 And I remember we both were dating these girls that just kept stringing us along. 00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:22.079 And we'd finally go, like, oh, we're done with it. 00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:28.319 And then they would like go, oh, and then we'd run back, you know, just dumb teenage boys. 00:25:28.480 --> 00:25:30.240 What would yeah, anyways. 00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:43.759 And I remember we made up this line, like, uh, stop running into the glass wall, because that's what it felt like, is like the kid that runs into the glass slider and is like, you do it once, we're like, awesome, you do it like five times, you're an idiot, right? 00:25:43.839 --> 00:25:46.160 And so we're those we're just kept running boom. 00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:52.559 And then I remember like Luke and I were like, we we just gotta tell each other and we gotta listen to each other. 00:25:52.799 --> 00:25:57.279 Stop running into the glass wall, and we need friends. 00:25:57.839 --> 00:26:04.559 When we're heading down the path that is not good and that's not gonna help us out, that I'm actually in love. 00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:05.519 Speak up. 00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:10.240 It is not a friend, by the way, that just lets you go down the path. 00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:19.759 And some of you have discounted your friends, and you've left some of them because they said some truths, and later down the road you hit the hard stuff. 00:26:20.400 --> 00:26:25.519 And they were more of a friend than the person that just sat by silently. 00:26:27.359 --> 00:26:30.960 Good friend is an ongoing source of encouragement. 00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:36.480 And by the way, this is the foundation of a great marriage relationship as well. 00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:40.079 We always start with attraction in our culture. 00:26:40.400 --> 00:26:45.359 Friendship is the foundation of every great relationship. 00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:47.519 Alright, so what do we do with this? 00:26:47.839 --> 00:26:50.640 Let me give just a little bit of application. 00:26:52.400 --> 00:26:57.039 First, would you choose quality over quantity? 00:26:57.359 --> 00:26:59.920 Would you choose quality over quantity? 00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:04.880 The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. 00:27:05.119 --> 00:27:06.319 The righteous what? 00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:08.640 Choose their friends. 00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:11.279 It's okay to choose your friends. 00:27:12.000 --> 00:27:14.559 It's Christian to choose your friends. 00:27:16.079 --> 00:27:20.400 You know, the Apostle Paul would say bad company corrupts good character. 00:27:21.920 --> 00:27:24.559 Like choose your friends wisely. 00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:26.559 Go for quality. 00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:27.599 You know what? 00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:30.400 I'm gonna have a lot of casuals right here. 00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:39.200 But man, if I can get two, two comrades, two good friends, if I can get one, hey, let's just pray for one right now, Ryan. 00:27:39.359 --> 00:27:42.480 Because two's that would be amazing, but I just need one. 00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:45.200 And you know, uh, Dr. 00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:56.960 Townsend would say one of the best ways to kind of move, find a comrade and is to go to your group of casuals and just begin to take some of that next steps with one of two people. 00:27:57.359 --> 00:28:04.960 Just ask them a question, go a little bit deeper, share a little bit more, and you're gonna see how they respond and whether that's gonna be a good friendship or not. 00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:10.799 It's almost like we have to return to what you know five-year-olds do at the playground. 00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:14.559 Hey, you want to be friends? 00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:17.839 Try it. 00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:25.519 You know how vulnerable that is and how amazing it feels if somebody actually wants to be your friend? 00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:30.319 We'd be like, oh my gosh, wow, you want to be my friend? 00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:34.160 Choose quality over quantity. 00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:39.519 Secondly, it takes time and intentionality. 00:28:39.759 --> 00:28:47.680 Proverbs 20, verse 5 says, the purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. 00:28:49.039 --> 00:28:59.680 Like to get to that safe place where you can share your heart, and there's a sense of acceptance and love that you're not gonna be pushed away. 00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:05.440 That takes time and intentionality. 00:29:05.680 --> 00:29:26.799 And we live in such a not only fast-paced, like instant culture, that also is so transient to realize you move to an area, it generally takes 18 months to two years to begin to develop significant friendships that are moving from that casual to potentially that comrade or good friend stage. 00:29:27.039 --> 00:29:28.079 So, how do we do that? 00:29:28.240 --> 00:29:31.920 One, what we need to do in our day and age is we need to create margin. 00:29:32.559 --> 00:29:35.119 We gotta create, we you gotta create margin. 00:29:35.279 --> 00:29:37.519 Friendships happen in the margin of life. 00:29:37.599 --> 00:29:41.839 And I I I this is an area that is always a goal at the beginning of the year. 00:29:41.920 --> 00:29:46.480 I'm like, I want to create more time for good friends, and then you know what happens? 00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:48.000 Life. 00:29:49.759 --> 00:29:53.599 Life does work, kid schedules, sports. 00:29:54.720 --> 00:30:00.319 We just uh last night we drove over the hill, it was uh my birthday was last week, and so we're hanging with our Santa Cruz friends. 00:30:00.480 --> 00:30:09.440 We have Santa Cruz friends and San Jose friends, Santa Cruz friends we've known for 30 plus years, uh, and like talk about comrades gone through life. 00:30:09.519 --> 00:30:18.240 And then we have San Jose friends in a similar camp, but we went over to San Jose, saw them, and it just was like I drove back, I'm like, why don't we do this more? 00:30:20.559 --> 00:30:22.720 Because it takes margin. 00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:25.279 You actually gotta put it on the calendar. 00:30:25.440 --> 00:30:26.480 I know that sounds weird. 00:30:26.640 --> 00:30:32.559 You gotta you gotta plan it out, schedule it out, and make it a priority. 00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:34.960 We make work a priority, we gotta make this a priority. 00:30:35.119 --> 00:30:36.480 Second, ask questions. 00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:38.559 Good friends ask questions. 00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:45.039 I can't tell you how many times I've had conversations and somebody's never asked a question. 00:30:46.720 --> 00:30:54.400 Like, if you wanna be a good friend, if you want to have good friends, notice the questions they're asking you and begin to ask really good questions. 00:30:54.480 --> 00:30:55.599 I learned this from my wife. 00:30:55.680 --> 00:30:58.240 She's a great question asker. 00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:00.880 Like, how are you really? 00:31:02.400 --> 00:31:04.000 Is there anything bugging you? 00:31:04.079 --> 00:31:05.119 What's going on? 00:31:05.359 --> 00:31:09.359 By the way, if you ask, like, what are you excited about? 00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:13.279 Secure people celebrate other successes. 00:31:13.599 --> 00:31:19.759 Good friends, celebrate other successes, insecure people criticize other people's successes. 00:31:20.160 --> 00:31:25.200 And where you just go like, man, that's awesome! I'm so excited for you. 00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:28.000 And then just finally be present. 00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:38.400 Where we get the great distraction out of the way, there's nothing more powerful than just giving someone our attention. 00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:42.079 It's the one of the most valuable things we have is our attention. 00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:44.240 It's the currency of a relationship. 00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:51.359 The only problem with attention, unlike our money, is the minute it's divided, it loses its value. 00:31:52.559 --> 00:31:55.039 Where we're just present with people. 00:31:55.519 --> 00:31:57.039 Choose quality over quantity. 00:31:57.200 --> 00:31:58.319 It takes time. 00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:00.160 Have to be intentional. 00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:02.400 And this is where we'll pick up next week. 00:32:03.599 --> 00:32:07.200 Conflict is an opportunity to grow. 00:32:08.160 --> 00:32:11.519 Conflict is an opportunity to grow. 00:32:11.599 --> 00:32:18.720 And we're going to talk next week all about conflict, how to resolve it, how to begin to um lean in. 00:32:18.880 --> 00:32:26.480 And here's what we do is uh actually uh Proverbs 27, 17 says, as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. 00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:28.319 That'll be our memory verse next week. 00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:35.200 But what we've done in our culture is we don't see conflict as an opportunity to grow, we see conflict as an opportunity to go. 00:32:37.039 --> 00:32:43.119 And we've lost lots of really good people and lots of really good friendships because we don't know how to lean in. 00:32:43.279 --> 00:32:49.519 Maybe we're conflict avoidance, or we see it as if there is any conflict we grew up in home, it's all bad. 00:32:49.759 --> 00:32:53.119 But conflict is actually an opportunity to grow deeper. 00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:58.799 We'll talk about how to do that as we close today. 00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:02.400 Get your Glego piece. 00:33:03.920 --> 00:33:06.720 To have good friends, you gotta be a good friend. 00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:08.880 Why don't you just think about your connections? 00:33:11.519 --> 00:33:13.200 Who's connected to you? 00:33:14.319 --> 00:33:15.680 Who do you need? 00:33:16.640 --> 00:33:18.160 And who needs you? 00:33:20.319 --> 00:33:32.559 You know, one of the incredible realities about Jesus is that he said something that was unbelievable. 00:33:33.599 --> 00:33:40.240 He said, Today I call you friend. 00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:46.799 Like you may have walked in and you're like, I don't have a friend in the world. 00:33:46.880 --> 00:33:48.319 There's not a connection on here. 00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:49.680 I can't tell you anything. 00:33:49.839 --> 00:33:51.519 And Jesus says, You got one. 00:33:52.559 --> 00:33:53.519 You got one. 00:33:53.680 --> 00:34:01.599 You are not walking out of here lonely, you're not walking out of here friendless, you're not walking out of here with no one because you got one today. 00:34:01.920 --> 00:34:05.039 I call you friend. 00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:11.519 God's been a God of relationship ever since the garden. 00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:16.559 The reason we hide, like in the garden, we hide because we feel shame. 00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:18.719 We feel that we are bad. 00:34:20.719 --> 00:34:32.719 And what I love is do you know God's first response to Adam and Eve as they were hiding in the garden after they sinned, after they did exactly the opposite of what God asked them to do? 00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:41.280 The first question, the first word spoken by their creator, by our creator, was not what did you do? 00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:43.280 That's shame. 00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:49.440 The very first word spoken by our God. 00:34:50.880 --> 00:34:52.079 Where are you? 00:34:53.760 --> 00:34:55.599 It's relationship. 00:34:56.480 --> 00:34:57.679 Where are you? 00:34:58.960 --> 00:35:01.840 We were walking together in the cool of the day. 00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:04.239 We were created for friendship. 00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:08.559 I made you for relationship. 00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:14.960 And you know, you know. 00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:18.800 Some of us have been hiding. 00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:21.440 We've been hiding. 00:35:22.159 --> 00:35:23.760 Thinking somehow. 00:35:26.639 --> 00:35:29.440 Like I just gotta fix my life up. 00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:33.519 And then maybe God will stop me. 00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:37.440 He says, today I call you friend. 00:35:39.440 --> 00:35:40.960 Come out of hiding. 00:35:42.159 --> 00:35:50.239 What if there was a place so safe that the worst of me could be known? 00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:56.320 And I discovered that I would not be loved any less, but more in the telling of it. 00:35:56.800 --> 00:36:03.599 What if repentance wasn't a promise from you to God, but a gift from God to you? 00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:10.800 You see, grace is the face love wears when it meets imperfection. 00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:17.360 And I just want to give you a moment. 00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:19.199 The band's gonna come on up. 00:36:19.599 --> 00:36:21.039 I'm gonna lead us. 00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:25.280 Come out of hiding. 00:36:26.320 --> 00:36:27.840 Come out of hiding. 00:36:28.239 --> 00:36:39.119 Whatever conversation you need to have, whatever things you've been holding back, whatever fears that have been keeping you away, your heavenly father says, I love you. 00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:41.920 Where are you? 00:36:44.079 --> 00:36:45.840 I want to be with you. 00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:49.280 I created you for this. 00:36:51.679 --> 00:36:53.840 Jesus, thank you for my friends. 00:36:55.119 --> 00:36:59.599 Thank you for your grace and your friendship. 00:37:01.360 --> 00:37:13.599 And God, would you lead us to the place where we actually trust and believe your heart of tender kindness and love. 00:37:18.800 --> 00:37:20.320 Come out of hiding. 00:37:22.079 --> 00:37:23.679 Come out of hiding. 00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:33.119 We hope you are blessed by this message. 00:37:33.280 --> 00:37:37.760 Please subscribe to our podcast for access to every episode as they're uploaded. 00:37:37.920 --> 00:37:40.000 And hey, we'd love to connect with you. 00:37:40.159 --> 00:37:46.079 Take a next step by filling out our virtual connection card at awakeningchurch.com slash card.