WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.319 Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast. 00:00:02.479 --> 00:00:07.040 We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ. 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:08.640 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:19.760 --> 00:00:22.160 Surf City, Florida. 00:00:22.480 --> 00:00:23.600 Surf City, Florida. 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:27.280 It's a little city outside of Miami. 00:00:28.320 --> 00:00:32.000 Originally designed to be an oasis for the rich and the famous. 00:00:32.079 --> 00:00:35.280 People like Frank Signatra, Elizabeth Taylor. 00:00:35.759 --> 00:00:40.960 They went to this space to get away from the Miami, you know, hustle and bustle. 00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:42.399 It's high-end, it's nice. 00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:44.560 And today it still is the same. 00:00:45.039 --> 00:00:49.359 As you can see, it's just got beautiful beaches, gorgeous warm water. 00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:51.920 Wouldn't it be nice to have warm water? 00:00:53.280 --> 00:01:01.359 This incredible downtown, but it's famous now for something a little bit different. 00:01:01.679 --> 00:01:08.239 In 2021, in the middle of the night, a condominium collapsed. 00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:12.079 89 people tragically lost their lives in this. 00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:20.959 As you can imagine, this sent shockwaves uh through all the institutions, lending, uh, banking, uh, insurance. 00:01:21.280 --> 00:01:23.439 In fact, uh, we are impacted. 00:01:23.519 --> 00:01:35.920 If you want to buy a house here on the West Coast, 3,000 miles away, because of uh Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and their response to this, it has impacted how we get mortgages here today. 00:01:36.239 --> 00:01:41.200 In fact, um, you can see now today it's just simply an empty lot. 00:01:41.359 --> 00:01:54.319 Uh now here's what's interesting: the National Institute of Standards and Technology spent$30 million to investigate what happened. 00:01:54.879 --> 00:01:59.359 With$30 million, they came away with four key findings. 00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:02.400 The first was simply this: that it was a fundamentally a foundation issue. 00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:04.959 The collapse at this core was a failure of the foundation. 00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:11.199 The condominium was built with a pool deck on the ground floor and parking garage underneath the complex. 00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:23.759 Because of design falls, investigators say water from the deck constantly seeped into the garage area under the pool, helping corrode reinforcing steel in the support columns. 00:02:23.919 --> 00:02:27.599 The second thing was that we had foundation issues, then the quality of materials. 00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:43.759 Though it passed building inspections, shortcuts were taken using lower quality materials, and the columns supporting it were weaker than required by building codes after they went back and tested all the material after the collapse. 00:02:43.919 --> 00:02:48.400 The third observation and finding was there is added stress to the structure. 00:02:48.639 --> 00:02:59.360 In addition, because of added weight from planters added to the pool area years later, the deck and columns were subject to more stress than they were originally designed for. 00:02:59.520 --> 00:03:04.400 And the final fourth observation, key finding, was deferred maintenance. 00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:12.000 Two years before the collapse, the HOA commissioned a report and approved$15 million in critical repairs. 00:03:12.080 --> 00:03:18.560 However, they did not seem to be in any urgency to get it done. 00:03:18.960 --> 00:03:26.400 Now you may be asking, what in the world does this have to do with marriage and relationships? 00:03:27.280 --> 00:03:28.879 And I believe everything. 00:03:30.639 --> 00:03:40.800 Because the core idea, the big idea for this series, is that a strong, vibrant marriage doesn't just happen, it's built. 00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:45.840 It doesn't just happen, you just don't fall into it. 00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:47.840 You don't just hope into it. 00:03:48.879 --> 00:03:52.639 It's not just something that automatically takes place once you get married. 00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:55.919 It's just like it's just up to luck, up to chance. 00:03:56.159 --> 00:03:56.879 It's built. 00:03:56.960 --> 00:04:01.360 In fact, Proverbs 24, 3 says this by wisdom a house is built. 00:04:01.439 --> 00:04:04.319 And through understanding, it's established through knowledge. 00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:09.199 Its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures by wisdom. 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:13.120 And wisdom here in the Hebrew understanding is a skill. 00:04:13.919 --> 00:04:16.000 Wisdom is fundamentally a skill. 00:04:16.160 --> 00:04:18.240 It's the skill of navigating life will. 00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:26.319 It's the skill of developing and building a strong relationship, a strong marriage. 00:04:26.480 --> 00:04:32.800 And so here's the question: where do you find the wisdom to build a strong and vibrant marriage? 00:04:32.959 --> 00:04:33.759 Now we're in church. 00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:36.160 You go, like, okay, I think I know the answer to that, Ryan. 00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:37.199 Thank you very much. 00:04:37.360 --> 00:04:51.279 Um, but let me ask you this where are you currently finding the wisdom to build your marriage, or if you're single, your most significant relationships? 00:04:52.079 --> 00:04:58.879 Whose voice is loudest in your life? 00:04:59.519 --> 00:05:10.079 As we go through this series, we're actually gonna use uh the National Institute of Standards and Technologies, their findings to be the really framework for our series. 00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:13.439 And so, week one, we're just gonna talk about its foundational. 00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:19.120 Next week, we're gonna look at the building materials, the quality of building materials we build our relationships with. 00:05:19.279 --> 00:05:21.439 Week three is added stress to the structure. 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:23.759 Anybody ever experience added stress to your? 00:05:24.160 --> 00:05:24.399 Okay. 00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:27.439 Um that's Father's Day, by the way. 00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:34.639 Um week four is deferred maintenance. 00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:44.160 The things we know we need to do, but because they're not urgent and important, we don't do them and often suffer as a result. 00:05:44.319 --> 00:05:48.399 And so today, would you go ahead and say to your neighbor, it's foundational. 00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:52.079 All right. 00:05:52.639 --> 00:06:06.240 And before I dive in and we dive in together, something that's fun, and it's talking on marriage, especially, it's like you don't want to just hear from me, you want to hear from uh my wife, who's got way more wisdom and insight than I do. 00:06:06.319 --> 00:06:10.240 So I would just want to take a moment and I did a little interview with her. 00:06:10.399 --> 00:06:17.920 I'm gonna show it here on the screen, and then we'll get back in and dive in to um our sermon and our series. 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:19.360 All right, take a look. 00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:27.199 So we got married when we were in our early 20s, and now we almost have a 20-year-old. 00:06:27.439 --> 00:06:30.079 Um so in reality, we would talk about it. 00:06:30.240 --> 00:06:35.839 We really grew up together in so many ways and learned together just how to do life. 00:06:36.000 --> 00:06:43.360 Uh looking back, like what would you say has been most foundational over the last 21 years of marriage for us? 00:06:44.560 --> 00:06:45.199 Yeah, I do. 00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:51.600 I think about uh actually regularly about how young we were and got married. 00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:55.360 You were 21, almost 22, and I was 23. 00:06:56.879 --> 00:07:00.160 And you were still in college in Chicago. 00:07:00.319 --> 00:07:03.839 I had just lived overseas in Sweden for a year. 00:07:05.360 --> 00:07:40.240 And we just knew we wanted to be married, and we I mean we had our bumps leading up to it, but really what we did find was we did have um obviously we loved each other, but we also really had like similar values of what we wanted in life, and the two things were we really wanted our foundation to be on God or whatever it was that we were doing. 00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:58.879 We wanted God to be really at the forefront of that, and then also we really wanted to have a great family, and we got pregnant faster than we thought. 00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:08.959 Um so I had Ella at 25, but yeah, so in some ways I just I feel like we kind of grew up quick with that. 00:08:09.199 --> 00:08:10.240 We kind of had to, yeah. 00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:19.600 Um, but we had those our North stars were were aligned, like they weren't things that came up for us as problems. 00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:26.879 Yeah, I think that's so like something we didn't realize how important it was at the time. 00:08:28.079 --> 00:08:34.080 And you know, kind of looking back, we'd tell people, hey, these things need to be foundational. 00:08:34.399 --> 00:08:42.080 Um it almost was like we just knew we loved each other and we loved Jesus and we wanted him uh to be the foundation. 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:45.279 I think I I just was thinking about this. 00:08:45.440 --> 00:08:50.159 You did some things actually in college that were very foundational to your faith. 00:08:50.720 --> 00:08:56.159 Uh I was just thinking about you would do kind of these date nights with Jesus as a college student. 00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:05.120 Um so your love and passion for Jesus was foundational before we ever started dating or ever got married. 00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:06.399 What were some of those things? 00:09:07.279 --> 00:09:10.559 Yeah, well, I actually didn't want to get married. 00:09:11.279 --> 00:09:11.519 That's right. 00:09:12.960 --> 00:09:23.279 Um I had gotten to a place of I had seen so much in marriage that to me was not something that made me want to be married. 00:09:23.840 --> 00:09:38.159 And then I really got to know Jesus in college and decided to take a year of just being single and just focus on God and really just be sure I was in a good place. 00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:53.279 So then you were kind of a wild card a little bit because I was like, oh yeah, you know, that's great, that's cute, and he loves God and all that, but I was very much like not looking for a relationship. 00:09:54.000 --> 00:10:03.440 But it worked out if we could go back and do some things over again, maybe invest differently. 00:10:04.639 --> 00:10:13.519 What are a few of those maybe habits or things that we wish we built in from the very you know start of our marriage? 00:10:17.519 --> 00:10:31.759 I think probably being learners of love and what that actually means and looks like. 00:10:31.919 --> 00:10:46.159 I I think that we assume we love somebody and it's just easy and natural, but um it's something that we actually grow in, I think, our entire lives. 00:10:46.240 --> 00:10:58.960 I hope our entire lives, like we never actually nail it, like we're always growing in it, and um you know, like at first Corinthians, the very first thing is love is patient. 00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:17.039 We think of love as just like it's so easy, yay, we but like it takes uh patience and it takes uh kindness and it takes uh not being easily angered, and it takes uh not keeping records wrong. 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:37.440 And it's like these things where you realize love is not just the happy feelings, there's the happy feelings too, but as we lean into our own development of love, I think that the marriage grows stronger rather than why aren't they doing XYZ? 00:11:38.159 --> 00:11:49.919 But as we actually grow in how to love out of you know Christ's power and that supernatural love, then it's really a beautiful thing. 00:11:50.320 --> 00:12:03.039 Yeah, so much of it being rooted in Christ's love for us and that being the thing that is enabling us to love each other, not just because the other person is lovable at the time. 00:12:03.279 --> 00:12:03.440 Yeah. 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:05.519 Because there's plenty of days I'm not lovable. 00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:11.679 Yeah, we are, yeah, yeah, and but then the beauty of the promise at the end of that is love never fails. 00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:24.960 Like you just keep doing whether you're getting it back or you're seeing you know exactly why you're doing it, like it's actually a practice and a self-discipline and something that the Lord helps enabled you to do. 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:34.720 I just didn't realize that I was actually gonna need to grow in loving you in ways that didn't feel natural. 00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:42.080 And I think that's also when you learn how selfish you are, yeah, because you want everything to feel good. 00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:49.840 Yeah, that's like the very first lesson I think we both learned in marriage was just how very selfish we are. 00:12:50.320 --> 00:13:08.080 And then once having kids, that it's still there, that there's even more of that than like um you know, I've heard it said that marriage exposes what's inside of you and it reveals some of those things that God wants to work on and deal with to help you grow and help me grow. 00:13:09.519 --> 00:13:10.639 Isn't she great? 00:13:10.879 --> 00:13:11.919 Yeah, no. 00:13:14.000 --> 00:13:16.639 Thank you for doing that, by the way. 00:13:17.039 --> 00:13:21.840 Um if you got your Bibles, would you open up to Matthew chapter 7, verse 24? 00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:25.919 Matthew 7, verse 24, as we're talking about it's foundational. 00:13:26.639 --> 00:13:31.600 Uh, I want to take you to what Jesus has to say about foundations. 00:13:32.159 --> 00:13:43.200 He concludes the most famous, influential sermon in human history, and he talks about our foundations. 00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:46.480 Matthew 7, verse 24, he says this. 00:13:47.279 --> 00:13:57.519 Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 00:13:57.840 --> 00:14:09.360 The rain came down, the stream rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:27.840 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on the sand, the rains came down, the streams rose, the wind blew, and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. 00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:29.279 Here's what I want you to see. 00:14:29.519 --> 00:14:37.440 Jesus is talking about a universal principle for us, and we're gonna specifically apply it to our marriage and our relationships. 00:14:37.600 --> 00:14:41.919 And so, whether you're single or a teenager, this applies to us. 00:14:42.159 --> 00:14:48.320 But if you're married, let's lean in to how this specifically applies to you. 00:14:48.879 --> 00:14:53.759 How do you build a strong, vibrant marriage? 00:14:54.080 --> 00:15:00.000 First thing I want you to notice that Jesus says here is every marriage experiences storms of adversity. 00:15:00.559 --> 00:15:02.399 Every single one of them. 00:15:03.039 --> 00:15:07.840 The rains came, the winds blew, the stream rose. 00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:14.480 Whether you were wise or foolish, you both experienced the storms of adversity. 00:15:14.639 --> 00:15:17.039 You experienced the storms of loss. 00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:25.919 You experience the storms of conflict, you experience the storms of financial pressure and change and the storms of disagreement. 00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:30.399 You experience, and we all have these storms, and here's why this is so important. 00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:40.000 Because there's a marriage myth that undermines and threatens to sabotage so many relationships in our day, and it goes something like this. 00:15:40.559 --> 00:15:45.840 If you marry the right person, then everything else will work out right. 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:57.039 If I marry the right person, sure I might have a day where there's some drizzle, some maybe fog or something like that, but I'm not gonna have a storm that's gonna shake us to our core. 00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:01.200 If I marry the right person, then everything will work out right. 00:16:01.360 --> 00:16:06.000 Which, if you reverse engineer that, if everything's not working out right, then what? 00:16:06.639 --> 00:16:08.559 You've married the wrong person. 00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:16.720 And by the way, if you're not married or if you're newly married, I got a little bit of a this is insight, I guess. 00:16:17.039 --> 00:16:22.799 Every single married couple at some point thinks they married the wrong person. 00:16:23.919 --> 00:16:24.320 Did? 00:16:24.559 --> 00:16:26.720 Oh my goodness, what did I do? 00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:28.080 We all do. 00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:32.240 Because you wake up and you're like, wow, this is a lot harder. 00:16:32.399 --> 00:16:33.840 This is different. 00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:36.799 And the bigness of the decision. 00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:42.399 And underneath this uh marriage myth is there's a few ideas and thoughts behind that. 00:16:42.639 --> 00:16:44.320 One is that this idea that love is easy. 00:16:44.480 --> 00:16:45.759 Jenny was just talking about that. 00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:48.720 We'll spend more time talking about that next week. 00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:50.559 But love should be easy. 00:16:50.960 --> 00:16:53.200 Love is love, it should be easy, right? 00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:56.480 Let me ask you, why should love be easy? 00:16:56.960 --> 00:16:58.159 We ever think about that? 00:16:58.320 --> 00:16:59.440 You know what's easy? 00:16:59.679 --> 00:17:02.720 Lust is easy, selfishness is easy. 00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:07.039 Love is beautiful, but love is hard. 00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:11.599 The other thought underneath that is your happiness is most important. 00:17:12.240 --> 00:17:12.640 Right? 00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:18.400 We we kind of buy into this that the purpose of marriage today is personal fulfillment. 00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:21.440 The purpose of marriage today is my personal happiness. 00:17:21.599 --> 00:17:33.759 And so I'm getting into this so that I can be happy, and you are the you're the one who is gonna make me happy, or this relationship, or one day maybe the kids are gonna make me happy. 00:17:34.720 --> 00:17:36.640 And by the way, this is really important. 00:17:36.799 --> 00:17:41.759 Happiness is a wonderful byproduct in life, it's a terrible destination. 00:17:42.720 --> 00:17:45.839 And when we run after happiness, we miss it all. 00:17:46.880 --> 00:17:49.279 And then let me ask you maybe another question. 00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:54.720 Why is your personal happiness more important than someone else's personal happiness? 00:17:55.200 --> 00:17:56.799 We ever think about that? 00:17:57.039 --> 00:18:05.279 And the impact that it has when we make those decisions, because when we're making those decisions, they're self-oriented, me-centered. 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:10.559 Well, and underneath that is this idea that your spouse will complete you. 00:18:11.039 --> 00:18:11.519 Right? 00:18:11.759 --> 00:18:13.440 You know what was what's the movie? 00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:14.960 You complete me, right? 00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:16.079 Yeah. 00:18:16.799 --> 00:18:18.319 You whispered it out loud. 00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:19.119 Good. 00:18:19.519 --> 00:18:19.920 Right? 00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:24.160 We just had this idea that that person is going to complete me. 00:18:24.319 --> 00:18:26.000 They're my better half. 00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:30.400 What I mean, that's an incredible amount of pressure to put on somebody, by the way. 00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:32.240 You're gonna complete me. 00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:35.039 I don't know if I want to do that anymore, you know? 00:18:35.200 --> 00:18:37.279 I'm not so sure about this. 00:18:38.079 --> 00:18:40.960 No human can complete you. 00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:42.160 Compliment you? 00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:42.960 Absolutely. 00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:44.079 Complete you? 00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:46.160 Absolutely not. 00:18:47.680 --> 00:18:48.480 In fact, Dr. 00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:54.960 Less and Leslie Perrott, they're uh clinical psychologists, they write, they teach on this all the time. 00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:59.440 They they say that as humans, we have this compulsion for completion. 00:18:59.839 --> 00:19:04.640 And they said there's this one sentence that is transformative for relationships. 00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:10.640 If you really understand, and it's simply this they begin every lecture on marriage and relationships this way. 00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:21.519 They say, if you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of wholeness on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself. 00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:27.359 And here's the reason why this is so very important. 00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:33.039 Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are. 00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:52.400 And as long as I'm looking to that other person, and I'm only hoping you got to completely, and I'm not dealing with me, and addressing the things inside of me, is gonna bring great harm and pain into that relationship or marriage. 00:19:52.559 --> 00:19:55.839 So the marriage myth find the right person, everything works out right. 00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:57.680 Marriage Truth said it in the video. 00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:01.279 Marriage will expose what's inside of you. 00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:04.000 Marriage exposes what's already inside of you. 00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:06.000 What a gift, by the way. 00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:07.519 Like, really? 00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:09.359 Yeah. 00:20:10.319 --> 00:20:17.599 Because if it exposes what's already inside of you, God wants to help shape you and form you into the man and woman you were created and intended to be. 00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:26.240 And he uses things in our lives to help expose the areas in our lives so that we can become more of who he's already made us to be. 00:20:26.480 --> 00:20:27.920 Like we were saying in the video. 00:20:28.079 --> 00:20:33.759 The very first thing you kind of recognize when you're married, the very first lesson is how selfish you are. 00:20:34.400 --> 00:20:37.599 And then you recognize how selfish they are. 00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:43.119 And then you conclude their selfishness is worse than your selfishness. 00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:43.920 Right? 00:20:44.160 --> 00:20:47.359 Like, well, if they only change, if they only had this. 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:56.079 I remember, I remember having this realization that my love actually wasn't love. 00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:00.000 Because I loved to get. 00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:03.519 I loved with strings attached. 00:21:03.839 --> 00:21:05.519 I remember someone telling me this. 00:21:05.599 --> 00:21:10.000 I don't know who said this, but like the sexiest thing a husband can do is do the dishes. 00:21:15.599 --> 00:21:18.559 And so here's what I tried this for like a week. 00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:19.680 It didn't try very long. 00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:20.880 I tried it for a week. 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:24.880 Um, and I thought, like, if I do the dishes, Jenny's gonna notice. 00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:28.640 She's gone, oh, hey, you know, because what I want is affection from her. 00:21:28.720 --> 00:21:32.000 I want her attention, I want intimacy, and so here's what I'm doing. 00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:36.880 I'm doing something that she would think is good so that she would actually give me what I really want. 00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:39.680 And that is not love at all. 00:21:39.839 --> 00:21:44.799 And that's what marriage begins to expose inside of us. 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:55.599 See, I think one of the big questions we have to ask is who is meeting your deepest needs? 00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.279 Who's meeting your deepest needs? 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:06.160 Our deepest need for acceptance, to be known, to be fully known, and to be loved. 00:22:06.319 --> 00:22:08.799 Our deepest need is for identity. 00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:27.680 That you have, you know, intrinsic value and worth for security, for provision and protection, for purpose, for meaning and significance. 00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:36.319 Your spouse was never intended to meet your deepest needs. 00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:44.640 And when we put that on them, it almost always brings about incredible pain. 00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:49.519 It's a weight they are not able or designed to carry. 00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:54.480 Only Jesus can meet your deepest needs. 00:22:54.960 --> 00:23:06.880 Only Jesus will finally and fully satisfy the cravings, the longing, the emptiness, the hurts, the hoping, the hungering in your life. 00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:16.000 And when we get that out of order, all of a sudden our spouse becomes our savior than they're never designed to be. 00:23:16.480 --> 00:23:20.640 And when they fall flat, maybe then our kids become our savior. 00:23:20.960 --> 00:23:22.559 Or then maybe our work. 00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:27.759 And we're caught in this cycle. 00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:35.440 Every first thing I want you to notice every every marriage experiences the storms of adversity. 00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:37.200 That's just reality. 00:23:38.319 --> 00:23:41.440 So if you're in a storm, what a gift, by the way. 00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:43.119 What a gift. 00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:44.559 Because here's the other thing. 00:23:44.799 --> 00:23:49.039 Every marriage is just as only as strong as its foundation. 00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:56.880 Storms don't determine the strength of your foundation, they just reveal it. 00:23:57.519 --> 00:24:08.240 And if you're in a storm right now and you're feeling like our foundation's being shaken a little bit, can I just flip the script a little bit on you and just go, what a gift. 00:24:09.680 --> 00:24:11.039 What a gift. 00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:20.000 Because now you're realizing, you know what we need to do is I put my foundation on something other than Jesus, and I need to do some foundation work. 00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:22.319 Or we need to do some foundation work. 00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:25.599 We need to get to some of these root issues. 00:24:25.759 --> 00:24:30.640 Jesus would say it this way, you take take his words for it, not mine, right? 00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:42.400 He said, Everyone who hears these words of mine and what puts them into practice is like a wise man who builds his house upon the rock. 00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:46.720 Jesus would say, a wise marriage builds on a foundation of Jesus. 00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:52.079 A wise marriage builds on a foundation of Jesus. 00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:57.119 Now here's something that we miss in this because I think many of us would go, yeah, absolutely. 00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:01.920 And we'll unpack more of how to do that through the weeks, but here's something that is so important. 00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:07.119 This is true for every single person, whether you're a teen or you're like 80. 00:25:07.839 --> 00:25:13.200 You cannot build a foundation on Jesus without obeying the teachings of Jesus. 00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:16.640 There should have been like a mmm on that one. 00:25:16.880 --> 00:25:17.359 There wasn't. 00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:19.359 So let me let me say it again. 00:25:20.319 --> 00:25:29.920 You cannot build a foundation on Jesus without obeying the teachings of Jesus. 00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:34.960 Oh, I love it. 00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:38.079 I love it. 00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:39.599 You just made my day, by the way. 00:25:39.680 --> 00:25:40.880 That was so good. 00:25:46.559 --> 00:25:50.559 Let me just take you to the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus is teaching. 00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:53.680 And did you ever think of applying this to your marriage? 00:25:54.319 --> 00:25:56.000 He begins with the Beatitudes. 00:25:56.160 --> 00:25:57.759 Blessed are the poor in spirit. 00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:05.920 Like there is a there is a recognization that you have spiritually bankrupt and you're in need of your heavenly Father. 00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:07.200 Blessed are those who mourn. 00:26:07.359 --> 00:26:11.440 Like there's a conviction of your own sin that you are actually convicted by it. 00:26:11.599 --> 00:26:12.880 Blessed are those who are meek. 00:26:13.279 --> 00:26:15.279 That's like strength under control. 00:26:15.680 --> 00:26:21.119 Like you don't leverage your strength to Lord over, you leverage it for the good of others. 00:26:21.279 --> 00:26:24.319 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness. 00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:32.079 Like you're your driving passion is for the good of all humanity, the flourishing of society, because that's God's heart. 00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:35.359 Blessed are the merciful and the pure in heart. 00:26:35.519 --> 00:26:39.119 Now, by the way, wouldn't you want to be married to someone like that? 00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:44.400 And don't we want to be that kind of person? 00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:47.839 And imagine how that would impact your marriage. 00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:50.880 We just go, okay, I'm going to begin to obey. 00:26:51.039 --> 00:26:59.839 Blessed are, you know, it goes on to salt and light, you know, in the same way, let your light so shine before others that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven. 00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:04.240 Maybe if I just change the word, in the same way, let your light shine before your spouse. 00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:09.519 Let your light shine before your kids that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven. 00:27:09.680 --> 00:27:14.000 That gospel living begins in your home, begins in your marriage. 00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:15.599 Murder. 00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:16.559 Yeah, that's good. 00:27:16.720 --> 00:27:17.920 Let's not do that. 00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:19.599 Um, that's that's important. 00:27:19.759 --> 00:27:20.720 No murder. 00:27:21.279 --> 00:27:22.720 That's that's important. 00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:36.400 But he says this that to not harbor anger, which means not allow a root of bitterness to spring up and take hold of you. 00:27:36.559 --> 00:27:40.160 Instead, keep a short account, settle matters quickly. 00:27:40.480 --> 00:27:42.160 Adultery, yeah, that's another good one. 00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:43.359 Let's not do that. 00:27:43.680 --> 00:27:55.839 But then he talks about lust and taking it seriously, like the sacredness of all of humanity, that I'm not gonna degrade another human, but I'm also gonna honor my spouse. 00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:56.559 Divorce. 00:27:56.720 --> 00:28:03.599 You know, in our marriage, something that we have never said, never will say, we don't even joke about. 00:28:03.680 --> 00:28:07.759 We sometimes have called it the D-word, divorce. 00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:10.799 Like we're not even gonna just joke about this. 00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:13.200 Sometimes couples just joke about divorce. 00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:17.680 Like, no, like it's a big deal. 00:28:17.920 --> 00:28:20.160 Are there places and reasons why? 00:28:20.319 --> 00:28:22.079 This is yes, absolutely. 00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:28.799 The scripture's queer in that, but he also says marriage is so sacred, or o's, like your yes be yes, or eye for eye. 00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:32.079 I'm not gonna retaliate or pay back or love for enemy. 00:28:32.319 --> 00:28:32.799 Ooh. 00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:41.759 Because there's sometimes in the course of marriage that your enemy is your spouse, they're unlovable. 00:28:42.559 --> 00:28:48.240 And Jesus says, when they're unlovable, you are called to love them and pray for them. 00:28:49.519 --> 00:29:01.440 One of the areas that I was so convicted on was when I don't feel loving towards Jenny, which is rare because she's amazing. 00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:03.599 It happens though. 00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:06.960 And you know what I do sometimes? 00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:16.160 I have a journal and I'm writing down my complaints and my stuff, and like, if we just change this, and I just got this conviction, pray for your wife. 00:29:17.039 --> 00:29:19.200 And God changes your heart. 00:29:19.680 --> 00:29:25.119 So you can't build a foundation on Jesus without obeying the teachings of Jesus. 00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:30.799 And Jesus actually taught about marriage, like the foundation of what marriage actually is. 00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:41.279 He says, Haven't you read, he replied, that at the beginning the creator made the male and female, that there's this distinction that one, you're made in the Imago day. 00:29:41.680 --> 00:29:48.319 And then for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:50.160 So they're no longer two but one. 00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:55.599 Therefore, what God is joined, let no one separate. 00:29:55.759 --> 00:29:58.559 Here's what Jesus thinks about marriage, by the way. 00:29:59.359 --> 00:30:02.559 Jesus thinks God is the architect of marriage. 00:30:03.039 --> 00:30:07.680 Which means God designed marriage, so it works best by his design. 00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:10.799 How did he design it? 00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:18.559 We said marriage is to be a lifelong commitment between one man, one woman, before God. 00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:20.400 It's called a covenant. 00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:24.079 You leave and start a brand new family unit. 00:30:24.160 --> 00:30:25.839 That's that maturity stage. 00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:30.000 The old English or King James of united is cleave. 00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:37.440 In the Hebrew, that word in Genesis 2, it has that picture of being glued together, inseparable. 00:30:37.599 --> 00:30:39.519 It is the word of covenant. 00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:43.200 We don't think about covenant very often anymore. 00:30:43.759 --> 00:30:46.640 We marry sometimes out of convenience, don't we? 00:30:47.440 --> 00:30:51.200 We marry, you know, and it's like it's almost consumeristic. 00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:55.599 It's like, I'm gonna marry as long as this is a good transaction for me. 00:30:57.359 --> 00:30:58.160 Covenant. 00:30:58.319 --> 00:31:00.079 We say it in our vows. 00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:04.559 We say, till death do us part. 00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:07.839 And sickness and in health. 00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:13.759 Through the good times and the bad times, through whatever storms come our way. 00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:15.839 Amen. 00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:32.720 The sturdiness and the foundation that a marriage needs needs a covenant commitment for when the storms come, you say, Christ, you're the center, and because you are the center, we have made a covenant commitment, and so we're not getting out. 00:31:32.880 --> 00:31:34.799 There isn't a backdoor. 00:31:36.559 --> 00:31:40.000 There's not an escape hatch, so we better figure it out. 00:31:41.119 --> 00:31:52.240 And it says, one flesh, that there's this sexual intimacy, physical intimacy, that sex is actually designed within the context of marriage, and it's actually harmful outside that context. 00:31:52.400 --> 00:31:57.680 It's this beautiful expression of the covenant commitment. 00:31:57.759 --> 00:32:03.039 See, marriage is built into the very fabric of creation, it is not a fabrication of culture. 00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:06.480 God is the architect. 00:32:06.720 --> 00:32:07.920 Your marriage upon. 00:32:10.240 --> 00:32:13.920 And I know we know probably most of us the right answer. 00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:17.599 But what's the real answer? 00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:22.079 You know, we're in this different season. 00:32:22.240 --> 00:32:27.599 Um we're in that sending season, launching season. 00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:31.279 Our oldest just finished her first year of college. 00:32:31.519 --> 00:32:36.640 Our middle is now starting senior year, next year of high school. 00:32:36.799 --> 00:32:46.559 I remember Jenny saying this the other, like, as we're kind of entering the season maybe a year ago, she was like, oh, it's only losing and dying from here on out. 00:32:50.240 --> 00:33:01.599 And it's kind of true, you know, because like you at the beginning, you like you graduate college, you get married, you have a new job, you have kids, and this birthing, and then it is like this sending. 00:33:01.759 --> 00:33:06.480 And there was a season where we really needed just new and fresh vision. 00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:10.799 Now, here's the interesting thing. 00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:15.359 What foundation are you building your marriage on? 00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:23.200 Here's what I would say over the last 21 years of marriage, and I'm just being honest, so you be as honest as you can with yourself. 00:33:23.279 --> 00:33:28.960 I'll just tell you where I'm at, but you figure out where you're at. 00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:35.440 As I began to look back for me, we started with the foundation of Jesus. 00:33:35.519 --> 00:33:40.079 I would say there's some foundational slips, some foundational shifts. 00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:41.519 Two. 00:33:43.440 --> 00:33:48.640 One was kids became more the foundation in ministry. 00:33:50.160 --> 00:33:52.319 It makes sense, it's easy to do. 00:33:53.119 --> 00:34:00.880 Man, kids, it takes, I mean, the last 19 years has been full focus spread. 00:34:01.599 --> 00:34:08.960 And ministry, not a bad thing, but it certainly isn't meant to replace Jesus. 00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:16.480 In the ancient day, when they would build a foundation, they had what was known as a cornerstone. 00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:21.199 Cornerstone is the first stone set to construct a masonry foundation. 00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:24.159 All other stones are set in reference to this stone. 00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:28.320 Thus, it determines the position of the entire structure. 00:34:28.559 --> 00:34:33.920 Symbolically, it means something of great importance that everything else depends on. 00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:37.840 And the reality, the question is, what is your cornerstone? 00:34:38.480 --> 00:34:39.360 Singles. 00:34:42.079 --> 00:34:44.239 What is your cornerstone? 00:34:45.519 --> 00:34:46.320 Married. 00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:49.119 Maybe it's happiness. 00:34:49.599 --> 00:35:12.960 It sets the entire direction, and yes, Jesus is a part of it, but the cornerstone, the founding place is somehow Jesus, maybe he was a cornerstone, but something has shifted along the way, and it's about happiness, or maybe it's personal fulfillment or self-actualization where maybe it's like you, like me, it's become identifying as my kids. 00:35:15.119 --> 00:35:19.679 What's the foundation that you're building your marriage upon? 00:35:19.840 --> 00:35:22.880 What's the foundation that you're building your life upon? 00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:28.159 What's the cornerstone that everything else is set up from? 00:35:30.719 --> 00:35:36.159 I want to invite you today afresh to Jesus. 00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:43.920 It sounds so simplistic, but it's incredibly true. 00:35:45.280 --> 00:35:51.440 One of the greatest ways to strengthen your marriage is to deepen your relationship with Jesus. 00:35:54.960 --> 00:36:01.519 One of the greatest ways to strengthen your marriage is to deepen your relationship with Jesus. 00:36:01.679 --> 00:36:09.840 And 20 years of ministry and pastoral counseling, I can't tell you how often I've sat with a couple in crisis. 00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:15.360 And humanly speaking, you look at it and go, I don't know how this is gonna work. 00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:23.760 There's been betrayal, there's been all sorts of stuff, there's been so much water under the bridge. 00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:32.239 And if you can get both couples to prioritize Jesus as the cornerstone, it's incredible. 00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:35.360 But the reality is you only need one often. 00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:38.800 And I've sat with so many couples that I don't know how the story ends. 00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:44.320 I don't know if the marriage lasts, but here's what I do know: left to our human tendency, we try to do two things. 00:36:44.400 --> 00:36:47.039 We try to control and we try to fix. 00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:52.079 And when we do that, it almost always ends up in disaster. 00:36:54.239 --> 00:37:02.000 But if you lean in, if you lean in, if you lean into Jesus, you will never regret it, regardless of how the story ends. 00:37:02.719 --> 00:37:14.239 And I can tell you, I've just seen marriages restored, healing and wholeness of friendships and relationships and families, like only God can do. 00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:24.400 And often it took the desperation of the brokenness and the storm to get you to the point to finally go, just Jesus. 00:37:25.599 --> 00:37:26.880 Just Jesus. 00:37:27.840 --> 00:37:29.360 I'm gonna invite the band up. 00:37:29.440 --> 00:37:32.400 We're gonna sing Christ is my cornerstone. 00:37:33.199 --> 00:37:40.079 And as we do that, I would like for you today to fresh. 00:37:42.239 --> 00:37:44.960 What is the cornerstone and the foundation of your life? 00:37:45.119 --> 00:37:45.519 Be honest. 00:37:45.599 --> 00:37:46.639 I was honest. 00:37:47.440 --> 00:37:50.800 And I'm a pastor, it should be Jesus. 00:37:56.559 --> 00:37:58.719 And would you go, Jesus, today? 00:37:59.039 --> 00:38:05.440 I want to have you the one upon which every other thing is set from. 00:38:05.920 --> 00:38:09.760 I invite you to be the very cornerstone of my life. 00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:16.320 And so what that means is I'm just going to begin to take you at your word and do it. 00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:21.840 And would you show me areas to take the next step? 00:38:22.159 --> 00:38:36.639 And so, Jesus, I ask for my friends, would you give them the wisdom to know what to do with what they just heard and the courage to do it, no matter how hard it may be. 00:38:37.599 --> 00:38:39.360 In Jesus' name. 00:38:40.239 --> 00:38:40.880 Amen. 00:38:42.880 --> 00:38:45.199 We hope you are blessed by this message. 00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:49.840 Please subscribe to our podcast for access to every episode as they're uploaded. 00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:52.079 And hey, we'd love to connect with you. 00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:58.000 Take a next step by filling out our virtual connection card at awakeningchurch.comslash card.