WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.319 Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast. 00:00:02.479 --> 00:00:07.040 We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ. 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:08.640 Thanks for tuning in. 00:00:19.039 --> 00:00:20.480 Well, good morning. 00:00:20.719 --> 00:00:22.320 Welcome to Awakening. 00:00:22.480 --> 00:00:24.000 Great to be with you. 00:00:24.719 --> 00:00:26.719 Happy Father's Day. 00:00:27.039 --> 00:00:29.760 Um I don't mean to brag. 00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:35.039 You probably can't read it, but it says, number one, dad. 00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:41.679 And uh, well, I mean, I I guess that means other dads. 00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:44.320 Sorry, sorry. 00:00:44.479 --> 00:00:46.000 I I didn't mean to bring that up. 00:00:46.079 --> 00:00:48.960 It's it's supposed to be special for all of us, not just one of us. 00:00:49.119 --> 00:00:51.119 But, anyways, happy Father's Day. 00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:54.479 Great to be with you today and to our dads, especially. 00:00:54.640 --> 00:00:57.439 Uh, we're really grateful for you. 00:00:58.000 --> 00:01:03.679 Uh, and we're in a series called Marriage Material, where we're really just asking and answering this one question. 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:08.400 How do you experience a strong, vibrant marriage that lasts a lifetime? 00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:19.840 And the big idea of the entire series is simply this a strong, vibrant marriage uh doesn't just happen, it's built. 00:01:20.159 --> 00:01:34.319 And it's really confronting some cultural lies that like love should be easy, and and if it's not, then maybe you're in a bad relationship or it should just automatically happen. 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:42.640 And and the reality is a strong, vibrant marriage takes time and intentionality. 00:01:43.359 --> 00:01:48.239 Anything, we know this, anything worthwhile takes work. 00:01:49.040 --> 00:01:52.239 And especially strong, vibrant marriage. 00:01:52.400 --> 00:01:58.959 And one one of the things I wanted to do with our time was for you to not just hear from me, but to get a chance to hear from my incredible wife. 00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:06.159 We've been married 21 years, and so at the beginning, just give you a little conversation that we had together. 00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:08.319 So why don't you take a look? 00:02:20.400 --> 00:02:21.680 Alright, you ready, Glenn? 00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:22.240 We're rolling. 00:02:22.400 --> 00:02:23.199 We're all on. 00:02:26.639 --> 00:02:33.360 In our first five years of marriage, we we went through some of the more stressful events of life. 00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:52.240 We moved three different times to three different states, um, crossed the country, had two kids, bought and sold a house, a couple different jobs, um, fast forward, three kids, watching and planting a church. 00:02:52.479 --> 00:03:05.840 What were some of the things when we think about our relationship, looking back over the course of all those different things that uh you're really glad we did, that we put into practice. 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:16.400 Um, I am always gonna be a broken record with just connection. 00:03:16.639 --> 00:03:20.719 I think that's the most important thing in a marriage. 00:03:20.800 --> 00:03:31.199 I think it's most important things with the kids, even when they're teenagers, like whenever you can get time to connect, I think that is really important. 00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:42.159 I don't remember at what point we actually started going out on dates, but it was a big deal and often a big bust. 00:03:42.479 --> 00:03:43.599 A big bust. 00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:57.680 So quite a few times we would be like on fumes getting the kids set to like leave, paying for a babysitter, yeah, and we'd get there and we're just like exhausted. 00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:00.560 Zombies and cranky. 00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:09.199 And then get in a big fight, and then get in a fight, and then go home feeling further from each other, and then having to pay for it. 00:04:09.759 --> 00:04:10.479 That was the worst. 00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:13.840 I always counted how expensive was this was this fight. 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:14.400 I know. 00:04:15.360 --> 00:04:25.920 Um and part of it we started to recognize was because we were trying to do so much in so little of a time. 00:04:26.480 --> 00:04:38.000 But regardless, we're coming into a day just disconnected, running, you know, and tired, and there was there was no point to kind of like almost like that. 00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:41.839 Um like, you know, the static release. 00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:48.959 Like you needed something to kind of like release the static so that then you can actually have that connection. 00:04:49.279 --> 00:04:50.399 Yeah, yeah. 00:04:50.639 --> 00:05:04.480 So we finally started calling it date and details that we were gonna do both, but it was gonna be gonna start with the details, and then we'd transition. 00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:07.439 Yeah, but it was different than a normal day. 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:08.079 Yeah. 00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:13.839 So it wasn't just like we would do this, because I, you know, as a pastor, I got Fridays off. 00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:14.560 Right. 00:05:14.879 --> 00:05:17.839 So um work Sunday through Thursday. 00:05:17.920 --> 00:05:33.279 So we would start um Friday morning, and whether it was at home or we in the early days we split a breakfast burrito at um Whole Foods and sat there with our calendar and talked through it. 00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:43.680 Because a business meeting sounds really boring and lane and doesn't sound very connecting, and so you called it date in details, but it wasn't necessarily just that, like that was our only date. 00:05:43.839 --> 00:05:48.160 It's like we have all these things that we need to talk about, we don't create time to talk about them. 00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:50.319 How do we make it more fun and consistent? 00:05:50.560 --> 00:06:06.879 Yeah, I always have this visual of us like lean leaning in, like we always have to lean in because it can be easy to just not be dependent on someone else and just you know go side by side. 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:19.120 But the more that we lean in and actually need each other, you know, in a good way, is actually bonding and and really powerful. 00:06:19.279 --> 00:06:19.920 Yeah. 00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:28.399 Today the sermon title is called Stress to the Structure. 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:31.279 Why don't you go ahead and say to your neighbor, stress to the structure? 00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:39.120 And then go ahead and say to your other neighbor, stress to the structure, but like it's a good thing, you know, there's a positive. 00:06:40.560 --> 00:06:41.439 There you go. 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:53.600 Um the reality is no matter how good or godly you are, every single marriage will experience stress and strain. 00:06:55.040 --> 00:07:26.160 Every single marriage will experience stress to the structure, and and it goes something like this you know, you're um you're kind of doing your thing, you and you're single and you have your stresses that you're carrying, and you go like, okay, yeah, at times, sometimes you feel like you got it handled, at other times you don't, but you're like, it's manageable, and then you get married, and then you bring uh another person's stress and relationship and dynamics and and all the other things there. 00:07:26.240 --> 00:07:27.680 And then some people get married. 00:07:27.759 --> 00:07:34.160 I I I I researched this uh because they want to uh have financially financial gain. 00:07:34.240 --> 00:07:40.240 It's a financially better thing, and yet the reality is uh there's financial strain, isn't there? 00:07:40.399 --> 00:08:02.000 Most many people cite financial issues for why they get uh divorced, and then you have, oh god lord, uh they are good in-laws, uh, but you know, um they add that to the there, and then maybe you have kids, oh five, and and and all of a sudden you don't realize this you start adding. 00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:07.839 And what we fail to realize through all of this is we start carrying more. 00:08:08.319 --> 00:08:11.040 There's more weight on us than ever before. 00:08:11.199 --> 00:08:12.319 And then you're like, oh, you know what? 00:08:12.399 --> 00:08:13.920 I need to take care of myself. 00:08:14.319 --> 00:08:18.000 Okay, squat day, uh, care of myself as well. 00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:23.120 And and what happens is we've added, but we haven't adjusted. 00:08:24.399 --> 00:08:33.679 And so our structure, if we're not careful, if we're not wise, if we don't pay attention, if we don't change, what will happen is this will become too heavy. 00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:44.320 Not that it was bad, but that we just didn't adjust and change in light of the added stress and strain. 00:08:44.960 --> 00:08:54.159 In fact, as we're talking about uh date and details in that video, that was us realizing life had changed. 00:08:55.039 --> 00:09:06.000 We were no longer able to connect in the way we always had because we added three kids to the mix who are little and we didn't have any time to connect. 00:09:06.080 --> 00:09:09.840 And so the only time, and I can't tell you, I hate it. 00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:13.919 I and I should probably clean the bricks before I take them from my backyard. 00:09:14.240 --> 00:09:22.080 I hate pain for a fight, it's the worst, and yet we did it. 00:09:23.279 --> 00:09:35.919 And if you're not careful, if you don't make an adjustment, that stress and that strain can cause such erosion and damage. 00:09:36.080 --> 00:09:48.159 Uh, what I want to talk about today is actually a principle that we stumbled upon early on and have found it to be consistently true through the course of our marriage. 00:09:48.480 --> 00:10:01.440 Just this is one of those things that if I sit down with whether you're a single person or married couple, for any length of time and we're talking about life, um, we're gonna talk about this principle at some point. 00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:07.600 And what I love about it is I stumbled upon it because of pains in our life. 00:10:07.759 --> 00:10:15.759 And I'm like, oh, and and you probably have thought this, so this is probably not a new even thought to you, but I hope a reminder and helpful to you. 00:10:15.919 --> 00:10:23.120 Um but then what's amazing is we stumble upon these things and then later find out that, like God said them thousands of years ago. 00:10:23.360 --> 00:10:41.279 In fact, like 3,000 years ago in the book of Ecclesiastes, God wrote something that was so incredibly helpful that if we have ears to hear, it can help us navigate the stress to the structure of our relationships, of our personal lives, of our marriages, of our families. 00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:46.240 And so if you got your Bibles, would you open up to Ecclesiastes chapter 3, verse 1? 00:10:46.480 --> 00:10:49.440 Ecclesiastes chapter 3, verse 1. 00:10:49.679 --> 00:10:54.000 In it, uh Solomon writes this very famous passage. 00:10:54.480 --> 00:11:00.799 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. 00:11:01.279 --> 00:11:19.519 A time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to uproot, a time to kill, and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:28.720 Before I give you the principle, I just want to make a couple observations from what Solomon tells us here. 00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:31.200 First, uh, we are all subject to time. 00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:32.000 We get this. 00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:33.679 We forget this though. 00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:36.480 We're all subject to time. 00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:45.840 Here's what's amazing it doesn't matter what's in your bank account, we all have the same amount of time, the same amount of hours in a day. 00:11:46.080 --> 00:11:50.159 Time is your most valuable, our most valuable resource. 00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:52.159 You cannot make more time. 00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:54.720 You do not get time back. 00:11:55.039 --> 00:12:00.000 And so it's a really bad idea to kill time, which we do all the time, right? 00:12:02.399 --> 00:12:05.039 We're all subject to time. 00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:12.240 And in fact, this word here for time means a proper and suitable moment for an event. 00:12:12.480 --> 00:12:18.240 Here's what Solomon's saying there is a proper time for everything. 00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:22.639 So it means that there are times when it's not the right time. 00:12:24.000 --> 00:12:26.399 We don't have to do it all. 00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:28.559 In fact, we can't do it all. 00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:33.519 And just because you can doesn't necessarily mean you should. 00:12:34.639 --> 00:12:41.440 Not every opportunity we come across is the best opportunity or the right time. 00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:48.399 I can tell you, I know a number of friends who have gotten promoted and promoted and promoted. 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:56.320 And yet what happened was when you get promoted is it adds stress to the structure, doesn't it? 00:12:56.639 --> 00:13:08.480 You're like, amazing, I got more money, and then they give me more money because they're adding more stress, more responsibility, more oversight, more nights out. 00:13:10.159 --> 00:13:19.440 And unfortunately, if they could go back and do it again, they would choose maybe not that promotion and more time with their kids. 00:13:19.600 --> 00:13:28.320 You know, uh this the whole idea that the you know, when your kids are young, it feels like the days are long but the years are short, right? 00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:29.840 It's really true. 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:34.480 And you don't get that time back. 00:13:34.960 --> 00:13:43.120 In fact, what's interesting is um research tells us marital satisfaction follows this U-shaped curve. 00:13:43.679 --> 00:14:05.279 Um in it in the Journal of Marriage and Family say marital satisfaction often follows a U-shaped curve with high satisfaction at the beginning, honeymoon stage, a dip during the child rearing years, shocker, uh, and an increase in the later years as couple adjust as couples adjust to new phases of life. 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:08.320 And here's what he's saying there's a time for everything. 00:14:08.480 --> 00:14:13.360 In fact, this was a piece of advice during those early years that was so helpful for me. 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:21.360 I remember an older man said, Ryan, you need to learn to love the mundanity. 00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:24.000 I'm like, what do you mean? 00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:32.159 Well, when your kids are small and toddler in grade school or big infant and all that sort of stuff, life's pretty mundane. 00:14:32.639 --> 00:14:36.399 It's not sexy, it's not adventurous. 00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:42.639 You wake up, you work, you wipe butts, you go to bed exhausted. 00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:44.559 That's life. 00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:57.519 And yet everything that's sold to us about what's life is like you should be living your best life out there, and you're watching on social media, everybody do the most amazing things, and you're like, whatever. 00:14:57.600 --> 00:15:01.759 And he says, learn to love the mundanity, learn to love the mundane. 00:15:03.039 --> 00:15:07.919 Because life, life is not just, you know, we're subject to time. 00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:09.600 Life is seasons. 00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:10.960 That's what he said. 00:15:11.039 --> 00:15:12.799 There's a season for every activity. 00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:14.559 Life is seasons. 00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:18.639 Season here is an appointed time, a specified time. 00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:21.440 Something will happen. 00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:27.759 Life is seasons, meaning everything only lasts so long. 00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:35.039 Especially, guys, if you have newborns, you feel like this is your life forever. 00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:37.519 You'll never sleep the same. 00:15:37.759 --> 00:15:40.639 Well, you never sleep ever again. 00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:45.360 It feels like it's gonna last forever, and yet the reality is it's a season. 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:57.759 We have the honeymoon season, the career building season, early parenthood, midlife season when you're maybe having teenagers or walking along, aging parents, empty nester season, retirement. 00:15:58.480 --> 00:16:00.559 Life is season. 00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:02.159 Everything lasts so long. 00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:05.679 So we gotta understand life is not static. 00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:07.200 Think about it. 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:18.000 In the macro of life, you can break down your years from the spring to the summer to the autumn to the winter years. 00:16:18.320 --> 00:16:24.480 And you can even look at that in the micro side of it of what season am I in? 00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:29.120 And so as a result, marriage is a series of seasons. 00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:31.519 It's not one season. 00:16:31.679 --> 00:16:34.240 And I know we get this, but we have to remind ourselves. 00:16:34.399 --> 00:16:37.200 It's a series of seasons. 00:16:37.440 --> 00:16:38.639 Uh in fact, uh Dr. 00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:40.399 Lewis Smead wrote this. 00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:41.360 This is so good. 00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:44.240 Uh, if you've never read anything of his, I'd encourage you. 00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:45.440 He's a brilliant mind. 00:16:45.679 --> 00:16:52.720 He said, When I married my wife, I had hardly, hardly a smidgen of sense for what I was getting into with her. 00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:56.720 How could I know how much she would change over 25 years? 00:16:56.960 --> 00:16:59.679 How could I know how much I would change? 00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:05.039 My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed. 00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:07.920 And each of the five has been me. 00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:14.160 The connecting link with my old self has always been the memory of the name I took on back there. 00:17:14.559 --> 00:17:18.079 I am he who will be there with you. 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:24.480 When we slough off that name, lose that identity, we can hardly find ourselves again. 00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:27.440 Marriage is a season, a series of seasons. 00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:30.400 We are so we become different people. 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:33.440 We are changed through all the different years. 00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:35.920 It's not static, it's dynamic. 00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:45.440 In fact, when we think about the seasons of marriage, did you know that most divorces occur within the first seven years, between year three and year seven? 00:17:45.839 --> 00:17:51.359 And couples who are married 10 years, there's only a 4% rate of divorce. 00:17:51.440 --> 00:17:52.799 And here's part of the reason why. 00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:58.559 Two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy within five years. 00:17:59.119 --> 00:17:59.680 Why? 00:18:00.319 --> 00:18:04.319 Because life and marriage, it's seasonal. 00:18:04.720 --> 00:18:07.440 There's seasons that we go in and go out of. 00:18:07.599 --> 00:18:08.799 And so here's the principle. 00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:10.319 Here's the principle. 00:18:10.559 --> 00:18:15.839 Every new season of life almost always requires a new rhythm for life. 00:18:16.079 --> 00:18:27.440 How are we going to manage the added stresses to the structure that we're starting to carry and we step into a new season that adds probably a new stress? 00:18:27.599 --> 00:18:30.400 Maybe it's the kids' season, maybe it's career, maybe it's a move. 00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:36.480 Whatever that season is, what we have to realize is every single new season of life. 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:45.279 Maybe it's moving from high school to college, college to career, single to married, married to kids. 00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:48.000 Maybe it's moving into retirement. 00:18:48.559 --> 00:18:51.279 Like, well, could that add stressor? 00:18:52.079 --> 00:18:54.000 Talk to some retired people. 00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:55.519 Absolutely. 00:18:56.000 --> 00:19:01.039 Every single season in life almost always requires a new rhythm in life. 00:19:01.119 --> 00:19:08.400 Now here's the issue: we get into a rut when we bring our old rhythms into our new season. 00:19:09.279 --> 00:19:14.720 This is where we try to we try to address life and we don't change the things we're doing. 00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:20.480 We don't address the structure, we don't address the rhythms, we bring those old rhythms into the new season. 00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:22.240 That's where we get into ruts. 00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:24.960 I'll give you just a silly example. 00:19:25.519 --> 00:19:31.119 When we first got married, um, so I grew up uh really predominantly in a household of boys. 00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:33.920 It was basketball driven, boy driven. 00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:44.720 I have a little sister, she's amazing, but she's six and a half years younger than me, you know, and so uh twin older brothers, and and and then you know, go off to college, my roommate, we played college volleyball together. 00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:47.759 We're uh we just we talked boy. 00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:49.279 We just talked boy. 00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:56.640 Um, and so uh I remember the first year of being married to Jenny, I I talked boy to her. 00:19:57.599 --> 00:20:03.279 And and I I didn't know I talked boy, I just I I I I just did it. 00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:10.559 And so, you know, for example, if the trash needed to be taken out, I I said, hey Jenny, take out the trash. 00:20:11.599 --> 00:20:12.240 Yeah. 00:20:12.799 --> 00:20:14.240 And then she was mad. 00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:16.319 And I don't know why. 00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:20.480 I'm like, she's like, oh my gosh, don't tell me like you're commanding me. 00:20:20.559 --> 00:20:21.920 That sounds so harsh. 00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:24.240 I'm like, what do you mean? 00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:26.079 I just said, take out the trash. 00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:29.759 Like, like me and Steve, my roommate, we said that stuff to each other all the time. 00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:30.240 I didn't care. 00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:31.680 I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, you're right, I'll do that. 00:20:31.759 --> 00:20:33.279 Or no, man, I need you to do that. 00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:40.319 And then here's what she would say to me, Brian, would you like to take out the trash? 00:20:41.759 --> 00:20:43.359 And then I'd say no. 00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:47.759 Because I don't like taking trash out. 00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:48.880 That's never been a thing. 00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:53.519 I'd never woken up once in my entire life and said, Wow, what do I want to do today? 00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:55.279 I'd like to take out the trash. 00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:59.200 I will do it, but I don't like doing it, and there's a difference. 00:20:59.359 --> 00:21:04.160 But I just didn't know how to talk, and I brought my old ways of communicating. 00:21:04.319 --> 00:21:06.480 Oh, we do this all the time, don't we? 00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:13.599 Our old ways of communicating, our old ways of relating into this new season of marriage. 00:21:14.960 --> 00:21:25.440 And then when we have kids, we can bring the old ways maybe of parenting or the way we are parented into that new season. 00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:31.359 We get into ruts when we bring our old rhythms into our new seasons. 00:21:31.599 --> 00:21:33.279 Now, here's what's interesting. 00:21:33.440 --> 00:21:34.960 Um Dr. 00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:48.960 John Gottman, he's a prominent marriage researcher, found that couples who can adapt to life changes and maintain a positive perspective during different seasons tend to have a stronger, more resilient marriage. 00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:58.319 His research emphasizes the importance of being attuned to the changes and challenges that come with different stages of life. 00:21:58.880 --> 00:21:59.599 Every new season. 00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:01.200 This is what I want you to walk away. 00:22:01.279 --> 00:22:05.039 I want you to remember, every new season, am I entering into a new season? 00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:11.839 I need to ask: does my rhythm help me or hurt me in this season? 00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:15.680 What rhythms do I need in light of the season I'm in? 00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:20.480 So let me give you, and we'll just go through maybe three seasons to strengthen the structure. 00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:24.240 Solomon and Ecclesiastes gave us these seasons. 00:22:24.400 --> 00:22:26.880 The first one is beginnings and endings. 00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:29.039 Beginnings and endings. 00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:35.599 Beginnings and endings, these are major meaningful transitions. 00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:42.799 He says there's a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot. 00:22:43.039 --> 00:22:52.799 So anytime you step into something new, new marriage, new career, a new move, kids. 00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:57.359 And the reality is you can often see these seasons on the horizon. 00:22:57.440 --> 00:22:59.759 They rarely come as a surprise. 00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:04.240 You can see they're coming ahead, just like we're stepping into the summer season. 00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:06.400 You know, summer's coming. 00:23:06.720 --> 00:23:09.759 We know that our kids are going to have three months off. 00:23:09.920 --> 00:23:13.039 And as a result, since you can see them on the horizon, what do you say? 00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:16.720 There's a time to plant, there's a time to sow, and there's a time to uproot. 00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:25.519 One of the sowing things that my wife started doing in the summer season was we would take this passage, Luke 2.52. 00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:31.519 It says, uh, and Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and with man. 00:23:31.759 --> 00:23:32.480 And I love it. 00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:33.759 She's gone, like, think about this. 00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:34.799 This is mind-blowing. 00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:40.400 That if Jesus grew, like he grew, he learned, he developed, how much more should we? 00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:42.240 And do we need that? 00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:49.839 And so we just take a simple thing as a family where wey, we see the summer season, the time, summer's a time of development and growth. 00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:51.839 It's it's you got some extra time. 00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:52.960 You have extra daylight. 00:23:53.039 --> 00:23:55.680 There's things that you can do in the summer that you can't do in the winter. 00:23:55.920 --> 00:23:58.559 And so we just go through kind of four areas together. 00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:01.599 We we do it, uh Jenny and I, we do it with our kids. 00:24:01.680 --> 00:24:03.119 Like Jesus grew in wisdom. 00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:05.440 Okay, so personally, where do you need to grow? 00:24:05.599 --> 00:24:07.359 What do you want to develop this summer? 00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:09.200 He grew in wisdom and stature. 00:24:09.279 --> 00:24:10.240 That's physical. 00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:12.559 Like, physically, what do you need to do? 00:24:12.880 --> 00:24:18.160 He grew in favor with God, well, spiritually, and then favor with man relationally. 00:24:18.400 --> 00:24:24.559 And we just look at those four areas, and as our kids get older and have gotten older, they're now teenagers, they work on that. 00:24:24.640 --> 00:24:25.759 We're actually in process. 00:24:25.839 --> 00:24:27.200 So it's not like we have this all figured out. 00:24:27.279 --> 00:24:32.640 We were gonna do it this last week and uh it didn't work out, so we're gonna do it this next week because that's life, right? 00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:36.000 But we're going through this process together. 00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:42.880 You have these different seasons, beginnings and endings, major seasons of life. 00:24:43.200 --> 00:24:47.119 Um, and he says there is a time to plant. 00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:50.799 That means to establish or to sow. 00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:56.400 We sow today to reap a harvest in the future. 00:24:56.960 --> 00:25:01.039 You never reap in the same season that you sow. 00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:03.519 Do you see a new season on the horizon? 00:25:03.599 --> 00:25:06.079 Is there some things that you need to sow right now? 00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:11.599 You know, the season that we're in uh in our marriage is we're in the launching season of our kid. 00:25:11.759 --> 00:25:21.680 Our oldest uh has completed her first year of college, our middle, a year from now, I'm gonna be crying my eyes up on the stage here as I send him off, you know, again. 00:25:21.759 --> 00:25:25.200 And then our middle or youngest is starting uh high school. 00:25:25.359 --> 00:25:46.240 We're in this just launching phase, so we can see on the horizon, we can see ahead that there's a there's the ending of a certain parenting stage that we've been in for the last almost 20 years, and there's a beginning of an empty nest stage, potentially there is a boomerang effect that happens quite a bit, but potentially there's the ending of that parenting phase. 00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:51.839 At very least, it's a changing from parenting kids to parenting adult kids. 00:25:52.799 --> 00:25:55.279 And so we looked at some sewing now. 00:25:55.440 --> 00:25:57.279 What does our marriage need now? 00:25:57.599 --> 00:26:04.720 Because of how much focus and time and energy that we have given, and rightfully so needs to be with our kids. 00:26:04.880 --> 00:26:06.319 And then it says uproot. 00:26:06.799 --> 00:26:09.119 Is there anything that you need to uproot? 00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:14.480 Like just get rid of in your marriage or in your life? 00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:19.839 Maybe it's bad habits, maybe it's past wounds, unhealthy patterns. 00:26:20.240 --> 00:26:23.759 The first season, the strength and the structure, beginnings and endings. 00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:26.319 The second is like it, but a little different. 00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:28.400 It's stopping and starting. 00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:29.279 Stopping and starting. 00:26:29.359 --> 00:26:34.640 It says a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build. 00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:36.400 Uh, this is stopping and starting. 00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:44.720 If beginnings and endings are major transitions that you can see on the horizon, this is you are in a season for a time. 00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:50.319 And you recognize that, oh, this season isn't a season anymore. 00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:52.640 This is a cycle of life. 00:26:53.119 --> 00:26:56.240 I'm actually not in a season, this beginning and ending. 00:26:56.319 --> 00:27:00.000 I'm actually caught in a pattern, a habitual pattern of life. 00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:03.119 And I need to stop some things and I need to start some things. 00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:05.279 I think one of the great questions, am I caught? 00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:09.359 Am I in a season or am I caught or stuck in a cycle? 00:27:09.839 --> 00:27:23.039 One of the things that we've talked about before for my wife and I is one of the big areas we found is we are fantastic doers, we get stuff done, and we we're just like, go, go, go. 00:27:24.720 --> 00:27:38.240 And what we want to grow in is to be better beers, to be present, to not be so task-driven and and and caught up in the tyranny of the urgence, but investing in different areas. 00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:39.200 So here's where we go. 00:27:39.279 --> 00:27:42.000 Like, there's some things we have to stop, and it's really hard. 00:27:42.160 --> 00:27:45.200 In fact, my word of the year, this sounds so lame. 00:27:45.519 --> 00:27:47.839 My word of the year, every year I do a word of the year. 00:27:48.000 --> 00:27:52.319 Sometimes we've done it as a church, but my word of the year this year is boundaries. 00:27:53.359 --> 00:27:54.799 I know, cool, right? 00:27:54.960 --> 00:27:56.640 You're like, that's amazing. 00:27:56.880 --> 00:27:58.720 And I reread the book by Dr. 00:27:58.799 --> 00:28:10.160 Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Boundaries, because like boundaries is that guardrails around your life that you, you know, you have a gate and it keeps the bad out and it lets the good in. 00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:16.160 I'm like, where do I need to set boundaries so that we can be better beers instead of doers? 00:28:16.400 --> 00:28:17.920 Because this is not a season. 00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:21.920 This has become a way of life that is not good for us. 00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:25.519 Is there something for you that you need to stop? 00:28:26.960 --> 00:28:28.720 Something for you that you need to start? 00:28:28.799 --> 00:28:29.680 It says it's time to kill. 00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:31.519 And you're like, well, that's pretty intense. 00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:36.000 You might want to jot down 1 Timothy 6.12. 00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:42.160 And in it, the Apostle Paul urges Timothy to flee from some things. 00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:45.519 In fact, the scripture will tell us flee from sexual immorality. 00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:48.640 So let me ask you, what do you need to run from? 00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:53.759 We run from the things that if they catch us, they'll overtake us. 00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:56.799 That's why the scripture tells us to flee from sexual immorality. 00:28:56.880 --> 00:28:59.759 You let that in, it's gonna don't resist it, run from it. 00:28:59.839 --> 00:29:00.880 Do you need to run from something? 00:29:01.039 --> 00:29:03.759 Then later on in the passage it says, fight the good fight. 00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:05.519 There are good fights to fight. 00:29:05.759 --> 00:29:08.000 There are not good fights to fight as well. 00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:11.599 But let me ask you, what do you need to fight for? 00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:16.400 Certainly, there's times where we fight in our marriages. 00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:20.000 But do you need to fight for your marriage? 00:29:21.519 --> 00:29:23.200 Maybe you've become apathetic. 00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:24.799 This is just the way it is. 00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:30.480 Just kind of settle instead of fighting for your marriage. 00:29:30.720 --> 00:29:32.319 Then there's a time to heal. 00:29:34.240 --> 00:29:38.160 Let me ask you, where do you need to repair and restore? 00:29:39.759 --> 00:29:42.480 Where you go, you know, there's some harm that I've done. 00:29:42.720 --> 00:29:44.000 Or potential. 00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:47.119 I think as dads, especially, we have to be aware of that. 00:29:47.519 --> 00:29:53.839 To say I'm sorry is one of the best practices a dad or a mom can do for their kids. 00:29:54.559 --> 00:29:55.599 To repair. 00:29:56.559 --> 00:30:04.160 Where do you need repairing and restoring and the healing grace of God? 00:30:04.640 --> 00:30:08.079 And it says to tear down and to build. 00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:12.720 Like this is this demoing some things. 00:30:12.799 --> 00:30:14.720 Like there's some stuff that is just hard work. 00:30:14.799 --> 00:30:18.079 You gotta demo to rebuild to have new construction. 00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:23.440 What are those rhythms? 00:30:23.519 --> 00:30:24.720 What are those things? 00:30:25.039 --> 00:30:38.799 Maybe you set out with a dream for your marriage, and you're five years down the road, maybe you're seven years down the road, you're ten years down the road, and you're so far from your dream, and there's so much drift, and you're like, that could never happen. 00:30:38.960 --> 00:30:44.400 And you're right, under the curtain circumstances and the way you're going about it, and what you're carrying, you're right. 00:30:44.559 --> 00:31:09.759 And so, would you take some time and would it be so good for you if you allow some tearing down and going, we gotta demo some stuff, some ways of being that we've we've just accepted this is the way we're gonna respond and treat one another and act, and the way we're gonna just hold one another in our hearts and our minds, and actually begin to go, you know, let's intentionally begin to build something back afresh. 00:31:10.480 --> 00:31:12.000 It takes hard work. 00:31:12.559 --> 00:31:16.640 It often takes outside help because if you're gonna do that on a home, you're gonna get a what? 00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:18.400 Contractor. 00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:25.359 What do you need to build or tear down? 00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:33.920 First season, beginnings and ending, second, stopping and starting, third, sorrow and celebration. 00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:36.559 Because life is a mixture. 00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:44.160 A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. 00:31:45.119 --> 00:31:48.880 Sorrow is often the unwelcome companion of life, isn't it? 00:31:50.319 --> 00:31:51.920 And both are important. 00:31:54.160 --> 00:31:58.960 By the way, with celebration, never think of celebrating as unspiritual. 00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:02.160 Both are needed. 00:32:02.640 --> 00:32:05.519 Sorrow and celebration. 00:32:06.559 --> 00:32:20.079 Uh, some of the rhythms that we've adopted, we don't we no longer do the Dayton details because we have more time to connect on those areas, but some of the rhythms now with teenage kids is we try to connect daily. 00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:22.640 It doesn't happen daily. 00:32:23.279 --> 00:32:23.599 Right? 00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:32.160 So, first I want you to, I'm gonna share some things that we try to do as consistently as we can, and we don't do it as consistently as we'd like. 00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:33.440 That's life. 00:32:33.680 --> 00:32:37.440 But what I don't want you to hear is like, oh, well, they do this and we're sucking. 00:32:37.599 --> 00:32:39.519 No, we're we're all growing. 00:32:39.759 --> 00:32:41.279 We're all growing. 00:32:41.519 --> 00:32:44.640 So we try to connect daily over the summer because it's nice out. 00:32:44.799 --> 00:32:46.640 We're we're just hanging out in the backyard. 00:32:46.720 --> 00:32:47.759 We sit in the backyard. 00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:49.119 So you know what I call it? 00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:50.000 It's terrible. 00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:51.440 I call it sits. 00:32:52.400 --> 00:32:52.960 Yeah. 00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:54.960 I'm like, hey, you want a sits? 00:32:55.119 --> 00:32:59.920 You know, I know it sounds terrible, but it's fun to say for me. 00:33:00.079 --> 00:33:02.079 And so my wife thinks it's dumb. 00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:04.000 And I'm like, that's kind of fun for me too. 00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:10.720 And so I say sits, and so and we try to connect daily and just sit and talk about our day. 00:33:10.960 --> 00:33:13.119 We didn't do that yesterday. 00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:20.480 We try to sit with our family around a meal daily, but we don't do it daily. 00:33:20.559 --> 00:33:26.079 In fact, this week we did it last night, and I can't remember the rest of the week. 00:33:26.319 --> 00:33:28.880 I don't know how many times we did it the rest of the week. 00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:30.319 I just remember last night. 00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:31.599 It was a crazy week. 00:33:31.680 --> 00:33:34.799 I think we did it a couple times, but we try to sit together as a family. 00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:39.519 When we sit around the table as a family, we often just go, uh, ask what's your high and low? 00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:42.559 Just to hear from everybody a part of their day. 00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:45.440 Jenny and I, we try to date weekly. 00:33:45.599 --> 00:33:47.680 We try to go on a date every week. 00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:49.839 We didn't this week. 00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:52.480 But we did last week. 00:33:53.200 --> 00:33:56.720 But we try to just get a day intentionally together. 00:33:56.960 --> 00:34:00.400 We try to get away a couple times a year, just the two of us. 00:34:00.640 --> 00:34:04.000 When they're small, kids are small, it's almost impossible. 00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:08.719 One night away will do wonders for your marriage. 00:34:09.119 --> 00:34:10.480 And God will multiply. 00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:12.239 I've just found this to be so true. 00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:17.679 We get away from one night, and it feels like God multiplied the time, like he extended it somehow. 00:34:17.760 --> 00:34:21.199 And she's like, wow, it was incredible. 00:34:22.239 --> 00:34:27.440 Um, one of those times we got away a couple times uh a couple days. 00:34:27.599 --> 00:34:30.079 It was for my 40th few years back. 00:34:30.320 --> 00:34:37.920 And so we got away for two nights, and then one of the practices that we've adopted in the last three or four years is Jenny Allen. 00:34:38.079 --> 00:34:39.039 She has this resource. 00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:42.000 You can look it up, Jenny Allen uh Dream Guide. 00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:44.480 And she has this resource she publishes every single year. 00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:45.760 It's called a dream guide. 00:34:45.840 --> 00:34:53.679 Uh, the front page just simply is a page and it says things to grieve from the past year, things to celebrate. 00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:59.199 The first year we did that my 40th birthday is uh 2021. 00:35:00.960 --> 00:35:03.119 We didn't get past the first page. 00:35:06.159 --> 00:35:10.239 And we kind of started out and like, oh, we got nothing to grieve. 00:35:11.360 --> 00:35:31.920 And we started talking about it, and all of a sudden, see the thing is if you don't create the time to grieve, you carry things you don't even realize you're carrying, and it's a weight, and God wants to heal it, and he wants to use you together to bring healing and wholeness with each other, but we just carry it because we keep ourselves so busy in life, don't we? 00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:41.679 And we we spend hours and we're crying together, and we just grieved. 00:35:43.039 --> 00:35:50.880 We grieved some loss of friendships, some people who moved, some things that had happened, some wounds that incurred. 00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:58.239 And it was powerful, and it just was a rhythm that we embraced, and now we do it just annually. 00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:08.000 We get time away, we get away from the hustle and bustle, we do get out of the house and we spend a night somewhere and just create that time. 00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:10.559 Sorrow and celebration. 00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:14.719 There's a time for it because life is a mixture. 00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:23.039 It's interesting in our world because with sorrow and grieving, we try to avoid suffering, don't we? 00:36:23.440 --> 00:36:24.960 We try to ignore it. 00:36:26.719 --> 00:36:31.119 And yet suffering is inevitable in life. 00:36:31.519 --> 00:36:36.320 Grieving is a part of the fabric of our lives. 00:36:36.880 --> 00:36:42.320 And so we have to learn to suffer well and we have to teach our kids how to suffer well. 00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:47.519 Three seasons beginnings, endings, stopping, starting, sorrow, and celebration. 00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:54.559 Let me ask you what season personally are you in or entering? 00:36:55.039 --> 00:36:55.920 Have you thought of it? 00:36:56.239 --> 00:37:00.719 What season are you in presently or are you about to enter? 00:37:00.960 --> 00:37:07.199 And then as a result, what rhythms do you need to embrace or replace? 00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:15.360 And then for your marriage or for your family, what season are you in? 00:37:16.159 --> 00:37:20.559 By the way, personally, you can be in one season and your marriage in another. 00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:23.679 You need to answer both of them. 00:37:24.960 --> 00:37:26.239 What season are you in? 00:37:26.320 --> 00:37:27.840 What things are you carrying? 00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:32.480 Have you made any adjustment along the way, or is the weight just getting heavier? 00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:37.920 And sometimes the weight is just getting heavier for one spouse and not the other. 00:37:39.440 --> 00:37:45.199 And that's a conversation you need to have of like, you know what, I'm carrying all this and it's getting too heavy. 00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:47.599 We need to change some stuff. 00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:52.639 And what rhythms do you need to embrace? 00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:57.519 Or replace. 00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:04.639 Because every new season of life almost always requires a new rhythm for life. 00:38:05.760 --> 00:38:12.480 And we get in ruts, not because it's just like inevitable, you just bring the old rhythms into our new season. 00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:15.760 And so I'm going to invite the band to come on up. 00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:18.400 And as we close, I just want to invite you. 00:38:21.119 --> 00:38:22.719 Would you take a moment? 00:38:23.440 --> 00:38:27.039 And if you're taking notes, you can write it down on your notes. 00:38:27.519 --> 00:38:31.199 If you want to, you can jot it in your phone. 00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:36.960 But would you take a moment and identify what season you're in? 00:38:38.559 --> 00:38:40.880 Is it a beginning and ending? 00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:44.800 Is there sorrow and celebration? 00:38:47.119 --> 00:38:49.119 Is there some things you need to stop? 00:38:49.840 --> 00:38:50.800 Or start? 00:38:56.480 --> 00:39:00.559 What rhythms do you need to embrace replace? 00:39:00.639 --> 00:39:02.880 I today I just wanted to give you ideas. 00:39:03.440 --> 00:39:05.840 Not to copy or do anything that we're doing. 00:39:05.920 --> 00:39:09.519 These are just things that we've learned and practices that are helpful to us. 00:39:09.840 --> 00:39:11.679 If it's helpful to you, wonderful. 00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:14.800 If it sparks a new and better idea, even better. 00:39:15.039 --> 00:39:15.360 Okay? 00:39:16.800 --> 00:39:23.440 But take the time, process with the Holy Spirit, and allow him to guide you. 00:39:24.320 --> 00:39:26.559 We hope you are blessed by this message. 00:39:26.719 --> 00:39:31.119 Please subscribe to our podcast for access to every episode as they're uploaded. 00:39:31.360 --> 00:39:33.440 And hey, we'd love to connect with you. 00:39:33.599 --> 00:39:39.519 Take a next step by filling out our virtual connection card at awakeningchurch.com slash card.