The Vampire Files - Fact, Fiction, or Fear?

Is there anything sexier than a vampire? 

That depends on what culture you're from. 
Xander & Stone jump right into the topic of the science, history, and folklore of vampires from around the globe.  

Warning - if dangling intestines and cadaver-enthusiasts ain't your thing...you might want to block your ears.

Don't forget to subscribe/follow Xander & Stone Podcast and share it with your tribe! 

IG: xspodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:08

This week, our featured artist of the week is Stateless. And they're an English electronic band based in Leeds and London. And the song that we're promoting is Bloodstream, that was featured in a crucial episode of Vampire Diaries. Because today we're talking about vampires. I have with me Xander the Great.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Thank you, my darling. It's so lovely to be here with you again. Of course, you are the unconquerable grand chess master and quilting enthusiast.

SPEAKER_05 0:35

All true.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

The wonderful stone. Yeah. Definitely, definitely a grand chess master. That is an absolute fact. You can go and Google that everybody's Stone Grand Chess Master. Google it. Absolute lies. Yeah. We give truth scope. We do, we do. We want to keep the listeners guessing. And while I'm rambling on, that immediately brings me up to the first thing that I just want to mention today. That from uh from today moving forward, we're going to change the format of our podcast a little. After reflection on season one, episode one, we've decided that we're going to be saving all of our shout-outs. And this kind of thing, this kind of housekeepy sort of chit-chat, we're going to save it to the end of our episodes because we know that a lot of folks like to just jump in and listen to the content immediately. So in future, and this episode and the ones coming out in the future, all the shout-outs to our listeners and our housekeeping type of stuff will be at the end of each episode. And we're just going to dive right into the content. So without further ado, Stone, take it away.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Jumping in. So I did the science of the suspicion of vampirism to figure out where all of this came from. So and a quick thank you to KQED and Science Bravewaves for lending themselves to my research. So we have um starting off, Paul Barber has a book called Vampires Burial and Death. And he believes that the vampire mythology was from pre-industrial society trying to explain the process of decomposition. Okay. So if a cadaver looked unexpectedly well preserved, they were a vampire. Much like Salem witchcraft trials. If you if you drowned, you were a vampire. And if you I mean a witch and if you if you floated, you weren't. It's ridiculous to us.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

One of the most ridiculous things, if you drown, if we dunk you in this water and you happen to die, we know you were a witch. Like we know you were a witch if you die when you're drowning. Which to me makes no because any reasonable person is going to go ahead and drown when they're dunked underwater, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:49

So it seems like a bit.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

I thought I well, you think it was reasonable, but apparently, and whenever that was 1600, 1700, 1800, and whatever. Um, absolutely, absolutely quite the opposite was true. I'm so very glad. I'm so very glad science has come a long way. And that we we we now actually understand that when you immerse people underwater for any length of time, they're probably not going to come back. Probably not. Probably not.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

So so luckily we're past the witch trials. And and two, it comes back to the point if a cadaver looked unexpectedly well and preserved the or vampires, so somehow they were studying these cadavers, which is still a mystery to me. Nonetheless, they were they were big cadaver peepers, I guess. So his his theory cadaver enthusiasts. Yeah, it's a cadaver enthusiast. So his theory is that the victims of tuberculosis were the f were considered the first victims. And so they would dig them up and drive a stake through their heart. Good. And the decomposing corpses would release accumulated gases that sound suspiciously like a groan. Okay. So again, must be a vampire.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Must be a vampire, yeah. And especially, you know, when you get a stake driven through your heart and there's a sound, it's gonna raise a couple of eyebrows from the car of cadaver enthusiast groups.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

I've got I've got a question. I don't know if I don't know if you've uh if you're gonna touch on this later though. When they say that a cadaver looks suspiciously good, I mean, is there some sort of a chart? Like, is there what what is the what is the grading criteria?

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Like, is there a after two weeks it should look a bit like this, and uh, you know, three months it should look like that, and after seven months definitely needs to look like this. What is the where did they where did they gauge like what a what a cadaver should look like at what stage?

SPEAKER_03 4:35

I feel like they had an app downloaded on a smart board. I can't swear to this, but since we started out lying, we'll just keep going.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

There was some guy just chiseling away in the back, just chiseling away, doing updates, um, you know, updating, updating their I.O. stone. That's wonderful. Here we let it grow.

SPEAKER_03 4:57

Again, it's a mystery. Who was the first person that said, let's just go ahead and stab it and see what happens.

SPEAKER_05 5:03

See what happens.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

It seems more diabolical than just laying there, but let's let's go ahead and see what happens if we poke it with a stick.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

It was probably some like creepy guy, some creepy guy in like a mausoleum or something who got in there and was just like, you know, a little bit curious, found a stick lying on the floor, gave it a poke, heard a groan, and thought, oh shit, I'm out of here.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

This one's not dead yet.

SPEAKER_03 5:27

But apparently, funeral directors say that corpses make sound anyway, even without the staking, which is terrifying. And I think you've looked into mortuary science, which is unnerving. I have.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Do do tell. Look, I mean, when I say I've looked into mortuary science, it means I've watched a couple of videos on YouTube. And um just a quick little backstory. I work with living humans as most of us do. Um, part of my job is to engage with the living on a daily basis. And after a few years of doing that, you kind of get a little bit strung out in living people. And I thought, well, you know, how can if if I were to change careers completely and go in the opposite direction, the opposite of the living is the dead. Um, so I might just explore working in mortuary sciences. Um, you know, I mean, it's it's one of those ideas that you think, oh, it's fine, I'll just go and walk in and work in the mortuary sciences, I'll be a mortician or I'll be a funeral director. It'll be okay. With that said, I've never seen a dead body in my life. So I don't actually honestly know what my reaction's going to be.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

I I would I would like to be there for that personality. I think that's a live video we have to do for the podcast. Maybe the documented series there.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

I think also it's a career change decision that you don't want to make a mistake on. Like you don't want to get seven months into your mortuary science degree only to figure out that you cannot stomach being around a dead person.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

Um, I think it's one of those things you want to do in the middle of the phone. Poke one with a stick, see how you feel about it.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Do you think that's something that's allowed? Are you allowed to just go up to a funeral parlor and be like, hi, I'm thinking of being a funeral director. Would you mind if I had a look around? Um, could I see around the back, please?

SPEAKER_01 7:05

You could say, what's that stick for? What is that stick for? What is that stick for? What is that sound?

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Use one of mine.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

So I brought my own stick. Don't worry, I brought my own.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

So apparently, moving on with our with our poke the stick theme. Um, apparently, there is also a rare blood disease called porphyria. And people with this affliction have an enzyme deficiency that interferes with the red blood cells. And so their skin blisters and scars when they're exposed to sunlight, so they can only go out at night.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

That sounds an awful lot like me in the summer. I'm very fair-skinned. I might be a vampire. Um, I do blister and I do go very red in the summer. I go from uh white to lobster red. That all peels off, and then I'm back to Lily White again. So I've always kind of had tan envy for those people who can actually get a tan. Anyway, enough about me. Back to the side.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

You're the one, you're the one under the umbrella. I always wondered who were these people under the umbrella.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

It wasn't just under the umbrella as well. It was always the like the weird kid who had like way too much sunscreen on. You know what I mean? I was always that weird kid. Just wait, and then all the sand on the beaches sticking to you. It was just a it was a horrible and very traumatic experience in my childhood.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

To definitely not visit Arizona, but anyway. The the thing is with porphyria, uh aside from you having it, is that it is hereditary. So the thought is that there were probably concentrations of the people who suffered from it in certain pockets. So it looked pretty suspicious. Okay. So naturally, once again, they said vampire.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Of course, because again, most logical thing.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

Yeah, simplest explanation is aliens are vampires. Absolutely. That's what we've discovered so far. Then in Spain in 1735, Columbus, Columbus, Columbus, he brought back controversial cousin Columbus. Columbus, blame it on Columbus. He brought back Mays to Spain, thinking I I I can't, I assume his motive was to do something good. But what he did not do, however, was bring back the processing technique that the Aztecs and the Mayans used.

SPEAKER_04 9:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:17

And so, naturally a problem. The problem with this was that uh niacin couldn't be digested, so it led to a deficiency.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

What's niacin? Niacin is obviously some sort of a like a chemical or a mineral or a vitamin type something that's inside of corn, right?

SPEAKER_03 9:33

Uh uh yes. Yes, okay, got it.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

So your body actually so your body could so it's like it's like um like the the corn equivalent of being lactose intolerant is being niacin intolerant, is that you're, you know, if you're lactose intolerant, you can't process the lactose in dairy. And if you're niacin intolerant, you can't process the niacin in corn.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

You know, from context, I'm I'm thinking you're right. Again, maybe yeah, we're spitballing here.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Spitballing, we're really not, you know, you know, if you get a bit bloated and farty after you've had an ear of corn, don't go running to your doctor and telling them about the medical advice you heard in a podcast.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

Exactly. Well, and interestingly enough, the whole farty thing that leads me to the next point.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

More more smile.

SPEAKER_03 10:14

I've never had that as a segue before that. So speaking of farts, speaking of farts, never have I uttered this phrase. Um, so normally we look at vampires or I look at vampires as crazy sexy until I did research for the show and it they became a little less sexy to me. So symptoms include diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Awesome. Okay, okay. So now you've got to start raising like eyebrows of suspicion if you know any loved one who's up all night sitting or up, or actually, no, they'll be in during the day. They'll be in during the day because the vampires are out hunting at night and they disappear during the day. We all think they're in coffins, but now we know what's actually happening. They're in the bathroom shitting themselves.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

See, you saw that I left a dramatic pause because I knew you'd want to want to.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

You're gonna want to say something about the diarrhea. Diarrhea.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

Also, fun fact diarrhea is the one excuse that your employer is never going to argue with. If you need to call in sick, always say you've got diarrhea because nobody says, oh, but just come in anyway, you'll be fine. Like, sure, I'll come in, but I'm probably gonna shit myself. Like that everyone's just you know, stay at home. Just stay at home today. Anyway, moving on back to you.

SPEAKER_03 11:31

This is this is one I feel like a guy can get away with more than a girl. I just I just can't bring myself to something that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

Well, you see, that's on you. That's on your ability to say that you have diarrhea. Guys, we have no problem with it.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

Um I would think it through and go, oh, just go to work.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

And just now, all across the globe, everywhere that people, everywhere that people listen to our podcast tomorrow, everybody's going to be calling in with diarrhea because it's the one excuse no one ever argues.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

You know your job's bad when you're willing to go there.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

So okay, so back to back to vampiric diarrhea.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

We're back to the list. Um, diarrhea, dementia, and sensitivity to sunlight.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Okay, so that's just that's just you know an entire part of my family, basically. That's everybody over 60 in my family.

SPEAKER_03 12:17

Well, and the dementia's interesting too, is it that they didn't remember where they were last night? So clearly they must have been out killing people. Sure, sure, sure. So um skin, their skin became scaly and red with blisters or lesions would form, so it gave them the appearance that sun was burning them. Okay. And and the interesting part is this meant that the healthy red blood cells were needed because, as discussed by Whistler to Blade in the trilogy Blade, their own blood couldn't sustain hemoglobin. That makes sense. Therefore, they needed blood transfusions. That makes so much. Are you a fan of Blade Hapo?

SPEAKER_00 12:54

I am a I am a f I'm a huge fan of Blade. I've seen all of the movies. I know of uh a quote from one of the movies that I shall not repeat on this podcast.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Even though we are explicit rated and I've dropped a couple of F-bombs in my time, this one just goes a little bit, even for me, it just crosses the line a little. Um it's uh we'll we'll move on.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

You're being shockingly well behaved this time.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

I am being shockingly behaved, but that's because that's because I'm letting you do most of the talking at the moment. We haven't got to you yet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

But just going back to what you said there about the the the folks who suffered from that and had all these scaly bits and and diarrhea and dementia and things, that they were that they were suffering from low hemoglobin. So it actually makes perfect sense that a solution to their problem would be to be a vampire and ingest the blood and get the hemoglobin that they need.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

And that is exactly what they did because they needed blood transfusions, and because they weren't readily available, of course, the science solve was just to drink blood. So lending itself to the whole vampire mythology.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

So was that actually, I mean, back in the day, was that actually a remedy for this the this ailment or disease is that doctors would actually prescribe blood?

SPEAKER_03 14:01

They did in the same way they did bloodletting, and although I I'm I'm a little suspicious that they're there, I'm not gonna say it, I'm not a doctor, I don't know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Sure, but nonetheless, you know, according to blood, according to the 17th century scaly, itchy remedy doctor who was telling people to go, I don't think he was a doctor either. He might have just that's true.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

I probably have just as much of a medical background as doctors in the past.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

And you know, back in the day, I know from from history as well, like back in the day, these types of jobs were always combined.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

So you're always like the the the town barber and doctor, like you did haircuts and diagnosis. Um in fact, I think it was, I think it was either like it was some guru. I'm I'm going to say Deepak Chopra, but I'm probably wrong. It might have been Satguru who said that back in the day, a village or a town, obviously we're not talking about like modern-day metropolises, but a village or a town, you had one doctor that dealt with the entire village, and that was enough. And it's modern day lifestyles that are causing us to have more medical ailments, and therefore we need more doctors. I'm gonna say it was Satguru. So, you know, that there's there's that. You know, the doctor might have been also the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker slash medical professional.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

And and you traded chickens for your doctor's visit, so what did you expect?

SPEAKER_01 15:18

You get what you pay for, you get what you pay for, or what your insurance pays for.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

So there you go. Um, so so the thing, so the thing is when they died, their body would still twitch because they had a buildup of CO2 and their skin would dry up, revealing their fangs, which you know, some people naturally have fangs.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

Yes, and that's very sexy. It's one of the appealing kind of things that I find about people is when they've got that slight little fang on their incisors, they're a little bit pointy and they're kind of reminiscent of a vampire. Very sexy, very sexy. Okay, so I'm gonna put this I'm gonna put the shout out to the listeners right now. If any of you have those natural little fangs, or if you've had like uh dental, well not dental implants, like um, what are they called, dental veneers put on that are in the shape of fangs, go ahead and uh send us a photo on Instagram with the at Azander and Stone podcast. Hashtag my fangs, and because we want to see your fangs. We want to see your fangs.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

We want to yeah, that's that's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

I want to see their fangs.

SPEAKER_03 16:20

I wish I had bigger fangs now so I could be featured, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

We can we can we can Photoshop them in for you.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

I I I was teaching ESL side side note. I was teaching ESL and um and one of my students uh well I was teaching Twilight because they were just learning English and it's a lower level reading book to read. And so I bribed them with watching New Moon and got them all to get excited about the not a little too excited, actually. Okay, and so one of my students walked in and she had had her her fangs extended. Wow. And because her her mom was a dentist, and so I took her into the principal and I said, I've made such an impact on education, cosmetic dentistry, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Dentistry from one lesson. I gave her a reading assignment, she came back with vampire teeth. Teacher of the year, please.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

So basically, religion, biology, and the lack of understanding of biology has lended itself to vampire mythology and puzzling medical issues, and basically not understanding decomposition became the perfect recipe for dark folklore.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

Which is what you're gonna be talking about.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

Yes, I am. I am gonna talk to us a little bit about the mythology and the folklore and the history of vampires. And again, we're gonna look all the way around the world. Just going back a little bit though, um, before I before I dive into that, talking about um vampires and science, um, I did read uh a lovely article on discovermagazine.com by uh uh the author was a a guy called um John Edgar Browning, and he writes for the the Georgia, or he's he works for the Georgia Institute of Technology, and he wrote this entire article about real-life vampires, like vampires that actually exist in modern day. Um, and you know, from what I can remember from the article, um he had he had interviewed these real-life vampires, and it was in I belie I if I think New Orleans and then in Buffalo, which makes perfect sense. They don't necessarily only drink human blood, and if they do drink human blood, the participant or the person that they get the blood from has to be a willing participant, which you know that's nice. Very awkward thing to ask on a first date. Um, but you know, going back to weird Tinder profiles, um, and they they describe, apparently they describe the drinking of blood as like a very metallic or kind of a coppery taste. But one of the important things that they do mention is that they do have to they do have to have a willing participant. It's not like the traditional myth of a vampire stalking you in the night. They don't just pounce out at you from a dark corner. Obviously, they don't do anything like um shape shifting and stuff like that. Like these are what they identify as human beings who have vampiric tendencies, um, and they identify with this like kind of vampire um community or culture, and they feed either through the physical ingestion of blood, they do like uh psychic, you know, feeding where they feed on people from like energy, and then obviously they've got their erotic or sexual encounters as well that they they use to feed off people. They call that uh tantric feeding, if I remember correctly. But yeah, so it's a very interesting that modern day modern day um vampires actually do exist. And and you know, they come from they come from all walks of life, basically, like heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, married people, divorced people, people with kids. You know, it's you know, for all intents and purposes, a normal citizen, other than the fact that they think that they're a vampire. A lot of them don't actually really know very much about the myth or the like mainstream pop culture idea and concepts of a vampire. So it's not like they're just like diehard fans of Twilight. They actually identify as you know, vampiric people who crave energy, crave blood. And I can I can only wonder if it if they maybe have that ailment with the hemoglobin and maybe there's something actually driving them to want to do this, an underlying medical condition. Like you know, when you when you're craving something and you're like, I can't put my finger on what I'm craving, and you go about eating all sorts of things, and then you have a banana dipped in peanut butter with a pickle and you think, wow, that was it. And it's probably because it's probably because you're you're describing pregnancy.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

But it's probably it's probably because your body was craving either potassium or sodium. One of those things, you know what I mean? And and it it drove you to seek out that you know that satisfying that craving. So I wonder if these these vampires are actually um, you know, they need a hemoglobin fix or like an iron deficiency or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

Dr. Xander wants you to check that out.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Again, we are not legitimate doctors, we're just shooting the breeze, making it up as we go along.

SPEAKER_03 20:54

It's two chickens as payment.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

It is, it is, and and bring your own stick.

SPEAKER_05 21:00

But it is going to be eating well this week, my friend.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

It is, it is, it's a very interesting article if you get to check it out. It's on um Discovery. Discover magazine.com. Um, and I believe, if I remember correctly, the title of the article was Real Vampires Exist and People Are Studying Them, or something along those lines. Good to know that there is actually a science community out there who is actually studying this type of thing, though. How could you not? How could you not?

SPEAKER_03 21:26

If I were in science, I would be all over.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

I know, I know also that a lot of science or a lot of study has gone into the concept of the boogeyman because every culture, again, has some sort of a concept of a boogeyman. Um, and science has actually gone and gone ahead and studied it and tried to like where do these concepts come from? Is there such a thing as shadow people? There there are people who study these sorts of things. Whether or not I don't whether or not they're recognized by the legitimate or they're recognized as legitimate scientists or the you know academic community is I I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

And we are going to talk about them all.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

We are, we're gonna cover the boogeyman. Some point in the future. And shadow people and definitely talking about shadow people. Definitely talking about shadow people. Okay, so let's talk about the legends of vampires. And the legends of vampires, they've been around since basically the dawn of the civilized world. Um, you know, we're we're talking way back to the times of something like Mesopotamia or the ancient Babylonians or the ancient Greeks or even the biblical Hebrews. Um, they they all really had legends in folklore about these blood-sucking demons and these entities that roam around after dark and shapeshift and hunt you and stalk you. And they're always stalking innocent folks like yourselves, and usually virgins like myself, um, which is so not true. But you know, let's not judge me. And I'm a chess master, and a grand chess master, and also a quilting enthusiast. Um, but you know, they they were always kind of hunting innocent people to sink their teeth into. And the vampire that we know and love today, and let's be honest, we all love a vampire. There's something very, very sexy and alluring about the idea of a vampire, especially when they're portrayed in modern movies. They always make them so terribly sexy. My favorite, I don't know about you, but my favorite pop culture vampire, um, and it's something I posted on Instagram as well. My favorite pop culture vampire still has to be Gary Oldman as Bram Stoker's Dracula in the movie. Oh, he didn't jump. And you know, it's not like I'm getting a chubby for like the old gnarly vampire in his castle because that was a little nasty. He did such an excellent job though. I mean, the way he portrayed it was just brilliant. Um, but there is the scene when he's in London and he takes Mina Harper to the the, you know, where the moving pictures have just come out, and he manages to get her through his psychic powers to look at him. I think in the movie, I think the line is look at me, look at me now. And she looks up and she sees this terribly dapper gentleman standing in his like purple, purple three-piece uh suit with tails and a top hat, and he's got this going, Oh god, eat me, eat me now. Never mind, look at me, look at me now, come eat me now! Eat me, eat me now. Um, but yeah, so the vampires that we know today, and and obviously that we love um in all the you know modern pop culture movies and novels has really been romanticized and gussied up because when you start looking around the different cultures, there are some pretty gnarly vampire creatures out there, and they're all very dark and quite twisted. But the idea that we've got today, yes, sorry.

SPEAKER_03 24:18

No, I have I have to jump in with my favorite.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Tell us, tell us.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

I I will say I I was Team Edward, I I will admit that. Definitely Team Edward, and and I know that's just gonna make you have some physical something, but yes, Team Edward. And then also, um, in in uh Vampire Diaries, I really um Dame Damon, and in fact, at some point I'd found out that he goes to the farmers markets in in LA all the time. So then one of my friends, I was we we were very big ongoing really into fruit all of a sudden. I won't say that we were stalking, but we really liked the farmers market.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

He's really hanging out in the fruit and veg section a lot.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

Just open for it. So that that was my my slight stalker confession.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

Okay, I do I do have to make a confession as well. Actually, I have never ever watched or read or seen any of the Twilight movies. But yeah, so this romanticized idea of vampires, it really comes around from the 18th century in southeastern Europe. But as soon as you start digging around and rummaging around the planet, uh you find that vampires are really in in some shape or form, they exist in almost every single culture. Um, there are some pretty gnarly creatures out there, and they take all sorts of shapes and forms. So the first one I want to look at is from my home continent, from Mama Africa, and we're gonna look first towards the western coast of Africa, and this is in the country of Ghana. And now we're talking about uh creatures that have iron teeth and they live in the trees. And this is probably no doubt some sort of a creature that mothers got uh mothers told their children would get them if they didn't eat their vegetables. This one is called the Asanbossum, and I really hope, again, I really hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. Uh so the Asanbossum, or as as it's a perfect as far as I mean, do you speak Akhanian? Are you fluent? Is you're like spot on, man.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

I thought this was our lying episode, so I was just going with it.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

Of course I know the proper pronunciation. Yes, of course she does. She looked it up last night. Uh the Asanbosum, and apparently it's also more commonly known as a Sasa Bonsum, um, which is just putting an S on the front of its already existing name. Um, the Asambossum is from Wikipedia, I quote, the hairy Asanbossum has large bloodshot eyes, long legs, and feet pointing in both directions, which is very interesting because you know if you've got one foot going to the left and one to the right, you're kind of going down to the shops and coming back with a change all at the same time. Um, really awkward, really awkward way to do it.

SPEAKER_02 26:51

It makes it easy for parallel parking. It really does.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

And I can understand why it might be hanging out in trees because standing and walking and running, you've got to just be really challenging that way. Um but its favorite, its favorite trick apparently is to sit in the high branches of trees and then it dangles its legs down so that it can entangle the wary hunter. And I don't know about you, but if I'm walking under a tree and there's a pair of legs hanging down, I'm probably gonna go around them. Um so that's the trick. Yeah. Uh but if you do a very quick uh Google image search, all the statues and the traditional kind of folk art seem to depict it as this uh wing-like creature and it has sort of bat wings. But the tell me how to spell it again. Did you spell it? Yes, it's A-S-A-N-B-O-S-A-M. Now everybody can know that I'm mispronouncing Asan Bosam.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

Oh, it came up within the first four letters.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

There we go, yeah. Google hits 101. And the the people of southern Ghana, they tell tales of this vampiric predator. And again, like I said, it's said to have iron teeth, it's got pink skin. Again, coming back to that kind of red scaly pink sore skin. It's got uh pink skin and long red hair and iron hooks for feet, so it sounds an awful lot like myself.

SPEAKER_05 28:04

This is just you when you wake up.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

I'm like, I'm every I'm checking every single box for vampires here. Like, I I need to go and take a long hard look at myself. I was gonna say a long hard look at myself in the mirror, but then I wouldn't have a reflection.

SPEAKER_03 28:16

Oh well, according to mythology.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

According to mythology.

SPEAKER_03 28:21

Modern vampires.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Modern vampires, 18th century vampires, no reflection. Um, but yeah, so iron teeth, pink skin, long red hair.

SPEAKER_03 28:28

Actually, I'm looking at them now.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

They are, they're pretty scary-looking things. They are pretty scary looking things. And they they live in the trees and they attack from above. Um, so yeah, like you said, it sounds a lot like me on a Monday morning. Interestingly, though, um, this particular nasty, it seems to also be in a lot of the other folklore from just around that region of the western, like northwestern coast of Africa. So the Côte d'Ivoire and in Togo. And then what's also very interesting as well is that it made its way to Jamaica, not the actual beast, but the obviously the mythology and the folklore. And again, I think we have to thank the very shameful slave trade for this, but it made its way from Africa to the Caribbean, and now it exists in some form in the voodoo culture as well, or voodoo mythology. And then if we fly further south, all the way down to my homeland in southern Africa, and specifically if we look at towards the Eastern Cape, so one of the provinces of South Africa, where the Klossa people and Klossa culture is more predominant, but it still features in Zulu and Pundu cultures and those as well. There is the Impunulu. And this is a bird with an insatiable appetite for blood. Now, the the word actually, the actual word impundulu, uh, it translates to lightning bird. And it's described that this lightning bird is this wing-sized creature, the size of a man, so not a bird you're gonna miss easily. Um if you see a bird the size of a man, you might want to you know, might want to get out the way. Um, it is described as black and white as well. So when I think of, you know, and being from Southern Africa, if I think of a black and white bird the size of a man, the first thing I think of is an ostrich. Um it is a indeed a black and white bird the size of a man and it runs hell fast. But uh this Impundulu, it uh is the size of a man, it is a bird, black and white, but it can also masquerade itself as a human, so it does have shape-shifting qualities. Um but you know, like I said, it is this big old black and white bird of prey. And it's said to be able to summon thunder and lightning with its wings and its talons. So, you know, again, this comes back to and it reminds me of the Greek mythology of like the the god Zeus, who is responsible for thunder and lightning coming from the heavens. Um you know, I can only assume that the African cultures, the way that they explain these weather phenomena was obviously with these delightful folklores and these delightful folk stories and these mythological creatures. Um the Impunulu was uh responsible for things like thunder and lightning. What is interesting though is that there are obviously sightings of these um or people who say that they've seen them. And there was a village girl who claimed to have an encounter with the dreaded Mpundulu, and she described it as something like a black rooster which ran up her hoe. And when I when I say ran up her hoe, I'm not talking about her loose morals. Um, I'm talking about like her physical farm tool, her implant, the thing that she was using, the hoe. Um it's very once you put the word hoe out there, it's very difficult to find a way around it. She was hoeing in the back garden, she was hoeing in the fields, as you do. Um, but it it ran up her hoe and it left these claw claw marks on her body with its talons before it flew back into the clouds. There are there are other descriptions that describe it as having these like um iridescent kind of feathers, so similar to something like a peacock, and it's got a fiery red tail and a fiery red bill and and long legs.

SPEAKER_04 31:38

Like a phoenix.

SPEAKER_00 31:39

Like a phoenix, very much like a phoenix, yes. So maybe this is some sort of a combination of a phoenix and a peacock and uh probably aliens involved somewhere, you know, genetic manipulation, something like that. Um, but yeah, so it it it it has the ability to be able to masquerade as uh in human form. And this I found a little bit interesting because when you do a lot of research about mythical creatures and mythical beings and sirens and and you know all sorts of things, they're often given um female attributes, or they're they're often, you know, like it was a they masquerade as a beautiful woman who lures you into your death. Whereas the Impunulu, he can masquerade himself as a beautiful young man. So you know I'm in, um, but he will unfortunately he seduces women, so he wouldn't be too interested in me, but he can uh he can masquerade as a beautiful young man who seduces women.

SPEAKER_03 32:27

Um I think it's interesting that you use the word seduce. Yes and make them his victim.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Okay, well we could say god damn it. Um yes, he probably made them his victim, but he did it in the nicest possible way, like he was being charming, he was being charming and attractive, and they really couldn't they really couldn't resist. The good thing is that women do women do have a particular power. So women are in some way empowered against this uh lightning bird, this impundulu, because it seems to really like uh human women, but women can also see through their disguise, so they can identify it as a true bird, you see. So the most of like the witch doctors most witch doctors and shaman who led uh expeditions to go and capture the impundulu were always led by a female witch doctor or a female shaman because they were the only ones gifted to see through his his seducive disguise or his seductive disguise. Um but you know again it was it was basically known as a very dangerous vampiric creature, and the impundulu would drink blood from people and basically just drain them till till they died, and it it was even believed to be able to steal somebody's breath. And you know, but actually, this is also very interesting as well. So going back to what you had said about the science and how um you know it was it was uh from ailments, things like tuberculosis and things like that, with the impundulu, um it, you know, it can it can drain you from uh of your blood, it can steal your breath, but it was also responsible for the transmission of all these various medical things, and one of them being things like tuberculosis or noseblex. Um so if you got if you got TB or if your nose started bleeding, you blamed the impundulu, of course.

SPEAKER_03 34:05

So vicious cycle.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Yeah, so being being associated with lightning, it was it was also quite capable of being able to attack people from the air with bolts of lightning and causing obviously injury and death, because when you get hit by lightning, that's generally what happens. The witch doctors and the shamans and the traditional healers of the African cultures often were said to have these uh impundulu as their familiars or that you know their servants basically. And if you kind of pissed off a witch or you kind of pissed off a witch doctor, they could send their impundulu after you, and you could get attacked by one of these impundulus. But they they were also very highly sought after in traditional African medicine for its fat. And uh moti, which is the the traditional word for traditional African medicine, they would use the fat from the bird and put it into their moti to help treat a whole lot of different ailments, and apparently one of the ailments that they could treat as well was something like tuberculosis. So you the bird could not only give you tuberculosis, but it could also cure you or your tuberculosis. The chicken and the Yeah, exactly. Did it give it to you first or did you cure it from? I don't know. Um but the the the fat was also said to be able to fuel the actual bird itself, so it would it would set itself on fire and I don't know, you know, spontaneous combustion, and it would uh throw the lightning bolts down to the ground. And if you wanted to be able to catch one of these, you actually had to catch it the moment the lightning hit the ground. Obviously, not at all tricky. Timing is absolutely everything. So if you knew where the lightning was going to strike and you could predict that, you could make sure you were in the right place at the right time, dodge the lightning as it came down, but then also reach out and grab the bird. Um so to be able to catch the lightning bird fireproof net with your fireproof net, because obviously, you know, every self-respecting witch doctor brings a fireproof net with them. Who wouldn't? I don't know if you don't have one.

SPEAKER_03 35:52

Or if they're spontaneously combusting, it's exactly you.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

You should you should know how you should know how to do this. It's lightning bird catching 101. Come on. Um but you could also go to where the lightning struck, and you could go and find uh an underground cavity where the lightning hit the ground, and that is where the impundulu would lay its eggs. Apparently, it is actually very difficult to kill an adult impundulu. So the baby ones are easy, adult ones not as much. One of the other things is that they can they really enjoy milk, so it's either either between draining you of your blood and your breath, or they can have some milk. Either one of those is fine. But what what a shaman might do then is is set out some poisoned milk so that the impundulu comes down and drinks the milk and dies from the poison.

SPEAKER_03 36:33

Oh the opposite of Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

You don't want to get those two confused, you don't want to leave impundulups.

SPEAKER_03 36:41

Oh it's getting lured by milk. Santa Claus should get a warning letter about those two.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

You've got to be really careful about when you do your impundulu hunting, because if it's around Christmas time and you leave the milk out and it's poisoned, you might find for you, Santa. Dead Santa lying on your doors and lying outside in the morning. Oh shit, we've killed Santa.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

Um but uh there is an actual don't make Santa sad.

SPEAKER_03 37:08

I hope he's not listening. All right, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

There is an actual there is an actual bird in Southern Africa that is said to be the lightning bird, and it's a beautiful little bird called a hammerkop, um, which means a little hammer head, and it's it's actually a very lovely bird with iridescent feathers. What is interesting as well though is that in 2005, a South African man was convicted of culpable homicide after he killed a two-year-old child that he believed to be an Impundulu. Um and I I don't I don't know what he was basing his evidence on. I mean, was there lightning involved? But yeah, very sad. He actually killed a two-year-old child. And this is something, you know, it's it it exists even today. They call them moti killings. And this is where um within some of the tribes of Africa, not just Southern Africa, but all over Africa, um, people who adhere to like a traditional medicine or they speak to, you know, they they try and seek out traditional medicine uh for its healing properties. Uh, witch doctors might offer solutions that involve parts of the human body. Um, you know, like things like albinos are highly sought after because they're said to be very gifted by the gods. So if you can get hold of like a piece of an albino's body, maybe a finger or an arm or an ear or genitals are often involved, which is very unfortunate. Um they they would include them in the medicine. Um and it's obviously, you know, it's it's usually to cure really unreasonable things, like somebody's contracted HIV, uh, or they've got full-blown AIDS, and a witch doctor might offer the solution of um using like you know, traditional medicine that contains human human body parts or human remains in some shape or form. A little bit nasty. Anyway, let's move on. Let's move on. Uh so from Africa, we're gonna go to the Middle East, and for this one, I found a website and it's called the vampireunderworld.com. So there's an entire w uh website devoted to the idea of vampires, and it's very, very good resource if that's what you're into. Um, but there were three here that I looked at. And the the three in the Middle East are the Utuku, the M Ekimu, and the Estri. And these all come from um the from ancient Babylonian uh traditions. And the first one, the Utuku, or also known as the Uruku, is uh a Babylonian spirit, and it can be a good or a bad spirit. So I don't know if it means it's got choice, if it you know, if maybe it has a good day or a bad day, or if they're predominantly exactly or if they're predominantly malevolent or benevolent. Um but according to the Akkadian myths, the Utuki, which is the plural form of Utuku, the Utuki are seven evil demons, and they were the offspring of Anu, who was a Mesopotamian god. And if you know anything about the ancient alien theory and that ancient aliens came down to earth uh and did uh genetic uh genetic experiments or messed around with the genetics um of the Neanderthal to produce what today we know as modern man. Um Anu is one of the Anunnaki. And if you're up to date with things like Zachariah Sitch and uh the Anunnaki, which means uh those who who to earth from the heavens came, um the Anunnaki were responsible for the genetic manipulation of Neanderthals and to produce what is essentially today us, essentially today modern humans. Um so shout out to the folks at Ancient Aliens who I've been binge watched and I know way too much about. Um but the the seven evil demons were the offspring of Anu, the Mesopotamian god, and the who's from the Anunnaki, and Antu, who is an Akkadian goddess. And it is said that the Utuku would torment their victims by possessing them. So they're the type of demons that get inside you and mess around with you. And uh some of them believe that the Utuku vampire spirit is the spirit, again, you know, coming back to recently dead people. So, you know, the Utuku vampire spirit could be the spirit of a loved relative who's come back and they're a bit pissed, they're not terribly happy about the fact that they're dead, and now they're gonna pick on you. But yeah, so some people believe that the Utuku vampire spirit is the spirit of a recently deceased loved one or a recently deceased person, and it's returned from the grave for reasons unknown. But there is obviously a way to deal with it, and you can exercise your Utuku demons and the Babylonian people, they would spin white and black yarn to the canopy of the bed of the person who's being inflicted with the evil, and then you would say a chant. Now, I've got the chant here for you, and I'm gonna say the chant form you for you, but I'm gonna give a disclaimer first that if you st anybody out there, if you're listening to me do the chant and you start feeling a little bit weird, um, if your head starts to do one of those 360 turnarounds, or if you start vomiting up pea soup if the bed starts shaking or anything like that, newsflash, you're probably possessed by an utuku demon. And that is completely not on me, that I had no part to play in that. That's 100%, that's 100% on you. And if if you start to shake or feel weird, or your head does that spinny thing, or whatever it might be, go and find yourself an ancient Babylonian exorcist and get that sorted out. Um but here's the chant, here's the chant that the ancient Babylonians would use to exercise the Utuku demons. I've obviously this has been translated into English because I do not speak ancient Babylonian. Um so here we go. Evil Utuku. I'm gonna do a little bit of theatrics for this as well. Evil Utuku, evil Alu, evil Edimu, evil Galu, because it rhymes. Every good exorcist chant should rhyme. Evil Utuku, evil Alu. You ruined the rhyme. Go again. Evil Edu, evil Galu, evil god, eagle rabisu, la bartu, la basu, ahazu, lilu, lilitu, handmaid of Lilu, sorcery, enchantment, magic, disaster, machination, which is not good, may they not set their head to his head, their hands to his hand, their foot to his foot, may they not draw near. Spirit of the heaven, mayest thou exercise. Spirit of earth, mayest thou exercise.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

So that's that.

SPEAKER_00 42:56

Um, again, if you started feeling a bit weird, go and find yourself an ancient Babylonian exorcist and get yourself sorted out.

SPEAKER_03 43:03

It's like you were channeling a dark Dr. Seuss. It felt a bit like that.

SPEAKER_00 43:07

It did feel a little bit like that. Um that is that is Utuku. That is Utuku. And the next one from Mes from uh the Middle East is Ikimu. And the Ikimu, or also known as the Idimu, is one of the oldest vampire myths. So this one is dating back to around 4,000 BCE. So that is super old. And you can only, you know, you can only start to assume then that every single vampire myth beyond that probably stems from these vampire myths, because you know, 4,000 BCE is a terribly long time ago. And of course, in in Mesopotamia and and um ancient Babylon, that is essentially where the seat of civilization is, because that's where things like you know, the the civilized world where we live in towns with you know infrastructure where things like writing and record keeping came from all stem from that region. I would absolutely love to be able to go to Iraq or Iran to be able to go and visit these ancient Babylonian and ancient Mesopotamian sites. But unfortunately, within my lifetime, it has never been a good time to travel there.

SPEAKER_02 44:05

And not in 2020.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Definitely not in 2020. It's not a good idea to travel anywhere in 2020, to be honest. But I would very much like to go to Iraq and Iran one day to see these old sites and go to places like Ur and uh, you know, just have a look around, have a poke around. But uh yeah, so this this vampire myth of the Ikimu dates back to 4000 BCE, terribly long time ago. And the vampire creatures is one of the most feared among the Assyrians and the Babylonians. So it is said that this Ikimu was a departed spirit or a soul of a dead person who is an unable to find peace, which is very tragic already. And the the creature then wandered the earth waiting to attack people. So if you can't find peace, you might as well go and attack people, right? Because what are the what else are you gonna do with the rest of eternity? Uh but the Ikimu, it uh drank the blood of those who passed by and it would suck them dry of any of their life force. And I think you know, this again comes back to, and again, it's just one of those things I'm making assumptions about that in ancient times our blood was essentially- I mean it it really much very is no blood, no life, basically. But I I think you know, blood was seen as the life force energy that we had. So if you were drinking blood, you were being able to absorb somebody's life force. Um so that makes a lot of sense to me as well. And the Ikimu was the first blood-sucking vampire and the first psychic vampire, and it was a very violent and a very angry thing, and it focused a lot of its anger on the people, on people who didn't prop who didn't follow proper burial rites. And you know, again, so that's obviously why it's not at peace because somebody just dug a hole, plopped him in, and be like, fuck it, let's go to the pub.

SPEAKER_03 45:33

Um, that's where procedure.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

Yes, yes. And but it obviously, you know, it didn't stop there because being violent and angry and blood sucking and uh life force draining is obviously not enough to keep you busy for the rest of eternity. Um, the Akimu pretty much preyed on absolutely any living being, so it didn't necessarily only need people, but it would uh feed on livestock and you know animals as well. But it also it also caused a couple of problems, so it would cause things like family disasters. Um, so you know, like family issues, divorce, you know, deaths in the family, uh family feuds, that was all because of this vampire. And again, you can only assume that being an energy vampire, it wants to cause that type of disruption uh amongst people, because disruption among amongst people kind of creates a lot of energy between people. And if you're gonna be feeding off the life force and psychic energy, what better thing to do than make people angry with each other? Um, because there's a lot of energy there. So it would cause these family disasters, disease, and just general other criminal activity. And some some myths claim that the ikimu only possessed the living but did not physically harm them. Uh so you know, sometimes it just possessed you.

SPEAKER_03 46:41

Yeah, that was that was mighty bigger.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

That was it was totally, you know, like he was all these shit things, but he would he would he if he possessed you, you were fine. Like so, really what you wanted is you wanted to be possessed by the ikimu, because then he would leave you the fuck alone. He would not uh physically harm, he would not physically harm the person he possessed, obviously in self-interest, right? It's like to you know, I exactly I found a body I like and I'm gonna stick with it. Don't, don't, I'm not gonna do anything to this one, I'll hurt all the other people instead. Um, but there there were many ways that one could become an ikimu, and that would be things like if you had a violent or a premature death, if you had unfulfilled and unrequited love, and again, like I said earlier, if there was an improper burial, um chances are you were gonna be an akimu, so you wanted your family to follow proper burial rights upon your demise. And the way that they represented this was uh again as a winged demon or a winged creature, um as a walking corpse or the walking undead, as moving shadows or the kind of shadow people kind of a vibe, and then even as a rushing wind, um which I can imagine might be very concerning if you're a very suspicious person and you get hit by a breeze, you're like, oh shit, it was an akimu. They say that prevention is the best cure for the akimu. So the Babylonians and the Sumerians uh they would just avoid places where you were likely to bump into one, and they would make these things called spirit bowls, which were bowls made out of clay, and they would inscribe with these powerful spells and chants and and things onto them, and those were used for protection against the the undead. Uh apparently the akimu, they they never really die. They uh and and according to like the modern legends, they the ones from 4000 BCE, they're not dead yet. So they're absolutely immortal in their after death and their afterlife. Um and they they never really cease to exist. And they say now that they're hiding in the big cities and they hide amongst the homeless and they bring disease and pain to homeless people because they're the easiest victims. How awful. How awful, yeah. Like w way to like blame the homeless dudes. Like, geez.

SPEAKER_03 48:41

Um sounds like just horrible living circumstances to become one. Then once you're dead, well, you know, whatever you are, then you start torturing people who have horrible living circumstances.

SPEAKER_00 48:55

And the cycle just continues. The cycle continues, yeah. So unrequited love, unfulfilled love. You are generally just a bit of a dick in life. Nobody really liked you or gave a crap about you, so they gave you a shoddy burial. And you know, and so that in your afterlife, you would just go and kind of perpetuate that and and keep picking on picking on the line.

SPEAKER_02 49:12

Keep it going.

SPEAKER_00 49:13

And then the last one, the last one from the Middle East is the estri. And this was a female vampire spirit, which is actually quite a lovely name, if you ask me. And the estree is a female female vampire spirit, and it is assumed that she would have the shape of a woman, and she could do so at her will. So again, this is that uh shape-shifting type of vibe. And it is said that they can also turn into birds, cats, and other various animals. And this one, she was very specific. She had a very specific taste. I don't know if it's got something to do with the flavor or the diet or just you know, based on geography. Um, but she really preferred to prey on the Hebrews, and particularly on men and children. So really specific taste for Hebrews, and by, you know, I can only assume the later on the Jewish people. And maybe she was kosher, maybe that was it. Maybe she just didn't prefer a kosher meal. Um and uh Esther paid on Hebrew people, like I said, especially men and children. And this vampire creature, she she needed to flee feed on blood to survive. And a lot of the ancient traditional, the ancient stories, the ancient records of these stories, um, they're very, very similar or almost identical to the legends of the succubi. I don't know if you remember from the sleep paralysis we mentioned mentioned uh Incubai and succubi, incubi being the male version, succubai being a female version.

SPEAKER_03 50:29

I will never forget after the first episode. Yeah, absolutely. Alright, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 50:33

Yeah, so all the accounts and records and descriptions of this estree um are identical to the succubi, so it may very well be the where the legend of the succubi began. But because she can take this human form, um it is not uncommon for stories of her to claim that she lived among humans just to satisfy her blood need. And it was uh believed that she was uh able to walk into holy places and even seek prayer for healing. Uh but to kill her, to kill her, complicated. Uh first you have to uh pack dirt directly into her mouth at the time of burial, you have to decapitate the body, you should burn the body, and later stories claim that the vampire creature was vulnerable to silver bullets, wooden stakes, blessed weapons, and holy water. So those are all the things that you can see in our modern mythology that came from um the Middle East and particularly from the Hebrew culture is this estery. So it sounds like you know, the cadaver enthusiasts that you were talking about before, they might have based a lot of what they understood, you know, going in and driving um a stake through the heart, and then they might have come up with that because they know the stories from the ancient Hebrews about this estery creature uh who would uh becomes really confusing who the real monsters are.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

It kind of does. It really, really does which artillery to kill the cadaver with and stuff dirt into a dead person's mouth, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:52

And then cut off the head. You'd think you'd think cutting, you'd think, you know, either the dirt in the mouth would be enough or cutting off the head just by itself. That would be enough, but you first got to stuff the dirt, then cut off the head. Can't do it in any other order. Um, you know, it goes, it goes dirt, stuff, stab, burn in that order. Um, but yes, so those are the Middle Eastern ones. Now, uh, you know, I know we've we've been talking about quite a few, and we've already looked at uh the Middle Eastern ones. We've had a good slice of three different demons and vampires from there. We've got a couple from Africa, but absolutely hands down, my favorite, and I've saved this one for last because this one is something special. And this one is the vampire creature, the vampire legend from Southeast Asia, and in particular in Malaysia. Um, and this is, I mean, when when you want to know about gory vampire creatures, this one to me is the absolute winner. I have saved the best, the goriest, the nastiest, the weirdest one for last. And in Malaysia, and please feel free to jump on at any point and ask questions because there are going to be an awful lot of questions about this one.

SPEAKER_03 52:58

Because just when you're talking about how you're going to top diarrhea, but yeah, no, trust me.

SPEAKER_00 53:04

I mean, this one when you hear about it, diarrhea diarrhea ain't no thing. It ain't no thing. Just when you think they've peaked with this folklore, then they just add another level to it, and you're like, okay, I never saw that coming. Um, so in Malaysia, there's the Penangalan, and I really again hope I'm saying that correctly. P-E-N-A-N-G-G-A-L-A-N, the Penangalan. Which literally means, literally the translation of that word means to detach. And that makes perfect sense when you're thinking about this creature because this delicious little nasty, it has a very particular skill. Um, and it would probably look very good on any resume. It can launch its head off its body and attack you. So it can actually detach its head and launch it off its shoulders, launch it off its body just to attack you. Super useful skill, I think, in any situation. I mean, nothing is going to make a mugger back off faster than if you detach and launch your head at them. Can you imagine in the middle of an argument with your spouse and you just attack and launch? Detach and launch. Again, now this is an exclusively female, exclusively female. There are no no there are no male versions of the penangalan, and for reasons we probably don't want to get into. Um, but the penangalan can also pretend to be human. And when they say it can pretend to be human, I mean like it is really inhabiting and living the role of being a human. It's probably got a regular job, it's got a nine to five, and a lot of them say that these this particular nasty, this particular creature, this penangalan, its normal nine to five was usually to be a midwife. And there's a very, very good reason because the penangalun, it comes out at nighttime, uh, they transform into their hideous other selves by detaching their heads, and they go out and they look for children and pregnant women to to basically go and pray on, to go and eat. And this is this I got a nice little quote here from uh medium.com from a writer called Madison Plantier. Uh, and the quote goes, Like some awful harbinger of birth, the penungalan perches on the roofs of houses where women are in labor and it lies in wait. As the woman gives birth, the penungalan will wriggle its invisible tongue into the house and begin draining the new mother's blood. DELILTEL! So you've basically got you've basically got a head with no body that floats around Malaysia waiting to go and attack uh pregnant mothers, woman in labor, and children. Of course, you know, like any self-respecting vampire head popping monster, it also wants to eat maybe a bit of the placenta. And it could also drain the blood of the newborn baby and feast on the flesh of its victims. So it's a kind of waste not want-not situation. Um it's it's not just there to drink the blood. It's there to get the whole gourmet meal, it's there to get the you know, the the the the I'll have the number one meal, please. It's the mother's blood, it's the placenta, it's the newborn, it's the flesh, it's the whole, it's the whole bang lot.

SPEAKER_03 55:47

But you know, you have the character not made it to movies.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

I there there have been some movies. There have been, I think it's you know, it's very challenging, and you'll you'll hear when we start getting to a a few more finer details of the description of this character. Oh, there's more. Oh, there's more, oh, there's more. You think we've peaked there, we have not even scratched the surface.

SPEAKER_03 56:03

That is plenty scary.

SPEAKER_00 56:05

Yeah, no, it gets better. Um, I think I think the reason I know that there have been some movies made about this. I personally haven't watched any yet. I I think this would be a real challenge for the special effects team to come up with a convincing one of these. Basically, this headless uh sorry, not the headless creature, the bodiless creature that has launched its head off. You know, you you you also know that you've been uh you know they they speak about its invisible tongue, so you kind of know you've been licked, sucked, bitten by the penungalun because you're probably gonna develop some nasty sores, which sounds reasonable to me. But you but you're not developing the nasty sores from the tongue. The best part is that you're developing the nasty sores because you've been brushed, wait for it, by its dangling intestines. So let me paint you a picture. It detaches its head from its body. Now the body is just a husk, it's just a shell. The head comes off with all of the intestines, heart, lungs, liver, stomach, all of that stuff comes along with the head. Really, really lovely imagery. Um, it's left the body behind, and the body that it's left behind is very much just a shell. Everything, you know, basically on the inside, including the head, has popped out and it's floating around Malaysia. And if the intestines happen to brush on you, and that must be great, you're probably gonna get some nasty sores where the intestines, the dangling intestines, have rubbed against you. Lovely. And those who who survive being fed on this uh most unceremoniously and being brushed by its intestines also then have to deal with some sort of a wasting disease until the day that they die. So if this particular monster actually gets you, there's no way out. You're not gonna recover. Um you're going to get sores. If she hasn't killed you and drained you while feeding on you, you're going to die a little bit later. So there's a really good reason not to go to Malaysia. And if you do go, you might want to check in with your insurance provider if they if they provide, you know, if they provide insurance against gut-dangling head monsters.

SPEAKER_03 57:56

I feel like maybe the PES dispenser was based on this.

SPEAKER_00 58:00

You know that that's the type of image you would you would look for. It's kind of just a head with a thing at the stuff at the bottom. Yeah. But if you can imagine the plastic part that holds all the sweets is actually just dangling intestines, then you're really right on the map.

SPEAKER_02 58:12

We're on to PES now.

SPEAKER_00 58:15

And also trying not to get sued. Um so you know, if you're if you're pregnant or if you're a child or if you're, you know, in labor, um, last place you kind of want to be is in Malaysia. You know, of course, with all this intestinal dangling and head detaching and you know, still since still needing to go to your nine to five job in the morning. So this, you know, monster's got a lot on its plate. Um, you've obviously got to get your shit together before work. Um and you know, obviously that's sort of floating around all night and feeding, uh, it's gonna take its toll on a girl. So if you don't have enough uh placenta, if you don't have enough on your placenta plate already, you've got to get all of your bits back inside your body before morning so that you can go to your job. And from all this kind of floating around and perching on roofs and feeding on expectant mothers, how really are you gonna get your head and your intestines back into your body? So obviously the thing to do is to soak them in vinegar. The obvious solution. Yeah, I know I know you were all way ahead of me on that one. As I was saying it, you were like, of course it's soaking vinegar, Zander. Come on, everybody knows that. Um side note, it doesn't work to get into your skinny jeans, by the way. So don't all go running out there soaking yourselves in vinegar, hoping that you're gonna squeeze into tight places. Um but you know, once she's done with all of her feeding, the ping penangalan will return to her home where she's left the husk of her body behind. She will soak all of her entrails and bits in a vat of vinegar and so that they shrink down, and then she can easily just slip back into the empty husk husk of a body that she's uh she's left behind. Um so you know, again, if you're if you're in Malaysia, if you happen to be in Malaysia and your new friend or your bestie or your travel partner or the person sitting next to you on the bus smells a bit like vinegar, uh, she might be a penangalun. Um she might be just like popping home at night, detaching her head and lungs and heart and guts and all of that and taking a float around town to find a midnight snack.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:06

Or she may have had fish for dinner.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:08

She might have had fish and chips, she might have just had a bag of crisps, yes. Yes, don't go and make assumptions that your friends are gut-floating monsters. Um, but you know, if you do, if you are there and you're pretty convinced, you know, they they do say that something that you should do if you suspect that your friend in Malaysia might be a penangalun and might be uh, you know, smelling of vinegar because they've had to soak their bits in a vat of vinegar to get back into their body before morning, and you're on the bus on your way to work and it's nine and you know everybody's on their on their way to their nine to five. You think the person next to you smells a bit vinegary, the best thing for you to do is to subtly follow them back, casual like, to their house as you do. Wait for them to do the head thing. So wait for night to fall, wait for them to do the head popping, gut popping thing, float out the window, and then just casually break in, you know, as you do, casually break into somebody's apartment and fill her body with leftover pieces of broken glass. So you're gonna want to take a sack of broken glass with you. Makes perfect sense. Again, I know you were all way ahead of me on that one. It's the logical thing to do. Um, and then once she comes back from her uh her night out and she finishes her vinegar bath, she'll try and get back into her body and she'll shred up all of her entrails on the broken glass. Yeah. Um, but if you know, if the if the bits of glass seem like a bit too much hard work for you, uh you can flip her over so that when she comes back, she reattaches herself, but she's on backwards. So, you know, again, this makes you think that I'm not understanding the flip. The flip. So when she when she leaves her body, she's probably lying down there. We're we're assuming she's lying down in bed. And obviously, when we lie down in bed and we're getting ready, because like you know, every I don't know about you, but when I'm getting ready to detach my head from my body, I'm usually I'm usually lying on my back. Um because you know, I I want to detach eyes facing upwards. So when she detaches herself from her body, the body's obviously facing upwards, and then she goes about her night stalking business. Apparently, what you can do if you find or come across the headless body of a penangalan is you can flip the body over. Now, I don't know if it's got something to do with, you know, when you're so full after having had a long night out or whatever it might be that you're just not really good at paying attention to detail. If she comes back and her body's been flipped over, she'll actually reattach herself with her head on essentially now backwards, or I suppose her body on backwards, depending which way you're looking at it. Um and that way, that way everybody's gonna know. Like if somebody comes into the office in the morning and her blouse is on backwards, along with her arms and her legs, um, you're gonna be like, yeah, it might be a penungalone. Um so that that's another thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:32

She hasn't noticed this fact.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:33

She, you know, I mean, maybe she's got other things, but maybe she's just not really good at noticing these types of details. I don't know. But it's gonna raise a few, it's gonna raise a few eyebrows.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:42

So we can we can let that one go.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:44

Exactly. So if she comes in smelling like vinegar uh vinegar and her body's on a little bit backwards, then you know it's probably a penangalan and there's probably gonna be a staff meeting at some point in the week. Um, so that is that is by far the strangest one I could find when it comes to vampiric creatures, is the bodiless head floating around with all of its intestines and guts kind of dangling around.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:06

I'm just super happy. I didn't know this story while I was living in the Philippines. I think I'm a little more concerned to be living there at that point.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:14

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:15

I'm glad this is post-Philippines.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:17

Post-Philippines. Interesting. Well done.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:20

Yeah. So to some to sum up our little globe trot around the world, we've got the Impundulu, who's from Southern Africa, and uh is attributed to being the lightning bird. We've got the Asan Bosum, which is from Ghana. And in the Middle East, we've got the Otuku, the Ikimu, and the estri. And of course, my personal favorite is the Malaysian, the Malaysian headless uh gut, gut-dangling vampire creature called the Penangalan.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:46

Nice. I think well, I'd have to be a favorite, it's definitely the most gruesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:50

So yeah, I mean which ones, I mean, do I you know of those ones, which one appeals to you? I mean, I know it's hard to pick a vampire.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:55

It has to be from those. I choose none of them.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:01

I choose none of these, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:02

I choose none of these. I I want my Hollywood vampires. I don't want these guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:06

But that's again, that's what kind of makes it interesting, is that you know, the the Western world, we've kind of almost really romanticized this idea of a vampire, haven't we? We've made it, it's usually a very dasher, attractive kind of a sexy creature. Um, you know, if it's a man, he's terribly handsome. If it's a female one, she's obviously always gorgeous and very siren-like and seducing. And we've put a lot of um romanticized ideas on the idea of a vampire. Whereas in the rest of the world, scary fucking monster with its its intestines hanging out.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:34

I'll take my version. I'm much happier, not focusing on headless, bodiless, intestine-dripping things.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:43

There was a nine. There was another one. I was going to look at the Chinese version of the um the vampire myth as well. And in China it's called uh Jiangshi. And basically, to cut a long story short, it's a hopping, it's a hopping zombie or a hopping vampire. Um, and it's but there is an interesting, um, there is an interesting reason why this myth exists. Um, it is because in ancient China, when somebody died, if they were a migrant worker and working away from their home village, in Chinese culture, you have to be you have to be buried in the village that your family is from. So you would hire these uh corpse transporters to come and bring your body back, or the family would hire corpse transporters to bring your body back from wherever it was you were at the time of your death to your home village for burial. And they would do that by strapping the corpses by their hands and their feet, almost like hog tying them onto strips of bamboo, and then they would bring them back to their home village. And if people saw them, you know, obviously you didn't want to see dead people being transported in the heat of the day because it gets a bit stinky and rancid. So they would usually do this type of thing at night. And because of the motion of them walking on very flexible bamboo, it would make them appear to be jumping up and down. Um so it's they they later becoming transformed into this um Jangshu, which is the the Chinese hopping vampire or the Chinese hopping zombie, which kind of are interchangeable ideas. Um but you know very, very interesting. Yeah. It came they they came about from the Qing dynasty. So that was about 16 I'm gonna say 1644 to around the early 1910s, 1920s. Um you know, don't quote me on that. And they had these people that they were essentially called corpse drivers. Um and they they would be it was their job to bring the dead back to their home village. Obviously, you would hire one from your home village, like the family would get one from the home village, and that person would then travel to the place of death of your family member essentially hogtie them to some bamboo and then bring them back again. Um so it was like an old Qing dynasty version of a funeral director or mortician who would come and then collect the body.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:45

Not a fun job.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:46

Not a fun job, but obviously a very necessary one, right? I mean, you know, that you were brought back for mourning and burial in your home village, um, and it was, you know, your family wanted again just give you a proper burial. So, you know, it was a very necessary job and one that I'm sure took a very sort of special kind of character to be able to carry a corpse for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of kilometers to get them back home.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:06

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:06

Yes. That's so that's it. That's it. That's a summary of the m folklore and mythology from around the globe on the vampire myth.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:15

You know, what's what's interesting, I mean I just can't help it, is that all of these all of these stories exist uh pre-Google. I mean, Google makes it, you know, or or whatever with social media and everything. You understand how these things get spread along to each cultural but pre-internet, it's just mind-boggling that everyone has these same stories.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:36

And and I mean when we're talking pre-inter pre-internet, we're not even talking that long time, that uh, you know, very long ago. We're talking about pretty recent modern history, right? I mean, we're talking like the 70s and 80s type of thing. Um, yeah, absolutely. It's obviously stuff that's been handed down through word of mouth and storytelling. And you know, again, culturally, if you look at like modern modern culture and modern society, that's one of the things that we should probably be looking at reserving is the traditional stories and the the word of mouth stories from these cultures from around the world that have a lot to do with cultural identity and cultural heritage, and it would be a massive big shame if because of things like the internet that we lost these beautiful, very nuanced stories from around the world that explained wonderful things like you know, pop head popping vampires that fly around Malaysia with their guts dangling out. Wouldn't you hate to lose a story like that? That would be too fun. That would be tragic. That would be absolutely tragic, yeah. So moving on to what I had said uh a little bit earlier and coming to the housekeeping in our new format. Um, you know, the what what we had spoken about is that uh uh a good podcast, you know, we're always going to be developing and we're always going to be growing and refining what we're doing. So, first and foremost, we would very much like to get uh listener feedback on their opinions and their views of our podcast. Whether that be that you want to tell us that you think that we're just rambling on too much, or if you think we would we should cover a specific topic, we would very much like to hear from people because we want to keep growing and we want to keep developing and getting better and better at this. Um, obviously, you know, we we do expect that some people are going to have some very strong opinions about our podcast. So we're going to take on board obviously what we think is useful. We're also going to be including going forward, no specific timeline on this yet, is we're going to be including mini episodes and also interview episodes where we're going to get on folks who work in paranormal or do paranormal research or study or psychic mediums or really pretty much whoever we can get our hands on. And we're going to be including episodes of those as well. Is that not right, Stone?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:36

That is perfectly correct. I guess you can't hear me nodding, but I'm going to go.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:41

Could you nod a little louder, please?

SPEAKER_04 1:09:44

You didn't hear that.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:46

And also one of the things I've really enjoyed this week, obviously, now we're on Instagram as well. And if you want to find us on Instagram, you're going to be looking for Xanderstone Podcast on Instagram. On Insta Instagram, what's that? Um Instagram. Uh it's uh X-A-N-D-E-R-S-T-O-N-E-P-O-D-C-A-S-T, one really long word, uh Xanderstone Podcast. Um, but one of the things I'd really really really enjoying on on um Instagram this past week is the podcast the actual podcaster community. So the community of people who make and release podcasts. And I've been really, really enjoying engaging with them because it there is a sense of community there. Um you know, so another shout out to the the strange sessions sessions to Kurt and Krista because we've been doing a lot of kind of back and forth on Instagram, which has been a lot of fun. Um and I think I'm getting a little bit weird fan clubby about these two. Like I've mentioned them a little bit too much.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:40

Um I would, yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:45

If they've got a farmer's market in Wisconsin, Kurt, Krista, keep an eye out. I might be there. Um not at all creepy. Yeah, they're probably gonna get me on a list somewhere now. Um but another another few podcasts as well is the Paranormal Palaver and the Killin, Missin and Hidden podcast, which is also a really good podcast. Um, but you know, I'm I'm dead keen to get more immersed into the podcast community. Um so if you want us to support your podcast and give you a little shout out and a little promo on our podcast episodes, go ahead and get in touch with us. Uh, you can find us on Instagram, you can find us on Twitter, and of course you can email us directly, but we'll get to the uh contact details towards the end of the episode. And our last little segment is going to be our shout-outs. Uh so Stone, who are you shouting out to this week?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:35

My shout-outs are going to Gerpal in Berlin. And he's someone I taught with in China, and he's the to our to our recent new fans, uh Nate in South Africa, Rachel Mann, and Chase Baham in Phoenix, Arizona, Chris Tucker in Tucson, Arizona. Thank you for all your continued support and pushing us to do episode two and for just being awesome. And also Mark Morgan, who's also in LA, and he was the producer of the Twilight series, and I was a pleasure working with him a few years ago. Thank you for igniting my passion for all things vampires.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:13

So that the wait, hang on. So the the producer of the Twilight series listens to our podcast, and I've just gone and repeatedly says I've never ever seen The Twilight. We might we might have just lost a listener. What's his name, Mark? Mark. Mark. So this week, Mark, I'm going to be watching the Twilight movies, and I'm going to read all of the books, Mark. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:34

Mark Morgan.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:35

Thank you for your support, Mark.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:38

That's you might have actually the reason that they've taken the book to many different places. He's the reason it got produced.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:45

This is all a very good reason to do the shout-outs at the beginning of our episode, so I can avoid social faux pas. Maybe before we start recording, you can be like, Matt, don't say shit about Twilight.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:59

I was kicking you under the desk.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:02

All the way from Arizona. Oh, goodness. Uh goodness. Anyway, um, so I I also just want to add that when you when you said um my shoutouts are going to be you sounded raunchy and sexy as fuck, right there, Stone. So that was really hot. My shoutouts.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:17

Getting ready to call the vampires for the night and then take my walks.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:20

Like, I feel like I feel a little bit of pressure to sound terribly sexy when I do my shout-outs now. Um, but my shout-outs, my shout-outs are going to go to my folks who've been listening from Asia. And I'm just going to rattle off some names here for you. So, first off is Priscilla, then there's Cece, then there's Renee, then there's the lovely Tokulosh, and there's Bion, and there's Blaze. And those are just a few of the folks who've engaged with our podcast in Asia this week. And then peeps in other places. There's Ursula from South Africa, Katie Jones from Australia, Sameen Hassan in Pakistan, and Dina in Canada Land. Um, so shout out to all those folks, and a big thank you for supporting us as we launch our new podcast. Um, and we look forward to you enjoying future podcasts. And of course, we would love to connect with you folks. So feel free to send us your stories and your shout-outs and your ratings on iTunes and all those sorts of things. And of course, that's one of the things you know, stalker stories. You can stalk us, we'll stalk you right back. It's fine. We're totally open to stalking. Mutual stalking. Mutual stalking. But you know, to the listeners, the best way that you can support us, um, you know, obviously you can send us money, that's fine. Um, you know, if you want to send us money, you can just email us and we'll give you the deposit banking details. That's totally fine. Um, but the the best way you can really support us at this stage, at this infancy stage of our podcast, is to please share our podcast with uh other feet with other folks and your friends and your family. Um obviously, you know, the more listeners we get, the better the the the the more exposure we're going to get. And it it feeds the soul, doesn't it, Stone? Like when we're watching our analytics numbers go up and go up and go up. Um it's highly, highly motivating.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:51

It is. It's exciting to wake up because we're on different time zones. So when I wake up and have a screenshot from you, that's thrilling.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:59

Absolutely. Um, so we're we're at uh I think the last I checked, we were at 200 listeners for our first episode, which I feel super stoked about because uh, you know, I can't even think of 200 people that I've met.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:09

Um that like me.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:12

Or that like me, yeah, who you know I've met and have come back again. Um I've met them, but to to actually like us. Wow. Um, so thank you to the 200 people and a very small segment of those people. Obviously, we've mentioned in our shout outs today. Um, if you would like us to give you a shout out, you go ahead and connect with us. You can connect with us on um Instagram. And obviously, we've got our email. What is our email address, Stone?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:36

Xanderstonepodcast at gmail.com. There we go. Until we upgrade to a website.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:42

Yes, until we upgrade to our website. We've still got our BuzzSprout website at the moment, but we will be looking into hosting our own uh URL website very soon. But you know, again, coming coming back to yeah, coming back to what we said in episode one, like we are Rinky Denk low budget vibes. Um, you've literally I've got to go and I've got to go give hand jobs around the back of a 7-Eleven just to pay for this.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:02

Um, you are holding it together.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:07

And I was thinking Wednesday gonna talk about the hand jobs, when's he gonna bring it up? Um, yeah, so I'll be giving hand jobs around the 7-Eleven here in TNGin at from 3 30 to 4 30. If you'd like to come through and support, uh please bring your own tissues. Um there's zanderstonepodcast at gmail.com, the Xanderstone Podcast on Instagram, and we will also be hooking up our Twitter profile. At the moment, our Twitter profile is Xanderstone10 um at Xanderstone10, but I think we're looking at changing that to uh make it a bit more accessible to folks. But we very, very, very much would like to hear from our listeners. Um, tell us what you think about the podcast, tell us where you think we can improve, tell us what you like, and of course, feel free to share us your paranormal stories, your weird stories, who your favorite vampire is. And of course, if you've got fangs, if you're sexy and you have fangs, send us a photo of that because that's going straight in the wank bank.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:04

That is really saved and all for that.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:09

We want to see that in to my in my defense. I did I don't think I alienated a single one of our listeners uh this week.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:15

Oh, that's true. You are I was so fucking well behaved.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:20

I was so fucking well behaved today. I am good, and you know, it's one of those things when you when you're editing your own podcast and when you're very excited about all the platforms that you're appearing on, so you're kind of almost annoyingly listening to your own podcast quite a lot to the point where you're really kind of sick of your own voice. Um, you know, you you start to notice all the cringe worthy bits that you and and every time you listen through, you hear a new cringe worthy bit. Um, to the point that you're almost like, maybe I should take that episode down. Maybe I shouldn't be putting that out there.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:52

Maybe I'll save all the bad stuff till the end.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:55

Yeah, till the very last podcast, and then just do one big fuck you. Here's a list of the people I'm gonna tell to fuck off. Um, only the diehards here at the end. Yes, exactly. Um, so yes, thank you, Stone. It was lovely chatting to you about vampires today.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:17

And lovely chatting to you as always.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:19

I think we're going to bring out our next episode very soon. So later, bitches.