WEBVTT 00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:01.360 Well, good morning. 00:00:01.520 --> 00:00:04.240 We're studying our way through the book of Ephesians. 00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:08.800 We've been saying two key insights as we've been working our way through this book. 00:00:08.960 --> 00:00:14.880 And the first is this what we learn in chapters one through three is what God has done for us in Christ. 00:00:15.039 --> 00:00:17.280 Then there's a transition halfway through the book. 00:00:17.440 --> 00:00:22.800 In chapters four through six, we learn how we should live in light of that. 00:00:23.039 --> 00:00:32.399 And so we've been saying, because of that, our walk with Jesus is not for God's love, but from God's love. 00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:36.640 That's what Paul does in the book of Ephesians, in the structure itself. 00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:42.320 He embeds us in God's love for us, and then from that, how do we live? 00:00:42.560 --> 00:00:45.840 Ephesians 5 and 6, Paul teaches us about relationships. 00:00:46.000 --> 00:00:50.719 Last week we talked about marriage, and today we're going to talk about parenting. 00:00:51.039 --> 00:00:53.759 This week we have another installment from the movie The Incredibles. 00:00:54.159 --> 00:01:01.359 There's a parenting scene, a dinner, family life, and well, let's see how family life can often feel. 00:01:02.479 --> 00:01:03.600 So how about you, Vi? 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:04.319 How's school? 00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:05.599 What else I need to room for? 00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:07.439 You've hardly touched your food. 00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:09.280 Hungry for me, Lo. 00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:11.040 Well, it is left overnight. 00:01:11.280 --> 00:01:12.719 We have today, pasta. 00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:14.000 What are you hungry for? 00:01:14.239 --> 00:01:15.040 Tony Red. 00:01:16.879 --> 00:02:23.039 Well, you want the Well, that I mean, that's silly, but that's what life can feel like, right? 00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:25.439 I mean, you're asking one question, how was your day? 00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:28.639 And you get back, well, I don't want what you cooked, and you're like, well, thanks a lot. 00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:30.080 I just you know slaved over this for you. 00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:38.639 Or you ask how your kid is, and then that turns into a disaster, and it sort of like just de-escalates from there, and one kid picks on another one, another kid picks on another one. 00:02:38.800 --> 00:02:43.680 One parent's distracted, one parent wants another parent to do something, another parent wants the other parent to do something. 00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:46.400 That can feel a lot like parenting. 00:02:46.639 --> 00:02:47.759 We have three children. 00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:52.560 For years we were drowning and cute little girls, lots of car seats and equipment. 00:02:52.639 --> 00:02:55.599 Uh, our names were called out 75 times a day. 00:02:55.759 --> 00:02:57.520 Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. 00:02:57.680 --> 00:02:58.719 You're exhausted. 00:02:58.800 --> 00:03:04.479 Uh, if you want to take a nap the next 20 minutes, it might be the best parenting sermon you can have, is just for you to take a nap. 00:03:04.639 --> 00:03:06.800 You will survive, you will make it. 00:03:07.039 --> 00:03:08.800 And now we're parenting teenagers. 00:03:08.960 --> 00:03:11.439 Some of you are parenting adult children. 00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:16.000 And we're all trying to figure out how to parent these children that we have. 00:03:16.240 --> 00:03:20.719 So, how does Paul guide us to guide our children? 00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:22.639 Ephesians 6, 1 through 3. 00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:26.800 Children, first he speaks to the children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 00:03:26.960 --> 00:03:28.240 Honor your father and mother. 00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:30.080 This is the first commandment with a promise. 00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:31.280 Okay, well, why would I do that? 00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:35.039 That it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land. 00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:40.879 So, children, listen and obey your parents as they're instructing you in what is good and moral and healthy. 00:03:41.039 --> 00:03:43.840 Now, verse 4 is where we're going to center our attention. 00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:46.800 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. 00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:48.000 And we can say parents. 00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:59.120 Parents do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction, or we say training them, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:04.560 Those words provoke to anger can be translated exasperate. 00:04:05.120 --> 00:04:14.319 So do not parent them so intensely, so consistently and intensely, that they are perpetually angry. 00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:17.839 We need to pace our parenting. 00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:19.759 Proper pacing. 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:26.160 Or else you just end up with an angry, worn down, worn out, condemned child. 00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:32.480 And then part B to discipline and instruct, it means to teach them what is true and right and good. 00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:35.680 What is self-control and responsibility and respect. 00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:37.199 We're training them. 00:04:37.439 --> 00:04:44.079 So just to ponder the idea of training for the next few minutes, four parenting truths that came to mind for me this week. 00:04:44.240 --> 00:04:45.439 I'm sure there's more. 00:04:45.759 --> 00:04:47.439 Parenting truth number one. 00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:54.639 Your will to train your children must be more resolved than their will to manipulate you. 00:04:56.240 --> 00:05:02.480 When my oldest was two years old, she discovered the game of throwing food onto the floor. 00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:07.759 And so she would be sitting there, and I would put food on her tray, and then she would throw it onto the floor. 00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:08.720 She was our first child. 00:05:09.920 --> 00:05:10.480 She was amazing. 00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:13.759 We just circled around her, and everything was so cute. 00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:16.160 And wasn't this cute how she was throwing food on the floor? 00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:20.240 You know, the eighth, the ninth, the tenth time, I'm picking it back up, and then she's still so cute. 00:05:20.399 --> 00:05:28.079 And then it dawns on me that this little snot is messing with me. 00:05:29.279 --> 00:05:32.000 She is messing, she's manipulating me. 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:41.040 If you think your children are not manipulating you, I can guarantee you, your children are manipulating you. 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:48.639 These little babies, like those little people who were just up here, they are so intuitive. 00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:56.160 And they will begin to manipulate us from an incredibly early age to get control and for them to get what they want. 00:05:56.639 --> 00:06:09.920 It dawned on me as I was probably negotiating the number of cookies my children could have, and I'm a 35-year-old successful man in a long negotiation on how many Oreos this four-year-old could have. 00:06:10.079 --> 00:06:14.000 At some point it dawned on me, I am a grown man. 00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:21.439 Like my yes needs to be yes, and my no demeanings needs to mean no at some point. 00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:26.800 Like if we said something, at some point we need to just expect it to happen. 00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:32.720 And so we finally had a song in our family, fast, happy, and all the way. 00:06:33.120 --> 00:06:34.959 Fast, happy, and all the way. 00:06:35.680 --> 00:06:39.120 So if we said something, you need to do it fast, happy, and all the way. 00:06:39.199 --> 00:06:47.439 Like, and I still, today, I'll ask my children to do something, and it may take a little bit longer today, and I will finally start to sing around the house, and they just love it. 00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:54.160 Just fast, happy, and they love it's just a beautiful dad walking around singing a song about obedience. 00:06:54.560 --> 00:07:00.000 Parenting truth number two, they cry now or you will cry later. 00:07:00.879 --> 00:07:04.639 When I was in the second grade, I had a big spelling test and I'd studied. 00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:25.759 I was actually prepared for it, but my friend Matthew and I, we decided we were going to cheat on the test, and so we wrote the ten words on a little sheet of paper, and I put them between my legs, and I sat at my desk, and every time Miss Minor, who I adored, my second grade teacher, she would call out the word and I would look down at the word, and then I'd write about halfway through the test, I felt her hand on my shoulder. 00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:31.920 What was worse was my mom was substitute teaching two doors down. 00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:43.600 And Miss Minor got me by the arm, walked me straight out of the classroom, straight down the hallway, got my mom out of that classroom, and I am crying at this point. 00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:50.319 And then when I got home, I wasn't allowed to go outside and play, which was the only thing I cared about in life. 00:07:50.560 --> 00:07:55.519 And my mom set up a spelling test, and I had to take the spelling test five times. 00:07:55.759 --> 00:08:01.920 And then I had to write a letter to my teacher, Miss Minor, apologizing to her for cheating on the test. 00:08:02.000 --> 00:08:15.600 And then the next morning, my mom walked with me to my classroom for me to deliver the letter to this teacher that I adored and to apologize to her verbally in person, along with the letter, for cheating on the test. 00:08:17.040 --> 00:08:25.279 Now that was just one little 10-word spelling test in the second grade that really means nothing in the scheme of life. 00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:30.160 But my parents needed to make sure I cried then. 00:08:31.920 --> 00:08:39.360 Needed to feel the weight of dishonesty in second grade so I don't have to feel the weight of dishonesty in 12th grade. 00:08:42.399 --> 00:08:48.720 You make the consequence this big for an offense this big so the offense doesn't become this big. 00:08:49.919 --> 00:08:57.120 About 15 years ago, a parenting author, John Roseman, he spent a day with our church staff, a whole day lectured, we had QA. 00:08:57.200 --> 00:08:58.480 It was great, it was really, really great. 00:08:58.639 --> 00:09:02.320 One thing I remember was he said, whose problem is it? 00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:07.759 Your children's misbehavior, their grades, a bad grade, a speeding ticket. 00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:08.720 Whose problem is it? 00:09:08.879 --> 00:09:10.879 Is it your problem as a parent, or is it their problem? 00:09:11.120 --> 00:09:14.480 Are you transferring the problem to the child? 00:09:14.639 --> 00:09:15.600 Here's what he meant. 00:09:15.759 --> 00:09:22.559 The child's disliking of your decision on how you're instructing them and teaching them and training them, like the verse says, is their problem. 00:09:22.639 --> 00:09:24.080 If they have a problem with it, that's their problem. 00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:25.279 It's not your problem. 00:09:25.759 --> 00:09:30.240 The child's misbehavior is their problem, not your problem. 00:09:30.799 --> 00:09:35.759 It's the parent's job to transfer that problem over to the child. 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:38.639 So maybe they miss their lacrosse game. 00:09:38.879 --> 00:09:40.879 Maybe they miss their dance recital. 00:09:41.120 --> 00:09:43.679 They have prepared for all semester. 00:09:44.240 --> 00:09:47.120 Maybe they have to pay for a speeding ticket. 00:09:47.519 --> 00:09:52.159 Maybe they lose their phone, or maybe they lose their car, maybe they have to move home from college. 00:09:52.240 --> 00:09:53.600 Oh, I could never do that. 00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:54.240 I couldn't do that. 00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:55.039 I just couldn't do that. 00:09:55.120 --> 00:10:01.120 He has worked so hard and he's on a team, he's made a team commitment, and she would be so upset. 00:10:01.279 --> 00:10:02.960 Okay, well, now it's your problem. 00:10:03.519 --> 00:10:05.279 So this is all your problem. 00:10:07.360 --> 00:10:08.799 You have to make it their problem. 00:10:08.960 --> 00:10:14.799 I had a friend say to me, we do not clear and pave the road for our children. 00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:19.279 We set the guardrails on the road that already exists. 00:10:20.960 --> 00:10:22.320 We're not perfect parents. 00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:23.200 We're far from it. 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:24.159 We're still learning. 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:29.279 But my girls do understand, uh, they don't they don't own a phone or a car. 00:10:29.759 --> 00:10:32.799 I own phones and I own cars. 00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:45.120 At this point, I own a fleet of cars, and I own like a whole Apple store, but I own them, and then I let them use them, and I can pull them back at any point. 00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:47.360 Happy to, because they're mine. 00:10:48.080 --> 00:10:54.639 And we have contracts between parent and child, a car a phone contract, and what's expected, and what do you get, and when do you get it? 00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:56.639 We have a car contract. 00:10:57.519 --> 00:11:00.000 The point is this, you'll work all that out. 00:11:00.159 --> 00:11:09.919 The point is this we don't abdicate our parenting to the world, and we don't abdicate our parenting to just magically happen. 00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:17.840 No, we engage, we communicate, we train, we instruct and discipline our children. 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:24.799 Point number three, we can parent without getting on our child's emotional roller coaster. 00:11:25.360 --> 00:11:28.960 This means uh you're connected but not enmeshed. 00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:35.440 You can be on the platform of the roller coaster while your child is riding the roller coaster. 00:11:35.519 --> 00:11:41.840 So you're connected, you're loving, you're instructing, you're guiding, you're involved, you are engaged. 00:11:42.799 --> 00:11:44.480 But it is their life. 00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:45.840 I'm learning that. 00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:47.679 I mean, I live with four ladies and a dog. 00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:49.840 Trust me, I am learning this. 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:56.240 And you're constantly telling them, even when they're little, parents of little ones, you can tell them, hey, I love you. 00:11:56.639 --> 00:12:00.080 You can have a bad day today, but I'm gonna have a great day. 00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:01.120 You just tell them that. 00:12:01.279 --> 00:12:04.399 Say, you're welcome to have a bad day, I'm gonna have I'm planning on having a great day. 00:12:04.559 --> 00:12:08.080 Like, you don't get to control everything about my emotions. 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:12.320 We can love them, be connected without being meshed. 00:12:12.799 --> 00:12:22.879 Parenting truth number four, training, which is teaching plus discipline, that's what this verse is talking about, is in the context of one-way love, which is transforming. 00:12:23.200 --> 00:12:32.960 And we know this in Ephesians because the first three chapters are embedding us in our identity and the wealth of Jesus, his love, sacrifice, and the cross for us. 00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:43.919 That all of the righteousness we need to be secure, beloved sons and daughters, is not based on how good of a parent we are, or how Christian of a parent we are, or how perfect our children are. 00:12:44.080 --> 00:12:47.360 None of that has to do with your righteous standing with God. 00:12:49.200 --> 00:12:56.720 So our parenting is out of a secure place that we are beloved sons and daughters, and we're giving one-way love to these children. 00:12:56.879 --> 00:13:00.559 We're an open fire hydrant of love to our children. 00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:06.159 Over and over again, we're saying stuff to them like, you're not perfect, and that's okay, and I love you. 00:13:06.399 --> 00:13:08.960 You're not perfect, and that's okay, and God loves you. 00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:15.279 We're saying it over and over again, but we're also the fireman who comes along and teaches them what burns them. 00:13:15.519 --> 00:13:20.960 And we're also the fireman that comes along and was like, hey, by the way, like you just broke the law, there's gonna be a consequence. 00:13:21.279 --> 00:13:25.679 But we're doing that in the context of one-way love to them. 00:13:25.919 --> 00:13:29.759 Our children need calm, loving, authoritative parents. 00:13:30.559 --> 00:13:36.639 That's the position you're in that Ephesians 1 through 3 gives us in order to train them. 00:13:36.879 --> 00:13:45.440 And if you lose your cool, like if you're like me and you lose your cool every once in a while, and maybe you lose it, you can be, you can just say to them, hey, hey, I'm about to lose it. 00:13:45.600 --> 00:13:46.720 Just say it to them. 00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:48.559 I am about to lose it. 00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:52.720 I'm gonna go on a 10-minute walk, cool down, and I'll come back. 00:13:52.879 --> 00:13:54.000 And then you re-engage. 00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:55.120 It's okay to do that. 00:13:55.200 --> 00:14:00.320 It's okay to be in the middle of a fight, you catch yourself losing it and say, I'm losing it. 00:14:00.559 --> 00:14:03.279 I'm gonna go for a little walk, and I'll be back in five minutes. 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:05.120 And we'll re-engage then. 00:14:06.639 --> 00:14:08.639 Our role is to keep loving them. 00:14:08.799 --> 00:14:09.919 They won't be perfect. 00:14:10.480 --> 00:14:13.120 They're probably gonna go off the rails at some point. 00:14:13.360 --> 00:14:18.320 Maybe for a season, maybe for months, maybe for years, maybe for a day, maybe for weeks. 00:14:18.480 --> 00:14:22.639 It's possible they make a decision that changes the trajectory of their life. 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:24.559 It may be in my family or your family, or not. 00:14:24.879 --> 00:14:26.639 We're not gonna get all judgy about it. 00:14:26.799 --> 00:14:33.600 We as a church and as parents bring them back onto the road with the guardrails. 00:14:34.080 --> 00:14:38.879 And we love them, and we set them back on the road over and over again. 00:14:39.039 --> 00:14:41.360 And it's never too late to parent with love. 00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:46.240 Because maybe you messed up in the early stage or in the middle stage. 00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:47.759 Never too late to parent love. 00:14:47.919 --> 00:14:55.039 My mentor said the most powerful thing he did as a parent was apologize to his adult children. 00:14:55.279 --> 00:15:01.519 He went to each child when they were adults and he asked them, Hey, I want you to tell me all the ways I have failed you. 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:05.440 I won't defend myself because I just want to say that I'm sorry. 00:15:06.320 --> 00:15:07.679 And they told him. 00:15:08.799 --> 00:15:10.720 And he said, I'm so sorry. 00:15:11.279 --> 00:15:12.240 I love you. 00:15:12.559 --> 00:15:18.799 That is powerful parenting and that later stage of parenting. 00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:20.320 There's three stages of parenting. 00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:21.279 Let's remember these. 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:24.960 Season one is training, roughly ages zero through twelve. 00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:29.919 You're lovingly establishing authority, boundaries, training, and consequences. 00:15:30.159 --> 00:15:36.639 There's bonding there and establishment of authority, and these children joined your world. 00:15:38.159 --> 00:15:41.919 These children join your world, so you've got to teach them about your world. 00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:45.679 Season number two is coaching, roughly ages 12 through 18. 00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:50.720 You're lovingly guiding through conversations, giving freedom and consequences. 00:15:51.039 --> 00:15:56.080 You're letting that rope of freedom out until they hang themselves and you pull them back in. 00:15:56.960 --> 00:16:01.679 You're asking more questions, you're listening more, you're trying to talk less. 00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:03.759 You're coaching. 00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:07.840 Season three, consulting, roughly ages 18 and beyond. 00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:14.559 And the goal here is friendship and shared wisdom with your adult children. 00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:21.360 Isn't it amazing that the people we love the most were training them so they can live without us? 00:16:21.919 --> 00:16:29.759 And then the thing that is success is that our adult children would actually want to be back around us every once in a while. 00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:31.679 Now let's go ahead and finish this section. 00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:36.399 Paul does transition from family life to work life, and we see it in verses five through nine. 00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:53.120 Bondservants obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart as you would Christ, not by way of eye service as people pleasing, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord, and not to man. 00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:59.679 Knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. 00:16:59.919 --> 00:17:09.519 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him. 00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:12.880 Now the Bible never speaks for slavery. 00:17:13.119 --> 00:17:17.440 The Bible speaks into it, speaks against its abuses, and speaks against its violence. 00:17:17.599 --> 00:17:22.000 Now there are differences between modern slavery and ancient Near East slavery. 00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:27.519 This slavery here that Paul's speaking into, these people sold themselves into slavery. 00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:30.480 It was not race-based, and it was not for a lifetime. 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:33.200 Usually they were slaves until about the age of 30. 00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:35.200 Now, here's the point for us. 00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:36.799 What does this have to do with us? 00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:38.319 You know, bond servants and masters. 00:17:38.480 --> 00:17:39.359 Well, here's the point for us. 00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:41.200 It has to do with work life. 00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:44.480 Your boss is not your true boss. 00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:46.960 We work unto the Lord. 00:17:47.200 --> 00:17:55.519 Now, your boss may be amazing or he may be horrible, she may be horrible, but you can work for him or her because they are not your true boss. 00:17:55.839 --> 00:17:57.039 We work unto the Lord. 00:17:57.279 --> 00:17:59.680 This actually frees you to serve and work. 00:17:59.839 --> 00:18:10.000 Now, modern culture wants us to use our work to feel fulfilled and validated and defined, and all that pressure leaves us empty. 00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:14.480 As Christians, we don't have to use our jobs for our identity. 00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:24.480 Work cannot quiet your heart or give you a secure identity because we're already valued and worthy in Jesus. 00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:28.400 So it frees us that our work can just be work. 00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:32.400 See, this is how it's related to parenting. 00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:36.799 Because your children also cannot give you a quiet heart. 00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:37.759 Amen. 00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:55.359 Yet our culture will push you to try to find a sense of worth in your children, your children's success, how they're doing today or this week, or in your work, or in college football at about 11 o'clock last night. 00:18:55.839 --> 00:18:58.480 Incredible sense of security and worth. 00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:03.680 Two questions, considering your children and your work. 00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:09.920 When everything's falling apart, where do you go to feel important or loved? 00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:14.880 Where do you go on a day-to-day basis to feel secure and valuable? 00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:16.880 Your children's current state? 00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:19.039 Your work's current state? 00:19:19.119 --> 00:19:22.079 Or Jesus' love for you? 00:19:22.880 --> 00:19:26.400 About 15 years ago, we went to a concert of our friend Meredith. 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:30.720 She was finishing a music degree and she had a recital concert at the end of it. 00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:36.400 Now, the week before this concert, she had shared a quote with me by author Tony Morrison. 00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:40.799 And this person asked Morrison, said, How do you write these incredible books? 00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:43.039 How do you, do you know, is it other books you've read? 00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:46.000 You know, is it your method, or is it the way you structure it? 00:19:46.480 --> 00:19:47.920 Here's what Tony Morrison said. 00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:48.880 Oh no. 00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:52.000 That's not why I'm a great writer. 00:19:52.799 --> 00:20:00.400 I'm a great writer because when I was a little girl and walked into a room where my father was sitting, his eyes would light up. 00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:02.880 That is why I'm a great writer. 00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:04.799 That is why I'm a great writer. 00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:05.680 That is why. 00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:08.160 There isn't any other reason. 00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:12.880 So we were at Meredith's side of the room's concert, and she's up there singing, confident. 00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:14.000 She's very talented. 00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:23.200 And I I looked over on the side of the room, and her dad, Don, a good, tough, good old boy, he's standing over there and he has tears. 00:20:24.319 --> 00:20:27.519 Just streaming down his face as he's watching his daughter. 00:20:27.839 --> 00:20:34.799 And I got to know Don, and Don was tough and strong, yet he adored his children. 00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:39.039 When he said something, it meant something. 00:20:42.079 --> 00:20:44.880 There were consequences if his children misbehaved. 00:20:45.359 --> 00:20:46.720 And he loved his children. 00:20:47.039 --> 00:20:48.960 And he delighted in his children. 00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:53.759 Maybe you haven't parented like that. 00:20:53.920 --> 00:20:54.799 I mean, that's possible. 00:20:54.880 --> 00:21:01.440 There's nothing that can make you feel worse as a Christian or a person than a parenting or a marriage sermon, right? 00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:11.279 Well, the good news is that story is not only an image of how to be a good parent, that story is an image of the gospel. 00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:17.759 Because maybe you've had your pride or missed up, or maybe you were just distracted, you weren't engaged as a parent. 00:21:18.240 --> 00:21:25.200 Here's the good news Your perfect parenting doesn't get God to love you anymore. 00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:31.839 Your righteous standing with God has nothing to do with your parenting, good, bad, or average parenting. 00:21:32.960 --> 00:21:39.920 God's light in you, his love of you is solely based in Jesus' work for you. 00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:45.359 In Jesus, all of our mistakes are forgiven, our marriage mistakes, our family mistakes, any mistake. 00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:50.319 All of our sins are put upon this Jesus on the cross, and his righteousness is given to us. 00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:54.799 This is why Ephesians 1 through 3 come before Ephesians 4 through 6. 00:21:55.440 --> 00:22:03.599 Out of that forgiveness, validation and work becomes our relational life. 00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:07.440 Our walk with Jesus is not for God's love. 00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:10.880 Like you or love you, walk with Jesus is from God's love. 00:22:11.440 --> 00:22:16.319 And he doesn't just like you or love you, he delights in you. 00:22:17.519 --> 00:22:18.640 Let's pray to God. 00:22:19.920 --> 00:22:28.960 Heavenly Father, thank you that you love us, you like us, and you delight in us because of your love for us, that we know in Jesus Christ. 00:22:29.599 --> 00:22:39.359 Thank you that the cross is enough for all of our sin and mistakes and our marriage life and our family life and our parenting and any of our relationships. 00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:46.960 That all of our failures are forgotten, forgiven in Jesus. 00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:52.000 And that you see us as your perfect sons and daughters. 00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:54.079 That you delight in us. 00:22:54.640 --> 00:23:04.559 May this delight that you have in us through the Son Jesus be the way we understand ourselves as people. 00:23:05.599 --> 00:23:10.559 May it be the place, the source of empowerment for our relationship. 00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:12.799 And even for our parenting. 00:23:13.440 --> 00:23:14.720 In Christ's name we pray. 00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:15.599 Amen.