WEBVTT 00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:02.720 So we've been going through the book of Colossians. 00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:07.519 Last week we talked about marriage, and this week we're talking about parenting. 00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:13.359 So maybe you are a parent, or maybe you wanted to be a parent, and that's been a difficult journey for you. 00:00:13.599 --> 00:00:15.279 Maybe you will be a parent. 00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:17.440 Maybe you have parents, right? 00:00:17.519 --> 00:00:19.519 We are all included this morning. 00:00:19.679 --> 00:00:27.359 We all come from somewhere, and we can all agree that we want to be around great families, and we would love to be in a great family. 00:00:27.519 --> 00:00:39.359 So Paul in Colossians 3, when he begins to give us practical implications of what it means to walk in the grace of God, he talks about how we should love each other at the beginning of Colossians 3, and then he hits on marriage. 00:00:39.439 --> 00:00:41.920 We talked about last week, and now he hits on parenting. 00:00:42.079 --> 00:00:43.679 Colossians 3, 20 and 21. 00:00:43.759 --> 00:00:45.439 Let me reread those two verses. 00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:49.359 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:53.840 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 00:00:54.000 --> 00:01:01.920 Point number one is this we are beloved sons and daughters of the Heavenly Father before we are our other roles. 00:01:02.399 --> 00:01:14.640 So Paul's structure is teaching this that in Colossians 1 and 2, we have all the promises of God to us in Jesus, the indicatives, what's been indicated to us. 00:01:14.959 --> 00:01:24.480 Lavish full forgiveness in Jesus, full righteousness in Jesus, full worth in Jesus, and all of this we purely and simply receive. 00:01:24.959 --> 00:01:33.120 And then in Colossians 3, we have that shift we've been talking about, that because of all those indicatives, those promises, what does that mean? 00:01:33.280 --> 00:01:35.120 What should we live like? 00:01:35.599 --> 00:01:44.319 This order is very important because if you show up into Colossians 3, without Colossians 1 and 2, you're actually too needy to love other people. 00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:49.040 You're too needy to have a healthy marriage, and you're too needy to parent well. 00:01:49.280 --> 00:02:08.080 But if we live in Colossians 1 and 2, our full forgiveness, full righteousness, full worth in Jesus, so we are secure and we are whole apart from other people, we can show up into relationships, we can show up into parenting to parent out of love and truth, not out of insecurity and neediness. 00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:11.280 My wife and I, we have three kiddos, we have three girls. 00:02:11.439 --> 00:02:13.680 For years we were drowning in cute little girls. 00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:16.000 Here's cute little girl stage for us. 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:18.400 Car seat stage, lots of equipment. 00:02:18.560 --> 00:02:21.919 Is anybody else in the equipment stage of parenting? 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:23.280 We're out of equipment stage. 00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:24.159 We made it through. 00:02:24.240 --> 00:02:27.039 There is another side, and you get rid of all the equipment. 00:02:27.360 --> 00:02:30.400 So, yes, we were exhausted, but we survived. 00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:34.159 Now we're parenting pre-teen and teen girls. 00:02:34.240 --> 00:02:40.080 So lots of conversations and clothes and E Newton bracelets. 00:02:40.879 --> 00:02:43.680 And Outer Bank season four. 00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:45.840 It's very important to us. 00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:48.560 Three main seasons of parenting. 00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:50.800 Season number one is training. 00:02:51.199 --> 00:02:54.639 This is roughly ages zero through twelve. 00:02:54.800 --> 00:03:01.919 And this is where you are lovingly establishing authority, boundaries, training, and consequences. 00:03:02.159 --> 00:03:08.479 You're bonding and you're building this loving relationship, but you're establishing authority. 00:03:08.800 --> 00:03:11.280 They joined your world. 00:03:11.759 --> 00:03:14.080 You did not join their world. 00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:19.039 They should be revolving around you, not you revolving around them. 00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:21.759 Season two is coaching. 00:03:22.080 --> 00:03:24.800 This is roughly ages 12 through 18. 00:03:25.360 --> 00:03:32.639 Lovingly guiding through conversations, giving freedom, and still giving consequences. 00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:45.360 So we could say this right: we're giving our children enough rope to hang themselves, and then we reel them back in, and we care for them and correct them, and then we let them back out again. 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:48.159 Season three, consulting. 00:03:48.319 --> 00:03:50.479 This is roughly ages 18 and beyond. 00:03:50.560 --> 00:03:58.159 And the goal, the goal of parenting here is a friendship and shared wisdom with adult children. 00:03:58.400 --> 00:04:04.159 Now, Colossians 3 gives us principles that extend through all these seasons of parenting. 00:04:04.719 --> 00:04:08.240 First, we have verse 20: Children, obey your parents. 00:04:08.479 --> 00:04:14.400 When our girls were little, we said all the time for obedience, fast, happy, and all the way. 00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:16.800 We said it so much it turned into a song. 00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:21.920 It's all we've said over and over again in our house. 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:23.519 Fast, happy, and all the way. 00:04:23.600 --> 00:04:25.680 I mean, it was just all the time. 00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:32.639 Now we're out of training, we're in coaching, and we're learning how to do that, imperfectly, but we're learning. 00:04:32.959 --> 00:04:37.519 And all that obedience still we expect, but it's a little slower. 00:04:37.680 --> 00:04:42.879 It's like a little more nuanced, there's some conversations because we're coaching. 00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:44.560 We're not just training. 00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:48.160 And then we have verse 21, this parenting principle. 00:04:48.399 --> 00:04:52.639 Fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 00:04:52.800 --> 00:04:56.160 Now in Ephesians, Paul expounds on this idea just a bit more. 00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:57.519 Ephesians 6, 4. 00:04:57.680 --> 00:05:05.120 Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 00:05:05.279 --> 00:05:07.680 So this is directly to fathers, but also to mamas. 00:05:08.079 --> 00:05:13.920 And point number two is this we are called to teach and guide our children. 00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:19.199 So we are to teach them about this world that they were born into. 00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:21.040 What is this world? 00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:22.160 How does it work? 00:05:22.480 --> 00:05:24.079 How do these relationships work? 00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:30.319 What is true about them as created in the image of God, beautiful and yet sinners? 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:33.360 What's true about their hearts, about how their hearts work? 00:05:33.519 --> 00:05:38.240 What's true about God, what how God relates to them, what's true about Jesus for them? 00:05:38.399 --> 00:05:41.279 We're to teach them these things, guide them. 00:05:42.240 --> 00:05:50.319 My favorite guide story is when I was a college freshman, a group of us on fall break, we went and rafted the Gali River in West Virginia. 00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:53.199 Huge, huge river, class five. 00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:56.959 You know, we were young and invincible, nothing could hurt us. 00:05:57.040 --> 00:05:59.680 Here's a picture of us getting ready to get on the river. 00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:01.360 That's not a perm. 00:06:01.600 --> 00:06:02.879 I'm on the far right. 00:06:03.439 --> 00:06:05.199 Those are real curls. 00:06:05.279 --> 00:06:06.399 Thank you very much. 00:06:07.279 --> 00:06:11.120 Just it was a hair season, big hair season of life. 00:06:11.439 --> 00:06:13.920 Our guide's name was Turtle. 00:06:14.399 --> 00:06:19.839 And Turtle, before we even loaded the raft, turtle got us together. 00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:27.519 Hey guys, today is gonna be one of the most fun days of your entire life. 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:31.199 And today, you could die. 00:06:34.399 --> 00:06:35.839 Just the truth. 00:06:36.079 --> 00:06:37.839 This is how today works. 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:38.800 He's our guide. 00:06:38.879 --> 00:06:40.319 He's gotta teach us. 00:06:40.639 --> 00:06:45.759 He said if we didn't listen to him, all the fun would disappear, we could get hurt or die. 00:06:46.319 --> 00:06:48.560 And then he taught us how to paddle as a group. 00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:53.360 And before each rapid, he'd pull the raft over, he'd explain the rapid coming up. 00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:54.720 I mean, think about this for parenting. 00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:56.079 This is how we should be guiding our children. 00:06:56.240 --> 00:06:57.040 He pulled the raft over. 00:06:57.279 --> 00:06:58.639 Hey, here's how this is gonna work. 00:06:58.800 --> 00:07:01.120 I've been through this thing a million times with other people. 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:08.959 Like, here's how it works, and here's what we're gonna do, and here's how, and if you fall out, this is where you need to swim, this is how you need to react if you fall out or something goes wrong. 00:07:09.279 --> 00:07:10.800 He guided us. 00:07:11.519 --> 00:07:13.360 See, that's what we are for our children. 00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:15.360 We're turtle for our kids, is what we are. 00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:21.199 We're training, we're patiently explaining things, we're guiding them. 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:26.720 The word instruction in Ephesians 6:4 means to train and teach. 00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:31.519 When our girls were little, like in the car seat picture, maybe go back to that car seat picture real quick. 00:07:31.680 --> 00:07:34.800 When we they they were so cute, created an image of God. 00:07:34.879 --> 00:07:39.839 I mean, look how cute, sweet, little, precious in the image of God, babies. 00:07:40.079 --> 00:07:42.480 And they were so manipulative. 00:07:45.519 --> 00:07:48.000 Those, those precious, I mean, look at them. 00:07:48.160 --> 00:07:50.319 They were just the most manipulative. 00:07:50.480 --> 00:07:55.360 If you don't think your children are manipulative, you are being manipulated. 00:07:57.519 --> 00:07:59.279 As you think they're not doing it. 00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:04.160 They are savvy, they are smart, they are manipulative. 00:08:04.399 --> 00:08:07.920 We would put those precious little babies that we had cared for all day. 00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:16.720 We've been feeding them and clothing them, wiping their little bottoms, we've been doing all this, and we would go to put them in their car seat, and you know what they would do? 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:25.040 They'd some of you are in this stage right now, you go to, and they are, I mean, fighting you, fighting you. 00:08:25.680 --> 00:08:31.680 And we would just real gently press that bottom to the back of the car seat, hold it there. 00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:32.879 They're trying. 00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:40.879 We'd look them right in the eye, and we would say, You are not the boss. 00:08:41.519 --> 00:08:42.960 I am the boss. 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:46.320 And then we'd buckle them in, and they could cry or whatever. 00:08:46.480 --> 00:08:47.600 It's fine. 00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:56.720 Because we have to establish authority and boundaries, but we do that in a loving kindness within the bonds of a loving relationship. 00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:01.840 And as they age, we give them more freedom while still trying to be the authority. 00:09:02.159 --> 00:09:08.559 Dysfunction is letting a child be the boss when they're not designed to be. 00:09:09.679 --> 00:09:12.240 Stop negotiating with your toddlers. 00:09:12.559 --> 00:09:15.440 Stop letting a 10-year-old act like a 16-year-old. 00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:18.720 Stop letting a 16-year-old act like a 25-year-old. 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:22.399 Don't let children act an age they're not. 00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:25.360 They don't have the wisdom to be that yet. 00:09:25.759 --> 00:09:36.399 When parents take on the role of being the boss and the teacher, the child is relieved to just be a kid, to be the age they are. 00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:42.559 My parenting used to be a lot of hide and seek and Jesus Storybook Bible. 00:09:42.639 --> 00:09:45.679 Who's in the hide and seek and Jesus Storybook Bible stage, right? 00:09:45.840 --> 00:09:51.759 And now it's shifted, and we are in a different season where we go for walks. 00:09:52.320 --> 00:09:55.200 Um, you know, like an ice cream date. 00:09:55.759 --> 00:09:57.840 We watch The Office, right? 00:09:58.000 --> 00:09:59.279 The office, you know the office? 00:09:59.519 --> 00:10:00.720 Michael and Dwight and Jim. 00:10:01.039 --> 00:10:02.240 I love Creed. 00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:04.960 See, kids love it. 00:10:05.279 --> 00:10:06.559 I love Creed. 00:10:07.840 --> 00:10:15.279 Amazingly, most of the big issues of life and anything inappropriate can be found in the office. 00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:17.200 So we watch it. 00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:22.399 And I press pause, and I'll say, what do you think about that? 00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:25.279 How would you have done that? 00:10:25.600 --> 00:10:26.879 Do you know what that word means? 00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:28.480 There's a lot of, do you know what that word me? 00:10:28.559 --> 00:10:36.000 I won't tell you the word this week I had to explain, which led into a whole nother explanation about a whole series of how things in the human body work. 00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:37.440 That's what she said. 00:10:37.679 --> 00:10:39.200 Like, do you know what that means? 00:10:39.360 --> 00:10:40.799 Do you know why that's a joke? 00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:41.679 Right? 00:10:42.159 --> 00:10:43.440 This is my way of hearing. 00:10:43.679 --> 00:10:45.679 Christy has a whole different method. 00:10:46.559 --> 00:10:47.440 You can ask her. 00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:54.720 This is just my point is is like you you use what you can to teach your children. 00:10:54.960 --> 00:10:56.559 Use whatever you can. 00:10:56.720 --> 00:10:58.080 Like, use it all. 00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:02.879 Whatever season they are in, use whatever you can to teach your child. 00:11:03.039 --> 00:11:04.159 Use church. 00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:06.000 What did you hear this morning? 00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:07.360 What do you think about that? 00:11:07.519 --> 00:11:08.320 What'd you learn? 00:11:08.480 --> 00:11:09.679 What do you think about that? 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:11.919 Keep building that relationship. 00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:13.840 How's your heart feel today? 00:11:14.000 --> 00:11:15.759 What's going on in there today? 00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:17.519 Why do you think you're feeling that way? 00:11:17.679 --> 00:11:18.799 Send them a podcast. 00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:20.080 Let's talk about this later. 00:11:20.240 --> 00:11:21.840 Send them what you read this morning, right? 00:11:21.919 --> 00:11:32.080 Like, and just keep, you're just like keep telling them, hey, in Jesus, you are chosen, you're loved, you're forgiven, you're never alone, you're not perfect, it's okay. 00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:33.919 Jesus was perfect for you. 00:11:34.080 --> 00:11:36.799 And we just keep doing it in all of these seasons. 00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:41.600 Point number three is this you are called to correctively discipline your children. 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:46.399 The word training in Ephesians 6.4 means corrective discipline. 00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:47.919 Now we get judgy here. 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:51.679 You know they spank, you know they don't spank, and you can tell, right? 00:11:51.759 --> 00:11:55.840 Like, I'm not sure, I'm not sure how you're gonna do it. 00:11:55.919 --> 00:12:00.000 I don't, I'm not even gonna begin to prescribe that to you. 00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:01.360 I don't know how you'll do it. 00:12:01.519 --> 00:12:03.039 I just know you have to do it. 00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:08.399 I know you should probably find the most painful thing in their life that they think they can't live without, and you should take it away from them. 00:12:08.480 --> 00:12:10.000 That's probably what you should do. 00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:15.840 We have to lovingly discipline them for the sake of correction. 00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:21.600 We have to protect our children from unhealthy ways of behaving. 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:27.440 And we have to do this when they're two, and we have to do it when they're 12, we might even have to do it when they're 22. 00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:37.600 I parenting mentor of ours, Connie, she would say, they cry now or you cry later. 00:12:40.720 --> 00:12:44.399 If you're secure in Colossians 1 and 2, you're okay with your kids crying. 00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:47.840 You're okay with your kids not liking you, you're okay with your kids being disappointed. 00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:49.919 It's all in the context of a loving relationship. 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:52.159 You're just correcting them along the way. 00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:56.159 And you'd rather them cry when they're five than when they're 15. 00:12:56.240 --> 00:12:58.399 You'd rather them cry when they're 15 than when they're 25. 00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:00.720 You'd rather them cry when they're 25 than when they're 35. 00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:04.639 You would always rather try to correct it earlier. 00:13:05.840 --> 00:13:08.080 They cry now or you cry later. 00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:21.279 And your children should know that having toys or having a phone or having a room or having a car or going to college, it is all a privilege. 00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:24.240 It is not a right in any of it. 00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:29.279 It can be taken away as loving correction. 00:13:29.600 --> 00:13:30.000 Right? 00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:34.159 This is loving correction for the sake of correcting the child. 00:13:34.399 --> 00:13:43.600 Another parent mentor of ours, Linda, she raised two boys, and right when they got out of high school, I asked her, I said, hey, what would you have done differently, like in the high school years? 00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:45.360 What would you have changed? 00:13:45.440 --> 00:13:46.000 What would you do? 00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:49.759 And she said, as they moved into high school, I kept talking. 00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:56.559 They had already heard all my mini sermons, but I just kept talking, and so they shut me out. 00:13:56.879 --> 00:14:02.399 She said, I needed to stop talking and just begin to ask questions. 00:14:02.879 --> 00:14:03.200 Right? 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:07.840 What she was saying is that she needed to move from training to coaching. 00:14:08.159 --> 00:14:09.360 And that's what I'm learning. 00:14:09.519 --> 00:14:10.159 And that's hard. 00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:11.360 I'm a preacher, right? 00:14:11.519 --> 00:14:12.799 I like talk. 00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:14.879 I have an opinion about everything. 00:14:15.039 --> 00:14:23.600 I can give you an opinion about a paper clip if you want one, and I could tell it to you for 10 minutes and why it is right and how you should use it and the implications of. 00:14:23.919 --> 00:14:36.080 I mean, so I could talk forever about anything, and what I'm having to learn in the training stage, the coaching stage, mind you, is to say, what do you think? 00:14:36.320 --> 00:14:37.679 What do you think about that? 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:40.000 Uh, what's God saying to you? 00:14:40.320 --> 00:14:43.039 I'm learning to say, well, tell tell me more about that. 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:45.360 Wow, that what that wow, that's amazing. 00:14:45.519 --> 00:14:46.559 Tell me more about that. 00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:49.279 It's almost like, and then I get like one sentence, right? 00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:57.360 Like I get one, it's like playing Uno and you have the draw four card, and you're just holding it because you want to play at the second to last card. 00:14:57.519 --> 00:15:00.879 Like you don't want to play it too early because you want to dictate what color, right? 00:15:01.039 --> 00:15:05.440 You want to hit the draw four, and you want to say red, and you want them to draw four, and then you're gonna play your red card. 00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:19.200 Like, and that's what parenting in the coaching stages is like you have your draw four, you only get to like say like one sentence for them to listen to you in this like 15-minute conversation, and you're just playing these boring little cards, and you're like, Well, what do you think? 00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:19.919 What do you think? 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:20.879 What's God saying? 00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:24.399 Tell me more, tell me more, tell me, and then you're like, boom, draw four. 00:15:24.639 --> 00:15:32.879 Hits you with, I just hit you with the insight, the parent insight, and then you're like back to just like, okay, what do you think? 00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:34.000 What do you think? 00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:35.759 That's what it feels like. 00:15:35.840 --> 00:15:37.200 That's what I'm learning. 00:15:37.679 --> 00:15:39.039 Point number four. 00:15:39.360 --> 00:15:44.159 We are called to raise our kids without exasperating them. 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:54.240 The word provoke in Colossians 3.21, also in Ephesians 6.4, it means do not wear the mount with a critical spirit. 00:15:55.919 --> 00:16:02.240 Our role is to stir up our children toward Jesus and goodness and character and bravery. 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:06.240 Two main ways we tend to exasperate our children. 00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:09.279 We exasperate by demanding too much. 00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:11.919 I'm not talking about high standards. 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:15.919 I'm talking about a critical spirit of demanding too much. 00:16:16.159 --> 00:16:19.600 Be more, be faster, be stronger, be successful. 00:16:19.759 --> 00:16:22.320 The 92 wasn't good, why didn't you make a 94? 00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:25.039 The 94 wasn't good, why didn't you make a 96? 00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:31.519 Demanding a five-year-old to behave like a 12-year-old or a 12-year-old to behave like a 25-year-old. 00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:34.559 All of our children will not be A students. 00:16:34.960 --> 00:16:40.080 All of our children will not be void of detours or rebellion. 00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:43.120 All of our children will not be CEOs. 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:46.399 It's not even the goal. 00:16:47.919 --> 00:17:04.319 The goal is to stir up our children, to not discourage them, to not wear them out, and to stir them up toward Jesus and goodness and character and bravery so that they can become competent, capable adults in the world. 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:07.920 So you can free them into the world. 00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:14.799 The second way we tend to exasperate is we exasperate by protective love rather than freeing love. 00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:18.000 And man, I want to keep my babies safe, right? 00:17:18.160 --> 00:17:19.680 I mean, they're my babies. 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:22.480 They were babies and they're babies, they're still babies to me. 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:24.480 And I want to keep them safe. 00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:28.079 But that's not that's not really my job. 00:17:28.319 --> 00:17:35.440 My job is to keep them safe, to train them and teach them to free them into the world. 00:17:35.920 --> 00:17:40.559 That's tough if you are a high control, keep them safe person. 00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:44.880 But protective love over time is suffocating. 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:47.359 This week I've been thinking about the image of skiing. 00:17:47.440 --> 00:17:48.799 I think this was getting colder. 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:56.400 Now imagine uh you fly to Denver and you drive to Vale and you are dreaming of skiing the back bowl of Vale. 00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:58.319 This is China Bowl on the back bowl. 00:17:58.480 --> 00:17:59.599 Imagine that's you. 00:17:59.839 --> 00:18:01.839 It's a beautiful winter day. 00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:05.680 It's a blue sky, China bowl, the back of Vale. 00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:08.559 I mean, your cell phone doesn't even have reception. 00:18:08.799 --> 00:18:10.000 You are free. 00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:30.000 So let's imagine you show up into Vale, and then you wake up that morning and it has snowed fresh powder the night before, but the skies are blue, and it's the morning, and you show up, you get on the gondola, you have all your ski equipment, you get on the gondola first, and then five 13-year-old snowboarders get on after you, and you think, I'll survive, I'll make it. 00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:32.559 You know, it's a seven-minute ride, we'll be okay, we'll make it. 00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:35.279 And so you are getting the gondola's getting up, you can see the top. 00:18:35.440 --> 00:18:39.759 You are almost at three, the doors are about to open, and then the gondola stops. 00:18:41.119 --> 00:18:52.000 And you're safe, but you are trapped, and you know it smells bad because those 13-year-olds haven't showered in five days of snowboarding that stinks. 00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:55.440 That's protective love, that gondola. 00:18:55.599 --> 00:19:03.519 That stopped gondola because you're safe, but you're trapped, it doesn't set you free. 00:19:03.759 --> 00:19:12.000 Now, your love is the gondola, and it's designed to keep children safe as to free them in time. 00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:14.240 That's the goal of parenting. 00:19:14.559 --> 00:19:23.759 And you know what's gonna happen because it happens as we let that rope out, is you free them at the top of the mountain, and then they ski out of bounds because they're morons, because they're children. 00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:26.880 Their prefrontal cortex has not formed yet. 00:19:27.119 --> 00:19:28.880 It doesn't form till they're 25. 00:19:29.119 --> 00:19:36.880 So our children, all of our children, are gonna do dumb stuff, and we pull them back in and we care for them and we correct them. 00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:45.759 Or something, they just break their leg and they're gonna limp home and you care for them and you correct them and you set them free again. 00:19:46.000 --> 00:20:00.559 That's the goal of parenting, as imperfect as it will be for all of us, is to free our children over time, and that they know, they know they can always come home to be cared for and corrected and sent back out. 00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:04.160 Paul's making a powerful connection for all of us. 00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:07.279 Just think about this book that we were studying. 00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:18.079 Our beloved identity in Jesus in Colossians 1 and 2, which leads us, it fuels, it empowers a character of honesty and love. 00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:20.559 Colossians 3, 1 through 17. 00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:23.599 Now don't try to do that without the first part. 00:20:23.759 --> 00:20:25.359 They all feed to the next. 00:20:25.599 --> 00:20:29.119 And then let's talk about healthy marriage, Colossians 3, 18, 19. 00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:32.480 And now let's talk about healthy parenting, training, instructing our children. 00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:42.319 See, Paul is giving us a roadmap for a soul fulfilled in Jesus, whole, so that we can build loving relationships with people. 00:20:42.799 --> 00:20:46.319 We can have a healthy marriage, and we can parent well. 00:20:46.880 --> 00:20:52.559 Now it'd be easy to hear all of that and say, yeah, but you don't know my family. 00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:58.640 Like you don't know our story, you don't know my kid, you don't know what I've done, you don't know my parenting. 00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:00.480 And you're right, I don't. 00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:01.519 I don't. 00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:04.480 Like, I mean, this room is filled with parenting failures. 00:21:04.960 --> 00:21:05.680 It just is. 00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:08.160 We've all had parenting failures. 00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:11.759 But the gospel's still true. 00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:17.599 Colossians 1 and 2 are true for you before you even begin to parent, which is Colossians 3. 00:21:17.759 --> 00:21:22.480 And that tells you that you are fully forgiven of all your parent failures. 00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:24.640 Chapters 1 and 2 are those indicatives. 00:21:24.880 --> 00:21:27.759 God's promises indicated to us in Christ. 00:21:27.920 --> 00:21:30.079 All your parenting failures are forgiven. 00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:35.440 Then, then we get three and four, and imperative is because of those promises, how should we live? 00:21:35.599 --> 00:21:41.440 And when we're when we realize such a parent failure, well, Colossians 1 and 2 are true about me. 00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:43.039 Jesus is enough. 00:21:43.200 --> 00:21:45.759 All my sins are forgiven, I'm fully righteous in him. 00:21:46.480 --> 00:21:51.519 Meaning how we should live is fueled by what is already true about us. 00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:56.799 And what we've been saying is that who we are in Jesus fuels how we live after Jesus. 00:21:57.279 --> 00:22:08.319 God is still at work, he can redeem any relational situation as we go to him and we rest in him and we live out of the promises of Jesus. 00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:09.440 Let's pray together. 00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:16.480 Heavenly Father, thank you that you are the perfect parent while we are the imperfect parents. 00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:28.480 We pray that our parenting would only be a mirror of how good you are, that you are the perfect Father. 00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:32.559 We are a mere reflection of your perfection. 00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:38.079 And thank you that you know all of us and you love all of us as your children, that you know our children. 00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:46.079 As wonderful as they are in this moment, or as horrible as they are in this morning, you know them and you love them. 00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:50.160 And God's story is still at work in their hearts and lives. 00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:51.920 Would you help us to parent well? 00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:59.359 Help us to rest, and that Jesus is enough for us and help us to live out of that empowerment. 00:22:59.519 --> 00:23:00.960 In Christ's name we pray. 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:01.599 Amen.