WEBVTT 00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:03.520 This fall we're studying our way through the book of Colossians. 00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:07.599 We've been saying that Colossians is structured in a very particular way to teach us something. 00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:14.320 Chapters one and two give us the indicatives, what's indicated to us in Jesus? 00:00:14.480 --> 00:00:19.920 What are all the gifts and the promises, all the lavishness we have in Jesus? 00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:23.359 In Jesus, fully forgiven, in Jesus fully righteous. 00:00:23.519 --> 00:00:25.120 What are all of these promises? 00:00:25.359 --> 00:00:27.600 One and two just shower it on. 00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:35.520 And then heading into chapter three, there is a shift, moving into chapter three, and we begin to receive imperatives. 00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:43.200 Because of those promises in one and two, because of the lavish promises of Jesus, how should we live? 00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:44.960 What should our lives look like? 00:00:45.200 --> 00:00:52.560 And so we've been saying it this way: we live the imperatives, chapters three and four, through the indicatives, chapters one and two. 00:00:52.960 --> 00:00:59.039 Meaning how we should live is fueled by what is already true about us. 00:00:59.359 --> 00:01:04.560 Who we are in Jesus fuels how we live for Jesus. 00:01:04.799 --> 00:01:19.200 And if we mess that up and we just live in chapters three and four, without chapters one and two, we just live for Jesus, but we're not living out of everything we already have in Jesus, that is where we get religious arrogance, exhaustion. 00:01:19.359 --> 00:01:27.120 We swing from arrogance to despair quite quickly, and we don't know the joy and the freedom that we actually have of a faith walk with Jesus. 00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:31.280 Now, today's passage speaks to family relationships, specifically husband and wife. 00:01:31.439 --> 00:01:39.920 Now, maybe you're here and you come from a conservative family, maybe you come from a progressive family, single parent family, weird family, horrible family. 00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:42.400 Maybe you thought you'd be married and you're not. 00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:45.040 Maybe you thought you'd still be married and you're not. 00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:49.359 Maybe you're in a great marriage, maybe you're in no marriage, maybe you're in a tough marriage. 00:01:49.599 --> 00:01:51.519 We all come from somewhere. 00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:55.599 But I think we can agree that we all want great families. 00:01:55.760 --> 00:02:02.640 Nobody sets out or nobody says to their family, man, I just wish our family would be horrible or more horrible. 00:02:02.879 --> 00:02:04.719 I hope we never get better. 00:02:05.359 --> 00:02:07.760 And we all want great families around us. 00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:11.520 Even if you're a single adult, you want to be surrounded by great families. 00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:15.199 So let's look at what Paul is saying to wives and husbands. 00:02:15.360 --> 00:02:17.439 Colossians 3, 18 and 19. 00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:21.039 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:24.159 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:27.120 Now in Ephesians, Paul expands a bit more. 00:02:27.360 --> 00:02:35.199 Ephesians 5.21, he leads into the section in Ephesians by saying this submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:38.960 So submission is for all of us. 00:02:39.199 --> 00:02:40.479 And that's point number one. 00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:46.639 Social harmony depends on each of us supporting and respecting one another. 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:51.199 Submission means that we support and respect another person. 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:56.960 Harmony requires this support and respect. 00:02:57.280 --> 00:03:02.479 And Paul says, before he says this is for wives, he says for everyone, all of us. 00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:09.280 And then he takes this universal principle and he applies it more directly to wives. 00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:11.199 He does this for a particular reason. 00:03:11.360 --> 00:03:16.639 Because at the time in the ancient Near East, women had almost no value. 00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:21.759 And then the Christian faith comes along and it esteems women and it elevates women. 00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:24.000 The woman has been set free. 00:03:24.159 --> 00:03:40.719 Then Paul's point is: hey, wives, and all of your new freedom, and all your new freedom, continue to operate in the universal principle that creates social harmony, submission, support, and respect of another person. 00:03:41.439 --> 00:03:45.439 Paul expounds, Ephesians 5, 22 through 24. 00:03:46.080 --> 00:03:50.560 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:57.199 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 00:03:57.439 --> 00:04:02.159 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands and everything. 00:04:02.479 --> 00:04:06.000 One time I asked my wife, I said, What does that what does it mean? 00:04:06.159 --> 00:04:09.199 Like, what does it mean to you that you would have to submit to me? 00:04:09.360 --> 00:04:10.080 Like, what is that? 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:11.120 What does that mean to you? 00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:15.840 Which is a weird question because like most of the time in a day-to-day, we just kind of work as partners. 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:22.639 And she said, It means that I have to trust that God's doing something in you for the sake of our family. 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:27.040 And she said, It it means I don't have to control everything. 00:04:27.519 --> 00:04:31.120 Because don't we all just control everything? 00:04:32.319 --> 00:04:38.480 It's easy to hear the word submit and react like I did to Fat Bear Week. 00:04:38.560 --> 00:04:39.600 Um, it is October. 00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:40.800 You know, I was gonna get to it. 00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:45.600 It's October, and so in October in our church, we like to talk about Fat Bear Week. 00:04:45.680 --> 00:04:50.000 So if you haven't been here, Fat Bear Week is in October every year. 00:04:50.079 --> 00:05:02.319 It's in Katman National Park up in Alaska, and all the grizzly bears they grab gather at Brooks Falls, where they feed on fish all summer long to fatten up. 00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:08.639 And then in October, the National Park Service has Fat Bear Week and bear nerds all over the world. 00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:15.120 They all vote which bear got the fattest from the beginning of the summer to the end of the summer. 00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:18.399 And so last year's champion was Grazer. 00:05:18.639 --> 00:05:21.439 Here's a picture of Grazer the beginning of summer last year. 00:05:21.600 --> 00:05:24.800 There she is, and then the end of summer, she was the champion. 00:05:24.959 --> 00:05:27.680 There she is as the champion. 00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:28.639 Lassum. 00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:32.079 And again this year, Grazer won again this year. 00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:36.319 Here's a picture of her this year as the champion. 00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:37.040 That's her. 00:05:37.360 --> 00:05:41.360 Just gonna tip right over backward, it looks like, and it's kind of like a wheelie. 00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:52.639 Um, which was great because Grazier beat out Chunk in the finals, and Chunk, Chunk had killed Grazer's cub in July. 00:05:52.879 --> 00:05:54.639 So this was yes. 00:05:54.879 --> 00:05:58.879 This Fat Bear Week, there's a lot going on, guys. 00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:00.639 You gotta keep up. 00:06:01.519 --> 00:06:04.639 So this was like a revenge victory, you know? 00:06:04.959 --> 00:06:06.399 So good for her. 00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:09.759 Her cub was killed, but she won Fat Bear Week. 00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:14.399 Uh as well, there was more drama, and this year's tournament was actually delayed. 00:06:14.560 --> 00:06:23.279 And I knew this because as soon as this event happened, so many of you texted me because you're, you know, you're locked in to Fat Bear Week. 00:06:23.439 --> 00:06:33.040 Uh, because uh Bear 469, a male, killed Bear 402, a female, killed her. 00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:44.560 They got into it for some reason there at the falls, and the female tried to back away, and then the male attacked her, killed her, and then ate her. 00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:47.279 So pretty disturbing. 00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:57.040 Uh so in bear world, that's like submission taken to extreme, right? 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:07.680 And my point, of course, is that bear world submission is nothing like Christian relational submission. 00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:17.519 But sometimes we confuse these things and we react emotionally in a way where we hear that word and we think that's what it is. 00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:19.920 It's that's not what it is at all. 00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:24.079 Submission is not about demeaning or destroying. 00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:30.319 Submission does not mean you are not valuable or equal or intellectual or you have ability. 00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:34.480 Submission is about supporting and respecting another person. 00:07:35.040 --> 00:07:37.040 You don't have to control everything. 00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:42.000 The family unit is like all other units and relationships. 00:07:42.079 --> 00:07:43.439 This is what Paul's saying, right? 00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:46.079 Paul first says everybody submit to everybody. 00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:51.199 Imagine how great relationships would be if we just supported and respected each other. 00:07:52.160 --> 00:07:55.199 Harmony comes through support and respect. 00:07:55.680 --> 00:07:59.199 And then Paul goes out of his way to teach this to wives. 00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:00.560 And that's point number two. 00:08:00.720 --> 00:08:03.600 Wives, you're called to support and respect your husbands. 00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:05.839 Okay, husbands. 00:08:06.160 --> 00:08:07.120 Paul has a word for you. 00:08:07.279 --> 00:08:12.879 Colossians 3 19, husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:17.439 That phrase, do not be harsh with them, could be translated as embittered. 00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:23.360 Meaning, do not lead in a way that is filled with resentfulness. 00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:27.439 Do not lead in a way that's filled with anger. 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:34.000 You should be leading in a way that's empathetic, compassionate, gentle. 00:08:34.879 --> 00:08:43.840 In Ephesians, Paul expounds, Ephesians 5, 25, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:08:44.159 --> 00:08:50.480 So, point number three, husbands are called to love their wives with rich loyalty and sacrifice. 00:08:51.200 --> 00:08:56.159 Men were called to lead and love like Jesus, and Jesus always enters the mess. 00:08:56.399 --> 00:08:57.919 He doesn't shy away. 00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:05.279 Headship seeks out the chaos, the mess of the hearts of those in the family. 00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:12.559 If you want an adventure, men, if you want an adventure, you don't need a new car. 00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:15.519 And you definitely don't need an affair. 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:22.399 Just begin to adventure into the hearts of the people in your family. 00:09:23.519 --> 00:09:28.240 What worries and fears and stresses are eating at them? 00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:40.159 We have a coin bowl in our kitchens filled with coins. 00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:42.159 Do y'all remember coins? 00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:42.799 Do you remember? 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:45.039 Anybody still carrying coins? 00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:46.879 Right, this is a quarter. 00:09:47.120 --> 00:09:52.960 I used to uh gas up my truck when I was 16 with the coins in the ashtray, right? 00:09:53.279 --> 00:09:53.840 Anybody else? 00:09:54.080 --> 00:10:03.840 Anybody else gassed up with the coins that were in your ashtray as the ashtray pulled out and all the coins you dump your coins in there, and that's how I gassed up my truck every every week. 00:10:04.080 --> 00:10:06.080 So we have a coin bowl in our kitchen. 00:10:06.159 --> 00:10:12.159 I'm pretty sure all the coins that are in there have been in there for 10 years because we haven't used a coin in probably 10 years. 00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:15.360 And this is just a quarter I grabbed out of that coin bowl this morning. 00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:19.200 Basic quarter, eagle on one side, uh, George's on the other side. 00:10:19.440 --> 00:10:23.200 Nothing special about this coin, basic coin, two sides. 00:10:23.440 --> 00:10:26.240 A coin always has two sides, right? 00:10:26.799 --> 00:10:29.840 It can't not have two sides. 00:10:30.159 --> 00:10:33.360 If I give you a coin, you're always gonna get two sides. 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:34.960 They come together. 00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:38.879 This is what Paul's doing in both Ephesians and Colossians. 00:10:39.120 --> 00:10:42.799 When he teaches about submission, he teaches two sides. 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:47.679 When he teaches about loving a wife, he teaches two sides. 00:10:47.919 --> 00:10:50.559 One side, husband, love your wives with rich loyalty. 00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:51.120 Be gentle. 00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:55.200 Other side, wives, submit to your husbands, be supportive and respectful. 00:10:55.360 --> 00:10:57.039 They're two sides of the same coin. 00:10:57.120 --> 00:10:59.840 You can't have one without the other. 00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:04.320 They work together for harmony. 00:11:04.960 --> 00:11:12.879 The commentary on this text says it this way The two imperatives ought not be isolated. 00:11:13.039 --> 00:11:18.320 And then one of them emphasized without thought for its dependence on the other. 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:21.759 How natural to love a loyal wife. 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:28.000 And who would not want to remain loyal to a truly loving husband? 00:11:29.440 --> 00:11:33.039 One of my favorite stories the last few years about a friend of mine, we'll call her Ginny. 00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:36.639 Her name was not Ginny, the husband, let's call him Billy, his name was not Billy. 00:11:37.039 --> 00:11:38.799 And they were at odds. 00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:40.960 Nothing horrible had happened. 00:11:41.120 --> 00:11:45.600 There was not some massive moral mistake in the marriage, but they did not get along. 00:11:45.679 --> 00:11:49.360 They did not like each other, they were nitpicking, they were all over each other. 00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:52.639 And the husband would get home, Billy would get home, and Ginny would just nag him. 00:11:52.720 --> 00:11:53.440 Hey, can you do this? 00:11:53.600 --> 00:11:54.000 Can you do this? 00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:54.799 Why didn't you do this? 00:11:54.879 --> 00:11:55.440 What about this one? 00:11:55.519 --> 00:11:56.000 What about this? 00:11:56.080 --> 00:11:56.960 Can you please do this? 00:11:57.120 --> 00:11:57.279 Right? 00:11:57.360 --> 00:11:58.960 She's like scorekeeping on him. 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:00.480 Do this, plus one. 00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:02.639 He didn't do this, minus one. 00:12:02.799 --> 00:12:06.159 And this going on in her brain the whole time. 00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:08.720 Scorekeeping is kind of like nitpicking, right? 00:12:08.799 --> 00:12:17.039 Like you get a s you have a sweater, you have that one, just that one little thread, and you don't have any scissors or clippers around you. 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:21.679 You think, I'll just, I'll just kind of pull it, kind of, you know, you just try to break it off a little bit. 00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:22.639 You know what I'm talking about, right? 00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:28.480 Like and so you pull it and then like, and then, oh no, and then it started, right? 00:12:28.879 --> 00:12:33.200 And then you pull, oh, and then you pull another one, and then you pull that one, right? 00:12:33.360 --> 00:12:38.799 And you didn't intend to unravel and cause more of a mess, but you caused more of a mess. 00:12:39.039 --> 00:12:41.519 Nitpicking causes more of a mess. 00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:44.639 Scorekeeping is a losing game. 00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:48.320 It's just a circle of judgment and bitterness. 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:51.039 And that's exactly what happened with Ginny and Billy. 00:12:51.519 --> 00:12:57.279 She started nagging, we call it nagging, nitpicking, scorekeeping, him, and then you know what he wanted to do. 00:12:57.519 --> 00:12:58.159 Nothing. 00:12:58.320 --> 00:12:59.759 He didn't want to do anything, right? 00:12:59.919 --> 00:13:01.919 Nobody wants to do anything if you're being nagged. 00:13:02.080 --> 00:13:04.879 Like that's the opposite of a way to motivate somebody. 00:13:04.960 --> 00:13:09.759 And the scorekeeping goes the other way, and it certainly did, where he is doing that to her. 00:13:10.960 --> 00:13:26.879 Author Paul Tripp describes it this way: When we live for the kingdom of self, our decisions, thoughts, plans, actions, and words are directed by personal desire, and we seek to surround ourselves with people who will serve our kingdom purposes. 00:13:27.120 --> 00:13:31.279 Now, therapist Lynn Roosh explains it this way when it comes to marriage. 00:13:31.519 --> 00:13:38.000 A marriage of two people serving their kingdoms will eventually end in bloody battle. 00:13:38.320 --> 00:13:53.600 But when both people submit to God's kingdom, where Christ reigns and where joy and life are found, marriage becomes an opportunity to exit the small space of the kingdom of self and begin to enjoy the beauty and the benefits of the kingdom of God. 00:13:54.320 --> 00:13:58.320 Our greatest marital problem is ourselves. 00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:06.240 We will always rise to our own defense and be tempted to blame others while believing the best about ourselves. 00:14:06.480 --> 00:14:11.840 Not surprisingly, God uses marriage to reveal the sin of self-righteousness. 00:14:12.080 --> 00:14:21.360 And marriage can be transformed when just one person sees this sin and humbly confesses ways they have damaged the relationship. 00:14:21.679 --> 00:14:28.480 It's only when two people give up their own kingdom that peace, harmony, love, and joy can be found. 00:14:29.039 --> 00:14:30.720 Now back to Ginny. 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:37.200 Praise God, Ginny realized that, oh, she also wasn't as perfect as she thought. 00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:42.399 And she began to actually love her husband while he was still a mess. 00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:49.039 He would come in from work and she would ask, How was your day? 00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:51.600 How can I help you? 00:14:53.360 --> 00:15:02.559 See, she began finding her joy and sufficiency and validation on a daily basis, not in her husband loving her, or her husband getting certain things done. 00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:13.279 She started to live in Colossians chapters 1 and 2 that Jesus was enough for her full forgiveness, full righteousness, and full word. 00:15:14.080 --> 00:15:18.240 And so she came into the relationship to begin to serve her husband. 00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:23.120 It fueled her to support and respect her husband, even while he didn't deserve it. 00:15:23.759 --> 00:15:29.759 And amazingly, the husband found that he now actually wanted to help out some. 00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:45.759 Now, I I don't think this is a magic equation to fix all marriages or all issues in a marriage or any in every situation, but it shows us, it just shows us how the two sides of the coin always come together. 00:15:46.399 --> 00:15:51.039 Back to Paul Tripp in his book on marriage, he gives six commitments for married folks. 00:15:51.279 --> 00:15:58.879 Commitment number one we will give ourselves to regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness. 00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:07.440 Just this week, Christina, we were driving on the interstate, we're on I-75, we were coming back up from Atlanta, and no kids in the car. 00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:17.919 We had gone to lunch, and she is she is sharing her heart about like she is sharing her heart, like she really was like talking about something kind of profound and meaningful. 00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:21.360 And we're surrounded by cars, and there was one problem for me in this. 00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:31.440 I'm driving, and this really cool, like big truck pulled up to the left of me, and it had like this awesome long flatbed trailer on it. 00:16:31.600 --> 00:16:33.440 And she's like sharing her heart. 00:16:33.600 --> 00:16:42.080 I mean, she's really, and then I say in the middle of this, look at that awesome trailer. 00:16:44.399 --> 00:16:57.120 To which she says she's not impressed with the trailer, and she says, Hey, when you do that, it makes me think that you don't care about anything I'm saying. 00:16:58.240 --> 00:17:11.839 To which I said, Well, I know you like trailers, which wasn't the right thing, apparently, to say. 00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:14.640 And she does like a good trailer. 00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:19.039 I mean, so in my defense, we're gonna rise to her own defense. 00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:35.440 She does like a good trailer, she respects a good box trailer, a flatbed trailer, you know, like, and so I and so I said, Well, I know you like a good trailer, like, don't you think it's a that's a really like really long flatbed trailer, like that's an impressively long flatbed trailer. 00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:43.599 But unfortunately, like she was way right, and I was way wrong, and she said, No, like that, like what you just did is incredibly demeaning. 00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:47.599 Like, I'm in the middle of actually sharing something important, right? 00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:59.039 It's just a little snapshot of like failure in marriage, and me first just defending myself of like, no, I know you like trailers, like, this isn't that way off here. 00:17:59.200 --> 00:18:04.799 Um, and just having to go, like, okay, well, marriage is gonna be about a regular lifestyle confession of forgiveness. 00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:08.960 And so, it's like, how quickly can I get to confession? 00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:23.440 How quickly can you get to like you're right, I I'm a more I'm sorry, and how quickly can the forgiveness come, and how quickly can you just like get back into like the conversation you were having? 00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:26.559 How quick can we be falling into confession and forgiveness? 00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:30.960 Commitment number two, we will make growth and change our daily agenda. 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:35.440 Number three, we will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust. 00:18:35.599 --> 00:18:38.480 Those those things take time, right? 00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:48.000 And trust, change, growth, um it's gonna take more than just talking through uh your schedule. 00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:52.960 It will take more than just just like uh doing the dishes. 00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:59.680 Like you might need to go on a walk, you might need to sit on the porch together, and and that probably needs to be like a regular practice. 00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:04.160 Number four, we will commit to building a relationship of love. 00:19:05.279 --> 00:19:17.759 One thing that I love when we do an overnight, and our overnights they've ranged from sleeping in the back of my forerunner because we didn't have any money, you know, like to like staying at a nice resort. 00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:20.559 Like it just depends on the season of life you're in. 00:19:20.880 --> 00:19:30.720 What's great is to get past, like you're no longer talking about schedule, and you begin to like see the other person, and you're like, oh, there you are. 00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:33.519 Like, I I see, like, wow, I see you. 00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:36.400 Like, I'd seen you in a while because we've been in so much logistics. 00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:41.599 Like, to get to that place, we need to be doing that regularly. 00:19:41.759 --> 00:19:49.119 My friend says it as like they love to like have an overnight overnight because they say, like, oh, I see you and I and I still love you. 00:19:49.359 --> 00:19:51.359 Like, I see you and I still love you. 00:19:51.599 --> 00:19:56.319 Number five, we will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace. 00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:59.519 Number six, we will work to protect our marriage. 00:20:00.079 --> 00:20:02.960 Well, I mean, you read those and you're like, how am I gonna do that? 00:20:03.119 --> 00:20:04.559 That's a like that's a lot of work. 00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:06.240 Like, there's actually wording in there. 00:20:06.400 --> 00:20:07.839 Like, I will work to do this. 00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:10.799 We will work for this, we will work on how are we gonna do that? 00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:14.240 Chapters one and two of Colossians is how are we gonna do it? 00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:22.559 You're never gonna get to any of this unless your heart, at the core of you, is settled in Colossians one and two. 00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:30.880 Our premarital counselor told us the greatest gift you can give your spouse is your spiritual independence. 00:20:31.680 --> 00:20:33.119 I never heard anybody say that. 00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:34.480 That blew my mind. 00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:36.160 It was 20 years ago. 00:20:37.119 --> 00:20:48.799 That if I am fully validated in Jesus, if Christy's fully validated in Jesus, when we come to each other, we're not coming needy, but we come to give. 00:20:49.039 --> 00:20:50.640 And that's powerful. 00:20:51.039 --> 00:20:52.880 We're not doing it perfectly, right? 00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:54.640 I'm tired just like you're tired. 00:20:54.799 --> 00:21:00.079 I just want to watch Netflix and I want to eat some bluebell and I want to go to bed. 00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:02.079 Like I'm just like I'm just like you. 00:21:02.480 --> 00:21:06.640 You know, like we get tired, but one thing I've learned is like have conversations. 00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:14.799 Create the places, create the margin to have conversations, and venture into people's hearts and let them see your heart. 00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:15.759 Right? 00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:20.240 If you're fussy, say like, man, I'm fussy today. 00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:21.759 I don't know why I'm fussy. 00:21:21.839 --> 00:21:25.599 Like, let them, don't just abreact from the emotion. 00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:28.559 Say, like, I'm kind of depressed this week. 00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:29.599 I'm not quite sure. 00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:31.200 You want to go on a walk and talk about it a little bit? 00:21:31.359 --> 00:21:36.319 Like, I'm I'm angry, I'm fussy, I'm anxious, I'm so anxious about this, this, and this. 00:21:36.559 --> 00:21:43.440 Start to let the people in your family, your spouse, into your heart start to adventure into their hearts. 00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:52.319 It's not about headship and submission, neither are about having your act together, because we're never gonna have our act together. 00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:55.119 It's about honesty and confession. 00:21:55.680 --> 00:22:01.039 It's about each of us going to Jesus so that we can come together to love each other. 00:22:01.279 --> 00:22:07.039 Ephesians says that husbands are to love their wives like Christ loves the church. 00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:10.079 So, what did Jesus do for the church? 00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:12.160 Well, he made himself nothing. 00:22:12.319 --> 00:22:16.480 He died on the cross, loyal and loving and sacrificial. 00:22:16.880 --> 00:22:24.319 He became what all of us are scared to become in front of anybody else, and that is weak and vulnerable and exposed. 00:22:24.960 --> 00:22:30.000 And yet, that's the very things that create intimacy and joy in a relationship. 00:22:30.319 --> 00:22:32.160 He became weak in front of us. 00:22:32.880 --> 00:22:40.400 Great marriages and families are not great because they go on amazing trips and have perfect houses. 00:22:40.799 --> 00:22:44.480 Horrible families go on amazing trips. 00:22:44.960 --> 00:22:47.440 Horrible families have great houses. 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:53.599 Great families are filled with people that are living in Colossians 1 and 2. 00:22:54.079 --> 00:22:56.319 They're resting in Jesus. 00:22:56.640 --> 00:23:12.559 And because they're so secure in Jesus, for their worth, they can risk, they can risk going to the other person and saying, I will be for you, even while you're a mess, because Jesus is always for me. 00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:13.839 Let's pray together. 00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:34.799 Heavenly Father, we thank you that you know us and love us, and in a room this size, there are marriage issues, there are family issues, there are single people, divorced people, married people, great marriages, tough marriages, second marriages, third marriages. 00:23:35.119 --> 00:23:46.960 And we come before you with wounded hearts from the past, mistakes, and oh how we need your forgiveness, and we need to find our healing and worth in you and you alone. 00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:53.599 Would we entrust that you are enough for our failures? 00:23:55.039 --> 00:23:58.319 Would you help us to live more in the way of Jesus? 00:23:59.599 --> 00:24:06.160 Submission, love, sacrifice, loyalty, support and respect to other people. 00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:10.960 Father, help us to live more in Colossians 1 and 2. 00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:21.680 Everything we have in Jesus that we might be able to live out in our families and in our marriages in a way that honors you. 00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:22.960 In Christ's name we pray. 00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:23.839 Amen.