WEBVTT 00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:08.720 So, yes, our text begins on divorce, of which I realize excites nobody, right? 00:00:08.880 --> 00:00:09.199 Okay? 00:00:09.439 --> 00:00:15.279 Like it's not it's not one of those Sundays where you're like, oh wow, glad I showed up for this one. 00:00:15.439 --> 00:00:16.160 That's a great one. 00:00:16.239 --> 00:00:23.760 No, this is more the Sunday where you go home and like the third of our church that isn't here because they're on fall break, they say, How was church? 00:00:23.920 --> 00:00:27.760 And you say, Well, he preached on divorce, and they go, uh. 00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:31.440 And you go, Well, it really wasn't that bad. 00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:35.039 That's all we're asking for this morning. 00:00:35.280 --> 00:00:41.600 So we're just gonna get our expectations really, really low, and then maybe I can over-deliver. 00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:47.679 It's like when the one child comes comes home with a B minus, and you're like, you did so good, like so proud of you. 00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:51.359 Alright, so but it's important, right? 00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:55.679 Um, because maybe you've been divorced. 00:00:56.240 --> 00:00:58.640 And you're probably feeling a little terrified right now. 00:00:58.719 --> 00:00:59.840 Um, that's real. 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:01.920 But hang with me, hang with me. 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:04.799 Uh maybe live through a divorce. 00:01:05.200 --> 00:01:09.280 Maybe you're going to be divorced one day. 00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:11.280 I hope not, but maybe. 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:17.840 Or your cousin, Cindy Lou, or your buddy just got divorced, and you don't know what to think about it. 00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:19.599 You don't know what to say. 00:01:20.079 --> 00:01:21.200 It's very possible. 00:01:21.359 --> 00:01:22.319 So it matters, right? 00:01:22.480 --> 00:01:23.280 Like it matters. 00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:30.159 We're gonna always talk a lot more about healthy marriages than divorce, but we've got to talk about divorce every once in a while. 00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:34.719 Last week in this Sermon on the Mount, we're going through the Sermon on the Mount, that's how we ended up with this passage. 00:01:34.879 --> 00:01:36.079 Jesus just leveled us. 00:01:36.159 --> 00:01:47.040 If you remember, he takes us past our behavior, he takes us into our motives and our hearts, he exposed the fact that we all have anger, we all have lust. 00:01:47.760 --> 00:01:51.200 And then there's all that hell language in that passage, you remember last week? 00:01:51.280 --> 00:02:00.159 And the text is saying if you're gonna live by the law, trying to perform your way into God's approval, that's the road to death. 00:02:00.879 --> 00:02:03.760 If you're gonna live by the law, you will die by the law. 00:02:03.920 --> 00:02:07.760 Jesus is showing us performance-based faith doesn't work. 00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:13.199 It's by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone. 00:02:13.360 --> 00:02:20.560 And that's where Jesus, while he's guiding us to what is good for our lives and how we should live, he's also breaking us into our need of him. 00:02:20.879 --> 00:02:22.159 So here we have Matthew 5. 00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:27.680 Let's work our way through this passage, long passage, it's going to transition from kind of one subject to the next, but we'll work our way through it. 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:33.520 Matthew 5, 31 through 32, it was also said, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. 00:02:33.599 --> 00:02:40.240 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. 00:02:40.319 --> 00:02:44.000 And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. 00:02:44.159 --> 00:02:48.000 So the longer conversation of this we can see in Matthew 19. 00:02:48.240 --> 00:02:49.919 But the context is the same. 00:02:50.080 --> 00:03:04.080 There's a group of men at the time, and what they want is they want more lenient reasons for them to divorce their wives, which would have put women in a dangerous position as a male-dominant society. 00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:08.639 So at the time, two rabbis had surfaced, Halil and Shemai. 00:03:08.800 --> 00:03:15.520 So these two rabbis, they've kind of kind of voices in this realm of who can divorce and how and why. 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:21.919 Shammai was more conservative in his original understanding of the Torah, those first five books of the Bible. 00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:26.159 And so he said, well, you can divorce only on sexual or morality. 00:03:26.639 --> 00:03:29.680 But Halil, this other rabbi, said, no, no, no. 00:03:29.759 --> 00:03:31.520 A man can divorce his wife for any reason. 00:03:31.599 --> 00:03:35.120 Like he even said, you can even divorce your wife if she burns dinner. 00:03:35.280 --> 00:03:39.840 Like that's the extent of which a husband could divorce his wife. 00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:44.479 Which meant, of course, that men were just divorcing their wives. 00:03:44.879 --> 00:03:52.159 And in that society of that time, this left women incredibly vulnerable to a dangerous situation for provision for their lives. 00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:54.400 So Jesus' words here, right? 00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:59.280 Jesus' words here were incredible protection for women. 00:03:59.759 --> 00:04:02.879 These words would have meant everything to a woman. 00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:13.599 For husbands to be held to a standard, and then for the woman to be freed with that certificate of divorce upon a legitimate divorce. 00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:19.360 Now, here are a few things I learned about divorce this week, doing some research, interesting research. 00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:22.079 Um, I think the internet is true, I'm not sure. 00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:35.439 But apparently a woman in Japan divorced, true story by the internet, a woman in Japan divorced her husband because he admitted he did not like the movie Frozen. 00:04:36.160 --> 00:04:43.519 Because she concluded, uh, maybe for some of you, you like the movie so much you understand that something fundamentally must be wrong with him. 00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:48.800 If he can't like Frozen, then fundamentally something's so wrong with him that she divorced him. 00:04:48.959 --> 00:04:49.439 True story. 00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:51.680 Second one I found very interesting in my research. 00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:54.079 In Russia, a man was playing poker. 00:04:54.480 --> 00:04:56.399 He lost all his money. 00:04:56.720 --> 00:04:58.399 He wanted to keep playing. 00:04:58.639 --> 00:05:01.040 So he wages his wife. 00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:02.639 Wager his wife. 00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:06.480 The opponent wins the hand, wins his wife, but not really. 00:05:06.639 --> 00:05:07.360 Let's be honest. 00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:09.040 You know, that's not really going on. 00:05:09.439 --> 00:05:10.800 But that's kind of what played out. 00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:22.480 The wife is so upset, the wife's so upset that the husband bet her that she divorced the husband and then goes and starts to date the guy who won the hand and they get married. 00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:24.480 So, internet truth. 00:05:24.639 --> 00:05:31.120 Now, I think what's more relevant for us is about 40% of marriages end in divorce. 00:05:31.439 --> 00:05:32.720 That's true. 00:05:33.360 --> 00:05:40.480 Divorced from like 1960 to 1980 increased, but then it's kind of leveled off and gone down from 1980 till now. 00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:41.759 But it's about 40%. 00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:49.199 I think even more relevant is what my mentor has been saying to me for years now, for any relationship, marriage and relationships. 00:05:49.279 --> 00:05:58.720 What he always says, if the topic of relationships comes up, he just says grace plus time plus tears plus laughter. 00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:03.759 Grace plus time plus tears plus laughter. 00:06:04.079 --> 00:06:04.720 Right? 00:06:05.040 --> 00:06:08.240 Grace is undeserved love, care, and service for one another. 00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:11.120 That would be our starting point in a relationship. 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:17.120 Time that we're spending time with each other more than scheduling and Netflix, like more than that. 00:06:17.199 --> 00:06:24.000 Like maybe take walks or maybe trips, maybe dinner at The Optimist or Taco Bell. 00:06:24.079 --> 00:06:25.600 It doesn't matter which one. 00:06:25.680 --> 00:06:26.639 It really doesn't. 00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:28.399 And that's important to know. 00:06:28.800 --> 00:06:34.319 Early in our marriage, Christian and I's date night, it was$14 at Takaria. 00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:37.199 It was tacos and waters. 00:06:37.279 --> 00:06:38.720 Because that's all we could do, right? 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:40.079 Like we couldn't find nickels. 00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:42.800 Like we couldn't even rub them, we couldn't find them to rub, right? 00:06:42.879 --> 00:06:46.720 So if it was$14, that was the big date night. 00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:47.680 That's just time. 00:06:47.759 --> 00:06:48.480 That's what you're looking for. 00:06:48.560 --> 00:06:49.600 It's like, how can we get time? 00:06:49.759 --> 00:06:50.560 We can go for a walk. 00:06:50.639 --> 00:06:51.279 It doesn't even matter. 00:06:51.439 --> 00:06:52.959 We can do do a date at home. 00:06:53.040 --> 00:06:55.040 Like the important thing is time. 00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:56.399 Getting the time. 00:06:57.439 --> 00:07:10.240 And just to be together, and that there's tears, meaning that all the sadness and disappointment that you do feel, like when you're by yourself, but you don't want to admit it in front of somebody else, that you'd be willing to do it with your spouse. 00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:21.279 And then that you could laugh, that you play together, that there would be some environments in your life that you're putting yourself in that you can become playful again. 00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:22.000 Right? 00:07:22.160 --> 00:07:23.839 I mean, there's nothing like laser tag. 00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:25.680 Just go play laser tag together. 00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:27.040 Something happens, you get in that room. 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:29.199 Has anybody played laser tag recently? 00:07:29.360 --> 00:07:30.399 None of you, right? 00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:31.279 A few of you. 00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:31.759 Yeah? 00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:32.879 It changes you. 00:07:33.040 --> 00:07:36.639 As soon as you get in the room, everybody is 12 years old. 00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:41.279 As soon as you get in that room and you're decked out, like you are 12 again and you are laughing. 00:07:41.439 --> 00:07:43.839 You can't believe how into it you are. 00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:46.800 You gotta put yourself into some places to laugh. 00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:50.959 So we're gonna talk about divorce, but we're always gonna talk about marriage as well. 00:07:51.120 --> 00:07:53.759 Point number one is this marriage is a divine institution. 00:07:53.920 --> 00:07:56.399 Divorce is a divine concession. 00:07:56.639 --> 00:07:58.240 Now that's how John Stott said it. 00:07:58.319 --> 00:08:03.920 And I think it's a great way for us to think about it because that's how Jesus is operating in these teachings. 00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:09.199 He's operating that marriage is out of Genesis, two becoming one and divine origin. 00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:11.199 That is the divine institution. 00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:15.600 The divine concession is divorce. 00:08:15.839 --> 00:08:22.319 Sexual immorality, Matthew 5 and Matthew 19, or desertion by unbeliefing spouse in 1 Corinthians 7. 00:08:22.399 --> 00:08:26.720 Now, some scholars would say desertion also could be any form of abuse. 00:08:27.600 --> 00:08:30.240 Because you've left your vows, you've deserted. 00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:36.799 Now, our text gets a little technical here, and probably when I read it, you're like, ooh, oh, like what? 00:08:36.879 --> 00:08:37.600 Like what's that mean? 00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:38.960 How's that work out? 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:44.720 So Jesus says a divorced woman is forced to commit adultery if she remarries. 00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:48.240 But here's what's so interesting about this text. 00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:54.159 The Greek heirist tense reveals this as her being the victim. 00:08:55.039 --> 00:09:00.799 Okay, so the one committing adultery is the victim. 00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:03.759 Now that's not usually how we think about this, is it? 00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:19.519 Because what we have in that situation, how Jesus is presenting this topic, is we have immorality, you know, something against God's original design and ideal, immorality and compassion in the exact same place. 00:09:20.879 --> 00:09:26.720 And this is because divorce is a divine concession upon a divine institution. 00:09:26.960 --> 00:09:34.720 The divine institution is still broken, even while there's a divine concession for it. 00:09:35.600 --> 00:09:45.200 And then how this plays out, I think, is that a new marriage, while not in agreement with perfect morality, is still a new union. 00:09:45.519 --> 00:09:49.519 And it has to go in the grace of God to be healthy and beautiful. 00:09:49.759 --> 00:09:53.279 Point number two is this divorce is not the end of anyone's story. 00:09:53.519 --> 00:09:55.840 I mean, some of you need to hear that. 00:09:59.919 --> 00:10:02.720 It's not an indelible mark of shame. 00:10:03.840 --> 00:10:10.080 No matter the circumstances and how you got there and what happened, and no matter it's not the end of a story. 00:10:10.159 --> 00:10:12.639 It's not an indelible mark of shame. 00:10:12.879 --> 00:10:25.840 We know, many of you know what it felt like when the relationship broke up and the divorce happened because it felt like the scoreboard on your worth and your ability to hold a relationship went to like negative a million. 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:28.080 Like you looked up the scoreboard, you're like, negative a million? 00:10:28.159 --> 00:10:32.960 I didn't even know I could feel that way when it came to my worth and my relationship ability. 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:40.320 But he who knew no sin became sin that we might become the righteousness of God. 00:10:40.559 --> 00:10:43.279 We are not defined by our failures. 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:46.480 And we're also not righteous because of our self-righteousness. 00:10:46.559 --> 00:10:51.279 We are righteous because we are righteous because Jesus is righteous for us. 00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:56.399 So our active wounds that, of course, nobody gets out of divorce free. 00:10:56.960 --> 00:10:59.279 Like nobody's getting out of it free. 00:10:59.759 --> 00:11:01.919 Everybody gets out of it burned. 00:11:02.159 --> 00:11:05.279 But active wounds can become sacred wounds in time. 00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:08.000 And it's not an indelible mark of shame. 00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:10.720 Okay, Jesus takes us deeper. 00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:12.799 Verse 33. 00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:17.120 So if you're feeling like hot stuff, like you know, like I haven't been divorced, I ain't gonna get divorced. 00:11:17.279 --> 00:11:18.639 Like you're feeling real hot about yourself. 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:20.799 All right, here Jesus keeps on with you. 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:21.600 Here he comes. 00:11:21.759 --> 00:11:29.039 Again, you have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn. 00:11:29.200 --> 00:11:37.360 But I say to you, do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by earth, for it is the footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great king. 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:41.279 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 00:11:41.440 --> 00:11:44.559 Let what you say be simply yes or no. 00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:47.120 Anything more than this comes from evil. 00:11:47.279 --> 00:11:51.279 Point number three is this growing in grace is becoming people of integrity of word. 00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:57.039 Let your yes be yes, let your no be no, let it be that simple, let it be that true. 00:11:57.279 --> 00:11:58.480 Jesus is guiding us. 00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:00.000 We should live this way. 00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:01.679 This is how we should be growing. 00:12:01.919 --> 00:12:03.759 People only have to take oaths. 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:04.879 This is Jesus' point. 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:12.879 People only have to swear and take oaths, and I swear by the Lord and God Almighty, and my grandmother's grave. 00:12:12.960 --> 00:12:15.200 You only have to do that if you have no strength of word. 00:12:15.600 --> 00:12:15.919 Right? 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:21.600 If you can't just let your yes be yes, that's when you got to add on all this other stuff to get somebody to believe you. 00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:23.519 Jesus said, don't become like that. 00:12:23.600 --> 00:12:28.799 Just be have enough integrity that you can just say, yes, I'll be there. 00:12:28.960 --> 00:12:30.639 Yes, I'll do that. 00:12:31.840 --> 00:12:32.159 Right? 00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:40.240 I mean, we all know what it feels like when you promised your friend that you would help him do his taxes on Tuesday night. 00:12:40.639 --> 00:12:57.919 And then Tuesday night comes and the afternoon comes as a rainy day, and the rain picked up, and it's kind of cold outside, and it's rainy, and you get home, and then you're sweet, somebody comes home with some red wine and Papa John's, and you can't wait to watch The Bachelor and all this, and the rain's getting heavier outside. 00:12:58.159 --> 00:12:59.919 Looks really bad out there, really bad. 00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:01.279 Not sure if you should go. 00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:11.120 Now you know your friend has been waiting to get this finished, get their taxes finished, and you know how to do it, and you can step in in an hour and a half, you can go over there and do this for them. 00:13:11.200 --> 00:13:12.480 And you said you would be there. 00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:14.000 They've been gathering their papers. 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:15.440 He texted you early in the day. 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:16.159 Can't wait. 00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:17.039 Thanks so much. 00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:22.960 I got everything ready, but you have red wine, Papa John's, The Bachelor, your sweet person, snuggle blanket. 00:13:23.039 --> 00:13:26.159 I mean, you're ready to settle in, then here's the moment, right? 00:13:26.320 --> 00:13:29.200 We know this moment because it's not April 12th. 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:30.879 It's like March 5th, right? 00:13:30.960 --> 00:13:33.919 Like, so we're not under the gun yet with taxes, okay? 00:13:34.080 --> 00:13:35.200 So you could push it. 00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:36.720 You could push it. 00:13:38.480 --> 00:13:44.399 And we know how easy it is just to go, like, hey, looks really bad outside. 00:13:44.879 --> 00:13:47.279 Like you've never driven in the rain before. 00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:50.639 We know what that feels like, right? 00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:51.600 We know what it feels like. 00:13:51.759 --> 00:13:58.000 Just kind of like wiggle out of things, just wiggle a little bit, like with your friend, with the thing, with the commitment. 00:13:58.799 --> 00:14:01.039 Stretch the truth a little bit. 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:04.639 And Jesus is saying, like, what can you? 00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:11.440 Maybe divorce, okay, maybe you're doing okay there, but just let's just talk about yes, be yes, and no, be no. 00:14:12.399 --> 00:14:21.759 And so Jesus guides us of how the kind of people we should be, and at the same time, it really breaks us, really reveals in us how often we wiggle out of things. 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:24.080 Verse 38. 00:14:24.879 --> 00:14:30.960 You have heard that it was said, an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, but I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:35.360 But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 00:14:35.519 --> 00:14:39.279 But if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak also. 00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:47.840 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles, give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. 00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:56.320 Point number four is this As we are affirmed and secure in Christ, we can extend compassion against reason. 00:14:57.120 --> 00:15:03.840 So when I read this passage this week, I thought about this was a toy that my my gramps had, Newton's cradle. 00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:05.440 You know Newton's cradle? 00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:06.960 Probably all played with this. 00:15:07.039 --> 00:15:08.240 I should have tested this here. 00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:10.399 This is my own little Newton's law. 00:15:10.480 --> 00:15:12.080 If I can balance that, there we go. 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:13.679 So Newton's cradle. 00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:15.200 We know, do you know this toy? 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:16.720 You played with it, right? 00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:18.320 Yeah, you played with it. 00:15:18.399 --> 00:15:19.440 I heard that kid. 00:15:19.679 --> 00:15:20.080 Right? 00:15:20.240 --> 00:15:21.600 Just back and forth. 00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:23.759 He says something, you say something. 00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:25.679 He says something, you say something. 00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:27.840 She does something, you do something. 00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:28.480 Right? 00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:31.120 Right back and forth, back and forth. 00:15:31.279 --> 00:15:32.480 That's the cycle. 00:15:32.720 --> 00:15:34.799 That's the cycle until. 00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:37.759 Right? 00:15:38.080 --> 00:15:42.559 Until you break the cycle and it stops. 00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:47.440 Because he says something and you don't say anything. 00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:48.720 Right? 00:15:49.039 --> 00:15:51.440 She does something, but you don't do anything. 00:15:51.919 --> 00:15:53.679 You break the cycle. 00:15:54.320 --> 00:15:59.360 Your identity is not needing retribution to be of worth. 00:16:00.799 --> 00:16:02.159 We can disconnect. 00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:03.600 We know cycles. 00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:12.399 Because you're parenting and you switched your daughter from tennis to gymnastics in the middle of the season, and people just couldn't couldn't believe it. 00:16:13.120 --> 00:16:14.080 The middle of the season. 00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:15.440 Couldn't believe it. 00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:16.720 Did you hear? 00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:21.200 And you're gonna make sure they hear the whole story. 00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:25.679 They don't know the whole story, you're gonna make sure they get the whole story, and they're gonna get a lot more, right? 00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:26.480 Right? 00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:29.200 But you can't believe they're talking about you. 00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:31.200 Or you were left out. 00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:34.320 Or you were passed over at work. 00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:36.320 And you you deserved it. 00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:37.919 You deserve that one. 00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:41.919 Or you're forgotten. 00:16:43.440 --> 00:16:49.679 Or the person, like the person that you didn't think they would stab you in the back. 00:16:50.639 --> 00:16:57.279 Other people, like you had a few marks in your life where you're like, they might do it, you know, but not that person. 00:16:57.840 --> 00:16:58.799 And then they did. 00:16:59.919 --> 00:17:02.240 And then you're gonna make sure they pay, right? 00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:04.319 Maybe aggressively. 00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:07.759 Or or maybe passively, you just sort of mark them. 00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:08.960 You know what I'm talking about. 00:17:09.039 --> 00:17:10.319 You just kind of mark them. 00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:13.039 You're like, I'll withdraw over time. 00:17:13.279 --> 00:17:14.799 I'll make them pay. 00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:23.200 Another way to read Matthew 5.39 is do not respond in kind to those who do evil to you. 00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:28.079 Maybe you build boundaries around a relationship. 00:17:28.799 --> 00:17:31.359 Maybe you leave because you need to. 00:17:32.079 --> 00:17:34.640 But you don't respond in kind. 00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:39.519 Here's what Jesus is saying here in this context of this text. 00:17:39.759 --> 00:17:48.319 Don't use the biblical call for societal justice for your plan for personal revenge. 00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:56.319 We don't use the biblical call for societal justice for our plan for personal revenge. 00:17:58.079 --> 00:18:06.000 Because when you do, if you do that, if I do that, it never ends back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. 00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:14.880 And breaking the cycle is where grace comes in, where you would normally just hand out more judgment. 00:18:15.279 --> 00:18:23.279 So Jesus moves us from divorce to our hearts, to the core of our identities. 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:30.799 And this always sounds so good until we're really stung by somebody and we abreact, right? 00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:31.599 Like it sounds so good. 00:18:31.759 --> 00:18:32.960 You're like, sign me up for that. 00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:33.839 That's how I'm gonna live. 00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:34.480 Praise God. 00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:35.680 That's how I'm the do it, right? 00:18:35.839 --> 00:18:40.960 And then we realize Jesus is actually teaching us something that's beyond our ability. 00:18:43.359 --> 00:18:44.640 Which is the point. 00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:50.720 That's part of his point to guide us and break us at the same time, for us to realize, oh wow, I need help. 00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:52.240 Like I need help. 00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:55.359 I'm capable to sting people, and I will sting back. 00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:58.400 Get me on a bad day, I will sting back. 00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:10.880 And for us to come into such security in Jesus' compassion and affirmation of us that we're not threatened when we're wounded. 00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:13.440 Like we're hurt. 00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:15.039 We're hurt. 00:19:15.279 --> 00:19:17.920 Our feelings are hurt, but they can't touch the real you. 00:19:18.079 --> 00:19:21.440 Here's the Tim Keller quote that we read in our membership class. 00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:25.119 I probably read it, if you've been around here, about every six months. 00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:30.880 It has everything to do with the relationship implications of the gospel. 00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:32.400 Here it is. 00:19:33.359 --> 00:19:41.279 You can remain bitter towards someone only if you feel superior, if you are sure that you would never do anything like that. 00:19:41.519 --> 00:19:46.400 To remain unforgiving means you are unaware of your own sinfulness and need for forgiveness. 00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:50.000 When Paul says he is the worst among sinners, he's not exaggerating. 00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:54.720 He is saying that he is as capable of sin as the worst criminals are. 00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:58.960 The gospel has equipped him with emotional humility. 00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:05.440 At the same time, you can't be gracious to someone if you are too needy and insecure. 00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:12.559 If you know God's love and forgiveness, then there is a limit to how deeply another person can hurt you. 00:20:12.880 --> 00:20:18.400 He or she can't touch your real identity, wealth, and significance. 00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:25.119 The more you rejoice in your own forgiveness, the quicker you will be to forgive others. 00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:29.200 You are rooted in emotional wealth. 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:47.680 You see how the gospel, our identity secure, and Jesus' love for us, it builds out such security and stability for us in the core of our identity that we don't have to depend on revenge and retaliation, passive or aggressive, to feel like we're people of worth. 00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:50.160 That we can disconnect from the cycle. 00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:56.640 And we can have boundaries if we need to, but we can also extend compassion and forgiveness. 00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:59.119 I need this teaching. 00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:00.319 Like I need this. 00:21:00.559 --> 00:21:01.279 You need this. 00:21:01.519 --> 00:21:02.319 We need this. 00:21:02.480 --> 00:21:08.319 We need to be shown a better way to love and uphold our yeses and our no's. 00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:13.119 I also need it to show me that performance faith faith won't work. 00:21:13.359 --> 00:21:14.400 It won't work. 00:21:14.640 --> 00:21:16.079 I will die by that. 00:21:16.319 --> 00:21:20.559 I need Jesus, who's not just a teacher, but also a savior. 00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:24.079 Perfect love to this imperfect self. 00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:28.720 By the cross, our sin is fully forgiven, and we are fully righteous. 00:21:28.880 --> 00:21:32.400 So you are fully known and you are fully loved. 00:21:32.640 --> 00:21:33.599 Now we're secure. 00:21:33.759 --> 00:21:34.240 See that? 00:21:34.400 --> 00:21:35.599 Now we are secure. 00:21:35.839 --> 00:21:40.720 Now we can extend compassion with integrity of heart. 00:21:42.079 --> 00:21:43.599 He is the forever yes to you. 00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:45.279 He turned the other cheek. 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:46.559 Let's pray together. 00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:55.039 God, thank you for your grace and mercy to us that while you teach us about how we should live, you're always extending grace to us. 00:21:55.279 --> 00:21:56.640 You're driving us. 00:21:56.799 --> 00:21:57.920 You're driving us. 00:21:59.119 --> 00:22:02.319 You're driving us to yourself through our need of you. 00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:13.599 That our hearts, the motives, our instability and insecurity would be healed in you and your affirmation and acceptance of us. 00:22:13.759 --> 00:22:15.359 And all of our failures. 00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:27.599 And the world of relationships and the world of motives and the world of dishonety and dishonesty and integrity, that all those failures, that they are not ours to earn our way back into your favor. 00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:30.240 But your forgiveness of us is enough. 00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:32.240 We are not marked. 00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:35.279 We are not marked with indelible shame. 00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:40.400 We are people of your perfect and indelible grace to us. 00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:43.279 And Jesus is enough for us. 00:22:43.839 --> 00:22:47.200 In him we rest and in him we live. 00:22:47.839 --> 00:22:48.960 In Jesus' name we pray. 00:22:49.119 --> 00:22:49.519 Amen.