WEBVTT 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.839 So we've been walking our way through the book of Genesis. 00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:10.320 And what we've seen is we've seen that the book of Genesis has an incredibly dysfunctional family. 00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:21.359 And what we've seen as we've been talking our way through it is not only do we have a faith family heritage of dysfunction, but we are quite dysfunctional. 00:00:21.519 --> 00:00:23.280 This is sort of what this reveals. 00:00:23.440 --> 00:00:29.039 And that if we become honest, that all of us in here have dysfunctional families. 00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:34.320 And in fact, uh Christian and I we all we always say that we're actually creating dysfunction in our family right now. 00:00:34.640 --> 00:00:42.399 We're just not aware of what the dysfunction is, and we're going to realize it later down the road, and then will come the weeping and the confession to one another. 00:00:43.840 --> 00:00:49.920 It's just painfully clear, right, that in life we can hurt each other. 00:00:50.240 --> 00:00:57.200 And a lot of times the place we experience the most hurt is in the family. 00:00:58.240 --> 00:01:03.520 It's just a few pages into the Bible that we start to see this dysfunction. 00:01:03.679 --> 00:01:05.840 We start to see families fracture. 00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:10.560 Adam has two sons, and Cain kills his brother Abel. 00:01:10.959 --> 00:01:13.519 There's a great start for humanity. 00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:16.799 Abraham has two sons and they're estranged for life. 00:01:16.959 --> 00:01:24.159 Isaac has two sons, and Jacob steals from Esau, and Jacob steals from his dad, and then Esau vows to kill Jacob. 00:01:24.480 --> 00:01:29.040 Tamar, remember this, tricks her father-in-law to sleeping with her. 00:01:29.280 --> 00:01:30.719 That's interesting. 00:01:31.359 --> 00:01:33.760 And then Joseph's brothers, we talked about last week. 00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:37.359 Joseph's brothers sell him into slavery. 00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:37.760 Right? 00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:39.120 I mean, you talk about dysfunction. 00:01:39.200 --> 00:01:44.159 I mean, so if you're feeling bad about your family, just read Genesis and you'll feel much better about your family. 00:01:44.319 --> 00:01:46.959 I just really doubt it gets to that point. 00:01:48.239 --> 00:01:54.400 But the thing is, is in Genesis we see how sin destroys people and how sin destroys families. 00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:56.239 But we also see something else, right? 00:01:56.400 --> 00:01:59.920 Like do you do you remember the scene in Genesis 33, verses 1 through 4? 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:01.120 You have it in your bulletin. 00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:02.159 And Jacob, right? 00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:05.040 Jacob and Esau have been estranged. 00:02:06.159 --> 00:02:11.759 And Jacob lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, Esau was coming and 400 men with him. 00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:14.000 So Jacob, you know, he's nervous at this point. 00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:15.759 You see, brother with 400 men. 00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:35.199 So Jacob divided the children among Leah and Rachel and two female servants, and he put the servants with their children in front, then Leah with her children, and Rachel, and Joseph, last of all, he himself went on before them, bowing himself to the ground seven times until he came near to his brother. 00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:41.520 But Esau ran to him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept. 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:46.879 Do you remember the scene from last week when Joseph, right? 00:02:47.439 --> 00:02:57.120 He's down in Egypt and he's ruling and he's in power, and his brothers they come and they need food, they need grain, they've been estranged for somewhere around ten years. 00:02:57.280 --> 00:03:07.439 Finally, they meet, and finally, Joseph gets to see Benjamin, his brother, and Benjamin was a part of that crew that sold him into slavery. 00:03:07.599 --> 00:03:10.719 And we get Genesis 45, 14, and 15. 00:03:10.879 --> 00:03:15.039 Then he fell upon his brother Benjamin's neck and wept. 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:18.800 And Benjamin wept upon his neck. 00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:23.120 And he kissed all his brothers, and he wept upon them. 00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:26.000 After that, his brothers talked with him. 00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:29.039 So maybe you're here, you go, Well, I know where this is going. 00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:30.560 I can already see. 00:03:30.719 --> 00:03:33.840 Or by your prayer, and then you reading that, I can already see where this is going. 00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:35.599 But you don't know. 00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:42.879 You don't know my dad, you don't know my mom, you don't know my brother, my sister, you don't know my situation. 00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:44.159 I don't. 00:03:44.879 --> 00:03:45.439 I don't. 00:03:45.599 --> 00:03:55.599 What I do know is I do know there are horribly manipulative, broken people in the world that require unbelievable amounts of boundaries. 00:03:55.759 --> 00:04:00.240 And so what I'm not saying today is that boundaries and relationships are not good. 00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:04.400 No, I'm saying form boundaries, hold boundaries. 00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:08.560 And maybe you're here and you say, well, that's all great, but you know what? 00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:10.000 I just don't like my family. 00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:12.960 Like when it comes down to it, we just don't have that much in common. 00:04:13.120 --> 00:04:14.800 I just don't really like them that much. 00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:17.360 We're just so radically different. 00:04:17.600 --> 00:04:20.800 Like, I mean, if we don't get to pick our family, we pick our friends, right? 00:04:20.879 --> 00:04:23.360 And your family doesn't have to be your best friends. 00:04:23.600 --> 00:04:26.000 Now it's great if it works out that way, but they don't have to be. 00:04:26.240 --> 00:04:27.519 They're your family. 00:04:28.160 --> 00:04:29.920 It's just the different relationships. 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:32.480 It's great if it ends up being best friends, but sometimes they're just family. 00:04:32.639 --> 00:04:34.879 You love them, you spend time with them, they're your family. 00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:37.759 Maybe you're here and you truly don't have a family. 00:04:38.399 --> 00:04:39.600 It's possible. 00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:46.399 Like you had a you had a mom and then she passed away, or you grew up in an orphanage and you haven't gotten married. 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:48.160 I mean, that's possible. 00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:52.079 And this is much more just has to do with friendships and relationships. 00:04:52.879 --> 00:04:55.519 Last week could have been the last message in Genesis. 00:04:55.680 --> 00:05:01.920 But this just kept these stories, especially this Jacob and Esau and Joseph and his brothers, just kept rattling around in me. 00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:16.800 This amount of hate and words of hurt and all the distance that was in creating these relationships and then the brokenness and the humility and the crawl, literally the crawl back to each other. 00:05:18.319 --> 00:05:23.600 When someone had nothing left, and they go back to the other one, and the other person is waiting. 00:05:23.680 --> 00:05:26.879 But see, someone had to go, someone had to speak. 00:05:27.040 --> 00:05:32.639 See, someone had to attempt to remove the wedge that had been formed. 00:05:33.519 --> 00:05:37.920 So this is a splitting wedge. 00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:39.839 Anyone know what this is for? 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:42.000 Okay, right? 00:05:42.240 --> 00:05:44.720 Women, any women know what this is for? 00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:47.360 Well, this cuts your firewood, is what it does. 00:05:47.519 --> 00:05:48.639 It cuts my firewood. 00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:49.519 I'm not using this. 00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:51.120 I saw a neighbor use it one time. 00:05:51.199 --> 00:05:52.720 That's about the extent of my use. 00:05:52.879 --> 00:05:55.040 I can sit by a fire really well. 00:05:55.120 --> 00:05:55.920 I'm good at that. 00:05:56.319 --> 00:05:59.759 But here's how this works is basically you put this on top of a log. 00:05:59.920 --> 00:06:03.920 On top of a log, you would have no ability to split with your bare hands. 00:06:04.079 --> 00:06:05.040 You'd have no ability. 00:06:05.199 --> 00:06:15.600 And you put this on top, and you get it on top, and then you get the back side of your axe or whatever, and you kind of tap it in, and it at first it just just barely bothers the log, right? 00:06:16.319 --> 00:06:22.879 And then over time, with ongoing force, it goes deeper and deeper into the log. 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:30.800 And slowly, this this thing that you you would have no ability to split. 00:06:31.759 --> 00:06:33.279 It splits in two. 00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:37.439 I mean, this is incredibly powerful. 00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:56.160 And words do this, favoritism does this, neglect does this, abuse does this, addiction does this, uh, cr criticalness does this, demand upon demand upon demand upon demand does this. 00:06:56.800 --> 00:06:59.279 And this wedge goes deeper and deeper and deeper. 00:06:59.519 --> 00:07:03.279 And and a wedge can be a horrible, horrible event. 00:07:03.600 --> 00:07:14.480 Like a really monstrous, awful event, or a wedge can be that one sentence that was said, and you just never went back and apologized. 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:16.560 Right? 00:07:17.120 --> 00:07:43.519 Like you said that one thing, that one thing is said to you, or you say that one thing, and then that person never came back, or you never went back, and and and then you know you're just too proud, or maybe time's gone by, and then the other person distanced themselves, and then you're too proud to go back at this point, or they're too proud to come back, and there's this cycle, and then there's this distance, and and then at some point maybe some bitterness starts to form, and then you you almost don't even sometimes even remember like how did we even get this far apart? 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:48.079 Like, how did this log even split and it just started? 00:07:52.079 --> 00:08:06.560 Christy and I had we have we have family that have entered this downward cycle of division because of bad communication and sensitivity, uh pride, and literally certain people will only come to certain events if certain other people don't come. 00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:08.480 Anybody? 00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:10.720 I'm not recording it. 00:08:10.800 --> 00:08:12.720 You could have raised your hand, it would have been okay. 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:24.079 I've entered this sort of cycle before where I said something and then I was too proud to go back to apologize, and then the other person distanced themselves. 00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:31.839 And it's not that the relationship all of a sudden became toxic, but there was just a distance that wasn't there before. 00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:33.519 It was a wedge. 00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:56.080 I I have a friend who, on a more serious level, uh perhaps who he keeps forming uh relationships with women, and then they get serious, and then he cheats on the women, and then he uh will even duck out of child support, and then he'll want his family to support him. 00:08:57.840 --> 00:09:02.159 I mean major wedges in relationships. 00:09:03.360 --> 00:09:10.080 Another friend of mine he says this he says, People will fight with family, or they will fight for family. 00:09:10.720 --> 00:09:14.960 Now, no one's perfect, even when you hear those two things, you probably go, well, I actually do both of those. 00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:15.600 Well, we do. 00:09:15.759 --> 00:09:16.799 We do both of these, right? 00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:18.399 And even in Genesis, we see this. 00:09:18.480 --> 00:09:21.200 At times, Jacob fights with his family, right? 00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:28.399 He steals from his brother and then from his dad, and Esau fights back looking to kill him, and then Jacob fights for family. 00:09:28.639 --> 00:09:32.320 He returns, bowing, weeping. 00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:40.799 We see Joseph fights with family, bragging about that dream not once, twice, and his brothers fight back and sell him into slavery. 00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:54.639 And then we see how each of them breaks and the pride ends, that fight for self and that bitterness that drove them has turned to forgiveness, and literally they crawl back to each other and they're not explaining away their actions. 00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:56.320 They're weeping. 00:09:56.720 --> 00:09:58.399 So, how does this happen? 00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:01.919 How does reconciliation happen? 00:10:02.320 --> 00:10:09.679 Well, Ephesians 4, 31 through 32 gives us a little bit of insight into what's going on in Genesis and these relationships. 00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:15.519 And I could probably have picked a variety of different passages in the New Testament with giving us a glimpse of what's going on. 00:10:15.679 --> 00:10:18.960 This Ephesians one really shines a light on it well. 00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:30.000 Verse 31, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. 00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:32.639 Be kind to one another. 00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:37.919 Tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God and Christ forgave you. 00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:42.639 So verse 31 is everything wrong that's going on in these relationships in Genesis. 00:10:42.720 --> 00:10:51.120 And then verse 32 is everything wonderful that's happening when people finally crawl back and weep their way back to each other. 00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:54.240 So let me make two clear points. 00:10:54.480 --> 00:10:57.279 Number one, reconciliation takes humility. 00:10:58.480 --> 00:10:58.879 Right? 00:10:59.279 --> 00:11:01.360 Jacob and Joseph are weeping. 00:11:01.440 --> 00:11:02.960 There's no pride left here. 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:04.000 They are broken. 00:11:04.159 --> 00:11:06.320 They want the relationship to be reconciled. 00:11:06.399 --> 00:11:10.480 They're not interested in arguing their point anymore. 00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:13.600 They're not worried about being right anymore. 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:16.159 Jacob is bowing. 00:11:16.240 --> 00:11:18.720 The brothers are bowing, they're weeping, they're embracing. 00:11:19.279 --> 00:11:21.919 Tim Keller has a paper on reconciliation. 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:22.960 Here's a long quote. 00:11:23.200 --> 00:11:25.600 It's in your bulletin insert. 00:11:25.679 --> 00:11:30.480 It's fantastic because, and I'm going to read it, just I can't say it, I can't teach it any better than this. 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:40.320 You can remain bitter towards someone only if you feel superior, if you are sure that you would never do anything like that. 00:11:40.639 --> 00:11:45.759 To remain unforgiving means you are unaware of your own sinfulness and need for forgiveness. 00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:50.960 When Paul says he is the worst among sinners, he is not exaggerating. 00:11:51.279 --> 00:11:56.639 He is saying that he is as capable of sin as the worst criminals are. 00:11:56.879 --> 00:12:00.879 The gospel has equipped him with emotional humility. 00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:06.960 At the same time, you can't be gracious to someone if you are too needy and insecure. 00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:14.399 If you know God's love and forgiveness, then there is a limit to how deeply another person can hurt you. 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:19.840 He or she can't touch your real identity, wealth, and significance. 00:12:20.799 --> 00:12:24.320 The more you rejoice in your own forgiveness, right? 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:27.679 That's like verse 32 of that Ephesians 4. 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:34.480 The more you rejoice in your own forgiveness, the quicker you will be to forgive others. 00:12:34.799 --> 00:12:38.720 You are rooted in emotional wealth. 00:12:39.440 --> 00:12:43.279 See, we see humil humility in the reconciliations in Genesis. 00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:46.320 These are not stoic postures. 00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:49.120 What has that given us? 00:12:49.279 --> 00:12:52.000 What has stoicism given us? 00:12:53.440 --> 00:13:00.960 Gospel postures are postures like are bowing and crawling and embracing and weeping. 00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:06.240 It's honesty, it's being true and broken and forgiving and loving. 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:08.080 So that's point number one. 00:13:08.159 --> 00:13:10.559 Reconciliation takes humility. 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:17.039 And the gospel is what humbles us because it says to you, hey, you are like them. 00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:19.919 You are capable. 00:13:20.480 --> 00:13:22.320 As the worst criminals are. 00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:28.799 Number two, a life of reconciliation takes moment by moment living in the gospel. 00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:33.360 Now I say a life because this is not something that just happens, right? 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:35.120 It takes perseverance, right? 00:13:35.279 --> 00:13:37.840 It takes time for healing to occur. 00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:41.519 And you have to do this over and over and over again. 00:13:42.399 --> 00:13:43.200 Because you know what? 00:13:43.279 --> 00:13:49.360 You will hurt people over and over and over again, and people will hurt you over and over again because you're a sinner and they are sinners. 00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:53.200 We're not looking to do it, but it's the reality of life. 00:13:53.519 --> 00:14:00.240 You say something, it came out the wrong way, you say something, didn't intend it that way, or maybe you did intend it that way. 00:14:00.639 --> 00:14:04.159 You do something, wish you didn't, you do something, didn't mean to. 00:14:04.720 --> 00:14:08.000 And so it is a life of reconciliation. 00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:14.080 And it takes moment by moment living, living in the gospel. 00:14:14.240 --> 00:14:16.159 This is what equips us to be able to do this. 00:14:16.240 --> 00:14:17.679 Here's what I was reminded this week. 00:14:17.759 --> 00:14:19.440 Um, somebody had mentioned this book. 00:14:19.519 --> 00:14:20.799 Um, I've read it years ago. 00:14:20.960 --> 00:14:30.639 I love it, I've read it several times, but then this week somebody reminded to me, and I went back and read some parts, uh, Elise Fitzpatrick's book, and Because He Loves Me, a couple quotes here which help us to understand. 00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:31.919 What is it that equips us? 00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:35.600 What is it that equips us to be humble and to want to reconcile? 00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:44.399 God loves us so much that he crushed his son so that we might be his and that this love isn't based on our worthiness or performance. 00:14:44.639 --> 00:14:47.360 His love doesn't fluctuate from day to day. 00:14:47.600 --> 00:14:52.080 It was settled the moment he set it upon you before the foundation of the world. 00:14:52.320 --> 00:15:01.840 The gospel tells us that our new identity is found in Christ alone, but we forget that we are sinful and flawed and don't deserve respect. 00:15:02.559 --> 00:15:09.600 We also forget that we've been loved and welcomed by the only person whose opinion really matters. 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:12.399 We've forgotten God's love for us in the gospel. 00:15:12.799 --> 00:15:19.120 Our fundamental problem is not our history, our environment, our brain chemicals, or even our bad choices. 00:15:19.279 --> 00:15:25.919 Our problem is that we've got a functional identity that flies in the face of gospel truth. 00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:30.639 We've ignored and disregarded the fact that Christ has given us his identity. 00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:32.799 He is our life. 00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:39.519 So if we take this understanding of the gospel and we think back to Ephesians 4, here's the point we get. 00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:55.919 It's this the more you grow in your awareness of how secure you are in Jesus, verse 32 of Ephesians 4, the freer you are to humble yourself and to love someone and the put away the divisive ways, verse 31. 00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:57.279 I'll say it again. 00:15:57.360 --> 00:15:57.759 I said a lot. 00:15:59.200 --> 00:16:14.639 The more you grow in your awareness of how secure you are in Jesus, verse 32 of Ephesians 4, the freer you are to humble yourself and to love someone else, the putting away of the divisive ways that are in verse 31. 00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:15.919 See, do you get it? 00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:16.399 Do you see it? 00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:28.320 See, Jacob's no better than Esau, Joseph's no better than his brothers, you are no better than that other person, and yet you are completely, freely, unconditionally loved by God. 00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:29.919 You are secure. 00:16:30.159 --> 00:16:34.240 You, even you cause wedges, and he loves you. 00:16:36.799 --> 00:16:40.159 Though you fight with family, he fights for you. 00:16:42.159 --> 00:16:43.679 There are no guarantees here. 00:16:43.759 --> 00:16:51.120 You may humble yourself and you may go to that person, you may humble yourself, you may crawl back and you may weep, and they might not care at all. 00:16:51.519 --> 00:16:55.759 They may be cold, they may be indifferent, they may be hateful. 00:16:58.399 --> 00:17:06.079 See, there's actually not real possibility of reconciliation until both parties want to reconcile. 00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:08.400 That's what we see in these Genesis stories. 00:17:08.640 --> 00:17:12.960 We see both parties crawling, bowing, weeping, embracing. 00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:17.759 So there are no guarantees, but you but you can be the first. 00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:27.039 And here's why you can be the first, because you no longer have to justify your value or your strength by being right or by being stoic. 00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:31.519 You have a secure place in a new family. 00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:35.119 So you can risk it. 00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:39.839 You can go to family, you can go to that friend, you can risk it. 00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:42.640 You can risk the humility of it. 00:17:43.440 --> 00:17:48.319 Because you're already valued, you're already loved, you're already strong. 00:17:49.279 --> 00:17:55.599 So maybe there's a conversation you need to have, maybe someone to reach out to, or maybe for today there's not a conversation to go have. 00:17:55.759 --> 00:18:02.559 Maybe it's for you to know that though you have caused wedges, or maybe there is a wedge and you're not ready for that step, that you know what? 00:18:02.720 --> 00:18:10.400 In that, you are secure, you are whole, you are righteous, and you are free because of what Jesus did for you on the cross. 00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:17.440 One of my favorite movies, you're gonna think I'm insane when I even say it, because it's just sounds like a meathead movie. 00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:18.319 It really does. 00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:27.200 Um, and I'm gonna ask for hands because if anybody's seen it, you will validate me in this moment, and I desperately need it because I'm feeling very insecure admitting. 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:29.599 Has anybody seen The Warrior? 00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:31.359 The MMA movie? 00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:32.880 Okay, thank you. 00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:33.759 Back there. 00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:35.279 Yes, yes. 00:18:35.519 --> 00:18:38.640 All right, so it's but I said MMA movie. 00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:39.920 So some of you are like, what? 00:18:40.559 --> 00:18:41.200 Was that what I thought? 00:18:41.519 --> 00:18:42.799 Mixed martial arts movie? 00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:43.200 Yeah. 00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:45.039 So it sounds like a meathead movie, right? 00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:58.880 Yet it's this profound movie about hurt and wounds and reconciliation, and uh you should see it, even though I'm about to sort of ruin the end of it for the point. 00:18:59.119 --> 00:19:02.240 Earmuffs, if you need to put earmuffs on, you can do that. 00:19:02.400 --> 00:19:06.160 Uh it is unbelievably profound when it comes to reconciliation. 00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:11.119 And the story is this it's about a family, and the father is an alcoholic and he's abusive. 00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:12.319 And so there's two sons. 00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:14.720 There's an older son, Brendan, and a younger son, Tommy. 00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:19.279 And eventually, when Brendan's 16 and Tommy's younger, they decide they're running off. 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:26.079 Mom and the two boys are going to run off, and at the last moment, Brenda decides to stay back with the abusive father because he's in love with a girl. 00:19:26.240 --> 00:19:31.920 And so Tommy and the mom move off, and they didn't know this at this time, but they would never speak again. 00:19:32.319 --> 00:19:34.000 Brendan moves on with his life. 00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:39.119 He gets married to that girl, they end up having a couple kids and sort of have what you would consider a normal life. 00:19:39.279 --> 00:19:42.079 Tommy, on the other hand, is filled with bitterness. 00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.119 He is filled with hate, he's filled with rage. 00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:47.440 He goes into the service, he moves off. 00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:55.599 Years later, he moves back, and he's going to enter this tournament, this MMA tournament, five million dollar purse. 00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:00.319 There's nobody better to train him than his dad, because his dad had been a boxer. 00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:03.519 And so he goes to his dad and says, I'm not interested in reconciling. 00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:06.400 I mean, he's so filled with hate and bitterness and rage. 00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:08.079 He's like, but I want you to train me. 00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:13.599 And now at the same time, Brendan, the older brother, the little girl has needs open heart surgery. 00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:14.640 He needs money. 00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:18.240 The only thing he knows how to do to produce money is fight. 00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:21.759 So this sets him on a collision course, the two of them. 00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:25.680 And Tommy fights the way he feels. 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:27.599 He wounds people. 00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:30.880 He brutally punishes people. 00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:34.000 He is fueled by wage, rage. 00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:38.319 And the wound is abuse, and that the brother left him. 00:20:39.680 --> 00:20:47.279 And Brendan tries to apologize and he pleads with Tommy over the course of the movie, and Tommy's cold and indifferent, but both men finally, you know the story, right? 00:20:47.359 --> 00:20:49.200 They end up in the finals, right? 00:20:49.359 --> 00:20:50.400 Of course. 00:20:51.359 --> 00:20:56.960 And Tommy just unloads on him years of pent-up bitterness and rage. 00:20:57.200 --> 00:21:00.079 And it's it's not a fight, it's revenge. 00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:03.759 And it it is it is harsh. 00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:06.480 It is difficult to watch. 00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:10.000 And Brendan just takes this beating. 00:21:10.160 --> 00:21:14.079 I mean, it leaves you wondering when you're watching, like, how much can a person actually take? 00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:17.200 How much can this guy actually take this beating? 00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:18.240 It is painful. 00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:21.279 And for three rounds, he's just getting pummeled by Tommy. 00:21:21.359 --> 00:21:24.720 He's just getting absolutely crushed. 00:21:25.359 --> 00:21:31.200 And at one point in like round three or something, Brendan's down on his back, and Tommy is just, he's, he's, he's killing him. 00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:32.400 He's absolutely crushing him. 00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:40.240 And all of a sudden, Brendan wraps his legs around, does some grappling move, and gets his arm and he twists, and he he breaks his shoulder. 00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:45.279 And and and Tommy gets up, the round's over, his arms dangling. 00:21:45.359 --> 00:21:47.680 I mean, this this fight's over. 00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:55.680 And there's this moment as Tommy goes back and he's sitting on the stool in his corner, and he is fueled even more by rage. 00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:57.759 Even more anger. 00:21:58.000 --> 00:21:59.359 He he cannot give up. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.680 He will not give in. 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:03.359 He will not tap out. 00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:05.039 He won't throw the towel in. 00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:11.680 See, see, there's bitterness can actually define you to the point where you're scared to let go of it. 00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:18.160 Because you you wonder if you're not defined by bitterness or anger, then what are you going to be defined by? 00:22:19.359 --> 00:22:21.119 And Tommy's hitting that point. 00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:23.599 He's afraid to let go. 00:22:23.839 --> 00:22:27.440 And the next round starts, and Tommy's arm's dangling, and he can't fight. 00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:28.960 He's out there trying to fight with one arm. 00:22:29.039 --> 00:22:30.720 And Brendan's begging him it's over. 00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:32.079 Like, Tommy, it's over. 00:22:32.240 --> 00:22:32.720 It's over. 00:22:32.799 --> 00:22:33.279 It's over. 00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:34.400 And Tommy won't quit. 00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:39.200 So Brendan pummels him in that round, and still Tommy won't give up. 00:22:39.359 --> 00:22:40.960 He will not let go. 00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:44.640 And at this point, it's real clear that this is much more than a fight. 00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:49.920 This is a metaphor about reconciliation and about hurt and about wounds. 00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:53.519 And the next round, finally, they end up on the floor. 00:22:53.759 --> 00:22:56.799 And Brendan is behind Tommy, and Tommy is fighting and fighting. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:58.480 And Brendan has him in a chokehold. 00:22:58.559 --> 00:22:59.839 And Tommy will not stop. 00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:01.119 He will not stop fighting. 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:02.799 He's so angry. 00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:04.880 And he won't stop. 00:23:04.960 --> 00:23:07.200 And Brendan's behind him, choking him. 00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:08.480 He won't tap out. 00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:09.839 He won't stop. 00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:13.039 And Brendan's begging, right? 00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:14.000 I mean, he's begging him. 00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:15.599 He's saying, I'm sorry, Tommy. 00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:16.480 I'm sorry, Tommy. 00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:17.119 It's okay. 00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:17.759 It's okay. 00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:21.680 Then finally he says, I love you, Tommy. 00:23:23.599 --> 00:23:28.319 And when he says that, Tommy relaxes. 00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:31.200 And he taps out. 00:23:31.759 --> 00:23:33.519 And they're lying on the floor. 00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:35.440 MMA tournament. 00:23:36.079 --> 00:23:37.200 And they hug. 00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:38.880 They're embracing. 00:23:40.640 --> 00:23:41.680 I love you. 00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:46.960 Those were the three words his heart needed to hear. 00:23:47.440 --> 00:23:49.680 See, it's what our hearts need to hear. 00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:53.599 We need to hear the incarnate word of God. 00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:55.599 Jesus. 00:23:56.720 --> 00:23:58.160 Love incarnate. 00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:04.240 It is the only word that will break our pride, the only word that will break our self-dependency. 00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:13.440 The only word that can help us to go back into some relationship and to apologize or attempt to make something right and risk it all, whether it happens or doesn't happen. 00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:14.880 It's the only word that can do it. 00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:26.799 It's the only word that we must rest in that we might ever speak humble words of reconciliation to our father or mother or brother or sister or friend. 00:24:27.759 --> 00:24:29.519 As I pray, I want to pray over you. 00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:35.759 I want to pray that we would have hearts that are reconciled to the Father because He fought for us. 00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:44.559 And I want to pray that we would have hearts that live in the gospel, that we might seek out reconciliation with other people. 00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:46.160 Let's pray together. 00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:57.039 God, we confess that we fight with family and we have been fought with. 00:24:58.000 --> 00:25:02.079 We have wounds, we have been wounded, and we have wounded. 00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:07.759 We have said things that have caused distance and we have distanced ourselves. 00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:18.079 Give us great wisdom for people who cause hurt. 00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:25.119 Would you also equip us in your great love? 00:25:25.359 --> 00:25:29.119 Would you give us such security that we can risk humility? 00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:40.960 To apologize for things said, things done, that we might be a people of reconciliation. 00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:46.319 I pray this in Jesus' name. 00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:47.279 Amen.