WEBVTT 00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:06.320 So we've been going through the book of Colossians, like I mentioned in the greeting. 00:00:06.400 --> 00:00:17.120 And so what we've been talking about, if you haven't been with us, is that chapters one and chapters two of Colossians are all these promises, promises of God to us. 00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:21.519 The big word for that would be indicatives, what's been indicated to us. 00:00:21.679 --> 00:00:24.399 And it's just promise after promise in chapters one and two. 00:00:24.879 --> 00:00:32.159 It's just promise after promise of what Jesus has done for you, what God has done for you in Jesus, how He has pulled you out of darkness, what He has done. 00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:35.600 What we don't see in one and two is a lot of what you should do. 00:00:35.920 --> 00:00:40.960 But we definitely don't see a lot of what you have done to earn something. 00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:43.119 This is incredibly freeing. 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:44.880 This is wonderfully freeing. 00:00:45.039 --> 00:00:48.560 We should live in one and two of Colossians. 00:00:48.719 --> 00:00:51.920 Our hearts and minds should rest in Colossians 1 and 2. 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:56.560 And then we see a shift moving into chapter 3 and maybe three or four sermons ago. 00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:05.519 We saw this shift, and all of a sudden there's this shift, and Paul takes all these promises, these indicatives, and all of a sudden you start to see some imperatives. 00:01:05.680 --> 00:01:09.359 You start to see some things we should do because of all of this. 00:01:09.519 --> 00:01:18.560 But what what we what we have to understand is we don't leave one and two to just move on, like, oh well, chapters one and two, that's how that's how I became a Christian, and now I that's over with. 00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:20.159 That's like the doorway in. 00:01:20.400 --> 00:01:25.840 Now I will move on and I will work my way to maintain my standing before God. 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:31.120 Uh I will wake up each day, and what I do will be my validation of standing before God. 00:01:31.439 --> 00:01:32.000 No, no, no. 00:01:32.079 --> 00:01:37.519 What it is is one and two are the roots, the promises, and they're they're they're good for you today. 00:01:37.599 --> 00:01:46.239 They're good for you when you became a Christian, they're good for you tomorrow, the next day, when you succeed, when you fail, when you're doing great, when you're doing horrible, you have a lot of faith, or a little bit of faith. 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:52.400 And out of those promises are all these things that a Christian life should look like. 00:01:52.879 --> 00:02:03.359 And so last week we talked about uh how do we view different races and different social economic uh demographics in our society and people around us. 00:02:03.519 --> 00:02:11.360 This week, another landmine for me uh topic um roles for husbands and roles for wives. 00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:16.800 So it is a landmine, right? 00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:24.960 Because um, you have a particular past, you have a particular view on gender roles, you have a particular view on roles for a husband and roles for a wife. 00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:28.800 Uh you grew up with that mom or you grew up with that dad. 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:38.159 You grew up in that conservative house or that progressive house or that liberal house, or your house now is a conservative house or a progressive house or a liberal house. 00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:41.199 And maybe you pride yourself in one of those categories. 00:02:41.360 --> 00:02:42.800 Some of us are married. 00:02:43.599 --> 00:02:50.400 Some of us are single and used to be married, some of us are single and want to be married, some of us are single and you're good and you don't want to be married. 00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:57.520 So some of us are married, then single, then remarried. 00:02:58.080 --> 00:03:04.479 And maybe, maybe uh this morning will just explain so much for you of where you came from. 00:03:05.520 --> 00:03:08.159 Maybe it's nothing like for you to do today. 00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:09.759 Because maybe you're not married. 00:03:09.919 --> 00:03:16.560 But maybe it will explain so much about where you came from, or maybe it will explain so much about maybe one day where you will be. 00:03:16.719 --> 00:03:18.560 We're all over the board on this. 00:03:19.039 --> 00:03:23.840 But I think what we can all agree is we all want great families. 00:03:25.520 --> 00:03:27.520 We all want great families. 00:03:27.759 --> 00:03:35.280 Nobody's here is going, you know what, no, I really want that manipulative, life-sucking, passive-aggressive uh family. 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:37.599 That's what I'm going for out of life. 00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:39.759 No, no, nobody, nobody's saying that. 00:03:39.919 --> 00:03:45.439 So let's look at these verses, and maybe you're not even gonna like them at first, a few of you, but hang with me. 00:03:45.599 --> 00:03:46.960 Hang with me as we go through them. 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:52.560 So, so first Colossians 18 and 19 is what all we're gonna read this morning. 00:03:52.719 --> 00:03:55.360 Um, we're just gonna talk about wives and husbands. 00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:00.719 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:05.039 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 00:04:05.199 --> 00:04:07.759 And maybe you're here and right away go, here we go. 00:04:08.080 --> 00:04:11.680 Typical Christian, patriarchal, male dominance. 00:04:11.840 --> 00:04:13.840 Uh you know, I knew it was coming. 00:04:13.919 --> 00:04:15.759 You know, you've been talking about grace for a year and a half. 00:04:15.919 --> 00:04:17.759 I knew this was coming because I read ahead. 00:04:17.920 --> 00:04:18.879 I knew it was coming. 00:04:19.120 --> 00:04:25.600 Or maybe you're just here and you agree with it and you read that and you go, I have fallen so short of this. 00:04:28.160 --> 00:04:36.720 And before any of us get too upset or too closed off, you know, let's let's see, even Paul expounds on these thoughts in Ephesians. 00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:41.839 And in Ephesians 5, he takes the same thought and he he expounds on it a little bit. 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:44.480 So we get a greater, a bigger idea of it. 00:04:44.879 --> 00:04:48.000 So Ephesians 5, sorry, verse 21. 00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:58.639 So, wise, if you're really upset about that verse 18, or you don't know what to do with it, you're gonna love Ephesians 5.21 because this says, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:05.439 So before the Bible asks wives to submit to their husbands, it's asking both of you to submit to one another. 00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:18.480 So in Colossians, Paul's simply pointing out something to wives, an application to wives, that he's he's also saying to all of us, to one another, to submit to each other. 00:05:19.360 --> 00:05:24.160 Verse 22 wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:32.079 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Savior. 00:05:32.319 --> 00:05:38.240 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:41.600 Maybe this feels old-fashioned to you. 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:43.600 I don't know your background. 00:05:43.839 --> 00:05:48.000 Uh you have to remember at the time, this would have been revolutionary. 00:05:48.160 --> 00:05:52.319 I mean, uh a woman had little value more than a cow. 00:05:52.560 --> 00:05:54.000 I mean, this was huge. 00:05:54.240 --> 00:06:00.480 This is I mean, this was revolutionary that a husband would not relate to his wife harshly. 00:06:00.720 --> 00:06:06.800 That the call would be to love your wife lovingly and with loyalty and sacrifice and gently and kindly. 00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:11.279 I mean, this would have been an elevation of status for women at the time. 00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:13.680 So, what does submission mean? 00:06:13.759 --> 00:06:17.120 Well, it simply means you support and respect your husband. 00:06:17.279 --> 00:06:18.560 This is about support and respect. 00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:21.040 It's not about oppression, it's not about ignorance. 00:06:21.360 --> 00:06:23.199 Submission is not about value. 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:25.600 Submission is not about intellect. 00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:28.240 Submission is not about ability. 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:30.639 Meaning this, wives, this is what it means. 00:06:30.959 --> 00:06:35.439 It means your husband, your husband's not smarter than you. 00:06:35.519 --> 00:06:36.879 You already know that, right? 00:06:37.199 --> 00:06:38.240 You already know it. 00:06:39.600 --> 00:06:41.759 It doesn't mean he has more value than you. 00:06:41.920 --> 00:06:42.959 You already know that. 00:06:43.360 --> 00:06:47.279 It doesn't mean he has more ability than you to succeed in this world. 00:06:47.439 --> 00:06:49.759 It doesn't mean any of those things. 00:06:52.160 --> 00:06:54.240 You may be, you're probably smarter. 00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:56.240 You're definitely emotionally smarter. 00:06:56.639 --> 00:07:02.240 You may be smarter, you you you you may have greater intellect, you may, you, you, you may have greater ability. 00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:04.240 So this is talking about a role. 00:07:04.319 --> 00:07:08.399 It's not talking about intellect, it's not talking about oppression, it's not talking about ignorance. 00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:12.240 That's how the world has come to define this, but it's not what this is. 00:07:13.040 --> 00:07:17.040 So Christy and I, we've been talking about this this week, fleshing this out. 00:07:17.199 --> 00:07:20.319 Uh and I asked her, you know, I said, well, what does this mean to you? 00:07:20.399 --> 00:07:22.399 What does submission mean to you? 00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:25.120 Um, what does it mean to you for you to submit to me? 00:07:25.279 --> 00:07:26.399 So that's a weird conversation. 00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:28.319 It's not like you have these conversations all the time. 00:07:28.480 --> 00:07:34.560 And because I'm almost, I almost feel I I'm in the same culture you are, I almost feel uncomfortable with the word. 00:07:35.040 --> 00:07:35.360 Right? 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:37.519 Because we kind of work as partners. 00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:39.759 So I'm I'm well, what does that mean to you? 00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:42.319 Because I feel like most of the time we work as partners. 00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:50.959 And she said, well, but she said, what it means so much for me, it means that I trust you hear from the Lord and you seek to. 00:07:51.199 --> 00:07:54.399 And so I don't have to try to over-control everything. 00:07:55.439 --> 00:07:58.000 That's that's what women like to do. 00:07:58.240 --> 00:08:01.439 See, women like to over-control and then men like to isolate. 00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:03.519 And see how that's a spiral. 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:05.680 So men isolate, so women overcontrol. 00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:08.079 Women over control, so men isolate more. 00:08:08.480 --> 00:08:19.680 And so submission is about the wife beginning to learn to trust that maybe the Lord can work in the husband and speak to the husband without the wife over-controlling. 00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:23.199 And maybe you say, well, you haven't met him. 00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:36.320 You have not met Billy Bob because the only thing he cares to hear is ESPN, ESPN radio, ESPN satellite radio. 00:08:36.799 --> 00:08:37.759 Like that's it. 00:08:37.919 --> 00:08:39.679 Like, hear from the Lord, I don't think so. 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:42.399 He lays around, he never communicates when he does. 00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:44.879 He's just like the boss or the dictator. 00:08:45.120 --> 00:08:45.440 Um. 00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:51.279 Maybe he's not worth submitting to. 00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:59.039 But it says to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ, not out of reverence for the other person. 00:09:00.559 --> 00:09:01.519 So what does that mean? 00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:02.480 Well, this is what it means. 00:09:02.559 --> 00:09:06.240 It means Christ is the incarnate love of God to humanity, right? 00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:08.320 The grace of God to us. 00:09:08.480 --> 00:09:13.759 So you don't have to carry the weight of your own sin, the weight of your own, uh, the burden of your guilt. 00:09:14.000 --> 00:09:20.399 You don't have to carry the weight of you trying to earn your way out of uh red status to get to green status. 00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:24.240 He takes that, he threw away the scorecard on you. 00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:32.080 So when he sees you, he's not looking down, I can't believe she did that, I can't believe he did that, you know, I can't believe the way she's living her life or living his life. 00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:34.159 He's looking down at you through the blood of Jesus. 00:09:34.639 --> 00:09:38.559 I love, I love that lady, I love that man. 00:09:40.320 --> 00:09:50.240 That one there, that lazy husband who has not awakened to his calling for toward his wife. 00:09:50.559 --> 00:09:51.840 I love him. 00:09:55.200 --> 00:09:57.919 I love that hard-hearted man. 00:10:00.159 --> 00:10:06.240 And why is God looking down at you and all your tendencies to control rather than to trust? 00:10:07.840 --> 00:10:11.200 And he's looking at you, I love that fragile woman. 00:10:12.879 --> 00:10:23.200 And it's out of reverence and reaction to that grace of God to us, to Christ, that you can submit to Billy Bob. 00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:37.679 So you can respect and submit to him even while he is unresponsive to you, because this is how God loves you every single day. 00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:59.519 One of my favorite stories is from the last few years is a friend of mine will call her Ginny, and and and Ginny was uh, I don't know if she was fully nagging her husband, but she would get on to him a little bit, and he'd come in from a long day of work, and he'd show up, and and she would just sort of uh right away, like, hey, can you do this? 00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:00.080 Can you do this? 00:11:00.159 --> 00:11:00.639 Can you do this? 00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:05.679 You haven't done this, I need you to do this, you haven't done this, and then you know, of course, what he what how did he react to this? 00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:07.039 Well, he didn't want to do those things. 00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:09.600 Who wants to do those things when as soon as you walk in, you're like, blah. 00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:21.519 You know, so he would react and he'd sort of, you know, maybe half do some things or not do some things or try to avoid her, avoid the list, and and so this was just sort of a downward spiral, right? 00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:24.399 She and she was she was scorekeeping on him. 00:11:25.120 --> 00:11:28.879 You know, like he's not he, I'm doing more than he is, he's not keeping up. 00:11:33.440 --> 00:11:43.200 And so slowly Ginny realized that she wasn't as great as she thought either, and and began to give her husband grace when he came in. 00:11:45.200 --> 00:11:46.080 How are you? 00:11:46.879 --> 00:11:47.759 How was your day? 00:11:48.639 --> 00:11:50.080 You wanna sit down for a few minutes? 00:11:51.840 --> 00:11:54.000 Like this she threw the scorecard away. 00:11:55.840 --> 00:11:56.799 I'll take care of things. 00:11:57.279 --> 00:11:59.200 You need a you need a break. 00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:13.279 So she began to live in chapters one and two of Colossians, that her full sufficiency was not in the responsiveness and the greatness of her husband, but it was in what Christ was for her. 00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:14.639 So she was good. 00:12:14.879 --> 00:12:21.679 She was good, and she had fuel beyond her own effort, like a divine spirit-fed fuel. 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:23.919 And the weirdest thing happened over time. 00:12:24.080 --> 00:12:27.360 Slowly the husband began to respond. 00:12:29.600 --> 00:12:30.000 Right? 00:12:30.480 --> 00:12:32.000 This is human nature. 00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:37.039 The more we try to score keep, we think we're gonna win some battle. 00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:40.320 Like in a relationship, we think we're gonna win a battle. 00:12:42.240 --> 00:12:53.039 We can get more things done, but it's the most anti-productive, destructive thing you can do because scorekeeping and demand, it creates rebellion and resentment. 00:12:54.799 --> 00:12:58.960 So this is uh we go to the beach every summer, and and y'all know this guy. 00:12:59.039 --> 00:13:06.559 This is the umbrella anchor, which means I'm too cheap to pay the lifeguard to set up the umbrella in the chairs. 00:13:06.639 --> 00:13:11.679 And so I'm, you know, we go to Hilton Head, that's our beach of choice, and we go for our beach week. 00:13:11.759 --> 00:13:15.759 And so I got the cart, it's loaded, chair, like five chairs. 00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:18.000 I got I have girls, so they don't carry anything. 00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:26.639 I got five chairs, I have umbrellas, I have toys, I have a cooler, it's me, and and literally it's me and like five or six girls. 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:28.799 And so we're I'm just pushing it out there. 00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:33.679 I get out there, and Hilton Head sand is not uh panhandle Florida sand. 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:37.039 This is this can be concrete, like if the tide has just gotten out of the right time. 00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:45.360 I mean, this is like you know, people ride their bikes on it, and so getting this guy down in that sand can be incredibly difficult at the wrong time. 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:48.000 And so, you know, and I'm not CrossFit strong. 00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:49.919 I mean, I mean y'all picked up on this. 00:13:50.000 --> 00:14:04.639 You I mean, you can look at me, and so I'd so I'm you know, I I I'm pushing this in, I'm turning it, and I'm turning it and turning it, and you know, I think there's probably been a time or two where you know it gets down about two-thirds of the way, but you've got to get it all the way down for the wind, right? 00:14:04.720 --> 00:14:08.480 Like the, I mean, so you've got to get the thing all the way down in there. 00:14:08.639 --> 00:14:13.519 And so I think there's been a time or two on this tiny little handle where I'm like, Chrissy, can you just push on this side? 00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:18.080 I'm gonna push on this side, and we're just gonna and just kind of zip it in, right? 00:14:18.159 --> 00:14:23.919 And if both people are pushing in the right direction, the revolution works. 00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:25.840 And you go deeper. 00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:36.879 But if one person begins to uh not quite work, and then if both people begin to work against each other, the revolution occurs the opposite way. 00:14:37.279 --> 00:14:45.600 See, if both people are relating in grace to each other, there's a revolution in the relationship that goes deeper and deeper and deeper into joy. 00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:53.759 But if scorekeeping and demand takes over rather than grace toward each other, then you're gonna reverse the revolution. 00:14:54.080 --> 00:14:59.840 And that revolution is gonna be out of joy and it's gonna be into despair. 00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:02.480 Okay, so wives, we talked to some about submission. 00:15:02.559 --> 00:15:08.320 So, husbands, how do you help this revolution of joy in a relationship? 00:15:08.639 --> 00:15:12.000 So let's read Ephesians 5, 25 through 33. 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:14.480 It's a bit of reading, but hang with me. 00:15:16.559 --> 00:15:34.639 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:38.639 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:41.840 He who loves his wife loves himself. 00:15:42.639 --> 00:15:50.320 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they fed and cared for their body just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body. 00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:55.360 For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 00:15:55.519 --> 00:15:58.559 This is the profound mystery, but I'm talking about Christ and the church. 00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:07.840 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 00:16:08.159 --> 00:16:10.559 So so, men, you're you're called to die for her. 00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:12.399 That's what this passage says. 00:16:12.879 --> 00:16:17.679 I mean, you're called to love her and lead her with loyalty and sacrifice. 00:16:17.759 --> 00:16:22.240 So, so it means be gentle, don't be harsh. 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:27.279 It means be kind, it means to engage. 00:16:27.759 --> 00:16:29.600 This is what headship is. 00:16:31.600 --> 00:16:43.759 So this week, uh Tuesday, I think, I come in from work, and I don't know what funky mood I was in and what funky mood Christy was in, but those two moods didn't do well, right? 00:16:43.840 --> 00:17:06.160 When we came, I came in, and I I walked in and uh I said something, and then she said something, then I felt blamed, I didn't react well, and then there's like this bickering for like 10 minutes, and then our oldest daughter is like cutting in, and she's like, Y'all stop it! And she's trying to be the problem solver, and and so you know, we like sort of make up and kind of talk it through a little bit, and mainly just kind of let go of it. 00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:14.000 And um Christie goes to sleep, and I stay up, I'm watching TV for a little bit, and and I'm just sitting there and I'm thinking about why did that bother me? 00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:20.720 Like that scenario, that the way that played out, it just sort of ate at me unusually, and why did it bother me? 00:17:20.799 --> 00:17:22.880 And and I think I sort of discovered it. 00:17:23.279 --> 00:17:28.799 And it's that she operates at an unbelievable rate of respecting and supporting me. 00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:40.960 So, but man, I don't operate well when I think, whether whether she is or not, I don't operate well when I think she doesn't have my back. 00:17:42.000 --> 00:17:52.160 It's the same reason that when I grow, when I grow distant and I isolate, you know, and this happens like for a few days, and and then it's always Christy who comes to me. 00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:55.279 I'm never going, you know what, dear, I've I've been I've been isolated. 00:17:55.359 --> 00:17:57.200 I realize it, I want to come back. 00:17:57.279 --> 00:18:00.720 And it's always her, um, unfortunately, in our relationship. 00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:06.240 It probably should be me, um, but it's her that comes and she says, you know, hey, we're not connecting. 00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:08.079 That's the that's the line, right? 00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:09.680 That's the line in our relationship. 00:18:09.839 --> 00:18:11.680 We're not connecting. 00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:13.279 Here's the moment. 00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:14.319 Like, here's the moment. 00:18:14.400 --> 00:18:21.279 It's always the moment, and it's either like, do I continue to isolate or do I enter the chaos? 00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:26.960 Headship enters the chaos. 00:18:27.359 --> 00:18:29.039 That's what headship is. 00:18:29.200 --> 00:18:32.319 We walk into the battle. 00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:36.559 In fact, headship seeks out the chaos. 00:18:36.960 --> 00:18:41.279 Like headship seeks out the chaos in the heart of the wife. 00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:44.480 Headship seeks out the chaos in the heart of the child. 00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:46.480 We'll talk about that next week. 00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:49.119 I mean, you want to you want a mission? 00:18:49.279 --> 00:18:54.160 Man, you want a mission, you want an adventure, then you set yourself into that. 00:18:54.319 --> 00:19:07.680 You set yourself into engaging, finding, not fixing, listening, loving in your wife's chaos. 00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:11.039 That's a huge ask, right? 00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:13.119 I mean, that is a huge ask of us. 00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:16.000 It was so easy for us to isolate and live independently. 00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:19.440 I mean, it feels like jumping off of a cliff. 00:19:19.599 --> 00:19:33.519 But it's the definition of manliness, to sit on a couch, the kids are in bed, to have the TV off, sit on the couch, look eye to eye, and just to say, hey, what man, what's going on in your heart? 00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:38.880 And it's the hardest thing for us to do. 00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:42.480 To engage on that level. 00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:45.920 And it is absolutely what headship is. 00:19:47.359 --> 00:19:49.039 But do you see what happens here? 00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:52.240 So that's headship, so that's leadership, but that's submission. 00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:53.519 Right? 00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:56.799 I mean, you're you're submitting over everything you sort of want to do. 00:19:56.880 --> 00:19:59.759 Like you want to live on your own and kind of be your own man and do your own thing. 00:20:00.079 --> 00:20:06.319 That's the last thing naturally you want to do, is sit down and have this emotional, like entering this chaos relationship after a long day. 00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:07.680 But that's the call. 00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:13.119 That's submitting to her out of reverence for Christ, just like she's called to submit to you. 00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:21.039 And that's the revolution of joy. 00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:25.359 We we can say to her, I'm I'm here. 00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:29.039 I'm in this, I'm for this, I'm for you, I'm not going anywhere. 00:20:29.519 --> 00:20:38.240 And the good news is failing, I meant failing in your role to lead is not failure. 00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:40.400 We all fail. 00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:45.839 Failure is refusing to ever lovingly engage. 00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:49.440 So I'm not the best leader of a family. 00:20:49.519 --> 00:20:55.680 I mean, there's there's some of y'all in here would run me out of the room if we went around and said, like, logistically, how do you lead your family? 00:20:55.759 --> 00:20:57.519 I'd be like, that's a fantastic idea. 00:20:57.680 --> 00:20:58.559 I never thought of that. 00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:01.680 I would have never thought, I don't do that, I don't do that, I don't do that. 00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:12.000 The one thing I'm decent at, decent at, is a measure every once in a while to expose a bit of my failure. 00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:14.720 A bit of what's going on, right? 00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:16.799 To let her in. 00:21:18.960 --> 00:21:29.279 So Wednesday I come in from work and I'm just stressed out and I'm anxious with my issues, and she's organizing the girl's closet, so right away she's won my heart over. 00:21:29.359 --> 00:21:30.240 That's going on. 00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:35.839 And I sit on the bed, and I just said, man, I've just felt I've just felt so stressed today. 00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:37.279 I felt so anxious today. 00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:42.480 And we talk a little bit, and she and I think she said, I don't think I came to this conclusion. 00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:43.680 I think Christy said, you know what? 00:21:43.759 --> 00:21:49.279 I think it's just because you're just trying to like control everything and you want everything to be perfect, and it's not gonna be, and so then it just makes you anxious. 00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:55.200 And I'm like, you're right, that's exactly what it is, and I knew that, but I needed to hear it. 00:21:56.000 --> 00:22:01.039 And maybe you say, Well, that's not headship, you're not like being the Leader there. 00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:08.240 See, headship is not always having your act together because none of us always have our acts together. 00:22:08.880 --> 00:22:20.079 Headship is leading your marriage into honesty and into confession, into a place where a real conversation occurs, where a real relationship can occur. 00:22:20.640 --> 00:22:26.240 Like phoniness and pretending and isolating and moving away from each other, all that just stops. 00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:35.440 So the passage in Ephesians that breaks this down says, husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church. 00:22:35.599 --> 00:22:36.720 I want to be very clear here. 00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:38.160 What did Jesus do? 00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:47.119 He made himself nothing and he died on the cross in loyalty, loving, sacrificial death for us. 00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:51.839 He became what all of us are so scared to be in front of someone else. 00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:56.000 But it's the very thing that creates intimacy and joy and relationships. 00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:57.839 He became weak. 00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:07.519 Christ is the example for us of how to love our wives. 00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:11.359 And man, is it good news also that he was the substitute for us? 00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:13.200 Because we don't always live up to that. 00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:22.799 So maybe you're not the smartest, you're not the maybe not the smartest in your family, you're not the most prayerful in your family. 00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:26.160 Maybe she's like running you out of the house when it comes to devotions. 00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:27.920 I don't know what's going on in your house. 00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:31.279 But you can be honest about your weaknesses. 00:23:31.599 --> 00:23:34.480 You can begin to ask to hear from the Lord. 00:23:34.720 --> 00:23:36.720 You can let your wife into that. 00:23:37.839 --> 00:23:41.920 See, great marriages and families, they're not great because they go on killer trips. 00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:44.480 Did you get you get Christmas cards? 00:23:44.559 --> 00:23:46.000 I got a bunch of Christmas cards this year. 00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:48.640 You're looking through them, you're like, oh, dang, man, where'd they go? 00:23:48.799 --> 00:23:49.519 Oh my gosh. 00:23:50.160 --> 00:23:51.200 That's unbelievable. 00:23:51.359 --> 00:23:51.519 Right? 00:23:51.680 --> 00:23:55.200 And you're like, oh, they're so together, and she's beautiful, and look at him. 00:23:55.359 --> 00:23:56.559 He's so respectful. 00:23:56.640 --> 00:24:01.039 And you're looking through these, and you sort of forget what it took to get to the picture, right? 00:24:01.119 --> 00:24:02.480 Like, our picture is like this. 00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:05.920 Oh, we're so cute, and we're up in the mountains, and I'm like, man, I'm looking at that day. 00:24:06.079 --> 00:24:09.039 I remember that day, that picture, and like our girls are running around. 00:24:09.119 --> 00:24:18.160 We're like, you stand right here and you smile at that camera, like right now, and then cheese, and then it's like, get in the car, we're going, we're going back to the cabin for just bedtime, you know. 00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:20.400 Like, I mean, that's what's going on. 00:24:21.759 --> 00:24:22.079 Right? 00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:31.599 Like, horrible families can take good pictures, horrible families can take great trips, horrible marriages can fill fantastic restaurants. 00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:40.640 Great families are filled with people who live in chapters one and chapter two of Colossians, who say to each other, I will be for you. 00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:46.160 I will submit to you, I'll be for you because he is always for me. 00:24:46.640 --> 00:24:50.160 So I can be for you all the time because he is always for me. 00:24:50.319 --> 00:25:00.079 So I can be for you, I can submit to you, I can lead you even when you aren't for me, because he is always for me. 00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:02.640 Let's pray together. 00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:16.880 God, we come before you and need fresh confession that we, even though we see you as our example of how we should submit and lead, we do not always do this well. 00:25:16.960 --> 00:25:27.119 And so we come with great gratitude as we come to this table and we remember you weren't just an example, you were our substitute. 00:25:27.839 --> 00:25:31.359 Though we are not great leaders, you are a great leader for us. 00:25:31.519 --> 00:25:39.119 Though we are not great at submitting, you submitted yourself to weakness so that in you we might find strength. 00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:48.240 Those of us in the room that feel such failure when it comes to marriage, we pray that today would be great encouragement. 00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:58.720 Because in the grace of God, we don't have to earn our way out of red to get to green. 00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:00.640 But Jesus, you're enough. 00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:08.480 Would marriage just be another picture of us to understand how wonderful you love us? 00:26:11.839 --> 00:26:18.559 God, we thank you for this picture that we might move toward great marriages that might glorify you. 00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:19.599 In Jesus' name. 00:26:19.759 --> 00:26:20.400 Amen.