Disciple's Desk Podcast
Pull up a seat at The Disciple's Desk — honest, faith-filled conversations about walking with God through real life. Hosted by Pastor Randy Brown, each episode gathers around the desk to wrestle with the questions that matter: faith and doubt, grace and struggle, loss and hope, and what it really means to follow Jesus. Whether we're tackling a tough theological question or sharing a personal testimony, the goal is always the same — to encourage you, challenge you, and point you back to Christ. New episodes every other Friday.
Disciple's Desk Podcast
The Worst 'No' God Ever Gave Me
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Have you ever struggled with your faith in the middle of a loss? A short, honest reflection on the times God says "no" — and what it looks like to keep trusting Him when the answer breaks your heart.
Uh my wife and I have been trying since about 2016 to have a baby, to have a child. We wanted to start a family together. And we we tried everything. We tried everything within our power. And finally, after praying and fasting and just believing and trusting, we finally, finally, we finally got that yes that we've been praying for for so long. My wife was saying that she was having some pains. And I said, well, you know, maybe it's just the baby just moving a little too much. No. Didn't want to think the worst. Didn't want to worry her. Didn't want to worry myself. Didn't want doubt to creep in my in my mind at all. And uh we got the news that um she was in full-out labor. Baby was coming too early to make it. And Eliana was born. She took, she took a breath or two and transitioned back to the Lord. I can't tell you, I can't describe to you the pain that I felt in that moment. When I had to, they wrapped her up and I held my lifeless child in my arms looking at her her premature body. She's so tiny, but so beautiful to me. And so we had to leave. Um the day we had to leave, and you know, when uh we're in the the maternity ward, and so we're walking through the hallways, and they play this every time a baby is born, they play this lullaby over the loudspeaker to let everybody know that a new baby a new life is coming to the world. And so we I had to look in my wife's face as we're leaving this hospital, listening to these lullabies come one after the other, and we're leaving empty-handed. And I could do nothing, I was helpless. What could I say to my wife? And she just lost her child, her first child. The first child she held of hers was lifeless. After we thought we got our yes. After that, I had a I had a very uncomfortable conversation with God in my brokenness and in my hurt and in my pain, praying out to him. I had to ask him the honest question how can I ever trust you again?